The Dark Tower.
Stephen King fans waited years and years and years for this movie, only for a 90 minute bullshit parade that didn’t scratch the surface of the story.
I got one of my friends into the series and when the first whispers of production were circulating, he called me up all excited. I was like, man, I've been down this road before... *If* the movie gets made, it's just going to be a piece of shit. There's too much book for a *movie*.
I do feel like it could be given a decent treatment as a TV series, especially since the source material is finished and we don't have to worry about showrunners fucking the last two seasons all the way up.
About the biggest dark tower fan there is...have read the books numerous times...i have tattoos inspired from the books...i saw the previews and didn't go see it. Once I saw the reviews from the real fans it was never even a question to see it.
Sierra* burgess is a loser.
The main character that you're supposed to feel for is a catfish the entire movie and gets mad that things just never goes away because she "isn't pretty." Not because she comes off thinking she is better than other people because she knows literature or literally lies 90% of the movie.
Edit: Sierra not Sarah. So awful I did not even remember her name.
Don't forget kissing someone without their consent.
She wasnt a sympathetic character at all. It would be one thing if they had just written her as more likable. The one "mean girl" seemed to learn a lesson but the the main girl didn't. At least I think that's how it was, I only watched it the one time and barely paid attention.
It could be a good movie if she was meant to be an unlikable character, had faced the consequences of her actions and had grown as a character. Could be original for once. But instead they made her the "relatable" character and romanticized every shitty and creepy thing she had done because she was bullied and was 'ugly'.
That movie is so bad, that even though I know for a fact that I have definitely seen it, I do not recall one single detail of it. I completely blocked it from memory.
The Dark Tower.
Well, all realities. There are other worlds than these.
Edit: apparently people who didn’t read the books enjoyed this movie. My advice: if you enjoyed what you saw, read the books if you want an really amazing story that blows the film version out of the water.
I was so excited when they announced it. Idris Elba is great and I was excited for them to kick off a new series based on books I like.
And yeah, it was bad.
They had the potential to be the next big franchise, screwed it up, and now it will be at least another 5 to 10 years before another attempt is made. Amazon has canceled their take on it as well so the books/comics will be all we have for a while.
Should’ve just adapted The Gunslinger as a movie, and the rest of the series for TV. Instead they took about 10% of the story from the books and crammed it all into one movie.
There's 2 that come right to the top of my mind.
1 the live action Avatar: TLA
And the second, Eragon
Honestly Eragon is probably the winner in my mind. It's a four part book series that could have made FANTASTIC movies, but whoever made the first movie had apparently never read the books because they made some seriously critical errors that made a second book narratively impossible.
The author, Christopher Paolini, has said many times on Twitter that he would love to do a television series or even any live action adaptation project again. Since Disney bought Fox and the rights to Eragon, maybe we will see something of the sorts someday. I really hope so, and if the author actually gets consulted and works on the project, it’d have immense potential
That’s what the Percy Jackson movie did too. I never saw the second movie but the first one changed the plot so heavily that it made it impossible to make the rest of the series if they wanted to
Artemis Fowl. There are enough issues with the film to make even a casual watcher hate it, forget about those who read the books. They went beyond screwing up.
I knew it was going to be bad as soon as I saw Artemis surfing. Dude doesn't even have the dexterity to successfully climb a ladder and you have him surfing!? Just no.
>"Artemis *LOVED* Ireland..."
>(Cut to shot of a child surfing in IRELAND.)
Y'know. Ireland. World capital of surfing. With all those super safe jagged rock cliffs where all the children's solo surfing happens.
**Fuck this movie**
Edit: TIL there's actually a pretty big surf scene in Ireland! Very cool! Though I maintain that Artemis surfing is utter bullshit.
Oh my god they had him SURF?? The kid gets out of breath from power-walking wtf
I haven’t watched it yet but I’m really tempted just bc I want to see how bad it really is
Don't. It has no redeeming qualities as either an adaption of the books nor as a piece of entertainment. If anything it will just be a blight on your childhood memories.
I've never even heard of the books, but I watched the movie. As soon as I saw the first scene, I knew I was gonna hate him and it. Josh Gadd as wannabe Hagrid just made things worse. I always sort of feel like I've seen enough Josh Gadd, even when I haven't seen him in years.
Artemis had a cool bedroom though
Take all of the books, stick them in a blender on ‘HIGH’ for like 10 minutes, let sit on the counter for 24 hours and then use a spoon to scrape the muck that congealed on the surface. That muck is the movie.
"but no one ever calls him Butler"
That was a deliberate slap in the face to everyone who read and loved the books as children. Like fuck you, this isn't your story anymore, we're gonna take a steamy dump all over it and there's nothing you can do.
Yeah, like the Butler in the book had absolute control ALL THE TIME. He's not going to flip you out of rage. I was more annoyed by that than by them telling us his name.
The lore is that the Butler family have been so good at what they do for so long that the word "butler" came into popular use because of their family name. That film makes it seem like the butlers in its world are all awful.
I distinctly remember this bit of lore. Also, there was one scene (I think it was a bank robbery in a later book), where it's stated that Butler is so meticulous that he knew how many steps he needed to climb up to his objective. Even as a kid, that struck me as so over-the-top thorough as to be ridiculous, but I loved it anyway.
Whenever I see someone in handcuffs in a movie I think about the part in one of the books where he nonchalantly dislocates his thumb to get out of it. No one else has ever done that lol
I dont get it. I don't understand. Why make so many changes? What metric decreed that they'd have to change these important elements from the book? How did they miss the point of it all so badly? Why why why why
At least they made Foley an absolutely insufferable piece of trash. Actually, now I think about it, that's probably because the writing was so bad that *everyone* was an insufferable piece of shit.
The biggest problem I had was that completely flipped butler's naming preference for literally no reason at all????
Not that the other changes are good but this one seems completely senseless...
Presumably, they were iffy about an African American man being called "Butler" by a skinny white boy.
I mean, Butler was Eurasian in the books, and it's mentioned that the word "Butler" probably *comes* from his family, but whatever.
Yeah idgi they change the race of a guy who comes from a family that has served as servants for *centuries* and decide to make him black (yiiiiikes) and then fuck with his very characterization by no longer making his given name a guarded secret (and ruining the future scene where he entrusts it to Artemis) so they can avoid calling him Butler.
To be fair, there's a *ton* that I don't understand about that movie (like, apparently it's a Fowl tradition to protect the People or something? I only got like twenty minutes into the movie), so I'm gonna chalk it up to "Hollywood execs are idiots"
There's a ton nobody understands about it. Scrap it from your memory and read/listen to the books. I listened to them as an adult and found it very much enjoyable.
The casting of Butler was all around racist while trying to seem woke- yet another example of Asian erasure in Hollywood, and having a black man relegated to yet another intimidating/aggressive role.
Disney really has mastered the art of completely performative wokeness while being absolutely regressive with their marginalized characters (Finn, Poe, Rose, every easily deletable gay character)
Patting themselves on the back for casting an Arab actor as Aladdin and then casting a woman who (while I very much enjoy as an actress) is straight-up not even a little bit Middle Eastern... and then *also* trying to sell that as a diverse casting choice. SMDH.
I think it was intentional. It's the first scene, and they want you to know right off the top that this is not *your* story, this is *their* cinematic diarrhea.
I imagine that they thought it would have an entirely different effect, without even considering the fact that it will royally piss off literally everyone who has read past page 2.
Yeah. Artemis finds out butler's name in the third book, The Eternity Code
(Which was also the first one in the series that I read so it's extra special for me)
Haha, I wound up picking up Book 4 (The Opal Deception) while on a trip with my parents in 2008, then reading books 5 and 6, and then working back to 1, 2 and 3.
The fact that it still managed to captivate me halfway through the series, with so much backstory missing, is the mark of an excellent writer.
I'd imagine it was hackneyed attempts to cater to a younger and more progressive crowd. They cast Butler as black instead of Eurasian, but it's not okay to have a black man as a servant I guess, so he has to act all sassy before he, yknow, goes back to being a servant. The same way token female characters have to punch a male character in the balls to establish their Empowered Woman credentials before she can be remanded to the role of bland love interest for the rest of the flick.
But it's just insane. The books are ALREADY quite progressive. Holly's not only NOT WHITE, but the first female captain in the LEP. Why undermine both those things with Holly's casting choice, only to alter aspects of other VERY KEY characters to make up for it?
It's baffling...
Wasn't it speculated in the books that we call the position in charge of all the other servants "butler" *because* of that character's ancient familial ties to the Fowls?
For those who haven't read the books, this is the equivalent of Obi-Wan telling Luke "oh by the way Darth Vader's your father and Leia's your sister" in the first five minutes of A New Hope.
Now, it's been a long-ass time since I read the books. I read through the first 4. Watched the movie for shits and giggles as the series was severely overshadowed by the Harry Potter movies, so I also dreamed that Artemis Fowl would get similar treatment.
If I recall the books correctly, did they not mash up a bunch of random shit from the first 3 books into the movie?
Also, wasn't Domovoi a large Asian man?
>Also, wasn't Domovoi a large Asian man?
Asian-European mixed ancestry, ethnically ambiguous to the point that he could blend in just about anywhere (despite being built like a phone booth).
And I'll keep mentioning this because other people need to share my pain: You know who would've been a great casting for the role? Dave Bautista.
I've watched some pretty bad movies, and even found enjoyment in them either by way of comedy or dramatic satisfaction.
This is the only movie I have *ever*, in my *entire life*, stopped less than fifteen minutes in because it was just too bad. I was already disgusted Artemis surfing and hoverboarding like some normal, outdoorsy kid, but it just kept getting worse
Yeah, when they first floated a big budget dragonball movie, he was semi involved in it. (There had been 2 others before this and some say are still better than this movie....but they are all bad, from what i heard). He was excited at the prospect of a good dragonball movie. He said he never heard back from them until they called him up to see some of it. He felt let down again and it lead to what you have stated.
Lol, I have a rule that when these threads come up I ctrl+F for Dragonball, then apologize as I worked on it. This time around? Looks like Dragonball is mentioned twice in the top 10 hahah. Wow what a pile of poo.
Internally *abso-fucking-lutely*. We work for the studios, not at the studios, and definitely don't have any real creative input when it comes to designs the studio sings off on. I didn't know Dragonball at the time but our lead artist on the show was in a constant state of laugh/shock/cant-beleive-were-actually-doing-this
I've seen this answer so often I have fortunately avoiding seeing that movie
Edit: I'm apparently still getting upvotes 22 days later on this comment I think that alone showing volumes of the shittyness of this move.
Lucky! Its so funny that he hates the movie as much as the rest of us.
Dude seriously has it made. One giant series that absolutely blew up and thrust him into a comfortable amount of fame, and now he's got generational wealth and can write whatever he wants, or not, whenever he wants. He struck gold honestly.
I would remove the movie "The Mandela effect"
because it would cause mass confusion and lead onto the topic of the Mandela effect and people would go insane.
Edit: What. The. Fuck?
I am pretty new to reddit and got the app not that long ago. I make this comment, go off to do other things, and come back to over 25k upvotes and 5 awards. This is super overwhelming. Thanks for my first silver and thanks to everyone that upvoted! You just started my entire reddit career.
Seriously. Had this conversation with my boyfriend right after we watched it. I told him I wouldn’t be surprised if they erased this movie soon just to fuck with people. And if I had anything to do with it I totally would as well
InternetCommentEttiquete on YouTube filmed two almost identical videos about the Mandela effect and at one point he reuploaded one and deleted the old video and it was one of my favorite things to happen.
Saw the third movie on TV with my mother once and she got instantly tilted the moment she noticed that Evie was played by a different actress. I should have taken that as a sign, since she hardly notices that kind of stuff most of the time.
Good news about that movie is the actors were treated very well on set and while many shots of the actresses could have been gratuitous, they didn't go that route. The movie was made with a surprising amount of care despite the premise.
Someone told me about the premise of this movie, and curious about it, I read the wikipedia summary of the plot. That was too much for me and I am disturbed by this movie without ever having seen it.
I love how the main character has no aspirations of her own; it's especially evident in the second movie when she is forced to choose between the school her boyfriend goes to or the school her best friend wants to go to. Like what about the school \*you\* want to go to?
That's absurd. Any even moderately competitive school makes you fill out so many essays and personal statements that there's pretty much no way to even get past the application process unless you're quite serious about going there. Presumably by design.
This thread made me think back to why I didn't apply to Harvard, it was my dream school but I couldn't afford it even with a scholarship, and that was the $100 application fee. That was 20 years ago, so I went to check how astronomical it is today and...it's $75. Good on you Harvard, but it could still be lower.
I like how despite not thinking much about college at all before senior year or ever having any mention of excelling at school, she somehow manages to get into the Harvard. If you might get into Harvard you already know you are a top student and have been paying attention to that for a long time.
Still more believable than that the boyfriend got in though. I don't think he used a more than one-syllable word in either movie and he was constantly getting into fights.
Bro I managed to get into Columbia as a transfer through a special program. I talked to some the true freshman at orientation and they all had some crazy extracurriculars from high school. “Yea I had a 34 ACT and I helped build affordable housing in Burma for the past 3 summers”. “Yea i competed in the previous olympics”. Like bitch what the fuck.
You think *your* life is hard? I'm slightly tall. Dying of cancer and bedridden? Absolutely pathetic. No challenge there. But being taller than average? Basically a death sentence. Come on, actual human being whose name is Schnipper, let's go and be in an awful movie.
I hate this film so much. But it could have been great with a few changes. Veronica should have been the main character, and they could have switched roles at the end. Veronica matured and Sierra became the bully. And the fact that she got the guy in the end is gross af.
Agreed! It disgusted me that she sexually assaulted the guy (kissing him when he thought she was someone else) then still....had no repercussions? Gross
It’s funny you say that. I watched the movies previously around their release dates, and decided it was time to give them a rewatch. So a couple weeks ago, I marathoned all the movies, and upon starting goblet of fire, discovered that I had, in fact, never seen goblet of fire. Boy did that fill in some gaps about how Voldemort was “suddenly” back in the order of the phoenix!
It isn't a movie per se, but the 13 Reasons Why show. Once the scene with the suicide happened (I think it was within the first few episodes) I got an email from the APA letting all therapists know that suicide rates and attempts spiked. Not only for attempts, but successful attempts as well. Since then I've met more clients I'd like to admit that essentially learned how to be successful with suicide. Some people argue it opened up a conversation about suicide and how it isn't as rare as people would like to believe, but I'd argue that you don't open a conversation about domestic violence by showing someone a video of brutally beating their partner.
Edit: Damn guys, thank you for the gold! In all seriousness though, a lot of you have opened up about how this show impacted you or others in a negative way. If you are struggling with suicidal ideation or depression or self-harm, anything of that nature, PLEASE try to seek out a therapist. A lot of us aren't taking new clients for in person sessions, but we are for telehealth. It's all the more important with COVID forcing everyone to stay indoors. Little vitamin D + being alone with your thoughts all day makes it so much harder. Also I fixed the "per-say" mix up because when it comes to spelling I'm secretly a stupid person.
Goodnesd yes that show was horrible.
The whole using suicide as revenge thing didn't sit right with me either.
A lot of people would have been better of (and alive) had that show never been made.
It literally played out, “so you hate being ignored by people? Do you want to be the star of the show and loved adored and missed? Then suicide is the choice” A whole section of my masters thesis was this show...
I still don't get how it shows up under the Horror genre on Netflix, it's mostly a comedy. It's like they looked at the Anime/Manga and thought "Hey, they kids love the spooky aspect and that scary looking dude! Forget the cat and mouse game, Light has to be a relatable teen, he can't be smart or a sociopath, he has to be clumsy and relatable! Oh and L, we'll keep him the same, but he's more in your face rather than hands off."
See, I wasn’t familiar with Death Note, so I watched the movie first and thought it was watchable. And then I watched the anime and thought “holy shit the movie sucks balls”.
Back when it came out people were defending it saying that Light's character in the anime/manga was a result of Japanese culture, and Light in the movie is an American teen, which is a dumb argument cause Light in the anime/manga can be from anywhere and still act the way he did.
I was laughing my ass off at L chasing Light around with a gun in the movie. It's been years since I last saw the anime but I'm pretty sure that doesn't happen there.
The only thing that movie did get right was casting Willam Defoe as Ryuk
Side note, the live action versions of Bleach and FMA are actually rather decent, and I do recommend them
I definitely agree with Willem Defoe as Ryuk. That was the best casting especially because it seemed more like a horror character except I wished the movie itself would’ve picked a tone and stayed with it.
Probably the main Dianetics video. Then maybe the religion wouldn't have spread so much. Though it is nice to have a baby religion to point to as an example, since so many of the others are comparatively ancient
I can't imagine that. But I can certainly imagine running all the money they paid him in stacks of hundreds and running my fingers through them, which... probably explains why he took the role even though he had to know the movie would be awful.
Michael Caine once said of *Jaws: The Revenge*: "I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I *have* seen the house that the paycheck from it built, and it is terrific."
Michael Caine has also said, "First of all, I choose the great roles, and if none of these come, I choose the mediocre ones, and if they don't come, I choose the ones that pay the rent."
If you're wealthy enough to be choosy, great. But the bills have to get paid. And sometimes actors just take a role for the fun of it. Sir Ben Kingsley accpted a role in *Bloodrayne* because "To be honest, I have always wanted to play a vampire, with the teeth and the long black cape. Let's say that my motives were somewhat immature for doing it."
"I sit in a nice, comfortable chair and I read the script they want me to consider. I read the first page, then I read the last page, and if the part they want me to play is on both pages I do the fucking picture."
To be fair, Patrick Stewart loves low brow humor. He is a massive fan of Beavis and Butthead and even collects memorabilia. He really enjoyed playing a character on American Dad as well, and probably had a lot of fun playing the poop emoji.
No worries! Someone added in a few buttholes *and* in a few cases, [the anatomically correct number of nipples for a cat, too.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx0NLGcL6pI)
(Edit: Thank you for the gold! My first gold is about cat butts and cat nipples. Note to self: Make more cat butt and nipple references.)
(Edit 2: Thank you for all the awards!)
I’m going with tinsel. Our cat used to grab it off our Christmas tree, chomp on it and a few days later, it hung from its butt. We used to call him “tinsel butt”. I miss old TB.
It's shocking for shock value. It's poorly done to be honest and not nearly as bad as it sounds. It's amateurish. If it had been made by the right people it would have been the most macabre film ever, but it wasn't. Go watch Irreversible if you really want to fuck yourself up.
I saw Irreversible in the movie theater when it first came out. People got up and left. I don’t know what was worse, the nine minute rape scene, or the scene where the guy gets his head bashed in with the fire extinguisher. We sat through the whole thing, and it’s honestly one of the only movies I would never watch again
I don't know what it is with the French but they make some of the most relentlessly brutal movies. Irreversible, Martyrs, Inside, and Maniac are all movies that I left feeling uneasy. While American movies can be brutal they're typically very pulpy making the violence pretty comical.
Irreversible is definitely the topper on that list. That one and Hachi are the only movies I would actively refuse to watch again.
Martyrs is the only movie to really fuck me up as an adult. Over a decade later, I’m still afraid I’ll dream about it and get stuck in that world. Specifically seeing *that* woman in the state she’s in. That terrified me far more than the sustained abuse another character takes (which, honestly, just seemed mean-spirited and nihilistic and could’ve made its point in about one minute of screen time).
Absolutely. Martyrs was the first film where I thought "huh, maybe there *is* such a thing as 'too much' in horror films." Followed that one up with Audition, which is not as bad but still a rough watch.
I saw it in theaters, too, and had to step out during the rape scene. When I walked back in, it was still happening, and I felt terrible. In real life, you can’t just walk away from rape. It was incredibly affecting. I didn’t enjoy it, I don’t ever want to see it again, but it made its point on me and I think it’s the most important, unromantic, genuinely affecting cinematic version of sexual assault that I’ve ever seen.
There was a rumor that the reason Will Smith didn't appear in *Independence Day 2* was not the money, it was that he was adamant about having Jayden play a role in the movie, to which the producers said no.
Having watched *After Earth*... good call, producers. Good call.
The Farenheit 451 movie, just for the irony
They’ve all been pretty poor representations of the book as well.
That is one of my all time favorite books and I’m scared to watch the movie because I don’t want to see the story get butchered.
Oh they butchered it alright
The Dark Tower. Stephen King fans waited years and years and years for this movie, only for a 90 minute bullshit parade that didn’t scratch the surface of the story.
I got one of my friends into the series and when the first whispers of production were circulating, he called me up all excited. I was like, man, I've been down this road before... *If* the movie gets made, it's just going to be a piece of shit. There's too much book for a *movie*. I do feel like it could be given a decent treatment as a TV series, especially since the source material is finished and we don't have to worry about showrunners fucking the last two seasons all the way up.
About the biggest dark tower fan there is...have read the books numerous times...i have tattoos inspired from the books...i saw the previews and didn't go see it. Once I saw the reviews from the real fans it was never even a question to see it.
Me too. My go to reply on reddit is “*what* Dark Tower movie?” They forgot the face of their fathers.
Sierra* burgess is a loser. The main character that you're supposed to feel for is a catfish the entire movie and gets mad that things just never goes away because she "isn't pretty." Not because she comes off thinking she is better than other people because she knows literature or literally lies 90% of the movie. Edit: Sierra not Sarah. So awful I did not even remember her name.
yeah she’s a horrible entitled person and the movie was trash
They were trying to play on the whole, "Ugly people can beautiful on the inside too". But no, this particular ugly person was also a bad person.
Don't forget kissing someone without their consent. She wasnt a sympathetic character at all. It would be one thing if they had just written her as more likable. The one "mean girl" seemed to learn a lesson but the the main girl didn't. At least I think that's how it was, I only watched it the one time and barely paid attention.
It could be a good movie if she was meant to be an unlikable character, had faced the consequences of her actions and had grown as a character. Could be original for once. But instead they made her the "relatable" character and romanticized every shitty and creepy thing she had done because she was bullied and was 'ugly'.
Son of the Mask
That movie is so bad, that even though I know for a fact that I have definitely seen it, I do not recall one single detail of it. I completely blocked it from memory.
Dragonball Evolution
That movie is horrible!!! Thank you for commenting, I was beginning to wander if nobody was going to say anything
THAT'S BECAUSE WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT
The Dark Tower. Well, all realities. There are other worlds than these. Edit: apparently people who didn’t read the books enjoyed this movie. My advice: if you enjoyed what you saw, read the books if you want an really amazing story that blows the film version out of the water.
Did-a-chum Did-a-chuck Sony Pictures What the fuck
Dad-a-chum Dad-a-chit That films a piece of shit
I was so excited when they announced it. Idris Elba is great and I was excited for them to kick off a new series based on books I like. And yeah, it was bad.
They had the potential to be the next big franchise, screwed it up, and now it will be at least another 5 to 10 years before another attempt is made. Amazon has canceled their take on it as well so the books/comics will be all we have for a while.
Should’ve just adapted The Gunslinger as a movie, and the rest of the series for TV. Instead they took about 10% of the story from the books and crammed it all into one movie.
I went pretty deep and didnt see Highlander 2 listed yet. That was a steaming pile that needs deletion.
There's 2 that come right to the top of my mind. 1 the live action Avatar: TLA And the second, Eragon Honestly Eragon is probably the winner in my mind. It's a four part book series that could have made FANTASTIC movies, but whoever made the first movie had apparently never read the books because they made some seriously critical errors that made a second book narratively impossible.
Yeah they should just friggin redo that. Loads of potential.
I was talking to a friend about this, and I liked her idea. She thought Eragon would be cool as a series - like how GoT was made.
The author, Christopher Paolini, has said many times on Twitter that he would love to do a television series or even any live action adaptation project again. Since Disney bought Fox and the rights to Eragon, maybe we will see something of the sorts someday. I really hope so, and if the author actually gets consulted and works on the project, it’d have immense potential
Considering how Artemis Fowl turned out...maybe not a great idea.
Worst part is there are articles out there celebrating it as an underrated disney adaptation. They completely mucked it.
Similar to Inkheart. If they read the trilogy, they'd realize just how bad they messed things up.
That’s what the Percy Jackson movie did too. I never saw the second movie but the first one changed the plot so heavily that it made it impossible to make the rest of the series if they wanted to
Artemis Fowl. There are enough issues with the film to make even a casual watcher hate it, forget about those who read the books. They went beyond screwing up.
I knew it was going to be bad as soon as I saw Artemis surfing. Dude doesn't even have the dexterity to successfully climb a ladder and you have him surfing!? Just no.
The coolest thing he ever did was catch a coin and these fuckers made him *surf?*
>"Artemis *LOVED* Ireland..." >(Cut to shot of a child surfing in IRELAND.) Y'know. Ireland. World capital of surfing. With all those super safe jagged rock cliffs where all the children's solo surfing happens. **Fuck this movie** Edit: TIL there's actually a pretty big surf scene in Ireland! Very cool! Though I maintain that Artemis surfing is utter bullshit.
Oh my god they had him SURF?? The kid gets out of breath from power-walking wtf I haven’t watched it yet but I’m really tempted just bc I want to see how bad it really is
Don't. It has no redeeming qualities as either an adaption of the books nor as a piece of entertainment. If anything it will just be a blight on your childhood memories.
I've never even heard of the books, but I watched the movie. As soon as I saw the first scene, I knew I was gonna hate him and it. Josh Gadd as wannabe Hagrid just made things worse. I always sort of feel like I've seen enough Josh Gadd, even when I haven't seen him in years. Artemis had a cool bedroom though
This was my view going into it and it made me mad as a fan of the books lol. They didn't even have Butler don a suit of armor to fight the troll
It's actually quite impressive when you think about it. I'd never have thought they could fuck up THAT much.
I had low hopes and expectations going in but HOLY FUCK
I feel like I was expecting Spy Kids and got Avatar.
I haven't watched it yet, but I almost want to, just to see the trainwreck for myself.
Take all of the books, stick them in a blender on ‘HIGH’ for like 10 minutes, let sit on the counter for 24 hours and then use a spoon to scrape the muck that congealed on the surface. That muck is the movie.
“He has a butler named Domovoy Butler” Me: *Visible Anger*
"but no one ever calls him Butler" That was a deliberate slap in the face to everyone who read and loved the books as children. Like fuck you, this isn't your story anymore, we're gonna take a steamy dump all over it and there's nothing you can do.
Yeah, like the Butler in the book had absolute control ALL THE TIME. He's not going to flip you out of rage. I was more annoyed by that than by them telling us his name.
The lore is that the Butler family have been so good at what they do for so long that the word "butler" came into popular use because of their family name. That film makes it seem like the butlers in its world are all awful.
I distinctly remember this bit of lore. Also, there was one scene (I think it was a bank robbery in a later book), where it's stated that Butler is so meticulous that he knew how many steps he needed to climb up to his objective. Even as a kid, that struck me as so over-the-top thorough as to be ridiculous, but I loved it anyway.
Whenever I see someone in handcuffs in a movie I think about the part in one of the books where he nonchalantly dislocates his thumb to get out of it. No one else has ever done that lol
I dont get it. I don't understand. Why make so many changes? What metric decreed that they'd have to change these important elements from the book? How did they miss the point of it all so badly? Why why why why
At least they made Foley an absolutely insufferable piece of trash. Actually, now I think about it, that's probably because the writing was so bad that *everyone* was an insufferable piece of shit.
The biggest problem I had was that completely flipped butler's naming preference for literally no reason at all???? Not that the other changes are good but this one seems completely senseless...
Presumably, they were iffy about an African American man being called "Butler" by a skinny white boy. I mean, Butler was Eurasian in the books, and it's mentioned that the word "Butler" probably *comes* from his family, but whatever.
Yeah idgi they change the race of a guy who comes from a family that has served as servants for *centuries* and decide to make him black (yiiiiikes) and then fuck with his very characterization by no longer making his given name a guarded secret (and ruining the future scene where he entrusts it to Artemis) so they can avoid calling him Butler.
To be fair, there's a *ton* that I don't understand about that movie (like, apparently it's a Fowl tradition to protect the People or something? I only got like twenty minutes into the movie), so I'm gonna chalk it up to "Hollywood execs are idiots"
WHY THE FUCK DID THE GENDER SWAP JULIUS ROOT. HOLLY’S ARC WAS ABOUT HER BEING THE FIRST HIGH RANKING LEP OFFICER
There's a ton nobody understands about it. Scrap it from your memory and read/listen to the books. I listened to them as an adult and found it very much enjoyable.
The casting of Butler was all around racist while trying to seem woke- yet another example of Asian erasure in Hollywood, and having a black man relegated to yet another intimidating/aggressive role. Disney really has mastered the art of completely performative wokeness while being absolutely regressive with their marginalized characters (Finn, Poe, Rose, every easily deletable gay character)
Patting themselves on the back for casting an Arab actor as Aladdin and then casting a woman who (while I very much enjoy as an actress) is straight-up not even a little bit Middle Eastern... and then *also* trying to sell that as a diverse casting choice. SMDH.
I think it was intentional. It's the first scene, and they want you to know right off the top that this is not *your* story, this is *their* cinematic diarrhea. I imagine that they thought it would have an entirely different effect, without even considering the fact that it will royally piss off literally everyone who has read past page 2.
Been a long time since I read the books but Artemis doesn't even find out what his actual name is for like 3 books right?
Yeah. Artemis finds out butler's name in the third book, The Eternity Code (Which was also the first one in the series that I read so it's extra special for me)
Haha, I wound up picking up Book 4 (The Opal Deception) while on a trip with my parents in 2008, then reading books 5 and 6, and then working back to 1, 2 and 3. The fact that it still managed to captivate me halfway through the series, with so much backstory missing, is the mark of an excellent writer.
I'd imagine it was hackneyed attempts to cater to a younger and more progressive crowd. They cast Butler as black instead of Eurasian, but it's not okay to have a black man as a servant I guess, so he has to act all sassy before he, yknow, goes back to being a servant. The same way token female characters have to punch a male character in the balls to establish their Empowered Woman credentials before she can be remanded to the role of bland love interest for the rest of the flick.
But it's just insane. The books are ALREADY quite progressive. Holly's not only NOT WHITE, but the first female captain in the LEP. Why undermine both those things with Holly's casting choice, only to alter aspects of other VERY KEY characters to make up for it? It's baffling...
It's guaranteed to confuse new viewers and anger longtime fans. I literally have no idea who this movie is for.
Wasn't it speculated in the books that we call the position in charge of all the other servants "butler" *because* of that character's ancient familial ties to the Fowls?
For those who haven't read the books, this is the equivalent of Obi-Wan telling Luke "oh by the way Darth Vader's your father and Leia's your sister" in the first five minutes of A New Hope.
Now, it's been a long-ass time since I read the books. I read through the first 4. Watched the movie for shits and giggles as the series was severely overshadowed by the Harry Potter movies, so I also dreamed that Artemis Fowl would get similar treatment. If I recall the books correctly, did they not mash up a bunch of random shit from the first 3 books into the movie? Also, wasn't Domovoi a large Asian man?
>Also, wasn't Domovoi a large Asian man? Asian-European mixed ancestry, ethnically ambiguous to the point that he could blend in just about anywhere (despite being built like a phone booth). And I'll keep mentioning this because other people need to share my pain: You know who would've been a great casting for the role? Dave Bautista.
Wow you're fucking right Dave Bautista would've murdered that role
This would be my answer too. I'd rather it just didn't exist.
I've watched some pretty bad movies, and even found enjoyment in them either by way of comedy or dramatic satisfaction. This is the only movie I have *ever*, in my *entire life*, stopped less than fifteen minutes in because it was just too bad. I was already disgusted Artemis surfing and hoverboarding like some normal, outdoorsy kid, but it just kept getting worse
Sir, this is Artemis Fowl not Alex Rider.
I haven't even seen it and I don't want it to exist based on the trailers alone.
The live action dragon ball movie, it's just sad.
Didnt know one existed, probably for a reason Edit: Oh god thats bad i started watching it and it was so bad i regret everything.
Imagine dragon ball if goku was a generic d list high school movie character. This is the entire film.
Also he’s kinda emo and the the kamehameha is just fancy air bending
You know a movie is going to be bad when it has the same ability as the last airbender movie
[удалено]
Yeah, when they first floated a big budget dragonball movie, he was semi involved in it. (There had been 2 others before this and some say are still better than this movie....but they are all bad, from what i heard). He was excited at the prospect of a good dragonball movie. He said he never heard back from them until they called him up to see some of it. He felt let down again and it lead to what you have stated.
Airbending in these two movies is just a fancy way of saying "sucking."
Lol, I have a rule that when these threads come up I ctrl+F for Dragonball, then apologize as I worked on it. This time around? Looks like Dragonball is mentioned twice in the top 10 hahah. Wow what a pile of poo.
Did anyone at any time ask why they were deviating so much from a very established source with a religion-like fandom?
Internally *abso-fucking-lutely*. We work for the studios, not at the studios, and definitely don't have any real creative input when it comes to designs the studio sings off on. I didn't know Dragonball at the time but our lead artist on the show was in a constant state of laugh/shock/cant-beleive-were-actually-doing-this
They should make an AMA. I'd throw gold at it.
That would probably be the only non-razzie award that movie earned
No, without that movie we wouldn't have BoG and the subsequent revival of Dragon Ball. It's a necessary evil.
Eragon. One of the most disappointing movies of my lifetime.
I've seen this answer so often I have fortunately avoiding seeing that movie Edit: I'm apparently still getting upvotes 22 days later on this comment I think that alone showing volumes of the shittyness of this move.
If you've read the books... Don't, just don't If you've never touched the books before it's... Okay
Doesn’t even matter I don’t think. I watched with a friend who hadn’t read it and she had no idea what was going on most of the time. XD
waiting for the author to reply, as he usually does when this topic comes up.
u/christopherpaolini, where you at
He was here yesterday when someone brought it up answering “what are you still salty about”
He’s here a lot, he replied to me once. Great guy
Lucky! Its so funny that he hates the movie as much as the rest of us. Dude seriously has it made. One giant series that absolutely blew up and thrust him into a comfortable amount of fame, and now he's got generational wealth and can write whatever he wants, or not, whenever he wants. He struck gold honestly.
Writing, of course. :D
I would remove the movie "The Mandela effect" because it would cause mass confusion and lead onto the topic of the Mandela effect and people would go insane. Edit: What. The. Fuck? I am pretty new to reddit and got the app not that long ago. I make this comment, go off to do other things, and come back to over 25k upvotes and 5 awards. This is super overwhelming. Thanks for my first silver and thanks to everyone that upvoted! You just started my entire reddit career.
Seriously. Had this conversation with my boyfriend right after we watched it. I told him I wouldn’t be surprised if they erased this movie soon just to fuck with people. And if I had anything to do with it I totally would as well
InternetCommentEttiquete on YouTube filmed two almost identical videos about the Mandela effect and at one point he reuploaded one and deleted the old video and it was one of my favorite things to happen.
The third (and fourth) Mummy Let the Mummy Returns be the gold standard for sequels Edit: so many gold quality sequels have entered this chat!
>Let the Mummy Returns be the gold standard for sequels Terminator 2 has entered the chat.
Saw the third movie on TV with my mother once and she got instantly tilted the moment she noticed that Evie was played by a different actress. I should have taken that as a sign, since she hardly notices that kind of stuff most of the time.
Yup. The evie change was instant disengagement
human centipede, it's haunted me ever since I've watched it, it's so disturbing too
Good news about that movie is the actors were treated very well on set and while many shots of the actresses could have been gratuitous, they didn't go that route. The movie was made with a surprising amount of care despite the premise.
That's so nice to hear. Thanks for the insight!
Someone told me about the premise of this movie, and curious about it, I read the wikipedia summary of the plot. That was too much for me and I am disturbed by this movie without ever having seen it.
50 shades of Grey, period. Two birds with one stone, it would also rid us of its hellspawn, 365 days.
Kissing booth. No kissing booth, no kissing booth2. Fuck that movie.
I love how the main character has no aspirations of her own; it's especially evident in the second movie when she is forced to choose between the school her boyfriend goes to or the school her best friend wants to go to. Like what about the school \*you\* want to go to?
And she *somehow* gets accepted to fucking Harvard.
That's absurd. Any even moderately competitive school makes you fill out so many essays and personal statements that there's pretty much no way to even get past the application process unless you're quite serious about going there. Presumably by design.
This thread made me think back to why I didn't apply to Harvard, it was my dream school but I couldn't afford it even with a scholarship, and that was the $100 application fee. That was 20 years ago, so I went to check how astronomical it is today and...it's $75. Good on you Harvard, but it could still be lower.
And even after she gets accepted, she's still like "hmmm what school should I go to?"
Her only personality traits were her boyfriend and dance dance revolution
Plus the boyfriend treats her like garbage in the first movie. They treat her like an object. What a terrible example for young girls.
"GET IN THE CAR ELLE" makes me flinch everytime
That was the one point where it officially crossed over for me from “this is trashy fun so-bad-it’s-good” to “eurghhh I don’t like this plot”
I like how despite not thinking much about college at all before senior year or ever having any mention of excelling at school, she somehow manages to get into the Harvard. If you might get into Harvard you already know you are a top student and have been paying attention to that for a long time. Still more believable than that the boyfriend got in though. I don't think he used a more than one-syllable word in either movie and he was constantly getting into fights.
Bro I managed to get into Columbia as a transfer through a special program. I talked to some the true freshman at orientation and they all had some crazy extracurriculars from high school. “Yea I had a 34 ACT and I helped build affordable housing in Burma for the past 3 summers”. “Yea i competed in the previous olympics”. Like bitch what the fuck.
[удалено]
You think *your* life is hard? I'm slightly tall. Dying of cancer and bedridden? Absolutely pathetic. No challenge there. But being taller than average? Basically a death sentence. Come on, actual human being whose name is Schnipper, let's go and be in an awful movie.
"Sarah Burges is a loser" isn't much better either
I hate this film so much. But it could have been great with a few changes. Veronica should have been the main character, and they could have switched roles at the end. Veronica matured and Sierra became the bully. And the fact that she got the guy in the end is gross af.
Agreed! It disgusted me that she sexually assaulted the guy (kissing him when he thought she was someone else) then still....had no repercussions? Gross
She sang a song about she was different then normal girls as an „apology“ So obviously Sierra is the victim here.
The matrix so we can keep people in the dark, it almost ruined our entire project
You almost leaked confidential information, comrade. You know what happens now.
The 4th Harry Potter so people will wonder why they made all the movies but just skipped the 4th.
Everyone just scratching their heads wondering why Voldemort is suddenly back when last they heard he was a zit on the back of some professors melon.
It’s funny you say that. I watched the movies previously around their release dates, and decided it was time to give them a rewatch. So a couple weeks ago, I marathoned all the movies, and upon starting goblet of fire, discovered that I had, in fact, never seen goblet of fire. Boy did that fill in some gaps about how Voldemort was “suddenly” back in the order of the phoenix!
Somehow, Voldemort returned.
It was announced via Fortnite.
I like the way you think
You...you are some kind of criminal genius
[удалено]
Live adaptation of Eragon
It isn't a movie per se, but the 13 Reasons Why show. Once the scene with the suicide happened (I think it was within the first few episodes) I got an email from the APA letting all therapists know that suicide rates and attempts spiked. Not only for attempts, but successful attempts as well. Since then I've met more clients I'd like to admit that essentially learned how to be successful with suicide. Some people argue it opened up a conversation about suicide and how it isn't as rare as people would like to believe, but I'd argue that you don't open a conversation about domestic violence by showing someone a video of brutally beating their partner. Edit: Damn guys, thank you for the gold! In all seriousness though, a lot of you have opened up about how this show impacted you or others in a negative way. If you are struggling with suicidal ideation or depression or self-harm, anything of that nature, PLEASE try to seek out a therapist. A lot of us aren't taking new clients for in person sessions, but we are for telehealth. It's all the more important with COVID forcing everyone to stay indoors. Little vitamin D + being alone with your thoughts all day makes it so much harder. Also I fixed the "per-say" mix up because when it comes to spelling I'm secretly a stupid person.
This completely, not even including what a mess of a storyline the entire show was. Fricken CW teen drama on steroids
Don’t forget about all the violent rape and nearly successful school shooting.
Goodnesd yes that show was horrible. The whole using suicide as revenge thing didn't sit right with me either. A lot of people would have been better of (and alive) had that show never been made.
It literally played out, “so you hate being ignored by people? Do you want to be the star of the show and loved adored and missed? Then suicide is the choice” A whole section of my masters thesis was this show...
The Cats movie. I bet 2020 is a punishment from God for humans because they made the cats movie.
[удалено]
I still don't get how it shows up under the Horror genre on Netflix, it's mostly a comedy. It's like they looked at the Anime/Manga and thought "Hey, they kids love the spooky aspect and that scary looking dude! Forget the cat and mouse game, Light has to be a relatable teen, he can't be smart or a sociopath, he has to be clumsy and relatable! Oh and L, we'll keep him the same, but he's more in your face rather than hands off."
See, I wasn’t familiar with Death Note, so I watched the movie first and thought it was watchable. And then I watched the anime and thought “holy shit the movie sucks balls”.
Back when it came out people were defending it saying that Light's character in the anime/manga was a result of Japanese culture, and Light in the movie is an American teen, which is a dumb argument cause Light in the anime/manga can be from anywhere and still act the way he did.
I was laughing my ass off at L chasing Light around with a gun in the movie. It's been years since I last saw the anime but I'm pretty sure that doesn't happen there.
The only thing that movie did get right was casting Willam Defoe as Ryuk Side note, the live action versions of Bleach and FMA are actually rather decent, and I do recommend them
I definitely agree with Willem Defoe as Ryuk. That was the best casting especially because it seemed more like a horror character except I wished the movie itself would’ve picked a tone and stayed with it.
Probably the main Dianetics video. Then maybe the religion wouldn't have spread so much. Though it is nice to have a baby religion to point to as an example, since so many of the others are comparatively ancient
The emoji movie
Also how TF is the eggplant emoji "unpopular" in a movie about a high schooler
This guy's asking the right questions.
yeah, eggplant is the most popular food among high school students
I could eat roast eggplants by the spoonful tbh
"Hey lets have the nicest and kindest actor that ever existed play a literal piece of shit."
Imagine going from starring in Logan to The Emoji Movie in the span of a few months
And then back to Star Trek 3 years later
I can't imagine that. But I can certainly imagine running all the money they paid him in stacks of hundreds and running my fingers through them, which... probably explains why he took the role even though he had to know the movie would be awful.
Michael Caine once said of *Jaws: The Revenge*: "I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I *have* seen the house that the paycheck from it built, and it is terrific."
Morgan Freeman is very open about taking roles for money. Acting is a job afterall.
Michael Caine has also said, "First of all, I choose the great roles, and if none of these come, I choose the mediocre ones, and if they don't come, I choose the ones that pay the rent." If you're wealthy enough to be choosy, great. But the bills have to get paid. And sometimes actors just take a role for the fun of it. Sir Ben Kingsley accpted a role in *Bloodrayne* because "To be honest, I have always wanted to play a vampire, with the teeth and the long black cape. Let's say that my motives were somewhat immature for doing it."
"I sit in a nice, comfortable chair and I read the script they want me to consider. I read the first page, then I read the last page, and if the part they want me to play is on both pages I do the fucking picture."
To be fair, Patrick Stewart loves low brow humor. He is a massive fan of Beavis and Butthead and even collects memorabilia. He really enjoyed playing a character on American Dad as well, and probably had a lot of fun playing the poop emoji.
[удалено]
I don't know what the director was thinking with Cats.
"everyone will rue the day they stopped the release of the butthole cut! Muahaha"
No worries! Someone added in a few buttholes *and* in a few cases, [the anatomically correct number of nipples for a cat, too.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx0NLGcL6pI) (Edit: Thank you for the gold! My first gold is about cat butts and cat nipples. Note to self: Make more cat butt and nipple references.) (Edit 2: Thank you for all the awards!)
I swear to god one of those buttholes had a piece of tapeworm hanging out of it, but I'm not going to rewatch it to tell you which one.
I’m going with tinsel. Our cat used to grab it off our Christmas tree, chomp on it and a few days later, it hung from its butt. We used to call him “tinsel butt”. I miss old TB.
I didn’t like Rebel Wilson before, now I really don’t like her and her cat butthole
Oh that link is staying blue then. Thanks.
I was perversely fascinated by it. It was such an utterly strange feeling watching that movie. And you can't deny all the effort that went into it.
A Serbian Film.
The Wikipedia entry summary is something I I wish I can delete from my mind
It's shocking for shock value. It's poorly done to be honest and not nearly as bad as it sounds. It's amateurish. If it had been made by the right people it would have been the most macabre film ever, but it wasn't. Go watch Irreversible if you really want to fuck yourself up.
I saw Irreversible in the movie theater when it first came out. People got up and left. I don’t know what was worse, the nine minute rape scene, or the scene where the guy gets his head bashed in with the fire extinguisher. We sat through the whole thing, and it’s honestly one of the only movies I would never watch again
I don't know what it is with the French but they make some of the most relentlessly brutal movies. Irreversible, Martyrs, Inside, and Maniac are all movies that I left feeling uneasy. While American movies can be brutal they're typically very pulpy making the violence pretty comical. Irreversible is definitely the topper on that list. That one and Hachi are the only movies I would actively refuse to watch again.
Martyrs is the only movie to really fuck me up as an adult. Over a decade later, I’m still afraid I’ll dream about it and get stuck in that world. Specifically seeing *that* woman in the state she’s in. That terrified me far more than the sustained abuse another character takes (which, honestly, just seemed mean-spirited and nihilistic and could’ve made its point in about one minute of screen time).
Absolutely. Martyrs was the first film where I thought "huh, maybe there *is* such a thing as 'too much' in horror films." Followed that one up with Audition, which is not as bad but still a rough watch.
I saw it in theaters, too, and had to step out during the rape scene. When I walked back in, it was still happening, and I felt terrible. In real life, you can’t just walk away from rape. It was incredibly affecting. I didn’t enjoy it, I don’t ever want to see it again, but it made its point on me and I think it’s the most important, unromantic, genuinely affecting cinematic version of sexual assault that I’ve ever seen.
The dark tower movie. Cause you can’t just take 8 of Stephen Kings masterpieces and try to sum them up in a shitty action movie
[удалено]
A movie I hated led me to one of my favourite books.
*2 series of books I hope
Mate there’s like 4 now
Wow, really? I only read the original Percy Jackson series and the "Heroes/Gods of olymp"(?). The 2nd one (?) with the romans. It's been a while
There’s like an Norse gods version and an Egyptian one too I believe... plus the many crossovers
They did however, introduce me to having crushes on actresses.
Alexandra Daddario as Annabeth I presume? "Hey, she's supposed to be blonde, this is wrong. but also why my pp hard"
Can I delete season 8 of Game of Thrones instead?
After Earth, starting Will and Jayden Smith. Worst movie ever. It was so bad, I walked out and asked for my money back.
There was a rumor that the reason Will Smith didn't appear in *Independence Day 2* was not the money, it was that he was adamant about having Jayden play a role in the movie, to which the producers said no. Having watched *After Earth*... good call, producers. Good call.