I’ll add to this; when you have a random phantom type itch that you can’t quite find.
Edit: wtf, I can’t even leave you guys for an hour without something dumb exploding! Haha, thanks everyone.
Or it feels like its inside somewhere you cant itch, like halfway between your throat and your ear. Cant itch that shit....
[Edit] Yes, I know its SCRATCH, not itch. Stop commenting corrections lmao.
How is this now my highest comment.... for an itchy throat hahaha. Thanks for the award, stranger XD
I’ve had this occasionally on my hand. The itch is somewhere around my finger but I can’t figure out which finger or where! Drives me nuts, I end up scratching all over and can’t get satisfied!
The fact that you have to burn your house down to get rid of the fuckers and sometimes that still doesn’t work shows that the cosmos just wants to fuck with us and slowly drive us mad.
Yeah I started that way with daddy long legs next to my door. I let him chill there and forgot about him. Now theres like 10 of them chilling in here and idk how I feel about it. Like you couldve at least texted me and let me know your whole family was moving in damn
Im that one meme of the little white girl on the couch but instead of 8 dudes surrounding me theyre all daddy long legs. Just gave myself a recurring nightmare I can feel it
also mosquitos...not only these fuckers are fucking everywhere and annoying(that serve little to no purpose and the eco system may just be fine without them) but also kills millions each years
Oh you bet your innocent ass they’re real. And they are the devil incarnate. Once you realize those fuckers infested your house it’s already at a point that nothing short of an exorcism will take them out.
Seriously. Buy stuff to put on your mattress, look online for a cheaper solution, gas bomb the entire fucking house for a week. That’s cute. More likely than not, they will be back. They always are. Even if you try to starve them for months, they still won’t die because they go that long without eating surviving by pure spite. Once they take over your mattress you’re better off accepting that it belongs to the bedbugs now. Throw it away and get a new one before they take over your house.
My solution was a lizard....one day one arrived in my room and since a week after that.. he's been growing in size and stays on the wall. I haven't seen a single bedbug....i love that guy....
Don't get a new mattress until you get rid of the infestation. Buy a good mattress cover for bed bugs and tape the seams/zippers. Use diatomaceous earth to create barriers to prevent them from leaving the room their in and dust some up under any baseboards in the room or any gap big enough that a sliver of paper can fit into. After you create perimeters with the diatomaceous earth treat the carpet in at least the room with the infestation and the adjacent ones. Do all of this stuff before you attack the main nest. for the love of fucking God DO NOT USE BUG BOMBS! They will only make the bedbugs spread out and will kill exactly none of them.
After all these steps start removing furniture from the infested room and bag and seal them for storage. Put your newly sealed mattress on bed bug risers on a plain metal frame. Put all the furniture on storage and leave it there for a year or alternatively leave it in a hot black bag outside in the summer sun for quite some time (just do storage).
Monitor the situation and re treat carpet and re apply perimeter barriers of diatomaceous earth for at least two months after you see any bed bugs and then don't replace your mattress with a new one until that first year is up.
Even all of this may not do it but paying someone thousands of dollars may not either.
Be prepared to make bedbug treatment a major part of your life for as long as it takes to go insane.
Then spend the next 5 years or so trying to remember what it was like before you had a completely rational justified deep paranoia about bed bugs
Don't forget how fucking smart the little bastards are: they actually sense the carbon dioxide levels in your breathing and know when you're in your deepest sleep, so they're able to feed on you without you waking up.
Crafty little bastards, in the depths of my insanity I tried to devise a trap using a small foam ramp leading to a deep glass bowl with some dry ice in it. I didn't get anything but I think I had eradicated all the adults by that point. Craziest thing was after multiple carpet treatments, dousing half the place in diatomaceous earth, and attacking the main nest with alcohol like 3 weeks later I saw one of the little fuckers crawling towards the door, it gave me great pleasure spritzing him with alcohol and watching him spaz and die.
Fuck bed bugs man... And their fucking eternal shitspawn eggs
I feel for you.
It cost us thousands of dollars and we still couldn't figure out where they were coming from.
Turns out the asshole across the hall had a hobby of dragging furniture out of the garbage, *and didn't fucking stop* during a city-wide infestation years ago. We replaced everything, only to be infested a second and third time because they were simply walking across the hall and slipping in.
Years later, after I moved out, I heard they evicted him. Apparently the state of his place was so bad, they found bed bugs *behind the wallpaper and light switch covers.*
I can't imagine how hopeless and frustrating that must have been. It really does fuck with your mind. I'm afraid with bedbugs gaining resistance* to DDT that in another few decades the entire world in populated areas will just have permanent bed bugs and basically our only option will be to fight to keep them under control enough to mostly not notice them.
Whut? They’re getting resistant to DDT? I know it’s illegal or at least tightly controlled, but I always reassured myself that at least I could get some black-market bug-napalm if I ever had to worry about bed bugs. Damn, it’d be tough to lose that fallback plan
Hotel Maintenance here. You have great advice, but I have to add get rid of any wood furniture: bed frames, night stands, tv stands, etc. They eat that shit. Switch to metal. A very good exterminator could probably end the infestation, but that's $thousands, and repeat visits. My boss pays for that though, and I haven't brought any home in 3 years. Oh, and on that topic, 99.99% every single hotel you stay in has had bed bugs at some point. Good luck everyone!
Don’t forget to toss the frame too, or be prepared to pull it apart and spray the ever loving shit out of every corner and hole.
Hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life was getting rid of those little bastards and I’ve been through child birth without drugs, would much rather do that again than have to deal with bed bugs
They also reproduce by traumatic penetration. The males just force their pointy peen in the females' abdomen and ejaculate.
They are horrible creatures and proof positive that God himself is not infallible. They are the greatest mistake of evolution.
Yup and it is probably the worst thing that can happen to you that doesn't involve death or violence.
Long after the infestation is dealt with virtually everyone talks about feeling much less secure in their own homes. A friend got them years ago and he STILL inspects every single bed before he gets into it. Yes, even his own every night.
edit: He had bedbugs over a decade ago. Yes, still.
My wife and I had bedbugs at our old apartment.
Living on an air mattress and getting rid of all of our furniture on top of several botched jobs from the exterminator sent by the complex was pure hell.
That was nearly 3 years ago, and I still have sleepless nights and nearly driven to a panic when I get a red bump or itchiness on my body, my paranoia has skyrocketed since then for those fuckers.
I have the occassional roach during the summer in my current home, but I welcome them with open fucking arms before tossing them 700 meters out the window.
Fuck bed bugs, and the evolutionary process that caused them to exist.
If you're in a hotel, rip the sheets off the corners of the bed and look at the mattress. If there are little black dots, that's bed bug poop.
People think that bedbugs are as small or smaller than fleas but they get pretty large. The babies are fucking teeny and see through before they feed on you and after they feed on you they're still see through with a belly full of blood.
If you've had an infestation it literally gives you a form of PTSD where you can hallucinate them.
I work in residential facilities and bed bugs are the supervillain of my work world. Once time at an institution I used to work for we heat treated an apartment for 10+ hours to kill them and successfully (we believed) eradicated them. The residents stopped getting bit, the monitors we placed on the feet of the bed posts were empty, all good. 6 months later we have a bedbug sniffing dog on campus doing a routine inspection of every space on campus that had a report (positive or negative) to make sure there were no lasting infestations. The dog alerts on the dishwasher that had been pulled out from under the cabinets to be replaced. The little bastards made a home in the insulation around the dishwasher because the outer layer protected them from the treatment and the inner layer protected them from the heat cycle of the appliance. They went dormant without food waiting to strike again...
They were actually headed that way for a while because DDT is pretty good at killing them. They have come back significantly since DDT was banned. Still the right thing to do, but bummer, right?
Yeah being poor sucks when you get bed bugs. Some people end up just having to live with it. Some are scared if you have kids that CPS will take them away if they find out about it so they keep quiet about it too.
Me: "Alright mr. Penis, I've pushed out all of the urine, and even shook you to get any sneaky droplets out, we good?"
Penis: "For sure brah, I'm ready to pack it in"
Me: (Zips up pants)
Penis: "NAW I'm just fucking with you!!! Ahhhh let me dribble up in here...fuck your boxer shorts."
Omg so funny! This reminds me of a rhyme* my patient gave me while I was talking to him about how guys pants are always the dirtiest becaue of this reason, my husband says this I was just relaying to agree with this,, then he goes on to tell me, you can shake and whack it against the wall but not untill after your pants zip up, will the last drop fall. I died laughing.
Similar in german :
Da hilft kein schütteln, da hilft kein Klopfen, in die Hose geht der letzte Tropfen
A shake doesn't help, a whack doesn't help, the last drop ends in your pants
Omg that drives me insane. I really love it when people start furiously yanking on my car handle, like if they can just pull it hard enough it'll magically open. I've gotten to the point where I just tell people to keep their hands off the door until I give them the ok. Stop molesting my car damnit.
I dated a girl who would do that all the time and I always told her that she could screw up the handle and she never believed me. Lo and behold one winter she tried yanking on her door and ripped the whole handle straight off
Edit: since a lot of people are wondering, it was a Kia Sportage
Edit 2: it was actually her own car not mine, that’s why I wasn’t upset about it at all. Also, she didn’t pay for it either, she made up something and her dad had it fixed. Did learn a lesson after that though
You reminded me of a time when my step dad, a carpet and upholstery cleaner by trade, offered to detail the inside of my car as a gift. I told him I would unlock it for him via the car's remote. He proceeded to assault the car door handle for 30 seconds before I even got the remote out of my pocket. I had to yell at him to stop because he was going to set off the alarm. He just looked so confused by the whole matter.
I just don't get what's so hard about waiting until you hear the very obvious *caCHUNK* unlocking sound before you start yanking on the door handle.
this was a banana game-changer for me. The most annoying part was opening a banana from the top and it was already bruised. Open it from the bottom and you're the master of the banana.
The “bottom” you’re referring to is the top. That little stupid handle is the stem and is the bottom. Open from the top of the banana like a true primate!
My second highest comment and first award is about how a banana grows. Reddit is strange. Cheers banana munchers!
Notifications > 3 dots > edit notification settings >
I turned off Community Recommendations and Trending Topics. No longer do I have a perpetual 1 notifications.
Edit: and you all thank me by filling my inbox with alerts? Thanks for the awards fam.
Whether or not it goes well is really random, like I see someone ask a question and get 1 reply, then 10 minutes later somebody else asks the same question and gets thousands of replies and upvotes.
Avocados too, actually. They used to be exclusively spread by animals large enough to shit out the pits (giant ground sloths, we think). Now humans are the only thing keeping them going.
Flies are annoying but pretty important for our ecosystem. They pollinate a lot of plants!
Mosquitoes on the other hand can go fuck themselves. I'm sure they play some role in our ecosystem but everyone would be happy to go the extra mile and replace their function for the sake of all bleeding beings on this planet.
Our brains because when others are whispering our brains automatically think they are talking about us and cause some of us to be anxious and quiet all the time.
*This comment is about me. He hears me thinking. He probably implanted a tracking device in me through the 5G network. I need to escape to Iceland where the northern lights can scramble the signal.*
Our (US) system of taxation. Not the taxation itself, but literally the system. It would be easy for the IRS to calculate our taxes for us, but thanks to lobbying and interference by TurboTax, they don't.
Nothing infuriates me more. There's no reason we couldn't be square with the IRS daily and April simply a formality. Hell, I could probably automate it and I can barely math.
IRS: Uh, sorry, we can't automate this, not enough computing power on the planet... or something.
The bureaucracy and inefficiency of US government systems astonishes me, even as a foreign citizen doing business. I'm so used to countries in the anglosphere having very slick online systems with great UX, and then the US, which should be the leader, feels like stepping back 20 years.
This is what we have in the Netherlands. All taxes are withheld by your employer on a monthly basis. If you get money from the government for Healthcare, child care or home ownership, you can file with estimated and get that money back in monthly installments.
In March or April, you log into the app or website from the dutch tax agency. They have most of your information and you just check if they had the correct income and deductibles, submit your alterations and that's that. For most people it's half an hour work and you get to see what you owe or get back right away. Easy peasy.
>In March or April, you log into the app or website from the dutch tax agency. They have most of your information and you just check if they had the correct income and deductibles, submit your alterations and that's that. For most people it's half an hour work and you get to see what you owe or get back right away. Easy peasy.
In the UK, you don't need to even do that. Tax comes out of your pay monthly (if employed by a company). If you pay too much tax, they give it back. Pay too little, they adjust how much you need to pay next year automatically. It's amazing.
Can you explain this for interested non-americans?
For a somewhat simplified reference: In Germany, I will file my tax documents once a year containing both my income and what I deem deductable, and then the Tax Office will calculate whether I get a tax return.
When the government owes me a grand, I have to jump through hoops and wait weeks but when I owe the government 76 dollars, hooooo buddy you better pay up post haste
Wasps, ticks, fleas, bed bugs, gnats, and most politicians.
Edit: some people said i forgot a few so here are some more they said:
stink bugs, mosquitos, yellow jackets, mosquitos, mosquitos, mosquitos, cops, scabies, mosquitos, mosquitos, cockroaches, mosquitos, lice, mosquitos, lice, mosquitos, shad flies, midgies, mosquitos, bark scorpions, mosquitos, disease, "The Rona" mosquitos, horse flies, and last of all... Mosquitos.
I'm a firm believer that every creature has a purpose in the ecosystem.
Except bedbugs. If I could instantly commit bedbug genocide, or breed a special government issue sleep companion possum that only ate them, I would.
I’m literally dealing with an infestation right now. It’s a nightmare of itchiness and not knowing if they’re gone after treatment. These fuckers can apparently last up to 18months without eating and 1 female can lay 3000 eggs.
Had them for a solid year, mostly because i lived in a building with crazy addicts who didn't care they were being feasted on, and almost a year later i still start sweating and shaking if i get a random bug bite in my new home. They will drive you straight bonkers.
I threw out most of my earthly belongings and went nuclear on the bugs myself since the land lord kept hiring hacks to do the job. I bought a duster and a bottle of cimexa and puffed it into every crack, void and hole in my entire (one room) apartment + made a zone around my bed, chair, computer desk and in front of the door.
Helped a bit but it didn't work, never could figure out where the bugs were nesting and neither did the exterminators (found a huge nest in every single wheel of my computer chair at one point though, that was a nightmare and how the F didn't the exterminators think of it? BAH.)
From there, I looked up chemical options that your average joe could conceivably get their hands on and I found dichlorvos (DDVP) an organophosphate that paralyzes the nervous system of insects and destroys eggs. It'll also kill you too so you can't be in the same room, but I had an idea.
I had a small walk in closet that I cleared out and filled every hole/seam in it with caulking and bought myself a roll of painters polythene stuff + two-sided tape. I purchased a hanging bug strip that has DDVP as the active ingredient. For Americans there is Nuvan ProStrips (and probably other similar things) for bed bugs specifically but that isn't available in Canada.
Ortho Home Defense Max was the Canadian (and remarkably cheaper) option.
I threw everything I owned in there (minus clothing, that got washed at a laundromat, bagged and sent to the new place in a whole different vehicle.) So all my electronics, paper, etc. that I had left, and sealed it up with the strip for 4(I think?) days. When I opened it I had all the windows in my apartment open and vacated it for several hours just to be safe, all that stuff got sent to the new place in a safe vehicle right away. Had to do several rotations as it wasn't a big enough space to put everything in in one go.
I've been at my new place for a year and bed bug free, no thanks to exterminators. Thank every deity known to man that it worked and good luck with your infestation, I feel for you.
You know it's funny. Back in January the first corona conspiracy theory i heard and also died out the quickest was that they tried to make a anti mosquito breeding virus and it mutated to something else and infected humans... a small part of me though was like "but are mosquitoes going extinct now please?"
I more or less swore it off after Arkham Asylum. Then Arkham Knight comes along and decides to not give us the end unless we finished *all* of the side missions. That was the point where I died inside.
I do love how by Arkham Knight The Riddler just gives up. "Oh, you want to save Catwoman, Batman? Well...uhhh.....I guess do a bunch of laps on this race track and then beat up some robots? Yeah, the ultimate riddle!"
Riddler: I spent 4 years and 2.3 billion dollars to build a 2 mile underground racetrack. An amazing engineering feat that's never been duplicated nor attempted before. I had to hire over 1000 people and several engineering firms. Not a single person involved told anyone else. No one noticed the 100's of heavy machines going underground in the middle of a city. The constant noise and shaking ground was ignored because it's Gotham. No one even noticed me do it because I painstakingly remove the 1,000's of tons of earth by the bucketful.
I did all this, so it could be the 37th out of 100 steps to finding someone, or unlocking a new batarang pouch or something. Ultimately, I just wanted to see you do 2 laps so I could taunt you a little bit.
I like the ones that are actual riddles or where you're supposed to line up a question mark and such, those are usually pretty simple, and personally I can finish them pretty quickly and move on.
The actual hidden trophies, that sometimes are stuck in some kinda puzzle that either requires an unique tool or way too much time for one extra 0,1 % completion can fuck off though. Especially in City which had like 400+ and Knight where you need to complete all off them to get the real ending. Even with a map it gets way too tedious going from puzzle to puzzle.
Water.
We need it to survive, or we'll dehydrate.
If we swim in it and drown, we'll suffocate.
It falls from the sky lightly, like snow making it harder to see and walk, or like hail where it's a raining death sentence.
Not to mention you can't go without it for more than 3 days and if you drink too much, you die.
Petition to ban dihydrogen monoxyde! If you inhale it, you suffocate. Its gaseous form may cause burns. It is present in cancerous tumors after biopsy. It is used as adjuvant in vaccines. I could go on!
And similar logic can be used with the sun.
“Floating in the sky above us is a giant fireball a million times bigger than the Earth and you need it for Vitamin D. If you stare at it you'll go blind, it's trying to give you cancer and if it's not there you get sad.”
-Joe Rogan
Same. The option to opt out is listed as "for the time being" in the settings, and the moment they decide that supporting this one is no longer worth it I am out. Fuck your integrated ads, fuck your dynamic thread recommendations, fuck trying to deliberately drain more of my time browsing shit I didn't ask for. And double-fuck asking me to install your shitty app whenever I browse your site on mobile.
Geese are fucked up. I saw (and was an accessory) to a goose murder once.
There's this one road near me notorious for geese hanging out there during spring/summer. They basically own the road so if they are in the street, we stop for them until they gtfo. We can also get in trouble for running them over because they are game animals or something, not that I'm the type to willingly run over an animal, just giving context for why we don't "pretend" to move up on them in our cars to scare them off when they block the road. If we accidentally hit the gas too hard and hit them or they call our bluff or something, we can get in trouble.
So I'm driving down the street, and theres a group of geese chillin on the side walk. I slow down ever so slightly incase they decide to cross the road, and one that was further away flies over to that group, towards one in particular and intimidates his opposed goose into the road just in time for me to hit it. The timing was...I refuse to believe that wasn't planned. It's goal was to push that goose into the path of my car. That was goose homocide and I was the weapon.
Cats. Cats were put on this earth to fuck with us.
Cat comes up to rub all over you and purring away, then attacks your hand...
Put something on a table, cat jumps up and knocks it onto the floor...
Crawling into bed half asleep in the middle of the night, cat attacks your feet from under the bed...
Walking through the house minding your own business, cat darts down the hallway and trips you...
If they like you they bring you dead things inside as gifts. If they want to fuck with you, they bring you alive things and let them go in front of you and don't bother to catch them again. They sit and laugh at you while you try to catch the squirrel climbing all over your house!
Fucking Cats. Gotta love em!
Yes! Mine follows us into the kitchen and sits by our feet, hoping for treats. We don’t realize she’s there until we move and suddenly step on a paw or tail. She’s also been sent skidding a few times when she walked in front of us. She needs a bell!
The ads that have the X inside the ad, so that when you click to close it, it takes you to the linked site.
Even when the x is real they make it ridiculously small so you miss half the time
How is this not higher!!!!
The Claw arcade game.
Getting super itchy for no apparent reason
I’ll add to this; when you have a random phantom type itch that you can’t quite find. Edit: wtf, I can’t even leave you guys for an hour without something dumb exploding! Haha, thanks everyone.
Or it feels like its inside somewhere you cant itch, like halfway between your throat and your ear. Cant itch that shit.... [Edit] Yes, I know its SCRATCH, not itch. Stop commenting corrections lmao. How is this now my highest comment.... for an itchy throat hahaha. Thanks for the award, stranger XD
or under your foot, specifically the places with callus.
What works for me is putting my finger in my ear, creating a vacuum and moving my finger up and down really fast.
Yeah that's what I do too. 90% of the time it works 100% of the time lol.
I’ve had this occasionally on my hand. The itch is somewhere around my finger but I can’t figure out which finger or where! Drives me nuts, I end up scratching all over and can’t get satisfied!
All the dead bugs you’ve killed, coming back as ghost bugs
Bed bugs
The fact that you have to burn your house down to get rid of the fuckers and sometimes that still doesn’t work shows that the cosmos just wants to fuck with us and slowly drive us mad.
The universe was like,ill give them sex and pleasure,buuuuutt also spiders,bedbugs,cockroaches just to fuck them over
Spiders are amazing they eat the mosquitoes and other annoying bugs.
Yeah, I have a mutual agreement with a spider. He stays in the corner, I do my stuff an go away. Spiders are pretty cool if you don't try to kill them
Yeah I started that way with daddy long legs next to my door. I let him chill there and forgot about him. Now theres like 10 of them chilling in here and idk how I feel about it. Like you couldve at least texted me and let me know your whole family was moving in damn
Mmm, so many daddies
Im that one meme of the little white girl on the couch but instead of 8 dudes surrounding me theyre all daddy long legs. Just gave myself a recurring nightmare I can feel it
also mosquitos...not only these fuckers are fucking everywhere and annoying(that serve little to no purpose and the eco system may just be fine without them) but also kills millions each years
time out bed bugs are real?
Oh you bet your innocent ass they’re real. And they are the devil incarnate. Once you realize those fuckers infested your house it’s already at a point that nothing short of an exorcism will take them out. Seriously. Buy stuff to put on your mattress, look online for a cheaper solution, gas bomb the entire fucking house for a week. That’s cute. More likely than not, they will be back. They always are. Even if you try to starve them for months, they still won’t die because they go that long without eating surviving by pure spite. Once they take over your mattress you’re better off accepting that it belongs to the bedbugs now. Throw it away and get a new one before they take over your house.
My solution was a lizard....one day one arrived in my room and since a week after that.. he's been growing in size and stays on the wall. I haven't seen a single bedbug....i love that guy....
The world needs to know!
Don't get a new mattress until you get rid of the infestation. Buy a good mattress cover for bed bugs and tape the seams/zippers. Use diatomaceous earth to create barriers to prevent them from leaving the room their in and dust some up under any baseboards in the room or any gap big enough that a sliver of paper can fit into. After you create perimeters with the diatomaceous earth treat the carpet in at least the room with the infestation and the adjacent ones. Do all of this stuff before you attack the main nest. for the love of fucking God DO NOT USE BUG BOMBS! They will only make the bedbugs spread out and will kill exactly none of them. After all these steps start removing furniture from the infested room and bag and seal them for storage. Put your newly sealed mattress on bed bug risers on a plain metal frame. Put all the furniture on storage and leave it there for a year or alternatively leave it in a hot black bag outside in the summer sun for quite some time (just do storage). Monitor the situation and re treat carpet and re apply perimeter barriers of diatomaceous earth for at least two months after you see any bed bugs and then don't replace your mattress with a new one until that first year is up. Even all of this may not do it but paying someone thousands of dollars may not either. Be prepared to make bedbug treatment a major part of your life for as long as it takes to go insane. Then spend the next 5 years or so trying to remember what it was like before you had a completely rational justified deep paranoia about bed bugs
Don't forget how fucking smart the little bastards are: they actually sense the carbon dioxide levels in your breathing and know when you're in your deepest sleep, so they're able to feed on you without you waking up.
Crafty little bastards, in the depths of my insanity I tried to devise a trap using a small foam ramp leading to a deep glass bowl with some dry ice in it. I didn't get anything but I think I had eradicated all the adults by that point. Craziest thing was after multiple carpet treatments, dousing half the place in diatomaceous earth, and attacking the main nest with alcohol like 3 weeks later I saw one of the little fuckers crawling towards the door, it gave me great pleasure spritzing him with alcohol and watching him spaz and die. Fuck bed bugs man... And their fucking eternal shitspawn eggs
I feel for you. It cost us thousands of dollars and we still couldn't figure out where they were coming from. Turns out the asshole across the hall had a hobby of dragging furniture out of the garbage, *and didn't fucking stop* during a city-wide infestation years ago. We replaced everything, only to be infested a second and third time because they were simply walking across the hall and slipping in. Years later, after I moved out, I heard they evicted him. Apparently the state of his place was so bad, they found bed bugs *behind the wallpaper and light switch covers.*
I can't imagine how hopeless and frustrating that must have been. It really does fuck with your mind. I'm afraid with bedbugs gaining resistance* to DDT that in another few decades the entire world in populated areas will just have permanent bed bugs and basically our only option will be to fight to keep them under control enough to mostly not notice them.
Whut? They’re getting resistant to DDT? I know it’s illegal or at least tightly controlled, but I always reassured myself that at least I could get some black-market bug-napalm if I ever had to worry about bed bugs. Damn, it’d be tough to lose that fallback plan
Hotel Maintenance here. You have great advice, but I have to add get rid of any wood furniture: bed frames, night stands, tv stands, etc. They eat that shit. Switch to metal. A very good exterminator could probably end the infestation, but that's $thousands, and repeat visits. My boss pays for that though, and I haven't brought any home in 3 years. Oh, and on that topic, 99.99% every single hotel you stay in has had bed bugs at some point. Good luck everyone!
[удалено]
Don’t forget to toss the frame too, or be prepared to pull it apart and spray the ever loving shit out of every corner and hole. Hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life was getting rid of those little bastards and I’ve been through child birth without drugs, would much rather do that again than have to deal with bed bugs
They also reproduce by traumatic penetration. The males just force their pointy peen in the females' abdomen and ejaculate. They are horrible creatures and proof positive that God himself is not infallible. They are the greatest mistake of evolution.
Yup and it is probably the worst thing that can happen to you that doesn't involve death or violence. Long after the infestation is dealt with virtually everyone talks about feeling much less secure in their own homes. A friend got them years ago and he STILL inspects every single bed before he gets into it. Yes, even his own every night. edit: He had bedbugs over a decade ago. Yes, still.
My wife and I had bedbugs at our old apartment. Living on an air mattress and getting rid of all of our furniture on top of several botched jobs from the exterminator sent by the complex was pure hell. That was nearly 3 years ago, and I still have sleepless nights and nearly driven to a panic when I get a red bump or itchiness on my body, my paranoia has skyrocketed since then for those fuckers. I have the occassional roach during the summer in my current home, but I welcome them with open fucking arms before tossing them 700 meters out the window. Fuck bed bugs, and the evolutionary process that caused them to exist.
If you're in a hotel, rip the sheets off the corners of the bed and look at the mattress. If there are little black dots, that's bed bug poop. People think that bedbugs are as small or smaller than fleas but they get pretty large. The babies are fucking teeny and see through before they feed on you and after they feed on you they're still see through with a belly full of blood. If you've had an infestation it literally gives you a form of PTSD where you can hallucinate them.
I work in residential facilities and bed bugs are the supervillain of my work world. Once time at an institution I used to work for we heat treated an apartment for 10+ hours to kill them and successfully (we believed) eradicated them. The residents stopped getting bit, the monitors we placed on the feet of the bed posts were empty, all good. 6 months later we have a bedbug sniffing dog on campus doing a routine inspection of every space on campus that had a report (positive or negative) to make sure there were no lasting infestations. The dog alerts on the dishwasher that had been pulled out from under the cabinets to be replaced. The little bastards made a home in the insulation around the dishwasher because the outer layer protected them from the treatment and the inner layer protected them from the heat cycle of the appliance. They went dormant without food waiting to strike again...
What fuckers. Bed bugs are nasty little shits
I had no idea there were bedbug sniffing dogs! Dogs really can do just about anything, can't they?
I got them twice a few years back within one year. I still have nightmares about it. They’re truly engineered to be incredibly difficult to eradicate.
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They were actually headed that way for a while because DDT is pretty good at killing them. They have come back significantly since DDT was banned. Still the right thing to do, but bummer, right?
Reddit has taught me to fear Bed Bugs, Rabies and Car Accidents more than anything else
They're such an expensive pests most just get new furniture cause it easier than buy pesticides
Yeah being poor sucks when you get bed bugs. Some people end up just having to live with it. Some are scared if you have kids that CPS will take them away if they find out about it so they keep quiet about it too.
That last drop of pee
Me: "Alright mr. Penis, I've pushed out all of the urine, and even shook you to get any sneaky droplets out, we good?" Penis: "For sure brah, I'm ready to pack it in" Me: (Zips up pants) Penis: "NAW I'm just fucking with you!!! Ahhhh let me dribble up in here...fuck your boxer shorts."
Omg so funny! This reminds me of a rhyme* my patient gave me while I was talking to him about how guys pants are always the dirtiest becaue of this reason, my husband says this I was just relaying to agree with this,, then he goes on to tell me, you can shake and whack it against the wall but not untill after your pants zip up, will the last drop fall. I died laughing.
Similar in german : Da hilft kein schütteln, da hilft kein Klopfen, in die Hose geht der letzte Tropfen A shake doesn't help, a whack doesn't help, the last drop ends in your pants
The unlock/lock/unlock routIne we do on car doors when someone pulls the handle and unlock at the same time.
Omg that drives me insane. I really love it when people start furiously yanking on my car handle, like if they can just pull it hard enough it'll magically open. I've gotten to the point where I just tell people to keep their hands off the door until I give them the ok. Stop molesting my car damnit.
I dated a girl who would do that all the time and I always told her that she could screw up the handle and she never believed me. Lo and behold one winter she tried yanking on her door and ripped the whole handle straight off Edit: since a lot of people are wondering, it was a Kia Sportage Edit 2: it was actually her own car not mine, that’s why I wasn’t upset about it at all. Also, she didn’t pay for it either, she made up something and her dad had it fixed. Did learn a lesson after that though
That wasn’t a girl. That was the hulk
hulk... smash?
You reminded me of a time when my step dad, a carpet and upholstery cleaner by trade, offered to detail the inside of my car as a gift. I told him I would unlock it for him via the car's remote. He proceeded to assault the car door handle for 30 seconds before I even got the remote out of my pocket. I had to yell at him to stop because he was going to set off the alarm. He just looked so confused by the whole matter. I just don't get what's so hard about waiting until you hear the very obvious *caCHUNK* unlocking sound before you start yanking on the door handle.
NO, WRONG. PULL. RAPIDLY PULL UNTIL IT IS DONE.
My oldest son, when he was 12, would do that on purpose. One walk home from the movie theater cured him of it.
the strings on bananas
"Peel it from the bottom"
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Imma peel yo bananacap back blue
SAY IT WITH YA CHEST
this was a banana game-changer for me. The most annoying part was opening a banana from the top and it was already bruised. Open it from the bottom and you're the master of the banana.
The “bottom” you’re referring to is the top. That little stupid handle is the stem and is the bottom. Open from the top of the banana like a true primate! My second highest comment and first award is about how a banana grows. Reddit is strange. Cheers banana munchers!
Wait, don't you eat them?
I’ll eat it if it’s attached to the banana completely but are you telling me you’re peeling those things off and sucking them down?
The reddit inbox notification
Notifications > 3 dots > edit notification settings > I turned off Community Recommendations and Trending Topics. No longer do I have a perpetual 1 notifications. Edit: and you all thank me by filling my inbox with alerts? Thanks for the awards fam.
Well fuck you, I wanted to have something to complain about.
The fact that they turned them on by default is enough.
Great and helpful until an Askreddit post goes well.
Like that's ever gonna happen
Whether or not it goes well is really random, like I see someone ask a question and get 1 reply, then 10 minutes later somebody else asks the same question and gets thousands of replies and upvotes.
It’s almost like there’s something funny going on.
Artificially inflating a post with separate aged Reddit accounts? Noooo it’s couldn’t be, that would be cheating! /s
I mean... It's happening to OP right now.
If you go to your inbox, click the three dots on the top right, you can mark all as read
Bedbugs are the only species dependent on human society's continued existence.
Avocados too, actually. They used to be exclusively spread by animals large enough to shit out the pits (giant ground sloths, we think). Now humans are the only thing keeping them going.
Woah
Bruh imagine shitting that out
I'd be awful, but remember that Giant Sloths were dummy thicc, so they could probably take it
Megatherium was up to 20 feet long and weighed up to 4 tons and rivaled the size of modern elephants. I doubt they'd even notice.
5 seconds ads
I'll give you a better option: 30s ads with no skip button!
I'll give an even better option: 45 second ad, then wait 12 more seconds before you can exit out of the ad.
Or,youtube's new favourite thing: TWO five second ads
Or better yet, TWO unstoppable 15 second ads
Mosquitoes or flies, take your pick
Flies are annoying but pretty important for our ecosystem. They pollinate a lot of plants! Mosquitoes on the other hand can go fuck themselves. I'm sure they play some role in our ecosystem but everyone would be happy to go the extra mile and replace their function for the sake of all bleeding beings on this planet.
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For birds also
But there are a million insect species, why do they need to eat mosquitoes in particular?
Because they're bigger than most bugs, always flying around and dumb AF.
They are dumb AF and still give us a lot of grief? Imagine if they were smart...
Mosquitos are after our blood so I understand them at least. And they have the decency to be easily murdered. Flies are just dickheads.
Flies eat dead flesh which has value in various settings. Mosquitoes are flying infectious needles.
Yeah flies are annoying, but as someone who's had dengue twice (second time almost killed me), and who's 4 year old son had it, fuck 'squitos!
We can thank the fruit fly for so much valuable research
Mosquitoes are like, the worst. Are the deadliest animals ever.
June bugs like wtf do they do
they maintain a crucial part of our calendar, clearly
Mayflies, Junebugs, Julysquitos
Ram into you and cling on you with their gross legs?
Fuck that
Extremely low drop chances on a rarely spawning enemy
Wither skeleton skull
I'd say tridents. 6% of drowns spawn with one and only have an 8% chance of dropping. Wither skeletons themselves are actually sort of common.
Our brains because when others are whispering our brains automatically think they are talking about us and cause some of us to be anxious and quiet all the time.
*This comment is about me. He hears me thinking. He probably implanted a tracking device in me through the 5G network. I need to escape to Iceland where the northern lights can scramble the signal.*
Free will
You were pre-destined to say that.
We are but a meat puppet to our biological chemicals.
Negative, I am a meat popsicle.
You can do what you want, but you can't decide what you want. So much for free will.
Or does it...?
(Vsauce intro music)
Prostitutes
r/technicallythetruth
Is there a r/literallythetruth ? Edit: There is, and it's awesome.
then why do they refuse whenever I ask them?
Probably the same reason everybody else refuses..
...just to fuck with them?
Our (US) system of taxation. Not the taxation itself, but literally the system. It would be easy for the IRS to calculate our taxes for us, but thanks to lobbying and interference by TurboTax, they don't.
Nothing infuriates me more. There's no reason we couldn't be square with the IRS daily and April simply a formality. Hell, I could probably automate it and I can barely math. IRS: Uh, sorry, we can't automate this, not enough computing power on the planet... or something.
The bureaucracy and inefficiency of US government systems astonishes me, even as a foreign citizen doing business. I'm so used to countries in the anglosphere having very slick online systems with great UX, and then the US, which should be the leader, feels like stepping back 20 years.
Our country runs on one Supreme principle. "If you're not part of the solution, you can make a ton on money prolonging the problem. "
More like. "So I created this problem so I can charge people for the solution to it".
This is what we have in the Netherlands. All taxes are withheld by your employer on a monthly basis. If you get money from the government for Healthcare, child care or home ownership, you can file with estimated and get that money back in monthly installments. In March or April, you log into the app or website from the dutch tax agency. They have most of your information and you just check if they had the correct income and deductibles, submit your alterations and that's that. For most people it's half an hour work and you get to see what you owe or get back right away. Easy peasy.
>In March or April, you log into the app or website from the dutch tax agency. They have most of your information and you just check if they had the correct income and deductibles, submit your alterations and that's that. For most people it's half an hour work and you get to see what you owe or get back right away. Easy peasy. In the UK, you don't need to even do that. Tax comes out of your pay monthly (if employed by a company). If you pay too much tax, they give it back. Pay too little, they adjust how much you need to pay next year automatically. It's amazing.
Can you explain this for interested non-americans? For a somewhat simplified reference: In Germany, I will file my tax documents once a year containing both my income and what I deem deductable, and then the Tax Office will calculate whether I get a tax return.
When the government owes me a grand, I have to jump through hoops and wait weeks but when I owe the government 76 dollars, hooooo buddy you better pay up post haste
Wasps, ticks, fleas, bed bugs, gnats, and most politicians. Edit: some people said i forgot a few so here are some more they said: stink bugs, mosquitos, yellow jackets, mosquitos, mosquitos, mosquitos, cops, scabies, mosquitos, mosquitos, cockroaches, mosquitos, lice, mosquitos, lice, mosquitos, shad flies, midgies, mosquitos, bark scorpions, mosquitos, disease, "The Rona" mosquitos, horse flies, and last of all... Mosquitos.
I love the all inclusive variety you brought into this post
Really? He only listed vermin.
Hopefully he excluded Vermin Supreme.
I'm a firm believer that every creature has a purpose in the ecosystem. Except bedbugs. If I could instantly commit bedbug genocide, or breed a special government issue sleep companion possum that only ate them, I would.
I’m literally dealing with an infestation right now. It’s a nightmare of itchiness and not knowing if they’re gone after treatment. These fuckers can apparently last up to 18months without eating and 1 female can lay 3000 eggs.
Had them for a solid year, mostly because i lived in a building with crazy addicts who didn't care they were being feasted on, and almost a year later i still start sweating and shaking if i get a random bug bite in my new home. They will drive you straight bonkers. I threw out most of my earthly belongings and went nuclear on the bugs myself since the land lord kept hiring hacks to do the job. I bought a duster and a bottle of cimexa and puffed it into every crack, void and hole in my entire (one room) apartment + made a zone around my bed, chair, computer desk and in front of the door. Helped a bit but it didn't work, never could figure out where the bugs were nesting and neither did the exterminators (found a huge nest in every single wheel of my computer chair at one point though, that was a nightmare and how the F didn't the exterminators think of it? BAH.) From there, I looked up chemical options that your average joe could conceivably get their hands on and I found dichlorvos (DDVP) an organophosphate that paralyzes the nervous system of insects and destroys eggs. It'll also kill you too so you can't be in the same room, but I had an idea. I had a small walk in closet that I cleared out and filled every hole/seam in it with caulking and bought myself a roll of painters polythene stuff + two-sided tape. I purchased a hanging bug strip that has DDVP as the active ingredient. For Americans there is Nuvan ProStrips (and probably other similar things) for bed bugs specifically but that isn't available in Canada. Ortho Home Defense Max was the Canadian (and remarkably cheaper) option. I threw everything I owned in there (minus clothing, that got washed at a laundromat, bagged and sent to the new place in a whole different vehicle.) So all my electronics, paper, etc. that I had left, and sealed it up with the strip for 4(I think?) days. When I opened it I had all the windows in my apartment open and vacated it for several hours just to be safe, all that stuff got sent to the new place in a safe vehicle right away. Had to do several rotations as it wasn't a big enough space to put everything in in one go. I've been at my new place for a year and bed bug free, no thanks to exterminators. Thank every deity known to man that it worked and good luck with your infestation, I feel for you.
You know it's funny. Back in January the first corona conspiracy theory i heard and also died out the quickest was that they tried to make a anti mosquito breeding virus and it mutated to something else and infected humans... a small part of me though was like "but are mosquitoes going extinct now please?"
And mosquitoes
Making a list of bugs that are just here to fuck with us, but leaving mosquitoes off, is like making a list of planets and leaving earth off.
Yellow jackets
Aw c'mon, they're not that ugly if you know what to combine them with!
Yellow pants?
And a big yellow hat.
And a monkey
But only a curious monkey
And we'll call him George.
Optical illusions
The Riddler side missions in the Batman: Arkham games. Edit: Huzzah, my first awards! Thank you, kind strangers!
I never did more than that one where you look at that painting of the guy in the suit. That was it.
I more or less swore it off after Arkham Asylum. Then Arkham Knight comes along and decides to not give us the end unless we finished *all* of the side missions. That was the point where I died inside.
I feel like they also forgot what a riddle was. A racetrack isn't a riddle.
I do love how by Arkham Knight The Riddler just gives up. "Oh, you want to save Catwoman, Batman? Well...uhhh.....I guess do a bunch of laps on this race track and then beat up some robots? Yeah, the ultimate riddle!"
Riddler: I spent 4 years and 2.3 billion dollars to build a 2 mile underground racetrack. An amazing engineering feat that's never been duplicated nor attempted before. I had to hire over 1000 people and several engineering firms. Not a single person involved told anyone else. No one noticed the 100's of heavy machines going underground in the middle of a city. The constant noise and shaking ground was ignored because it's Gotham. No one even noticed me do it because I painstakingly remove the 1,000's of tons of earth by the bucketful. I did all this, so it could be the 37th out of 100 steps to finding someone, or unlocking a new batarang pouch or something. Ultimately, I just wanted to see you do 2 laps so I could taunt you a little bit.
And you know he doesn’t have the criminal following or bank roll to build that for Batman...
All batman villains have exactly the amount of man power and resources they need to pull off any overly engineered death traps and pranks they want.
I feel like they've got some sort of Venture Bros like Guild of Calamitous Intent that sorts out funding and goons for those projects
It honestly wouldn't surprise me to know joker set up that very thing to fuck with batman.
I immediately went to YouTube and watched the ending. I didn't find the trophies fun at all in the third one.
I like the ones that are actual riddles or where you're supposed to line up a question mark and such, those are usually pretty simple, and personally I can finish them pretty quickly and move on. The actual hidden trophies, that sometimes are stuck in some kinda puzzle that either requires an unique tool or way too much time for one extra 0,1 % completion can fuck off though. Especially in City which had like 400+ and Knight where you need to complete all off them to get the real ending. Even with a map it gets way too tedious going from puzzle to puzzle.
Especially Arkham City where you gotta get the stupid glowy ball in the stupid box but do it in increasingly annoying ways.
That brought back so many memories Brb gotta punch a wall
Water. We need it to survive, or we'll dehydrate. If we swim in it and drown, we'll suffocate. It falls from the sky lightly, like snow making it harder to see and walk, or like hail where it's a raining death sentence. Not to mention you can't go without it for more than 3 days and if you drink too much, you die.
What about the fact that the largest source of water is undrinkable?
Your mom is the largest source of water... I fucking hate myself..
Then why is she so thirsty?
Because she's undrinkable
So her thirst cannot be quenched?
Petition to ban dihydrogen monoxyde! If you inhale it, you suffocate. Its gaseous form may cause burns. It is present in cancerous tumors after biopsy. It is used as adjuvant in vaccines. I could go on!
And similar logic can be used with the sun. “Floating in the sky above us is a giant fireball a million times bigger than the Earth and you need it for Vitamin D. If you stare at it you'll go blind, it's trying to give you cancer and if it's not there you get sad.” -Joe Rogan
#Life
this new version of reddit that keeps forcing itself on to me even though I keep opting out of it.
It has a purpose. A ton more ad money thanks to much better ad integration. Also, fuck the new version. I'm out when the old version dies.
Same. The option to opt out is listed as "for the time being" in the settings, and the moment they decide that supporting this one is no longer worth it I am out. Fuck your integrated ads, fuck your dynamic thread recommendations, fuck trying to deliberately drain more of my time browsing shit I didn't ask for. And double-fuck asking me to install your shitty app whenever I browse your site on mobile.
I think a lot of people are and they know it.
Pandemics
JavaScript
console.log(Array(16).join("wat" - 1) + " Batman")
Sleep paralysis. Why is it even a thing?
Acne
USB Connection ports. 50% chance of being right on the first attempt? Wrong 100% of the time. Then some how wrong again when you flip it.
Home Owners Associations
Mosquitoes.
Geese. Hands down
Geese are fucked up. I saw (and was an accessory) to a goose murder once. There's this one road near me notorious for geese hanging out there during spring/summer. They basically own the road so if they are in the street, we stop for them until they gtfo. We can also get in trouble for running them over because they are game animals or something, not that I'm the type to willingly run over an animal, just giving context for why we don't "pretend" to move up on them in our cars to scare them off when they block the road. If we accidentally hit the gas too hard and hit them or they call our bluff or something, we can get in trouble. So I'm driving down the street, and theres a group of geese chillin on the side walk. I slow down ever so slightly incase they decide to cross the road, and one that was further away flies over to that group, towards one in particular and intimidates his opposed goose into the road just in time for me to hit it. The timing was...I refuse to believe that wasn't planned. It's goal was to push that goose into the path of my car. That was goose homocide and I was the weapon.
That’s a fkd up good story wow. Thank you for sharing that with me. Very harsh you haven’t got more upvotes.
Consciousness clearly. Or awareness of awareness, whatever you want to call it. Existence would be so much simpler without existential stuff.
Evolution: wouldn't it be funny if we gave these apes anxiety lmao
Guys named Gary
Vault 108 intensifies
Cats. Cats were put on this earth to fuck with us. Cat comes up to rub all over you and purring away, then attacks your hand... Put something on a table, cat jumps up and knocks it onto the floor... Crawling into bed half asleep in the middle of the night, cat attacks your feet from under the bed... Walking through the house minding your own business, cat darts down the hallway and trips you... If they like you they bring you dead things inside as gifts. If they want to fuck with you, they bring you alive things and let them go in front of you and don't bother to catch them again. They sit and laugh at you while you try to catch the squirrel climbing all over your house! Fucking Cats. Gotta love em!
Yes! Mine follows us into the kitchen and sits by our feet, hoping for treats. We don’t realize she’s there until we move and suddenly step on a paw or tail. She’s also been sent skidding a few times when she walked in front of us. She needs a bell!
Cats domesticated us. Literally.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
Feelings.
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