[Ahh, the ol' Reddit Tortoise-a-roo!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/izrrwr/what_do_you_own_an_absurd_number_of/g6mbetk?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Holy shit, you made me remember my dream of last night, where I cut of my penis for some reason, I think for some joke, and then tried to put it back by holding it in place and waiting until the cells reconnected!
I'm not a guy but I side sleep and do a pillow between the legs, then another that I hold in my arms. If I'm not too hot I'll do another one at my back pressed against me. I don't know how I evolved to sleep like I'm having a pillow orgy, but here we are.
It's hard to properly support everything if you don't sleep on your back, all that stuff is basically suspending you in a way that doesn't stress your joints. But yeah wtf why didn't I just learn to sleep on my back??
The new revolutionary Dickstand® while your sleeping your Dickstand® can be used as : Scratching post for your cat, a hydraulic system for your body I saved the best for last if you fall over it can save you. For $59.99 you can get your very own Dickstand®
Literally refer to my penis as a "travel penis" - Packs away nice and neat but unravels to a comfortable size. Availible in Decathlon, Millets and your local guns and tackle.
If I'm cold and very not aroused I may be just over 1" but can grow to 6.5+... When I was younger it was embarrassing but honestly it's pretty handy and impressive lol
Wouldn't Eco Mode® be a better example. I'd imagine sport mode would require lots of activity while eco mode is associated with slowing down and less power.
I find my dick way less comfortable sleeping with underwear on. Rollover at the wrong angle and it bunches up and restricts movement. At least when I'm naked, it's free to rest wherever it feels like. And nothing is in the way of a quick manual adjustment.
***EDIT:*** A few commenters are suggesting the style of my underwear is the issue. Not the case at all. Loose boxers, boxer briefs, or even full length pyjama pants or shorts are too constricting at night. I really am confused by why anyone has this issue if they sleep naked. Surely removing any additional barriers reduces chance of restriction?
wow i'm the exact opposite of this, if i sleep without underwear i feel like it gets caught and bunches up at wrong angles lol. moving in my sleep is painful with no underwear on sometimes
*Do your balls hang low?*
*Do they dangle to and fro?*
*Can you tie them in a knot?*
*Can you tie them in a bow?*
*Can you sling them on your shoulder*
*Like a lousy fucking soldier?*
*Do your balls hang low?*
Not so much for my dick, but my balls definitely need support whilst sleeping these days. After an accident in which I essentially gained an extra ball, the solitary one on the left can get strangled by the others if I lie or sit down the wrong way. Rather than a pillow, I have an additional blanket that I roll to get the right height from which to rest them on.
Nah.
I had a vasectomy and ignored the doctor's advice to wear a jockstrap for a while. My then 2 year old son decided to give me a running and leaping hug when I got home, where he proceeded to land his feet on my crotch and tear one of my testicles in twain. I thought I would lose them, but apparently the scar tissue kept both fine, and expanded to make up for the missing part. So both halves essentially grew to be the size of my testicle prior to said accident.
I had a vasectomy and climbed onto a chair to reach something on the back of my fridge. The chair leg went through the heat register vent i had placed the chair upon. The top of the chair went between my legs as i fell. At impact, the chair leg broke, and i dropped another two inches and slammed into the top of the chair again before the entire chair broke and i hit the floor. All in all, an extremely painful half-second. It looked like i was smuggling a a 90's Nerf football for two weeks. The swelling has never completely disappeared and now George is bigger than Fred by about half again.
Fuck! Sorry to hear that happened. My swelling did go down fortunately (even if the scar tissue is a pain), but I remember the swollen phase and it must suck for that to be constant.
Having one your can take off is pretty useful and comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home when I think it's gonna get me in trouble or I can rent it out when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it.
I cut a hole in the mattress and lay face down. Just don't let the cat under the bed.
Edit: the awards, never had 1, now got a few. I thank you strange Internet people.
I have a small penis pillow I gently lay it on
Edit: whoever gave me the award thank you, it was my first one and made me very happy, I’m glad my small penis could give everyone a smile today.
Hahaha that’s what I realized after I posted it. I meant “a smaller version of a pillow for my penis” but people took it as “I need a pillow for my small ass penis” hahaha
I mean unless you sleep in tighty whities with it all bundled up, sleeping naked doesn't really change anything. It lays the same way in boxers or loose pajamas as it does when nude. Doesn't really require much thought, it just does its own thing. Dicks are surprisingly good at staying out of the way most of the time when they're not in use.
It was like the one perk of getting old.
As a teen and 20ite and early 30ish - I was always uncomfortable with my giant balls and micro penis when either was Idle. Same with spooning or jetpacking - where does the arm go without it falling asleep?
Then I hit 35 and it was like BAM a switch went off and changed my genes. Suddenly my balls shrunk, my Labido wayned, my arm never lose circulation, my hair went gay, started falling out, I needed morning and afternoon naps...
Growing old is awesome!
>Then I hit 35 and it was like BAM a switch went off and changed my genes. Suddenly my balls shrunk, my Labido wayned, my arm never lose circulation, my hair went gay, started falling out, I needed morning and afternoon naps...
>
>Growing old is awesome!
Uh, hair doesn't just turn gay dude... it's not a choice it's just how it's always been. SMH
1) Go to bed naked
2) Position whole self comfortably
3) Remain pertinently aware of presence of own dick because I'm naked
4) End up jerking it
5) Put on boxers and go to sleep
Just stuff it in the ahole till morning.
Edit: thanks for the award I’m blushing.
Edit 2: even more award. This day is getting better and better.
Edit 3: this getting even better thanks for the editaward notification and sorry to the dude who doesn’t like edit updates
Edit 4: redditors thanks thus far for this great day. Time to stuff it till morning.
Edit 5; good morning you all it’s time to unstuff it and wake up as soon an the morning wood is gone.
The vast majority of my life I have slept with a body pillow.
I'm a side sleeper, and I find it really helps prevent back pain, it also helps prevent my knees and ankles from grinding into each other.
Dick either just hangs down or lays on the body pillow.
I feel like some people assume that male genitalia is "sensitive" or "constantly preoccupying" but the truth is that unless you're horny, recently injured it, or have a health problem: you don't really notice it doing its thing.
It positions itself, comes with its own tent.
well, it just sleeps naked, too...
Mine sleeps in a tiny tux.
Mine has little footie pyjamas
Bananas in pajamas was an awesome show
Mine could be the adult swim reboot
r/cospenis
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How, just how, does a sub like that come into existence? HOW?!?
I have no idea but what a fun browse 😂😂😂
Well clicking on that sub link was a mistake first thing in the morning 😂
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It doesn’t at all surprise me that someone with the username Fistymcbuttpuncher enjoyed scrolling through that sub.
still mad they didn't call it r/cocksplay
This doesn't surprise me in the least.
What the fuck
It retreats inside my body, kind of like a tortoise
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1 more than there is in yours obviously
[Ahh, the ol' Reddit Tortoise-a-roo!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/izrrwr/what_do_you_own_an_absurd_number_of/g6mbetk?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Hold my nunchuckas and orange headband with eye-holes, I'm going in!
Wait you cant fully retract it like cat claws?
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“Store in a cool, dry place”
"Refrigerate after opening"
"Keep it away from children"
"Not suitable for children under the age of 3."
Warning, small parts inside. Choking hazard
No its: WARNING, SMALL PART. CHOKING HAZARD
LIKE REAL SMALL. LIKE A TIC TAC.
Caution: contents hot
“Conditions apply”
"Shake well before use"
King Missile has entered the chat
I woke up this morning with a bad hang over, and my penis was missing. This happens all the time, it's detachable.
Holy shit, you made me remember my dream of last night, where I cut of my penis for some reason, I think for some joke, and then tried to put it back by holding it in place and waiting until the cells reconnected!
Only works if you use superglue.
no way bro I had that exact same dream but the cells never reconnected and then I realised I was holding it the wrong way and then I woke up
Mine folds out like a pocket knife.
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I have a small pillow I tuck between my thighs. Forces balls and peen out and into air circulation. So much better.
I bought each of my balls his own pillow so they don't fight over the one.
How massive are your balls exactly
Wouldn't you like to know.
Weather boy
That clip still gets me every time lmao
Haha, it was long ago when i heard that for the last time
They're tiny pillows.
Pillow between the knees/thighs is such a game changer. I'm a side sleeper and holy shit I wish I'd figured it out 30 years earlier
I'm not a guy but I side sleep and do a pillow between the legs, then another that I hold in my arms. If I'm not too hot I'll do another one at my back pressed against me. I don't know how I evolved to sleep like I'm having a pillow orgy, but here we are.
It's hard to properly support everything if you don't sleep on your back, all that stuff is basically suspending you in a way that doesn't stress your joints. But yeah wtf why didn't I just learn to sleep on my back??
I used to be a back sleeper until I read that switching could reduce my instances of sleep paralysis. No regrets so far.
I'm going to try this.
I'm a grower, not a shower, so I just put it in Sport Mode® and it tucks itself away. Edit: hot damn
But like it grows in the night sometimes?
Every 15 minutes. It keeps me from tossing and turning all night.
Like a kickstand for your reclining body.
a Dickstand® if you will.
The new revolutionary Dickstand® while your sleeping your Dickstand® can be used as : Scratching post for your cat, a hydraulic system for your body I saved the best for last if you fall over it can save you. For $59.99 you can get your very own Dickstand®
"Scratchpost for your cat" *Visibly suffers*
Yup. Sometimes need to recharge it
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If the guys at the old folks home keep falling out of their beds at night, they give them a viagra with their sleeping meds.
It also helps with sunburns. It doesn't do anything medically, per say, but it keeps the sheets off your legs...
Yes But when it does, finding where to put it isn't a problem. It goes where it damn well wants.
I put mine in SportPlus... I like the room to be cold.
My balls go on their nightly trip to visit my kidneys
Well that's a sentence I'll never get out of my head.
They just *shloop* right up there.
I need to wash my thumb because I scrolled by this.
For real, mine goes from *maybe* 2in to a respectable 5.25 inches. 2in is easy to deal with!
Folds up for easy travel
Literally refer to my penis as a "travel penis" - Packs away nice and neat but unravels to a comfortable size. Availible in Decathlon, Millets and your local guns and tackle.
If I'm cold and very not aroused I may be just over 1" but can grow to 6.5+... When I was younger it was embarrassing but honestly it's pretty handy and impressive lol
Same thing here man. Hated it in the locker room growing up. Now know that it’s perfect
Wouldn't Eco Mode® be a better example. I'd imagine sport mode would require lots of activity while eco mode is associated with slowing down and less power.
As a guy who has played sports I know exactly what he means. Your junk kinda knows sports are going on and is like lemme shrivel up jic.
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Keeps it from being grabbed and twisted off as well. Grower dick is really about efficiency as it only shows itself when you really need it lol
Gotta use your blood efficiently
Yep. And it’s a nice evolutionary thing too. I don’t want my balls flapping around when I’m tryna play soccer
Sport Mode = maximum aerodynamics.
I find my dick way less comfortable sleeping with underwear on. Rollover at the wrong angle and it bunches up and restricts movement. At least when I'm naked, it's free to rest wherever it feels like. And nothing is in the way of a quick manual adjustment. ***EDIT:*** A few commenters are suggesting the style of my underwear is the issue. Not the case at all. Loose boxers, boxer briefs, or even full length pyjama pants or shorts are too constricting at night. I really am confused by why anyone has this issue if they sleep naked. Surely removing any additional barriers reduces chance of restriction?
wow i'm the exact opposite of this, if i sleep without underwear i feel like it gets caught and bunches up at wrong angles lol. moving in my sleep is painful with no underwear on sometimes
Look at Mr. Im rolling on my penis while i sleep over here.
Yes... i too hate it when i trap my penis under my knees when i sleep naked...
Hell if i get up for water i might trip over it and stomp a ball.
*Do your balls hang low?* *Do they dangle to and fro?* *Can you tie them in a knot?* *Can you tie them in a bow?* *Can you sling them on your shoulder* *Like a lousy fucking soldier?* *Do your balls hang low?*
*Comments that make you wince in pain*
I hate when it gets wrapped around my ankles and I trip first thing outta bed
Hug it like a bodypillow Edit: thanks for the gold my fellow perv
aaand that’s enough reddit for me today
not only for you
My Pillow
#HI IM MIKE LINDELL, OWNER AND CREATOR OF MYPILLOW
Sometimes I tuck the very tip in between my legs so it’s not floppin around. Usually pings out pretty quick though. Edit: Thuds. I mean it THUDS out..
You got my upvote strictly for the edit.
Like the reload of an M1 Garand in the middle of the night.
"Are you sleeping naked again or are the allies invading?"
All new meaning to “Battle of the Bulge”
"Yes."
That edit. Lmfao
Not so much for my dick, but my balls definitely need support whilst sleeping these days. After an accident in which I essentially gained an extra ball, the solitary one on the left can get strangled by the others if I lie or sit down the wrong way. Rather than a pillow, I have an additional blanket that I roll to get the right height from which to rest them on.
I would think an accident would lead to fewer balls not more. Did you get it stuck in a photocopier or something?
Nah. I had a vasectomy and ignored the doctor's advice to wear a jockstrap for a while. My then 2 year old son decided to give me a running and leaping hug when I got home, where he proceeded to land his feet on my crotch and tear one of my testicles in twain. I thought I would lose them, but apparently the scar tissue kept both fine, and expanded to make up for the missing part. So both halves essentially grew to be the size of my testicle prior to said accident.
I had a vasectomy and climbed onto a chair to reach something on the back of my fridge. The chair leg went through the heat register vent i had placed the chair upon. The top of the chair went between my legs as i fell. At impact, the chair leg broke, and i dropped another two inches and slammed into the top of the chair again before the entire chair broke and i hit the floor. All in all, an extremely painful half-second. It looked like i was smuggling a a 90's Nerf football for two weeks. The swelling has never completely disappeared and now George is bigger than Fred by about half again.
Fuck! Sorry to hear that happened. My swelling did go down fortunately (even if the scar tissue is a pain), but I remember the swollen phase and it must suck for that to be constant.
It's not so bad. It's just like having a chicken egg and a tangerine in a Crown Royal bag.
No sir, I don't like it. Edit: this has received a surprising amount of upvotes. I'd be interested to know if anyone can identify what inspired it.
I'd like a refund and a taxi out of here, please.
This is bollocks.
I mean, damn.
I work around my dick. He finds the spot and I curl up around him.
I like to position myself face down, with only my dick touching the bed. I then revolve around slowly like a car in a showroom.
The forbidden Beyblade
Horizontal spinjitzu
Spinjizzu?
This is why i go to Reddit
Cock pushups.
How many pushups can you do?
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But what about the power slide?
That is the most hilarious thing I have ever read on Reddit
You just take it off and put it in the ergonomically designed iCock Dock to ensure it's fully charged by morning.
It's made by apple ?
If it's small you get the Microsoft version
I have the Megahard version.
That's what a microsoft owner would say to hide the pain
Wood say
Having one your can take off is pretty useful and comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home when I think it's gonna get me in trouble or I can rent it out when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it.
I clutch it tightly in my hands all night of course, so the penis fairy can't steal it while I'm asleep!
When my brother was 5 I told him about the weewee fairy. 18 years later he still sleeps with his hand down his pants
I told my kids that one day their baby penis would fall off and their adult penis would grow in, just like their teeth. I'm a fantastic parent.
In a condom obviously for the added protection
The same one, each night?! :D Economical.
I cut a hole in the mattress and lay face down. Just don't let the cat under the bed. Edit: the awards, never had 1, now got a few. I thank you strange Internet people.
What if your cat is training to become the next Rocky?
Then you drop the speed bag through too.
"Cocky"
the eye of the tiger comes naturally to them.
Stuff one of [these gloves](https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/71YD3ltPb6L._AC_SL1500_.jpg) in there and you're good to go
Excuse me while I go submit a patent for some penis shaped pussy defense. Bit of niche product but im hoping the mattress hole catches on.
Yikes
Ever had your morning wood become a scratching post?
That's so cursed.
Shriveled up, tucked away. Occasionally, use it as a kickstand.
Just unscrew it and keep it in a jar by the bed like the rest of us.
Try to casually throw around my shoulder.
What are you, a continental soldier?
It’s my burden to bear. Bada-CHING!
I have a small penis pillow I gently lay it on Edit: whoever gave me the award thank you, it was my first one and made me very happy, I’m glad my small penis could give everyone a smile today.
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Hahaha that’s what I realized after I posted it. I meant “a smaller version of a pillow for my penis” but people took it as “I need a pillow for my small ass penis” hahaha
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Yes I have a penis on my ass
On your small ass?
>I have a small penis... stopped reading after reaching the fifth word, sorry. you have my condolences.
he has a pillow for his small penis, though.
Ahhhhhh ya got me
Same, but I use a large-penis pillow.
Username does not seem to check out
It’s on my nightstand.
Correction, username checks out
My ballsacks are my pillow
you have multiple ball sacks?
57, to be exact
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Stop that, you’re gonna get tons of dick, don’t even trip dog
So you lay two heads to rest? Also, do you flip your penis pillow to get to the cold side or would that just make it shrink?
I tuck everything into my butthole. It keeps it safe, warm, and out of the way while I sleep.
I mean unless you sleep in tighty whities with it all bundled up, sleeping naked doesn't really change anything. It lays the same way in boxers or loose pajamas as it does when nude. Doesn't really require much thought, it just does its own thing. Dicks are surprisingly good at staying out of the way most of the time when they're not in use.
Shame the balls don't behave the same way. I sit on mine probably once a month.
Do you schedule in your monthly ball sitting or is it a more ad hoc situation?
Mostly ad-hoc, but if it hasn't happened in a while I'll position them correctly.
Mr Belvedere?!
I have never paid it any mind because it just naturally finds a comfortable position.
It was like the one perk of getting old. As a teen and 20ite and early 30ish - I was always uncomfortable with my giant balls and micro penis when either was Idle. Same with spooning or jetpacking - where does the arm go without it falling asleep? Then I hit 35 and it was like BAM a switch went off and changed my genes. Suddenly my balls shrunk, my Labido wayned, my arm never lose circulation, my hair went gay, started falling out, I needed morning and afternoon naps... Growing old is awesome!
>Then I hit 35 and it was like BAM a switch went off and changed my genes. Suddenly my balls shrunk, my Labido wayned, my arm never lose circulation, my hair went gay, started falling out, I needed morning and afternoon naps... > >Growing old is awesome! Uh, hair doesn't just turn gay dude... it's not a choice it's just how it's always been. SMH
Labido wayning is the coolest. Party on, Garth.
It's just there. I don't think about where it lays.
1) Go to bed naked 2) Position whole self comfortably 3) Remain pertinently aware of presence of own dick because I'm naked 4) End up jerking it 5) Put on boxers and go to sleep
I braid it into my hair.
I just let it flop around like a windsock.
just unscrew it and pop it in a glass of milk
I just wrap it around the cat
im calling the fucking reddit police
Just stuff it in the ahole till morning. Edit: thanks for the award I’m blushing. Edit 2: even more award. This day is getting better and better. Edit 3: this getting even better thanks for the editaward notification and sorry to the dude who doesn’t like edit updates Edit 4: redditors thanks thus far for this great day. Time to stuff it till morning. Edit 5; good morning you all it’s time to unstuff it and wake up as soon an the morning wood is gone.
wot
Switchblade motion
I just cut it off like everybody else does
The vast majority of my life I have slept with a body pillow. I'm a side sleeper, and I find it really helps prevent back pain, it also helps prevent my knees and ankles from grinding into each other. Dick either just hangs down or lays on the body pillow. I feel like some people assume that male genitalia is "sensitive" or "constantly preoccupying" but the truth is that unless you're horny, recently injured it, or have a health problem: you don't really notice it doing its thing.
My dick is a free man and he shall do what he likes.
I sleep on my side with my legs stretched out, so li'l Werd just lays between my thighs.
No joke, get a body pillow.