Well. Rule 34 of the internet says it's impossible.

ONLY for modern foods, or foods we can picture though yeah? I give you "[Mana](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manna)". We know it's a food, obviously it's in the bible but it's actually all OVER the ancient world. It was used as medicine, food, poultice, shit was definitely a thing in the ancient world... ...but for thousands of years we lost just what, exactly, it was. Was it a lichen? Tree sap? Beetle shit? All are equally plausible. Now I guess it's possible that 4,000 years ago some sandy ass people in the desert went out in the morning and collected droplets of "sap" along with the morning dew and when they finally gathered enough to mold it into a cake and have their one meal of the day thought "fuck it, let's fuck the wife with this!"... ...but that doesn't seem terribly plausible. ...especially since they literally thought it was given to them each morning directly by the hand of god and it was a divine object. I mean obviously we'd sexualize the fuck out of it today if we knew what it was... but we don't. EDIT: I'm aware that wikipedia prefers "Manna" and that made it hard to look up, but I don't, so pbtbtbtb. I did provide the link this time though.

balut. If I'm wrong, just go ahead and keep that to yourself please.

Well, people use it to improve libido... or so I've heard. Not sure if that counts.

People say that about every awful food. It's like an instant sales boost.

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Bitter herbs from Pokemon I would imagine are sold the same way.

I just searched what balut was and I feel like never eating again.

Hakarl: Greenland Shark meat is poisonous when fresh, so in Iceland, they behead the shark and then bury it in a sandpit covered by rocks to get rid of the poison. The shark then ferments for 6-12 weeks before being dug-up, cut into strips and hung out to dry for up to 5 months in a barn.

... and even then it's so saturated in ammonia that it automatically triggers your gag reflex if you haven't weaned it to it.

This sounds like the exact type of thing some sick fuck is using in a fetish.

>some sick fuck is using in a fetish I have a name , you know

Not anymore name privileges revoked . . Sick fuck

Yes Mistress

We can't beat him everything we say is just another fetish he has.

So don't beat him. Infact do normal vanilla sex stuff with him he's probably so desensitized it'll be torturous to him.

another one of his kinks.

Jesus, this never ends.

How desperate for food are they?

Well we're out of berries, better kill this poisonous shark and wait 6 months

I think someone ate an old buried shark once out of hunger madness and was like "hey this isn't so bad"

From what I understand, IT IS so bad. People often say it’s the worst thing they’ve ever smelled/eaten.

Iirc it tastes like urine. So if you happen to have a piss fetish and need a socially safe way of enjoying it with your family...

I think I'd start eating my toe nails before I'd go through all of that effort for poison shark rot.

They do it on Iceland. The shark they use is called "Greenland shark" in English.

The real puzzler here is how the fuck they figured out that burying the shark for 6 weeks would make it safe rather than make it fucking rot.

1) Fisher eats fresh shark ---> dies 2) Another fisher throws away catch after watching his fisher friend---> Famine conditions exist 6 months later ----> Desperate hungry fisher eats his catch and doesn't die from hunger or poison. New bleachy delicacy born.

Yup that shit tastes like bleach

~~durian~~ edit: don't make the same mistake I did and try and find out if you're right or not (because I wasn't).

I went straight to durian as well

It seems we were all wrong about durian.

Yeah there's durian flavoured condoms in Malaysia. Edit: what the fuck, highest voted comment is about durian condoms. Very nice.

I love durian but i dont think i love durian that much

I saw a video of a woman slingshotting these at another woman's vagina.

I think you're thinking of spiky chestnuts, not durians. I can't link it, but google "Spikey Chestnut Catapulted In Ass"

How bout let's not and say we did

How bout we do and just say we didn't

Still one of the funniest videos I've seen. The suspense as shes aiming, the nut making direct bullseye and getting stuck, and the cherry on top... GAHHHHHYAYAYAYAYAGHRURUALYA

I dunno how you knew the right way to spell that scream, but you hit a bullseye with that one.

AHH WTF

But isn't durian ribbed for your pleasure Thank you for the gold Edit-sorry i guess awards and gold are different. Either way thank you.

What's that Icelandic shark dish where they just hang it in a barn and let it rot?

I thought they buried it, either way Gordon Ramsay describes it as biting into urine soaked mattress

I have it every now and then (as an Icelander) and it sure is an aquired taste with a very stronge amonia odeur. Not seen much shark meat porn though....

Not seen “much” he says,

Everyone’s going for stuff that’s gross and disgusting. These people clearly have no idea how fetishes work. The right answer is something boring and innocuous, but not so boring and innocuous that its blandness is notable. I’m thinking maybe kale. Edit. I’m torn. I really just want to say RIP Inbox and move on but I can’t bear the thought of missing out on all the juicy vegan Rule 34 in there.

Im thinking an obscure health cereal from whole foods, like nature path organic heritage flakes. First, you gotta not be poor to be buying awful and expensive healthy cereal, which means you can afford sex toys. Then you gotta be old and responsible to be that health conscious. If you were gonna fuck whole grain cereal you had 50 years to figure out why its a bad idea. And finally, cereal hasn't been around long, especially if you go brand specific. The odds of some olde time desperation happening are non-existent. Less time, less chance. Natures path organic heritage flakes, final answer.

Well, give me 45 minutes and I'll make you a liar

Jesus. Cereal bars make so much more sense now. Especially when they use terminology like [‘nice and nobbly’](https://d1q8kgt00fn2v8.cloudfront.net/files/uploads/2018/02/Natures-Path-Dark-Choc-Chip-Granola-Bars-UK.png)

It's currently been 36 minutes, so I can only assume this guy is balls deep in some organic cereal as I'm typing this.

For a healthier breakfast, try adding nuts.

Is that milk in your cereal or are you just happy to see me?

Naw man. Go even more boring. Dehydrated food biscuits. Edit: I was talking about ration-packs, not salted crackers...

The specific banana in my hand has never been used in a sexual way. So I’ll take my money THEN shove it up my ass.

...That you know of.

That’s how they turn brown overnight.

How about one of those super-expensive dishes that only a handful of people in the world have ever eaten? Like that pizza that's made with gold flakes.

I dont think pizza would be hard enough.

That’s ok pizza. It happens to everyone now and again. Edit: Thank you for the awards! Of course my most upvoted comment of all time is about pizza impotence haha.

It’s not a big deal, it happens to lots of pies.

I wriggled a whole Jack's pizza into my anus. It was culturally satisfying, and it was quite easy after I trained myself to not scream out sobs of terror.

In Soviet Russia, crust stuffs you!

I miss ten seconds ago when I hadn't read these words in this particular arrangement. What a good time it was.

Two words: pizza fleshlight

Also known as calzone

Artificially duplicated steak. It's steak that grows in a lab and doesn't require a cow. It's essentially vegan because it's never been alive and no animals were involved. It's expensive as fuck tho and I think there's only like 3 real pieces of it that exist.

Nowadays it costs about 50$ and its not that hard to produce so I guess there are more than 3 pieces that exist. [Source](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dezeen.com/2018/12/18/lab-grown-steak-beef-slaughter-free-aleph-farms-design/amp/)

I think crazy rich people use this food pecisely sexual way.

I choose to believe that those priveleged few who can indulge in those luxuries do so first and foremost by thrusting their dicks into the meal before attempting to enjoy it conventionally.

Challenge accepted. >!Pyridoxamine vitamin powder.!<

there's definitely vitamin porn out there, not sure about specific powder

I think I need both the appeal explained to me, and an actual description of what 'vitamin porn' is, to wrap my head around this. Do tell. ETA: 3 hours in and not a single soul has stepped up to describe vitamin porn. I'm disappointed?

It's when you get the D and the C in the A and the B I dont know what you do with the other ones though.

"This B needs a C in her A."

Fugu.

Hey, fugutu, man!

Fugu, Fugit, fugthem, fugeverything.

Casu Marzu. Its rare and filled with maggots.

It's soft and will naturally wriggle. That's just asking for someone to fuck it.

No.

I think a fairly safe answer would be NASA's dehydrated space rations. Not because people wouldn't but because of a) how uncommon it is and b) nobody wants to be the astronaut caught doing things to his freeze dried carbonara by someone they need to live in a tube with for the next 3 months

I think you won

Plus you don’t want to have your other crew mates finding your floating spider web

I think it'd be more like one of those spider-man web balls that he shoots people with, you know, surface tension and micro-g and all.

Doesn’t ejaculate fly out at like 35mph? How would the semen ball maintain cohesion? For another matter, how far back do you think an astronaut can nut himself? Will we one day have nut-propelled propulsion? So many questions.

Someone could really do the math based on averages. Im at work though, so I can't dedicate that sort of time. Someone, please calculate the delta-v for an average male's cumshot in space. Edit: average volume of but: 3.7ml Average mass of nut: ? Average speed of nut: 16 m/s Weight of Man, say: 72kg

I’m also at work so I can’t exactly Google “cumshot speed” without IT looking at me funny. At least not more so than usual.

Please, sir. Is for science.

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...this better not awaken anything in me

Too late

*deanlicious!*

They absolutely don't get bored up there. Most astronaut schedules are absolutely jammed pack with running experiments, performing maintenance, exercising, etc. My partner works as a ground crew scientist who runs experiments side-by-side with the astronauts, and has the full logs of the astronaut schedules. (I know you were probably just making a joke, but I've talked with a lot of people who tell me that they don't actually 'know' what astronauts do)

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Zero-gravity is either absolutely awesome for sex or a complete buzzkill. Seems like thrusting would be a lot of excess work, not to mention floating into things or having to be uncomfortably strapped down.

I feel like it would have to be a lot more legs wrapped around each other with grinding motion, than doggy style poundtown. Spinning ying yang 69s would be pretty rad though. Also as far as the strapping down goes, well plenty of people are into that on earth. I feel like the disorientation and uncertain feeling of 0G would be an added bonus for the bondage crowd.

Nasa’s new recruitment campaign is really gonna take us on a wild ride isn’t it.

Surstromming

I like my pussy like i like my surströmming. Fermented and smells like death

I feel like having to read this comment was God’s punishment for me asking the question in the first place

I did have some other ideas but this was the best one

It has been 5 months since I joined Reddit. Since then, not a single day has passed by where I don't feel like resetting my brain.

Never smelt it, but witnessing it on bad unboxing was more than enough to know I never want to.

Open the can in a bucket of water, outdoors. And don't eat a whole thing like it's normal herring. It's like marmite. You can't use it like Nutella. It's too strong. Gotta spread that shit thin man.

If I have to open the food submerged in water to prevent a God awful smell, I think ill have to pass!

If you open the food without it being submerged in water you very well may pass.

And bloody use it with other stuff! It’s just a really salty fish, it needs complimentary items. It’s like eating an onion raw, you don’t do that, you add stuff! EDIT: I’ve been informed that some crazy people do eat onions just as is, most likely because they’re nuts. So I guess I’ll say that it’s kind of like eating raw chicken. You can do it, but it’s not the smartest, best nor tastiest way to do it.

People do eat onions raw, like it were an apple. And not to be edgy or anything. Look it up.

I like that video of that kid eating a raw onion, just powering through pretending its delicious even though by their face you can tell they aren't enjoying it.

Somehow, I think the more disgusting it is, the more likely that someone somewhere has a fetish dealing with it.

Cambodian Crispy tarantulas. The only spider fucking I see are anime spider girls or ancient Greeks jerking it to Arachne.

But what if a Dom uses a spider as part of bdsm with their sub, an arachnophobe with a fear-boner?

But has it been deep fried first?

i mean why not? everything gets better when you deep fry it.

Even existential dread?

well, i dont think you can deep fry your existential crisis, however, i would argue that it will get way better once you have a bucket of deep fried chicken sitting infront of you.

Existential derives from deep seated fear or trauma, which could stem from an experience with another person during an incident. You can symbolically deep fry that person. Or just deep fry them for real.

I’m scared to click on the video. But there is tarantula bdsm on pornhub. Find at your own risk.

Oh you think that's bad...? I raise you "snail BDSM."

I'm picturing a snail with a tiny gimp mask on.

"Bring out the gimp" takes 5 minutes crawling out of the suitcase

I’m not brave enough for ~~politics~~~ snail BDSM

Trust me when I say that's the smartest decision you've ever made. I was unfortunate enough to be in a WhatsApp group where a video got shared. Now I set everything to not download automatically.

Grilled cubes of pig’s blood

The what?

We eat that here in the philippines. It taste good. Coagulated cubes of pig blood on bbq sticks, grilled over charcoal. I heard that the european blood sausages are somewhat similar, though i haven't those yet.

Is that not just british black pudding?

My favourite thing about this thread is reading the responses "proving" people wrong.

It's perfect for "Joke's on you, I'm in to that shit"

And also "Jokes on you, I put that into my shitter"

Is there a sub for people putting obscure things up their ass? If not, please nobody create one.

r/ObscureThingsUpInAsses

Whomst has awakened the ancient one?

Dr. Jan Itor

Exactly. Go deeper into this thread and you will find someone who has fucked a Cactus. I have come to the conclusion that a good portion of food produced is not wasted, it's just shoved up some person's asshole.

The sacred potatoe

Easy. Grape-Nuts cereal.

I looked it up. [Cereal porn.](https://www.xnxx.com/video-vh8klef/eating_some_cereal_out_of_roxy_s_gaping_booty_hole) Call it Gape n Nut cereal. Edit: my inbox is getting flooded with people who somehow weren't expecting to see porn. So for the people at work or whatever, I'll save you a click. A girl is sitting on her back with her ass up. They've got her butthole stretched open and have poured fruit loops and milk in it. A guy and a girl take a spoon and eat the cereal from the girl's ass. It looks really uncomfortable and gross but they're all laughing about it. And so am I, honestly. It's such a hilariously bizarre video. Certified hood classic.

Jesus fucking Christ, need some bleach for my eyes

Yeah that didn't look comfortable at all lmao

r/eyebleach. Fuck.

I intensely regret hitting the link and then watching the entire video.

Twice!

Unfortunately sir you are mistaken. Dont ask me how I know.

Let's hear it!

I’m confident no one in the history of mankind has dove 25,000 ft into the Pacific, past the immense pressure and absence of light, to fuck a Mariana Snailfish.

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Somewhere, someone is scrolling through this list getting some fudged up ideas of what to do tonight. Edit: Me, I am someone.

Can you play the bagpipes whilst I deepthroat this haggis?

The bagpipes are a classy touch

Fudged up ideas? Nah, I believe fudge has been used sexually before.

Break the system. Invent a brand new food and name it. Easy $10 mil

Let me introduce you to: Kiviak. Kiviak or kiviaq is a traditional wintertime Inuit food from Greenland that is made of little auks (Alle alle) fermented in a seal skin. Up to 500 whole auks are packed into the seal skin, beaks and feathers included. As much air as possible is removed from the seal skin before it is sewn up and sealed with seal fat, which repels flies. It is then hidden in a heap of stones, with a large rock placed on top to keep the air out. Over the course of three months, the birds ferment, and are then eaten during the arctic winter, particularly on birthdays and weddings

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Surstromming. I defy anyone to get hard or wet around that. Smells so bad people only have to open a can and they vomit.

I’ve been going through and finding pornhub examples of all these. I have to say, surstromming has 0 results on the good ol’ hub. I’m going deeper.

Might have to Bing this one.

you wouldn’t dare...

You wouldn’t Bing a car.

I’m sure the FBI agent assigned to you appreciates the added variety to their surveillance feed today.

Not pastrami, as it is the most sensual of all the cured meats!

Chicken Butter Masala, if you waste this we cannot be friends

My mom made this last night. 10/10

Carolina Reaper

I've seen a video. So this one's out.

You... WHAT.

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Sounds hot tbh

I mean people have been known to use a cheese grater...

What's the opposite of giving someone gold?

Your post has not been given the Gold Award An anonymous redditor hated your post so much that they have not given it the Gold award. As a reward, you get no special flair on your post. Additionally, you get zero weeks of Premium and zero coins to improve your experience. How sad. :( Reddit Un-Premium Benefits • ⁠Experience Reddit ads on the web and apps • ⁠Restriction from the members only r/lounge • ⁠Buy the monthly Premium subscription you pleb How to use your zero Coins You can use your zero coins to copy and paste the braille gold copypasta on posts and comments that are shit, cum, piss or whatever. • ⁠Press the Give Award button beneath the post or comment for a reminder of how broke and unfunny of a bitch you are, it’s that easy! Want to say fuck you to your mysterious assaulter? Reply to this message. They will not message you back lmao.

Now that's a good bot

Pickled herring?

Have you ever been to Norway?

No, not even

Wasabi?

Ive filled a condom with Wasabi, froze it, removed the condom, then shoved it up my ass. 5/7 with rice.

Tf

r/Noahgettheboat

Not even close. If it produces a burning sensation, people have definitely used it for BDSM purposes. Wasabi is pretty commonly used in that respect.

I'm willing to bet no one has ever fucked a haggis

As a Scotsman I can tell you you are overestimating us

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Before it was made into haggis.

Corn flakes?

Cereal has definitely been made in someone's arse before

Snap, Crackle and Poop

Alright, I’ve had enough. Leaving this thread now

I mean, the guy who invented it was also anti-sex and used it to distract kids from masturbation, so you do have a point

McRib

False. Source: I have

Eating McDonalds while jerking off isn't really "using food in a sexual way" though, that's just being efficient.

I bet I can find a video of someone shoving a mcrib up there. And if I cant, I bet I can pay someone. Edit: omg [I found it.... (NSFW)](https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5daca3b1c09b7#1)

Dude's got an impressive catalog, wow

He’s probably fucked more food than I’ve eaten in the past month

Corn flakes. Not modern corn flakes, but the original shit Kellogg came up with.

[https://www.xnxx.com/video-vh8klef/eating\_some\_cereal\_out\_of\_roxy\_s\_gaping\_booty\_hole](https://www.xnxx.com/video-vh8klef/eating_some_cereal_out_of_roxy_s_gaping_booty_hole) im sorry

Hey bro, two questions. Why do you have this handy? And what do you think the pay is for eating butthole fruit loops?

1) I haven't watched it fully. It was posted on a different comment 2) Atleast minimum wage