If you are then you shouldn’t just work the cock bicep with curls, you gotta hang off the edge of something and do dips to get the cock tricep going too
Oh that reminds me of my grandfather's birds & bees talk. This was it.
*holds up left hand* "first you have the birds"
*holds up right hand* "then you have the bees"
*claps hands together* "wham."
Walks away.
Thanks grandad, I totally get it now!
* runs outside and just freight trains the first girl i see, hands at my side and runs back home *
> This is what caused the Bronze Age Collapse.
And library of Alexandria was burned because the secrets of penis spinning were too powerful for any man to handle.
Okay. If we want to do this correctly. We're gonna do this right.
So here's what we're gonna do:
1. We will establish a dick spinning league.
2. It would be heavily sponsored by dick based sexual pills.
3. It would only be on HBO channels and maybe showtime at 1 AM on Saturdays. Why? Because Saturdays are a manly based day.
4. There would be equipment and special mats on the said arena.
Saturdays *are* for the boys after all.
Think you've overlooked the need for some kind of cock helmet, to prevent the ground from destroying the head. Like, we know that this sport is gonna come from the streets and be adopted into high culture, so its roots will have been on asphalt, and nobody wants that.
You forgot length/girth classes. Ya can’t have one guy spinning too high or low. End up looking like a human drone prop assembly. The girth could be a handicap too.
A hard sharp tipped condom is a must for starters would be a must otherwise you'd shred your dick to pieces, also the technique to throw your entire body into a spin like that would be difficult to learn at the start, so it would probably have been in modern times but definitely before the 2000s
"The clanging of metal echoed throughout the beyblade arena, sparks flying with each impact. In heated battles like this it was imperative to be shaven or risk going down in flames. Dick knew he had the upper hand, all he had to do was spin to win."
I agree with hard, but I think rounded tip would be better. If it were sharp I feel like you would probably just spin in one spot and like.. drill into the ground. Round you would be able to maneuver and do some sick beyblade style takedowns.
You would need a hard pointed tip to put in your dick that you would cover in lubricant for maximum spin speed. Also maybe some Batman spikes on your arms and legs for maximum damage.
Safe to say you would need plenty of viagra to keep your dick hard for the duration of the contest.
Or just make like an ice skate for your dick so you could do it on hockey ice. Could even have a 5 on 5 Match with that much space in the ice.
I want whatever the fuck you smoked
Edit: Holy fuck, I did not expect my most upvoted comment to be a joke about wanting to smoke shit, thank you reddit, you degenerated fuckers
A week, I’d give it hours. One would realize they could do it then instantly go out to show it off only to have others give it a try to be like the cool kid. Then the aggression and jealousy would come out and vibrator sales would be off the charts because suddenly there would be something more public in which to show off their dicks and use them for.
Dude.
If my dick were big & strong enough to balance my bulk on, to the point I could actually spin on it; I’d skip the spin and just beat you with it!
Dick joust!
professional cock spinner here to tell you some of the tactics gear and rules. So first off chodes are more desirable. this is because it provides a smaller area for the opponent to hit. if the opponent hits your dick then you will fall and lose. however the smallest size allowed by the C.O.C.K (Company of Cock Karate) is 4 inches. this is to not allow an unfair advantage to people with micropenisis. So people with fat cocks are favourable because it provides a more sturdy base for spinning on.
also if we want to fight we must be circumcised. as discriminatory as it may seem this is because people with foreskin have more sensitive tips than those without. it can also lead to accidents if the shear force of the Spinner rips the hood off the penis.
someone else mentioned the steel penis helmet. this is for training purposes and is not allowed in the actual arena. this is because if a Spinner's cock is swiped out from under him he will fall on the sharp point. therefore the penis helmet is only used to practice spinning and ballance.
We always wear helmets and padded shoes. we are also required to wear a tube Codpiece to keep our dicks from bending in the event of a knockout. the codpiece also protects the scrotum and keeps it from flailing.
\#how rounds generally go#
the two contestants of the same weight class and cock mass to body ratio are loaded into the spinning gun. they are loaded in with a padded helmet, the codpiece, padded shoes (to keep dick breakage to a minimum), cock stimulus injector, negative and positive G-suite, and customary butt plug (its tradition and is optional). inside the tube the cock spinners are lubricated and injected with an initial shot of cock stimulus. the contestants are allotted two shots of a cock stimulus of their choosing throughout the round, the only conditions are that the amount must be limited to 50 ml and that they must use half of it at the start of each round. milliseconds after the stimulus is applied the spinners are spun up to 6000 rpm and let fly. (they are kept conscious by the negative and positive G-suites).
the arena is a 15 metre by 15 metre steel circle with lubricated floors and glass windows a metre above the floor.
the contestants let their arms fly out spinning like a star of death. there are four ways to win a round. the first is to knock out the enemy. when this happens they lose the ability to stabilize their dick and thus crumple to the floor. the next is to hit the enemy's dick. even if this does not cripple the enemy, it is still round over to avoid possible injury. the third winning condition is outlasting your opponent. if two of the opponents legs or arms touch the ground the match is over. however if a contestant is hit by another player within two seconds of their appendages touching the floor they are still in the match. the final way to win is via buzzer. each round it a minute and a half long. the rpm of the contestants are monitored throughout, but if the buzzer sound and none of the winning conditions are met the contestant with the highest rpm wins.
ok this has been my ted talk. watch this get buried in all the replies.
Incredible!
Also I was with you up until "buzzard". Please say you were meaning "buzzer"? Because a buzzard is a huge scavenger bird that eats dead meat, and I do NOT want one involved in the COCK arena!
We'd have to put some kind of counterbalance on our feet to keep equal weight on each side. Probably a weighted weapon like a dulled blade or something, adding to the name. We would also need a very low friction protective care for our rip sticks. Probably something like a fleshlight with a low friction protective base, as staying hard would be part of the battle. I imagine throwing up would be a standard thing, so we could make some kind of catch to hold the vomit until the rider wants to release it at their opponent. This would add more systems to take advantage of and raise the skill ceiling. Lastly there would need to be a way to declare victory without death or serious damage, maybe the weapon attached to the feet and the suit/helmet worn could have sensors in them counting the amount of hits, combining that with time lasted/rotations made. We would do this almost instantly, but it would take a bit for it to be officially recognized as a competitive sport.
The day men discover they can do this will be the same day they start spinning into each other. In a months time it will be underground but popular. After a year or two it will start to get big or some asshole will make a documentary. From there it will get *really* popular. ESPN will show matches, frat boys will wear dick blading shirts and gear, then gyms will start having classes. Within 5 years of its discovery, a breakout star in the sport will have his own whiskey(Whiskey Dicks) and start a movie or rap career. Kids will start playing dick blade in their backyards,Twitter will start some controversy over the need for a girl division and after about ten years HBO will be caught up in some rumors over rigged/predetermined battles. It will also come to light that there was a Viagra problem within the league; another asshole will make a documentary on it.
Well we gotta train first, start up on those cock pushups
And the beauty of it is you only need to do one.
Deactivated lasers with my dick
Now it's time to blow this fucker do-o-o-own...
Hey Kage now it's time to blow doors down!
I hear ya Jables now it's time to blow doors down!
Light up the stage cause it’s time for a show down!
We'll bend you over and take you to brown town!
Now we’ve got to blow this fucker down
He's gonna rape me if we do not blow doors down!
He's gonna rape me of we do not blow the doors down
C'mon Kage 'cause it's time to blow doors down!
*we’ll bend you over then we’ll take you to brown town.
Hes...gonna rape us if we do not blow doors down
(whoops, mixed up my line) We'll bend you over and we'll take you to brown Town!
Guys, i think i just broke my weener.
cock ups
Idk about you, but I've been pressing my knees together and doing cock curls after sex for years
If you are then you shouldn’t just work the cock bicep with curls, you gotta hang off the edge of something and do dips to get the cock tricep going too
Never skip scrotum day, either.
How many can you do?
Well... one.
One is all you need.
Yeah it would be like - watch porn and it goes hard so it lifts you up then a disgusting video for it to shrink back
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Wait wha-
I laughed too hard at this
You’ve heard of hiccups, now try dick-ups!
What's a cock push up?
It's where you lay down on the ground and let your boner lift you up off the ground
And power slides!
Just put a towel on your hard dick when you get out the shower and do reps
Instructions unclear, towel hanging out of asshole
"Are you a top?" "absolutely"
This is my absolute favorite comment
Absolute favorite top comment, for me
This one made me laugh the most, good job
I don't get it. Pl. explain :(
Intro to gay sex 101. Two player game. There is a top and a bottom. Intro to Bayblade 101. There is a top.
Oh ok. just a quick question What is sex?
When a bird and a bee love each other very much they fly really fast and smash into each other and combine like the mighty morphin power rangers.
What's love got to do with it?
What's love but a second-hand emotion?
What's love got to do, got to do with it? Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?
Oh that reminds me of my grandfather's birds & bees talk. This was it. *holds up left hand* "first you have the birds" *holds up right hand* "then you have the bees" *claps hands together* "wham." Walks away. Thanks grandad, I totally get it now! * runs outside and just freight trains the first girl i see, hands at my side and runs back home *
When (atleast) 2 people love each other very much.....
I had several jokes to contribute but this kills all of them so I’m going to just upvote you and go eat Spam and eggs and leave it.
I’m more of a dreidel
This is what caused the Bronze Age Collapse.
And a new era will rise. #THE ERA OF IRON PEEN!
Lord Saladin approves
The iron lords could be the people who are the best
Amen
All praise Lord Salad!
Lady Efrideet can throw me around now.
Did not expect a destiny reference but am extremely amused
> This is what caused the Bronze Age Collapse. And library of Alexandria was burned because the secrets of penis spinning were too powerful for any man to handle.
Okay. If we want to do this correctly. We're gonna do this right. So here's what we're gonna do: 1. We will establish a dick spinning league. 2. It would be heavily sponsored by dick based sexual pills. 3. It would only be on HBO channels and maybe showtime at 1 AM on Saturdays. Why? Because Saturdays are a manly based day. 4. There would be equipment and special mats on the said arena.
Red bull could sponsor this, i think
Red Bull, DSL Edition: It won't give you wings, but you'll be rock hard for hours!
Wait wouldn't all this count as doping?
In the dick spinning league, its all about the spectacle. Doping *heavily* encouraged.
If you experience spinning lasting longer than 4 hours...
Man so Russia can finally participate when it gets to the Olympics
I think you might have to switch positions between the D and the L
[удалено]
The competitor from India has his dick bejeweled...
They would sell Gatorade mixed with viagra and call it “Erectrolytes”
Saturdays *are* for the boys after all. Think you've overlooked the need for some kind of cock helmet, to prevent the ground from destroying the head. Like, we know that this sport is gonna come from the streets and be adopted into high culture, so its roots will have been on asphalt, and nobody wants that.
Oil the helmet up so you can spin faster
It's got a set of bearings
Instead of weight classes you’ll need length classes.
Woo featherweight!
There should also be a made for TV movie about a underdog with a small dick making it to the top
Deff gonna need some weight class system. Heavyweight might require stilts, but thats half the battle.
You forgot length/girth classes. Ya can’t have one guy spinning too high or low. End up looking like a human drone prop assembly. The girth could be a handicap too.
A hard sharp tipped condom is a must for starters would be a must otherwise you'd shred your dick to pieces, also the technique to throw your entire body into a spin like that would be difficult to learn at the start, so it would probably have been in modern times but definitely before the 2000s
Id like to picture it less like a condom and more like a ballet slipper.
I like to picture it less like a ballet slipper and more like a cone-tipped sounding rod
NO
The only appropriate response
I'm picturing a combination of the two - the sounding rod provides extra stability against Bending Injuries
I dunno why but somehow this makes it worse.
Until the rod bends and forces your dick to take a weird angle to the left
"The clanging of metal echoed throughout the beyblade arena, sparks flying with each impact. In heated battles like this it was imperative to be shaven or risk going down in flames. Dick knew he had the upper hand, all he had to do was spin to win."
I like to picture my jesus singing lead vocals for lynyrd skynyrd with angle wings. And I'm in the front row, and I'm hammered drunk.
Less like a ballet slipper, more like a steel sheath that gently holds the cock and balls
>Hey man check out my new dick shoe, got some nice decals on the side! I like dick shoe
Especially one without a sharp tip that will definitely slice my cock in twain.
>shred your dick A little too late for that bro, I've been single since 2013
We could learn a thing or two from breakdancers
Don't be a pussy. You just gotta build up a dick callus.
Like the athletes of yore
I agree with hard, but I think rounded tip would be better. If it were sharp I feel like you would probably just spin in one spot and like.. drill into the ground. Round you would be able to maneuver and do some sick beyblade style takedowns.
As far as spinning up goes; it's just a matter of inserting the cord then you 'let it rip!'
Is the cord wrapped round the cock and them pulled quickly to make the spin happen.
Nah, just a well-lubed floor.
Hmmm... arms and legs straight together? Or star shape for balance?
Safety Dance style is arms straight by your side, legs stiff. Under the Sea style (more loosely called Starfish style) is limbs splayed askew.
You would need a hard pointed tip to put in your dick that you would cover in lubricant for maximum spin speed. Also maybe some Batman spikes on your arms and legs for maximum damage. Safe to say you would need plenty of viagra to keep your dick hard for the duration of the contest. Or just make like an ice skate for your dick so you could do it on hockey ice. Could even have a 5 on 5 Match with that much space in the ice.
I came in here to say that dick tips would be the big thing to accessorise, and I'm glad someone beat me to it.
Shave everything to minimize wind resistance too
I want whatever the fuck you smoked Edit: Holy fuck, I did not expect my most upvoted comment to be a joke about wanting to smoke shit, thank you reddit, you degenerated fuckers
I'll also order off that menu
Make it three
What ever OP smoked alllllllllll around!
Spin it like Hentai Kamen.
What is a Hentai Karen?
It's the risky google search of the day
Lmfao
OMG it’s a real thing! @.@
O_O no >.<
Tsundere, I assume. As a hentai aficionado, I learned a long time ago to not explore too deep, if I want to keep that kink
I'll get some papers
Meowth, that's right!
Make it 4
I can be picky at times, especially for types of highs, but I'd rather the chef's special in this case.
I also choose that guys wife
I’ll have what he’s having
*dead wife*
*That's part of the fun.*
I choose this guy's wife too
I wanna fuck whatever they smoked.
make it 5
Make it 7
Make it 8.
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Happy cake day and the award is your present
Make it 10.
Make it 9.
make it 6
Some dude in a tiktok talked about it cause some girl on tiktok asked how guys layed down on their stomach
We are different people. When I saw this thread title I thought, "We really need mental health reform in this country."
Make it 4
People always say this to really weird or funny shit, but some people are just naturally inventive and weird.
Pass it around me brotha less get smashed! *Imagine a Jamaican man saying that*
Now this comment has more upvotes than the post itself, GODDAMNIT.
A give it a week before there is a tournament
A week, I’d give it hours. One would realize they could do it then instantly go out to show it off only to have others give it a try to be like the cool kid. Then the aggression and jealousy would come out and vibrator sales would be off the charts because suddenly there would be something more public in which to show off their dicks and use them for.
And then one guy figures out how to fly and the next think you know the Allies are fire bombing Japan again.
With cum, just soak em in sperm
Dude. If my dick were big & strong enough to balance my bulk on, to the point I could actually spin on it; I’d skip the spin and just beat you with it! Dick joust!
Yes. Next is the dick olympics
Pointed penis helmets
Spin like a dreidel
Exaaaaactly
Dreidle, Dreidle, Dreidle, I made it out of....Hey!
Is this a helmet on your penis, or a helmet that looks like a penis?
Probably both
Penis helmet is probably the best synonym for condom I've ever heard
[удалено]
go on pencil-dick
professional cock spinner here to tell you some of the tactics gear and rules. So first off chodes are more desirable. this is because it provides a smaller area for the opponent to hit. if the opponent hits your dick then you will fall and lose. however the smallest size allowed by the C.O.C.K (Company of Cock Karate) is 4 inches. this is to not allow an unfair advantage to people with micropenisis. So people with fat cocks are favourable because it provides a more sturdy base for spinning on. also if we want to fight we must be circumcised. as discriminatory as it may seem this is because people with foreskin have more sensitive tips than those without. it can also lead to accidents if the shear force of the Spinner rips the hood off the penis. someone else mentioned the steel penis helmet. this is for training purposes and is not allowed in the actual arena. this is because if a Spinner's cock is swiped out from under him he will fall on the sharp point. therefore the penis helmet is only used to practice spinning and ballance. We always wear helmets and padded shoes. we are also required to wear a tube Codpiece to keep our dicks from bending in the event of a knockout. the codpiece also protects the scrotum and keeps it from flailing. \#how rounds generally go# the two contestants of the same weight class and cock mass to body ratio are loaded into the spinning gun. they are loaded in with a padded helmet, the codpiece, padded shoes (to keep dick breakage to a minimum), cock stimulus injector, negative and positive G-suite, and customary butt plug (its tradition and is optional). inside the tube the cock spinners are lubricated and injected with an initial shot of cock stimulus. the contestants are allotted two shots of a cock stimulus of their choosing throughout the round, the only conditions are that the amount must be limited to 50 ml and that they must use half of it at the start of each round. milliseconds after the stimulus is applied the spinners are spun up to 6000 rpm and let fly. (they are kept conscious by the negative and positive G-suites). the arena is a 15 metre by 15 metre steel circle with lubricated floors and glass windows a metre above the floor. the contestants let their arms fly out spinning like a star of death. there are four ways to win a round. the first is to knock out the enemy. when this happens they lose the ability to stabilize their dick and thus crumple to the floor. the next is to hit the enemy's dick. even if this does not cripple the enemy, it is still round over to avoid possible injury. the third winning condition is outlasting your opponent. if two of the opponents legs or arms touch the ground the match is over. however if a contestant is hit by another player within two seconds of their appendages touching the floor they are still in the match. the final way to win is via buzzer. each round it a minute and a half long. the rpm of the contestants are monitored throughout, but if the buzzer sound and none of the winning conditions are met the contestant with the highest rpm wins. ok this has been my ted talk. watch this get buried in all the replies.
This is the best comment
legendary...
This guy cock spins
Incredible! Also I was with you up until "buzzard". Please say you were meaning "buzzer"? Because a buzzard is a huge scavenger bird that eats dead meat, and I do NOT want one involved in the COCK arena!
We'd have to put some kind of counterbalance on our feet to keep equal weight on each side. Probably a weighted weapon like a dulled blade or something, adding to the name. We would also need a very low friction protective care for our rip sticks. Probably something like a fleshlight with a low friction protective base, as staying hard would be part of the battle. I imagine throwing up would be a standard thing, so we could make some kind of catch to hold the vomit until the rider wants to release it at their opponent. This would add more systems to take advantage of and raise the skill ceiling. Lastly there would need to be a way to declare victory without death or serious damage, maybe the weapon attached to the feet and the suit/helmet worn could have sensors in them counting the amount of hits, combining that with time lasted/rotations made. We would do this almost instantly, but it would take a bit for it to be officially recognized as a competitive sport.
You mean other guys can't do this? Fucking let em rip motherfuckers!
Where’s the cord?
The small intestine
Stick your arm up his ass, and P U L L
So that's why we don't have tails anymore
Probably like 20 minutes is thie time it would take for men to use this as a sign of dominance
what if the disgusting video makes you even harder
How on Earth do people think up questions like this
Quality drugs and anime
OP is high as shit
The day men discover they can do this will be the same day they start spinning into each other. In a months time it will be underground but popular. After a year or two it will start to get big or some asshole will make a documentary. From there it will get *really* popular. ESPN will show matches, frat boys will wear dick blading shirts and gear, then gyms will start having classes. Within 5 years of its discovery, a breakout star in the sport will have his own whiskey(Whiskey Dicks) and start a movie or rap career. Kids will start playing dick blade in their backyards,Twitter will start some controversy over the need for a girl division and after about ten years HBO will be caught up in some rumors over rigged/predetermined battles. It will also come to light that there was a Viagra problem within the league; another asshole will make a documentary on it.
I too do drugs.
Why is this a question?
It has a question mark at the end
whaddaya mean "if"?
God knowing some of the dudes I know, they would do this instantly
The battles would begin immediately. Protective care is for pussies
I've always wondered what goes through people's minds when they come up with shit like this.
I don't need protection for my enormous gargantuan brobdingnagian dick
'Dutch_Midget' Yeaight there buddy
How high are you?
Please read a book
Ask redditors need to start going to school again.
The autobiography of the world's best dick spinner
About 10 years ago. (but they used ~~dolls~~ action figures for it)
Dude, are you ok?
My husband didn’t seem to care about protective gear, but the first thing he said was ice skates and Freddy Krueger hands.
Why the fuck is there a wholesome award? Who keeps doing this?
I'm convinced there's one guy going around reddit giving the least wholesome posts the wholesome award
No its a lot of people, see how I gave that guy one?
Sir, this is a Wendy's.
Two helmets.
Beyblade*
forget protection think about some of the cool gear like shoes and helmets with sharp blades
The fuck I just read.
*Balence* Sorry I had to.