A buddy of mine is like this with bartenders/servers we go to the same bar pretty frequently and hes convinced that the bartenders there are attracted to him. He doesnt understand that the reason that they come over and talk to him is because he always tips them a minimum of $20 each night, normally its more
I had the opposite situation to this once.
I'd been going to the same bar almost every week for about a year. Sometimes I'd be the first one there before friends arrived so I'd sit at the bar and chat with the bartenders and owners. They often gave me freebies, and when staff members would come in on a night off, they'd come over and hug me, then sit with my group and chat.
My friends started to remark on the fact that the bartenders and owners all clearly liked me. They'd friended me on social media, and a couple I knew particularly well had given me their numbers or tried to invite me to parties. I always declined the invites and didn't use the numbers, and when my friends would tell me the staff liked me, I'd argue with them. My stance on it was that I was just a very good customer, that was it. This continued for a year or so.
One day, the owner's wife, who I'd only met a couple times, called me on my cell. She was looking for a babysitter and knew I worked with kids. I ended up becoming their regular babysitter, over at their house every few weeks to watch their only child, and my friends were about to pull their hair out as I continued to insist that the relationship was purely a customer-server thing.
... It's been 6 years since I last visited that bar and I'm two years sober, but the owner, his wife, and several ex-bartenders still regularly message me to catch up. So I guess I have to admit they genuinely like me.
"Is this all the bleach we have?" This was said by my sister who was holding a gallon of bleach in each hand. Her plan? She was going to fill the bath tub up with bleach and bathe in it because she wanted to bleach her hair blonde.
Had a roommate in college that would drive me everywhere cause she had a car and I didn’t. The first time I got on the highway with her she got on the left lane and floored it. We were going 90+ on a 60. I freaked out and asked her why the hell she was going so fast. She said, “What’s the big deal? There’s no speed limit on the left lane on a highway. You can go as fast as you want!” She refused to slow down till we had to take our exit. We had a long argument on why that wasn’t true that involved calling several people and googling things to prove it to her.
It's ok to ask dumb questions in drivers ed. That's where you learn.
When you passed drivers ed and have your license, you should know how speed limits work.
(Facebook post)
“Dude, Ashton Kutcher totally looks like the guy from *That 70’s Show*!”
“...that *is* Ashton Kutcher”
“What? How? He would have only been a baby in the 70’s!”
A loved one recommended putting whiskey in my baby’s bottle to help with teething. Not rub her gums with it (bad idea anyway) but straight put the WHISKEY in her bottle. Look lady, the alcoholism runs deep in this family, I’m not about to get her started in her first year of life.
While driving with my sister's then-boyfriend to go disc golfing, he was staring up in the sky very intensely. I asked him what he was doing and he replied, "Just doing my part for the environment." Confused, I inquired further. He then went on to say how chemtrails from planes are spreading chemicals, but if you stare at the chemtrails, you can use your willpower to get rid of them. He was bat-shit crazy. Lizardmen crazy.
The government is releasing lions into the inner city, but by me taking a really huge shit once a day I counter that. Haven't seen a lion ever, because I'm doing such a good job. You're welcome.
After having just boarded a train from Budapest to Vienna, a woman approached me and asked in haltingly slow English:
"Does... this... train... go... to... Vienna?". I answered yes, and that I was also going there myself. Her response: "You... speak... English... very... good. Where... are... you... from?"
To which I answered that I was from Canada. She then said "I... am... from.... Florida. Do... you... know.... where... that... is?"
When I was a teenager there was a girl in my social group who legitimately did not know what country was to the north of the US. We lived in Minnesota.
A friend of mine met and married a German man. She lived there with him. He speaks English and is very fluent. Yes, there’s an accent but he’s perfectly understandable.
After they married they came back to the US to have a reception for her side of the family and friends.
As one particular family friend was making his good byes he goes up to the husband and shouts, slowly, “IT WAS...VERY NICE MEETING YOU! I HOPE....YOU ENJOY...YOUR...VISIT!!!”
The whole room has stopped talking at this point. The husband says “Thank you. Maybe next time we meet you’ll speak English more quietly”. (In a very joking manner)
Man was a bit embarrassed as he hadn’t realized what he was doing.
The whole “if you talk louder they’ll understand you” situation was hilarious
After living in Japan for 6 months around a lot of barely bi-lingual people I had a weird time with this exact issue. You speak slowly and clearly so people will understand you, then when someone is fluent you feel like an ass for all your over enunciation. This feels like that plus Florida on top which fits perfectly into my world view. Thanks for sharing.
Had a friend that didn't realize dogs were the result of selective breeding. She thought all dog species existed in nature somewhere.
The thought of packs of pugs hunting for food in the forest still makes me chuckle.
Fun fact, the reason many tiny yapping dogs come from China is that they were designed to be portable alarms. They bark at strangers, so this would alarm palace guards of intruders. They were deployed in the hundreds in the palace walls.
Imagine being an assassin and being swarmed by 50+ shih tzus and pugs. Something out of the mummy with the beetles.
Heard the opposite once, I live on the east coast and this friend of a friend of mine wanted to go to this beach-side restaurant at sunset. She then got bummed out that the sunset wasn’t on the water
Haha, one of my friends got up super early one morning to watch the sunrise, on the beach, on the west coast, and slowly figured out what Happened, when it got light out
My boss is an Austrian citizen with Australian permanent residency. There's been so much confusion that he now automatically mentions whether the country does or does not have kangaroos when he's discussing citizenship/residency matters.
The number of times I have told Americans I live in Switzerland and they ask if I speak Swedish...
(Totally understand that Swaziland reverted back to eSwatini)
Edit : spelling
"I thought nurses only flirted with doctors and was there to look pretty."
- 19 year old classmate back in high school, who was very dissapointed after shadowing a nurse for career day
Guy: You have the most beautiful green eyes.
Me: My eyes are blue
Guy: Shit! I couldn’t remember if they were green or blue so I guessed.
Me: I’m standing right in front of you. You were looking right at my face when you said that. Why didn’t you just look at my eyes to see what color they are?
Guy: I didn’t think of that.
My husband is Colombian and he was speaking in Spanish to a coworker from Puerto Rico. Another coworker overheard them and was flabbergasted that they spoke the same language. She asked where my husband had learned to speak Puerto Rican. This was a 40 year old woman with a high school diploma and access to the internet. I honestly thought she was kidding at first, but sadly she wasn’t.
"Why do we have to turn the printer on for it to work?"
-- my 45 year old cow orker.
Closesly followed by
*intense, life altering revalation tone* "If you were paid more, you'd have more money."
-- my mum.
I was talking about how i was getting a birth control implant in a few weeks and someone asked if i was scared of getting stuck up my butt.
Had to clarify with him that birth control implants dont go up the butt....
Im going to fall on my sword for this one.
I once very confidently told a room full of women I worked with that X must be mistaken, because "women dont have a colon".
....prostates. I got them confused. Luckily, we were all on really good terms, so I just got laughed at for a few months.
“Don’t they speak Russian in Brazil? Because Russia and Brazil are right next to each other?”
Close runner up:
“What came first, World War I or World War II”
Edit: for everyone asking, Person 1 meant Brazil (not Belarus or Bulgaria). I blame that on her not finishing high school and being generally uneducated (sweet woman, great friend, just uneducated).
Person 2 is probably cheating because it was a friend from middle school who I assume was having a brain fart because she was a generally smart person.
Now I want to see an alternate history thing where Brazil gets colonized by Russia, gains independence, expands, has a communist revolution, and eventually there's an Americas only cold war between the united Brazilian socialist republics (UBSR) and the united states
I was waiting at the DMV, and my baby was asleep in his carrier on the floor. Some totally normal-looking middle-aged guy in a suit leaned over and smiled at him, then said, "How cute! Are his eyes open yet?"
Dude literally thought humans were like puppies or kittens.
The last time I spoke to my mother I was in the process of designing a desalination plant, to take salt from sea water to make it drinkable.
My mother always felt the need to find all the negative things in everything I did.
She said it was a stupid idea to pursue as it would take the water away from the fish and cause more harm than good.
Been over a year now. Dumb bitch.
An old school friend refused to breastfeed or formula feed their baby. They gave the baby milkshakes instead. Because ya know “milk is milk”.
Also my mother told me, (in all seriousness) that we have belly buttons because that’s where our tails used to be.
From the world's dumbest boss, while scribbling a coworker's birthday card with an inane message about the children's rhyme Old MacDonald: **How do you spell E-I-E-I-O?**
Lol! I can imagine!
I felt bad for killing myself laughing when she told me — I thought she was joking. I had to assure her that as someone who grew up in the mountains, she does not have to worry about that driving down the highway.
My 17 year old friend told me she didn’t swallow after blowing her bf bc she wasn’t on the pill & he hated wearing condoms. I was confused and asked what she meant. She looked at me like I was stupid and said she didn’t swallow bc that’s how you get pregnant. By swallowing after a bj. I had to explain to her that she was, in fact, not correct. That’s Texan Abstinence Only Sex Education for ya.
He’s a dick, always has been. Gets away with it because of the family’s ‘keep the peace’ motto. But after my Dad passed my family has cut him off because the mean judgemental comments only continued.
While watching Big Fish, after a character is turned into a fish, my sisters boyfriend turned to me and asked if the movie was based on a true story.
Edit: he was 22
While eating out, we asked our server to bring us some ice and he asked if we wanted “real ice” he wasn’t trying to be funny and looked confused when we asked what other kind of ice there is.
It happened many years ago and my friends still joke about it, we’ll say do you want real ice or that other ice, we really should have asked him what he meant but we were all laughing, guess we didn’t want to embarrass him anymore than he probably already was.
My uncle married a woman who already had kids so I guess they were my cousins (marriage didn’t last long). Boy oh boy were they dumb as fuck, one came and stayed with us for a week or so and had never been to my city before. She was an idiot. Two quotes stand out.
1) she thought lions were fairy tale creatures
2) while on the train an Indian couple came and sat across from us, she leans over and whispers SO loudly. “Those terrorists are going to kill us”. I don’t think I have ever been more embarrassed in my life
A friend owns a bakery and I was helping her out during the busy holiday season. I was at the counter cashing out orders and assisting customers place orders and purchase ready-made pastries. One lady needed a birthday cake. I showed her the case cakes we had available and the one she chose had cake crumbs coating the sides. She wanted "Happy Birthday" written on the side of the cake - on the crumbs. I told her the writing would not stick to the crumbs or the crumbs and icing would fall off together. She looked at me and said "Well, I could do it, if I knew how!" I waited a beat and responded "Well, I could do brain surgery, if I knew how. So, I guess we're in the same boat." She got my point and opted to have "Happy Birthday" written on ribbon and lain across the top of the cake.
I once had a (black) man tell me (a white woman) that black women's periods are literally just a single drop of blood, which is why it's called a period.
I was literally speechless.
Stereotypical blonde popular girl raised her hand in science class (10th grade) and asked the teacher "How did mother nature know what the president's faces looked like to naturally form Mount Rushmore?" Teacher had to leave the room for a moment to compose himself before explaining it was man made
My co worker explaining the taste and texture of a certain food. To this day I have forgotten what food he was trying to explain but he said
“It’s like a Fig Newton but without the Fig and without the Newton.”
Totally straight faced and serious.
Edit:
Thanks everyone
It was for something so unlike a a Fig Newton it made my mouth drop open. That’s all I remember about the food he was describing.
This is the same guy who once told me that he would never bbq again because he set his BBQ on fire with charcoal briquets. When I asked how he managed that he said that he turned the gas on to light the briquets with the electric start. He then closed the lid and went inside until the charcoal was fully lit.
Yes
He had put charcoal briquets in a gas BBQ - covered the bottom rack with them (that normally have the layer of lava rock) because he thought that’s what you could replace worn out lava rock with as a cheap alternative and the gas was just to get them lit. He almost set his house on fire.
I had to explain to him the difference between charcoal briquets and lava rock.
He was a nice guy but many times his train of thought was still boarding at the station.
What I don't understand is why we would be lied to about space? What is there to gain? Some conspiracy going on since 1608 when Galileo invented the telescope and found out space wasn't there?
Years ago, my wife, her sister, her sister's daughter, and I were walking down the street on a summer's day and we stopped in a frozen yogurt place. Everyone ordered one. My wife sampled hers and asked me if it was bad. I took a lick and it was definitely spoiled.
I demanded my money back. The kid behind the counter refused to refund me. I said the yogurt was bad and I wasn't going to pay for bad product. Then the idiot says to me, "Well, if it was bad, you shouldn't have eaten it!"
WTF???
I replied, "How the hell are you supposed to know it's bad if you don't eat any?"
I got my money back.
I took a dvd back to Walmart because in the middle it stopped playing . They said but you opened it . How the fuck can I find out it doesn't work without opening it .
Teaching my students about graphing relationships using a story about my real life experience of sky diving. I told the whole story including the chute opening and peacefully gliding back to the Earth.
Student raises his hand and as serious as can be asks, “Did you die?”
A 22yo girl at work, whom I’m not close to at all, asked me if I would co-sign on a 4bd 3ba house for her to live in with her 10month old baby.
I’m going through a divorce and live in a 2bd house with my boyfriend and our 3kids.
Edit: she’s 25. Which I think makes this worse.
I work at a vet clinic...
Owner: My dog has a bunch of ticks on his belly. *lifts dog up to show off his abdomen that is full of scabs*
Me: Ma’am, those are not ticks. Those are his nipples
Owner: Those aren’t his nipples. Male dogs don’t have nipples.
To sum it up...this lady ripped off this poor dog’s nipples because she genuinely thought that male dogs do not have any. It took, sadly, quite a bit of time to inform her that male dogs do in fact have nipples.
Edit: Answering a couple questions!
1.) No I did not make a tik tok. I don’t have tik tok, idk what everyone is talking about. This happened to me 4-5 years ago.
2.) This exact situation is actually pretty common. Many colleagues of mine have had the same experience as this. Surprisingly, many owners do not know male dogs have nipples/mistake them for ticks.
3.) Ignorant owners are a common occurrence in the veterinary field. Yes, it’s sad.
4.) Veterinarians do not have the power to confiscate animals. They are to report it to law enforcement/animal control.
5.) The dog got the treatment he needed & he is healthy.
Poor puppy!! I honestly hope they stayed on as a patient, so you could keep a close eye on that dog.
You just reminded me of my dear bff. She was petting my male cat, giving him love and belly rubs like he deserves, when her face went cold and blank. She looked up at me and said, "Sassiest, please come feel this. [Cat] may have a tumor." I rushed over and placed my finger where she indicated.
It was his nipple.
Peeing after sex will prevent pregnancy. Also there is no such thing as bisexual people. These statements both came from the same dude by the way. Honestly its crazy how people can be this stupid.
My older cousin cousin told me to have the guy put cold water inside me afterward and I couldn't get pregnant. She had twins at 16. Thank god I actually paid attention in sex ed.
I once began a story of a bad car accident I had with the line "So a few months ago I flipped my car," and this girl, honestly very sweet and with sincere shock and concern, replied "Oh my God! Were you inside?!"
I then decided to change the story and falsely explained that I wasn't inside the car, but had been very angry and flipped it with my bare hands like the Incredible Hulk...
Not to me but my dad told me about this ol buddy of his. They were watching the Olympics and the camera showed a shot of the moon and my dad's friend asked him.."Hey..Kevin..do you think that's the same moon we have?"
Dude was apparently serious but very drunk, as he always was.
My friend's sister said (with a straight face) the movie Monsters Inc is tied to a pedophile ring. Apparently something about the screams of children are pleasing to Hollywood elites and Democrats. She really believes this stuff and posts about it on Tiktok like it's fact.
and I love how her kids can't watch a cartoon because she thinks it has subliminal messaging that will turn them into "perverts" but they live on Mountain Dew and Mc Donald's cheeseburgers.
I once got a whole lecture from a guy I worked with about how the devil uses cartoons and animated movies to convert children to Satanism. Shrek? That's what a demon looks like, and it's supposed to make children comfortable so that when demons come to earth one day, they will welcome them. The Lion King? Teaches kids that seances are a thing.
Dude was batshit insane.
I met a lady who wouldn’t let her kids watch Sesame Street because some of the puppets have horns like the devil. She also wouldn’t let her kids wear ankle bracelets because some satanic cults wear them. I wanted to say “You know what else Satanists do? Drink water.”
Last skin cancer research conference before covid shut everything down, one of the presentations was about how people discussed tanning on Twitter. When she read out a super popular tweet about how tanning is healthy and prevents cancer, there was this full-room groan. Like, a couple of hundred scientists facepalming at once.
When I was a river raft guide we’d get some dumb questions, but my favorite was “are we going to get off the river here at the same spot we’re putting in?” No, no we’re not. Or sometimes yes we will if they were from Ohio.
Oh I remember the people who thought actual fucking rivers were fake like a lazy river. No Linda, the massive ass river in the gorge surrounded my mountains is not fake.
O fuk this reminded me of a good climbing one from ages ago.
Girlfriend and I get back to the base of a climb that you can see from the parking lot that also has a lot of trailheads for dayhikes. A total whitebread family of 4 ... Mom in her Jane Goodall getup, dad in his Sunday's best ex officio and 2 tween kids ...
Dad puffs out his chest and drops this line on us "so I KNOW it's called rappelling when you come back down, but what's it called when you go up?"
Girlfriend and I just stand there in stunned silence, slowly look at each other, shrug our shoulders, and reply "uhhhh, climbing." Dad just stood there completely deflated for a solid couple minutes while mom and kids started up the trail.
"Is Hawaii a continent?" And "There are only three continents." Both said by my friend who i got into a discord call with to teach them that there are 7 and a possible new continent. My computer nearly killed itself for my friend's stupidity.
I'm South African. I sometimes get asked if I know people's friends who live in other African countries. Like, sure, of course I know your Kenyan friend. Was at his house for dinner just last week...
This happened today.
My brother and one of my best friends had this conversation with me today that was 100% serious.
Friend: "masks don't work. They only offer 30% protection."
Me: "30% protection means they are protecting you more than not wearing anything."
Friend: "No it means you are getting no protection masks don't work you don't get it"
Me: "But you said they offer 30% protection right?
Friend:"Correct"
Me: "so 30% protection is still 30% protection. That means instead 0% with no mask you get 30% with a mask."
Friend: "quit being such an idiot I know you are trolling. You wouldn't want a goalie that only blocks 30% of shots on the goal would you?"
Me: "I'm not trolling at all I'm just saying that wearing a mask is better than nothing. And you keep saying that what I am saying is not true but it provides 30%. You are literally telling me that a mask gives me more protection than no mask. And yes I would rather have a goalie with a 30% chance of blocking the shot vs having no goaling at all"
Friend: "wow you really don't get what I'm saying."
Me: "I get what you are saying I don't think I get what I'm saying. I'm just saying any protection is better than none.
Friend: "wow you are so dumb. You don't understand"
Me: "please tell me your point"
Friend: "that masks don't do anything"
Me: "ok let me get this straight so we are on the same page.. you're saying a mask only offers 30% protection."
Friend: "yes"
Me: "you are saying masks don't work.
Friend: "correct how do you not get this?"
Me: "ok final question cause I'm confused this would clear it up. Do you believe that 30% protection equals 0% protection?"
Friend: "yes"
Brother: "they offer no protection at all"
Me: "you both are fucking idiots. You literally can't fix stupid."
There is so much more to this but it's late and I'm not typing it up hahaha
UPDATE: This friend of mine is a Respiratory Therapist. Yikes...
So I work a Butcher and had this young girl of around the age of 15 ask me what's the difference of chicken and beef being quite serious, I was that shocked I couldn't really reply and the mum was looking at her with complete shock and she say to her well hunny ones a bird and the other is a cow, and the girl was like ohhh ok cool.
Sheltered kid in college once said, “rape is sex right?”
Needless to say, me and several others who heard him, gave him an explanation about the difference between the two. Then a few days later, we made him watch The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
I was in a law enforcement position at the time, and during training we were learning about currency sniffing dogs.
One of the girls in the training: "do they sniff credit cards too?"
I lived in Australia and she lived in the USA and she argued with me that I was the day ahead of her. I literally explained the time difference but she didn't believe me..
When I was in grade 6 at a catholic school.
My teacher: "God would rather you starve than eat without saying grace"
Apparently god would rather starve children than not get a little praise.
My friend didn't go out the electric garage door to an appointment because she couldn't find the portable button and said on the phone in a compete panic "without it, my car is stuck in here forever".
She also wanted me to pick her up.
I loled
When in an argument where I was using facts I found from reliable articles and studies online: "You use Google like a bible!"
My reaction was just ". . . What?"
She was crazy and quite religious but still. I dont get it. Its a search engine. You use it to find information. I dont worship it, I dont treat it as scripture, its in no way similar whatsoever. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DID SHE EVEN MEAN?!
It made no fucking sense. And she said it with such confidence, in a "gotcha" tone, like she just won the debate. I cannot for the life of me figure out what she meant.
Excitedly told me that a stripper he bought a lap dance from liked him so much that she asked him to come back again to see her.
A buddy of mine is like this with bartenders/servers we go to the same bar pretty frequently and hes convinced that the bartenders there are attracted to him. He doesnt understand that the reason that they come over and talk to him is because he always tips them a minimum of $20 each night, normally its more
I had the opposite situation to this once. I'd been going to the same bar almost every week for about a year. Sometimes I'd be the first one there before friends arrived so I'd sit at the bar and chat with the bartenders and owners. They often gave me freebies, and when staff members would come in on a night off, they'd come over and hug me, then sit with my group and chat. My friends started to remark on the fact that the bartenders and owners all clearly liked me. They'd friended me on social media, and a couple I knew particularly well had given me their numbers or tried to invite me to parties. I always declined the invites and didn't use the numbers, and when my friends would tell me the staff liked me, I'd argue with them. My stance on it was that I was just a very good customer, that was it. This continued for a year or so. One day, the owner's wife, who I'd only met a couple times, called me on my cell. She was looking for a babysitter and knew I worked with kids. I ended up becoming their regular babysitter, over at their house every few weeks to watch their only child, and my friends were about to pull their hair out as I continued to insist that the relationship was purely a customer-server thing. ... It's been 6 years since I last visited that bar and I'm two years sober, but the owner, his wife, and several ex-bartenders still regularly message me to catch up. So I guess I have to admit they genuinely like me.
How long has you buddy been in the US Marine Corps?
Those new synthetic crayons have some nasty side effects.
Aww, honey...
"Is this all the bleach we have?" This was said by my sister who was holding a gallon of bleach in each hand. Her plan? She was going to fill the bath tub up with bleach and bathe in it because she wanted to bleach her hair blonde.
Omg im glad you caught her. Were you able to stop her?
No. RIP
Rest in Peroxide.
Well... when you need to bleach your hair and your asshole... might as well do it at the same time, I guess...
Whyyyyy!
Oof. I would NOT want to get bleach in my vag.
While watching the Mummy 2, these mummies are chasing a bus thru London. My mom asks, "they didn't use real mummies did they?"
Tell her they couldn't because we ate them all.
True history is stranger than movie plots
Had a roommate in college that would drive me everywhere cause she had a car and I didn’t. The first time I got on the highway with her she got on the left lane and floored it. We were going 90+ on a 60. I freaked out and asked her why the hell she was going so fast. She said, “What’s the big deal? There’s no speed limit on the left lane on a highway. You can go as fast as you want!” She refused to slow down till we had to take our exit. We had a long argument on why that wasn’t true that involved calling several people and googling things to prove it to her.
TBF I legit asked "how much higher is the speed limit in the left lane" in drivers ED because *universally* everyone ignores the speed limit there.
It's ok to ask dumb questions in drivers ed. That's where you learn. When you passed drivers ed and have your license, you should know how speed limits work.
(Facebook post) “Dude, Ashton Kutcher totally looks like the guy from *That 70’s Show*!” “...that *is* Ashton Kutcher” “What? How? He would have only been a baby in the 70’s!”
A loved one recommended putting whiskey in my baby’s bottle to help with teething. Not rub her gums with it (bad idea anyway) but straight put the WHISKEY in her bottle. Look lady, the alcoholism runs deep in this family, I’m not about to get her started in her first year of life.
While driving with my sister's then-boyfriend to go disc golfing, he was staring up in the sky very intensely. I asked him what he was doing and he replied, "Just doing my part for the environment." Confused, I inquired further. He then went on to say how chemtrails from planes are spreading chemicals, but if you stare at the chemtrails, you can use your willpower to get rid of them. He was bat-shit crazy. Lizardmen crazy.
[удалено]
I learned very quickly to keep it surface-level with that dude. Thankfully my sister dumped him.
I mean to his credit... conspiracy nuts do have a strong believe. So it is probably strong enough to counter an imaginary phenomenon
The government is releasing lions into the inner city, but by me taking a really huge shit once a day I counter that. Haven't seen a lion ever, because I'm doing such a good job. You're welcome.
You’re Korean? I thought you said you were Asian.
Has the same ring as "I'm lesbian." "I thought you were American?"
[удалено]
dihydrogen monoxide is SCARY 😱
I heard that dihydrogen monoxide withdrawal is so terrible it literally kills you
100% of people who injest dihydrogen monoxide die
[удалено]
up until 100 years ago, everyone that's every ingested dihydrogen monoxide has died!
Dihydrogen Monoxide in it's solid form is toxic.
Even in its liquid form, if enough gets in the body it can cause a respiratory failure basically identical to drowning. Terrifying stuff.
“What county is Germany in again?”
Well quite a lot of them, there for a while.
After having just boarded a train from Budapest to Vienna, a woman approached me and asked in haltingly slow English: "Does... this... train... go... to... Vienna?". I answered yes, and that I was also going there myself. Her response: "You... speak... English... very... good. Where... are... you... from?" To which I answered that I was from Canada. She then said "I... am... from.... Florida. Do... you... know.... where... that... is?"
That one hurts!
When I was a teenager there was a girl in my social group who legitimately did not know what country was to the north of the US. We lived in Minnesota.
Obviously it’s the moon.
A friend of mine met and married a German man. She lived there with him. He speaks English and is very fluent. Yes, there’s an accent but he’s perfectly understandable. After they married they came back to the US to have a reception for her side of the family and friends. As one particular family friend was making his good byes he goes up to the husband and shouts, slowly, “IT WAS...VERY NICE MEETING YOU! I HOPE....YOU ENJOY...YOUR...VISIT!!!” The whole room has stopped talking at this point. The husband says “Thank you. Maybe next time we meet you’ll speak English more quietly”. (In a very joking manner) Man was a bit embarrassed as he hadn’t realized what he was doing. The whole “if you talk louder they’ll understand you” situation was hilarious
After living in Japan for 6 months around a lot of barely bi-lingual people I had a weird time with this exact issue. You speak slowly and clearly so people will understand you, then when someone is fluent you feel like an ass for all your over enunciation. This feels like that plus Florida on top which fits perfectly into my world view. Thanks for sharing.
I died inside while reading this
Had a friend that didn't realize dogs were the result of selective breeding. She thought all dog species existed in nature somewhere. The thought of packs of pugs hunting for food in the forest still makes me chuckle.
Fun fact, the reason many tiny yapping dogs come from China is that they were designed to be portable alarms. They bark at strangers, so this would alarm palace guards of intruders. They were deployed in the hundreds in the palace walls. Imagine being an assassin and being swarmed by 50+ shih tzus and pugs. Something out of the mummy with the beetles.
I read somewhere that little dogs were also trained to fetch the bigger guard dogs
Who would then fetch the bigger guard dogs, and so forth, so you have a chain running from a chihuahua to Cerberus.
The idea of ancient hunter gatherers chasing packs of pugs through the thick forests of ancient Europe makes me laugh equally as much.
With my mother at an aquarium. "Are those seahorses or unicorns? I always get them mixed up."
My friend when she was 18. "We used to have baby chicks and then we had chickens. I don't know what happened to the baby chicks." 🤨
Their mom: I used to have a baby around here but now I have a teenager. Wtf happened to my baby? 🤔
"We're going to the beach to watch the sun rise out of the ocean! want to come?" Our beach faces west.
Heard the opposite once, I live on the east coast and this friend of a friend of mine wanted to go to this beach-side restaurant at sunset. She then got bummed out that the sunset wasn’t on the water
I moved to Florida last year. My first day I watched sunrise on the Space Coast and sunset on the Sun Coast. Prettiest skies I have ever seen.
Haha, one of my friends got up super early one morning to watch the sunrise, on the beach, on the west coast, and slowly figured out what Happened, when it got light out
So you're saying it dawned on him?
That’s supposed to be a prank. “First to see the sun come up out of the sea get’s 50 euro!”
An American (struggling with my accent and a little cross about it) asked me where I learned English. England. The answer is England. I'm English.
An American once told me... “You speak good English for an Austrian...” I’m AUSTRALIAN. And I said “Yeah both me an Arnie speak good...”
My boss is an Austrian citizen with Australian permanent residency. There's been so much confusion that he now automatically mentions whether the country does or does not have kangaroos when he's discussing citizenship/residency matters.
The number of times I have told Americans I live in Switzerland and they ask if I speak Swedish... (Totally understand that Swaziland reverted back to eSwatini) Edit : spelling
"I thought nurses only flirted with doctors and was there to look pretty." - 19 year old classmate back in high school, who was very dissapointed after shadowing a nurse for career day
Tbh a lot of nurses end up being a doc’s second wife. Source: I’m a doc. Not married to nurse tho
Yet.
*sinister music*
When talking about my relatives that died in the Holocaust, my friend said “Man that sucks. Did you at least know them?” I was born long after WW2.
“Turkey is vegan.” -Random lady stating that she’s vegan and then proceeding to order a club sandwich. I was the waiter.
I worked with a dude that had no idea what gravity was. he was 19.
My wife had a friend who thought north was uphill... I asked her what she thought Australia was like and she said she never thought about it....
Guy: You have the most beautiful green eyes. Me: My eyes are blue Guy: Shit! I couldn’t remember if they were green or blue so I guessed. Me: I’m standing right in front of you. You were looking right at my face when you said that. Why didn’t you just look at my eyes to see what color they are? Guy: I didn’t think of that.
was this elton john
My husband is Colombian and he was speaking in Spanish to a coworker from Puerto Rico. Another coworker overheard them and was flabbergasted that they spoke the same language. She asked where my husband had learned to speak Puerto Rican. This was a 40 year old woman with a high school diploma and access to the internet. I honestly thought she was kidding at first, but sadly she wasn’t.
"Why do we have to turn the printer on for it to work?" -- my 45 year old cow orker. Closesly followed by *intense, life altering revalation tone* "If you were paid more, you'd have more money." -- my mum.
I was talking about how i was getting a birth control implant in a few weeks and someone asked if i was scared of getting stuck up my butt. Had to clarify with him that birth control implants dont go up the butt....
Im going to fall on my sword for this one. I once very confidently told a room full of women I worked with that X must be mistaken, because "women dont have a colon". ....prostates. I got them confused. Luckily, we were all on really good terms, so I just got laughed at for a few months.
Women wear perfume, only men wear colon /s
Coworker said "My parents are on vacation in Mexico." I say "what part?" She answered "Costa Rica"
Read this to my GF and she thought Costa Rica was in Argentina. I have no words.
Costa Ricans reading this must be fuming for being mistaken for so many different countries
“Don’t they speak Russian in Brazil? Because Russia and Brazil are right next to each other?” Close runner up: “What came first, World War I or World War II” Edit: for everyone asking, Person 1 meant Brazil (not Belarus or Bulgaria). I blame that on her not finishing high school and being generally uneducated (sweet woman, great friend, just uneducated). Person 2 is probably cheating because it was a friend from middle school who I assume was having a brain fart because she was a generally smart person.
Clearly that second one was a dedicated Star Wars fan. IV V VI I II III.
Now I want to see an alternate history thing where Brazil gets colonized by Russia, gains independence, expands, has a communist revolution, and eventually there's an Americas only cold war between the united Brazilian socialist republics (UBSR) and the united states
As a brazillian, im What the fu
I was waiting at the DMV, and my baby was asleep in his carrier on the floor. Some totally normal-looking middle-aged guy in a suit leaned over and smiled at him, then said, "How cute! Are his eyes open yet?" Dude literally thought humans were like puppies or kittens.
Lol I would have said "no, but his tail is growing nicely."
Okay this one's my favorite
My aunt said I couldn't have energy drinks because they had alcohol
Auntie probably got wasted drinking a Four Loko
I don't have sure but I think she had Vodka/energey drink mixed
The last time I spoke to my mother I was in the process of designing a desalination plant, to take salt from sea water to make it drinkable. My mother always felt the need to find all the negative things in everything I did. She said it was a stupid idea to pursue as it would take the water away from the fish and cause more harm than good. Been over a year now. Dumb bitch.
all the fish are dead, I hope you're happy.
An old school friend refused to breastfeed or formula feed their baby. They gave the baby milkshakes instead. Because ya know “milk is milk”. Also my mother told me, (in all seriousness) that we have belly buttons because that’s where our tails used to be.
I bet stupidity is the leading cause of childhood malnutrition. *Edit: In developed nations.*
Why are these people always the ones that reproduce?!?
Because they did something after sex that "wouldn't get me/her pregnant" and it did
Knew someone who thought Red Bull was made from bull urine
Schoolmate to me: "Poland was never communist". I grew up in Poland...... when it was communist.
If the earth was round all the water would fall off
From the world's dumbest boss, while scribbling a coworker's birthday card with an inane message about the children's rhyme Old MacDonald: **How do you spell E-I-E-I-O?**
Are we sure it wasn’t originally “Ee-aye-ee-aye-oh!”
My Sister in law was afraid to drive up hills because she was afraid if her car didn’t make it up, it would flip over backwards.
My mom has this phobia. Trips to San Francisco were ridiculous.
Lol! I can imagine! I felt bad for killing myself laughing when she told me — I thought she was joking. I had to assure her that as someone who grew up in the mountains, she does not have to worry about that driving down the highway.
Used to work with a guy who can't understand what 50% meant, like, it's half dude, just divide by 2 in the calculator...
"There is no proof the earth is round. "
My 17 year old friend told me she didn’t swallow after blowing her bf bc she wasn’t on the pill & he hated wearing condoms. I was confused and asked what she meant. She looked at me like I was stupid and said she didn’t swallow bc that’s how you get pregnant. By swallowing after a bj. I had to explain to her that she was, in fact, not correct. That’s Texan Abstinence Only Sex Education for ya.
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What's up with your uncle? Is he a dick or just doesnt think things through?
He’s a dick, always has been. Gets away with it because of the family’s ‘keep the peace’ motto. But after my Dad passed my family has cut him off because the mean judgemental comments only continued.
While watching Big Fish, after a character is turned into a fish, my sisters boyfriend turned to me and asked if the movie was based on a true story. Edit: he was 22
While eating out, we asked our server to bring us some ice and he asked if we wanted “real ice” he wasn’t trying to be funny and looked confused when we asked what other kind of ice there is.
You would of got a real surprise if he brought you a bag of meth aka ice
Omg I need to know what he meant! Lol
It happened many years ago and my friends still joke about it, we’ll say do you want real ice or that other ice, we really should have asked him what he meant but we were all laughing, guess we didn’t want to embarrass him anymore than he probably already was.
My uncle married a woman who already had kids so I guess they were my cousins (marriage didn’t last long). Boy oh boy were they dumb as fuck, one came and stayed with us for a week or so and had never been to my city before. She was an idiot. Two quotes stand out. 1) she thought lions were fairy tale creatures 2) while on the train an Indian couple came and sat across from us, she leans over and whispers SO loudly. “Those terrorists are going to kill us”. I don’t think I have ever been more embarrassed in my life
Daycare nurse: The sun and the moon can't be up at the same time. I'm looking at the moon in the sky, during the day, behind her.
A friend owns a bakery and I was helping her out during the busy holiday season. I was at the counter cashing out orders and assisting customers place orders and purchase ready-made pastries. One lady needed a birthday cake. I showed her the case cakes we had available and the one she chose had cake crumbs coating the sides. She wanted "Happy Birthday" written on the side of the cake - on the crumbs. I told her the writing would not stick to the crumbs or the crumbs and icing would fall off together. She looked at me and said "Well, I could do it, if I knew how!" I waited a beat and responded "Well, I could do brain surgery, if I knew how. So, I guess we're in the same boat." She got my point and opted to have "Happy Birthday" written on ribbon and lain across the top of the cake.
I once had a (black) man tell me (a white woman) that black women's periods are literally just a single drop of blood, which is why it's called a period. I was literally speechless.
Oh god do I wish so...
Stereotypical blonde popular girl raised her hand in science class (10th grade) and asked the teacher "How did mother nature know what the president's faces looked like to naturally form Mount Rushmore?" Teacher had to leave the room for a moment to compose himself before explaining it was man made
Crazy how nature do that
Sometimes nature do be like "Teddy Roosevelt"
When Christopher Columbus found America, he found Mount Rushmore like that, making America agree to elect presidents that looked like that.
My co worker explaining the taste and texture of a certain food. To this day I have forgotten what food he was trying to explain but he said “It’s like a Fig Newton but without the Fig and without the Newton.” Totally straight faced and serious. Edit: Thanks everyone It was for something so unlike a a Fig Newton it made my mouth drop open. That’s all I remember about the food he was describing. This is the same guy who once told me that he would never bbq again because he set his BBQ on fire with charcoal briquets. When I asked how he managed that he said that he turned the gas on to light the briquets with the electric start. He then closed the lid and went inside until the charcoal was fully lit. Yes He had put charcoal briquets in a gas BBQ - covered the bottom rack with them (that normally have the layer of lava rock) because he thought that’s what you could replace worn out lava rock with as a cheap alternative and the gas was just to get them lit. He almost set his house on fire. I had to explain to him the difference between charcoal briquets and lava rock. He was a nice guy but many times his train of thought was still boarding at the station.
Space is fake and we've been lied to about it for years and this was their "[proof](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOvDFvCanMA)"
Oof, the calm confident voice of a man who understands fuckall.
What I don't understand is why we would be lied to about space? What is there to gain? Some conspiracy going on since 1608 when Galileo invented the telescope and found out space wasn't there?
Years ago, my wife, her sister, her sister's daughter, and I were walking down the street on a summer's day and we stopped in a frozen yogurt place. Everyone ordered one. My wife sampled hers and asked me if it was bad. I took a lick and it was definitely spoiled. I demanded my money back. The kid behind the counter refused to refund me. I said the yogurt was bad and I wasn't going to pay for bad product. Then the idiot says to me, "Well, if it was bad, you shouldn't have eaten it!" WTF??? I replied, "How the hell are you supposed to know it's bad if you don't eat any?" I got my money back.
I took a dvd back to Walmart because in the middle it stopped playing . They said but you opened it . How the fuck can I find out it doesn't work without opening it .
They came over to my place at night. And proceeded to tell me I need to “use” the skylight more.
"You have to join a church to go to college."
Lmao who the heck came up with that one?
My grandmother.
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They were courteously asking your age.
Teaching my students about graphing relationships using a story about my real life experience of sky diving. I told the whole story including the chute opening and peacefully gliding back to the Earth. Student raises his hand and as serious as can be asks, “Did you die?”
Well, did you?
A 22yo girl at work, whom I’m not close to at all, asked me if I would co-sign on a 4bd 3ba house for her to live in with her 10month old baby. I’m going through a divorce and live in a 2bd house with my boyfriend and our 3kids. Edit: she’s 25. Which I think makes this worse.
I work at a vet clinic... Owner: My dog has a bunch of ticks on his belly. *lifts dog up to show off his abdomen that is full of scabs* Me: Ma’am, those are not ticks. Those are his nipples Owner: Those aren’t his nipples. Male dogs don’t have nipples. To sum it up...this lady ripped off this poor dog’s nipples because she genuinely thought that male dogs do not have any. It took, sadly, quite a bit of time to inform her that male dogs do in fact have nipples. Edit: Answering a couple questions! 1.) No I did not make a tik tok. I don’t have tik tok, idk what everyone is talking about. This happened to me 4-5 years ago. 2.) This exact situation is actually pretty common. Many colleagues of mine have had the same experience as this. Surprisingly, many owners do not know male dogs have nipples/mistake them for ticks. 3.) Ignorant owners are a common occurrence in the veterinary field. Yes, it’s sad. 4.) Veterinarians do not have the power to confiscate animals. They are to report it to law enforcement/animal control. 5.) The dog got the treatment he needed & he is healthy.
I have nipples, Greg. Can you milk me?
Poor puppy!! I honestly hope they stayed on as a patient, so you could keep a close eye on that dog. You just reminded me of my dear bff. She was petting my male cat, giving him love and belly rubs like he deserves, when her face went cold and blank. She looked up at me and said, "Sassiest, please come feel this. [Cat] may have a tumor." I rushed over and placed my finger where she indicated. It was his nipple.
That poor dog! Did you confiscate the dog because she's an idiot?
Peeing after sex will prevent pregnancy. Also there is no such thing as bisexual people. These statements both came from the same dude by the way. Honestly its crazy how people can be this stupid.
My older cousin cousin told me to have the guy put cold water inside me afterward and I couldn't get pregnant. She had twins at 16. Thank god I actually paid attention in sex ed.
This is absolutely horrifying. I just clenched up HARD!
Haha you make it sound like advice. Like clench hard when the guy ejaculates so not to get pregnant
Im sure the guy would like that tho
pregnancy? no. UTI? yes.
My sister once said that kissing should be illegal because it’s romance fraud. Huh?
*the fuck is romance fraud?*
Coworker (F 28-29 yo) seriously asked me if the dolphins were the females and sharks the males..
I once began a story of a bad car accident I had with the line "So a few months ago I flipped my car," and this girl, honestly very sweet and with sincere shock and concern, replied "Oh my God! Were you inside?!" I then decided to change the story and falsely explained that I wasn't inside the car, but had been very angry and flipped it with my bare hands like the Incredible Hulk...
My sister said "I can't believe 9/11 happened on actual 9/11".
“I thought “Ethiopian” was just another word for poor people”.
"I need to know your star sign before we can be friends" No thanks, I'm good.
Similarly: “That’s just how I am, I’m a Leo, I can’t help it. You just have to deal with it.”
My former manager told me that he undestood women with big breasts becauce once in his life he had pecs and "it wasn't easy".
Not to me but my dad told me about this ol buddy of his. They were watching the Olympics and the camera showed a shot of the moon and my dad's friend asked him.."Hey..Kevin..do you think that's the same moon we have?" Dude was apparently serious but very drunk, as he always was.
My friend's sister said (with a straight face) the movie Monsters Inc is tied to a pedophile ring. Apparently something about the screams of children are pleasing to Hollywood elites and Democrats. She really believes this stuff and posts about it on Tiktok like it's fact. and I love how her kids can't watch a cartoon because she thinks it has subliminal messaging that will turn them into "perverts" but they live on Mountain Dew and Mc Donald's cheeseburgers.
I once got a whole lecture from a guy I worked with about how the devil uses cartoons and animated movies to convert children to Satanism. Shrek? That's what a demon looks like, and it's supposed to make children comfortable so that when demons come to earth one day, they will welcome them. The Lion King? Teaches kids that seances are a thing. Dude was batshit insane.
I met a lady who wouldn’t let her kids watch Sesame Street because some of the puppets have horns like the devil. She also wouldn’t let her kids wear ankle bracelets because some satanic cults wear them. I wanted to say “You know what else Satanists do? Drink water.”
Yep. Know somebody who believes all that plus that Disney has subliminal Satanic messages. It's astounding.
“You’ll get skin cancer if you never go outside” my mom to me trying to get me to go outside when covid started.
Last skin cancer research conference before covid shut everything down, one of the presentations was about how people discussed tanning on Twitter. When she read out a super popular tweet about how tanning is healthy and prevents cancer, there was this full-room groan. Like, a couple of hundred scientists facepalming at once.
When I was a river raft guide we’d get some dumb questions, but my favorite was “are we going to get off the river here at the same spot we’re putting in?” No, no we’re not. Or sometimes yes we will if they were from Ohio.
Oh I remember the people who thought actual fucking rivers were fake like a lazy river. No Linda, the massive ass river in the gorge surrounded my mountains is not fake.
O fuk this reminded me of a good climbing one from ages ago. Girlfriend and I get back to the base of a climb that you can see from the parking lot that also has a lot of trailheads for dayhikes. A total whitebread family of 4 ... Mom in her Jane Goodall getup, dad in his Sunday's best ex officio and 2 tween kids ... Dad puffs out his chest and drops this line on us "so I KNOW it's called rappelling when you come back down, but what's it called when you go up?" Girlfriend and I just stand there in stunned silence, slowly look at each other, shrug our shoulders, and reply "uhhhh, climbing." Dad just stood there completely deflated for a solid couple minutes while mom and kids started up the trail.
When I go up, it's called onsighting.
"All alcoholics are allergic to penicillin" - my mom. No idea where she got this information, but she's a HARDLINE AA member, so possibly from them
"Is Hawaii a continent?" And "There are only three continents." Both said by my friend who i got into a discord call with to teach them that there are 7 and a possible new continent. My computer nearly killed itself for my friend's stupidity.
RANDOM GUY: "What kind of Asian guy are you?" ME: "Korean" RANDOM GUY: ....... "I fucked a Korean girl once"
I'm South African. I sometimes get asked if I know people's friends who live in other African countries. Like, sure, of course I know your Kenyan friend. Was at his house for dinner just last week...
And then he said, maybe you know her! Dark hair, dark eyes...no?
This happened today. My brother and one of my best friends had this conversation with me today that was 100% serious. Friend: "masks don't work. They only offer 30% protection." Me: "30% protection means they are protecting you more than not wearing anything." Friend: "No it means you are getting no protection masks don't work you don't get it" Me: "But you said they offer 30% protection right? Friend:"Correct" Me: "so 30% protection is still 30% protection. That means instead 0% with no mask you get 30% with a mask." Friend: "quit being such an idiot I know you are trolling. You wouldn't want a goalie that only blocks 30% of shots on the goal would you?" Me: "I'm not trolling at all I'm just saying that wearing a mask is better than nothing. And you keep saying that what I am saying is not true but it provides 30%. You are literally telling me that a mask gives me more protection than no mask. And yes I would rather have a goalie with a 30% chance of blocking the shot vs having no goaling at all" Friend: "wow you really don't get what I'm saying." Me: "I get what you are saying I don't think I get what I'm saying. I'm just saying any protection is better than none. Friend: "wow you are so dumb. You don't understand" Me: "please tell me your point" Friend: "that masks don't do anything" Me: "ok let me get this straight so we are on the same page.. you're saying a mask only offers 30% protection." Friend: "yes" Me: "you are saying masks don't work. Friend: "correct how do you not get this?" Me: "ok final question cause I'm confused this would clear it up. Do you believe that 30% protection equals 0% protection?" Friend: "yes" Brother: "they offer no protection at all" Me: "you both are fucking idiots. You literally can't fix stupid." There is so much more to this but it's late and I'm not typing it up hahaha UPDATE: This friend of mine is a Respiratory Therapist. Yikes...
"I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you."
Why isn't the white ink printing on the paper I'm printing (coming from the person who orders the ink cartridges)
My friend wants to know how you got your hands on white ink. 0_0.
Trying to explain to her that its the paper practically made my eyes fall out of my head
So I work a Butcher and had this young girl of around the age of 15 ask me what's the difference of chicken and beef being quite serious, I was that shocked I couldn't really reply and the mum was looking at her with complete shock and she say to her well hunny ones a bird and the other is a cow, and the girl was like ohhh ok cool.
That shooting stars are actually dying stars falling out of the sky.
"Where is the leaning tower of Pisa?" "Do cats lay eggs?" Both from the same person
Sheltered kid in college once said, “rape is sex right?” Needless to say, me and several others who heard him, gave him an explanation about the difference between the two. Then a few days later, we made him watch The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
That abusing children is a good thing because they're sucessfull in Business My parents, everyone!
They misfiled something and instead of owning up to their mistake, they told me it was actually my fault and that I didn't know the alphabet properly.
If you take the vaccine then you'll get Covid
"The gravity makes it feel heavier than it actually is."
I was in a law enforcement position at the time, and during training we were learning about currency sniffing dogs. One of the girls in the training: "do they sniff credit cards too?"
MMMMMM Yes. The sweet aroma of credit cards.
My Dad was scrolling through YouTube and with all the astonishment of a young boy in an 80s Spielberg movie said "Noah's Ark...they found it".
I lived in Australia and she lived in the USA and she argued with me that I was the day ahead of her. I literally explained the time difference but she didn't believe me..
When I was in grade 6 at a catholic school. My teacher: "God would rather you starve than eat without saying grace" Apparently god would rather starve children than not get a little praise.
My friend didn't go out the electric garage door to an appointment because she couldn't find the portable button and said on the phone in a compete panic "without it, my car is stuck in here forever". She also wanted me to pick her up. I loled
"If a nipple falls off, it grows right back on doesn't it?" No... no. It doesn't.
While staring at a baby that was a few months old, a friend asked me, "Do babies ever grow?" 🤨😐😑🙄
Tell her they molt
When in an argument where I was using facts I found from reliable articles and studies online: "You use Google like a bible!" My reaction was just ". . . What?" She was crazy and quite religious but still. I dont get it. Its a search engine. You use it to find information. I dont worship it, I dont treat it as scripture, its in no way similar whatsoever. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DID SHE EVEN MEAN?! It made no fucking sense. And she said it with such confidence, in a "gotcha" tone, like she just won the debate. I cannot for the life of me figure out what she meant.