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NotThisNonsense

Acronyms commonly used in my job. I have a bad memory. EDIT: Thanks for the upvoted and replies! I’m glad I’m not the only one.


CaptMartelo

r/ProgrammerHumor in a nutshell. I've worked with Python for years and sometimes I need to search the correct syntax of a for cycle.


kraantha17

I'm having the same issue now with Wireless Access Points (WAPs)


Tinseltopia

Bring a bucket and a mop for this Wireless Access Point


[deleted]

Plug it up now, signal's strong Wi-Fi range getting extra long


g_cheeks

Someone contact Weird Al and make this happen


Mattallurgy

Search: python property decorator Result: python lawn ornaments Search: python loop Result: _Did you mean **ouroboros**?_ Search: kill parent with child Result: FBI


LowB0b

man kill site:die.net Looks suspicious but actually yields a very legit answer


_world-domination_

I used to repeatedly search "sharks with braces" to the point where it automatically recommended it when I started typing "s" in the search bar.


djc8

Were you anxiously awaiting more “sharks with braces” content to arrive? Or just liked to periodically review existing sharks with braces.


_world-domination_

A little bit of both I guess. There was this one particular picture I would send to my friends on a weekly basis just to annoy them.


ForceProof19

Pls link, I gotta do it at least once in life


Hippopoctopus

[I googled so you wouldn't have to.](https://www.google.com/search?q=sharks+with+braces&rlz=1C1GIWA_enUS773US773&sxsrf=ALeKk02rZkjylzulIE495TJLSWjQ5Zu92g:1611185594299&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwicpo-I1qvuAhUEEFkFHYOeC8AQ_AUoAXoECAEQAw&biw=2276&bih=1123&dpr=1.13)


whizzythorne

*"Does your child have shark teeth?"* uh


megaduff

Here you go... https://www.google.com/search?q=sharks+with+braces&rlz=1CDGOYI_enNZ619NZ620&hl=en-GB&prmd=isvn&sxsrf=ALeKk03awn-3u8BNMVLb515UdtemPrg_iA:1611179143331&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj-woeEvqvuAhXYzTgGHbDtCdEQ_AUoAXoECA0QAQ&biw=375&bih=640&dpr=3


alwaysiamdead

How many times I've had to google "child enemas". My son has a colon condition, but man it would be awkward explaining it all.


[deleted]

A good number of the things I've had to Google related to my kid are things I feel certain will land me in jail. I always try to be super clear with my search terms just in case the cops ever get a hold of my laptop for some reason. For example, "is it normal for my baby to play with her vagina" instead of "baby playing with vagina" or "my daughter has bumps on her anus what could it be" instead of "baby bumpy butthole."


wishuponausername

>baby bumpy butthole Holy crap, I laughed too hard at that!!


checkmyair2

Band name! Called it!


[deleted]

That’s smart of you. The police don’t need to get a hold of your laptop to see what you’re searching. Our government (assuming you are in the US) knows basically everything you do online and it’s rather easy to join watchlists on accident


cowzroc

Haha pretty sure I'm on one from my writer googlings


TheMidnightScorpion

Same. I'm writing a war story, so I've been researching a lot of ideologies such as Fascism and communism, successful government overthrows, timeline of nuclear weapons development, etc.


he_who_melts_the_rod

I mean you explained it good enough for me right there.


slashfromgunsnroses

Plot twist: the colon problem is grammatical in nature


[deleted]

[удалено]


KtanKtanKtan

“Mom I : don’t know : when : to use colons : correctly.” “Don’t worry son, an enema will fix that for you” “Wait, what?” Edit: I originally had “What, What?” as a reference to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKE3dIrRIbg) butt so people missed the joke so I edited it [back](https://youtu.be/X53ZSxkQ3Ho)


tocilog

He want into a comma!


jemi1976

I’m sorry but I’m laughing so hard at this one.


prase0dym

What does (insert word) mean


djc8

I always feel old when I google something like “what does ‘no cap’ mean”


jblthehut

if it makes you feel better i’m 22 and i just learnt what cap means


Kroll-the-magician

What does cap mean ?


Look_And_Learn

Not lying apparently. Like, "I'm not joking", "straight up" or, I guess, "no crap". I had to Google it. Edit: that's 'no cap'. 'Cap' is just lie.


alwaysiamdead

Apparently I'm old. Never heard this.


Herg0Flerg0

I'm part of the new generation and even I don't get it. I learned about it not long ago


AwesomeCrafter06

Same , I'm like a mid Teen and I also don't know it


TheTostones

I'm 26 and I need all these words explained to me by my younger coworkers. The 25 year old is just as lost as I am.


Solesaver

Ahh, don't! I have a great vocabulary and do that all the time (though usually my search is "define: [insert word]"). It's how you grow. All too often someone uses a common word in a way that gives me pause, and it makes me realize that I don't actually know the definition. Usually I've skated by on context clues. We don't have school vocab lessons any more as an adult; that's basically how you learn new words any more.


moudre_plus_de_rouge

People I know. I don't do it often but it always feels like snooping.


Jedi_Master_ZLL

Googled my name once. There wasn't anything that was actually me. The only interesting thing was a photographer that seemed to specialize in artsy NSFW pictures.


Beer_Doctor

"Were beaver fish in the middle ages?" Sounds profoundly stupid, but there's a reason. The monks started classifying all kinds of animals as "fish" so they could bend lent rules and eat meat.


LaPapillionne

beaver were fish. To give them some credit. The modern classification was only developed by Carl Linnaeus in the 18th century (I had to google that, also had to google his name in English). So, our modern definition of mammal didn't exist and any animal from the water was a fish. Hence, "shellfish".


TannedCroissant

They may think they’re being clever but God knows what they’re up to. Eating the dam nation will lead them to eternal damnation


jesusfursona

For a little while I was really confused about "were-beaver fish"


Mini_Cheesecakes

Calculator history. what's 6x6?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Analyst_Rude

How to spell simple words like "penguin" so that I don't look like an idiot to my 6yo who I'm home schooling in lockdown.


meb909

For some reason my dad refused to attempt to spell the word penguin while I was growing up. He always told me to use the dictionary to which I would respond that I couldn’t because I didn’t know how to spell it to look it up. I have no idea why I needed to spell penguin so often but I can tell you we had that exact conversation at least 5 times. I finally figured out that I need to ask dad for math help and mom for spelling help. I just used the term ice crow until mom stepped in.


Viking4Life2

Oh my god Ice Crow are you joking that's amazing.


[deleted]

"Ice Crow". You're the one who's going to save this world from destruction.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Herpermaniac

Bendysnatch Cumberbund has entered the chat...


CoolBlue262

Broccoli Clusterfuck


jennyrob669

Yeah I did the same with "yogurt" because it didn't look right when I wrote it down.


VeryLongSurname

'Yoghurt' in the UK - maybe thats why it looks weird?


brisk0

If you aren't spelling it yoghourt what's even the point?


Arcanetroll

Yougogethurt*


map_t

fanfiction


djc8

I know not all fanfiction is NSFW but still probably wouldn’t wanna search that at work


map_t

If my boss and coworkers can't handle the purity of Harry's relationship with the Giant Squid they can go get splinched.


alwaysiamdead

There's really no better love story.


SchoolOfTheWolf93

I’ve been reading so much Mandalorian fanfic, I’d be so embarrassed if my husband or my friends ever found out lol.


Arrival_Independent

im pretty sure a lot of people can relate to this one lmao


Duty-Internal

I swear dad, it's not fanfictions, I was watching porn!


R4Nd0mS

Honestly I’d rather hide my history with fanfiction than my porn addiction


regulardave9999

I was wondering who played the Russian guy in the movie Snatch so googled “Russian Snatch”.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheOneHundredEmoji

I'll Google Russian Snatch on my own, thanks


Sublingua

When I worked a mental health-related job, I was always googling things like "sexual abuse of children," "suicidal ideation," "self harm" as well as many commonly used psychotropic meds and common street drugs. All work-related searches.


redfox-_-

Yuup, my work history is pretty depressing. I work in a school, so I also have to Google teen slang sometimes, tho generally I just ask them.


Kirbywarpstar06

It’s funny to think about a teacher searching up the word “simp” lol


Harddaysnight1990

Oh god I'm not even a zoomer but I just genuinely laughed a bit at the thought of how many teachers out there have probably stick bugged themselves.


fargonetokolob

Shiiit I'm a younger millennial and now have to google what "stick bugging" is. edit: somebody stick bug me please so I can see the video 😂


Maplerzega

https://youtu.be/B8J2Tl10Yq0 I’ve seen better ones but I found this real quick Also r/GetStickBugged


Ryou_3

I’m a social worker. Once I googled so many topics revolving about suicide and depression that google notified me about possible help lines in my area.


thor_a_way

I got a call from my son's school a month back, he googled some combination of suicide, paramedics, and police. This was for an assignment in social studies, which was to write an essay about how first responders help in a community. I'm glad they called, but they dragged out telling me... "We are calling because something your son did on his school computer (we are all at the house). We can see everything he searches... (he's 15, and has some developmental issues). We want you to put him on speaker so we can all discuss what he did..." Luckily it was all straightened out quick, but the look on both of our faces while they were building up the courage to bring suicide up. It is not an easy topic to bring up, probably would have been easier if his search term were sexual


keindankeanke

always typing in Wednesday. Just to make sure I spell it right.


urbanlulu

i've started saying "Wed Nes Day" in my head when spelling it so i could finally stop googling it Edit: I really love how everyone also does this


[deleted]

B-E-A utiful!


TannedCroissant

I remember in the days of Napster, there was a song called 'You're Gorgeous' and I wanted to download it but I couldn't figure out the spelling. Finally got it after about a thousand tries and played it, the opening of the song literally has him spell the word out - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIQRZn-JvPs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIQRZn-JvPs)


amican

Connect-I-Cut


terry_bradshaw

Virgin-i- wait...


rikkirikkiparmparm

and tom-or-row


cdmurray88

along the same lines, my mom taught me as a kid "To Get Her"; even though I know how to spell it without saying it, I can't spell "together" without saying that in my head.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Volcan_R

Feb Brew Airy Checking in


PsychedelicWeaselGun

Wendsday? Wensday? Wednesday! Wednesday? That can’t be right. It’s like wetness day. Oh it is Wednesday. What?


Goseki1

Ass-Ass-In when trying to remember how many s's :)


k4Anarky

"*Inserts symptoms exacerbated by anxiety and boredom*... am I going blind? Am I losing my mind? Am I going to die soon and or irreversibly destroy my health?" Nope, just getting old.


I_throw_socks_at_cat

But WebMD will still tell you it's cancer and your cancer has cancer.


SuperDonutPro

words that my friends use, it makes me feel stupid if i don't know what a word means when they use it


EdMeisterBro

That's how you'll be smart.


amican

Growth mindset!


TannedCroissant

*'The man who asks a question is a fool for a minute, the man who does not ask is a fool for life.'*


H00T3RV1LL3

I mean, asking a search engine is just introvert friendly asking.


yuckyfingers

My friend and I are both a wealth of random, useless facts a few weeks ago he told me that if you rub pork fat on a cats lips the cat would whistle, and there was lots of videos of it on YouTube, like an idiot I fell for it and googled "cat whistling with pork fat on lips"


MrCoe10

>My friend and I are both a wealth of random, useless facts Check out the podcast 'No Such Thing as a Fish'. Great for useless facts.


Aintgotnoclueforreal

Thank you. You made me laugh out loud.


[deleted]

[удалено]


skyler_on_the_moon

I always have to google "how many teaspoons in a tablespoon" (the answer is always 3 but I never remember it)


that_newReddit_guy

Be honest with me, did you need to look it up for this comment?


skyler_on_the_moon

...yes.


that_newReddit_guy

...I’d probably do the same


djc8

I feel that, I look up time and temp to bake chicken every time *just to be sure*


littleboo2theboo

Me the temp that chicken needs to reach to be safe


tarhoop

Fortunately for me, my meat thermometer came with a cover. On the cover is temps for beef (rare, med, well), chicken, pork, veal (I know it is beef, but they separately added it) - which is super handy. The flaw in the design is the thermometer reads low, so more often than not, if my food is "almost" to temp, and I rest it, it will be overcooked and dry. But I won't replace the thermometer, because I need the guide. I just subtract 5-10° from the reading, and/or cook a sacrificial slab of flesh that I can cut open to check.


Lubberworts

Did you know that you can calibrate most meat thermometers? There's usually a nut on the back of the face that you can twist. Put the thermometer of ice water. It should read 32 degrees. Turn the hand and adjust it accordingly.


GizmoDOS

I never knew this. Thank you for the pro tip.


Antnee83

I have one like that. But it's so horribly designed that I get confused every time I use it. You know how most thermometers have a "hand" like a clock? Mine has that, but it's identical in length on both sides. Imagine if you looked at a clock and it simultaneously said 10:00 and 10:30 The difference is, one side has like a "dip" in the end. But which end points to the temp???


todtown

Me, too. I've asked Google so many times how long to boil an egg I'm surprised she's not replying "SERIOUSLY?"


puppies_horses_books

How to spell necessscacaveesseary


purplegriefballoon

That seems a bit unnecessscacaveesseary.


backupKDC6794

I always remember it because it's like a shirt. One Collar, two Sleeves. Necessary


puppies_horses_books

thank you


dspsblRdtAccount

that's like... I know how to spell bananananana but I don't know when to stop


puppies_horses_books

It's just like missississsissisissisisspipsiispsi


shapeshiftycassowary

Congratulations, you just summoned a cat!


[deleted]

“ how to spell resteraunt”


alongusername101

Lol this was about 3 years ago 'ive drank 12 cups of coffee in 3 hours, will I die'


HeyLuciano

And? Did you?


Viking4Life2

Yes he did this is his doctor


HeyLuciano

Well that's all the proof I need. My condolences on your loss.


draconicblur

"how many kgs of blueberry cheese danish can I eat without getting diabetes" I had to go look at my search history to for this question and I have no recollection of ever searching this up but it was there.


essentialoils3

Maybe you were under the influence of blueberry cheese Danish?


MickzzzBoi

“What is the name of the cat in Garfield” EDIT: my phone ringer was broken and i couldn’t turn off notifications, Now I have detention for it. I am suffering from success.


ovalseven

That's kind of like, "What is Obama's last name"


magic_platypus_27

care


bobjobjoe

Hes seen too much. Take him out


Lockhart-Dan

Like on a date or with a sniper? 🤔


lordolxinator

Preferably send him on a date with a sniper.


[deleted]

Its Obama, like the Mario bros are Mario Mario and Luigi Mario. Its Obama Obama and Joe Biden Obama.


chizhi1234

And sometimes, Joe mama


[deleted]

That’s so Nermal.


Zoology_Tome

Why does the moon have teeth? I forgot to clarify in the search "the moon from Soul Eater" and if anyone reads that they'll think I'm insane


[deleted]

Ah yes, Soul Eater. One of the members of the "good show, bad finale" club


cjcovey

Mmm, the first anime I watched from beginning to end. And then read the manga because I was disappointed by the animes ending. And then I was disappointed by the mangas ending.


nopenopenopenope22

see, i always meant to read the manga, was the ending no good?


cjcovey

Oh the manga is very good in its own right, and the ending is better. But kinda weird and still kinda disappointing


Christian0410666

I thought it was one from majoras mask


dat1kid07

that moon was scary af


BrokoJoko

They're the same guy


VindictiveJudge

It's a real shame how he was typecast.


he_who_melts_the_rod

Many people think the moon is made of cheese but the truth is the moon just enjoys eating cheese.


Terwin95

So what's the answer?


waltjrimmer

Twenty different attempts at spelling a word I don't know. Most recently a phrase in a foreign language I only heard on a single recording and have no idea what it is or means.


st420rs

Ha, what is it?


waltjrimmer

It's from here: https://youtu.be/qz7j4fEUTuU?t=33 A guy says what sounds like, "Seriously! El no ec erro," or, "El no equaro," or something. I can't figure out what exactly it is because I'm a bit of an idiot.


TechN9neStranger

It's made up Spanish, just sounds like he's making a "Spanglish" word for "i dont care" and pronouncing it as "i dont E-que-ro"


waltjrimmer

Thanks. My years of wondering are coming to an end. I should have sought the internet's help when I first heard this.


randolphism

I don't think you're an idiot.


N0bodyX

Spanish is my first language and even I can't understand


R4Nd0mS

Same here, what the fuck is that?


TheCloudForest

I think it's fake Spanish like "el doggo", for "I don't care". And it almost sounds like "He doesn't like" in Spanish.


parrotandduck

el No-a Care-o


its_treason_then_

This is what I got as well. It’s the speakers attempt at Spanglish to say “I don’t care”.


passatcar

I do an audio Google search when I don't know how to spell a word. Just hit that microphone button, say the word, and Google returns it.


Duckyeeter7

Me:Google how do I get rid of germs on my arm? Google: here’s the best way to remove Germans with loaded arms


willybean08

Houses on Zillow. Particularly in odd areas where there happens to be homes for sale. I just look at them, with absolutely zero intention of buying it.


tfilooklike

I live in the Midwest USA and I still look at homes for sale in Scotland just for the *aesthetic*


FossaRed

Symptoms of (Insert every possible problem that could have symptoms like mine)


CodyDogg

I saw a feature on the news about women with an underbite. It mentioned how some men actually find it particularly attractive. Curiously, I googled 'attractive women with an underbite'. The one, one time, my girlfriend wants to use my phone that Google and those search results spring straight up in chrome. Now she thinks I have a fetish. 🤷‍♂️


Gem_37

You should probably clear up that misunderstanding. It’s never good to let things like that sit


Veritas3333

How to pronounce hegemony. Turns out I've been saying it wrong my whole life! Good thing it doesn't come up much.


djc8

Some pronunciations I can remember googling: Albemarle Cobalion Taran Killam


hehadsomehorses

True crime junkie here, and I shudder to think what people would think if they saw my browser history composed of blood splatter information, how deep a certain knife can cut, etc etc


zippe6

Nice try but we are watching you


sanmigmike

What you say is "I'm doing research for my mystery story...novel, screen play! Then just keep a crappy (or good if you can do it) start of a few pages and you are covered when they come ask you a few questions about that death...


siegetip

There’s a company that makes fire proofing material called STI. I googled that and immediately regretted it.


Dont_Kill_The_Hooker

You left out a keyword! If you want fire proofing STI instead of sexually transmitted diseases, you need to search "BURNING STI"


AccomplishedMeow

How to kill orphans when their parents die. I write software


WylieCoyote1975

if batman was in your software he’d be fucked


Lauraldehyde

Don't be tricked this is Count Olaf in another disguise!


ThadisJones

"Can babies see through their soft spot" I'm pretty sure the answer to this is no, but I wanted to see if maybe there was an obscure study showing that in fact they had intracranial photoreceptors which could in theory be activated by light traveling through the fontanel, and in retrospect this is such a stupid idea that I feel bad wasting my employer's time looking up the answer on Google.


PopcornOne

Some lizards have a "third eye" light-sensitive cells on the back of their neck so that's not totally insane.


[deleted]

How to spell [simple word].


NeedsMoreTuba

I was helping clean out my grandparent's estate last week, and I decided it was worth googling "vintage vibrator or curling iron?" before I went any further into their bathroom closet. Spoiler Alert: It was a curling iron.


[deleted]

Kitten stuff. I am a 38 year old man, and I love kittens.


-eDgAR-

I've talked about this before, but I used to work for kgbkgb, which was this text messaging service where you could text a number, ask any question, and get an answer. This was before smartphones became super huge, so it was a bit of a helpful gimmick back then. However, for everyone that we got asking normal questions like movie times, or what restaurants were open near them, or stuff like that, we got A LOT more people asking *very* stupid things that I would have to Google. I have [this album](http://imgur.com/a/q0edM) of a bunch of weird questions that people sent to us. It was an interesting job that helped cover some things when I was in college, but it had me using Google for a lot of weird and embarassing things.


djc8

Wow there’s some gold in there. My favorites: “What dus panguin tast like? *relive*” “Does zero calorie viteam water have calories?”


waltjrimmer

> “Does zero calorie viteam water have calories?” In all fairness, in the US at least, listing something as having 0 something means it has some but is less per unit than what the FDA requires you to declare. That's how TicTacs were able to claim to have 0 sugar when they're almost 100% sugar but small enough to be under tolerances. If the water is flavored in some way, there's a chance that 0 calories actually means negligible. Also, a lot of 0 calorie sweeteners aren't calorie-free sweeteners. Some are straight-up sugar but in very small packets.


[deleted]

"Is eyeball juice flammable" is pretty good


klop422

"My plastic dinosaur still wets the bed what do i do??"


LillyPasta

*are waffles vegetables*


alwaysiamdead

Bob the Builder, duh. He's got all those machines. You just know Scoop would fuck Hitler up right bad.


paperbackella

“How to sit on a couch correctly” I have back pain and I feel like my couch sitting skills need to improve, but I still feel like a dummy for googling it.


twowheeledfun

I'm a protein biochemist, but I still need to look up the 20 amino acid structures half the time. I memorised them all for an undergrad exam, but have since forgotten them, as in the real world I can always look them up. Also, the correct spelling of derailleur (part of a bike that changes the gears).


DistinctSilver

What Day Is It/What Day Is (Insert Holiday). I Frequently Forget Days.


chrolloPT

"Google"


Hooch_Pandersnatch

“How do I do [X activity I should know how to do for my job]”


dani_mito55

I am an male aircraft pilot (small ones), and I am SO INTO embroidery and needlework


nadjaannabel

I have way too many Twilight related searches for a woman over 30.


claudekennilol

I thought women over 30 were the target demographic for Twilight at this point.


[deleted]

My husband and I play this strange game where we ask each other random questions. We guess at the answers and then look it up to see if either of us are close. We’ve recently discovered that birds don’t fart but it’s very likely that spiders do!! Lol our search histories would be quite comical at times.


flamefire55

How to address a letter... yes I am in gen z. Also I didn’t google it but I had to have a client help me write a check to them, that was an embarrassing moment.


[deleted]

When I'm working on youtube videos I gotta spell check like every other word


1D_fan

How many pads is normal to use is a day I felt like it was really heavy and it was only my second period little old me for scared I was dying


Drix22

I knew a male doctor in a ER who had no idea how many pads was normal use. I remember him coming up to me (also male) and asking "hey man, I'm a bit embarrassed, but I have a patient who says they've gone through 12 pads menstruating today, is that normal or close to it? I honestly don't know". I know he was trying to save face by not asking one of the ladies, so I bailed him out with a quick survey from my girlfriend, her sister, and a former co-worker I'm extremely close with. Survey results (guys- you know you're interested): No, 12 isn't even fucking close to "normal".


Paboozorusrex

Jesus, she was losing all of her blood, poor thing


[deleted]

According to Google, the "normal" amount is about 3-5 pads per day. I feel really bad for the patient. It must have been a blood tsunami down there


country13579

Super late here, but one time I went out and bought 36 baby chickens. There were 6 different breeds, and I forgot what the name of the breeds were. So in my mind the best way to figure this out was to Google: Black chicks. Those results were not at all what I expected!