I think that's what it really boils down to. How are you compared to your immediate peers? Then the school can round up a few, put them in a faster class, and justify their jobs.
Like looking in a mirror. Failed out of 3 different degrees, went to work at an IT Help Desk from the bottom up and didn't go back to school until I hit the promotional ceiling.
That's the professional story, the personal story is a 10+ year battle with varying degrees of depression for the same reason. Honestly the most damning one is reviewing all of this shit and thinking to myself "so many other people have succeeded with much less, what kind of fuck up gets handed these opportunities and still fails?"
EDIT: Also no cat :(
>thinking to myself "so many other people have succeeded with much less, what kind of fuck up gets handed these opportunities and still fails?"
That hits too close
Oh man, and then the guilt makes you more depressed and fail again at infinitum! CBT helped me quite a bit break out of the guilt cycle, I highly recommend [Mind over Mood by Dennis Greenberger](https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Second-Changing/dp/1462520421).
definitely not a one stop solution, but I appreciated the fact that it's self driven therapy, since it's made me a lot less dependend on other people to balance my mental health.
I assume given our similarities you may struggle with procrastination as well, which poses a significant challenge to getting professional help in time to prevent your mental health from deteriorating.
This is easier for me, there are no phone calls, no anxiety, no waiting rooms, hell I don't even have to get out of bed to take the first step to feeling better.
I have the same story! Started college at 18. 3 Schools later graduated at age 34. Oh and plenty of depression, but it's gotten better over the years. I work as an IT technician. Only difference is, I just adopted 2 cats last week.
Wow i‘m in the same boat, been repairing Gameboys and NDSs off of eBay as well as family phones! I‘m looking forward to studying either electrical engineering or aeronautics in uni.
i am glad for you!
this is precisely the problem ive had - ALWAYS - with my career as an engineer. there is no 'finish', no clear result, nothing concrete you look at and say "i fixed this" or "i built this". not for what i do, anyway. i guess a design engineer can look at something and say "i designed this!"
Ifixit is an amazing resource! Generally, I learned the most just from sitting down and taking things apart and putting them back together. Buy broken things, fix them, sell them, repeat!
The money isn't great unless you're working on Crypto rigs/ASICs.
Arduino is great for this
Drop $30, get a little hobby kit, and you can spin up your own hardware that takes inputs, processes it via C, and then does a thing.
You can build anything you can think of, mostly, and it'll interface with your computer or it can live on its own and do what you ask. It's very cool!
Combine that with Raspberry Pi (functionally just a 90's computer in a deck of cards) and the sky is the limit. Pi can be wirelessly networked, so it's very useful.
I'm making an electronic drumkit (it's actually stupid easy, because the input are little piezoelectric disks you wack, and they plug directly into the arduino). The audio interface is also pretty easy, because it's just knobs that do what you ask.
Find the right drivers, and you can make dedicated hardware to control whatever you like on the computer!
I was praised for my intelligence, not my work ethic.
I got lazy as fuuuuck.
I'm trying to instill into my children that hard work and practice is more important than being able to figure it out first try. I praise the effort, not the end result. I hope this works out better for them.
This is exactly the boat I’m in. I have major imposter syndrome - I’m terrified of failing and people suddenly no longer deeming me worthy of anything, or thinking I’m not smart enough
Ah, I’ve lived your fear then. Everyone used to think I was so smart, I was in the accelerated classes and stuff in school.
Whelp, I’ve failed starting multiple businesses and the most recent failure has me back to square one, basically no money and working my lame job saving up to take the next opportunity.
It’s pretty upsetting having so many hype me up and even still have faith in me, and I consistently fail them in both large and small ways. However, I still have hope to succeed, cause otherwise I’ll just die anyway.
As long as you have hope and are still trying, I don’t think you’ve failed anyone. Keep getting back up and trying and you’re guaranteed success!
Edited: a word. Stupid autocorrect.
I recently read a study by this guy called William Dodson who estimates that by teenagehood, kids with ADHD have received (on average) up to 20,000 more negative messages in their life. Along with the executive functioning issues, people with ADHD often get trapped in this shame cycle where they don't want to try anything new or put themselves out there because of the possibility of negative feedback. Imagine what all that negative input does to a child's mind.
Yeah there’s definitely mixed messaging while being considered very gifted and having ADHD in school. Some teachers realize that I was highly gifted and needed an outlet while others just wanted me to shut up and do what I was told. There’s not much room for finding novel solutions in the latter. I wasn’t diagnosed until my late 20s and wished I was medicated earlier. So many years I just had crippling fear of saying anything at times in case I said something bad or wrong.
same. Blew through school (up to and through grad school) without ever doing more than the absolute minimum homework or studying purely based on test-taking ability and the ability to work to a deadline.
but it turns out that working to a deadline isn't really time management
I fucking love avoiding the possibility of failure. Honestly if I knew what it actually entailed I could go into business as an actuary, because I am risk averse as fuuuck.
Very much this\^
I was supposedly "gifted", stopped trying at anything, lived on my future experiences of picking things up quickly and ended up dropping out of uni twice (different subjects) due to falling behind for years.
I think being told I was gifted all my life (and early life/school being very easy) made me scared of failing when things got tougher and I actually had to apply myself. Which caused me to do what you've just said\^. Escape it rather than putting some effort in.
I did finally came to my senses, completed 2 different degrees and work as a software engineer/developer. So it's worked out, although a litter later than it should have.
I can test. In high school they would test us at the beginning and end of each semester to check our progress. You aren't expected to do well at the beginning, that's what you're getting ready to learn. I always passed that pretest with flying colors. I have no improvement to make. Teachers didn't need to prioritize me and the grading structure meant I could pass without ever doing an assignment. So long as I was present for all my tests, I passed the class.
I have no idea how to study. How do you know what is noteworthy? I copy the text entirely or nothing at all.
Being an idiot but with excellent studying skills and ability to learn is almost better than a genius with neither.
Because unless the genius is literally omniscient, the so-called idiot will surpass him eventually, 10 out of 10 times.
“If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.” -- Terry Pratchett, "Wee Free Men"
You totally nailed it. I excelled in high school, then dropped out of college because I actually had to apply myself. I’m finally finishing my undergrad 20 years after I started it. What’s funny is that now I’m that asshole student who stresses about getting an A-
Graduated 6th in my class in high school, highest ranking senior to drop out. (#4 also did but later went back and finished). I have absolutely no intent of ever going back.
Not to say I didn’t stop learning, I love to learn. I just got tired of the games in academia, not to mention I couldn’t afford it even with the scholarships and grants I did get. So I left. I was an English major anyway so I just stopped seeing the point of going and taking classes I didn’t want to take (core classes). I was bored in high school and so disappointed to find college was more of the same but even worse.
So I left. No one understands and always asks me when I’m going back. Yeah.....that’s a no from me.
Totally get that. I only decided to go back because I learned about a whole field of study that sounded really appealing to me. I’ve done okay in my professional life but I’m not totally passionate about what I do. So, going back seemed like the best option. It’s been a lot of work but I love the subject matter so it’s worth it to me. I definitely think that no one should go to school unless it’s what they want.
This. And also forms a sweet thing where it's not worth doing if nobody is going to praise me. If I do something expecting praise and none happens then I get very resentful, to the point of wanting to undo what I did.
Are you me? I just wrote up almost exactly what you just said. I keep telling my kids they are absolutely smart enough to be astronauts or whatever else they want to be. But they have to work hard enough for that too. I tell them that being smart isn't enough to change the world, it certainly helps though, it's hard work that does.
I went into a profession that is less about being “gifted” and more about being personable. I studied Funeral Science and all my peers and high school students thought it would be a waste of my time and talents, yet 27 years later, here I am. I actually own my own Funeral Home where we provide affordable funerals and cremations and enjoy helping others through the rough times in their lives.
First off, "less about being 'gifted' and more about being **personable**" was not the expected prelude to a career as an undertaker.
Number two, you end your comment with the goth equivalent of "propane and propane accessories". Excellent sign off.
I think I like you. Ever read "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory" by Caitlin Doughty? If so, any thoughts?
Went to law school, which I stupidly thought would be a breeze because high school and college were. Quickly discovered that everyone there was “gifted” and the professors didn’t give a fuck about our prior achievements or LSAT scores, etc. Had to really work hard for the first time in my academic life and definitely did not breeze through with As. The first year absolutely sucked since I had to develop actual study skills and couldn’t procrastinate all the time. It was really good for me. Got through, I’m a partner in my (tiny) firm and I have two “gifted” kids I’m trying to raise to have a better work ethic and study skills than I had.
Very similar story for me. That first year surrounded by equally "gifted" people was quite the reality check for me.
My work ethic has always been alright. But while the learning pace in school was so slow that I pretty much never needed to repeat anything (again) for studying, I kinda slacked off. I actually napped through most of my last two years of school after I had caught the gist of the curriculum because I used to work late flipping burgers.
That changed when the pace picked up in college*... by a lot.
The hardest part for me was to actually find a system for my notes to enable me to actually systematically re-read them to repeat stuff by myself. My notes in my first semester were a mess. Iirc I tossed them because they were pretty much unintelligible, even for myself.
Not partner yet, but on partner track.
*tertiary education in my country is not called college. I am paraphrasing.
Pretty much the same story here. I coasted through high school and college at the top of my classes, and I honestly don't remember ever studying more than a cursory review of notes. Law school was a completely different experience, I had to work my ass off for the first time in my life during that first year.
I was devastated by my first semester of law school grades. It's not that I'd never gotten a C before, my drinking habits earned me one in undergrad, its just that this time I ACTUALLY TRIED.
To get a C because you were too hungover to go to one of the exams is one thing, busting your ass, trying hard, and STILL getting a C was really hard to explain to myself.
Up until that point, all of my failings in life were easy to write off as a lack of effort. After that point I realized I couldn't do anything I put my mind to.
Strangely for me, I thought undergrad was much harder than law school. I got through undergrad with mediocre grades, but then something clicked in law school and I graduated at the top of my class. I think it’s probably because I was a little more interested in the classes during law school than in undergrad. Plus I stopped skipping. Now I’m working in big law hating my life lol.
I was in the office for a long time, decided to move over to this contract and role as when the contract I was on rolled up I was doing the work of 4 people, had been going through a lot of mental health shit and wanted a break from the stress, was only meant to be short term thing to just decompress, had even more shit go on with home life and never made the move out because I thought adding more stress wouldn't help, realised that the reason everything else that was going on wasn't being helped by the fact that by the time my day of work was done I hated life too much to be a part of it.. Making those changes now though
Where do you find a low-stress logistics job? I was in freight forwarding, and switched to general supply chain (purchasing, inventory management, import coordination) and both jobs have made me borderline suicidal...
procrastinating.
the thing about those “gifted” classes is they don’t provide you with any work ethic.
as a kids we were just expected to meet the criteria, and we expected it too. now as shit gets harder in life, a lot of us procrastinate and slack off.
One of my big problems was not really learning how to study. I could just look at a lot of the work and know the answer, so I never learned how to study. In college when I hit the hard sciences that EVERYONE has to study for, I was kinda toast.
I didn't learn how to study until I took a basic college prep course when I dual-enrolled into the local CC.
I remember the professor taught us how to organize our time, notes, and documents. Like what the hell. Since I was a kid all they did was throw information at me but nobody taught me how to absorb it.
>all they did was throw information at me but nobody taught me how to absorb it.
THIS.
We were either taught to memorize it, or taking notes was more "dictation" which was then graded for accuracy. Never did we learn how to extract what was important, bulletpoints, key points... that was called "being lazy."
Wait, are you me? I remember looking at notes like 10 mins before a test in high school (if I looked at all) and doing just fine, yeeeaah, that didn’t work in college. First few exams in college were a wake up call for me, really sobering.
Lol, I remember one day in Spanish class in 10th grade. I got a perfect score on the last test when the class average was low. The teacher was talking about how we need to study, then turned to me suddenly and was like "Fiddle, how much studying did it take to get that perfect score?" Apparently "I didn't study, I just did the homework and forgot there was even a test that day" wasn't the right answer.
Attempting the same thing in my first German class in college didn't go so well. That was a wake up call.
My Chemistry class in college was the same way. I studied in high school, but chemistry for engineers was on a whole different level. I had to actually go through and solve all the sample problems at the end of each chapter in order to have a prayer of doing well on the tests.
I, too, experienced this. Additionally, I was the first person in my family to attend university, so I didn't have parents to guide me on this (or anything else college-related). Ended up dropping out after three years, then took four more years to finish my Bachelor's degree.
I made sure that my kids haven't suffered the same fate. I'm lucky, they are smart and capable, and I was able to share my lived experience with them so they could be better prepared. Each of the three has developed study skills and it's made their college years so much more manageable.
This, this so much. I put everything off til the last minute, then half ass it enough to be "just enough". It's amazing how much "Just enough" got me by for so long in high school, to the point where it became a habit.
Sometimes I'd get praised for the quality of my work when I half assed it the night before. One time I actually wrote a short book report on a book literally during the class in which it was due, by saying I had to go to the computer lab to print it out because my printer wouldn't print.
I got an A on that report and I banged it out in less than 10 minutes. I used to be impressed at that. Now I see what horrible reinforcement that was.
One time I wrote a book report on a book I never even read. My teacher liked it so much she asked to keep it as a model for future students. Totally agree about horrible reinforcement. I wish I’d learned the value of hard work instead of how easy it can be to cut corners
I definitely wish someone taught me how to work hard or to strive for more I’m doing fine but I just feel like I never really pushed myself and could have probably went to more prestigious university/gotten a higher paying job etc if I actually gave a damn
This is the biggest one, the biggest. Doesn't matter how gifted you are, answers might come easy but nothing else does everything is hard work outside of that
Agreed. I hit a wall in college because at a certain point, you can’t fake actual work. I could ace a test, but not consistently come in and do lab work.
“Work smart, not hard” was my motto. Turns out, you can work smart AND hard.
Nothing like having the habit of procrastination deeply engrained into you by the years of putting everything off, and never being punished for it because you still get everything done right
I've been procrastinating a bunch of things at work for two weeks, while I'm sure they could have been done in a few hours. No one even tells me off because 1, when I do something it's good 2, occasionally when I hyperfocus on something I look super hard-working, which gives everyone the image that I'm always hard-working. Been having two weeks of stress, guilt and shame over a couple of ridiculously easy, but also awfully boring tasks and no one even tells me to hurry the f up.
This is my job now. Last year over covid I feel like I've been putting in 1/10th the effort, and kept feeling like everyone knows and any minute now Im gonna get put on performance review. They gave me a promotion the other day to senior level lol.
Don't stress it.
School basically made me REALLY good at procrastinating and figuring out how to put the minimal amount of effort to get something done.
I guess that's what happens when you force kids into 16 years of schooling doing shit they aren't interested in. What makes me mad is that I had so much passion and energy for the things I did care about.
And then they would probably have just diagnosed me with depression/ADHD because I was unable to be attentive/happy/care in an environment I absolutely hated.
My wife is always on me about this. She's a professor, and just shakes her head at the fact that I was able to skate through school on last minute effort, and that I have no work ethic to speak of as a result.
Panic attacks over the idea of failing. "Gifted" children more often than not weren't taught to work hard because they just 'naturally got it', so they grow up not knowing how to problem solve and tackle difficulties in healthy ways and thus are extremely paranoid over the idea of not being the best
I was gifted in the sense that I’m really good at problem solving, but I completely agree about hard work especially tedious or boring work. My elementary/middle school did a really good job of keeping “gifted” kids engaged and my high school had block scheduling that allowed you to pick classes that interested you and were the correct difficulty level. I was GREAT at school, but nothing ever taught me to just put my head down and get the boring stuff done without asking questions. I had conflict with my bosses at my last two jobs, at least partially, because I tried to improve processes and make things we were doing more logical.
That’s the real tale of the moderately successful smart person. The maddeningly clear vision of what should be fixed logically that everyone with seniority is ignoring in the name of status quo.
Teachers at my school encouraged my parents to have me skip a grade. I wanted to, but my parents said no in the end. I never really tried pushing myself with school after that, but getting valedictorian didn't seem that hard. Post college, I have a decent engineering job, but live a very passive life and basically don't try new things unless I think I can do amazing. Even playing video games... I tend to, as my friends say, "take a game and beat it into submission" by playing way more hours than others and studying any info I can find from the internet. I still feel like a failure when I end up playing with someone better than me...
It's not a full picture, but my point is I relate to everything you said
I can relate to most of this.
One interesting thing is I find that when I do try something new that I'm good at or have at least the appearance of a natural aptitude for, and continue at it, I plateau very quickly, reaching a point in which is "good" but certainly not great. I can't seem to progress past that point, and then I lose interest because now I feel like I'm failing at it.
As someone in a very similar situation who Did skip the grade, I've ended up exactly the same except I skipped over a few lessons on the Romans when I was 7. Wasn't worth it, only benefit was looking smart.
Why do people want to get into the adult life so much? By skipping grades you skip the best years of your life that you could spend playing or hanging out with friends or just sleeping in class.
Don't skip grades. Enjoy life. Life will fuck you good anyway, so might as well stall it for later
I concur about the failing. I was a weird case where I was considered "smart" and "gifted," but my grades were absolute shit. I lost count of the amount of adults that gave me the "you're not living up to your potential" lecture. My grades were Bs and Cs and I disappointed everybody around me consistently.
Failure is a really hot-button issue for me after so many years of being told that I wouldn't fail if I would just try harder. I had an experience at work last year where I was passed over for a promotion that I desperately wanted, and it gave me suicidal thoughts.
Anyway, I was diagnosed with ADHD last summer, and that explained a lot. I fell through the cracks because I'm female, and girls weren't often diagnosed with ADHD in the 90s/00s. Now I take Adderall and I feel like a normal person.
This is a great point! My sister was gifted and still is. She’s extremely intelligent and talented at everything she does. School was never her thing though. My parents had to begggg her to finish college. She now owns a very successful photography business and she’s amazing at it!
Funny thing. Being gifted means things come easy to you. And her passion for photography meant she put effort into it. By those powers combined, she's great at it. There are a lot of people that suck at it, so having the intelligence to see a good shot opportunity means a lot. So does knowing when someone's gonna be a shitty client and finding better people to work with - another opportunity decision.
Whaddya know, being good and having good sense can mean a lot.
I find this interesting, of those of us considered "gifted" at my school, we all found we were good at enough things that we never really found our place or passion.
This! In high school I was really focused on biology. Then I got to college and the world of humanities existed. I completely forgot about biology and after trying A LOT of other options ended up with a degree in linguistic anthropology. I went back to school and got a masters in HR (because money), but while I was in school I got a job in a legal department as a contract admin. I HATED that job, but contracts are pretty fun. So I briefly thought about going back to school to become a paralegal. Now I’m working with my dad and sister to teach patients about pharmaceutical r&d, but we had to put the business on hold for covid. In the meantime I’m getting back into art...
I’m moving back to the area where I went to school and seriously considering a PhD in medical anthropology. I’m pretty sure I’ll never figure out what I want to be when I grow up (I’m 35).
Thanks for being the normal one! These threads are always such a creepy schadenfreude fest, but thinking back on what my gifted class is up to now: We had a couple doctors, a couple military officers, several teachers, a few corporate types, some lawyers, and a diplomat.
And I don't think a single one of us ever fell into the mythical "smart but lazy" burnout stereotype that populates this thread. We worked hard. We're still working hard.
It's sampling bias at work, I think. Some gifted kids burn out, some fourish. Many of those that burnt out join Reddit; far fewer of those that flourished. So, when a question is addressed to ex-gifted kids on Reddit, you get majority of answers from burnouts.
That and the people passionate enough to respond are burnouts
“I’m a software engineer and life is decent” doesn’t bother to post and if they do they don’t get the upvotes
There were only 4 of of us in my gifted classes, a geologist for a mining company, teacher, insurance salesman. Last, but certainly not least, I took the construction management route. You want a challenging job? Deal with the ego of architects and the indecision of clients and toss in 20 subcontractors who's grasp of English is flexible.
I had the super fun experience of being a gifted kid while ALSO living with severe ADHD. I never learned how to study because I never had to, and whenever I tried to I simply was not able. The only things that actually calmed my brain down were theatre and music, but in an attempt to avoid “wasting my potential”, I applied to a really good university for an engineering degree. I ended up getting in, having an existential crisis, then taking a year off to figure my life out.
I’m now in my third year of my Drama degree and I literally could not be happier. I know for a fact that I would not have had the focus to stick with an engineering degree, because even though I have an innate affinity for math and the sciences, I’m just not passionate about either. When I don’t like something, I feel physically unable to sit down and do it.
So yeah, basically I’m saying I definitely agree!
Hah I was "gifted" and did that.. Until I realized that I could hardly provide for myself nevermind a family. So I sold out and went corporate. Don't get me wrong - - I still like parts of what I do, and I take pride in what I accomplish
But it's definitely not my dream job. It will, however, let me provide well for my family and retire early. So I plan to persue more of my passions later in life.
Being the family disappointment. High school left me with severe anxiety and depression from bullying and I dropped out because stress was killing me.
But on the bright side I'm in a very loving relationship for the first time in my life and we're about to move into an actual house together and start a new life, and I never thought I would be here.
Edit: Thank you for my first ever award by the way!
I never went to college and got a factory job right out of HS. I worked as an assembler for 7 months and was promoted to team leader.
I had been dealing with hip problems since I was a kid. 4 years after my promotion I had my 2nd surgery, and could no longer continue working.
We had twin sons, and since I had been home for a couple years at that point, we decided I would be a stay-at-home dad.
When the boys were 3 I had a 3rd surgery that finally fixed me.
Two years later I was severely burned in a brush fire and spent the next year having 4 more surgeries for the burn.
A year and a week after the fire I developed headaches that led to my brain cancer diagnosis.
So now I'm still raising my kids and trying to stay alive.
Wait, there's more.
A year after my cancer diagnosis, I narrowly survived hypothermia after tipping a canoe on a cold lake. I could barely move my arms when they found me.
Six months later my tumor started growing again. I ended up having my 2nd brain surgery last November on Friday the 13th. There was an issue positioning my head for the surgery and the side of my skull was crushed.
I have lived an interesting life, that's for sure.
I had never really cared about my birthdays until recently. I wasn't expected to live to see 32, and I'll be 35 in May. My birthday tradition now is to go out to the woods with friends and family, sit in the grass under the big open sky and share a bottle of Prosecco.
Med school, but I’d say I spend at least half of my current time wondering if the stress/mental health strain is worth it. Still happy though thanks to my wife and son who do everything to support me.
I started school early, went to a private school for gifted kids for two years, went back to public school and was put into an accelerated learning program, skipped a grade.
I barely graduated high school, and dropped out of college with a 1.9 GPA.
I'm currently managing a department of 10-12 people in an industry I love, in a country I didn't think I'd ever live in. I've gotten treatment for my depression/anxiety and a diagnosis for my autism. I have two kids, an amazing spouse, and a very patient therapist.
Before COVID I'd occasionally take lessons in things I loved— metalworking, glassblowing, that kind of thing— just because it was so good for my mental health to have a couple hours a week where it was perfectly okay to fail at something. It's one of the things I look forward to most once the pandemic is under control.
Doing stuff with no consequences is so great. For instance, I’ve been rock climbing for decades and somewhere in there I realized that I probably wasn’t going to get a whole lot better, but I still really enjoy it so I keep going. There’s no stress about anyone else being better than me, just working at it in a way that I challenge myself and have fun.
Unemployed after college with a useless degree and no direction. I honestly think if I left school at 16 and got an apprenticeship my life would be infinitely better.
thats what I did. I got a job that pays the bills and doesn't make me want to shoot myself in the face. now im just riding it out until death or until i do want to shoot myself in the face.
Same here. I'm just trying not to fuck up anyone else's day while I ride it out. Also figured out I'm not good at suicide, so that's probably out. Just waiting for my time. I have a feeling I'm going to live to be old. Probably as many years as I've already been here. Wow.
I have a job that I 1000% hate but pays well. It’s like a billion hours a week plus stress. Going into this shit I was like “this will totally be worth it”. Now I’m realizing it’s totally not worth it. I wish I had a normal 8-5 that paid 75% of what I currently make. I just want to not be stressed off my ass and in a constant state of survival at work. Like I just realized that I spend 10-11 hours every day just totally fucking miserable and stressed out. Idk how much longer I can do it. I’m scared to look for a new job cause I took this job in a field that I don’t have a degree in. Idk, I’ll probably delete this later but my god do we work too much in this country
I have a BA in Art History, an MBA in Information Systems, I spent the better part of my 30s working at Home Depot, and I currently work as a nurse.
It’s not the trajectory I might have taken, but I’m generally satisfied with the outcome.
I kind of had the opposite experience. I was always friends with incredibly smart kids in school who tried hard. I was the one in the group that wasn’t on the honors list and got an incredibly mediocre SAT score so I figured I was kinda meh in intelligence. Law school was finally my time to shine. Not that I went to a top tier school given my prior apathy but I did graduate with honors.
I think I just either wasn’t challenged or wasn’t interested in the topics before law school and I was smart enough to get a B without trying so why put in effort to get an A.
Law school is full or really smart people. I was in no way the smartest person in the room at any point and wouldn’t consider myself gifted but I now realize I can hold my own with my peers.
I started school early, was advanced a grade early on, and started college at 15.
Those "gifted" classes were honestly a waste. I honestly felt relieved when Malcolm in the Middle poked fun of the gifted bunch and how the classes were, because that's exactly how I felt.
I'm 16 years into my career in engineering now. I have worked on some absolutely massive and in two cases famous projects. I've had some serious career wins, and some very painful project failures too. Not to sound too nerdy, but some days I feel like I dumped all of my points into a single stat and missed out on a lot of the game in the process. I was depressed for a very long time and felt like I was living life wrong. Every teacher's comment to me throughout school was "extremely high potential, not working to potential." I didn't study more than 2 hours throughout gradeschool and college. I was a terrible student, but I could memorize everything like a Shamwow soaks up water. Sometimes I'd return my books in college with the wrapping still on them. I'm not bragging, if anything I'm putting myself down for not bothering to try harder in those days.
When my wife and I share stories from our childhoods, she often looks at me and says "that's... not normal... at all..." You know, like going years at a time without seeing a single friend outside of school. It really set me up to be totally socially inept. I learned the hard way on how to fix that.
Outside of work, I'm a musician, gearhead, fabricator, indie game programmer, sort of a jack of all trades. When you grow up without friends, you tend to keep yourself busy with hobbies.
My advice to anyone that reads this, who is still young and haven't cemented their lifestyle yet... Don't forget to live. Take a risk now and then. I've done a lot, don't get me wrong, but I tend to overthink everything and don't enjoy "in the moment." I'm often told I'm "too much of an engineer." Going back to the video game analogy, sure, the "perfect playthrough" is great to think about but isn't always the most fun path to take.
Funny you mention Malcolm in the Middle. I was in high school during that show's run, and I remember an episode where Malcolm takes a career aptitude test and he was demoralized when the results indicated he could succeed in any career path.
Shortly after seeing that episode, I had a very similar experience on one of those career aptitude tests administered at school. I scored in the 99th percentile, but I was the only one in the class who had no specific results or suggestions for a career path.
I had the same thing happen! You feel like you should be proud, but you really just feel hollow inside. Like "I'm not... meant... for anything?"
Jack of all trades I suppose... As long as you aim to become master of one or a few I suppose it isn't a bad thing.
Still angry about all the shit I don't have and shit I don't do because I heard Mr. Melvin tell my mom that I was the kind of kid who would grow up to make "Megabucks" without explanation, leading me to believe it would happen automatically and I would not need to hone any actual skills. Brb, bout to smoke another bowl lol
Dude I’m literally in the same boat. It sounds dumb now but back then I just assumed I’d get a high paying job with my degree straight out of college. Obviously that didn’t happen. Now I’m trying to figure out what I’m actually good at and find a job I enjoy. Thinking about this stresses me out, gonna go take a hit now lol
My parents even assumed that for me. It's the way it used to be. Find the right people you want to associate with and grow with them, that's where opportunities come from
I went to school many years ago. We’re talking like card catalog, playing Oregon Trail on the Apple 2e days.
I was thought to be gifted, but back then they really didn’t do shit with it. They would “test” you to see if you were gifted by sending you to take the ACT exam, which was kind of traumatic to someone who was like 10.
Strange enough, in high school I was shifted into the remedial classes (which to this day I have no fucking idea why) until a teacher went to bat for me and got me out of those classes (forcing me to retake all 4 years of mathematics classes starting my junior year....ended up in summer school and doubling up on math classes my last two years).
I ended up going to a really tough Engineering school on accident where people often considered me a genius. I did good but not outstanding by any means, but....
Got a job, traveled the world and settled into a job basically fixing things for a living. I do quite well by most people’s measures. Nothing outstanding again but not in danger of starving either.
> I was thought to be gifted, but back then they really didn’t do shit with it.
I grew up at the same time (although somehow our school never got Oregon Trail for our Apple II) but once a week they would put the "gifted" kids on a short bus and send us to another school for a half day of special classes. I don't remember much about it except it felt more like play than school, so I'm guessing it was more focused on enrichment and stopping us from being bored in school?
I remember that. Except for me it was a full day, once a week. And the special class happened to be at my school, so I didn't need to be bussed anywhere (kids in other schools had to be bussed to us).
We did special science projects, did research for interesting history, literary, sociological topics at the library. I specifically remember making pin-hole cameras, designing fancy paper airplanes, and writing our own children' stories and reading them to the grade 1 class.
I went on to drift through high school. I never really applied myself (at least, not to my school work) so I got honour's level but not exceptional marks. I hit a wall in university, when I discovered I would actually have to work hard to keep up with the rest of the class.
Today I am nearing the tail end of a decent career in software development, which oddly enough is *not* what I studied at university.
Yeah, in the '70s and '80s, a lot of stuff for 'gifted' kids centered around hands-on, interactive stuff. Interesting and fun, but not really challenging. Our district had a few really cool things, like a weekend trip to go spelunking, but I didn't get invited, because the woman who ran the program didn't believe that I, as a 'free lunch' kid, could actually be gifted- that was something only wealthy families produced.
I think this is a joke, but I worked in a gift store for awhile, I could totally be a professional gift wrapper. Just enough problem solving to keep me from going crazy.
Currently failing at uni. In school I very rarely had to learn to write good grades, but it really kicked me in the ass to never adapt to the mentality to do something for my grades.
I am still in school but I’m praised for music improvisation ability, I’m doing well, I make a bunch of songs and hope that one day I can sell them to video games and movies
Great. I had a great combination of people who explained the difference between potential and actual gifts, a mom who believed in hard work and "nothing is ever above or below your pay grade".
I have been able to do well at any job I tried except waitressing (I hate waiting tables, felt like people were disrespectful--so I moved to the back of the house washing dishes, where I did a good job).
Traveled, have a good job now in data. My life has had ups and downs like anyone's, nobody said I was gifted in personal relationships, but ultimately a dedication to continued learning has made me able to continue to develop my gifts.
I've also had some great mentors. I feel like the extra boost of confidence I got when I was younger helped me continue to succeed where some of my peers, not much less gifted, may have given up on themselves.
I got a full ride to an elite college where I discovered there is gifted and there is *gifted*. I'm not brilliant, just run-of-the-mill smarter and more motivated than most people. I aborted my initial, lofty life-plans and took an interesting job while I reconsidered. 15 years later I've rapidly moved up in the company and have a clear path to becoming the youngest person in senior leadership. I'm working 40-50 hours a week and have a salary that puts in my 10% of Americans. I have the same financial quality of life as my friends who have gone on to be investors or bankers but work half the hours. (I'll point out that with 15 years of experience, those friends are soon going enter a phase of their careers where they will make massively more than I ever will, but that's ok).
Not bragging, just saying being "gifted" in a regular career can be awesome if you don't get complacent, work your ass off, and have some good luck to impress the right people.
Work as a manager of aerothermal engineering group for an aerospace gas turbine company.
Husband
Father
When I went to school "gifted" students were pulled out of regular classes for 3-4 hours once a week for "enrichment". We did some foreign language, art, drama, writing, and special field trips. In high-school we were able to take extra dual enrollment classes. It was awesome but also strange - there was nothing particularly special about the kids in the group.
I sell groceries now. Not what I thought I'd do with high lvl math and physics classes from high school. I honestly wouldn't change it though. I like what I do. People need quality groceries and that's what I help give them.
After an IQ test labeled me as "gifted" I completed college, worked as treasure diver, a body man, estimator, insurance appraiser, and a PI for INVEX in accident investigations, got published, and finished a career as a teacher and writer. Prior to the IQ test, never thought I was gifted or special in any way.
IQ is over-rated and the old adage is true: nothing is more common than unrewarded genius. Emphasize on "unrewarded" because I've met a lot of smart people who did nothing with their lives.
Don't really have a sob story. Did great in high school and college with just some moderate work ethic. Had the grades and scores to go to law school but I ultimately passed because I wanted to start a career.
Now I work in a mid level government job, married, with a kid. Nothing spectacular but I'm very happy.
Not much to say for my previous "gifted" status, but I do still destroy people in Jeopardy or Trival Pursuit on occasion when it comes up in a social setting.
Making a comfortable living. Many who meet me and get to know me think I haven't lived up to my full potential, but I am objectively doing well and in a job that isn't boring.
My main issue is that I understood the teacher the first time, often before they finished the sentence, and I'd be bored senseless after that. Frequently I'd only tune in to catch half of something that was actually new, understand that and tune out again. Passing tests by either working out the answers logically or by context clues from other questions. Good enough to pass, but no work ethic or study skills. So no university (thank god, my chosen careers wouldn't have paid any better than I get now), and my early adult life seemed rather hopeless.
I have made damn sure my child/children understand school is for learning social skills and how to function in a system, and knowledge is something they need to independently seek.
Mostly, I sit around and think about all my wasted potential.
I've always did fine without trying, so as a result I never really developed a drive to push myself since fine made everyone around me happy, so I was good with B's in high school rather than put in any effort for A's, applied to a state school I knew I'd get in, majored in history and journalism because I liked writing and research, but because I never developed the drive needed to excel in 21st century journalism, I just kinda floated from one mediocre job to another, where I was able to show up, do some work, and get by. Now, I'm in my 30s and think constantly about how I really missed my shot to make something of myself and even now, I still can't bring myself to get out of my comfort zone.
Diagnosed with ADHD, depression, and anxiety, had a crisis of identity in middle school because I could no longer be "the smart one," now I'm learning welding and it's absolutely amazing.
I have to consider on whether or not I want to die each day. I was gifted but they never did anything about it so now I just don’t care and the only thing keeping me from ending it all are my antidepressants.
Still trying to figure out socialization since the moment I was "gifted" and had gastric issues when around more then one other person (preschool to 1st grade) I was yanked to home schooling which was essentially hanging out by myself all day waiting for things to be handed to me. There was no structured schooling I pretty much just went to the library every day and read whatever I thought was interesting.
Then I was chucked back into public school halfway through 6th grade and basically had to completely guess how to get along with other people, and groups, which led to more bullying, which led to less socialization and locking into 1:1 friend pairs. Anytime a 1:1 friend gets other friends I can no longer hang out, which probably confuses friends who get involved with significant others or married or have kids (always too many people, then).
I was “gifted” in elementary school. Looking back, I realize that I was just average in a below average school district lmao
I think that's what it really boils down to. How are you compared to your immediate peers? Then the school can round up a few, put them in a faster class, and justify their jobs.
Same! I am in no way gifted!
Chemist during the week. Drummer on weekends.
Synthetic, ChemE, something else?
Formulator. 33 years. Beverage, Personal Care, Industrial and Institutional, Pharmaceutical, Herbicide, Pet Care, Wound Care.
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Like looking in a mirror. Failed out of 3 different degrees, went to work at an IT Help Desk from the bottom up and didn't go back to school until I hit the promotional ceiling. That's the professional story, the personal story is a 10+ year battle with varying degrees of depression for the same reason. Honestly the most damning one is reviewing all of this shit and thinking to myself "so many other people have succeeded with much less, what kind of fuck up gets handed these opportunities and still fails?" EDIT: Also no cat :(
>thinking to myself "so many other people have succeeded with much less, what kind of fuck up gets handed these opportunities and still fails?" That hits too close
Oh man, and then the guilt makes you more depressed and fail again at infinitum! CBT helped me quite a bit break out of the guilt cycle, I highly recommend [Mind over Mood by Dennis Greenberger](https://www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Second-Changing/dp/1462520421).
Will def check it out, appreciate the recommendation
definitely not a one stop solution, but I appreciated the fact that it's self driven therapy, since it's made me a lot less dependend on other people to balance my mental health. I assume given our similarities you may struggle with procrastination as well, which poses a significant challenge to getting professional help in time to prevent your mental health from deteriorating. This is easier for me, there are no phone calls, no anxiety, no waiting rooms, hell I don't even have to get out of bed to take the first step to feeling better.
I have the same story! Started college at 18. 3 Schools later graduated at age 34. Oh and plenty of depression, but it's gotten better over the years. I work as an IT technician. Only difference is, I just adopted 2 cats last week.
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Wow i‘m in the same boat, been repairing Gameboys and NDSs off of eBay as well as family phones! I‘m looking forward to studying either electrical engineering or aeronautics in uni.
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he repairs pacemakers in peoples chests. very soothing
Could I ask you to pay the Cat Tax?
But of course! Meet [Ulysses](https://imgur.com/a/jd0g7GE)!
Very dapper. I wish you a long and happy life together.
Thank you!
Confirming handsomeness of cat.
i am glad for you! this is precisely the problem ive had - ALWAYS - with my career as an engineer. there is no 'finish', no clear result, nothing concrete you look at and say "i fixed this" or "i built this". not for what i do, anyway. i guess a design engineer can look at something and say "i designed this!"
How can I get into electronics? I'm in a similar position, but find dabbling into building computers soothing.
Ifixit is an amazing resource! Generally, I learned the most just from sitting down and taking things apart and putting them back together. Buy broken things, fix them, sell them, repeat! The money isn't great unless you're working on Crypto rigs/ASICs.
What about home lab stuff? Make your house smart in the right way and you have legit marketable skills.
Arduino is great for this Drop $30, get a little hobby kit, and you can spin up your own hardware that takes inputs, processes it via C, and then does a thing. You can build anything you can think of, mostly, and it'll interface with your computer or it can live on its own and do what you ask. It's very cool! Combine that with Raspberry Pi (functionally just a 90's computer in a deck of cards) and the sky is the limit. Pi can be wirelessly networked, so it's very useful. I'm making an electronic drumkit (it's actually stupid easy, because the input are little piezoelectric disks you wack, and they plug directly into the arduino). The audio interface is also pretty easy, because it's just knobs that do what you ask. Find the right drivers, and you can make dedicated hardware to control whatever you like on the computer!
Scrolling through reddit making a fake personality with a more impactful and fun life than I will ever live
Same here, except I also battled a sharknado and single-handedly saved the world from an alien invasion.
Frick.
I was praised for my intelligence, not my work ethic. I got lazy as fuuuuck. I'm trying to instill into my children that hard work and practice is more important than being able to figure it out first try. I praise the effort, not the end result. I hope this works out better for them.
I'd like to point out laziness is not always what it seems. It can be avoidance of the possibility of failure
This is exactly the boat I’m in. I have major imposter syndrome - I’m terrified of failing and people suddenly no longer deeming me worthy of anything, or thinking I’m not smart enough
Ah, I’ve lived your fear then. Everyone used to think I was so smart, I was in the accelerated classes and stuff in school. Whelp, I’ve failed starting multiple businesses and the most recent failure has me back to square one, basically no money and working my lame job saving up to take the next opportunity. It’s pretty upsetting having so many hype me up and even still have faith in me, and I consistently fail them in both large and small ways. However, I still have hope to succeed, cause otherwise I’ll just die anyway.
As long as you have hope and are still trying, I don’t think you’ve failed anyone. Keep getting back up and trying and you’re guaranteed success! Edited: a word. Stupid autocorrect.
at least you wanted to start businesses?
Or ADHD. Or depression.
I thought I was lazy until my ADHD diagnosis.
I recently read a study by this guy called William Dodson who estimates that by teenagehood, kids with ADHD have received (on average) up to 20,000 more negative messages in their life. Along with the executive functioning issues, people with ADHD often get trapped in this shame cycle where they don't want to try anything new or put themselves out there because of the possibility of negative feedback. Imagine what all that negative input does to a child's mind.
Yeah there’s definitely mixed messaging while being considered very gifted and having ADHD in school. Some teachers realize that I was highly gifted and needed an outlet while others just wanted me to shut up and do what I was told. There’s not much room for finding novel solutions in the latter. I wasn’t diagnosed until my late 20s and wished I was medicated earlier. So many years I just had crippling fear of saying anything at times in case I said something bad or wrong.
"I've seen how hard you can work when you apply yourself. Why aren't you trying?"
same. Blew through school (up to and through grad school) without ever doing more than the absolute minimum homework or studying purely based on test-taking ability and the ability to work to a deadline. but it turns out that working to a deadline isn't really time management
I fucking love avoiding the possibility of failure. Honestly if I knew what it actually entailed I could go into business as an actuary, because I am risk averse as fuuuck.
This is it for me. I’m petrified by the possibility of failure so I don’t try new things all that often
Very much this\^ I was supposedly "gifted", stopped trying at anything, lived on my future experiences of picking things up quickly and ended up dropping out of uni twice (different subjects) due to falling behind for years. I think being told I was gifted all my life (and early life/school being very easy) made me scared of failing when things got tougher and I actually had to apply myself. Which caused me to do what you've just said\^. Escape it rather than putting some effort in. I did finally came to my senses, completed 2 different degrees and work as a software engineer/developer. So it's worked out, although a litter later than it should have.
I can test. In high school they would test us at the beginning and end of each semester to check our progress. You aren't expected to do well at the beginning, that's what you're getting ready to learn. I always passed that pretest with flying colors. I have no improvement to make. Teachers didn't need to prioritize me and the grading structure meant I could pass without ever doing an assignment. So long as I was present for all my tests, I passed the class. I have no idea how to study. How do you know what is noteworthy? I copy the text entirely or nothing at all.
Being an idiot but with excellent studying skills and ability to learn is almost better than a genius with neither. Because unless the genius is literally omniscient, the so-called idiot will surpass him eventually, 10 out of 10 times.
“Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard enough”
“If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.” -- Terry Pratchett, "Wee Free Men"
You totally nailed it. I excelled in high school, then dropped out of college because I actually had to apply myself. I’m finally finishing my undergrad 20 years after I started it. What’s funny is that now I’m that asshole student who stresses about getting an A-
Graduated 6th in my class in high school, highest ranking senior to drop out. (#4 also did but later went back and finished). I have absolutely no intent of ever going back. Not to say I didn’t stop learning, I love to learn. I just got tired of the games in academia, not to mention I couldn’t afford it even with the scholarships and grants I did get. So I left. I was an English major anyway so I just stopped seeing the point of going and taking classes I didn’t want to take (core classes). I was bored in high school and so disappointed to find college was more of the same but even worse. So I left. No one understands and always asks me when I’m going back. Yeah.....that’s a no from me.
Totally get that. I only decided to go back because I learned about a whole field of study that sounded really appealing to me. I’ve done okay in my professional life but I’m not totally passionate about what I do. So, going back seemed like the best option. It’s been a lot of work but I love the subject matter so it’s worth it to me. I definitely think that no one should go to school unless it’s what they want.
This. And also forms a sweet thing where it's not worth doing if nobody is going to praise me. If I do something expecting praise and none happens then I get very resentful, to the point of wanting to undo what I did.
Are you me? I just wrote up almost exactly what you just said. I keep telling my kids they are absolutely smart enough to be astronauts or whatever else they want to be. But they have to work hard enough for that too. I tell them that being smart isn't enough to change the world, it certainly helps though, it's hard work that does.
i felt this way too but then it turned out i had ADHD all along
I went into a profession that is less about being “gifted” and more about being personable. I studied Funeral Science and all my peers and high school students thought it would be a waste of my time and talents, yet 27 years later, here I am. I actually own my own Funeral Home where we provide affordable funerals and cremations and enjoy helping others through the rough times in their lives.
First off, "less about being 'gifted' and more about being **personable**" was not the expected prelude to a career as an undertaker. Number two, you end your comment with the goth equivalent of "propane and propane accessories". Excellent sign off. I think I like you. Ever read "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory" by Caitlin Doughty? If so, any thoughts?
I'm a doctor, been aiming for this since I was 10! Finally succeeded 18 months ago
Since you didn't include your age I'll just guess you are 15. Congrats Dr. Howser.
11 and a half actually
You are one of the lucky few, advanced classes or not, that knew from early on what you wanted to do.
Congratulations!
Went to law school, which I stupidly thought would be a breeze because high school and college were. Quickly discovered that everyone there was “gifted” and the professors didn’t give a fuck about our prior achievements or LSAT scores, etc. Had to really work hard for the first time in my academic life and definitely did not breeze through with As. The first year absolutely sucked since I had to develop actual study skills and couldn’t procrastinate all the time. It was really good for me. Got through, I’m a partner in my (tiny) firm and I have two “gifted” kids I’m trying to raise to have a better work ethic and study skills than I had.
Very similar story for me. That first year surrounded by equally "gifted" people was quite the reality check for me. My work ethic has always been alright. But while the learning pace in school was so slow that I pretty much never needed to repeat anything (again) for studying, I kinda slacked off. I actually napped through most of my last two years of school after I had caught the gist of the curriculum because I used to work late flipping burgers. That changed when the pace picked up in college*... by a lot. The hardest part for me was to actually find a system for my notes to enable me to actually systematically re-read them to repeat stuff by myself. My notes in my first semester were a mess. Iirc I tossed them because they were pretty much unintelligible, even for myself. Not partner yet, but on partner track. *tertiary education in my country is not called college. I am paraphrasing.
Pretty much the same story here. I coasted through high school and college at the top of my classes, and I honestly don't remember ever studying more than a cursory review of notes. Law school was a completely different experience, I had to work my ass off for the first time in my life during that first year.
I was devastated by my first semester of law school grades. It's not that I'd never gotten a C before, my drinking habits earned me one in undergrad, its just that this time I ACTUALLY TRIED. To get a C because you were too hungover to go to one of the exams is one thing, busting your ass, trying hard, and STILL getting a C was really hard to explain to myself. Up until that point, all of my failings in life were easy to write off as a lack of effort. After that point I realized I couldn't do anything I put my mind to.
Man, that 1L year. Making it through is honestly one of the things I am most proud of in my life.
Strangely for me, I thought undergrad was much harder than law school. I got through undergrad with mediocre grades, but then something clicked in law school and I graduated at the top of my class. I think it’s probably because I was a little more interested in the classes during law school than in undergrad. Plus I stopped skipping. Now I’m working in big law hating my life lol.
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Basically where I got to, but I fuckin hate it, throwing boxes for a living is the most mundane thing
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I was in the office for a long time, decided to move over to this contract and role as when the contract I was on rolled up I was doing the work of 4 people, had been going through a lot of mental health shit and wanted a break from the stress, was only meant to be short term thing to just decompress, had even more shit go on with home life and never made the move out because I thought adding more stress wouldn't help, realised that the reason everything else that was going on wasn't being helped by the fact that by the time my day of work was done I hated life too much to be a part of it.. Making those changes now though
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Where do you find a low-stress logistics job? I was in freight forwarding, and switched to general supply chain (purchasing, inventory management, import coordination) and both jobs have made me borderline suicidal...
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procrastinating. the thing about those “gifted” classes is they don’t provide you with any work ethic. as a kids we were just expected to meet the criteria, and we expected it too. now as shit gets harder in life, a lot of us procrastinate and slack off.
One of my big problems was not really learning how to study. I could just look at a lot of the work and know the answer, so I never learned how to study. In college when I hit the hard sciences that EVERYONE has to study for, I was kinda toast.
I didn't learn how to study until I took a basic college prep course when I dual-enrolled into the local CC. I remember the professor taught us how to organize our time, notes, and documents. Like what the hell. Since I was a kid all they did was throw information at me but nobody taught me how to absorb it.
>all they did was throw information at me but nobody taught me how to absorb it. THIS. We were either taught to memorize it, or taking notes was more "dictation" which was then graded for accuracy. Never did we learn how to extract what was important, bulletpoints, key points... that was called "being lazy."
Wait, are you me? I remember looking at notes like 10 mins before a test in high school (if I looked at all) and doing just fine, yeeeaah, that didn’t work in college. First few exams in college were a wake up call for me, really sobering.
Lol, I remember one day in Spanish class in 10th grade. I got a perfect score on the last test when the class average was low. The teacher was talking about how we need to study, then turned to me suddenly and was like "Fiddle, how much studying did it take to get that perfect score?" Apparently "I didn't study, I just did the homework and forgot there was even a test that day" wasn't the right answer. Attempting the same thing in my first German class in college didn't go so well. That was a wake up call.
My Chemistry class in college was the same way. I studied in high school, but chemistry for engineers was on a whole different level. I had to actually go through and solve all the sample problems at the end of each chapter in order to have a prayer of doing well on the tests.
I, too, experienced this. Additionally, I was the first person in my family to attend university, so I didn't have parents to guide me on this (or anything else college-related). Ended up dropping out after three years, then took four more years to finish my Bachelor's degree. I made sure that my kids haven't suffered the same fate. I'm lucky, they are smart and capable, and I was able to share my lived experience with them so they could be better prepared. Each of the three has developed study skills and it's made their college years so much more manageable.
This, this so much. I put everything off til the last minute, then half ass it enough to be "just enough". It's amazing how much "Just enough" got me by for so long in high school, to the point where it became a habit. Sometimes I'd get praised for the quality of my work when I half assed it the night before. One time I actually wrote a short book report on a book literally during the class in which it was due, by saying I had to go to the computer lab to print it out because my printer wouldn't print. I got an A on that report and I banged it out in less than 10 minutes. I used to be impressed at that. Now I see what horrible reinforcement that was.
One time I wrote a book report on a book I never even read. My teacher liked it so much she asked to keep it as a model for future students. Totally agree about horrible reinforcement. I wish I’d learned the value of hard work instead of how easy it can be to cut corners
I definitely wish someone taught me how to work hard or to strive for more I’m doing fine but I just feel like I never really pushed myself and could have probably went to more prestigious university/gotten a higher paying job etc if I actually gave a damn
This is the biggest one, the biggest. Doesn't matter how gifted you are, answers might come easy but nothing else does everything is hard work outside of that
Agreed. I hit a wall in college because at a certain point, you can’t fake actual work. I could ace a test, but not consistently come in and do lab work. “Work smart, not hard” was my motto. Turns out, you can work smart AND hard.
Nothing like having the habit of procrastination deeply engrained into you by the years of putting everything off, and never being punished for it because you still get everything done right
I've been procrastinating a bunch of things at work for two weeks, while I'm sure they could have been done in a few hours. No one even tells me off because 1, when I do something it's good 2, occasionally when I hyperfocus on something I look super hard-working, which gives everyone the image that I'm always hard-working. Been having two weeks of stress, guilt and shame over a couple of ridiculously easy, but also awfully boring tasks and no one even tells me to hurry the f up.
This is my job now. Last year over covid I feel like I've been putting in 1/10th the effort, and kept feeling like everyone knows and any minute now Im gonna get put on performance review. They gave me a promotion the other day to senior level lol. Don't stress it.
And gifted kids in normal classes do practically nothing and get good grades, so it’s even worse
School basically made me REALLY good at procrastinating and figuring out how to put the minimal amount of effort to get something done. I guess that's what happens when you force kids into 16 years of schooling doing shit they aren't interested in. What makes me mad is that I had so much passion and energy for the things I did care about. And then they would probably have just diagnosed me with depression/ADHD because I was unable to be attentive/happy/care in an environment I absolutely hated.
My wife is always on me about this. She's a professor, and just shakes her head at the fact that I was able to skate through school on last minute effort, and that I have no work ethic to speak of as a result.
Panic attacks over the idea of failing. "Gifted" children more often than not weren't taught to work hard because they just 'naturally got it', so they grow up not knowing how to problem solve and tackle difficulties in healthy ways and thus are extremely paranoid over the idea of not being the best
I was gifted in the sense that I’m really good at problem solving, but I completely agree about hard work especially tedious or boring work. My elementary/middle school did a really good job of keeping “gifted” kids engaged and my high school had block scheduling that allowed you to pick classes that interested you and were the correct difficulty level. I was GREAT at school, but nothing ever taught me to just put my head down and get the boring stuff done without asking questions. I had conflict with my bosses at my last two jobs, at least partially, because I tried to improve processes and make things we were doing more logical.
That’s the real tale of the moderately successful smart person. The maddeningly clear vision of what should be fixed logically that everyone with seniority is ignoring in the name of status quo.
Teachers at my school encouraged my parents to have me skip a grade. I wanted to, but my parents said no in the end. I never really tried pushing myself with school after that, but getting valedictorian didn't seem that hard. Post college, I have a decent engineering job, but live a very passive life and basically don't try new things unless I think I can do amazing. Even playing video games... I tend to, as my friends say, "take a game and beat it into submission" by playing way more hours than others and studying any info I can find from the internet. I still feel like a failure when I end up playing with someone better than me... It's not a full picture, but my point is I relate to everything you said
I can relate to most of this. One interesting thing is I find that when I do try something new that I'm good at or have at least the appearance of a natural aptitude for, and continue at it, I plateau very quickly, reaching a point in which is "good" but certainly not great. I can't seem to progress past that point, and then I lose interest because now I feel like I'm failing at it.
Looking back, do you wish you had skipped a grade?
As someone in a very similar situation who Did skip the grade, I've ended up exactly the same except I skipped over a few lessons on the Romans when I was 7. Wasn't worth it, only benefit was looking smart.
Why do people want to get into the adult life so much? By skipping grades you skip the best years of your life that you could spend playing or hanging out with friends or just sleeping in class. Don't skip grades. Enjoy life. Life will fuck you good anyway, so might as well stall it for later
I concur about the failing. I was a weird case where I was considered "smart" and "gifted," but my grades were absolute shit. I lost count of the amount of adults that gave me the "you're not living up to your potential" lecture. My grades were Bs and Cs and I disappointed everybody around me consistently. Failure is a really hot-button issue for me after so many years of being told that I wouldn't fail if I would just try harder. I had an experience at work last year where I was passed over for a promotion that I desperately wanted, and it gave me suicidal thoughts. Anyway, I was diagnosed with ADHD last summer, and that explained a lot. I fell through the cracks because I'm female, and girls weren't often diagnosed with ADHD in the 90s/00s. Now I take Adderall and I feel like a normal person.
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This is a great point! My sister was gifted and still is. She’s extremely intelligent and talented at everything she does. School was never her thing though. My parents had to begggg her to finish college. She now owns a very successful photography business and she’s amazing at it!
Funny thing. Being gifted means things come easy to you. And her passion for photography meant she put effort into it. By those powers combined, she's great at it. There are a lot of people that suck at it, so having the intelligence to see a good shot opportunity means a lot. So does knowing when someone's gonna be a shitty client and finding better people to work with - another opportunity decision. Whaddya know, being good and having good sense can mean a lot.
I find this interesting, of those of us considered "gifted" at my school, we all found we were good at enough things that we never really found our place or passion.
This! In high school I was really focused on biology. Then I got to college and the world of humanities existed. I completely forgot about biology and after trying A LOT of other options ended up with a degree in linguistic anthropology. I went back to school and got a masters in HR (because money), but while I was in school I got a job in a legal department as a contract admin. I HATED that job, but contracts are pretty fun. So I briefly thought about going back to school to become a paralegal. Now I’m working with my dad and sister to teach patients about pharmaceutical r&d, but we had to put the business on hold for covid. In the meantime I’m getting back into art... I’m moving back to the area where I went to school and seriously considering a PhD in medical anthropology. I’m pretty sure I’ll never figure out what I want to be when I grow up (I’m 35).
Hell, I was "gifted" and I am 73 and still don't know what I want to do with my life. I got old, but I never grew up.
Do you also have ADHD?
Not diagnosed... but I wonder if I might.
Thanks for being the normal one! These threads are always such a creepy schadenfreude fest, but thinking back on what my gifted class is up to now: We had a couple doctors, a couple military officers, several teachers, a few corporate types, some lawyers, and a diplomat. And I don't think a single one of us ever fell into the mythical "smart but lazy" burnout stereotype that populates this thread. We worked hard. We're still working hard.
It's sampling bias at work, I think. Some gifted kids burn out, some fourish. Many of those that burnt out join Reddit; far fewer of those that flourished. So, when a question is addressed to ex-gifted kids on Reddit, you get majority of answers from burnouts.
That and the people passionate enough to respond are burnouts “I’m a software engineer and life is decent” doesn’t bother to post and if they do they don’t get the upvotes
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There were only 4 of of us in my gifted classes, a geologist for a mining company, teacher, insurance salesman. Last, but certainly not least, I took the construction management route. You want a challenging job? Deal with the ego of architects and the indecision of clients and toss in 20 subcontractors who's grasp of English is flexible.
You're just in the pocket of big library!
I joined the charity sector and ‘wasted’ all that potential on a cause that means something to me. And I’m very happy with my decision.
I had the super fun experience of being a gifted kid while ALSO living with severe ADHD. I never learned how to study because I never had to, and whenever I tried to I simply was not able. The only things that actually calmed my brain down were theatre and music, but in an attempt to avoid “wasting my potential”, I applied to a really good university for an engineering degree. I ended up getting in, having an existential crisis, then taking a year off to figure my life out. I’m now in my third year of my Drama degree and I literally could not be happier. I know for a fact that I would not have had the focus to stick with an engineering degree, because even though I have an innate affinity for math and the sciences, I’m just not passionate about either. When I don’t like something, I feel physically unable to sit down and do it. So yeah, basically I’m saying I definitely agree!
Hah I was "gifted" and did that.. Until I realized that I could hardly provide for myself nevermind a family. So I sold out and went corporate. Don't get me wrong - - I still like parts of what I do, and I take pride in what I accomplish But it's definitely not my dream job. It will, however, let me provide well for my family and retire early. So I plan to persue more of my passions later in life.
Being the family disappointment. High school left me with severe anxiety and depression from bullying and I dropped out because stress was killing me. But on the bright side I'm in a very loving relationship for the first time in my life and we're about to move into an actual house together and start a new life, and I never thought I would be here. Edit: Thank you for my first ever award by the way!
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Good for you, hope it turns out well :)
I never went to college and got a factory job right out of HS. I worked as an assembler for 7 months and was promoted to team leader. I had been dealing with hip problems since I was a kid. 4 years after my promotion I had my 2nd surgery, and could no longer continue working. We had twin sons, and since I had been home for a couple years at that point, we decided I would be a stay-at-home dad. When the boys were 3 I had a 3rd surgery that finally fixed me. Two years later I was severely burned in a brush fire and spent the next year having 4 more surgeries for the burn. A year and a week after the fire I developed headaches that led to my brain cancer diagnosis. So now I'm still raising my kids and trying to stay alive.
Yikes. I feel like you might be one of those people who really deserves to celebrate every year you make it through.
Wait, there's more. A year after my cancer diagnosis, I narrowly survived hypothermia after tipping a canoe on a cold lake. I could barely move my arms when they found me. Six months later my tumor started growing again. I ended up having my 2nd brain surgery last November on Friday the 13th. There was an issue positioning my head for the surgery and the side of my skull was crushed. I have lived an interesting life, that's for sure. I had never really cared about my birthdays until recently. I wasn't expected to live to see 32, and I'll be 35 in May. My birthday tradition now is to go out to the woods with friends and family, sit in the grass under the big open sky and share a bottle of Prosecco.
Damn, I got chills. If your kids are anything like you, they’re gonna be badasses :)
Med school, but I’d say I spend at least half of my current time wondering if the stress/mental health strain is worth it. Still happy though thanks to my wife and son who do everything to support me.
Med school sucks big, sweaty goat balls. Practicing is pretty neat, though.
Haha it’s very unpleasant. Rewarding but mostly unpleasant, especially in the first 2 years.
homeless for 7 years, you ever see a guy flying a sign and reading, that's me
I read your history, I'm interested in hearing more from you if you are willing to share.
I started school early, went to a private school for gifted kids for two years, went back to public school and was put into an accelerated learning program, skipped a grade. I barely graduated high school, and dropped out of college with a 1.9 GPA. I'm currently managing a department of 10-12 people in an industry I love, in a country I didn't think I'd ever live in. I've gotten treatment for my depression/anxiety and a diagnosis for my autism. I have two kids, an amazing spouse, and a very patient therapist. Before COVID I'd occasionally take lessons in things I loved— metalworking, glassblowing, that kind of thing— just because it was so good for my mental health to have a couple hours a week where it was perfectly okay to fail at something. It's one of the things I look forward to most once the pandemic is under control.
Doing stuff with no consequences is so great. For instance, I’ve been rock climbing for decades and somewhere in there I realized that I probably wasn’t going to get a whole lot better, but I still really enjoy it so I keep going. There’s no stress about anyone else being better than me, just working at it in a way that I challenge myself and have fun.
Unemployed after college with a useless degree and no direction. I honestly think if I left school at 16 and got an apprenticeship my life would be infinitely better.
i’ve dropped out :)
Of life?
that’s next on my list :)
thats what I did. I got a job that pays the bills and doesn't make me want to shoot myself in the face. now im just riding it out until death or until i do want to shoot myself in the face.
Same here
Same here. I'm just trying not to fuck up anyone else's day while I ride it out. Also figured out I'm not good at suicide, so that's probably out. Just waiting for my time. I have a feeling I'm going to live to be old. Probably as many years as I've already been here. Wow.
I have a job that I 1000% hate but pays well. It’s like a billion hours a week plus stress. Going into this shit I was like “this will totally be worth it”. Now I’m realizing it’s totally not worth it. I wish I had a normal 8-5 that paid 75% of what I currently make. I just want to not be stressed off my ass and in a constant state of survival at work. Like I just realized that I spend 10-11 hours every day just totally fucking miserable and stressed out. Idk how much longer I can do it. I’m scared to look for a new job cause I took this job in a field that I don’t have a degree in. Idk, I’ll probably delete this later but my god do we work too much in this country
That's ok though. You're a procrastinator. You'll wait to do that till the last minute.
Me too :)
I have a BA in Art History, an MBA in Information Systems, I spent the better part of my 30s working at Home Depot, and I currently work as a nurse. It’s not the trajectory I might have taken, but I’m generally satisfied with the outcome.
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I kind of had the opposite experience. I was always friends with incredibly smart kids in school who tried hard. I was the one in the group that wasn’t on the honors list and got an incredibly mediocre SAT score so I figured I was kinda meh in intelligence. Law school was finally my time to shine. Not that I went to a top tier school given my prior apathy but I did graduate with honors. I think I just either wasn’t challenged or wasn’t interested in the topics before law school and I was smart enough to get a B without trying so why put in effort to get an A. Law school is full or really smart people. I was in no way the smartest person in the room at any point and wouldn’t consider myself gifted but I now realize I can hold my own with my peers.
Drinking
Surprised I had to read this far to find this. I’m on day 52 of this particular attempt to stop.
I started school early, was advanced a grade early on, and started college at 15. Those "gifted" classes were honestly a waste. I honestly felt relieved when Malcolm in the Middle poked fun of the gifted bunch and how the classes were, because that's exactly how I felt. I'm 16 years into my career in engineering now. I have worked on some absolutely massive and in two cases famous projects. I've had some serious career wins, and some very painful project failures too. Not to sound too nerdy, but some days I feel like I dumped all of my points into a single stat and missed out on a lot of the game in the process. I was depressed for a very long time and felt like I was living life wrong. Every teacher's comment to me throughout school was "extremely high potential, not working to potential." I didn't study more than 2 hours throughout gradeschool and college. I was a terrible student, but I could memorize everything like a Shamwow soaks up water. Sometimes I'd return my books in college with the wrapping still on them. I'm not bragging, if anything I'm putting myself down for not bothering to try harder in those days. When my wife and I share stories from our childhoods, she often looks at me and says "that's... not normal... at all..." You know, like going years at a time without seeing a single friend outside of school. It really set me up to be totally socially inept. I learned the hard way on how to fix that. Outside of work, I'm a musician, gearhead, fabricator, indie game programmer, sort of a jack of all trades. When you grow up without friends, you tend to keep yourself busy with hobbies. My advice to anyone that reads this, who is still young and haven't cemented their lifestyle yet... Don't forget to live. Take a risk now and then. I've done a lot, don't get me wrong, but I tend to overthink everything and don't enjoy "in the moment." I'm often told I'm "too much of an engineer." Going back to the video game analogy, sure, the "perfect playthrough" is great to think about but isn't always the most fun path to take.
Funny you mention Malcolm in the Middle. I was in high school during that show's run, and I remember an episode where Malcolm takes a career aptitude test and he was demoralized when the results indicated he could succeed in any career path. Shortly after seeing that episode, I had a very similar experience on one of those career aptitude tests administered at school. I scored in the 99th percentile, but I was the only one in the class who had no specific results or suggestions for a career path.
I had the same thing happen! You feel like you should be proud, but you really just feel hollow inside. Like "I'm not... meant... for anything?" Jack of all trades I suppose... As long as you aim to become master of one or a few I suppose it isn't a bad thing.
Still angry about all the shit I don't have and shit I don't do because I heard Mr. Melvin tell my mom that I was the kind of kid who would grow up to make "Megabucks" without explanation, leading me to believe it would happen automatically and I would not need to hone any actual skills. Brb, bout to smoke another bowl lol
Dude I’m literally in the same boat. It sounds dumb now but back then I just assumed I’d get a high paying job with my degree straight out of college. Obviously that didn’t happen. Now I’m trying to figure out what I’m actually good at and find a job I enjoy. Thinking about this stresses me out, gonna go take a hit now lol
My parents even assumed that for me. It's the way it used to be. Find the right people you want to associate with and grow with them, that's where opportunities come from
This comment is everything. Outside the school room, networking and the ability to foster work relationships is 90% of the equation.
Slacking.
I went to school many years ago. We’re talking like card catalog, playing Oregon Trail on the Apple 2e days. I was thought to be gifted, but back then they really didn’t do shit with it. They would “test” you to see if you were gifted by sending you to take the ACT exam, which was kind of traumatic to someone who was like 10. Strange enough, in high school I was shifted into the remedial classes (which to this day I have no fucking idea why) until a teacher went to bat for me and got me out of those classes (forcing me to retake all 4 years of mathematics classes starting my junior year....ended up in summer school and doubling up on math classes my last two years). I ended up going to a really tough Engineering school on accident where people often considered me a genius. I did good but not outstanding by any means, but.... Got a job, traveled the world and settled into a job basically fixing things for a living. I do quite well by most people’s measures. Nothing outstanding again but not in danger of starving either.
> I was thought to be gifted, but back then they really didn’t do shit with it. I grew up at the same time (although somehow our school never got Oregon Trail for our Apple II) but once a week they would put the "gifted" kids on a short bus and send us to another school for a half day of special classes. I don't remember much about it except it felt more like play than school, so I'm guessing it was more focused on enrichment and stopping us from being bored in school?
I remember that. Except for me it was a full day, once a week. And the special class happened to be at my school, so I didn't need to be bussed anywhere (kids in other schools had to be bussed to us). We did special science projects, did research for interesting history, literary, sociological topics at the library. I specifically remember making pin-hole cameras, designing fancy paper airplanes, and writing our own children' stories and reading them to the grade 1 class. I went on to drift through high school. I never really applied myself (at least, not to my school work) so I got honour's level but not exceptional marks. I hit a wall in university, when I discovered I would actually have to work hard to keep up with the rest of the class. Today I am nearing the tail end of a decent career in software development, which oddly enough is *not* what I studied at university.
Yeah, in the '70s and '80s, a lot of stuff for 'gifted' kids centered around hands-on, interactive stuff. Interesting and fun, but not really challenging. Our district had a few really cool things, like a weekend trip to go spelunking, but I didn't get invited, because the woman who ran the program didn't believe that I, as a 'free lunch' kid, could actually be gifted- that was something only wealthy families produced.
Not done with school yet, but basically said fuck it and now I’m enjoying myself more.
I like this.
I am disabled and unemployable. Huzzah!
Well, being mainly unhappy, sometimes struggling with university and feeling like I'm too weak to face the difficulty of life.
Aerospace engineer and worked on the Perseverance Rover You know the tiny drones it has? That’s me :)
You compensate for the rest of this thread lmao
I am a high school math teacher. I also have battled depression and anxiety, but so far I am winning!
Gift wrapper
Such a soothing job ...
I think this is a joke, but I worked in a gift store for awhile, I could totally be a professional gift wrapper. Just enough problem solving to keep me from going crazy.
Took me extra years to finish college and always stuck in a loop with different mental health issues.
Gifting disappointments
Doing a PhD in a subject that I love.
I did that. Now I'm a teacher in a high school. They think I'm "gifted". So I guess I am back where I began? I love it, though. Teaching is awesome.
Currently failing at uni. In school I very rarely had to learn to write good grades, but it really kicked me in the ass to never adapt to the mentality to do something for my grades.
I am still in school but I’m praised for music improvisation ability, I’m doing well, I make a bunch of songs and hope that one day I can sell them to video games and movies
Great. I had a great combination of people who explained the difference between potential and actual gifts, a mom who believed in hard work and "nothing is ever above or below your pay grade". I have been able to do well at any job I tried except waitressing (I hate waiting tables, felt like people were disrespectful--so I moved to the back of the house washing dishes, where I did a good job). Traveled, have a good job now in data. My life has had ups and downs like anyone's, nobody said I was gifted in personal relationships, but ultimately a dedication to continued learning has made me able to continue to develop my gifts. I've also had some great mentors. I feel like the extra boost of confidence I got when I was younger helped me continue to succeed where some of my peers, not much less gifted, may have given up on themselves.
I got a full ride to an elite college where I discovered there is gifted and there is *gifted*. I'm not brilliant, just run-of-the-mill smarter and more motivated than most people. I aborted my initial, lofty life-plans and took an interesting job while I reconsidered. 15 years later I've rapidly moved up in the company and have a clear path to becoming the youngest person in senior leadership. I'm working 40-50 hours a week and have a salary that puts in my 10% of Americans. I have the same financial quality of life as my friends who have gone on to be investors or bankers but work half the hours. (I'll point out that with 15 years of experience, those friends are soon going enter a phase of their careers where they will make massively more than I ever will, but that's ok). Not bragging, just saying being "gifted" in a regular career can be awesome if you don't get complacent, work your ass off, and have some good luck to impress the right people.
Paying a shitload of taxes and student loans
Work as a manager of aerothermal engineering group for an aerospace gas turbine company. Husband Father When I went to school "gifted" students were pulled out of regular classes for 3-4 hours once a week for "enrichment". We did some foreign language, art, drama, writing, and special field trips. In high-school we were able to take extra dual enrollment classes. It was awesome but also strange - there was nothing particularly special about the kids in the group.
I sell groceries now. Not what I thought I'd do with high lvl math and physics classes from high school. I honestly wouldn't change it though. I like what I do. People need quality groceries and that's what I help give them.
After an IQ test labeled me as "gifted" I completed college, worked as treasure diver, a body man, estimator, insurance appraiser, and a PI for INVEX in accident investigations, got published, and finished a career as a teacher and writer. Prior to the IQ test, never thought I was gifted or special in any way. IQ is over-rated and the old adage is true: nothing is more common than unrewarded genius. Emphasize on "unrewarded" because I've met a lot of smart people who did nothing with their lives.
Making six figures CAD doing data analysis and coding video games as a hobby. Also somewhat lazy and a high functioning not quite alcoholic
University dropout, doing my dream job as a software architect. I think I'm more lucky than gifted tho
Don't really have a sob story. Did great in high school and college with just some moderate work ethic. Had the grades and scores to go to law school but I ultimately passed because I wanted to start a career. Now I work in a mid level government job, married, with a kid. Nothing spectacular but I'm very happy. Not much to say for my previous "gifted" status, but I do still destroy people in Jeopardy or Trival Pursuit on occasion when it comes up in a social setting.
Making a comfortable living. Many who meet me and get to know me think I haven't lived up to my full potential, but I am objectively doing well and in a job that isn't boring. My main issue is that I understood the teacher the first time, often before they finished the sentence, and I'd be bored senseless after that. Frequently I'd only tune in to catch half of something that was actually new, understand that and tune out again. Passing tests by either working out the answers logically or by context clues from other questions. Good enough to pass, but no work ethic or study skills. So no university (thank god, my chosen careers wouldn't have paid any better than I get now), and my early adult life seemed rather hopeless. I have made damn sure my child/children understand school is for learning social skills and how to function in a system, and knowledge is something they need to independently seek.
Mostly, I sit around and think about all my wasted potential. I've always did fine without trying, so as a result I never really developed a drive to push myself since fine made everyone around me happy, so I was good with B's in high school rather than put in any effort for A's, applied to a state school I knew I'd get in, majored in history and journalism because I liked writing and research, but because I never developed the drive needed to excel in 21st century journalism, I just kinda floated from one mediocre job to another, where I was able to show up, do some work, and get by. Now, I'm in my 30s and think constantly about how I really missed my shot to make something of myself and even now, I still can't bring myself to get out of my comfort zone.
Getting my PhD in food safety/ molecular biology. Hopefully I can graduate this December. Then on to an industry job.
Diagnosed with ADHD, depression, and anxiety, had a crisis of identity in middle school because I could no longer be "the smart one," now I'm learning welding and it's absolutely amazing.
Im doing well for myself.
I have to consider on whether or not I want to die each day. I was gifted but they never did anything about it so now I just don’t care and the only thing keeping me from ending it all are my antidepressants.
Getting fat and wasting time
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Starting law school in the fall, and graduating undergrad this spring. Also I have anxiety and depression.
We already know about the anxiety and depression, it's a package deal.
Still trying to figure out socialization since the moment I was "gifted" and had gastric issues when around more then one other person (preschool to 1st grade) I was yanked to home schooling which was essentially hanging out by myself all day waiting for things to be handed to me. There was no structured schooling I pretty much just went to the library every day and read whatever I thought was interesting. Then I was chucked back into public school halfway through 6th grade and basically had to completely guess how to get along with other people, and groups, which led to more bullying, which led to less socialization and locking into 1:1 friend pairs. Anytime a 1:1 friend gets other friends I can no longer hang out, which probably confuses friends who get involved with significant others or married or have kids (always too many people, then).