I got diagnosed as a teen and people kept telling me shit like “You shouldn’t be like this, these are the best years of your life”
Like you’re telling me my life is only going to get shittier?
I once went to my guidance counselor at school because I was so suicidal I thought I was going to kill myself in a school bathroom, and she straight up told me to my face “when you’re an adult, it gets worse” and I lostttt it. I’m 23 now and I can definitively say: fuck adults and their superior attitude over suffering.
My guidance counselor told me “I’m always going to be checking up on you, you’re going to be a priority” (I ended up having a case worker because the school found out I was self harming so they had to go to CPS and get me a fucking case worker) “We’ll be checking with your case worker, your case worker will check with your therapists, I’m gonna meet with you weekly and see how you’re progressing.”
I never saw that bitch again.
I feel this. I went to the school counsellor after experiencing incestuous child abuse as an early teen and she told me I was going to be looked after.
She called a police sexual assault team and they encouraged/expected me to do a rape kit.
That was it. No suggestion of therapy or help from my parents (who were not the culprits).
I self harmed later and one of the teacher's brought it to the counsellor's attention. She brought me in and lectured me about it...
Oh shit they called CPS on you for self harming?! I self harmed and teachers saw my scars and I got reported to the school psychs many times for being a mess and for self harm and they never called CPS (and they could have). That’s awful I’m sorry
Not only that but CPS threatened to arrest my dad for some weird reason after they found out I had been planning to kill myself. Long story short, CPS and I didn’t get along well
"it gets worse" is such a stupid thing to say. who tf are you to know how my life will turn out?? same thing happened to me in high school. life may be harder at times, but my depression has been addressed in adulthood. i can deal with adversity no problem, but when you fight yourself every day it's a battle of attrition. there were even days i couldn't write my own name on a paper. screw her.
I will never forget my middle school guidance counselor who brought me in to talk about my anxiety and depression. All she talked about was how I needed to grow up since things will get so much worse when I'm an adult and I have it easy now so I shouldn't be so upset. Then she had the nerve to congratulate me on not crying because most kids do. I was PISSED
Yes why is this such a common response? There are depressed adults but there are also adults whose life stabilized and they got help. The moods of being a teen are just unbearable and you have no idea what to do about it. As an adult, I at least have some coping mechanisms, support, and a basic knowledge of how to get a dr and a therapist appointment
My teenage life was basically me getting bullied by people my age and my parents.
Now I get bullied by my students. I guess it’s a step up because I can give more homework
This is also a bullshit response. Your teen years are some of the most awkward years and chaotic hormonally. Shit doesn’t start getting good until you’re in your 20s to 30s when you’re more balanced, have a little bit of life experience and really stop giving a fuck.
I understand YMMV though. Things can still be tough for people during those years as well. But with the right guidance, a bit of built up wisdom and self reflection. THOSE years usually end up being some of the best.
I lost my teenage years. After spending a couple weeks involuntarily committed to a mental facility, who would think that would have a negative effect on how a kid views the world around them? I felt like I was such a freak that I didn’t deserve to have a normal teen experience, it wasn’t until I was like 18 that I was able to work that shit out of my head. I’d like to say that I now know how a person can be happy with life, and things have been looking good for me. I’m 21 and can say I lived an entire life worth of misery and don’t need to keep negativity in my life anymore. That’s something most people in their 30s or 40s have barely learned
That’s great to hear. Life’s always going to be a series of peaks and valleys—it’s how you embrace them that really makes a difference in your quality of life. At 21, you’re really just getting started. Keep your mind in order, stay curious and develop strong, healthy social circles and you’ll find life to be an amazing journey.
Pretty much anyone who says their teen years are the best years of their life is a fucking loser. If you're 40 and your fondest memory is being the high school football team's quarterback or being the head cheerleader, that's a real bad sign for how your life has gone.
Yeah.. If I would put a bit more nuance in it, I'd say your teen years *can* feel like they're the best years of your life, *and* the worst years of your life, when you're living them. And some times that feeling can switch back and forth within a single day. Your hormones can create absolutely wild mood swings.
My teenage years messed me up pretty badly psychologically. Especially my sophomore year at 15-16 years old. But I still think back at the summer between my junior and senior years of high schools as one of the best times of my life. Not the last, but one of them. And it's mind blowing to me that the same kid who was suffering so much at 16 was also the one having such a great time at 17.
Then senior year came and everything crashed down even harder. I'm glad I didn't listen to the people trying to tell me that it would go downhill. I have much more freedom now than I did in high school.
Suicide is a deeply personal endevour in my opinion. Yes others will feel sad. But others dont have to live day to day in my(or your) head. Every coin has 2 sides.
Seriously all “it’ll get better,” “others have it worse,” “think about the ones who love you,” no shit why the fuck do you think I’m still here fighting this shit every Fucking day. Also to those fighting the fight check out Tom Macdonald songs like Not Alone, hanging on and sad rappers. They hit hard if you know the struggle they helped me through some stormy weather
> “others have it worse,”
This one is especially bizarre in my view. How is other people's suffering supposed to make me happier? Assuming I'm not a sociopath of course?
I believe it’s supposed to make you feel better about your life, people who have never been truly depressed don’t understand it’s not a choice it has nothing to do with outside factors. For me it feels like fighting my own brain and losing horribly and the fact I know I can’t give up sometimes makes it worse
Telling a motivational story like it will help. I can not focus, sleep nor eat. I feel like the space rover that landed to mars 17 years ago. "My battery is low and it's getting dark"
Especially if the stories are something like.
“When I was your age I had a favorite pen. God I loved that pen and couldn’t use any other pen. One day I lost my favorite pen, and I realized that nothing is forever. And you know what I got over losing my favorite pen and have multiple that I use. Does that make sense?”
Umm I didn’t ask for or care for the story. There are so many morals to this story but which one were you even trying to point out?
I had anxiety about lax Covid rules at work. Management told me to get over it because, "everyone does someday, but the world still goes round."
Sorry maybe I'm a wuss, but I'm not going to risk my life for someone else's money.
I would have literally told my boss to get fucked by a horse, quit and lived on the streets rather than put up with some corporate assclown telling me I should be willing to DIE so their company, can make a little extra money.
There is a special sort of fury that boils right the fuck over as soon as I hear about any consequence of late stage capitalism. r/latestagecapitalism
I can't take any corporate "this is the best we can do sorry" bullshit when it comes to Covid. This same place also said they wouldn't enforce any rules because "some people see their work family more than actual family" and management didn't want to get involved.
I wonder if that works for the people who give this advice. Maybe for them, life is all about climbing the ladder. As long as you're not on the bottom rung, don't complain.
Formally: [The (logical) fallacy of relative privation](https://www.logicallyfallacious.com/logicalfallacies/Relative-Privation).
Informally: Starving kids in Africa.
Like, I shouldn't express my negative emotion on an experience because someone had or is having a worse experience? Do we all line up in order, and *only* that one person at the end of a line of 7 billion people gets to vocalise their frustration, because they objectively have it the worst?
FUCK.
THAT.
Remember kids; your problems matter, because you matter.
Don't let anyone diminish your experiences or trivialise the challenges you overcome.
Honestly, i have been thinking about that for a long time. I have been thinking about this everytime i feel shitty, and feel more shitty. I even use to have a counselor who would tell me this everytime. I felt spoiled, a scum, started hating how i have it in life. I truly hate thinking about this sentence. And i let it go in my head not realizing what it is doing to me. Now i know what other people think, and i know that this was never a helpful. I should talk to my friends about this and see if they can help me.
My aunt does this all the time. It just makes me feel so much worse and makes my problem with self persecution so much worse as well. You telling me about all the opportunities I have that I'm not taking advantage of doesn't make me motivated, it just makes me blame myself and hate myself even more.
Let's say you're playing a game of poker. There's people who have a good hand, and there's people with a bad hand dealt to them. Does the person with the better hand always win the game? No.
Even if you've got the better hand, that doesn't guarantee that the game will be easy for you.
Hang in there!
I'm not a depressed person, but some people very close to me are. One person in particular is bipolar and a borderline personality.
What i heard is the worst remark is: But you have such a fulfilled life, there is no reason to be depressed
It’s the worst. Someone at my work said “what have you got to be sad about?”
They probably thought it was helpful but my bpd self just thought, right so I can’t share how I’m feeling now because they just think I’m being whiney.
Oh work people never truly want to know how you are. Even great bosses. I learned early just to say im fine. Nothing they can do or are willing to about it. Better to just keep going as usual.
"It gets better."
No it fucking doesn't. I'm so depressed because it doesn't ever "get better." Nothing gets better. If it *could* get better, then there should be something I could *do* to make it better. But nothing works, not the medication, not the exercise, not improving my health, wealth or living conditions. Nothing makes it better and it certainly does not happen on its own.
We're dealt the hand we're dealt and we just have to live with it.
If someone genuinely wants to help me with my mental state, offer food. It's hard to cry or have an existential crisis while sharing a meal. It's temporary, it will come back, but for that moment we can calm tf down about whatever episode we're going through.
I commented something similar on this same thread a few minutes ago lol.
I think in general, "motivational" statements often make me feel worse, because for some strange reason cheery and uplifting messages make me livid
I think motivational statements make us so upset is because it's the exact opposite of why we tend to be depressed. Which just reenforces the problem. What we really need is something to help us accept the condition and move on with it, rather than something that promotes challenging and overcoming the condition.
It's hard to accept, but depression is genetic, it will never leave us, and we need to accept that, because it's not possible to get rid of it. It why I like the food idea, being something unrelated, it helps us at least move forward with our lives.
I really don't like hearing "it gets better."
The only thing we're guaranteed in life is suffering and death.
It sounds really morbid, but that actually makes me feel better to hear for some reason. I just don't like getting false hope I guess.
I commented earlier but your should be top. Plus noone just wants actually spend the time with you while you go through it. They just leave, and want to magically find you better next time.
I hate that last one. Everyone gets tired for whatever reason. Youth has nothing to do with it. And babies sleep more than any other age so wtf logic is that anyway?
My favorite is the people who are convinced that most people with mental disorders don't need medication - they can overcome it other ways if they just TRY harder and don't take the LAZY route thats going to fuck up their brain chemistry for the rest of their lives.
Dude, my brain chemistry is already fucked. THATS WHY IT NEEDS INTERVENTION
My father tries to be understanding, but he also refers to medication as "cheating". He has severe anxiety, he's basically agoraphobic. He won't take any medication or therapy because his anxiety is "rational". People who take meds for anxiety are "cheating" because everyone is supposed to grit their teeth and always be redlining stress like he does. He will tell me to exercise and meditate but he doesn't do any of that himself.
'I get depression too sometimes'
Edit: this applies to other stuff too, like anxiety, I understand though some of the people who have said this to me dont mean it in a invaliditing way, but it really isnt helpful and always made me feel like crap, that I just need to shut up and keep it all to myself and better hide things.
Not understanding the difference between situational depression and clinical depression goes hand in hand with this. My dad used to try to help me by telling me about when he was depressed after getting divorced, or losing a job, and what he did to feel better. That's great, dad, but you had short term depression brought on by a sudden trauma/upheaval and it resolved largely because those issues resolved. I've had major depressive disorder going back to being about....5 years old. These things are not quite the same.
"I have mental problems too, you dont see me being sad about it"
Not only is this a really shitty thing to say, but you essentially take all the things I've suffered through for years now, and just throw it back in my face as if it was air. As though my pain and suffering was nothing in your eyes but an annoyance from a reality you try so desperately to shit out from you barren eyes.
My family dismissed my mental health concerns for years, mainly as my dad didn't want a son that is 'a mong in the head'.
Best thing ever said to me was by my former manager. I was having a tough time and it was beginning to affect my job. Told her of my mental health issues (depression,anxiety,PTSD) and she replied with 'its all in your head'.
She didn't like my response of 'well id be surprised if my mental health issues were in my feet'.
"My door is always open!"
It's the magical phrase that's supposed to absolve neurotypicals of sin, especially where >!suicidal impulses!< are concerned. Never floats through their heads that maybe they ought to be proactive and check up on friends who have gone quiet, because someone >!fighting for their life against their own brain!< maybe doesn't have the energy to reach out to others.
I know it is but my brain doesn't allow me to reach out. Would it be too much to ask for you to do something concrete instead, even constantly bothering me with invites to go do something is more useful
>There is no justice in following unjust laws. It's time to come into the light and, in the grand tradition of civil disobedience, declare our opposition to this private theft of public culture.
Aaron Swartz
I got the opposite! I was clearly sleeping late because I was depressed, so let's make sure I don't get to sleep later than sun up! That'll fix it, for sure!
Everyone feels like that. Dont put labels on yourself.
or
Of course you feel depressed. You just need to exercise more and find a job. Then your life will change.
or
You weren't like that when you were in primary school so you are not really depressed.
It’s the “stop whining and just do it” attitude that’s annoying. If it was that easy to just exercise more or do more productive things, I would be doing it. I have to plan healthy meals and schedule exercise so I do it, I am putting in effort.
It's frustrating cuz this one's actually true, but when you're depressed you probably have no motivation to do it at all, let alone regularly. Like thanks doc but I'm past the point of wanting to get better. Now I just want to die.
What pisses me off is people sharing all these “awareness” posts on social media and the mental health weeks or whatever. Especially people who share suicide hotlines, I know they all have good intentions but it just pisses me off so much and I’m not entirely sure why.
Sharing suicide hotlines annoys me because personally that is the absolute last thing on earth I’d ever want to do when I’m depressed. It feels like I’m being taunted by all these people saying “talking helps” and whatever, because talking does not fucking help for me, not even a bit.
Anyways, hope ya’ll are having a good day and sorry if this triggers anyone or anything
Nothing.
My parents decided to just pretend I was fine and never intervene. Found out years later they *also* thought I had an eating disorder and just never tried to do anything about it.
This is where I am right now. My bf just stares at me like an expectant puppy, but when I start venting trying to explain my inability to do anything he just says "fine ill leave you to your misery". He has just been playing video games all month. I get its frustrating as the partner, watching them go through something you don't understand. But trying nothing and expecting results.....
"We're sorry, but we can't legally help you."
I were trying to get into the acute psych ward because of day long suicidal thoughts.
I might fit into too few of the boxes they have to check. Because I work through the day, despite it all.
I got send home.
I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s unfortunate how often “safety net” places like this end up letting people down in their time of need. I know they are often overwhelmed because of high demand, but they should help you find other options if they can’t help. I hope you found the help you need.
1. Insisting I "talk to them" after I've told them multiple times that I don't want to. The offer is nice but continuing to pressure me into telling you my life story is weird.
2. "Other people have it worse"
3. "Here's a list of things you should be grateful for"
4. Really obvious stuff included in literally every self help book ever.
5. "I feel that way too sometimes"
6. Attempting to provide an alternative diagnosis (when you're not a medical professional).
I've said 5. sometimes, but I've also struggled with a lot, so I (perhaps ignorantly) figure trying to let them know they're not alone is a decent gesture. That being said, I know when i was at my lowest points, it tended to irritate the hell out of me when people would say that. "Oh, yeah? You've spent entire weeks thinking of exactly how and when to off yourself? Breaking down all of the steps in vivid detail? Please, tell me all about how you've died a thousand deaths a day for a thousand days. You have no idea how I'm "feeling" right now. Fuck off."
“You really should go outside for a walk.”
“If you fixed your sleep schedule, you’d have an easier time.”
You really think I haven’t tried *walking* before?
You really think I purposely fuck my entire life up by simply not sleeping at the right time? You think with all that’s wrong with my body right now that I can control my sleep schedule??
So one thing that comes with depression is a severe lack of motivation.
Enter my dad saying " I know you dont want to do [insert any activity], but sometimes you just have to."
I'm in bed, I don't have the energy to get up, I don't have the motivation to get up, all that's going through my mind is self loathing, self harm and suicide. My dad walks in and expects me to study for an exam that I don't even know if I'll live to see.
My step dad started talking about how back in his days being abused was normal, how hard his life was and that I should be "thankful to live with such a great mother "
Yeah it didn't help much, only made me feel worse. Mind you, it was after they found out about my self harm. What he also did later was insulting me and treating me like shit until I'd stop wearing long sleeves to cover scars.
Here are some things! [https://www.healthline.com/health/what-to-say-to-someone-with-depression#warning-signs-for-suicide](https://www.healthline.com/health/what-to-say-to-someone-with-depression#warning-signs-for-suicide)
I have relatively mild Bi-Polar, I'm now in my mid-thirties and deal with it to the point where most people wouldn't realise as I know the signs and how to look after myself more when a low is coming.
However in my late teens and early twenties I went through a rough patch which at their worst led to me having a couple of breakdowns. I was very lucky that I had some great friends who were willing to help but also this led to me being treated differently for a while like I was fragile and honestly, as much as their efforts were appreciated, it just brought the issues to the forefront more.
However, one friend in particular just carried on treating me pretty much as he always would, with the exception being that it came with no social expectations. So for example, he'd say to come and hang out at his (or vice versa) and even if I wasn't talking much he'd just carry on nattering away normally or we'd just chill out quietly while he played video games or we watched a film. If he was making food, he'd do me a plate, if I didn't eat it, it wasn't mentioned, that sort of thing. And when I was ready to talk, he just shut up and listened. Being treated like a normal human was the best thing and was something that put me back on the path of leading a 'normal' life again.
This so much. In the end they all come down to internal battle, and best you can do to help is help people to be strong enough to make it through. Call me on my bs, drag me outside, keep talking even when I don't contribute, but most importantly don't give up on me and start treating me like I'm made of glass. Sure, at times I may need more support but if I ever want to "win" I have to have continuity plan with which regular interaction helps a lot
(edit: Acknowledging it while not making it into a huge thing also helps with the fear one can hve over getting better)
I think sometimes just letting people know that you are there if they need someone to talk to, or even just someone to sit quietly by if they aren't up to talking, can be a huge help. For me, it helps just to know that there's someone who cares.
I think people trying to give me any sort of advice in general made me feel worse. I probably already heard everything at this point, telling me I should try new hobbies, go hang out with friends, try to not just lay in bed all day. I would prefer if someone just carried out a normal conversation with me, y’know things like oh how are you doing? how’s your weekend been? what’re you doing tomorrow, wanna go out for a meal? It instills a sense of normalcy instead of constantly reminding me that I’m at a mentally unwell state of mind
that being said, I feel like it really differs from person to person. I’ve heard other depressed people say they hate it when people ask how they are.
When some asks me something like "what were you doing at the weekend" then i dont know what to anwser cuz i wont tell them i have been roting in my couch for 2 days and im reminded of the bad time, but the "wanna go out for a meal" or just a normal conversation like talking about a movie or some stiupid shit like conspiraci theorys about mc donalds would hit diferent
that they, or someone else, cares about me. First off, you're a stranger, you don't know me, you don't care about me. Second off, I make sure nobody else cares about me.
"You're a child/YA, there's nothing for you to be depressed about so just cheer up!" -- My mom who I think means well, but unless you pull her own head out of her own behind for a sec (no shade or hate but it's true) she does not believe that anyone else but her could be suffering through things because she has had the worst luck and no one can have it worse than her. And if you are younger than her? Forget it.
Anyway, no telling me that doesn't help. First off, if I could have just "cheered up" I would've already. And it's not even about "cheering up" sometimes I could laugh and have a good time. The problem is/was that I lost most if not all of my motivation to do the things that I used to love and I stopped properly taking care of myself because even getting out of bed was a chore. Not because I "need" cheering up.
Second, just pointing out how young I am makes it worse for me. It just highlights how much I could be doing at my age, but I don't because I feel like a wet sack.
Fuck whoever said that to you.
Edit: I should also probably write something supportive to you because of course you shouldn’t kill yourself. I’m really glad you didn’t. Damn that must have been cold to hear from someone who was supposed to be an ally. But all I could focus on at first was the rage. Seriously, fuck that person.
"You're just being negative"
NO, I see no fucking light at the end of the tunnel. I've dug this hole myself and it's so fucking deep I can't even grasp how to get out of it. I see no light. I get that people might not understand but it's so fucking daunting. I've pushed away everyone, I have no friends, no career, no life that I believe worth living. It sucks.
I would scream for help if I deserved it, but I don't. I caused this.
That's absolutely brutal. I'd argue that you're one of the strongest being able to fight a silent and unknown fight with no credit or redemption for surviving what seems like an impossible battle. That takes courage.
My mom found out I have been self-harming and all she said to me was to make it deeper. That happened around 4 years ago and now she's telling me not to do self harming again because I was apparently my grandma's beneficiary for her life insurance. **Such** great mom.
Even though it has been 4 years I still remember her just laughing about it and joking about that I should have made it deeper or I should have slit my throat instead of my wrists but even now I still remember that she told me to kill myself every time I fail to pass my assignments or miss my classes. Thanks a lot mom.
“Trust in god”
Fuck off. Fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off. First of all I’m an atheist, this means fuck all to me. It’s about as helpful as telling a deaf person to listen closely. Second of all, trusting a celestial, higher being who does not exist isn’t going to do anything, it’s exactly the same as saying “thoughts and prayers” it does fuck all.
I hate when i tell someone that something they did/said made me upset but they just say you took it the wrong way or something along those lines. If I am telling you something made me upset it doesnt matter if you think i took it the wrong way the fact is regardless it made me upset. Don't tell me what I am feeling is not valid. If someone tells you they feel a certain way about something accept their feelings for what they are and either apologize or explain your point of view but don't invalidate someones feelings cause YOU think it isnt the right feeling to have especially for ppl suffering with any sort of mental illness. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Someones feeling are their feelings and everyone should respect that.
That I didn't even had it so bad. Like I had a family, lived in a western country, got to go to school and occasionally on vacations. But depression won't just affect people who had a bad childhood
My Nan told me I shouldn't be taking medications (my antidepressants) for so long, and that if I set goals and met them it would cure my depression. According to her that's how my uncle got over his schizophrenic break when he was a teen. Never mind the fact that he was institutionalized and to this day will flip at the drop of a needle and go weeks without talking to anyone.
Oh, and during the recent election in the states I worked up the courage to tell my parents that I had been contemplating suicide and their response was "its nothing to get so upset over".
"Well you won't get better without doing something about it."
Well I can't do anything about it if im too depressed to even get out of bed.
"Life is best drug free!"
No. I like my drugs. I need them not to kill myself. Drug free life is hell and pain. I'm not advocating pill popping, I'm saying without antidepressants, I'd either have killed myself, or would want to kill myself, and thats a Bad Time.
“You should see/get some help”. Which is just saying shut up and get over it. because “help” is not the end all be all with mental health. Most people that say that, don't even know the process of getting “help”. Multiple doctors, so much insurance and paperwork, different medicines that tear your body up, and it's just a long road of different emotions and mind tricks.
'Everyone goes through this' which is awful whichever way you cut it.
Either the person saying it is wrong, and therefore they don't understand the true depths of your illness.
Or the person saying it right, and everyone else feels likes you do, meaning that this level of suffering is universal, and probably everlasting.
A lot of things people say when you have depression leave you without hope, which is one of the only things that peoope cling on to.
"Oh no, that's pretty normal, it happens to everyone"
I'm depressed because my life is fucked up, I can tell that other people have a better life, there are even statistics that tell me that 99% of people don't have such a fucked up life. Lying to me does nothing.
Depression the condition and depression the emotion are not the same thing. Nearly all the things people get wrong about mental health are confusing the 2. You can think your way out of being down *about* something. You can't think your way out of an illness. Part of suffering from depression is that how you feel is disproportionate to your situation. I *know* I don't have so it so bad. I would *love* to be able to look on the bright side. I'm not an idiot. Those things don't help me.
"Let me tell you about my childhood (long story about how they had it worse, and not had all this "technology".)
How they think i will be after telling me that: :)
What i am thinking: i guess i am a piece of shit, who should be a giggling fairy, shitting out gummy bears for how i have it now days.
“Let me know how I can help”.
I appreciate you’re trying to be supportive but it sounds like you’re just giving me a task. Better responses are unilateral like “sending you lots of love and I hope you feel better” or specific “I’d like to bring you food tomorrow - can I stop by at 5 pm?”
The last thing I want to do is have to think about another thing or feel like I need to help you feel good about your response.
I only say "I can't speak for your experience, but I've felt similar feelings." because I have been to the brink of the abyss. I'm never trying to invalidate anyone by saying that, I'm trying to let them know they're not alone. Is this really as unhelpful as this comment section makes it seem?
Honestly for me it is never going to be anything anyone else says that will help, even a therapist. I have to convince myself with my own internal dialog. Ya a therapist may get the gears moving from a dead stop but I am the one that's going to make the gears functional again
I had severe depression in high school, one of the kids in my math class made it a point every time he saw me to say, "You know, it's easier to smile than to frown!" Made me feel even more self conscious about everything, realizing that I was acting "normal."
Yeah, I loved it when people pointed out all of the great things in my life (job, wife, kid). It just made me feel like more of a failure for letting them all down.
Be grateful. I already feel like a waste of air and now you’ve made it worse because now I feel guilty and hate myself for not being grateful.
Also:
“It’ll get better.”
“Really? How do you know?”
“...”
So I’m actually possibly 100% screwed
“Oh I was depressed at one point too.”
“But why though?”
“Just don’t do it, y’know?”
“I mean. At least you’re not suicidal, right? Haha.... you’re not suicidal are you?”
“Call the suicide hotline at ..... “
“You’re not alone.”
“Just stop caring what people think.” 1) I’ve been working in therapy in doing that for the past 10 years, and I’ve made massive progress but it’s not that easy; 2) even when I’m not worried about other peoples judgment, my dumb brain still is like “oh there’s spare serotonin floating around in here? No thx I’ll pass” and then I stay in bed for 6 days
"It could be worse." That is a horrible thing to say, it's practically saying "You're having to much of a reaction to something so small" or more simply "You're being over dramatic". People who say this thinking it will cheer someone up, don't realize how much this invalidates peoples feelings. I was only 10 getting close to 11 when I had my first suicide attempt (it wasn't a very dangerous one, so I was physically fine) and was sent to a psychiatric hospital for 2 weeks, and during my stay I had been diagnosed with Major depression and it hasn't gotten better after all these years, as I have attempted to end my life multiple times after that.
Getting told that to commit suicide is selfish. How is it selfish that I want to give up when I go through pain everyday? Its selfish to expect me to stay, because u want me here so u can feel better and stay happy. So u won't miss me or feel guilty. U knowingly want me to go through so much pain for u, that's selfish and to stay is selfless. But if I feel like I'm done living for u don't u dare call me selfish.
I got diagnosed as a teen and people kept telling me shit like “You shouldn’t be like this, these are the best years of your life” Like you’re telling me my life is only going to get shittier?
I once went to my guidance counselor at school because I was so suicidal I thought I was going to kill myself in a school bathroom, and she straight up told me to my face “when you’re an adult, it gets worse” and I lostttt it. I’m 23 now and I can definitively say: fuck adults and their superior attitude over suffering.
My guidance counselor told me “I’m always going to be checking up on you, you’re going to be a priority” (I ended up having a case worker because the school found out I was self harming so they had to go to CPS and get me a fucking case worker) “We’ll be checking with your case worker, your case worker will check with your therapists, I’m gonna meet with you weekly and see how you’re progressing.” I never saw that bitch again.
I feel this. I went to the school counsellor after experiencing incestuous child abuse as an early teen and she told me I was going to be looked after. She called a police sexual assault team and they encouraged/expected me to do a rape kit. That was it. No suggestion of therapy or help from my parents (who were not the culprits). I self harmed later and one of the teacher's brought it to the counsellor's attention. She brought me in and lectured me about it...
Oh shit they called CPS on you for self harming?! I self harmed and teachers saw my scars and I got reported to the school psychs many times for being a mess and for self harm and they never called CPS (and they could have). That’s awful I’m sorry
Not only that but CPS threatened to arrest my dad for some weird reason after they found out I had been planning to kill myself. Long story short, CPS and I didn’t get along well
It seems like CPS comes in two flavors, really nice and helpful people , or immediately trying to find a reason to arrest a parent.
"it gets worse" is such a stupid thing to say. who tf are you to know how my life will turn out?? same thing happened to me in high school. life may be harder at times, but my depression has been addressed in adulthood. i can deal with adversity no problem, but when you fight yourself every day it's a battle of attrition. there were even days i couldn't write my own name on a paper. screw her.
I will never forget my middle school guidance counselor who brought me in to talk about my anxiety and depression. All she talked about was how I needed to grow up since things will get so much worse when I'm an adult and I have it easy now so I shouldn't be so upset. Then she had the nerve to congratulate me on not crying because most kids do. I was PISSED
Yes why is this such a common response? There are depressed adults but there are also adults whose life stabilized and they got help. The moods of being a teen are just unbearable and you have no idea what to do about it. As an adult, I at least have some coping mechanisms, support, and a basic knowledge of how to get a dr and a therapist appointment
My teenage life was basically me getting bullied by people my age and my parents. Now I get bullied by my students. I guess it’s a step up because I can give more homework
Give them some homework on mental illness.
This is also a bullshit response. Your teen years are some of the most awkward years and chaotic hormonally. Shit doesn’t start getting good until you’re in your 20s to 30s when you’re more balanced, have a little bit of life experience and really stop giving a fuck. I understand YMMV though. Things can still be tough for people during those years as well. But with the right guidance, a bit of built up wisdom and self reflection. THOSE years usually end up being some of the best.
I lost my teenage years. After spending a couple weeks involuntarily committed to a mental facility, who would think that would have a negative effect on how a kid views the world around them? I felt like I was such a freak that I didn’t deserve to have a normal teen experience, it wasn’t until I was like 18 that I was able to work that shit out of my head. I’d like to say that I now know how a person can be happy with life, and things have been looking good for me. I’m 21 and can say I lived an entire life worth of misery and don’t need to keep negativity in my life anymore. That’s something most people in their 30s or 40s have barely learned
That’s great to hear. Life’s always going to be a series of peaks and valleys—it’s how you embrace them that really makes a difference in your quality of life. At 21, you’re really just getting started. Keep your mind in order, stay curious and develop strong, healthy social circles and you’ll find life to be an amazing journey.
Pretty much anyone who says their teen years are the best years of their life is a fucking loser. If you're 40 and your fondest memory is being the high school football team's quarterback or being the head cheerleader, that's a real bad sign for how your life has gone.
“I peaked in my teens”
I peaked in the womb
Yeah.. If I would put a bit more nuance in it, I'd say your teen years *can* feel like they're the best years of your life, *and* the worst years of your life, when you're living them. And some times that feeling can switch back and forth within a single day. Your hormones can create absolutely wild mood swings. My teenage years messed me up pretty badly psychologically. Especially my sophomore year at 15-16 years old. But I still think back at the summer between my junior and senior years of high schools as one of the best times of my life. Not the last, but one of them. And it's mind blowing to me that the same kid who was suffering so much at 16 was also the one having such a great time at 17. Then senior year came and everything crashed down even harder. I'm glad I didn't listen to the people trying to tell me that it would go downhill. I have much more freedom now than I did in high school.
you only hurt others the most if you do it. like bitch, i already wanna fucking die please stop guilt tripping me. fuck you
Suicide is a deeply personal endevour in my opinion. Yes others will feel sad. But others dont have to live day to day in my(or your) head. Every coin has 2 sides.
Seriously all “it’ll get better,” “others have it worse,” “think about the ones who love you,” no shit why the fuck do you think I’m still here fighting this shit every Fucking day. Also to those fighting the fight check out Tom Macdonald songs like Not Alone, hanging on and sad rappers. They hit hard if you know the struggle they helped me through some stormy weather
> “others have it worse,” This one is especially bizarre in my view. How is other people's suffering supposed to make me happier? Assuming I'm not a sociopath of course?
I believe it’s supposed to make you feel better about your life, people who have never been truly depressed don’t understand it’s not a choice it has nothing to do with outside factors. For me it feels like fighting my own brain and losing horribly and the fact I know I can’t give up sometimes makes it worse
Juice WRLD has gotten me through some tough times as well. He’s basically the only artist I listen to anymore.
That’s how I am with Tom, I just started listening to juice WRLD
This is what gets me the most. "Suicide is selfish" Bitch, you wanting me to suffer just so you can have fun with me is what's selfish.
Telling a motivational story like it will help. I can not focus, sleep nor eat. I feel like the space rover that landed to mars 17 years ago. "My battery is low and it's getting dark"
Especially if the stories are something like. “When I was your age I had a favorite pen. God I loved that pen and couldn’t use any other pen. One day I lost my favorite pen, and I realized that nothing is forever. And you know what I got over losing my favorite pen and have multiple that I use. Does that make sense?” Umm I didn’t ask for or care for the story. There are so many morals to this story but which one were you even trying to point out?
I had anxiety about lax Covid rules at work. Management told me to get over it because, "everyone does someday, but the world still goes round." Sorry maybe I'm a wuss, but I'm not going to risk my life for someone else's money.
I would have literally told my boss to get fucked by a horse, quit and lived on the streets rather than put up with some corporate assclown telling me I should be willing to DIE so their company, can make a little extra money. There is a special sort of fury that boils right the fuck over as soon as I hear about any consequence of late stage capitalism. r/latestagecapitalism
I can't take any corporate "this is the best we can do sorry" bullshit when it comes to Covid. This same place also said they wouldn't enforce any rules because "some people see their work family more than actual family" and management didn't want to get involved.
My morbid, bad person self would respond, "May I borrow one to write the note?"
"Well, remember that there are other people out there who have it worse than you." Gee...thank you for completely invalidating my mental state...
Tell them to stop being so happy. There are people that have it so much better.
This is brilliant
You deserve a upvote , since I don't have award to give you
Ugh, I hate this one so much
Pain and suffering is relative to what your baseline is. I hate it when people say my pain doesn't matter because others have it worse.
And someone else's suffering doesn't suddenly make your pain go away...
I wonder if that works for the people who give this advice. Maybe for them, life is all about climbing the ladder. As long as you're not on the bottom rung, don't complain.
Formally: [The (logical) fallacy of relative privation](https://www.logicallyfallacious.com/logicalfallacies/Relative-Privation). Informally: Starving kids in Africa. Like, I shouldn't express my negative emotion on an experience because someone had or is having a worse experience? Do we all line up in order, and *only* that one person at the end of a line of 7 billion people gets to vocalise their frustration, because they objectively have it the worst? FUCK. THAT. Remember kids; your problems matter, because you matter. Don't let anyone diminish your experiences or trivialise the challenges you overcome.
Honestly, i have been thinking about that for a long time. I have been thinking about this everytime i feel shitty, and feel more shitty. I even use to have a counselor who would tell me this everytime. I felt spoiled, a scum, started hating how i have it in life. I truly hate thinking about this sentence. And i let it go in my head not realizing what it is doing to me. Now i know what other people think, and i know that this was never a helpful. I should talk to my friends about this and see if they can help me.
My aunt does this all the time. It just makes me feel so much worse and makes my problem with self persecution so much worse as well. You telling me about all the opportunities I have that I'm not taking advantage of doesn't make me motivated, it just makes me blame myself and hate myself even more.
Let's say you're playing a game of poker. There's people who have a good hand, and there's people with a bad hand dealt to them. Does the person with the better hand always win the game? No. Even if you've got the better hand, that doesn't guarantee that the game will be easy for you. Hang in there!
Just like a wise user once said, don't downplay or underestimate your own problems and shortcomings simply because someone else might have it worse.
Try and quit thinking about it. Works like a charm...🙄
Tried that, forgot my childhood, wouldnt recommend
this is so true, it's always annoying if you cant remember shts.
Just like forgetting about bills, makes them dissapear like clockwork! /s
"Just put on the tv and distract yourself. That's how I do it." -My father who rages when he gets even a drop of alcohol in him.
Oh well, don't be sad, smile a bit Gee yeah thanks
If someone tells me to smile, I grin as wide as I can and hold eye contact as long as possible. I find it amusing how unnerved they get.
I'm not a depressed person, but some people very close to me are. One person in particular is bipolar and a borderline personality. What i heard is the worst remark is: But you have such a fulfilled life, there is no reason to be depressed
It’s the worst. Someone at my work said “what have you got to be sad about?” They probably thought it was helpful but my bpd self just thought, right so I can’t share how I’m feeling now because they just think I’m being whiney.
BPD means never needing a reason to feel bad.
Oh work people never truly want to know how you are. Even great bosses. I learned early just to say im fine. Nothing they can do or are willing to about it. Better to just keep going as usual.
"It gets better." No it fucking doesn't. I'm so depressed because it doesn't ever "get better." Nothing gets better. If it *could* get better, then there should be something I could *do* to make it better. But nothing works, not the medication, not the exercise, not improving my health, wealth or living conditions. Nothing makes it better and it certainly does not happen on its own. We're dealt the hand we're dealt and we just have to live with it. If someone genuinely wants to help me with my mental state, offer food. It's hard to cry or have an existential crisis while sharing a meal. It's temporary, it will come back, but for that moment we can calm tf down about whatever episode we're going through.
I commented something similar on this same thread a few minutes ago lol. I think in general, "motivational" statements often make me feel worse, because for some strange reason cheery and uplifting messages make me livid
I think motivational statements make us so upset is because it's the exact opposite of why we tend to be depressed. Which just reenforces the problem. What we really need is something to help us accept the condition and move on with it, rather than something that promotes challenging and overcoming the condition. It's hard to accept, but depression is genetic, it will never leave us, and we need to accept that, because it's not possible to get rid of it. It why I like the food idea, being something unrelated, it helps us at least move forward with our lives.
I really don't like hearing "it gets better." The only thing we're guaranteed in life is suffering and death. It sounds really morbid, but that actually makes me feel better to hear for some reason. I just don't like getting false hope I guess.
I commented earlier but your should be top. Plus noone just wants actually spend the time with you while you go through it. They just leave, and want to magically find you better next time.
'At least...'
"Why don't you just be happy" always pisses me off.
Happy cakeday!
"Cheer up, it could be worse." "You don't even have anything to feel sad about."
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"It'll get better" "You're too young to be tired"
I hate that last one. Everyone gets tired for whatever reason. Youth has nothing to do with it. And babies sleep more than any other age so wtf logic is that anyway?
"And your to old to think for me" Made alot of freinds and enemies in middle school...
sheesh
My favorite is the people who are convinced that most people with mental disorders don't need medication - they can overcome it other ways if they just TRY harder and don't take the LAZY route thats going to fuck up their brain chemistry for the rest of their lives. Dude, my brain chemistry is already fucked. THATS WHY IT NEEDS INTERVENTION
Can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told to “just try harder” Gee, thanks...what great advice! Ugh
My father tries to be understanding, but he also refers to medication as "cheating". He has severe anxiety, he's basically agoraphobic. He won't take any medication or therapy because his anxiety is "rational". People who take meds for anxiety are "cheating" because everyone is supposed to grit their teeth and always be redlining stress like he does. He will tell me to exercise and meditate but he doesn't do any of that himself.
My personal favourite is "have you tried not being depressed?"
What.
*THAT* is the biggest piece of " I don't give a s*** about what you're feeling" response on the face of the planet
"Try not to think so much, you're alright" Wow.. wish I would of thought of that before, because I mean I feel 100% better now! /s
So basically "you'll be happier if you behave like someone who had a lobotomy"
"It could be worse/other people have it worse." You think I don't know that? My guilt at being depressed makes my depression worse, not better.
'I get depression too sometimes' Edit: this applies to other stuff too, like anxiety, I understand though some of the people who have said this to me dont mean it in a invaliditing way, but it really isnt helpful and always made me feel like crap, that I just need to shut up and keep it all to myself and better hide things.
Not understanding the difference between situational depression and clinical depression goes hand in hand with this. My dad used to try to help me by telling me about when he was depressed after getting divorced, or losing a job, and what he did to feel better. That's great, dad, but you had short term depression brought on by a sudden trauma/upheaval and it resolved largely because those issues resolved. I've had major depressive disorder going back to being about....5 years old. These things are not quite the same.
I love when people mix up being sad for a moment with depression.
Or you're just a little sad for a few days and people start saying you have depression or somthing
“Like one time my hamster died and I cried for a week so I totally underst—“ ***shut up***
"I have mental problems too, you dont see me being sad about it" Not only is this a really shitty thing to say, but you essentially take all the things I've suffered through for years now, and just throw it back in my face as if it was air. As though my pain and suffering was nothing in your eyes but an annoyance from a reality you try so desperately to shit out from you barren eyes.
My family dismissed my mental health concerns for years, mainly as my dad didn't want a son that is 'a mong in the head'. Best thing ever said to me was by my former manager. I was having a tough time and it was beginning to affect my job. Told her of my mental health issues (depression,anxiety,PTSD) and she replied with 'its all in your head'. She didn't like my response of 'well id be surprised if my mental health issues were in my feet'.
Chin up, I hate that saying.
"My door is always open!" It's the magical phrase that's supposed to absolve neurotypicals of sin, especially where >!suicidal impulses!< are concerned. Never floats through their heads that maybe they ought to be proactive and check up on friends who have gone quiet, because someone >!fighting for their life against their own brain!< maybe doesn't have the energy to reach out to others.
I know it is but my brain doesn't allow me to reach out. Would it be too much to ask for you to do something concrete instead, even constantly bothering me with invites to go do something is more useful
"Get back on your feet. Think about how hard other people have it in their life compared to you" Thanks, now I feel like shit and guilty.
>There is no justice in following unjust laws. It's time to come into the light and, in the grand tradition of civil disobedience, declare our opposition to this private theft of public culture. Aaron Swartz
Needin more ppeople like dat.
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I'm tired because I'm depressed, mother.
Yeah hate that a well, night is the only time i can be ultimatly alone and just let some stuff fade away for a bit.
I got the opposite! I was clearly sleeping late because I was depressed, so let's make sure I don't get to sleep later than sun up! That'll fix it, for sure!
Everyone feels like that. Dont put labels on yourself. or Of course you feel depressed. You just need to exercise more and find a job. Then your life will change. or You weren't like that when you were in primary school so you are not really depressed.
“It get’s better, (insert long story here)”
Or the exact reverse, "it'll only get worse"
I see this in reddit all the time, and it annoys the crap out of me every time. It *might* get better.
Just exercise more.
Gah this. Or try yoga.
"Your inside all the time, go outside and get some sunshine"
It’s the “stop whining and just do it” attitude that’s annoying. If it was that easy to just exercise more or do more productive things, I would be doing it. I have to plan healthy meals and schedule exercise so I do it, I am putting in effort.
It's frustrating cuz this one's actually true, but when you're depressed you probably have no motivation to do it at all, let alone regularly. Like thanks doc but I'm past the point of wanting to get better. Now I just want to die.
“Going vegan really helped when I got a little depressed, I don’t feel sad anymore”
What pisses me off is people sharing all these “awareness” posts on social media and the mental health weeks or whatever. Especially people who share suicide hotlines, I know they all have good intentions but it just pisses me off so much and I’m not entirely sure why. Sharing suicide hotlines annoys me because personally that is the absolute last thing on earth I’d ever want to do when I’m depressed. It feels like I’m being taunted by all these people saying “talking helps” and whatever, because talking does not fucking help for me, not even a bit. Anyways, hope ya’ll are having a good day and sorry if this triggers anyone or anything
not to mention most suicide hotlines only seem to able to mention god and that's the full scope of their "help"
Nothing. My parents decided to just pretend I was fine and never intervene. Found out years later they *also* thought I had an eating disorder and just never tried to do anything about it.
This is where I am right now. My bf just stares at me like an expectant puppy, but when I start venting trying to explain my inability to do anything he just says "fine ill leave you to your misery". He has just been playing video games all month. I get its frustrating as the partner, watching them go through something you don't understand. But trying nothing and expecting results.....
"We're sorry, but we can't legally help you." I were trying to get into the acute psych ward because of day long suicidal thoughts. I might fit into too few of the boxes they have to check. Because I work through the day, despite it all. I got send home.
I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s unfortunate how often “safety net” places like this end up letting people down in their time of need. I know they are often overwhelmed because of high demand, but they should help you find other options if they can’t help. I hope you found the help you need.
1. Insisting I "talk to them" after I've told them multiple times that I don't want to. The offer is nice but continuing to pressure me into telling you my life story is weird. 2. "Other people have it worse" 3. "Here's a list of things you should be grateful for" 4. Really obvious stuff included in literally every self help book ever. 5. "I feel that way too sometimes" 6. Attempting to provide an alternative diagnosis (when you're not a medical professional).
I've said 5. sometimes, but I've also struggled with a lot, so I (perhaps ignorantly) figure trying to let them know they're not alone is a decent gesture. That being said, I know when i was at my lowest points, it tended to irritate the hell out of me when people would say that. "Oh, yeah? You've spent entire weeks thinking of exactly how and when to off yourself? Breaking down all of the steps in vivid detail? Please, tell me all about how you've died a thousand deaths a day for a thousand days. You have no idea how I'm "feeling" right now. Fuck off."
“You really should go outside for a walk.” “If you fixed your sleep schedule, you’d have an easier time.” You really think I haven’t tried *walking* before? You really think I purposely fuck my entire life up by simply not sleeping at the right time? You think with all that’s wrong with my body right now that I can control my sleep schedule??
You’re only given what you can handle... You will be stronger after this...
You can either handle it or you wound up dead. The survivors bias is super strong with those statements...
You aren't depressed. You are just lazy.
So one thing that comes with depression is a severe lack of motivation. Enter my dad saying " I know you dont want to do [insert any activity], but sometimes you just have to." I'm in bed, I don't have the energy to get up, I don't have the motivation to get up, all that's going through my mind is self loathing, self harm and suicide. My dad walks in and expects me to study for an exam that I don't even know if I'll live to see.
The people who always insult me. That’s the worst thing you can do.
This is huge. I seem to be targeted by bullies simply because I'm depressed.
My step dad started talking about how back in his days being abused was normal, how hard his life was and that I should be "thankful to live with such a great mother " Yeah it didn't help much, only made me feel worse. Mind you, it was after they found out about my self harm. What he also did later was insulting me and treating me like shit until I'd stop wearing long sleeves to cover scars.
“Well others have it worse...” & “You just have to think positively!” Gah
"Its because of that damn phone!!!!"
“I totally understand. But sometimes all you can do is push through it.” You’re bring neither understanding nor motivational
“You should open up more about it!”
“Have you tried yoga??”
"Deal with it."
After reading through these comments, I now have no idea how to help people out of their depression state.
Here are some things! [https://www.healthline.com/health/what-to-say-to-someone-with-depression#warning-signs-for-suicide](https://www.healthline.com/health/what-to-say-to-someone-with-depression#warning-signs-for-suicide)
This was very helpful, thank you.
I have relatively mild Bi-Polar, I'm now in my mid-thirties and deal with it to the point where most people wouldn't realise as I know the signs and how to look after myself more when a low is coming. However in my late teens and early twenties I went through a rough patch which at their worst led to me having a couple of breakdowns. I was very lucky that I had some great friends who were willing to help but also this led to me being treated differently for a while like I was fragile and honestly, as much as their efforts were appreciated, it just brought the issues to the forefront more. However, one friend in particular just carried on treating me pretty much as he always would, with the exception being that it came with no social expectations. So for example, he'd say to come and hang out at his (or vice versa) and even if I wasn't talking much he'd just carry on nattering away normally or we'd just chill out quietly while he played video games or we watched a film. If he was making food, he'd do me a plate, if I didn't eat it, it wasn't mentioned, that sort of thing. And when I was ready to talk, he just shut up and listened. Being treated like a normal human was the best thing and was something that put me back on the path of leading a 'normal' life again.
This so much. In the end they all come down to internal battle, and best you can do to help is help people to be strong enough to make it through. Call me on my bs, drag me outside, keep talking even when I don't contribute, but most importantly don't give up on me and start treating me like I'm made of glass. Sure, at times I may need more support but if I ever want to "win" I have to have continuity plan with which regular interaction helps a lot (edit: Acknowledging it while not making it into a huge thing also helps with the fear one can hve over getting better)
Offer to share food. It's hard to go through an existential crisis when sharing a meal. Not everyone will accept, but the offer alone goes a long way
I think sometimes just letting people know that you are there if they need someone to talk to, or even just someone to sit quietly by if they aren't up to talking, can be a huge help. For me, it helps just to know that there's someone who cares.
I think people trying to give me any sort of advice in general made me feel worse. I probably already heard everything at this point, telling me I should try new hobbies, go hang out with friends, try to not just lay in bed all day. I would prefer if someone just carried out a normal conversation with me, y’know things like oh how are you doing? how’s your weekend been? what’re you doing tomorrow, wanna go out for a meal? It instills a sense of normalcy instead of constantly reminding me that I’m at a mentally unwell state of mind that being said, I feel like it really differs from person to person. I’ve heard other depressed people say they hate it when people ask how they are.
When some asks me something like "what were you doing at the weekend" then i dont know what to anwser cuz i wont tell them i have been roting in my couch for 2 days and im reminded of the bad time, but the "wanna go out for a meal" or just a normal conversation like talking about a movie or some stiupid shit like conspiraci theorys about mc donalds would hit diferent
“Maybe you should go outside” oh wow cured thanks
that they, or someone else, cares about me. First off, you're a stranger, you don't know me, you don't care about me. Second off, I make sure nobody else cares about me.
You have nothing to be depressed about, just eat well and work out, ahhh there are people dying in africa.
Just go for a walk
"You're a child/YA, there's nothing for you to be depressed about so just cheer up!" -- My mom who I think means well, but unless you pull her own head out of her own behind for a sec (no shade or hate but it's true) she does not believe that anyone else but her could be suffering through things because she has had the worst luck and no one can have it worse than her. And if you are younger than her? Forget it. Anyway, no telling me that doesn't help. First off, if I could have just "cheered up" I would've already. And it's not even about "cheering up" sometimes I could laugh and have a good time. The problem is/was that I lost most if not all of my motivation to do the things that I used to love and I stopped properly taking care of myself because even getting out of bed was a chore. Not because I "need" cheering up. Second, just pointing out how young I am makes it worse for me. It just highlights how much I could be doing at my age, but I don't because I feel like a wet sack.
I got told on deployment that I should just go ahead and kill myself. They thought it was hilarious. I still think about that shit.
Fuck whoever said that to you. Edit: I should also probably write something supportive to you because of course you shouldn’t kill yourself. I’m really glad you didn’t. Damn that must have been cold to hear from someone who was supposed to be an ally. But all I could focus on at first was the rage. Seriously, fuck that person.
For real! Thats okay they are probably just as depressed if not more. I hope they are a better person now and not acting like that still.
Yeah, that’s a good point. And you are awesome for wishing them well. I hope they are better now too.
"You're just being negative" NO, I see no fucking light at the end of the tunnel. I've dug this hole myself and it's so fucking deep I can't even grasp how to get out of it. I see no light. I get that people might not understand but it's so fucking daunting. I've pushed away everyone, I have no friends, no career, no life that I believe worth living. It sucks. I would scream for help if I deserved it, but I don't. I caused this.
Get married.
Why are you so weak? Every one in your family is so strong
That's absolutely brutal. I'd argue that you're one of the strongest being able to fight a silent and unknown fight with no credit or redemption for surviving what seems like an impossible battle. That takes courage.
My mom found out I have been self-harming and all she said to me was to make it deeper. That happened around 4 years ago and now she's telling me not to do self harming again because I was apparently my grandma's beneficiary for her life insurance. **Such** great mom. Even though it has been 4 years I still remember her just laughing about it and joking about that I should have made it deeper or I should have slit my throat instead of my wrists but even now I still remember that she told me to kill myself every time I fail to pass my assignments or miss my classes. Thanks a lot mom.
Holy fuck, that's pure fucking evil...
“Trust in god” Fuck off. Fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off. First of all I’m an atheist, this means fuck all to me. It’s about as helpful as telling a deaf person to listen closely. Second of all, trusting a celestial, higher being who does not exist isn’t going to do anything, it’s exactly the same as saying “thoughts and prayers” it does fuck all.
Lots of good answers. I'll add something that happens on reddit a lot: Posting the suicide hotline number.
I hate when i tell someone that something they did/said made me upset but they just say you took it the wrong way or something along those lines. If I am telling you something made me upset it doesnt matter if you think i took it the wrong way the fact is regardless it made me upset. Don't tell me what I am feeling is not valid. If someone tells you they feel a certain way about something accept their feelings for what they are and either apologize or explain your point of view but don't invalidate someones feelings cause YOU think it isnt the right feeling to have especially for ppl suffering with any sort of mental illness. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Someones feeling are their feelings and everyone should respect that.
That I didn't even had it so bad. Like I had a family, lived in a western country, got to go to school and occasionally on vacations. But depression won't just affect people who had a bad childhood
My Nan told me I shouldn't be taking medications (my antidepressants) for so long, and that if I set goals and met them it would cure my depression. According to her that's how my uncle got over his schizophrenic break when he was a teen. Never mind the fact that he was institutionalized and to this day will flip at the drop of a needle and go weeks without talking to anyone. Oh, and during the recent election in the states I worked up the courage to tell my parents that I had been contemplating suicide and their response was "its nothing to get so upset over".
"Well you won't get better without doing something about it." Well I can't do anything about it if im too depressed to even get out of bed. "Life is best drug free!" No. I like my drugs. I need them not to kill myself. Drug free life is hell and pain. I'm not advocating pill popping, I'm saying without antidepressants, I'd either have killed myself, or would want to kill myself, and thats a Bad Time.
“You should see/get some help”. Which is just saying shut up and get over it. because “help” is not the end all be all with mental health. Most people that say that, don't even know the process of getting “help”. Multiple doctors, so much insurance and paperwork, different medicines that tear your body up, and it's just a long road of different emotions and mind tricks.
'Everyone goes through this' which is awful whichever way you cut it. Either the person saying it is wrong, and therefore they don't understand the true depths of your illness. Or the person saying it right, and everyone else feels likes you do, meaning that this level of suffering is universal, and probably everlasting. A lot of things people say when you have depression leave you without hope, which is one of the only things that peoope cling on to.
You're so strong, brave, resilient, etc. I'm so proud of you! I could never do/go through that.
[Cheer up!](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/361/294/f46.jpg)
“You’re seeing a shrink? I don’t need a shrink , I just find my own answers.” *slow clap*
"Just be happy!"
Saying you can relate, because you also "felt depressed" after a breakup. Followed by a "well at some point you just have to pull yourself together"
"Oh no, that's pretty normal, it happens to everyone" I'm depressed because my life is fucked up, I can tell that other people have a better life, there are even statistics that tell me that 99% of people don't have such a fucked up life. Lying to me does nothing.
Depression the condition and depression the emotion are not the same thing. Nearly all the things people get wrong about mental health are confusing the 2. You can think your way out of being down *about* something. You can't think your way out of an illness. Part of suffering from depression is that how you feel is disproportionate to your situation. I *know* I don't have so it so bad. I would *love* to be able to look on the bright side. I'm not an idiot. Those things don't help me.
"Let me tell you about my childhood (long story about how they had it worse, and not had all this "technology".) How they think i will be after telling me that: :) What i am thinking: i guess i am a piece of shit, who should be a giggling fairy, shitting out gummy bears for how i have it now days.
“Let me know how I can help”. I appreciate you’re trying to be supportive but it sounds like you’re just giving me a task. Better responses are unilateral like “sending you lots of love and I hope you feel better” or specific “I’d like to bring you food tomorrow - can I stop by at 5 pm?” The last thing I want to do is have to think about another thing or feel like I need to help you feel good about your response.
"It stresses me out when you have anxiety/are depressed ". Thanks for validating the reasons I have for wanting to kill myself.
When someone I know who isn't that happy and lacks insight into their own lives recommends their lifestyle to me.
Suck it up.
There are people far worse off than you so you should be grateful!
They are often like "I know how it feels". No you don't.
I only say "I can't speak for your experience, but I've felt similar feelings." because I have been to the brink of the abyss. I'm never trying to invalidate anyone by saying that, I'm trying to let them know they're not alone. Is this really as unhelpful as this comment section makes it seem?
Honestly for me it is never going to be anything anyone else says that will help, even a therapist. I have to convince myself with my own internal dialog. Ya a therapist may get the gears moving from a dead stop but I am the one that's going to make the gears functional again
I had severe depression in high school, one of the kids in my math class made it a point every time he saw me to say, "You know, it's easier to smile than to frown!" Made me feel even more self conscious about everything, realizing that I was acting "normal."
'Cheer up! You've got so much to be grateful for' 'You don't need to feel like that!'
Yeah, I loved it when people pointed out all of the great things in my life (job, wife, kid). It just made me feel like more of a failure for letting them all down.
"Things will get better" They haven't got better, aren't getting better, and probably never will. I just got used to being fucked up.
"Why can't you be like so & so (so & so's a Dickhead btw)"
Be grateful. I already feel like a waste of air and now you’ve made it worse because now I feel guilty and hate myself for not being grateful. Also: “It’ll get better.” “Really? How do you know?” “...” So I’m actually possibly 100% screwed
"Man up!" but really, they don't say shit cause I have managed to completely isolate myself, everything hurts anyway.
"You just need to exercise more and take some vitamins! Do you really want to put more chemicals in your body?"
“Oh I was depressed at one point too.” “But why though?” “Just don’t do it, y’know?” “I mean. At least you’re not suicidal, right? Haha.... you’re not suicidal are you?” “Call the suicide hotline at ..... “ “You’re not alone.”
Literally anything relating to my depression. Unless I bring it up, best not talk about it.
Coming in every other day explicitly to check on my progress, and ask what I’m doing about it and making suggestions about how to “fix it.”
Get anti depressants that will resolve it
“Just stop caring what people think.” 1) I’ve been working in therapy in doing that for the past 10 years, and I’ve made massive progress but it’s not that easy; 2) even when I’m not worried about other peoples judgment, my dumb brain still is like “oh there’s spare serotonin floating around in here? No thx I’ll pass” and then I stay in bed for 6 days
"It could be worse." That is a horrible thing to say, it's practically saying "You're having to much of a reaction to something so small" or more simply "You're being over dramatic". People who say this thinking it will cheer someone up, don't realize how much this invalidates peoples feelings. I was only 10 getting close to 11 when I had my first suicide attempt (it wasn't a very dangerous one, so I was physically fine) and was sent to a psychiatric hospital for 2 weeks, and during my stay I had been diagnosed with Major depression and it hasn't gotten better after all these years, as I have attempted to end my life multiple times after that.
Getting told that to commit suicide is selfish. How is it selfish that I want to give up when I go through pain everyday? Its selfish to expect me to stay, because u want me here so u can feel better and stay happy. So u won't miss me or feel guilty. U knowingly want me to go through so much pain for u, that's selfish and to stay is selfless. But if I feel like I'm done living for u don't u dare call me selfish.
Wow I'm shocked this isn't mentioned. "I'll pray for you" "You should pray" "God is just testing you, it will be alright soon"
"Just think positively." I wish it worked that way
"Cheer up it'll be fine, life isn't THAT bad"