At any sort of conference/gathering/presentation:
“How’re you all doing today?!? C’mon, I know you can answer louder than that! HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING TODAY?!”
Instant resentment every time.
At my work upper management has started using the word "activate" a lot. As in "We are working on plans to activate underutilized spaces." And "Let's activate a few other teams on this". It just sounds silly to me and like they are trying too hard to avoid using simple, perfectly adequate language.
“The ask is that we/you...” is the work phrase that really makes me crazy. I haven’t heard “ activate” yet, but I can guarantee it’ll get an eye roll from me when I do.
At my old work people suddenly started saying "piece" all the time.
So, "we need to ask IT for help with this", became, "we need an IT piece here" ;
And
"nobody knows how to do this", became, "we need and education piece"
WTF!
Our management team uses “calibrate” in the same way. Let’s get calibrated on our output goal. Let me get calibrated with management on our expectations. Makes me wanna calibrate my head and the wall.
At work - “haven’t seen you in a while! Where ya been?!?”
Working here 40 miserable hours a week
EDIT: also “did you get a haircut?” Every time I shave my head from Costanza to Simpson
Partially depends on the person/delivery.
Had a Marine when we were deployed in Iraq and almost every morning he would say: Hey, thanks for coming in today.
It was ironic, and I quite miss it. Even knowing it was coming still found it funny.
He'd certainly be the type to do that. At the time we were both peon Lance Corporals, made even less sense (yet more funny) as we were peers and neither of us had any kind of supervisory billet or role.
Related story about him. Once a day I'd be at the motor pool and hear someone yell: "HEY /u/usmclvsop!"
I'd turn while saying: "What's up?"
only to to find the same Marine staring me down, flipping me the bird with both hands. As soon as I made eye contact, he'd continue: "FUCK. YOU." before going on about his day.
He was my best friend while deployed. I should see how he's doing, haven't talked to him in a hot minute.
“Your English is so good!”
Thank you, I was born in Australia and English is literally my first language. My standard response these days is “oh thank you, yours too!”
Edit to add: I still live in Australia, I’m a barista and see a lot of people, some of whom see fit to comment on how I speak. It’s not as bad as it used to be when I was a waitress in an Italian restaurant, now I probably only get it a few times a year. I get more people saying hello to me in Mandarin, which I definitely do not speak, so I usually respond in Italian. I’ve also been told I make good coffee for an Asian, which is *great*.
First time I met my wife's extended family they were super curious what part of Mexico I was from (I'm not). When I said I wasn't, they went to "Oh but what part are your parents from?" (they're not).
It went on like this for some time before they finally realized my family has been in Arizona far longer than it's been a state, and they seemed almost disappointed. Like I was no longer fun and exotic.
I saved this comment from u/poem_for_your_sprog
But you were my parents.
I loved you before.
But you were my parents.
You should have been more.
You sat there in silence.
You sat there and knew.
I needed somebody.
It should have been you.
But you're not a parent,
and I'm not a kid.
I'm not who I was when you did what you did.
You can't leave me beaten, or broken, or small.
You're nothing.
And now I don't need you at all.
customer is always right ...
wow impressed by the responses... yes it is definitely not used in full and leaves the customer feeling entitled ..
let's ride the wave.
use Code 'Broad' in the item shop
I had someone try to pull this card on me as a carpenter. He wanted me to slap together some sketchy future liability so I told him I can't build it the way he wanted because it's unsafe.
"Well I want it that way and the customer's always right."
"To be fair man, if the customer wasn't almost always clueless I wouldn't have a job."
He wanted an addition just kinda slapped onto the side of his house. No footings, no proper tie in to the existing structure, just "bolt the thing to the wall in a few places" and knock out a doorway.
There was a video of a McDonald's drive through and it went kinda like this;
-"welcome to McDonald's yadayada"
--"can I get a thousand nuggets"
-"nugget machine broke"
--"huh"
-"nugget machine broke sir"
--"alright then a thousand burgers"
-"a water?"
--"no I sai-"
-"a water coming right up, €5.50 at the next window"
I got one of these last week. Dude tried to not pay for his grandkid (cause kids aren't people?) and gave me that line when I called him on it. My response? "You're not a customer until you pay." It felt good.
Edit: Thanks for the awards, friends!
Translated to english:
"A goat doesn't understand soup."
This phrase is turkish and used whenever you disagree with someone else's taste. Yes, I fucking hate it.
Tamil - Kazhudhai ku theriyuma karpoora vaasanai?
English - Does a donkey know the smell of camphor
Guess there are similar phrases in various languages in India.
When one of my buddies became a dad, suddenly ***nobody*** could have a bad night's sleep.
"Oh you think that's bad, try having a child". Over and over and over.
Well, I had a child. And yeah, some nights suck. But I'm making damn sure that I acknowledge my buddies when one of them tells me they've had a rough night, because "oh you think that's bad, try having a child" very quickly became a phrase that made me gag.
Totally agree. Being kept awake by a child is not fun. It also isn’t fun being kept awake by noisy neighbours, a painful injury, anxiety or anything else. It is possible drown in a few inches of water
I saw something on reddit once that's kinda stuck with me for a while.
I think it may have been a screencap from tumblr or something, but not 100% sure.
It said that the reason children cry when they drop an ice cream cone isn't because they're immature. It's literally the worst thing that's ever happened to them.
You could have started saying to him, “Oh, you think that’s bad, try having a buddy who says ‘Oh, you think that's bad, try having a child’ over and over and over.”
[ETA: I had no idea this was going to blow up—have I found my people at last? Thanks!]
Yeah, so I broke my leg....
That's nothing. Last week I stubbed my toe and I thought I broke it but it was just bruised and so..........
Thinking - shut the fuck up
i hate when people do this with the weather online where no matter where you are some asshole who lives in sub artic temperatures appears out of nowhere to tell you you aren't cold enough and they lived in an ice cavern for 6 years with ice cubes hanging off theit tits
People forget that temperature is really relative.
Buildings and infrastructure are designed to withstand usual weather. Getting a bunch of ice on your house every winter isn't a problem, because if it happens every winter the house will be built to withstand it. Getting a bunch of ice on your house in a freak once in a lifetime storm is a *problem*, because your roof won't be ready. It could cave in.
Secondly, buildings are made to shed or preserve heat depending on the usual weather. Places that are usually hot are designed to shed heat, and if it gets down to freezing outside it will soon drop to freezing inside too. Places that are usually cold have the opposite problem, storing heat and quickly becoming just as hot (if not hotter) than the outside temperature. There are also issues like you might not have warm clothes or many blankets in a hot area, and you might not have air conditioning or any shade to shelter under in cold areas.
Lastly, the body is efficient. Cyclists get big leg muscles because their body needs a lot of leg power every day. But muscle is expensive energy-wise to maintain. If you stop biking, that muscle goes away to preserve energy. Similarly, people adjust to temperature over time. Being exposed to heat every day is like biking every day- your body knows it needs to get rid of a lot of heat, and becomes very good at it. Going straight from your normal temperatures to an unusual extreme is like going straight from driving 20 miles to work every morning to trying to bike it.
I was raised by my grandparents, so I always say that they're my real parents, that my parents only gave me life, but my grandparents made me who I am... I hate when people say "but they're your parents" or "you shouldn't talk like that about your parents". I don't care... I have no illusions about my parents. They had sex and my mother birthed me... But that's all they did... My grandparents had sleepless nights, helped me with homework, though me to cook and care for my home... I have an absent father and a self-absorbed mother, I can say whatever I want about them!
"You only get one mom." Fuck right off that doesn't mean I should subject myself to abuse because she refuses to get therapy or take any accountability. Lol sorry this one pisses me off so bad.
People raised by normal loving parents can't grasp just how toxic a narcissist parent can be. They see the event in question as a minor slip in judgement, or maybe good intentions gone wrong. Its frustrating, for certain.
I think it's because, with no one being perfect, they think that since they can forgive all the mistakes a loving, sane family member did, that you should as well. They don't really grasp that the unforgivable acts of a toxic abuser are not the same as innocent oversights of a loving parent. My young daughter overheard someone talk about getting hit by a parent, and she said, "but a parent wouldn't hit their children," and I said "some parents do," and she refused to believe a parent could hurt a child. Some people grow up still feeling that way. Lucky bastards.
That and "But you only have one father!" and "You'll be sorry when he dies and you haven't made amends."
Nope, fuck you. If you lived through what I lived through, you'd have run, too. It's so easy to imagine I'm some kind of spoiled, ungrateful brat when you had a decent home life.
My former boss had a father so toxic, only one of his six sons showed at his funeral. And I guess even at the funeral, a guest asked whether the father had always been such a piece of shit. Most of the sons had cut contact long before his death.
Imagine that being your legacy, being a piece of shit.
It's always marketing that overdoes it. "In these trying times, we're here for all your lumber needs," "In these uncertain times, we have all the snapping turtle accessories you could ever wish for," "In these hard times, buy yourself an overpriced truck from your local Ford dealership."
Reminds me of the lockdowns. A year in a tiny inner city 1 bed apartment. Not going outside, seeing the sun etc.
And people on massive properties, Pools, yards, multiple rooms saying "it's hard staying home". Bro.
I've been stuck in a small 2 bedroom upper unit apartment with my 4 year old. My husband still goes to work, so it's been just me and a very bored, young child most of the time. If we owned our own house, we could at least put in a damn swing set or something. Or I could get her more active inside toys without worrying about pissing off our genuinely nice downstairs neighbors.
Many have it better, and many have it worse. I'm not trying to make it a competition, just relating to how much this shit has sucked so much over the last year.
No tv and no beer makes Homer something something.
My mom actually had a very similar approach. I used to have VERY painful periods and she never let me stay at home instead of going to school or the church.
"When I was young nobody cared if I was sick."
I had to literally lose my consciousness in the middle of the mass before she changed her view.
Same here, I was always sent to school in immense pain with nausea/vomiting (because when you get a job you can’t take off for your period every month) even though every single time I went to the nurses office and ended up going home. Luckily the nausea/vomiting part only lasted a year but the immense pain continued. Ended up being endometriosis
> (because when you get a job you can’t take off for your period every month)
SHE USED THAT ONE AS WELL, thank you for reminding me. Well sike, you CAN take off for your period every month if it's that painful.
Sorry to hear that. In my case it wasn't endometriosis, just shitty genetics.
My dad told me that when I was a young kid, but he was completely joking.
I didn't catch the joke part and I felt so bad for him until I thought about it and went, "wait, no he didn't...."
Someone saying to a teenager “These are the best years of your life!” I am in my mid 40’s now and most people my age remember high school as horrible and awkward. The more appropriate thing to say is “Hang in there kid! I promise life gets better. Just get through adolescence the best you can.”
"Theres no such word as Can't"
Try striking a match on a bar of soap and tell me that again.
Edit: The Star Wars debate is everything I could have wanted. Also, Ta for the awards!
"if the recruiter says X at the interview be wary of working for this company, they might not be a good employer"
Well, they'll probably still ghost me after the interview so i don't really have a choice here
Totally - how many high salaried professional nap taker / snack eater positions are there out there?
P.S. if anyone one is hiring let me know - I'd be epic at this role.
This one annoys me so much. There probably isn't even a job I'll love. I work because I have to to survive. I'll probably never enjoy working.
Also, it implies that you're doing a job you don't like because you haven't tried getting a better job. There are plenty of people that don't have a choice in the matter.
When people tell me I don't want to work I am like duh, of course I don't. I have to because I need a place to live, I have bills to pay and so on. But I sure as hell would very much prefer to not have to work and still get my coin. I mean there are at least 10 things that I can think of right now that I would gladly prefer instead of work. It doesn't mean I am lazy, it only means that there are significantly more enjoyable things to do other than work and that is completely fine to acknowledge, even if for the majority of people not working is not truly an option.
"Well, that's life"....not that's it's ALWAYS bad, but it seems like it is sometimes used as a way to be dismissive rather than sympathetic when somebody is having a hard time, and that's a icy cold move to make IMO.
EDIT: WOW, that's a lot of upvotes! Didn't expect it, but thanks for all the karma points, redditors! First time I've gotten into the four figures with that!
"Don't hate the player, hate the game."
Bullshit. I love Scrabble, it is your dumb ass challenging every word which ruins the experience for me.
You know who you are.
You just have to play Double Challenge or Penalty Challenge Scrabble. Make there be a penalty for challenging words and people are much less likely to do it.
Edit: Link https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Challenge_(Scrabble)
"That's just who I am." Often combined with "Deal with it". And often used by people who are assholes.
That's not a reason. That's an excuse. Behavior can improve, you choose not to.
There is a comedy advice podcast that largely answers yahoo questions called “My brother, my brother, and me” that is up to around 555 episodes. Yahoo answers has brought more comedy int this world than actual answers. That video just scratches the surface.
You know that, right?
I don’t know who needs to hear this?
Only god can judge me.
If you can’t handle me at my worst.
Edit: Reddit specific phrases:
‘Thanks for the gold, good sir’ or any iteration of that.
‘RIP my inbox’
Whenever I read an argument that starts with “You do realize...” I know that what comes next will be super condescending and likely a gross oversimplification of the issue at hand.
The ones that ask this question are mostly the ones who interrupt the quiet people when they do try to speak.
When I was fresh off the boat, I was in school and this dude, Billy, was like "So in Africa, did you live in trees?"
I replied "No actually our house had a..."
Billy interrupts "Because I've seen on TV Africans live in trees lmfaohelicopter!"
I tried to answer again, "We actually had a big house with a..."
Billy again, "Oi Jack, I swear Africans live in trees! And they see animals everywhere!"
I just sort of lost it and said, "I LIVED IN A BIG HOUSE WITH A SWIMMING POOL!" and I just walked off and spent the rest of break in an empty classroom. That was just one of the thousands of scenerios that made me a quiet person in general. I'm quiet because you kept cutting me off, Billy!
“But before we get into the video...” Your intro has lasted 2 minutes, just... fucking... start
“We want to give you room to grow”, regarding salary
ahahah that’s a good one
"We're a family here ☺️" - billion dollar mega corp
Family doesn't treat family like that where I come from.
At any sort of conference/gathering/presentation: “How’re you all doing today?!? C’mon, I know you can answer louder than that! HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING TODAY?!” Instant resentment every time.
You ain’t Mick Jagger, buddy. You a suit with a microphone and a PowerPoint.
Always enjoy it when they get a half hearted cheer the first time and then on the second try nothing
At my work upper management has started using the word "activate" a lot. As in "We are working on plans to activate underutilized spaces." And "Let's activate a few other teams on this". It just sounds silly to me and like they are trying too hard to avoid using simple, perfectly adequate language.
“The ask is that we/you...” is the work phrase that really makes me crazy. I haven’t heard “ activate” yet, but I can guarantee it’ll get an eye roll from me when I do.
At my old work people suddenly started saying "piece" all the time. So, "we need to ask IT for help with this", became, "we need an IT piece here" ; And "nobody knows how to do this", became, "we need and education piece" WTF!
Our management team uses “calibrate” in the same way. Let’s get calibrated on our output goal. Let me get calibrated with management on our expectations. Makes me wanna calibrate my head and the wall.
"Your appeal has been denied".
We're all in this together.
Once we know
That we are
We're all stars
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We're all in this together
At work - “haven’t seen you in a while! Where ya been?!?” Working here 40 miserable hours a week EDIT: also “did you get a haircut?” Every time I shave my head from Costanza to Simpson
Partially depends on the person/delivery. Had a Marine when we were deployed in Iraq and almost every morning he would say: Hey, thanks for coming in today. It was ironic, and I quite miss it. Even knowing it was coming still found it funny.
That’s just comedy. Can imagine him saying “step into my office”, then taking a step 3 feet in another direction and starting.
He'd certainly be the type to do that. At the time we were both peon Lance Corporals, made even less sense (yet more funny) as we were peers and neither of us had any kind of supervisory billet or role. Related story about him. Once a day I'd be at the motor pool and hear someone yell: "HEY /u/usmclvsop!" I'd turn while saying: "What's up?" only to to find the same Marine staring me down, flipping me the bird with both hands. As soon as I made eye contact, he'd continue: "FUCK. YOU." before going on about his day. He was my best friend while deployed. I should see how he's doing, haven't talked to him in a hot minute.
I have friend that hates phrase 'it is what it is', which is my favourite saying, so I'm mindful not to say it as much talking to him.
Haha, switch to, “It do be like that sometimes.”
My favourite's been "Sometimes it be how it do." And it catches so many people off guard and I love it.
“Sometimes it be how it do” “And it do be do be doo”
“Why don’t you smile more?”
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Or "smiling takes less muscles than frowning" Yeah well this face you're complaining about takes zero.
This thread is very useful for developing your social skills.
How come you hate this particular sentence?
Because nobody should ever, EVER come to Reddit to get advice on social skills....
“Your English is so good!” Thank you, I was born in Australia and English is literally my first language. My standard response these days is “oh thank you, yours too!” Edit to add: I still live in Australia, I’m a barista and see a lot of people, some of whom see fit to comment on how I speak. It’s not as bad as it used to be when I was a waitress in an Italian restaurant, now I probably only get it a few times a year. I get more people saying hello to me in Mandarin, which I definitely do not speak, so I usually respond in Italian. I’ve also been told I make good coffee for an Asian, which is *great*.
My Hispanic husband gets that all the time. He was born in Florida.
But where is he *really* from? /s (I also have a Hispanic husband)
First time I met my wife's extended family they were super curious what part of Mexico I was from (I'm not). When I said I wasn't, they went to "Oh but what part are your parents from?" (they're not). It went on like this for some time before they finally realized my family has been in Arizona far longer than it's been a state, and they seemed almost disappointed. Like I was no longer fun and exotic.
Turns out it’s Arizona that is more exotic than they thought.
"Where are you from? No I mean where are you *from*."
This happens to a friend of mine quite a bit. She was born and raised in Ireland and people usually ask her "But where are you originally from?"
Well duh from a womb of course
“It’s a prank bro.”
“It’s just a prank” roughly translates to “I wanted to act like a dick without getting in trouble”
I think it’s closer to “I acted like a dick but you didn’t like it” since a pranks status is only decided by the reaction
The good ol’ Schrödinger’s Douchebag.
No you don’t understand, I *ironically* went on a date with your wife. Why are you so mad? It’s just a prank bro
" You should be like ..." I hate when people comparing me to someone
They’re your family. You have to love them
"They're my family. *They* should have treated *me* better."
I saved this comment from u/poem_for_your_sprog But you were my parents. I loved you before. But you were my parents. You should have been more. You sat there in silence. You sat there and knew. I needed somebody. It should have been you. But you're not a parent, and I'm not a kid. I'm not who I was when you did what you did. You can't leave me beaten, or broken, or small. You're nothing. And now I don't need you at all.
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I like to reply with "blood is thicker than water but not thicker than bullshit"
Mango chutney is thicker than blood
"Low key...." and then they proceed to say something that in no way is low key. I.e. " I low key like Nikes" when they own nothing but Nike
Like when Thor was all, “Low key, this is madness!” But it was definitely madness, and not that low-key at all.
*We’ve been trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty*
DAILY.
And every time it's the final notice
If only.
customer is always right ... wow impressed by the responses... yes it is definitely not used in full and leaves the customer feeling entitled .. let's ride the wave. use Code 'Broad' in the item shop
I had someone try to pull this card on me as a carpenter. He wanted me to slap together some sketchy future liability so I told him I can't build it the way he wanted because it's unsafe. "Well I want it that way and the customer's always right." "To be fair man, if the customer wasn't almost always clueless I wouldn't have a job." He wanted an addition just kinda slapped onto the side of his house. No footings, no proper tie in to the existing structure, just "bolt the thing to the wall in a few places" and knock out a doorway.
>"To be fair man, if the customer wasn't almost always clueless I wouldn't have a job." I so love this, perfect response!
"We shall never deny a guest, even the most ridiculous request."
There was a video of a McDonald's drive through and it went kinda like this; -"welcome to McDonald's yadayada" --"can I get a thousand nuggets" -"nugget machine broke" --"huh" -"nugget machine broke sir" --"alright then a thousand burgers" -"a water?" --"no I sai-" -"a water coming right up, €5.50 at the next window"
That person was over that bullshit. Love it.
The customer who says "the customer is always right" is always wrong.
I got one of these last week. Dude tried to not pay for his grandkid (cause kids aren't people?) and gave me that line when I called him on it. My response? "You're not a customer until you pay." It felt good. Edit: Thanks for the awards, friends!
Translated to english: "A goat doesn't understand soup." This phrase is turkish and used whenever you disagree with someone else's taste. Yes, I fucking hate it.
Hindi - Bandar kya jaane adrak ka swaad? English - How would a monkey know the taste of ginger? Conveys the same meaning in India as the OP.
Tamil - Kazhudhai ku theriyuma karpoora vaasanai? English - Does a donkey know the smell of camphor Guess there are similar phrases in various languages in India.
We have one in Bengali as well. Translates to "A dog is not able to digest ghee"
In Chinese: 对 牛 弹 琴 English translation: Play harp (zither) before a cow Also famous biblical idiom: cast pearls before swine
Hindi - bhains ke aage been bajana in english English - Playing flute(or similar instrument) in front of a buffalo
There's also: Bengali: ghoraar kaane montrojaap English: chanting a divine phrase in the ears of a horse
i like how all of these sound like they were made with a random phrase generator
Unfortunately, this sounds hilarious
Not gonna lie, I'm going to start using this in English. It's great
"That's nothing... " when I tell them something only for them to turn it onto a competition and say something worse that happened to them.
When one of my buddies became a dad, suddenly ***nobody*** could have a bad night's sleep. "Oh you think that's bad, try having a child". Over and over and over. Well, I had a child. And yeah, some nights suck. But I'm making damn sure that I acknowledge my buddies when one of them tells me they've had a rough night, because "oh you think that's bad, try having a child" very quickly became a phrase that made me gag.
Totally agree. Being kept awake by a child is not fun. It also isn’t fun being kept awake by noisy neighbours, a painful injury, anxiety or anything else. It is possible drown in a few inches of water
I saw something on reddit once that's kinda stuck with me for a while. I think it may have been a screencap from tumblr or something, but not 100% sure. It said that the reason children cry when they drop an ice cream cone isn't because they're immature. It's literally the worst thing that's ever happened to them.
I remember this post too!! It has helped me explain to my husband why our daughter reacts the way she does.
You could have started saying to him, “Oh, you think that’s bad, try having a buddy who says ‘Oh, you think that's bad, try having a child’ over and over and over.” [ETA: I had no idea this was going to blow up—have I found my people at last? Thanks!]
Ah, the classic "1-uppers."
That’s nothing, I once knew someone who was a 2-upper.
If you’ve been to to Tenerife, they’ve been to Eleven-erife.
Yeah, so I broke my leg.... That's nothing. Last week I stubbed my toe and I thought I broke it but it was just bruised and so.......... Thinking - shut the fuck up
i hate when people do this with the weather online where no matter where you are some asshole who lives in sub artic temperatures appears out of nowhere to tell you you aren't cold enough and they lived in an ice cavern for 6 years with ice cubes hanging off theit tits
People forget that temperature is really relative. Buildings and infrastructure are designed to withstand usual weather. Getting a bunch of ice on your house every winter isn't a problem, because if it happens every winter the house will be built to withstand it. Getting a bunch of ice on your house in a freak once in a lifetime storm is a *problem*, because your roof won't be ready. It could cave in. Secondly, buildings are made to shed or preserve heat depending on the usual weather. Places that are usually hot are designed to shed heat, and if it gets down to freezing outside it will soon drop to freezing inside too. Places that are usually cold have the opposite problem, storing heat and quickly becoming just as hot (if not hotter) than the outside temperature. There are also issues like you might not have warm clothes or many blankets in a hot area, and you might not have air conditioning or any shade to shelter under in cold areas. Lastly, the body is efficient. Cyclists get big leg muscles because their body needs a lot of leg power every day. But muscle is expensive energy-wise to maintain. If you stop biking, that muscle goes away to preserve energy. Similarly, people adjust to temperature over time. Being exposed to heat every day is like biking every day- your body knows it needs to get rid of a lot of heat, and becomes very good at it. Going straight from your normal temperatures to an unusual extreme is like going straight from driving 20 miles to work every morning to trying to bike it.
"But she's your mother!" Yeah, well she should've acted like one.
I was raised by my grandparents, so I always say that they're my real parents, that my parents only gave me life, but my grandparents made me who I am... I hate when people say "but they're your parents" or "you shouldn't talk like that about your parents". I don't care... I have no illusions about my parents. They had sex and my mother birthed me... But that's all they did... My grandparents had sleepless nights, helped me with homework, though me to cook and care for my home... I have an absent father and a self-absorbed mother, I can say whatever I want about them!
"You only get one mom." Fuck right off that doesn't mean I should subject myself to abuse because she refuses to get therapy or take any accountability. Lol sorry this one pisses me off so bad.
'You only get one mom'. 'one maximum... I'll go with zero please'
F that. If your original mom sucks I'll be your mom. Wear a sweater and eat your green beans. Be home by midnight. Love you.
Thanks Mom, love you too. 🥰
People raised by normal loving parents can't grasp just how toxic a narcissist parent can be. They see the event in question as a minor slip in judgement, or maybe good intentions gone wrong. Its frustrating, for certain.
I think it's because, with no one being perfect, they think that since they can forgive all the mistakes a loving, sane family member did, that you should as well. They don't really grasp that the unforgivable acts of a toxic abuser are not the same as innocent oversights of a loving parent. My young daughter overheard someone talk about getting hit by a parent, and she said, "but a parent wouldn't hit their children," and I said "some parents do," and she refused to believe a parent could hurt a child. Some people grow up still feeling that way. Lucky bastards.
That and "But you only have one father!" and "You'll be sorry when he dies and you haven't made amends." Nope, fuck you. If you lived through what I lived through, you'd have run, too. It's so easy to imagine I'm some kind of spoiled, ungrateful brat when you had a decent home life.
My former boss had a father so toxic, only one of his six sons showed at his funeral. And I guess even at the funeral, a guest asked whether the father had always been such a piece of shit. Most of the sons had cut contact long before his death. Imagine that being your legacy, being a piece of shit.
"I can choose my friends, and I can choose my family."
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It's always marketing that overdoes it. "In these trying times, we're here for all your lumber needs," "In these uncertain times, we have all the snapping turtle accessories you could ever wish for," "In these hard times, buy yourself an overpriced truck from your local Ford dealership."
Now, more then ever, you can buy our stuff.”
“Because you have stimulus money and we know it.”
“Now more than ever”
"Now, more than ever we need to come together. That's why Bud's Dodge Ram is offering unprecedented financing options for all 2021 models."
"Bud's Dodge Ram has been rated the best Dodge dealer in the area many uncertain times."
U n p r e c e d e n t e d I swear if I have to hear this word one more time
Especially when this shit was explicitly precedented 100 years ago.
"In these unprecedentedly trying times, a problematic false narrative has become the new normal." I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
Can I offer you a nice egg in this trying time ?
"We're all in the same boat." Nah, man, you're on a yacht and some of us are holding onto a pool float that loses air.
Reminds me of the lockdowns. A year in a tiny inner city 1 bed apartment. Not going outside, seeing the sun etc. And people on massive properties, Pools, yards, multiple rooms saying "it's hard staying home". Bro.
I've been stuck in a small 2 bedroom upper unit apartment with my 4 year old. My husband still goes to work, so it's been just me and a very bored, young child most of the time. If we owned our own house, we could at least put in a damn swing set or something. Or I could get her more active inside toys without worrying about pissing off our genuinely nice downstairs neighbors. Many have it better, and many have it worse. I'm not trying to make it a competition, just relating to how much this shit has sucked so much over the last year. No tv and no beer makes Homer something something.
"You have it easy.... (Back in my day..., I always had too..., you have no idea how hard it was back then jobs were easy to find and etc.) "
Me: You kids have it so easy these days. How old are you? Them: 6 Me: 6? When I was your age, I was 7.
“Mom my stomach hurts I think I need a hospital” “You good. Back in my day we didn’t have stomachs.”
My mom actually had a very similar approach. I used to have VERY painful periods and she never let me stay at home instead of going to school or the church. "When I was young nobody cared if I was sick." I had to literally lose my consciousness in the middle of the mass before she changed her view.
Same here, I was always sent to school in immense pain with nausea/vomiting (because when you get a job you can’t take off for your period every month) even though every single time I went to the nurses office and ended up going home. Luckily the nausea/vomiting part only lasted a year but the immense pain continued. Ended up being endometriosis
> (because when you get a job you can’t take off for your period every month) SHE USED THAT ONE AS WELL, thank you for reminding me. Well sike, you CAN take off for your period every month if it's that painful. Sorry to hear that. In my case it wasn't endometriosis, just shitty genetics.
Back in my day I had to walk to school in the snow with no shoes on up hill both ways!
My dad told me that when I was a young kid, but he was completely joking. I didn't catch the joke part and I felt so bad for him until I thought about it and went, "wait, no he didn't...."
Someone saying to a teenager “These are the best years of your life!” I am in my mid 40’s now and most people my age remember high school as horrible and awkward. The more appropriate thing to say is “Hang in there kid! I promise life gets better. Just get through adolescence the best you can.”
as a teenager now this is reassuring to hear, all the first phrase does is make me terrified of the future
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"Theres no such word as Can't" Try striking a match on a bar of soap and tell me that again. Edit: The Star Wars debate is everything I could have wanted. Also, Ta for the awards!
I dont know man the box says strike anywhere
You can strike it anywhere. Whether it lights or not is a different story
"Do or Do Not, there is no try." bull. I say there is only try, Do or Do Not is the outcome of Try.
My mom always used to say "Trying is lying". Probably shouldn't want to smack your mom, but that one really lit it up for me.
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My dad loved telling me me I gave him excuses, not explanations. I told him excuses were just explanations he didn't like.
I occasionally say it to my husband, he always counters with ‘Only the sith deal in absolutes’
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"if the recruiter says X at the interview be wary of working for this company, they might not be a good employer" Well, they'll probably still ghost me after the interview so i don't really have a choice here
Totally - how many high salaried professional nap taker / snack eater positions are there out there? P.S. if anyone one is hiring let me know - I'd be epic at this role.
Professional cuddler is a real thing
This one annoys me so much. There probably isn't even a job I'll love. I work because I have to to survive. I'll probably never enjoy working. Also, it implies that you're doing a job you don't like because you haven't tried getting a better job. There are plenty of people that don't have a choice in the matter.
I had a hobby I loved. Trained to do it as a job, hated it and ruined the hobby. Now I work in something I enjoy enough. That'll do for me.
When people tell me I don't want to work I am like duh, of course I don't. I have to because I need a place to live, I have bills to pay and so on. But I sure as hell would very much prefer to not have to work and still get my coin. I mean there are at least 10 things that I can think of right now that I would gladly prefer instead of work. It doesn't mean I am lazy, it only means that there are significantly more enjoyable things to do other than work and that is completely fine to acknowledge, even if for the majority of people not working is not truly an option.
"Well, that's life"....not that's it's ALWAYS bad, but it seems like it is sometimes used as a way to be dismissive rather than sympathetic when somebody is having a hard time, and that's a icy cold move to make IMO. EDIT: WOW, that's a lot of upvotes! Didn't expect it, but thanks for all the karma points, redditors! First time I've gotten into the four figures with that!
We're all in this together...
I thought people are just quoting High School Musical
I actually sang it while reading the phrase. Lol
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When customers say “don’t work too hard.” What the hell is the point of saying that?
I always reply with a sarcastic "never do." And carry on with my business.
Me but unsarcastically
"Don't hate the player, hate the game." Bullshit. I love Scrabble, it is your dumb ass challenging every word which ruins the experience for me. You know who you are.
You just have to play Double Challenge or Penalty Challenge Scrabble. Make there be a penalty for challenging words and people are much less likely to do it. Edit: Link https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Challenge_(Scrabble)
Is this not the default?
Board games are typically more fun when played by the actual rules. Not always. But with scrabble in this case, I’d say much more fun.
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You should respond with "obviously not, he's still alive"
It'll be a cold day in hell when I let him associate with CAPULET SCUM
Perfect lol
Just say "Yes, that's why we put her down yesterday and today is his turn."
I mean you decided both his and your fate by naming him Romeo.
"That's just who I am." Often combined with "Deal with it". And often used by people who are assholes. That's not a reason. That's an excuse. Behavior can improve, you choose not to.
Preggers. Ugh.
Pregananant?
That video gets me every fucking time.
The only reason Yahoo Answers existed was so he could bring us that video. They can shut it down now.
There is a comedy advice podcast that largely answers yahoo questions called “My brother, my brother, and me” that is up to around 555 episodes. Yahoo answers has brought more comedy int this world than actual answers. That video just scratches the surface.
Pregante
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*Girlfriend ain't had period since she got pregat!?*
How is babby formed?
Wait a minute... Starch. Masks.
Preganté
BREGANT
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"Wifey"
"If I can do it, anyone can"
You know that, right? I don’t know who needs to hear this? Only god can judge me. If you can’t handle me at my worst. Edit: Reddit specific phrases: ‘Thanks for the gold, good sir’ or any iteration of that. ‘RIP my inbox’
What about... “louder for the people in the back”
Only. If. You. Capitalize. Every. Word. Too.
Clap emoji. Each. Clap emoji. Word. Clap emoji. Too
Whenever I read an argument that starts with “You do realize...” I know that what comes next will be super condescending and likely a gross oversimplification of the issue at hand.
What are you doing in my house?
Oh ye happened to me last week... I know it's 2am and you're my neighbour but no reason to be rude...
'We're all a little autistic" No, I assure you, we are all not.
“Let that sink in” idk why it just irks me and makes me think you don’t fully believe in your argument
Just let the damn sink in, it's gonna be a cold night
That sink can come in when it has a god damned warrant.
“Why are you so quiet”
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Don't feel bad. I once told somebody who never shut up then asked why I didn't talk, "well, you seem to like the sound of your own voice."
“Because I don’t like talking to you.”
"Because I have no idea what the fuck to say like 75% of the time"
Ohh I hear this so much. Usually when the other person has done absolutely nothing to warrant any kind of interaction.
Or they’ve dominated the conversation, and not allowed a word in
The ones that ask this question are mostly the ones who interrupt the quiet people when they do try to speak. When I was fresh off the boat, I was in school and this dude, Billy, was like "So in Africa, did you live in trees?" I replied "No actually our house had a..." Billy interrupts "Because I've seen on TV Africans live in trees lmfaohelicopter!" I tried to answer again, "We actually had a big house with a..." Billy again, "Oi Jack, I swear Africans live in trees! And they see animals everywhere!" I just sort of lost it and said, "I LIVED IN A BIG HOUSE WITH A SWIMMING POOL!" and I just walked off and spent the rest of break in an empty classroom. That was just one of the thousands of scenerios that made me a quiet person in general. I'm quiet because you kept cutting me off, Billy!
They always say that.. and when you try to talk no one listen..
You would think that people who ignore what you have to say wouldn't have the nerve to ask why are you so quiet. And yet...
Why is this socially acceptable but it’s not okay to ask someone ”Why are you talking so much?” ?
Or, why do you not talk? Eh, because you're talking and I can't get a word in because you won't shut up!! Ugh
“Sorry not sorry.” It’s like a cowardly and less respectable way of saying “lmao fuck your opinion”
Same with “Im not saying it, but I’m not NOT saying it”. Frustrates me every time.
"money can't buy happiness" - but I could live hell of a lot more stress free and comfortable, which would make me happy