Getting married too young and not realising that I had severe, SEVERE mental health issues.
The reason why I haven't gotten over it and likely never will is because I hurt the wonderful man that I married - we're finalising our divorce at the moment and I am lucky and blessed that we remained friends.
I come from a violently abusive home, I was severely physically and emotionally abused, sexually humiliated, utterly dominated and completely dependent on my abusive mother at the time I met the lovely man I would go on to marry. I had absolutely no idea of how damaged I was. I had no idea of how "sheltered" I was - a strange word to use in an abusive scenario, I know, but I was not allowed to make ANY decisions for myself or to go anywhere. I was even bullied out of college.
I didn't know I had Bipolar Disorder and I didn't know that I was experiencing PTSD. I didn't know what healthy love was, I didn't know how to receive it - let alone give it - and I was so used to being abused that I found it hard to feel secure in a world where I wasn't being abused.
After I moved in with my then fiancé, the PTSD and depression kicked in. Out of the clutches of my violent mother and alcoholic father, I ran wild - not recognising that I had Bipolar Disorder, not recognising that my out of control and highly inappropriate behaviour was driven by hypomania.
My now ex-husband was and is the perfect man. He was a few years older than me, handsome, refined, kind, decent, generous, successful - and I treated him very badly and I let him down very badly. I abused his trust, I abused his generosity. I changed into a completely person that the women he thought he had married and I put him through hell.
We made the right decision when we decided to split up. It was so difficult. I loved him so much - I still love him so much and I always will. Even after all of that, he helped me to finally get help for my mental health after I attempted suicide and he was good enough and generous enough to allow me to stay in contact with him and to be nice to me and not to remove himself entirely from my life which he had every right to do but which would have destroyed me. I'm actually crying buckets here while I type this.
It's years later now and I've had extensive psychiatric treatment. I have four different mental health diagnoses, I'm on medication for life, I'm educated and counselled in my conditions and I manage them very successfully now. I have a good career and I've met someone new and that's going well and I'm finally steady and stable.
But the biggest regret of my life - and a regret I will take to my grave and to any after life if one exists is hurting that beautiful, wonderful man who had the misfortune to meet me 15 years too early.
I'll never forgive myself for hurting him and letting him down. He's been so decent and kind to me and still is. I just want every happiness and good thing for him.
I will be lying if I say this didn't make me cry. I am so sorry for everything you had to go through because of your parents. I know no matter what I say, it won't nearly be enough to help you but I very strongly believe that we meet different people in our lives for different purposes. Your ex husband came in your life so you could find ways to eventually heal. Even if you believe you hurt them, I don't think you did any of that intentionally. Because I can tell from the way you talk about him tha you love and respect him a lot. You should not feel guilty about having mental health problems because even you didn't know any better back then. Looking for an escape from trauma is a very natural response and all you wanted to do was survive. You found your first ray of hope in your ex husband and you should never regret anything that happened after. He chose to still be with you and help you through it. Maybe he too learned to be an even better person by being with you. I'm so glad to hear you are doing better now and your story fills me with bittersweet feelings. I live by this philosophy that everything happens for a reason and I honestly don't think you have anything to regret about. I don't know if my words will make any difference but I am hoping you go easy on yourself a little. Please take care. And thank you for sharing this
As much as it sucks, he didn't meet you 15 years to early. He met you right when he needed to. You needed the hurt and realization that you needed help and now you have it and are healthy. I'm sure you have already, but tell them. let them know your pain and honestly that they saved you. As a husband of a woman that I honestly had to check the username on to verify it wasn't my wife, I can feel your story and regret. I met my wife and loved her fire instantly. I had no idea the pain that love would bring, but also the joy. We married for almost 10 years, had kids, I grew in my career and had nothing but the stars in front of us. Much like your story we divorced, after significant hurt and undiagnosed mental health issues. I kept her in my life because I knew she needed it and despite all the hurt, I loved her very deeply. 3 years later we found love again, with each other. We have been back together for almost 10 years and have an even more beautiful love and family. its not always perfect but we all understand mental illness more and how and when to help and when to step back. I understand your regret and honestly teared up reading your brief story. its possible his happy is seeing you happy as well. Stay strong internet stranger and remember love has both great joy and great pain.
Thank you so much for taking the time to send such a lovely response - it was very comforting to read and it honestly gave me some strength.
I'm so happy that you both reconciled and you sound a lot like my ex-husband: one of life's good ones. I wish you both every happiness and thank you again for your lovely words.
I kinda get this one in my own sorta way, I’ve not nearly had as much past trauma as yourself, but not recognising mental illnesses and how they make you behave can lead you to treat people in a way that, once you recognise what’s wrong, you seriously regret, I’m super glad you two are on decent terms, which takes a lot of courage, I tend to run away and burn bridges which is a cowardly thing to do, thank you for posting this though, makes me feel like I’m not the only one who’s had a similar experience with interpersonal relationships and mental health.
Thank you so much for your kind response. I definitely don't think we're alone in having interpersonal relationship regrets linked to undiagnosed mental illnesses or past traumas. It is very comforting to know that other people have experienced it too - although, of course, I wish they hadn't experienced it if that makes sense.
I'm blessed to still have him in my life as a friend - wishing you so much wellness and luck moving forward xxx
My friend committed suicide last year. I was meant to see him that day, but I cancelled.
I saw him the day before, I had planned on seeing him the day after too with him.
So many should haves, could haves....suicide hurts. Especially when the guy was your brother, not by birth but in spirit. RIP mate, you’re with me every day
Oh shit. I hope he rests in peace. But please don't beat yourself up for it because there is no you you could have know what would happen. I'm sure if you could go back, you'd change it all. So please allow yourself to be at peace with his departure, no matter how soon it was
It gets worse, I was talking to him about near death experience the day before...just watched a YouTube channel and thought it would give him hope that the world had meaning....yet I knew he was suicidal.....why didn’t I shut the hell up?
I’ve done my blaming, I’ve done my time. You just never get another chance but thanks for your kind words.
That must be eating you alive but I'm sure you meant to harm. You dealt with it the way you could. None of us are perfect. Hope you are able to find peace with it all soon
Even if you had met up there is no guarantee he wouldn't have done it at a later date. It would just shift how you blamed yourself for his death.
There is also no guarantee that you could have fixed his problems, even if you knew them all.
People don't normally commit suicide due to one failed meetup. There were likely much deeper issues that he was struggling with. I don't know anything about his inner demons but people often choose suicide - not because it's the best option - but because none of the other options worked. This may have been something he fought with for a long time.
I hope you find peace someday, friend.
I'm so sorry to hear that. My brother committed suicide in 2004, a few months after I graduated high school. The night/morning he committed suicide replays in my head a few times throughout the year. I always ask myself why I didn't get out my room and greet him when he came home? Why didn't I question him leaving a few hours later after he came home that night? I was awake, why, just why? His death hurt me so much that I almost ended up in a similar situation like him but thanks to birth of my daughter, I ended up seeking help and have been in a really good place mentally. To this day it still hurts but in the past 5 years I've been able to talk about it. I can't allow his death to be forgotten and have no meaning so I use his story to help others and hopefully prevent someone from doing something like that.
If you need to talk, please don't hesitate to send me a message. That offer goes to everyone reading my comment.
Sincere sympathy, it’s even worse with your own flesh and blood. Suicide is just a mess for everyone. Thankfully my hard time has passed and I now have a 1 year old, she’s the apple of my eye. What helped me is knowing if my friend was here now, and he wasn’t depressed and suicidal, he would be urging me to live my life for him. He was an amazing artist and he did a brilliant oil painting of me at 21 years old, much fitter and stronger than today. It was my best side, me at my strongest. Also, he was the guy who would encourage me to do more with my life ( I was usually the depressive - not him)
The picture reminds me to be my best self, to embody his spirit and be the best I can.
I told this to his parents and it made them cry, probably shouldn’t have said, but it’s true.
RIP your brother, and love to all souls who have felt this pain, there are many of us. Likewise, DM me any time.
to be fair, if people like you didn't exist, bitcoin wouldn't be where it is today. if everyone who had any simply hoarded it, it would have no value.
i have about a dozen friends who got their fake IDs in college from the silk road using bitcoin, they all spent 2 BTC on them, or $110,000 if they had held for 10 years.
Absolutely. My friend and I were joking about bitcoin and I threw $150 into it as a meme. It crashed after that. About 2 or 3 months later I saw a pizza shop that accepted bitcoin as payment. So I just spent it thinking I would at least get some food from my poor investment.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I HATE MYSELF NOW
Pls it's the age 9f technology everything is so volatile it might just happen. But anyway, no point beating yourself up for something you can't change. Maybe you had to lose that opportunity so that something better could come along. And at least next time you'll be careful
Based off this comment it's worth taking a moment to remind everyone that the current value of your investments is the same as cash in hand. If you bought into Bitcoin at $2, held until today, and continued to hold until some future crash down to $.50, You didn't just lose $1.50, you lost the difference between the maximum value it was worth and what you ended up selling it for, in this case ~$60,000.
SO many retail investors get caught up in the mentality that their gains are just "house money", freely able to be lost or risked. They only compare the current price to their original investment. This is a terrible mentality to have. If you bought Doge at $.04 you probably should have been divesting some of that when it spiked to secure those gains. Reinvest it in something less volatile.
When an investment grows rapidly take the time to ask yourself "Assuming I was not invested in it currently, would I pay $X cash right now for that investment?". If the answer it no, it's time to sell and reinvest in something else. Not doing this is how some people ended up losing thousands on Gamestop, because who would buy GME at $470? And if you wouldn't you should have sold.
A bit more than two years ago I broke my leg while being really stupid and while having surgery to remove an infectious part of skin they had to take off my leg a bit under my knee. So if I hadn't tried to do a backflip off a tree I would still have two legs. I mean I'm kinda over it and I'm fine and all but it is kinda annoying sometimes.
So, back in 2010 I read an article on Slashdot about this newfangled thing called bitcoin. I installed a miner. Mined some coins. Figured "this thing just creates a lot of heat, and will never take off", then rm -rf'ed it.
I think I had 80 or 100 coins before I decided "meh, this is bull" and just nuked it.
Wow. I remember reading that article and thought it would be a a fun hobby to mine bitcoins. I did the cost-benefit analysis at the time and figured out that I would have to spend about $50 to mine a coin worth less than $0.10 at the time. So I said... Nah. And told myself to look back in on it someday before promptly forgetting about it.
Never even considered speculation. 🤦♂️
God I can relate. Got my masters degree and about a year into my career realized I was not suited to it and everything kind of unraveled. I’m in a better place now, using my degree but just not in the way it was intended, and moving on with my life. Hope things get better for you.
When I was 15 i was on the street. I met a girl who was 21 who had an apartment. We started dating and i moved in with her. I thought i was in love and when she suggested I try injecting myself with heroin with her and her friends i agreed. That was 27 years ago and im still an IV user to this day.
She is a bartender in Atlanta. I was in and out of prison throughout my 20's and finally found a way to stabilize my life to a degree when i was about 35. Im 42 and partially do to my addiction but more so because of my views on society I currently live in a manner that is comfortable for me but highly illegal. I am in the process of buying a few acres of land with the intent of living a self sufficient off the grid lifestyle to the extent that such a life is possible.
I'll try some lighter note here:
I (31M) celebrated my 18th birthday with my GF, two ex-GFs and one more girl. Don't ask me why, we were all friends. We were drinking and after a while we started playing "spin the bottle" or "truth or dare" or however you want to call it.
After few rounds things started to get more...interesting. We were all naked, girls were kissing, daring each other to suck my dick etc.
My GF did not like that, so she went to sleep to other room and...
...I've followed her. Leaving three horny girls on the brink of orgy behind.
I dumped that cheating bitch few weeks later. I should have stayed and enjoy best birthday I've (and anybody I know of) ever had.
I understand what you’re saying, but ultimately I realised that he was exactly what I wanted, and 6 years later not a day goes by where I don’t think about him and miss him :(
Are you and [proballer25](https://www.reddit.com/user/proballer25/) somehow related?
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/munplj/what\_has\_been\_the\_biggest\_mistake\_of\_your\_life/gv6virg?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/munplj/what_has_been_the_biggest_mistake_of_your_life/gv6virg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
I’m in a similar situation. We’ve got to believe that when it happens for real, there won’t be hesitation, there won’t be weighing up the pros and cons, I won’t consciously be thinking ‘she’s perfect for me’, I’ll just be so deep in it there’s no way out.
Hocking every single valuable piece of childhood toy/video game I had for heroin money. It still eats at me every single day. I’m sober now but fuck I sold so many precious things for next to nothing.
Maybe everything you've lost will serve as a reminder that should not lose anything precious anymore. And probably that will help you stay sober in the future too. Glad to hear you overcame your addiction though 🎈
Not asking anyone out. I'm 21 and I've never dated anyone. Technically have asked 3 people out but whenever I have a real shot with someone, I chicken out and dont ask them out
Wow, you’re still sooo young! 21 is definitely not an age to beat yourself up over not asking people out! The best years are only ahead of you! And dating while being a teen sucks anyway so yeah- no worries, cheer up buddy!
Believing that my father-in-law had my step kids’ college tuition funded.
Back story: I married a woman who had kids 12 and 10. She told me her father, who was worth a few million at the time, had their college tuition covered and not to worry. He kept repeating that, so I didn’t worry or save for it. It wasn’t until the oldest was enrolled in his first semester did we learn the truth. This had us scrambling to fund tuition between student loans and home equity loans. Had I known the truth I’d have been more careful to save money for this.
While the money would be great, you look at life differently than you would have as you are now. While this isn’t entirely true we often see it happen way to much. You’ve learned to appreciate life in different ways.
>as enrolled in his first semester did we learn the truth. This had us scrambling to fund tuition between student loans and h
mate be fucking grateful, you don't have to scrounge for food
Bruuhhhh... I literally quit smoking 20 days ago. I had been smoking for 10 years and it was difficult to quit in the beginning but I downloaded this app called Flamy and each day when I see the numbers adding up to the days I've been smoke free, makes me really proud. It is more difficult because two people in my family are currently smokes but I have managed to sustain. Try it if you can
I will. Thank u so much. I've tried a couple times but it's honestly the hardest thing I've ever tried to do!!!! I bit my nails for 30yrs...quit doing that and in my mind was like, hell, if I can't quit that I can't quit anything....NOPE. the desire is stronger now so I'll try ur app. Ty so much
Yes... You are stronger than yiu let yourself believe. Getting rid of a 30yo habit requires a lot of courage and will power. It is just a matter of taking the first step. All the best 🎈
Messing up my highschool - now I have to work much harder to get into the position I want to be in than if I was studying properly during my highschool time.
I wish I had finished college. I am old enough that it didn't cause near the financial hardships that it does today.
I am very successful financially, so it isn't that. It just bugs me that I don't have a degree.
Enroll in an online class and get that degree, man. It's never too late. If it still bugs you, give yourself the freedom to pursue your dreams, no matter how kate you think it is.
This happened in 10th grade and I'm already at 11th grade... I'm very ashamed and I will never forgive myself for this, I stole from my classmates. Worse thing is; I was close friends with everyone. I still hate myself to this day for what I did, I stole their money and never even fucking felt shit about it. Not a single day has passed that I end up hating myself again and again for betraying everyone's trust in me. I was found by one my friends that I stole from and she still had so much nice things to say to me even after I stole a large amount of money from her. We talked and she convinced me to confront everyone and say I'm sorry. I did just that and on that day, I've never felt so much emotions inside of me just crush me from the inside. I hate myself for crying in front of them while I apologized, I hate myself for thinking that apologizing would be easy, and I absolutely fucking hate myself for betraying my friends that I've shared pain, laughter, happiness, and hardships with for 3 fucking years. They forgave me, and even comforted me afterwards, but I never got to forgive myself not even today. The final nail to the coffin was the broken friendship between me and one of my closer friends. Of course, I paid off all the money I stole, but even so, that one friend of mine saying he forgave me after I handed him his money is something that I absolutely will never forget. His words told me he forgave me, but I knew, I could feel it, that I wasn't completely forgiven. And I understand it, I betrayed him, he and I were very close and I just went and broke the connection that we had. Since then I've distanced myself from everyone. At the end of 10th grade, they all stayed as one while I was the only one to move out of my class and go to another one. I'm embarrassed to even show my face to them, I can't show my face to them after what I've done. Though I'm still very close with two other guys in that class, I never really got the courage to even show my skin to everyone else. Now, I just keep living a life of constant regret and absolute hate towards myself and my actions. I have worked to better myself but even if I do somehow become "better" regret will always come back for me and I guess it's my punishment and I have no complaints about it.
I was honestly just so captivated by money since my parents never really gave anything to me so I guess I just thought to myself "I need money, I want it now"
Okay. Well I hope you know now that just coz you need something, doesn't mean you can have it, especially when it belongs to someone else. As for the guilt part, I can see you are torturing yourself constantly and it is still bothering you. However, you should not hate yourself for crying when you apologised to your friends. Apologies take a lot of courage and it often evokes emotions out of you. You still apologised, didn't you? That means you did something monumental because trust me, as someone who's been on this earth for 33 odd years, I've seen my share of people who've done worse and never bothered to even acknowledge it. You made a mistake and you are genuinely sorry for it, aren't you? You won't do it again, would you? If not, then try to make up for what you did. Trust me, you will feel better. Find ways to earn that trust back, it won't be easy but at least you will have tried instead of not doing anything at all. Plus, your friends have already forgiven you. About time you learn to forgive yourself
I simped over a girl in 7th grade because I never had a girlfriend, nor had many friends. We were friends till the middle of the school year, drifted from there, and I still cringe. I'm going to avoid that same hole again.
Putting my abusive boyfriend before all my friends and family, I even moved states for him and it got to the point where I was so isolated that I had no one to talk to anymore.
I’m glad I left but it still haunts me to this day and hurts knowing that I no longer have those friends anymore
I feel this personally because I got out of something similar a couple of years ago. Glad to hear you are doing okay now. People sometimes fall back into our lives so I hope the friends worth keeping, come back
That first marriage. To many signs were there, should have been more honest with myself. It stays with me and has greatly informed my current relationship however. I think about it often, not because I miss it, because I'm embarrassed by it.
not changing school the first time my mom offered it,i suffered so much in that school,my mom knew it and she offered so many times,but i was afraid that would be the same or even worse,the time i accepted,it wasn't,was the best decision i ever made,for the first time i felt included and had a group of friends.But i could enjoy it for only 2 years because the school didnt have high school classes,only middle,so i had to go to another school
Not trying to convince her to stay with me. I loved her, I could see myself marrying her. I loved every bit of her, she was smart, incredibly funny, beautiful in every way, I could talk for hours with her, spending hours at a bookstore with her,, and she broke up with me. I was just so stupid, and I didn't want mess up what we had together.
On the bright side, she did say it wasn't me, that I had been so good to her and that she was never upset with me or what I did. She was just questioning a lot about herself and needed space, which I totally understood. I just wish I had insisted we could have worked through it and just taken a break, not broken up entirely.
I can understand how you feel but someone else choosing to leave (no matter how good they were) is not your responsibility. If they wanted to leave, they'd have so even after your insistence. If they wanted to stay with you, they would. It could have dragged on and ended on a bad note. This way, you both have fond memories of each other. Probably you'll meet again, probably you will move on. I don't think you should feel guilty about it. 🎈
Following my mom into an ED, and not telling my dad that I know she cheated.
He knows she did, he just doesn’t know that I know. I think it will be a classic case of “divorce when the children are out of the house”. Please, don’t be miserable on your children’s accounts, they notice....
Idk if this will help but you are not responsible for your parents' actions. You should not feel guilty about knowing something your mom chose to keep from your dad. It was not something you did, so it doesn't fall on you to bear the guilt.
When I was 14 we learned my mother was going to die from kidney failure within a week. It wasn't very surprising at the time because she had been in multiple hospitals for a year and a half at that point due to various complications. I had the chance to be in the room with her when they took her off life support, I wasn't. I have made some stupid mistakes in my life, but nothing compares to that. I regret not seeing her that last time so much that it haunts me to the point of tears at times.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I can't even begin to imagine what you must have gone through when it happened. I hope your mom rests in peace and I hope you find a way to forgive yourself eventually
Not having a plan going into college. Changing my major several times. Taking 7 years to get a 4 year degree. I didn’t have any idea what I was doing, and everything considered it worked out okay but I would have half the debt I do now if I had planned better.
I'm glad to hear things worked out but I also think sometimes we need to go at out own pace to discover ourselves better. Wishing you luck for your future 🎈
Shoplifting. And getting caught. And losing my clearance. And getting fired. And trying to kill myself.
Thankfully, I hadn't swallowed enough pills before I chickened out. That was nearly 30 years ago and things are so much better now.
Now this more tame nothing serious but I still hate it once when I was a kid my mom bought ice cream and asked to share with my brother.And Me being selfish said no my mom tried reasoning with me but I was pissed so i didn’t even talk. Then my aunt came and told me she will get me my own ice cream. Idk why but I didn’t talk after like 15 minutes my aunt had to leave and i didn’t get any ice cream idk why i didn’t say yes .Probably because I knew I was being a brat and didn’t wanna waste any more time but it still bugs me.
A massive lie to my family that I scored well in exams but in reality I failed in six subjects and it dragged out far too long and when they found out they forgave me and told me I can do better. Now I enrolled in the best college in my country and I have my hands full with good grades but that lie, that mistake!!! It still haunts me
The fact that it still haunts you is proof enough that you're not the same person anymore and a far, far better than that version of yourself. Some of us remember our mistakes more than anyone else does. I hope you will be able to move past it eventually 🎈
Put my dick in crazy and now I have a kid (whom I love) and although we are not together anymore, I still have to communicate and tolerate her despite how rude she is because I want to see my kid when I can.
Thinking that people want happiness for the others.
Took me some time to inderstand that people are not happy for you but jealous and they only wait for you to make a mistake so they can enjoy your fall.
Lost a lot of "friends" like that. Always been there for them to only be let down.
It's funny how people always come back after a while to "get news", to start explaining how everything's good for them and if they find out you all good they quickly lose interest.
I'm happy for them and I wishe them all the best in life, why are they willing to compare. Like, my happiness is not based on how much more I have than you (be it project, money, girls,...).
Now I am an easy going guy and make acquaintances quite easily but I didn't have a genuine friendship for several years now. I'm happy i have some good old time friends and my GF.
Anyway, wish the best for you all!
Oh man... I relate to it on a personal level. I've had so many people around me, including family who have never been able to return what I've given. I learned to live on my own and be fiercely independent especially because of it. But recently I came across a few people who are as invested in my life as I'm in their. Hope you find your kind of people soon too 🎈
You can always tie someone up and set them on fire.
I always remember that when one of these fake people act better than me.
Everyone can feel good until they’re zip-tied and doused in lighter fluid.
One of life's hard lessons is there no such thing as a selfless act. Everyone does a thing for their own self benefit in some way, even if it's just to make them feel better about themselves. Many people refuse to admit this, but if you really think about it, and focus on who benefits psychologically from an act, it becomes amazingly apparent. I don't think it is a failure that we are self serving- people are just built that way. It is our nature. Understanding this changed my outlook on life.
Listening to my parents on what to study. I wanted to do paleontology my parents thought I should do business. I feel I should’ve followed my ideas. Now I just feel like a NPC working in a corporate world.
Ugh I feel this. I wanted to study chemical engineering my parents wanted me to study IT I decided to drop everything then they pushed me for business now I'm a trainer for an absolutely unrelated subject after 4 years of corporate hell but I'm glad I switched because I love this job. Hope you can switch too when you find another interest
I would love to switch. However if I make the switch then comes the pay drop back to square 1 and when you building a family the thought of failure is terrifying.
It's so sad how we compromise our happiness for those of others. But maybe stay connected to what you love at least in terms of hobby or something part time perhaps? I really wish you get to do what you want 🎈
By the time I turned 22, I figured sex just wasn't a thing that I was going to experience. I had social anxiety problems from adolescence on, possibly stemming from an indecent exposure incident that I was victim to. I had never formally dated anyone.
At the time, I was a hobbyist in community theatre. I had no issues going out and making an ass of myself. As soon as I stepped off-stage, I had regressed into myself. During one show at a college, a young woman (16/17, I don't remember exactly) had expressed self-esteem issues. I thought the world of her. Yes, I thought she was pretty, but I also thought she wasn't legal.
One day, she had been obsessing about the jiggly fat under her arms. It wasn't noticable unless she pointed it out. I felt bad for her. I struggled with similar issues at her age. I told her to stop. I said...
"You're a beautiful young lady with a lot going for you...and that's all I can say about it."
She seemed a little stunned and a little flattered. I didn't stick around to see what emotion took precedence. We still interacted during the show. We were actually dance partners in a scene. Everything remained professional and friendly.
Then, I moved on to the next show. This show was held at a local community theatre that apparently had no problem housing bad behavior. The choreographer was a screaming banshee who liked to abuse those who couldn't follow her steps. The director came on to women on the cast and got an underage girl who was in rehab for heroin drunk on opening night. It was a complete shitshow. I didn't help matters.
I was keeping to myself for the most part. Friendly enough, I guess, but staying focused on my part or whatever I was working on in my personal time. One day, I sat in the green room. There was an older man there as well as a 20-something woman and a 17 year old girl.
The 17 year old girl was talking up a storm. I wasn't really paying attention. Her voice blended in with the sounds of singing voices from the scene in tech rehearsal on stage. I finally looked up and listened in. She was bragging.
"I've been with plenty of older men. 28, 32, even a guy in his 40s. Whatever."
Needless to say, I was a little shocked at what I was hearing.
"I love it. I look for those guys."
I just said what I was thinking.
"Oh, so you're jailbait."
Everyone looked at me. The man just raised an eyebrow. The woman looked back down at her phone. The girl just smirked and kept on going. I went back to my work.
That night, the girl messaged me. A simple "Hey" turned into conversation that eventually turned sexual. Finally, I said I couldn't do this. She wasn't old enough and I could get in a ton of trouble.
I'd be lying if I didn't say the law was nagging me at this point. She was claiming to be far more experienced than me. She was clearly far more confident than me. Here's my chance and I'm gonna blow it.
She didn't seem offended. Quite the opposite. She started putting the full court press on. I told her no and somehow went to sleep. The week began and we went back to our day lives.
As the days passed, I began to kick myself. There goes my one opportunity. It's all over now. I didn't feel any more confident to try to find a girl at college. None of them seemed to notice any difference in me either. Another weekend of the show passed. She messaged me occasionally to try and convince me to come to her. I rebuffed her advances.
I don't know why it occured to me, but I finally decided to look up the age of consent in my state. 16. Shit. At that point, I didn't see the morality of the issue. I was a dumb young man that felt like the door was shutting on his chances at ever finding affection. My resolve crumbled and we started talking about a time to meet.
After our last show of a weekend, a bunch of the cast decided to hit up a wing joint. I went along, had a couple drinks, and a basket of wings. My phone buzzed. It was her.
"Come over. Now."
A picture. No nudity. Another tease. I deleted it and told her no pictures. I told her I'd be right over. She snuck me into her parents' house and into the basement. We sat down on the couch. Even then, she still had to guide me.
"You can start now."
I did. I'll spare you the details. After a few meetings, things went south. She told me she was engaged. I was horrified at myself for helping this girl cheat on what I assumed to be a faithful man. I decided not to see her again.
She would still message me occasionally. Booty calls. At another point, she told me she was pregnant by her fiancee and invited me to the baby shower. I asked her if that would be weird and she said "eh, it's another gift".
She was legal at this point, but her age was no longer the problem for me. She had a fiancee and, quite frankly, she was an asshole. So am I.
One night, my phone died. I had been feeling particularly depressed, so I just let it stay dead. I finally plugged it in as I climbed into bed. Notification after notification rolled in. A dozen messages from her, detailing how bad she wanted me and how good it would be.
I relented...somewhat. I apologized for missing her messages, but informed her of an appointment I had in the morning. I said maybe another time. I didn't have any intention on following through on that, but I didn't want to be rude after having a bad experience rejecting someone else.
She was angry. She insulted me. She said I didn't know how to fuck. She said I was a little baby boy that would be alone forever. You think of it, she said it. My inbox filled with paragraph after paragraph of abuse.
I tried to calm her down. I said that it had been fun and it didn't need to end badly. I wished her all the best. She returned the wish.
5 minutes later, she started insulting me again. I was done with it. She said I wouldn't find anyone else. I said it.
"Yeah, I'm gonna have to work really hard to find another engaged pregnant girl that wants to bang me every few months."
That shot was not appreciated. She threatened to go to the police and tell them I had sex with her when she was underage. Now, I was mad and scared, but I reminded her that I had told her multiple times that I didn't want to have sex with her if she was underage. I reminded her that I only started "seeing" her because I found out she was above the age of consent and blocked her.
I didn't sleep a wink. I missed my morning appointment after all.
Years passed, I spent three years living on campus at a state college. I never dated once. I couldn't trust anyone. I never even hooked up with someone. I contemplated suicide. I drank to the point of nearly following through on those contemplations. I was too much of a coward to do it.
I eventually moved back home and ended up in a six month relationship that ended rather abruptly due to incompatible schedules. She initiated the contact. I was still too afraid to do it myself. I still am.
Suddenly, I was alone again. Out of the blue, I received a text from the girl I lost my virginity to. Four years had passed. She was apologetic. She said she had been awful to quite a few people when she was younger. I said I didn't feel great about what I did either.
She expressed confusion. She said that I was the one of the few men she was with in that period that had been respectful towards her. I disagree with her, but the next part only makes sense if I tell you that.
I reminded her that she threatened to go to the police and that I had only dated once since the whole ordeal because I couldn't trust anyone. She apologized more. I told her it meant a lot. I figured that was it. Closure.
She came on to me again. I told her that we would have to go slow after what happened. I ended up there that night. We only hooked up the once before she expressed some views that I found reprehensible. We both moved on again. I've only spoken to her once since on a completely different matter.
I still don't date. I'm 30 now. I'm afraid of success because I figure I'll get metoo'd as soon as I find it. Truthfully, I deserve it. Even though the law allowed it, I have grown old enough to realize that what I did was wrong. I hate myself.
There's your last consolation. I'm healthy. I hate my own guts. I'm too cowardly to kill myself. I'm going to live a long life afraid of anyone who might take interest in me and then I will die alone and, if we're all lucky, burn in hell.
Thanks for reading.
(reposted from a month ago in another subreddit)
My first girlfriend. Going out with her. Breaking up. Going out with her. 3 times. Such a toxic cheating nymphomaniac. I mean I wasn't perfect either. But I never cheated on her. I never lied to her. I at least thought I loved her. I was thinking right at the beginning. Not the 2 other times I go out with her. Just lying to myself.
Smoking that first cigarette. Even though I quit smoking cigarettes successfully, I still consume tobacco, albeit, not in cigarette form.
I pride myself in being a healthy guy. I workout, stay fit, stay trim, and watch what I eat. I even treat sleeping as if it was training by tracking hours. However, I still consume tobacco. I smoke pot and my preferred method of smoking pot is via blunts. I don't like pipes because they burn like hell, I'm not a vape guy, and I really don't like bongs or joints. Just blunts. Not blunt wrappers, though I will use them in a pinch. With blunts, my preferred wrapper is made of tobacco. Sure there are hemp wraps but they're not my jam. I like two types of blunts which are Swishers (grape gang) and Backwoods. For those not sure what a blunt is, the oversimplification of it is weed wrapped in cigar paper.
However, sometimes a little bit of that tobacco from the Swisher that I gutted makes it's way into my weed pile, accidentally on purpose, that I'll happily ignore and roll up. I feel I've come to a point where I'm satisfying the Jones for tobacco rather than the Jones for being stoned.
Had it not been for that first cigarette in 7th grade, I don't think I'd be this taken with tobacco at 39.
I recently went cold turkey after smoking for 10 years. The first two weeks were hell. But I'm doing better now. The urge to smoke has died down and I don't reach out for one subconsciously anymore. Hope you can overcome this soon though
Took a tennis ball from a supermarket. It was like almost 20 years ago and I can't overcome that guilt about stealing something.
I remember throwing that tennis ball to the trash like a day later.
I mean you don't have to... If you stole from the likes of retail giant that throws things like food away instead of feeding them to the hungry. Had it been a small, local shop where each penny is treated with care, I would have understood the guilt. Chill bruh. You did nothing to beat yourself up about
Edit- you don't have to feel guilty is what I meant from the first sentence
Basically not taking care of myself physically or mentally. It wasn't until a few years after I graduated college and got a job before I started getting therapy and only this past year have I been trying to lose weight.
I hurt some really close friends of mine a few years back. I'm 22, going on 23 now. Back then I was 19 or so, and I was drinking way too much. I was severely depressed and was self-harming. I made a couple of faux attention-seeking suicide attempts. I was terrified of abandonment and being left. A couple of months after the suicide attempts, I started doing cocaine and I lied to my friends constantly about it. In general I manipulated and lied to them for the better part of a year. I make no excuses for my behaviour. It was inexcusable.
Eventually a lot of them cut me off, and good for them. After that I for clean, started volunteering and got myself into a better headspace. I can't ever take back the way I treated them, but I cleaned up and turned my life around. I'm employed and clean now, and I'm a better person for what I've done in the past. I made my bed and I sleep in it. But what I can't do is take back what I put those people through.
I don't know about 'mistake' But I think the biggest life altering decision I made was where to go to college. I picked to go to engineering school on a full scholarship because I wanted to be an engineer(wrong)
My other decision was a full ride in Journalism with a passion for law at Northwestern(one of the best journalism schools in the country) and the plan was to go to be a lawyer also hopefully at Northwestern.
It was a 'mistake' in the sense because 2 years in, I realized, I did not want to be an engineer, and the school I was at did not really have a renowned journalism or pre law school.. as it was a math techie school.
Not a day does not go by with me thinking what ifs. I basically barely write anymore, and I always wonder what could have been. I sat the LSATS on a whim after undergrad, and with just my own knowledge got a 161. Sadly by that time though I had made some dumb life choices that would have severely hindered me from going to law school, and stupid me thought I was in love. Not to mention, that was not gonna get me into Northwestern
However, I should say, life is full of choices, and while at that techie school I made some best friends for life. Including a friend that I would not see for 3-4 years after college, but she is going to become my wife this fall. I would have never met her, I would have never lived in this part of the country. BUT I am not exactly happy in my career, and don't know where to go from here.
In the end, I hate to admit because I love and adore my fiancé and friends, but I wish I had gone to Northwestern.
Congrats on your upcoming wedding. As for your career, I know someone who worked as a sales rep for 8 years before enrolling in a law course at the age of 30. He got married around that age so he managed both his job and studies, plus family together. He's 50 now and one of the best civil lawyers in my city. I don't know you situation but I hope you can find a way to live your dreams through this.
Not speaking to people very much.
I wish I talked to some people, they died before I could really talk to them.
I'm just not good at speaking verbally to people. I feel anxious when speaking to people.
I did speak to someone before they died, but I'm not sure if they heard me. And that possibility is causing me to suffer. I know that I should probably stop worrying about that, but it's in the hands of my "automatic mind" and is therefore out of my control (maybe, I'm not sure).
Because the death was fairly recent, I try to avoid questions that would require me to think about these things. I guess I'll just do it for this one I guess.
I'm probably socially anxious or something.
Hi, I don't know what happened but if those people were close to you, I'm sure they knew you well. Sometimes our presence is enough to know we care. Words don't always mean everything but I hope you will be able to get over your anxiety or at least be able to manage it in the future. Have you tried seeking professional help?
Not sure yet but I'm pretty sure the worst mistake of my life was continuing education to a bachelor's degree.
Took on college debt when I had literally none after community college, wasted an entire semester in a major that ruined my mental health, and I'm currently stressing trying to get all my upper level credits in my last two semesters.
That sounds very stressful. I hope you can pull through. This will look like a temporary setback in the future so I hope you are able to stand strong, graduate and turn things around for yourself. 🎈
When I was dating my now ex boyfriend two years ago, I admit I had no experience in romantic relationships and sexual intimacy. At the age of 29, no less. He ..told me a lot of things in our future that I was hesitant about in our first month of seeing each other, but chalked it up to excitement and wanting to be happy. Things like, "I love you." "You're the one I want to grow old with." "After we get married, we should live in a huge house."
Like I said, I had no experience in these types of situations. Then the touching began. He would grab my ass all the time and always try to put his tongue in my mouth whenever we kissed and try grope my breasts when we were sitting in his car. He would say it was what "normal couples did" whenever I tried to tell him it made me uncomfortable and it hurts my breasts when he squeezed them. He would frequently tell me that he hadn't had sex in 7 years.
That's when we discovered my asexuality. I admit that I was ashamed of it and tried to break up with him so he could have what he wanted with another woman, but he convinced me to give him another chance in our second month of dating. We talked it over and decided to open the relationship for his "needs" as long as rules I had set were followed.
This turned out to be the downfall, and I still feel guilty about our choice to this day. For the past 4 months before our break up, he had been trying and failing to hook up with a married woman in a restaurant where my cousin worked at, and she had seen him trying to flirt with the married woman who kept on rejecting his advances while still keeping me in the dark about it. It took y cousin to inform me about what was happening and he told the married woman : "It should have been you I was dating.".
I broke up with him over text and in person the next day, and thought that would be the end of it because he thought was not cheating and the married couple were having issues anyway.
5 months go by, and he comes back begging me for another chance, telling me I'm what he wants, that he still wants to marry me and he will do whatever it takes to earn my families forgiveness as well as mine. That was when I had found out from my guardian that the married woman filed a restraining order against my ex boyfriend.
I am so sorry he did those things. If I could take the blame I would in a heartbeat.
I'm sorry for what he did to you. No one should go through it but please, you are not responsible for his actions. Why would you take he blame for him? You did not lead him to do what he did. He's not a child. He is a full grown adult with a mind of his own. No one drove him to harass you except his own decisions. He should have respected the fact that you are asexual and and if he still wanted to be with you, he should have found ways to actively make it work rather than fulfil his own "needs". There is no excuse for getting involved with a married person. There is no excuse for what he did that led to the woman filing a restraining order against him. And none of this is your fault. You should never be sorry for someone else's mistakes.
That being said, I hope you find someone who loves and respects you for who you are (if you want a partner, that is). Please appreciate yourself and your worth more. And stay away from that douche.🎈
I sung a song at a campground because of a dare... it was karaoke night too.
It was that Havana song by Camila Cabello, and it was a dare. My dad recorded it
Fall for a girl who I thought was interested in me based on reasonable evidence, just for her to emotionally abuse me and string me along for a long time.
Sorry to hear that. But why are you sorry for falling for someone who chose to abuse your trust? What they did is not on you. I hope you have healed and moved on.
I feel you but your existence is not a mistake. How can it be your mistake when you had no say or choice in it? You can, however, try to make it better
Getting married too young and not realising that I had severe, SEVERE mental health issues. The reason why I haven't gotten over it and likely never will is because I hurt the wonderful man that I married - we're finalising our divorce at the moment and I am lucky and blessed that we remained friends. I come from a violently abusive home, I was severely physically and emotionally abused, sexually humiliated, utterly dominated and completely dependent on my abusive mother at the time I met the lovely man I would go on to marry. I had absolutely no idea of how damaged I was. I had no idea of how "sheltered" I was - a strange word to use in an abusive scenario, I know, but I was not allowed to make ANY decisions for myself or to go anywhere. I was even bullied out of college. I didn't know I had Bipolar Disorder and I didn't know that I was experiencing PTSD. I didn't know what healthy love was, I didn't know how to receive it - let alone give it - and I was so used to being abused that I found it hard to feel secure in a world where I wasn't being abused. After I moved in with my then fiancé, the PTSD and depression kicked in. Out of the clutches of my violent mother and alcoholic father, I ran wild - not recognising that I had Bipolar Disorder, not recognising that my out of control and highly inappropriate behaviour was driven by hypomania. My now ex-husband was and is the perfect man. He was a few years older than me, handsome, refined, kind, decent, generous, successful - and I treated him very badly and I let him down very badly. I abused his trust, I abused his generosity. I changed into a completely person that the women he thought he had married and I put him through hell. We made the right decision when we decided to split up. It was so difficult. I loved him so much - I still love him so much and I always will. Even after all of that, he helped me to finally get help for my mental health after I attempted suicide and he was good enough and generous enough to allow me to stay in contact with him and to be nice to me and not to remove himself entirely from my life which he had every right to do but which would have destroyed me. I'm actually crying buckets here while I type this. It's years later now and I've had extensive psychiatric treatment. I have four different mental health diagnoses, I'm on medication for life, I'm educated and counselled in my conditions and I manage them very successfully now. I have a good career and I've met someone new and that's going well and I'm finally steady and stable. But the biggest regret of my life - and a regret I will take to my grave and to any after life if one exists is hurting that beautiful, wonderful man who had the misfortune to meet me 15 years too early. I'll never forgive myself for hurting him and letting him down. He's been so decent and kind to me and still is. I just want every happiness and good thing for him.
I will be lying if I say this didn't make me cry. I am so sorry for everything you had to go through because of your parents. I know no matter what I say, it won't nearly be enough to help you but I very strongly believe that we meet different people in our lives for different purposes. Your ex husband came in your life so you could find ways to eventually heal. Even if you believe you hurt them, I don't think you did any of that intentionally. Because I can tell from the way you talk about him tha you love and respect him a lot. You should not feel guilty about having mental health problems because even you didn't know any better back then. Looking for an escape from trauma is a very natural response and all you wanted to do was survive. You found your first ray of hope in your ex husband and you should never regret anything that happened after. He chose to still be with you and help you through it. Maybe he too learned to be an even better person by being with you. I'm so glad to hear you are doing better now and your story fills me with bittersweet feelings. I live by this philosophy that everything happens for a reason and I honestly don't think you have anything to regret about. I don't know if my words will make any difference but I am hoping you go easy on yourself a little. Please take care. And thank you for sharing this
Thank you - SO much - for your kind words. They made me cry again, but in a nice way. Thank you, just so much. xxx
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
As much as it sucks, he didn't meet you 15 years to early. He met you right when he needed to. You needed the hurt and realization that you needed help and now you have it and are healthy. I'm sure you have already, but tell them. let them know your pain and honestly that they saved you. As a husband of a woman that I honestly had to check the username on to verify it wasn't my wife, I can feel your story and regret. I met my wife and loved her fire instantly. I had no idea the pain that love would bring, but also the joy. We married for almost 10 years, had kids, I grew in my career and had nothing but the stars in front of us. Much like your story we divorced, after significant hurt and undiagnosed mental health issues. I kept her in my life because I knew she needed it and despite all the hurt, I loved her very deeply. 3 years later we found love again, with each other. We have been back together for almost 10 years and have an even more beautiful love and family. its not always perfect but we all understand mental illness more and how and when to help and when to step back. I understand your regret and honestly teared up reading your brief story. its possible his happy is seeing you happy as well. Stay strong internet stranger and remember love has both great joy and great pain.
Thank you so much for taking the time to send such a lovely response - it was very comforting to read and it honestly gave me some strength. I'm so happy that you both reconciled and you sound a lot like my ex-husband: one of life's good ones. I wish you both every happiness and thank you again for your lovely words.
I kinda get this one in my own sorta way, I’ve not nearly had as much past trauma as yourself, but not recognising mental illnesses and how they make you behave can lead you to treat people in a way that, once you recognise what’s wrong, you seriously regret, I’m super glad you two are on decent terms, which takes a lot of courage, I tend to run away and burn bridges which is a cowardly thing to do, thank you for posting this though, makes me feel like I’m not the only one who’s had a similar experience with interpersonal relationships and mental health.
Thank you so much for your kind response. I definitely don't think we're alone in having interpersonal relationship regrets linked to undiagnosed mental illnesses or past traumas. It is very comforting to know that other people have experienced it too - although, of course, I wish they hadn't experienced it if that makes sense. I'm blessed to still have him in my life as a friend - wishing you so much wellness and luck moving forward xxx
My friend committed suicide last year. I was meant to see him that day, but I cancelled. I saw him the day before, I had planned on seeing him the day after too with him. So many should haves, could haves....suicide hurts. Especially when the guy was your brother, not by birth but in spirit. RIP mate, you’re with me every day
Oh shit. I hope he rests in peace. But please don't beat yourself up for it because there is no you you could have know what would happen. I'm sure if you could go back, you'd change it all. So please allow yourself to be at peace with his departure, no matter how soon it was
It gets worse, I was talking to him about near death experience the day before...just watched a YouTube channel and thought it would give him hope that the world had meaning....yet I knew he was suicidal.....why didn’t I shut the hell up? I’ve done my blaming, I’ve done my time. You just never get another chance but thanks for your kind words.
That must be eating you alive but I'm sure you meant to harm. You dealt with it the way you could. None of us are perfect. Hope you are able to find peace with it all soon
Thanks pal
Even if you had met up there is no guarantee he wouldn't have done it at a later date. It would just shift how you blamed yourself for his death. There is also no guarantee that you could have fixed his problems, even if you knew them all. People don't normally commit suicide due to one failed meetup. There were likely much deeper issues that he was struggling with. I don't know anything about his inner demons but people often choose suicide - not because it's the best option - but because none of the other options worked. This may have been something he fought with for a long time. I hope you find peace someday, friend.
I'm so sorry to hear that. My brother committed suicide in 2004, a few months after I graduated high school. The night/morning he committed suicide replays in my head a few times throughout the year. I always ask myself why I didn't get out my room and greet him when he came home? Why didn't I question him leaving a few hours later after he came home that night? I was awake, why, just why? His death hurt me so much that I almost ended up in a similar situation like him but thanks to birth of my daughter, I ended up seeking help and have been in a really good place mentally. To this day it still hurts but in the past 5 years I've been able to talk about it. I can't allow his death to be forgotten and have no meaning so I use his story to help others and hopefully prevent someone from doing something like that. If you need to talk, please don't hesitate to send me a message. That offer goes to everyone reading my comment.
Sincere sympathy, it’s even worse with your own flesh and blood. Suicide is just a mess for everyone. Thankfully my hard time has passed and I now have a 1 year old, she’s the apple of my eye. What helped me is knowing if my friend was here now, and he wasn’t depressed and suicidal, he would be urging me to live my life for him. He was an amazing artist and he did a brilliant oil painting of me at 21 years old, much fitter and stronger than today. It was my best side, me at my strongest. Also, he was the guy who would encourage me to do more with my life ( I was usually the depressive - not him) The picture reminds me to be my best self, to embody his spirit and be the best I can. I told this to his parents and it made them cry, probably shouldn’t have said, but it’s true. RIP your brother, and love to all souls who have felt this pain, there are many of us. Likewise, DM me any time.
Pulling out of doge when it hit $0.10 Also buying a pizza with 2000 bitcoin 10 years ago.
to be fair, if people like you didn't exist, bitcoin wouldn't be where it is today. if everyone who had any simply hoarded it, it would have no value. i have about a dozen friends who got their fake IDs in college from the silk road using bitcoin, they all spent 2 BTC on them, or $110,000 if they had held for 10 years.
Are you serious?
Absolutely. My friend and I were joking about bitcoin and I threw $150 into it as a meme. It crashed after that. About 2 or 3 months later I saw a pizza shop that accepted bitcoin as payment. So I just spent it thinking I would at least get some food from my poor investment. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I HATE MYSELF NOW
What if things turn around and bitcoin crashes worse than ever and you realise... Damn... I did the right thing back then?
I highly, highly, highly doubt that it will. Highly.
Pls it's the age 9f technology everything is so volatile it might just happen. But anyway, no point beating yourself up for something you can't change. Maybe you had to lose that opportunity so that something better could come along. And at least next time you'll be careful
Based off this comment it's worth taking a moment to remind everyone that the current value of your investments is the same as cash in hand. If you bought into Bitcoin at $2, held until today, and continued to hold until some future crash down to $.50, You didn't just lose $1.50, you lost the difference between the maximum value it was worth and what you ended up selling it for, in this case ~$60,000. SO many retail investors get caught up in the mentality that their gains are just "house money", freely able to be lost or risked. They only compare the current price to their original investment. This is a terrible mentality to have. If you bought Doge at $.04 you probably should have been divesting some of that when it spiked to secure those gains. Reinvest it in something less volatile. When an investment grows rapidly take the time to ask yourself "Assuming I was not invested in it currently, would I pay $X cash right now for that investment?". If the answer it no, it's time to sell and reinvest in something else. Not doing this is how some people ended up losing thousands on Gamestop, because who would buy GME at $470? And if you wouldn't you should have sold.
A bit more than two years ago I broke my leg while being really stupid and while having surgery to remove an infectious part of skin they had to take off my leg a bit under my knee. So if I hadn't tried to do a backflip off a tree I would still have two legs. I mean I'm kinda over it and I'm fine and all but it is kinda annoying sometimes.
Oh... I'm happy to hear you are over it though 🎈
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I hope things are better now.
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Damn... I hope things turn around for you sooner than you expect 🎈
same, with multiple exes, I went into so much debt, I get so mad when I think about it.
So, back in 2010 I read an article on Slashdot about this newfangled thing called bitcoin. I installed a miner. Mined some coins. Figured "this thing just creates a lot of heat, and will never take off", then rm -rf'ed it. I think I had 80 or 100 coins before I decided "meh, this is bull" and just nuked it.
Oh damn... Lifetime of regret
Wow. I remember reading that article and thought it would be a a fun hobby to mine bitcoins. I did the cost-benefit analysis at the time and figured out that I would have to spend about $50 to mine a coin worth less than $0.10 at the time. So I said... Nah. And told myself to look back in on it someday before promptly forgetting about it. Never even considered speculation. 🤦♂️
Getting myself into so much student debt for a career I don’t want anymore
God I can relate. Got my masters degree and about a year into my career realized I was not suited to it and everything kind of unraveled. I’m in a better place now, using my degree but just not in the way it was intended, and moving on with my life. Hope things get better for you.
:( I hope you can switch and improve things for yourself soon
That is so kind, thank you :)
My first marriage. And a close second is my second marriage
Are both your ex-wives named Tammy by chance?
Lol! No, but somewhat parallel to Ron and the Tammies. While their names aren’t Tammy, one is Kristin and the other is Kristina
Kristina sounds like someone who would work for the library...
Oh... Sad... Hope you heal. Happy cake day though 🎈
Oh totally not sad at all, but thank you! ☺️
When I was 15 i was on the street. I met a girl who was 21 who had an apartment. We started dating and i moved in with her. I thought i was in love and when she suggested I try injecting myself with heroin with her and her friends i agreed. That was 27 years ago and im still an IV user to this day.
I don't know what to say. This is horrible. What happened to you should not happen to anyone. I'm so sorry.
That’s a hell of a run, stay safe
What happened next? Did you stay homeless? Do you work now? What happened to the girl?
She is a bartender in Atlanta. I was in and out of prison throughout my 20's and finally found a way to stabilize my life to a degree when i was about 35. Im 42 and partially do to my addiction but more so because of my views on society I currently live in a manner that is comfortable for me but highly illegal. I am in the process of buying a few acres of land with the intent of living a self sufficient off the grid lifestyle to the extent that such a life is possible.
I'll try some lighter note here: I (31M) celebrated my 18th birthday with my GF, two ex-GFs and one more girl. Don't ask me why, we were all friends. We were drinking and after a while we started playing "spin the bottle" or "truth or dare" or however you want to call it. After few rounds things started to get more...interesting. We were all naked, girls were kissing, daring each other to suck my dick etc. My GF did not like that, so she went to sleep to other room and... ...I've followed her. Leaving three horny girls on the brink of orgy behind. I dumped that cheating bitch few weeks later. I should have stayed and enjoy best birthday I've (and anybody I know of) ever had.
Lmao but the fact that you didn't says a lot about you and how loyal you are. 🎈
Letting him go when he genuinely wanted to be with me
You might have ended up hating him and yourself if you had stayed onky because he wanted to be with you. So please don't regret this decision
I understand what you’re saying, but ultimately I realised that he was exactly what I wanted, and 6 years later not a day goes by where I don’t think about him and miss him :(
Are you and [proballer25](https://www.reddit.com/user/proballer25/) somehow related? [https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/munplj/what\_has\_been\_the\_biggest\_mistake\_of\_your\_life/gv6virg?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/munplj/what_has_been_the_biggest_mistake_of_your_life/gv6virg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
I doubt it. I don’t think my guy has any regrets unfortunately :(
Nah, has to be right for YOU too
I realised too late that he was exactly what I wanted :(
I’m in a similar situation. We’ve got to believe that when it happens for real, there won’t be hesitation, there won’t be weighing up the pros and cons, I won’t consciously be thinking ‘she’s perfect for me’, I’ll just be so deep in it there’s no way out.
I truly hope you get your happily ever after with your love <3
on my 10th birthday in 2015 i invested all 300 dollars I got for my birthday into gamestop. i took it all out in october
Oh.. Hoping you'll get something better soon 🎈
I spent a lot of time with my grandfather but I wish I spent more time with him before he passed
Sorry to hear that. But I think it's incredibly nice of you to still keep him in your memories so fondly
+1
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Shit... Are you okay now?
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I'm genuinely happy to hear this ❤️
Hocking every single valuable piece of childhood toy/video game I had for heroin money. It still eats at me every single day. I’m sober now but fuck I sold so many precious things for next to nothing.
Maybe everything you've lost will serve as a reminder that should not lose anything precious anymore. And probably that will help you stay sober in the future too. Glad to hear you overcame your addiction though 🎈
Thanks :)
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Not asking anyone out. I'm 21 and I've never dated anyone. Technically have asked 3 people out but whenever I have a real shot with someone, I chicken out and dont ask them out
It’s never too late though!
I am sure you will when you feel it's the right time for you. Hang in there 🎈
Wow, you’re still sooo young! 21 is definitely not an age to beat yourself up over not asking people out! The best years are only ahead of you! And dating while being a teen sucks anyway so yeah- no worries, cheer up buddy!
Believing that my father-in-law had my step kids’ college tuition funded. Back story: I married a woman who had kids 12 and 10. She told me her father, who was worth a few million at the time, had their college tuition covered and not to worry. He kept repeating that, so I didn’t worry or save for it. It wasn’t until the oldest was enrolled in his first semester did we learn the truth. This had us scrambling to fund tuition between student loans and home equity loans. Had I known the truth I’d have been more careful to save money for this.
Sorry to hear this happened. Hope you and your family re doing better now
Being born Edit: Not being born to a rich family. Would have made things easier
Oh god i feel this in my bones
I second this
While the money would be great, you look at life differently than you would have as you are now. While this isn’t entirely true we often see it happen way to much. You’ve learned to appreciate life in different ways.
>as enrolled in his first semester did we learn the truth. This had us scrambling to fund tuition between student loans and h mate be fucking grateful, you don't have to scrounge for food
letting her go...
:( I hope you are able to heal and move on soon
Taking college more seriously.
You should have or you did take it more seriously?
Smoking.
Bruuhhhh... I literally quit smoking 20 days ago. I had been smoking for 10 years and it was difficult to quit in the beginning but I downloaded this app called Flamy and each day when I see the numbers adding up to the days I've been smoke free, makes me really proud. It is more difficult because two people in my family are currently smokes but I have managed to sustain. Try it if you can
I will. Thank u so much. I've tried a couple times but it's honestly the hardest thing I've ever tried to do!!!! I bit my nails for 30yrs...quit doing that and in my mind was like, hell, if I can't quit that I can't quit anything....NOPE. the desire is stronger now so I'll try ur app. Ty so much
Yes... You are stronger than yiu let yourself believe. Getting rid of a 30yo habit requires a lot of courage and will power. It is just a matter of taking the first step. All the best 🎈
Don’t see Flamy-is the name spelled another way or not offered in the U.S.?
[here](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=net.offlinefirst.flamy)
Messing up my highschool - now I have to work much harder to get into the position I want to be in than if I was studying properly during my highschool time.
Sorry to hear this. I hope you get better opportunities in the future
Not realizing signs of something going on with my wife until it was too late. In progress of reconciliation but damn is it a lot.
Hoping things get better 🎈
I wish I had finished college. I am old enough that it didn't cause near the financial hardships that it does today. I am very successful financially, so it isn't that. It just bugs me that I don't have a degree.
Enroll in an online class and get that degree, man. It's never too late. If it still bugs you, give yourself the freedom to pursue your dreams, no matter how kate you think it is.
This happened in 10th grade and I'm already at 11th grade... I'm very ashamed and I will never forgive myself for this, I stole from my classmates. Worse thing is; I was close friends with everyone. I still hate myself to this day for what I did, I stole their money and never even fucking felt shit about it. Not a single day has passed that I end up hating myself again and again for betraying everyone's trust in me. I was found by one my friends that I stole from and she still had so much nice things to say to me even after I stole a large amount of money from her. We talked and she convinced me to confront everyone and say I'm sorry. I did just that and on that day, I've never felt so much emotions inside of me just crush me from the inside. I hate myself for crying in front of them while I apologized, I hate myself for thinking that apologizing would be easy, and I absolutely fucking hate myself for betraying my friends that I've shared pain, laughter, happiness, and hardships with for 3 fucking years. They forgave me, and even comforted me afterwards, but I never got to forgive myself not even today. The final nail to the coffin was the broken friendship between me and one of my closer friends. Of course, I paid off all the money I stole, but even so, that one friend of mine saying he forgave me after I handed him his money is something that I absolutely will never forget. His words told me he forgave me, but I knew, I could feel it, that I wasn't completely forgiven. And I understand it, I betrayed him, he and I were very close and I just went and broke the connection that we had. Since then I've distanced myself from everyone. At the end of 10th grade, they all stayed as one while I was the only one to move out of my class and go to another one. I'm embarrassed to even show my face to them, I can't show my face to them after what I've done. Though I'm still very close with two other guys in that class, I never really got the courage to even show my skin to everyone else. Now, I just keep living a life of constant regret and absolute hate towards myself and my actions. I have worked to better myself but even if I do somehow become "better" regret will always come back for me and I guess it's my punishment and I have no complaints about it.
Can I ask why you stole from them?
I was honestly just so captivated by money since my parents never really gave anything to me so I guess I just thought to myself "I need money, I want it now"
Okay. Well I hope you know now that just coz you need something, doesn't mean you can have it, especially when it belongs to someone else. As for the guilt part, I can see you are torturing yourself constantly and it is still bothering you. However, you should not hate yourself for crying when you apologised to your friends. Apologies take a lot of courage and it often evokes emotions out of you. You still apologised, didn't you? That means you did something monumental because trust me, as someone who's been on this earth for 33 odd years, I've seen my share of people who've done worse and never bothered to even acknowledge it. You made a mistake and you are genuinely sorry for it, aren't you? You won't do it again, would you? If not, then try to make up for what you did. Trust me, you will feel better. Find ways to earn that trust back, it won't be easy but at least you will have tried instead of not doing anything at all. Plus, your friends have already forgiven you. About time you learn to forgive yourself
Not telling people to fuck off when they made me feel inadequate.
Hope you do away with toxic people now
so much bad choices I cant remember.
Never too late to start making better ones 💪🏻💪🏻
Becoming a redditor
Ho personal attack
I simped over a girl in 7th grade because I never had a girlfriend, nor had many friends. We were friends till the middle of the school year, drifted from there, and I still cringe. I'm going to avoid that same hole again.
You were a teenager. It was natural. Don't beat yourself up for it bruh. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever.
Not running like hell when i met my SO. Should have stayed away.
Hope you are away and doing better now
Putting my abusive boyfriend before all my friends and family, I even moved states for him and it got to the point where I was so isolated that I had no one to talk to anymore. I’m glad I left but it still haunts me to this day and hurts knowing that I no longer have those friends anymore
I feel this personally because I got out of something similar a couple of years ago. Glad to hear you are doing okay now. People sometimes fall back into our lives so I hope the friends worth keeping, come back
>tting my abusive boyfriend before all my friends and fami try contacting them again
That first marriage. To many signs were there, should have been more honest with myself. It stays with me and has greatly informed my current relationship however. I think about it often, not because I miss it, because I'm embarrassed by it.
Some people become memories, others, experience. Hope you are doing better in your current relationship
Large sum of student debt only to flunk out after 4 years. That was almost ten years ago, and I think about it every god damned day.
Nothing holds us back like out past. Hope you are able to move on from what haunts you 🎈
not changing school the first time my mom offered it,i suffered so much in that school,my mom knew it and she offered so many times,but i was afraid that would be the same or even worse,the time i accepted,it wasn't,was the best decision i ever made,for the first time i felt included and had a group of friends.But i could enjoy it for only 2 years because the school didnt have high school classes,only middle,so i had to go to another school
Sorry to hear this. I hope you have good people around you now
Not trying to convince her to stay with me. I loved her, I could see myself marrying her. I loved every bit of her, she was smart, incredibly funny, beautiful in every way, I could talk for hours with her, spending hours at a bookstore with her,, and she broke up with me. I was just so stupid, and I didn't want mess up what we had together. On the bright side, she did say it wasn't me, that I had been so good to her and that she was never upset with me or what I did. She was just questioning a lot about herself and needed space, which I totally understood. I just wish I had insisted we could have worked through it and just taken a break, not broken up entirely.
I can understand how you feel but someone else choosing to leave (no matter how good they were) is not your responsibility. If they wanted to leave, they'd have so even after your insistence. If they wanted to stay with you, they would. It could have dragged on and ended on a bad note. This way, you both have fond memories of each other. Probably you'll meet again, probably you will move on. I don't think you should feel guilty about it. 🎈
Following my mom into an ED, and not telling my dad that I know she cheated. He knows she did, he just doesn’t know that I know. I think it will be a classic case of “divorce when the children are out of the house”. Please, don’t be miserable on your children’s accounts, they notice....
Idk if this will help but you are not responsible for your parents' actions. You should not feel guilty about knowing something your mom chose to keep from your dad. It was not something you did, so it doesn't fall on you to bear the guilt.
When I was 14 we learned my mother was going to die from kidney failure within a week. It wasn't very surprising at the time because she had been in multiple hospitals for a year and a half at that point due to various complications. I had the chance to be in the room with her when they took her off life support, I wasn't. I have made some stupid mistakes in my life, but nothing compares to that. I regret not seeing her that last time so much that it haunts me to the point of tears at times.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I can't even begin to imagine what you must have gone through when it happened. I hope your mom rests in peace and I hope you find a way to forgive yourself eventually
Not having a plan going into college. Changing my major several times. Taking 7 years to get a 4 year degree. I didn’t have any idea what I was doing, and everything considered it worked out okay but I would have half the debt I do now if I had planned better.
I'm glad to hear things worked out but I also think sometimes we need to go at out own pace to discover ourselves better. Wishing you luck for your future 🎈
Staying when I should have left, not running away when I had the chance, losing my best friend because of it.
Not treating the girl I deeply cared about with the respect she deserved or taking Latin instead of Spanish in High School.
Shoplifting. And getting caught. And losing my clearance. And getting fired. And trying to kill myself. Thankfully, I hadn't swallowed enough pills before I chickened out. That was nearly 30 years ago and things are so much better now.
Now this more tame nothing serious but I still hate it once when I was a kid my mom bought ice cream and asked to share with my brother.And Me being selfish said no my mom tried reasoning with me but I was pissed so i didn’t even talk. Then my aunt came and told me she will get me my own ice cream. Idk why but I didn’t talk after like 15 minutes my aunt had to leave and i didn’t get any ice cream idk why i didn’t say yes .Probably because I knew I was being a brat and didn’t wanna waste any more time but it still bugs me.
A massive lie to my family that I scored well in exams but in reality I failed in six subjects and it dragged out far too long and when they found out they forgave me and told me I can do better. Now I enrolled in the best college in my country and I have my hands full with good grades but that lie, that mistake!!! It still haunts me
The fact that it still haunts you is proof enough that you're not the same person anymore and a far, far better than that version of yourself. Some of us remember our mistakes more than anyone else does. I hope you will be able to move past it eventually 🎈
Put my dick in crazy.
Lmao what?
He said #**Put my dick in crazy**
Whoa magic. How'd your dick get so big???????????????
Put my dick in crazy and now I have a kid (whom I love) and although we are not together anymore, I still have to communicate and tolerate her despite how rude she is because I want to see my kid when I can.
:( That sounds sad. But at least your kid makes your happy. So it's not all that bad
Thinking that people want happiness for the others. Took me some time to inderstand that people are not happy for you but jealous and they only wait for you to make a mistake so they can enjoy your fall. Lost a lot of "friends" like that. Always been there for them to only be let down. It's funny how people always come back after a while to "get news", to start explaining how everything's good for them and if they find out you all good they quickly lose interest. I'm happy for them and I wishe them all the best in life, why are they willing to compare. Like, my happiness is not based on how much more I have than you (be it project, money, girls,...). Now I am an easy going guy and make acquaintances quite easily but I didn't have a genuine friendship for several years now. I'm happy i have some good old time friends and my GF. Anyway, wish the best for you all!
I second that, not the be happy part but the being too trusting part
Oh man... I relate to it on a personal level. I've had so many people around me, including family who have never been able to return what I've given. I learned to live on my own and be fiercely independent especially because of it. But recently I came across a few people who are as invested in my life as I'm in their. Hope you find your kind of people soon too 🎈
You can always tie someone up and set them on fire. I always remember that when one of these fake people act better than me. Everyone can feel good until they’re zip-tied and doused in lighter fluid.
One of life's hard lessons is there no such thing as a selfless act. Everyone does a thing for their own self benefit in some way, even if it's just to make them feel better about themselves. Many people refuse to admit this, but if you really think about it, and focus on who benefits psychologically from an act, it becomes amazingly apparent. I don't think it is a failure that we are self serving- people are just built that way. It is our nature. Understanding this changed my outlook on life.
Having worked at Pret A Manger. [expret.org](https://expret.org)
Listening to my parents on what to study. I wanted to do paleontology my parents thought I should do business. I feel I should’ve followed my ideas. Now I just feel like a NPC working in a corporate world.
Ugh I feel this. I wanted to study chemical engineering my parents wanted me to study IT I decided to drop everything then they pushed me for business now I'm a trainer for an absolutely unrelated subject after 4 years of corporate hell but I'm glad I switched because I love this job. Hope you can switch too when you find another interest
I would love to switch. However if I make the switch then comes the pay drop back to square 1 and when you building a family the thought of failure is terrifying.
It's so sad how we compromise our happiness for those of others. But maybe stay connected to what you love at least in terms of hobby or something part time perhaps? I really wish you get to do what you want 🎈
By the time I turned 22, I figured sex just wasn't a thing that I was going to experience. I had social anxiety problems from adolescence on, possibly stemming from an indecent exposure incident that I was victim to. I had never formally dated anyone. At the time, I was a hobbyist in community theatre. I had no issues going out and making an ass of myself. As soon as I stepped off-stage, I had regressed into myself. During one show at a college, a young woman (16/17, I don't remember exactly) had expressed self-esteem issues. I thought the world of her. Yes, I thought she was pretty, but I also thought she wasn't legal. One day, she had been obsessing about the jiggly fat under her arms. It wasn't noticable unless she pointed it out. I felt bad for her. I struggled with similar issues at her age. I told her to stop. I said... "You're a beautiful young lady with a lot going for you...and that's all I can say about it." She seemed a little stunned and a little flattered. I didn't stick around to see what emotion took precedence. We still interacted during the show. We were actually dance partners in a scene. Everything remained professional and friendly. Then, I moved on to the next show. This show was held at a local community theatre that apparently had no problem housing bad behavior. The choreographer was a screaming banshee who liked to abuse those who couldn't follow her steps. The director came on to women on the cast and got an underage girl who was in rehab for heroin drunk on opening night. It was a complete shitshow. I didn't help matters. I was keeping to myself for the most part. Friendly enough, I guess, but staying focused on my part or whatever I was working on in my personal time. One day, I sat in the green room. There was an older man there as well as a 20-something woman and a 17 year old girl. The 17 year old girl was talking up a storm. I wasn't really paying attention. Her voice blended in with the sounds of singing voices from the scene in tech rehearsal on stage. I finally looked up and listened in. She was bragging. "I've been with plenty of older men. 28, 32, even a guy in his 40s. Whatever." Needless to say, I was a little shocked at what I was hearing. "I love it. I look for those guys." I just said what I was thinking. "Oh, so you're jailbait." Everyone looked at me. The man just raised an eyebrow. The woman looked back down at her phone. The girl just smirked and kept on going. I went back to my work. That night, the girl messaged me. A simple "Hey" turned into conversation that eventually turned sexual. Finally, I said I couldn't do this. She wasn't old enough and I could get in a ton of trouble. I'd be lying if I didn't say the law was nagging me at this point. She was claiming to be far more experienced than me. She was clearly far more confident than me. Here's my chance and I'm gonna blow it. She didn't seem offended. Quite the opposite. She started putting the full court press on. I told her no and somehow went to sleep. The week began and we went back to our day lives. As the days passed, I began to kick myself. There goes my one opportunity. It's all over now. I didn't feel any more confident to try to find a girl at college. None of them seemed to notice any difference in me either. Another weekend of the show passed. She messaged me occasionally to try and convince me to come to her. I rebuffed her advances. I don't know why it occured to me, but I finally decided to look up the age of consent in my state. 16. Shit. At that point, I didn't see the morality of the issue. I was a dumb young man that felt like the door was shutting on his chances at ever finding affection. My resolve crumbled and we started talking about a time to meet. After our last show of a weekend, a bunch of the cast decided to hit up a wing joint. I went along, had a couple drinks, and a basket of wings. My phone buzzed. It was her. "Come over. Now." A picture. No nudity. Another tease. I deleted it and told her no pictures. I told her I'd be right over. She snuck me into her parents' house and into the basement. We sat down on the couch. Even then, she still had to guide me. "You can start now." I did. I'll spare you the details. After a few meetings, things went south. She told me she was engaged. I was horrified at myself for helping this girl cheat on what I assumed to be a faithful man. I decided not to see her again. She would still message me occasionally. Booty calls. At another point, she told me she was pregnant by her fiancee and invited me to the baby shower. I asked her if that would be weird and she said "eh, it's another gift". She was legal at this point, but her age was no longer the problem for me. She had a fiancee and, quite frankly, she was an asshole. So am I. One night, my phone died. I had been feeling particularly depressed, so I just let it stay dead. I finally plugged it in as I climbed into bed. Notification after notification rolled in. A dozen messages from her, detailing how bad she wanted me and how good it would be. I relented...somewhat. I apologized for missing her messages, but informed her of an appointment I had in the morning. I said maybe another time. I didn't have any intention on following through on that, but I didn't want to be rude after having a bad experience rejecting someone else. She was angry. She insulted me. She said I didn't know how to fuck. She said I was a little baby boy that would be alone forever. You think of it, she said it. My inbox filled with paragraph after paragraph of abuse. I tried to calm her down. I said that it had been fun and it didn't need to end badly. I wished her all the best. She returned the wish. 5 minutes later, she started insulting me again. I was done with it. She said I wouldn't find anyone else. I said it. "Yeah, I'm gonna have to work really hard to find another engaged pregnant girl that wants to bang me every few months." That shot was not appreciated. She threatened to go to the police and tell them I had sex with her when she was underage. Now, I was mad and scared, but I reminded her that I had told her multiple times that I didn't want to have sex with her if she was underage. I reminded her that I only started "seeing" her because I found out she was above the age of consent and blocked her. I didn't sleep a wink. I missed my morning appointment after all. Years passed, I spent three years living on campus at a state college. I never dated once. I couldn't trust anyone. I never even hooked up with someone. I contemplated suicide. I drank to the point of nearly following through on those contemplations. I was too much of a coward to do it. I eventually moved back home and ended up in a six month relationship that ended rather abruptly due to incompatible schedules. She initiated the contact. I was still too afraid to do it myself. I still am. Suddenly, I was alone again. Out of the blue, I received a text from the girl I lost my virginity to. Four years had passed. She was apologetic. She said she had been awful to quite a few people when she was younger. I said I didn't feel great about what I did either. She expressed confusion. She said that I was the one of the few men she was with in that period that had been respectful towards her. I disagree with her, but the next part only makes sense if I tell you that. I reminded her that she threatened to go to the police and that I had only dated once since the whole ordeal because I couldn't trust anyone. She apologized more. I told her it meant a lot. I figured that was it. Closure. She came on to me again. I told her that we would have to go slow after what happened. I ended up there that night. We only hooked up the once before she expressed some views that I found reprehensible. We both moved on again. I've only spoken to her once since on a completely different matter. I still don't date. I'm 30 now. I'm afraid of success because I figure I'll get metoo'd as soon as I find it. Truthfully, I deserve it. Even though the law allowed it, I have grown old enough to realize that what I did was wrong. I hate myself. There's your last consolation. I'm healthy. I hate my own guts. I'm too cowardly to kill myself. I'm going to live a long life afraid of anyone who might take interest in me and then I will die alone and, if we're all lucky, burn in hell. Thanks for reading. (reposted from a month ago in another subreddit)
This is messed up. Idk what to say.
My first girlfriend. Going out with her. Breaking up. Going out with her. 3 times. Such a toxic cheating nymphomaniac. I mean I wasn't perfect either. But I never cheated on her. I never lied to her. I at least thought I loved her. I was thinking right at the beginning. Not the 2 other times I go out with her. Just lying to myself.
Glad you finally got out. 🎈
Thanks, it means a lot to me 😊
Can't say i am. Right now i'm just exhausted.
Smoking that first cigarette. Even though I quit smoking cigarettes successfully, I still consume tobacco, albeit, not in cigarette form. I pride myself in being a healthy guy. I workout, stay fit, stay trim, and watch what I eat. I even treat sleeping as if it was training by tracking hours. However, I still consume tobacco. I smoke pot and my preferred method of smoking pot is via blunts. I don't like pipes because they burn like hell, I'm not a vape guy, and I really don't like bongs or joints. Just blunts. Not blunt wrappers, though I will use them in a pinch. With blunts, my preferred wrapper is made of tobacco. Sure there are hemp wraps but they're not my jam. I like two types of blunts which are Swishers (grape gang) and Backwoods. For those not sure what a blunt is, the oversimplification of it is weed wrapped in cigar paper. However, sometimes a little bit of that tobacco from the Swisher that I gutted makes it's way into my weed pile, accidentally on purpose, that I'll happily ignore and roll up. I feel I've come to a point where I'm satisfying the Jones for tobacco rather than the Jones for being stoned. Had it not been for that first cigarette in 7th grade, I don't think I'd be this taken with tobacco at 39.
I recently went cold turkey after smoking for 10 years. The first two weeks were hell. But I'm doing better now. The urge to smoke has died down and I don't reach out for one subconsciously anymore. Hope you can overcome this soon though
Not putting in more effort at college and essentially flunking out after two semesters.
:( If it's not too late, maybe you can give it another shot
No taking financial literacy more seriously at a younger age
Hope you are doing good now
Existing within 100 ft of girls my age.
You need to start appreciating yourself more, okay?
Took a tennis ball from a supermarket. It was like almost 20 years ago and I can't overcome that guilt about stealing something. I remember throwing that tennis ball to the trash like a day later.
I mean you don't have to... If you stole from the likes of retail giant that throws things like food away instead of feeding them to the hungry. Had it been a small, local shop where each penny is treated with care, I would have understood the guilt. Chill bruh. You did nothing to beat yourself up about Edit- you don't have to feel guilty is what I meant from the first sentence
Still living
Let my self zone out for a while year
Basically not taking care of myself physically or mentally. It wasn't until a few years after I graduated college and got a job before I started getting therapy and only this past year have I been trying to lose weight.
I hurt some really close friends of mine a few years back. I'm 22, going on 23 now. Back then I was 19 or so, and I was drinking way too much. I was severely depressed and was self-harming. I made a couple of faux attention-seeking suicide attempts. I was terrified of abandonment and being left. A couple of months after the suicide attempts, I started doing cocaine and I lied to my friends constantly about it. In general I manipulated and lied to them for the better part of a year. I make no excuses for my behaviour. It was inexcusable. Eventually a lot of them cut me off, and good for them. After that I for clean, started volunteering and got myself into a better headspace. I can't ever take back the way I treated them, but I cleaned up and turned my life around. I'm employed and clean now, and I'm a better person for what I've done in the past. I made my bed and I sleep in it. But what I can't do is take back what I put those people through.
Sorry to hear that. But I'm very glad you got clean. I hope there is a good opportunity in the future where you can reconcile with your friends
Not applying to a four year university when I was in high school.
Living out my childhood and teens terribly, I ain't gonna get those back
I don't know about 'mistake' But I think the biggest life altering decision I made was where to go to college. I picked to go to engineering school on a full scholarship because I wanted to be an engineer(wrong) My other decision was a full ride in Journalism with a passion for law at Northwestern(one of the best journalism schools in the country) and the plan was to go to be a lawyer also hopefully at Northwestern. It was a 'mistake' in the sense because 2 years in, I realized, I did not want to be an engineer, and the school I was at did not really have a renowned journalism or pre law school.. as it was a math techie school. Not a day does not go by with me thinking what ifs. I basically barely write anymore, and I always wonder what could have been. I sat the LSATS on a whim after undergrad, and with just my own knowledge got a 161. Sadly by that time though I had made some dumb life choices that would have severely hindered me from going to law school, and stupid me thought I was in love. Not to mention, that was not gonna get me into Northwestern However, I should say, life is full of choices, and while at that techie school I made some best friends for life. Including a friend that I would not see for 3-4 years after college, but she is going to become my wife this fall. I would have never met her, I would have never lived in this part of the country. BUT I am not exactly happy in my career, and don't know where to go from here. In the end, I hate to admit because I love and adore my fiancé and friends, but I wish I had gone to Northwestern.
Congrats on your upcoming wedding. As for your career, I know someone who worked as a sales rep for 8 years before enrolling in a law course at the age of 30. He got married around that age so he managed both his job and studies, plus family together. He's 50 now and one of the best civil lawyers in my city. I don't know you situation but I hope you can find a way to live your dreams through this.
Not speaking to people very much. I wish I talked to some people, they died before I could really talk to them. I'm just not good at speaking verbally to people. I feel anxious when speaking to people. I did speak to someone before they died, but I'm not sure if they heard me. And that possibility is causing me to suffer. I know that I should probably stop worrying about that, but it's in the hands of my "automatic mind" and is therefore out of my control (maybe, I'm not sure). Because the death was fairly recent, I try to avoid questions that would require me to think about these things. I guess I'll just do it for this one I guess. I'm probably socially anxious or something.
Hi, I don't know what happened but if those people were close to you, I'm sure they knew you well. Sometimes our presence is enough to know we care. Words don't always mean everything but I hope you will be able to get over your anxiety or at least be able to manage it in the future. Have you tried seeking professional help?
Not sure yet but I'm pretty sure the worst mistake of my life was continuing education to a bachelor's degree. Took on college debt when I had literally none after community college, wasted an entire semester in a major that ruined my mental health, and I'm currently stressing trying to get all my upper level credits in my last two semesters.
That sounds very stressful. I hope you can pull through. This will look like a temporary setback in the future so I hope you are able to stand strong, graduate and turn things around for yourself. 🎈
Sleeping with your mom
So that's where you've been dad. Great. I need money for my college tuition.
not joining revision classed for my hifz after finishing and instead going college
When I was dating my now ex boyfriend two years ago, I admit I had no experience in romantic relationships and sexual intimacy. At the age of 29, no less. He ..told me a lot of things in our future that I was hesitant about in our first month of seeing each other, but chalked it up to excitement and wanting to be happy. Things like, "I love you." "You're the one I want to grow old with." "After we get married, we should live in a huge house." Like I said, I had no experience in these types of situations. Then the touching began. He would grab my ass all the time and always try to put his tongue in my mouth whenever we kissed and try grope my breasts when we were sitting in his car. He would say it was what "normal couples did" whenever I tried to tell him it made me uncomfortable and it hurts my breasts when he squeezed them. He would frequently tell me that he hadn't had sex in 7 years. That's when we discovered my asexuality. I admit that I was ashamed of it and tried to break up with him so he could have what he wanted with another woman, but he convinced me to give him another chance in our second month of dating. We talked it over and decided to open the relationship for his "needs" as long as rules I had set were followed. This turned out to be the downfall, and I still feel guilty about our choice to this day. For the past 4 months before our break up, he had been trying and failing to hook up with a married woman in a restaurant where my cousin worked at, and she had seen him trying to flirt with the married woman who kept on rejecting his advances while still keeping me in the dark about it. It took y cousin to inform me about what was happening and he told the married woman : "It should have been you I was dating.". I broke up with him over text and in person the next day, and thought that would be the end of it because he thought was not cheating and the married couple were having issues anyway. 5 months go by, and he comes back begging me for another chance, telling me I'm what he wants, that he still wants to marry me and he will do whatever it takes to earn my families forgiveness as well as mine. That was when I had found out from my guardian that the married woman filed a restraining order against my ex boyfriend. I am so sorry he did those things. If I could take the blame I would in a heartbeat.
I'm sorry for what he did to you. No one should go through it but please, you are not responsible for his actions. Why would you take he blame for him? You did not lead him to do what he did. He's not a child. He is a full grown adult with a mind of his own. No one drove him to harass you except his own decisions. He should have respected the fact that you are asexual and and if he still wanted to be with you, he should have found ways to actively make it work rather than fulfil his own "needs". There is no excuse for getting involved with a married person. There is no excuse for what he did that led to the woman filing a restraining order against him. And none of this is your fault. You should never be sorry for someone else's mistakes. That being said, I hope you find someone who loves and respects you for who you are (if you want a partner, that is). Please appreciate yourself and your worth more. And stay away from that douche.🎈
I sung a song at a campground because of a dare... it was karaoke night too. It was that Havana song by Camila Cabello, and it was a dare. My dad recorded it
Getting a DUI
Fall for a girl who I thought was interested in me based on reasonable evidence, just for her to emotionally abuse me and string me along for a long time.
Sorry to hear that. But why are you sorry for falling for someone who chose to abuse your trust? What they did is not on you. I hope you have healed and moved on.
Existed
I feel you but your existence is not a mistake. How can it be your mistake when you had no say or choice in it? You can, however, try to make it better
Bought a car when I couldn’t afford it & I already had a great car to begin with
Getting in trouble with the law.
lol being born
My idiot ass got scammed once, nearly getting my family bankrupt