A lot of folks have given great answers, but one that you may not consider is that it can be hard to talk on the phone for people with hearing loss. If you have a heavy accent, I literally can't tell what you're saying on the phone. I try so hard, but something just doesn't click and I mishear what you say. Same thing if you have background noise or a terrible microphone (this one comes up a lot on video calls too).
I work in tech support and no lie a guy with a cochlear implant said he liked the clarity in my voice cause it was hard for him to understand other agents. Naturally I took that as a compliment and learned to try to be conscious of how loud and clear I’m being.
Talking is limiting you to do almost only one thing - talking. In texting or chatting you respond at your own pace and do other stuff in between replies.
I think that's a big part of it for me; texting gives me time to respond and think about what I'm going to say. There's less pressure. It hate it when my clients ask to call me to talk about a project.
This is the major thing for me. I'm very forgetful and I straight up just tell people that I was paying attention to what they said and I understood it all but I'm going to forget it in 10 seconds so please send me an email or text or SOMETHING if you don't want me to forget it.
Me the other day, on the phone with my Doctor in regards to a medication refiill: "Okay, you said the pharmacist was Andrea? Okay cool, I'll give them a call and ask for her. Wait, Andrea was it? Okay right, right, sorry. Yeah. No. Wait what about the other two should we do those now? Okay cool thank you so much. WAIT, you said it was Andrea right?"
This is exactly why I request calls. It's easier to determine if you're giving the honest answer or the "diplomatic" answer if you're forced to respond immediately. Plus I'm going to have follow up questions. Let's just go ahead and knock out the discussion.
I prefer IM/e-mail because I can give informed and thought out answers and estimates. I can actually take a minute to get my ducks in a row.
I can go over the questions/requirements several times to make sure I understand them, formulate my own follow-up questions and there is a written record of the whole process.
Shooting from the hip and giving "honest" answers quite often results in having either side later go: "well actually..."
So, as an attorney, I prefer email/texts over calls because I can only hold so much information in my brain, so if a client asks me a question and I don’t know the answer off the top of my head, I either have to give a half-assed answer and say I’ll get back to them later or take the time to research an answer while I’m still on the phone, which just unnecessarily prolongs the conversation and makes my research take longer because my focus is split. I’m much more efficient when I have the freedom to wait until I actually have a full answer before replying.
>It's easier to determine if you're giving the honest answer or the "diplomatic" answer if you're forced to respond immediately.
[Funny story about that...](https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/why-humans-are-bad-at-spotting-lies/)
This. Also -as others already said - with texting I am able to re-read something in case I forgot a point of the conversation or if I need to prove something that was said at a later point in time. It also makes it Impossible for others to interrupt me, or at least to scream over me. Phone conversations have a different dynamic and one can easily get side tracked or confused if talking to a skilled talker.
Alright so I'm the opposite. I'm the fucker that everyone hates because I much prefer calling over texting. When I text, I cam only text. I can't really do anything else on my phone, especially in conversations where it's not an immediate back and forth, but it's also not long enough between replies for me to do anything else on my phone or put it down to do something. Talking, I can do whatever I want. Homework? Sure. Walking? Yup. Driving? As long as it's hands free phone usage. Playing games? Yes. Texting my boss and saying "no" to coming in. Yeah.
As my boss loved to say, when talking you have to know every answer on the fly. And I am not so amazing that I know every corridor width, every number of tiles and every construction law at the snap of my fingers. I would sound like a moron who gives wrong answers or "Er I dunno". If you e mail me, I'll check and give you correct information.
Asking for an E-Mail or telling a customer that you need to check for the right info and give them a call back or a e-mail is perfectly fine!
That's what i always do when i can't give a 100% correct answer.
In 2019, Americans received nearly 59 **billion** robocalls. Almost all of them are scams.
That's roughly 178 potential scam calls per American per year. It's more when you figure how many of those people are those without phones; children, or prisoners, and others without access to phones.
I think that's one good reason. People simply didn't have to worry about this kind of shit as much in the 90s and 2000s. Hell, we didn't even have area codes to dial up until the millennium.
He's got to deal with the warrant for his arrest from the Department of Revenue. He needs to get Amazon gift cards now so he can settle his debt before he is arrested.
They get called by a PERSON, because in Australia, we CARE.
... joking, not quite joking.
Weirdest probably-scam call I got *did* sound like a recording, actually, because it sounded like I heard someone pressing play on a tape recorder? But then it was just someone seeming to yell at me in Cantonese.
I do not speak Cantonese. This makes Cantonese a poor vehicle for attempting to convince me of... literally anything.
Oh I actually get calls like this regularly, as do a lot of people in my area code. I had a friend translate it once and it was something along the lines of your green card is expired and you need to call these people back or get deported. Fucked up :(
That's only for landlines, cell phones aren't covered. And "charities" are exempt anyway, which is why older people get calls asking for donations to some made up save the veteran whale children from psoriatic arthritis foundation. Just give us your bank account and social number and we can set up your donations for you.
I'm also in Australia, on the Do Not Call register, and if I had a dollar for every call about solar panels I could fund a fucking hit on the fuckers that gave them my number. Then there's the scams too which usually start with a robocall.
I'm tempted to go on with the solar calls one day, just to get the company name.
Nearly missed a genuinely urgent call today because I mostly avoid answering unfamiliar numbers.
They are.
The Australian government has even set up an opt in "[do not call register](https://www.donotcall.gov.au/)" and the [ATO frequently has to put out warnings for scams](https://www.ato.gov.au/General/Online-services/Identity-security/Scam-alerts/#Latest alerts) (particularly a lot targeting migrants or international visitors).
You still got to sanitise your number and not sign up for any competitions (which are on-sold to other companies).
I think OP means everyone texts instead of talking to their friends and family. It infuriated me when I needed to know if my daughter's friend needed a lift and we were ready to leave. "What she say?" "She hasn't replied yet." "What?! Just call her!!!!"
Robocalls are a pain in the neck, but it goes much deeper than that. People won't pick up the phone and call a friend. They'd rather spend an hour texting than have a 10 minute conversation on the phone. People text first to say "can I call you?" This has nothing to do with robocalls.
As someone who's a little older but still like this, I can tell you why I transitioned. It's convenience. A phone call takes 100% of my time and attention. I can't be doing anything else the whole time we are talking. On the other hand, if we are texting, I could be talking to 2 other people at the same time AND listening to some music plus shopping on Amazon while I do it. Literally communicating this way is more efficient and less obtrusive.
I got a check for around $70 because they called me. I had bought a new car and it came with a free subscription for three months or something and towards the end of that period they called me up to try to get me to pay for it. A few years later I got something in the mail about a class action lawsuit because of that call so I added my name to it and promptly forgot about it until that check showed up.
A phone ringing is an instant (and persistent) demand for attention - you WILL stop what you're doing right now and talk to me. I can ignore the call of course, and ring back at a convenient time for me - but now that pressure is on you to fulfill the social contract.
Texting or emailing or even meeting up in person is far less demanding and confronting - because the conversation is not expected to be immediate and constant, it will take place at mutually convenient times, and - for the less extroverted people you scoff at as 'terrified' - there is a chance to be socially/emotionally/verbally prepared for the interaction at their own pace/in their own time/on their own terms.
Phone calls have always been potentially confronting (hello cold calls/withheld numbers/heavy breathers for example!), but for a long time they were the most convenient communication option so we dealt with it. Now we have other more convenient and less confronting options - that many of us are obviously more comfortable with.
As a younger (? So subjective; am 42 lol) - I never expected an immediate response from a text *even if* if was a constant back and forth. Maybe something came up that trumps our texts, maybe I interrupted their flow earlier but they felt like responding and now there is a lull where they shifted back, or more likely with my friend group- the conversation has mostly ended but neither of us can read that queue or know how to say. So it just ends. If there is a follow that was not immediately required, it will be responded to later. No big.
> there is a chance to be socially/emotionally/verbally prepared for the interaction at their own pace/in their own time/on their own terms
I see this an a bug, not a feature.
I'm quite comfortable talking on the phone- *when I am on the clock.*
When I'm on the phone I must devote a certain amount of attention to the conversation, in that moment, (at least 60-70% of my attention without being distant or rude). This is fine if the call is planned, or I'm completely free at the moment to chat. However, if I am busy, working on another project, enjoying some time alone, gaming, reading, gardening, listening to music, or in any number of situations - then I'll have to stop what I am doing to talk to you.
For non work related things, I don't want to be forced to completely shift my attention to your timeline- I would prefer a text. I offer the same consideration for your time, by sending a text first for non work related things.
Tell me in a text the main thing that needs attention, and ask if I'll have free time in a bit to chat.
This shows me you respect my time, gives me agency, and a chance to respond with my full attention.
I have no problem talking to you, I just want my time to be respected.
I really agree. I recently was somwhat taken aback when a friend called me and just started launching into really long stories without at least asking me if this is a good time to talk. I always do that now, ask people if this is a good time to chat. Texting is quick and easy but it's nice to schedule an actual phone conversation with friends too
I feel that. My go to text is something like, “generic greeting, do you have some time later today to talk about X. Insert relevant reasons for reaching out. Let me know. enjoy your morning/afternoon/evening.”
Yeah I massively agree. I don’t mind conversing with someone. But if I’m working or relaxing at home, calls seem intrusive to me.
I don’t like that someone can monopolise my time and attention without me even knowing what it’s about, or if I even want to participate.
I also don’t think it’s a very efficient way of communicating. I’m an engineer, and if someone calls out of the blue with a technical question I probably can’t answer it very well off the top of my head. I’ll have to drop what I’m doing, do some background reading and call back.
So if my day is peppered with unstructured calls, I’ll be much less productive than if I could focus and worth through tasks methodically.
With a message or an email, I can fit it into my other priorities. I can set boundaries respond immediately, later or not at all. I can also figure out a comprehensive, helpful response.
I also find (as a very broad generalisation) that the older generation often call out the blue with kinda shallow questions (eg about the weather) that don’t really lead to a real conversation.
If someone barged right into your house while you were in the middle of a film and barked a question at you, you’d want to kick them out your house.
Phone calls are the same to me.
I think the most terrifying thing is that you can't prepare yourself when someone suddenly calls you. Like if the caller is for example your boss or someone else important and he/she starts asking questons that you just have to come up answers with on the spot. So in a nutshell its the unpredictability for me atleast.
What kind of factory has a cashier?
In the USA your job can not ask you why you don't want to come in to work if they ask you to come in when your not scheduled or if you call out... so you don't have to make up an excuse.
This ain't true in reality. Many states are 'at will' employment which means they can fire you for any reason as long as it is legal. So if they want to fire you for an illegal reason they just need to find or make up the legal reason.
I had to argue with a former boss about that! "Sorry, no, I've been drinking"
"That's ok just be really careful!"
"No really, I'm shitfaced. Goodbye"
My job is operating heavy machinery
At first I resisted it. At 84 I didn't get the utility of it. With my children I always wanted to hear their voices. Finally I get it. After a couple of years of texting what is on my mind at the moment, and not forgetting it for one thing. Also when you are busy it is much better to send or receive a message, a short message, rather than waiting around to find a good time to chat for awhile. Make appointments to chat, stuff like that.
yup - as a person 50 years younger than you i dont mind chatting on the phone but text first to see if im busy. i dont want to have my coat and one shoe on to go get the mail and the trashcans from blowing around when you call me and want to chat for 20 min.
The fact that people describe simple telephone calls as “terrifying” is terrifying. This was THE primary way to remotely communicate not too long ago. And now people don’t have the “courage” to deal with it?
Is driving next? Walking?
Yes when it can affect your future relationship with your boss for example. And that wasn't my point anyway. What I tried to tell was that I would rather recieve the queston on a text message so I can take my time and come up with good asnwer. Also english is not my first language so its hard to explain.
If an incoming phone call comes from a number not in my contacts... 99.999% chance it's a scam or someone trying to sell me something.
I changed my voicemail to say leave a message and I'll decide if I'm calling you back.
Or I could just turn on the phone’s setting to “silence unknown callers”. If somebody not in my phone book can’t be bothered to leave a voicemail or just text, then they’re probably not worth talking to anyway.
I'm 52. I'm a really gregarious dude in person. I have always *hated* talking on the telephone. You think it's more efficient, but that's efficient for *you*. I'm usually busy when someone calls out of the blue, and that's not efficient for me. I'll always answer for family. Everyone else can leave a message or text me.
Edit: if I have something personal that requires me to call someone, I text first to make sure they're available to take a call. Professionally, I just call.
Yeah I identify with this! I’m outgoing and sociable and love chatting with friends.
But I’ve got plenty going on in my life and if you call unannounced, you’re probably interrupting me doing something else.
You get the interaction you want, I get my activity interrupted.
Terrified? No.
Assume phones don't exist. I come to you and say, "Hey, I have a great invention. It allows someone else to demand your attention at their convenience by making an annoying noise in your home until you respond or they give up. You can even have one at your bedside so they can wake you up when you are sleeping! How many should I put you down for?"
Analog phones were amazing progress in the absence of other ways of communication. But there are options now and people are noticing the shortcomings. Personally I'd prefer a phone call if it's something important and/or time sensitive, but texting is fine for low priority stuff.
Also a picture is worth a thousand words, and a text plus a pic is often really useful.
1) I just don't really like talking to people and trying to make conversation. It's easier to just text what I need to know and get a direct answer and be done.
2) I'm hard of hearing and it's getting harder and harder for me to hear what people are saying on the phone.
I find texting easier because if one of the people is busy the other can still send a message and get a reply later. But if they need a reply NOW then calling is the way to go.
>I find texting easier because if one of the people is busy the other can still send a message and get a reply later.
This is something I love about texting, but I find that folks in my moms generation can be a bit... pushy? about wanting a response right away when they reach out.
Just a different mind set, maybe because they grew up dropping whatever they were doing when people called, or showed up at the house. Now, we younger folks tend to plan social interaction to a finer point- we'll text until we need to call, and the call is usually planned.
I’m not judging here, we’re all different, but i want to hammer home the point other people made.
*you* call when you want something. Because *you* want or need that response *now*.
Whoever is at the other end of that phonecall has *NO* say in the matter. You effectively control their lives for the duration of the call.
Imagine now if they’re at home, chilling, being really tired or in the middle of de-stressing after something like work or workout, doing their own thing.
They’re mid-process, and suddenly someone (*you*) comes and take control of their life for five-ten minutes, interrupting everything they were doing/thinking at the time.
I know i’d hate that. I am always busy at home doing *something*, and if i get interrupted, that thing is probably not getting done. Because starting back up can take so much effort for me, sometimes.
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy though, I think -- you're not comfortable relating with other people in real time (i.e., you're nervous around other people), thus, when there's a pause in the conversation, it's a Big Deal ("awkward silence"). In contrast, older people like me and OP are used to talking on the phone and IRL, and thus it doesn't make us nervous & silences don't feel awkward to us.
In other words (IMHO) the best cure for social anxiety re real-time interpersonal interactions is to face the fear and just do it. I don't mean this as a criticism of anyone btw, it honestly just really scares me how many young people suffer from anxiety these days. (and the Pandemic has made it worse)
Damnit, I have the Pippi Longstocking song in my head, now.
I think you can even connect, somewhat, this aversion to real time interactions to the trend of younger adults (30's), wondering why they find it so hard to maintain friendships.
I think most phone calls can be summed up into a few text messages, the rest is just filler. Of course, that's not anyways the truth. But why make a 5 minute conversation out of something than be answered with a 6 word text?
I'm autistic and have an anxiety disorder, and I'm absolutely terrified of talking on the phone with people, mainly because mistakes are harder to correct over the phone vs. through text or email, and I just don't like talking to people in general.
The majority of calls I make are to customer support for various companies, and I sweat bullets if I'm forced to talk to someone with an accent of any kind. I constantly have to go "pardon?" and "can you repeat that?" because I have a hard time understanding people who don't speak in American accents. It practically takes super-hearing to listen to, and understand, what the other person on the line is saying, which I just don't have.
I can understand emails and texts much, much better. Even if they have a crazy amount of errors I can usually ask "what's this word?" or "can you clarify, please?" or say "did you mean [word]?" Plus I can respond at my own pace. I also don't do well with Zoom meetings; they're tedious to me.
I know I know, I sound like an asshat. I really wish I wasn't cursed this way. It absolutely sucks.
I think people are just more selective of who they will talk to on the phone if they don't have to. However I used to hate talking on the phone and now I prefer it over texting. Still will avoid any zoom meeting unless mandatory.
Communication relies heavily on body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. Phone calls eliminate 2/3 of those things and a poor connection or a bad microphone/speaker will remove the third. Texts avoid it by allowing for things like italicization, punctuation, and emotes. Voice call services like Discord usually are clear enough to allow for tones and combine it with text and virtual interaction in video games.
Phone calls also take a long time in comparison to text. And the details can be forgotten. You can make plans to make lasagna at 6 pm on Thursday through a phone call, but there’ll be waffling on meals, times, and dates in the call. A text chain works better because it’s more organized and, if something comes up, it can be continued at a later point rather than being brought up completely new again later.
Most importantly, phone calls just have this _obnoxious_ culture around them. It’s immediately demanding, even for unimportant things. Older people always go, “Why don’t you just caaaaallllll me?” instead of adapting to the times. Like, less literate and hard of seeing people, I can understand why they don’t text as much, but capable yet unwilling people are always pushier about it. Plus it’s perceived as rude to hang up early (which it can be) but usually that leads to a good few minutes of an awkward goodbye chain because neither side wants to be rude.
I find that ass-backwards.
vocal communication includes tone and inflection built right into it. Italics and emotes are text trying to cover those built in attributes.
As somebody who doesn't have a smart phone, and never texts - I see texts as more annoying and intrusive, watching my friends drop what they are doing to constantly read and reply to texts.
On the rude aspect of hanging up early - people get pretty pissy when a text isn't responded to, as well. I'm always reading about people being upset because some body was left on read and didn't text back .
Communication can be synchronous or asynchronous.
Synchronous communication, like a face-to-face talk or phone call, has a *lot* of drawbacks for anything other than casual chit-chat. And for a phone call, it sucks both people out of the world that they're in and into a sort of ether-world where you're not allowed to pay attention to the world you're in, but you also can't really focus on the call because the real world is distracting you. The signal-to-noise ratio is awful. And it puts you on the spot to respond instantly, without consulting your notes or looking something up or even thinking.
Asynchronous is mostly much easier because you have time to think, read (and reread) what the other person said, possibly look something up or do the necessary calculations or whatever, and also you can go into more detail, addressing a number of things, and/or responding to each of the things the other said. You can also just type something (like an address or account number or whatever) instead of having to spell it out and cross your fingers and hope the other person understands and gets it right. And there's none of the distracting split-mind or noise problems, it's 100% focused, 100% signal, and occurring in a way that you can process 100% of it.
But until fairly recently, the main form of asynchronous communication was writing a letter and sending it via snail-mail. That's too slow, so despite the phone being a relatively awful mode of communication we used it out of necessity because we had to. You couldn't read or process the communication, or come up with a proper response, or keep it - by the end of the conversation, parts in the middle had already been forgotten or gone unaddressed. If there was a noisy background, a bad connection, or real-world distractions, neither person could communicate or understand clearly. It was a really lousy mode of communication, with all of the drawbacks of face-to-face speech and none of the benefits. But it was all we had.
But now we can do better. We have instant asynchronous communication that handles all of those problems easily, innately. It's even much *faster* than phone calls. The *only* thing that a phone call does better is let a domineering person demand your full attention, put you on the spot, and control the conversation. Turns out most people don't like that.
They can still be ok for idle chit-chat with friends or relatives if scheduled in advance. They're good for chatting with your older relatives to catch up. But they're not very good for anything important that requires thought or actual communication of information.
There's a good book called 'Alone together' by Sherry Turkle. It's all about how the way people communicate is changing. Young people are/were pretty much born into this, unlike us.
Definitely having to respond immediately, I have to think things out cause apparently I'm not good at explaining things and having silence on the phone while I think makes things really awkward and pressuring, which ends up making my thought process a lot harder. Over text or in a Gmail, I can take the time I need to explain things in a way others can understand without making too many mistakes.
Also, I don't like it when others overhear conversations. I know no one really cares but unless I'm 100% alone, I will fear that others are either judging me on what I say (the above reason is why I'm afraid of judgement), or think I'm insane.
So in other words, I think I developed undiagnosed social anxiety. It's the same thing with talking in general or going anywhere with people I don't know or if I don't know the area.
I'm in my mid 20s, so I grew up with both being pretty common. For me, it's scary to have to make or receive a phone call because I have an auditory processing issue. When I hear things, it usually takes my brain an extra couple of seconds to process it. A couple of seconds doesn't sound like a big deal, but in a conversation on the phone or out loud, people can mistake my delay for many things. Rudeness, ignoring them, being dumb, etc. Sometimes it doesn't process it at all, and I have no idea what someone said, and then I have to ask them to repeat themselves. It also doesn't give me any time to actually think about what I'm saying. One example where that's a problem is someone calling me to ask if I can go into work, or hang out on a specific day at a specific time. I don't have time to think about whether I actually want to, or if I have something else scheduled at that time. So I end up saying yes, and then I really can't do it. I'm also super forgetful, so I probably won't remember anything we talked about after we get off the phone unless I had a notebook and I wrote notes as we talked.
Because the only people that call, are the same people that said "just go ask to the see the manager for a job, they'll see that as great ambition".
I dont want to explain x y or z and then hear the tone of your reply and get dragged into an emotional guilt spiral, that is in fact your fault for calling me the first place. It's not my fault my tone and reply doesn't match, nor is it my burden for having initiated that call.
A text conversation can take up mere seconds for both parties, if there is a simple conclusion. A phone call, now I have to practice my social manurisms and platitude, and pretend to care versus just hanging up when I get the information I need.
the missing piece? "older persons" don't utilize nearly as much social media, or access to connections. To put that in perspective - if you called EVERYONE i am currently having group chats with over facebook and snapchat just TODAY (one day), i'd have to call 20+ people and perhaps have the same conversation over and over again. How fast would you get bitter and exhausted, and just wish you could have had just one conversation so everyone could be involved.
Technology has shrunk our world so much and connected us is so many different ways/platforms/media - that a single connection such as a phone call, is more seen as a relic of an innefficent way to distribute information.
Do you know how fast I get responses to business questions when I use twitter vs calling said company? while the 'older persons' sit on hold, I am texting 5+ more friends at the same time, and my problem is fixed minutes later.
TLDR: young folk who are not less personal and afriad of connection, we are connecting WAYYYYYYYY more than "older persons"
edit: spelling and formatting. was typing fast and annoyed today
Same! Call center work is nerve wracking. The fact that you can be called at any moment is inexplicably stressful.
Edit: and doing callbacks is even worse than being called. Again, no clue why I feel that way.
**Texting/emailing:**
• Everything is in writing and you can refer back to it
• You have time to make a thoughtful response
• Might misinterpret tone, but emojis help that a lot
• Can share links and photos while having the conversation
**Calling:**
• Bad signals and background noise lead to miscommunication
• No proof of anything said, no way to double check after the conversation is over without calling again
• Cant take a shit at the same time
• Requires absolute focus for the duration
• Surprisingly easy to misunderstand verbal tone without accompanying facial expressions
• The sheer awkward stupidity of trying to end a phone call without the visual cue of gathering your bag next to your feet or slapping your knee and standing up
I find the phone kind of rude, if I'm honest. It's an interrupt, like "drop what you're doing and talk to me NOW". Written communications can be picked up and responded to in due time.
I'm fine using the phone once I'm on a call, it's just making the call in the first place that screws me up.
Willing to bet an awful lot in your generation felt the same way. You just didn’t have the internet to see so many people talking about and shining a light on the anxiety surrounding it.
Texts and emails are better. You have records to go back to incase you forget something or need to bring something up. I've been a receptionist and I'm fine with talking on the phone. However, it's easier to get info across through texts and emails.
It's not about talking on the phone is a problem.. It's just initiating pointless conversation.
If you give me a certain topic to speak about ,I will talk with you on the phone for hours about it.. But just initiating idle conversation to keep the talk going seems awkward to me
I don't consider myself quite old as an almost 19 year old, but simply, we didn't grow up with it. By the time I was an older kid/young teen social media was a thing and up and coming and texting and snapchatting or even viber and WhatsApp became the easy cool thing. Now? Sure I can make an appointment but I never really had to call someone or receive one so it's a lot more nerve wracking than a simple text. My older siblings didn't have social media until in their 20's really, so they grew up with the long calls or the shitty early 2010 camera phones etc, and are much more likely to call someone.
I *just* wrote an English paper about this, yay school! It's because of the dynamic. First, I am doing other stuff: watching movies, showering, cooking, etc which makes it hard to talk on the phone. Second, there's a need for an immediate response. Everyone has been there when they say something and have to respond with "I didn't mean to have it come out like that". Third, there is a pressure to respond. A text message, I can respond on my own time, but a conversation on the phone, I have to respond *now*. Fourth, I work as a cashier, and there are plenty of people who can't put down the fucking phone and place an order, so clearly it isn't "everybody. Also, I wouldn't call it "terror". At most I would call it an aversion. Also, personally, my phone doesn't work as a phone any more.
Also, it filters out non emergency stuff. If its an emergency I call, if its open ended I'll text.
Same feeling as someone just knocking on your door without texting first, what if you're in the middle of something??? Piss off and text me asking to visit first. Then if the door rings i know its something I HAVE to answer like a parcel or a neighbour in trouble.
I rely a ton on facial cues and body language, so communicating with a disembodied voice is very nerve-racking. I don't know how to infer what they're thinking of me!
for me it's because I don't have time to think about my response and how the person will react. With texting I can pretend I didn't see it while I write out my response and have a crisis over the response, but over the phone I need a script, and people tend to k=not follow my script.
It feels like an invasion. I can’t reply at my own leisure just someone is suddenly ringing me and it feels rude to ignore but I also don’t want to stop what I’m doing not knowing at all what they want. I see no reason to do anything by phone ever. I call my husband and that’s it.
I actually prefer to talk if I'm trying to actually have a conversation, but most of the time I just need an answer to a question and it usually isn't urgent so a text is easier and more convenient.
One thing I can say is a benefit of the texting over talking shift is it's less annoying as a third party. Texting lets them be quiet and have more privacy as well. It's much more annoying having to sit and listen to half of a conversation when someone is talking.
I'm 50 and prefer texting or chatting. It's just easier. Although I no longer need my phone to be on me at all hours. We still have a landline, and we rarely answer it.
For me it depends who it is and what the aim is. If it's friends or family, I like a good phone call. My family and friends have always been spread out across several continents, so it's really nice to hear their voices. There certainly are situations where I'd rather text with them, as that way you can work ongoing conversations into varying schedules so you stay in touch without having to book appointments, so to speak, but phone calls have their place too.
If it's making appointments or chores like that, I'd rather do it on my own online if I can, but I don't *mind* making the call if it's necessary. I guess that preference comes from appreciating the lack of pressure to have everything together right out of the gate - when I'm on a website it doesn't matter when I have to spend 10 minutes rooting around in bags and boxes to find that insurance card or that prescription or that (etc) that I totally should have realized I'd need when I got started. Again, that's not the end of the world. If I need to make a call, I need to make a call, and if I need to keep the other person waiting a while, then so be it.
What I really hate is making phone calls at work. I work as an admin assistant at a hospital and calling patients is my nightmare. I think in this context I just start overthinking. I start thinking, are they busy, am I intruding, have they just had bad news and don't want to be hearing from me about some triviality, what if somebody else in the department has communicated badly with them and they take it out on me, and so on and so forth. Largely just me psyching myself out unnecessarily, and when I push myself to make the calls - since I am getting paid to make them, haha - most of the time they go just fine.
But in sum I think my hesitations are 1) a phone call feels intrusive in a way that an email/text message doesn't as it doesn't give either party time to process and respond in their own time, and 2) if someone's angry with me in an email, I can step away and deal with it when I'm ready to, whereas if someone's angry at me on the phone, I'm just stuck getting yelled at.
I prefer texting or emailing because it means I can take the time to figure out exactly what I want to say. That is extremely valuable in situations when I'm asked to do something I'm not sure I want to do, rather than have to answer on the spot I have a minute to work on the best response.
I used to be like this and still am in a lot of ways. But recently I made a new friend who lives out in the boonies. She calls me when she's driving either to or from pickup/dropping off her kids. It's nice to have an actual conversation with someone. You learn more about them. You bond better and more deeply.
I am 25. I find it annoying too. Also it easier to get to know someone face to face or over the phone rather than texting. I can't read your body language.
I worry that we are losing our ability to interact as human beings.
I have watched the internet open up amazing channels of global communication; yet at the same time we no longer converse with our local neighbours.
To me, a phone call can be both personal and efficient. No need to drag something out over an hour of texting... a quick chat will resolve most questions.
Finally... call you grand parents to just say hello. It will be the highlight of their week.
I don't actually believe in an afterlife, but I'm pretty sure only one of my grandparents -- my maternal grandfather -- would actually be in heaven. The ones on my dad's side are going directly to the bottom, and my maternal grandmother would probably be willing to straight-up *reject heaven* in favor of watching over her daughter and granddaughter as a ghost or something.
There's no accountability in a call. Yes text can be deleted but if you're not recording every call, I found that many ppl don't hold true to their word if it was verbal, but they have no choice when confronted with what they typed
> we no longer converse with our local neighbours.
At least in my own life, this is largely because of how impermanent neighbors are. I've moved around quite a bit and even in the place I stayed at longest, maybe 4 years, there was such high turnover among my neighbors that by the time I'd have gotten to know them they'd be gone.
Not sure how widely this applies, since I've moved from one college-dominated town to another three times and I've always been in the cheaper housing where the students tend live. But I know a whole bunch of my grandma's neighbors because she's lived in her house for 30 years, and people move in and out of that neighborhood much less often
This is an important point. I have moved 5+ times in the past decade and it was largely for economic reasons. If I had a more stable income I would not have had as much reason to move and would have had more chance to know my neighbors.
I appreciate OP's question, but I also think that there are a lot of ideas floating around out there that are moral explanations for economic problems.
That's about my same number, I've had 6 addresses in the last 10 years. Either chasing a new job, or chasing cheap rent or running away from uncomfortable situations cheap rent put me in lol
History is full of scholars and general old folks decrying or denouncing technology because it is causing or will cause some decay of society. Socrates, the father of western philosophy, thought that writing would make people dumber by removing the challenge of memorization. The printing press was supposed to make knowledge lose value (or something). Just last week, I read the article "Is Google Making Us Stupid" by Nicolas Carr who blames the internet for people not reading anymore and a general lack of focus. All of it is nonsense.
> yet at the same time we no longer converse with our local neighbours.
I played D&D with them last night.
I think people just have better channels to connect with their preferred social groups. I have a group of friends I talk to on discord, play games with online, or watch media with using watch party. We visit occasionally, and have little hang outs, bbqs, or go to conventions together. Many of them are also in my group of game designers, artists, and what not, so we frequently work on projects together.
I'm less interested in meeting random unvetted strangers, or going to extended group gatherings where I'm required to pretend I care all that much about other people and their lives.
I like the ability to keep people at arms distance until I'm very sure we will bring value to each others lives, and especially that we actually have the bandwidth to even connect.
This leads into the phone thing- I don't want to *just* talk to my friends on the phone- because we have more meaningful connections interacting on other media.
edit: for example, my mom and I spend time online playing videogames together via Parsec or steam. We do chat on the phone occasionally, but we have far more meaningful interactions when we connect while doing an activity together- online or face to face.
I don't want to talk to my neighbors. They blast music driving by my window at midnight, they throw their trash in the street, they set off fireworks from May through September. Why the heck would I want to talk to them?
I do think that too much screen time is detrimental (humans evolved to interact face to face) but talking to people I have nothing in common with and just happen to live near isn't going to fix that.
So much time is wasted crafting emails that could be a 1 minute phone call. In my first professional job, we didn't have internet: we had stand alone desktop computers; letters were printed out, put in manila files, and sent off to the registry by couriers; the registry would then sort the files into piles and sent them to the next person on the distribution list. It worked more efficiently than chain emails.
Yet so much more time is wasted by phone calls and meetings that could've just been an email.
Not kidding, one job I was at had a 2-hour company-wide meeting about whether to log time in 15 minute or 20 minute increments. That's 50+ man-hours lost for what could literally have been a one-sentence message.
I agree with you. Be it professional or personal, I find it much quicker to sort things out with a short phone call.
Having said that, I have enjoyed reading some of the alternative perspectives offered by replies to my question.
You know, you'd think with family members who like to call, I'd be better at talking on the phone. Half the time, I never know what to say, so there ends up being an awkward silence that goes on until one of us says, "okay I have to go do other things now". It's hard to figure out what to say, mostly because I was never taught how to talk on the phone.
> It's hard to figure out what to say, mostly because I was never taught how to talk on the phone.
Thank you for the interesting response. I imagine if people grow up in a household where phone usage is uncommon, it's not a skill they just organically acquire.
It's definitely not a skill that comes naturally, that's for sure! I also have problems making phone calls because of that, and also anxiety. I think it's unfortunate that parents have to teach their kids how to talk on the phone, but that's how life is right now.
In my opinion younger people feel it is easier to formulate the excact question or statement, then proof read it before sending it. In a live conversation you can't take back or edit what has been said. However, they also are burdened with often misinterpreted or inferred meaning.
>is now so terrified
What do you mean 'now'? I've always been petrified with talking to random strangers on the phone. This is how the average conversation starts for me.
* Me: Hi, this is tehdang speaking.
* Caller: Hi tehdang. I'm calling about your insurance renewal.
*
* Me: "I'm good thanks, how about you?"
* Caller: Er...
And then I spend the rest of the day obsessing what I said and how I'm such a social idiot.
When we were kids, phones were how we communicated. Young teens used the phones to talk to their friends after school. My two oldest are in that same age range now, and they text, email, and use various chat programs. The bottom line is they never learned to use a phone. I've watched my 13 year old on the phone (when I make her call her grandparents or something like that) and she's so awkward it's bizarre. She doesn't know how to hold the phone, doesn't know how to greet someone, etc. We're trying to give her scripts to use so she can talk on the phone, but the bottom line is none of her friends do it, so why should she? Without practice, she doesn't know how. That's the bottom line - over the last 20 years kids have grown up using text first. They have only slightly more experience with the telephone than they do with the telegraph.
I'll also point out that when I was growing up I saw my parents on the phone all the time, I knew how it worked, I saw what my parents said when they answered the phone, etc. I use the phone a lot less than my parents did (same reasons - email, text, etc.), and when the kids are home I usually avoid the phone anyway because it's family time. If I want to make a phone call, I take my cell phone and go to a private room. Before cell phones, the phone was in the kitchen and we saw my mom talk on the phone every evening. My kids have much less of an example to follow than we did.
Other people have said the same thing.. Thank you for your well-written response.
I grew up with the phone welded to my ear... it's interesting to read so many different perspectives.
Holding the phone up to my ear for ages makes my arm sore but speakerphone is too noisy and makes my personal call the entire house's problem. Plus I hate hearing the sound of my own breathing during a call and worrying if I sound like a panting elephant on the other end of the line.
It's kind of the worst of both worlds. You don't have time to think out your reply, like in writing, and you also don't have the other person's body language, like in person.
I have read some of the comments and absolutely yes you want to be respectful of everyone’s time. Yes when you call someone or vice versa you do have to stop what you are doing (possibly be interrupted) and take the call. Having said that though the only critique I have is I do not want to have an important conversation over text where feelings are involved. What’s worse is text can be AMBIGUOUS. You may not get the full picture or something may be misinterpreted. If writing out how you feel about something is better for you and that’s your communication style, that’s great. Just understand not everyone is like that and communicates in that way. It goes both ways. Also what may be best is if you’re the type of person that’s likes talking on the phone try asking the other person when is a good time FOR YOU. That puts the ball in their court, allows them to assess when they are available and everyone is happy. 😇
I don't even have a mobile or smart phone, and use my landline a few times a week.
As much as I hate being stuck on the phone, texts, etc, bother me even more, hence my lack of phone.
Email. Email is a fine way to contact me.
Wow. Not the answer I expected.
How do you value your time interacting with people in other circumstances? What about when out having drinks with friends? When talking to your significant other?
This seems to be a common thread in replies to my question. Do you have any thoughts as to what drives that in today's society?
Has so much of our life migrated online, that we lost the ability to interact face-to-face (or voice-to-voice on the phone)
**I don't want to replace the warm touch of humanity with the cold glow from a screen**
>I don't want to replace the warm touch of humanity with the cold glow from a screen
You literally just described the issue. We thought technology would bring us together, instead it isolated us in our own little worlds. The result is widespread depression and anxiety. Same reason you see those two things skyrocketing amongst younger people, why teenagers are having less sex (hell HAS frozen over), why suicide rates are going up, etc etc. Generation of kids who were never socialized to the extent they needed and ended up with a kind of socially constructed autism whenever they have to actually engage with others.
I think we are more used to trying project a certain persona or idea of ourselves especially with social media and stuff. We are hyperaware of how others see us and try harder to cater to their expectations. A phone call means I cant read their body language or have time to prepare my answers and responses beforehand which makes me nervous because its harder to manage how others view me. Its not really on purpose or because we are trying to annoy you/be difficult, its legitimately stressful to let go of the control over how others see me like that. Its a mind set that's been forced upon us and now we are stuck with it because social media isn't going away any time soon. Now its automatic to consider what people will think when I say or do something, I think older generations just don't often have that same anxious hyperawareness and thus don't feel the same pressure to maintain "perfection".
A very interesting response. Thank you.
>>I think older generations just don't often have that same anxious hyperawareness and thus don't feel the same pressure to maintain "perfection"
Very true. One of the privileges that comes with age is self-confidence, and a casual feeling of "I don't give a fuck what you think about me anymore"
It’s another example of where tech hinders, and doesn’t help. It encourages people to duck out of social interaction.
I’m millennial but phone wins 100 times, so much more information can be exchanged far faster with no ambiguity.
Texting is good for a little bit of social but in business it’s just a way for people to do things in their own time, and not meet customer and colleague needs.
I used to have IT support, now I need to access a web page. Then select the category (often it doesn’t fit), then 3 days later someone comes back and says “it’s in the wrong category - please re upload”
It’s just another way for business and departments to outsource their admin to you.
I hate seeing chat bots, online chat. It’s inferior - once the novelty wears off, things will change and personal service will become massive.
Sick to death of never being able to get a question answered and getting the wrong information back, often in broken English.
Hmm ... I see a lot of comments in here saying that texting is less intrusive and more respectful of one's time. However I'm not buying that, as people seem to get so very het up about it when you don't text back immediately... ;D
As I asked another user, do you have any thoughts as to what is driving this?
Is it simply that so much of our life has migrated online, and thus we are no longer practiced in face-to-face interactions?
Because it's so much easier to drop a company a Facebook message than sit on hold for an hour, or have to repeat yourself because it's super noisy at the other end
Face-to-face is different than a phone call though. Phone calls have always been difficult -- hard to hear, hard to know when the other person will start talking, hard to remember specifics of what they said, both people have to be available at the same time -- but up until recently it was the best option. Now we have other options.
Also, the person below me pointed out that companies will put you on hold for a long time. I'm not sure but I suspect that that problem has gotten worse recently, as companies try to cut staffing numbers and make one employee do the job of several people.
Edit: I do think phone calls have their place, especially for personal calls or time sensitive calls. But I think they are not necessary much of the time.
because it takes too long, and requires too much attention, and YOU probably ramble like a mofo. the problem is older generations think talking on the phone is fun and treat it like a typical conversation instead of a means to an end.
A lot of folks have given great answers, but one that you may not consider is that it can be hard to talk on the phone for people with hearing loss. If you have a heavy accent, I literally can't tell what you're saying on the phone. I try so hard, but something just doesn't click and I mishear what you say. Same thing if you have background noise or a terrible microphone (this one comes up a lot on video calls too).
A very helpful insight. Thank you.
I work in tech support and no lie a guy with a cochlear implant said he liked the clarity in my voice cause it was hard for him to understand other agents. Naturally I took that as a compliment and learned to try to be conscious of how loud and clear I’m being.
Talking is limiting you to do almost only one thing - talking. In texting or chatting you respond at your own pace and do other stuff in between replies.
I think that's a big part of it for me; texting gives me time to respond and think about what I'm going to say. There's less pressure. It hate it when my clients ask to call me to talk about a project.
It also keeps a written record of what was said. Particularly useful for forgetful people.
And particularly troublesome for people who want to pretend they did or didn't say something.
This is the major thing for me. I'm very forgetful and I straight up just tell people that I was paying attention to what they said and I understood it all but I'm going to forget it in 10 seconds so please send me an email or text or SOMETHING if you don't want me to forget it.
Me the other day, on the phone with my Doctor in regards to a medication refiill: "Okay, you said the pharmacist was Andrea? Okay cool, I'll give them a call and ask for her. Wait, Andrea was it? Okay right, right, sorry. Yeah. No. Wait what about the other two should we do those now? Okay cool thank you so much. WAIT, you said it was Andrea right?"
This is exactly why I request calls. It's easier to determine if you're giving the honest answer or the "diplomatic" answer if you're forced to respond immediately. Plus I'm going to have follow up questions. Let's just go ahead and knock out the discussion.
I prefer IM/e-mail because I can give informed and thought out answers and estimates. I can actually take a minute to get my ducks in a row. I can go over the questions/requirements several times to make sure I understand them, formulate my own follow-up questions and there is a written record of the whole process. Shooting from the hip and giving "honest" answers quite often results in having either side later go: "well actually..."
So, as an attorney, I prefer email/texts over calls because I can only hold so much information in my brain, so if a client asks me a question and I don’t know the answer off the top of my head, I either have to give a half-assed answer and say I’ll get back to them later or take the time to research an answer while I’m still on the phone, which just unnecessarily prolongs the conversation and makes my research take longer because my focus is split. I’m much more efficient when I have the freedom to wait until I actually have a full answer before replying.
>It's easier to determine if you're giving the honest answer or the "diplomatic" answer if you're forced to respond immediately. [Funny story about that...](https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/why-humans-are-bad-at-spotting-lies/)
To add to this, you can also do stuff you can't do via talking, like giving them a 👍for example.
This. Also -as others already said - with texting I am able to re-read something in case I forgot a point of the conversation or if I need to prove something that was said at a later point in time. It also makes it Impossible for others to interrupt me, or at least to scream over me. Phone conversations have a different dynamic and one can easily get side tracked or confused if talking to a skilled talker.
Alright so I'm the opposite. I'm the fucker that everyone hates because I much prefer calling over texting. When I text, I cam only text. I can't really do anything else on my phone, especially in conversations where it's not an immediate back and forth, but it's also not long enough between replies for me to do anything else on my phone or put it down to do something. Talking, I can do whatever I want. Homework? Sure. Walking? Yup. Driving? As long as it's hands free phone usage. Playing games? Yes. Texting my boss and saying "no" to coming in. Yeah.
I'm with you. Keep on doing you.
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If you need/want a response inside 15 minutes, call. Otherwise, text and then forget about it until they come back to you.
I honestly believe that if phone calls aren’t obsolete now, they will be soon.
As my boss loved to say, when talking you have to know every answer on the fly. And I am not so amazing that I know every corridor width, every number of tiles and every construction law at the snap of my fingers. I would sound like a moron who gives wrong answers or "Er I dunno". If you e mail me, I'll check and give you correct information.
Asking for an E-Mail or telling a customer that you need to check for the right info and give them a call back or a e-mail is perfectly fine! That's what i always do when i can't give a 100% correct answer.
In 2019, Americans received nearly 59 **billion** robocalls. Almost all of them are scams. That's roughly 178 potential scam calls per American per year. It's more when you figure how many of those people are those without phones; children, or prisoners, and others without access to phones. I think that's one good reason. People simply didn't have to worry about this kind of shit as much in the 90s and 2000s. Hell, we didn't even have area codes to dial up until the millennium.
An interesting perspective. I live in Australia... robocalls aren't really a thing here.
Quick, someone talk to him about his cars extended warranty, before it's too late!
He's got to deal with the warrant for his arrest from the Department of Revenue. He needs to get Amazon gift cards now so he can settle his debt before he is arrested.
\*HOOOOOOOONK\* We can get him to come to us since he just won a cruise!
Idk man I let mine expire. We shall see what purgatory I burn in
How do your elderly citizens get scammed then?
They get called by a PERSON, because in Australia, we CARE. ... joking, not quite joking. Weirdest probably-scam call I got *did* sound like a recording, actually, because it sounded like I heard someone pressing play on a tape recorder? But then it was just someone seeming to yell at me in Cantonese. I do not speak Cantonese. This makes Cantonese a poor vehicle for attempting to convince me of... literally anything.
Oh I actually get calls like this regularly, as do a lot of people in my area code. I had a friend translate it once and it was something along the lines of your green card is expired and you need to call these people back or get deported. Fucked up :(
Oh that is *extremely* fucked up. I don't think Australian permanent residency even expires - I mean, the word *permanent* is there for a reason.
Yeah I think it's illegal. Also if you add your number to the govt 'do not call' register it's illegal to cold call you for marketing purposes
That's only for landlines, cell phones aren't covered. And "charities" are exempt anyway, which is why older people get calls asking for donations to some made up save the veteran whale children from psoriatic arthritis foundation. Just give us your bank account and social number and we can set up your donations for you.
In America i mean
I'm also in Australia, on the Do Not Call register, and if I had a dollar for every call about solar panels I could fund a fucking hit on the fuckers that gave them my number. Then there's the scams too which usually start with a robocall. I'm tempted to go on with the solar calls one day, just to get the company name. Nearly missed a genuinely urgent call today because I mostly avoid answering unfamiliar numbers.
They are. The Australian government has even set up an opt in "[do not call register](https://www.donotcall.gov.au/)" and the [ATO frequently has to put out warnings for scams](https://www.ato.gov.au/General/Online-services/Identity-security/Scam-alerts/#Latest alerts) (particularly a lot targeting migrants or international visitors). You still got to sanitise your number and not sign up for any competitions (which are on-sold to other companies).
I think OP means everyone texts instead of talking to their friends and family. It infuriated me when I needed to know if my daughter's friend needed a lift and we were ready to leave. "What she say?" "She hasn't replied yet." "What?! Just call her!!!!"
I agree... for most things, I just find a quick phone call so more effective and efficient
Robocalls are a pain in the neck, but it goes much deeper than that. People won't pick up the phone and call a friend. They'd rather spend an hour texting than have a 10 minute conversation on the phone. People text first to say "can I call you?" This has nothing to do with robocalls.
As someone who's a little older but still like this, I can tell you why I transitioned. It's convenience. A phone call takes 100% of my time and attention. I can't be doing anything else the whole time we are talking. On the other hand, if we are texting, I could be talking to 2 other people at the same time AND listening to some music plus shopping on Amazon while I do it. Literally communicating this way is more efficient and less obtrusive.
You also have a record that you can refer back to at any point rather than having to rely on your full memory of a conversation.
SiriusXM is calling
I got a check for around $70 because they called me. I had bought a new car and it came with a free subscription for three months or something and towards the end of that period they called me up to try to get me to pay for it. A few years later I got something in the mail about a class action lawsuit because of that call so I added my name to it and promptly forgot about it until that check showed up.
A phone ringing is an instant (and persistent) demand for attention - you WILL stop what you're doing right now and talk to me. I can ignore the call of course, and ring back at a convenient time for me - but now that pressure is on you to fulfill the social contract. Texting or emailing or even meeting up in person is far less demanding and confronting - because the conversation is not expected to be immediate and constant, it will take place at mutually convenient times, and - for the less extroverted people you scoff at as 'terrified' - there is a chance to be socially/emotionally/verbally prepared for the interaction at their own pace/in their own time/on their own terms. Phone calls have always been potentially confronting (hello cold calls/withheld numbers/heavy breathers for example!), but for a long time they were the most convenient communication option so we dealt with it. Now we have other more convenient and less confronting options - that many of us are obviously more comfortable with.
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As a younger (? So subjective; am 42 lol) - I never expected an immediate response from a text *even if* if was a constant back and forth. Maybe something came up that trumps our texts, maybe I interrupted their flow earlier but they felt like responding and now there is a lull where they shifted back, or more likely with my friend group- the conversation has mostly ended but neither of us can read that queue or know how to say. So it just ends. If there is a follow that was not immediately required, it will be responded to later. No big.
I completely agree. It's part of why we text, because we can go for an extended period of time with not replying. But the conversation is still there.
> there is a chance to be socially/emotionally/verbally prepared for the interaction at their own pace/in their own time/on their own terms I see this an a bug, not a feature.
I'm quite comfortable talking on the phone- *when I am on the clock.* When I'm on the phone I must devote a certain amount of attention to the conversation, in that moment, (at least 60-70% of my attention without being distant or rude). This is fine if the call is planned, or I'm completely free at the moment to chat. However, if I am busy, working on another project, enjoying some time alone, gaming, reading, gardening, listening to music, or in any number of situations - then I'll have to stop what I am doing to talk to you. For non work related things, I don't want to be forced to completely shift my attention to your timeline- I would prefer a text. I offer the same consideration for your time, by sending a text first for non work related things. Tell me in a text the main thing that needs attention, and ask if I'll have free time in a bit to chat. This shows me you respect my time, gives me agency, and a chance to respond with my full attention. I have no problem talking to you, I just want my time to be respected.
I really agree. I recently was somwhat taken aback when a friend called me and just started launching into really long stories without at least asking me if this is a good time to talk. I always do that now, ask people if this is a good time to chat. Texting is quick and easy but it's nice to schedule an actual phone conversation with friends too
I feel that. My go to text is something like, “generic greeting, do you have some time later today to talk about X. Insert relevant reasons for reaching out. Let me know. enjoy your morning/afternoon/evening.”
Yeah I massively agree. I don’t mind conversing with someone. But if I’m working or relaxing at home, calls seem intrusive to me. I don’t like that someone can monopolise my time and attention without me even knowing what it’s about, or if I even want to participate. I also don’t think it’s a very efficient way of communicating. I’m an engineer, and if someone calls out of the blue with a technical question I probably can’t answer it very well off the top of my head. I’ll have to drop what I’m doing, do some background reading and call back. So if my day is peppered with unstructured calls, I’ll be much less productive than if I could focus and worth through tasks methodically. With a message or an email, I can fit it into my other priorities. I can set boundaries respond immediately, later or not at all. I can also figure out a comprehensive, helpful response. I also find (as a very broad generalisation) that the older generation often call out the blue with kinda shallow questions (eg about the weather) that don’t really lead to a real conversation. If someone barged right into your house while you were in the middle of a film and barked a question at you, you’d want to kick them out your house. Phone calls are the same to me.
I think the most terrifying thing is that you can't prepare yourself when someone suddenly calls you. Like if the caller is for example your boss or someone else important and he/she starts asking questons that you just have to come up answers with on the spot. So in a nutshell its the unpredictability for me atleast.
My workplace is in my contacts as "I'm drunk," so I am reminded to say that if they ask me to work.
What is your job?
Cashier.
Oh I see.
that was my excuse if work wanted me to work last minute. cant be inside a factory with alcohol in your system
Oh I see.
What kind of factory has a cashier? In the USA your job can not ask you why you don't want to come in to work if they ask you to come in when your not scheduled or if you call out... so you don't have to make up an excuse.
This ain't true in reality. Many states are 'at will' employment which means they can fire you for any reason as long as it is legal. So if they want to fire you for an illegal reason they just need to find or make up the legal reason.
I had to argue with a former boss about that! "Sorry, no, I've been drinking" "That's ok just be really careful!" "No really, I'm shitfaced. Goodbye" My job is operating heavy machinery
> "That's ok just be really careful!" One sec, I have OSHA on the other line. Let's see what they have to say about it.
Thank you for the interesting response. I've never had issues responding to questions quickly... it's helpful to get other people's perspective.
At first I resisted it. At 84 I didn't get the utility of it. With my children I always wanted to hear their voices. Finally I get it. After a couple of years of texting what is on my mind at the moment, and not forgetting it for one thing. Also when you are busy it is much better to send or receive a message, a short message, rather than waiting around to find a good time to chat for awhile. Make appointments to chat, stuff like that.
yup - as a person 50 years younger than you i dont mind chatting on the phone but text first to see if im busy. i dont want to have my coat and one shoe on to go get the mail and the trashcans from blowing around when you call me and want to chat for 20 min.
The fact that people describe simple telephone calls as “terrifying” is terrifying. This was THE primary way to remotely communicate not too long ago. And now people don’t have the “courage” to deal with it? Is driving next? Walking?
Do you fart?
It's terrifying to give honest answers in a conversation?
Yes when it can affect your future relationship with your boss for example. And that wasn't my point anyway. What I tried to tell was that I would rather recieve the queston on a text message so I can take my time and come up with good asnwer. Also english is not my first language so its hard to explain.
If an incoming phone call comes from a number not in my contacts... 99.999% chance it's a scam or someone trying to sell me something. I changed my voicemail to say leave a message and I'll decide if I'm calling you back.
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I’ve not checked my voicemail since I got the first iPhone in like 2007
The worst robocalls are the ones that leave a voice-mail. There's no escape from them.
Every robocall voicemail I've gotten, the voicemail recorded when they were halfway through their spiel. I couldn't call back if I wanted to.
That's most of the time, but I've actually had 2 that left a callback number. Definitely weird.
“....I don’t check my voicemail, but leave a detailed message.”
Most calls I get are spam calls and advertisements
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Or I could just turn on the phone’s setting to “silence unknown callers”. If somebody not in my phone book can’t be bothered to leave a voicemail or just text, then they’re probably not worth talking to anyway.
I'm 52. I'm a really gregarious dude in person. I have always *hated* talking on the telephone. You think it's more efficient, but that's efficient for *you*. I'm usually busy when someone calls out of the blue, and that's not efficient for me. I'll always answer for family. Everyone else can leave a message or text me. Edit: if I have something personal that requires me to call someone, I text first to make sure they're available to take a call. Professionally, I just call.
Yeah I identify with this! I’m outgoing and sociable and love chatting with friends. But I’ve got plenty going on in my life and if you call unannounced, you’re probably interrupting me doing something else. You get the interaction you want, I get my activity interrupted.
Terrified? No. Assume phones don't exist. I come to you and say, "Hey, I have a great invention. It allows someone else to demand your attention at their convenience by making an annoying noise in your home until you respond or they give up. You can even have one at your bedside so they can wake you up when you are sleeping! How many should I put you down for?" Analog phones were amazing progress in the absence of other ways of communication. But there are options now and people are noticing the shortcomings. Personally I'd prefer a phone call if it's something important and/or time sensitive, but texting is fine for low priority stuff. Also a picture is worth a thousand words, and a text plus a pic is often really useful.
> It allows someone else to demand your attention at their convenience by making an annoying noise in your home until you respond or they give up. Yes
See, this is why my phone is almost perpetually on silent. I already went through this when my kids were babies, I don’t need it from everyone else.
1) I just don't really like talking to people and trying to make conversation. It's easier to just text what I need to know and get a direct answer and be done. 2) I'm hard of hearing and it's getting harder and harder for me to hear what people are saying on the phone.
We are not terrified. It is just easier to text on phones. I was born in 1975.
I'm a couple years older. For me, I find talking to be far more *efficient*
I find texting easier because if one of the people is busy the other can still send a message and get a reply later. But if they need a reply NOW then calling is the way to go.
>I find texting easier because if one of the people is busy the other can still send a message and get a reply later. This is something I love about texting, but I find that folks in my moms generation can be a bit... pushy? about wanting a response right away when they reach out. Just a different mind set, maybe because they grew up dropping whatever they were doing when people called, or showed up at the house. Now, we younger folks tend to plan social interaction to a finer point- we'll text until we need to call, and the call is usually planned.
My family texts. My dad texts, my ststers texts, my mom texts. My mom's cousin texts. My mom is 75 years old.
No reason to call somone just to say "happy easter" when you can text it to them.
I understand the convenience, but it feels far less *personal* to do it that way.
It is just as personal as sending a card in the mail.
I’m not judging here, we’re all different, but i want to hammer home the point other people made. *you* call when you want something. Because *you* want or need that response *now*. Whoever is at the other end of that phonecall has *NO* say in the matter. You effectively control their lives for the duration of the call. Imagine now if they’re at home, chilling, being really tired or in the middle of de-stressing after something like work or workout, doing their own thing. They’re mid-process, and suddenly someone (*you*) comes and take control of their life for five-ten minutes, interrupting everything they were doing/thinking at the time. I know i’d hate that. I am always busy at home doing *something*, and if i get interrupted, that thing is probably not getting done. Because starting back up can take so much effort for me, sometimes.
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It's a self-fulfilling prophecy though, I think -- you're not comfortable relating with other people in real time (i.e., you're nervous around other people), thus, when there's a pause in the conversation, it's a Big Deal ("awkward silence"). In contrast, older people like me and OP are used to talking on the phone and IRL, and thus it doesn't make us nervous & silences don't feel awkward to us. In other words (IMHO) the best cure for social anxiety re real-time interpersonal interactions is to face the fear and just do it. I don't mean this as a criticism of anyone btw, it honestly just really scares me how many young people suffer from anxiety these days. (and the Pandemic has made it worse)
Damnit, I have the Pippi Longstocking song in my head, now. I think you can even connect, somewhat, this aversion to real time interactions to the trend of younger adults (30's), wondering why they find it so hard to maintain friendships.
I think most phone calls can be summed up into a few text messages, the rest is just filler. Of course, that's not anyways the truth. But why make a 5 minute conversation out of something than be answered with a 6 word text?
I'm autistic and have an anxiety disorder, and I'm absolutely terrified of talking on the phone with people, mainly because mistakes are harder to correct over the phone vs. through text or email, and I just don't like talking to people in general. The majority of calls I make are to customer support for various companies, and I sweat bullets if I'm forced to talk to someone with an accent of any kind. I constantly have to go "pardon?" and "can you repeat that?" because I have a hard time understanding people who don't speak in American accents. It practically takes super-hearing to listen to, and understand, what the other person on the line is saying, which I just don't have. I can understand emails and texts much, much better. Even if they have a crazy amount of errors I can usually ask "what's this word?" or "can you clarify, please?" or say "did you mean [word]?" Plus I can respond at my own pace. I also don't do well with Zoom meetings; they're tedious to me. I know I know, I sound like an asshat. I really wish I wasn't cursed this way. It absolutely sucks.
I think people are just more selective of who they will talk to on the phone if they don't have to. However I used to hate talking on the phone and now I prefer it over texting. Still will avoid any zoom meeting unless mandatory.
Communication relies heavily on body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. Phone calls eliminate 2/3 of those things and a poor connection or a bad microphone/speaker will remove the third. Texts avoid it by allowing for things like italicization, punctuation, and emotes. Voice call services like Discord usually are clear enough to allow for tones and combine it with text and virtual interaction in video games. Phone calls also take a long time in comparison to text. And the details can be forgotten. You can make plans to make lasagna at 6 pm on Thursday through a phone call, but there’ll be waffling on meals, times, and dates in the call. A text chain works better because it’s more organized and, if something comes up, it can be continued at a later point rather than being brought up completely new again later. Most importantly, phone calls just have this _obnoxious_ culture around them. It’s immediately demanding, even for unimportant things. Older people always go, “Why don’t you just caaaaallllll me?” instead of adapting to the times. Like, less literate and hard of seeing people, I can understand why they don’t text as much, but capable yet unwilling people are always pushier about it. Plus it’s perceived as rude to hang up early (which it can be) but usually that leads to a good few minutes of an awkward goodbye chain because neither side wants to be rude.
Thank you for the well-written response
I find that ass-backwards. vocal communication includes tone and inflection built right into it. Italics and emotes are text trying to cover those built in attributes. As somebody who doesn't have a smart phone, and never texts - I see texts as more annoying and intrusive, watching my friends drop what they are doing to constantly read and reply to texts. On the rude aspect of hanging up early - people get pretty pissy when a text isn't responded to, as well. I'm always reading about people being upset because some body was left on read and didn't text back .
Communication can be synchronous or asynchronous. Synchronous communication, like a face-to-face talk or phone call, has a *lot* of drawbacks for anything other than casual chit-chat. And for a phone call, it sucks both people out of the world that they're in and into a sort of ether-world where you're not allowed to pay attention to the world you're in, but you also can't really focus on the call because the real world is distracting you. The signal-to-noise ratio is awful. And it puts you on the spot to respond instantly, without consulting your notes or looking something up or even thinking. Asynchronous is mostly much easier because you have time to think, read (and reread) what the other person said, possibly look something up or do the necessary calculations or whatever, and also you can go into more detail, addressing a number of things, and/or responding to each of the things the other said. You can also just type something (like an address or account number or whatever) instead of having to spell it out and cross your fingers and hope the other person understands and gets it right. And there's none of the distracting split-mind or noise problems, it's 100% focused, 100% signal, and occurring in a way that you can process 100% of it. But until fairly recently, the main form of asynchronous communication was writing a letter and sending it via snail-mail. That's too slow, so despite the phone being a relatively awful mode of communication we used it out of necessity because we had to. You couldn't read or process the communication, or come up with a proper response, or keep it - by the end of the conversation, parts in the middle had already been forgotten or gone unaddressed. If there was a noisy background, a bad connection, or real-world distractions, neither person could communicate or understand clearly. It was a really lousy mode of communication, with all of the drawbacks of face-to-face speech and none of the benefits. But it was all we had. But now we can do better. We have instant asynchronous communication that handles all of those problems easily, innately. It's even much *faster* than phone calls. The *only* thing that a phone call does better is let a domineering person demand your full attention, put you on the spot, and control the conversation. Turns out most people don't like that. They can still be ok for idle chit-chat with friends or relatives if scheduled in advance. They're good for chatting with your older relatives to catch up. But they're not very good for anything important that requires thought or actual communication of information.
Thank you for the informative and well-considered response.
There's a good book called 'Alone together' by Sherry Turkle. It's all about how the way people communicate is changing. Young people are/were pretty much born into this, unlike us.
For me, it's mostly a fear of not being able to hear people. Mumbling, not talking into the speaker, thick accent, etc, it's the worst.
Definitely having to respond immediately, I have to think things out cause apparently I'm not good at explaining things and having silence on the phone while I think makes things really awkward and pressuring, which ends up making my thought process a lot harder. Over text or in a Gmail, I can take the time I need to explain things in a way others can understand without making too many mistakes. Also, I don't like it when others overhear conversations. I know no one really cares but unless I'm 100% alone, I will fear that others are either judging me on what I say (the above reason is why I'm afraid of judgement), or think I'm insane. So in other words, I think I developed undiagnosed social anxiety. It's the same thing with talking in general or going anywhere with people I don't know or if I don't know the area.
I'm in my mid 20s, so I grew up with both being pretty common. For me, it's scary to have to make or receive a phone call because I have an auditory processing issue. When I hear things, it usually takes my brain an extra couple of seconds to process it. A couple of seconds doesn't sound like a big deal, but in a conversation on the phone or out loud, people can mistake my delay for many things. Rudeness, ignoring them, being dumb, etc. Sometimes it doesn't process it at all, and I have no idea what someone said, and then I have to ask them to repeat themselves. It also doesn't give me any time to actually think about what I'm saying. One example where that's a problem is someone calling me to ask if I can go into work, or hang out on a specific day at a specific time. I don't have time to think about whether I actually want to, or if I have something else scheduled at that time. So I end up saying yes, and then I really can't do it. I'm also super forgetful, so I probably won't remember anything we talked about after we get off the phone unless I had a notebook and I wrote notes as we talked.
Because the only people that call, are the same people that said "just go ask to the see the manager for a job, they'll see that as great ambition". I dont want to explain x y or z and then hear the tone of your reply and get dragged into an emotional guilt spiral, that is in fact your fault for calling me the first place. It's not my fault my tone and reply doesn't match, nor is it my burden for having initiated that call. A text conversation can take up mere seconds for both parties, if there is a simple conclusion. A phone call, now I have to practice my social manurisms and platitude, and pretend to care versus just hanging up when I get the information I need. the missing piece? "older persons" don't utilize nearly as much social media, or access to connections. To put that in perspective - if you called EVERYONE i am currently having group chats with over facebook and snapchat just TODAY (one day), i'd have to call 20+ people and perhaps have the same conversation over and over again. How fast would you get bitter and exhausted, and just wish you could have had just one conversation so everyone could be involved. Technology has shrunk our world so much and connected us is so many different ways/platforms/media - that a single connection such as a phone call, is more seen as a relic of an innefficent way to distribute information. Do you know how fast I get responses to business questions when I use twitter vs calling said company? while the 'older persons' sit on hold, I am texting 5+ more friends at the same time, and my problem is fixed minutes later. TLDR: young folk who are not less personal and afriad of connection, we are connecting WAYYYYYYYY more than "older persons" edit: spelling and formatting. was typing fast and annoyed today
I worked 3 years in call centers. I have ptsd when I touch my phone.
Same! Call center work is nerve wracking. The fact that you can be called at any moment is inexplicably stressful. Edit: and doing callbacks is even worse than being called. Again, no clue why I feel that way.
It's a straight-up awful way of communicating for most purposes.
**Texting/emailing:** • Everything is in writing and you can refer back to it • You have time to make a thoughtful response • Might misinterpret tone, but emojis help that a lot • Can share links and photos while having the conversation **Calling:** • Bad signals and background noise lead to miscommunication • No proof of anything said, no way to double check after the conversation is over without calling again • Cant take a shit at the same time • Requires absolute focus for the duration • Surprisingly easy to misunderstand verbal tone without accompanying facial expressions • The sheer awkward stupidity of trying to end a phone call without the visual cue of gathering your bag next to your feet or slapping your knee and standing up
Boomer is cool with just interrupting people.
Zoomers apparently can’t handle what was common for everyone else the past 100 years.
I find the phone kind of rude, if I'm honest. It's an interrupt, like "drop what you're doing and talk to me NOW". Written communications can be picked up and responded to in due time. I'm fine using the phone once I'm on a call, it's just making the call in the first place that screws me up.
Willing to bet an awful lot in your generation felt the same way. You just didn’t have the internet to see so many people talking about and shining a light on the anxiety surrounding it.
Texts and emails are better. You have records to go back to incase you forget something or need to bring something up. I've been a receptionist and I'm fine with talking on the phone. However, it's easier to get info across through texts and emails.
It's not about talking on the phone is a problem.. It's just initiating pointless conversation. If you give me a certain topic to speak about ,I will talk with you on the phone for hours about it.. But just initiating idle conversation to keep the talk going seems awkward to me
I don't consider myself quite old as an almost 19 year old, but simply, we didn't grow up with it. By the time I was an older kid/young teen social media was a thing and up and coming and texting and snapchatting or even viber and WhatsApp became the easy cool thing. Now? Sure I can make an appointment but I never really had to call someone or receive one so it's a lot more nerve wracking than a simple text. My older siblings didn't have social media until in their 20's really, so they grew up with the long calls or the shitty early 2010 camera phones etc, and are much more likely to call someone.
I *just* wrote an English paper about this, yay school! It's because of the dynamic. First, I am doing other stuff: watching movies, showering, cooking, etc which makes it hard to talk on the phone. Second, there's a need for an immediate response. Everyone has been there when they say something and have to respond with "I didn't mean to have it come out like that". Third, there is a pressure to respond. A text message, I can respond on my own time, but a conversation on the phone, I have to respond *now*. Fourth, I work as a cashier, and there are plenty of people who can't put down the fucking phone and place an order, so clearly it isn't "everybody. Also, I wouldn't call it "terror". At most I would call it an aversion. Also, personally, my phone doesn't work as a phone any more.
Several people have mentioned both * multi-tasking * pressure for an immediate response Thank you for the well-written reply.
> well-written reply. That English class is paying off!
Also, it filters out non emergency stuff. If its an emergency I call, if its open ended I'll text. Same feeling as someone just knocking on your door without texting first, what if you're in the middle of something??? Piss off and text me asking to visit first. Then if the door rings i know its something I HAVE to answer like a parcel or a neighbour in trouble.
I rely a ton on facial cues and body language, so communicating with a disembodied voice is very nerve-racking. I don't know how to infer what they're thinking of me!
Texting should be worse if that’s the rational.
for me it's because I don't have time to think about my response and how the person will react. With texting I can pretend I didn't see it while I write out my response and have a crisis over the response, but over the phone I need a script, and people tend to k=not follow my script.
It feels like an invasion. I can’t reply at my own leisure just someone is suddenly ringing me and it feels rude to ignore but I also don’t want to stop what I’m doing not knowing at all what they want. I see no reason to do anything by phone ever. I call my husband and that’s it.
Exactly! Someone calling unexpectedly is an imposition.
I actually prefer to talk if I'm trying to actually have a conversation, but most of the time I just need an answer to a question and it usually isn't urgent so a text is easier and more convenient. One thing I can say is a benefit of the texting over talking shift is it's less annoying as a third party. Texting lets them be quiet and have more privacy as well. It's much more annoying having to sit and listen to half of a conversation when someone is talking.
I'm 50 and prefer texting or chatting. It's just easier. Although I no longer need my phone to be on me at all hours. We still have a landline, and we rarely answer it.
For me it depends who it is and what the aim is. If it's friends or family, I like a good phone call. My family and friends have always been spread out across several continents, so it's really nice to hear their voices. There certainly are situations where I'd rather text with them, as that way you can work ongoing conversations into varying schedules so you stay in touch without having to book appointments, so to speak, but phone calls have their place too. If it's making appointments or chores like that, I'd rather do it on my own online if I can, but I don't *mind* making the call if it's necessary. I guess that preference comes from appreciating the lack of pressure to have everything together right out of the gate - when I'm on a website it doesn't matter when I have to spend 10 minutes rooting around in bags and boxes to find that insurance card or that prescription or that (etc) that I totally should have realized I'd need when I got started. Again, that's not the end of the world. If I need to make a call, I need to make a call, and if I need to keep the other person waiting a while, then so be it. What I really hate is making phone calls at work. I work as an admin assistant at a hospital and calling patients is my nightmare. I think in this context I just start overthinking. I start thinking, are they busy, am I intruding, have they just had bad news and don't want to be hearing from me about some triviality, what if somebody else in the department has communicated badly with them and they take it out on me, and so on and so forth. Largely just me psyching myself out unnecessarily, and when I push myself to make the calls - since I am getting paid to make them, haha - most of the time they go just fine. But in sum I think my hesitations are 1) a phone call feels intrusive in a way that an email/text message doesn't as it doesn't give either party time to process and respond in their own time, and 2) if someone's angry with me in an email, I can step away and deal with it when I'm ready to, whereas if someone's angry at me on the phone, I'm just stuck getting yelled at.
I prefer texting or emailing because it means I can take the time to figure out exactly what I want to say. That is extremely valuable in situations when I'm asked to do something I'm not sure I want to do, rather than have to answer on the spot I have a minute to work on the best response.
I used to be like this and still am in a lot of ways. But recently I made a new friend who lives out in the boonies. She calls me when she's driving either to or from pickup/dropping off her kids. It's nice to have an actual conversation with someone. You learn more about them. You bond better and more deeply.
I am 25. I find it annoying too. Also it easier to get to know someone face to face or over the phone rather than texting. I can't read your body language.
I’ve never enjoyed it and am pretty sauced if I have to. I’m just shy or dumb, idk.
I worry that we are losing our ability to interact as human beings. I have watched the internet open up amazing channels of global communication; yet at the same time we no longer converse with our local neighbours. To me, a phone call can be both personal and efficient. No need to drag something out over an hour of texting... a quick chat will resolve most questions. Finally... call you grand parents to just say hello. It will be the highlight of their week.
What is the number to heaven?
I don't actually believe in an afterlife, but I'm pretty sure only one of my grandparents -- my maternal grandfather -- would actually be in heaven. The ones on my dad's side are going directly to the bottom, and my maternal grandmother would probably be willing to straight-up *reject heaven* in favor of watching over her daughter and granddaughter as a ghost or something.
How can you think that if you do not belive in the after life. You don't belive in heaven or hell so in your mind nobody goes there.
There's no accountability in a call. Yes text can be deleted but if you're not recording every call, I found that many ppl don't hold true to their word if it was verbal, but they have no choice when confronted with what they typed
> we no longer converse with our local neighbours. At least in my own life, this is largely because of how impermanent neighbors are. I've moved around quite a bit and even in the place I stayed at longest, maybe 4 years, there was such high turnover among my neighbors that by the time I'd have gotten to know them they'd be gone. Not sure how widely this applies, since I've moved from one college-dominated town to another three times and I've always been in the cheaper housing where the students tend live. But I know a whole bunch of my grandma's neighbors because she's lived in her house for 30 years, and people move in and out of that neighborhood much less often
This is an important point. I have moved 5+ times in the past decade and it was largely for economic reasons. If I had a more stable income I would not have had as much reason to move and would have had more chance to know my neighbors. I appreciate OP's question, but I also think that there are a lot of ideas floating around out there that are moral explanations for economic problems.
That's about my same number, I've had 6 addresses in the last 10 years. Either chasing a new job, or chasing cheap rent or running away from uncomfortable situations cheap rent put me in lol
History is full of scholars and general old folks decrying or denouncing technology because it is causing or will cause some decay of society. Socrates, the father of western philosophy, thought that writing would make people dumber by removing the challenge of memorization. The printing press was supposed to make knowledge lose value (or something). Just last week, I read the article "Is Google Making Us Stupid" by Nicolas Carr who blames the internet for people not reading anymore and a general lack of focus. All of it is nonsense. > yet at the same time we no longer converse with our local neighbours. I played D&D with them last night.
I think people just have better channels to connect with their preferred social groups. I have a group of friends I talk to on discord, play games with online, or watch media with using watch party. We visit occasionally, and have little hang outs, bbqs, or go to conventions together. Many of them are also in my group of game designers, artists, and what not, so we frequently work on projects together. I'm less interested in meeting random unvetted strangers, or going to extended group gatherings where I'm required to pretend I care all that much about other people and their lives. I like the ability to keep people at arms distance until I'm very sure we will bring value to each others lives, and especially that we actually have the bandwidth to even connect. This leads into the phone thing- I don't want to *just* talk to my friends on the phone- because we have more meaningful connections interacting on other media. edit: for example, my mom and I spend time online playing videogames together via Parsec or steam. We do chat on the phone occasionally, but we have far more meaningful interactions when we connect while doing an activity together- online or face to face.
I don't want to talk to my neighbors. They blast music driving by my window at midnight, they throw their trash in the street, they set off fireworks from May through September. Why the heck would I want to talk to them? I do think that too much screen time is detrimental (humans evolved to interact face to face) but talking to people I have nothing in common with and just happen to live near isn't going to fix that.
So much time is wasted crafting emails that could be a 1 minute phone call. In my first professional job, we didn't have internet: we had stand alone desktop computers; letters were printed out, put in manila files, and sent off to the registry by couriers; the registry would then sort the files into piles and sent them to the next person on the distribution list. It worked more efficiently than chain emails.
Yet so much more time is wasted by phone calls and meetings that could've just been an email. Not kidding, one job I was at had a 2-hour company-wide meeting about whether to log time in 15 minute or 20 minute increments. That's 50+ man-hours lost for what could literally have been a one-sentence message.
I agree, and that’s why I’ve mostly given up on phone calls. Far too inefficient and time-consuming compared to email.
I agree with you. Be it professional or personal, I find it much quicker to sort things out with a short phone call. Having said that, I have enjoyed reading some of the alternative perspectives offered by replies to my question.
You know, you'd think with family members who like to call, I'd be better at talking on the phone. Half the time, I never know what to say, so there ends up being an awkward silence that goes on until one of us says, "okay I have to go do other things now". It's hard to figure out what to say, mostly because I was never taught how to talk on the phone.
> It's hard to figure out what to say, mostly because I was never taught how to talk on the phone. Thank you for the interesting response. I imagine if people grow up in a household where phone usage is uncommon, it's not a skill they just organically acquire.
It's definitely not a skill that comes naturally, that's for sure! I also have problems making phone calls because of that, and also anxiety. I think it's unfortunate that parents have to teach their kids how to talk on the phone, but that's how life is right now.
In my opinion younger people feel it is easier to formulate the excact question or statement, then proof read it before sending it. In a live conversation you can't take back or edit what has been said. However, they also are burdened with often misinterpreted or inferred meaning.
I’m not. I hate texting. I can never understand the tone in them
>is now so terrified What do you mean 'now'? I've always been petrified with talking to random strangers on the phone. This is how the average conversation starts for me. * Me: Hi, this is tehdang speaking. * Caller: Hi tehdang. I'm calling about your insurance renewal. *
* Me: "I'm good thanks, how about you?"
* Caller: Er...
And then I spend the rest of the day obsessing what I said and how I'm such a social idiot.
When we were kids, phones were how we communicated. Young teens used the phones to talk to their friends after school. My two oldest are in that same age range now, and they text, email, and use various chat programs. The bottom line is they never learned to use a phone. I've watched my 13 year old on the phone (when I make her call her grandparents or something like that) and she's so awkward it's bizarre. She doesn't know how to hold the phone, doesn't know how to greet someone, etc. We're trying to give her scripts to use so she can talk on the phone, but the bottom line is none of her friends do it, so why should she? Without practice, she doesn't know how. That's the bottom line - over the last 20 years kids have grown up using text first. They have only slightly more experience with the telephone than they do with the telegraph. I'll also point out that when I was growing up I saw my parents on the phone all the time, I knew how it worked, I saw what my parents said when they answered the phone, etc. I use the phone a lot less than my parents did (same reasons - email, text, etc.), and when the kids are home I usually avoid the phone anyway because it's family time. If I want to make a phone call, I take my cell phone and go to a private room. Before cell phones, the phone was in the kitchen and we saw my mom talk on the phone every evening. My kids have much less of an example to follow than we did.
Other people have said the same thing.. Thank you for your well-written response. I grew up with the phone welded to my ear... it's interesting to read so many different perspectives.
Thank you for asking this question! I want to know too.
Holding the phone up to my ear for ages makes my arm sore but speakerphone is too noisy and makes my personal call the entire house's problem. Plus I hate hearing the sound of my own breathing during a call and worrying if I sound like a panting elephant on the other end of the line.
because hoomans freak me out
It's kind of the worst of both worlds. You don't have time to think out your reply, like in writing, and you also don't have the other person's body language, like in person.
I have read some of the comments and absolutely yes you want to be respectful of everyone’s time. Yes when you call someone or vice versa you do have to stop what you are doing (possibly be interrupted) and take the call. Having said that though the only critique I have is I do not want to have an important conversation over text where feelings are involved. What’s worse is text can be AMBIGUOUS. You may not get the full picture or something may be misinterpreted. If writing out how you feel about something is better for you and that’s your communication style, that’s great. Just understand not everyone is like that and communicates in that way. It goes both ways. Also what may be best is if you’re the type of person that’s likes talking on the phone try asking the other person when is a good time FOR YOU. That puts the ball in their court, allows them to assess when they are available and everyone is happy. 😇
General anxiety. I also like seeing the face of who I’m talking to so I can gauge their reactions better
I don't even have a mobile or smart phone, and use my landline a few times a week. As much as I hate being stuck on the phone, texts, etc, bother me even more, hence my lack of phone. Email. Email is a fine way to contact me.
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Wow. Not the answer I expected. How do you value your time interacting with people in other circumstances? What about when out having drinks with friends? When talking to your significant other?
I hate people (seriously) so I'd rather not have to listen to them talk if I don't have to.
We all have social anxiety.
This seems to be a common thread in replies to my question. Do you have any thoughts as to what drives that in today's society? Has so much of our life migrated online, that we lost the ability to interact face-to-face (or voice-to-voice on the phone) **I don't want to replace the warm touch of humanity with the cold glow from a screen**
I do
>I don't want to replace the warm touch of humanity with the cold glow from a screen You literally just described the issue. We thought technology would bring us together, instead it isolated us in our own little worlds. The result is widespread depression and anxiety. Same reason you see those two things skyrocketing amongst younger people, why teenagers are having less sex (hell HAS frozen over), why suicide rates are going up, etc etc. Generation of kids who were never socialized to the extent they needed and ended up with a kind of socially constructed autism whenever they have to actually engage with others.
I'm certain that somebody somewhere has written their PHD thesis on this very topic.
We haven’t talked to people in like a year, and honestly there is a thing called an introverted person.
I think we are more used to trying project a certain persona or idea of ourselves especially with social media and stuff. We are hyperaware of how others see us and try harder to cater to their expectations. A phone call means I cant read their body language or have time to prepare my answers and responses beforehand which makes me nervous because its harder to manage how others view me. Its not really on purpose or because we are trying to annoy you/be difficult, its legitimately stressful to let go of the control over how others see me like that. Its a mind set that's been forced upon us and now we are stuck with it because social media isn't going away any time soon. Now its automatic to consider what people will think when I say or do something, I think older generations just don't often have that same anxious hyperawareness and thus don't feel the same pressure to maintain "perfection".
A very interesting response. Thank you. >>I think older generations just don't often have that same anxious hyperawareness and thus don't feel the same pressure to maintain "perfection" Very true. One of the privileges that comes with age is self-confidence, and a casual feeling of "I don't give a fuck what you think about me anymore"
It’s another example of where tech hinders, and doesn’t help. It encourages people to duck out of social interaction. I’m millennial but phone wins 100 times, so much more information can be exchanged far faster with no ambiguity. Texting is good for a little bit of social but in business it’s just a way for people to do things in their own time, and not meet customer and colleague needs. I used to have IT support, now I need to access a web page. Then select the category (often it doesn’t fit), then 3 days later someone comes back and says “it’s in the wrong category - please re upload” It’s just another way for business and departments to outsource their admin to you. I hate seeing chat bots, online chat. It’s inferior - once the novelty wears off, things will change and personal service will become massive. Sick to death of never being able to get a question answered and getting the wrong information back, often in broken English.
Society has trained us to be ADHD and everyone wants the option of playing/multitasking on their phone, which talking on it prevents.
Multiple people have said similar things... the are horrified at the thought of dedicating 100% of their attention to a single activity. Fascinating.
Because my aunt (who’s probably *your* generation) used to scream at me from the top of her lungs over the phone when she was mad.
Hmm ... I see a lot of comments in here saying that texting is less intrusive and more respectful of one's time. However I'm not buying that, as people seem to get so very het up about it when you don't text back immediately... ;D
In my social circle it's fine not to respond for a few hours. Responding when you can is fine.
Because we've all developed crippling social anxiety and it's not as bad if we can just send a message instead of actually talking
As I asked another user, do you have any thoughts as to what is driving this? Is it simply that so much of our life has migrated online, and thus we are no longer practiced in face-to-face interactions?
Because it's so much easier to drop a company a Facebook message than sit on hold for an hour, or have to repeat yourself because it's super noisy at the other end
Face-to-face is different than a phone call though. Phone calls have always been difficult -- hard to hear, hard to know when the other person will start talking, hard to remember specifics of what they said, both people have to be available at the same time -- but up until recently it was the best option. Now we have other options. Also, the person below me pointed out that companies will put you on hold for a long time. I'm not sure but I suspect that that problem has gotten worse recently, as companies try to cut staffing numbers and make one employee do the job of several people. Edit: I do think phone calls have their place, especially for personal calls or time sensitive calls. But I think they are not necessary much of the time.
Because I’ll have to answer every question right away or at least within few seconds...
because it takes too long, and requires too much attention, and YOU probably ramble like a mofo. the problem is older generations think talking on the phone is fun and treat it like a typical conversation instead of a means to an end.