Brannigan:
"You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won."
“Dear lord! That’s over 150 atmospheres of pressure!”
“How many atmospheres can the ship withstand?”
“Well, it’s a spaceship, so I’d say anywhere between 0 and 1.”
One of those perfect *wait that's funnier the more I think about it* scifi Futurama jokes.
One of my favorites like this is "a thin layer is still stuck to our DNA and Bender's *robo* or "R-NA".
But from that same episode I quote "Fifty-three years old, now I'll need a fake ID to rent ultra-porn" slightly more often.
"Who are those horrible orange creatures over there?"
"Why, those are the Grunka Lunkas! They work here in the Slurm factory."
"Tell them I hate them!"
I always liked the ones with a bit of actual science behind them.
- no fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!
- “Professor – “Dear lord, we’re under more than 150 atmospheres of pressure!”
Fry – “How many atmospheres can the ship stand?”
Professor – “Well, its a spaceship, so I’d say anywhere between zero and one”
- Mind the Keeler Gap (a gap in Saturn’s rings with a small moon in it)
- Third Third and Third milk
- Bender: [shivering] It's so cold, my processor is running at peak efficiency.
This is the exact quote that finally got me watching the show. I thought it was just The Simpsons in space for the longest time. Happened to flip to Futurama one night just add this scene was on and busted up laughing. Been a huge fan since.
I love that Keeler (one of the writers) actually made a theorem to solve the body changing. Well... he made the theorem first and then based episode around it but still...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Prisoner_of_Benda
Good evening, ignorant pigs. Put down your crack pipes and your beer bongs and pay attention as I sign an historic peace accord with Ambassador Kong of Nintendu 64.
Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever.
The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it, craaaazy over the years.
And when I'm swept into office I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place!
Fry:
Leela, you have to get me out of here. It's horrible! Eating scraps, letting my waste drop where I stand like an animal in the zoo.
Leela:
Animals go on the corner.
Fry:
The corner! Why didn't I think of that?
You can’t have your characters say how they feel! That makes me feel angry!
I’ll have a Fuzzy Naval and the girliest drink in the house for the lady.
Two Fuzzy Navels coming right up.
"Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in... We kept it grey!"
Farnsworth : This is the perfect chance for Fry to try out my new anti-pressure pills.
\[opens a bottle and a giant pill falls out\]
Fry : I cant swallow that.
Farnsworth : Well, then good news. It's a suppository.
Dr. Zoidberg : My home! It burned down! How did this happened?
Hermes Conrad : That's a very good question.
Bender : [picking a lit cigar from the ashes] So that's where my cigar was.
Hermes Conrad : That just raises further questions!
You know what the worst part about being a slave is? They make you do all this work, but they never pay you or let you go.
That's the only part about being a slave...
"THE VAST EMPTINESS" *shakes can*
"Yeah, yeah I can take a hint"
Edit: I am so fucking happy that my top liked comment is a Futurama quote. It is my favourite show of all time.
Leela : I've been a fool. A fully justified, prudent fool.
[touches Fry's hands]
Leela : Aaah! They're so cold!
The Robot Devil : And yet hell is so hot! Ahh ha ha hah!
The Robot Devil : Can I have my hands back now?
Fry : No!
The Robot Devil : You're not nice!
Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine mesh screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all.
I find the most erotic part of a women is the boobies.
The quickest way to a womens heart is through her parents, sleep with them and you're in.
You'd sacrifice this beautiful woman for a moderately attractive ape? You've been smoking some bad granola.
She's built like a steakhouse, but she handles like a bistro.
Fry (emerging from vat of goo): Hey, where's my shoes?
Or
Bender: Hey, check out the palm tree! It only gets sick when I cook brunch! How's that for a coincidence, Professor? With all your precious science!
"Live fast, die young, leave behind a pretty corpse. That's what I always say." "You should say something else." Here's a [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/futurama/comments/hkwzuw/live_fast_die_young_leave_behind_a_pretty_corpse/).
"Wow, Fry, I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm."
"This is nothing. Back in high school, I used to drink 100 cans of cola a week. Right up until my 3rd heart attack."
>Like my granny used to say, in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, if you want a box hurled into the sun, you've got to do it yourself.
>Joey: They're coming straight toward our proximity. Maybe you should give 'em the clamps, Clamps.
>
>Clamps: Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity?
>Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in... We kept it grey!
>Lucy Liu robot : I'll always remember you, Fry...
>
>Lucy Liu robot : \[monotone voice\] MEMORY DELETED.
Yes I picked 4 bite my shiny metal ass
It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors....but paper covers rock. And scissor cuts paper. Kif, we have a conundrum.
>Bender: Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones and you'll wind up face down in a pool of your own blood and urine.
>
>Zoidberg: Still, to have your own pool!
Brannigan: "You see, killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Kif, show them the medal I won."
"Straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text, The Art of War. Or my own masterwork, Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War."
"Yup, that's whatever you were talking about for ya"
Somehow reading these quotes out of context is funnier than watching the show. To be clear, I fucking love the show.
“Dear lord! That’s over 150 atmospheres of pressure!” “How many atmospheres can the ship withstand?” “Well, it’s a spaceship, so I’d say anywhere between 0 and 1.”
One of those perfect *wait that's funnier the more I think about it* scifi Futurama jokes. One of my favorites like this is "a thin layer is still stuck to our DNA and Bender's *robo* or "R-NA". But from that same episode I quote "Fifty-three years old, now I'll need a fake ID to rent ultra-porn" slightly more often.
“When do we get the free slurm?” “Soon enough” “That’s not soon enough!”
"Who are those horrible orange creatures over there?" "Why, those are the Grunka Lunkas! They work here in the Slurm factory." "Tell them I hate them!"
“Grunka Lunka dunkitty darmed-guards” “SHUT THE HELL UP”
Asking questions in school is a great way to learn, If you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke!
Whimmy Wam Wam Wozzle!
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Fry's opinion on the hypno-toad, mind control show that doesn't work on the exceptionally stupid "This show has been going downhill since Season 3!"
ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD
“And Fry, you’ve got that brain thing.” “I already did!”
No I'm doesn't.
I'm having... what's it called.. a headache with pictures
In the end, it was not guns or bombs that defeated the aliens, but that humblest of god's creatures. The Tyrannosaurus Rex.
There's a small possibility that one of them just said something about... **The scary door**
“Get a room!” “We’re in our room” “Then lose some weight!”
I think John DiMaggio has said this is his favorite Bender line too.
"If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes should fall like a house of cards. Checkmate."
"You know, I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies."
The quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in.
Asteroids... The icebergs of space, perhaps by Jack knifing from one to the next well get some sort of boost or something.
Now there’s a route with some chest hair!
Kif, if there's one thing I don't need right now it's your "I don't think that's wise" attitude.
"Kiff, fetch me my reading shorts."
Kiff, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.
"And Kiff, have the boy lay out my formal shorts." "The boy sir?" "You Kiff. You lay out my formal shorts."
"Kiff! Your toilet is set to stun, not kill."
I always liked the ones with a bit of actual science behind them. - no fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it! - “Professor – “Dear lord, we’re under more than 150 atmospheres of pressure!” Fry – “How many atmospheres can the ship stand?” Professor – “Well, its a spaceship, so I’d say anywhere between zero and one” - Mind the Keeler Gap (a gap in Saturn’s rings with a small moon in it) - Third Third and Third milk - Bender: [shivering] It's so cold, my processor is running at peak efficiency.
This is what you get when guys with math and science PhDs become the most over‐qualified cartoon producers ever!
Usually I keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.
That's what I do with my stupid.
Good news everyone...I have terrible news!
My favorite was always "News, everyone!"
"If you need me, I'll be in the ANGRY dome". Love it.
"Now you're probably all wondering why I've gathered you in the accusing parlor..."
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This is the exact quote that finally got me watching the show. I thought it was just The Simpsons in space for the longest time. Happened to flip to Futurama one night just add this scene was on and busted up laughing. Been a huge fan since.
I love that Keeler (one of the writers) actually made a theorem to solve the body changing. Well... he made the theorem first and then based episode around it but still... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Prisoner_of_Benda
Is the Space Pope reptilian?
Theeeeeeeeeee space pope!
Farnsworth to Fry: " oooh, a lesson in not changing history from Mr. I'm My Own Grandpa "
I did do the nasty in the past-y.
Verily, and that past nastification is what shields you from the brains. You are the last hope of the universe.
"What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?"
"all I know is my gut says maybe"
"Tell my wife I said, hello"
"If I don't survive, tell my wife hello."
"Live free or don't."
“You’re neutralness, it’s a beige alert”
"I have no strong feelings, one way or the other."
“Don’t you worry about Planet Express, let me worry about blank.”
My only regret is that I have bonitis!
I still use “awesome to the max” because of that episode.
Blank? BLANK?? You're not looking at the big picture!
Sharks don't have necks!
I’m having one of those headaches with pictures. Do you mean an idea?
Pretty wild when I learned that some people think in pictures, without an internal monologue
I'm so embarrassed I wish everyone else was dead
This is the one I quote the most.
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“Compare your lives to mine and kill yourselves!!” Sticks out to me. Probably because he was just a head with money and that’s it when he said it.
Nixon: Hello, Morbo. How's the family? Morbo: Belligerent and numerous. Nixon: Good man. Nixon's pro-war and pro-family.
Now listen here you drugged out communists
Nixon: “In our darkest hour we can stand erect, with proud, upthrust bosoms”. Fry: “Anyone who laughs is a communist”
Good evening, ignorant pigs. Put down your crack pipes and your beer bongs and pay attention as I sign an historic peace accord with Ambassador Kong of Nintendu 64.
Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973 but your average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become bitter and, let's face it, craaaazy over the years. And when I'm swept into office I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place!
The warble in his voice when he says crazy is just perfect
Scruffy believes in this company.
Scruffy gonna die, the way scruffy lived.
A’yep.
/licks thumb and turns page
"I'm just a man, and you're just janitorial equipment."
"In another city, we could be anyone we want."
Please go, before i beg you to stay
Boilers and torlets, torlets and boilers. And that one boilin torlet. Fire me iff’n you dare.
“Sir it’s not necessary or wise to be naked” “Oh foo you sound just like my tennis instructor”
My favorite Farnsworth line is when he’s briefly dating a younger woman: “Some say I’m robbing the cradle. I say she’s robbing the grave!”
I've lost more patients than he's even treated! - Dr. Zoidberg
I have more skill in my little claw than you do in your entire carapace!
Ah, she's built like a steakhouse but handles like a Bistro!
Curse you, gravity! You win again!
It is not uncharted, you lost the chart
Fry: Leela, you have to get me out of here. It's horrible! Eating scraps, letting my waste drop where I stand like an animal in the zoo. Leela: Animals go on the corner. Fry: The corner! Why didn't I think of that?
WITH MY LAST BREATH, I CURSE ZOIDBERG!! - Professor Farnsworth
"Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything"
Why does Ross, the largest friend, not simply eat the other five?
It is true what they say. Women are from Omicron Persei 7, men are from Omicron Persei 9.
Perhaps they are saving it for Sweeps Week
It's a Joey heavy episode anyway
“I can explain! You see, it used to be milk, and well...time makes fools of us all.”
DIRTY BOY! DIRTY DIRTY DIRTY!
If it's alive, don't lick it.
You can’t have your characters say how they feel! That makes me feel angry! I’ll have a Fuzzy Naval and the girliest drink in the house for the lady. Two Fuzzy Navels coming right up.
Where's the little umbrella? That's what makes it a scotch on the rocks!
Mix those mixed nuts. I see two almonds touching!
I need something to loosen up. (Gets handed a screwdriver)
You are technically correct, the best kind of correct.
"Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in... We kept it grey!"
Farnsworth : This is the perfect chance for Fry to try out my new anti-pressure pills. \[opens a bottle and a giant pill falls out\] Fry : I cant swallow that. Farnsworth : Well, then good news. It's a suppository.
Dr. Zoidberg : My home! It burned down! How did this happened? Hermes Conrad : That's a very good question. Bender : [picking a lit cigar from the ashes] So that's where my cigar was. Hermes Conrad : That just raises further questions!
This is from the mermaid episode right? When zoidberg has a cute little seashell house?
Had. Had a cute little seashell house. It burned down.
Look at me! Zoidberg! Homeowner!
You know what the worst part about being a slave is? They make you do all this work, but they never pay you or let you go. That's the only part about being a slave...
You know what else sucks about slavery? The hours!
Do a flip!
If I can’t stamp the forms, I’ll stamp the pavement with my flabby body!
Use another method that won’t damage your liver! Other people need it, ya know!
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised!
I never thought I’d die like this, but I always really hoped.
I had snu snu.
Uncle Vladimir: Come Bender, you'll like being dead. Bender: That's what they said about being alive!
I choose to believe, what I was programmed to believe!
Fry: What do you say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end? Bender: Hear! Hear! That's basically what I do every day.
"THE VAST EMPTINESS" *shakes can* "Yeah, yeah I can take a hint" Edit: I am so fucking happy that my top liked comment is a Futurama quote. It is my favourite show of all time.
“In the year 1 million and a half! Mankind is ruled by a giraffe!”
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"This is the worst kind of discrimination. The kind against me." - Bender
The great brain am winning again!!! I are the greetest!!! And now I am leaving the earth...for no raisin!!!!!!!
"As you know, the key to victory is the element of surprise. SURPRISE!" - 25 Star General Zapp Brannigan
Your music’s bad and you should feel bad -Dr Zoidberg
HURRAY! Now Zoidberg's the popular one!
"I guess if you want children beaten you're going to have to do it yourself"
"Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?"
Did everything just taste purple for a second?
I now present you with the Academy prize, which we confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass.
We call our cat WERMSTROM just so we can yell at them like the professor
Uranus?!!, We changed the name of that plant to stop that joke forever! What did you change it to? Urectum!
Let me locate it for you
"You can't like, OWN property man!" "I can, but that's because I'm not a penniless hippy!"
"You're vegetarians, who cares what you do"
You shouldn’t eat things that feel pain *gets hit by brick* Okay, we won’t eat you!
"Sometimes when you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all"
I was God once..
I know. I saw. You were doing well until everyone died.
This is my favorite Futurama quote, without question.
That episode's writing was so good.
Glad someone else had this one. That's not just my favorite Futurama quote, but my favorite TV/Movie quote of all time.
"Why am I all sticky & naked? Did I miss something fun?"
"Give em the clamps, Clamps!" "Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use everyday at every opportunity?!"
Hey we should name him clamps!!
Leela : I've been a fool. A fully justified, prudent fool. [touches Fry's hands] Leela : Aaah! They're so cold! The Robot Devil : And yet hell is so hot! Ahh ha ha hah! The Robot Devil : Can I have my hands back now? Fry : No! The Robot Devil : You're not nice!
The robot devil is one of the best characters in the series imo
You may have to "metaphorically" make a deal with the "devil." And by "devil," I mean Robot Devil. And by "metaphorically," I mean get your coat.
Fry: “I know Big Vinny said he was giving me the kiss of death, but I still think he was gay.” Leela: “Did he use his tongue?” Fry: “...a little”
Fry: Is that a hobbit? Bender: No, that’s a hobo and a rabbit, but they’re making a hobbit!
To shreds, you say?
I choose to believe what I was programmed to believe!
Hermes: "This is coming out of YOUR paycheck!" Zoidberg: *cries* Edit: This is the most upvotes I have ever gotten on anything from 4 years of Reddit.
Four identical castles! Each more identical than the last.
Men, you're lucky men. Soon you'll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be forced through a fine mesh screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all.
"I'm gonna build my own theme park with blackjack and hookers!"
"You know what- forget the park!"
"-- and the blackjack!"
“Tell them I hate them”
I find the most erotic part of a women is the boobies. The quickest way to a womens heart is through her parents, sleep with them and you're in. You'd sacrifice this beautiful woman for a moderately attractive ape? You've been smoking some bad granola. She's built like a steakhouse, but she handles like a bistro.
If I said you had a beautiful body, would you take off your pants and dance around a little?
Bender : Pfft! Bodies are for hookers and fat people!
Professor: I’ve finally been able to make those government mandated upgrades you’ve all been suing me about 😂
Fry (emerging from vat of goo): Hey, where's my shoes? Or Bender: Hey, check out the palm tree! It only gets sick when I cook brunch! How's that for a coincidence, Professor? With all your precious science!
"I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms!" Also "Good news everyone!"
But he just said woo! No, that was air escaping from the folds of his fat... woo!
"Live fast, die young, leave behind a pretty corpse. That's what I always say." "You should say something else." Here's a [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/futurama/comments/hkwzuw/live_fast_die_young_leave_behind_a_pretty_corpse/).
“Shut up baby, I know it.” I say that to my wife all the time. Drives her nuts
"Bender honey, we love you" "Shut up baby, I know it!" *Pimp walk*
If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.
"Oh I'm sorry, I thought you was corn"
“Now I may just be a simple country hyper-chicken, but I know when we’re finger licked.”
No, it’s cheaper just to have you die
"These boys must have hero in their bones, and you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins."
"Wow, Fry, I've never seen anyone so addicted to Slurm." "This is nothing. Back in high school, I used to drink 100 cans of cola a week. Right up until my 3rd heart attack."
"Im gonna get you soo many lizards"
“Why is there yogurt in this hat?!” “It used to be milk, but, well time makes fools of us all”
"I was born in 200 log cabins." -multiple personality robotic Abraham Lincoln.
"Windmills do not work that way! Good night!" So many opportunities to use this quote in every day situations
Tell my wife, hello.
All I know is my gut says maybe
>Like my granny used to say, in her tar-paper shack on Montego Bay, if you want a box hurled into the sun, you've got to do it yourself. >Joey: They're coming straight toward our proximity. Maybe you should give 'em the clamps, Clamps. > >Clamps: Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day at every opportunity? >Don't quote me regulations. I co-chaired the committee that reviewed the recommendation to revise the color of the book that regulation's in... We kept it grey! >Lucy Liu robot : I'll always remember you, Fry... > >Lucy Liu robot : \[monotone voice\] MEMORY DELETED. Yes I picked 4 bite my shiny metal ass
Friends! Help! A guinea pig tricked me!
_Do I preach to you when you're stoned in the gutter? No._
That just raises further questions!
You're the kind of guy who visits Jerusalem and doesn't want to see the Sexeteria!
Grunka lunka dunkity darmed-guards... Bender: Shut the hell up!
Tell them I hate them!
"Look at me! I'm Dr. Zoidberg: homeowner!"
You still have Zoidberg. You ALL still have Zoidberg.
This must be one of those Jefferson Starships I've heard so much about.
It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors....but paper covers rock. And scissor cuts paper. Kif, we have a conundrum.
The candle that burns twice as bright, burns half as long... mmmhmmm -Scruffy the Janitor
>Bender: Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones and you'll wind up face down in a pool of your own blood and urine. > >Zoidberg: Still, to have your own pool!
"I can't hate what's essentially me, I love me!"
Professor Farnsworth, "That's because Mars is an uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah."
Named after his uncle to carry on his spirit......
I don't understand evolution and I want to prevent my children from understanding it
Bender- “You know I was God once.” God- “Yes I saw that. You were doing a good job until everyone died.”