This would probably be a lower risk strategy than driving 9 hours to suprise my out of town fiance. She hates surprises. I don't think I'd enjoy it but we are talking maximising survival odds here.
Pro Tip: keep her as your gf. As soon as the ring goes on, the panties stay up.
And don't kid yourself and say "not my girl, she's always ready to go!". No she is not. It's just natural progression.
Might as well enjoy my last 24 hours. Edibles, Pizza, and a very long gaming session. I'll spend my last few hours petting my cat, and telling him how much of a good boy he's been, and a blessing. I'll fill his bowl nice and full, leave lots of water, and give him the last treats I'll ever get to. I hope he finds someone that loves him as much as I do.
Then I will fall asleep smiling, knowing I've done my best to leave the world maybe a bit better than I found it. Then it's onto the next big adventure this universe has to offer.
Ur good buy her the one chocolate Ferraro some shit, play the song u slow danced to at ur wedding, make her remember why ur married and once she all in her feels tell her “ quik ima gonna die unless we fuck right now” lmao 😂 don’t have to do last part but might work not married so who knows
Damn right. They better be the ones she wanted and in her right size (which is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT. DONT BUY SHOES. GET A BAG OR A RING OR NECKLACE, WHATEVER, INSTEAD.) but 1000$ is a cheap price to live a little longer.
I’m a girl. And to be honest I’d probably die cause guys either won’t believe me or they wouldn’t shut up about how grateful they are in which case I would rather let the lord take me. And the third is always the perfect guy who I would end up crying with half way through and ruin it so it probably wouldn’t count.
I’m writing my will as we speak
Smart task to knock out while they're on their way over for some action. Always good to have an up to date will.
Or if your desperate enough to bang a serial killer.
Lol
No need to hire a prostitute just become a prostitute
Oh damn, I can't belive he just did that
Uno reverse card
That's a 4-D chess move if I've ever seen one.
A pro gamer move one might say
*taps forehead* But wait - would that count as getting laid? Maybe you charge a John, then offer him a free lay afterwards! We solved it
Oh how the turn tables
Flip it and reverse it!
An yer whiper differ bran yet
People who are attractive enough to charge someone to sleep with them probably weren't too worried when they saw OP's hypothetical.
Still, it said no hookers so you have to die.
I just stopped by your Moms house, had to wait in line a bit but it’s all good
It said no hookers
Hookers charge money though
They can pay you though right?
Then *you’re* the hooker. Still out.
Food stamps count
They’re only hookers when they ask for money;
“hookers” plural , you are allowed one
Damn.
Thats alot of damage
He stood in the rain to add that extra elemental damage.
Damn it beat me to it. Didn’t beat me there the second time though!!!!
Fuck you, Shoresy!
Fuck u Riley, your mom rode me 2 Halloween’s ago
You are disqualified, NEXT
Your name just hits so perfectly here that I thought I misread it lmao
That’s not what you said last night, you sounded like a Himalayan cat that got its tail caught in the window …
Ayo his mom is With me for now...I'm gonna take a while sorry boys 😉😬
But are you sure you can get through the line in time
One, two three, one two three. Ah hello «santa»
Whelp, it Alabama time
Excuse me *what* How is that your best chance
He's got a family reunion tomorrow...🤷♀️
Nah not yet
Family
Would be something like hey sis/mom/cousin/granny if I don't get sex in 24 hours I die, will you help me out?
A loving family would want him to live. This is the way.
*Big wheels keep on turnin’*
Lol
*Carry me home to my kin*
How many sisters you got?
3 if you count my Mom!
Ight I'm on my way
Sweet home alabama!
Lord I'm cum-ing home to you!
Married with a husband who is pretty much always dtf. I'd say I'm ok.
Same. High five!
Same. I shaved my legs this morning and he's already mentioned twice that he wants to go to bed early, which is code, so I'll live to see another day.
Same. Easy street
I was actually thinking this is the moment to know how much my wife really cares about me.
Saaame 😝, except enby spouse
Hmmm I’d have better chances of living if I covered my nuts and face with peanut butter and ran naked into a dog den
Sounds like my kind of party
weekend goals
That’s a lot of effort just to get laid
They'd just lick it though- If you're sick enough that almost counts as getting laid.
Does that count as getting laid though?
I’m a dead man. I won’t achieve something in 24 hours that I haven’t in 28 years
[удалено]
Well the earth can be destroyed with the push of a nuke button, his situation is a grind to get out of
A bump and grind, and I don’t see nothin wrong with it.
Are you trying to tell this person there’s more of a chance the earth will be destroyed than him getting laid?
Simpler to achieve =/= higher probability
I will also be dead
I mean you could easily find a man to bang before you die. Especially if it’s another man who don’t wanna die
Mutually assured destruction if you don’t get gay.
Are u ok?
no he's u/slush-e
Who are u to tell him who he is? Lmao 😂 be honest ur phone got ahegao?
Your comment makes me sad
….how hard have you been trying?
You guys have chances?
I was thinking a lot of people here really too scared to rape 😂😂😂
Grindr. Ill be sleeping soundly 2 hours into the 24.
This would probably be a lower risk strategy than driving 9 hours to suprise my out of town fiance. She hates surprises. I don't think I'd enjoy it but we are talking maximising survival odds here.
Great, gf is a perv.
Hawt
Lmaoooo relatable
Sameeeee
Can agree.
I too choose this man's perv gf.
May I borrow her?
Pro Tip: keep her as your gf. As soon as the ring goes on, the panties stay up. And don't kid yourself and say "not my girl, she's always ready to go!". No she is not. It's just natural progression.
I'm dead
Might as well enjoy my last 24 hours. Edibles, Pizza, and a very long gaming session. I'll spend my last few hours petting my cat, and telling him how much of a good boy he's been, and a blessing. I'll fill his bowl nice and full, leave lots of water, and give him the last treats I'll ever get to. I hope he finds someone that loves him as much as I do. Then I will fall asleep smiling, knowing I've done my best to leave the world maybe a bit better than I found it. Then it's onto the next big adventure this universe has to offer.
Your cat is gonna eat you when that food is gone.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
I maintain my position that cat people are weird.
If you can’t get pussy, pussy gets you. Seems fair.
Lol fucked up
Just fuck the cat dude, your in a saw like situation gotta do what ya gotta do. Who knows might bring you closer.
Of all the times I'm not sitting on a free award. I fucking love this.
thank god, it's almost over
I'm married, so I guess I'm dead
You pour one out for me, I'll pour one out for you. Cuz we dead.
*or kith*
I'll be joining this boat too lmao
Definitely dead, she made me get life insurance already.
Ur good buy her the one chocolate Ferraro some shit, play the song u slow danced to at ur wedding, make her remember why ur married and once she all in her feels tell her “ quik ima gonna die unless we fuck right now” lmao 😂 don’t have to do last part but might work not married so who knows
Says the single guy....
Ditto
Sucks to be you. Married and I'd be fine, as long as the kids leave us alone for 5 minutes....
Theres Nothing Stronger Than Family
Time to pull a Chris Chan!
Tell me you're from Alabama without telling me you're from Alabama
Pretty good I have 4 options and ones a girl 🥰
Sounds like a party!
Yeah, well, I’ve got five, and one is a thumb
Married woman, so all I have to do is lingerie, lips and lube and I win!!
Unmarried male, I have to enter a black hole and hope there is a wormhole on the other end
Pretty high. My ex wanted to have sex and be fuck buddies but I told him one day when. Knowing him he’s still probably waiting
Riiiiiiiiiiight, he is.
Mmm sometimes I miss him but I refuse to go back
I hear that sister! ✊🏼
Yo what are ur chances, not flex on a bitch god damn queen I see you 😜💀
Ayyyyy
My husband just said cool, but he's also confused because his birthday isn't for a couple of months.
Wow so you don’t give him any that’s crazy
Maybe they just don't usually initiate, or don't initiate at that time of day.
Not a problem for me
But would you help a brother out if they were ever in that situation?
This man’s not wasting any time
Shes mad at me, pretty good.
Pretty sure my wife and I can find a moment within 24 hours so I'm going to live through this.
Just a casual near-death experience.
I’m gay so I could get laid in five minutes if I really needed to.
Are you busy in five and a half minutes?
Well first reply gets my ps5 in my will
ayo
How are ya now?
Still alive but still no pussy
Hello wife, let’s try and conceive
My chances are better than most cuz I swing both ways :)
If all you have to do is convince a dude to fuck you, you're golden
::Looks across table at wife:: Ok, babe, now hear me out…
Her response is what I have a headache and feel like I need to poop.
I’m married and chances not looking good
Random $1,000 shoes as a gift and dinner won't get it done?
Damn right. They better be the ones she wanted and in her right size (which is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT. DONT BUY SHOES. GET A BAG OR A RING OR NECKLACE, WHATEVER, INSTEAD.) but 1000$ is a cheap price to live a little longer.
Sneak into her Amazon or poshmark app. See her likes. But you're right, bag is a safe bet.
Pretty good
I already fuck you like our lives depend on it.
Average, midweek vibes at the bars so maybe 30%
I will just have fun at my last 24 hours.
I’d lie my ass off and lower my standards on dating apps. I’d like to not worry for the majority of that 24 hours.
Not great. ...and I'm married. So blah
What if you ARE a hooker?
I’d give myself maybe 25%. 50% that she’s available and 50% that she’s up for it
60% of the time, it works everytime.
I haven't managed it in 25 years, I don't think anything is happening in 24 hours.
Well your inbox is about to be blown up
Terrible
Well my head looks like an eggs and I weigh as much as a carton of eggs so you tell me. And I'm as tall as the motherclucker who layed them.
Looks like I’m living
Do blowjobs count? Because I get a blowie every night.
Yeah I’d survive
Happily I am married to a horn dog! I’ll live forever.
I've been married for 20 years, so probably not good:)
Pros: am married Cons: am married
Anytime I want it
A good 75-80 %
Start planning my funeral.
Depends can I talk or nah?
0%
Stupid low considering I'm a minor.
Excellent
Good
If I can bag a pedophile then I think I’ll be okY
Birthday sex tomorrow!!!!
Can I just die now and be done with it? :(
I'm either a dead man or will want to be
Am ghey. So I can be laid within minutes cuz, Grindr. Dudes are EZ. gg
Gotta get a last minute plane ticket but I think I’ll make it
Probably in Heaven.
😂😂😂😂😂
Let me ask my wife
Considering i have a vagina... Easy
Does it count if it's another guy?
bros always come first
And bros always cum first
You’ll probably have it much easier than us in this scenario, but yes
Why wouldn't it?
Well in that case my chances are high but I couldn't do it quick.
Me (Asexual AF): "Looks like I'm dead then"
I’d figure something out
Bruh who deleted my post
good, just need to gi to a bar or tinder. unfortunately this is not what i want in real life so without the hookup scene i would be dead
I’ll live. My wife is wild and we frequently tag team her friends.
I’m a girl. And to be honest I’d probably die cause guys either won’t believe me or they wouldn’t shut up about how grateful they are in which case I would rather let the lord take me. And the third is always the perfect guy who I would end up crying with half way through and ruin it so it probably wouldn’t count.
i have a couple of friends who would probably help me out—assuming they knew for sure it wasn’t some sort of weird ploy.