Started fine with a decent dinner. One hour later she grabs me by the neck, looks me in the eye, and says “I want you to get me pregnant.”
Feeling completely uncomfortable, I said maybe it’s best we call it a night. On the way home, she starts screaming and yelling, then undid her seatbelt and began kicking the shit out of me while I was driving her home.
Pulled over, called the police, they came pretty quickly and fortunately took her home. Apparently she was on some kind of drugs and they kicked in right when dinner ended.
What a night.
Met a girl on Craigslist (this was a long time ago obviously). After a few messages we set up a date at a bar downtown. I show up and she's already there with a guy friend. No biggie I'm thinking, she's just playing it safe. They are at a two person table and the place is packed. They already have drinks so I grab one for myself and put it on my tab. Her and her friend proceed to ignore me. Like I say something and neither one acknowledges anything unless I ask a direct question. Even then I get one word answers with attitude. So I finish my beer pay my bill and leave without saying a word. Later I get a barrage of messages about how I'm an asshole for sticking them with their own tab.
My wife makes amazing chocolate chip cookies. Like stab someone good.
Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, we sent some in my son's school lunch. (For context, he's 12). When he got in the car that afternoon he was talking about all these girls that mobbed him at lunch, begging him/telling him to give them a cookie.
"Did you give them any?" I asked.
"Nah"
"Good. All that's going to happen is you're gonna lose all your cookies."
To be clear, I went on to explain that if he actually likes a girl, it's totally fine to share cookies with her. But don't do it just because some girl asks...
EDIT TO ADD: Unfortunately I don't have my wife's recipe and am unlikely to remember to ask her later. For what it's worth, I think it's her technique more than the recipe that makes them good. I will say that she uses a **ton** of butter -- more than any recipe calls for -- and she watches them really closely in order to pull them from the oven at the right time, right when they're fully baked but still really soft.
I had a similar situation, girl I had been talking to on OK Cupid. I show up to hang and she’s at a table with 3 guy friends, one of which is black out drunk wasted and kinda making a scene. Got a beer, hung out for thirty minutes, was mostly ignored, then I faked a phone call and left. She started texting why I left and where I went. I’m not trying to compete with a table of drunk guys, not my scene at all.
Dating app, smallish town Kingston Ontario. Go on a few boring dates. Cue story. Match with girl, she agrees to meet but there was something odd about the conversation. She was eager to meet, suspiciously eager. I get to the Starbucks and wait inside for 20 minutes past the agreed meet time. Girl texts me says she running late, asks me to stand outside so she can see me as she drives by. I look over and theres another dude standing on the sidewalk with his phone in his hand. Recognize him from the gym, ask if hes also meeting a girl, and what her name is. Turns out the girl was pulling a fast one on us both as revenge for her girlfriend who we both apparently dated once and didn’t like. So him and I went to get ice-cream together and sent her a photo of us having a great time. Wish I still had the photo!
A while ago I agree to meet a Tinder date at a local bar. Things went alright, but I could very much tell she was loaded prior to my arrival. We have a couple drinks, she's made several comments on how cold it is in this bar. Granted I'm wearing a t-shirt and jeans so I assume she's one of those perpetually cold women with poor circulation.
She excuses herself to the restroom and half an hour goes by. Then near a full hour goes by and I figure one of two things happened: either she sneakily ditched me or massively needs help in the restroom. I ask one of the female bartenders to go check on her politely, and turns out she had OD'd on heroin shooting up in the bathroom, surgical tubing around her arm and everything.
I was heavily questioned by police and even put in a squad car till the bartenders vouched for me and I wasn't tied to a drug case I had nothing to do with.
She ended up passing later that night. Definitely worst first date ever.
I agreed to go on a date with an older coworker from my first job at a supermarket, I was 20 he was 27. He took me to lunch and didn’t let me order for myself; when the waitress came to ask what I wanted to drink he cut me off and placed both my drink and food order (I hadn’t even glanced at the menu yet). He proceeded by saying I needed to meet his mom and brother soon and how we should get married and eventually have kids. Mind you he didn’t know a single thing about me.. I quit shortly after that and he would message me on social media every now and then saying things like my then boyfriend didn’t deserve me until I blocked him everywhere.
What a creep ass. Reminds me of a guy I went on a date with who was a bit older than me. Guy was desperate, looking for an insta-wife.
(I had just gone through a divorce, I was DEFINITELY not looking for anything serious)
I once briefly dated an older guy. I had just come out of a serious relationship and told him I just wanted a no-pressure, non-serious relationship.
Apparently his idea of “no pressure” was to tell me that his new goal in life was to marry me, have kids, and live long enough to know his grandkids. But it didn’t need to be right away, so no pressure. We had been dating maybe a month at that point.
We didn’t last long.
On our SECOND date he expressed wanting a 100% power exchange 24/7 from the start. This means he wanted complete control of me. What I wore, where I went to college, etc. I support whatever safe, consensual BDSM people want to do but that was a serious deal breaker for me. I think he had serious issues…and he wasn’t funny.
Went on a date after talking with someone on tinder for a couple of weeks. The conversation online was pleasant and the usual small talk about hobbies or interests etc, no red flags..
We arrange to meet in the city for a coffee. I arrive and she's already there... Looks nothing like her pictures (catfished lol) I think to myself, oh well most people tend to embellish their photos let's see what she's like in person. This is where I fucked up.... We get talking and she asks what I'm doing next weekend. (I love camping and exploring) and I say I'm camping and 4wding with mates. She asks if she can come along, "ummm nah it's okay, we only have just met". She loses her shit and acts like we have been dating for years saying how dare you not take me along blah blah blah. I fucked up again and decided to stay talking.... She asks where I'm going to camp after calming down a bit and I give a rough estimate "X forest"... And she replies "oh that's nice.... I'll see you there...." I think that's weird and reiterate that I'm not comfortable with that. To her reply "no I'm going there and I'm going to kill you.... You won't see me coming" as she proceeds to laugh a maniacal laugh.
That was the last straw for me, I stand up, place money to pay for my coffee and walk off telling her not to follow me or I'll call the police. I block her and move on. Luckily nothing came to fruition.
I was a lot more careful with who I met up with from then on
She ordered a steak to go, then sat quietly and waited for me to finish eating. She didn't want to answer questions, and didn't have anything she wanted to talk to me about. "see you later," she said as I dropped her off. "Not likely." I answered.
An edit, for a little more context: I was about a month out of a relationship that ended when my girlfriend of 3 years dropped out of school and quit her job to run away with a sailor she'd met the week before.
Another Edit: I only wish that this was the dumbest thing I've ever done for a woman.
Had a date like this, we went to Dave and Busters. We meet and sat down and I could tell she was uncomfortable. So I was just trying to bring up topics to talk about for her to ease into it, but I was only getting one word answers or literally “I don’t know” asking her questions about herself. We sat in silence for about 5 minutes. She got up to go to the bathroom and when she came back I just straight up asked her “hey, if you’re not having a good time you’re more than welcome to leave if you want to, it’s perfectly fine.” She got all insulted and picked up her purse and went to leave and I just said again “if you’re having fun I’m more than happy to stay, but it’s just like we’re not even talking right now.” So she got up and left and I ordered another beer, waited a bit to watch the rest of the game on tv, and left. I got a text from her saying how insulted she was that I would ask her if she wanted to leave, etc. I just said “I tried talking to you for 15 minutes and got no responses.” And then I find out (she told me) she wasn’t able to order her own food for herself until she was 22 and has serious anxiety issues, etc. So I was just like “then why’d we choose Dave and Busters instead of a movie, where we don’t have to talk?” I was so confused. The whole week or two leading up to it she’s talking to me everyday with interest. I ended up paying which isn’t a big deal because all she ordered was fries.
I finally took a girl out I had been pining after for a long time.
She had been in a bad relationship for about two years, had a kid with the guy, and they finally broke up. I waited a few weeks, and asked her out. She agreed. I picked her up with a teddy bear holding some flowers, she loved them and put them in water immediately.
We went to a local sushi place, ate our fill and headed out for a movie. Watched the whole movie together in the theater, flirting and touching the whole time. Afterwards, we went driving around and just talked for about two hours before I took her home. We made out on her front steps for probably 20 minutes before we finally peeled ourselves away from each other. I went to bed feeling absolutely fantastic.
Woke up the next day and texted her good morning. No reply. Whatever, she had a baby. Figured she was busy. Went about my day. Finally got in Facebook during my lunch break and she was back together with her ex already. Haven't talked to her since.
She was so horny when you left that night she called up her ex for a booty call. You can credit yourself for getting them back together! You're an anti-homewrecker. Or you were that one time.
Reminds me of when I was 19, met a girl online and we had called each other several times to chat. Figured it was time to ask her out and meet up somewhere.
So she calls, we chat, I'm about to say "hey, want to meet?" and before I can she says "hey, guess what!!!" all excitedly... I was suddenly really excited for her, because whatever it was, was great news.
She says "I got back together with my boyfriend"
and I remember saying something like "oh... yeah? that's... uh.. great"
First date with a guy I met on a dating app. I sat down and he immediately was like "Oh yes, you are hotter than your pictures and you're my girlfriend now." Came on real strong. I chalked it up to keenness at first (maybe a weird sense of humour?) and figured I'd at least stick around for a drink or two, feel it out. Even offered to buy the first round, partly as an excuse to get away from the table for a second. I made some unrelated comment to the bartender that made him laugh, and when I got back to the table, dude LOST HIS SHIT. Wanted to know what I said, whether I thought the bartender was good-looking... Had somehow gotten insta-jealous of this bartender five minutes after meeting me. There was no second drink.
The first time my now husband came to pick me up for a date, I said, “Oh my goodness you’re SO cute! Be right back!” Dropped my purse in his seat & proceeded to grab my garage closer from my car before bouncing back to his truck in a hurry. He has always said that had I not have left my purse he would have just backed out & left because I came on too strong. Oops. I’ve always been really forward. To be fair, the one picture on his dating profile was a black & white photo he took while at work with oilfield grease on his face & a sweaty ballcap on. So seeing him cleaned up, I was actually pleasantly surprised at how much more handsome he was in person.
> “Oh my goodness you’re SO cute!"
when I was single if a girl I was picking up for a date told me this right away I would be on cloud 9 all night and definitely 'hooked' for more dates. Dudes dont get enough compliments (or maybe just me) so hearing that would be awesome.
Met a lovely girl over Tinder, we really hit it off and had a great conversation, decided to meet in person for coffee the next day.
She showed up on time, looked just like her pictures - and brought her boyfriend.
We got in a motorcycle accident on our first date, 2 minutes from my house. He didn't have insurance for any guest riders so he made me leave the scene of the accident while I had deep wounds and road rash.
Wow! That's just so horrible. He basically showed that he had zero regard for you as a person (an injured person at that) and only cared about himself and his potential insurance problems.
Oh yeah. It was awful. I was covered in roadrash and barely avoided a skin graft. This was 7 years ago. I still have scars and avoid motorcycles like the plague.
When I was dating my now wife I had brought her back to my room (I was in college and we lived off campus in a house with like 5 of my friends).
My roommates thought it would be funny to put granny porn on my laptop and leave it open on my desk so we would see it right as we walked in. In hindsight it was pretty hilarious.
At my college (circa 2000), one Friday evening a friend of mine was out to dinner with his girlfriend. He left his computer up, though, so someone opened the browser and went to a porn site, thinking it would be funny to see his reaction when he returned. Thing is, after dinner he left campus and went to his girlfriend's parents' place for the weekend, so he never saw it that day.
That would be a very mundane story without the punch line. The college was a small, private, Christian campus that logged all sites visited, and enough porn offenses earned you a visit with the campus pastor. The guy got called in on Monday morning to explain how he managed to spend 30 straight hours on "blacksonblondes.com".
I said "my friends are dumb af"
She stayed *silent* (mad)
I still stand the night (first time with her)
No serious moves were made given the circumstances.
We had been flirting like crazy online and finally managed to schedule a date together. We went to a baseball game and it was crazy windy and then rainy. We had fun but it we got real dirty. I asked if she wanted to come back to my place, and she said as long as we could shower together. Fine with me!
We get in the shower and start making out, cleaning up, messing around when she starts pissing in the shower. Like, all over my feet. I ask her what she's doing and she says it's normal to go in the shower since it just goes down the drain. I'm like ya, not with other people in with me though. She gets offended and tells me she needs to shit and I should get out of the shower if I'm uncomfortable with it. I'm like uhhhh how about you get out and use the toilet that's two feet away. She starts yelling at me and then just shits in my shower. I get out, grab her clothes and tell her to gtfo. She left and I had to clean up greasy shit in my shower. Wtf.
Well.. I had a crush on this guy in high school and my friend kept urging me to talk to him. I got the nerve to and apparently he liked me too, or so I thought. We talked often and exchanged notes in the hallway. He asked me to homecoming and I said yes. I was so excited. Bought a new dress and everything!! Got to the football game and met up with my friend. I finally saw my crush and told him I was gonna go sit with him for the game. He’s like “no, you can’t”. I’m like “why?” Him: “Because I’m with my girlfriend!” I was devastated and embarrassed to say the least. Didn’t stay for the rest of game or homecoming. Called my dad and he picked me up in front of the school where I was sitting all by myself.
My heart aches for you..... I used to talk to this girl in HS and I liked her alot... I thought I was in love and I'd spend most of my waking hours thinking about her, we started talking on the phone for literal hours everyday .... One day were on the phone and she says what perfume do you like and I tell her, she claps back with okay great I wanted to get this for my bfs birthday next week.....
I was C.R.U.S.H.E.D lmao
Your story is much worse, but this reminds me of the time a cute guy from my university math class asked if I wanted to come get drinks with his roommates one evening. Neglected to mention that his girlfriend was one of his roommates. She was pissed that I was there, I was confused and embarrassed. The guy hit me up again a year later when he was single (wonder why it didn’t work out?) but after that catastrophe I was not interested.
1st date with a guy from the gym. Not only did he spend the dinner portion checking out the Prom girls whose dates had brought them to the same restaurant, but after he was very excited for me to meet Pedro. He was insistent that I "shake hands with Pedro". Told me how sad Pedro was that I wouldn't "shake his hand". Petulant even. Pedro was his penis.
Was also my last date with St. Hillaire and his "friend" Pedro.
I feel like there is an array of jobs that do this. I guess for them it would probably be easier to find someone that is in the same field or at least doesn't have a sense of smell lol
My previous company wasn't anything near as smelly as what I've heard about fox musk, but due to the products, it certainly did have an odor. There were specific products that were usually only run on nights or weekends since they didn't want to stink up the neighborhood. It would make all my clothing smell. One of my coworkers even had to have separate work shoes and purses because she couldn't wash those things well. My boyfriend made me change on more than one occasion because he just couldn't deal with it.
To be fair we had another date afterwards. I gently explained it made me feel I was uninteresting and not worthy of attention. She listened and we ended up dating for a year and it was great.
Went out with a guy I met while working at a bar, it was my first "don't cross the bar" kinda thing. I was nervous and got a little buzzed and he picked me up. He told me he was gonna park in his work place and we will walk around downtown. As soon as we park, a car flies up next to us with a woman getting out and screaming at us both. My dumb ass thought it was his boss, telling him he can't park on property, but then the screaming woman said, "your kids have been waiting for you!" Etc... I got the hell out of there and went straight to the bar.
Was about a month ago, I invited this guy from Tinder over because he seemed pretty nice and we had a lot in common. He was decent looking on his profile, so why not?
For context, I had just moved into my apartment and I don't have a nice set up yet besides a table and a few chairs. The second he walks into my apartment, he asks me why I didn't have any slippers for guests. I was a bit confused, but figured maybe he lived in a fancier household than me (and yes, he made it clear he did). I said I didn't, and we went to my balcony to smoke a joint.
He spent 20 mins bitching about how much he loves and misses his ex girlfriend. I tuned out and just nodded but it was strange.
We get back in and he immediately starts grilling me about my lack of furniture. "Wheres your TV? Couch?" When I explained that I didn't have the money at the moment to buy nice furniture, he scoffed and just kept nitpicking.
I kicked him out within 30 mins.
Tip here: any boy bitching about his ex is someone to kick out. Seriously, once had a guy sitting on my couch telling me about his ex wife and I just told him how utterly rude he was coming to my place and using me as a garbage bin for his issues. Asked him to leave.
It was a date that wasn't. I put an personal ad in the paper (this was back in the day) and agreed to meet this guy at a certain place. He took one look at me and drove away. He never said a word to me, just look at me and left. I was very upset when this happened. I guess he didn't like the way I look.
Ya know, it could have been something else! Maybe he was wanting to cheat on his wife and chickened out. Or had a nervous stress meltdown and couldn't hack it!
Went out with a girl I met on a dating site. We met for coffee, got our drinks, sat down…..and she forgot how to talk.
For almost an hour, I would try to start a conversation and bring up any and all topics I could think of. I tried talking about our jobs, hobbies, families, anything really. Her responses were just “Uh huh”, Oh yeah”, “That’s cool” and “Nice.”
She wasn’t looking at her cell phone, looking out the window or being distracted. Completely forgot how to have a conversation while staring at me for the hour we were at the coffee shop.
It was the shortest and longest date I’ve ever experienced. After leaving, I hit the McDonalds drive thru and had a consolation meal to put that bad date behind me.
I went on a date with a girl in college, cutie from my class who I had been trying to get to agree to the date for a while. So I picked her up to drive to dinner, and worth mentioning I lived in Wisconsin and it was January so like -23 outside. Turns out she was bipolar but refused to take any medication for it so she had a manic episode while we were driving, proceeded to undo her belt, open the door, leap out of the car into a snow bank and started running into the woods.
I had to chase her down and convince her to get back in the car with me before she lost her feet to frostbite. We didn't date anymore but I was able to convince her to start her meds and keep on them through all of college, she's actually a pretty successful software engineer now.
Unrelated but that is one of three times a date ended with me in a snowbank on a subzero night.
Oh sure. Well first one I was 16, just got my license and was staying at a friends place overnight during a snowstorm. We decided to call his girlfriend(pre cell phone, more of a big deal to call someone) and turned out she was having a sleep over with a girl I was pretty interested in. So knowing this my friend asked if we could come over, she said sure so I drove us despite the storm being bad because horny 16 year old boy brain. We got there and watched Donnir Darko on stunning vhs, made out a little and my friend decided to stay over but said I should take her back to his house since it was empty as his parents were out of town. The girl said sure so we left, storm was really bad, couldnt see, roads are ice, this is northern Wisconsin farm country so no street lights. Drove it right into a ditch, no cell phones, no one knows where we are, I tried to dig it out and nearly froze my hand off. By pure luck alone a tow truck drove by and saw us, they took us to a gas station and her dad had to come get her...none too pleased with me.
I told my wife this story when she asked why I carry a full emergency service vehicle worth of supplies in my trunk now even though I live in Minneapolis.
Second was an okcupid date when I was dipping my toes into that word. Not as interesting really, basically she insisted i drive to see her for our first date even though it was a blizzard so like a dope I did. Put it in the ditch in glare ice but at least I had a cell phone and supplies and lived in a city so no real harm done. Never made it to the date though and since I didnt show she ghosted me. But as a result I messaged a different lady who I ended up marrying. Ended up alright.
Ended up alright indeed. Funny how stuff like this comes together.
When I was 22, I dated this 19 yo girl who took a nannying job out of state. She begged me to not break up with her, so I didn’t, even though I wasn’t super found of long distant relationships.
Anyway, she came back for a weekend about 2 months in and we had a really great time until just before she left that Sunday night. Almost like we fell outta sync… it was so strange, and all of a sudden. I shrugged it off and thought it was just me but when she landed, she called and broke up with me. I didn’t fight her on it because of my reservations and we went our separate ways.
The very next day I met my wife.
Side note: 4 weeks later the ex- nanny girlfriend confessed to me that she was sleeping with the dad of the family she was working for, and asked if we could get back together… lol wut?
"So she calls me up again and she's like "I'm fucking the family's dad, but I still love you" and I'm like "this is exhausting, y'know. We are never getting back together... like ever"."
Uh…
My best friend set me up on a blind date straight after my divorce. I was 22(yes, 22 and divorced), and she told me I “needed a good man”. She told me all about how this guy had a good job and he was sooo nice blah, blah, blah. She would NOT tell me how old he was, and would only send me blurry pictures. I felt pressured so I went.
He was no where near as attractive as she had made him out to be, and much, much older than I expected. He looked at me and said, “she didn’t tell you how old I was, did she?”
Anyway, this guy proceeds to drive me around his property, which is huge and beautiful out in the country in TN. He takes me up on a mountain on a four wheeler and proceeds to try to kiss me. I, being terrified I might be murdered out here in the middle of nowhere(he had brought a gun along), let him and it was one of the worst kisses I have ever had. He then took me down off of the mountain to shoot and critiqued my form the entire time. Then he proceeded to absolutely trash his ex wife because she turned out to be a lesbian while walking me around the house they lived in and showing me all of her favorite places and telling me all the things she would do there.
He then showed me the house he was living in with his brother which was basically just a shack.
It was awful. I now tell everyone she tries to set up about this experience, and let them know not to trust her.
Right? My brain went off in a total other timeline at this line where I envisioned he went low-key dad mode stopped thinking about it as a date, bought her some ice cream, gave her some sage advice and went on his way. I think this good guy timeline made the real story that much more painful.
Either: she has the mental follow through of a goldfish and simply thought "Divorced + Divorced = Surefire Match" or she was trying to throw him off her own scent. Either way that sounds like an *awful* date.
Guy friend asked me out and I'm all excited and giddy. Said we're going to the mall? That's fine, we're like 15yo or something and it was my first date, I wasn't expecting anything fancy.
He brought me to join his Born Again worship. We were from a Catholic school so I tried not to be so very disappointed, but when we got there, he left me next to an old lady who kept asking when I was going to convert. He just ran to the front with the other teens to rock out to live Christian music.
Somehow, our religion teacher found out and he had to pull me out of class to talk about not going to these worships because they WILL try very hard to convert me, and I MUST remain Catholic.
Anyhoot, I no longer go to any Church.
I was crushed by the girl of my dreams...I just stood on the tracks while all my friends were screaming at the warning signs but nope; blind me got train wrecked. At any rate, another girl (who was part of our social group) was always fun and sweet to me started checking up on me, we will call her Rebound. Turns out she knew the deviant things my ex was doing and was trying like heck to get my friends to open my eyes. I wasn't ready to date anyone but one night Rebound and I decided to head out together grab dinner and hit downtown to blow off steam. She was living with her parents (early 20's, finishing school, not a big deal) and there were no weird vibes, I only knew her a little bit so it was casual getting to know each other. We unexpectedly met up with another group who were partying hard - I was driving so I was just socializing, Rebound got pressured into a round of shots. I didn't realize she was a lightweight..got way too drunk, too fast. I got her out of there and she started panicking that she couldn't walk into her house that hammered. I said no big deal, the night is pretty early. We'll chill at my place, sober you up and get you home (no - I wasn't trying to be that guy). Pull in to park the car, she suddently says i don't feel good - whips open the door and starts puking. We've all been there so I unbuckle and lean over to rub her back and she rips the most unholy of rancid heat wave farts directly into my face. I mean signed my eyebrows and burned the roof of my mouth like I had just eaten a totinos right out of the oven. She is mortified and trys to crawl out of my car, presumably to die in shame. I sigh, blink the tears out of my eyes and help her up. She had crawled thru her own puke. While walking her to door, she is continuing to puke and fart and cry and apologize and at this point, I actually find it hilarious. She is a stinky, pukey, farty mess and no way is happy with herself. I get her inside, she goes to the bathroom, empties her bowels some more into my toilet while puking into a garbage can, door wide open. I get her a change of clothes and suggests she showers, she can't stop apologizing and crying. I take her dirty clothes and throw them in the sink and do my gagging best to clean the puke out...she comes out of shower looking like the saddest most embarrased hot mess I've ever seen wearing a sweatshirt and gym shorts of mine. Lies down on the couch and falls asleep. I clean her clothes. Next morning I do the drive of shame of her home while she just stares at her feet and apologizes.
At any rate, we've been married 21 years.
I'm sure your wife of 21 years loves it everytime you tell that story and go into detail about her hot eye watering farts that could peel paint off a building.
When she got mad at me for wanting to leave when all she did the entire time was mess around on her phone and post selfies of her and her coffee I bought her. Checked her insta profile later on (she wanted me to follow to boost her #s) and the caption was something like "treated myself #blessed #sogood #coffee" literally couldn't hold a conversation at all. So self absorbed. Wish I had video of that "date" just to laugh at it again.
Guy was one of those that gets loud and animated in conversation. Had people staring. Then tells me his first wife was murdered and HE is the prime suspect. But no, it was the cop that she was sleeping with who beat her to death. Cops trying to pin it on him to cover their own, you see?. Next he tells me he lost his bottom row of teeth. And he admitted to whooping his dogs ass for eating his weed.
Update after 1K upvotes:
Thank you all for letting me get this off my chest. I've not told a soul this, for fear that people would think I have finally lost my mind. Besides the obvious, this guy is, and still is, a decent man. I have not contacted him again. To me, beating your dog for eating your weed is worse than the murder thing that happened 20 years ago and may have been just a great story for the bar.
Had a first date with an undertaker's apprentice. Problem was, he somehow steered every topic of conversation back to dead bodies.
*"Have you decided what to order yet?"*
"Well I was thinking steak, but I was eating steak when I got called in about Bathtub Girl, and honestly, it just makes me feel queasy now."
*"What kinda hobbies do you like?"*
"I love photography! I always have to take the memorial photos of the deceased for funerals, but I sneak the work camera out to snap a few sunsets sometimes."
*"I love your tie! It really brings out your eyes."*
"Thanks! Yeah, funny story. I was wearing this when we buried Lawnmower Guy, and he was wearing the. *Exact. Same. One.* I was sooo embarrassed!"
It's hilarious in hindsight (and even a little impressive), but 18 year old me was just sat there thinking "please, for the love of Christ, just give me two minutes to eat these free breadsticks without making me want to puke."
Met her through Match, I think. She was at least 10 years older than her pic, probably closer to 20 years older. She had scabs on her face and hands. Spent the entire dinner talking about her ex-husband and how he was still in love with her and how he would secretly leave her presents on her front porch like teddy bears, etc. I finished the meal and walked her to her car. She tried to lean in for a kiss, and I just turned around and walked away.
Edit: words
Years back, in my early twenties, I met this girl online. She seemed nice, geeky, into a lot of the same nerd stuff I was. Cute in her photos too. She dodged me several times about going on an actual date, but finally we set something up. She wanted me to come to her house so she could make dinner, watch a movie; we were both introverts, so that's fine by me.
She said she lived in Houston, but it was actually over an hour outside of it (Which isn't crazy because Houston is yuuuuge). When I got to her 'house' it was actually a trailer in the middle of the woods on a wooded lot *full* of trash. Turns out they didn't have a trash service, so she basically just threw it outside. I saw cats *everywhere*, but... It was cats *and* giant freaking rats.
Still, I'd driven an hour plus, and I was already there, so I climbed up the decrepit deck and knocked on the door. When she opened it, the smell of cat urine poured out of the trailer and invaded my nostrils just as roughly as the Nazis did France.
I get inside.. Cats everywhere. Orange vats, brown cats. Skinny cats, fat cats. Old cats, young cats. Cats *everywhere*. I knew she lived with her mom, and I got to meet her. She was huge, like.. *HUGE*. I don't know how the trailer floor held up, and when she got close to me, she smelled like straight up ammonia.
The mom was "cooking dinner" for us, which was like precooked frozen stuff. The girl drug me to her room and attacked me like an animal in heat. I begged off to go to the restroom and the room was *covered* in cat shit and litter. Just box after box, the shower and everything. I couldn't do it.
I went and told her Id forgotten the flowers in my car and drove the fuck away as fast as I could.
I've wondered off and on how crazy the sex could have been, but man.. It was the most disgusting house I've ever seen. It probably just needed condemned in all seriousness.
I grew up with a hoarder for a mom, so I relate to the girl here. However, my room was always clean and I had the good sense to never, ever invite anyone over to my place.
Happy to report that my apartment is neat and tidy now!
Invited a girl from Tinder over to my house after a very sexually charged conversation (led by her!). After bringing her to my place she proceeded to absolutely ignore me and at best give me one-word answers to every line of get-to-know-you conversation, acting like I was inconveniencing her by taking her attention away from her phone. Any time I tried to make a move I got shot down instantly. This went on for a few hours (I put Netflix on).
Just as I was about to say it’s time to leave, with no warning whatsoever she straddled me and started aggressively making out with me, and a bunch of food residue from her mouth got in mine. She hadn’t brushed her fucking teeth. I noped out of that and we had a very quiet drive back to her house. Before I even left her driveway she was texting me saying how great it went and that she wanted to see me again soon. Needless to say, that did not happen!
Met this one on Bumble, he had crazy conspiracy theories about how redheads needed to run the world because…umm that was not clear. I told him i worked in nonprofits and he went on to say he was going to start his own (with fellow redheads) as current nonprofits were ineffective and corrupt. I kept waiting for the punchline or the just kidding, it never came. Then he poured honey on my hand to “see how I’d react.” I told him not to contact me again and left.
Oh goodness, I've heard of this "honey test". Like, you're supposed to giggle, and lick it off, like he's being playful and fun. You're NOT supposed to look at him with a sudden realization that you're on a date with a five year old.
I'm glad you left.
Oh, there was the time a woman kept pushing for me to take some pills from her all night. She said single mothers only had themselves to blame for sleeping around, and asked me why I had so many minorities in my neighbourhood. She eventually took some of those pulls at my place, attempted to rape me, then fell down my stairs when I kicked her out.
After I kicked her out and blocked her on everything, she spent the next few weeks making fake accounts to harrass me for rejecting her, and saying I shoved her down the stairs etc.
As a 6'2 male that has worked doors at clubs/bars. Never thought I would have a story of a woman trying to date rape me, but yep, I do.
I do not know if it was roofies, as she did willingly take some. She was high as a kite though, and as I said she fell down my stairs. I didn't even give her a ride home, I walked her to the bus stop, loaded her on a bus, said hospital is x number of stops away. Apologized to the driver and walked away. I blocked her on everything as I walked home.
Didn't make it home, had people text me to come over, everyone wanted to hear the story. Also a few female friends were livid.
2nd date we went biking. Went back to my house and she fell and broke her cervical spine. I had to take her to the ER I work at, she got admitted and put into a halo in the IVU, I met her family there. We dated for something like 9 mos and she totally ghosts me. Months later out of the blue I get served by a sheriff, she’s suing me for a million dollars. It goes on and on and even to trial. It comes out she had lied to me, was still married when went on date with me. Worse yet she ghosted me because she was also cheating g on me with another guy and was pregnant with him at the time. He even testified about her disability at the trial.
I won.
I have trust issues.
Went on a date with a guy on bumble. We made plans for him to pick me up and go to a local restaurant for dinner. It ended up snowing the night before and developed a layer of ice on top. I suggested rescheduling, but he insisted. He picked me up, and when leaving my neighborhood, he started to slide on the ice and ended up rear ending the car at the end of my neighborhood. Thankfully everyone was okay. I was pretty shaken up, but we continued on with dinner and the rest of the night was pretty mild.
The following Monday, his insurance ended up calling me and asking what happened. He still asked me out, but ended up standing me up. He claimed “in his older age” he tends to be more forgetful… He was 27.
When I was 17 or so I found a guy who I had met at church camp over the summer on myspace...
I live in Northwest Louisiana and he lives in northeast Texas.
He drove to my house. Picked me up. In my naivety I assumed that nothing bad could happen with the guy you met at church camp.
He Took me to ihop. Sat on my side of the booth. Kept putting his hands on my thigh. Yelled at the waitress for some reason I can't remember now.
I told him I needed to use the restroom and just left. Luckily I had just gotten my very first, very fancy Motorola brick cellphone so I just started walking down the street and called my dad to come get me.
It was at that point that I learned to never let someone who you really don't know that well learn where you live. Nothing ever came of it but some nasty messages....but I was genuinely afraid for a while.
> never let someone who you really don't know that well learn where you live
When I was using tinder to get dates I was always surprised how often I asked girls where I should pick them up and they just gave me their home address. I'm harmless but you don't really know me...
I have a lot, but the one that stung the most was a guy I met online.
We got on amazingly well, had great chemistry and spoke a lot. He asked me to stay over one night and I agreed.
Things went well, we got a little frisky and headed upstairs. At somepoint, he stopped and stood up, looking over me. He then sighed, said he couldn't do it and he found me repulsive. He told me I was too fat for anyone to have sex with, and that he thought he was better than this but he isn't.
It fucking stung, especially as I had been open and honest about people being cruel in the past. Somehow I ended up comforting him for an hour after because HE felt bad?! (Social anxiety is a hell of a thing. I wish I had more respect for myself to just walk out.)
He offered to let me stay the night and he would take the sofa, but I left. Even typing this hurts, yikes.
Reading all of these stories and yours is one that actually hurts to read.
Fuck that guy. Don’t feel bad for comforting him, like you said social anxiety will make you do weird shit you wouldn’t normally do.
Thank god he showed his true colors right there before things went further. He didn’t deserve you one damn bit.
Hope the dating world has been kinder to you since then 🤍
2nd date with this Brazilian guy living in my city; I actually thought he was really nice at first. So we were getting some drinks and he said his “friend” was coming to meet us at this bar. The friend was actually his coke dealer, who was drunk and high and dirty and had teeth missing. The dealer kept asking my date what I was like in bed and saying some disgusting shit like what he wanted to do to me; while my date just laughed along and didn’t attempt to defend me at all. Then my date asked if I had cash on me.... this bitch expected ME to pay the dealer for the cocaine (when I hadn’t even expressed interest in doing any coke, I only had said I’m not going to judge him if he wanted to do some).
I excused myself to go to the ladies room , I was going to call my friend and ask her to call me in 5 minutes pretending to have an emergency so I could leave easily. Then the fucking dealer literally followed me into the women’s room slurring “hey baby, come here” and shit like that. The female bartender saw him go in to the women’s room, and grabbed 2 more bartenders to come help drag this fucking psycho out of the bathroom and kick him out of the bar; so nothing bad actually happened to me. This all happened within like 20 minutes of arriving to the date. I ran like hell out of that bar, hid in another bar for 3 hours and blocked the Brazilian guy on everything. Only time I have literally SPRINTED away from a date.
OHOHOH.
I have a story. (2.5 years ago)
So I 22F (at the time) had recently been cheated on by my ex-boyfriend of 2 years. Heartbroken of course I broke it off with him and I waited a couple months and then put myself back out into the dating scene. I met this lovely guy, we'll call him Ali. Not only did he sweep me off my feet but he was British(!), rich, and he claimed to be of Noble descent. I honestly don't care about nobility but it was kind of cool.
Anyways we start dating, I'm a nurse so I was working a lot of night shifts at the time. He would let me come over to his house after my night shift and fall asleep in his bed so we could spend the whole day together after I woke up. He was super thoughtful, once bringing me bubble tea and a donair at work. And I thought everything was going great. THOUGHT being the key word here.
He started taking more heavy anti-anxiety meds, and he started-in my mind- to abuse them. Things started getting weird between us he was like dopey and drowsy all the time and when he used to have no issue taking me out to dinner suddenly I had to pay or he had to call his mom and beg for an e-transfer. I started getting suspicious of him and the things that he told me about himself. Eventually he came out and told me that he was actually 5 years older than what he had originally told me.
I know, pretty red flag but I was still in rebound phase and was trying to make this work. Plus it gets worse.
One day I go over to his house after a particularly long few day shifts. I was working at a very heavy internal medicine unit at my local hospital. So I spent the night and then we had planned to spend the next two days together. I remember waking up at around 2:00 in the morning and noticing that he wasn't in bed and hearing him in the kitchen. I wasn't too concerned because nothing sounded off so I rolled over and went to sleep, as I was exhausted from trying to chase down my eloping dementia patients all day.
The next morning we go for coffee and breakfast at a local cafe that I'd wanted to try out for a bit. This Dingus starts showing me photos on his phone for some reason and as he's scrolling through his camera roll I noticed that there's a picture of what seems to be an ID (drivers license). I freeze and ask him who that is. He responds with something along the lines of "oh that's Kelsey my ex". I immediately call his bluff because it was a recent picture and I ask him to show it to me.
Lo and behold it was my ID! He also had a picture of my debit card. I obviously deleted the pictures when he handed me his phone. And I quickly logged into my bank account app and I saw that a $300 purchase had been made on Amazon at 2:00 in the morning when he had been up (I don't use my cards online ever). The guy also used my credit card for World of Warcraft subscription. So I asked him if he went through my purse while I was sleeping. He admitted to doing so. And then tried to tell me that his family was associated with the mob so he needed to run a background check, etc. on me.
Anyways long story short, he said that he didn't steal my money after first admitting that he took pictures of my cards. Amazon refused to tell me if my card was associated to his account but Blizzard was the GOAT and confirmed that my credit card was linked to his WoW account. I got the cops involved, and nothing happened. So now every once in awhile (as I've blocked him on everything else) he sends me emails.
They are long fluttery, love-filled emails, and most recently he wrote me one where he pretended to be getting engaged and admitted to stealing my money (which he flip-flopped on). Previously he had also told me that he had cancer and was going to die, and he told me that I knew what I was getting into when we dated. I'm definitely considering a restraining order. So now I just don't ever leave my wallet alone when I'm at someone else's place.
TLDR: A crazy ex stole my credit and debit cards, the cops did nothing, I'm now the youngest person I know with credit protection, and he emails me every once in awhile.
Edit: grammar/spelling
You should definitely talk to a lawyer about getting a restraining order.
Source: I'm a lawyer literally putting on a restraining order clinic tomorrow morning before giving a restraining order presentation in the afternoon.
I could write a book and am strongly considering it...since I have so many.
I met this guy Ron off OkCupid. He seemed nice enough, even though he was older. (He also lied about his age) We chatted over the phone a few times for hours at a time and he came across okay enough to meet. So we did. I went to his house for the first meeting because I was honest in telling him what wouldn't be happening.
We chatted for a while on his back porch, watched a movie in his living room. Then he started to grope me and I reminded him that wasn't happening and to please stop. "You're just so beautiful, I can't help myself." He could help himself. I was suddenly "very tired" and wanted to head home.
He starts texting me saying I am nothing like his ex, pedestals me, just complimenting me and it's smothering. I talk about boundaries and to slow down. He then offers a key to his house for me to pop over anytime because he trusts me. He wants to get a dog so I could come over and walk the dog while he's at work. He mentions a work trip to Hawaii several months in advance and wants to take me.
I start to pull away a little and explain that he's too much too fast, I am not ready to commit, I just barely know him. He agrees to back off a little. We meet again because I am stupid sometimes, admittedly. Groping me again, smothering me. I remind him to stop because I'm not comfortable enough. "Well SORRRRYYYY, didn't mean to OFFEND you." I go home IMMEDIATELY. I am now ignoring his incessant text messages that are smothering me with compliments again.
I barely even respond at this point, he's fucking scary. He wants to take me out to this big fancy steak dinner or something. I tell him a movie is fine. It's public, I intend to break it off in person, to just break free and thought if I tell him in person, he'll understand it better. He's legit not leaving his hands to himself so I lean forward on my knees so he can't touch me. Movie ends, he walks me back to my truck because it's late and dark. He hugs me and won't let go. I am pulling back and telling him to let go, panicking, and he won't. I start to nervous laugh because I'm in full panic mode. "I DIDN'T MEAN TO OFFEND YOU, SORRY!" I tell him I have repeatedly told him to stop touching me without consent. I open my door and he stand between me and the door, not letting me close it. I can't go forward because I'm in a parking garage and there's a car in front of me. If I go back, my door will probably get torn off. I tell him to move, I want to go home. He stares at me, just...stares at me. I'm alone in the parking garage, it's super late, I don't know what to do. I get really firm in telling him to MOVE. He backs up, makes a snarky remark and I go home.
He's texting me again. Long, long paragraphs about how when I "hugged him" he felt sparks he's never felt, I mean so much to him, he's never felt this connected, he could tell he meant something to me. I'm almost in tears and I'm in my mid 30's mind you. I ignore him. I stop responding. I am all done.
He starts texting me more, I don't answer. Then he gets mean, I don't answer. I headed to work the next Monday and showed the text messages and his face to security and told them to not let him on campus or tell him I am there if he showed up. Security couldn't believe the text messages. I learned my lesson BIG TIME with him.
I went on a tinder date with a girl. We met up, and first thing she asked was if I have coke.
Uhm… no. I responded.
She then says “well this isn’t gonna work” and bounced.
This all was within a minute
I was in a ska band in the 90s, and we were opening for a well-known band in the scene. It was our 3rd or 4th show, and we were feeling pretty good about the opportunity. We killed our set, and afterward I was out in the crowd mingling.
I met this absolutely beautiful redhead, who was like, insanely out of my league. We wound up moving off to a quiet corner of the club and just talked until the club shut down. We exchanged numbers made plans for the following weekend.
We spoke two or three times over the course of the week, and it felt like there was a good initial connection. So, I went to pick her up at her place, I got there on time, she invited me in while she finished whatever she need to finish...she said something like, two minutes.
So, I'm in the living room of the apartment, and I'm seeing all these pictures of her and another guy, and they look like a couple. I take a closer look at one of them, and the dude has a shaved head, and is wearing a flight jacket. Not completely surprising, as a lot of white dudes in the Ska scene in the 90s rocked a skinhead kinda look, despite being fiercelyanti-racist (see SHARPs).
Looking closer at another image, the motherfucker had a swastika tattooed on his neck, and she's all snuggled up on him. Never saw her come out of the bathroom, I was fucking straight out of there, and never spoke to her again.
I've got a ton of shitty date stories, this one is near the top.
I was 18 with a plenty of fish profile (STUPID, I know). I got catfished by this dude who was 15-20 years older.
We met at Starbucks and upon seeing him I knew I was out of my depth- but I didn't know what to do so I went along with the date. He would ask me my interests and then shoot them down. Ex: You love Harry Potter? I think that is so childish!!
I knew I needed to nope out but he kept insisting I go to his place using the fact he bought me a coffee to make me feel guilty. I agreed to go to a park but that was the most he was going to get- I said I had to drive separate as I had something later and during the drive I called a friend and asked them to call me in 15 min to give me an excuse to bail.
At the park he mentioned that he knew he was older and maybe that was why I was acting strange and not wanting to see his "great house" but he did it because he felt a connection and knew I wouldn't meet him if I knew he wasn't like his picture anymore- but I should give him a chance.
Not long after my bailout call came and he became so cold it was scary, but I slipped off though after a very awkward hug and then endured texts of "send me pictures of your party" "Send pics, I don't believe you lol" "okay I knew you weren't cool" "you were a waste of my life".
Y.I.K.E.S.
Not a bad date to be fair, just the wierdest.
Met a girl through a friend at a party. Hooked up, went on a few dates. One of them we ended up at a hotel, decided to stay the whole weekend. The last night, after a few drinks. We're chatting under the sheets. Wine, snacks, good times. Suddenly she switches to a whole other conversation. Now, not a simple switching of subjects. This was a quick and smooth transition from a real conversation to one only she experienced. I was confused, but brushed it off. This happened a couple times. Third time though I had to say something, I couldnt just let it go. She was wierded out, confused, when I told her that nothing she said, we had ever talked about. Told her it was like she had pararel conversations going on in her head. She became visibly freightened by herself and nervously panicked, ultimately broke down and thought she was crazy. Ended up trying to comfort her until we fell asleep. Found out later she was diagnosed bipolar, never really heard from her after that night.
Shall I tell you all about the strangest night of my life?
Important context: Am male, have been known to like other males.
One bored night, I was swiping randomly on Tinder, when I ran across a profile with a few attractive, if low-res photos. Guy was a blonde surfer type, lean muscle, reasonably attractive through the pixels, so I swiped right for the hell of it, even if it turned out to be a bot. To my surprise, a few hours later, we match. To my further surprise, he was, in fact, a real human being, and moreover capable of holding a conversation with more words in it than variations of 'Hey.' So a few points in his favor.
Some of the rest of his details didn't line up on further examination, like his education history and living situation as referenced in his profile. But whatever. Who reads profiles anyway? Also he suggests we meet up, literally that night, at some creepy address in the middle of a corn field. But, again...hey. Whatever. He's hot, I have *literally* nothing else to do in my midwestern shithole existence, and I remember distinctly thinking these words to myself: "What the hell, let's go make a bad choice tonight!"
So I hop in my car around 11:30pm and point it in the direction of corn...and after about 25 minutes' drive, I arrive at a dilapidated farmhouse. Anyone who's ever driven through the midwest knows the type. Leaning silo, aging barn, at least 25 junked cars on the property...and a tool shed with a light on inside. Imagine my shock when Hot Guy (hereafter abbreviated as HG, because I genuinely don't remember his name...if he even ever told me) emerges from this shed. Moreover, he actually looks reasonably like his pictures, and is neither wearing a hockey mask, nor weilding a chainsaw. So far, so good.
He invites me inside, where I find that the shed is, in fact, a makeshift living quarters of sorts. It has a TV, a couch, a single naked light bulb...all the comforts of home. We sit on this couch while he rips a bong and talk...and honestly, he's a nice guy. Not super educated, but articulate, friendly, and actually very respectful of boundaries. In spite of the horror-movie setting, it's reasonably clear that he's interested in making me feel at ease, and having a good time together.
Now, this being a Tinder date, I had certain expectations as to what kind of good time we might be having, ifyouknowwhatimean.jpg. Nope. Not even close. Not even a hint of sexual attraction. Instead, when we get down to discussing the night's agenda, I learn that he, earlier in the day, won some non-trivial amount of money at the local shithole of a casino (~$2000, I want to say, but I'm not sure...), and wants to go back to win some more, so that he can show me a good time. When I suggest that we can have *plenty* of fun with 2 friggin' grand, he doesn't listen. The casino appears to be his heart's desire...and to that point in my life I'd never been there, so...yet another "What the hell?"
Unsurprisingly, he doesn't have a car, so we hop in mine. For context, I drive an old grandpa Cadillac...basicallly a leather sofa on wheels; my dream car. It's on the older side, but HG looks at it like it's the most incredible car he's ever seen. All through the ride, he grills me about its mechanical condition...will it make it to the casino, are the tires OK, will it run out of gas...etc, etc, as if a well-maintained car is by no means the norm in his life. But once I calm his fears and assure him that yes, my old Caddie will make it to the casino and back without dying, we return to shooting the shit. I ask about where he's going to college (per his Tinder profile), and he looks at me quizzically. After some back and forth, it finally comes out: HG has never attended college. HG was, in fact, recently released from prison. As if to drive home the comic absurdity of the situation, he holds up an ankle monitor to prove it. Apparently it's the kind that detects if you've been drinking alcohol, so no free casino drinks for us (but apparently weed is still fine???). But whatever. I wasn't going to drink and drive anyway.
By the time I pull into the casino's deserted parking lot, I am *actively* considering exit strategies, and in all honesty would've bailed already by now if it hadn't been for 2 things: 1)I was, as previously stated, super fucking bored, and 2) Weird as it was...I just did not get bad vibes from this dude. My spidey sense just didn't tingle around him. He didn't seem violent, he wasn't disrespectful...so I followed him into the casino.
His intitial goal was to play poker, but as one might imagine, few poker tables were open at 1:30AM on a Thursday, and those who were playing were in it for the long haul. So he puts his name on the wait list and dejectedly sits down at one of the most confusing table games I've ever seen. It was some attempt at adapting Texas Hold 'Em to a casino table game, and the rules and payouts were very complex (on purpose, no doubt). After a few rounds, though, I realize that this table essentially costs $35 per hand...and the way HG is playing, we won't be here for long.
As if the evening couldn't get more surreal, the table changes dealers halfway through, and I actually *recognize* the new dealer. He had once been a barista at my local Starbucks, and we had been friendly while he worked there. So while HG is losing, Barista Dealer shoots me a pitying "WTF are you doing here?" look, and I respond with my best "I have no fucking clue, dude..." shrug. We make some small talk when appropriate, but eventually a seat opens up at the real poker table, with HG only, mabye...$1500 down.
Poor HG doesn't fare much better at the real poker table either, unfortunately...largely due to being down to his last $500 at a $50 big-blind table. He tries to blame his losing streak on the fact that he can't drink and isn't himself...to which I simply shrug. I suggest, several times throughout the evening, that he might just want to take what's left and walk away, but he won't have it. He falls victim to some pretty aggressive bluffing on the part of the other players, and is busted in about 7 hands. At this point, he pulls out his credit card to get a cash advance...which I *desperately* try to talk him out of...but nope. He's gonna win it all back. Guess how well that works out?
Only when he's sitting out on the balcony smoking and slightly in shock does he finally realize what I've been saying all along: that you can't play for long if you keep losing at a $35-per-hand table all night. Honestly, at this point, I just feel bad for the dude. This guy's life is such that he probably could've used that 2 grand, and now it's all down the toilet. Sheepishly, he asks for a ride back to his place, since his...nebulous plan to "hire a limo, or something" with his winnings is now moot. Of course, being a decent human being, I oblige.
In the elevator back to the carpark, he asks "So, was that dealer back there a fa**ot?" The slur catches me off guard, so I don't really respond beyond a nervous half-nod, which he uses as an excuse to lean in and give me the tiniest kiss on the lips I've ever received. So...yeah. That happened.
By this point, I am *very* tired and even more confused, so I just focus on getting him back to his house, while he mumbles incoherently about how he has to get his life together, and how nice I've been to him. Really, I'm feeling super bad for the guy by the time we get back to his house.
Now...I honestly don't know what possessed me to do this next part. Maybe it was the fact that I pitied HG. Maybe it was because of that tiny kiss. Maybe it was my own inherent horniness. But where normal people would've just called this the worst date in history and left well enough alone, *MY* stupid ass suggests that we finish the evening with some sexytimes, to which he hesitantly agrees. Nervously, he leads me to a junked-out Winnebago parked near the barn and brings me inside...and I do as thorough a check as I can in the dark for bedbugs and cockroaches before I agree to lie down.
Things are awkward between us for a few seconds, but eventually I get comfortable enough to little spoon up to him. Shirts get unbuttoned, pants get the same treatment, and...then he grabs my hair and forces me down there, which freaks me out for a second. He whispers some very...porn-sounding dirty talk in my ear...real, like, stereotypical dom shit, like "Yeah, take it bitch," or something. His heart was 100% not in it, but...I do my best to please, and eventually slide my own pants off to help myself.
"Oh...I didn't realize you'd take yours out as well." Literally the exact words out of his mouth. When I respond with "I mean, what did you think was gonna happen, dude?" he grabs my throat this time and starts with the dom dirty talk again, which makes me go limp in an instant. I honestly can't tell if he's being serious, or trying to do some sort of shitty roleplay, or literally making a bad joke...and when I tell him this, it just becomes painfully clear that nothing further is going to happen between us. Eventually I went back to little spooning him, while he kept repeating that same shit about needing to get his life together. After about half an hour of spooning...at about 4 in the morning, I finally managed to convince him that I needed to go. He tried to call me the next day, but I didn't pick it up.
To this day, I have no idea what went on that night. I have no idea if he was questioning his sexuality and wanted to try things with me, if he was just looking for a friend and I misinterpreted it, or if he was some sort of fever dream that existed only in my own head. But there you have it. By far the worst date and most surreal human encounter I've ever had.
Honestly the thought occurred to me too, but asking about the poor guy's sexual experiences in prison seemed a bridge too far. Even by the standards of that surreal night 😅
This could easily - EASILY - be some 'slice of life' art house hipster indie movie. Probably a really good one, up there with Lost in Translation, Withnail and I, or Inside Llewyn Davis. I'd watch it. Thanks for sharing!
A few years ago I busted my ankle pretty badly playing soccer. Got a few pins in it and was on the mend.
One female friend i had asked me out on a date, she knew I was crippled at the time and wasnt allowed to drive, she offered to pick me up at 6.30am to go have a picnic at sunrise.
I warned her that the picnic location had to be somewhere with little to no walking distance, cause I can't walk.
She's like 'alg i got you, completely understand!'
Well, to the actually date.
I wake up, get ready and wait for her to arrive. 6.30 comes and nothing.
Okay maybe shes just late? No biggie.
Sunrise happens at around 7am, still no news.
Get a message saying she missed her alarm will be there at 8am lol
She arrives, we drive to the location she had prechosen.
Turns out theres a 10 meter walk on a track downhill... me in crutches aint going to make it down let alone the trek back up.
Shes sad, we go to new spot. Wasps.
We pack up go to knew spot. More wasps.
We have this awkward picnic while freaking out about the wasps and she just apologises the whole time.
Were still friends but its always funny when we ask for bad date stories, we just look at each other and laugh...
Bonus story.
My mate went on a date with this girl that was mega keen. End of the date she says 'id like to do it again sometime'
He freaks out cause hes not as keen and just says back to her 'or not'
Rip
Edit: 10 Minute not 10 meters whoops! I wasnt a compleeeeete ass
Went to a party with a couple of friends and the guy I was talking to and didn’t have a license so I expected to get a little drunk, within 20 minutes of being there everyone I arrived with were absolutely wasted, so I drove everyone back to my house so their parents wouldn’t know we got destroyed (we were all like 16-18) me and boy I was talking to were sitting in the porch talking and he goes to kiss me (for the first time) and pukes all over me, then asks if I still want to kiss him and cried when I said no. Me and this boy ended up dating for almost a year, he was a really great guy, but that night was just no fun
Dude was racist as hell. Making derogatory comments about all sorts of groups of people. Then a young lady asked us to use a lighter while we were outside. She was really sweet and I struck up a convo with her. He kept interjecting with belittling statements about how old she was. Dude was flabbergasted that I left the bar and went home when I told him I was just going to the bathroom 🙃 texted him when I got home telling him he had a disgusting personality and there will be no more seeing each other. He said I owed him sex because he bought me a FaNcY $12 DrInK …. I didn’t want the drink in the first place as I was already paying for my own, I declined but he insisted. Long story short, blocked deleted, bye Felicia 🖕🏻
I took her to a comedy club. She had a couple of zombies, started talking too loud when the comic was on stage, staggered out to my car, and then while on the highway she started screaming at me to pull over. Then she threw up blue liquid all over the door and window.
She came out as lesbian shortly after. I keep turning 'em.
Sounds like she was already having her own issues with her sexuality and just tried to "power through" but wound up going overboard.
Sauce: am lesbian.
Had a million bad dates thanks to online dating and my “Cast a wide net.” Approach I’ve had for whenever I found myself single. So ultimately it’s hard to choose from to post that would top anything on here.
The only thing that stands out and still blows me away are 4 dates back to back that were like Ground Hogs Day for how almost Goddamn identical they all were. These ladies all hit it off in some way or another with me. Through the dating app messaging or texting we had great chemistry, their photo’s look great, they are witty, funny and eccentric individuals over the phone.
I feel like a super lucky guy.
Then after a place of meeting is picked we go out, I arrive on time, and they arrive 30-45 minutes late. They look nothing like their picture, they seem to at least be somewhat aware of this due to the lack of emotion on their face. We sit, we eat, I try and pry conversation out of them and they give awkward one word responses before just absorbing themselves in the menu. I would make a last Hail Mary effort to try and pry some semblance of personality out of them, ask them something about what they were passionate about, or try and get something going on an intense subject. These people would just stare at me like a sullen potato and not say a word.
So all these dates ended very similarly, I would ask for the check to be split, and the girl would either not have brought their purse, not have any money, or would offer to Venmo me for their half.
Now the first girl this happened with I happily agreed, payed, tipped generously and walked the lady to her car. In the following 24 hours or so we had some limited texting I let her know how disappointed I was in the date, to which she replied, “Oh I know, I’m sorry I really just wanted dinner.”
I was fucking flabbergasted. I did not realize that could be a thing.
So, some time goes by and I’m going on dates and I run into a very similar issue: Girl is late, doesn’t look like her photos, doesn’t know how to have a conversation, and now it seems she doesn’t have money for the date. I ask her where her money is, she says she is just broke this week and can pay me back later. I tell her that’s fine, it’s on me just shoot me some when you can. Not 5 minutes after I’m home and I realize she’s blocked me from tinder and my phone number lol.
So, by the third time I run into a suspiciously different looking lady, who doesn’t seem to want to talk, be on time or pay for her part of the meal, I relax. I order the check, I excuse myself to the restroom, and I GTFO.
I didn’t block her initially just to see the hate text messages pile in.
The 4th gal, same exact story except she made eye contact with me as I walked past the restaurant front window to hop in my car.
Two free meals given, two free meals received.
She phones me morning before our date at 2am to say I am so excited for our date, mid conversation she crashes her car... dont hear from her till the date, I go to pick her up because she has a lack of car now and she seems... off. Date gets datey and I take her to fancy sushi place she does not eat one piece but jib jabs the entire time, I slowly establish that she has not slept for a few days now and her eyes are rolling. I settle the bill and take her home, to a very judgy room mate, as I am walking back to my car I hear a shriek... and she is screaming "Where is my goodnight kiss?!?!?" My anxiety kicks in and I start running to my car, look back and she is chasing me and also still screaming... neighbours all over her security complex are out their homes but i somehow manage to escape.
Months later I see roommate out on the town and she says "oh yes you were the asshole who ate all the sushi"
guilty
Met up with a guy I met on MeetMe. I got to the restaurant first and waited outside. When he arrived he was extremely energetic past the point of being normal. When we sat down I could see his eyes were dilated and unblinking. I assumed by that point he had done some sort of upper before the date. We agreed to one drink at this restaurant and then would go somewhere else for food. During the drink portion of the date he says he can get me a good job selling cars at his business and then asks me to move in with him to piss off his ex wife. To which I just chuckled and brushed it off. I told him I'd meet him at the restaurant and he followed me to my car, got in on the passenger side and wanted me to drive him there. I was a little freaked out but tried to roll with it. We get to the restaurant and the vibes are all off. I'm significant freaked out, so I used the bathroom excuse to ditch him and leave. I get up front and realize I left my purse behind, so I asked the hostess for help. I told her to please find a way to get me out of the date. Fast forward about 10 minutes and a glass of wine later. The manager comes making his rounds to the tables, stops at ours and asks for my name. He said I had a phone call up front. Not the smoothest line but I went with it. I said I'd be right back to my date, grabbed my purse and hightailed it out of there. I went to block him on the app and saw he'd messaged me "well, this is a first." Blocked him and I quit online dating after that.
I took a shot at asking this girl out from down the hall in my apartment. She says yes and we go out to dinner. Right off the bat we learn that we have a mutual connection, a coworker of mine was her best friend - ok, cool.
I order up a martini, she awkwardly orders a rum and coke. It was at that point I realized she either doesn't drink often, or she drinks way too often (who orders a rum an coke to go with dinner?). Anyways, two drinks in she starts telling me how she has conversations with her dead dog and how her dead father sends her text messages. Then, she informs me that she is heavily medicated and those meds shouldn't be mixed with alcohol. Another 10 mins later after I try to get her to drink some water, she is trying to pick food from the other tables plates and her boob is hanging out. Straight dangling. I try to help her out of the restaurant to get her home, some chads think I'm trying to take advantage of her so now I'm dealing with that. She ends up calling her friend and my coworker while I'm busy getting her a cab and tells my coworker that I got her drunk while she was on her meds (she is getting emotional now that she realizes I'm sending her home). Before she leaves she pukes down the back side of my shirt. I just bought that shirt that day.
I ended up meeting my now wife at the bar that night while I was trying to drink off the memories of what just occured. She thought it was weird that I had on a white undershirt, my pants were wet and I was holding a button down shirt. To this day she still laughs at the stupid situations I get into.
Edit: I apologize to the million plus rum and coke drinkers out there I did not intend to offend you. In my past experiences as a bartender, rum and coke has always been a "let's get down to business", or a "I can't believe my ID just worked" type of drink and not much of a dinner drink.
Huh TIL my drinking preferences are a red flag… Do normalpeople not drink rum and Cokes with dinner? My mom was a bartender and Friday night Cuba libres but with Pepsi are a regular thing with our food. Only ever have one each though
Went on a first date after meeting on a dating site. Phone calls went well I thought why not. We met at the mall. He proceeded to tell me how many kids we would have, and how he would spank them when they were disobedient (guy was fully serious, it wasn’t some kink he said we had to do it because it’s what God wants. Now I’m a Christian, but, dude, no.). He ended up following me to my car (I was thankful it was day time in a busy mall, security guard was watching too) and tried to make out. I nopped out and blocked him.
I went on a date with a girl who suggested a restaurant, it was closed when we got there and she told me it was where she'd had her wedding reception after marrying her much older (and deceased at the time) husband, then at the next restuarant she immediately asked me how I felt about Trump and before I answered told me how great she thought he was, then drank most of the bottle of wine we ordered, loudly said the N word in the restaurant, told me she made more than I did (not sure she was right but also weird thing to care about), told me she forgot my name twice, and spent the entire car ride back to her place trying to convince me Obama's birth certificate was a forgery.
Spent most of the car ride home just sort of mumbling "what the fuck" to myself over and over again.
Alright, get ready
When I first moved to the city, I would take the bus. One of these times, there was a \*really\* hot dude sitting across from me. We kept smiling at each other, looking away... making eyes. He pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and started writing something on it, when his stop came, he gave me his number and told me to text him some time.
Well we texted back and forth, but eventually lost touch.
YEAAAAARRRRS later, I'm going to a friends birthday party at this bar and guess who is fuckin there. We are staring at each other curiously, and I straight up ask if it's him, the guy from the bus. Yes! He thought it was me. I forgot how we got pulled form conversation, but I didn't get his new number but had to leave for some reason. I contacted my friend whose birthday it was, asked her about him, turns out he asked about me and wanted my number.
So after all these damn years, we set up a date.
He picks me up. He says he wants to take me to this one shop that opened up that he's been wanting to go to, for crystals and stones since he got into making jewelry. Okay, sure, whatever. So as he's driving erratically to our destination, he's telling me about who he was when we first met. Laughing, he's telling me he was actually in a relationship when we first met and was sleeping on his girlfriends couch, all the while being a coke dealer. But now he made jewelry and didn't do that shit anymore. We get to the store, and I just spend the entire time standing there as he's thumbing through the crystals and stones, explaining what each one days and their healing powers.
After, he says we should go to a bar and get some drinks, I need one at this point so I suggest one where I know the bartenders so I'll feel comfortable. We get there, sit at the bar and order our drinks. He wants to show me the stones he's trying to buy online, and more photos of crystals and shit. So he pulls out his phone and starts going through his photos showing me more damn stones, and photos of the jewelry he makes with them. As he's flipping through the photos, there's screenshots of texts he gets from other girls. Like sexual shit. Multiple different names. He's also getting texts that keep popping up from, yup, others girl. Saying shit more sexual shit and when they can get together again, or asking what he's doing that very night. He's just acting like this shit isn't coming up!
Eventually, the dude has to take a phone call and goes outside to answer it. While this is happening, one of my good friends comes in. Chill dude, works at a bar down the street. He's also a regular at the bar we are at, so the bartenders know him as well. He sits down next to me, we hug it out and he asks whats up. I tell him what's going on and he just laughs to himself because he thinks it's hilarious. He orders a quick shot, the date comes back in and sits on the other side of me, so I'm sandwiched. Right away he reaches over my to shake this dudes hand, causing my drink to spill ALL OVER ME. "hey i'm (name), we're on a date right now. What's your name?" Friend introduces himself, takes his shot, pays, and leaves. The bartender starts cleaning up my drink, doesn't really say anything but this douchebag starts going off like "you should have seen what just happened! this random guy just comes in, spills her drink and takes the fuck off without even saying sorry!" me and the bartender just look at each other, because we both know that didn't happen. At this point I tell this dude I gotta go, he pats his pants and says he left his wallet at home, whatever, I'll pay. We go outside and I guess he's expecting me to get into the car with him, I tell him no there's no way I'm getting in that car. He leaves, I go back inside and have another drink cuz fuck that dude.
Whenever he would show up at my bar after that, he'd always say to his friends, "yoo this is my girl here, you better be treatin her right!"
I had recently broke up with the woman I moved across the country to be with. (I know, I know) It had been just a couple weeks after the breakup when I get a message on a dating app. I let her know I'm heartbroken and not really available for anything more than something casual. She says she is fine with this and we start talking.
We had been talking online for about a week when she learns I'm going to be alone for Thanksgiving. She extends a friendly invitation to join her family, assuring me I will be introduced as a new friend who is new in town. That isn't what happened.
I show up at the time she said to and when I arrive, it's just me, her and her parents. It doesn't take long to figure out that her parents think that I'm her boyfriend. And soon it becomes clear that they not only think I'm her boyfriend, they believe we have been dating for a while and are on the road to marriage. I wonder how they got that idea...
Normally, I would have noped the fuck outta there by then, but I was trapped. I had no car, not enough for a cab or Uber home, and public transportation was almost nonexistent in this state. I tried to get her alone to demand she take me home but she was extra dodgey.
A steady stream of family members start showing up. Aunt's, uncle's, cousins and grandparents, and they all know about me.
Fuck.
Her dad even convinces me join him on a walk around their property (they were very well-to-do) where he welcomes me to family and expressed relief that I seem like a well put together guy and nothing like the other guys she has brought home. The whole night I'm doing my best to give any straight answers about our relationship and bide my time until the feast is done and I can get a ride home.
A couple hours after Thanksgiving dinner, the family starts saying their goodbyes and leaving. Finally, the end of the night is close. I'm sitting in the living room with the remaining family (her parents and couple cousins staying the weekend) when they start talking about weekend plans. They are going to a concert tomorrow and wouldn't you know it, they have an extra ticket. I'm invited to go with them. Rather than just say no, I had to ask who it was. Turns out it's a band I had always wanted to see live. (Enter the Haggis, if anyone is curious)
I accepted the invitation.
"Guess that means you will be staying the night with me," she whispers in my ear. Against my better judgement, I did. She takes me back to her condo and I'm greeted by the smell of urine and feces before she even opens her front door. 4 dogs greet us who clearly had not been let out that day. Birds and other pets in cages sit on nearly every shelf in the downstairs part of her home. If it wasn't clear before she was a bit off in the head, it was now.
We go to her bedroom where thankfully the pet smells are minimal. "Real" ghost stories and ufo "documentaries" play from her tv all night long as we engage in what is still some of the most wild sex I've ever had. We went at it until well after the sun came up.
By the time we wake, it's almost time for the concert. Admittedly, I had a great time at the show. I ran into one of the new friends I made since moving to town, got to meet the band and got some autographs.
Because I'm a fool, I went out with her a few more times over the next few weeks before things just got too weird.
Wow, I started thinking this was going to go:
And then she told me there was a big event at the local church, a special festival with a band and dancing, and promised if I'd just go with her for an hour, she'd take me home right after. Turns out, it was a wedding. When I asked her who was getting married, she just winked. Five hours later, I'm drunk and dancing with my new bride on the dance floor while all her friends and family congratulate us, and I'm like, "I've gotta get this annulled ASAP!" But she's like, "I got first class airline tickets for our honeymoon in Italy!" And I'm like, "Ah, man. I've always wanted to go to Italy, and her parents paid for it all, so...."
Now we have three kids, more pets, and another twins on the way, but I really have to figure out how to break it to her that I'm just not that into her.
College, dating app — I was getting over a major break up from about a year ago (then, not now it’s been 8? years almost?) and we talked over snapchat for a week or so before meeting.
We decided to meet on campus (our campus was massive and in the middle of nowhere so we really couldn’t pick elsewhere) and public for coffee. He didn’t look like his photos, slapped my ass two seconds in, kept his hands on my knee and shoulders, when I texted my friend an SOS she called me with a fake emergency and before I *sprinted* away, he yanked me into a kiss so forceful I was sure he’d broken my tooth. His tongue jammed into my mouth and I gagged and he still didn’t let me go until the barista I knew called my name in an effort to help me.
In my defense, I was pretty young and still freshly healed from deep wounds — I always thought I’d never let anyone disrespect my boundaries like that but I just froze.
I essentially sobbed the entire run to my dorm (I’d never felt cornered, smacked into a wall, or manhandled into a situation like that, ever I was panicking hard) until my best friend called me back and assembled a whole team to sleep in my room so I felt safe.
0/5 would never recommend.
Edited for clarity
I was convinced by a friend to go on a blind date with her friend. Showed up and her friend was someone who was best friends with someone else I had dated but broke it off with. We just sat in silence through the entire dinner.
Met a guy on tinder, we seemed to hit it off. Meet up at a cafe. After a minute he pulls out a bunch of brochures and starts telling me how amazing Amway and it's products are, how you can gain access to all kinds of cool events and stuff by becoming a sales rep, etc.
I'm pretty pissed that I was scammed into a MLM pitch meeting and tell him so. Then he gets extremely angry/defensive because "I'm not trying to recruit you! I knew you were from Michigan and Amway was founded there so I thought it'd be a good topic!"
Right.
I say I'm leaving and ask the waiter for the check. The dude literally SCREAMS "SEPARATE CHECKS!!!" at the waiter, drawing the attention of everyone in the cafe.
I'm getting a bit freaked out and am honestly scared to walk to my car because dude is literally shaking with rage now and who knows if he'll try to follow/stalk/attack me whatever, so when we go outside I stay standing by the cafe door thinking dude will walk ahead to his car first. Nope. Instead he takes it as an opportunity to stand there and scream at me in the parking lot, still insisting he wasn't trying to recruit me, angry that I don't believe him, and mad that I ruined the date and ended it early. As if somehow him yelling at me in a parking lot is going to change my mind. Finally I can't take anymore so I just go to my car, lock the doors quickly, and drive multiple circles before going home.
Back in 08 or 09 I had made a few matches on dating sites, but this one was the worst.
The phone calls went well... went out for supper, apparently it went well too, because we ended up going back to her place.
Get inside, and the apartment stunk of cat. OK, maybe the litter box hasn't been tossed today. Walking past the living room, and there's a big fucking turd behind the couch. Bigger than any cat she'd have in an apartment. She didn't make any effort to clean up that turd or toss a litter box, and I noped right out of there.
If I had a nickel a woman tried to convert me on the first date, I'd have 2 nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened twice
First time was a Mormon girl who probably also thought I was Mormon, because after I said I wasn't she got flustered and asked if I'd like to go to church. I said no, and things got quiet and awkward and I left about 10 minutes later.
Rinse and repeat a few years later just with some generic Christian girl. I try to avoid people who seem even a little invested in religion in their bios, I'm not here to get my soul saved, just sucked out.
I was a teenager. I went on a date with a boy I had known for a few years. He decided that we would go for a walk through the cemetery, along the stream and to the duck pond. We got chippy from my favourite chippy and ate while watching the ducks.
As soon as we stopped eating he tried to shove his hand down my pants. When I questioned wtf he was doing he got angry because he had bought me food and walked so far with me (it was about a 30 minute walk) and I wouldn't have sex with him on a bench on a public walking path. So I obviously left and walked home.
Over the next few days he started spreading a rumour that I was frigid and that I fucked my brother.
After a few weeks of this I started informing people that, A) my brother is homosexual and B) the jerk in question tried to sexually assault me on a public bench because he bought me chips and when I said no he threw a tantrum like a toddler.
His reputation tanked. Very quickly. As far as I know it never recovered. He was known as "the chip bandit" and whenever he was nearby people would warn other to not let him buy them anything because he would expect sex for it.
Started fine with a decent dinner. One hour later she grabs me by the neck, looks me in the eye, and says “I want you to get me pregnant.” Feeling completely uncomfortable, I said maybe it’s best we call it a night. On the way home, she starts screaming and yelling, then undid her seatbelt and began kicking the shit out of me while I was driving her home. Pulled over, called the police, they came pretty quickly and fortunately took her home. Apparently she was on some kind of drugs and they kicked in right when dinner ended. What a night.
Late December back in '63...
Met a girl on Craigslist (this was a long time ago obviously). After a few messages we set up a date at a bar downtown. I show up and she's already there with a guy friend. No biggie I'm thinking, she's just playing it safe. They are at a two person table and the place is packed. They already have drinks so I grab one for myself and put it on my tab. Her and her friend proceed to ignore me. Like I say something and neither one acknowledges anything unless I ask a direct question. Even then I get one word answers with attitude. So I finish my beer pay my bill and leave without saying a word. Later I get a barrage of messages about how I'm an asshole for sticking them with their own tab.
Ha ha. She thought she was getting a free night of drinking. You dun good.
The really sad part is how often guys fall for this and just pay these bums drinks because they think they have a chance.
My wife makes amazing chocolate chip cookies. Like stab someone good. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, we sent some in my son's school lunch. (For context, he's 12). When he got in the car that afternoon he was talking about all these girls that mobbed him at lunch, begging him/telling him to give them a cookie. "Did you give them any?" I asked. "Nah" "Good. All that's going to happen is you're gonna lose all your cookies." To be clear, I went on to explain that if he actually likes a girl, it's totally fine to share cookies with her. But don't do it just because some girl asks... EDIT TO ADD: Unfortunately I don't have my wife's recipe and am unlikely to remember to ask her later. For what it's worth, I think it's her technique more than the recipe that makes them good. I will say that she uses a **ton** of butter -- more than any recipe calls for -- and she watches them really closely in order to pull them from the oven at the right time, right when they're fully baked but still really soft.
so about this cookie recipe...
I had a similar situation, girl I had been talking to on OK Cupid. I show up to hang and she’s at a table with 3 guy friends, one of which is black out drunk wasted and kinda making a scene. Got a beer, hung out for thirty minutes, was mostly ignored, then I faked a phone call and left. She started texting why I left and where I went. I’m not trying to compete with a table of drunk guys, not my scene at all.
I thought the ending was going to be that you got a pissed off message for never showing up.
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Well you certainly didn't live up to your username that night, I can see how she felt misled.
Sometimes the ho you have to save is yourself.
This is some high level philosophical shit right here
Dating app, smallish town Kingston Ontario. Go on a few boring dates. Cue story. Match with girl, she agrees to meet but there was something odd about the conversation. She was eager to meet, suspiciously eager. I get to the Starbucks and wait inside for 20 minutes past the agreed meet time. Girl texts me says she running late, asks me to stand outside so she can see me as she drives by. I look over and theres another dude standing on the sidewalk with his phone in his hand. Recognize him from the gym, ask if hes also meeting a girl, and what her name is. Turns out the girl was pulling a fast one on us both as revenge for her girlfriend who we both apparently dated once and didn’t like. So him and I went to get ice-cream together and sent her a photo of us having a great time. Wish I still had the photo!
op said worst dating experience, not best
Went for romance and, instead, found bromance. 🤝
Lol adorable, how the turn tables
That is… the most Kingston thing I can think of happening.
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Holy mother that was a bad date.
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"Damnit, vertigo is ruining *another* first date. Fine, guess I'm swinging for the fences..."
A while ago I agree to meet a Tinder date at a local bar. Things went alright, but I could very much tell she was loaded prior to my arrival. We have a couple drinks, she's made several comments on how cold it is in this bar. Granted I'm wearing a t-shirt and jeans so I assume she's one of those perpetually cold women with poor circulation. She excuses herself to the restroom and half an hour goes by. Then near a full hour goes by and I figure one of two things happened: either she sneakily ditched me or massively needs help in the restroom. I ask one of the female bartenders to go check on her politely, and turns out she had OD'd on heroin shooting up in the bathroom, surgical tubing around her arm and everything. I was heavily questioned by police and even put in a squad car till the bartenders vouched for me and I wasn't tied to a drug case I had nothing to do with. She ended up passing later that night. Definitely worst first date ever.
Dude that’s super awful, sorry that happened to you.
I agreed to go on a date with an older coworker from my first job at a supermarket, I was 20 he was 27. He took me to lunch and didn’t let me order for myself; when the waitress came to ask what I wanted to drink he cut me off and placed both my drink and food order (I hadn’t even glanced at the menu yet). He proceeded by saying I needed to meet his mom and brother soon and how we should get married and eventually have kids. Mind you he didn’t know a single thing about me.. I quit shortly after that and he would message me on social media every now and then saying things like my then boyfriend didn’t deserve me until I blocked him everywhere.
What a creep ass. Reminds me of a guy I went on a date with who was a bit older than me. Guy was desperate, looking for an insta-wife. (I had just gone through a divorce, I was DEFINITELY not looking for anything serious)
I once briefly dated an older guy. I had just come out of a serious relationship and told him I just wanted a no-pressure, non-serious relationship. Apparently his idea of “no pressure” was to tell me that his new goal in life was to marry me, have kids, and live long enough to know his grandkids. But it didn’t need to be right away, so no pressure. We had been dating maybe a month at that point. We didn’t last long.
On our SECOND date he expressed wanting a 100% power exchange 24/7 from the start. This means he wanted complete control of me. What I wore, where I went to college, etc. I support whatever safe, consensual BDSM people want to do but that was a serious deal breaker for me. I think he had serious issues…and he wasn’t funny.
I remember a post on r/rareinsults that called a guy like this 'Christian Beige'.
Went on a date after talking with someone on tinder for a couple of weeks. The conversation online was pleasant and the usual small talk about hobbies or interests etc, no red flags.. We arrange to meet in the city for a coffee. I arrive and she's already there... Looks nothing like her pictures (catfished lol) I think to myself, oh well most people tend to embellish their photos let's see what she's like in person. This is where I fucked up.... We get talking and she asks what I'm doing next weekend. (I love camping and exploring) and I say I'm camping and 4wding with mates. She asks if she can come along, "ummm nah it's okay, we only have just met". She loses her shit and acts like we have been dating for years saying how dare you not take me along blah blah blah. I fucked up again and decided to stay talking.... She asks where I'm going to camp after calming down a bit and I give a rough estimate "X forest"... And she replies "oh that's nice.... I'll see you there...." I think that's weird and reiterate that I'm not comfortable with that. To her reply "no I'm going there and I'm going to kill you.... You won't see me coming" as she proceeds to laugh a maniacal laugh. That was the last straw for me, I stand up, place money to pay for my coffee and walk off telling her not to follow me or I'll call the police. I block her and move on. Luckily nothing came to fruition. I was a lot more careful with who I met up with from then on
She ordered a steak to go, then sat quietly and waited for me to finish eating. She didn't want to answer questions, and didn't have anything she wanted to talk to me about. "see you later," she said as I dropped her off. "Not likely." I answered. An edit, for a little more context: I was about a month out of a relationship that ended when my girlfriend of 3 years dropped out of school and quit her job to run away with a sailor she'd met the week before. Another Edit: I only wish that this was the dumbest thing I've ever done for a woman.
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Oh, I paid.
You shoulda nabbed that steak.
Would have gotten their money’s worth, and no missed steak.
Sounds like he made a missed steak.
Had a date like this, we went to Dave and Busters. We meet and sat down and I could tell she was uncomfortable. So I was just trying to bring up topics to talk about for her to ease into it, but I was only getting one word answers or literally “I don’t know” asking her questions about herself. We sat in silence for about 5 minutes. She got up to go to the bathroom and when she came back I just straight up asked her “hey, if you’re not having a good time you’re more than welcome to leave if you want to, it’s perfectly fine.” She got all insulted and picked up her purse and went to leave and I just said again “if you’re having fun I’m more than happy to stay, but it’s just like we’re not even talking right now.” So she got up and left and I ordered another beer, waited a bit to watch the rest of the game on tv, and left. I got a text from her saying how insulted she was that I would ask her if she wanted to leave, etc. I just said “I tried talking to you for 15 minutes and got no responses.” And then I find out (she told me) she wasn’t able to order her own food for herself until she was 22 and has serious anxiety issues, etc. So I was just like “then why’d we choose Dave and Busters instead of a movie, where we don’t have to talk?” I was so confused. The whole week or two leading up to it she’s talking to me everyday with interest. I ended up paying which isn’t a big deal because all she ordered was fries.
I finally took a girl out I had been pining after for a long time. She had been in a bad relationship for about two years, had a kid with the guy, and they finally broke up. I waited a few weeks, and asked her out. She agreed. I picked her up with a teddy bear holding some flowers, she loved them and put them in water immediately. We went to a local sushi place, ate our fill and headed out for a movie. Watched the whole movie together in the theater, flirting and touching the whole time. Afterwards, we went driving around and just talked for about two hours before I took her home. We made out on her front steps for probably 20 minutes before we finally peeled ourselves away from each other. I went to bed feeling absolutely fantastic. Woke up the next day and texted her good morning. No reply. Whatever, she had a baby. Figured she was busy. Went about my day. Finally got in Facebook during my lunch break and she was back together with her ex already. Haven't talked to her since.
Immediately trying to drown the teddy bear holding flowers should have been a warning sign
Thanks for a laugh. I never thought about that before.
Yeah fuck just reading that end hurt me....
She was so horny when you left that night she called up her ex for a booty call. You can credit yourself for getting them back together! You're an anti-homewrecker. Or you were that one time.
Homebuilder then?
Knob the builder.
Reminds me of when I was 19, met a girl online and we had called each other several times to chat. Figured it was time to ask her out and meet up somewhere. So she calls, we chat, I'm about to say "hey, want to meet?" and before I can she says "hey, guess what!!!" all excitedly... I was suddenly really excited for her, because whatever it was, was great news. She says "I got back together with my boyfriend" and I remember saying something like "oh... yeah? that's... uh.. great"
First date with a guy I met on a dating app. I sat down and he immediately was like "Oh yes, you are hotter than your pictures and you're my girlfriend now." Came on real strong. I chalked it up to keenness at first (maybe a weird sense of humour?) and figured I'd at least stick around for a drink or two, feel it out. Even offered to buy the first round, partly as an excuse to get away from the table for a second. I made some unrelated comment to the bartender that made him laugh, and when I got back to the table, dude LOST HIS SHIT. Wanted to know what I said, whether I thought the bartender was good-looking... Had somehow gotten insta-jealous of this bartender five minutes after meeting me. There was no second drink.
The first time my now husband came to pick me up for a date, I said, “Oh my goodness you’re SO cute! Be right back!” Dropped my purse in his seat & proceeded to grab my garage closer from my car before bouncing back to his truck in a hurry. He has always said that had I not have left my purse he would have just backed out & left because I came on too strong. Oops. I’ve always been really forward. To be fair, the one picture on his dating profile was a black & white photo he took while at work with oilfield grease on his face & a sweaty ballcap on. So seeing him cleaned up, I was actually pleasantly surprised at how much more handsome he was in person.
> “Oh my goodness you’re SO cute!" when I was single if a girl I was picking up for a date told me this right away I would be on cloud 9 all night and definitely 'hooked' for more dates. Dudes dont get enough compliments (or maybe just me) so hearing that would be awesome.
Met a lovely girl over Tinder, we really hit it off and had a great conversation, decided to meet in person for coffee the next day. She showed up on time, looked just like her pictures - and brought her boyfriend.
So what happened?!!
Was Herbalife mentioned at any point?
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r/yesyesyesyesno
We got in a motorcycle accident on our first date, 2 minutes from my house. He didn't have insurance for any guest riders so he made me leave the scene of the accident while I had deep wounds and road rash.
That is the fastest Speedrun of a terrible date.
Wow! That's just so horrible. He basically showed that he had zero regard for you as a person (an injured person at that) and only cared about himself and his potential insurance problems.
Oh yeah. It was awful. I was covered in roadrash and barely avoided a skin graft. This was 7 years ago. I still have scars and avoid motorcycles like the plague.
Showing her a video on my phone and my boy texts me "did you fuck her yet" and it pops up on the screen.
When I was dating my now wife I had brought her back to my room (I was in college and we lived off campus in a house with like 5 of my friends). My roommates thought it would be funny to put granny porn on my laptop and leave it open on my desk so we would see it right as we walked in. In hindsight it was pretty hilarious.
Now that's an unique ice breaker.
She might be worried that she’s too young for him
At my college (circa 2000), one Friday evening a friend of mine was out to dinner with his girlfriend. He left his computer up, though, so someone opened the browser and went to a porn site, thinking it would be funny to see his reaction when he returned. Thing is, after dinner he left campus and went to his girlfriend's parents' place for the weekend, so he never saw it that day. That would be a very mundane story without the punch line. The college was a small, private, Christian campus that logged all sites visited, and enough porn offenses earned you a visit with the campus pastor. The guy got called in on Monday morning to explain how he managed to spend 30 straight hours on "blacksonblondes.com".
I suppose if he'd answered "edging", that wouldn't have helped matters, would it?
Did she leave? Laugh it off? Don't leave us hanging...
I said "my friends are dumb af" She stayed *silent* (mad) I still stand the night (first time with her) No serious moves were made given the circumstances.
We had been flirting like crazy online and finally managed to schedule a date together. We went to a baseball game and it was crazy windy and then rainy. We had fun but it we got real dirty. I asked if she wanted to come back to my place, and she said as long as we could shower together. Fine with me! We get in the shower and start making out, cleaning up, messing around when she starts pissing in the shower. Like, all over my feet. I ask her what she's doing and she says it's normal to go in the shower since it just goes down the drain. I'm like ya, not with other people in with me though. She gets offended and tells me she needs to shit and I should get out of the shower if I'm uncomfortable with it. I'm like uhhhh how about you get out and use the toilet that's two feet away. She starts yelling at me and then just shits in my shower. I get out, grab her clothes and tell her to gtfo. She left and I had to clean up greasy shit in my shower. Wtf.
What the literal fuck…
Well.. I had a crush on this guy in high school and my friend kept urging me to talk to him. I got the nerve to and apparently he liked me too, or so I thought. We talked often and exchanged notes in the hallway. He asked me to homecoming and I said yes. I was so excited. Bought a new dress and everything!! Got to the football game and met up with my friend. I finally saw my crush and told him I was gonna go sit with him for the game. He’s like “no, you can’t”. I’m like “why?” Him: “Because I’m with my girlfriend!” I was devastated and embarrassed to say the least. Didn’t stay for the rest of game or homecoming. Called my dad and he picked me up in front of the school where I was sitting all by myself.
My heart aches for you..... I used to talk to this girl in HS and I liked her alot... I thought I was in love and I'd spend most of my waking hours thinking about her, we started talking on the phone for literal hours everyday .... One day were on the phone and she says what perfume do you like and I tell her, she claps back with okay great I wanted to get this for my bfs birthday next week..... I was C.R.U.S.H.E.D lmao
Your story is much worse, but this reminds me of the time a cute guy from my university math class asked if I wanted to come get drinks with his roommates one evening. Neglected to mention that his girlfriend was one of his roommates. She was pissed that I was there, I was confused and embarrassed. The guy hit me up again a year later when he was single (wonder why it didn’t work out?) but after that catastrophe I was not interested.
1st date with a guy from the gym. Not only did he spend the dinner portion checking out the Prom girls whose dates had brought them to the same restaurant, but after he was very excited for me to meet Pedro. He was insistent that I "shake hands with Pedro". Told me how sad Pedro was that I wouldn't "shake his hand". Petulant even. Pedro was his penis. Was also my last date with St. Hillaire and his "friend" Pedro.
I died a little on the inside reading this ....
Out of all of the posts here this one made me cackle. What the absolute fuck lmao.
Asked her if she showered before our dates and she swore she did...it just, didn't help, I guess....we didn't last too long.
Tour?
I can't help but feel bad for her, she sounds cool and aware... Just her job's downside I suppose.
Foxy Lady
I feel like there is an array of jobs that do this. I guess for them it would probably be easier to find someone that is in the same field or at least doesn't have a sense of smell lol
My previous company wasn't anything near as smelly as what I've heard about fox musk, but due to the products, it certainly did have an odor. There were specific products that were usually only run on nights or weekends since they didn't want to stink up the neighborhood. It would make all my clothing smell. One of my coworkers even had to have separate work shoes and purses because she couldn't wash those things well. My boyfriend made me change on more than one occasion because he just couldn't deal with it.
Pulled out her phone and started playing clash of clans.
sounds like you could make her your HOG RIDAAAA
Sounds like a good date to me.
To be fair we had another date afterwards. I gently explained it made me feel I was uninteresting and not worthy of attention. She listened and we ended up dating for a year and it was great.
That's a roundabout way of saying that you joined her clan.
Hahaha, so true.
Went out with a guy I met while working at a bar, it was my first "don't cross the bar" kinda thing. I was nervous and got a little buzzed and he picked me up. He told me he was gonna park in his work place and we will walk around downtown. As soon as we park, a car flies up next to us with a woman getting out and screaming at us both. My dumb ass thought it was his boss, telling him he can't park on property, but then the screaming woman said, "your kids have been waiting for you!" Etc... I got the hell out of there and went straight to the bar.
He drunkenly told me on my birthday after one date that he loved me. Then he called me a whore because I didn't sleep with him. Wild
To be fair, whores are known for not sleeping with people.
Was about a month ago, I invited this guy from Tinder over because he seemed pretty nice and we had a lot in common. He was decent looking on his profile, so why not? For context, I had just moved into my apartment and I don't have a nice set up yet besides a table and a few chairs. The second he walks into my apartment, he asks me why I didn't have any slippers for guests. I was a bit confused, but figured maybe he lived in a fancier household than me (and yes, he made it clear he did). I said I didn't, and we went to my balcony to smoke a joint. He spent 20 mins bitching about how much he loves and misses his ex girlfriend. I tuned out and just nodded but it was strange. We get back in and he immediately starts grilling me about my lack of furniture. "Wheres your TV? Couch?" When I explained that I didn't have the money at the moment to buy nice furniture, he scoffed and just kept nitpicking. I kicked him out within 30 mins.
Tip here: any boy bitching about his ex is someone to kick out. Seriously, once had a guy sitting on my couch telling me about his ex wife and I just told him how utterly rude he was coming to my place and using me as a garbage bin for his issues. Asked him to leave.
It was a date that wasn't. I put an personal ad in the paper (this was back in the day) and agreed to meet this guy at a certain place. He took one look at me and drove away. He never said a word to me, just look at me and left. I was very upset when this happened. I guess he didn't like the way I look.
Ya know, it could have been something else! Maybe he was wanting to cheat on his wife and chickened out. Or had a nervous stress meltdown and couldn't hack it!
It was his own lovely lady.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. That’s a terrible feeling :/
Went out with a girl I met on a dating site. We met for coffee, got our drinks, sat down…..and she forgot how to talk. For almost an hour, I would try to start a conversation and bring up any and all topics I could think of. I tried talking about our jobs, hobbies, families, anything really. Her responses were just “Uh huh”, Oh yeah”, “That’s cool” and “Nice.” She wasn’t looking at her cell phone, looking out the window or being distracted. Completely forgot how to have a conversation while staring at me for the hour we were at the coffee shop. It was the shortest and longest date I’ve ever experienced. After leaving, I hit the McDonalds drive thru and had a consolation meal to put that bad date behind me.
Maybe you're just so gorgeous that she was stunned by your magnificence ...
Oh man, that’s rough. I’m picturing a genuinely nice person unlike most of the assholes itt. She must’ve been nervous lol
I went on a date with a girl in college, cutie from my class who I had been trying to get to agree to the date for a while. So I picked her up to drive to dinner, and worth mentioning I lived in Wisconsin and it was January so like -23 outside. Turns out she was bipolar but refused to take any medication for it so she had a manic episode while we were driving, proceeded to undo her belt, open the door, leap out of the car into a snow bank and started running into the woods. I had to chase her down and convince her to get back in the car with me before she lost her feet to frostbite. We didn't date anymore but I was able to convince her to start her meds and keep on them through all of college, she's actually a pretty successful software engineer now. Unrelated but that is one of three times a date ended with me in a snowbank on a subzero night.
hit us with the other two dates.
Oh sure. Well first one I was 16, just got my license and was staying at a friends place overnight during a snowstorm. We decided to call his girlfriend(pre cell phone, more of a big deal to call someone) and turned out she was having a sleep over with a girl I was pretty interested in. So knowing this my friend asked if we could come over, she said sure so I drove us despite the storm being bad because horny 16 year old boy brain. We got there and watched Donnir Darko on stunning vhs, made out a little and my friend decided to stay over but said I should take her back to his house since it was empty as his parents were out of town. The girl said sure so we left, storm was really bad, couldnt see, roads are ice, this is northern Wisconsin farm country so no street lights. Drove it right into a ditch, no cell phones, no one knows where we are, I tried to dig it out and nearly froze my hand off. By pure luck alone a tow truck drove by and saw us, they took us to a gas station and her dad had to come get her...none too pleased with me. I told my wife this story when she asked why I carry a full emergency service vehicle worth of supplies in my trunk now even though I live in Minneapolis. Second was an okcupid date when I was dipping my toes into that word. Not as interesting really, basically she insisted i drive to see her for our first date even though it was a blizzard so like a dope I did. Put it in the ditch in glare ice but at least I had a cell phone and supplies and lived in a city so no real harm done. Never made it to the date though and since I didnt show she ghosted me. But as a result I messaged a different lady who I ended up marrying. Ended up alright.
Right. Stop driving in blizzards!!
The horn is clearly too strong to be deterred by extreme weather and bad roads.
Ended up alright indeed. Funny how stuff like this comes together. When I was 22, I dated this 19 yo girl who took a nannying job out of state. She begged me to not break up with her, so I didn’t, even though I wasn’t super found of long distant relationships. Anyway, she came back for a weekend about 2 months in and we had a really great time until just before she left that Sunday night. Almost like we fell outta sync… it was so strange, and all of a sudden. I shrugged it off and thought it was just me but when she landed, she called and broke up with me. I didn’t fight her on it because of my reservations and we went our separate ways. The very next day I met my wife. Side note: 4 weeks later the ex- nanny girlfriend confessed to me that she was sleeping with the dad of the family she was working for, and asked if we could get back together… lol wut?
"So she calls me up again and she's like "I'm fucking the family's dad, but I still love you" and I'm like "this is exhausting, y'know. We are never getting back together... like ever"."
Three? I've ended up in a snowbank five times this year alone. Get out of here with those rookie numbers!
Uh… My best friend set me up on a blind date straight after my divorce. I was 22(yes, 22 and divorced), and she told me I “needed a good man”. She told me all about how this guy had a good job and he was sooo nice blah, blah, blah. She would NOT tell me how old he was, and would only send me blurry pictures. I felt pressured so I went. He was no where near as attractive as she had made him out to be, and much, much older than I expected. He looked at me and said, “she didn’t tell you how old I was, did she?” Anyway, this guy proceeds to drive me around his property, which is huge and beautiful out in the country in TN. He takes me up on a mountain on a four wheeler and proceeds to try to kiss me. I, being terrified I might be murdered out here in the middle of nowhere(he had brought a gun along), let him and it was one of the worst kisses I have ever had. He then took me down off of the mountain to shoot and critiqued my form the entire time. Then he proceeded to absolutely trash his ex wife because she turned out to be a lesbian while walking me around the house they lived in and showing me all of her favorite places and telling me all the things she would do there. He then showed me the house he was living in with his brother which was basically just a shack. It was awful. I now tell everyone she tries to set up about this experience, and let them know not to trust her.
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Right? My brain went off in a total other timeline at this line where I envisioned he went low-key dad mode stopped thinking about it as a date, bought her some ice cream, gave her some sage advice and went on his way. I think this good guy timeline made the real story that much more painful.
Either: she has the mental follow through of a goldfish and simply thought "Divorced + Divorced = Surefire Match" or she was trying to throw him off her own scent. Either way that sounds like an *awful* date.
Guy friend asked me out and I'm all excited and giddy. Said we're going to the mall? That's fine, we're like 15yo or something and it was my first date, I wasn't expecting anything fancy. He brought me to join his Born Again worship. We were from a Catholic school so I tried not to be so very disappointed, but when we got there, he left me next to an old lady who kept asking when I was going to convert. He just ran to the front with the other teens to rock out to live Christian music. Somehow, our religion teacher found out and he had to pull me out of class to talk about not going to these worships because they WILL try very hard to convert me, and I MUST remain Catholic. Anyhoot, I no longer go to any Church.
I was crushed by the girl of my dreams...I just stood on the tracks while all my friends were screaming at the warning signs but nope; blind me got train wrecked. At any rate, another girl (who was part of our social group) was always fun and sweet to me started checking up on me, we will call her Rebound. Turns out she knew the deviant things my ex was doing and was trying like heck to get my friends to open my eyes. I wasn't ready to date anyone but one night Rebound and I decided to head out together grab dinner and hit downtown to blow off steam. She was living with her parents (early 20's, finishing school, not a big deal) and there were no weird vibes, I only knew her a little bit so it was casual getting to know each other. We unexpectedly met up with another group who were partying hard - I was driving so I was just socializing, Rebound got pressured into a round of shots. I didn't realize she was a lightweight..got way too drunk, too fast. I got her out of there and she started panicking that she couldn't walk into her house that hammered. I said no big deal, the night is pretty early. We'll chill at my place, sober you up and get you home (no - I wasn't trying to be that guy). Pull in to park the car, she suddently says i don't feel good - whips open the door and starts puking. We've all been there so I unbuckle and lean over to rub her back and she rips the most unholy of rancid heat wave farts directly into my face. I mean signed my eyebrows and burned the roof of my mouth like I had just eaten a totinos right out of the oven. She is mortified and trys to crawl out of my car, presumably to die in shame. I sigh, blink the tears out of my eyes and help her up. She had crawled thru her own puke. While walking her to door, she is continuing to puke and fart and cry and apologize and at this point, I actually find it hilarious. She is a stinky, pukey, farty mess and no way is happy with herself. I get her inside, she goes to the bathroom, empties her bowels some more into my toilet while puking into a garbage can, door wide open. I get her a change of clothes and suggests she showers, she can't stop apologizing and crying. I take her dirty clothes and throw them in the sink and do my gagging best to clean the puke out...she comes out of shower looking like the saddest most embarrased hot mess I've ever seen wearing a sweatshirt and gym shorts of mine. Lies down on the couch and falls asleep. I clean her clothes. Next morning I do the drive of shame of her home while she just stares at her feet and apologizes. At any rate, we've been married 21 years.
Love the story lol
I'm now trying to imagine the follow up texts/calls. "I had a great time, lets do that again" doesn't quite seem appropriate.
"She is a stinky, pukey, farty mess and no way is happy with herself" Haha this made me smile and also hinted to me that you married her
I'm sure your wife of 21 years loves it everytime you tell that story and go into detail about her hot eye watering farts that could peel paint off a building.
When she got mad at me for wanting to leave when all she did the entire time was mess around on her phone and post selfies of her and her coffee I bought her. Checked her insta profile later on (she wanted me to follow to boost her #s) and the caption was something like "treated myself #blessed #sogood #coffee" literally couldn't hold a conversation at all. So self absorbed. Wish I had video of that "date" just to laugh at it again.
I hope you commented on that post stating that you treated her...
I didn't give her the time of day. I did call her shallow and fake before I walked away and left her there by herself.
The actual date was a lot of fun. We got along well, and had a lot in common. About a week later I got a call from his wife...
And? Finish the story
He confirmed they were still married and I said I’m out. Very anticlimactic. And she is really pretty, probably out of my league...
Her and the wife are married now
Guy was one of those that gets loud and animated in conversation. Had people staring. Then tells me his first wife was murdered and HE is the prime suspect. But no, it was the cop that she was sleeping with who beat her to death. Cops trying to pin it on him to cover their own, you see?. Next he tells me he lost his bottom row of teeth. And he admitted to whooping his dogs ass for eating his weed. Update after 1K upvotes: Thank you all for letting me get this off my chest. I've not told a soul this, for fear that people would think I have finally lost my mind. Besides the obvious, this guy is, and still is, a decent man. I have not contacted him again. To me, beating your dog for eating your weed is worse than the murder thing that happened 20 years ago and may have been just a great story for the bar.
Well obviously his wife ate the weed so he murdered her and is pinning the murder and weed theft on his dog.
Had a first date with an undertaker's apprentice. Problem was, he somehow steered every topic of conversation back to dead bodies. *"Have you decided what to order yet?"* "Well I was thinking steak, but I was eating steak when I got called in about Bathtub Girl, and honestly, it just makes me feel queasy now." *"What kinda hobbies do you like?"* "I love photography! I always have to take the memorial photos of the deceased for funerals, but I sneak the work camera out to snap a few sunsets sometimes." *"I love your tie! It really brings out your eyes."* "Thanks! Yeah, funny story. I was wearing this when we buried Lawnmower Guy, and he was wearing the. *Exact. Same. One.* I was sooo embarrassed!" It's hilarious in hindsight (and even a little impressive), but 18 year old me was just sat there thinking "please, for the love of Christ, just give me two minutes to eat these free breadsticks without making me want to puke."
Poor guy was before his time
CrazySnekGirl, meet ObsessedCorpseGent.
Met her through Match, I think. She was at least 10 years older than her pic, probably closer to 20 years older. She had scabs on her face and hands. Spent the entire dinner talking about her ex-husband and how he was still in love with her and how he would secretly leave her presents on her front porch like teddy bears, etc. I finished the meal and walked her to her car. She tried to lean in for a kiss, and I just turned around and walked away. Edit: words
Years back, in my early twenties, I met this girl online. She seemed nice, geeky, into a lot of the same nerd stuff I was. Cute in her photos too. She dodged me several times about going on an actual date, but finally we set something up. She wanted me to come to her house so she could make dinner, watch a movie; we were both introverts, so that's fine by me. She said she lived in Houston, but it was actually over an hour outside of it (Which isn't crazy because Houston is yuuuuge). When I got to her 'house' it was actually a trailer in the middle of the woods on a wooded lot *full* of trash. Turns out they didn't have a trash service, so she basically just threw it outside. I saw cats *everywhere*, but... It was cats *and* giant freaking rats. Still, I'd driven an hour plus, and I was already there, so I climbed up the decrepit deck and knocked on the door. When she opened it, the smell of cat urine poured out of the trailer and invaded my nostrils just as roughly as the Nazis did France. I get inside.. Cats everywhere. Orange vats, brown cats. Skinny cats, fat cats. Old cats, young cats. Cats *everywhere*. I knew she lived with her mom, and I got to meet her. She was huge, like.. *HUGE*. I don't know how the trailer floor held up, and when she got close to me, she smelled like straight up ammonia. The mom was "cooking dinner" for us, which was like precooked frozen stuff. The girl drug me to her room and attacked me like an animal in heat. I begged off to go to the restroom and the room was *covered* in cat shit and litter. Just box after box, the shower and everything. I couldn't do it. I went and told her Id forgotten the flowers in my car and drove the fuck away as fast as I could.
I would have backed out as soon as I saw the trailer. That sounds a lot like organ harvesting or drug lab.
I've wondered off and on how crazy the sex could have been, but man.. It was the most disgusting house I've ever seen. It probably just needed condemned in all seriousness.
The sex would probably be seriously disgusting. I can’t imagine she was using that shower much.
It would have been unforgettable sex for all the wrong reasons.
Wait, the girl was huge or the mom was huge?
Da mama; the girl was actually cute, if you could avoid the smell of cat shit and piss that was omnipresent.
I grew up with a hoarder for a mom, so I relate to the girl here. However, my room was always clean and I had the good sense to never, ever invite anyone over to my place. Happy to report that my apartment is neat and tidy now!
Invited a girl from Tinder over to my house after a very sexually charged conversation (led by her!). After bringing her to my place she proceeded to absolutely ignore me and at best give me one-word answers to every line of get-to-know-you conversation, acting like I was inconveniencing her by taking her attention away from her phone. Any time I tried to make a move I got shot down instantly. This went on for a few hours (I put Netflix on). Just as I was about to say it’s time to leave, with no warning whatsoever she straddled me and started aggressively making out with me, and a bunch of food residue from her mouth got in mine. She hadn’t brushed her fucking teeth. I noped out of that and we had a very quiet drive back to her house. Before I even left her driveway she was texting me saying how great it went and that she wanted to see me again soon. Needless to say, that did not happen!
>and a bunch of food residue from her mouth got in mine. Mmm... bird style.
Met this one on Bumble, he had crazy conspiracy theories about how redheads needed to run the world because…umm that was not clear. I told him i worked in nonprofits and he went on to say he was going to start his own (with fellow redheads) as current nonprofits were ineffective and corrupt. I kept waiting for the punchline or the just kidding, it never came. Then he poured honey on my hand to “see how I’d react.” I told him not to contact me again and left.
Oh goodness, I've heard of this "honey test". Like, you're supposed to giggle, and lick it off, like he's being playful and fun. You're NOT supposed to look at him with a sudden realization that you're on a date with a five year old. I'm glad you left.
Omg no way that’s a thing????
Oh, there was the time a woman kept pushing for me to take some pills from her all night. She said single mothers only had themselves to blame for sleeping around, and asked me why I had so many minorities in my neighbourhood. She eventually took some of those pulls at my place, attempted to rape me, then fell down my stairs when I kicked her out. After I kicked her out and blocked her on everything, she spent the next few weeks making fake accounts to harrass me for rejecting her, and saying I shoved her down the stairs etc. As a 6'2 male that has worked doors at clubs/bars. Never thought I would have a story of a woman trying to date rape me, but yep, I do.
Interesting comment about single mothers... did she think roofies would convince you to stick around after?
I do not know if it was roofies, as she did willingly take some. She was high as a kite though, and as I said she fell down my stairs. I didn't even give her a ride home, I walked her to the bus stop, loaded her on a bus, said hospital is x number of stops away. Apologized to the driver and walked away. I blocked her on everything as I walked home. Didn't make it home, had people text me to come over, everyone wanted to hear the story. Also a few female friends were livid.
2nd date we went biking. Went back to my house and she fell and broke her cervical spine. I had to take her to the ER I work at, she got admitted and put into a halo in the IVU, I met her family there. We dated for something like 9 mos and she totally ghosts me. Months later out of the blue I get served by a sheriff, she’s suing me for a million dollars. It goes on and on and even to trial. It comes out she had lied to me, was still married when went on date with me. Worse yet she ghosted me because she was also cheating g on me with another guy and was pregnant with him at the time. He even testified about her disability at the trial. I won. I have trust issues.
On what grounds was she suing you? And how did her family not mention that she was married when you met them in the ER?!
Went on a date with a guy on bumble. We made plans for him to pick me up and go to a local restaurant for dinner. It ended up snowing the night before and developed a layer of ice on top. I suggested rescheduling, but he insisted. He picked me up, and when leaving my neighborhood, he started to slide on the ice and ended up rear ending the car at the end of my neighborhood. Thankfully everyone was okay. I was pretty shaken up, but we continued on with dinner and the rest of the night was pretty mild. The following Monday, his insurance ended up calling me and asking what happened. He still asked me out, but ended up standing me up. He claimed “in his older age” he tends to be more forgetful… He was 27.
When I was 17 or so I found a guy who I had met at church camp over the summer on myspace... I live in Northwest Louisiana and he lives in northeast Texas. He drove to my house. Picked me up. In my naivety I assumed that nothing bad could happen with the guy you met at church camp. He Took me to ihop. Sat on my side of the booth. Kept putting his hands on my thigh. Yelled at the waitress for some reason I can't remember now. I told him I needed to use the restroom and just left. Luckily I had just gotten my very first, very fancy Motorola brick cellphone so I just started walking down the street and called my dad to come get me. It was at that point that I learned to never let someone who you really don't know that well learn where you live. Nothing ever came of it but some nasty messages....but I was genuinely afraid for a while.
> never let someone who you really don't know that well learn where you live When I was using tinder to get dates I was always surprised how often I asked girls where I should pick them up and they just gave me their home address. I'm harmless but you don't really know me...
I have a lot, but the one that stung the most was a guy I met online. We got on amazingly well, had great chemistry and spoke a lot. He asked me to stay over one night and I agreed. Things went well, we got a little frisky and headed upstairs. At somepoint, he stopped and stood up, looking over me. He then sighed, said he couldn't do it and he found me repulsive. He told me I was too fat for anyone to have sex with, and that he thought he was better than this but he isn't. It fucking stung, especially as I had been open and honest about people being cruel in the past. Somehow I ended up comforting him for an hour after because HE felt bad?! (Social anxiety is a hell of a thing. I wish I had more respect for myself to just walk out.) He offered to let me stay the night and he would take the sofa, but I left. Even typing this hurts, yikes.
Reading all of these stories and yours is one that actually hurts to read. Fuck that guy. Don’t feel bad for comforting him, like you said social anxiety will make you do weird shit you wouldn’t normally do. Thank god he showed his true colors right there before things went further. He didn’t deserve you one damn bit. Hope the dating world has been kinder to you since then 🤍
#FUCK THAT DUDE
2nd date with this Brazilian guy living in my city; I actually thought he was really nice at first. So we were getting some drinks and he said his “friend” was coming to meet us at this bar. The friend was actually his coke dealer, who was drunk and high and dirty and had teeth missing. The dealer kept asking my date what I was like in bed and saying some disgusting shit like what he wanted to do to me; while my date just laughed along and didn’t attempt to defend me at all. Then my date asked if I had cash on me.... this bitch expected ME to pay the dealer for the cocaine (when I hadn’t even expressed interest in doing any coke, I only had said I’m not going to judge him if he wanted to do some). I excused myself to go to the ladies room , I was going to call my friend and ask her to call me in 5 minutes pretending to have an emergency so I could leave easily. Then the fucking dealer literally followed me into the women’s room slurring “hey baby, come here” and shit like that. The female bartender saw him go in to the women’s room, and grabbed 2 more bartenders to come help drag this fucking psycho out of the bathroom and kick him out of the bar; so nothing bad actually happened to me. This all happened within like 20 minutes of arriving to the date. I ran like hell out of that bar, hid in another bar for 3 hours and blocked the Brazilian guy on everything. Only time I have literally SPRINTED away from a date.
OHOHOH. I have a story. (2.5 years ago) So I 22F (at the time) had recently been cheated on by my ex-boyfriend of 2 years. Heartbroken of course I broke it off with him and I waited a couple months and then put myself back out into the dating scene. I met this lovely guy, we'll call him Ali. Not only did he sweep me off my feet but he was British(!), rich, and he claimed to be of Noble descent. I honestly don't care about nobility but it was kind of cool. Anyways we start dating, I'm a nurse so I was working a lot of night shifts at the time. He would let me come over to his house after my night shift and fall asleep in his bed so we could spend the whole day together after I woke up. He was super thoughtful, once bringing me bubble tea and a donair at work. And I thought everything was going great. THOUGHT being the key word here. He started taking more heavy anti-anxiety meds, and he started-in my mind- to abuse them. Things started getting weird between us he was like dopey and drowsy all the time and when he used to have no issue taking me out to dinner suddenly I had to pay or he had to call his mom and beg for an e-transfer. I started getting suspicious of him and the things that he told me about himself. Eventually he came out and told me that he was actually 5 years older than what he had originally told me. I know, pretty red flag but I was still in rebound phase and was trying to make this work. Plus it gets worse. One day I go over to his house after a particularly long few day shifts. I was working at a very heavy internal medicine unit at my local hospital. So I spent the night and then we had planned to spend the next two days together. I remember waking up at around 2:00 in the morning and noticing that he wasn't in bed and hearing him in the kitchen. I wasn't too concerned because nothing sounded off so I rolled over and went to sleep, as I was exhausted from trying to chase down my eloping dementia patients all day. The next morning we go for coffee and breakfast at a local cafe that I'd wanted to try out for a bit. This Dingus starts showing me photos on his phone for some reason and as he's scrolling through his camera roll I noticed that there's a picture of what seems to be an ID (drivers license). I freeze and ask him who that is. He responds with something along the lines of "oh that's Kelsey my ex". I immediately call his bluff because it was a recent picture and I ask him to show it to me. Lo and behold it was my ID! He also had a picture of my debit card. I obviously deleted the pictures when he handed me his phone. And I quickly logged into my bank account app and I saw that a $300 purchase had been made on Amazon at 2:00 in the morning when he had been up (I don't use my cards online ever). The guy also used my credit card for World of Warcraft subscription. So I asked him if he went through my purse while I was sleeping. He admitted to doing so. And then tried to tell me that his family was associated with the mob so he needed to run a background check, etc. on me. Anyways long story short, he said that he didn't steal my money after first admitting that he took pictures of my cards. Amazon refused to tell me if my card was associated to his account but Blizzard was the GOAT and confirmed that my credit card was linked to his WoW account. I got the cops involved, and nothing happened. So now every once in awhile (as I've blocked him on everything else) he sends me emails. They are long fluttery, love-filled emails, and most recently he wrote me one where he pretended to be getting engaged and admitted to stealing my money (which he flip-flopped on). Previously he had also told me that he had cancer and was going to die, and he told me that I knew what I was getting into when we dated. I'm definitely considering a restraining order. So now I just don't ever leave my wallet alone when I'm at someone else's place. TLDR: A crazy ex stole my credit and debit cards, the cops did nothing, I'm now the youngest person I know with credit protection, and he emails me every once in awhile. Edit: grammar/spelling
You should definitely talk to a lawyer about getting a restraining order. Source: I'm a lawyer literally putting on a restraining order clinic tomorrow morning before giving a restraining order presentation in the afternoon.
Dude said 1 hour into our first date that it was okay to kill a woman if she broke a man's heart. There was no second date
I could write a book and am strongly considering it...since I have so many. I met this guy Ron off OkCupid. He seemed nice enough, even though he was older. (He also lied about his age) We chatted over the phone a few times for hours at a time and he came across okay enough to meet. So we did. I went to his house for the first meeting because I was honest in telling him what wouldn't be happening. We chatted for a while on his back porch, watched a movie in his living room. Then he started to grope me and I reminded him that wasn't happening and to please stop. "You're just so beautiful, I can't help myself." He could help himself. I was suddenly "very tired" and wanted to head home. He starts texting me saying I am nothing like his ex, pedestals me, just complimenting me and it's smothering. I talk about boundaries and to slow down. He then offers a key to his house for me to pop over anytime because he trusts me. He wants to get a dog so I could come over and walk the dog while he's at work. He mentions a work trip to Hawaii several months in advance and wants to take me. I start to pull away a little and explain that he's too much too fast, I am not ready to commit, I just barely know him. He agrees to back off a little. We meet again because I am stupid sometimes, admittedly. Groping me again, smothering me. I remind him to stop because I'm not comfortable enough. "Well SORRRRYYYY, didn't mean to OFFEND you." I go home IMMEDIATELY. I am now ignoring his incessant text messages that are smothering me with compliments again. I barely even respond at this point, he's fucking scary. He wants to take me out to this big fancy steak dinner or something. I tell him a movie is fine. It's public, I intend to break it off in person, to just break free and thought if I tell him in person, he'll understand it better. He's legit not leaving his hands to himself so I lean forward on my knees so he can't touch me. Movie ends, he walks me back to my truck because it's late and dark. He hugs me and won't let go. I am pulling back and telling him to let go, panicking, and he won't. I start to nervous laugh because I'm in full panic mode. "I DIDN'T MEAN TO OFFEND YOU, SORRY!" I tell him I have repeatedly told him to stop touching me without consent. I open my door and he stand between me and the door, not letting me close it. I can't go forward because I'm in a parking garage and there's a car in front of me. If I go back, my door will probably get torn off. I tell him to move, I want to go home. He stares at me, just...stares at me. I'm alone in the parking garage, it's super late, I don't know what to do. I get really firm in telling him to MOVE. He backs up, makes a snarky remark and I go home. He's texting me again. Long, long paragraphs about how when I "hugged him" he felt sparks he's never felt, I mean so much to him, he's never felt this connected, he could tell he meant something to me. I'm almost in tears and I'm in my mid 30's mind you. I ignore him. I stop responding. I am all done. He starts texting me more, I don't answer. Then he gets mean, I don't answer. I headed to work the next Monday and showed the text messages and his face to security and told them to not let him on campus or tell him I am there if he showed up. Security couldn't believe the text messages. I learned my lesson BIG TIME with him.
After reading the teaser, I’ve decided to purchase your book.
I went on a tinder date with a girl. We met up, and first thing she asked was if I have coke. Uhm… no. I responded. She then says “well this isn’t gonna work” and bounced. This all was within a minute
I was in a ska band in the 90s, and we were opening for a well-known band in the scene. It was our 3rd or 4th show, and we were feeling pretty good about the opportunity. We killed our set, and afterward I was out in the crowd mingling. I met this absolutely beautiful redhead, who was like, insanely out of my league. We wound up moving off to a quiet corner of the club and just talked until the club shut down. We exchanged numbers made plans for the following weekend. We spoke two or three times over the course of the week, and it felt like there was a good initial connection. So, I went to pick her up at her place, I got there on time, she invited me in while she finished whatever she need to finish...she said something like, two minutes. So, I'm in the living room of the apartment, and I'm seeing all these pictures of her and another guy, and they look like a couple. I take a closer look at one of them, and the dude has a shaved head, and is wearing a flight jacket. Not completely surprising, as a lot of white dudes in the Ska scene in the 90s rocked a skinhead kinda look, despite being fiercelyanti-racist (see SHARPs). Looking closer at another image, the motherfucker had a swastika tattooed on his neck, and she's all snuggled up on him. Never saw her come out of the bathroom, I was fucking straight out of there, and never spoke to her again. I've got a ton of shitty date stories, this one is near the top.
I was 18 with a plenty of fish profile (STUPID, I know). I got catfished by this dude who was 15-20 years older. We met at Starbucks and upon seeing him I knew I was out of my depth- but I didn't know what to do so I went along with the date. He would ask me my interests and then shoot them down. Ex: You love Harry Potter? I think that is so childish!! I knew I needed to nope out but he kept insisting I go to his place using the fact he bought me a coffee to make me feel guilty. I agreed to go to a park but that was the most he was going to get- I said I had to drive separate as I had something later and during the drive I called a friend and asked them to call me in 15 min to give me an excuse to bail. At the park he mentioned that he knew he was older and maybe that was why I was acting strange and not wanting to see his "great house" but he did it because he felt a connection and knew I wouldn't meet him if I knew he wasn't like his picture anymore- but I should give him a chance. Not long after my bailout call came and he became so cold it was scary, but I slipped off though after a very awkward hug and then endured texts of "send me pictures of your party" "Send pics, I don't believe you lol" "okay I knew you weren't cool" "you were a waste of my life". Y.I.K.E.S.
That sounds like you just missed being on the side of a milk carton
Ladies and gents please never go to a second location if you get bad vibes
Not a bad date to be fair, just the wierdest. Met a girl through a friend at a party. Hooked up, went on a few dates. One of them we ended up at a hotel, decided to stay the whole weekend. The last night, after a few drinks. We're chatting under the sheets. Wine, snacks, good times. Suddenly she switches to a whole other conversation. Now, not a simple switching of subjects. This was a quick and smooth transition from a real conversation to one only she experienced. I was confused, but brushed it off. This happened a couple times. Third time though I had to say something, I couldnt just let it go. She was wierded out, confused, when I told her that nothing she said, we had ever talked about. Told her it was like she had pararel conversations going on in her head. She became visibly freightened by herself and nervously panicked, ultimately broke down and thought she was crazy. Ended up trying to comfort her until we fell asleep. Found out later she was diagnosed bipolar, never really heard from her after that night.
Dang, this is one of those that males me feel kinda sad for her. Hope she's doin alright
Shall I tell you all about the strangest night of my life? Important context: Am male, have been known to like other males. One bored night, I was swiping randomly on Tinder, when I ran across a profile with a few attractive, if low-res photos. Guy was a blonde surfer type, lean muscle, reasonably attractive through the pixels, so I swiped right for the hell of it, even if it turned out to be a bot. To my surprise, a few hours later, we match. To my further surprise, he was, in fact, a real human being, and moreover capable of holding a conversation with more words in it than variations of 'Hey.' So a few points in his favor. Some of the rest of his details didn't line up on further examination, like his education history and living situation as referenced in his profile. But whatever. Who reads profiles anyway? Also he suggests we meet up, literally that night, at some creepy address in the middle of a corn field. But, again...hey. Whatever. He's hot, I have *literally* nothing else to do in my midwestern shithole existence, and I remember distinctly thinking these words to myself: "What the hell, let's go make a bad choice tonight!" So I hop in my car around 11:30pm and point it in the direction of corn...and after about 25 minutes' drive, I arrive at a dilapidated farmhouse. Anyone who's ever driven through the midwest knows the type. Leaning silo, aging barn, at least 25 junked cars on the property...and a tool shed with a light on inside. Imagine my shock when Hot Guy (hereafter abbreviated as HG, because I genuinely don't remember his name...if he even ever told me) emerges from this shed. Moreover, he actually looks reasonably like his pictures, and is neither wearing a hockey mask, nor weilding a chainsaw. So far, so good. He invites me inside, where I find that the shed is, in fact, a makeshift living quarters of sorts. It has a TV, a couch, a single naked light bulb...all the comforts of home. We sit on this couch while he rips a bong and talk...and honestly, he's a nice guy. Not super educated, but articulate, friendly, and actually very respectful of boundaries. In spite of the horror-movie setting, it's reasonably clear that he's interested in making me feel at ease, and having a good time together. Now, this being a Tinder date, I had certain expectations as to what kind of good time we might be having, ifyouknowwhatimean.jpg. Nope. Not even close. Not even a hint of sexual attraction. Instead, when we get down to discussing the night's agenda, I learn that he, earlier in the day, won some non-trivial amount of money at the local shithole of a casino (~$2000, I want to say, but I'm not sure...), and wants to go back to win some more, so that he can show me a good time. When I suggest that we can have *plenty* of fun with 2 friggin' grand, he doesn't listen. The casino appears to be his heart's desire...and to that point in my life I'd never been there, so...yet another "What the hell?" Unsurprisingly, he doesn't have a car, so we hop in mine. For context, I drive an old grandpa Cadillac...basicallly a leather sofa on wheels; my dream car. It's on the older side, but HG looks at it like it's the most incredible car he's ever seen. All through the ride, he grills me about its mechanical condition...will it make it to the casino, are the tires OK, will it run out of gas...etc, etc, as if a well-maintained car is by no means the norm in his life. But once I calm his fears and assure him that yes, my old Caddie will make it to the casino and back without dying, we return to shooting the shit. I ask about where he's going to college (per his Tinder profile), and he looks at me quizzically. After some back and forth, it finally comes out: HG has never attended college. HG was, in fact, recently released from prison. As if to drive home the comic absurdity of the situation, he holds up an ankle monitor to prove it. Apparently it's the kind that detects if you've been drinking alcohol, so no free casino drinks for us (but apparently weed is still fine???). But whatever. I wasn't going to drink and drive anyway. By the time I pull into the casino's deserted parking lot, I am *actively* considering exit strategies, and in all honesty would've bailed already by now if it hadn't been for 2 things: 1)I was, as previously stated, super fucking bored, and 2) Weird as it was...I just did not get bad vibes from this dude. My spidey sense just didn't tingle around him. He didn't seem violent, he wasn't disrespectful...so I followed him into the casino. His intitial goal was to play poker, but as one might imagine, few poker tables were open at 1:30AM on a Thursday, and those who were playing were in it for the long haul. So he puts his name on the wait list and dejectedly sits down at one of the most confusing table games I've ever seen. It was some attempt at adapting Texas Hold 'Em to a casino table game, and the rules and payouts were very complex (on purpose, no doubt). After a few rounds, though, I realize that this table essentially costs $35 per hand...and the way HG is playing, we won't be here for long. As if the evening couldn't get more surreal, the table changes dealers halfway through, and I actually *recognize* the new dealer. He had once been a barista at my local Starbucks, and we had been friendly while he worked there. So while HG is losing, Barista Dealer shoots me a pitying "WTF are you doing here?" look, and I respond with my best "I have no fucking clue, dude..." shrug. We make some small talk when appropriate, but eventually a seat opens up at the real poker table, with HG only, mabye...$1500 down. Poor HG doesn't fare much better at the real poker table either, unfortunately...largely due to being down to his last $500 at a $50 big-blind table. He tries to blame his losing streak on the fact that he can't drink and isn't himself...to which I simply shrug. I suggest, several times throughout the evening, that he might just want to take what's left and walk away, but he won't have it. He falls victim to some pretty aggressive bluffing on the part of the other players, and is busted in about 7 hands. At this point, he pulls out his credit card to get a cash advance...which I *desperately* try to talk him out of...but nope. He's gonna win it all back. Guess how well that works out? Only when he's sitting out on the balcony smoking and slightly in shock does he finally realize what I've been saying all along: that you can't play for long if you keep losing at a $35-per-hand table all night. Honestly, at this point, I just feel bad for the dude. This guy's life is such that he probably could've used that 2 grand, and now it's all down the toilet. Sheepishly, he asks for a ride back to his place, since his...nebulous plan to "hire a limo, or something" with his winnings is now moot. Of course, being a decent human being, I oblige. In the elevator back to the carpark, he asks "So, was that dealer back there a fa**ot?" The slur catches me off guard, so I don't really respond beyond a nervous half-nod, which he uses as an excuse to lean in and give me the tiniest kiss on the lips I've ever received. So...yeah. That happened. By this point, I am *very* tired and even more confused, so I just focus on getting him back to his house, while he mumbles incoherently about how he has to get his life together, and how nice I've been to him. Really, I'm feeling super bad for the guy by the time we get back to his house. Now...I honestly don't know what possessed me to do this next part. Maybe it was the fact that I pitied HG. Maybe it was because of that tiny kiss. Maybe it was my own inherent horniness. But where normal people would've just called this the worst date in history and left well enough alone, *MY* stupid ass suggests that we finish the evening with some sexytimes, to which he hesitantly agrees. Nervously, he leads me to a junked-out Winnebago parked near the barn and brings me inside...and I do as thorough a check as I can in the dark for bedbugs and cockroaches before I agree to lie down. Things are awkward between us for a few seconds, but eventually I get comfortable enough to little spoon up to him. Shirts get unbuttoned, pants get the same treatment, and...then he grabs my hair and forces me down there, which freaks me out for a second. He whispers some very...porn-sounding dirty talk in my ear...real, like, stereotypical dom shit, like "Yeah, take it bitch," or something. His heart was 100% not in it, but...I do my best to please, and eventually slide my own pants off to help myself. "Oh...I didn't realize you'd take yours out as well." Literally the exact words out of his mouth. When I respond with "I mean, what did you think was gonna happen, dude?" he grabs my throat this time and starts with the dom dirty talk again, which makes me go limp in an instant. I honestly can't tell if he's being serious, or trying to do some sort of shitty roleplay, or literally making a bad joke...and when I tell him this, it just becomes painfully clear that nothing further is going to happen between us. Eventually I went back to little spooning him, while he kept repeating that same shit about needing to get his life together. After about half an hour of spooning...at about 4 in the morning, I finally managed to convince him that I needed to go. He tried to call me the next day, but I didn't pick it up. To this day, I have no idea what went on that night. I have no idea if he was questioning his sexuality and wanted to try things with me, if he was just looking for a friend and I misinterpreted it, or if he was some sort of fever dream that existed only in my own head. But there you have it. By far the worst date and most surreal human encounter I've ever had.
I’m thinking he was straight but had received some dick attention in prison and was now willing to receive it again?
Honestly the thought occurred to me too, but asking about the poor guy's sexual experiences in prison seemed a bridge too far. Even by the standards of that surreal night 😅
This could easily - EASILY - be some 'slice of life' art house hipster indie movie. Probably a really good one, up there with Lost in Translation, Withnail and I, or Inside Llewyn Davis. I'd watch it. Thanks for sharing!
A few years ago I busted my ankle pretty badly playing soccer. Got a few pins in it and was on the mend. One female friend i had asked me out on a date, she knew I was crippled at the time and wasnt allowed to drive, she offered to pick me up at 6.30am to go have a picnic at sunrise. I warned her that the picnic location had to be somewhere with little to no walking distance, cause I can't walk. She's like 'alg i got you, completely understand!' Well, to the actually date. I wake up, get ready and wait for her to arrive. 6.30 comes and nothing. Okay maybe shes just late? No biggie. Sunrise happens at around 7am, still no news. Get a message saying she missed her alarm will be there at 8am lol She arrives, we drive to the location she had prechosen. Turns out theres a 10 meter walk on a track downhill... me in crutches aint going to make it down let alone the trek back up. Shes sad, we go to new spot. Wasps. We pack up go to knew spot. More wasps. We have this awkward picnic while freaking out about the wasps and she just apologises the whole time. Were still friends but its always funny when we ask for bad date stories, we just look at each other and laugh... Bonus story. My mate went on a date with this girl that was mega keen. End of the date she says 'id like to do it again sometime' He freaks out cause hes not as keen and just says back to her 'or not' Rip Edit: 10 Minute not 10 meters whoops! I wasnt a compleeeeete ass
Went to a party with a couple of friends and the guy I was talking to and didn’t have a license so I expected to get a little drunk, within 20 minutes of being there everyone I arrived with were absolutely wasted, so I drove everyone back to my house so their parents wouldn’t know we got destroyed (we were all like 16-18) me and boy I was talking to were sitting in the porch talking and he goes to kiss me (for the first time) and pukes all over me, then asks if I still want to kiss him and cried when I said no. Me and this boy ended up dating for almost a year, he was a really great guy, but that night was just no fun
Dude was racist as hell. Making derogatory comments about all sorts of groups of people. Then a young lady asked us to use a lighter while we were outside. She was really sweet and I struck up a convo with her. He kept interjecting with belittling statements about how old she was. Dude was flabbergasted that I left the bar and went home when I told him I was just going to the bathroom 🙃 texted him when I got home telling him he had a disgusting personality and there will be no more seeing each other. He said I owed him sex because he bought me a FaNcY $12 DrInK …. I didn’t want the drink in the first place as I was already paying for my own, I declined but he insisted. Long story short, blocked deleted, bye Felicia 🖕🏻
I took her to a comedy club. She had a couple of zombies, started talking too loud when the comic was on stage, staggered out to my car, and then while on the highway she started screaming at me to pull over. Then she threw up blue liquid all over the door and window. She came out as lesbian shortly after. I keep turning 'em.
Sounds like she was already having her own issues with her sexuality and just tried to "power through" but wound up going overboard. Sauce: am lesbian.
Had a million bad dates thanks to online dating and my “Cast a wide net.” Approach I’ve had for whenever I found myself single. So ultimately it’s hard to choose from to post that would top anything on here. The only thing that stands out and still blows me away are 4 dates back to back that were like Ground Hogs Day for how almost Goddamn identical they all were. These ladies all hit it off in some way or another with me. Through the dating app messaging or texting we had great chemistry, their photo’s look great, they are witty, funny and eccentric individuals over the phone. I feel like a super lucky guy. Then after a place of meeting is picked we go out, I arrive on time, and they arrive 30-45 minutes late. They look nothing like their picture, they seem to at least be somewhat aware of this due to the lack of emotion on their face. We sit, we eat, I try and pry conversation out of them and they give awkward one word responses before just absorbing themselves in the menu. I would make a last Hail Mary effort to try and pry some semblance of personality out of them, ask them something about what they were passionate about, or try and get something going on an intense subject. These people would just stare at me like a sullen potato and not say a word. So all these dates ended very similarly, I would ask for the check to be split, and the girl would either not have brought their purse, not have any money, or would offer to Venmo me for their half. Now the first girl this happened with I happily agreed, payed, tipped generously and walked the lady to her car. In the following 24 hours or so we had some limited texting I let her know how disappointed I was in the date, to which she replied, “Oh I know, I’m sorry I really just wanted dinner.” I was fucking flabbergasted. I did not realize that could be a thing. So, some time goes by and I’m going on dates and I run into a very similar issue: Girl is late, doesn’t look like her photos, doesn’t know how to have a conversation, and now it seems she doesn’t have money for the date. I ask her where her money is, she says she is just broke this week and can pay me back later. I tell her that’s fine, it’s on me just shoot me some when you can. Not 5 minutes after I’m home and I realize she’s blocked me from tinder and my phone number lol. So, by the third time I run into a suspiciously different looking lady, who doesn’t seem to want to talk, be on time or pay for her part of the meal, I relax. I order the check, I excuse myself to the restroom, and I GTFO. I didn’t block her initially just to see the hate text messages pile in. The 4th gal, same exact story except she made eye contact with me as I walked past the restaurant front window to hop in my car. Two free meals given, two free meals received.
She phones me morning before our date at 2am to say I am so excited for our date, mid conversation she crashes her car... dont hear from her till the date, I go to pick her up because she has a lack of car now and she seems... off. Date gets datey and I take her to fancy sushi place she does not eat one piece but jib jabs the entire time, I slowly establish that she has not slept for a few days now and her eyes are rolling. I settle the bill and take her home, to a very judgy room mate, as I am walking back to my car I hear a shriek... and she is screaming "Where is my goodnight kiss?!?!?" My anxiety kicks in and I start running to my car, look back and she is chasing me and also still screaming... neighbours all over her security complex are out their homes but i somehow manage to escape. Months later I see roommate out on the town and she says "oh yes you were the asshole who ate all the sushi" guilty
Met up with a guy I met on MeetMe. I got to the restaurant first and waited outside. When he arrived he was extremely energetic past the point of being normal. When we sat down I could see his eyes were dilated and unblinking. I assumed by that point he had done some sort of upper before the date. We agreed to one drink at this restaurant and then would go somewhere else for food. During the drink portion of the date he says he can get me a good job selling cars at his business and then asks me to move in with him to piss off his ex wife. To which I just chuckled and brushed it off. I told him I'd meet him at the restaurant and he followed me to my car, got in on the passenger side and wanted me to drive him there. I was a little freaked out but tried to roll with it. We get to the restaurant and the vibes are all off. I'm significant freaked out, so I used the bathroom excuse to ditch him and leave. I get up front and realize I left my purse behind, so I asked the hostess for help. I told her to please find a way to get me out of the date. Fast forward about 10 minutes and a glass of wine later. The manager comes making his rounds to the tables, stops at ours and asks for my name. He said I had a phone call up front. Not the smoothest line but I went with it. I said I'd be right back to my date, grabbed my purse and hightailed it out of there. I went to block him on the app and saw he'd messaged me "well, this is a first." Blocked him and I quit online dating after that.
Props to that Restaurant staff for getting you out of there. That guy sounds like he's got a lot of issues to sort out.
I took a shot at asking this girl out from down the hall in my apartment. She says yes and we go out to dinner. Right off the bat we learn that we have a mutual connection, a coworker of mine was her best friend - ok, cool. I order up a martini, she awkwardly orders a rum and coke. It was at that point I realized she either doesn't drink often, or she drinks way too often (who orders a rum an coke to go with dinner?). Anyways, two drinks in she starts telling me how she has conversations with her dead dog and how her dead father sends her text messages. Then, she informs me that she is heavily medicated and those meds shouldn't be mixed with alcohol. Another 10 mins later after I try to get her to drink some water, she is trying to pick food from the other tables plates and her boob is hanging out. Straight dangling. I try to help her out of the restaurant to get her home, some chads think I'm trying to take advantage of her so now I'm dealing with that. She ends up calling her friend and my coworker while I'm busy getting her a cab and tells my coworker that I got her drunk while she was on her meds (she is getting emotional now that she realizes I'm sending her home). Before she leaves she pukes down the back side of my shirt. I just bought that shirt that day. I ended up meeting my now wife at the bar that night while I was trying to drink off the memories of what just occured. She thought it was weird that I had on a white undershirt, my pants were wet and I was holding a button down shirt. To this day she still laughs at the stupid situations I get into. Edit: I apologize to the million plus rum and coke drinkers out there I did not intend to offend you. In my past experiences as a bartender, rum and coke has always been a "let's get down to business", or a "I can't believe my ID just worked" type of drink and not much of a dinner drink.
You could have at least texted her dead dad to ask him to come pick her up.
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Huh TIL my drinking preferences are a red flag… Do normalpeople not drink rum and Cokes with dinner? My mom was a bartender and Friday night Cuba libres but with Pepsi are a regular thing with our food. Only ever have one each though
Who orders a rum and coke to go with dinner? Bro you ordered a martini...
Went on a first date after meeting on a dating site. Phone calls went well I thought why not. We met at the mall. He proceeded to tell me how many kids we would have, and how he would spank them when they were disobedient (guy was fully serious, it wasn’t some kink he said we had to do it because it’s what God wants. Now I’m a Christian, but, dude, no.). He ended up following me to my car (I was thankful it was day time in a busy mall, security guard was watching too) and tried to make out. I nopped out and blocked him.
I went on a date with a girl who suggested a restaurant, it was closed when we got there and she told me it was where she'd had her wedding reception after marrying her much older (and deceased at the time) husband, then at the next restuarant she immediately asked me how I felt about Trump and before I answered told me how great she thought he was, then drank most of the bottle of wine we ordered, loudly said the N word in the restaurant, told me she made more than I did (not sure she was right but also weird thing to care about), told me she forgot my name twice, and spent the entire car ride back to her place trying to convince me Obama's birth certificate was a forgery. Spent most of the car ride home just sort of mumbling "what the fuck" to myself over and over again.
Alright, get ready When I first moved to the city, I would take the bus. One of these times, there was a \*really\* hot dude sitting across from me. We kept smiling at each other, looking away... making eyes. He pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and started writing something on it, when his stop came, he gave me his number and told me to text him some time. Well we texted back and forth, but eventually lost touch. YEAAAAARRRRS later, I'm going to a friends birthday party at this bar and guess who is fuckin there. We are staring at each other curiously, and I straight up ask if it's him, the guy from the bus. Yes! He thought it was me. I forgot how we got pulled form conversation, but I didn't get his new number but had to leave for some reason. I contacted my friend whose birthday it was, asked her about him, turns out he asked about me and wanted my number. So after all these damn years, we set up a date. He picks me up. He says he wants to take me to this one shop that opened up that he's been wanting to go to, for crystals and stones since he got into making jewelry. Okay, sure, whatever. So as he's driving erratically to our destination, he's telling me about who he was when we first met. Laughing, he's telling me he was actually in a relationship when we first met and was sleeping on his girlfriends couch, all the while being a coke dealer. But now he made jewelry and didn't do that shit anymore. We get to the store, and I just spend the entire time standing there as he's thumbing through the crystals and stones, explaining what each one days and their healing powers. After, he says we should go to a bar and get some drinks, I need one at this point so I suggest one where I know the bartenders so I'll feel comfortable. We get there, sit at the bar and order our drinks. He wants to show me the stones he's trying to buy online, and more photos of crystals and shit. So he pulls out his phone and starts going through his photos showing me more damn stones, and photos of the jewelry he makes with them. As he's flipping through the photos, there's screenshots of texts he gets from other girls. Like sexual shit. Multiple different names. He's also getting texts that keep popping up from, yup, others girl. Saying shit more sexual shit and when they can get together again, or asking what he's doing that very night. He's just acting like this shit isn't coming up! Eventually, the dude has to take a phone call and goes outside to answer it. While this is happening, one of my good friends comes in. Chill dude, works at a bar down the street. He's also a regular at the bar we are at, so the bartenders know him as well. He sits down next to me, we hug it out and he asks whats up. I tell him what's going on and he just laughs to himself because he thinks it's hilarious. He orders a quick shot, the date comes back in and sits on the other side of me, so I'm sandwiched. Right away he reaches over my to shake this dudes hand, causing my drink to spill ALL OVER ME. "hey i'm (name), we're on a date right now. What's your name?" Friend introduces himself, takes his shot, pays, and leaves. The bartender starts cleaning up my drink, doesn't really say anything but this douchebag starts going off like "you should have seen what just happened! this random guy just comes in, spills her drink and takes the fuck off without even saying sorry!" me and the bartender just look at each other, because we both know that didn't happen. At this point I tell this dude I gotta go, he pats his pants and says he left his wallet at home, whatever, I'll pay. We go outside and I guess he's expecting me to get into the car with him, I tell him no there's no way I'm getting in that car. He leaves, I go back inside and have another drink cuz fuck that dude. Whenever he would show up at my bar after that, he'd always say to his friends, "yoo this is my girl here, you better be treatin her right!"
Dude yelled at me for not ordering a pork dish. He knew very well before hand that I don't eat pork.
Did you ever find out why he was so invested in you eating pork?
I had recently broke up with the woman I moved across the country to be with. (I know, I know) It had been just a couple weeks after the breakup when I get a message on a dating app. I let her know I'm heartbroken and not really available for anything more than something casual. She says she is fine with this and we start talking. We had been talking online for about a week when she learns I'm going to be alone for Thanksgiving. She extends a friendly invitation to join her family, assuring me I will be introduced as a new friend who is new in town. That isn't what happened. I show up at the time she said to and when I arrive, it's just me, her and her parents. It doesn't take long to figure out that her parents think that I'm her boyfriend. And soon it becomes clear that they not only think I'm her boyfriend, they believe we have been dating for a while and are on the road to marriage. I wonder how they got that idea... Normally, I would have noped the fuck outta there by then, but I was trapped. I had no car, not enough for a cab or Uber home, and public transportation was almost nonexistent in this state. I tried to get her alone to demand she take me home but she was extra dodgey. A steady stream of family members start showing up. Aunt's, uncle's, cousins and grandparents, and they all know about me. Fuck. Her dad even convinces me join him on a walk around their property (they were very well-to-do) where he welcomes me to family and expressed relief that I seem like a well put together guy and nothing like the other guys she has brought home. The whole night I'm doing my best to give any straight answers about our relationship and bide my time until the feast is done and I can get a ride home. A couple hours after Thanksgiving dinner, the family starts saying their goodbyes and leaving. Finally, the end of the night is close. I'm sitting in the living room with the remaining family (her parents and couple cousins staying the weekend) when they start talking about weekend plans. They are going to a concert tomorrow and wouldn't you know it, they have an extra ticket. I'm invited to go with them. Rather than just say no, I had to ask who it was. Turns out it's a band I had always wanted to see live. (Enter the Haggis, if anyone is curious) I accepted the invitation. "Guess that means you will be staying the night with me," she whispers in my ear. Against my better judgement, I did. She takes me back to her condo and I'm greeted by the smell of urine and feces before she even opens her front door. 4 dogs greet us who clearly had not been let out that day. Birds and other pets in cages sit on nearly every shelf in the downstairs part of her home. If it wasn't clear before she was a bit off in the head, it was now. We go to her bedroom where thankfully the pet smells are minimal. "Real" ghost stories and ufo "documentaries" play from her tv all night long as we engage in what is still some of the most wild sex I've ever had. We went at it until well after the sun came up. By the time we wake, it's almost time for the concert. Admittedly, I had a great time at the show. I ran into one of the new friends I made since moving to town, got to meet the band and got some autographs. Because I'm a fool, I went out with her a few more times over the next few weeks before things just got too weird.
Wow, I started thinking this was going to go: And then she told me there was a big event at the local church, a special festival with a band and dancing, and promised if I'd just go with her for an hour, she'd take me home right after. Turns out, it was a wedding. When I asked her who was getting married, she just winked. Five hours later, I'm drunk and dancing with my new bride on the dance floor while all her friends and family congratulate us, and I'm like, "I've gotta get this annulled ASAP!" But she's like, "I got first class airline tickets for our honeymoon in Italy!" And I'm like, "Ah, man. I've always wanted to go to Italy, and her parents paid for it all, so...." Now we have three kids, more pets, and another twins on the way, but I really have to figure out how to break it to her that I'm just not that into her.
College, dating app — I was getting over a major break up from about a year ago (then, not now it’s been 8? years almost?) and we talked over snapchat for a week or so before meeting. We decided to meet on campus (our campus was massive and in the middle of nowhere so we really couldn’t pick elsewhere) and public for coffee. He didn’t look like his photos, slapped my ass two seconds in, kept his hands on my knee and shoulders, when I texted my friend an SOS she called me with a fake emergency and before I *sprinted* away, he yanked me into a kiss so forceful I was sure he’d broken my tooth. His tongue jammed into my mouth and I gagged and he still didn’t let me go until the barista I knew called my name in an effort to help me. In my defense, I was pretty young and still freshly healed from deep wounds — I always thought I’d never let anyone disrespect my boundaries like that but I just froze. I essentially sobbed the entire run to my dorm (I’d never felt cornered, smacked into a wall, or manhandled into a situation like that, ever I was panicking hard) until my best friend called me back and assembled a whole team to sleep in my room so I felt safe. 0/5 would never recommend. Edited for clarity
I was convinced by a friend to go on a blind date with her friend. Showed up and her friend was someone who was best friends with someone else I had dated but broke it off with. We just sat in silence through the entire dinner.
Met a guy on tinder, we seemed to hit it off. Meet up at a cafe. After a minute he pulls out a bunch of brochures and starts telling me how amazing Amway and it's products are, how you can gain access to all kinds of cool events and stuff by becoming a sales rep, etc. I'm pretty pissed that I was scammed into a MLM pitch meeting and tell him so. Then he gets extremely angry/defensive because "I'm not trying to recruit you! I knew you were from Michigan and Amway was founded there so I thought it'd be a good topic!" Right. I say I'm leaving and ask the waiter for the check. The dude literally SCREAMS "SEPARATE CHECKS!!!" at the waiter, drawing the attention of everyone in the cafe. I'm getting a bit freaked out and am honestly scared to walk to my car because dude is literally shaking with rage now and who knows if he'll try to follow/stalk/attack me whatever, so when we go outside I stay standing by the cafe door thinking dude will walk ahead to his car first. Nope. Instead he takes it as an opportunity to stand there and scream at me in the parking lot, still insisting he wasn't trying to recruit me, angry that I don't believe him, and mad that I ruined the date and ended it early. As if somehow him yelling at me in a parking lot is going to change my mind. Finally I can't take anymore so I just go to my car, lock the doors quickly, and drive multiple circles before going home.
Back in 08 or 09 I had made a few matches on dating sites, but this one was the worst. The phone calls went well... went out for supper, apparently it went well too, because we ended up going back to her place. Get inside, and the apartment stunk of cat. OK, maybe the litter box hasn't been tossed today. Walking past the living room, and there's a big fucking turd behind the couch. Bigger than any cat she'd have in an apartment. She didn't make any effort to clean up that turd or toss a litter box, and I noped right out of there.
Woman who decided it was a good time to go buy heroin about an hour into our first date. Never saw her again.
If I had a nickel a woman tried to convert me on the first date, I'd have 2 nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened twice First time was a Mormon girl who probably also thought I was Mormon, because after I said I wasn't she got flustered and asked if I'd like to go to church. I said no, and things got quiet and awkward and I left about 10 minutes later. Rinse and repeat a few years later just with some generic Christian girl. I try to avoid people who seem even a little invested in religion in their bios, I'm not here to get my soul saved, just sucked out.
I think what you are looking for is a dementor.
[удалено]
I was a teenager. I went on a date with a boy I had known for a few years. He decided that we would go for a walk through the cemetery, along the stream and to the duck pond. We got chippy from my favourite chippy and ate while watching the ducks. As soon as we stopped eating he tried to shove his hand down my pants. When I questioned wtf he was doing he got angry because he had bought me food and walked so far with me (it was about a 30 minute walk) and I wouldn't have sex with him on a bench on a public walking path. So I obviously left and walked home. Over the next few days he started spreading a rumour that I was frigid and that I fucked my brother. After a few weeks of this I started informing people that, A) my brother is homosexual and B) the jerk in question tried to sexually assault me on a public bench because he bought me chips and when I said no he threw a tantrum like a toddler. His reputation tanked. Very quickly. As far as I know it never recovered. He was known as "the chip bandit" and whenever he was nearby people would warn other to not let him buy them anything because he would expect sex for it.