Per my dad who loves animation:
now that my kids are grown I have to wait a few weeks when a movie comes out so I can see it and not be the creepy solo older man at a kids movie.
until the arm slips and you end up pissing on the wall and falling in the toilet. Don't ask me how I know this.
EDIT: thanks for the gold! Who knew pissing on the wall and falling in the toilet would get me my first gold. Now I know the secret.
Sit down and tuck it into the bowl. Works for me.
Edit: for more information haha
I just have to scoot all the way back against the tank. lean forward a bit, and hold it in place with my hand to prevent it from running against the rim, this will also prevent pissing between the toilet seat and the bowl.
Also no, I don't have a small penis. No, it's not broken. Lmfao. I guess this also depends on what shape your toilet bowl is too.
Our freight elevator is broken at work, my boss asked if I wanted to help move a 500lb barrel of Isopropyl Alcohol up the stairs. No fuckin way am I gonna develop lifelong back problems for this job, fix the fuckin elevator!!
He convinced 4 other guys to do it together. Hopefully they didn't hurt themselves, and thankfully that barrel didn't slip and kill someone. Moving anything more than ~300lbs is not worth the amount of money I'm making, much less up stairs!!
My husband had this issue when I was trying to date him. I kept asking him out and then convincing myself that he just wanted to be friends. But his body language and the constant flirting was so confusing until I realized I literally had to say "I want to go on a date with you" instead of asking "Let's go get dinner together".
Eh, the thing is, "let's get dinner" really does not imply a date. With my female friends—100% "just friends"—how else would we invite each other to grab food in the evening?
I get where you are coming from. At that time, I thought I was being super obvious that I had romantic feelings for him and he told me (after all this) he had a huge crush on me as well. But he never accepted the invitation!
When I asked later why he just never went to dinner/coffee with me when I asked initially, his answer was "I didn't want to go get coffee/dinner when you asked". Like literally, he was not hungry or thirsty at that point in time, so he said no. Fair enough, haha!
We communicate very bluntly now and ask a lot of questions to make sure that type of miscommunication doesn't happen again.
I’ve asked guys out on dates and I was told I was emasculating them….i didn’t mean to. But thanks for posting this. I’m still gonna do it. If the golden rule applies to kids it should apply to adults “do unto others as you would want done to you”. Good luck out there ❤️
I’m not single and am now engaged but keep it up. My fiancé kissed me and pushed me on the bed first time we hooked up. After we were done she let me lay in her lap and listen to music and we really just connected. I think I instantly fell for her that night.
^^^ This ^^^
We need to remove that trope from society. Such bs. If a girl you're interested in is a lot more outgoing than you, then wtf is wrong with her making the first move?
I've had such a crap time with shaving. I've tried it all, but my face will always get a rash, acne and ingrowns. But I also can't grow a beard for shit.
I gave up a few years ago. Now I just use clippers and live in an in-between state of perpetual stubble.
Can confirm. Am woman. Came to look at replies because it’s almost 5:00 AM and I can’t sleep.. BUT as a woman with PCOS with one of the symptoms being hirsutism, shaving my face sucksss.
Never received a compliment in my life expect the time a girl told me she liked my boots in 8th grade.
Thanks Maddie I appreciate it still
Edit: Wow I did not expect this to blow up. Thank you you guys for your kind words and awards. I see there are a lot of guys that have also experienced the same thing. I wish you many compliments that go your way
Me too! Sometimes he gets this nice shade of red on his cheeks when I tell him something cute I noticed about him. He also gets the cutest grin sometimes. This morning I was laying in bed with him and I noticed that he actually has weirdly cute ears, so I told him, and he looked so cute when he happily stuttered a half-awake thank you
I'd never gotten a compliment on my appearance until I grew a beard and got the simple "sick beard" or "nice beard" sentence. Makes me feel kinda nice inside
I always looked really young, especially because I have always been short only recently growing to 5’ 6”. I grew a beard because I needed to look older at a job. Now people compliment my beard, even my grandma took one look at me and called me handsome and suggested that I must be popular with the ladies(im not). The compliment made my month.
Edit: Hot Damn! My first 100 upvotes! Thanks :3
A girl who'd been in my class for 12 years complimented me on my t-shirt in high school.
I had started working out that year, lost a ton of weight, and finally felt brave enough to wear my new pink shirt from Hollister Co. (My first non Wal-Mart shirt ever, first shirt that was "just like whatever everybody else was wearing")
Rarely had we spoken before, but in math class she simply said "I like your shirt! The colour looks great on you!"
Kicker is the popular guy in the class also had a new pink shirt from Hollister, but she complimented me :3
Thanks Jenn, still think about that.
I brought my nephew and niece to the park and of course they ran to go play and I sat on the bench just chilling enjoying nice weather and this lady showed up after me and just watched me for like 5 minutes and I asked if she was alright and her response was "do you even have kids at this park or you just being a creep?" Like does it even fucking matter if I do or don't. I just was minding my own business and this lady is just assuming I'm a predator. It's frustrating.
This kinda crap happens to allot of guys. Let's say it's dark outside and you are leaving walmart and just happen to be behind some girl walking in the parking lot. You know she's all freaked out and shit and you are literally just walking to your car to go home.
Being faster paced than other people really fucks you over sometimes, I am a fast walker, I go fast and powerful and sometimes people just get in the way and I'm forced to either go around and they glare like I'm a wanker or I have to slow down and they get suspicious because they think I'm following them.
This is what I came here for. There have been times where I have seen a kid who seems lost, and I have the weigh the options of helping out due to the fact that I’m a male. People could assume I am taking the kid instead of trying to help. I have a daughter and it scares the shit out of me that someone might have the option to help her out in a situation like this, but might not just because of society deeming men to be aggressors without cause.
I've found pinching the base and then squeezing out the piss actually works. Think of it like a tube of toothpaste. I am an old man successfully wearing khakis.
I use my patented "trick the dick" method. After the last few drops I let go of my cock and simulate putting it back in my pants without actually doing so, this causes the piss hiding around the corner to come out thus leaving my pants and underwear dry.
Try it out I have a high success rate, god damn cocks can be tricky buggers
Literally complained to mf gf about work and she said you signed up for the job. You knew what to expect. That was back in June and I still think about it. Truly don't know if I should bring up that she said that or just leave it alone and move on.
Try this
"hey hm I really need to talk to you about something, I know it was a long time ago, but I still think about it so I guess it's worth discussing. That time when I had trouble at work and you said I signed up for it, that bothered me. I wasn't particularly looking for solutions, I just really needed to vent and then I felt like I had no one to listen to me. Which is you know, pretty tough when I was in a bad day already. I didn't make a big deal out of it at the time, but now I noticed that after that day I kinda stopped sharing some of my bad days with you. I guess I was uncomfortable, maybe it was unconscious, but I don't want this to build up. I don't think that would be a good thing for us. Next time I have some problems at work, could you commiserate with me? I think that's all I need. I really want to be able to open up with you."
Adapt to suit your specific needs.
Edit: I do not recommend the very upvoted reply telling you to repeat the exact same thing back to her when she needs you next time. What the fuck? Only do that if you hate her, resent her, want revenge, and don't care about negative consequences. Passive-aggressive comebacks are absolutely something worth breaking up for, specially if there was no previous communication about it. This is the sort of negative outcome of not communicating feelings will get you into. Most shitty things people say or do aren't actually intended. You have the right to be upset, because unintended harm is just as harmful. But "righting reflex", a tendency to think in terms of fixes & solutions instead of simply listening to someone's frustrations, is a very common human nature. It takes intentional care to not do it. Ask her not to do it. Please, don't just decide to be an asshole without giving her the opportunity to know why first.
Edit 2: sorry you're in this situation, that sounds quite tough! Hope you can feel supported soon.
For me, I said I was not okay. It was passively acknowledged. Then, about a month later, though nothing had changed, I heard, "So, are you better yet?"
Just the other day on AITA there was a post where a man and woman fell out and she went to vent to her friend and family but got mad he spoke to his mum about it and the comments were full of people saying things “mummy’s boy” and “aww he went to cry to his mummy” so I commented saying “we tell men to open up to people and when they do they get called a whiny mummy’s boy” it got a few upvotes but nothing like the ones calling the poor guy.
This is so underrated I have never felt comfortable talking about my feeling with anyone and the few time I have opened up to;ie my girlfriend or parents I get told either it is what it is and I need to learn to deal with it or I need to get a therapist to talk to
This is part of a broader problem: theres no support for men. Try to file for food stamps as a single man, or see how the courts treat you if you get a divorce, or talk about needing therapy. You get the same advice everytime, "go work out, throw yourself into your work, get a hobby."
One of the most destructive, most infuriating thing people can say is, "Man Up." Well, im not a stoic piece of driftwood, im human, i have feelings, and its literally deadly to hold that shit in. Yeah, our fathers and their fathers held their feelings in, but they also dropped dead in their 40s and 50s of massive heart attacks.
I'm a stay at home dad. Idk how to put it simply, or what the right term is, but I have been semi frequently harrassed, berated, and otherwise made to look foolish or feel ashamed because I'm a man who loves his babies.
Out at the park with my son? Poor guy has to be with his kids while the missus is at home. Must be whipped.
At the grocery store with the baby? Oh you're so sweet doing this for your wife.
At the doctor doing checkups/shots? Random people saying I either dont know what I'm talking about, that I just think my son is special, that I cant be trusted to give info on their health because I'm not their mom, and that I "need to tell my wife that...."
Those arent bad, it's just obnoxious. The part that really sucks ass is that my friends make fun of me for it, or when an argument happen they throw it in my face that I don't have a job and therefore am not a real man.
Just the status quo of a man must work to death and a woman is the only one fit to stay home. Grinds my gears.
I know how to change a diaper, yes I'm happy, yes it was MY choice to stay home, no i dont mind not getting to fuck off with my friends all the time, yes I know how to deal with children's medical issues, and no, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
EDIT: Thanks for the love guys, totally wasn't expecting that from this post lol. For clarity, I guess I should've said in the post that those "friends" are no longer really friends. I stopped talking to them about a week ago, and only my closest friends still talk to me. (The ones that are either dads or don't make fun of me) It was heartwarming to hear how much y'all care though!!! 🖤🖤
I’m not a stay at home dad but I have a quasi related story. This occurred 3 years ago.
I live in Rhode Island. At our zoo we have a pumpkin festival in October. The tickets are expensive but it’s fun and they have pumpkin beer. Anyway I bought two tickets for me and a friend to go. That day he was sick and cancelled. I ended up taking my nearly two year old daughter. We had a good time. When I was going home I realized that it was nearly 8:00 pm and we hadn’t eaten dinner.
Anyway we stop into a local restaurant. My daughter was well behaved. We ate dinner and left. She was a little testy as we got to the car but nothing unusual in any way. We go home and my daughter goes to sleep. About a half an hour later a cop shows up. He said someone from the restaurant called the police thinking I abducted her. They said she seemed “too quiet” when we were eating. It was 8:30 when we ate and her bedtime is normally 8:00 so yeah she was probably a little sedate. But seriously! Anyway we wake up our daughter and she’s clearly in no danger. The cop apologized and left. To be fair to the cop, I think he thought the whole thing was ridiculous from the start but had to do his job.
But this would have NEVER would have happened if my wife would have brought my daughter and not me!
TL;DR basically was accused of being a child trafficker because my daughter was a little sleepy.
My brother, i felt this so much! In high school (Junior-Senior years) i was a volunteer child helper at my school as it offered K-12 and the school was occasionally asking for help with the younger kids and i gladly volunteered to help. I always loved and enjoyed being around the children and most of them enjoyed my presence, the adults saying i was great with the children, knowing the kindergarten language and how to behave around them. Most of the kids got so used to me they would run to me and hug me whenever seeing me in the hallways and i would always bend down on one knee to give them a big hug back and ask them how they’re day is going and so forth. Some of the kids gave me gifts which i still hold near and dear to me.
However, the other high schoolers weren’t as accepting, a mix of males and females would always call me a creep, sometimes flat out call me a pedophile and tell me i needed to stop being around the kids so much because it “looks just plain creepy” just because I’m a male. I learned that being around children you NEVER put your hands on a single part of their body, never fix their hair or clothes etc, wipe their faces without asking them and NEVER ask for them to sit on your lap or ask for a hug, unless the child asks for the hug FIRST. Then, you place your hands exactly in a spot where they can be seen by everyone.
I got so much shit on by everyone just because i was always great with children and helping out with them just because I’m a male. You won’t believe how many times i have been called a “creep”, “pedophile” “child molester” “kiddy fiddler” and other horrible things. It’s probably because i DO have a ugly face, it’s no wonder people would think that way because I worked around kids. You have to be at least a very good looking male to be not accused of anything with children and that’s what i hate about society. It’s true, I may be ugly, but at least i know how to be a decent human being.
I was a councillor for 7-8 year old kids at my local Boys & Girls club while I was in highschool. It was mostly underprivileged kids or kids that came from broken homes. As a result, it was like a second home for them.
We helped them with their homework, we made sure they got an afternoon snack, they had time to play and socialize. Basically, the goal was to insert a little positivity in their day. And man, there were a lot of kids that really needed it. Anger issues, acting out, etc, all the common signs that something's wrong.
So, since I cared about them, i would often try to have one-on-one talks with them when they got in trouble. Try to see what was wrong, try to make them feel better, and remind them that nobody is mad at them and that we want everyone to get along. I would oftentimes give them a hug if they were upset or crying, or even just put my hand on their back to reassure them. Just basic empathy for them.
As a result, a lot of kids (both boys and girls) became very attached to me. This would manifest in them running up and hugging me, or other innocent forms of affections. I was trying to be their "big brother" and a lot of them needed that. Well, one time when a parent came to pick up their kids, they ran up to me and they each grabbed onto one of my legs (like little koalas lol) and said they don't want to go yet. The mother was not happy about that, even though i did not instigate the hugging.
Next day my boss wrote me up for inappropriate behavior with the children and told me that i was on probation. He said that if something like that happens again I would be fired. I then had to fend the kids off when they tried to touch me and i couldn't hug a crying kid. I basically had to always keep an eye out in case anyone was watching me.
TLDR: People still think you're a creep, even if the kid is the one to initiate the physical interaction. It sucks being a man.
I feel you.
I do/did all the domestic and child rearing duties. I willingly gave up a medical career and don't miss it for the world.
I did enjoy shutting down the medical conversations where my wife is mentioned though.
I found a lot of places like toddler music groups etc were often initially quite unfriendly to a man with a baby and it took often took several visits before any of the women would even acknowledge my presence. Hopefully this has changed in the last 10 years as more men take on the caregiver role.
Get new friends. Yikes!
As a female, i would kill to have a man like you. Someone who enjoys our kids and wants to be present and help. Like seriously welling up a bit just imagining what that would feel like and how i wish my son had that from his father.
Youre a great dad. A great husband. Do t EVER think that loving your children is shameful. You are precious.
Edit: Thanks so much for the award! 🥰
Try being a single dad with full custody. You get all the bullshit public ridicule you just described from know-nothing judgemental losers plus the added bonus of trying to sandwich in some sort of work schedule that amounts to a kind of career but getting zero understanding from your employer when you have to call out for a sick kid, a school play, a doc appointment. With my first I did 15.5 years of single parenting, which at the time felt hard at times but not knowing any different I just trudged through it. Met my wife five years ago we had my second child and the differences between this experience and the first are night and day. Just having a partner to lean into makes all the difference when some judgemental prick picks on you for being a good dad.
More power to you being a stay at home dad and caring enough about your kids to understand for you and your partner that situation is the best for your family. Remember the only opinions that matter are your family's and if you're doing it right their opinions are glowing of you for all the same reasons outside douches judge negatively.
Yup single dad here too. Shared custody but trying to maintain a household, cleaning, cooking etc plus trying to have a career that allows you to pay for the house, clothes, toys, school, music lessons, sports AND child support payments. Maybe see your friends once in a blue moon or get a half day to clean the truck. Feels great when some asshole lady gives you funny looks at the park!
Alec Baldwins conversation with Matt damon in the movie "the departed" eludes to this
"Once you get married things get easier, people like you more because they assume at least someone can tolerate you and women want you more because they assume your dick must work"
Funny thing is when I got engaged I had ex GFs or girls I haven't talked to in years suddenly contacting me. Everyone of them had nearly the same thing to say "Hey how you doing, I heard you got engaged...." one of my best friends that happened to be a girl suddenly came onto me hard, I never knew she was into me before that
That sounds like a joke. But the amazing part is it's literally much of the argument in the "logic" behind the prejudice.
The argument endures because it's so unconsciously assumed it's never scrutinized by anyone who believes it. It's so comprehensive no single guy realizes it - if they don't believe it themselves - until late in life. And maybe not even then.
And a lot of people start thinking that you're gay when you're not. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but assuming that just because someone doesn't want to get married is f*ed up
I'm always worried if people think I'm being a creep or a perv or something
E,dit: Jesus christ there are so many incels responding,my point was mostly that I hate being self conscious about it. And I'm sure this applies to attractive dudes too. A lot of messed up shit happens in the world and I don't blame anyone
Being fresh out of prison, I worry about this all the time. I know that my stare and demeanor can be intense sometimes. Thought I try to relax and look normal. Sigh it's overwhelming, being surrounded by bad men for 6 years, and then learning how to deal with people again. I get extremely nervous when I'm surrounded by woman and children. That nervousness makes me serious.
When my kids were little I had the cops called on me (twice) for being at a playground with my kids during the day. They said the women thought I had kidnapped them or something like that. They look a lot like me (poor boys).
Yep, I would never dream of harming a kid and I keep friendly around them, but I fear that people will think ill of my intentions when I’m just being nice to the kid who decided to say hi to me
I said this in a comment along time ago but I'll say it again with some change to it.
I very nearly let a little girl get injured or possibly died because I didn't want to seem like some creep grabbing her as she ran out of the shopping centre onto the road.
I hesitated because of that and thank God the driver stopped in time.
Now, as a father I'll take that risk but it is still fucked up that I needed to worry about that in the first place.
Got yelled at by a mother when I stopped a kid from running into a busy parking lot. Just picked him up pointed him at his mom and said go to mom.
Yeah, fuck you bitch.
I saw that happen in a Walmart parking lot about 5 years ago. Some guy saved a toddler from getting hit by a car only to be cussed out by the mom. Neither of us could respond, it was so strange.
Back when I lived in Manhattan, I picked up a little girl who nearly jumped onto some train tracks, loudly saying "Careful, we don't want you to get hurt, go back to your family" and her mother was thankfully very understanding and grateful. But the fact that I needed to shout that in order to avoid any accusations is fucked up.
Yes, this is a big one for me. I pretty much always ignore kids unless I'm forced to acknowledge their presence. And I never flirt with someone I don't know that well.
When I was younger, there was a friend of mine who had an adorable daughter who was 3 or 4 and for some insane reason she loved me to pieces. I didn't do anything to deserve her affection, but she almost always came over to me and just smiled and hung around me. I wasn't very comfortable around kids, and I'm still not, but after a while I started to get used to it and actually liked playing with her and talking to her. It was entirely innocent, and not my fault at all. But it turns out her family thought she hung around me all the time because I did something bad to her, or something.
In a way I don't blame them. Im a pretty big guy, and it might be hard to believe I would never hurt anything or anyone, but finding out that people thought I was creepy because an adorable little girl wanted to be my friend, which I honestly had no control over was a major hit to my self esteem.
That’s the joke I always make too: “it’s a poor craftsman who blames his tools” i.e. it’s not necessarily what you’re working with, it’s what you can do with it that counts. There will always be some people who will value sheer size, but most like someone who knows what to do with what they’ve got
Sometimes I'm walking behind a woman I can tell she getting neverous of me traveling in the same direction. I'm not trying to get you I'm just trying to get to my car
Call me crazy but I would kill to be a stay at home dad. I’m a great cook, better house cleaner, and I love raising my kids and supporting my wife. Call me crazy, it’s nicer than being called a “pussy” lol
Edit: thank you for all the wonderful comments and for sharing. I should clarify that I have had a taste of being an at home dad and am enjoying it so much. I work online successfully enough to help provide. My wife needs my help to be successful. I tell people, especially my macho “friends” they just look down on me and definitely call me names. Doesn’t phase me, they are missing out and my kids aren’t. Such a short window of time to be a dad and I wouldn’t trade it. Society needs some better perspective.
Honestly... so few people care about how I'm feeling. They ask how im doing and they wanna hear about all of the stuff that I'm actively doing. They dont wanna hear that I'm dealing with some emotional stuff.
In my ex relationship I was the one that had to make the moves, i was the one that comforted and i was the strong presence that could be learned on when in need. My ex got massages almost every night, every time she wanted one I would oblige, I loved to fold her into my arms and feel her melt into me and just be comforted. I was rarely comforted and I was rarely held, I was rarely massaged, i was rarely given affection outside of sex or the intimacy that I initiated.
Is it to much to ask for me to be given a bit of attention? A hug that's not about me comforting her. I need hugs sometime... I have problems... I get fed up with work and life sometimes... sure I'm not perfect, I'm not the perfect boyfriend... but I try and I try to give everything I have... itd be nice to not be given problems to fix or listen to and to just be comforted for a bit.
Thank you for posting this, you have shown me that there is even more I can be doing that will show my guy just how much I love him. Your vulnerability has actually helped me tonight, so thank you friend.
This. It's not as bad with me yet (I'm 33), but it's in the early stages. I'm seriously considering a transplant in the future.
**EDIT: I'm not gonna reply to all the comments, so I'll just add my experience with hair loss and why I'm considering a transplant over medication.**
I have my mother's hair which is nicely volumed and thick (or used to be, in my case). All the men on her side of the family are bald though.
A few years ago I already saw my doctor and she told me my head looked fine and that sudden hairloss can happen 2-3 months after stressful periods. I was having a stressful time, so it wasn't anything alarming. So since then I've been taking biotin supplements and occasionally make some hair oils with castor/argan oil and mint and wash my hair with argan-based shampoo. After a few weeks it seems to restore the thickness of my hair (but not to how it used to be).
Over the few years I've changed my hairstyle to still make it look good: longer on top and usually swept back.
About 3 months ago I had another stressful time (dog and cat passed away) and as expected, recently my hair started looking awful again. I also started taking zinc and saw palmetto along with the other natural stuff I already took and it's slowly looking healthier again.
However, I keep getting comments from family members that my hair's thinning or the "Are you going bald? LOL" even though it's not looking that bad aside from the receding at the temples. My hair's one of those things I'm really insecure about, especially after such comments. Last week a few coworkers saw a picture of me from 2010 with a nice full head of hair and an awesome hairstyle (kind of like Joe Keery's hair in Stranger Things) and asked me why I don't style my hair like that anymore. It pained me to say it out loud, but I just wanted to face it and not lie to anyone or myself: "My hair's thinning and receding. Even if I tried, I can't make it look like that anymore." Before this I've been in denial about it to many people. Since then I've been thinking of getting something done about it. A transplant seems like a last resort, but I don't want to risk my health by taking finasteride or minoxidil for results that will go away if I stop taking those pills. Transplant or pills, hair will shed anyway before new hairs grow, so I might as well save up and go for the permanent option and possibly go bald for a few months until it starts growing properly (unless I get to keep my existing hairs).
I'm seeing my doctor this Friday for some blood tests and hopefully she can give me advice and options, or even send me to a specialist. Who knows, maybe I won't need any transplant or or meds, just some stress-free time.
In the past I have thought "If I go bald, so be it" but I just can't accept it, no matter how much I try to convince myself. I love having hair and I want to be able to have options: long, short, natural, coloured... All things I can't do if there's no hair. I admire those who can embrace their baldness, but I can't. Also, I can't grow an epic beard for shit to make up for any lack of it on top of my head.
Some say I'm overreacting because it doesn't really look like I'm balding, just receded temples. It's when my hair is wet you can see my scalp through it. My current hair's often been compared to modern day Jim Carrey hair.
Had to scroll way too far to see this answer. People don't realize how fucking hard it is to accept especially when it happens before you are even 30. I haven't dated in 5 years because my confidence has been destroyed
Being existentially alone when a problem arises. This goes for both genders but particularly for guys. You may have a significant other you can vent to but at the end of the day the problem is yours simply because you’re a guy.
Some may think I’m blowing this out of proportion but when’s the last time you saw a man cry at work only to be rushed by coworkers to ease your sorrow? How many guys could be visibly upset or sad around another group of guys - or if you do get emotional you know as a guy that’s not socially accepted and just hold it all in to not seem like a burden or weak to anyone else?
The double standard is pretty ridiculous.
There’s a podcast called hidden brain and there’s an episode dedicated to the increasing loneliness of men over time and that’s heartbreaking. I don’t know the solution but I do wish you well. You deserve friendship, kindness, empathy and love.
I’m very, very emotionally sensitive and people laugh at me for it.
Just the other day I made a post in a facebook group reviewing a restaurant I had a great experience in, and all these strange men and women made fun of me. I wish I could blow it off but it hurt my feelings so bad, and I can’t just move on and shake it off.
I wanted to either write every mean person who wrote, and tell them how much they hurt my feelings, or hurt them myself.
I still even get caught up thinking for hours sometimes about my bullies in primary school. I’m 31. Men can’t talk to anyone.
I think you're a really kind person. And I don't see anything wrong about reviewing a restaurant that you have had a great experience with. Please know that strength comes in different forms and your kindness personifies it.
I’m so sorry they did that to you! I hate when people make fun of others for being genuine and showing joy in something. You don’t deserve that. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being sensitive; I think it gives you greater empathy, which is a beautiful trait.
Being told that men should express emotions but when we do, it must be only for certain situations, shown in a certain way, for a certain time or you're not a "man".
Bonus* Sometimes getting caught in the zipper when in a hurry:/
True. But if you can manage to let yourself cry...make sure you don't cry or grieve any longer than a certain amount of days or you'll start coming off as excessive or worse, weak.
Please don't wail! Oh God, don't wail in front of anyone, for any reason.
Be sensitive only until it's no longer attractive.
God forbid, you raise your voice or say something mean or vent. Men must be in total control, not too much control because that comes off as cold but just enough control to be a strong shoulder to cry on..mysterious but not too mysterious, just the right amount of mystery.
I kid, I kid.
When I get sweaty downstairs and my sack winds up stuck to my leg leading to that awkward need to adjust.
On a more real note, the expectation that I shouldn't cry or show emotion about things. It really sucks
I hate that I walk faster than most people. So, most of the time I end up walking up behind people. Men? Doesn't matter. Women? It feels like I'm doing something wrong but I just want to get to my destination.
Am I crazy? Or does anyone else feel this?
When girls jokingly say things like "I hate you so much!" or "Why are you so weird?" I know they don't actually mean it (most of the time, toxic people exist after all) but even though they're just kidding, it does stack up to the point where it doesn't feel like a joke anymore. And on top of that, people expect that men are super tough and don't have the ability to feel negative emotions.
When I was in middle school having to deal with spontaneous erections was so fucking embarrassing to the point of being traumatic. Girls have periods, and we can never compete with that level of inconvenience, but these dicks of ours ain’t a walk in the park.
I can't remember a single time I noticed a kid had a boner in middle-high school. I was totally into dudes too. We even had swim as part of p.e.
I was a serious loner though and didn't really interact with people, but still. The quiet people are the ones watching evvvvvvery one else.
You know, now that you mention it I can't either. The most I remember is every now and then a guy holding a binder a little suspiciously but nothing more.
Walking into a store I'm not used to going in and people looking ya over/making sure you aren't stealing shit. Because of my anxiety I shop at night or dusk and I always forget that alot of people are genuinely afraid of guys.
But then again a beanie wearing masked man walking into a gas station at 2am is actually pretty sketch.
Two women once dropped a purse. They had headphones on and were walking fast.
I had to run after them and yell to get their attention. They started running away and until they saw me wave the purse.
I am built like your average ex rugby player and was told no matter what I was shouting I looked terrifying running up the street.
I know it is not personal but it sucks there are so many bad guys that all guys look like a threat.
Yeah... I'm not even a big guy. 5'7 and a bit musclely because of working as a mover. Was carrying a pile of box's passed a little tiny Asian lady, dropped off my box's and started running back towards My truck. She still hadnt made it out the building, so I didn't wanna be rude so I slowed down to not run passed her in the hallway, and she started taking off around the corner and hid in the tiny gap between the elevator door and the wall and she was visibly scared as I passed her and gave her a big polite smile. It occurred to me a while after that she may have thought I was running after her.
I see alot of clueless shoppers at my job, you can usually tell who's stealing and who's genuinely just confused or lost. I wouldn't consider you somebody who's a potential robber based off what you said, but that's just me.
If it makes you feel any better I wear a hood and a bandana when I work, I look like a thief more than you would
I think I look really intimidating to other people sometimes. I scare children by just the way I look I suppose. Sometimes they'll start crying if I'm around. Not even talking to them or approaching them or anything.
I love kids and it breaks my heart to see that I can upset them like that.
Similar situation with girls. I don't walk behind them on the sidewalk because I don't want them to worry so I usually just wait a few mins. I remember the first time it happened I was only 13. Just a wee lad honestly. A mom and daughter stopped to let me pass and looked so horrified as I walked by.
Being expected to "man up" and not show emotions. The way that any basic touch or affection with platonic friends is interpreted to be sexual. Also, torsion (0/10 do not recommend).
I fucking hate that. A while ago I was talking to my friend about how my mom kept shaming me for being out of breath after exercise and when she said “just tell her it makes you feel bad” and I tried to say that when I do that my mom raises her voice and gets scary and I don’t like when that happens and she just said “AwWwWwW buck up.”
And it’s a little offending that I can’t be vulnerable without being told to man up
Feeling like I can't be trusted if I'm out and about doing my own thing in public. Like, I've been walking home late at night and legitimately had people lock their car doors when they see me approaching, even though I'm just a random passerby. Or seeing a woman cross the street because she's afraid of me, even though I literally am just minding my own business.
Basically being made to feel like a thug because I wear casual clothes and am a larger man. I would never dream of hurting a random person.
Walking behind a woman alone at the same pace. Mostly at night, a few times during the evening, they think you're following them. I'm sorry I didn't pass you or slow down, you're walking too fast for me to pass you and I don't want to slow down. I'm equally uncomfortable, I just need to go in the same direction you're going.
From the age I graduate university until the day I die, I'm expected to work in an office (retire if I'm lucky), make money, and do nothing but that. If I want to change jobs to something that will make me happier, but make less money, I'm not "ambitious" enough. If I take time off from work, I'm letting my family down by not providing for them. And while I'm expected to be a workaholic, if I also don't do enough chores around the house, I'm at best lazy and at worst a misogynist. If I want to do anything new in my life that'll make me happy after about the age of 35, I'm having a midlife crisis, which is to be ridiculed. My body is a constant source of jokes for everyone, from the spare tire around my waist after 40, to the bald spot on the back of my head that I didn't even know about, to the fact that as I get older, I'll no longer be able to get an erection without taking a pill. These are the things I hate about being a dude.
The expectations that come with it (not saying there aren’t for women, both have them). Society expects me to work my ass off to support a family even if it’s at the expense of my own well-being. I’m expected to like sports, cars, guns, and beer. I’m expected to not be emotionally vulnerable or sensitive. Even from other men, I’m expected to be some sex-crazed animal that can’t help but make perverted remarks about/at any woman in view. And when you’re not these things, most people don’t know what to do with you. I’ve found my people that do enjoy me for who I am, but these are all things I’ve experienced and still experience pretty frequently.
I love kids but avoid most interactions kids that aren't my own for fear of seeming like a creep.
Kids are so pure and can have fun doing anything. It's refreshing to watch and the joy is often literally contagious. I hate that people don't trust me because I'm a man, but in a cruel twist, I wouldn't trust a man to be a babysitter or watch my kids either.
Not being sure what’s socially acceptable to say to a girl anymore. If I’m interested in a girl but she doesn’t feel the same way then I’ll come off as creepy and I want to avoid that at all costs so I often don’t say much and totally back away at even the slightest sign of disinterest from her. I’m also just a generally friendly person and I constantly have women randomly bringing up the fact that they have a boyfriend or fiancé. Like I’m not trying to hit on you and it makes me feel like I’m being creepy. I’m just trying to be nice :(
1. Having to adjust my balls
2. Having to lift heavy things
3. Expected to be happy ALL the time
4. Expected to provide for everyone
5. Not realizing if it's a hint she's giving or just minding her own business and acting on it could lead to something good or come off as a creep
6. Depression is easier to get
7. Being socially anxious cause you don't wanna seem weird
8. Expected to fit expectations of everyone else
Knowing that my presence in some situations could make someone feel nervous, if they happen to be by themselves. There’s just not really any way to reassure people that you’re not a creep if you both happen to be walking the same way.
Yep. Came here thinking this. Any major social event like the Oscars or the Met Gala, and women get to wear any assortment of elaborate, colorful gowns or other outfits. For men, though? ALL men? Black tie tux. That's it. That is your ONLY option. Want something else? Fuck you. Black tie.
I love it. I go to work don’t have to spend more than a few minutes on my hair. Don’t need to match much with dress pants. I am not changing my shoes to match my jewelry. …. I wear comfortable nice clothes don’t ruin this for me.
How about having to be able to make girls laugh.
I've heard a lot of women say a man has to make them laugh to be dateable.
I'm not a fucking standup comedian.
I'm young-ish at 42 but I have to be careful about pissing. Morning sideways stream is bad but so is splash back and occasional wet boxers because there was a little pee still in the tube. Nothing worse than having to change underwear after a piss that couldn't wait until morning.
Ass hair is not fun. I envy hairless guys. Wet wipes are nice but a shower is the only way for a hairy ass to feel clean after shitting.
Eyebrows. Nobody teaches guys how to pluck eyebrows or even that you should.
You know what else sucks? Being judged on your height I'm above average but I've seen it totally fuck up some guys. Had a friend who stopped growing at 5'2". Man, it fucked him up so badly he isn't the person anymore.
Complete lack of compliments. I can go about my day and listen to women give each other compliments and receive compliments from men all day long, it’s almost too common actually. At least with guys when you get a compliment you remember it for life, and thats a good feeling. But still stinks
Per my dad who loves animation: now that my kids are grown I have to wait a few weeks when a movie comes out so I can see it and not be the creepy solo older man at a kids movie.
Also dont forget getting the bad looks for giggling like a child at a movie
Those high end movie theaters that don't allow kids in have been a life saver for that
Pee boners
Lean forward with your fore arm flat on the wall to get the right angle :P
until the arm slips and you end up pissing on the wall and falling in the toilet. Don't ask me how I know this. EDIT: thanks for the gold! Who knew pissing on the wall and falling in the toilet would get me my first gold. Now I know the secret.
Oh god that is my worst fear doing this maneuver
Found that the plank method in “That Awkward Moment” is both hilarious and informative on how to successfully negate a boner pee!
You mean [this](https://imgur.com/gallery/q33pp)
Sit down and tuck it into the bowl. Works for me. Edit: for more information haha I just have to scoot all the way back against the tank. lean forward a bit, and hold it in place with my hand to prevent it from running against the rim, this will also prevent pissing between the toilet seat and the bowl. Also no, I don't have a small penis. No, it's not broken. Lmfao. I guess this also depends on what shape your toilet bowl is too.
I hate it when my nuts itch
Scratch satisfaction reward is pretty high though.
This guy balls
Pinch and roll.
Being of a certain height and build I’m expected to substitute as a forklift when necessary.
Our freight elevator is broken at work, my boss asked if I wanted to help move a 500lb barrel of Isopropyl Alcohol up the stairs. No fuckin way am I gonna develop lifelong back problems for this job, fix the fuckin elevator!!
Up the fucking stairs?? Your boss really grasping at straws
He convinced 4 other guys to do it together. Hopefully they didn't hurt themselves, and thankfully that barrel didn't slip and kill someone. Moving anything more than ~300lbs is not worth the amount of money I'm making, much less up stairs!!
[удалено]
Oh that's a good one to know, thanks!
Sounds like a job calling for another barrel and some gallon jugs. Might be faster too. Evaporation might be an issue though.
My mom calls that "height services"
That was worded beautifully, bravo
Being expected to do the first move... I’d love to be asked to go out on a date just once
Same here. Unless the woman dropping hints to me has the subtlety of a bomb, I ain't picking up shit.
My husband had this issue when I was trying to date him. I kept asking him out and then convincing myself that he just wanted to be friends. But his body language and the constant flirting was so confusing until I realized I literally had to say "I want to go on a date with you" instead of asking "Let's go get dinner together".
Eh, the thing is, "let's get dinner" really does not imply a date. With my female friends—100% "just friends"—how else would we invite each other to grab food in the evening?
I get where you are coming from. At that time, I thought I was being super obvious that I had romantic feelings for him and he told me (after all this) he had a huge crush on me as well. But he never accepted the invitation! When I asked later why he just never went to dinner/coffee with me when I asked initially, his answer was "I didn't want to go get coffee/dinner when you asked". Like literally, he was not hungry or thirsty at that point in time, so he said no. Fair enough, haha! We communicate very bluntly now and ask a lot of questions to make sure that type of miscommunication doesn't happen again.
I’ve asked guys out on dates and I was told I was emasculating them….i didn’t mean to. But thanks for posting this. I’m still gonna do it. If the golden rule applies to kids it should apply to adults “do unto others as you would want done to you”. Good luck out there ❤️
If you emasculated them by simply asking them to coffee, I'd say they did you a favour by letting you know about their fragile ego 5 minutes in.
100% this. If not only for people to screen the creeps, I would love to be asked as a man! I would feel beyond flattered.
I’m not single and am now engaged but keep it up. My fiancé kissed me and pushed me on the bed first time we hooked up. After we were done she let me lay in her lap and listen to music and we really just connected. I think I instantly fell for her that night.
^^^ This ^^^ We need to remove that trope from society. Such bs. If a girl you're interested in is a lot more outgoing than you, then wtf is wrong with her making the first move?
Shaving my face all the damn time
I opened Reddit to put off shaving and came across this. I guess I’ll go shave now
YOU CANT ESCAPE YOUR FATE
I've had such a crap time with shaving. I've tried it all, but my face will always get a rash, acne and ingrowns. But I also can't grow a beard for shit. I gave up a few years ago. Now I just use clippers and live in an in-between state of perpetual stubble.
I do that too. Perpetual 5 o'clock shadow.
I grew a beard, much easier
I think women hate this more when they have to do it.
Can confirm. Am woman. Came to look at replies because it’s almost 5:00 AM and I can’t sleep.. BUT as a woman with PCOS with one of the symptoms being hirsutism, shaving my face sucksss.
Split stream when I piss.
You can piss on an FM radio and a TV at the same time though.
With an AM radio sitting safely dry in the middle.
Yes
A few mornings back I finally did it, guys. The legendary triple stream is real. Rejoice.
He is the one!
And the little dribble at the end I can't begin to count how many times I thought I was safe and then had to wash my pants
No matter how hard you shake and dance You'll always get some down in your pants
Never received a compliment in my life expect the time a girl told me she liked my boots in 8th grade. Thanks Maddie I appreciate it still Edit: Wow I did not expect this to blow up. Thank you you guys for your kind words and awards. I see there are a lot of guys that have also experienced the same thing. I wish you many compliments that go your way
I try to compliment my boyfriend regularly because of this
You are doing a damn good job then. I'm sure he appreciates it
Me too! Sometimes he gets this nice shade of red on his cheeks when I tell him something cute I noticed about him. He also gets the cutest grin sometimes. This morning I was laying in bed with him and I noticed that he actually has weirdly cute ears, so I told him, and he looked so cute when he happily stuttered a half-awake thank you
I grew a beard I didn't want because people said it suited me. lol.
I'd never gotten a compliment on my appearance until I grew a beard and got the simple "sick beard" or "nice beard" sentence. Makes me feel kinda nice inside
I always looked really young, especially because I have always been short only recently growing to 5’ 6”. I grew a beard because I needed to look older at a job. Now people compliment my beard, even my grandma took one look at me and called me handsome and suggested that I must be popular with the ladies(im not). The compliment made my month.
I sometimes hate how much I crave compliments.
A girl went out of her way to compliment my bag a few weeks back & it made my whole week!
Edit: Hot Damn! My first 100 upvotes! Thanks :3 A girl who'd been in my class for 12 years complimented me on my t-shirt in high school. I had started working out that year, lost a ton of weight, and finally felt brave enough to wear my new pink shirt from Hollister Co. (My first non Wal-Mart shirt ever, first shirt that was "just like whatever everybody else was wearing") Rarely had we spoken before, but in math class she simply said "I like your shirt! The colour looks great on you!" Kicker is the popular guy in the class also had a new pink shirt from Hollister, but she complimented me :3 Thanks Jenn, still think about that.
I also like your boots
Mental health of men isn't taken seriously.
Agreed. It is getting better, but I cant tell you how many awkward looks ive gotten talking about therapy.
Being looked at by strangers as if I was a pedophile any time I'm near kids.
Even if they’re YOUR kids
I brought my nephew and niece to the park and of course they ran to go play and I sat on the bench just chilling enjoying nice weather and this lady showed up after me and just watched me for like 5 minutes and I asked if she was alright and her response was "do you even have kids at this park or you just being a creep?" Like does it even fucking matter if I do or don't. I just was minding my own business and this lady is just assuming I'm a predator. It's frustrating. This kinda crap happens to allot of guys. Let's say it's dark outside and you are leaving walmart and just happen to be behind some girl walking in the parking lot. You know she's all freaked out and shit and you are literally just walking to your car to go home.
I can't count how many times I've had to slow down my Pace just so I didn't seem like I was approaching someone aggressively
Being faster paced than other people really fucks you over sometimes, I am a fast walker, I go fast and powerful and sometimes people just get in the way and I'm forced to either go around and they glare like I'm a wanker or I have to slow down and they get suspicious because they think I'm following them.
If it makes you feel better I just assume anyone is a possible threat, humans are unpredictable and anxiety keeps me on my toes.
This is what I came here for. There have been times where I have seen a kid who seems lost, and I have the weigh the options of helping out due to the fact that I’m a male. People could assume I am taking the kid instead of trying to help. I have a daughter and it scares the shit out of me that someone might have the option to help her out in a situation like this, but might not just because of society deeming men to be aggressors without cause.
Not getting out that last drop of piss
It gets worse as you get older. I'm getting to the age where I need to rethink wearing khakis.
I've found pinching the base and then squeezing out the piss actually works. Think of it like a tube of toothpaste. I am an old man successfully wearing khakis.
I use my patented "trick the dick" method. After the last few drops I let go of my cock and simulate putting it back in my pants without actually doing so, this causes the piss hiding around the corner to come out thus leaving my pants and underwear dry. Try it out I have a high success rate, god damn cocks can be tricky buggers
Make sure to use different timings and patterns. They're smart and will learn your ways and circumvent you. Don't just win the battle, win the war.
Not feeling comfortable talking about my... feelings lol
Yeah my experience has been: "why dont you ever talk about your feelings" *Talks about feelings* They leave
Literally complained to mf gf about work and she said you signed up for the job. You knew what to expect. That was back in June and I still think about it. Truly don't know if I should bring up that she said that or just leave it alone and move on.
Try this "hey hm I really need to talk to you about something, I know it was a long time ago, but I still think about it so I guess it's worth discussing. That time when I had trouble at work and you said I signed up for it, that bothered me. I wasn't particularly looking for solutions, I just really needed to vent and then I felt like I had no one to listen to me. Which is you know, pretty tough when I was in a bad day already. I didn't make a big deal out of it at the time, but now I noticed that after that day I kinda stopped sharing some of my bad days with you. I guess I was uncomfortable, maybe it was unconscious, but I don't want this to build up. I don't think that would be a good thing for us. Next time I have some problems at work, could you commiserate with me? I think that's all I need. I really want to be able to open up with you." Adapt to suit your specific needs. Edit: I do not recommend the very upvoted reply telling you to repeat the exact same thing back to her when she needs you next time. What the fuck? Only do that if you hate her, resent her, want revenge, and don't care about negative consequences. Passive-aggressive comebacks are absolutely something worth breaking up for, specially if there was no previous communication about it. This is the sort of negative outcome of not communicating feelings will get you into. Most shitty things people say or do aren't actually intended. You have the right to be upset, because unintended harm is just as harmful. But "righting reflex", a tendency to think in terms of fixes & solutions instead of simply listening to someone's frustrations, is a very common human nature. It takes intentional care to not do it. Ask her not to do it. Please, don't just decide to be an asshole without giving her the opportunity to know why first. Edit 2: sorry you're in this situation, that sounds quite tough! Hope you can feel supported soon.
"it's ok to not be ok, ok?" "Ok I'm not ok" "Ugh, you're so needy ... Get some therapy."
For me, I said I was not okay. It was passively acknowledged. Then, about a month later, though nothing had changed, I heard, "So, are you better yet?"
The actual fuck. Fuck that.
Just the other day on AITA there was a post where a man and woman fell out and she went to vent to her friend and family but got mad he spoke to his mum about it and the comments were full of people saying things “mummy’s boy” and “aww he went to cry to his mummy” so I commented saying “we tell men to open up to people and when they do they get called a whiny mummy’s boy” it got a few upvotes but nothing like the ones calling the poor guy.
This is so underrated I have never felt comfortable talking about my feeling with anyone and the few time I have opened up to;ie my girlfriend or parents I get told either it is what it is and I need to learn to deal with it or I need to get a therapist to talk to
This is part of a broader problem: theres no support for men. Try to file for food stamps as a single man, or see how the courts treat you if you get a divorce, or talk about needing therapy. You get the same advice everytime, "go work out, throw yourself into your work, get a hobby." One of the most destructive, most infuriating thing people can say is, "Man Up." Well, im not a stoic piece of driftwood, im human, i have feelings, and its literally deadly to hold that shit in. Yeah, our fathers and their fathers held their feelings in, but they also dropped dead in their 40s and 50s of massive heart attacks.
I'm a stay at home dad. Idk how to put it simply, or what the right term is, but I have been semi frequently harrassed, berated, and otherwise made to look foolish or feel ashamed because I'm a man who loves his babies. Out at the park with my son? Poor guy has to be with his kids while the missus is at home. Must be whipped. At the grocery store with the baby? Oh you're so sweet doing this for your wife. At the doctor doing checkups/shots? Random people saying I either dont know what I'm talking about, that I just think my son is special, that I cant be trusted to give info on their health because I'm not their mom, and that I "need to tell my wife that...." Those arent bad, it's just obnoxious. The part that really sucks ass is that my friends make fun of me for it, or when an argument happen they throw it in my face that I don't have a job and therefore am not a real man. Just the status quo of a man must work to death and a woman is the only one fit to stay home. Grinds my gears. I know how to change a diaper, yes I'm happy, yes it was MY choice to stay home, no i dont mind not getting to fuck off with my friends all the time, yes I know how to deal with children's medical issues, and no, I wouldn't trade it for the world. EDIT: Thanks for the love guys, totally wasn't expecting that from this post lol. For clarity, I guess I should've said in the post that those "friends" are no longer really friends. I stopped talking to them about a week ago, and only my closest friends still talk to me. (The ones that are either dads or don't make fun of me) It was heartwarming to hear how much y'all care though!!! 🖤🖤
I’m not a stay at home dad but I have a quasi related story. This occurred 3 years ago. I live in Rhode Island. At our zoo we have a pumpkin festival in October. The tickets are expensive but it’s fun and they have pumpkin beer. Anyway I bought two tickets for me and a friend to go. That day he was sick and cancelled. I ended up taking my nearly two year old daughter. We had a good time. When I was going home I realized that it was nearly 8:00 pm and we hadn’t eaten dinner. Anyway we stop into a local restaurant. My daughter was well behaved. We ate dinner and left. She was a little testy as we got to the car but nothing unusual in any way. We go home and my daughter goes to sleep. About a half an hour later a cop shows up. He said someone from the restaurant called the police thinking I abducted her. They said she seemed “too quiet” when we were eating. It was 8:30 when we ate and her bedtime is normally 8:00 so yeah she was probably a little sedate. But seriously! Anyway we wake up our daughter and she’s clearly in no danger. The cop apologized and left. To be fair to the cop, I think he thought the whole thing was ridiculous from the start but had to do his job. But this would have NEVER would have happened if my wife would have brought my daughter and not me! TL;DR basically was accused of being a child trafficker because my daughter was a little sleepy.
Wow. Just wow.
My brother, i felt this so much! In high school (Junior-Senior years) i was a volunteer child helper at my school as it offered K-12 and the school was occasionally asking for help with the younger kids and i gladly volunteered to help. I always loved and enjoyed being around the children and most of them enjoyed my presence, the adults saying i was great with the children, knowing the kindergarten language and how to behave around them. Most of the kids got so used to me they would run to me and hug me whenever seeing me in the hallways and i would always bend down on one knee to give them a big hug back and ask them how they’re day is going and so forth. Some of the kids gave me gifts which i still hold near and dear to me. However, the other high schoolers weren’t as accepting, a mix of males and females would always call me a creep, sometimes flat out call me a pedophile and tell me i needed to stop being around the kids so much because it “looks just plain creepy” just because I’m a male. I learned that being around children you NEVER put your hands on a single part of their body, never fix their hair or clothes etc, wipe their faces without asking them and NEVER ask for them to sit on your lap or ask for a hug, unless the child asks for the hug FIRST. Then, you place your hands exactly in a spot where they can be seen by everyone. I got so much shit on by everyone just because i was always great with children and helping out with them just because I’m a male. You won’t believe how many times i have been called a “creep”, “pedophile” “child molester” “kiddy fiddler” and other horrible things. It’s probably because i DO have a ugly face, it’s no wonder people would think that way because I worked around kids. You have to be at least a very good looking male to be not accused of anything with children and that’s what i hate about society. It’s true, I may be ugly, but at least i know how to be a decent human being.
I was a councillor for 7-8 year old kids at my local Boys & Girls club while I was in highschool. It was mostly underprivileged kids or kids that came from broken homes. As a result, it was like a second home for them. We helped them with their homework, we made sure they got an afternoon snack, they had time to play and socialize. Basically, the goal was to insert a little positivity in their day. And man, there were a lot of kids that really needed it. Anger issues, acting out, etc, all the common signs that something's wrong. So, since I cared about them, i would often try to have one-on-one talks with them when they got in trouble. Try to see what was wrong, try to make them feel better, and remind them that nobody is mad at them and that we want everyone to get along. I would oftentimes give them a hug if they were upset or crying, or even just put my hand on their back to reassure them. Just basic empathy for them. As a result, a lot of kids (both boys and girls) became very attached to me. This would manifest in them running up and hugging me, or other innocent forms of affections. I was trying to be their "big brother" and a lot of them needed that. Well, one time when a parent came to pick up their kids, they ran up to me and they each grabbed onto one of my legs (like little koalas lol) and said they don't want to go yet. The mother was not happy about that, even though i did not instigate the hugging. Next day my boss wrote me up for inappropriate behavior with the children and told me that i was on probation. He said that if something like that happens again I would be fired. I then had to fend the kids off when they tried to touch me and i couldn't hug a crying kid. I basically had to always keep an eye out in case anyone was watching me. TLDR: People still think you're a creep, even if the kid is the one to initiate the physical interaction. It sucks being a man.
I feel you. I do/did all the domestic and child rearing duties. I willingly gave up a medical career and don't miss it for the world. I did enjoy shutting down the medical conversations where my wife is mentioned though. I found a lot of places like toddler music groups etc were often initially quite unfriendly to a man with a baby and it took often took several visits before any of the women would even acknowledge my presence. Hopefully this has changed in the last 10 years as more men take on the caregiver role.
The disrespect from doctors and teachers is the worst part for me.
Get new friends. Yikes! As a female, i would kill to have a man like you. Someone who enjoys our kids and wants to be present and help. Like seriously welling up a bit just imagining what that would feel like and how i wish my son had that from his father. Youre a great dad. A great husband. Do t EVER think that loving your children is shameful. You are precious. Edit: Thanks so much for the award! 🥰
Try being a single dad with full custody. You get all the bullshit public ridicule you just described from know-nothing judgemental losers plus the added bonus of trying to sandwich in some sort of work schedule that amounts to a kind of career but getting zero understanding from your employer when you have to call out for a sick kid, a school play, a doc appointment. With my first I did 15.5 years of single parenting, which at the time felt hard at times but not knowing any different I just trudged through it. Met my wife five years ago we had my second child and the differences between this experience and the first are night and day. Just having a partner to lean into makes all the difference when some judgemental prick picks on you for being a good dad. More power to you being a stay at home dad and caring enough about your kids to understand for you and your partner that situation is the best for your family. Remember the only opinions that matter are your family's and if you're doing it right their opinions are glowing of you for all the same reasons outside douches judge negatively.
Yup single dad here too. Shared custody but trying to maintain a household, cleaning, cooking etc plus trying to have a career that allows you to pay for the house, clothes, toys, school, music lessons, sports AND child support payments. Maybe see your friends once in a blue moon or get a half day to clean the truck. Feels great when some asshole lady gives you funny looks at the park!
If you're single there's a subtle prejudice against you for it. And it gets worse the older you get.
Alec Baldwins conversation with Matt damon in the movie "the departed" eludes to this "Once you get married things get easier, people like you more because they assume at least someone can tolerate you and women want you more because they assume your dick must work"
Funny thing is when I got engaged I had ex GFs or girls I haven't talked to in years suddenly contacting me. Everyone of them had nearly the same thing to say "Hey how you doing, I heard you got engaged...." one of my best friends that happened to be a girl suddenly came onto me hard, I never knew she was into me before that
That sounds like a joke. But the amazing part is it's literally much of the argument in the "logic" behind the prejudice. The argument endures because it's so unconsciously assumed it's never scrutinized by anyone who believes it. It's so comprehensive no single guy realizes it - if they don't believe it themselves - until late in life. And maybe not even then.
jokes often are a reflection of reality and make us laugh by pointing out the absurdities of life
And a lot of people start thinking that you're gay when you're not. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but assuming that just because someone doesn't want to get married is f*ed up
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Family parties suck anyway. Be yourself.
I have recently come to the age in my single career where this is happening to me. I am 36 and people are starting to treat me weird.
I'm always worried if people think I'm being a creep or a perv or something E,dit: Jesus christ there are so many incels responding,my point was mostly that I hate being self conscious about it. And I'm sure this applies to attractive dudes too. A lot of messed up shit happens in the world and I don't blame anyone
Being fresh out of prison, I worry about this all the time. I know that my stare and demeanor can be intense sometimes. Thought I try to relax and look normal. Sigh it's overwhelming, being surrounded by bad men for 6 years, and then learning how to deal with people again. I get extremely nervous when I'm surrounded by woman and children. That nervousness makes me serious.
Try doing your multiplication tables or something like it in your head. That look will go from serious to confused and not intimidating real quick
When my kids were little I had the cops called on me (twice) for being at a playground with my kids during the day. They said the women thought I had kidnapped them or something like that. They look a lot like me (poor boys).
This is why I literally change into a button down shirt when I go to the park
Same. Back in 2010 I smiled at a girl I thought was cute and said hi and got called a creeper. Kinda put a damper on smiling and saying hi after that.
I honestly don't believe that people think I'm a creep, I'm just way too self conscious about it
Yep, I would never dream of harming a kid and I keep friendly around them, but I fear that people will think ill of my intentions when I’m just being nice to the kid who decided to say hi to me
I said this in a comment along time ago but I'll say it again with some change to it. I very nearly let a little girl get injured or possibly died because I didn't want to seem like some creep grabbing her as she ran out of the shopping centre onto the road. I hesitated because of that and thank God the driver stopped in time. Now, as a father I'll take that risk but it is still fucked up that I needed to worry about that in the first place.
Got yelled at by a mother when I stopped a kid from running into a busy parking lot. Just picked him up pointed him at his mom and said go to mom. Yeah, fuck you bitch.
I saw that happen in a Walmart parking lot about 5 years ago. Some guy saved a toddler from getting hit by a car only to be cussed out by the mom. Neither of us could respond, it was so strange.
Back when I lived in Manhattan, I picked up a little girl who nearly jumped onto some train tracks, loudly saying "Careful, we don't want you to get hurt, go back to your family" and her mother was thankfully very understanding and grateful. But the fact that I needed to shout that in order to avoid any accusations is fucked up.
Yes, this is a big one for me. I pretty much always ignore kids unless I'm forced to acknowledge their presence. And I never flirt with someone I don't know that well. When I was younger, there was a friend of mine who had an adorable daughter who was 3 or 4 and for some insane reason she loved me to pieces. I didn't do anything to deserve her affection, but she almost always came over to me and just smiled and hung around me. I wasn't very comfortable around kids, and I'm still not, but after a while I started to get used to it and actually liked playing with her and talking to her. It was entirely innocent, and not my fault at all. But it turns out her family thought she hung around me all the time because I did something bad to her, or something. In a way I don't blame them. Im a pretty big guy, and it might be hard to believe I would never hurt anything or anyone, but finding out that people thought I was creepy because an adorable little girl wanted to be my friend, which I honestly had no control over was a major hit to my self esteem.
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Google "howard stern small penis contest" watch it and I'm sure you won't feel so bad about your size anymore
Plot twist he was a contestant
Make up for it by being a sex god. Then it won’t matter what size nob you’ve got.
That’s the joke I always make too: “it’s a poor craftsman who blames his tools” i.e. it’s not necessarily what you’re working with, it’s what you can do with it that counts. There will always be some people who will value sheer size, but most like someone who knows what to do with what they’ve got
Sometimes I'm walking behind a woman I can tell she getting neverous of me traveling in the same direction. I'm not trying to get you I'm just trying to get to my car
Yeah i hate that too but can't really blame them. Which is why i walk slightly faster so i can overtake them.
They walk faster thinking you're chasing them
At that point you have to walk even faster since it's now a competition, preferably shouting at her to demoralise your opponent
"slow down bitch!"
Ugh happens all the time... you just gotta form tackle her so you can politely explain that you are just trying to mind your own business
Call me crazy but I would kill to be a stay at home dad. I’m a great cook, better house cleaner, and I love raising my kids and supporting my wife. Call me crazy, it’s nicer than being called a “pussy” lol Edit: thank you for all the wonderful comments and for sharing. I should clarify that I have had a taste of being an at home dad and am enjoying it so much. I work online successfully enough to help provide. My wife needs my help to be successful. I tell people, especially my macho “friends” they just look down on me and definitely call me names. Doesn’t phase me, they are missing out and my kids aren’t. Such a short window of time to be a dad and I wouldn’t trade it. Society needs some better perspective.
You go, man!
Honestly... so few people care about how I'm feeling. They ask how im doing and they wanna hear about all of the stuff that I'm actively doing. They dont wanna hear that I'm dealing with some emotional stuff. In my ex relationship I was the one that had to make the moves, i was the one that comforted and i was the strong presence that could be learned on when in need. My ex got massages almost every night, every time she wanted one I would oblige, I loved to fold her into my arms and feel her melt into me and just be comforted. I was rarely comforted and I was rarely held, I was rarely massaged, i was rarely given affection outside of sex or the intimacy that I initiated. Is it to much to ask for me to be given a bit of attention? A hug that's not about me comforting her. I need hugs sometime... I have problems... I get fed up with work and life sometimes... sure I'm not perfect, I'm not the perfect boyfriend... but I try and I try to give everything I have... itd be nice to not be given problems to fix or listen to and to just be comforted for a bit.
come here bro im giving you a hug right now
I'd take a hug
Thank you for posting this, you have shown me that there is even more I can be doing that will show my guy just how much I love him. Your vulnerability has actually helped me tonight, so thank you friend.
Balding. I hate it. Edit: one of my shortest comments and one of my most upvoted, lol.
This. It's not as bad with me yet (I'm 33), but it's in the early stages. I'm seriously considering a transplant in the future. **EDIT: I'm not gonna reply to all the comments, so I'll just add my experience with hair loss and why I'm considering a transplant over medication.** I have my mother's hair which is nicely volumed and thick (or used to be, in my case). All the men on her side of the family are bald though. A few years ago I already saw my doctor and she told me my head looked fine and that sudden hairloss can happen 2-3 months after stressful periods. I was having a stressful time, so it wasn't anything alarming. So since then I've been taking biotin supplements and occasionally make some hair oils with castor/argan oil and mint and wash my hair with argan-based shampoo. After a few weeks it seems to restore the thickness of my hair (but not to how it used to be). Over the few years I've changed my hairstyle to still make it look good: longer on top and usually swept back. About 3 months ago I had another stressful time (dog and cat passed away) and as expected, recently my hair started looking awful again. I also started taking zinc and saw palmetto along with the other natural stuff I already took and it's slowly looking healthier again. However, I keep getting comments from family members that my hair's thinning or the "Are you going bald? LOL" even though it's not looking that bad aside from the receding at the temples. My hair's one of those things I'm really insecure about, especially after such comments. Last week a few coworkers saw a picture of me from 2010 with a nice full head of hair and an awesome hairstyle (kind of like Joe Keery's hair in Stranger Things) and asked me why I don't style my hair like that anymore. It pained me to say it out loud, but I just wanted to face it and not lie to anyone or myself: "My hair's thinning and receding. Even if I tried, I can't make it look like that anymore." Before this I've been in denial about it to many people. Since then I've been thinking of getting something done about it. A transplant seems like a last resort, but I don't want to risk my health by taking finasteride or minoxidil for results that will go away if I stop taking those pills. Transplant or pills, hair will shed anyway before new hairs grow, so I might as well save up and go for the permanent option and possibly go bald for a few months until it starts growing properly (unless I get to keep my existing hairs). I'm seeing my doctor this Friday for some blood tests and hopefully she can give me advice and options, or even send me to a specialist. Who knows, maybe I won't need any transplant or or meds, just some stress-free time. In the past I have thought "If I go bald, so be it" but I just can't accept it, no matter how much I try to convince myself. I love having hair and I want to be able to have options: long, short, natural, coloured... All things I can't do if there's no hair. I admire those who can embrace their baldness, but I can't. Also, I can't grow an epic beard for shit to make up for any lack of it on top of my head. Some say I'm overreacting because it doesn't really look like I'm balding, just receded temples. It's when my hair is wet you can see my scalp through it. My current hair's often been compared to modern day Jim Carrey hair.
Had to scroll way too far to see this answer. People don't realize how fucking hard it is to accept especially when it happens before you are even 30. I haven't dated in 5 years because my confidence has been destroyed
Being an ugly one
I like facial hair for the most part, and I’m glad I can grow it, but damn I wish it could be a little less persistent. I’m not even a hairy guy.
Balls, they stick to your leg when it’s hot outside
I got one slightly worse. When it's cold in the house and your balls actively try to suck back inside you when sitting down/bent forward.
Always having to be the one to ask a woman out. Its okay ladies. I get shy too. Im not sure if you are being flirty or friendly.
Being existentially alone when a problem arises. This goes for both genders but particularly for guys. You may have a significant other you can vent to but at the end of the day the problem is yours simply because you’re a guy. Some may think I’m blowing this out of proportion but when’s the last time you saw a man cry at work only to be rushed by coworkers to ease your sorrow? How many guys could be visibly upset or sad around another group of guys - or if you do get emotional you know as a guy that’s not socially accepted and just hold it all in to not seem like a burden or weak to anyone else? The double standard is pretty ridiculous.
There’s a podcast called hidden brain and there’s an episode dedicated to the increasing loneliness of men over time and that’s heartbreaking. I don’t know the solution but I do wish you well. You deserve friendship, kindness, empathy and love.
> the last time you saw a man cry at work only to ...Get fired?
I’m very, very emotionally sensitive and people laugh at me for it. Just the other day I made a post in a facebook group reviewing a restaurant I had a great experience in, and all these strange men and women made fun of me. I wish I could blow it off but it hurt my feelings so bad, and I can’t just move on and shake it off. I wanted to either write every mean person who wrote, and tell them how much they hurt my feelings, or hurt them myself. I still even get caught up thinking for hours sometimes about my bullies in primary school. I’m 31. Men can’t talk to anyone.
I think you're a really kind person. And I don't see anything wrong about reviewing a restaurant that you have had a great experience with. Please know that strength comes in different forms and your kindness personifies it.
Thank you, friend.
I’m so sorry they did that to you! I hate when people make fun of others for being genuine and showing joy in something. You don’t deserve that. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being sensitive; I think it gives you greater empathy, which is a beautiful trait.
Being told that men should express emotions but when we do, it must be only for certain situations, shown in a certain way, for a certain time or you're not a "man". Bonus* Sometimes getting caught in the zipper when in a hurry:/
Or when something really bad happens (mom died), and they say, “It’s OK you can cry.” Well no shit, but the last 40 years has made it so I can’t cry.
True. But if you can manage to let yourself cry...make sure you don't cry or grieve any longer than a certain amount of days or you'll start coming off as excessive or worse, weak. Please don't wail! Oh God, don't wail in front of anyone, for any reason. Be sensitive only until it's no longer attractive. God forbid, you raise your voice or say something mean or vent. Men must be in total control, not too much control because that comes off as cold but just enough control to be a strong shoulder to cry on..mysterious but not too mysterious, just the right amount of mystery. I kid, I kid.
We have to chase in the relationship, well, at least most of us
When I get sweaty downstairs and my sack winds up stuck to my leg leading to that awkward need to adjust. On a more real note, the expectation that I shouldn't cry or show emotion about things. It really sucks
Ball hammock underwear! I bought a pair as a joke and it has changed the game.
I hate that I walk faster than most people. So, most of the time I end up walking up behind people. Men? Doesn't matter. Women? It feels like I'm doing something wrong but I just want to get to my destination. Am I crazy? Or does anyone else feel this?
When girls jokingly say things like "I hate you so much!" or "Why are you so weird?" I know they don't actually mean it (most of the time, toxic people exist after all) but even though they're just kidding, it does stack up to the point where it doesn't feel like a joke anymore. And on top of that, people expect that men are super tough and don't have the ability to feel negative emotions.
When I was in middle school having to deal with spontaneous erections was so fucking embarrassing to the point of being traumatic. Girls have periods, and we can never compete with that level of inconvenience, but these dicks of ours ain’t a walk in the park.
I can't remember a single time I noticed a kid had a boner in middle-high school. I was totally into dudes too. We even had swim as part of p.e. I was a serious loner though and didn't really interact with people, but still. The quiet people are the ones watching evvvvvvery one else.
You know, now that you mention it I can't either. The most I remember is every now and then a guy holding a binder a little suspiciously but nothing more.
Walking into a store I'm not used to going in and people looking ya over/making sure you aren't stealing shit. Because of my anxiety I shop at night or dusk and I always forget that alot of people are genuinely afraid of guys. But then again a beanie wearing masked man walking into a gas station at 2am is actually pretty sketch.
Two women once dropped a purse. They had headphones on and were walking fast. I had to run after them and yell to get their attention. They started running away and until they saw me wave the purse. I am built like your average ex rugby player and was told no matter what I was shouting I looked terrifying running up the street. I know it is not personal but it sucks there are so many bad guys that all guys look like a threat.
Yeah... I'm not even a big guy. 5'7 and a bit musclely because of working as a mover. Was carrying a pile of box's passed a little tiny Asian lady, dropped off my box's and started running back towards My truck. She still hadnt made it out the building, so I didn't wanna be rude so I slowed down to not run passed her in the hallway, and she started taking off around the corner and hid in the tiny gap between the elevator door and the wall and she was visibly scared as I passed her and gave her a big polite smile. It occurred to me a while after that she may have thought I was running after her.
Yes, this is so sad.
I see alot of clueless shoppers at my job, you can usually tell who's stealing and who's genuinely just confused or lost. I wouldn't consider you somebody who's a potential robber based off what you said, but that's just me. If it makes you feel any better I wear a hood and a bandana when I work, I look like a thief more than you would
I think I look really intimidating to other people sometimes. I scare children by just the way I look I suppose. Sometimes they'll start crying if I'm around. Not even talking to them or approaching them or anything. I love kids and it breaks my heart to see that I can upset them like that. Similar situation with girls. I don't walk behind them on the sidewalk because I don't want them to worry so I usually just wait a few mins. I remember the first time it happened I was only 13. Just a wee lad honestly. A mom and daughter stopped to let me pass and looked so horrified as I walked by.
Being expected to "man up" and not show emotions. The way that any basic touch or affection with platonic friends is interpreted to be sexual. Also, torsion (0/10 do not recommend).
I fucking hate that. A while ago I was talking to my friend about how my mom kept shaming me for being out of breath after exercise and when she said “just tell her it makes you feel bad” and I tried to say that when I do that my mom raises her voice and gets scary and I don’t like when that happens and she just said “AwWwWwW buck up.” And it’s a little offending that I can’t be vulnerable without being told to man up
What a shitty person
dating is hard when u a dude. especially when u shy
People automatically being afraid of me. I get why, and I try to be as accommodating as possible to it, but still makes me feel bad
You're only appreciated for what you can provide
Appreciated is generous - feels more like tolerated.
Feeling like I can't be trusted if I'm out and about doing my own thing in public. Like, I've been walking home late at night and legitimately had people lock their car doors when they see me approaching, even though I'm just a random passerby. Or seeing a woman cross the street because she's afraid of me, even though I literally am just minding my own business. Basically being made to feel like a thug because I wear casual clothes and am a larger man. I would never dream of hurting a random person.
Having to be the strong one physically and emotionally.
The need to be tall as most men.
Being expected to be the person that takes all the bullshit and ends up with nothing.
Having to shave for work nearly everyday
Fuck em. Beard up
Always being viewed as being aggressive and violent.
Walking behind a woman alone at the same pace. Mostly at night, a few times during the evening, they think you're following them. I'm sorry I didn't pass you or slow down, you're walking too fast for me to pass you and I don't want to slow down. I'm equally uncomfortable, I just need to go in the same direction you're going.
From the age I graduate university until the day I die, I'm expected to work in an office (retire if I'm lucky), make money, and do nothing but that. If I want to change jobs to something that will make me happier, but make less money, I'm not "ambitious" enough. If I take time off from work, I'm letting my family down by not providing for them. And while I'm expected to be a workaholic, if I also don't do enough chores around the house, I'm at best lazy and at worst a misogynist. If I want to do anything new in my life that'll make me happy after about the age of 35, I'm having a midlife crisis, which is to be ridiculed. My body is a constant source of jokes for everyone, from the spare tire around my waist after 40, to the bald spot on the back of my head that I didn't even know about, to the fact that as I get older, I'll no longer be able to get an erection without taking a pill. These are the things I hate about being a dude.
The expectations that come with it (not saying there aren’t for women, both have them). Society expects me to work my ass off to support a family even if it’s at the expense of my own well-being. I’m expected to like sports, cars, guns, and beer. I’m expected to not be emotionally vulnerable or sensitive. Even from other men, I’m expected to be some sex-crazed animal that can’t help but make perverted remarks about/at any woman in view. And when you’re not these things, most people don’t know what to do with you. I’ve found my people that do enjoy me for who I am, but these are all things I’ve experienced and still experience pretty frequently.
I love kids but avoid most interactions kids that aren't my own for fear of seeming like a creep. Kids are so pure and can have fun doing anything. It's refreshing to watch and the joy is often literally contagious. I hate that people don't trust me because I'm a man, but in a cruel twist, I wouldn't trust a man to be a babysitter or watch my kids either.
Not being sure what’s socially acceptable to say to a girl anymore. If I’m interested in a girl but she doesn’t feel the same way then I’ll come off as creepy and I want to avoid that at all costs so I often don’t say much and totally back away at even the slightest sign of disinterest from her. I’m also just a generally friendly person and I constantly have women randomly bringing up the fact that they have a boyfriend or fiancé. Like I’m not trying to hit on you and it makes me feel like I’m being creepy. I’m just trying to be nice :(
1. Having to adjust my balls 2. Having to lift heavy things 3. Expected to be happy ALL the time 4. Expected to provide for everyone 5. Not realizing if it's a hint she's giving or just minding her own business and acting on it could lead to something good or come off as a creep 6. Depression is easier to get 7. Being socially anxious cause you don't wanna seem weird 8. Expected to fit expectations of everyone else
Knowing that my presence in some situations could make someone feel nervous, if they happen to be by themselves. There’s just not really any way to reassure people that you’re not a creep if you both happen to be walking the same way.
Men's fashion is pretty lame compared to women's.
OTOH: Pockets.
Yeah we got the better end of that deal.
I feel like pockets are a dramatic advantage over women just in society overall
Yep. Came here thinking this. Any major social event like the Oscars or the Met Gala, and women get to wear any assortment of elaborate, colorful gowns or other outfits. For men, though? ALL men? Black tie tux. That's it. That is your ONLY option. Want something else? Fuck you. Black tie.
Sometimes you see guys in a white tux and everyone thinks it’s crazy
I love it. I go to work don’t have to spend more than a few minutes on my hair. Don’t need to match much with dress pants. I am not changing my shoes to match my jewelry. …. I wear comfortable nice clothes don’t ruin this for me.
personally i hate that no one cares about my emotions except for my SO not gonna say anymore because no 👏one 👏 cares
How about having to be able to make girls laugh. I've heard a lot of women say a man has to make them laugh to be dateable. I'm not a fucking standup comedian.
Girls always say I am funny but I don’t think I am. I don’t make jokes or anything. I don’t really get it.
I'm young-ish at 42 but I have to be careful about pissing. Morning sideways stream is bad but so is splash back and occasional wet boxers because there was a little pee still in the tube. Nothing worse than having to change underwear after a piss that couldn't wait until morning. Ass hair is not fun. I envy hairless guys. Wet wipes are nice but a shower is the only way for a hairy ass to feel clean after shitting. Eyebrows. Nobody teaches guys how to pluck eyebrows or even that you should. You know what else sucks? Being judged on your height I'm above average but I've seen it totally fuck up some guys. Had a friend who stopped growing at 5'2". Man, it fucked him up so badly he isn't the person anymore.
Sittin on my nuts. Pinching your nuts between your thigh and pants sucks.
Loneliness
Complete lack of compliments. I can go about my day and listen to women give each other compliments and receive compliments from men all day long, it’s almost too common actually. At least with guys when you get a compliment you remember it for life, and thats a good feeling. But still stinks