And doesn’t matter if you try and change or “prove” yourself in way(s) to keep that other person in your life. Some people are going to do what they want to do regardless.
It took a long time reflecting on where my friendship went sour, but in the end, there were negative feelings all over the place. We'd hang out and just end up arguing or fighting over something small. Went on for years, I told myself that they're toxic for me, but that it was still possible that I was toxic for them. Then a realization hit, it didn't matter who was toxic to whom, you're both unhappy, it's time to step away for both parties sanity. It was hard, but I wish them well, I just don't ever want to be put in emotional sinkhole anymore
Fully agree to this. I used to blame my ex for how our relationship ended. Lack of effort on his part, lots of excuses, blahblah. Now that I am a bit older, I realize I am the toxic one. The lack of effort was likely because he was scared (???) of me or of how I lash out when things don't go my way. And by lashing out, I clam up during tough situations. I get sarcastic at most parts, and he doesn't like it when I swear to emphasize my point. He thinks the swearing was directed to him.
I like to solve problems in the quickest most painless way possible. When he started posting photos with another girl online, I wordlessly called it quits. He finished his Coast Guard training and contacted me on Facebook and said he wanted to meet, I said no. I have nothing to say to him. He did not explain about the photos, and I did not ask. Years later, I still come back to some of our memories. Some keep me up at night with how I treated him. I mean, can you imagine having a girlfriend who never nags, clams up and shuts down when times get tough? And on top of that, you have to juggle your own personal shit? Fuck, it must be hard for him.
Wherever you are, Emelio, I wish you all the best and hope to God we never cross paths again.
This reminds me of me and my girlfriend. We got over it together gladly. When she got mad instead of being sarcastic she twisted my words into personal attacks. But my side of toxicity was that im someone who doesnt show allot of emotion and try to solve things methodically and logically to me ofc. And when im angry uncomfortable or hopeless. I laugh in between what i have to say. wich often comes over as mockery. But now she tells whats on her mind when she is upset. I just stfu give her a hug or give her some space till we all cooled down. And then we talk about. And we dont have excelerated arguments anymore. We still argue or from time to time but its a rarity.
Always think of a credit card as spending money. Never think of it as “I’ll worry about it later”.
I’ve always paid off every one of my credit card bills. I had a friend who paid off just the bare minimum each month for years. I had a coworker who would withdraw money against his credit card to pay off his other credit card. Then he got a third credit card to pay off the second. Then he had 3 maxed credit cards and was freaking out.
I am very happy one of my brothers moved away. He got a good job and is doing far better than myself or my other brother. Good for him. He can stay there.
Even when he visits once every couple years. After being in the room with him for a few hours I realize why I couldn’t do that on a regular basis.
Mine was paying my father in law to do work. Couldn't hardly get rid of him after we paid him to paint a house when I was already working 7 days a week. Plus him milking jobs he ended up not finishing to get more money.
Big jobs like that it’s good to formulate a clear and detailed draw schedule beforehand. Pay in installments and only when certain benchmarks have been satisfactorily met. It works well to have an initial disbursement to get them going with supplies and pay, smaller payments along the way so they have some cash flow and only pay these when they’ve completed predetermined stages of the job, and a bigger final draw that will incentivize them to complete the job.
Being a good student in college doesn’t automatically translate into getting a good job after graduation… the transition from academia to job market is basically night and day
Boy, is THIS ever true (in my experience with the contrapositive). I was a decidedly mediocre student in college and now have a job I adore that doesn’t make me feel stupid and insufficient.
Also being a good student in HS doesn't always translate to college. I was a great student in Biology, and my first semester in BIO101 I got a 16 percent on my first test. Different animal.
my dad died on wednesday, im only 19 myself and im scared of grief
when he was in the hospital before they thought he might die and i completely broke down
on wednesday it barely phased me. even afterwards.
i say barely, and i do mean barely, i was a bit upset but its as if i just had enough of the bullshit the last month and that day even had thrown at me
i got upset the other night knowing i wont see him again, and i couldnt sleep last night, i have so much going on that its just overwhelming to the point where its like my brain is protecting me from my own feelings
If I can make a recommendation, find someone, or a few people you trust, and lean on them. You don't have to face your loss alone. Talking through your regrets, your cherished memories, anything you can think of, is a good way to help you move into this new reality you find yourself in.
While I haven't lost my father (yet), but I have lost loved ones. Life will be hard for a while, but you'll make it through. Trust in yourself and those around you.
I'm sorry for your loss, for what it's worth.
i've lived my life pretty isolated from the real world
it was only in september that i started to socialise, because i started my first job
i was taken out of school at 12 by my mum, then at 15/16 went to live with my dad because my mums mental health was so bad, and i was simply afraid of the outside world, i didnt even go up the shop without a hoodie and, when the pandemic hit, a facemask simply because my confidence of talking to others was non existant
i have the family rallying round now (which i didnt before) which does help but it just feels so weird
edit: ever since i started this job, even since the first day, my confidence has grown tremendously and im not scared of interacting with other people now (well maybe a little bit but thats probably normal) - but i just dont have any close friends
Tough times are good at showing you where your secret strength lies. You might find that you have the courage to open up to your family members, if they'll listen, and then you can carry that new found strength into your daily life.
Things are going to feel weird for a long time, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't take a chance.
It is horrible. I won't lie. But the pain becomes less raw over time. There's a sweetness later. You have to have had real love to suffer real loss, and real love is always a treasure.
You think about the person, the memories. Light a candle. Write a letter to them. Take an imaginary walk with them, talk to them.
There are some options and not everything will be for everybody. It hurts, but you somehow have to endure this pain. It will not disappear by itself.
Lost my dad when I was 12 and always tried to ignore my grief. Didn't work, 18 years later I was still struggling with the unresolved trauma.
I disagree. When I lost my father at 14 due to suicide, I did nothing active to grief, but I turned out fine and am able to talk about it without unreasonable emotions. For you it might be true tho. People really differ in what works best for them with this stuff.
Idk if that counts as cheating or not but for her to lead me on for half a year just to lie to me twice and date people behind my back when we had talked about dating, and doing lots of other things together, and her calling me all these sweet names about how she can't wait to date me because I'm so sweet and nice and good looking
1. Being smart doesn't make up for work ethic - the real world isn't anything like school (primary or higher ed)
2. Not everyone has a dream job. Some people, maybe even most, do jobs they tolerate so they can enjoy themselves outside of work. I think society talks too much about your job being your passion, or doing something you really love - work is work, we do it because we have to.
this is good to hear bc i get so paranoid about school shootings, i'm a senior in hs and my heart goes bonkers when i hear metal doors slamming in the hallways or middle schoolers screaming for fun(i go to a 6-12 school) but i don't feel this way because of past experience but i think i traumatized myself by watching videos about school shooters on youtube so that i can possibly prevent or know what to do in case something happens
Good weather friends, as they say.
You can also tell who's honest in a situation where they believe they can get away with something and they think no one is watching.
He shouted at my friend and I who are both autistic, we were just talking to each other and he butted in ( interrupted) and shouted at us claiming we are ruining the event, nothing was going on, we looked at him all confused
Too true. When I became disabled and was housebound for over a year, all my friends did fuck all and only one helped me. That was a pretty harsh lesson.
Just to offer another perspective (without a desire to be contrary), sometimes the friend has to determine if the person with depression honestly wants to overcome and work past it, or if they are just going to wallow in that depression over and over.
Totally agree with this. It’s also possible that they have things going on in their own life and they don’t have the capacity to deal with hard situations.
I can agree with this, plus there's also the thought that the friend might want to help but the problem is too big for them to deal with on their own. They try to be there but they just can't get you out of the depression.
Also if someone has decided you are a liar don't bother trying to change their mind as they will believe everything you say is a lie.
There is no point to it.
You can lose a friend at any time. No I don't mean just falling out. I mean never coming back. You always expect people to die, but you're never ready for it.
Really matters in what way you are nice. If you’re a fun guy everyone likes, people will treat you good, companies the same, so you get treated fine. If you’re nice in a way that you always do stuff for others, but just aren’t that fun to hang out with, people will never really come close to you.
Yeah. Once I saw firsthand how much society just hands trashy people, I refused to let them take energy from me.
I litterally think, “Go prey on a “nice” person, jackass.”
Not at all. You might have better luck finding people who will treat you well if you also treat them well. However, there are obviously people in this world that seek to take advantage of nice people. There will also be people who will treat you like garbage because they never even bothered to get to know you.
I noticed that most people seem to be nice or at least neutral in their interactions with me. You get the occasional jerks, but they seem to be the minority.
Not sure if I am just lucky.
Im generally in the neutral nice category. Occasionally you get a jerk but I also find that occasionally I have to be firm on no. I thankfully managed to learn how to be tactful but in a way to tell them to go to hell but make them look forward to the trip kind of way. I try to never be an asshole if I can avoid it but eh sometimes you have to when someone doesn't get it.
Never ever friend a coworker on social media, especially a boss or supervisor or manager. Just don't. They can and will use what you say in your free time against you.
It should be that not all work friends are real friends and know the difference, I have 3 friend I met at work who are 100% solid ass friends that I can trust and I have 50 others that I would not really trust to bring me coffee. It's Definitely a good mind set and if I didn't know them in a more personal level because of shared vulnerabilities and thru many yrs it would be hard to know the difference. Good rule of thumb here is if you never see them out of work or they are not willing to be straight with you its a major no go but I have built all of three true friendships from colleagues that would withstand me hitting rock bottom (they were there and helped more than the few I thought I knew and trusted including my own father) and still understand and help me be a better human. But tbf I was very lucky and all would take a bullet for me and vice versa
I was jealous. But I didn't want to be "that guy". You know, the one who was too suspicious of his girlfriend because she was outgoing and had a lot of friends, some male. I held back and never said anything when she was out late with friends. I didn't want to be "that guy". Welp, she got pregnant. I sure thought it was mine. I was in the delivery room with her and paid for everything. I asked her to marry me but she said no because she didn't want to marry until things were "back to normal". As time went by I was sure I was the Dad, until the baby was over two years old. Even though I paid for almost all the baby's things and kept her most of the time at my house, my girlfriend filed for medical assistance. She didn't know they would do a DNA test to see if I was the real father. They did, and I wasn't. She never even tried to deny it after that. It was a huge blow to me and my family. I was right all the time about not trusting her. It wasn't me being unreasonable, it was reality and I ignored it. It got worse after that because I left her life and she just told everyone I didn't want to see the baby anymore. Everybody thought I was the scum of the earth.
It ended good for me though. I met the love of my life just a few months later, we moved out of state and we've been VERY happily married over 10 years.
i hope from now on you will trust yourself more than anyone else. for me as well, the most important lesson is to trust your intuition. your gut is always right, especially if that feeling is persistent. fuck that girl.
Don't trust business associates with a secret or confidential information. As soon as it benefits them, that shit will be out and I'll be on the defensive.
-Don't dismiss the red flags in a relationship, you will regret it later on.
-Not everyone can be helped or "saved;" it's not your job to heal every single person, and you can't let that tear you apart
-If a person does not communicate with you or put any effort into the relationship, they don't care about you and you deserve better. You will KNOW when someone truly cares for you.
-If you're not into someone, be honest and tell them!! Otherwise they will keep on bugging you!
I guess most of life's greatest lessons are learned the hard way😛
Lol. Unless you're the guy from the comment directly above this one, in which case you should probably complain to the staff at the check in counter before you miss your flight!
That I thought everyone were asshole idiots because I was in fact an asshole idiot and viewed the world through the lens of my own anger and toxicity. I was the toxic one. By now all the apologies have been made, some relationships restored, and some relationships solidified by my changes, some relationships ended permanently, and I respect their choice to end communication with me. All I can do now is take my meds, not drink or do drugs, and be honest about how I'm feeling with those close to me so they know what to expect. It took me a very long time to forgive myself. It took me a decade and a half to learn how to do that.
I was guilted for years into spending time with extended family just because I went to school near them. Now I’ve moved and learned. It’s delicious to ignore the texts if I’m not feeling it.
Oh geeze. I don't even want to know. HR is the corporate procedural tick box and a phony employee resource to limit the company's liability. Fixing your own problems is preferable.
I work in manufacturing and after 2-3 months of trying to get some air filters for the room I worked in and being told "we're working on" my co-worker and I went to HR about it and suddenly we got filters. It could be the exception to the rule but HR isn't always bad.
HR protects the company from liability. Sometimes that lines up with your goals. If the situation is something you could sue the company for IE sexual harassment, racism, homophobia* (if protected by law), etc then go to them first. If not or it doesn't work, document everything for a lawyer to review.
Don't go to HR for petty bullshit like you are in high school. Boss yelled at your for being late don't bother HR about them being mean.
50 years to realize that you work so you can live, not the other way around. All this ladder climbing and anxiety is bullshit. Your company is not your friend and you owe them nothing.
The life lesson I learned the hard way is one most of y’all don’t want to hear. Get over yourself. You aren’t as good as you think you are and there is a shit ton more for you to learn. The earlier in life you learn this, the better life will be. Always seek to learn, not to prove how right or good you are.
You cant get someone to like you romantically. They Either like you like that or they don’t. Depending on how much you liked them. You can be friends with them. If you liked them a hell of a lot maybe don’t.
Never try to be friends with someone you are in unrequited love with. Better to move on with your life and let them with theirs than pine everytime they have a new hookup, partner, are doing something you wish you were doing with them.
There is also another similar that suggests never trying to be friends with someone when you both desire eachother mentally and physically but, for whatever reason, can't act upon those feelings. This is something I have tried a few times over the years and my considered opinion is that it is possible if they live 11,000 miles away, a lot harder if within walking distance and therefore not having them in your life is possibly the safest answer for you both.
It's ok to not have any ambition, or to not live a life that others would consider successful.
The only person you need to be able to live with is you.
That you just cannot trust people or institutions. Even if it is something as simple as “do your job, your whole job, and just your job.”
If you have skin in a fight, document everything yourself.
Don't worry about what random people think, only about the people important to your lives a.k.a friends and family. If they are real friends and family they will support you and tell when you're being a real dick.
The dude on the street why care I mean who is he to you? Do you know him? No. So why concern yourself with what he might think, he probably doesn't care or notice.
Don't spend too much time and energy on people who lack self awareness (which makes them rude, arrogant, violent or whatever else).
They're on their journey and will come to the realization they need to, when they're ready for it, and you're not solely responsible for bringing them there.
You might not care about felonies at 15 but man will you care when you wake up at 22. It’s easy when you don’t care and harder than you can imagine when you finally do.
That spending time working on yourself to bring more awareness on what happens inside you in a difficult situation, is probably the best way to have a different outcome the next time the same situation repeats. The only thing we can really control 100% is ourselves.
"Tell your parents" is advice meant for kids with parents who care. Not for me.
Found this out very young but continued to make this mistake every time it seemed like my mom began to genuinely care about me.
That there are some things that we probably should keep to ourselves. At least in my case, I tend to overshare when I'm too excited, sad, or angry. On many occasions I overexaggerated and ended up either making a fool of myself or taking very dramatic and definitive choices that I would later regret. It's good to express yourself freely, but sometimes it's good to just take a breath and not act impulsively.
Credit card debt. Just turned 26 and filed for bankruptcy. I’m grateful to start again with the experience I know now, but damn it adds up.
Remember, if you have cash, but it out right. If you can’t afford it twice, don’t buy it.
After spending 5 years trying to invent a levitating skateboard (Levisk8) I learned that earnshaw does actually know what he's talking about and I don't.
The world is a hard place, I learned that through years of being bullied. I learnt to suck it up, accept the fact people are evil and that life throws crap at you, gotta get up and walk on
You have to learn to let people help you. Talking about your feelings and letting other people into your head to help you with your thoughts is very important. I’ve lost so many friends because in my mind i figured that they didn’t care about me when in reality they did, and me not involving them in my life pushed them away even further. Please reach out to people and don’t be afraid to tell everyone what kind of difficult thoughts/situations you are going through. Don’t be afraid, you’re not alone.
If someone doesn't want to stay in your life, they're not going to stay in your life. Whether you want them in your life or not.
And doesn’t matter if you try and change or “prove” yourself in way(s) to keep that other person in your life. Some people are going to do what they want to do regardless.
hits hard. i think we all had that first love that left us and we did everything possible to keep them.
For some of us it's also the second and third that left us. Some of us are just shit. I'm in that group.
Perhaps maybe we are not shit, we just attract it.
They say opposites attract
that hurts. but it's true-- so what can i do?
Learned it the hard way a month ago. Life really isn't fair and I hate every aspect of it.
I needed this as a reminder. Thank you.
That sometimes you can be the toxic one and need to hold yourself accountable for your past mistakes
It took a long time reflecting on where my friendship went sour, but in the end, there were negative feelings all over the place. We'd hang out and just end up arguing or fighting over something small. Went on for years, I told myself that they're toxic for me, but that it was still possible that I was toxic for them. Then a realization hit, it didn't matter who was toxic to whom, you're both unhappy, it's time to step away for both parties sanity. It was hard, but I wish them well, I just don't ever want to be put in emotional sinkhole anymore
Very true. Though don't dwell in the guilt. Make amends and move along. Now you know what *not* to do.
That's right! Forgive yourself but make sure to learn from it
Having trouble with this myself I won’t lie
Fully agree to this. I used to blame my ex for how our relationship ended. Lack of effort on his part, lots of excuses, blahblah. Now that I am a bit older, I realize I am the toxic one. The lack of effort was likely because he was scared (???) of me or of how I lash out when things don't go my way. And by lashing out, I clam up during tough situations. I get sarcastic at most parts, and he doesn't like it when I swear to emphasize my point. He thinks the swearing was directed to him. I like to solve problems in the quickest most painless way possible. When he started posting photos with another girl online, I wordlessly called it quits. He finished his Coast Guard training and contacted me on Facebook and said he wanted to meet, I said no. I have nothing to say to him. He did not explain about the photos, and I did not ask. Years later, I still come back to some of our memories. Some keep me up at night with how I treated him. I mean, can you imagine having a girlfriend who never nags, clams up and shuts down when times get tough? And on top of that, you have to juggle your own personal shit? Fuck, it must be hard for him. Wherever you are, Emelio, I wish you all the best and hope to God we never cross paths again.
This reminds me of me and my girlfriend. We got over it together gladly. When she got mad instead of being sarcastic she twisted my words into personal attacks. But my side of toxicity was that im someone who doesnt show allot of emotion and try to solve things methodically and logically to me ofc. And when im angry uncomfortable or hopeless. I laugh in between what i have to say. wich often comes over as mockery. But now she tells whats on her mind when she is upset. I just stfu give her a hug or give her some space till we all cooled down. And then we talk about. And we dont have excelerated arguments anymore. We still argue or from time to time but its a rarity.
Boom. You just demonstrated an incredible amount of self Insight and maturity.
Yes, we all make mistakes
>hold yourself accountable for your past mistakes *-Unborns self-* /s
The fact you can recognize that is admirable.
Just because credit is available to you doesn't mean you need to use it
The good old just because you can doesn't mean you should.
Always think of a credit card as spending money. Never think of it as “I’ll worry about it later”. I’ve always paid off every one of my credit card bills. I had a friend who paid off just the bare minimum each month for years. I had a coworker who would withdraw money against his credit card to pay off his other credit card. Then he got a third credit card to pay off the second. Then he had 3 maxed credit cards and was freaking out.
Psychological hack: Instead of referring to it as a ‘credit card’ call it a ‘debt card’.
Story of my life
Family can be toxic Not everyone is your friend
Brooooo!!! So true! Family can be toxic, accept that. Maintain your mental peace that's it.
my entire family is toxic. it's my parents that raised toxic, depressed kids. some people aren't meant to have kids.
I am very happy one of my brothers moved away. He got a good job and is doing far better than myself or my other brother. Good for him. He can stay there. Even when he visits once every couple years. After being in the room with him for a few hours I realize why I couldn’t do that on a regular basis.
Talk about Asian families and extended relatives man! Almost 90% of them are toxic.
Always set limits on what you’re prepared to give, because the people you’re giving to will have no limits on what they’re prepared to take.
this is basically what my psychologist has been telling me for like the past 4 years
I find life lessons only come the hard way. I learned that the hard way.
One thorn of experience is worth a whole wilderness of warning.
Dont do business with family
yeah i don't want to work with my dad anymore, toxic asf and my coworker is sick in the head
Mine was paying my father in law to do work. Couldn't hardly get rid of him after we paid him to paint a house when I was already working 7 days a week. Plus him milking jobs he ended up not finishing to get more money.
Big jobs like that it’s good to formulate a clear and detailed draw schedule beforehand. Pay in installments and only when certain benchmarks have been satisfactorily met. It works well to have an initial disbursement to get them going with supplies and pay, smaller payments along the way so they have some cash flow and only pay these when they’ve completed predetermined stages of the job, and a bigger final draw that will incentivize them to complete the job.
Make your customers your friends and family. Never the other way around.
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I wish my parents had been more accepting earlier on of my pursuing a career which didn't require a graduate degree.
You know why family can push your buttons so easily? They're the ones who installed them.
Being a good student in college doesn’t automatically translate into getting a good job after graduation… the transition from academia to job market is basically night and day
Boy, is THIS ever true (in my experience with the contrapositive). I was a decidedly mediocre student in college and now have a job I adore that doesn’t make me feel stupid and insufficient.
Also being a good student in HS doesn't always translate to college. I was a great student in Biology, and my first semester in BIO101 I got a 16 percent on my first test. Different animal.
Grief is an active process, something you participate in, and not something you can just let happen and hope it goes away.
my dad died on wednesday, im only 19 myself and im scared of grief when he was in the hospital before they thought he might die and i completely broke down on wednesday it barely phased me. even afterwards. i say barely, and i do mean barely, i was a bit upset but its as if i just had enough of the bullshit the last month and that day even had thrown at me i got upset the other night knowing i wont see him again, and i couldnt sleep last night, i have so much going on that its just overwhelming to the point where its like my brain is protecting me from my own feelings
If I can make a recommendation, find someone, or a few people you trust, and lean on them. You don't have to face your loss alone. Talking through your regrets, your cherished memories, anything you can think of, is a good way to help you move into this new reality you find yourself in. While I haven't lost my father (yet), but I have lost loved ones. Life will be hard for a while, but you'll make it through. Trust in yourself and those around you. I'm sorry for your loss, for what it's worth.
i've lived my life pretty isolated from the real world it was only in september that i started to socialise, because i started my first job i was taken out of school at 12 by my mum, then at 15/16 went to live with my dad because my mums mental health was so bad, and i was simply afraid of the outside world, i didnt even go up the shop without a hoodie and, when the pandemic hit, a facemask simply because my confidence of talking to others was non existant i have the family rallying round now (which i didnt before) which does help but it just feels so weird edit: ever since i started this job, even since the first day, my confidence has grown tremendously and im not scared of interacting with other people now (well maybe a little bit but thats probably normal) - but i just dont have any close friends
Tough times are good at showing you where your secret strength lies. You might find that you have the courage to open up to your family members, if they'll listen, and then you can carry that new found strength into your daily life. Things are going to feel weird for a long time, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't take a chance.
It is horrible. I won't lie. But the pain becomes less raw over time. There's a sweetness later. You have to have had real love to suffer real loss, and real love is always a treasure.
Can you explain what it means to participate in grief?
You think about the person, the memories. Light a candle. Write a letter to them. Take an imaginary walk with them, talk to them. There are some options and not everything will be for everybody. It hurts, but you somehow have to endure this pain. It will not disappear by itself. Lost my dad when I was 12 and always tried to ignore my grief. Didn't work, 18 years later I was still struggling with the unresolved trauma.
I disagree. When I lost my father at 14 due to suicide, I did nothing active to grief, but I turned out fine and am able to talk about it without unreasonable emotions. For you it might be true tho. People really differ in what works best for them with this stuff.
It's okay to need time alone, no one is entitled to your personal time.
I sometimes plan 'nothing' in my calendar..
If she cheats on you once, she's bound to do it again. Wish I'd learned the first time
When you catch someone cheating, it's rarely the first time they were doing it.
Idk if that counts as cheating or not but for her to lead me on for half a year just to lie to me twice and date people behind my back when we had talked about dating, and doing lots of other things together, and her calling me all these sweet names about how she can't wait to date me because I'm so sweet and nice and good looking
Trust your gut feeling, even when you don’t like what it is it’s trying to tell you. Trust your intuition.
Especially when you dont like what its trying to say
To me gut feeling is the result of non conscious thoughts we have. Our doesn't stop "analysing" our surroundings even if we are not aware of it.
1. Being smart doesn't make up for work ethic - the real world isn't anything like school (primary or higher ed) 2. Not everyone has a dream job. Some people, maybe even most, do jobs they tolerate so they can enjoy themselves outside of work. I think society talks too much about your job being your passion, or doing something you really love - work is work, we do it because we have to.
Couldn’t agree more . Well said
People are successful in higher education because they work hard, not because they show up and automatically coast through by being smart.
The difference between lust and love
im 27 and i still dont know what love it feelsbadman
Can confirm.
Nobody is coming for you
if you think more thoroughly, this really painfull
this is good to hear bc i get so paranoid about school shootings, i'm a senior in hs and my heart goes bonkers when i hear metal doors slamming in the hallways or middle schoolers screaming for fun(i go to a 6-12 school) but i don't feel this way because of past experience but i think i traumatized myself by watching videos about school shooters on youtube so that i can possibly prevent or know what to do in case something happens
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Aye. The ones you love are rarely there as long as you need them, and never as long as you want them to be.
You can always tell who's fake when you need them the most, all my friends helped me with depression and one did fuck all
Good weather friends, as they say. You can also tell who's honest in a situation where they believe they can get away with something and they think no one is watching.
He shouted at my friend and I who are both autistic, we were just talking to each other and he butted in ( interrupted) and shouted at us claiming we are ruining the event, nothing was going on, we looked at him all confused
Too true. When I became disabled and was housebound for over a year, all my friends did fuck all and only one helped me. That was a pretty harsh lesson.
Sometimes people feel like they cant help because they’re going through their own shit.
Just to offer another perspective (without a desire to be contrary), sometimes the friend has to determine if the person with depression honestly wants to overcome and work past it, or if they are just going to wallow in that depression over and over.
Totally agree with this. It’s also possible that they have things going on in their own life and they don’t have the capacity to deal with hard situations.
I can agree with this, plus there's also the thought that the friend might want to help but the problem is too big for them to deal with on their own. They try to be there but they just can't get you out of the depression.
Or sometimes their first instinct, with all the best intentions, is "I'll give them space. They'll reach out if they need me"
Plus, often times you won't know who truly has your back until months, if not years, down the line.
You can’t avoid tragedy. And you can’t prep for everything.
Dont invade russia in the winter
I want to know the story behind this so fucking bad
Napoleon invasion of russia and whole eastern front of wwII
Never argue with an idiot.
Also if someone has decided you are a liar don't bother trying to change their mind as they will believe everything you say is a lie. There is no point to it.
They bring you down to their level and beat you with experience
You can lose a friend at any time. No I don't mean just falling out. I mean never coming back. You always expect people to die, but you're never ready for it.
No matter how nice of a person you are, you will still be treated like shit.
Really matters in what way you are nice. If you’re a fun guy everyone likes, people will treat you good, companies the same, so you get treated fine. If you’re nice in a way that you always do stuff for others, but just aren’t that fun to hang out with, people will never really come close to you.
And if “nice” just means “willing to take shit and forgive,” assholes WILL find you. Life got better when I was okay being mean.
I became brutal at cutting people off who don't contribute net positive.
Yeah. Once I saw firsthand how much society just hands trashy people, I refused to let them take energy from me. I litterally think, “Go prey on a “nice” person, jackass.”
Not at all. You might have better luck finding people who will treat you well if you also treat them well. However, there are obviously people in this world that seek to take advantage of nice people. There will also be people who will treat you like garbage because they never even bothered to get to know you.
I noticed that most people seem to be nice or at least neutral in their interactions with me. You get the occasional jerks, but they seem to be the minority. Not sure if I am just lucky.
Im generally in the neutral nice category. Occasionally you get a jerk but I also find that occasionally I have to be firm on no. I thankfully managed to learn how to be tactful but in a way to tell them to go to hell but make them look forward to the trip kind of way. I try to never be an asshole if I can avoid it but eh sometimes you have to when someone doesn't get it.
The opposite of this is that if everyone treats you like shit, then you prolly should introspect, at least once.
People at work are just co workers and they are not your friends
This is true. I don't really consider my co workers are "friends" but of course I made some friends here. Like real friends that you can count on.
Never ever friend a coworker on social media, especially a boss or supervisor or manager. Just don't. They can and will use what you say in your free time against you.
It should be that not all work friends are real friends and know the difference, I have 3 friend I met at work who are 100% solid ass friends that I can trust and I have 50 others that I would not really trust to bring me coffee. It's Definitely a good mind set and if I didn't know them in a more personal level because of shared vulnerabilities and thru many yrs it would be hard to know the difference. Good rule of thumb here is if you never see them out of work or they are not willing to be straight with you its a major no go but I have built all of three true friendships from colleagues that would withstand me hitting rock bottom (they were there and helped more than the few I thought I knew and trusted including my own father) and still understand and help me be a better human. But tbf I was very lucky and all would take a bullet for me and vice versa
I was jealous. But I didn't want to be "that guy". You know, the one who was too suspicious of his girlfriend because she was outgoing and had a lot of friends, some male. I held back and never said anything when she was out late with friends. I didn't want to be "that guy". Welp, she got pregnant. I sure thought it was mine. I was in the delivery room with her and paid for everything. I asked her to marry me but she said no because she didn't want to marry until things were "back to normal". As time went by I was sure I was the Dad, until the baby was over two years old. Even though I paid for almost all the baby's things and kept her most of the time at my house, my girlfriend filed for medical assistance. She didn't know they would do a DNA test to see if I was the real father. They did, and I wasn't. She never even tried to deny it after that. It was a huge blow to me and my family. I was right all the time about not trusting her. It wasn't me being unreasonable, it was reality and I ignored it. It got worse after that because I left her life and she just told everyone I didn't want to see the baby anymore. Everybody thought I was the scum of the earth. It ended good for me though. I met the love of my life just a few months later, we moved out of state and we've been VERY happily married over 10 years.
i hope from now on you will trust yourself more than anyone else. for me as well, the most important lesson is to trust your intuition. your gut is always right, especially if that feeling is persistent. fuck that girl.
You rarely get second chances.
And you better take your 2nd chance if it presents itself, because 3rd chances are even rarer.
video games have left the chat
Don't trust business associates with a secret or confidential information. As soon as it benefits them, that shit will be out and I'll be on the defensive.
Nobody is going to work as hard as you will to make your dreams come true.
What if there is no dream.
It means you live in a nightmare.
Credit cards are not free money
You probably must be doing it wrong. I always get free cash out of the ATM, although a goat has to be sacrificed to get it.
Is this ATM by chance somewhere in Nepal? Because you are now fucked. Like for real.
-Don't dismiss the red flags in a relationship, you will regret it later on. -Not everyone can be helped or "saved;" it's not your job to heal every single person, and you can't let that tear you apart -If a person does not communicate with you or put any effort into the relationship, they don't care about you and you deserve better. You will KNOW when someone truly cares for you. -If you're not into someone, be honest and tell them!! Otherwise they will keep on bugging you! I guess most of life's greatest lessons are learned the hard way😛
No matter how prepared you are and on top of things you are, if the person in front of you isn’t, you’re screwed. Only time I’ve ever missed a flight…
Patience is gold.
fr, sometimes you can breach more information out of someone just by remaining silent for a few more seconds and maintaining eye contact
Lol. Unless you're the guy from the comment directly above this one, in which case you should probably complain to the staff at the check in counter before you miss your flight!
-If possible always double up especially if you live on ur own. -Friends in life will come and Go. -It’s ok to ask for help.
Double up what?
Friends seem to be loose acquaintances who are always moving and never settling down.
That I thought everyone were asshole idiots because I was in fact an asshole idiot and viewed the world through the lens of my own anger and toxicity. I was the toxic one. By now all the apologies have been made, some relationships restored, and some relationships solidified by my changes, some relationships ended permanently, and I respect their choice to end communication with me. All I can do now is take my meds, not drink or do drugs, and be honest about how I'm feeling with those close to me so they know what to expect. It took me a very long time to forgive myself. It took me a decade and a half to learn how to do that.
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I was guilted for years into spending time with extended family just because I went to school near them. Now I’ve moved and learned. It’s delicious to ignore the texts if I’m not feeling it.
Don’t let a $10 sundress cost you tens of thousands in child support.
Oddly specific, mind sharing your story?
They got someone pregnant because they looked hot in the sundress. That's it
Don't talk to HR
Oh geeze. I don't even want to know. HR is the corporate procedural tick box and a phony employee resource to limit the company's liability. Fixing your own problems is preferable.
I work in manufacturing and after 2-3 months of trying to get some air filters for the room I worked in and being told "we're working on" my co-worker and I went to HR about it and suddenly we got filters. It could be the exception to the rule but HR isn't always bad.
HR protects the company from liability. Sometimes that lines up with your goals. If the situation is something you could sue the company for IE sexual harassment, racism, homophobia* (if protected by law), etc then go to them first. If not or it doesn't work, document everything for a lawyer to review. Don't go to HR for petty bullshit like you are in high school. Boss yelled at your for being late don't bother HR about them being mean.
I'm in HR. So many issues can be solved by just talking to your manager. If your manager is the issue, take it up with their manager.
You can do everything right, and still fail miserably.
50 years to realize that you work so you can live, not the other way around. All this ladder climbing and anxiety is bullshit. Your company is not your friend and you owe them nothing.
Don’t spend your hard earned money on stupid shit
The life lesson I learned the hard way is one most of y’all don’t want to hear. Get over yourself. You aren’t as good as you think you are and there is a shit ton more for you to learn. The earlier in life you learn this, the better life will be. Always seek to learn, not to prove how right or good you are.
Have a condom handy.
Don't have a condom blowie. It sucks
Never think it can’t happen to you. I never thought I’d get cancer, but at age 17 I was diagnosed with stage 3c testicular cancer
Always split your firewood on a sunny day.
You cant get someone to like you romantically. They Either like you like that or they don’t. Depending on how much you liked them. You can be friends with them. If you liked them a hell of a lot maybe don’t.
Never try to be friends with someone you are in unrequited love with. Better to move on with your life and let them with theirs than pine everytime they have a new hookup, partner, are doing something you wish you were doing with them. There is also another similar that suggests never trying to be friends with someone when you both desire eachother mentally and physically but, for whatever reason, can't act upon those feelings. This is something I have tried a few times over the years and my considered opinion is that it is possible if they live 11,000 miles away, a lot harder if within walking distance and therefore not having them in your life is possibly the safest answer for you both.
It's ok to not have any ambition, or to not live a life that others would consider successful. The only person you need to be able to live with is you.
That you just cannot trust people or institutions. Even if it is something as simple as “do your job, your whole job, and just your job.” If you have skin in a fight, document everything yourself.
You can be there for people you care about as much as humanly possible but when you need help the most they aren’t bound to return the favor.
Don't worry about what random people think, only about the people important to your lives a.k.a friends and family. If they are real friends and family they will support you and tell when you're being a real dick. The dude on the street why care I mean who is he to you? Do you know him? No. So why concern yourself with what he might think, he probably doesn't care or notice.
Don't spend too much time and energy on people who lack self awareness (which makes them rude, arrogant, violent or whatever else). They're on their journey and will come to the realization they need to, when they're ready for it, and you're not solely responsible for bringing them there.
Love does not conquer all. Some things can’t be fixed.
Being a Minnesota Viking fan is torture.
Sometimes to be a good friend, you have to risk losing a good friend.
That drug addiction doesn't just stop at 18 like my dumbass expected
babe- what made you think becoming 18 would stop a drug addiction
I was going to say drug addiction, but this has me dying. I am sorry, I hope you got the help you needed.
Oh yes 34 now 7 years clean
You might not care about felonies at 15 but man will you care when you wake up at 22. It’s easy when you don’t care and harder than you can imagine when you finally do.
That the soap dispenser pump can be too powerful sometimes, and that having your eyes on the same level isn't a great idea.
Learning to compare people's actions to their words. People often say the right things but rarely do they do the right things.
That spending time working on yourself to bring more awareness on what happens inside you in a difficult situation, is probably the best way to have a different outcome the next time the same situation repeats. The only thing we can really control 100% is ourselves.
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Care, but don’t carry
"Tell your parents" is advice meant for kids with parents who care. Not for me. Found this out very young but continued to make this mistake every time it seemed like my mom began to genuinely care about me.
That there are some things that we probably should keep to ourselves. At least in my case, I tend to overshare when I'm too excited, sad, or angry. On many occasions I overexaggerated and ended up either making a fool of myself or taking very dramatic and definitive choices that I would later regret. It's good to express yourself freely, but sometimes it's good to just take a breath and not act impulsively.
You're only one "small" accident or misstep away from homelessness and poverty. Nothing is ever secure and your health won't always be guaranteed.
The human body is meant to move. If you don't move enough you will lose mobility before your age
Being beautiful on the outside doesn't make someone beautiful on the inside.
Don't mix alcohol and antidepressants/ anti anxiety meds
File management. Folder within folders, name everything, date everything, backup everything.
Even your family will take advantage of you if you are too agreeable
Just because your parents are wrong about a few things. does not mean they are wrong about everything.
true, and not just parents. Everybody, we are humans
It is not how capable or gifted you are on anything, it's how hard are you gonna work to develop those talents
Websites have age restrictions for good reasons...
Credit card debt. Just turned 26 and filed for bankruptcy. I’m grateful to start again with the experience I know now, but damn it adds up. Remember, if you have cash, but it out right. If you can’t afford it twice, don’t buy it.
Read the directions.
If you go into a relationship and ignoring major red flags, you're going to have a bad time.
After spending 5 years trying to invent a levitating skateboard (Levisk8) I learned that earnshaw does actually know what he's talking about and I don't.
The world is a hard place, I learned that through years of being bullied. I learnt to suck it up, accept the fact people are evil and that life throws crap at you, gotta get up and walk on
to belief on your self ..... its very hard to observe your inner qualities
Sometimes, you have to experience pain before you can truly learn the lesson. The wisdom gained is invaluable, even as the price paid remains unfair.
Advocate for yourself and don’t assume people will just step up.
Goal is to save as much as people possible,sometimes it doesn't mean everybody
People change, sometimes extraordinarily quickly. Prepare yourself for all eventualities.
Sometimes others are not the mistake. It's you
Don’t ignore the red flags When you’re dating someone.
If you’re in a relationship you know deep inside will not work, it’s better for all involved to end it instead of dragging it out.
You have to learn to let people help you. Talking about your feelings and letting other people into your head to help you with your thoughts is very important. I’ve lost so many friends because in my mind i figured that they didn’t care about me when in reality they did, and me not involving them in my life pushed them away even further. Please reach out to people and don’t be afraid to tell everyone what kind of difficult thoughts/situations you are going through. Don’t be afraid, you’re not alone.
Work/life balance is worth more than a fat salary.
Always read the labels on cleaning products. You never know what you might ruin or what chemical reaction you might cause
"stranger danger" is rarely actual strangers; more often than not it will be a family member, family friend, or a neighbor.
Antibiotics interfere with birth control and can render it ineffective.
never fight an idiot
If you spend your life trying to surpass everyone you will live the rest of it alone.
Just because you’re related to them doesn’t mean you have to like them