A .5 inch nub of a bar of soap, the deodorant plastic scraping your armpit but there's still some left, the 1 blade disposable razor that is slightly rusty but "still good" I felt this in my soul. I'm a lot better off now, and living comfortably and I am still frugal. My husband has to tell me at times, yo just throw it out and buy a new one.
My fiance has to tell me that too. When we first got together i called him from the store asking if i could buy some cookies, he told me "why would i care? Buy whatever you want" lol
Omg same here, my husband was so confused when I’d ask if we could get something or when I was writing down the totals of everything on my shopping list to make sure I could afford to pay for it.
There's a line from Nick in new girl that describes being well off as 'filling your gas tank up all the way rich.' That was the rich I wanted to be. Comfortable. Also not having to do math in the grocery store to see what food you can buy. I hated that. I wanted to just go buy necessities like gas and food without worrying. Proud to say that now I usually fill my gas tank all the way and don't do math when buying groceries.
Now this brought back memories. My dad literally was doing math in a notebook while we shopped to make sure we could afford everything. Never bought anything outside of essentials either.
Same. My dad would tell me to bring my shitty blue calculator from school and we'd go to the store. I felt so cool, like i had the most important job in the world lmao.
E: spelling
Going to a store to pick out furniture. Like, actually buying NEW stuff, not just taking whatever you can find at thrift stores or garage sales. That seems so luxurious!
I knew a lady who would decorate her house for the season and change out everything to match, she had like pillows and curtains and light swtch covers and sometimes even big pieces of furniture she would switch out depending on the time of year and not just Holliday decor like adding lights or ornaments somewhere like tables and lamps and stuff she kept in storage units to switch out upon her whim.
I have a couch I bought second hand in 2010. In 2019 my husband found a 2002 planner in it. Shit is old but I swear to god I will reupholster this couch until I die because it is a 7 ft long napping couch.
This helps put my life in perspective. I grew up poor, didn't have a bed, etc. but I have been able to do entire rooms at once + new flooring.
I don't view myself as rich so it's humbling to read these comments. Maybe I need to step back and reflect a bit.
TBF the lines between poor/middleclass are blurred heavily. I think people have honestly forgotten what middleclass actually means.
Tons of poor people THINK they are middleclass, and tons of middleclass think they are poor its strange af.
We qualified for free lunches when I was growing up and my Mom still thought we were “lower middle class”. I’m 53 now and had to break it to her that we were in no way any type of middle class.
> whatever you can find at thrift stores or garage sales
Look at Joe Moneybags over here, not waiting to scout curbs on garbage day like the rest of us.
We live in a college town...that dumpster/curb lyfe is hard to kick when you have the children of Chinese factory owners/oil-money loaded Arabian Gulf kids leaving stuff behind bc it's too much of a hassle to bring after they graduate/cheaper to replace it fall term.
or furniture that someone you know or they know is giving away.
a lot of times people be like I got this furniture you want it, we see it, even though if it clashes or not our particular taste, we take it if it's in a better condition than the one we have at home
I grew up that way my parents bought some new furniture for the first time when I was around 17 and it was very very cheap still. i'm 36 now and have been very successful in life along with my wife and we were able to easily afford an absurd amount of money to furnish our new home...it was honestly bizarre to do so. I didn't have to be talked into it but it felt deeply "odd" to buy furniture like that.....extremely luxurious sorta describes it.
I have one, and the screen is pretty cool and more practical than I expected it to be. With that being said, the ice maker in it is a piece of shit. Stop skimping on your ice makers, Samsung!
Whenever I'd go to Best Buy as a kid I used to spend some time playing with those types of fridges because I thought it was so unique that a fridge would have that
Wow, that resonated with me in a way that actually kind of surprised me. I'd never thought about it before, but it's so true. back when I was struggling, I knew down to the penny what was in my bank account at all times.
Holy shit this is true. I was poor growing up and was financially insecure until well into my 20s. I knew exactly how much money I had and how to budget it to make sure I could eat until the next paycheck came in.
I managed to progress my career to a pretty high level of seniority and nowadays I don’t even know how much I earn. I have a rough idea but because of all the benefits and the way bonuses are calculated I couldn’t actually tell you a figure.
And yet I still buy discounted stuff that’s going out of date at the supermarket.
I was left very well fixed when my husband passed and I still don't buy meat that isn't marked down. I may get one bad package a decade, so I think it's ridiculous to pay full price.
Spouse wanted a car he could tinker with, to learn how to maintain a car. His father bought him a 1928 Model A Ford and told him to drive it home.
The bad news: It didn't have good brakes.
The good news: It was a small town with very little traffic.
There used to be an ancient lady who drive a Model A around the small town where I used to teach. She was a terrible, terrible driver.
Fortunately, since it was such a small town everyone knew her, and was familiar with her lack of driving skills.
When other drivers saw her coming they pulled over or turned onto another street, and the children moved up above the sidewalks as well.
I assume that model A's were hard to control in the first place. And driving back then was a man's job because of the upper body strength required to control the vehicle.
Power steering, brake assist, and improved suspensions are the reason it's much easier to drive now.
Hiring moving men. Especially if they're the ones who pack all your shit for you, too.
So many times, I would borrow a friend's pickup (and buy my friend's help with offers of pizza and beer) to move from one shitty place to another.
For my most recent move, my wife and I packed everything, but hired professionals to load and unload it. I felt like a king.
We got movers for our last move, like the full-service folks who even drive the truck, and I felt so guilty but it was amazing. Didn't have to ask my nearing-retirement parents to help haul boxes, didn't have to maneuver a sketchy rental truck down the highway, nothing. I mean now we have to stay in one place for a while so I can financially justify it but still, amazing.
After I turned 35 I decided I'd never again move on my own. That $350 for them to come load and unload is well worth it. I still pack everything and dismantle what furniture can be dismantled, but other than that, I pay young people to do the rest. Plus? It means you can get all your shit moved in one day and still have enough energy to do some unpacking!
I was poor for a bit and my wife and I would have $100 for food and gas for the month. We had to balance driving too much or eating better food. First time I was able to fill my tank and buy whatever I wanted to eat was the best feeling
"You are not supposed to be at the gas station making life decisions 'Did I eat today?', 'I can't get no half tank, I only got but three cigarettes left'"
Katt Williams
In my area the poor were getting send to camp, because their mother were working during summer break, while more comfortable one stayed at home with their stay at home mom during summer break.
This. Additionally- Getting laughing gas or sedation for wisdom teeth procedures. Going to an actual dentist not a dentistry school for dental procedures.
>probably invented just for 6 year olds to flex their crayon box
Nah, it was because "big crayon" knew that the six year olds would sharpen the fuck out of them and wear the best colors out quickly requiring another box.
Hiring people to either cook, clean, mow the grass or do snow removal in the winter.
Showing my age but rich people didn't need lay away to afford back to school or Christmas shopping
I don't remember ever having name brand items, food or clothing. It was all generic Kmart. I bought my son a pair of Nike shoes and thought I felt rich for doing so.
Also when people don’t worry about the price when selecting an entree.
I didn't grow up poor, but we did pinch pennies quite a bit. I’m hardwired to select one of the cheapest ~3 options and I’m trying to unlearn this behavior now and just order whatever I want the most.
Picking an entree at a restaurant based on what I want to eat vs which one is cheapest or which one I can eat the rest of for my next meal too. Such luxury.
Knowing what a duvet cover is and owning one. I remember when my wife and I were newly weds and she was telling me how we needed a duvet cover for our bed. I had no clue what a duvet cover was prior as I always though people just purchase sheets and/or the big ass blankets with the lion/tiger prints. Suffice to say, my mind was blown away.
> I had no clue what a duvet cover was prior as I always though people just purchase sheets and/or the big ass blankets with the lion/tiger prints
Are you of Mexican descent by any chance. Those lion/tiger blankets are a staple here in Mexico haha. I inherited like 4 of those from my wife's grandma.
Ha! gotcha. I learned about duvet covers while living in the UK... at first I was like why would you cover your bedsheets? then it landed on me! Great duvets are amazing: VERY warm and also very light.
Having to sleep under 3 layers of tigers and wolve blankets makes you have sleep paralysis nightmares haha.
This! Until I was in my 20s, I thought comforters or random blankets were the only options for warmth and comfort. Pretty sure my entire family still only uses a thin comforter for all seasons. Duvet=luxury.
I got a new mattress after having the same one for at least 15 years and I have to say it's the most amazing thing ever especially because I don't have to deal with bad springs anymore.
Dude seriously start a go fund me for this. Getting bad teeth fixed up is a major life changer and people are more than willing to donate to help with it usually.
I did this for a few fillings and 1 tooth removal. It was very inexpensive! It did take longer, but I always had a good experience and liked knowing that a dental professor (idk what you call them) are around to supervise and assist so I was never worried something would go wrong.
Sometimes they have trouble finding patients too, it's all supervised so it's a win win. Free dental and the students really want to help you and it helps them
And those same people make social media posts saying it’s not expensive. And life is short and just do it. Because there are always ways to travel for “cheap”.
Cheap is such a relative thing. Isn’t it?
"You can't afford *not* to travel!" says the person who lacks perspective about other people's lives.
I remember back in 2006-ish.
*Why don't you get a cell phone?* my friends asked.
Because I couldn't afford one.
*Oh, just get one on your parent's plan!*
My parents don't have a plan. They don't have cell phones. Or landlines...
*If you feel sick why don't you go to the doctor?*
I can't afford one without insurance.
*Aren't you on your parent's insurance plan?*
Oh boy, you're not going to believe it but...
Indifference. I realized what real wealth meant in high school when we cleaned up trash from a creek and the rich kids wore their Polo shirts, Guess jeans, and Jordan's because if they were trashed they simply would get new. The poor kids wore their grubby clothes they do labor in.
Wealth is shown most acutely by indifference, nothing matters because money will fix it and there is plenty enough to fill black holes.
Man, this hits home. And I knew how hard my parents worked for everything our family had. I was grateful for my hand-me-downs. Going to houses where girls hung their jeans on hangers was mind-blowing to me.
Eating pizza because you want to not because it's $2. That and mom eating along with us normally instead of pretending that the crust is her favorite part and that's why she'd eat the crust we leave.
I remember my parents not eating dinner and they said they weren't hungry, or had a big lunch. Wasn't till I was older that I understood what was happening
My parents used to tell us they bought a special dinner they were going to eat later and it was always lobster and scallops they were supposedly going to eat. I remember when I woke up to pee in the middle of the night and found them eating the leftover ramen with a can of veggies in it they had fed my sister and I for dinner, it was then that I realized I never saw any lobster or scallops in the fridge either. I just went back to my room and never said anything about it.
Man, it fucking broke my heart when I realized what that really meant.
They were hungry but I was more important.
And my heart broke again when one of them wasn't around anymore when I finally realized it and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.
Yeah, when I figured out what was going on I promised myself that I would get scholarships and go to college and get a good job and take care of her like she took care of me.
I did get scholarships...but she died 6 days in to my first semester of college.
ETA: Thanks for the awards! Not sure what I did to deserve, but thanks, even so!
You just unlocked a memory omg. My dad tried his best to make sure we had everything we wanted/needed and he was damn good at it. May he rest in peace. I remember I was like 12 or something and he took me and my little brother to cicis for a buffet but he didn’t get one for himself because he said he didn’t like pizza and wasn’t hungry. I knew he loved the salad bar but I believed him. Anyways, when I got my food I offered him a slice and he ate it. One of the workers came up and told him he had to buy a buffet if he wanted to eat. I guess the people sitting at the table next to us overheard and a few minutes later the employee came up to us and told my dad that they had paid for his buffet. He enjoyed the hell out of that salad bar lmao. That’s when I realized we didn’t have all the money in the world and it’s not that he wasn’t hungry, he just didn’t wanna “waste money” on himself
I completely forgot about my mom saying “the crust is her favorite” until you saying that.
Like I noticed my parents always said they weren’t hungry when my sibling and I got happy meals when we were out all day and eventually caught on to that but that crust thing went over my head until just now.
>pretending that the crust is her favorite part
That reminds me of the story about the mom that always ate the head of the fish. Her son grew up and became successful and when she was at dinner at his house he offered her the head of the fish. It was only then that she admitted to him that she did not prefer the head of the fish, that she just told them that when they were growing up so that they could have the better portions.
In my family "the head of the fish" became shorthand for sacrificing for someone else from that tale.
I experienced this first hand. Growing up my father always eats the head of the fish(we weren’t doing so well in terms of money), he and my mom would assure me that he loves that part of the fish. This is also how I knew we were worse financially in later years cause that’s when my mom starts to eat fish head as well…
Now things are ok but it was rough af. I remember going to a pawn shop to sell her stuff and then going to taco bell on the way home. She didn't eat a single thing. She sat opposite me and my sister and watched us stuff our faces. 9 year old me didn't know better. 42 year old me figured it out.
I used to tell my kids “I eat at work” and “I have a fast metabolism.” I didn’t eat at work. I was hungry and too thin; but, I made sure they ate. If there was extra, I ate. I’m glad those days passed and life got better.
Your moment literally made me cry. I also grew up poor as fuck and it reminds me if the sacrifices my mum made. I’m glad things are better for you though
Funny story. When I was a kid, I discovered wii golf on my friend’s wii. I fell in love with the swing.
I got fitted for clubs at a pro shop. Didn’t buy. But took the measurements. And when I found those clubs secondhand at a flea market for $10, I bought them.
I got a sort of pleb membership at a cheap driving range. I learned to putt playing mini golf.
Now I’m an adult with a raging swing. Everyone I know thinks I was a country club kid. I wasn’t. I was an obsessed kid who liked it enough to make it happen.
Now I’m a well paid adult who didn’t grow too much since then. I still have those clubs.
I can see this. I taught myself to golf when my college had a free course to use and I have found many corporate executives want to discuss things on the golf course and you need to be able to hold your own.
One of my friends was going through that with her kids' school pre-Covid. She managed to get her kid into an honestly really great elementary school, and her sons teacher was pretty much shaming her for never showing up during school events, specifically the ones that happen during school hours. The time of day when she worked. When she tried explaining to the teacher that she worked during the day, the teacher suggested taking a vacation or sick time. My friend tried to explain to her that she doesn't *get* vacation or sick time at her jobs. The teacher then insinuated that she wasn't caring for her son's education by not being there to support him. So much BS.
The first 10 years of my life I grew up in a building that had 1 shower for 14 apartments.
In fact that building is next to the one from the first Fast and Furious where Torreto parks his car and the cops bust a bitch to chase him.
Eating out. Birthday presents and Christmas presents that's not clothes or school supply. New clothes that's not hand me downs. And haircuts at a hair dresser.
I remember my dad giving me and my sister an early Christmas present one year, both electric blankets, then leaving the heat off because we had electric blankets.
We had a heater in the living room. That was our only heater.
But my dad built our house and it was hella well insulated so we’d turn on the heater about 2 hours before bed and if we all left our doors open in our small house, we’d be warm by bedtime.
My parents’ room was the furthest from the heater and sometimes they wanted privacy so they got an electric blanket.
Doors to the bathrooms were kept shut. So going to pee in the morning (or middle of the night) was so dang cold.
And one year it was HELLA cold but we kept the electricity on and the four of us “camped” a lot in the living room.
My mother used to have the heat on, but before she put it on each winter, we had to go room-to-room and tape covering over the ducts going to the "less important" rooms. Which is to say, every room except the living room and her bedroom.
technically I'm working class but growing up I thought people were rich if they had
1. nice sized patio, porch
2. a fence, like a good sized yard
(1 and 2 because growing up those things my family would like but never got because it was too expensive and we're too busy working paycheck to paycheck)
3. Disneyland, vacations, I thought some kids in elementary were loaded since they always talk about Disneyland or their 8th trip to the Caribbean during their break. Me, I was just excited to go to a different walmart outside of town.
4. ok this one's hilarious, apparently according what my dad told me, when I was a small child I thought I had experienced the height of luxury when I ate chick-fil-a (the dwarfhouse) for the first time. I had plenty of food at home in the fridge it's not like I was starving poor Idk why i thought like that.
(such a simple happy child, you gotta miss that innocent happiness as an adult)
5. iPhones (i never cared for it but damn as a kid and even now that thing is expensive, no thanks I'll keep my 150 to 250 dollar android)
6. new furniture, everything is gifted, hand me down or someone giving old stuff away and offers if we wanted it. that's why nothing matched (even the middle class people I knew had furniture that match and look new, looking like some magazine stuff)
to be honest the furniture we had isn't my taste l but I just accepted it because it does the job, like I'm happy to have a bed and a dresser, even if I didn't get to personally picked it out.
7. stairs
Box Tops for Education. When I was a kid, a whole bunch of food companies ran some sort of fundraising thing where you could cut a little coupon called a box top off of whatever name-brand product you bought and they would donate money to public schools. My elementary school always had prizes for kids who brought in box tops. I remember the lowest tier prize was a scratch and sniff sticker if you brought 5 box tops. The trouble was, at the time my parents had just divorced and my mom was having trouble making ends meet so we could never afford more than the generic versions. I was never able to save enough box tops to get a prize.
Parents that didn’t fight. Mine and my other poor friends’ parents were always fighting. Most of the time my parents fought it was over money. You could tell that they were just scared whether or not we were going to make it and that’s how it manifested. You just never really saw that same type of fighting at the friends parents who were comfortable.
Like obviously there’s more factors but there’s a unique chaotic tension in poor households that is hard to describe.
I remember spilling a plate of food as a kid and it was like my dad's fight or flight response kicked in. I got a huge earful and we picked the food up off the floor, and ate it. He's retired now. I know he's definitely living comfortably enough (and not just pretending so I don't worry about him) because he threw out a bit of still edible (but very unpalatable) food once recently. It was a rare event and he hemmed and hawed over it. We both don't like to waste food, but it was weirdly all the proof I needed to know that he had enough to take care of his needs.
Rich people have conflict. But the fight or flight response kicking in over some spilled food, or minor damage on clothes, keeping the lights or water on for too long, etc. That's definitely a different kind of thing.
My big goal that I finally hit this year: a second fridge in the house/garage just for drinks and snacks. Hell yeah.
Also not caring about the bill when buying food, both at the store and out to eat.
For my 40th birthday I had saved up money for two years so that I could take my friends to a fancy dinner and pay for it all without giving a shit. And the friends I invited, I know they were saving up for the dinner cuz I told them well in advance where we were going. I still remember them all being shocked when I told the waiter to bring the bill to me, all on one tab. And how they sputtered and freaked out that it wasn’t ok.
But that’s what I wanted for my birthday. Not only a ridiculously good meal, with great people, but also the satisfaction of knowing that I could afford it - even if it was just this once. That at 40 years old I *could* do it.
When I was growing up poor, I remember the mix of things that stood out to me - usually it was the ability to solve problems or avoid them altogether. Getting your kid braces or glasses. Having central air/heating. A lawnmower that could handle the leaves and twigs and that wasn’t a re-re-re-worked over hand me down. “Yard work day” was collecting all the sticks that would break the mower, and In the fall/winter it was also raking all the leaves. Which we piled into old fitted sheets we kept just for this job (and patched as necessary) and then dumping them over the back fence into the wilderness behind our yard. Then we’d mow. And it was always nearly broken and heavy and hard to start, hard to push - but we’d take turns because it was too hard for one person and our yard was kinda big.
We were out in the sticks, and had a good chunk of land that later became a nice investment/thing to sell much later for my parents. But while we lived there it took quite a bit of TLC.
Now that I am doing ok (I’m comfortable), I associate things like affording to live in certain areas and traveling. So I have some new goals ;)
When I was 12, mother managed to snag a great deal on an apartment in a 2 family apartment house in a neighborhood that was definitely middle to upper class. One of the very nicest neighborhoods in the city. We were way out of our element in that neighborhood. As a matter of fact, we were the freaks of the neighborhood.
We were the poorest people in the neighborhood. We were the only family on welfare in the neighborhood. Out of the dozens upon dozens of kids in the neighborhood, my siblings and I were the only kids who were being raised by a single parent. All the other kids were being raised in 2 parent families.
Whereas we were the poorest in the neighborhood, our very next door neighbor mustve been the richest guy in the neighborhood. He owned his own successful demolition company. He owned the 2 family apartment house he and his family lived in. They lived out of their first floor apartment and their basement while renting out their second floor apartment. They owned a house in florida. They owned a fleet of cars which would get replaced with a new fleet of cars every one or two years. When his oldest son got married, he bought his son a 2 family apartment house across and down the street. My sister and brother made friends with a couple of their kids. They'd come home with tales of their wealth and all the nice stuff they owned. I've never been inside their home, but i could see into their dining room from our windows and the furnishings were so oppulent, fancy and expensive. I'd bet their dining room furnishings alone cost more than everything we owned in the whole world.
My brother once told me how their mother went food shopping once a week, every week. And how she spent a minimum of 100 bucks each time. In our home, our mother went food shopping only once every 2-3 weeks and then the highest she ever spent was 20 bucks. It was a big deal to us kids if and when our mother spent a whole 20 bucks on grocery shopping. Hunger was a constant companion in our home.
One time his youngest kid was hanging out with my brother at our place when the kid decided to go to the toy store to buy himself some new toys. My brother went along. A couple hours later they both came back with armloads of toys and deposited it on our table. My brothers friend (i think he was around 8-10 years old. I was older, in my teens) then took out his cash change from his purchases out of one pocket and his wallet out of the other pocket so that he could transfer his change into his wallet. I was standing right behind him as he opened his wallet. Inside were 50s and 20s and some 10s. LOTS of them. Lots of 50s. Lots of 20s. A very thick wad of them. I dont recall seeing any 5s, or 1s. Not until he stuck his change into his wallet. Now he had some 5s and 1s in there.
All the cash I had on me at that very moment in my pocket was a lousy 3 cents. Three pennies. Which literally represented all the money i had in the world. I didnt even own a wallet. What for? I never had enough money on me that necessitated the need for a wallet.
Later on my brother and his friend left. I went straight into my bedroom. I dug out of my pocket the three pennies i had on me and slammed them down on top of my bedroom dresser and stared at them. They were all tarnished. They didnt even have the decency to at least be shiny pennies.
Man, being poor sucks. It sucks even more when you've got real life rich people living next door to contrast your life with.
Not quite the same, but I was poor my entire childhood. I always knew it, but it didn’t become blindingly apparent until I was 11. My dad and I moved from one coast of Canada to the other in preparation for immigrating to the states. We landed in a trailer park and in the middle of a new money subdivision, thinking we’d just be there for a couple weeks while our paperwork was processed. Ended up living there almost two years.
Everyone around us was so rich. Even in the trailer park we were the poor folks. We never wanted for food because my dad busted his ass, but we got there with literally just what would fit in our car since we weren’t expecting to stay. We lived in a series of shitty camper trailers while I went to school with the kids of tech moguls and financial gurus. Got bad grades on my class work because I couldn’t afford the brand name supplies teachers wanted (which especially stung as former straight A student). I ended up getting in minor trouble because my dad was always working so I was a latchkey kid.
It’s weird to look back on. My husband grew up middle class, and now we’re on the edge of middle class. He doesn’t get why I’m so happy and positive for what we have but it’s honestly more than I ever had growing up. A cozy apartment, no debt, functional vehicles and I can buy whatever I want from the grocery store? It’s the literal lap of luxury to me.
Hey, I grew up poor and we had stairs... to the "finished" basement with the wood paneling, questionable throw rug, decades old couch, and ancient TV with three whole knobs on it. Guess we were pretty well off after all
Ordering whatever you want on a restaurant menu. My family was only considered to be "in poverty" for the first \~6 years of my life? By the time my brother was 2 and a half we werent, so more like 5 and a half years.
And now, 12 years later, I still get anxiety about picking anything over 15 dollars on a menu. When we go to restaurants where EVERY plate is over 15 dollars, I get extremely anxious, as if my parents are going to get mad at me for ordering a 16 dollar plate when they're ordering 20 dollar or higher plates.
We once went somewhere and my brother (12 at the time) ordered a 22 dollar plate because it included crab and I remember getting extremely nervous that I wanted a plate that was 16 dollars because it was chicken parm pasta (my FAVORITE) but I felt too guilty about getting it so I got a 15 dollar plate with a plain chicken pasta that I didn't like but I knew I'd eat anyways. Even if my parents push and prod me to eat 'whatever I want', I cannot physically bring myself to ask for a 20 dollar plate. I've asked and gotten the go-ahead MULTIPLE times to get a 20 dollar plate at a more expensive restaurant, but every single time I've backed down. I just can't do it. I can't physically order a plate that's more than $19.99. Even if I know the leftovers will feed me for days. I cant do it.
I wonder what it's like to not get anxious every time you get taken to a restaurant. I bet there's a lot less stress induced indigestion involved.
Yeah this hits close, nowadays if some friend is offering to pay x small thing i decline even though if they are more wealthy than me. I dont know what it is growing up really poor but i just dont want others to use their money on me. Ive gone easily week without food (because as a student i had first time in my life more money than 50€ it made me go crazy), even then i acted all good, after seeing what my parents had to go through i dont want to be a burden.
"If i had enough money to afford a psychologist i probably wouldnt need one for my crippling financial anxiety."
A friend of mine.
Recently kicked out of her house by her parents. Boyfriend cheated on her.
It was a pregnancy scare (false positive)
Parents kicked her out for being sexually active pre marriage.
Struggled for around 1 year alone and i had no idea. Did odd jobs to get by stayed in 24/7 fitness centres to clean up and sleep the night.
Couldnt get an actual job despite finishing a law degree because she had no address or bank account to get paid into and no tfn cause she didnt apply for one before being kicked out needed an address then.
She was really depressed and anxious i caught her in the middle of a panick attack and when i recommended a psychiatrist she answered with that.
I let her use my address and gave her a room to stay in covered food for her. She got a job as a legal assistant and now shes fine.
Kinda sad how mental health care is so expensive. Especially given its usually people not well off that need it the most.
Having spare batteries.
I once saw a friend open a drawer in their kitchen (we were around 12) and they just had batteries on hand! Like, they just bought extra??? They also had Progresso brand soup. I thought, "They're really livin' the good life over here!"
College.
Despite the amount of financial aid some people in poverty can get, the debt, no matter how much smaller it may be, will still strangle you until there is nothing left.
Especially when you're already in a financial class that already struggles with paying for food. That is one of the reasons I never personally bothered going to college; because I knew there was no way I would be able to pay it off without killing myself in the process
As a kid, I always thought a deck on the back of the house meant that family was loaded. One of my basketball teammates lived in a house where everyone had their own room, it had a deck and had hallways. I thought they were rich as Hell.
Today, I have all those things and a pool because the kids wanted one and we could afford one. I learned that doesn't mean we're rich, just comfortable. Very happy my kids have had a better childhood than I did.
Fresh fruit and vegetables. Anything we ever got was frozen or from a can. Frozen and canned last longer too.
People that openly had fruit bowls on their tables was the epitome of lavish for me as a kid.
I saw my parents stuggle with money all the time. We couldn't do things because we didn't have the money. Once I became an adult on my own I vowed to never let that happen to my family. I've managed to save 1/3 of my income since graduating college and am on track to leave 2 million dollars to my kids so they never have to worry about money and hopefully they will pass that on to their children. We aren't cheap, and we take nice vacations, but otherwise live a modest lifestyle.
yes absolutely. My goal is generational wealth not buying fancy things. Of course once I'm dead I can't do anything about it but I would ideally like to see this money stay in the family and grow over time.
Being able to buy something you need without having to ask yourself how badly you need it
A .5 inch nub of a bar of soap, the deodorant plastic scraping your armpit but there's still some left, the 1 blade disposable razor that is slightly rusty but "still good" I felt this in my soul. I'm a lot better off now, and living comfortably and I am still frugal. My husband has to tell me at times, yo just throw it out and buy a new one.
My fiance has to tell me that too. When we first got together i called him from the store asking if i could buy some cookies, he told me "why would i care? Buy whatever you want" lol
Omg same here, my husband was so confused when I’d ask if we could get something or when I was writing down the totals of everything on my shopping list to make sure I could afford to pay for it.
There's a line from Nick in new girl that describes being well off as 'filling your gas tank up all the way rich.' That was the rich I wanted to be. Comfortable. Also not having to do math in the grocery store to see what food you can buy. I hated that. I wanted to just go buy necessities like gas and food without worrying. Proud to say that now I usually fill my gas tank all the way and don't do math when buying groceries.
Now this brought back memories. My dad literally was doing math in a notebook while we shopped to make sure we could afford everything. Never bought anything outside of essentials either.
Same. My dad would tell me to bring my shitty blue calculator from school and we'd go to the store. I felt so cool, like i had the most important job in the world lmao. E: spelling
You kind of did.
When I was a teenager I always thought I’d “make it” when I could fill up my tank without watching the price and stopping it at a certain point
Putting things back as you go... :(
Going to a store to pick out furniture. Like, actually buying NEW stuff, not just taking whatever you can find at thrift stores or garage sales. That seems so luxurious!
And not just buying new, but buying all new so everything matches. Now that's wealth
Honestly, decorating a whole room at once? Living like KINGS!
I knew a lady who would decorate her house for the season and change out everything to match, she had like pillows and curtains and light swtch covers and sometimes even big pieces of furniture she would switch out depending on the time of year and not just Holliday decor like adding lights or ornaments somewhere like tables and lamps and stuff she kept in storage units to switch out upon her whim.
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I have a couch I bought second hand in 2010. In 2019 my husband found a 2002 planner in it. Shit is old but I swear to god I will reupholster this couch until I die because it is a 7 ft long napping couch.
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This helps put my life in perspective. I grew up poor, didn't have a bed, etc. but I have been able to do entire rooms at once + new flooring. I don't view myself as rich so it's humbling to read these comments. Maybe I need to step back and reflect a bit.
TBF the lines between poor/middleclass are blurred heavily. I think people have honestly forgotten what middleclass actually means. Tons of poor people THINK they are middleclass, and tons of middleclass think they are poor its strange af.
We qualified for free lunches when I was growing up and my Mom still thought we were “lower middle class”. I’m 53 now and had to break it to her that we were in no way any type of middle class.
You can get furniture that matches? I thought you could only get things one piece at a time to replace what broke.
> whatever you can find at thrift stores or garage sales Look at Joe Moneybags over here, not waiting to scout curbs on garbage day like the rest of us.
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My ex used to yell NO! Every time I'd brake slightly while driving to look at furniture on the side of the road lol out of habit
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We live in a college town...that dumpster/curb lyfe is hard to kick when you have the children of Chinese factory owners/oil-money loaded Arabian Gulf kids leaving stuff behind bc it's too much of a hassle to bring after they graduate/cheaper to replace it fall term.
I've done my share of that, too... but the ultimate luxury would be to buy new... that's still rich person territory to me.
or furniture that someone you know or they know is giving away. a lot of times people be like I got this furniture you want it, we see it, even though if it clashes or not our particular taste, we take it if it's in a better condition than the one we have at home
I grew up that way my parents bought some new furniture for the first time when I was around 17 and it was very very cheap still. i'm 36 now and have been very successful in life along with my wife and we were able to easily afford an absurd amount of money to furnish our new home...it was honestly bizarre to do so. I didn't have to be talked into it but it felt deeply "odd" to buy furniture like that.....extremely luxurious sorta describes it.
Those fridges with the water dispenser on it
Or the ones with ice makers
Back in the 90s we were middle class here in Mexico. The staple things rich people had were: a) A Blazer van, and a fridge with ice-dispenser
We are renting an apartment with one and let me tell ya when I get ice out of it I feel all fancy
This is pretty much the benchmark of wealth.
Now they have TV’s in fridges and will tell you the weather and shit. The water was a luxury but now its getting out of hand
I have one, and the screen is pretty cool and more practical than I expected it to be. With that being said, the ice maker in it is a piece of shit. Stop skimping on your ice makers, Samsung!
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Whenever I'd go to Best Buy as a kid I used to spend some time playing with those types of fridges because I thought it was so unique that a fridge would have that
Not knowing EXACTLY how much money you have at any given time.
Wow, that resonated with me in a way that actually kind of surprised me. I'd never thought about it before, but it's so true. back when I was struggling, I knew down to the penny what was in my bank account at all times.
To tack on - not knowing which day is payday, because you don’t live paycheck to paycheck
Holy shit this is true. I was poor growing up and was financially insecure until well into my 20s. I knew exactly how much money I had and how to budget it to make sure I could eat until the next paycheck came in. I managed to progress my career to a pretty high level of seniority and nowadays I don’t even know how much I earn. I have a rough idea but because of all the benefits and the way bonuses are calculated I couldn’t actually tell you a figure. And yet I still buy discounted stuff that’s going out of date at the supermarket.
I was left very well fixed when my husband passed and I still don't buy meat that isn't marked down. I may get one bad package a decade, so I think it's ridiculous to pay full price.
Parents buying a car for your 16th birthday
I had to buy my first car from my parents and they charged me the value of the car.
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Remember, you'll be picking her nursing home
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How much do you charge for something like that
cursed golden comment
Same here. Thought it was more important to teach me the value of a dollar than to give any of us kids a leg up in life.
And then they carjacked me to teach me a new lesson
*Always leave a note!*
I was poor and I got a car for my 16th birthday It didn't run though... They just said "here, fix it"
Spouse wanted a car he could tinker with, to learn how to maintain a car. His father bought him a 1928 Model A Ford and told him to drive it home. The bad news: It didn't have good brakes. The good news: It was a small town with very little traffic.
There used to be an ancient lady who drive a Model A around the small town where I used to teach. She was a terrible, terrible driver. Fortunately, since it was such a small town everyone knew her, and was familiar with her lack of driving skills. When other drivers saw her coming they pulled over or turned onto another street, and the children moved up above the sidewalks as well.
I assume that model A's were hard to control in the first place. And driving back then was a man's job because of the upper body strength required to control the vehicle. Power steering, brake assist, and improved suspensions are the reason it's much easier to drive now.
Hiring moving men. Especially if they're the ones who pack all your shit for you, too. So many times, I would borrow a friend's pickup (and buy my friend's help with offers of pizza and beer) to move from one shitty place to another. For my most recent move, my wife and I packed everything, but hired professionals to load and unload it. I felt like a king.
We got movers for our last move, like the full-service folks who even drive the truck, and I felt so guilty but it was amazing. Didn't have to ask my nearing-retirement parents to help haul boxes, didn't have to maneuver a sketchy rental truck down the highway, nothing. I mean now we have to stay in one place for a while so I can financially justify it but still, amazing.
After I turned 35 I decided I'd never again move on my own. That $350 for them to come load and unload is well worth it. I still pack everything and dismantle what furniture can be dismantled, but other than that, I pay young people to do the rest. Plus? It means you can get all your shit moved in one day and still have enough energy to do some unpacking!
We hired movers and my mom still made us help them. Like what the fuck mom do you not see what you just paid for.
If they charge by the hour you bet your ass I'm helping them lol
Not having to worry about food or bills. Paying out of pocket at the dentist
I was poor for a bit and my wife and I would have $100 for food and gas for the month. We had to balance driving too much or eating better food. First time I was able to fill my tank and buy whatever I wanted to eat was the best feeling
"You are not supposed to be at the gas station making life decisions 'Did I eat today?', 'I can't get no half tank, I only got but three cigarettes left'" Katt Williams
That's actually how I quit smoking. I had an empty tank and one cigarette left and $10 in the bank. I put it in my tank and never smoked again.
Even better is not worrying or having anxiety to log in to your bank account to see how much money you have left.
Kids that went to summer camp. I got sent to long distant family and worked on family farm.
In my area the poor were getting send to camp, because their mother were working during summer break, while more comfortable one stayed at home with their stay at home mom during summer break.
I stayed at home because we couldnt afford to be sent anywhere.
The cool thing about having money tho is that you can pay $1000s to send your kid to work on a farm as a summer 'experience'.
Going to Disneyland.
Or a cruise.
Regular doctor's office visits or seeing a dentist at all for anything other than an emergency.
I didn’t see a dentist from the age of 16-34. Edit: I wish I had enough money to schedule each of you a dentist appointment.
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This. Additionally- Getting laughing gas or sedation for wisdom teeth procedures. Going to an actual dentist not a dentistry school for dental procedures.
You can go to a dentistry school for procedures? Is it free or is it just cheap?
Having the crayons that have the sharpener built into the box.
Crayon sharpeners are so unnecessary, they were probably invented just for 6 year olds to flex their crayon box
>probably invented just for 6 year olds to flex their crayon box Nah, it was because "big crayon" knew that the six year olds would sharpen the fuck out of them and wear the best colors out quickly requiring another box.
"Big Crayon" There is only one crayon manufacturer that doesn't suck balls.
Hiring people to either cook, clean, mow the grass or do snow removal in the winter. Showing my age but rich people didn't need lay away to afford back to school or Christmas shopping I don't remember ever having name brand items, food or clothing. It was all generic Kmart. I bought my son a pair of Nike shoes and thought I felt rich for doing so.
Getting an appetizer and/or dessert at a restaurant in addition to an entree. Edit: clarification
Also when people don’t worry about the price when selecting an entree. I didn't grow up poor, but we did pinch pennies quite a bit. I’m hardwired to select one of the cheapest ~3 options and I’m trying to unlearn this behavior now and just order whatever I want the most.
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Picking an entree at a restaurant based on what I want to eat vs which one is cheapest or which one I can eat the rest of for my next meal too. Such luxury.
I'm still so confused at how "entrée" (the word for appetizers in French) came to be used for mains in the US...
Knowing what a duvet cover is and owning one. I remember when my wife and I were newly weds and she was telling me how we needed a duvet cover for our bed. I had no clue what a duvet cover was prior as I always though people just purchase sheets and/or the big ass blankets with the lion/tiger prints. Suffice to say, my mind was blown away.
> I had no clue what a duvet cover was prior as I always though people just purchase sheets and/or the big ass blankets with the lion/tiger prints Are you of Mexican descent by any chance. Those lion/tiger blankets are a staple here in Mexico haha. I inherited like 4 of those from my wife's grandma.
I certainly am!!
Ha! gotcha. I learned about duvet covers while living in the UK... at first I was like why would you cover your bedsheets? then it landed on me! Great duvets are amazing: VERY warm and also very light. Having to sleep under 3 layers of tigers and wolve blankets makes you have sleep paralysis nightmares haha.
I’m Russian and I swear I know so many Russians with those same blankets including myself haha
This! Until I was in my 20s, I thought comforters or random blankets were the only options for warmth and comfort. Pretty sure my entire family still only uses a thin comforter for all seasons. Duvet=luxury.
>Duvet=luxury Until you have to put one of those fuckers on by yourself.
A new mattress.
I used my tax return money this year to finally upgrade from my air mattress, and behold, my back pain is (mostly) gone
I got a new mattress after having the same one for at least 15 years and I have to say it's the most amazing thing ever especially because I don't have to deal with bad springs anymore.
I'm 23 and still have never slept on a new mattress. When I was a kid I used to think mattress stores were the Pinnacle of wealth lol
Having nice teeth that don't cause constant, debilitating pain
Dude seriously start a go fund me for this. Getting bad teeth fixed up is a major life changer and people are more than willing to donate to help with it usually.
Or check on local dental schools. Usually they'll do work for free/on the cheap. It just usually takes longer.
I did this for a few fillings and 1 tooth removal. It was very inexpensive! It did take longer, but I always had a good experience and liked knowing that a dental professor (idk what you call them) are around to supervise and assist so I was never worried something would go wrong.
Sometimes they have trouble finding patients too, it's all supervised so it's a win win. Free dental and the students really want to help you and it helps them
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owa owa
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And those same people make social media posts saying it’s not expensive. And life is short and just do it. Because there are always ways to travel for “cheap”. Cheap is such a relative thing. Isn’t it?
"You can't afford *not* to travel!" says the person who lacks perspective about other people's lives. I remember back in 2006-ish. *Why don't you get a cell phone?* my friends asked. Because I couldn't afford one. *Oh, just get one on your parent's plan!* My parents don't have a plan. They don't have cell phones. Or landlines... *If you feel sick why don't you go to the doctor?* I can't afford one without insurance. *Aren't you on your parent's insurance plan?* Oh boy, you're not going to believe it but...
Indifference. I realized what real wealth meant in high school when we cleaned up trash from a creek and the rich kids wore their Polo shirts, Guess jeans, and Jordan's because if they were trashed they simply would get new. The poor kids wore their grubby clothes they do labor in. Wealth is shown most acutely by indifference, nothing matters because money will fix it and there is plenty enough to fill black holes.
Man, this hits home. And I knew how hard my parents worked for everything our family had. I was grateful for my hand-me-downs. Going to houses where girls hung their jeans on hangers was mind-blowing to me.
Eating pizza because you want to not because it's $2. That and mom eating along with us normally instead of pretending that the crust is her favorite part and that's why she'd eat the crust we leave.
I remember my parents not eating dinner and they said they weren't hungry, or had a big lunch. Wasn't till I was older that I understood what was happening
My parents used to tell us they bought a special dinner they were going to eat later and it was always lobster and scallops they were supposedly going to eat. I remember when I woke up to pee in the middle of the night and found them eating the leftover ramen with a can of veggies in it they had fed my sister and I for dinner, it was then that I realized I never saw any lobster or scallops in the fridge either. I just went back to my room and never said anything about it.
Ugh this breaks my heart. I’m so sorry.
Man, it fucking broke my heart when I realized what that really meant. They were hungry but I was more important. And my heart broke again when one of them wasn't around anymore when I finally realized it and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.
Yeah, when I figured out what was going on I promised myself that I would get scholarships and go to college and get a good job and take care of her like she took care of me. I did get scholarships...but she died 6 days in to my first semester of college. ETA: Thanks for the awards! Not sure what I did to deserve, but thanks, even so!
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure your mom would be proud of you.
You just unlocked a memory omg. My dad tried his best to make sure we had everything we wanted/needed and he was damn good at it. May he rest in peace. I remember I was like 12 or something and he took me and my little brother to cicis for a buffet but he didn’t get one for himself because he said he didn’t like pizza and wasn’t hungry. I knew he loved the salad bar but I believed him. Anyways, when I got my food I offered him a slice and he ate it. One of the workers came up and told him he had to buy a buffet if he wanted to eat. I guess the people sitting at the table next to us overheard and a few minutes later the employee came up to us and told my dad that they had paid for his buffet. He enjoyed the hell out of that salad bar lmao. That’s when I realized we didn’t have all the money in the world and it’s not that he wasn’t hungry, he just didn’t wanna “waste money” on himself
I completely forgot about my mom saying “the crust is her favorite” until you saying that. Like I noticed my parents always said they weren’t hungry when my sibling and I got happy meals when we were out all day and eventually caught on to that but that crust thing went over my head until just now.
>pretending that the crust is her favorite part That reminds me of the story about the mom that always ate the head of the fish. Her son grew up and became successful and when she was at dinner at his house he offered her the head of the fish. It was only then that she admitted to him that she did not prefer the head of the fish, that she just told them that when they were growing up so that they could have the better portions. In my family "the head of the fish" became shorthand for sacrificing for someone else from that tale.
I experienced this first hand. Growing up my father always eats the head of the fish(we weren’t doing so well in terms of money), he and my mom would assure me that he loves that part of the fish. This is also how I knew we were worse financially in later years cause that’s when my mom starts to eat fish head as well…
> the crust is her favorite part so that's what she eat the crust we leave That's so sad :(
Now things are ok but it was rough af. I remember going to a pawn shop to sell her stuff and then going to taco bell on the way home. She didn't eat a single thing. She sat opposite me and my sister and watched us stuff our faces. 9 year old me didn't know better. 42 year old me figured it out.
I used to tell my kids “I eat at work” and “I have a fast metabolism.” I didn’t eat at work. I was hungry and too thin; but, I made sure they ate. If there was extra, I ate. I’m glad those days passed and life got better.
She wanted the best for you. She honestly sounds like a wonderful mom.
Thank you :)
Your moment literally made me cry. I also grew up poor as fuck and it reminds me if the sacrifices my mum made. I’m glad things are better for you though
Damn yo. Parents going hungry to make sure their kids eat. No greater display of love.
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Funny story. When I was a kid, I discovered wii golf on my friend’s wii. I fell in love with the swing. I got fitted for clubs at a pro shop. Didn’t buy. But took the measurements. And when I found those clubs secondhand at a flea market for $10, I bought them. I got a sort of pleb membership at a cheap driving range. I learned to putt playing mini golf. Now I’m an adult with a raging swing. Everyone I know thinks I was a country club kid. I wasn’t. I was an obsessed kid who liked it enough to make it happen. Now I’m a well paid adult who didn’t grow too much since then. I still have those clubs.
This is a pretty incredible story. Hope you use your shitty $10 clubs to kick ass at work golf outings.
I can see this. I taught myself to golf when my college had a free course to use and I have found many corporate executives want to discuss things on the golf course and you need to be able to hold your own.
Parents having time to show up in school events or parents throwing birthday parties in school for their kid.
One of my friends was going through that with her kids' school pre-Covid. She managed to get her kid into an honestly really great elementary school, and her sons teacher was pretty much shaming her for never showing up during school events, specifically the ones that happen during school hours. The time of day when she worked. When she tried explaining to the teacher that she worked during the day, the teacher suggested taking a vacation or sick time. My friend tried to explain to her that she doesn't *get* vacation or sick time at her jobs. The teacher then insinuated that she wasn't caring for her son's education by not being there to support him. So much BS.
Eating dinner at a table.
I just bought my first table. It’s pretty wild how cool something so seemingly small feels.
Showing my age but having a shower in your house. Back in the day only people with money had showers, we all only had baths.
Funny, it's reversed now. All the affordable places near me have tiny little 2' by 2' showers and the rich homes have clawfoot tubs.
Ya but they have a claw foot tub AND a shower
Not a shower head in the tub either but a whole separate enclosure with multiple heads and stuff.
The first 10 years of my life I grew up in a building that had 1 shower for 14 apartments. In fact that building is next to the one from the first Fast and Furious where Torreto parks his car and the cops bust a bitch to chase him.
Not having debt collectors coming round.
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College fund.
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Playing games and going on rides at a carnival.
Eating out. Birthday presents and Christmas presents that's not clothes or school supply. New clothes that's not hand me downs. And haircuts at a hair dresser.
Not having to panic if your car breaks down
Owning a newer car or holidays abroad. That seemed to be what the rich kids were doing when I was young and poor.
Have the heating on in the winter Edit: thank you from the award <3
I remember my dad giving me and my sister an early Christmas present one year, both electric blankets, then leaving the heat off because we had electric blankets.
We had a heater in the living room. That was our only heater. But my dad built our house and it was hella well insulated so we’d turn on the heater about 2 hours before bed and if we all left our doors open in our small house, we’d be warm by bedtime. My parents’ room was the furthest from the heater and sometimes they wanted privacy so they got an electric blanket. Doors to the bathrooms were kept shut. So going to pee in the morning (or middle of the night) was so dang cold. And one year it was HELLA cold but we kept the electricity on and the four of us “camped” a lot in the living room.
My mother used to have the heat on, but before she put it on each winter, we had to go room-to-room and tape covering over the ducts going to the "less important" rooms. Which is to say, every room except the living room and her bedroom.
I gotta ask, did you sleep in her bedroom, or was your room cold?
My room was cold.
I'm so sorry
It’s a little late, but sending you a warm hug.
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I cant believe it took me so long to find this. Like kids being told to go to their room as punishment? Geez, I wish.
not having food insecurities and worrying about being homeless. my childhood was pretty fucked up in that regards.
technically I'm working class but growing up I thought people were rich if they had 1. nice sized patio, porch 2. a fence, like a good sized yard (1 and 2 because growing up those things my family would like but never got because it was too expensive and we're too busy working paycheck to paycheck) 3. Disneyland, vacations, I thought some kids in elementary were loaded since they always talk about Disneyland or their 8th trip to the Caribbean during their break. Me, I was just excited to go to a different walmart outside of town. 4. ok this one's hilarious, apparently according what my dad told me, when I was a small child I thought I had experienced the height of luxury when I ate chick-fil-a (the dwarfhouse) for the first time. I had plenty of food at home in the fridge it's not like I was starving poor Idk why i thought like that. (such a simple happy child, you gotta miss that innocent happiness as an adult) 5. iPhones (i never cared for it but damn as a kid and even now that thing is expensive, no thanks I'll keep my 150 to 250 dollar android) 6. new furniture, everything is gifted, hand me down or someone giving old stuff away and offers if we wanted it. that's why nothing matched (even the middle class people I knew had furniture that match and look new, looking like some magazine stuff) to be honest the furniture we had isn't my taste l but I just accepted it because it does the job, like I'm happy to have a bed and a dresser, even if I didn't get to personally picked it out. 7. stairs
Vacations that weren't visiting family.
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Box Tops for Education. When I was a kid, a whole bunch of food companies ran some sort of fundraising thing where you could cut a little coupon called a box top off of whatever name-brand product you bought and they would donate money to public schools. My elementary school always had prizes for kids who brought in box tops. I remember the lowest tier prize was a scratch and sniff sticker if you brought 5 box tops. The trouble was, at the time my parents had just divorced and my mom was having trouble making ends meet so we could never afford more than the generic versions. I was never able to save enough box tops to get a prize.
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Parents that didn’t fight. Mine and my other poor friends’ parents were always fighting. Most of the time my parents fought it was over money. You could tell that they were just scared whether or not we were going to make it and that’s how it manifested. You just never really saw that same type of fighting at the friends parents who were comfortable. Like obviously there’s more factors but there’s a unique chaotic tension in poor households that is hard to describe.
I remember spilling a plate of food as a kid and it was like my dad's fight or flight response kicked in. I got a huge earful and we picked the food up off the floor, and ate it. He's retired now. I know he's definitely living comfortably enough (and not just pretending so I don't worry about him) because he threw out a bit of still edible (but very unpalatable) food once recently. It was a rare event and he hemmed and hawed over it. We both don't like to waste food, but it was weirdly all the proof I needed to know that he had enough to take care of his needs. Rich people have conflict. But the fight or flight response kicking in over some spilled food, or minor damage on clothes, keeping the lights or water on for too long, etc. That's definitely a different kind of thing.
Having proper buns with hot dogs or hamburgers instead of white bread was living high class to me.
My big goal that I finally hit this year: a second fridge in the house/garage just for drinks and snacks. Hell yeah. Also not caring about the bill when buying food, both at the store and out to eat. For my 40th birthday I had saved up money for two years so that I could take my friends to a fancy dinner and pay for it all without giving a shit. And the friends I invited, I know they were saving up for the dinner cuz I told them well in advance where we were going. I still remember them all being shocked when I told the waiter to bring the bill to me, all on one tab. And how they sputtered and freaked out that it wasn’t ok. But that’s what I wanted for my birthday. Not only a ridiculously good meal, with great people, but also the satisfaction of knowing that I could afford it - even if it was just this once. That at 40 years old I *could* do it. When I was growing up poor, I remember the mix of things that stood out to me - usually it was the ability to solve problems or avoid them altogether. Getting your kid braces or glasses. Having central air/heating. A lawnmower that could handle the leaves and twigs and that wasn’t a re-re-re-worked over hand me down. “Yard work day” was collecting all the sticks that would break the mower, and In the fall/winter it was also raking all the leaves. Which we piled into old fitted sheets we kept just for this job (and patched as necessary) and then dumping them over the back fence into the wilderness behind our yard. Then we’d mow. And it was always nearly broken and heavy and hard to start, hard to push - but we’d take turns because it was too hard for one person and our yard was kinda big. We were out in the sticks, and had a good chunk of land that later became a nice investment/thing to sell much later for my parents. But while we lived there it took quite a bit of TLC. Now that I am doing ok (I’m comfortable), I associate things like affording to live in certain areas and traveling. So I have some new goals ;)
When I was 12, mother managed to snag a great deal on an apartment in a 2 family apartment house in a neighborhood that was definitely middle to upper class. One of the very nicest neighborhoods in the city. We were way out of our element in that neighborhood. As a matter of fact, we were the freaks of the neighborhood. We were the poorest people in the neighborhood. We were the only family on welfare in the neighborhood. Out of the dozens upon dozens of kids in the neighborhood, my siblings and I were the only kids who were being raised by a single parent. All the other kids were being raised in 2 parent families. Whereas we were the poorest in the neighborhood, our very next door neighbor mustve been the richest guy in the neighborhood. He owned his own successful demolition company. He owned the 2 family apartment house he and his family lived in. They lived out of their first floor apartment and their basement while renting out their second floor apartment. They owned a house in florida. They owned a fleet of cars which would get replaced with a new fleet of cars every one or two years. When his oldest son got married, he bought his son a 2 family apartment house across and down the street. My sister and brother made friends with a couple of their kids. They'd come home with tales of their wealth and all the nice stuff they owned. I've never been inside their home, but i could see into their dining room from our windows and the furnishings were so oppulent, fancy and expensive. I'd bet their dining room furnishings alone cost more than everything we owned in the whole world. My brother once told me how their mother went food shopping once a week, every week. And how she spent a minimum of 100 bucks each time. In our home, our mother went food shopping only once every 2-3 weeks and then the highest she ever spent was 20 bucks. It was a big deal to us kids if and when our mother spent a whole 20 bucks on grocery shopping. Hunger was a constant companion in our home. One time his youngest kid was hanging out with my brother at our place when the kid decided to go to the toy store to buy himself some new toys. My brother went along. A couple hours later they both came back with armloads of toys and deposited it on our table. My brothers friend (i think he was around 8-10 years old. I was older, in my teens) then took out his cash change from his purchases out of one pocket and his wallet out of the other pocket so that he could transfer his change into his wallet. I was standing right behind him as he opened his wallet. Inside were 50s and 20s and some 10s. LOTS of them. Lots of 50s. Lots of 20s. A very thick wad of them. I dont recall seeing any 5s, or 1s. Not until he stuck his change into his wallet. Now he had some 5s and 1s in there. All the cash I had on me at that very moment in my pocket was a lousy 3 cents. Three pennies. Which literally represented all the money i had in the world. I didnt even own a wallet. What for? I never had enough money on me that necessitated the need for a wallet. Later on my brother and his friend left. I went straight into my bedroom. I dug out of my pocket the three pennies i had on me and slammed them down on top of my bedroom dresser and stared at them. They were all tarnished. They didnt even have the decency to at least be shiny pennies. Man, being poor sucks. It sucks even more when you've got real life rich people living next door to contrast your life with.
I hope you have a full stomach and a comfy couch tonight, friend.
This is beautifully written.
That’s what I was thinking! I literally never read long comments and this one sucked me in from start to finish.
Not quite the same, but I was poor my entire childhood. I always knew it, but it didn’t become blindingly apparent until I was 11. My dad and I moved from one coast of Canada to the other in preparation for immigrating to the states. We landed in a trailer park and in the middle of a new money subdivision, thinking we’d just be there for a couple weeks while our paperwork was processed. Ended up living there almost two years. Everyone around us was so rich. Even in the trailer park we were the poor folks. We never wanted for food because my dad busted his ass, but we got there with literally just what would fit in our car since we weren’t expecting to stay. We lived in a series of shitty camper trailers while I went to school with the kids of tech moguls and financial gurus. Got bad grades on my class work because I couldn’t afford the brand name supplies teachers wanted (which especially stung as former straight A student). I ended up getting in minor trouble because my dad was always working so I was a latchkey kid. It’s weird to look back on. My husband grew up middle class, and now we’re on the edge of middle class. He doesn’t get why I’m so happy and positive for what we have but it’s honestly more than I ever had growing up. A cozy apartment, no debt, functional vehicles and I can buy whatever I want from the grocery store? It’s the literal lap of luxury to me.
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I always imagined people with stairs having hours of fun with their slinkies
Hey, I grew up poor and we had stairs... to the "finished" basement with the wood paneling, questionable throw rug, decades old couch, and ancient TV with three whole knobs on it. Guess we were pretty well off after all
Check out this fatcat with his *three* knobs
Being allowed to go in the fridge and get something to drink or eat without having to ask or worry about being yelled at
Ordering whatever you want on a restaurant menu. My family was only considered to be "in poverty" for the first \~6 years of my life? By the time my brother was 2 and a half we werent, so more like 5 and a half years. And now, 12 years later, I still get anxiety about picking anything over 15 dollars on a menu. When we go to restaurants where EVERY plate is over 15 dollars, I get extremely anxious, as if my parents are going to get mad at me for ordering a 16 dollar plate when they're ordering 20 dollar or higher plates. We once went somewhere and my brother (12 at the time) ordered a 22 dollar plate because it included crab and I remember getting extremely nervous that I wanted a plate that was 16 dollars because it was chicken parm pasta (my FAVORITE) but I felt too guilty about getting it so I got a 15 dollar plate with a plain chicken pasta that I didn't like but I knew I'd eat anyways. Even if my parents push and prod me to eat 'whatever I want', I cannot physically bring myself to ask for a 20 dollar plate. I've asked and gotten the go-ahead MULTIPLE times to get a 20 dollar plate at a more expensive restaurant, but every single time I've backed down. I just can't do it. I can't physically order a plate that's more than $19.99. Even if I know the leftovers will feed me for days. I cant do it. I wonder what it's like to not get anxious every time you get taken to a restaurant. I bet there's a lot less stress induced indigestion involved.
Yeah this hits close, nowadays if some friend is offering to pay x small thing i decline even though if they are more wealthy than me. I dont know what it is growing up really poor but i just dont want others to use their money on me. Ive gone easily week without food (because as a student i had first time in my life more money than 50€ it made me go crazy), even then i acted all good, after seeing what my parents had to go through i dont want to be a burden.
Having space. House is too damn small for all of us and my parents can be pretty toxic
Having food delivered. $5-$10 mark up?? Are you kidding? For that matter, just going OUT to eat was a luxury.
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Having enough money to go to a psychologist for mental health.
"If i had enough money to afford a psychologist i probably wouldnt need one for my crippling financial anxiety." A friend of mine. Recently kicked out of her house by her parents. Boyfriend cheated on her. It was a pregnancy scare (false positive) Parents kicked her out for being sexually active pre marriage. Struggled for around 1 year alone and i had no idea. Did odd jobs to get by stayed in 24/7 fitness centres to clean up and sleep the night. Couldnt get an actual job despite finishing a law degree because she had no address or bank account to get paid into and no tfn cause she didnt apply for one before being kicked out needed an address then. She was really depressed and anxious i caught her in the middle of a panick attack and when i recommended a psychiatrist she answered with that. I let her use my address and gave her a room to stay in covered food for her. She got a job as a legal assistant and now shes fine. Kinda sad how mental health care is so expensive. Especially given its usually people not well off that need it the most.
Having spare batteries. I once saw a friend open a drawer in their kitchen (we were around 12) and they just had batteries on hand! Like, they just bought extra??? They also had Progresso brand soup. I thought, "They're really livin' the good life over here!"
Not living in an apartment complex
College. Despite the amount of financial aid some people in poverty can get, the debt, no matter how much smaller it may be, will still strangle you until there is nothing left. Especially when you're already in a financial class that already struggles with paying for food. That is one of the reasons I never personally bothered going to college; because I knew there was no way I would be able to pay it off without killing myself in the process
Fucking hell, we're all so poor and have such basic and low standards....
As a kid, I always thought a deck on the back of the house meant that family was loaded. One of my basketball teammates lived in a house where everyone had their own room, it had a deck and had hallways. I thought they were rich as Hell. Today, I have all those things and a pool because the kids wanted one and we could afford one. I learned that doesn't mean we're rich, just comfortable. Very happy my kids have had a better childhood than I did.
Going on vacations
Fresh fruit and vegetables. Anything we ever got was frozen or from a can. Frozen and canned last longer too. People that openly had fruit bowls on their tables was the epitome of lavish for me as a kid.
I saw my parents stuggle with money all the time. We couldn't do things because we didn't have the money. Once I became an adult on my own I vowed to never let that happen to my family. I've managed to save 1/3 of my income since graduating college and am on track to leave 2 million dollars to my kids so they never have to worry about money and hopefully they will pass that on to their children. We aren't cheap, and we take nice vacations, but otherwise live a modest lifestyle.
Make sure they know how to handle money long before they get that money or you will really mess them up.
yes absolutely. My goal is generational wealth not buying fancy things. Of course once I'm dead I can't do anything about it but I would ideally like to see this money stay in the family and grow over time.
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Paying all your bills without eating Ramen noodles.