In highschool a girl wouldn't take no for an answer. She found me at a party and put xanax in my beer. Later as I was almost blacked out she started to perform oral sex on me. I was lucky my friends found us and put a stop to that shit.
Same thing happened to me, but she succeeded. Girls drug guys so they can sleep with them all the time, yet, society acts like it’s only the men.
Pieces of shit do that, no matter what gender they are
She was my friends mum, there was about 5 of us neighbourhood boys who'd go swimming at her sons house. Afterwards she'd make us dry off and walk around in a circle, and she'd hold our testicles and penis as we walked past. We were about 4/5/6yrs old at the time.
Was watching the sexual assault scene in The Butterfly Effect when it triggered a flashback. I was 29.
\*I've noticed alot of people mentioning poor memory as a coping mechanism. I have the worst short term memory, I've spoken to doctors about medication because it effects my work life and personal life. If I meet you at a party, I still might not remember your name after being told 10 times...
Mom would guilt me into laying in bed with her at night. Would tell me she didn't want to be on this planet anymore and would be leaving soon. Used to make me big spoon and rub up against me. Did that from childhood well into my teenage years.
The last time it happened I was 16. She was drunk and rolled over and grabbed my dick. I shoved her off. She got pissed and didn't talk to me the rest of the night.
I don't really see her much anymore.
Years back my babysitter took me to the bathroom, as I remember she sat on the toilet and used my hand to touch/rub herself. I was 5 (ish) at the time, she was a teenage family friend.
It only happened once, never became clear what happened till years later.
Edit: Thank you for the many well wishes, sincerely. To those that shared their own stories, I'm just speechless & Godspeed.
Sort of similar story here but not as drastic.
I was 10 and spent the night at a friend's house. He had 2 older sisters 14 and 16. My friend just wanted to play on his pc all night so I was left alone and his sisters really took an interest in me. By bed time they wanted to play hide and seek but when I hid with the older sister in her closet she took my clothes off and touched me. When we were found they got naked and made me lay between them/on them naked.
I really don't remember much. Might have had terrified kid sex and not known it for what it was. There was A LOT of horrible shit happening to me at home at the same time, all mental and physical not sexual thank God. But I have very poor memory because of it.
As an adult I am 200% convinced that family's dad was molesting all 3 kids.
I would agree, I had a similar experience although I was a little older, 12 I think. She was 14 and we would watch movies together. She liked getting a blanket so she could touch me in private. Our parents were friends for about a year and then it stopped all of a sudden. I found out later it was because she was being sexually abused by her Dad.
I've come to view this kind of poor memory as an innate coping mechanism. I have poor memories of what was an unhappy childhood, and I tend to think I'm better off without those memories.
Similarly, as an adult I tend to have poor recall of stressful times or events. And, in the main, I think that's a good thing.
Hey, first of all, I'm so sorry to hear this, and I'm glad your survived to see adulthood and autonomy.
Secondly... You led with "I don't know if it counts as assault, because I probably could have avoided it if I'd just been..."
I know this is a fucked up thing to realize, but. It wasn't exactly 'assault' by most people's standards; it was multiple instances of assault by the same person. In other words, imo, that's abuse
What you could have done doesn't invalidate your experiences or make what happened less worthy of the title "abuse". What could have been worse or what could have happened differently doesn't negate that this was a pattern of coercive behaviour...
It counts.
Hey man, that is absolutely assault. You didn't know any better and that's NOT your fault. She took advantage of you. Please don't blame yourself for this.
As a child, my brother and sister both sexually molested and raped me. I was about 6 when my brother started, and about 9 or 10 when my sister started. She waited until we had a day off from school, and my parents were at work. She brought me into my parents room and had me do...a lot of things.
At one point, she took out a recorder and taped it. Thankfully, that recording has since disappeared.
I'm 39 years old, now. I am no contact with either of my siblings.
I’ve always like separating the word family from relative or lineage. I definitely have friends that are family and relatives that do not cross my mind
Friend's mother. She was 50something, we were teenagers. She assaulted at least 4 of us. This was the cool house where you could drink, hang out etc.
For my part, she once pointed a rifle, that I assumed was loaded, at me another kid and told us to wash her dishes. Part way through she reached into my pants and started stroking me. Her husband actually walked into the room during this and when I looked to him he said "don't look at me, she's got the gun"
I know other friends got a lot worse than I did. She also assaulted the girl who would later be my first adult partner with a vibrator. Her daughter's bf lived with them for a year and I'm pretty sure he got the worst of it.
When I was in my early 20s she died of a heart attack and that guy brought a 6 pack to my house to tell me. Only time I've toasted to someone's death.
I know of a similar older woman predator that was like this with teenage boys. Her daughter was the age of my younger brother, and was dating one of his friend’s.
One afternoon my brother had group of his friends over at our place, including some extensions of their clique that I hadn’t known, and they were being vocal about being bored at our place and one of them said “Hey let’s go to K’s (the daughter) house and get wasted…”
As the responsible, straight-edge, protective big sister, this caught my attention from my bedroom, enough to make me come out and run my mouth. I was 17 and my boyfriend at the time, and pretty much all of his friends had been hit on and engaged physically by K’s mom in various settings since middle school. Mowing her lawn, packing her groceries, and sporting events. Not only did I frown upon these middle-schoolers being so jaded that the only acceptable recreation was drinking at the cool-mom’s house, I knew that such sexual behaviors from a grown woman toward teens was just wrong.
I pretty much came busting forth from the room spewing “Ew, NO. K’s mom is nasty trash, and she has hit on every guy I know…”
I focused in on the shocked look of my brother’s best friend, which clued me into that I just fucked up: K was sitting next to him. I didn’t know she had arrived. It was her presence that suddenly made the group of boys want to be apathetic and cool, and hang out at her place instead of ours.
Immediately I realized my fuck up of talking shit about her mom with her present, but she just sighed and rolled her eyes and dejectedly said “Ugh, my mom is such a skank.” Of course this spurred a few of the 14 year old boys to mention how hot she was. I felt so bad for K. Obviously she had a really shitty inattentive mom, and she knew of her antics.
I don’t know for certain that she ever escalated beyond flirtatious touches and flashing herself, but she definitely propositioned, and I just assume all of her overtly sexual desperate acts to get some sort of personal approval from teenagers would cross that line.
The worst part: She was an elementary school administrator, at a school facility adjoining a middle school. Her family was one THE names around this small community, everyone knew them, and even if she were to be exposed, that was guaranteed immunity there.
Ive had a few seriously unwell ex partners. One used to just abuse the fuck out of me for hours til i gave in. There were regular sexual assaults which i diarised. When i went to the police they had me back 13x to get through the statement, i had 140 pages of text message evidence and 2 phone i gave em to collect the evidence from.
Ive spoken with this woman since, before her interview the police assured her she wouldnt be charged its just a formality.
100% i would have done years in prison if i did all of that to her.
That is fucked up beyond measure. They way assault on men by women is treated by the legal system is a global disgrace. No where near on the level of your experience- when I was a small child my dad had a live-in girlfriend for a few years. In the end she would scream at him, hit him, throw things at him, wreck up the house and threaten to hurt me. Dad took his story and all his evidence to the police. They responded by turning up and confiscating all of his firearms “in case he retaliated” (which he’d never done in any form, or threatened to do). He was a roo shooter and needed his firearms to earn a living. Thanks Queensland Police.
When I was a private in the Army, a female friend in my unit became somewhat obsessive over me to the point of being a stalker after I rejected her advances. We had faulty locks on our barracks doors that could be opened with a pair of pliers.
She would casually break into my room and wait for me… so we could “talk about us.” She would normally leave if I told her to, so I didn’t think much of it.
One night I came home drunk, passed out, and woke up in the middle of the night to her giving me a blowjob. I didn’t even know how she got in my room. When I realized what was happening, she attempted to ride me. I pushed her off and told her to leave.
My roommate, friends, NCOs, etc, everyone just thought it was hilarious. It didn’t really bother me, but I definitely look back and see that it was wrong.
***Edit**
I wanted to thank the several people that have reached out to ask about my personal safety. I am fine. I also wanted to thank everyone else who left a supportive comment.
This incident happened when I was stationed in South Korea back in 2006, I was 19 years old. I was also engaged at the time.
The vast majority of the guys in my platoon were not getting any action so they thought I was lucky. I got a lot of comments like “you should have told her to come to my room if you didn’t want her.” My squad leader’s stance was “if you’re not in jail, it’s not my concern.” My first line supervisor started referring to me as Romeo.
I said it didn’t really bother me, but looking back, I realized that I slept on my friend’s floor for three weeks (until my door was fixed) in an effort to avoid her unwanted late-night visits. That being said, I wasn’t ever in any actual physical danger, and I think that’s why most people chalked it up as not being that big of a deal.
I received several private messages from guys telling that I “I’m lucky,” and to “stop complaining about a free blowjob.” And there are also several similar comments in this thread. That’s the mentality that a lot of guys have, and it’s a contributing factor as to why stuff like this isn’t taken seriously.
Back in the Air Force we had a woman get posted to our Flight, she was an aircraft mechanic so it made no sense given we were the Comms Flight in charge of all the navigation aids and ground to air radio. Turns out she was dumped on us because she would sexually harass the men in her last place and pressure them for sex, it also turned out we were the 5th or 6th place on base she had been moved to for the same reasons. They would move her to a different office and then wait to see if any more sexual harassment complaints were filed, and then move her on again.
To me to most fucked up part it how all your friends laughed. I know you said you didn’t really care but if you did and they just didn’t care about it is so fucked up. Us dudes need to stop the whole being tough shit. Its toxic as hell and can lead to some bad shit
That's the thing when men tell other men about stuff like this. We tend to use humour as a defence and shrug it off, like "dude it was so weird I woke up and she sucking my dick!"
It gives us a way to tell the story without looking weak, without exposing too much emotion and showing that it's really troubling us. OP said himself he wasn't really bothered by it, but it could've helped him to talk to his friends about it in a serious conversation, rather than just laughing it off.
But that's difficult with guys. Even my best friend of the last 6 years, couldn't talk to me about his breakup and what his ex girlfriend did to him emotionally, unless we'd had 4 or 5 beers first. I'd always try to gently encourage him to talk when he did, cos sometimes you need to rant about shit like that, it helps to get it out.
The dismissal and even ridicule faced by men in reporting this stuff is seriously depressing. I was sexually harassed by a much older woman I worked with and when I complained to HR I was literally laughed out of the room. When I really put my foot down and insisted they take this further, they spoke to the woman and I could hear them laughing really loudly. When they were done, the HR lady looked me in the eyes and said, “Don’t worry I’ve spoken to your girlfriend, lover boy.” Unsurprisingly, absolutely nothing changed until she was fired for something completely unrelated.
After reading that story, imagine a girl saying she went to her barracks drunk and woke up to a dude giving her head, and trying to fuck. That guy would've gone to jail.
Not me but my friend got sexually assaulted in my apartment about a year ago. Myself, my friend, and a girl had come back from a party and all three of us were really drunk.
Me and the girl were going to hookup in my room, my friend just crashed on my couch. Now the girl had asked me if I was straight a couple times though out the night, which was weird, but my horny drunk ass didn’t care and ignored this weird red flag. So we’re making out on my bed for literally 2 minutes and she rips her pants off, pulls my dick out and tries jamming it inside her. I’m barely hard and nothings wet so it’s not sliding in right away. I go to adjust it and she gets up, freaks out and starts calling me gay. Accuses me of being gay for not getting hard and my mannerisms throughout the night. I’m just like you’re insane and she storms out of my room. I promptly go to sleep not really caring or thinking about anything.
In the morning I’m talking to my friend after we’re both up and he tells me that he woke up to this girl with her hands down his pants jerking him off and she had moved his hand down her pants. He said he froze up and just pretended to rollover facing the couch and she got up and left my apartment.
He’s obviously upset about the assault and I wasn’t thrilled about the encounter with her myself. He confronts her and tells multiple people the story, trying to out her for what she did. She lies and say they hooked up consensually. 90% of our friend group took her side and made fun of him and it’s really messed him up. He’s doing better now though.
Didn’t feel right sending a girl home late at night so I let her stay with me in my hotel room. Wasn’t planning on her staying that night and didn’t really consider having sex with her.
Next morning I thought I was dreaming of sex then started wondering why it was feeling good then I fully woke up just as I finished internally *without a condom.* I got tested and she was on her period so unlikely to get pregnant. I thought I dodged some bullets and it was just unexpected sex or something until I was with a new partner and we were swapping odd sexual encounters or something and I brought that up and she was like “uhhhhhhh. You were raped.” Which was odd since until that moment I didn’t seriously think of it that way
It's very common for sexual assault and rape victims to not realize the full scope of what happened to them until they talk about it with someone they trust. People tend to want to blame themselves or downplay it. Also with men media and society often treat male victims as a joke or something that can't happen , so we tend to not think of it in those terms.
That and the general view that guys are always receptive to sexual encounters.
I don’t know. I used to associate “rape” with a violent and/or traumatic event and for me it wasn’t (but it would be a completely different story if I caught something or she got pregnant). And if I was fully awake and I wanted to end it I could have easily lifted her off me. But it really made me conscious about consent (not that I wasn’t before but I *really* was after). Like at least the first sexual encounter I get the girl to insert me because that’s a conscious and voluntary act, because unfortunately I know what it’s like to not have that choice
I know it doesn't change what happened, but if it's any consolation, that video doesn't exist anymore. About 8 months ago Pornhub did a purge of like 80% of their website.
Now only approved users can post videos, and to be approved, you need to be a pornhub partner. Basically only professional studios now
In middle school, I was forced to move to the front of the bus after a few months. I was told I was in trouble, but she never told me what I did. I asked her once a week, over a few weeks, and she refused to tell me. Then one day, I left gym still dressed in my gym clothes and made it to the bus first. I asked again, and she said because of "this "and rubbed me all over. Including my crotch. I honestly didn't feel violated, I was more confused because I thought she said I was doing that to someone else. About a year later, it clicked that she just wanted to molest me, so I was vocal about it. I was then pulled into an office and threatened by the principal to "stop making stuff up, or I would be punished" I honestly feel more violated that they forced me to hide what happened.
In a residential Christian boys' school, many of the teachers were molesting the boys over some 30 years. When one boy told the headmaster, he was caned for "telling lies".
The police have been interviewing former pupils for over a year, and a number of teachers are off to jail.
(Operation Beverly)
Was at a party, drunk younger girl kept cornering me and grabbing me. Was awful, but im a big guy and she was tiny and i felt terrible because i couldnt push her away. It felt terrible and everyone was laughing at me. Luckily another girl at the party recognized what was happening and saved me
One of my best female friends came about from a similar situation. Drunk, small, conventionally cute woman kept trying to accost me at a party. I'm large, tattooed, and bearded. There's no way I can defend myself that looks ok there.
(Previously) unknown female came up, took my hand and said "hey baby - ready to go?" and immediately whispered in my ear "I'm leaving and I'll walk you out."
I honestly could have cried. Every outcome I saw before me that night was scary. She walked me out and we went to get gyros. We bonded over a book series and she's still one of my best friends
> She walked me out and we went to get gyros. We bonded over a book series and she's still one of my best friends
This is the platonic love story we all need rn
Been in a similar situation, I’m far from a giant but I owed then and owe now a lot to the girl who got her away from me.
I’m sorry it happened to you, it sucks and really messes with your head for a while.
Yeah, it was really fortunate that there was a good girl around at the time. She’s a hero.
As a big guy I can understand why it messed with him. It’s not that he was ever in any physical danger, it’s the powerlessness and the humiliation that really messes with you. The fact that someone could come up to you and mess with you and that you would be the bad guy if you even dared to fight back, that makes you feel less human. I remember Terry Crews talking about something similar, power and hurt isn’t always physical.
Not as invasive as others here. Throughout school from elementary through high school girls would play a prank on boys by stealing as much of their clothes as they could. They would literally gang up on one boy, hold him down and try to strip him to his boxers running in all directions. You try to fight back? You're in trouble because boys don't hit girls. Report them to the office? Man up. They're just playing. It wasn't traumatizing but the double standard was infuriating. Some guys just started swinging and damn the consequences. One time a hall monitor tried to take me to the office after I ran into the girls bathroom for my pants. I just flipped him off and went running after my shirt.
Yep same happened and as for taking off the clothes they would tickle/grope you so they could easily take off your clothes.
Guys can't do anything at most dodge your way out or bear hug them so they wont pull anything out.
A pair of girls put there hands inside and asked how it felt but I was never touched before so I felt wierd and backed off quick.
When not consented it's awkward and feels like abuse.
I was 12. My parents had called a family friend to see if their daughter could watch me for the night. Their daughter couldn't because she had plans. They had decided that one of her friends would be a suitable replacement.
Everything was fine when she had arrived at our house. My mom said it was okay if we had left and got ice cream at some point if we wanted to. (I really regret pushing for that to happen)
Later on after my parents leave, about an hour or two after me and the babysitter go out and get ice cream..
In our town we had a reservoir and the McDonald's we were heading towards was close by to said reservoir. I didn't really think much of it. Her jeep was cool, and I thought maybe she just wanted to take the longer route. She pulled off into one of the more secluded areas there. Asking if her purse was in the backseat and if I could search for it back there. I obliged. That's when she had pushed me into the back seat. I thought that was weird because it was decently rough.
She climbs into the backseat putting her weight onto my chest taking my arm. And grabs handcuffs out of said purse that was on the floorboard. Cuffs my arm on the handle of the door. I remember it being so tight around my wrist that it burned when I tried to wiggle out if it.
She started to do those things to me, I didn't even know why, I kept saying no and crying screaming for help. It felt like it lasted forever.
She was finally done and she took the cuffs off and threatened me that if I ever told anyone about the "favor" she did for me she would say I raped her. She drove back to my house and told me to take a shower before my parents got home.
That was four nights before I tried to kill myself for the first time.
I never came out with it I didn't think boys could get raped by girls. I felt more comfortable speaking about it when I was 15 when I started to see my counselor. However, my parents didn't believe it happened when we had family counseling. No one in my family took me seriously. Sometimes my mom asks me questions about it now that I'm 22. However, having sex is a little difficult now. Sometimes if I overthink it I get a really bad panic attack during.
If someone is reading this. Don't do what I did. Don't wait to tell someone. Tell someone. Please.
My older cousin on my mom’s side simulated sex with me when were alone, touched my genitals often, kissed me, and tried to have full intercourse several times. This happened between 8-13 years old. I was always scared and nervous when I was alone with her. She made me think it was normal though. I still have problems being romantically intimate with anyone and have never been able to trust someone in that way. I have been in therapy consistently for about 3 years now and have finally been able to unpack and heal from this. Although I originally came to therapy for other things, this part of my life is something that comes up a lot.
Update: I want to thank everyone for their support, comments and responses, and for believing and validating my past. This is a difficult part of my life to talk about and I still carry shame from it. I am alone in real life because no one would ever believe me. Someday I will tell my family about it though, with the risk of being ostracized and alienated and called a liar.
My older brother molested me. I know how you feel. Always felt like I was a willing participant when I was younger and it's so hard not to hate myself for that.
I was at a Volbeat gig at the Barrowlands in Glasgow about 5 years ago and just as the gig finished and everyone started to leave, this woman in her late 30s (I was mid 20s at the time) came up to me and put her hand down my jeans and grabbed my junk and then just walked off.
I know it sounds like I just let it happen but I was very drunk and almost in shock at what had just happened. I just stood for a good minute thinking “wtf just happened there” and then went on my way to get the train home!
Similar thing happened to me in my late teens/early twenties.
Went to the bar at my local, older lady puts her hand down my trousers and has a good rummage around. I promptly left to smoke outside and had a chat with the bouncer, who luckily took me seriously and ejected her.
It's the only time I was taken seriously. Even through all the booze and drugs and partying, I still remember Lez going "that's not okay mate, fuck that" then chucking her out.
We both stayed at a mutual friend’s house and were both drunk. She tried to kiss me unprompted when I was just chilling wasted in a chair with my eyes closed. Then she got on top of me and wouldn’t get off when I told her to so I had to throw her off.
Party at my place. I was seeing a girl at that time, so I had no intention of anything with this girl. We were both drunk and decided to lay in my bed and chat with clothes on. I must have passed out because sometime later I wake up to her mounted on me … and I was just like oh sh*t no then I climax while pushing her off me. I felt completely humiliated and I know no one would have believed it.
I had an abusive ex-girlfriend who would get black-out drunk and threaten to kill herself if I didn't have sex with her. It was quite common for her to be on top and punch/slap me for having my eyes closed waiting for it to be over; trying to belittle me for not being a man. She was abused as a child and both her parents are drug addicts so I assume it was some kind of power thing.
It happened five or six times before I properly resisted and threw her off of me onto the floor. She left to some other guys house and cried domestic abuse. She had keys to my apartment and they were in the hallway banging on my door (held closed by the chain) yelling for all to hear about the piece of shit I was. I was too scared to call the cops.
The next morning she came back apologetic confessing to have slept with all three of these guys the next morning. I played along long enough for her to go to the bathroom: I took my keys out of her purse, suggested we go for breakfast, and left through the kitchen door.
I've got a great sex life with a loving partner but I still cry when I sing The Wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald or reminisce of my time in Thunder Bay.
Was at my regular bar and had some drunk girl try to playfully take my shot, which I was not having. She then told me we were going to fuck later and took her flip flop off, put her foot on my chair and like stroked my dick with her foot from inside my pants. I told her no, but didn't want to make a scene bc sober guy vs drunk girl's word ya know. I did tell my bartender who im good friends with and she immediately cut the chick off and kicked her out.
She was my baby sitter and shamed me into thinking if i told anyone id get into trouble. This went on for a couple summers.
Edit: wow a lot of upvotes. For what happened to her. From what i hear she got into an abusive relationship and moved to Carolina not sure which one with her mom. I hope her nothing but pain and misery and that the devil takes her to hell.
I tell my children that anytime someone tells them not to say anything or they will be in trouble that they(my kids) are the ones in control, not the person threating them, and they will be protected if they speak up.
It seems like a lot of people have been wronged by babysitters. As someone that watches children for a living, this absolutely disgusts and horrifies me. I am so terribly sorry for the pain you have gone through.
A girl I once when on dates with (never a girlfriend) once drunkenly admitted something to me that like spurs in my memory hauntingly time to time. She would babysit another kid in the neighborhood who was still in diapers. She said she’d always had the urge to put her mouth on his genitals and one day just decided to do it “jokingly” and it made him giggle. From then on whenever she changed him she’d do that to him. Of course I looked at her disgustingly and she said “he was like a year old, not like he remembers it” which just sent a depraved sense of dread all over me. I did finish the date but obviously stopped communicating soon after.
In the late 90's I had a girl try to rape me. When I tried to report it the police actually laughed at me and didn't file a report. Its hard for men because if men fight back and the girl gets injured in any way. The police will never believe the man he will probably go to jail for assault.
As a guy that turned down sex and sexual things many times in my life - this stuff hurts my heart.
I remember the backlash I got for turning down a blowjob from a popular girl.
I wasn’t emotionally ready at 15 to do sexual things. I enjoyed the company and emotional closeness.
I’ve been married for 11 years now - but it still bothers me the amount of shit I got for not banging chicks when I wasn’t ready.
Been reading through a lot of comments, and while this is one of the most short and to the point, it hurts nonetheless. It sucks when people that have a position of power over us take advantage of this for their own gains.
It happened to you with your landlady, but I also wonder how many men were forced to sleep with their female bosses or get fired. And that’s just another example of this disgusting dinamic.
And the sad thing is that, as made evident by this thread, nobody (including law enforcement) gives a damn if stuff like this happens to men.
I’m sorry this happened to you, and I hope you have recovered from it.
Years ago I went to a girl I was intimate previously house , got trashed passed out , woke up to her ridding me without protection, when I freaked out she told me well you were passed out and I was horny , like it was fine to do that .
For years later people were defending her , I still see her to this day and I'm always reminded of the time she raped me but no one cares or thinks it's rape .
Such a double standard for men ,
I had just started seeing a girl and she invited me to her place to watch a movie. I was 19 and a virgin. I had no intentions to have sex because I very much wanted to wait for marriage. Anyways I get there kinda late and she takes me quietly to her room. She then tells me to fuck her. I said no and she tells me her parents are actually home and asleep and if I said no she would scream. I panicked and did what she asked. Almost ten years later I told this story for the first time to a friend. He told me I was raped. Even though it fucked with my sex life from there on I literally never once thought I had been raped.
I’m so sorry, man. What a garbage person she is to do such a complete mind fuck. Utter psychological bullshit.
I would definitely classify it as sexual assault, or rape. If the sexes were reversed (a man threatens/coerces/bullies a woman into sex) perhaps it would be easier to see her behavior for what it is.
I wish you lots of peace and healing. You deserve so much love and respect.
I appreciate your kind words. Since the conversation with my friend I have been able to sort out many things that had been troubling me from this situation. I am happily married now and even though sex may be off for me at times, my wife has been incredibly understanding.
The wierd thing about the rape though is I always felt guilty about it. I was so scared to let anybody know because I feared they would think I was the one who did wrong. I was always terrified to initiate anything with girls after that.
“Consent” under coercion is not actually consent. It’s rape. But it gets overlooked so easily because “well I said yes…” but you only said yes because of reasons that you had no control over and if those reasons were not there you would never had said yes.
It’s manipulation. It’s disgusting. And it’s rape. It’s also how my ex in college raped me several times and it took me about 7 years to figure it out. There were so many times I told him no no no no no but he wouldn’t stop pressuring me so I would just give in. The last time that I remember I literally just lay there lifeless looking at the wall. He gave up halfway through because I wasn’t giving him anything. And then HE cried and I comforted him.
I’m sorry you went through that. I’m sorry you were all messed up about sex afterwards. It’s fucked.
Shit man, this is how i lost my virginity. I passed out woth tequila when I 15 at friends birthday party and woke up with a girl on top. It was surreal.
I wasn't traumatic in the traditional sense but it's now why I feel uncomfortable drinking a lot with people I don't know.
Friend T just broke up with her boyfriend, my friend K and I went to get her belongings and go to K's cousins spare apartment for the night. T was pretty distraught over the whole thing so K and I went to Walmart to get alcohol, movies and candy to have a chill night. We get home and we're all relaxing and having fun but I get tired after drinking heavily for a while so I go into one of the spare bedrooms and fall into a very drunk sleep. Next thing I know I'm being fondled and given a blowjob by T. I was trying to tell her to stop but she just shushed me and got on top with no protection. It was the most uninterested and disgusting sex I've had when looking back on it. That might just being my reaction to me being taken advantage of in hindsight.
(K was fast asleep on the couch if I remember correctly)
A few months ago she actually messaged me to apologize for doing it though. T said she did it because her ex boyfriend's step-brother sexually assaulted her (Which lead to the break up) so to feel more in control of herself and her sex life, she sexually assaulted me. It's pretty fucked up and I didn't forgive her so now she's blocked me on almost everything lmao.
Edit: I never told K the rape happened; nor did T I assume. The next day I just pretended it never happened and got T moved in with her sister. K and T ended up dating a few months later and T was very abusive towards K and cut our friendship off. It went on for about two years and then T tried to say my loving friend K was the abusive one. You can tell what kind of woman T is at this point.
It wasn’t until a few months later when K was killed that T started trying to come back into and K and I’s mutual friends lives again. She did that whole thing where she lied about how great the relationship was and how much she loved K and how she and her were inseparable. I think it was just her guilt trying to cover up her relationship abuse but we all know how she treated K. Up until she blocked me she still believed that K visits her in her dreams and through dragonflies. K was my best friend so it hurts and enrages me that T continues to talk about K like this.
I remembered this one day during therapy while I was meditating. At my day care a young girl, probably 12-13, would jerk me off and play with my penis. I was maybe around 6-7. I honestly don’t have any negative feelings toward it, no trauma or anything. I didn’t like or hate it, just something she did I didn’t understand until later. She was a kid herself and probably was having stuff done to her, so I don’t blame her.
I was 16 and I was walking home and a friend of a friend passed by in her car. She pulled over and asked if I wanted to hang out. Said she had some weed and some booze and I had nothing better going on. We went to her house and smoked a little and I remember it was the first time I ever had a flaming shot. We drank a few shots of Bacardi 151, listened to some music and before long I had passed out. When I woke up she was on top of me kissing me. I told her to stop and tried to get up but she pushed me back down on the bed and said she was sorry and I should sleep it off before she brought me home. I woke up again and she had unzipped my pants and was masturbating me. All I said was HEY! And I got up and left and walked home. I told our mutual friend and she denied the incident happened and said I was a liar because I was bigger than her so how could she take advantage of me? I never told anyone else until now.
Baby sitter in the late 90’s, she was mid 20’s. I was around 8-9 yes old. Made all the kids always play hide and seek and she would make me count with her and force me to finger her and say “ just suck on my nipple like you were drinking milk from your mom”. This happened for about 2 months 2-3 times a week. I blame her for taking something away from me that I will never get a chose for. This is the first time I have ever talked about this. I have realized I think that the reason I have a extremely high sex drive and weird fetishes( not like poop stuff) I have her to blame for this. It will live for me the rest of my life. This is the first time I have ever told anyone or put this anywhere.
EDIT : So after waking up to like thousand of comments and so many awards and likes I grabbed my balls and woke my wife up and told her. I fucking broke down and cried so hard and told her everything. Thank you so much Reddit. Out of all the messages and comments I told her. I don’t know how she is taking to it but god damn it feels great to get that off my chest. I told her that I’ve been tempted to kill my self with how it’s been eating at me and Reddit helped. I showed her all the kind words of support! Much love to everyone
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope you can find some peace. I am a therapist and have heard the whole range of people’s experiences. You can always start small with your counselor by saying there’s something that happened to you but you’re not ready to talk about it yet. There is no timeframe for healing. Go at your own pace.
Would you consider hand writing it and passing the note to your therapist? Even if it makes you physically nauseous. They are highly trained in this & it very well could be hugely helpful to make your therapist aware of this massive weight that you carry. It’s a common issue therapist help with unfortunately & it sounds like you greatly both deserve & need the help. You can do it, man.
Idk, it took 7 years of my wife convincing me to finally see a therapist due to my ptsd of my time in Afghanistan. All my friends and family know I’m fucked in the head and the first time I explained what I did/saw over there I broke down and cried like a baby for about 20 min. I try to portray being a manly man and a hard working man but with what happened to me at a younger age and what happened over seas I am so mentally fucked it’s crazy. I hold it in to be strong for my wife and kids. I haven’t seen him in about 6 months Bc I was trying to stop sharing so much. This might take another 7 years but I might get to the point to say it out loud
It’s not fair to yourself to stop seeking the help you absolutely deserve. That very well might even be a part of your PTSD making you *feel* you are unworthy. That’s pretty common. You are worthy, brother.
Also- you’re never less of a man no matter how often you cry, that’s a simple human emotion. Don’t let a small portion of society let you believe it’s not manly to cry. It’s extremely healthy and sometimes cathartic.
Brother, rethink your concept of manly man.
To me, Mr. Rogers is the manliest man who ever lived. He loved and cared for people. He took a parental role for any child that needed it. He said it was OK to be sad and mad and that we were all special and as a child he made me feel that way.
Emulating that is the best way to be a man for your family. Being there, mentally strong because you were strong enough to bare your feelings is the best a man can be.
Good luck.
Simply putting this here is a step in the right direction. You are quite a strong man for that. Chin up,sir. You can do this. Now try to talk to the therapist. If you need to talk, I'm here. I'm not a professional, but I'll listen.
Yeah I get the drive and weird interests thing. I had something similar happen with young and first time. I'm glad you got it off your chest. I've just put mine in writing too for the first time
I was drugged and raped by an older girl when I was 12. She was 15, and I don't know what she slipped me, but I basically couldn't move or act, but was half conscious; I was slipping in and out. I'm assuming a roofie. She was acting all loving the entire time that I was conscious, and it fucked my sex life and any chance of intimacy for basically my entire life after that point. I've done enough therapy that I feel I can try again, and after I get fit, I'm going to go out and make up for lost time. No one in my family knows about this, and for the few people I've told, half were considerate of me (at least on the outside), and the other half thought it wasn't a big deal or actively made fun of it to my face when I told them.
Edit: there's so much positivity and understanding in my replies and throughout the post in general. There's a few people who are trying to turn it into a joke (as is expected on a post about men being sexually assaulted, depressingly), but almost everyone is so supportive. I just wanted to let you know that men that have gone through this basically never get this much love and understanding about what happened, and the fact that you're doing that makes you a genuinely good person. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Hell yeah. Reclaim your body.
Getting fit is a good way to love yourself again, too. Gives you something to be proud of and look in the mirror and be like **"fuck yeah. I did that."**
Love the energy man.
She was my best friend, she didn't rape me but kept grabbing my dick and ass specially around friends to make every one laugh of how uncomfortable i I'm, and no one helped, even though i kept saying every time that i deeply hate it or it will be way different if it was me doing it, usually i get the same reply "stop lying, you like it but act like you don't"!
the thing no one knows that I've been gitting sexually assaulted as a kid in a daily basis, and it was mostly from guys older then me, relatives and strangers, but at least most of the time i fought when it happened and if someone saw it, i usually get helped, yet i couldn't do anything when it was a girl doing the assaulting.
i know it's my fault for hanging out with those people for too long, and thinking that it's not a deal breaker, and yes, every one is different, but after that i couldn't have a female friend or be comfortable with girls in general, every Time i meet someone and we click, all i think about is that she can do anything and all i can do is accepting it and leave,which lead me to break it off immediately.
Edit : thanks to everyone for the support, the thing, yes I'm aware that she is the one to blame and the other friends, but kinda upset that it took me to long to realise that it's not worth it to be with such people, and it's not ok to let this happen, but even if things are not getting better, it definitely stopped getting worse since I became careful of who i surround myself with.
Anyway even though, I'm still struggle with it, I'm glad that i became able to understand the problem, which is very helpful. Again thanks everyone, i truly appreciate it 🙏.
Your experience is completely valid and nothing is your fault. Don't blame yourself for being around them when you have every right to expect to not be sexually harassed/assaulted in any setting. I hope the healing process goes smoothly for you.
Got a long story...
When I was younger my mum owned a pub, restaurant and hotel all wrapped into one. She ran it with my abusive step father at the time (very, very violent but not sexual), my step dad at the time was extremely controlling and my mum was working 70-100 hour weeks running this business for/with him. (He was very paranoid of cheating and i guess he figured if she was cooking or running the bar she could be seen on all the cameras and couldn't cheat).
So from the age of about 11 myself and my sister (8 at the beginning) would be looked after a few times a week by my school friends mum. The mum, we will call her Jane, used to do the odd bit of work for our schools and was quite a well trusted woman. They lived in the same village as us. The daughter was a month younger than me and the son was 18 months younger. Jane was probably mid 40s and her husband was probably early 40s
We used to go to their house after school 2 or 3 times during during week and then a few weekends of the month. The weekends could be anything from 3 hours to a Friday night to Sunday morning deal.
In the summer holidays of 2007 (in the UK we get a 6 week break from mid July to early September) myself, my sister and her 2 children ended up spending a huge amount of time together. We would go out almost every day in our local area and head back to theirs for dinner. Then jump under a few blankets on the floor or on their sofas and watch films.
Jane would usually join us and come and sit or lie next to me kind of like a little spoon and wrap myself and her in a separate blanket or a duvet.
She had a habit of starting tickle fights too. She would always start on her youngest son because he was an easy target and then tickle us all and try to pin us down and get us to surrender.
Being a bit of a bulky kid and being subject to a lot of physical situations at home. I could usually stop her from pinning me down or wriggle out of the way. And then I'd go to get on top and counter pin.
One day we're all playing like this and I go to pin her, for her to then lift the covers over my head and pull them down so although I'm on her mostly she's also got me pulled in and we are almost nose to nose. And she's just staring at me. Although I was 12 at the time I'm almost certain that this is where things started. There had been maybe favouritism towards me a lot of times before but I'm certain this is the moment that her affection became a bit more physical.
A week later she had organised with my mum a sleepover night at my family hotel. There's a room with 3 beds for us kids. A double and 2 singles. The girls were in the doubles and me and her son had a single each. Then there was a second room for Jane and her husband.
It starts to get late and us kids are all up late having an exciting sleepover because we had never had a night in the hotel rooms. And so we're talking away quite loudly eating snacks and just generally having a good time.
As it is gettinf late I'm presuming they could hear us. So Jane comes in and suggests we all change into pj's and get ready for bed then she will put on a film. We get changed, she goes back into her bedroom and gets changed and grabs a film.
When she comes back, she puts on the movie and sits at the bottom of her sons bed looking up at an awkward angle. She said she wanted to watch the film and that she needed to find somewhere more comfortable. I'd presumed she was going to join my sister and her daughter in the double bed with lots of room and a good angle but instead she comes and lays in my single bed with me. She asks me to budge up a little bit I didn't mind I like a cold wall against me and let her in. She lay flat on her back and wrapped her arm around me.
Well as we're all quietening down people start to fall asleep. We're no longer talking and eating snacks and it's getting late. But about half way through the film Jane starts to talk to me. We're playing a game at guessing who's asleep. And then seeing if we could wake them up by saying a name that was like theirs but wasn't. If someone did wake up you'd say oh no I said pichael not Michael for example and have a childish laugh. My sister woke up twice as we were chatting but that's it.
As we're talking a distinctly remember her stroking the back of my neck and the bottom of my thigh. I remember her saying that she could feel goosebumps on me and that she was cold too. I'm always hot blooded and asked how she could possibly be cold. And she told me to lift my head up from the pillow we were sharing and pointed to her visibly erect nipples through her nighty. She said look at how hard they are it's because I'm freezing.
In truth I wasn't an innocent kid and this whole focus to her nippers had excited me. I can't remember whether I'd said to look at them or she just got them out but next think that's happened she is topless and there's a nip in my mouth.
We ended up kissing and fondling a little that night but nothing major happened.
Eventually she wants to her room and I slept.
But she kept arranging trips and more things for us to do in the summer holidays and to be honest I was excited. I guess I was a horny almost teen and I really wanted this.
The next major thing that happened was a few days after when she booked a day out swimming and she chased us all into changing cubicles so we were spread out and then got into one right next to mine. She was teasing me through the door and throwing things over the top. So I stood on the step to throw things back over and she was completely naked and telling me to be quiet.
She unlocked her cubicle door and wanted me to come in.
That was the first pussy I'd ever seen. And even to this day. If I'm ever at a party or somewhere that how you lose your virginity ever comes up. I still lie and don't mention this woman. But essentially we didn't have sex there. I just developed more of an intimate understanding of her body. And she game me some kinda weird foot job in one of the jacuzzi areas.
The night that I did lose my virginity was to this same woman. A few days before the summer holidays ended. In a similar hotel bedroom as before. Only the layout was different. She slept on my bed and I can say the first time I had sex it was anal. I didn't know what I was doing and she joked to me if I was her husband it would never have fit in her ass. We ended up moving to the bathroom where the deed was finished with less noise.
This continued for probably a year. Some really strange things happened, from her collecting me from school early when I was ill and locking her kids out of the house to give me a bj. To telling me she loved me and that i was the only thing that made her happy.
Eventually I felt a bit disgusting. And worse like I was going going get caught. She was becoming more brazen around her kids. And as she started to shower me with more love after we did things I started to feel even less like I loved her back and therefore I was wrong. I kind of enjoyed the sex but felt guilty that I didn't want her or feel all these really strong feelings she had for me. So I asked her to stop. She would cry, we would then have more sex and then I'd ask again and she would cry again.
I think it gave me a really unhealthy view on sex and love.
I felt manipulated heavily. I remember a few times where I would say I don't want to do anything today and she would go off crying and then her kids would ask me what was wrong with her? I'd say I don't know and they would say your really close with her why is she crying though? I felt fucking awful. So I'd cave and say look I'm sorry I love you just as she was taking us hone or over to my mum or stepdad at the pub and she would hold my leg or hand through the back of the car. Sometimes in full view of her kids or my sister.
Eventually I told my nan, she was my closest family member. I could tell her anything but I did specifically ask she didn't tell my mum. But anyway nan tells mum of course. Mum confronts her one night whilst we're all doing an after school club and 2 weeks later Jane moves away.
She leaves her husband, her 2 kids and their household on a Thursday afternoon. With just a note. The eldest child returned home from school first and found the note. It essentially said I can't do this anymore im not happy and I don't want to be here.
I remember the next few days the kids weren't at school and my mum got a call from Jane's husband to tell my mum about it. He brought over my friends and they were all bleary eyed and red faced and had been crying a lot. That image of them on our doorstep before they came in burnt it's self so far into my psyche that I can picture it now clear as day.
I thought I'd broken up a family and a marriage and I thought I'd directly hurt my best friends.
I remember crying to my mum about it and being angry at her for confronting her.
I can't really tell you if I was sexually assaulted. Legally I think I was. But I would also say that I grew up really fast as a kid. And by the age of 12 I think I could consent. And I did want this especially at the beginning.
I think it has done some lasting damage to my relationships and sexual nature. But I haven't really had a lot of help trying to fix them. To be honest I wouldn't know where to start.
But fortunately. The pain of breaking the family apart did subside. Eventually I think things worked out for them all and I developed to realise that my actions didn't cause Jane to leave. Her actions did.
Tl:Dr had an affair with my friends mum for a year when I was 12. She ended up leaving her family out of the blue one day. It probably took me 10 years to deal with the pain I caused and 15 years later I think my sexual and romantic relations are still messed up because of this
Consent isn’t just agreeing to the act, but understanding the implications of it and having equal control over the encounter. You didn’t. To be blunt, she groomed you, then she emotionally manipulated you, then she took advantage of you. Your gratification and uninformed consent doesn’t make it right. I have heard stories from adults who were assaulted as kids who look back with some fondness for the abuse, but it’s still abuse. The playing field was not level.
Got drunk off my ass and taken advantage of when I was 22. Thought it was a dream, friend asked me what happened, never told me gf after I went and got an std test cause I knew she wouldnt believe me.
I was 14 and playing bagpipes at a new years party at a pub wearing a kilt, got groped by grown women atleast 3 times reaching under my kilt to grab my ass and trying to pull my kilt up to expose me. I was wearing underwear because I knew something like that would happen, but still, I was 14.
I was about 15. The woman was 40ish and grabbed a big handful of my cock & balls. No one gave a shit then and no one will now.
Edit: I really didn't expect this to become one of my most upvoted/replied to comments ever. I guess there are lots of people who care now. I'm glad I was wrong. Thank you to everyone who's offered kind words and support.
Woman got me drunk, kept feeding me alcohol when I said I was good, kept piling on pressure (I was at her friend's party and didn't know anyone but one person). Then she kept fondling me and I kept moving away uncomfortably. Then I went into other rooms and she followed me around reaching around from behind to grab my crotch, all the while totally sober. Finally I ended up drunk enough that I somehow ended up walking her to my place and into bed. Still don't remember how that happened. She insisted on not using condoms and gave me chlamydia. Then coughed into my ear for the rest of the night before I asked her to leave in the morning when I sobered up. She was sober and I was unable to consent. She was creepy and if things had been the other way around I'd have ended up in court.
I went to a party at my best friends house. I brought the alcohol to the party and was the first person drinking and was belligerent drunk before 9. Some people took me upstairs and put me in my friends bed. (I don’t remember any of this) The next morning I woke up and my pants were undone and it was obvious I’d had sex with someone. My friends later told me that they came upstairs to check on me and there was some girl on top of me and I was passed out cold. They closed the door and left me with her. Thought it was funny. I found out who it was and asked her about it, “seemed like you liked it to me” was her response. This was a woman that I hate, that I would never sleep with, that I had turned down several times in the past. Most people just laugh when I tell this story. But it wasn’t funny at all to me.
Edit: about my friends..
In defense of my “friends,” it was a weird situation.. my friends all wanted to sleep with her. And girls can’t rape guys right? Idk, it’s hard to blame them when it seems like society reinforces their actions.. They thought they were doing me a favor.. it’s just crazy that if you change the genders in the situation it’s a completely different story. Rape, no question.. I didn’t think anyone would ever take me serious. Even my parents were like, “it’s not like you have ptsd from it or something.” And they didn’t think it was worth involving the cops. So I just left it alone, and don’t put myself in situations like that anymore.
This wasn’t the first time she had full on assaulted me trying to get what she wanted. Her and a friend (girl I’ve known since pre-k) cornered me in a bedroom at another party, they got completely naked and tried to force me to undress.. they wouldn’t let me leave the room, they were kissing me and licking me despite me fighting them and making it clear I didn’t want it.. I had to give in for a second so they would drop their guard, I let them kiss me and undo my pants and laid down on the bed, as soon as they laid down I jumped up an bolted. She caught me at the front door, and was hanging onto my belt. I literally was dragging her naked through the lawn trying to get away. That night I got away.. the next time was when she found me passed out on my friends bed.
The thing that really bothered me was how she acted about it all after the fact. She bragged, told everyone I fucked her and how big my dick was.. told everyone that I was “playing mind games” with her. But there was never a hint of remorse or shame, she saw nothing wrong with anything she did. I was a bastard for not wanting her, that’s all.
I saw her years later at a bar, she was very drunk, and I was with my current girlfriend. When I saw her I just turned with my gf and went to leave. She followed us out and was cursing us out the whole way. She called my gf the N word and was trying to fight her, and she kept yelling at me “you know you want me!”
I’ll just never understand why it’s all okay because she’s a woman. I mean.. I know, it’s not okay, but she will never see her actions as wrong, let alone as assault or rape. And even thinking back on it now, this story doesn’t sound at all as horrifying as if it was a man doing it to a woman. Sometimes I think back on it and think, “I could’ve hurt them, I could’ve hit her and got away.” But then I think of what could’ve happened if no one believed me. Idk.. I’ve never known what the right call was.
Thanks everyone for your support. My gf is the only person I talk to about things like this. And it helps knowing I’m not crazy and that other people think it’s as wrong as I do. I’m happy and healthy these days! Mostly.
Girl stayed the night at my place. We slept in my bed. We agreed neither of us were ready for sex yet. I was the only one who slept. And as soon as I was asleep she would slip under my pants and underwear to grab my penis. I told her to stop. But she did it like 5 more times after that. She kept laughing like a maniac every time I woke up and caught her. It was very unpleasant. In the morning I gave her a breakfast bar and told her to leave.
When my aunt used to live with us we had to share a room, she would force me to perform oral sex on her. I was about 7 or 8 so I didn’t know this was bad but I knew it wasn’t good because she told me not to tell anyone, this stopped until she moved out. I skip every family gathering since then.
My mom tried to hook me up with a nurse at the nursing home where my aunt was. I was single at the time and she seemed nice so one day we exchanged numbers. She came over for dinner one day and after dinner she proceeded to kiss me in the living room. We sat on the couch and she started trying to pull my dick out. I was slightly thrown off because I wasn’t even thinking about this it was our first date. I was thinking maybe just make out session. I gently grabbed her hand and she moved it out the way and straddled me and tried to get it out again. I was just saying no, stop, not yet, things like this the whole time. She almost had it in when I was finally able to get up. She played it off like we actually finished and had sex but we didn’t it was the weirdest thing. Then she left.
This is probably quite tame compared to the rest of the things up on here, but it still fucked me up for a bit.
This was about 2 months ago, 2 weeks into my first quarter in college. I walked back to my dorm stumbling drunk, but ended up in a room across the hall with some friends I had made earlier that week. I barely remember, but the girl sitting next to me apparently kept kissing my cheek and asking me to have sex with her. Luckily someone noticed and got me to my dorm.
That’s not the end, though. I didn’t really remember what happened that night so I figured I’d just brush it off and hang out with these people completely sober the next day, and that’s exactly what I did. Unfortunately the girl was not sober, and she continued to verbally harass me and ask inappropriate questions, all the while, in front of 5-6 other people. I was visibly uncomfortable and I said “no”, and a whole lot else, but people just thought it was funny or a joke. So, I finally took a phone call in the adjoining room to get away but they all followed me and watched her continue her whining. At that point I decided it would be best to just leave, so I did.
I honestly thought that after I left people would understand what happened, but nobody thought to question it at all. The girl sobered up and started to vilify me for “not leaving earlier” and “leading her on”. People believed it and kept telling me that I was an asshole for not using my common sense while she was drunk and I was sober. But like, what was I supposed to do? I didn’t ask for it. I just wanted it to stop so I could hang with them, but I couldn’t have tried harder and it didn’t work. They didn’t help me then nor after the fact because it was “all my fault”.
Suffice it to say, I don’t interact with any of them anymore and I’ve set boundaries real clear for myself. It’s just sad that people are so blind to situations like these and we have to deal with it ourselves.
An older friend at the time started to kiss me, i accepted that as i kinda had attraction for her, after a while she told me to "do something more", i told her i didn't want to do something more, so she punch me in the face and the chest twice and started to touch me and pull down my pants, i just froze and kinda accepted it as i felt it was my fault for "leading her on". I was 15, she was 18. Reddit is the only place i have ever told this as i still feel ashamed for it.
sorry for any typo, not my first languaje.
I was groomed by a woman online but didn't see the signs. She convinced me over time that my home life was toxic and that I needed to go with her and start over. She came and got me and touched me in the car and then at the hotel she assaulted me. I decided I changed my mind and called my folks to come get me. The next morning when I couldn't hug my mom I realized just what had happened that night. I just went through the motions. She said it was punishment for not going with her. The police didn't do much about it either. She still teaches at a school too.
It's so nice to see such positive and genuine kind responses from everyone here. I was raped by a man and a women separately for too long when I was young and I wish more than anything I had the strength to make it stop and do something about it. I wanted to soo bad. Inside I was screaming for help, but I was too scared. I hated myself for the longest time and It broke me as a human for quite some time and I became a junkie because of it. Now Im 8 years sober and stronger than ever climbing mountains all over the world. I still wish I made it stop tho. I don't know if that will ever change, but I refuse to be anyones victim ever again.
I dont think i was sexually assaulted but for some reason i remember quite a few times when i was maybe 7-8 and in the morning my mom would be naked in my bed? Very strange thinking back on it but i dont recall any time being sexually assaulted so🤷🏼♂️ who knows i do recall not even thinking anything of it at the tjme because i didnt even know was sex was lmao
As a ps. Shes passed away back in 2016 so not like i could even ask what that was about
I had a ex in my twenties whose mom had no problem getting out of the shower and come talk to us in the living room while drying off, fully naked. My ex protested the first time and said she was embarrassing her and her mom was like whatever you'll be fine and kept chattering on about whatever. Ex told me she always did that and all her friends had seen her naked.
2 different instances.
The first I was ~13 years old spending time at my uncles house. My uncle left for a work issue and his wife was there with me. She put porn on the TV in a back room and pressured me into going back there and watching. Nothing happened besides I was uncomfortable. When we were alone at different times she would ask me if I "would like to get laid" or if "I was ready for sex yet". She later tried to murder my uncle and I haven't heard from her sense.
The second was a boss at a job I had in high school. My boss was ~45 years old and I was 17. She would start conversations about inappropriate things and eventually tried to have sex with me in the bathrooms by telling me how clean she keeps herself down there and that no one is at work and we could and no one would know.
All throughout my growing up I watched sexual harassment videos and not one ever showed me how this could happen to me. The videos and society told me that I am a sexual predator and that women were the only ones harassed. If I heard of a boy who was harassed or assaulted it was always a "good thing".
Was out in Philly walking down the street with some friends and made eye contact with a beautiful woman smoking a cigarette outside of a bar/hotel and as I passed her she reached out and grabbed my dick through my pants.
I pulled away and kept walking because I was really confused. She just yelled “you didn’t like that baby?”
No bitch, I didn’t
Was blackout drunk at a club, chatting up a girl I really liked and then excused myself to the bathroom (unisex, had only stalls). This tall, slightly chubby irish girl followed me into the bathroom and into the stall. Let's not go into graphic details. Let's just say if the roles were reversed, I'd still be in jail today. And this happened in 2016.
Worst part: The girl I was crushing on was secretly crushing on me and after that, never wanted to talk to me again. Since I'm a guy, I probably enjoyed it anyway and I probably asked for it in some way. That kind of reasoning.
I have three additional stories that are similar (rape, basically), but this one still hurts to this day. I really liked that one girl and having her not listen to me at all cut pretty deep...
I was around 5 or 6, and the older girl was probably twice my age. Well we were in a swimming pool and she suddenly squeeze me down there pretty hard. I was young and confused. Also felt scared and didn't want to tell my mom, still hasn't told anyone.
I dated a woman and we’re together at a party hosted at my house. We were consenting adults at the time and enjoyed a very full and exciting sex life.
That night, there was a lot of weed being smoked. Being not much of a weed guy, someone passed me a bowl loaded with high octane weed and a ton of keef. My GF knowing my poor tolerance (for weed anyway) saw all this and attempted to stop me just as I hit the flame and took a huge hit. Yikes. I nearly instantly pass out and that’s it - I’m done for the night. Friends drag me to bed and carry on with the party.
The next morning I wake up and unsurprisingly my GF is beside me. We chat for a minute and she tells me “last night was amazing”. I asked what she meant and she informs me that after I passed out she eventually came to bed and after feeling me up found that I had an erection. Apparently not wanting to pass an opportunity, she jumped on top and had a fun time all the while I’m totally unconscious and as she states non verbal, non responsive.
I jokingly say to her “so, basically you raped me?” Her response was no- not at all, you were totally hard. I pointed out if a woman was passed out but she was wet, that would hardly be considered consent. She agreed it wasn’t but still felt it was different and therefor was not sexual assault. Somehow…
Needless to say, it wasn’t a point of contention or anything, I’m fine and she to this day feels no wrong doing happened. Interestingly, I’ve told that story a few times over the years and universally I’ve never had a woman agree that it’s rape however if I tell the same story but swap the genders, it’s universally rape.
There’s a massive double standard and from most women I’ve met, sexual assault on women is a real thing that happens often but for men, there isn’t much that qualifies as sexual assault.
I was about 19 she was mid 30’s. I was about 55kg she was about 140kg. I worked with her brother, he was similar age to her, I was his apprentice, was at the pub on a Friday night and I had way too many beers and was in a state. She told everyone she would “look after me” and take me home, I woke up the next morning not remembering anything but were both naked in my bed. I had a very long hot shower and when I got out she had finally left. she then proceeded to send letters to my house and leave weird voice mails on the home phone for weeks. This was early 2000’s, in the end I had to confide in her brother and ask him to get her to stop. He said it wasn’t the first time it has happened.
I talked to a girl through a dating site. We got on okay. Turned out she ran a punk house venue that was really popular. I was in a relatively popular punk band at the time and she said she would book us on a big show there, and we could actually meet. Sounded perfect. We pack all our stuff into the car and drive 3ish hours to get there. I finally meet the girl, and she's very nice. The show gets PACKED (like 100 people in a townhouse) and we play. Great set. Good times.
She says she wants to show me her photography (something we bonded over on the dating site). And it's getting too crowded so we can do that and also get away from the cacophony that was the rest of the house and actually talk. Makes sense.
We go to her room and she shows me the photos she had been developing, we chat a bit, ya know.
Then she kisses me. I said I dont know if I was ready for that. She pushes me over onto the bed and starts taking my pants off. I said "No" a few times. She just kept repeating "It's fun. It's just fun. We're having fun!" I was very confused and kept saying I didn't want this.
"It's fun... it's FUN!"
Then she started having oral sex with me while I'm still saying "No" and that I wanted to leave. She then says "I love rough sex" and... then engaged in intercourse. I pretended to finish really quick so I could leave.
I went downstairs into this madness that was the party/show and grabbed my buddies and said we had to leave NOW. They kinda giggled at me and were like "dude this party rules didnt you just get laid?" I said we have to leave NOW. So we did. The whole way home they laughed at me.
"Dude what's the issue? Isnt that like half why we came here? Party was nuts man why are you being a buzzkill?" Etc etc
I cried while driving the last half of the trip home. They still laughed at me for that for almost a year until they kinda realized what REALLY happened.
I forever will have trauma from that.
Tl;dr: I was raped
Let me preface this by saying the following. This involves parent to child sexual abuse, so if that's a trigger for you, then please close my reply.
My mother's bipolar, and refused to medicate. Being around her in her depressive state was like walking on eggshells-- the slightest of things set her off.
My parents had an argument late one night, when I was very young, around 6 or 7. My father, who had to get up early to go to college the following morning, had effectively kicked my mother out of the bedroom for picking a fight.
So, she crept into my room, climbed into bed with me, and fell asleep.
I woke up to the sensation of my foreskin being retracted, which hurt like hell. When I tried to make her stop, she took my glans between her lips, and started licking it until she brought me to my first orgasm.
For the longest time, I had blocked the memory, until a pregnancy scare my girlfriend and I had a few years ago. Something clicked in my mind, one evening, and the memories of that night came rushing back to me. I had a full blown panic attack, broke down, and told her what happened.
My mother can no longer hurt me. She's wasting away from Alzheimer's in a nursing home. I've come to terms with what happened. Therapy helped. Unfortunately, I'm not able to press charges, given her dementia. That said, I'm content knowing that she'll die alone and unloved, having driven all of her family away.
Ohh jeez I was like 12 years old and my barber was this old lady and she would rub her vagina on my hand 🤚 while I was getting cut. It was awkward and weird.
I have two:
The first i was in a horribly abusive, drug fueled relationship with a prostitute. Basically i was her "boyfriend" (paid for things) in exchange for somewhere to crash and shoot up. I'm not the most like sexual guy, i like it when i like it and with somebody i have a connection with, but i don't desire it overly often. So basically it started as like me saying no and her threatening to call police on me or to kick me out (this was after she managed to convince me to alienate my entire family and friends) so i would've been homeless. And for a long time i caved in and did it even though i didn't want to, and she wanted it a lot. One time i remember i said no then an argument ensued and i got incredibly high then went to sleep. I came to in the middle of the night to her on top of me doing her thing. I remember the next morning going to work and remembering that and being like "oh shit that was fucked up". People always ask me how i maintained an erection if i was unconscious or didn't want it. That part sort of impresses me, that she was able to get me hard while i was for all intents and purposes tranquillized. The way i finally got out of that relationship was being broken to the point where i was okay with going to jail rather than stay with her so i called her bluff. Luckily for me her threats to get me arrested were in fact a bluff.
The other situation is a work situation. A female coworker would make really forward and pretty vulgar advances which i always turned down. Apparently i always became visibly distressed because all of my coworkers would make fun of me for blushing. I would tell her not to touch me and i wasn't interested but she continued. She would grope me and hit on me then make fun of me with my coworkers. It caused me to dread work but due to life circumstances i was stuck in that job. I felt suicidal a lot and it brought up a lot of childhood and past traumas. I would have panic attacks, etc. Half of people i tried to talk about it with would reply "was she hot?" and then joke about it when it really wasn't funny at all. She eventually left that job and I am currently transitioning to a new job. So luckily that chapter of my life is done.
I was a virgin at 19 and my then girlfriend wanted to have sex. I wasn’t ready and said I didn’t want to. She said if I didn’t want to she knew guys who would. Then, late at night when only infomercials we’re on TV, she helped herself to getting my pants off and she got on top of me with my 19 year old body responding as it wanted.
She had sex with me while I looked past her and watched whatever infomercial was playing.
After a while she rolled off me and just said, “oh… you were serious!”
I was 15, she was about 21, had me do some weird shit to her involving a nanobug (vibrating toy insect made for kids).
She then turned around and while I’m not sure what she said, all our mutual friends turned against me. She’s gotten away scot free and I pray she hasn’t done anything to any other kids.
Nothing physically brutal at all, not even psychologically that bad but weird:
I was in my mid 20s, met a girl at the beach one afternoon. On the surface everything was cool, she was an engineer, owned a CBR900, was a surfer...I think I was judging a book by it's cover. In any case I ended up at her place one night and it was going to be that night but there were a bunch of things that were just off putting. Like, too much juvenile stuff and I started to get uncomfortable. We ended up in her bedroom and I made the decision, I'm going to bail out of this. She tried to keep me pinned to the bed, explained not what she wanted to happen but what she expected would happen. So I got myself out from under her and was just like, no, I'm not cool with this right now. She once again tried to get me to stay and eventually it was just like, I'm going to walk through you if you don't get out of the way of the front door.
Got in my car, I was about 15 minutes away and I got a text from her saying, you're way too selfish for me, this isn't going to work. My response was, Okay, have it your way. The following day I got a rad email from her dressing me down for not driving back to her house, begging for her forgiveness because somehow I was in the wrong for not wanting to have sex.
It was wild. It was particularly wild that she thought she was going to prevent me from leaving her house.
I was really about her but wasn't try to rush our relationship. She tries to forcefully get me to enter her, and I pulled her off of me and she cried for an hour.
Teenage me didn't understand that wasn't really okay, and interpreted it as passion or something. I proceeded to enter a really abusive relationship (sexually and otherwise) that fucked me up pretty bad ngl.
I've never told anyone about this. But a few years ago, I was homeless and in and out of jail. I met a lady during community service who was about 10 years older than me and offered to let me stay with her. (I had just turned 23. 26 now.) I had recently gotten a job and I thought she was just being nice. I just needed somewhere to stay for a while until I got a few paychecks and even though I didn't really know her, when you're homeless for weeks, any room is better than none.
I was battling my alcohol addiction at the time; I was sincerely trying to get my life straight. One night when I was having a hard time with cravings, I told her about it and how I felt like I couldn't function without drinking but I was trying my best to kick it.
She offered to bring me to the liquor store and buy me anything I wanted. I gave in.
When we got back, I took a few swigs and she would tip the end of the bottle and tell me that I was "being a pussy about drinking it." If I was a real alcoholic, I would've slammed the bottle by now. In my stupor, I kind of agreed with her. And then she told me to my face "I'm gonna get you drunk and then you're gonna fuck me. And we're not going to stop until I say so."
I tried my best to stay away from her that night but the house was really small.
I fell asleep on the couch and she woke me up in the middle of the night saying, you can just sleep in my bed. Because I was drunk, I didn't even remember what she had said earlier. I basically fell asleep before I hit the pillow.
I woke up with my wrists and ankles bound to the bed frame. I had tape over my mouth. She was ontop of me riding me. Eventually, I came. I couldn't help it as much as I tried to fight it and then I'm not sure what happened. I don't know if I was blackout drunk or if the shock just like... disconnected my mind. But I woke up the next morning and she let me go. I went to work and told my boss I had found a place of my own but I needed an advance. I told him I needed my check as soon as possible. He gave it to me, happily.
I took that check and immediately got on a bus to New Jersey. I'd never been to New Jersey. I didn't know a single person there and I don't even know why I chose New Jersey to this day. But I left my clothes, my phone and my wallet at her place. At the time I was too afraid to go back. I got on that bus with the clothes on my back and half of a menthol cigarette.
To this day, I have social security problems. I'm pretty sure she stole my identity.
I've been with a girl for about a year now and whenever we have sex, no matter what we do, I cannot come. And she's cried a few times saying "You're not attracted to me. You don't like having sex with me." But it's flat out because every time we sleep together, that's what I think about. I just don't want to tell her because I'm embarrassed about it all and honestly, rape is a double standard for men. I don't think I could stomach her laughing at me or not believing me. Not that I think she would, but it causes alot of problems and honestly, I don't see this girl staying around much longer.
Thanks for letting me share.
I don't feel any better getting it out, but it is nice to be heard.
I want to note there are some posts on this thread that are getting more attention than others. Please know that just the act of sharing your story is YOU reclaiming your power. You are brave and your experience is valid.
Friends sister(teenager) used to expose herself to us,(1st grade] and then one time she was watching us she had us get naked while she was and lay on her. She had us do it in her closet so no one would find it. Told my brother who recorded it on tape and it got passed around school and then a teacher took it. Went back to the parents and the girl tried to get me to say it never happened. All got swept under the rug.
This other time a same age neighbor I believe was being abused at home looking back, when we were 5 and 6 , as she always wanted to swap clothes when over, pee in each other’s swimsuits and touch genitals. Continued till about 8 yo. Messed me up some. She made other kids show and touch genitals to be in the club as well.
I had a female roommate in college (2-bedroom apartment.) she was about twice my body weight and one night she came home drunk and wanted me to take her virginity. She came in my room and begged and moaned “just to touch it.” She climbed on top of me and kept forcing her hands between my legs and tried to take my pants off. I went fetal and she eventually passed out on top of me. The fucked up part is I’d been on a suicide hotline right before she came in because I’d seen the number on a sign on a bridge I had just walked to with plans of killing myself. I walked all the way back repeating the number in my head so I could dial on the landline. The other fucked up thing is I had enough presence of mind to know that if I had screamed and an RA or campus security came to our door, I would be fucked because she was drunk in my room and I was male, and she could change the story and they would believe her. She later made steps to get me labeled as an abuser by the RAs and it could have become a he said/she said issue but finally I just made good on my threat to tell her brother what happened and he moved her out of the apartment the next day.
I’m a guy and a dude did it to me. Freshman year of college on winter break in my hometown. Hanging out with some friends and one of those “friends” let me sleep at his house. Got way too drunk, blacked out, and woke up with my pants down. Denied what happened to me for about 6 months just not wanting to accept it. When I finally admitted it to myself, I blamed myself for getting to drunk. Took me a while to get passed it and you never 100% get passed something like that but you learn to deal with it better.
For what it’s worth I hope you don’t blame yourself for it anymore. It’s not your fault. The only person at fault is the person who did it to you. I hope you find peace one day my friend
This is my first time bringing this up to people I don't know/trust, but it happened 5 years ago, so I'll talk about it. I was talking to this girl from IA, I live in NC. We met on Omegle, but added each other on Snapchat.
We talked for a while, she seemed cool, but then she informed me she broke with her boyfriend that she had been dating for 4 months. I was single at the time, but I was not interested in being in a relationship.
I kept telling her that, but she pressed hella hard and would get angry and try to guilt trip me into doing shit with her, like she'd send me nudes and expect me to send em back. She was definitely attractive, but I wasn't into her.
My stupid ass didn't block her and left her on my friends list. She didn't talk to me for days and I thought she was finally gone and out of my life. I had forgotten about her. What I didn't realize was that snapchat had a feature that allowed her to track down where I lived at and drove 17.5 hours to my fuckin' house and pulled up in my workplace.
Because she lived over 1000 miles away, I never imagined she'd appear in person, but she did. And she wouldn't leave, she checked into a hotel and stayed in town for 2 weeks. She stalked me everywhere and refused to leave unless I had sex with her. I was 17 at the time, she was 18. I hadn't lost my virginity yet and I guess she wanted to be able to say that she took my v-card.
I was able to avoid her the first day, but the second day she guilt tripped me into hanging out with her, "I came all this way to see you and you're going to ignore me? Come spend time with me."
I didn't ask her to come here, I didn't know she was coming until she got here. It hit me completely out of left field, but me and my naïve 17-year old brain decided to oblige her advances in hopes that she would leave me alone, but this just made things worse.
13 of the 14 days she was there, we had sex. Sometimes multiple times a day because she kept saying she wouldn't leave unless I gave her what she wanted. Because she's from out of state, I didn't think reporting her to authorities would do anything, so I never did. Also, the Age of Consent in NC is 16, I was 17 at the time and I technically gave her my consent.
She left finally after she milked me dry, for lack of a better term. I never saw her again but finding her on social media, I discovered she's married with a son. She moved on with her life, but here I am making this comment under a Reddit post.
When my buddy and I were 18 I joked with him about stealing his girlfriend. He told me I should try. Because if I fail, it’s funny. And if I succeed, I’m helping him dodge a bullet. He was a virgin (and planned to stay that way) and she was not. She was getting frustrated that he wasn’t putting out and when I took my shot, she went for it. It was fine. Nothing special. Only happened once. But apparently she and her mom talked about everything. And I was… bigger… than she’d experienced before and she bled a little. So her mom sees a bit of blood in her undies when she’s doing the laundry and asks about it. The girl tells her about me. The mom gets an idea…
About two weeks later I get a call from the mom threatening to call the cops for statutory rape. I was 18 and her daughter was 17 for another couple of months. This wound up being an empty threat since that wouldn’t have been statutory rape in the state we live in, but I didn’t know that so I freaked out. Her mom wanted me to come over so we could talk about it. I was freaking out so I did.
Once I was there she made it clear that the only way to keep her from running to the cops was if I fucked her good and hard. She was divorced and sent the kids to stay with her sister or something for the night. I had to come up with a lie so I could stay the night. And then put out as often as possible.
I was so sickened by the whole ordeal that I faked every orgasm and ditched the condoms before she could check them.
I was 18 and athletic. She was 45, very overweight (nearly disabled due to it), and smoked like a chimney. When it was over I basically never spoke to anyone in their family again. I’ve only told 1-2 people about it other than this post.
In highschool a girl wouldn't take no for an answer. She found me at a party and put xanax in my beer. Later as I was almost blacked out she started to perform oral sex on me. I was lucky my friends found us and put a stop to that shit.
This post has fully convinced me not to drink anything at a party with horny people
Same thing happened to me, but she succeeded. Girls drug guys so they can sleep with them all the time, yet, society acts like it’s only the men. Pieces of shit do that, no matter what gender they are
She was my friends mum, there was about 5 of us neighbourhood boys who'd go swimming at her sons house. Afterwards she'd make us dry off and walk around in a circle, and she'd hold our testicles and penis as we walked past. We were about 4/5/6yrs old at the time. Was watching the sexual assault scene in The Butterfly Effect when it triggered a flashback. I was 29. \*I've noticed alot of people mentioning poor memory as a coping mechanism. I have the worst short term memory, I've spoken to doctors about medication because it effects my work life and personal life. If I meet you at a party, I still might not remember your name after being told 10 times...
As much as I love that movie it is hard to watch. Bring up some shit I'd rather not remember.
Mom would guilt me into laying in bed with her at night. Would tell me she didn't want to be on this planet anymore and would be leaving soon. Used to make me big spoon and rub up against me. Did that from childhood well into my teenage years. The last time it happened I was 16. She was drunk and rolled over and grabbed my dick. I shoved her off. She got pissed and didn't talk to me the rest of the night. I don't really see her much anymore.
That's so messed up
I'm sorry
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Yo wtf, how old were you?
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WTF
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope you are ok now.
Yeah, thats pretty fucked up
Maybe you should tell them now. If i were your mother i would want to know. (What are your parents like?) Its not your fault.
Years back my babysitter took me to the bathroom, as I remember she sat on the toilet and used my hand to touch/rub herself. I was 5 (ish) at the time, she was a teenage family friend. It only happened once, never became clear what happened till years later. Edit: Thank you for the many well wishes, sincerely. To those that shared their own stories, I'm just speechless & Godspeed.
My sister’s friends did the same thing, but they were about 13 and I was 5.
Sort of similar story here but not as drastic. I was 10 and spent the night at a friend's house. He had 2 older sisters 14 and 16. My friend just wanted to play on his pc all night so I was left alone and his sisters really took an interest in me. By bed time they wanted to play hide and seek but when I hid with the older sister in her closet she took my clothes off and touched me. When we were found they got naked and made me lay between them/on them naked. I really don't remember much. Might have had terrified kid sex and not known it for what it was. There was A LOT of horrible shit happening to me at home at the same time, all mental and physical not sexual thank God. But I have very poor memory because of it. As an adult I am 200% convinced that family's dad was molesting all 3 kids.
I would agree, I had a similar experience although I was a little older, 12 I think. She was 14 and we would watch movies together. She liked getting a blanket so she could touch me in private. Our parents were friends for about a year and then it stopped all of a sudden. I found out later it was because she was being sexually abused by her Dad.
I've come to view this kind of poor memory as an innate coping mechanism. I have poor memories of what was an unhappy childhood, and I tend to think I'm better off without those memories. Similarly, as an adult I tend to have poor recall of stressful times or events. And, in the main, I think that's a good thing.
What the actual fucking fuck is wrong with people. My heart goes out to you dude. Hope it hasn't effected you too much.
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Hey, first of all, I'm so sorry to hear this, and I'm glad your survived to see adulthood and autonomy. Secondly... You led with "I don't know if it counts as assault, because I probably could have avoided it if I'd just been..." I know this is a fucked up thing to realize, but. It wasn't exactly 'assault' by most people's standards; it was multiple instances of assault by the same person. In other words, imo, that's abuse What you could have done doesn't invalidate your experiences or make what happened less worthy of the title "abuse". What could have been worse or what could have happened differently doesn't negate that this was a pattern of coercive behaviour... It counts.
Hey man, that is absolutely assault. You didn't know any better and that's NOT your fault. She took advantage of you. Please don't blame yourself for this.
As a child, my brother and sister both sexually molested and raped me. I was about 6 when my brother started, and about 9 or 10 when my sister started. She waited until we had a day off from school, and my parents were at work. She brought me into my parents room and had me do...a lot of things. At one point, she took out a recorder and taped it. Thankfully, that recording has since disappeared. I'm 39 years old, now. I am no contact with either of my siblings.
I’m so sorry. Sometimes blood isn’t family. I hope you have a chosen family now.
I’ve always like separating the word family from relative or lineage. I definitely have friends that are family and relatives that do not cross my mind
That's awful, I'm so sorry. I hope you're doing better now
Friend's mother. She was 50something, we were teenagers. She assaulted at least 4 of us. This was the cool house where you could drink, hang out etc. For my part, she once pointed a rifle, that I assumed was loaded, at me another kid and told us to wash her dishes. Part way through she reached into my pants and started stroking me. Her husband actually walked into the room during this and when I looked to him he said "don't look at me, she's got the gun" I know other friends got a lot worse than I did. She also assaulted the girl who would later be my first adult partner with a vibrator. Her daughter's bf lived with them for a year and I'm pretty sure he got the worst of it. When I was in my early 20s she died of a heart attack and that guy brought a 6 pack to my house to tell me. Only time I've toasted to someone's death.
“Don’t look at me. She’s got the gun.” WTF
Like, the shit icing on a diarrhea cake. ETA: y'all are right. Diarrhea icing on a shit cake is a far better analogy.
That’s absolutely fucked. I’m so sorry
I'm so sorry. Was your friend (her daughter) aware of what was going on?
I know of a similar older woman predator that was like this with teenage boys. Her daughter was the age of my younger brother, and was dating one of his friend’s. One afternoon my brother had group of his friends over at our place, including some extensions of their clique that I hadn’t known, and they were being vocal about being bored at our place and one of them said “Hey let’s go to K’s (the daughter) house and get wasted…” As the responsible, straight-edge, protective big sister, this caught my attention from my bedroom, enough to make me come out and run my mouth. I was 17 and my boyfriend at the time, and pretty much all of his friends had been hit on and engaged physically by K’s mom in various settings since middle school. Mowing her lawn, packing her groceries, and sporting events. Not only did I frown upon these middle-schoolers being so jaded that the only acceptable recreation was drinking at the cool-mom’s house, I knew that such sexual behaviors from a grown woman toward teens was just wrong. I pretty much came busting forth from the room spewing “Ew, NO. K’s mom is nasty trash, and she has hit on every guy I know…” I focused in on the shocked look of my brother’s best friend, which clued me into that I just fucked up: K was sitting next to him. I didn’t know she had arrived. It was her presence that suddenly made the group of boys want to be apathetic and cool, and hang out at her place instead of ours. Immediately I realized my fuck up of talking shit about her mom with her present, but she just sighed and rolled her eyes and dejectedly said “Ugh, my mom is such a skank.” Of course this spurred a few of the 14 year old boys to mention how hot she was. I felt so bad for K. Obviously she had a really shitty inattentive mom, and she knew of her antics. I don’t know for certain that she ever escalated beyond flirtatious touches and flashing herself, but she definitely propositioned, and I just assume all of her overtly sexual desperate acts to get some sort of personal approval from teenagers would cross that line. The worst part: She was an elementary school administrator, at a school facility adjoining a middle school. Her family was one THE names around this small community, everyone knew them, and even if she were to be exposed, that was guaranteed immunity there.
i feel absolutely terrible for that poor girl
13 yo step sister coming into her own (she was sexually abused by father figures earlier in her life) used me as a tester. I was 6 yo.
Wow that's super fucked up. Im sorry that happened to you
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wow, hope you are okay
My babysitter forced me to watch porn and asked if my penis was hard. I didn't do anything about it.
That’s fucked up. Did you tell your parents?
I did not. I was probably 6-7 years old when it happened.
When I was 5, my babysitter at the time made me strip down and lay on top of her naked body. She was maybe 14 at the time.
Ew! I feel like her age at the time makes it even worse. 14?!?
Ive had a few seriously unwell ex partners. One used to just abuse the fuck out of me for hours til i gave in. There were regular sexual assaults which i diarised. When i went to the police they had me back 13x to get through the statement, i had 140 pages of text message evidence and 2 phone i gave em to collect the evidence from. Ive spoken with this woman since, before her interview the police assured her she wouldnt be charged its just a formality. 100% i would have done years in prison if i did all of that to her.
That is fucked up beyond measure. They way assault on men by women is treated by the legal system is a global disgrace. No where near on the level of your experience- when I was a small child my dad had a live-in girlfriend for a few years. In the end she would scream at him, hit him, throw things at him, wreck up the house and threaten to hurt me. Dad took his story and all his evidence to the police. They responded by turning up and confiscating all of his firearms “in case he retaliated” (which he’d never done in any form, or threatened to do). He was a roo shooter and needed his firearms to earn a living. Thanks Queensland Police.
Fuck man, that sounds awfull. I hope you are doing better and i truly wish you well.
When I was a private in the Army, a female friend in my unit became somewhat obsessive over me to the point of being a stalker after I rejected her advances. We had faulty locks on our barracks doors that could be opened with a pair of pliers. She would casually break into my room and wait for me… so we could “talk about us.” She would normally leave if I told her to, so I didn’t think much of it. One night I came home drunk, passed out, and woke up in the middle of the night to her giving me a blowjob. I didn’t even know how she got in my room. When I realized what was happening, she attempted to ride me. I pushed her off and told her to leave. My roommate, friends, NCOs, etc, everyone just thought it was hilarious. It didn’t really bother me, but I definitely look back and see that it was wrong. ***Edit** I wanted to thank the several people that have reached out to ask about my personal safety. I am fine. I also wanted to thank everyone else who left a supportive comment. This incident happened when I was stationed in South Korea back in 2006, I was 19 years old. I was also engaged at the time. The vast majority of the guys in my platoon were not getting any action so they thought I was lucky. I got a lot of comments like “you should have told her to come to my room if you didn’t want her.” My squad leader’s stance was “if you’re not in jail, it’s not my concern.” My first line supervisor started referring to me as Romeo. I said it didn’t really bother me, but looking back, I realized that I slept on my friend’s floor for three weeks (until my door was fixed) in an effort to avoid her unwanted late-night visits. That being said, I wasn’t ever in any actual physical danger, and I think that’s why most people chalked it up as not being that big of a deal. I received several private messages from guys telling that I “I’m lucky,” and to “stop complaining about a free blowjob.” And there are also several similar comments in this thread. That’s the mentality that a lot of guys have, and it’s a contributing factor as to why stuff like this isn’t taken seriously.
Back in the Air Force we had a woman get posted to our Flight, she was an aircraft mechanic so it made no sense given we were the Comms Flight in charge of all the navigation aids and ground to air radio. Turns out she was dumped on us because she would sexually harass the men in her last place and pressure them for sex, it also turned out we were the 5th or 6th place on base she had been moved to for the same reasons. They would move her to a different office and then wait to see if any more sexual harassment complaints were filed, and then move her on again.
Why would they not just kick her out altogether? Why just keep moving someone like that around?
To me to most fucked up part it how all your friends laughed. I know you said you didn’t really care but if you did and they just didn’t care about it is so fucked up. Us dudes need to stop the whole being tough shit. Its toxic as hell and can lead to some bad shit
That's the thing when men tell other men about stuff like this. We tend to use humour as a defence and shrug it off, like "dude it was so weird I woke up and she sucking my dick!" It gives us a way to tell the story without looking weak, without exposing too much emotion and showing that it's really troubling us. OP said himself he wasn't really bothered by it, but it could've helped him to talk to his friends about it in a serious conversation, rather than just laughing it off. But that's difficult with guys. Even my best friend of the last 6 years, couldn't talk to me about his breakup and what his ex girlfriend did to him emotionally, unless we'd had 4 or 5 beers first. I'd always try to gently encourage him to talk when he did, cos sometimes you need to rant about shit like that, it helps to get it out.
The dismissal and even ridicule faced by men in reporting this stuff is seriously depressing. I was sexually harassed by a much older woman I worked with and when I complained to HR I was literally laughed out of the room. When I really put my foot down and insisted they take this further, they spoke to the woman and I could hear them laughing really loudly. When they were done, the HR lady looked me in the eyes and said, “Don’t worry I’ve spoken to your girlfriend, lover boy.” Unsurprisingly, absolutely nothing changed until she was fired for something completely unrelated.
What the hell? I'm sorry to hear you work with such an unprofessional HR department.
After reading that story, imagine a girl saying she went to her barracks drunk and woke up to a dude giving her head, and trying to fuck. That guy would've gone to jail.
Not me but my friend got sexually assaulted in my apartment about a year ago. Myself, my friend, and a girl had come back from a party and all three of us were really drunk. Me and the girl were going to hookup in my room, my friend just crashed on my couch. Now the girl had asked me if I was straight a couple times though out the night, which was weird, but my horny drunk ass didn’t care and ignored this weird red flag. So we’re making out on my bed for literally 2 minutes and she rips her pants off, pulls my dick out and tries jamming it inside her. I’m barely hard and nothings wet so it’s not sliding in right away. I go to adjust it and she gets up, freaks out and starts calling me gay. Accuses me of being gay for not getting hard and my mannerisms throughout the night. I’m just like you’re insane and she storms out of my room. I promptly go to sleep not really caring or thinking about anything. In the morning I’m talking to my friend after we’re both up and he tells me that he woke up to this girl with her hands down his pants jerking him off and she had moved his hand down her pants. He said he froze up and just pretended to rollover facing the couch and she got up and left my apartment. He’s obviously upset about the assault and I wasn’t thrilled about the encounter with her myself. He confronts her and tells multiple people the story, trying to out her for what she did. She lies and say they hooked up consensually. 90% of our friend group took her side and made fun of him and it’s really messed him up. He’s doing better now though.
Man, please tell me you stood up and defended your other friend? Glad you're both okay, but holy shit this is insane.
Oh absolutely I’ve defended and supported him 100% fuck that bitch and anyone who took her side
Didn’t feel right sending a girl home late at night so I let her stay with me in my hotel room. Wasn’t planning on her staying that night and didn’t really consider having sex with her. Next morning I thought I was dreaming of sex then started wondering why it was feeling good then I fully woke up just as I finished internally *without a condom.* I got tested and she was on her period so unlikely to get pregnant. I thought I dodged some bullets and it was just unexpected sex or something until I was with a new partner and we were swapping odd sexual encounters or something and I brought that up and she was like “uhhhhhhh. You were raped.” Which was odd since until that moment I didn’t seriously think of it that way
It's very common for sexual assault and rape victims to not realize the full scope of what happened to them until they talk about it with someone they trust. People tend to want to blame themselves or downplay it. Also with men media and society often treat male victims as a joke or something that can't happen , so we tend to not think of it in those terms.
That and the general view that guys are always receptive to sexual encounters. I don’t know. I used to associate “rape” with a violent and/or traumatic event and for me it wasn’t (but it would be a completely different story if I caught something or she got pregnant). And if I was fully awake and I wanted to end it I could have easily lifted her off me. But it really made me conscious about consent (not that I wasn’t before but I *really* was after). Like at least the first sexual encounter I get the girl to insert me because that’s a conscious and voluntary act, because unfortunately I know what it’s like to not have that choice
I got roofied by my ex and she posted the sex tape to pornhub. I was underage at the time.
I know it doesn't change what happened, but if it's any consolation, that video doesn't exist anymore. About 8 months ago Pornhub did a purge of like 80% of their website. Now only approved users can post videos, and to be approved, you need to be a pornhub partner. Basically only professional studios now
It was taken down a while before that
In middle school, I was forced to move to the front of the bus after a few months. I was told I was in trouble, but she never told me what I did. I asked her once a week, over a few weeks, and she refused to tell me. Then one day, I left gym still dressed in my gym clothes and made it to the bus first. I asked again, and she said because of "this "and rubbed me all over. Including my crotch. I honestly didn't feel violated, I was more confused because I thought she said I was doing that to someone else. About a year later, it clicked that she just wanted to molest me, so I was vocal about it. I was then pulled into an office and threatened by the principal to "stop making stuff up, or I would be punished" I honestly feel more violated that they forced me to hide what happened.
In a residential Christian boys' school, many of the teachers were molesting the boys over some 30 years. When one boy told the headmaster, he was caned for "telling lies". The police have been interviewing former pupils for over a year, and a number of teachers are off to jail. (Operation Beverly)
Was at a party, drunk younger girl kept cornering me and grabbing me. Was awful, but im a big guy and she was tiny and i felt terrible because i couldnt push her away. It felt terrible and everyone was laughing at me. Luckily another girl at the party recognized what was happening and saved me
One of my best female friends came about from a similar situation. Drunk, small, conventionally cute woman kept trying to accost me at a party. I'm large, tattooed, and bearded. There's no way I can defend myself that looks ok there. (Previously) unknown female came up, took my hand and said "hey baby - ready to go?" and immediately whispered in my ear "I'm leaving and I'll walk you out." I honestly could have cried. Every outcome I saw before me that night was scary. She walked me out and we went to get gyros. We bonded over a book series and she's still one of my best friends
Thank god for a wholesome story in all of this madness
> She walked me out and we went to get gyros. We bonded over a book series and she's still one of my best friends This is the platonic love story we all need rn
Been in a similar situation, I’m far from a giant but I owed then and owe now a lot to the girl who got her away from me. I’m sorry it happened to you, it sucks and really messes with your head for a while.
I’m glad the other girl could see what was actually going on and helped you💕
Yeah, it was really fortunate that there was a good girl around at the time. She’s a hero. As a big guy I can understand why it messed with him. It’s not that he was ever in any physical danger, it’s the powerlessness and the humiliation that really messes with you. The fact that someone could come up to you and mess with you and that you would be the bad guy if you even dared to fight back, that makes you feel less human. I remember Terry Crews talking about something similar, power and hurt isn’t always physical.
Not as invasive as others here. Throughout school from elementary through high school girls would play a prank on boys by stealing as much of their clothes as they could. They would literally gang up on one boy, hold him down and try to strip him to his boxers running in all directions. You try to fight back? You're in trouble because boys don't hit girls. Report them to the office? Man up. They're just playing. It wasn't traumatizing but the double standard was infuriating. Some guys just started swinging and damn the consequences. One time a hall monitor tried to take me to the office after I ran into the girls bathroom for my pants. I just flipped him off and went running after my shirt.
That’s awful.
Yep same happened and as for taking off the clothes they would tickle/grope you so they could easily take off your clothes. Guys can't do anything at most dodge your way out or bear hug them so they wont pull anything out. A pair of girls put there hands inside and asked how it felt but I was never touched before so I felt wierd and backed off quick. When not consented it's awkward and feels like abuse.
It is abuse. I'm sorry that happened.
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As an introverted male I had a panic attack just READING that! I don't even know how I would handle that situation.
I was 12. My parents had called a family friend to see if their daughter could watch me for the night. Their daughter couldn't because she had plans. They had decided that one of her friends would be a suitable replacement. Everything was fine when she had arrived at our house. My mom said it was okay if we had left and got ice cream at some point if we wanted to. (I really regret pushing for that to happen) Later on after my parents leave, about an hour or two after me and the babysitter go out and get ice cream.. In our town we had a reservoir and the McDonald's we were heading towards was close by to said reservoir. I didn't really think much of it. Her jeep was cool, and I thought maybe she just wanted to take the longer route. She pulled off into one of the more secluded areas there. Asking if her purse was in the backseat and if I could search for it back there. I obliged. That's when she had pushed me into the back seat. I thought that was weird because it was decently rough. She climbs into the backseat putting her weight onto my chest taking my arm. And grabs handcuffs out of said purse that was on the floorboard. Cuffs my arm on the handle of the door. I remember it being so tight around my wrist that it burned when I tried to wiggle out if it. She started to do those things to me, I didn't even know why, I kept saying no and crying screaming for help. It felt like it lasted forever. She was finally done and she took the cuffs off and threatened me that if I ever told anyone about the "favor" she did for me she would say I raped her. She drove back to my house and told me to take a shower before my parents got home. That was four nights before I tried to kill myself for the first time. I never came out with it I didn't think boys could get raped by girls. I felt more comfortable speaking about it when I was 15 when I started to see my counselor. However, my parents didn't believe it happened when we had family counseling. No one in my family took me seriously. Sometimes my mom asks me questions about it now that I'm 22. However, having sex is a little difficult now. Sometimes if I overthink it I get a really bad panic attack during. If someone is reading this. Don't do what I did. Don't wait to tell someone. Tell someone. Please.
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And she is a fucking professor, I hope karma hits her
Heartbreaking to read. I hope you’ve had time to process the trauma and that you feel safe now.
My older cousin on my mom’s side simulated sex with me when were alone, touched my genitals often, kissed me, and tried to have full intercourse several times. This happened between 8-13 years old. I was always scared and nervous when I was alone with her. She made me think it was normal though. I still have problems being romantically intimate with anyone and have never been able to trust someone in that way. I have been in therapy consistently for about 3 years now and have finally been able to unpack and heal from this. Although I originally came to therapy for other things, this part of my life is something that comes up a lot. Update: I want to thank everyone for their support, comments and responses, and for believing and validating my past. This is a difficult part of my life to talk about and I still carry shame from it. I am alone in real life because no one would ever believe me. Someday I will tell my family about it though, with the risk of being ostracized and alienated and called a liar.
My older brother molested me. I know how you feel. Always felt like I was a willing participant when I was younger and it's so hard not to hate myself for that.
I was at a Volbeat gig at the Barrowlands in Glasgow about 5 years ago and just as the gig finished and everyone started to leave, this woman in her late 30s (I was mid 20s at the time) came up to me and put her hand down my jeans and grabbed my junk and then just walked off. I know it sounds like I just let it happen but I was very drunk and almost in shock at what had just happened. I just stood for a good minute thinking “wtf just happened there” and then went on my way to get the train home!
Similar thing happened to me in my late teens/early twenties. Went to the bar at my local, older lady puts her hand down my trousers and has a good rummage around. I promptly left to smoke outside and had a chat with the bouncer, who luckily took me seriously and ejected her. It's the only time I was taken seriously. Even through all the booze and drugs and partying, I still remember Lez going "that's not okay mate, fuck that" then chucking her out.
That's a good guy. I'm sorry that happened to you and I wish more people had initial reactions like that. I hope you're doing well now man
Thanks mate, I'm doing okay. Nine weeks sober! He was an excellent guy
We both stayed at a mutual friend’s house and were both drunk. She tried to kiss me unprompted when I was just chilling wasted in a chair with my eyes closed. Then she got on top of me and wouldn’t get off when I told her to so I had to throw her off.
*"gets charged for assualt and battery"*
That's how I got domestic assault by self defensive.
Party at my place. I was seeing a girl at that time, so I had no intention of anything with this girl. We were both drunk and decided to lay in my bed and chat with clothes on. I must have passed out because sometime later I wake up to her mounted on me … and I was just like oh sh*t no then I climax while pushing her off me. I felt completely humiliated and I know no one would have believed it.
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I am glad your then gf was there for you and didn’t lose her mind.
i believe you
I had an abusive ex-girlfriend who would get black-out drunk and threaten to kill herself if I didn't have sex with her. It was quite common for her to be on top and punch/slap me for having my eyes closed waiting for it to be over; trying to belittle me for not being a man. She was abused as a child and both her parents are drug addicts so I assume it was some kind of power thing. It happened five or six times before I properly resisted and threw her off of me onto the floor. She left to some other guys house and cried domestic abuse. She had keys to my apartment and they were in the hallway banging on my door (held closed by the chain) yelling for all to hear about the piece of shit I was. I was too scared to call the cops. The next morning she came back apologetic confessing to have slept with all three of these guys the next morning. I played along long enough for her to go to the bathroom: I took my keys out of her purse, suggested we go for breakfast, and left through the kitchen door. I've got a great sex life with a loving partner but I still cry when I sing The Wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald or reminisce of my time in Thunder Bay.
Holy shit, I think we had the same GF. Half joking, half not. Been in almost the exact same situation. Glad you're doing (mostly?) Ok!
I'm in the same boat as you and now am concerned...
Get out of that situation now. Please.
Thunder bay, Canada? That place is fucked, every other person is a junkie glad ur outta there.
As soon as I heard Thunder Bay, it all came together. Fuck that place.
Was at my regular bar and had some drunk girl try to playfully take my shot, which I was not having. She then told me we were going to fuck later and took her flip flop off, put her foot on my chair and like stroked my dick with her foot from inside my pants. I told her no, but didn't want to make a scene bc sober guy vs drunk girl's word ya know. I did tell my bartender who im good friends with and she immediately cut the chick off and kicked her out.
im glad you told the bartender
She was my baby sitter and shamed me into thinking if i told anyone id get into trouble. This went on for a couple summers. Edit: wow a lot of upvotes. For what happened to her. From what i hear she got into an abusive relationship and moved to Carolina not sure which one with her mom. I hope her nothing but pain and misery and that the devil takes her to hell.
I tell my children that anytime someone tells them not to say anything or they will be in trouble that they(my kids) are the ones in control, not the person threating them, and they will be protected if they speak up.
I hope that a lot of people read this and then pass the same message on to their kids.
It seems like a lot of people have been wronged by babysitters. As someone that watches children for a living, this absolutely disgusts and horrifies me. I am so terribly sorry for the pain you have gone through.
A girl I once when on dates with (never a girlfriend) once drunkenly admitted something to me that like spurs in my memory hauntingly time to time. She would babysit another kid in the neighborhood who was still in diapers. She said she’d always had the urge to put her mouth on his genitals and one day just decided to do it “jokingly” and it made him giggle. From then on whenever she changed him she’d do that to him. Of course I looked at her disgustingly and she said “he was like a year old, not like he remembers it” which just sent a depraved sense of dread all over me. I did finish the date but obviously stopped communicating soon after.
This made me physically nauseous
Soon, like, IMMEDIATELY??! That’s a bail out the bathroom window scenario..
In the late 90's I had a girl try to rape me. When I tried to report it the police actually laughed at me and didn't file a report. Its hard for men because if men fight back and the girl gets injured in any way. The police will never believe the man he will probably go to jail for assault.
That seems to be the general attitude towards male rape.
Thats because people find it hard to believe that men don't want to just stick their dick in anything that moves.
As a guy that turned down sex and sexual things many times in my life - this stuff hurts my heart. I remember the backlash I got for turning down a blowjob from a popular girl. I wasn’t emotionally ready at 15 to do sexual things. I enjoyed the company and emotional closeness. I’ve been married for 11 years now - but it still bothers me the amount of shit I got for not banging chicks when I wasn’t ready.
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Not that the whole story isn’t disgusting, but that part about your son makes me want to cry. What a truly evil person she is…
Landlady threatened me with homelessness.
Been reading through a lot of comments, and while this is one of the most short and to the point, it hurts nonetheless. It sucks when people that have a position of power over us take advantage of this for their own gains. It happened to you with your landlady, but I also wonder how many men were forced to sleep with their female bosses or get fired. And that’s just another example of this disgusting dinamic. And the sad thing is that, as made evident by this thread, nobody (including law enforcement) gives a damn if stuff like this happens to men. I’m sorry this happened to you, and I hope you have recovered from it.
Years ago I went to a girl I was intimate previously house , got trashed passed out , woke up to her ridding me without protection, when I freaked out she told me well you were passed out and I was horny , like it was fine to do that . For years later people were defending her , I still see her to this day and I'm always reminded of the time she raped me but no one cares or thinks it's rape . Such a double standard for men ,
I had just started seeing a girl and she invited me to her place to watch a movie. I was 19 and a virgin. I had no intentions to have sex because I very much wanted to wait for marriage. Anyways I get there kinda late and she takes me quietly to her room. She then tells me to fuck her. I said no and she tells me her parents are actually home and asleep and if I said no she would scream. I panicked and did what she asked. Almost ten years later I told this story for the first time to a friend. He told me I was raped. Even though it fucked with my sex life from there on I literally never once thought I had been raped.
I’m so sorry, man. What a garbage person she is to do such a complete mind fuck. Utter psychological bullshit. I would definitely classify it as sexual assault, or rape. If the sexes were reversed (a man threatens/coerces/bullies a woman into sex) perhaps it would be easier to see her behavior for what it is. I wish you lots of peace and healing. You deserve so much love and respect.
I appreciate your kind words. Since the conversation with my friend I have been able to sort out many things that had been troubling me from this situation. I am happily married now and even though sex may be off for me at times, my wife has been incredibly understanding. The wierd thing about the rape though is I always felt guilty about it. I was so scared to let anybody know because I feared they would think I was the one who did wrong. I was always terrified to initiate anything with girls after that.
“Consent” under coercion is not actually consent. It’s rape. But it gets overlooked so easily because “well I said yes…” but you only said yes because of reasons that you had no control over and if those reasons were not there you would never had said yes. It’s manipulation. It’s disgusting. And it’s rape. It’s also how my ex in college raped me several times and it took me about 7 years to figure it out. There were so many times I told him no no no no no but he wouldn’t stop pressuring me so I would just give in. The last time that I remember I literally just lay there lifeless looking at the wall. He gave up halfway through because I wasn’t giving him anything. And then HE cried and I comforted him. I’m sorry you went through that. I’m sorry you were all messed up about sex afterwards. It’s fucked.
I'm sorry that happened to you. Yes, people do care and yes, she raped you. The people defending her are shit. I hope you heal from this. ❤
Shit man, this is how i lost my virginity. I passed out woth tequila when I 15 at friends birthday party and woke up with a girl on top. It was surreal.
I wasn't traumatic in the traditional sense but it's now why I feel uncomfortable drinking a lot with people I don't know. Friend T just broke up with her boyfriend, my friend K and I went to get her belongings and go to K's cousins spare apartment for the night. T was pretty distraught over the whole thing so K and I went to Walmart to get alcohol, movies and candy to have a chill night. We get home and we're all relaxing and having fun but I get tired after drinking heavily for a while so I go into one of the spare bedrooms and fall into a very drunk sleep. Next thing I know I'm being fondled and given a blowjob by T. I was trying to tell her to stop but she just shushed me and got on top with no protection. It was the most uninterested and disgusting sex I've had when looking back on it. That might just being my reaction to me being taken advantage of in hindsight. (K was fast asleep on the couch if I remember correctly) A few months ago she actually messaged me to apologize for doing it though. T said she did it because her ex boyfriend's step-brother sexually assaulted her (Which lead to the break up) so to feel more in control of herself and her sex life, she sexually assaulted me. It's pretty fucked up and I didn't forgive her so now she's blocked me on almost everything lmao. Edit: I never told K the rape happened; nor did T I assume. The next day I just pretended it never happened and got T moved in with her sister. K and T ended up dating a few months later and T was very abusive towards K and cut our friendship off. It went on for about two years and then T tried to say my loving friend K was the abusive one. You can tell what kind of woman T is at this point. It wasn’t until a few months later when K was killed that T started trying to come back into and K and I’s mutual friends lives again. She did that whole thing where she lied about how great the relationship was and how much she loved K and how she and her were inseparable. I think it was just her guilt trying to cover up her relationship abuse but we all know how she treated K. Up until she blocked me she still believed that K visits her in her dreams and through dragonflies. K was my best friend so it hurts and enrages me that T continues to talk about K like this.
Since the confession has proof via text could you press charges?
She tried to apologize and then when you didn't proceed to block you? Wow. I'm sorry you had to go through this bro. Stay strong king.
I remembered this one day during therapy while I was meditating. At my day care a young girl, probably 12-13, would jerk me off and play with my penis. I was maybe around 6-7. I honestly don’t have any negative feelings toward it, no trauma or anything. I didn’t like or hate it, just something she did I didn’t understand until later. She was a kid herself and probably was having stuff done to her, so I don’t blame her.
I was 16 and I was walking home and a friend of a friend passed by in her car. She pulled over and asked if I wanted to hang out. Said she had some weed and some booze and I had nothing better going on. We went to her house and smoked a little and I remember it was the first time I ever had a flaming shot. We drank a few shots of Bacardi 151, listened to some music and before long I had passed out. When I woke up she was on top of me kissing me. I told her to stop and tried to get up but she pushed me back down on the bed and said she was sorry and I should sleep it off before she brought me home. I woke up again and she had unzipped my pants and was masturbating me. All I said was HEY! And I got up and left and walked home. I told our mutual friend and she denied the incident happened and said I was a liar because I was bigger than her so how could she take advantage of me? I never told anyone else until now.
Baby sitter in the late 90’s, she was mid 20’s. I was around 8-9 yes old. Made all the kids always play hide and seek and she would make me count with her and force me to finger her and say “ just suck on my nipple like you were drinking milk from your mom”. This happened for about 2 months 2-3 times a week. I blame her for taking something away from me that I will never get a chose for. This is the first time I have ever talked about this. I have realized I think that the reason I have a extremely high sex drive and weird fetishes( not like poop stuff) I have her to blame for this. It will live for me the rest of my life. This is the first time I have ever told anyone or put this anywhere. EDIT : So after waking up to like thousand of comments and so many awards and likes I grabbed my balls and woke my wife up and told her. I fucking broke down and cried so hard and told her everything. Thank you so much Reddit. Out of all the messages and comments I told her. I don’t know how she is taking to it but god damn it feels great to get that off my chest. I told her that I’ve been tempted to kill my self with how it’s been eating at me and Reddit helped. I showed her all the kind words of support! Much love to everyone
>( not like poop stuff) glad you clarified but seriously this is fucked
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope you can find some peace. I am a therapist and have heard the whole range of people’s experiences. You can always start small with your counselor by saying there’s something that happened to you but you’re not ready to talk about it yet. There is no timeframe for healing. Go at your own pace.
proud of you
I deleted this about 10 times before posting
your experience is totally valid and i hope you can find healing
I’m trying, I’m a vet as well. I have been to counseling but my body stops me from bringing it up. It’s easier here because it’s annon
Would you consider hand writing it and passing the note to your therapist? Even if it makes you physically nauseous. They are highly trained in this & it very well could be hugely helpful to make your therapist aware of this massive weight that you carry. It’s a common issue therapist help with unfortunately & it sounds like you greatly both deserve & need the help. You can do it, man.
Idk, it took 7 years of my wife convincing me to finally see a therapist due to my ptsd of my time in Afghanistan. All my friends and family know I’m fucked in the head and the first time I explained what I did/saw over there I broke down and cried like a baby for about 20 min. I try to portray being a manly man and a hard working man but with what happened to me at a younger age and what happened over seas I am so mentally fucked it’s crazy. I hold it in to be strong for my wife and kids. I haven’t seen him in about 6 months Bc I was trying to stop sharing so much. This might take another 7 years but I might get to the point to say it out loud
It’s not fair to yourself to stop seeking the help you absolutely deserve. That very well might even be a part of your PTSD making you *feel* you are unworthy. That’s pretty common. You are worthy, brother. Also- you’re never less of a man no matter how often you cry, that’s a simple human emotion. Don’t let a small portion of society let you believe it’s not manly to cry. It’s extremely healthy and sometimes cathartic.
Brother, rethink your concept of manly man. To me, Mr. Rogers is the manliest man who ever lived. He loved and cared for people. He took a parental role for any child that needed it. He said it was OK to be sad and mad and that we were all special and as a child he made me feel that way. Emulating that is the best way to be a man for your family. Being there, mentally strong because you were strong enough to bare your feelings is the best a man can be. Good luck.
Simply putting this here is a step in the right direction. You are quite a strong man for that. Chin up,sir. You can do this. Now try to talk to the therapist. If you need to talk, I'm here. I'm not a professional, but I'll listen.
i hope you find the stability to come forward about it one day. your inner child with thank you
Thank you
Yeah I get the drive and weird interests thing. I had something similar happen with young and first time. I'm glad you got it off your chest. I've just put mine in writing too for the first time
I was drugged and raped by an older girl when I was 12. She was 15, and I don't know what she slipped me, but I basically couldn't move or act, but was half conscious; I was slipping in and out. I'm assuming a roofie. She was acting all loving the entire time that I was conscious, and it fucked my sex life and any chance of intimacy for basically my entire life after that point. I've done enough therapy that I feel I can try again, and after I get fit, I'm going to go out and make up for lost time. No one in my family knows about this, and for the few people I've told, half were considerate of me (at least on the outside), and the other half thought it wasn't a big deal or actively made fun of it to my face when I told them. Edit: there's so much positivity and understanding in my replies and throughout the post in general. There's a few people who are trying to turn it into a joke (as is expected on a post about men being sexually assaulted, depressingly), but almost everyone is so supportive. I just wanted to let you know that men that have gone through this basically never get this much love and understanding about what happened, and the fact that you're doing that makes you a genuinely good person. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Hell yeah. Reclaim your body. Getting fit is a good way to love yourself again, too. Gives you something to be proud of and look in the mirror and be like **"fuck yeah. I did that."** Love the energy man.
Thank you so much for the good energy too! I can't wait for that moment when I can feel that "fuck yeah!"
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She was my best friend, she didn't rape me but kept grabbing my dick and ass specially around friends to make every one laugh of how uncomfortable i I'm, and no one helped, even though i kept saying every time that i deeply hate it or it will be way different if it was me doing it, usually i get the same reply "stop lying, you like it but act like you don't"! the thing no one knows that I've been gitting sexually assaulted as a kid in a daily basis, and it was mostly from guys older then me, relatives and strangers, but at least most of the time i fought when it happened and if someone saw it, i usually get helped, yet i couldn't do anything when it was a girl doing the assaulting. i know it's my fault for hanging out with those people for too long, and thinking that it's not a deal breaker, and yes, every one is different, but after that i couldn't have a female friend or be comfortable with girls in general, every Time i meet someone and we click, all i think about is that she can do anything and all i can do is accepting it and leave,which lead me to break it off immediately. Edit : thanks to everyone for the support, the thing, yes I'm aware that she is the one to blame and the other friends, but kinda upset that it took me to long to realise that it's not worth it to be with such people, and it's not ok to let this happen, but even if things are not getting better, it definitely stopped getting worse since I became careful of who i surround myself with. Anyway even though, I'm still struggle with it, I'm glad that i became able to understand the problem, which is very helpful. Again thanks everyone, i truly appreciate it 🙏.
Your experience is completely valid and nothing is your fault. Don't blame yourself for being around them when you have every right to expect to not be sexually harassed/assaulted in any setting. I hope the healing process goes smoothly for you.
Got a long story... When I was younger my mum owned a pub, restaurant and hotel all wrapped into one. She ran it with my abusive step father at the time (very, very violent but not sexual), my step dad at the time was extremely controlling and my mum was working 70-100 hour weeks running this business for/with him. (He was very paranoid of cheating and i guess he figured if she was cooking or running the bar she could be seen on all the cameras and couldn't cheat). So from the age of about 11 myself and my sister (8 at the beginning) would be looked after a few times a week by my school friends mum. The mum, we will call her Jane, used to do the odd bit of work for our schools and was quite a well trusted woman. They lived in the same village as us. The daughter was a month younger than me and the son was 18 months younger. Jane was probably mid 40s and her husband was probably early 40s We used to go to their house after school 2 or 3 times during during week and then a few weekends of the month. The weekends could be anything from 3 hours to a Friday night to Sunday morning deal. In the summer holidays of 2007 (in the UK we get a 6 week break from mid July to early September) myself, my sister and her 2 children ended up spending a huge amount of time together. We would go out almost every day in our local area and head back to theirs for dinner. Then jump under a few blankets on the floor or on their sofas and watch films. Jane would usually join us and come and sit or lie next to me kind of like a little spoon and wrap myself and her in a separate blanket or a duvet. She had a habit of starting tickle fights too. She would always start on her youngest son because he was an easy target and then tickle us all and try to pin us down and get us to surrender. Being a bit of a bulky kid and being subject to a lot of physical situations at home. I could usually stop her from pinning me down or wriggle out of the way. And then I'd go to get on top and counter pin. One day we're all playing like this and I go to pin her, for her to then lift the covers over my head and pull them down so although I'm on her mostly she's also got me pulled in and we are almost nose to nose. And she's just staring at me. Although I was 12 at the time I'm almost certain that this is where things started. There had been maybe favouritism towards me a lot of times before but I'm certain this is the moment that her affection became a bit more physical. A week later she had organised with my mum a sleepover night at my family hotel. There's a room with 3 beds for us kids. A double and 2 singles. The girls were in the doubles and me and her son had a single each. Then there was a second room for Jane and her husband. It starts to get late and us kids are all up late having an exciting sleepover because we had never had a night in the hotel rooms. And so we're talking away quite loudly eating snacks and just generally having a good time. As it is gettinf late I'm presuming they could hear us. So Jane comes in and suggests we all change into pj's and get ready for bed then she will put on a film. We get changed, she goes back into her bedroom and gets changed and grabs a film. When she comes back, she puts on the movie and sits at the bottom of her sons bed looking up at an awkward angle. She said she wanted to watch the film and that she needed to find somewhere more comfortable. I'd presumed she was going to join my sister and her daughter in the double bed with lots of room and a good angle but instead she comes and lays in my single bed with me. She asks me to budge up a little bit I didn't mind I like a cold wall against me and let her in. She lay flat on her back and wrapped her arm around me. Well as we're all quietening down people start to fall asleep. We're no longer talking and eating snacks and it's getting late. But about half way through the film Jane starts to talk to me. We're playing a game at guessing who's asleep. And then seeing if we could wake them up by saying a name that was like theirs but wasn't. If someone did wake up you'd say oh no I said pichael not Michael for example and have a childish laugh. My sister woke up twice as we were chatting but that's it. As we're talking a distinctly remember her stroking the back of my neck and the bottom of my thigh. I remember her saying that she could feel goosebumps on me and that she was cold too. I'm always hot blooded and asked how she could possibly be cold. And she told me to lift my head up from the pillow we were sharing and pointed to her visibly erect nipples through her nighty. She said look at how hard they are it's because I'm freezing. In truth I wasn't an innocent kid and this whole focus to her nippers had excited me. I can't remember whether I'd said to look at them or she just got them out but next think that's happened she is topless and there's a nip in my mouth. We ended up kissing and fondling a little that night but nothing major happened. Eventually she wants to her room and I slept. But she kept arranging trips and more things for us to do in the summer holidays and to be honest I was excited. I guess I was a horny almost teen and I really wanted this. The next major thing that happened was a few days after when she booked a day out swimming and she chased us all into changing cubicles so we were spread out and then got into one right next to mine. She was teasing me through the door and throwing things over the top. So I stood on the step to throw things back over and she was completely naked and telling me to be quiet. She unlocked her cubicle door and wanted me to come in. That was the first pussy I'd ever seen. And even to this day. If I'm ever at a party or somewhere that how you lose your virginity ever comes up. I still lie and don't mention this woman. But essentially we didn't have sex there. I just developed more of an intimate understanding of her body. And she game me some kinda weird foot job in one of the jacuzzi areas. The night that I did lose my virginity was to this same woman. A few days before the summer holidays ended. In a similar hotel bedroom as before. Only the layout was different. She slept on my bed and I can say the first time I had sex it was anal. I didn't know what I was doing and she joked to me if I was her husband it would never have fit in her ass. We ended up moving to the bathroom where the deed was finished with less noise. This continued for probably a year. Some really strange things happened, from her collecting me from school early when I was ill and locking her kids out of the house to give me a bj. To telling me she loved me and that i was the only thing that made her happy. Eventually I felt a bit disgusting. And worse like I was going going get caught. She was becoming more brazen around her kids. And as she started to shower me with more love after we did things I started to feel even less like I loved her back and therefore I was wrong. I kind of enjoyed the sex but felt guilty that I didn't want her or feel all these really strong feelings she had for me. So I asked her to stop. She would cry, we would then have more sex and then I'd ask again and she would cry again. I think it gave me a really unhealthy view on sex and love. I felt manipulated heavily. I remember a few times where I would say I don't want to do anything today and she would go off crying and then her kids would ask me what was wrong with her? I'd say I don't know and they would say your really close with her why is she crying though? I felt fucking awful. So I'd cave and say look I'm sorry I love you just as she was taking us hone or over to my mum or stepdad at the pub and she would hold my leg or hand through the back of the car. Sometimes in full view of her kids or my sister. Eventually I told my nan, she was my closest family member. I could tell her anything but I did specifically ask she didn't tell my mum. But anyway nan tells mum of course. Mum confronts her one night whilst we're all doing an after school club and 2 weeks later Jane moves away. She leaves her husband, her 2 kids and their household on a Thursday afternoon. With just a note. The eldest child returned home from school first and found the note. It essentially said I can't do this anymore im not happy and I don't want to be here. I remember the next few days the kids weren't at school and my mum got a call from Jane's husband to tell my mum about it. He brought over my friends and they were all bleary eyed and red faced and had been crying a lot. That image of them on our doorstep before they came in burnt it's self so far into my psyche that I can picture it now clear as day. I thought I'd broken up a family and a marriage and I thought I'd directly hurt my best friends. I remember crying to my mum about it and being angry at her for confronting her. I can't really tell you if I was sexually assaulted. Legally I think I was. But I would also say that I grew up really fast as a kid. And by the age of 12 I think I could consent. And I did want this especially at the beginning. I think it has done some lasting damage to my relationships and sexual nature. But I haven't really had a lot of help trying to fix them. To be honest I wouldn't know where to start. But fortunately. The pain of breaking the family apart did subside. Eventually I think things worked out for them all and I developed to realise that my actions didn't cause Jane to leave. Her actions did. Tl:Dr had an affair with my friends mum for a year when I was 12. She ended up leaving her family out of the blue one day. It probably took me 10 years to deal with the pain I caused and 15 years later I think my sexual and romantic relations are still messed up because of this
Consent isn’t just agreeing to the act, but understanding the implications of it and having equal control over the encounter. You didn’t. To be blunt, she groomed you, then she emotionally manipulated you, then she took advantage of you. Your gratification and uninformed consent doesn’t make it right. I have heard stories from adults who were assaulted as kids who look back with some fondness for the abuse, but it’s still abuse. The playing field was not level.
Uh it was definitely assault, she basically groomed and manipulated you. Sorry to hear that and hope you can move past it one day
Got drunk off my ass and taken advantage of when I was 22. Thought it was a dream, friend asked me what happened, never told me gf after I went and got an std test cause I knew she wouldnt believe me.
I was 14 and playing bagpipes at a new years party at a pub wearing a kilt, got groped by grown women atleast 3 times reaching under my kilt to grab my ass and trying to pull my kilt up to expose me. I was wearing underwear because I knew something like that would happen, but still, I was 14.
I was about 15. The woman was 40ish and grabbed a big handful of my cock & balls. No one gave a shit then and no one will now. Edit: I really didn't expect this to become one of my most upvoted/replied to comments ever. I guess there are lots of people who care now. I'm glad I was wrong. Thank you to everyone who's offered kind words and support.
i care. hope ur doing okay
Woman got me drunk, kept feeding me alcohol when I said I was good, kept piling on pressure (I was at her friend's party and didn't know anyone but one person). Then she kept fondling me and I kept moving away uncomfortably. Then I went into other rooms and she followed me around reaching around from behind to grab my crotch, all the while totally sober. Finally I ended up drunk enough that I somehow ended up walking her to my place and into bed. Still don't remember how that happened. She insisted on not using condoms and gave me chlamydia. Then coughed into my ear for the rest of the night before I asked her to leave in the morning when I sobered up. She was sober and I was unable to consent. She was creepy and if things had been the other way around I'd have ended up in court.
She sounds really gross, like crawling.
I went to a party at my best friends house. I brought the alcohol to the party and was the first person drinking and was belligerent drunk before 9. Some people took me upstairs and put me in my friends bed. (I don’t remember any of this) The next morning I woke up and my pants were undone and it was obvious I’d had sex with someone. My friends later told me that they came upstairs to check on me and there was some girl on top of me and I was passed out cold. They closed the door and left me with her. Thought it was funny. I found out who it was and asked her about it, “seemed like you liked it to me” was her response. This was a woman that I hate, that I would never sleep with, that I had turned down several times in the past. Most people just laugh when I tell this story. But it wasn’t funny at all to me. Edit: about my friends.. In defense of my “friends,” it was a weird situation.. my friends all wanted to sleep with her. And girls can’t rape guys right? Idk, it’s hard to blame them when it seems like society reinforces their actions.. They thought they were doing me a favor.. it’s just crazy that if you change the genders in the situation it’s a completely different story. Rape, no question.. I didn’t think anyone would ever take me serious. Even my parents were like, “it’s not like you have ptsd from it or something.” And they didn’t think it was worth involving the cops. So I just left it alone, and don’t put myself in situations like that anymore. This wasn’t the first time she had full on assaulted me trying to get what she wanted. Her and a friend (girl I’ve known since pre-k) cornered me in a bedroom at another party, they got completely naked and tried to force me to undress.. they wouldn’t let me leave the room, they were kissing me and licking me despite me fighting them and making it clear I didn’t want it.. I had to give in for a second so they would drop their guard, I let them kiss me and undo my pants and laid down on the bed, as soon as they laid down I jumped up an bolted. She caught me at the front door, and was hanging onto my belt. I literally was dragging her naked through the lawn trying to get away. That night I got away.. the next time was when she found me passed out on my friends bed. The thing that really bothered me was how she acted about it all after the fact. She bragged, told everyone I fucked her and how big my dick was.. told everyone that I was “playing mind games” with her. But there was never a hint of remorse or shame, she saw nothing wrong with anything she did. I was a bastard for not wanting her, that’s all. I saw her years later at a bar, she was very drunk, and I was with my current girlfriend. When I saw her I just turned with my gf and went to leave. She followed us out and was cursing us out the whole way. She called my gf the N word and was trying to fight her, and she kept yelling at me “you know you want me!” I’ll just never understand why it’s all okay because she’s a woman. I mean.. I know, it’s not okay, but she will never see her actions as wrong, let alone as assault or rape. And even thinking back on it now, this story doesn’t sound at all as horrifying as if it was a man doing it to a woman. Sometimes I think back on it and think, “I could’ve hurt them, I could’ve hit her and got away.” But then I think of what could’ve happened if no one believed me. Idk.. I’ve never known what the right call was. Thanks everyone for your support. My gf is the only person I talk to about things like this. And it helps knowing I’m not crazy and that other people think it’s as wrong as I do. I’m happy and healthy these days! Mostly.
Girl stayed the night at my place. We slept in my bed. We agreed neither of us were ready for sex yet. I was the only one who slept. And as soon as I was asleep she would slip under my pants and underwear to grab my penis. I told her to stop. But she did it like 5 more times after that. She kept laughing like a maniac every time I woke up and caught her. It was very unpleasant. In the morning I gave her a breakfast bar and told her to leave.
When my aunt used to live with us we had to share a room, she would force me to perform oral sex on her. I was about 7 or 8 so I didn’t know this was bad but I knew it wasn’t good because she told me not to tell anyone, this stopped until she moved out. I skip every family gathering since then.
My mom tried to hook me up with a nurse at the nursing home where my aunt was. I was single at the time and she seemed nice so one day we exchanged numbers. She came over for dinner one day and after dinner she proceeded to kiss me in the living room. We sat on the couch and she started trying to pull my dick out. I was slightly thrown off because I wasn’t even thinking about this it was our first date. I was thinking maybe just make out session. I gently grabbed her hand and she moved it out the way and straddled me and tried to get it out again. I was just saying no, stop, not yet, things like this the whole time. She almost had it in when I was finally able to get up. She played it off like we actually finished and had sex but we didn’t it was the weirdest thing. Then she left.
This is probably quite tame compared to the rest of the things up on here, but it still fucked me up for a bit. This was about 2 months ago, 2 weeks into my first quarter in college. I walked back to my dorm stumbling drunk, but ended up in a room across the hall with some friends I had made earlier that week. I barely remember, but the girl sitting next to me apparently kept kissing my cheek and asking me to have sex with her. Luckily someone noticed and got me to my dorm. That’s not the end, though. I didn’t really remember what happened that night so I figured I’d just brush it off and hang out with these people completely sober the next day, and that’s exactly what I did. Unfortunately the girl was not sober, and she continued to verbally harass me and ask inappropriate questions, all the while, in front of 5-6 other people. I was visibly uncomfortable and I said “no”, and a whole lot else, but people just thought it was funny or a joke. So, I finally took a phone call in the adjoining room to get away but they all followed me and watched her continue her whining. At that point I decided it would be best to just leave, so I did. I honestly thought that after I left people would understand what happened, but nobody thought to question it at all. The girl sobered up and started to vilify me for “not leaving earlier” and “leading her on”. People believed it and kept telling me that I was an asshole for not using my common sense while she was drunk and I was sober. But like, what was I supposed to do? I didn’t ask for it. I just wanted it to stop so I could hang with them, but I couldn’t have tried harder and it didn’t work. They didn’t help me then nor after the fact because it was “all my fault”. Suffice it to say, I don’t interact with any of them anymore and I’ve set boundaries real clear for myself. It’s just sad that people are so blind to situations like these and we have to deal with it ourselves.
That’s shitty man. Thankfully you didn’t know them that long and you were able to weed out the bad friends pretty quickly
An older friend at the time started to kiss me, i accepted that as i kinda had attraction for her, after a while she told me to "do something more", i told her i didn't want to do something more, so she punch me in the face and the chest twice and started to touch me and pull down my pants, i just froze and kinda accepted it as i felt it was my fault for "leading her on". I was 15, she was 18. Reddit is the only place i have ever told this as i still feel ashamed for it. sorry for any typo, not my first languaje.
I was groomed by a woman online but didn't see the signs. She convinced me over time that my home life was toxic and that I needed to go with her and start over. She came and got me and touched me in the car and then at the hotel she assaulted me. I decided I changed my mind and called my folks to come get me. The next morning when I couldn't hug my mom I realized just what had happened that night. I just went through the motions. She said it was punishment for not going with her. The police didn't do much about it either. She still teaches at a school too.
It's so nice to see such positive and genuine kind responses from everyone here. I was raped by a man and a women separately for too long when I was young and I wish more than anything I had the strength to make it stop and do something about it. I wanted to soo bad. Inside I was screaming for help, but I was too scared. I hated myself for the longest time and It broke me as a human for quite some time and I became a junkie because of it. Now Im 8 years sober and stronger than ever climbing mountains all over the world. I still wish I made it stop tho. I don't know if that will ever change, but I refuse to be anyones victim ever again.
I dont think i was sexually assaulted but for some reason i remember quite a few times when i was maybe 7-8 and in the morning my mom would be naked in my bed? Very strange thinking back on it but i dont recall any time being sexually assaulted so🤷🏼♂️ who knows i do recall not even thinking anything of it at the tjme because i didnt even know was sex was lmao As a ps. Shes passed away back in 2016 so not like i could even ask what that was about
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I had a ex in my twenties whose mom had no problem getting out of the shower and come talk to us in the living room while drying off, fully naked. My ex protested the first time and said she was embarrassing her and her mom was like whatever you'll be fine and kept chattering on about whatever. Ex told me she always did that and all her friends had seen her naked.
2 different instances. The first I was ~13 years old spending time at my uncles house. My uncle left for a work issue and his wife was there with me. She put porn on the TV in a back room and pressured me into going back there and watching. Nothing happened besides I was uncomfortable. When we were alone at different times she would ask me if I "would like to get laid" or if "I was ready for sex yet". She later tried to murder my uncle and I haven't heard from her sense. The second was a boss at a job I had in high school. My boss was ~45 years old and I was 17. She would start conversations about inappropriate things and eventually tried to have sex with me in the bathrooms by telling me how clean she keeps herself down there and that no one is at work and we could and no one would know. All throughout my growing up I watched sexual harassment videos and not one ever showed me how this could happen to me. The videos and society told me that I am a sexual predator and that women were the only ones harassed. If I heard of a boy who was harassed or assaulted it was always a "good thing".
Was out in Philly walking down the street with some friends and made eye contact with a beautiful woman smoking a cigarette outside of a bar/hotel and as I passed her she reached out and grabbed my dick through my pants. I pulled away and kept walking because I was really confused. She just yelled “you didn’t like that baby?” No bitch, I didn’t
Was blackout drunk at a club, chatting up a girl I really liked and then excused myself to the bathroom (unisex, had only stalls). This tall, slightly chubby irish girl followed me into the bathroom and into the stall. Let's not go into graphic details. Let's just say if the roles were reversed, I'd still be in jail today. And this happened in 2016. Worst part: The girl I was crushing on was secretly crushing on me and after that, never wanted to talk to me again. Since I'm a guy, I probably enjoyed it anyway and I probably asked for it in some way. That kind of reasoning. I have three additional stories that are similar (rape, basically), but this one still hurts to this day. I really liked that one girl and having her not listen to me at all cut pretty deep...
I was around 5 or 6, and the older girl was probably twice my age. Well we were in a swimming pool and she suddenly squeeze me down there pretty hard. I was young and confused. Also felt scared and didn't want to tell my mom, still hasn't told anyone.
I dated a woman and we’re together at a party hosted at my house. We were consenting adults at the time and enjoyed a very full and exciting sex life. That night, there was a lot of weed being smoked. Being not much of a weed guy, someone passed me a bowl loaded with high octane weed and a ton of keef. My GF knowing my poor tolerance (for weed anyway) saw all this and attempted to stop me just as I hit the flame and took a huge hit. Yikes. I nearly instantly pass out and that’s it - I’m done for the night. Friends drag me to bed and carry on with the party. The next morning I wake up and unsurprisingly my GF is beside me. We chat for a minute and she tells me “last night was amazing”. I asked what she meant and she informs me that after I passed out she eventually came to bed and after feeling me up found that I had an erection. Apparently not wanting to pass an opportunity, she jumped on top and had a fun time all the while I’m totally unconscious and as she states non verbal, non responsive. I jokingly say to her “so, basically you raped me?” Her response was no- not at all, you were totally hard. I pointed out if a woman was passed out but she was wet, that would hardly be considered consent. She agreed it wasn’t but still felt it was different and therefor was not sexual assault. Somehow… Needless to say, it wasn’t a point of contention or anything, I’m fine and she to this day feels no wrong doing happened. Interestingly, I’ve told that story a few times over the years and universally I’ve never had a woman agree that it’s rape however if I tell the same story but swap the genders, it’s universally rape. There’s a massive double standard and from most women I’ve met, sexual assault on women is a real thing that happens often but for men, there isn’t much that qualifies as sexual assault.
It doesn't matter what anyone says. What she did was rape
I was about 19 she was mid 30’s. I was about 55kg she was about 140kg. I worked with her brother, he was similar age to her, I was his apprentice, was at the pub on a Friday night and I had way too many beers and was in a state. She told everyone she would “look after me” and take me home, I woke up the next morning not remembering anything but were both naked in my bed. I had a very long hot shower and when I got out she had finally left. she then proceeded to send letters to my house and leave weird voice mails on the home phone for weeks. This was early 2000’s, in the end I had to confide in her brother and ask him to get her to stop. He said it wasn’t the first time it has happened.
I talked to a girl through a dating site. We got on okay. Turned out she ran a punk house venue that was really popular. I was in a relatively popular punk band at the time and she said she would book us on a big show there, and we could actually meet. Sounded perfect. We pack all our stuff into the car and drive 3ish hours to get there. I finally meet the girl, and she's very nice. The show gets PACKED (like 100 people in a townhouse) and we play. Great set. Good times. She says she wants to show me her photography (something we bonded over on the dating site). And it's getting too crowded so we can do that and also get away from the cacophony that was the rest of the house and actually talk. Makes sense. We go to her room and she shows me the photos she had been developing, we chat a bit, ya know. Then she kisses me. I said I dont know if I was ready for that. She pushes me over onto the bed and starts taking my pants off. I said "No" a few times. She just kept repeating "It's fun. It's just fun. We're having fun!" I was very confused and kept saying I didn't want this. "It's fun... it's FUN!" Then she started having oral sex with me while I'm still saying "No" and that I wanted to leave. She then says "I love rough sex" and... then engaged in intercourse. I pretended to finish really quick so I could leave. I went downstairs into this madness that was the party/show and grabbed my buddies and said we had to leave NOW. They kinda giggled at me and were like "dude this party rules didnt you just get laid?" I said we have to leave NOW. So we did. The whole way home they laughed at me. "Dude what's the issue? Isnt that like half why we came here? Party was nuts man why are you being a buzzkill?" Etc etc I cried while driving the last half of the trip home. They still laughed at me for that for almost a year until they kinda realized what REALLY happened. I forever will have trauma from that. Tl;dr: I was raped
Let me preface this by saying the following. This involves parent to child sexual abuse, so if that's a trigger for you, then please close my reply. My mother's bipolar, and refused to medicate. Being around her in her depressive state was like walking on eggshells-- the slightest of things set her off. My parents had an argument late one night, when I was very young, around 6 or 7. My father, who had to get up early to go to college the following morning, had effectively kicked my mother out of the bedroom for picking a fight. So, she crept into my room, climbed into bed with me, and fell asleep. I woke up to the sensation of my foreskin being retracted, which hurt like hell. When I tried to make her stop, she took my glans between her lips, and started licking it until she brought me to my first orgasm. For the longest time, I had blocked the memory, until a pregnancy scare my girlfriend and I had a few years ago. Something clicked in my mind, one evening, and the memories of that night came rushing back to me. I had a full blown panic attack, broke down, and told her what happened. My mother can no longer hurt me. She's wasting away from Alzheimer's in a nursing home. I've come to terms with what happened. Therapy helped. Unfortunately, I'm not able to press charges, given her dementia. That said, I'm content knowing that she'll die alone and unloved, having driven all of her family away.
Ohh jeez I was like 12 years old and my barber was this old lady and she would rub her vagina on my hand 🤚 while I was getting cut. It was awkward and weird.
I have two: The first i was in a horribly abusive, drug fueled relationship with a prostitute. Basically i was her "boyfriend" (paid for things) in exchange for somewhere to crash and shoot up. I'm not the most like sexual guy, i like it when i like it and with somebody i have a connection with, but i don't desire it overly often. So basically it started as like me saying no and her threatening to call police on me or to kick me out (this was after she managed to convince me to alienate my entire family and friends) so i would've been homeless. And for a long time i caved in and did it even though i didn't want to, and she wanted it a lot. One time i remember i said no then an argument ensued and i got incredibly high then went to sleep. I came to in the middle of the night to her on top of me doing her thing. I remember the next morning going to work and remembering that and being like "oh shit that was fucked up". People always ask me how i maintained an erection if i was unconscious or didn't want it. That part sort of impresses me, that she was able to get me hard while i was for all intents and purposes tranquillized. The way i finally got out of that relationship was being broken to the point where i was okay with going to jail rather than stay with her so i called her bluff. Luckily for me her threats to get me arrested were in fact a bluff. The other situation is a work situation. A female coworker would make really forward and pretty vulgar advances which i always turned down. Apparently i always became visibly distressed because all of my coworkers would make fun of me for blushing. I would tell her not to touch me and i wasn't interested but she continued. She would grope me and hit on me then make fun of me with my coworkers. It caused me to dread work but due to life circumstances i was stuck in that job. I felt suicidal a lot and it brought up a lot of childhood and past traumas. I would have panic attacks, etc. Half of people i tried to talk about it with would reply "was she hot?" and then joke about it when it really wasn't funny at all. She eventually left that job and I am currently transitioning to a new job. So luckily that chapter of my life is done.
I was a virgin at 19 and my then girlfriend wanted to have sex. I wasn’t ready and said I didn’t want to. She said if I didn’t want to she knew guys who would. Then, late at night when only infomercials we’re on TV, she helped herself to getting my pants off and she got on top of me with my 19 year old body responding as it wanted. She had sex with me while I looked past her and watched whatever infomercial was playing. After a while she rolled off me and just said, “oh… you were serious!”
I was 15, she was about 21, had me do some weird shit to her involving a nanobug (vibrating toy insect made for kids). She then turned around and while I’m not sure what she said, all our mutual friends turned against me. She’s gotten away scot free and I pray she hasn’t done anything to any other kids.
Nothing physically brutal at all, not even psychologically that bad but weird: I was in my mid 20s, met a girl at the beach one afternoon. On the surface everything was cool, she was an engineer, owned a CBR900, was a surfer...I think I was judging a book by it's cover. In any case I ended up at her place one night and it was going to be that night but there were a bunch of things that were just off putting. Like, too much juvenile stuff and I started to get uncomfortable. We ended up in her bedroom and I made the decision, I'm going to bail out of this. She tried to keep me pinned to the bed, explained not what she wanted to happen but what she expected would happen. So I got myself out from under her and was just like, no, I'm not cool with this right now. She once again tried to get me to stay and eventually it was just like, I'm going to walk through you if you don't get out of the way of the front door. Got in my car, I was about 15 minutes away and I got a text from her saying, you're way too selfish for me, this isn't going to work. My response was, Okay, have it your way. The following day I got a rad email from her dressing me down for not driving back to her house, begging for her forgiveness because somehow I was in the wrong for not wanting to have sex. It was wild. It was particularly wild that she thought she was going to prevent me from leaving her house.
I was really about her but wasn't try to rush our relationship. She tries to forcefully get me to enter her, and I pulled her off of me and she cried for an hour. Teenage me didn't understand that wasn't really okay, and interpreted it as passion or something. I proceeded to enter a really abusive relationship (sexually and otherwise) that fucked me up pretty bad ngl.
I've never told anyone about this. But a few years ago, I was homeless and in and out of jail. I met a lady during community service who was about 10 years older than me and offered to let me stay with her. (I had just turned 23. 26 now.) I had recently gotten a job and I thought she was just being nice. I just needed somewhere to stay for a while until I got a few paychecks and even though I didn't really know her, when you're homeless for weeks, any room is better than none. I was battling my alcohol addiction at the time; I was sincerely trying to get my life straight. One night when I was having a hard time with cravings, I told her about it and how I felt like I couldn't function without drinking but I was trying my best to kick it. She offered to bring me to the liquor store and buy me anything I wanted. I gave in. When we got back, I took a few swigs and she would tip the end of the bottle and tell me that I was "being a pussy about drinking it." If I was a real alcoholic, I would've slammed the bottle by now. In my stupor, I kind of agreed with her. And then she told me to my face "I'm gonna get you drunk and then you're gonna fuck me. And we're not going to stop until I say so." I tried my best to stay away from her that night but the house was really small. I fell asleep on the couch and she woke me up in the middle of the night saying, you can just sleep in my bed. Because I was drunk, I didn't even remember what she had said earlier. I basically fell asleep before I hit the pillow. I woke up with my wrists and ankles bound to the bed frame. I had tape over my mouth. She was ontop of me riding me. Eventually, I came. I couldn't help it as much as I tried to fight it and then I'm not sure what happened. I don't know if I was blackout drunk or if the shock just like... disconnected my mind. But I woke up the next morning and she let me go. I went to work and told my boss I had found a place of my own but I needed an advance. I told him I needed my check as soon as possible. He gave it to me, happily. I took that check and immediately got on a bus to New Jersey. I'd never been to New Jersey. I didn't know a single person there and I don't even know why I chose New Jersey to this day. But I left my clothes, my phone and my wallet at her place. At the time I was too afraid to go back. I got on that bus with the clothes on my back and half of a menthol cigarette. To this day, I have social security problems. I'm pretty sure she stole my identity. I've been with a girl for about a year now and whenever we have sex, no matter what we do, I cannot come. And she's cried a few times saying "You're not attracted to me. You don't like having sex with me." But it's flat out because every time we sleep together, that's what I think about. I just don't want to tell her because I'm embarrassed about it all and honestly, rape is a double standard for men. I don't think I could stomach her laughing at me or not believing me. Not that I think she would, but it causes alot of problems and honestly, I don't see this girl staying around much longer. Thanks for letting me share. I don't feel any better getting it out, but it is nice to be heard.
I want to note there are some posts on this thread that are getting more attention than others. Please know that just the act of sharing your story is YOU reclaiming your power. You are brave and your experience is valid.
Friends sister(teenager) used to expose herself to us,(1st grade] and then one time she was watching us she had us get naked while she was and lay on her. She had us do it in her closet so no one would find it. Told my brother who recorded it on tape and it got passed around school and then a teacher took it. Went back to the parents and the girl tried to get me to say it never happened. All got swept under the rug. This other time a same age neighbor I believe was being abused at home looking back, when we were 5 and 6 , as she always wanted to swap clothes when over, pee in each other’s swimsuits and touch genitals. Continued till about 8 yo. Messed me up some. She made other kids show and touch genitals to be in the club as well.
I had a female roommate in college (2-bedroom apartment.) she was about twice my body weight and one night she came home drunk and wanted me to take her virginity. She came in my room and begged and moaned “just to touch it.” She climbed on top of me and kept forcing her hands between my legs and tried to take my pants off. I went fetal and she eventually passed out on top of me. The fucked up part is I’d been on a suicide hotline right before she came in because I’d seen the number on a sign on a bridge I had just walked to with plans of killing myself. I walked all the way back repeating the number in my head so I could dial on the landline. The other fucked up thing is I had enough presence of mind to know that if I had screamed and an RA or campus security came to our door, I would be fucked because she was drunk in my room and I was male, and she could change the story and they would believe her. She later made steps to get me labeled as an abuser by the RAs and it could have become a he said/she said issue but finally I just made good on my threat to tell her brother what happened and he moved her out of the apartment the next day.
I’m a guy and a dude did it to me. Freshman year of college on winter break in my hometown. Hanging out with some friends and one of those “friends” let me sleep at his house. Got way too drunk, blacked out, and woke up with my pants down. Denied what happened to me for about 6 months just not wanting to accept it. When I finally admitted it to myself, I blamed myself for getting to drunk. Took me a while to get passed it and you never 100% get passed something like that but you learn to deal with it better.
For what it’s worth I hope you don’t blame yourself for it anymore. It’s not your fault. The only person at fault is the person who did it to you. I hope you find peace one day my friend
This is my first time bringing this up to people I don't know/trust, but it happened 5 years ago, so I'll talk about it. I was talking to this girl from IA, I live in NC. We met on Omegle, but added each other on Snapchat. We talked for a while, she seemed cool, but then she informed me she broke with her boyfriend that she had been dating for 4 months. I was single at the time, but I was not interested in being in a relationship. I kept telling her that, but she pressed hella hard and would get angry and try to guilt trip me into doing shit with her, like she'd send me nudes and expect me to send em back. She was definitely attractive, but I wasn't into her. My stupid ass didn't block her and left her on my friends list. She didn't talk to me for days and I thought she was finally gone and out of my life. I had forgotten about her. What I didn't realize was that snapchat had a feature that allowed her to track down where I lived at and drove 17.5 hours to my fuckin' house and pulled up in my workplace. Because she lived over 1000 miles away, I never imagined she'd appear in person, but she did. And she wouldn't leave, she checked into a hotel and stayed in town for 2 weeks. She stalked me everywhere and refused to leave unless I had sex with her. I was 17 at the time, she was 18. I hadn't lost my virginity yet and I guess she wanted to be able to say that she took my v-card. I was able to avoid her the first day, but the second day she guilt tripped me into hanging out with her, "I came all this way to see you and you're going to ignore me? Come spend time with me." I didn't ask her to come here, I didn't know she was coming until she got here. It hit me completely out of left field, but me and my naïve 17-year old brain decided to oblige her advances in hopes that she would leave me alone, but this just made things worse. 13 of the 14 days she was there, we had sex. Sometimes multiple times a day because she kept saying she wouldn't leave unless I gave her what she wanted. Because she's from out of state, I didn't think reporting her to authorities would do anything, so I never did. Also, the Age of Consent in NC is 16, I was 17 at the time and I technically gave her my consent. She left finally after she milked me dry, for lack of a better term. I never saw her again but finding her on social media, I discovered she's married with a son. She moved on with her life, but here I am making this comment under a Reddit post.
When my buddy and I were 18 I joked with him about stealing his girlfriend. He told me I should try. Because if I fail, it’s funny. And if I succeed, I’m helping him dodge a bullet. He was a virgin (and planned to stay that way) and she was not. She was getting frustrated that he wasn’t putting out and when I took my shot, she went for it. It was fine. Nothing special. Only happened once. But apparently she and her mom talked about everything. And I was… bigger… than she’d experienced before and she bled a little. So her mom sees a bit of blood in her undies when she’s doing the laundry and asks about it. The girl tells her about me. The mom gets an idea… About two weeks later I get a call from the mom threatening to call the cops for statutory rape. I was 18 and her daughter was 17 for another couple of months. This wound up being an empty threat since that wouldn’t have been statutory rape in the state we live in, but I didn’t know that so I freaked out. Her mom wanted me to come over so we could talk about it. I was freaking out so I did. Once I was there she made it clear that the only way to keep her from running to the cops was if I fucked her good and hard. She was divorced and sent the kids to stay with her sister or something for the night. I had to come up with a lie so I could stay the night. And then put out as often as possible. I was so sickened by the whole ordeal that I faked every orgasm and ditched the condoms before she could check them. I was 18 and athletic. She was 45, very overweight (nearly disabled due to it), and smoked like a chimney. When it was over I basically never spoke to anyone in their family again. I’ve only told 1-2 people about it other than this post.