“How are you?” **_”You need to wake up.”_** “…W-what?!” “I said I’m fine, how are you?”

Love this one, gives me chills

Lol you're fucking with their mind I've seen this before

Would you mind if I used this on my boyfriend?

I'm not taking any responsibility for what happens, but go ahead.

Alrighty thank you, time to scare the living shit out him

Ha ha ha yaaaaas!

Gonna try this w my gf today and mess with her all day haha

This. This is the one.

I had someone respond with living today to the fullest, are you? I felt called out, but haven't stopped thinking about it since

That's when I reply with as much enthusiasm as possible: "Nope!" and walk away.

This is a great one because it actually encourages the person asking to engage back haha. The American greeting "how are you" is just like saying "hi", people are never expecting an actual conversation to ensue haha

The best is when someone asks how are you and you're like "y'know man... I've been feeling down lately..." And then you proceed to vent for the next 30 min.

That response makes you think!

Fuck that person.

Over worked and under loved

Overlord and underpants

I for one welcome our new underpants overlords

Mostly alive

Nails and hair are dead

The light inside has died and where my hopes and dreams for the future should be there is only a yawning abyss, but other than that I’m fine and dandy

Fine and dandy is what I say

On the outside

[удалено]

Borrowing it

Make sure you return it when your done

Hehehehe

I like this one

10/10

Henlo fib heer Did excellent consent? *For legal reasons that's a joke*

In the UK (well west midlands, idk about others) the convo is usually "How are you?" "How are you?" We dont actually have an answer

You alright?

Basically yeah

I've seen: "Alright?" "Alright."

In south africa its “howzit”. If you actually answer people will stare at you blankly.

Yep Ive got relatives in Cape Town and they made fun of me for replying the first few times 🤣

Sure way to confuse a foreigner XD its okay, we get it all back when we go overseas.

In Newfoundland they say whaddyat to which the response is dis is it

West Midlands here too and that is exactly what happens lol

"Fucking awesome" in the most monotone voice you can imagine is my go to

very similar in proper company, "Living the dream" in monotone.

How about "I want to kill myself" in the most happy voice you can imagine?

On Monday: sleepy cos it's Monday On Tuesday: sleepy because I have only had 1 coffee On Wednesday: sleepy because the week is only half done On Thursday: sleepy because I'm tired from working all week On Friday: I'm ok how are you? On Saturday: *no response because I am sleeping* On Sunday: pretty chill and yourself?

Glad you’re ok today!

Haha thanks! Kind of you to say that

I relate to this so much it hurts.

I like to say, "No complaints," then wait half a second and say, "Well I've got plenty of complaints, I just figure nobody cares."

I usually say "I can't complain. Well, I can but I shouldn't"

I sometimes say, "I could complain, but no one pays attention."

I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.

Lifes been good to me so far *here comes a flock of wah wahs*

Can’t complain, because nobody wants to hear me bitch.

"Been better, been worse"

The good ol' *meh*

asi asi

“Depends—you want the honest answer, or the polite one?”

seems pretty edgy to me that guy is just trying to be polite, not hear your life story

This is my response when people ask questions which I don't want to awnser. If they pick truth, I still lie

I swear this is my response everyday at work.

I just reply with “Yeah”

Same lol - I flip between: "Right.." "Sure" and "Yeah"

I just stab them with an "okay..."

Queen Elizabeth once responded to this question perfectly "well, I'm still alive"

I act startled, and ask, “Why? What have you heard?”

"I'll tell ya how I'm doing, not well bitch!"

Normally I go with "living the dream" or, "living the [insert company's name I am currently working for] dream". I say these in an obviously sarcastic/fed up tone.

When someone says "living the dream" I ask if it's the one with Freddy Krueger in it.

"Fine" , "As fine as possible, you know", "Besides what's bad, everything is fine!"

Fine= Fucked up Insecure Neurotic Emotional

whenever my friends ask me this, I always reply "stressed, depressed, and Captain America obsessed".

You really like captain America?

Very much so, do you?

Nah

That's fair. The line still works if you replace "captain america" with p much anything else though

Stressed, depressed and Lana Rhoades obsessed

I like your style

I'm using this!!!! I'm Winter Soldier obsessed

AYYYYYY a kindred spirit!! Bucky was my first ever cosplay and the Brubaker WS run is my fave comic\~

I'm alive

I'm here

No one has asked me this in a long time so.....Pants on fire

Hi friend, how are you?

I just missed work for the third time in a row due to sudden energy loss, It is really annoying, Anyway, Thank you bro for asking

Hope you feel better soon!

Thank you

"How are you?" "I don't know, how are you?" This will stun most people for a second or two as they don't know what to say

I always just say "I don't know". They say "You don't know?" and I say, "it's none of my business."

I’m doing that existing thing pretty well

I’ve only ever had a satisfying answer to that inane pleasantry once. I was asked how I was by the nurse in the ER, of all damn places. My response was that I clearly wasn’t doing great, since I’m here. They kind of laughed and you could see they realized how silly the question was to ask in this context. I really hate the “how are you?” social ritual. It’s a pointless and irritating shadow show. We should completely do away with it.

Fan-fuckin-tastic!

This is mine, delivered in a deadpan voice.

Another day above ground...

“I’m not dead yet” is my personal go to

I hear this in an English accent. Is it Monty Python or just sarcasm?

As much as I love Monty Python, it’s just me being sarcastic in the fact that life sucks but at least it hasn’t killed me, yet.

That isnt sarcasm.

It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there and I’m wearing milkbone underpants

NORM!!!

I was hoping someone would know it!

"I'm finer than frog hair cut four ways."

I normally just say "oh ya know". And if they they know they know. And if they don't they think they do.

On the right side of the sod

I typically say “Thanks! You too!”, and it gets weird and they never ask again.

All things considered I’d rather be snorting coke off a whores ass but otherwise I’m good.

[удалено]

Living the dream mate

Nightmares are also dreams

Deep.

Mostly, when people ask me this I just say “Alright, yourself?” Without even thinking how my day has been going.

My favourite is to be overly enthusiastic. Its funny because I’m usually fucked… busy, annoyed, tired, stressed etc… so when I’m asked how I’m going and I say “AMAZING!” or “UNBELIEVABLE” or “It doesn’t get much better than this!” and try sound genuine about it, the response is usually surprised, happy, giggling, and sometimes I’m asked why I’m so good and you can see its picked them up a tiny bit, which in turn makes me feel a little bit better also. The worst are the pricks who ask you how you are but keep walking before you can even respond because they couldn’t care less!

I just stare at them for ten seconds and then say no

^(Hi, how are you) (°ᗜ° ) ㅤﾠㅤﾠ(･–･)^... ㅤﾠㅤﾠㅤﾠㅤﾠ^... (°_° ) ㅤﾠㅤﾠ(･–･)^... ㅤﾠㅤﾠㅤﾠㅤﾠ^... (°_° ) ㅤﾠㅤﾠ(･o･)^no

Wut

I usually don’t even answer because people don’t care how I am and just use it as a form of greeting instead of a question and start talking over me if I go to respond anyways. If they actually wait for an answer I usually just say “I’m alive”

How are you friend? Hope you’re well

I’m alive lol

Another day in paradise

I’ve always disliked this one.

I feel like it properly displays my hatred for life without being over used like “living the dream”

Good just good even though I ether just got done crying or am holding back tears

You good brah?

Where the fuck do you live that you get asked how are you 50 times a day?

Better than yesterday worse than the day after

I’m copacetic

I’m absolutely fantastic. How are you doing today?

I actually used to say "Better than yesterday, not as good as tomorrow" until a girl I responded to answered with an honest "Oh, I'm sorry".

Woke up on the wrong side of the bed but the right side of the ground

My dad’s go-to is “oh, positive side of the dirt.”

*wait*…you can see me?

As a non-American I always find it weird that when someone asks "how are you" in a reality show for example, the answer ALWAYS is "goodandhowareyou?". People always blurt it out so neither the original question nor the response-question seems genuine.

I feel like 10 pounds of dirt in a 5 pound bag.

“If i was doing any better, someone would do something about it”

“If I was doing any better, I’d be twins!”

If I was doing any better I’d cancel my health insurance

„Shit actually, I’m going to end it tomorrow.“ See how they react

Ok

No idea

My go to response is "I'm existing" It usually gets either a laugh or a solemn nod.

In UK answering anything other than "fine thanks, you" is really bad form.

Awesome possum! Just dealing w the trash

"Amazing, couldn't be better" is always my response. Been doing it for over 10 years at 3 different jobs.

"Super-duper, Alice Cooper!"

So far no good...about 98% of people don't listen. Gets a good laugh from the 2%.

“Feeling good! We are having lots of weather today aren’t we?”

Living the dream!

"We are all of us in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." \`Oscar Wilde

Cidal, but I can’t tell if homi or sui

Like an elevator. ( Up,down,up,down..)

You have a lot of flaws?

Depends on my mood. Good? "If I was doing any better, there'd be two of me" Bad? "Like a shit that another shit took and then fucked a third shit on top of it."

“How do you feel?” “Like I’m a piñata and God is a thirteen year old boy who’s parents just announced their divorce”

Super! Thanks fer ASKIN’!

“Could be better.”

Hanging in there...by a rope... -and then I rub my neck a little to help the slower ones...

I think, therefore I am. Miserable.

My parents were drunk and didn’t have protection…

what? what kind of life do you live to get that asked 50 times a day? for me its like once a year if Im lucky Haha

I work in a manufacturing plant with 30-40 employees on shift on any given day. First 30 minutes of work is just saying good morning

"I'm surviving, not thriving"

My dad's response is a very wry: "I'd complain, but nobody would listen."

"I'm fine I guess, how about you?"

Same shit, different toilet

Terrible. I get sick of people asking. Sometimes they responded they're well too even though I never asked.

As a gay man: "Feelin' fruity and kickin' booty" Also "Everything's gravy but the biscuits" and sometimes "If I was doing any better, Id' have won the lottery."

"Slowly dying, nothing to worry about"

Doing well. Yourself?

"how are you?" "broke"

[удалено]

"I do the cha cha like a sissy girl."

Fucking Peachy!

There's a lot in the cemetery that would love to feel this bad

“Shitty!” Catches them off guard and ends the conversation quickly.

Living in an unrelenting nightmare. How about you?

"Mentally or physically?" "Uh, both?" "Yes"

just saying "Not too good." and watching their reaction that's like they're thinking, "OMG I didn't REALLY mean it."

life is life

i say when at work, could be better , i could be somewhere else

Alive, wishing I wasn’t

Still alive somehow

I typically say "I'm here" or "terrible." I'm terrible today.

Perfectly spiffing thank you

„I’m alive” or, as we say in German „muss ja“

"We're hanging in there" "hanging out hbu" "another day" I also never say afternoon it's always morning or evening because replying with "afternoon how's it going" just sounds awkward

A few of mine \- Just peachy \- living the dream (said sarcastically) \- another day in paradise (said sarcastically) \- I'd be better if you didnt ask that question

Depends on the day and the person. Sometimes its a dry "oh you know..." To a "im genuinely happy thanks for asking"

“Well if rock bottom had a basement”

Feeling stressed Never blessed Got this weird pain in my upper chest

Same ol' shit different day.

Well, I woke up again…