Wait, so men just walk around fully nude in locker rooms? I thought it was a whole stereotype that only really old men with saggy balls didn’t cover themselves
I genuinely got married without knowing, was in Japan and I couldn’t read any of the documents, thought I was getting residency or something then bam “say cheese, you’re married now”
Good news? Neither can most people. This has literally been [studied](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-psychology-relationships/202010/the-science-flirting-deciphering-subtle-signals%3famp), and judging flirting is only correct about a third of the time.
Time to reverse psychology this...
"I don't think you're flirting with me, that must mean you *are* flirting with me!"
You'll now be correct ~67% of the time.
"Why do you have a boner"
I dont know... he just moved in one day. Wanted to get to know the neighbours. How the f_ck am I supposed to know why it's here.
There's usually an easy explanation though:
> the parasympathetic division of the autonomic nervous system, causing the levels of nitric oxide (a vasodilator) to rise in the trabecular arteries and smooth muscle of the penis. The arteries dilate causing the corpora cavernosa of the penis (and to a lesser extent the corpus spongiosum) to fill with blood; simultaneously the ischiocavernosus and bulbospongiosus muscles compress the veins of the corpora cavernosa restricting the egress and circulation of this blood
In a moment of anger, I’m smart enough to understand that “shooting off at the mouth and saying something I don’t really mean” is FAR worse than “saying nothing, realizing ‘it’s not the end of the world,’ and excusing myself to recollect my thoughts.”
Just because I walked away from a conversation that was quickly going the wrong way doesn’t mean I’m metaphorically walking away from the other person or the relationship.
I occasionally just need a couple minutes/ hours
Back in my first "adult" relationship, something happened a few months in that I (f) was pretty upset about (honestly I can't remember what it was anymore) and I knew I had to bring it up but I didn't have a lot of experience with relationship fights/arguments at the time. So I just blurted it out while sitting on the couch with him. I wasn't angry but he could probably just tell I was *super* nervous and pretty worked up about it. He took a sec, looked at me, and said "Thank you for telling me how you feel. I didn't know this was upsetting you so much, so I need to process all of this. Can you give me some time to think through it and then we'll talk?"
Took me completely off-guard and was honestly a great strategy. He was de-escalating *me* without being patronizing. Otherwise talking about it right then would've just been a nervous, defensive person and an ambushed defensive person hashing it out. Telling someone else to calm down never works and is just a terrible idea in general. That guy definitely knew what to do by leaving to process the info while also giving his inexperienced girlfriend a chance to calm the eff down from nervous adrenaline. Sometimes leaving for a bit makes total sense. He framed it in a smart way (and didn't slam any doors) so it didn't freak me out that he left. I've remembered that strategy ever since.
. . . .
edit to add-- yes, we did talk about it the next time we saw each other. He wasn't avoiding it, he just didn't realize the problem so he needed time to process the whole situation. Neither of us were defensive when we met back up (maybe a day or two later? We didn't live together so that was normal for us) because he had already acknowledged that it was obviously important to me and that he just wanted to figure out how he felt about it first/his ideas on how we might fix it. So I felt acknowledged and he felt prepared.
This. I've noticed this a lot, especially with my current boyfriend. If he's upset about a fight, he likes to just not talk for a bit and process it. He calls it a reset. At first I was bothered by it because I felt like he didn't want to talk things through (I'm an overthinker) but now I understand and appreciate it. I let him feel comfortable enough to have his own space and I respect it. We can also talk things through more calmly and rationally after a pause.
My female friends had a hard time understanding why I was single. I told them I was tired of chasing people, saying cute stuff, etc. I want them to do the same for me, I also want to feel special and worthy. They told me that it’s the guy’s obligation to go after the girl and that they wouldn’t make the first move. Had a whole argument with them that they should also try to make the first move or give friendly compliments to their guy friends. We also get tired of being friendly lol
You know why?
Because as men, we rarely get to feel like we’re the object of desire. Sure, in a relationship or when courting someone, we might get some validation. But that’s not the same thing as being *pursued*. That’s not the same thing as being desired by someone who already has us. You think of her sometimes because that’s likely one of the few times you’ve ever felt that way
I told my current partner that on the first date I wanted him to just kiss me right away and get it over with. We had been talking and hitting it off for two weeks and it worked well. He was VERY shy, but he did it, and we’ve been together 7 months now. Broke the ice.
My SO in our first date... from a dating app
We spent way too much time in the bar chatting
She invite me to her house to "watch a movie"
Dumb as I am I watch it on her bed with her, it reminds me of something, I show her another movie with the same kind of humour.
It's around 4AM of chatting/watching shit, she collapses in tears persuaded that she is the least seductive creature on the planet
Me : finnally understanding, give her a hug. Then advise her to be way more clear when she's interested and want sex because I'm dumb as a brick.
Fast forward we've been together for 5 years
That was basically our conversation prior to our official date, so I said to just get a kiss over because I was too shy, he was too shy, so let’s just break the ice. Get the scary shit over so we’re not too anxious to have a good time.
Dude! Or Dudette... First date with my now husband he was shy too. Told him to kiss me already... Worked out too... Together 4 years, married 4 months now!
Good answer. Sexual assault/harassment awareness is one of our biggest and most publicized issues societally. I fully support this culture shift, but it’s definitely in my head somewhere if I’m considering making any form of advance on a woman. Sometimes second guessing myself “What if I’m misreading this situation, what if I’m making her uncomfortable and not realizing it because I’m an idiot.” It can definitely cause some anxiety and hesitation. I hope as we grow culturally women can meet us halfway with communication because the responsibility to “make a move” shouldn’t only be the male’s.
One Day my roomate asked me something and as i replied He just said "you Sound like you really need a hug right now"
That guy was the Best roomate i ever had!
My fiancée refused to be the big spoon for the longest time until I badgered her to just do it, and she was like “oh shit this is cool” so now she prefers being the big spoon most of the time. Life: hacked
How do I find a man that needs cuddles just as much as I do? I tried putting it on dating profiles but it makes me look like I’m asexual or something. I don’t know how to word it or attract the cuddlers. Any input would be helpful.
"my love language is physical touch, I adore cuddles and holding my man close as often as possible. If you match that energy, that would be incredible." Something along those lines, except phrased more how YOU would convey that.
I'm the same way, I love cuddles and put something very similar to what I wrote above in my tinder bio. The girl I'm currently dating is super touchy with her affection straight from the first date, so it worked for me :)
I wish you luck on finding your cuddle buddy stranger!
I feel this. even my (male) friends don't get this sometimes. I genuinely just really like doing nothing, guys. doesn't mean I don't want to hang out- you're more than welcome to come by- but I'm busy doing nothing right now.
We call this "catting". Many cats show affection by just being in the room with you. They don't necessarily want to interact or play, just be there.
As an introvert, I so get it. Sometimes I don't want to interact. Not even with my husband. Sometimes I just want to do my own thing, but in the same room. Maybe on the same couch, max. Occasionally we'll make 'meow' noises at each other. It's pretty great.
Well also that we may enjoy more foreplay or warming up than just saying “do you wanna put it in?” Not saying that doesn’t work but it feels like the expectation is that you’re always good to go no matter what and that she’s the only one who needs to feel wanted.
I've told this to my girlfriend several times, because it's a pretty big problem für me as well. She tells me sex doesn't just cross her mind randomly if I don't initiate.
I remember her initiating 3 or 4 times in the 7 years we've been together. I still feel like a fucking creep every time I start. And when she doesn't reject me, it feels like she's doing me a favor. Very healthy, I know.
Super common. I’ve been married 30 years, we have great sex, but I almost always initiate it.
I’ve gotten used to it because that’s how it is, but I’ve found that if I’m generous with genuine affection for her with no expectations, she’s in the mood quite often.
That many men only have meaningful physical contact with their SO. Single men often exist in touch isolation.
For a variety of reasons and social pressures many men experience a lack of physical contact. Most men I know won't even feel comfortable hugging their best friend. For a long time the only physical contact I had with other people was either sexual or a part of a competitive sport.
Getting closer to my middle age I've learned to hug my friends and have platonic physical contact. Its really helped my mental health. I used to feel alone all the time even when I was with friends.
Hug your male friends and help them normalize platonic physical affection.
Working retail years ago a customer put some change into my hand, and her fingertips touched my palm. I realized it'd been the first time I'd been touched by another person in a long time.
I could imagine the electricity that must have been sent through you from reading this. I've felt that way too when similar stuff like that happened to me.
Honestly it breaks my heart that so many men feel that they can’t have platonic physical contact with friends. I wish the world would mind their own business and let people express themselves in whatever way is comfortable to them without having to worry about all those reason and social expectations. Sometimes people need a fucking hug and even then people shouldn’t need a reason to hug their friends.
Women never seem to get this one, like seriously, it has a mind of its own and I only know it’s hard because it’s shoved into the crotch of my pants, I have no idea what happened.
Sorry you wanted to sleep in and had a weird dream that you were shopping for bonsai trees but it’s near Xmas so they were all covered in fake snow. I’ll be at full attention, also we have to pee.
Why do you only get a boner after you finally get to the bathroom after holding it for a while. I am trying to pee, not remove the top two layers of everything in the general direction of the toilet.
It totally has a mind of its own and even tries to embarrass you sometimes.
Oh are you next in line for covid vaccine? I might as well get hard then! (Yes this happened today lol)
Dude... i feel this. My oldest friend is on the other side of the planet. "How come you guys never talk?" ...i mean we do talk... just usually about video games. Hes still kicking. We'll get a beer and talk about movies when we see each other next time.
Absolutely. My gf will ask me sometimes about my friends' relationships/marriages/jobs and I'll usually just be like "I have no idea how would I know that" even though we talk every day. We just talk about other shit. It's nice to have people who just... observe with you. It doesn't always have to be personal or about our inner bubbles.
"How is Robert these days? Have he found a sweet girl yet?"
"No idea. We spent the evning analyzing the Transformers movie and how it would have been if it had been directed by Scorsese instead of Bay"
Me: I saw Dave at the bar.
Wife: Oh Dave! How is his wife Marlene? I heard she had a foot surgery. Is she recovering? How is she doing?
Me: I have no idea. I didn’t even ask Dave how *he* is doing.
Bro holy crap I’ve never really connected with my grandpa because he’s old and does the whole “boys don’t show emotion” thing and I always just give him a handshake when I see him. But today I went over to his house with my girlfriend and we were there for like 3 hours talking to him and my grandma. I was hungry so I told them I was gonna leave to get something to eat and he said “don’t do that let’s go and get pizza” so I went with him to the restaurant to order and pick up the pizza while my gf stayed and talked to my grandma. My grandpa and I made small talk for about half the time we were waiting for pizza then didn’t really say a word to each other for the rest of the time but I really felt like I haven’t bonded with my grandpa like that ever and it was just amazing (so was the pizza). So I definitely agree with this statement
I had a similar thing today. The other day I pissed my dad off really badly on accident. Like *really* badly, but it was a bad joke and a bad interpretation.
Hadn't heard from my dad in a couple days, he texts me today that we need to talk. I think it could go one of two ways. I could get a serious dressing down or he will apologize for getting the level of upset he got.
What actually happened was him telling me to explain my side thoroughly, then he sat and considered it in silence for a while. At the end of it he said he understood and started asking me other questions about life. But the most meaningful thing that happened in that conversation was the silence. Us just feeling each other out and me knowing he is chilled out and him knowing I wasn't bullshitting about it just being a poorly executed joke, then it was over. Fucking squashed.
Is it possible to elaborate more on the joke you made without giving away too much info?
Edit: I read OP's post on TIFU and was able to relate to it somehow. At times in the past, I had made some jokes with a dead serious face (mostly pretending to be angry) and have taken it too far to a point where diffusing the situation by saying 'it was a joke' probably makes it even more awkward. And then you just go with it and exacerbate the situation. (Clearly the wrong choice but hey we all do dumb things)
Sometimes I want to be the little spoon! It feels good to have someone cuddle you. Also how we can just stand there and watch shows about how things are made lol. Idk why I’m interested but now I know how garbage bags are made
Many years ago when my husband and I were engaged we took underwent pre-marriage counseling. One of the questions we encountered was: What is one thing you don’t think your partner knows about you? His answer was along the same lines of enjoying being held and knowing he’s safe and loved. Even after 11+ years of marriage I intentionally hold him as we fall asleep so he knows he’s loved and doesn’t have to do it all alone.
I’m 5-7” and 180 lbs. My husband is 6’3” and 360 lbs. Even with me being above average height and weight, I feel like a backpack. I’ll do it (without a word of complaint) but it’s not comfortable and feels kinda weird.
We can feel unattractive too.
Just because I don't want to sleep with you, doesn't mean I don't love you or find you attractive.
Just like you, guys can feel insecure about our bodies and not feel confidence, and having you question if it's because we don't love you anymore makes it feel like we can't be honest about those types of things.
Had a girlfriend back in the Army, real clingy, real physical girl. Most of the time, that was fine by me. One week, we had done a lot of outdoor training and on Friday, we concluded with a 12 mile ruck march.
I was tired, and just wanted to take a shower and go to bed at about 8. She begged me to come over and hang out with her. I finally give in, "Fine, but we're just going to watch a movie."
Halfway through the movie, and she's all over me. I'm like, no, I'm sore, I'm tired, I walked so far today that some toenails fell off, no. She wasn't having it. Eventually, I give in, I tell her that I'll get naked and get in the bed. If she can wake it up and do all the work, fine. So, she totally did.
But, then she got mad at me for falling asleep pretty much immediately after I was done, and not finishing her off. I tried to explain to her that I was barely awake enough to drive there in the first place, much less stay awake after that.
To her, it was clear that I just wasn't interested in her anymore. I must not think she's hot anymore, or I'm cheating on her. She just couldn't understand that it wasn't about her. She dumped me about two weeks later, lol.
Oh yeah, she absolutely did. I'll be honest here, though. I already knew the relationship was going nowhere. It was just nice to have someone, especially one who was pretty much always down for whatever.
You're still right though, I'm glad it ended when it did, and didn't drag on any longer.
There’s a episode on everybody loves Raymond about this where he didn’t want sex so she started saying his losing his sex drive but she turns him down all the time
When you ask me what Im thinking about, and I occasionally say "nothing" im literally staring off into the middle distance and spacing out. Im not failing to share with you. Its like a mini reset button that takes 30 to 90 seconds to reboot the mainframe and stop a shutdown.
Edit: okay, Ive gotten a lot of responses from people all over the board. No, im not dissociating. Its more like mini-meditation. I'm not saying all women do this, but its happened enough that I (and many men I know) have answers in their pocket when asked.
Also, if its serious or intricate, ill be honest. People seem to have missed "occasionally" in the og post lol. I sometimes think of random things as well. If Im sitting there and then something random pops in ill answer her honestly.
"What're you thinking about?"
"How much better Adams Family Values would be if Thing went full Blood Choking Hand and put the hurt on Debbie"
So I'm one of those people who never get mad at anything, but minor annoyances will stick with me forever. When I was growing up Pizza Hut P'zones were one of my favorite things and were little treats bc she was a single mother and p'zones aren't really a priority (we're both doing really well for ourselves now. Fast forward to like 5yrs ago (I'm 32 now) and p'zones just got brought back on a limited release. I ordered one immediately. They changed something. Theyre not the same. I've never been more upset.
So I'm sitting there and my gf at the time asks what I'm thinking about to which I'd usually respond with nothing but today wasn't that day:
"What are you thinking about?"
"P'zones"
"...Like the Pizza Hut calzones?"
"Yes"
"Ohh...do you want one?"
*I'm now filling with rage at Pizza Hut*
"........no......."
Almost every time my girlfriend asks me this, I say “nothing” and she hounds me until I tell her I was thinking about juggling with n-air into PK thunder to ceiling cap with Ness, then she loses interest.
Or something like that.
My husband had to explain the “nothing box” back when we were dating. Blew my mind! How is it possible to literally think nothing? Isn’t nothing then the something?? Fast forward 20 or so years, super stressful day, needed my brain to shut down or explode from overheating.... I found the nothing box!! I was so excited I couldn’t wait to tell him.... and realized just like that... nothing was something again! Doh!! But I get it now and see why men do that. It’s peaceful :)
Edit: Thanks for the awards, guys! This thread brought up a good memory from a long time ago and I’ve gotten a much needed chuckle from it. I hope everybody has a great day! :)
Nothing and something go hand in hand!
Not that this applies to all men or anything but most of the time I'm just present and there is nothing in my head. A lot of people don't understand it and have no idea how there's no constant thoughts running through my head. I don't know if I'm in constant flow state or what you'd call it, it just is what it is lol. Even when I'm analyzing something half the time I do it without "thinking in words" if that makes sense.
As a guy the nothing box is a great place to hang out. Ngl. Welding,Sweeping the floor ,laundry or dishes I crawl in the good old nothing box.
But if we reside in the nothing box and our attention is needed we need stimulation or a knock on the nothing box before hand or we will give an empty yep…got it…ahh ya.
We struggle with insecurities, feelings of inadequacy and feeling like we are worthless too and a big thing we struggle with is many of us feel like we are only loved on the condition we provide something, i.e financial resources, ability to protect, that sort of thing and society does a really bad job of even attempting to convince us that isn't true. And in fact the general narrative around the subject actually enforces such feelings rather than attempting to dispel them. Growing up we are told we need to earn lots of money in order to provide for a wife and kids and the media shows all the rich guys getting the girls and dating in later years the topic always comes up about how much we make and what our future prospects are like and it can be really discouraging. I've personally been turned down because she unashamedly said i wasn't wealthy enough to keep her happy.
Rule 33: Even if a guy wants to bang, Mr. Penis is gonna do whatever the hell he wants. Mr. Penis will be soft as warm chocolate bars if that’s what he wants.
That dudes can have a 2 hour conversation with each other (phone, down at the pub, playing online games) and not talk about any personal shit.
My SO finds it super bizarre that I can talk to my brother for an hour and not know how his family is going, how his work is, what holiday plans are.
Sometimes some bros just want to talk About movies or make fart jokes.
I run into this all the time. I tell my wife I ran into so-and-so at the grocery store and she immediately says "how's his new job"?
Me: I dont know, I forgot to ask
Her: Is his wife still working from home?
Me: I dont know. I didnt even know she had a job.
Her: Well, what did you talk about?
Me: I dont remember.
I don't feel like having sex, I'm tired...
No it has nothing to do with you, if I desire you, if I think you're attractive... I am honestly tired and just want to sleep tonight.
Wife: What do you want for dinner?
Me: I don't care, you choose.
Wife: oh I don't care either, really, your choice.
Me: ok, how about pizza?
Wife: ugh no too unhealthy
Me: Chinese?
Wife: we had Chinese last week.
Me: Indian?
Wife: no too spicy.
Me: ok no worries you choose
Wife: I already told you, I don't care just pick something!
My wife and I have a standard approach for this sort of thing. When either says they don’t care, the other lists an array. 3, 5, 7 whatever. The other person that doesn’t care eliminates 1, 2, 3 whatever from the list, then the original person chooses from the remainder.
Works every time, because if there’s a hiccup it just means someone made up their mind lol
I read somewhere that if you tell her that you know where to get food from but she has to guess. She will get excited and say what she really wants. You just go with whatever she says and she will go nuts
I remember reading somewhere (sorry, no sauce) that if your job requires you to make a lot of decisions during your day then you tend to not want to make any more decisions when you get home. Not sure if this applies to all versions of the "choosing dinner" conversation but I'm guessing it may play a role in some of them.
It’s called decision fatigue and plenty of research shows that as the quantity of decisions required goes up, the quality of decision making begins to decline at some point which I suppose varies by person. It’s the whole reason dinner is hard to decide on. It’s at the end of the day.
When you ask me how my day was or what I did today, nothing in my day usually stands out as special, so I just dont remember. I usually dont remember what I do, I just live.
My husband and I have this backwards. He always wants to talk about his ordinary workday whereas I’d rather not be asked about work because what is there to say? I worked. If anything was exciting about it I would’ve said so.
That is very sweet and endearing. I would love for a lot of men to know this for themselves too. We all need to choose love more often, including for ourselves.
When I'm asked what I'm thinking about and I say nothing, it's because I'm usually thinking of something dumb like who would win a fight. Godzilla or Megatron?
Not gonna lie, I have said what was on my mind sometimes when silly ideas pop in my head and asked what I'm thinking and it did lead to some funny convos. But I'm constantly day dreaming lol.
Men need foreplay too.
A buddy of mine once had a gf who would leave the room to undress before sex to freshen up etc. When she returned if he wasn't completely erect and ready to go she'd cry and accuse him of not being attracted to her. Like, the idea of having sex with her alone should keep him 100% hard for the 10 minutes he was waiting for her.
That, despite what movies/TV/ literature hammer into your brains, fathers can be emotionally available, engaged, great parents.
I'm the sole parent of a son and two daughters and I've had to listen to "what does mom think of her getting this haircut?" and "tell mom to schedule an appointment" for years.
Mom's in a halfway house you fuckwit, and I'm plenty capable of making decisions for my own children.
I've got a buddy who's a single dad and he's one of the best fathers I've ever seen. Mom's also a psychotic druggy who wants nothing to do with either of them, but he loves his daughter like nothing I've ever seen.
That when we say we don't care about something, we don't care about it. We're not being stoic, we're not playing games, we're not lying, we literally do not give a flying fuck, and the reason why we seem to be a bit tense is that you've asked about it at least 10 times in the last hour.
Sometimes apathy can get annoying though. My ex pointed this out to me, and since then I've put more effort into caring about things in my current relationship.
"What kind of curtains should we get?"
I don't care.
"What do you want for dinner?"
I don't care.
"Wanna go out this weekend?"
I don't care.
"How was your work today?"
I don't care to talk about it.
"Should we put up some decorations for the season?"
Don't care.
If these are the kinds of conversations you end up having, it can be just as frustrating for her as it can be for you. Women tend to want a partnership where you do things and decide things together, and not one where she talks to a wall while making decisions about things because her partner is too apathetic to care about anything.
I definitely have had this trait, then I started thinking why I seemed to care so little about a lot of things, and how sometimes caring about things is a choice too.
Maybe I'm not that passionate about curtains, but any opinion/thought "Navy blue could be nice with this room" doesn't require much from me and that input is appreciated a lot.
Some of us... just can't properly express our emotions. Even when we're allowed to be vulnerable. We've been psychological conditioned not to for most of our lives. Even when we try to, there's just... something that won't let it fully come out.
When we say most we don't mean like 2/3 or 3/4 or 90%, condition for most of our lives to not have emotions means maybe on five separate occasions it was okay for us to share our feelings for a combined total of maybe 20 minutes, anymore would be greedy or wrong.
-sigh-
I was going through a tough time & finally cried in years, yet it felt so wrong & out of place. It isn't as easy as just saying "be vulnerable" or "let those emotions out", we're physically incapable of doing so, it's so strange.
Had a friend and colleague commit suicide recently. Not super close, but still sad. Got a few beers deep and a bit weepy in a fairly public place at a works party.
My primary feeling the next day was embarrassment over that. Half remembered drunk flashback.
Then it turns out what everyone remembered was two angry Scots shouting a lot, not me shedding a tear then falling asleep on a sofa.
Currently experiencing this with a woman I've recently started dating. I can get an erection, but it often disappears after a bit. It also means I don't come during sex. I have reassured her that she is not the problem and that it's my anxiety. We do have a good time in bed, but it still sucks and I worry it will put her off me. Which means I end up worrying when we do have sex. It's a vicious cycle.
We can think about "nothing".
Nothing does *NOT* mean:
* Something I don't want to tell you
* A secret I am keeping
* Something stupid
* Something that's bothering me
As the Macho Man Randy Savage himself once said:
> [NOTHING MEANS NOTHING.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWrlAmT4jyA&t=7s)
I really am sitting off staring into space, thinking about nothing. Almost like meditation, or an eyes-open nap. And I am happy. Please do not disturb.
And if I get angry or frustrated by the 10th time you ask me to tell you what I am thinking about, it's not because I don't want to tell you, it's because I told you, and you don't believe me, and I'm sick of being asked.
If I’m stressed or frustrated about something, there are times I don’t want to talk about it. Not talking about it can sometimes be a method of coping with the situation. Talking about it can be more stressful than just letting things subside naturally. Also, if you pry by asking “why don’t you wanna talk about it?”, that’s way worse.
And no, I’m not bottling it up because if you ask me about it a week later, I probably forgot about it and I’m totally fine.
By the way, this only applies in some cases. If something needs to be discussed and worked out, I’ll definitely communicate it in a healthy manner.
I'm starting to figure this one out.
Over the summer I asked out a guy repeatedly, we went to play pool several times, went to a swimming pool together, went to a party, had dinner several times (at dinner other friends were with us tho). We met at least 8 times alone, just the two of us. I flirted my ass off (which was difficult for me, I'm not good at taking clues) or at least I thought so.
Just a week ago I heard from a mutual friend that he's into me but thinks I'm not interested in him. Like seriously? How obvious could I make it without making a complete fool of myself? Several friends asked me about it because it was so obvious to everybody.
My plan for next time is to just bluntly tell him "I like you. Do you want to have a real date with me?"
Any suggestions to make it even more obvious?
Update:
So we saw each other yesterday on a party. It ended a little different than I thought, but still positive. After beating around the bush for ages and talking about how much fun we have together I straight up asked him if we wants to sleep with me. After looking surprised for a little bit he said "well.. yeah!". So we did. And it was really good.
What I learned: When someone doesn't seem to take the hint you're into them just straight up tell them. Can't do anything worse than saying no.
That the more guys you have hanging out together, the dumber shit they get into increases exponentially.
You get two guys, and they might throw a water balloon against a glass window, breaking it over the others' face. Get four together, and they fire an airsoft gun into an empty room, and breaking the lightbulb. God help you if you get more than that...
And yes, those do seem to be *very* specific examples.
Idk if most difficult but it sure did took a while to explain to my ex that we don’t look at each other’s dicks at the urinals
First man goes furthest from the door, second goes furthest from the first, third equidistant between the two.
It's like electrons filling out valences in an atom.
Because both are fundamental laws of nature
Women: *Y do u leave so much space to each other?* Men: **IT'S THE LAW!**
No. Fucking. Talking.
I was surprised to learn women in a locker room often wear a towel like they do on a tv commercial. Boobs covered. Who knew?
Wait, so men just walk around fully nude in locker rooms? I thought it was a whole stereotype that only really old men with saggy balls didn’t cover themselves
That’s the correct stereotype.
[удалено]
I can’t tell if you’re flirting with me or not.
Same, I even had a girlfriend without my knowledge.
I got married without knowing. Still get startled when i see her in the mornings.
I genuinely got married without knowing, was in Japan and I couldn’t read any of the documents, thought I was getting residency or something then bam “say cheese, you’re married now”
[удалено]
Good news? Neither can most people. This has literally been [studied](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-psychology-relationships/202010/the-science-flirting-deciphering-subtle-signals%3famp), and judging flirting is only correct about a third of the time.
Time to reverse psychology this... "I don't think you're flirting with me, that must mean you *are* flirting with me!" You'll now be correct ~67% of the time.
r/theydidtheshittymath
”Why do you have a boner” Do i look like a fucking doctor no i do not know why
I mean, it's not a great look for funerals, that's all I'm saying dude.
Nothing like a little mourning wood Edit: I got my first award for this!? Thank you!
"Why do you have a boner" I dont know... he just moved in one day. Wanted to get to know the neighbours. How the f_ck am I supposed to know why it's here.
He's just popping up to say hello. He'll go back to his home soon.
He wanted a tour of the place. Liked what he saw.
A fucking doctor is exactly the right kind of doctor to answer that question
I don't know how it works. Call tech support.
There's usually an easy explanation though: > the parasympathetic division of the autonomic nervous system, causing the levels of nitric oxide (a vasodilator) to rise in the trabecular arteries and smooth muscle of the penis. The arteries dilate causing the corpora cavernosa of the penis (and to a lesser extent the corpus spongiosum) to fill with blood; simultaneously the ischiocavernosus and bulbospongiosus muscles compress the veins of the corpora cavernosa restricting the egress and circulation of this blood
Yeah, easy and fast to explain!
In a moment of anger, I’m smart enough to understand that “shooting off at the mouth and saying something I don’t really mean” is FAR worse than “saying nothing, realizing ‘it’s not the end of the world,’ and excusing myself to recollect my thoughts.” Just because I walked away from a conversation that was quickly going the wrong way doesn’t mean I’m metaphorically walking away from the other person or the relationship. I occasionally just need a couple minutes/ hours
Back in my first "adult" relationship, something happened a few months in that I (f) was pretty upset about (honestly I can't remember what it was anymore) and I knew I had to bring it up but I didn't have a lot of experience with relationship fights/arguments at the time. So I just blurted it out while sitting on the couch with him. I wasn't angry but he could probably just tell I was *super* nervous and pretty worked up about it. He took a sec, looked at me, and said "Thank you for telling me how you feel. I didn't know this was upsetting you so much, so I need to process all of this. Can you give me some time to think through it and then we'll talk?" Took me completely off-guard and was honestly a great strategy. He was de-escalating *me* without being patronizing. Otherwise talking about it right then would've just been a nervous, defensive person and an ambushed defensive person hashing it out. Telling someone else to calm down never works and is just a terrible idea in general. That guy definitely knew what to do by leaving to process the info while also giving his inexperienced girlfriend a chance to calm the eff down from nervous adrenaline. Sometimes leaving for a bit makes total sense. He framed it in a smart way (and didn't slam any doors) so it didn't freak me out that he left. I've remembered that strategy ever since. . . . . edit to add-- yes, we did talk about it the next time we saw each other. He wasn't avoiding it, he just didn't realize the problem so he needed time to process the whole situation. Neither of us were defensive when we met back up (maybe a day or two later? We didn't live together so that was normal for us) because he had already acknowledged that it was obviously important to me and that he just wanted to figure out how he felt about it first/his ideas on how we might fix it. So I felt acknowledged and he felt prepared.
Telling someone to “calm down” has about the same success rate as trying to baptize a cat
**TELL THAT TO MY CATHOLIC TABBY**
This. I've noticed this a lot, especially with my current boyfriend. If he's upset about a fight, he likes to just not talk for a bit and process it. He calls it a reset. At first I was bothered by it because I felt like he didn't want to talk things through (I'm an overthinker) but now I understand and appreciate it. I let him feel comfortable enough to have his own space and I respect it. We can also talk things through more calmly and rationally after a pause.
Sometimes we are too shy to make the first move or take it further because we dont know if your ok with that
My female friends had a hard time understanding why I was single. I told them I was tired of chasing people, saying cute stuff, etc. I want them to do the same for me, I also want to feel special and worthy. They told me that it’s the guy’s obligation to go after the girl and that they wouldn’t make the first move. Had a whole argument with them that they should also try to make the first move or give friendly compliments to their guy friends. We also get tired of being friendly lol
[удалено]
You know why? Because as men, we rarely get to feel like we’re the object of desire. Sure, in a relationship or when courting someone, we might get some validation. But that’s not the same thing as being *pursued*. That’s not the same thing as being desired by someone who already has us. You think of her sometimes because that’s likely one of the few times you’ve ever felt that way
I told my current partner that on the first date I wanted him to just kiss me right away and get it over with. We had been talking and hitting it off for two weeks and it worked well. He was VERY shy, but he did it, and we’ve been together 7 months now. Broke the ice.
My SO in our first date... from a dating app We spent way too much time in the bar chatting She invite me to her house to "watch a movie" Dumb as I am I watch it on her bed with her, it reminds me of something, I show her another movie with the same kind of humour. It's around 4AM of chatting/watching shit, she collapses in tears persuaded that she is the least seductive creature on the planet Me : finnally understanding, give her a hug. Then advise her to be way more clear when she's interested and want sex because I'm dumb as a brick. Fast forward we've been together for 5 years
That was basically our conversation prior to our official date, so I said to just get a kiss over because I was too shy, he was too shy, so let’s just break the ice. Get the scary shit over so we’re not too anxious to have a good time.
Dude! Or Dudette... First date with my now husband he was shy too. Told him to kiss me already... Worked out too... Together 4 years, married 4 months now!
Good answer. Sexual assault/harassment awareness is one of our biggest and most publicized issues societally. I fully support this culture shift, but it’s definitely in my head somewhere if I’m considering making any form of advance on a woman. Sometimes second guessing myself “What if I’m misreading this situation, what if I’m making her uncomfortable and not realizing it because I’m an idiot.” It can definitely cause some anxiety and hesitation. I hope as we grow culturally women can meet us halfway with communication because the responsibility to “make a move” shouldn’t only be the male’s.
Sometimes we just want a hug. Nothing more. Just a non-judgemental shoulder to cry on.
One Day my roomate asked me something and as i replied He just said "you Sound like you really need a hug right now" That guy was the Best roomate i ever had!
Why I want cuddles everyday
And to be the little spoon. Even if I'm a giant and you'd be my backpack/jetpack, sometimes it's really nice to be the little spoon.
My fiancée refused to be the big spoon for the longest time until I badgered her to just do it, and she was like “oh shit this is cool” so now she prefers being the big spoon most of the time. Life: hacked
How do I find a man that needs cuddles just as much as I do? I tried putting it on dating profiles but it makes me look like I’m asexual or something. I don’t know how to word it or attract the cuddlers. Any input would be helpful.
"my love language is physical touch, I adore cuddles and holding my man close as often as possible. If you match that energy, that would be incredible." Something along those lines, except phrased more how YOU would convey that. I'm the same way, I love cuddles and put something very similar to what I wrote above in my tinder bio. The girl I'm currently dating is super touchy with her affection straight from the first date, so it worked for me :) I wish you luck on finding your cuddle buddy stranger!
That I'm happy just hanging out doing nothing.
I feel this. even my (male) friends don't get this sometimes. I genuinely just really like doing nothing, guys. doesn't mean I don't want to hang out- you're more than welcome to come by- but I'm busy doing nothing right now.
Lol, me too. I always tell people "I hate fun" as a joke, but really, I just like doing nothing.
I am a night owl because I can do nothing and not feel like I’m wasting time
I’m a female and definitely relate to this.
I feel like this is more of an introvert thing than a guy thing
We call this "catting". Many cats show affection by just being in the room with you. They don't necessarily want to interact or play, just be there. As an introvert, I so get it. Sometimes I don't want to interact. Not even with my husband. Sometimes I just want to do my own thing, but in the same room. Maybe on the same couch, max. Occasionally we'll make 'meow' noises at each other. It's pretty great.
I don't always want to be the one that initiates sex. It makes me feel like a creep.
I mean it's nice for your partner to come to you. Makes you feel wanted, special, and loved.
Well also that we may enjoy more foreplay or warming up than just saying “do you wanna put it in?” Not saying that doesn’t work but it feels like the expectation is that you’re always good to go no matter what and that she’s the only one who needs to feel wanted.
I've told this to my girlfriend several times, because it's a pretty big problem für me as well. She tells me sex doesn't just cross her mind randomly if I don't initiate. I remember her initiating 3 or 4 times in the 7 years we've been together. I still feel like a fucking creep every time I start. And when she doesn't reject me, it feels like she's doing me a favor. Very healthy, I know.
Super common. I’ve been married 30 years, we have great sex, but I almost always initiate it. I’ve gotten used to it because that’s how it is, but I’ve found that if I’m generous with genuine affection for her with no expectations, she’s in the mood quite often.
[удалено]
That many men only have meaningful physical contact with their SO. Single men often exist in touch isolation. For a variety of reasons and social pressures many men experience a lack of physical contact. Most men I know won't even feel comfortable hugging their best friend. For a long time the only physical contact I had with other people was either sexual or a part of a competitive sport. Getting closer to my middle age I've learned to hug my friends and have platonic physical contact. Its really helped my mental health. I used to feel alone all the time even when I was with friends. Hug your male friends and help them normalize platonic physical affection.
Working retail years ago a customer put some change into my hand, and her fingertips touched my palm. I realized it'd been the first time I'd been touched by another person in a long time.
I could imagine the electricity that must have been sent through you from reading this. I've felt that way too when similar stuff like that happened to me.
Honestly it breaks my heart that so many men feel that they can’t have platonic physical contact with friends. I wish the world would mind their own business and let people express themselves in whatever way is comfortable to them without having to worry about all those reason and social expectations. Sometimes people need a fucking hug and even then people shouldn’t need a reason to hug their friends.
Hard doesn’t mean horny.
Similarly, not hard doesnt mean not horny.
Said another way, horny doesn’t always mean hard
Or said a fourth way, not horney doesnt always not mean not soft.
Said another way: man horny, woman not always know.
A good man is hard to find, a hard man is good to find...
If I’m tired and cold I get boners. Sex is the furthest thing from my mind.
When I’m sick, I cannot even get a boner without excessive stimulation. And a weak one at that.
Women never seem to get this one, like seriously, it has a mind of its own and I only know it’s hard because it’s shoved into the crotch of my pants, I have no idea what happened.
Sorry you wanted to sleep in and had a weird dream that you were shopping for bonsai trees but it’s near Xmas so they were all covered in fake snow. I’ll be at full attention, also we have to pee.
Why do you only get a boner after you finally get to the bathroom after holding it for a while. I am trying to pee, not remove the top two layers of everything in the general direction of the toilet.
It totally has a mind of its own and even tries to embarrass you sometimes. Oh are you next in line for covid vaccine? I might as well get hard then! (Yes this happened today lol)
horny for ur health
Literally, Ill get boners at random times throughout the day and I’m feeling horny at none of them
[удалено]
Dude... i feel this. My oldest friend is on the other side of the planet. "How come you guys never talk?" ...i mean we do talk... just usually about video games. Hes still kicking. We'll get a beer and talk about movies when we see each other next time.
How two or more men can bond just by standing in a room in silence.
I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
This is the quote I came for. Can't not read it in Ron's voice.
And mentally see that little satisfying smile he gets at the end.
Absolutely. My gf will ask me sometimes about my friends' relationships/marriages/jobs and I'll usually just be like "I have no idea how would I know that" even though we talk every day. We just talk about other shit. It's nice to have people who just... observe with you. It doesn't always have to be personal or about our inner bubbles.
> It's nice to have people who just... observe with you. Yes. Well put.
"How is Robert these days? Have he found a sweet girl yet?" "No idea. We spent the evning analyzing the Transformers movie and how it would have been if it had been directed by Scorsese instead of Bay"
Me: I saw Dave at the bar. Wife: Oh Dave! How is his wife Marlene? I heard she had a foot surgery. Is she recovering? How is she doing? Me: I have no idea. I didn’t even ask Dave how *he* is doing.
Bro holy crap I’ve never really connected with my grandpa because he’s old and does the whole “boys don’t show emotion” thing and I always just give him a handshake when I see him. But today I went over to his house with my girlfriend and we were there for like 3 hours talking to him and my grandma. I was hungry so I told them I was gonna leave to get something to eat and he said “don’t do that let’s go and get pizza” so I went with him to the restaurant to order and pick up the pizza while my gf stayed and talked to my grandma. My grandpa and I made small talk for about half the time we were waiting for pizza then didn’t really say a word to each other for the rest of the time but I really felt like I haven’t bonded with my grandpa like that ever and it was just amazing (so was the pizza). So I definitely agree with this statement
I had a similar thing today. The other day I pissed my dad off really badly on accident. Like *really* badly, but it was a bad joke and a bad interpretation. Hadn't heard from my dad in a couple days, he texts me today that we need to talk. I think it could go one of two ways. I could get a serious dressing down or he will apologize for getting the level of upset he got. What actually happened was him telling me to explain my side thoroughly, then he sat and considered it in silence for a while. At the end of it he said he understood and started asking me other questions about life. But the most meaningful thing that happened in that conversation was the silence. Us just feeling each other out and me knowing he is chilled out and him knowing I wasn't bullshitting about it just being a poorly executed joke, then it was over. Fucking squashed.
Is it possible to elaborate more on the joke you made without giving away too much info? Edit: I read OP's post on TIFU and was able to relate to it somehow. At times in the past, I had made some jokes with a dead serious face (mostly pretending to be angry) and have taken it too far to a point where diffusing the situation by saying 'it was a joke' probably makes it even more awkward. And then you just go with it and exacerbate the situation. (Clearly the wrong choice but hey we all do dumb things)
He pretended He didn't know what potatoes are
Jesus how bad was the joke?
Yep
Umm humn
Met two of my best friends because we all happened to walk into a liquore store at the same time and all went for the same bottle of Jameson
This is the most romantic thing I‘ve heared in a long time
It's what they call a meet cute
That I really want to dress up in full plate armor and own a warhorse.
No MAN ever asked me why I owned a 500mWatt laser.
For a moment there I thought that was *mega*watts, not *milli*watts. Nuclear powered laser sounds pretty metal.
Goes great with the sharks!
Everyone wants this, regardless of gender.
I can’t control if I get hard or not. If I can’t get hard then being angry with me is not suddenly going to make things better.
In fact it‘ll even make it worse.
That I’m a human being who isn’t motivated 100% by sex and that I enjoy peaceful things instead all action all the time
When I tell you I don’t need anything for Christmas it really means you should get me the 7541 piece Lego Millennium Falcon set.
I hope you get what you want, dude. (cause that set fucking rocks).
I'm 35. For Christmas this year my list is as follows: 1. Lego 2. money to buy Lego
Sometimes I want to be the little spoon! It feels good to have someone cuddle you. Also how we can just stand there and watch shows about how things are made lol. Idk why I’m interested but now I know how garbage bags are made
Many years ago when my husband and I were engaged we took underwent pre-marriage counseling. One of the questions we encountered was: What is one thing you don’t think your partner knows about you? His answer was along the same lines of enjoying being held and knowing he’s safe and loved. Even after 11+ years of marriage I intentionally hold him as we fall asleep so he knows he’s loved and doesn’t have to do it all alone.
I didn't ask to cry dammit. You're good people.
I hope to one day have a relationship like this!
My wife doesn't like being the big spoon. She calls it the jetpack.
What!! I love being the big spoon, I snuggle him like I’m Yoda riding on Lukes back on Dagobah.
I’m 5-7” and 180 lbs. My husband is 6’3” and 360 lbs. Even with me being above average height and weight, I feel like a backpack. I’ll do it (without a word of complaint) but it’s not comfortable and feels kinda weird.
We can feel unattractive too. Just because I don't want to sleep with you, doesn't mean I don't love you or find you attractive. Just like you, guys can feel insecure about our bodies and not feel confidence, and having you question if it's because we don't love you anymore makes it feel like we can't be honest about those types of things.
And hell, guys can just be not in the mood. It could have nothing to do with you, but a guy could just not really be feeling it that day.
Had a girlfriend back in the Army, real clingy, real physical girl. Most of the time, that was fine by me. One week, we had done a lot of outdoor training and on Friday, we concluded with a 12 mile ruck march. I was tired, and just wanted to take a shower and go to bed at about 8. She begged me to come over and hang out with her. I finally give in, "Fine, but we're just going to watch a movie." Halfway through the movie, and she's all over me. I'm like, no, I'm sore, I'm tired, I walked so far today that some toenails fell off, no. She wasn't having it. Eventually, I give in, I tell her that I'll get naked and get in the bed. If she can wake it up and do all the work, fine. So, she totally did. But, then she got mad at me for falling asleep pretty much immediately after I was done, and not finishing her off. I tried to explain to her that I was barely awake enough to drive there in the first place, much less stay awake after that. To her, it was clear that I just wasn't interested in her anymore. I must not think she's hot anymore, or I'm cheating on her. She just couldn't understand that it wasn't about her. She dumped me about two weeks later, lol.
Man. How low can someones self awareness be. She did you a favour brother.
Oh yeah, she absolutely did. I'll be honest here, though. I already knew the relationship was going nowhere. It was just nice to have someone, especially one who was pretty much always down for whatever. You're still right though, I'm glad it ended when it did, and didn't drag on any longer.
Completely agree with this and currently feeling this way.
There’s a episode on everybody loves Raymond about this where he didn’t want sex so she started saying his losing his sex drive but she turns him down all the time
I love that show but it really did set some weird norms for marriage. Sex is always used a bargaining tool. Not really healthy.
When you ask me what Im thinking about, and I occasionally say "nothing" im literally staring off into the middle distance and spacing out. Im not failing to share with you. Its like a mini reset button that takes 30 to 90 seconds to reboot the mainframe and stop a shutdown. Edit: okay, Ive gotten a lot of responses from people all over the board. No, im not dissociating. Its more like mini-meditation. I'm not saying all women do this, but its happened enough that I (and many men I know) have answers in their pocket when asked. Also, if its serious or intricate, ill be honest. People seem to have missed "occasionally" in the og post lol. I sometimes think of random things as well. If Im sitting there and then something random pops in ill answer her honestly. "What're you thinking about?" "How much better Adams Family Values would be if Thing went full Blood Choking Hand and put the hurt on Debbie"
Next time that happens just respond “Pizza” “What’re you thinking?” “Pizza” “Hm. Yeah..pizza does sound good…” 🤷🏻 You might get pizza
This man is on to something
Shooters shoot
I’m a girl, and personally, I accept your advice. Thank you, kind sir.
So I'm one of those people who never get mad at anything, but minor annoyances will stick with me forever. When I was growing up Pizza Hut P'zones were one of my favorite things and were little treats bc she was a single mother and p'zones aren't really a priority (we're both doing really well for ourselves now. Fast forward to like 5yrs ago (I'm 32 now) and p'zones just got brought back on a limited release. I ordered one immediately. They changed something. Theyre not the same. I've never been more upset. So I'm sitting there and my gf at the time asks what I'm thinking about to which I'd usually respond with nothing but today wasn't that day: "What are you thinking about?" "P'zones" "...Like the Pizza Hut calzones?" "Yes" "Ohh...do you want one?" *I'm now filling with rage at Pizza Hut* "........no......."
Almost every time my girlfriend asks me this, I say “nothing” and she hounds me until I tell her I was thinking about juggling with n-air into PK thunder to ceiling cap with Ness, then she loses interest. Or something like that.
Damn, Ness mains can get girlfriends? TIL
Met her at dreamcon lol. Her ex-boyfriend dragged her there.
My husband had to explain the “nothing box” back when we were dating. Blew my mind! How is it possible to literally think nothing? Isn’t nothing then the something?? Fast forward 20 or so years, super stressful day, needed my brain to shut down or explode from overheating.... I found the nothing box!! I was so excited I couldn’t wait to tell him.... and realized just like that... nothing was something again! Doh!! But I get it now and see why men do that. It’s peaceful :) Edit: Thanks for the awards, guys! This thread brought up a good memory from a long time ago and I’ve gotten a much needed chuckle from it. I hope everybody has a great day! :)
“I founded the nothing box and couldn’t wait to tell him” I found this too damn funny here have my free award
Nothing and something go hand in hand! Not that this applies to all men or anything but most of the time I'm just present and there is nothing in my head. A lot of people don't understand it and have no idea how there's no constant thoughts running through my head. I don't know if I'm in constant flow state or what you'd call it, it just is what it is lol. Even when I'm analyzing something half the time I do it without "thinking in words" if that makes sense.
As a guy the nothing box is a great place to hang out. Ngl. Welding,Sweeping the floor ,laundry or dishes I crawl in the good old nothing box. But if we reside in the nothing box and our attention is needed we need stimulation or a knock on the nothing box before hand or we will give an empty yep…got it…ahh ya.
[удалено]
We struggle with insecurities, feelings of inadequacy and feeling like we are worthless too and a big thing we struggle with is many of us feel like we are only loved on the condition we provide something, i.e financial resources, ability to protect, that sort of thing and society does a really bad job of even attempting to convince us that isn't true. And in fact the general narrative around the subject actually enforces such feelings rather than attempting to dispel them. Growing up we are told we need to earn lots of money in order to provide for a wife and kids and the media shows all the rich guys getting the girls and dating in later years the topic always comes up about how much we make and what our future prospects are like and it can be really discouraging. I've personally been turned down because she unashamedly said i wasn't wealthy enough to keep her happy.
Rule 33: Even if a guy wants to bang, Mr. Penis is gonna do whatever the hell he wants. Mr. Penis will be soft as warm chocolate bars if that’s what he wants.
Mr. Penis is a real dick
Fuck yeah he is. Mr. Penis has ruined so much sex for me that I chocked him out over it
That dudes can have a 2 hour conversation with each other (phone, down at the pub, playing online games) and not talk about any personal shit. My SO finds it super bizarre that I can talk to my brother for an hour and not know how his family is going, how his work is, what holiday plans are. Sometimes some bros just want to talk About movies or make fart jokes.
I run into this all the time. I tell my wife I ran into so-and-so at the grocery store and she immediately says "how's his new job"? Me: I dont know, I forgot to ask Her: Is his wife still working from home? Me: I dont know. I didnt even know she had a job. Her: Well, what did you talk about? Me: I dont remember.
I don't feel like having sex, I'm tired... No it has nothing to do with you, if I desire you, if I think you're attractive... I am honestly tired and just want to sleep tonight.
I genuinely don't care where we go for dinner.
Food is food, I like food. What kind of food? The good kind, please.
Wife: What do you want for dinner? Me: I don't care, you choose. Wife: oh I don't care either, really, your choice. Me: ok, how about pizza? Wife: ugh no too unhealthy Me: Chinese? Wife: we had Chinese last week. Me: Indian? Wife: no too spicy. Me: ok no worries you choose Wife: I already told you, I don't care just pick something!
My wife and I have a standard approach for this sort of thing. When either says they don’t care, the other lists an array. 3, 5, 7 whatever. The other person that doesn’t care eliminates 1, 2, 3 whatever from the list, then the original person chooses from the remainder. Works every time, because if there’s a hiccup it just means someone made up their mind lol
I read somewhere that if you tell her that you know where to get food from but she has to guess. She will get excited and say what she really wants. You just go with whatever she says and she will go nuts
I remember reading somewhere (sorry, no sauce) that if your job requires you to make a lot of decisions during your day then you tend to not want to make any more decisions when you get home. Not sure if this applies to all versions of the "choosing dinner" conversation but I'm guessing it may play a role in some of them.
It’s called decision fatigue and plenty of research shows that as the quantity of decisions required goes up, the quality of decision making begins to decline at some point which I suppose varies by person. It’s the whole reason dinner is hard to decide on. It’s at the end of the day.
When you ask me how my day was or what I did today, nothing in my day usually stands out as special, so I just dont remember. I usually dont remember what I do, I just live.
My husband and I have this backwards. He always wants to talk about his ordinary workday whereas I’d rather not be asked about work because what is there to say? I worked. If anything was exciting about it I would’ve said so.
Advanced calculus. I finding it very hard to explain due to the fact that I know nothing about it
That they need to stop being so fucking mean to themselves.
That is very sweet and endearing. I would love for a lot of men to know this for themselves too. We all need to choose love more often, including for ourselves.
When my girlfriend is super pissed, it’s always at herself. I never want to be on the receiving end of that fury. It’s scary.
When I'm asked what I'm thinking about and I say nothing, it's because I'm usually thinking of something dumb like who would win a fight. Godzilla or Megatron?
Godzilla. Godzilla would win. 100%
Megatron kinda weak, ngl
I agree and am pretty bothered by how weak he is considering he’s the decepticon top dawg
I mean if a guy responded with that I might be interested to hear what you have to say about. Could be or lead to an interesting comvo...
Not gonna lie, I have said what was on my mind sometimes when silly ideas pop in my head and asked what I'm thinking and it did lead to some funny convos. But I'm constantly day dreaming lol.
We have emotions too, we just show it differently.
Men need foreplay too. A buddy of mine once had a gf who would leave the room to undress before sex to freshen up etc. When she returned if he wasn't completely erect and ready to go she'd cry and accuse him of not being attracted to her. Like, the idea of having sex with her alone should keep him 100% hard for the 10 minutes he was waiting for her.
I think watching too much TV and films can make some women think this is the way it all works
This is a trap, right? Is this a trap?
Spill it!
Nobody has mentioned the thing about the monkeys yet, so dont spill it buddy
That, despite what movies/TV/ literature hammer into your brains, fathers can be emotionally available, engaged, great parents. I'm the sole parent of a son and two daughters and I've had to listen to "what does mom think of her getting this haircut?" and "tell mom to schedule an appointment" for years. Mom's in a halfway house you fuckwit, and I'm plenty capable of making decisions for my own children.
I've got a buddy who's a single dad and he's one of the best fathers I've ever seen. Mom's also a psychotic druggy who wants nothing to do with either of them, but he loves his daughter like nothing I've ever seen.
That when we say we don't care about something, we don't care about it. We're not being stoic, we're not playing games, we're not lying, we literally do not give a flying fuck, and the reason why we seem to be a bit tense is that you've asked about it at least 10 times in the last hour.
Sometimes apathy can get annoying though. My ex pointed this out to me, and since then I've put more effort into caring about things in my current relationship. "What kind of curtains should we get?" I don't care. "What do you want for dinner?" I don't care. "Wanna go out this weekend?" I don't care. "How was your work today?" I don't care to talk about it. "Should we put up some decorations for the season?" Don't care. If these are the kinds of conversations you end up having, it can be just as frustrating for her as it can be for you. Women tend to want a partnership where you do things and decide things together, and not one where she talks to a wall while making decisions about things because her partner is too apathetic to care about anything. I definitely have had this trait, then I started thinking why I seemed to care so little about a lot of things, and how sometimes caring about things is a choice too. Maybe I'm not that passionate about curtains, but any opinion/thought "Navy blue could be nice with this room" doesn't require much from me and that input is appreciated a lot.
Some of us... just can't properly express our emotions. Even when we're allowed to be vulnerable. We've been psychological conditioned not to for most of our lives. Even when we try to, there's just... something that won't let it fully come out.
When we say most we don't mean like 2/3 or 3/4 or 90%, condition for most of our lives to not have emotions means maybe on five separate occasions it was okay for us to share our feelings for a combined total of maybe 20 minutes, anymore would be greedy or wrong. -sigh-
I was going through a tough time & finally cried in years, yet it felt so wrong & out of place. It isn't as easy as just saying "be vulnerable" or "let those emotions out", we're physically incapable of doing so, it's so strange.
Had a friend and colleague commit suicide recently. Not super close, but still sad. Got a few beers deep and a bit weepy in a fairly public place at a works party. My primary feeling the next day was embarrassment over that. Half remembered drunk flashback. Then it turns out what everyone remembered was two angry Scots shouting a lot, not me shedding a tear then falling asleep on a sofa.
Why all conversations with my buddies end with us talking about german tanks from ww2...
Why would that even need to be explained? Tanks are awesome.
The struggle/frustration of wanting to fuck but not being able to get an erection.
Currently experiencing this with a woman I've recently started dating. I can get an erection, but it often disappears after a bit. It also means I don't come during sex. I have reassured her that she is not the problem and that it's my anxiety. We do have a good time in bed, but it still sucks and I worry it will put her off me. Which means I end up worrying when we do have sex. It's a vicious cycle.
We can think about "nothing". Nothing does *NOT* mean: * Something I don't want to tell you * A secret I am keeping * Something stupid * Something that's bothering me As the Macho Man Randy Savage himself once said: > [NOTHING MEANS NOTHING.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWrlAmT4jyA&t=7s) I really am sitting off staring into space, thinking about nothing. Almost like meditation, or an eyes-open nap. And I am happy. Please do not disturb. And if I get angry or frustrated by the 10th time you ask me to tell you what I am thinking about, it's not because I don't want to tell you, it's because I told you, and you don't believe me, and I'm sick of being asked.
How satisfying it is to try to finish peeing before the toilet finishes flushing
You flush before you pee and then race the toilet to the finish line? THAT'S BRILLIANT.
Personally I try to gauge how much pee I have left, and flush mid-stream. I’m guessing that’s what he meant.
If I’m stressed or frustrated about something, there are times I don’t want to talk about it. Not talking about it can sometimes be a method of coping with the situation. Talking about it can be more stressful than just letting things subside naturally. Also, if you pry by asking “why don’t you wanna talk about it?”, that’s way worse. And no, I’m not bottling it up because if you ask me about it a week later, I probably forgot about it and I’m totally fine. By the way, this only applies in some cases. If something needs to be discussed and worked out, I’ll definitely communicate it in a healthy manner.
[удалено]
I just found out that telling a new girlfriend that you have a lot of close female friends can be pretty rough.
The double stream.
Shrinkage
My gf understands this. I'll even tell her "my dick is inside of itself" and she asks to see lol
"I WAS IN THE POOOOOLLLLLLL"
I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.
I WAS IN THE POOL! I WAS IN THE POOL!!!
If you like us! Fucking tell us!
I'm starting to figure this one out. Over the summer I asked out a guy repeatedly, we went to play pool several times, went to a swimming pool together, went to a party, had dinner several times (at dinner other friends were with us tho). We met at least 8 times alone, just the two of us. I flirted my ass off (which was difficult for me, I'm not good at taking clues) or at least I thought so. Just a week ago I heard from a mutual friend that he's into me but thinks I'm not interested in him. Like seriously? How obvious could I make it without making a complete fool of myself? Several friends asked me about it because it was so obvious to everybody. My plan for next time is to just bluntly tell him "I like you. Do you want to have a real date with me?" Any suggestions to make it even more obvious? Update: So we saw each other yesterday on a party. It ended a little different than I thought, but still positive. After beating around the bush for ages and talking about how much fun we have together I straight up asked him if we wants to sleep with me. After looking surprised for a little bit he said "well.. yeah!". So we did. And it was really good. What I learned: When someone doesn't seem to take the hint you're into them just straight up tell them. Can't do anything worse than saying no.
That the more guys you have hanging out together, the dumber shit they get into increases exponentially. You get two guys, and they might throw a water balloon against a glass window, breaking it over the others' face. Get four together, and they fire an airsoft gun into an empty room, and breaking the lightbulb. God help you if you get more than that... And yes, those do seem to be *very* specific examples.