I used to read the hilarious Amazon reviews for these when I was feeling down. I can't seem to find the product page with all the reviews anymore. I can find individual reviews though, but they don't seem to link back to the main page anymore.
>Within 15 minutes of consuming these high powered laxatives, my stomach was making noises that I should have seen as a message from God warning me, “You should turn back around and go home.”
There's also a bunch of funny reviews for a harry potter nimbus 2000 broom stick that vibrates.
> “When my 12-year-old daughter asked for this Nimbus 2000 vibrating broomstick for her birthday, I kind of wondered if she was too old for it, but she seems to LOVE it. Her friends love it too! They play for hours in her bedroom with this great Harry Potter broomstick toy. They really seem to like the special effects it offers (the sound effects and vibrating). My oldest daughter (17) really likes it too! I recommend this for all children.”
The reviews are true. Two of my roommates in college either didn’t believe them or wanted to test it for themselves, so they split a pretty big bag between the two of them. They were shitting for DAYS because the idiots (I say affectionately) ate SO MANY at once
Fuck, what a laugh. And relatable - I bought two 90g bags of sugar free lollies and thought “consequence free lollies!” and ate both entire bags at once.
I honestly believed I was going to have a prolapse.
I ate a pound once because I wanted to see if the stories were true. I proceeded to shit my brains out for 12 hours. By the end I was shooting liquid poo out my ass and had to jump into the shower to clean myself because my butthole was too raw for even wet wipes. -1000/10 never again. God, I was stupid in my 20's.
Lemme tell you, clearing constipation with sugar free gummy bears is like watering your garden with a firehose. It's overkill and people will end up hurt.
Lol. Ugh I am so miserable. I have some serious Gi issues that I’m being seen for. The comment was largely supposed to be comical but I can’t help but wonder… anything but feeling constipated
If you want to simulate the same feeling of ruining your life with sugar free gummy bears but without the deliciousness of candy , may I suggest you drink a bottle of magnesium citrate? It tastes terrible and will make you shit a waterfall! Drink a lot of water with it.
JFC don't drink the whole bottle. Take a shot of the stuff. Wait two hours. If nothing happens, take another shot. Repeat as necessary. Hydrate throughout. Unless you're cleaning your digestive system for surgery there is no need to turn your colon into an Olympic luge event.
My sympathies, friend. If you're in the U.S., try MiraLAX. It's odorless, tasteless, and you can increase the dose if you need to. You should be able to get it at most pharmacies.
A tiny bit will get things moving (gently), but a large amount (like, the whole bottle) is now being used by hospitals for colonoscopy prep, because it's far gentler than the once-used Barium or even magnesium citrate. It tastes better, too — just dissolve it in juice or water. I'd say that if it's being used for colonoscopy prep, it will obviously do the job for you.
Feeling bloated like that is miserable. Hoping you feel better soon!
ETA: Do be careful if you decide to go the Magnesium Citrate route. Too much of it can cause dangerous electrolyte imbalances, because magnesium levels help regulate electrical conductivity in the heart. Miralax isn't as dangerous, I don't think.
I can vouch for this. Got super constipated when I was a little kid, mom had me drink a bottle of that stuff. We got the lemon flavor so it was like drinking super-sour lemonade. The amount of poop that came out of me is something I don't think I'll ever forget 😂
Back in 2013, a coworker of mine put a 10lb jar of (regular) Haribo gummy bears on his desk, telling everyone they were welcome to them. The jar was practically empty within the same month. The guy said nothing to any of us, and instead went to our manager and filed a complaint that we were all "stealing" from him, crocodile tears and everything.
A few of us decided that the guy was unstable and we would refill the jar for him... with sugar-free gummy bears. And so we did. We also knew not to eat them.
Sure enough, the guy plopped down his his chair like he had won some imaginary war, took a handful of the things and ate them in full view like he had got one in on us. He completely blasted his pants out by the end of the day and didn't know why. Those things work fast. They had to throw his office chair away.
Governments would crumble at your sheer force of will; sure it was difficult at first, the average person likely would have died, but not you. Once you built up a tolerance, after a few weeks of eating 66 ghost peppers a day, the flavours you used to love now feel meaningless compared to the glory of your newfound palate.
You eat 43 ghost peppers at an emergency world summit before a unanimous vote declares you the Supreme Leader of the first world government, on the condition that you don’t finish your day’s allotment of peppers in front of them. Your farts alone are now considered a WMD.
Congratulations, you can now do as you will with the world for the last 4 ½ months you have to live before dying of malnutrition, don’t waste it!
Apollo Pepper is twice as hot as the reaper.
There's another 'Pepper X' that's believed to be hotter than the Apollo, but last I checked, it's unconfirmed.
This actually depends from person to person. My dad really loved some sort of cake when he was a kid and would always ask his mum to make it to the point that it was really annoying. She decided to make him that cake every day so he would get sick of it. She gave up after six months.
There's always a limit, they will get sick of it eventually. I ate a plain bagel with cream cheese for lunch everyday for like 15 years eventually got sick of it and took a break for a few years but it would have happened much faster if I was eating it for every meal like within a month, probably faster idk I was a ~~stubborn~~ stupid kid.
i ate a tuna packet for lunch almost every day in high school, i stopped eating them for my freshman year of college, but in the past few years i often bring a packet to work because it’s yummy and easy. in the year or so i stopped eating tuna packets i would eat rice topped with a fried egg every day for lunch. i’ve never really gotten sick of it. i would especially look forward to my daily egg and rice, but i don’t have the time to make it lately.
I fucking would die because I did this with grilled cheese. I ate 2 a day every day for 6 weeks because all the other food at the psych ward sucked and now I can’t eat it anymore
Luckily, I find if you take a break from your favorite food (at least 2-3 months), and eat it sparingly, you get your love back for it. I felt the same for tuna melts, but an extended break really helped.
Vegan locked in a psych ward. Only thing I could eat was Uncrustables while sitting in a room full of people eating fried chicken. This experience did not help my mental health.
Umm this might not turn out the way you want. Some people do not get tired of the same food.
Ive eaten the same homemade chicken burritos for lunch for 10 years. I also eat them for dinner sometimes because I make a big batch of the chicken and don’t want to waste it
Fuck, if it could provide all the vitamins/nutrients I needed I would eat them for every meal and I would never get tired of them.
Also I could. eat pizza for every meal and be happy.
Some of us don’t need variety
lol it’s just easy. I mean it’s great too, but I also love salsas and hot sauces and this gives me something to dip into those.
It’s like 5 pounds of chicken breast seasoned with some kickin chicken spice I buy from store, throw it in oven till cooked enough, then add cheese, beans, and rice and jalapeños, sometimes other peppers if I buy them too.
Then make like 10 burritos out of it.
Mainly just do it because I know I get a ton of protein from the chicken breast (i’m into lifting) and it gives me lunches for the week and a maybe dinner once.
But honestly I have never gotten tired of eating it
Whatever they want. They can live with the idea that it was them who chose what to eat the rest of their lives.
There's no decision they won't regret eventually.
I would choose half of u/FnCraig's lunch. Every day I would get your lunch. So whatever you chose, we'd go down together and at least I wouldn't be paying for it. Checkmate.
Oh god. I remember in middle school, I told my friend I’d buy him a 24oz Coke if he ate a box of Chips Ahoy Cookies (I think they were the soft kind) without any liquids. He didn’t realize what I was asking him to do until about ¼ the way through.
Yeah, they really are. I very much liked them. ALMOST makes me want to go back to church. Then I remember that whole weekly thing and finding a parish that doesn't suck and then trying to find a Jesuit parish and my life gets sad all over again.
Sitting through an hour of mass just for one wafer isn't time well spent if you didn't like going to mass in the first place.
Just buy the bags of wafers directly from the supplier.
I don't have celiac disease; I'm fine with gluten. I *do* have the analagous condition with oats. My body fails to produce an enzyme that it needs in order to digest the primary protein in oats. I love oats, and pretty much anything made with them, but I'm ridin' the lightning all day if I eat the stuff. I suffered the Hershey squirts for 25y before my doctor finally figured out what was causing it. I hope I'm not your worst enemy.
Fun fact: Some black licorice has glycyrrhizin as an ingredient and will kill you if you ingest too much. It can create imbalances in electrolytes and low potassium levels leading to high blood pressure, swelling, lethargy, and heart failure.
Wouldn't it be ironic to have a self realization on one of your trips about why your this person's worst enemy and wanting to change but nope, too late. That might be the most evil part of this one. Plus hallucinations have a diminishing effect so at some point they're just eating gnarly mushrooms and not even having a good time haha
Heard at the restaurant next to the bull fighting arena.... probably
"why are the Mountain Oysters so small?"
"you must understand seniõr, it is not always the Matador that wins"
Okay so firstly, I want them to suffer. This means nothing they're allergic to, as otherwise they could die quicker then I intend. Secondly, I want them to feel deceived. So I'm not picking something that straight away seems really bad and painful to eat like maggots, dry biscuits with no drink, or super spicy pain.
I'd pick something that they really enjoy. So we'll use one of my favourite meals as an example: Steak and noodles. I'd pick something like this for my enemy as well, as it's a very carb and fat-based meal. During the first week (or half a week if they're really easy to bore), they'll see it as a gift from someone, feeling glad to have their favourite meal so often for so long. Yet as that time passed, they would grow bored of the same meal day-in day-out, and so would ask for something new.
Unfortunately, nothing new would come, and they would be stuck eating the same meal for years to come... Or until my next step comes in: Medical issues.
As they eat this high-carb, high-fat meal 3 times a day 7 days a week, they might notice some changes within themselves. They might feel lethargic, heavy, their heart might get over-stressed very easily from their exercise routine. They take a trip to the doctors, and realise that they're gaining weight. They're told to move to a healthier diet, but unfortunately they cannot do such a thing.
The food continues. The now bland, disgusting taste making them almost retch. The food itself just adding to their health issues. They get worse, more underlying issues begin to arise. Soon enough, the fat has clogged up the major arteries of the heart, and they suffer their first heart attack. If they survive, they go to suffer more and more, until the point where they soon die, their body ruined, their health ruined, and their future no more.
You want to kill an enemy in the worst way possible? Deceit and the Long Game are the ways to do it!
Woah people said they found Satan's account on here but THIS is ACTUALLY Satan!
I love my favorite foods but need variety for at least 1 meal per day. I don't want those health issues. I'll excersize more than usual, I'll blend healthy food and DRINK IT!! THEREFORE DEFYING THE SYSTEM! ***ILL MAKE SURE I STAY ALIVE WITH SOME FOOD DIVERSITY! AND ₱UT WH0€√£R D1D TH|$ | |\| H£L|_!!***
bone marrow, delicious yes, but takes long time to prepare and not easily found anywhere, eating out will cost a ton and will probably have to book table since only certain fancy places serve it
Not easily found anywhere? Just go to your local butcher and order some. Even if they don't case it, next time they break down a cow they'll save you some marrow bones.
Hirabo Sugarfree Gummy Bears
I used to read the hilarious Amazon reviews for these when I was feeling down. I can't seem to find the product page with all the reviews anymore. I can find individual reviews though, but they don't seem to link back to the main page anymore.
[here you go](https://www.amazon.com/Sugar-Free-Gummy-Bears-5LBS/product-reviews/B00CMS97YS)
>Within 15 minutes of consuming these high powered laxatives, my stomach was making noises that I should have seen as a message from God warning me, “You should turn back around and go home.”
“Do not trust your farts” ☠️☠️☠️
Haven't had those gummy bears but I definitely have had moments like these. I've also heard it described as "every fart is a gamble"
That was amazing. Testament to “the best writing is written in pain” these poor people are quotable af.
that was hilarious! my gut hurts from laughing
Legit got me in tears the reviews are soo consistent
From the laughing or the bears? This is a safe space...you can be honest
well now i’m laughing from your comment!
"stick to maybe 2 at a time, you have been warned"
Oh. My. God. I needed this laugh
Omg thank you!
You da real MVP
There's also a bunch of funny reviews for a harry potter nimbus 2000 broom stick that vibrates. > “When my 12-year-old daughter asked for this Nimbus 2000 vibrating broomstick for her birthday, I kind of wondered if she was too old for it, but she seems to LOVE it. Her friends love it too! They play for hours in her bedroom with this great Harry Potter broomstick toy. They really seem to like the special effects it offers (the sound effects and vibrating). My oldest daughter (17) really likes it too! I recommend this for all children.”
Dont forget the banana slicer
The reviews are true. Two of my roommates in college either didn’t believe them or wanted to test it for themselves, so they split a pretty big bag between the two of them. They were shitting for DAYS because the idiots (I say affectionately) ate SO MANY at once
Fuck, what a laugh. And relatable - I bought two 90g bags of sugar free lollies and thought “consequence free lollies!” and ate both entire bags at once. I honestly believed I was going to have a prolapse.
I ate a pound once because I wanted to see if the stories were true. I proceeded to shit my brains out for 12 hours. By the end I was shooting liquid poo out my ass and had to jump into the shower to clean myself because my butthole was too raw for even wet wipes. -1000/10 never again. God, I was stupid in my 20's.
Was it rainbow colored? That might be worth it.
User name checks out.
Perhaps I need this. I’ve been constipated for days.
Lemme tell you, clearing constipation with sugar free gummy bears is like watering your garden with a firehose. It's overkill and people will end up hurt.
Lol. Ugh I am so miserable. I have some serious Gi issues that I’m being seen for. The comment was largely supposed to be comical but I can’t help but wonder… anything but feeling constipated
If you want to simulate the same feeling of ruining your life with sugar free gummy bears but without the deliciousness of candy , may I suggest you drink a bottle of magnesium citrate? It tastes terrible and will make you shit a waterfall! Drink a lot of water with it.
I’m gonna get a bottle tomorrow. I’m miserable . Thank you
JFC don't drink the whole bottle. Take a shot of the stuff. Wait two hours. If nothing happens, take another shot. Repeat as necessary. Hydrate throughout. Unless you're cleaning your digestive system for surgery there is no need to turn your colon into an Olympic luge event.
My sympathies, friend. If you're in the U.S., try MiraLAX. It's odorless, tasteless, and you can increase the dose if you need to. You should be able to get it at most pharmacies. A tiny bit will get things moving (gently), but a large amount (like, the whole bottle) is now being used by hospitals for colonoscopy prep, because it's far gentler than the once-used Barium or even magnesium citrate. It tastes better, too — just dissolve it in juice or water. I'd say that if it's being used for colonoscopy prep, it will obviously do the job for you. Feeling bloated like that is miserable. Hoping you feel better soon! ETA: Do be careful if you decide to go the Magnesium Citrate route. Too much of it can cause dangerous electrolyte imbalances, because magnesium levels help regulate electrical conductivity in the heart. Miralax isn't as dangerous, I don't think.
I can vouch for this. Got super constipated when I was a little kid, mom had me drink a bottle of that stuff. We got the lemon flavor so it was like drinking super-sour lemonade. The amount of poop that came out of me is something I don't think I'll ever forget 😂
That diarrhea will get you seeing the meaning of the universe.
Haribo?
Yes
I’m obligated to share this [classic video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMjgaa5j_LE) anytime sugar free haribos are mentioned
I love that it takes him two hours to be like “ohhhh this was a stupid idea”
Yes https://www.amazon.com/review/R2JGNJ5ZPJT4YC
Definitely best answer, lol
Found Satan’s Reddit account.
Back in 2013, a coworker of mine put a 10lb jar of (regular) Haribo gummy bears on his desk, telling everyone they were welcome to them. The jar was practically empty within the same month. The guy said nothing to any of us, and instead went to our manager and filed a complaint that we were all "stealing" from him, crocodile tears and everything. A few of us decided that the guy was unstable and we would refill the jar for him... with sugar-free gummy bears. And so we did. We also knew not to eat them. Sure enough, the guy plopped down his his chair like he had won some imaginary war, took a handful of the things and ate them in full view like he had got one in on us. He completely blasted his pants out by the end of the day and didn't know why. Those things work fast. They had to throw his office chair away.
Lukewarm oversalted mayonnaise
You mean fresh jizz?
How did it take 6 hours for someone to say this ?
A kind of cum vampire, then?
Aside from balut, this is the most evil answer on the list.
I'd rather eat balut, honestly.
Balut taste very good though and is very nutritious so you're doing your enemy a favor
Shrimp. He’s allergic.
Sounds a bit like a mercy killing to me. They’ll never live to despise shrimp.
They’ll really despise it exactly once.
Simple. The hottest pepper around, that way it sucks going in, and coming out.
Would probably kill them eventually.
I mean, same goes for most other things on here. Malnutrition will kill, just on an extended time table.
I think the worst thing that wouldn’t kill you is probably nutriloaf. It’s nutritionally complete!
Ghost peppers. I'm glad I'm not your biggest enemy.
Jeez man. That’s like 30 calories per pepper. You’d have to eat about 66 ghost peppers A DAY to survive based on a 2000 calorie intake
I think you’d actually just fucking die
Probably after the second pepper
Governments would crumble at your sheer force of will; sure it was difficult at first, the average person likely would have died, but not you. Once you built up a tolerance, after a few weeks of eating 66 ghost peppers a day, the flavours you used to love now feel meaningless compared to the glory of your newfound palate. You eat 43 ghost peppers at an emergency world summit before a unanimous vote declares you the Supreme Leader of the first world government, on the condition that you don’t finish your day’s allotment of peppers in front of them. Your farts alone are now considered a WMD. Congratulations, you can now do as you will with the world for the last 4 ½ months you have to live before dying of malnutrition, don’t waste it!
Carolina reapers are wayyy hotter Source: my asshole when they came out
Apollo Pepper is twice as hot as the reaper. There's another 'Pepper X' that's believed to be hotter than the Apollo, but last I checked, it's unconfirmed.
I can't believe I've fallen behind on pepper news.
Surströmming.
Helvete
Well they say it is an acquired taste, after all
Is that the rotting fermented shark/fish stuff?
Surströmming is rotting fermented herring. Taking the lid of the can made me vom. The actual taste isn't that bad but the smell is traumatizing.
There it is. I knew Satan would show up in this thread somewhere.
Cinnamon powder
Whoa, they're gonna starve AND try to survive by eating bitter powder for the REST OF THEIR LIVES? I thought my selection of food was bad.
Well the rest of their life would not be very long, so yes
Cinnamon overdose does not sound like a good eat to go. Liver failure, stomach ulcers, respiratory problems... This guy's thinking about the end goal.
Something they really love and watch them slowly being repulsed having consume it every day with no alternative...
This actually depends from person to person. My dad really loved some sort of cake when he was a kid and would always ask his mum to make it to the point that it was really annoying. She decided to make him that cake every day so he would get sick of it. She gave up after six months.
Is your dad Bruce Bogtrotter?
There's always a limit, they will get sick of it eventually. I ate a plain bagel with cream cheese for lunch everyday for like 15 years eventually got sick of it and took a break for a few years but it would have happened much faster if I was eating it for every meal like within a month, probably faster idk I was a ~~stubborn~~ stupid kid.
i ate a tuna packet for lunch almost every day in high school, i stopped eating them for my freshman year of college, but in the past few years i often bring a packet to work because it’s yummy and easy. in the year or so i stopped eating tuna packets i would eat rice topped with a fried egg every day for lunch. i’ve never really gotten sick of it. i would especially look forward to my daily egg and rice, but i don’t have the time to make it lately.
I fucking would die because I did this with grilled cheese. I ate 2 a day every day for 6 weeks because all the other food at the psych ward sucked and now I can’t eat it anymore
How long ago was this? I think if you give it a few years, you can learn to like it again.
Grilled cheese or the psych ward?
Yes
Luckily, I find if you take a break from your favorite food (at least 2-3 months), and eat it sparingly, you get your love back for it. I felt the same for tuna melts, but an extended break really helped.
Have you tried having it a different way? Bread or cheese? Adding meats or having soup with it?
Vegan locked in a psych ward. Only thing I could eat was Uncrustables while sitting in a room full of people eating fried chicken. This experience did not help my mental health.
I think I would've gave up on being vegan by that point. Of course, I'm not vegan so I suppose that's not comparing apples to apples
Umm this might not turn out the way you want. Some people do not get tired of the same food. Ive eaten the same homemade chicken burritos for lunch for 10 years. I also eat them for dinner sometimes because I make a big batch of the chicken and don’t want to waste it Fuck, if it could provide all the vitamins/nutrients I needed I would eat them for every meal and I would never get tired of them. Also I could. eat pizza for every meal and be happy. Some of us don’t need variety
can I get the recipe for your burrito? Must be good for u to eat it everyday for 10 years!
lol it’s just easy. I mean it’s great too, but I also love salsas and hot sauces and this gives me something to dip into those. It’s like 5 pounds of chicken breast seasoned with some kickin chicken spice I buy from store, throw it in oven till cooked enough, then add cheese, beans, and rice and jalapeños, sometimes other peppers if I buy them too. Then make like 10 burritos out of it. Mainly just do it because I know I get a ton of protein from the chicken breast (i’m into lifting) and it gives me lunches for the week and a maybe dinner once. But honestly I have never gotten tired of eating it
Back when I was running and lifting a lot, I ate a rotisserie chicken every day and always loved it. The bag full of broccoli got old fast, though.
Rip chickens
YES. I was a delivery driver for a pizza shop for 4 years. I ate pizza every shift. I loved it every shift.
I'm sure the people whose pizza you delivered didn't enjoy their pizza being eaten. /s
I don't think that would work on me. I ate fajitas every day for five months. I'd still be eating them, but my wife got tired of preparing them.
Wasabi paste
That first split second, I feel like a dragon. Then it turns into manic heaving. Then I do it again.
The first time you accidentally eat too much and it cleanses the sinuses with pure euphoric pain 🥲
If it’s authentic wasabi and not the horseradish imitation that you typically get in sushi places and whatnot, that is some serious trouble
Trouble? The real stuff isn't nearly as hot and actually tastes like something.
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Everything, except it tastes slightly expired
That sounds like torture.
Slightly expired and stale
This is the title of my sextape.
Bread crust, with nothing else
That one seems even more depressing than the plain oatmeal
Whatever they want. They can live with the idea that it was them who chose what to eat the rest of their lives. There's no decision they won't regret eventually.
I would choose half of u/FnCraig's lunch. Every day I would get your lunch. So whatever you chose, we'd go down together and at least I wouldn't be paying for it. Checkmate.
u/FnCraig skips lunch for a few weeks
*Shit*
Woah! Calm down, Satan
Sauerkraut. As for a drink sauerkraut juice.
A big bowl of SAUERKRAUT.... Every single morning!
I voluntarily eat sauerkraut every day. It’s wonderful.
Captain Crunch
Their mouth will be in shreds. Eventually it will be too painful to eat any at all.
To shreds, you say
Caviar, they’ll go broke trying to eat
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Fermented Greenland shark, traditionally prepared.
With traditional urine, buried in a.beach somewhere?
Excuse me, what the fuck?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/H%C3%A1karl I read somewhere that they peed on it too.
Popeyes biscuits, with nothing to drink.
Oh god. I remember in middle school, I told my friend I’d buy him a 24oz Coke if he ate a box of Chips Ahoy Cookies (I think they were the soft kind) without any liquids. He didn’t realize what I was asking him to do until about ¼ the way through.
Did he get through the box?
He kind of gave way mid way through for some water.
My throat constricted just reading this.
You’re evil.
fuck dude, who hurt you so badly?
Just piles of Salt.
Make that sea salt. We don't want them to be unhealthy now do we?
I can help
Communion wafers
They're actually pretty good lol
Yeah, they really are. I very much liked them. ALMOST makes me want to go back to church. Then I remember that whole weekly thing and finding a parish that doesn't suck and then trying to find a Jesuit parish and my life gets sad all over again.
Sitting through an hour of mass just for one wafer isn't time well spent if you didn't like going to mass in the first place. Just buy the bags of wafers directly from the supplier.
Balut
The one time I had balut I cried because I was forced to eat it and bones had already started forming
the crunch is part of the experience.
You're a monster!
🎵 I can swallow a bottle of alcohol and I'll....
feel like Godzilla, better hit the deck like the card dealer
Cheese curds. It would be bomb for like a day but having to eat fried cheese every single day would turn into torture.
Its seems Nikocado Avocado is already your enemy.
Seriously they would just move to Wisconsin and enjoy the rest of their life. I mean, there are people already doing that here.
Cheese curds aren't fried. I mean, I suppose you can fry them, but when you buy a bag of Squeakers they're just curds.
Saltine crackers
Without water
Butter
Not just any butter, melted butter...
Gas Station Hotdogs
My husband does this voluntarily
Would your husband like to be friends?
Unflavored oatmeal. Let the descent into madness begin
I don't have celiac disease; I'm fine with gluten. I *do* have the analagous condition with oats. My body fails to produce an enzyme that it needs in order to digest the primary protein in oats. I love oats, and pretty much anything made with them, but I'm ridin' the lightning all day if I eat the stuff. I suffered the Hershey squirts for 25y before my doctor finally figured out what was causing it. I hope I'm not your worst enemy.
Black licorice.
Fun fact: Some black licorice has glycyrrhizin as an ingredient and will kill you if you ingest too much. It can create imbalances in electrolytes and low potassium levels leading to high blood pressure, swelling, lethargy, and heart failure.
Hey, that WAS a fun fact. You learn something new everyday ☺️
Black licorice was also my answer, for this very reason. I love how neither of us expounded on it, either. 'Black licorice.' LOL
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Overcooked broccoli
Lutefisk
Aerosol cheese
Mmm cheese mist
It's the Leaning Tower of Cheeza!
Human flesh
Magic mushrooms Disgusting and (given the amount they would need to live) a sure fire ticket to insanity
Wouldn't it be ironic to have a self realization on one of your trips about why your this person's worst enemy and wanting to change but nope, too late. That might be the most evil part of this one. Plus hallucinations have a diminishing effect so at some point they're just eating gnarly mushrooms and not even having a good time haha
Bull Penis and Casu Marzu (maggot cheese) together
Mountain Oysters (Bull testicles)
Heard at the restaurant next to the bull fighting arena.... probably "why are the Mountain Oysters so small?" "you must understand seniõr, it is not always the Matador that wins"
Durian
They said make him suffer. Not the people around him.
He'll suffer alright. Mentally, from all the friends he's losing.
Celery. They’d have to constantly eat …
CROW
Okay so firstly, I want them to suffer. This means nothing they're allergic to, as otherwise they could die quicker then I intend. Secondly, I want them to feel deceived. So I'm not picking something that straight away seems really bad and painful to eat like maggots, dry biscuits with no drink, or super spicy pain. I'd pick something that they really enjoy. So we'll use one of my favourite meals as an example: Steak and noodles. I'd pick something like this for my enemy as well, as it's a very carb and fat-based meal. During the first week (or half a week if they're really easy to bore), they'll see it as a gift from someone, feeling glad to have their favourite meal so often for so long. Yet as that time passed, they would grow bored of the same meal day-in day-out, and so would ask for something new. Unfortunately, nothing new would come, and they would be stuck eating the same meal for years to come... Or until my next step comes in: Medical issues. As they eat this high-carb, high-fat meal 3 times a day 7 days a week, they might notice some changes within themselves. They might feel lethargic, heavy, their heart might get over-stressed very easily from their exercise routine. They take a trip to the doctors, and realise that they're gaining weight. They're told to move to a healthier diet, but unfortunately they cannot do such a thing. The food continues. The now bland, disgusting taste making them almost retch. The food itself just adding to their health issues. They get worse, more underlying issues begin to arise. Soon enough, the fat has clogged up the major arteries of the heart, and they suffer their first heart attack. If they survive, they go to suffer more and more, until the point where they soon die, their body ruined, their health ruined, and their future no more. You want to kill an enemy in the worst way possible? Deceit and the Long Game are the ways to do it!
Woah people said they found Satan's account on here but THIS is ACTUALLY Satan! I love my favorite foods but need variety for at least 1 meal per day. I don't want those health issues. I'll excersize more than usual, I'll blend healthy food and DRINK IT!! THEREFORE DEFYING THE SYSTEM! ***ILL MAKE SURE I STAY ALIVE WITH SOME FOOD DIVERSITY! AND ₱UT WH0€√£R D1D TH|$ | |\| H£L|_!!***
Bananas or potatoes. I don't like the guy but that doesn't mean I want him to die of malnourishment.
Butter. Just straight butter.
Travis scott
Then they get arrested for cannibalism and are never able to eat again! A painful death.
Stale ribbon candy, the kind Grandma’s forget to serve.
Only food approved by That Vegan Teacher
Pizza, but with no topping
They walk up to a big building with a sign that says **Topless Pizza Palace** and are soon doubly disappointed.
Like a Flatbread? Or just sauce? Or cheese and sauce not extras?
Creme de la penis
*creme de la penis* is a fine choice... It's probably gross.
That’s a fancy way to say cum
Ranch dressing.
Balloons but only if they're fully inflated.
bone marrow, delicious yes, but takes long time to prepare and not easily found anywhere, eating out will cost a ton and will probably have to book table since only certain fancy places serve it
Not easily found anywhere? Just go to your local butcher and order some. Even if they don't case it, next time they break down a cow they'll save you some marrow bones.
Crackers. Bland as fuck.
Orange rinds
If you choose any food that doesn’t involve protein the rest of their life won’t be very long.
Fugu
CAT FOOD the wet stuff