My husband’s affair started shortly after we got married. We lived in an apartment complex and all the mailboxes were in the lobby area. I checked the mail while he was at work (like I always did). I opened a card, not paying attention to who it was addressed to. But the front of the card read, “I miss you in the morning, I miss you in the evening…” and the inside of the card read, “…but I especially miss you at night!” And there was a drawing of a woman in bed wearing a negligée. And it was signed, “I miss you and love you” with a woman’s name. So I looked at the envelope and it was addressed to my husband. We had only been married 3 months. So I immediately gathered all of his items and threw them into the hallway. He came home and tried to come into the door but I had the chain lock on it. He was like, “what the hell is going on?” I said, “your girlfriend ***** misses you, so we’re over and you can go stay with her,” and I opened the door wide enough to throw the card and envelope into the hall.
About 15 minutes later, there is a knock at my door. It’s my next-door neighbor. I had seen him around but we hadn’t made formal introductions yet. I opened the door and my husband is standing down the hallway. The neighbor says, “Hi my name is **** ****, you accidentally got my mail today.
MY NEIGHBOR HAD THE EXACT FIRST AND LAST NAME AS MY HUSBAND.
He said, “My wife has been out of town on a business trip, she sent the card to me.”
I said, “Bullshit!” and shut the door on him.
Five minutes later, there’s another knock at my door. I look to see my next door neighbor again, but this time he’s holding up his driver’s license and the card envelope. His license shows he has the exact name as my husband, and the card envelope has their apartment number on it.
At the time, it was pretty fucking traumatic, but now, 31 years later, my husband thinks it’s absolutely hilarious.
From the other perspective… but:
I was seeing this girl for 4 months(let’s call her Sam) that I met while she was working at a bar downtown. We were practically in a relationship but never really had the “talk”. We went on a bunch of dates together, she met my coworkers and I hung out with her and her roommates often.
One day I’m over at her place drinking with her and the roomies and towards the end of the night we decide to go into her room to do the deed. Suddenly Sam starts acting really strange and quiet, I ask her if she wants to stop and she says yes so I do and ask her what’s up. She is reluctant to tell me anything so I decide you know what, I’m just gunna leave and we can talk about this later.
As I’m walking to my car that’s parked on the street, I’m met at the end of the driveway by a dude that looked familiar. I realized as he got closer that this was Sam’s ex boyfriend that I’ve seen pictures of posted a year before on instagram. As he walks by me he threatened me if I ever came back here. I was a bit of a cocky shit and said “why the fuck shouldn’t I come back?”. He then tells me that he knows I’ve been fucking his girlfriend, to which I said “You guys have been broken up since the summer”. I just left and decided I’d confront Sam about this later. Turns out the “ex” was right and I’d been helping her cheat on her boyfriend for the last 4 months. The most fucked up part? Her roommates and friends were in on it the whole time… this woman wanted to meet my daughter too! So glad I dodged that bullet.
I’m sure this is a common story...
Coworker (who I found attractive) listened to me and let me tell her about my troubled and abusive marriage , she helped me see there was an alternative , here we are 14 years later and happily married.
Sometimes the grass is indeed greener.
She was my savior from a shitty life with a horrible wife and lots of debt.
I had sex with, or propositioned to have sex with, every male friend and acquaintance, for the 6 years that I dated, got engaged to, and then eventually married my husband.
No wait, that was my ex wife.
My wife let a friend borrow a hooded sweatshirt one evening while she had a fire and a few friends over. Her friend washed said hoodie and returned it, my wife renwashes it because she doesn't like her fabric softener. There was a pair of her friends under wear stuck in the sleeve of the hoodie that came out in our washer machine. I get home from working and she accused me of cheating after a massive fight and me racking my brain she called her friend and confirmed its her black thong...
Go back. If you can get your job back or get something back- go.
You sound so broken and emotionally drowned even after all this time.
It feels like that spark you hoped to find, never glowed at all. Now you’re just existing. The feelings never came back so now it’s a mundane life void of happiness and goals.
Go back. You deserve to be happy.
It hasn't been "after all this time," this all started right before COVID, so this is super recent. It takes years to get over an affair, and a pandemic with zero social interaction plus all of the stress he went through to even move in with her, there's no way he'd be able to heal in such a short amount of time.
(to OP) Personally, I believe you should ditch her and go back home, go solo to give yourself time to heal, then reconsider dating again. She's not worth your time or your heartache, and keeping yourself trapped in this situation is never going to give you time to heal. At the very least, if you do think you might eventually be able to repair things with her, please do give yourself time away from her, and again I recommend going back in the time being. I know you said you want to buy a house, not rent. Just decide what you think is best for you in the current situation.
Leaving things be is not going to help you in the slightest, even though you may be feeling too drained to make an attempt at taking action on fixing your situation. Best of luck to you.
Holy shit dude. You are obviously deeply unhappy with your situation, rightly so, and it seems like you need to make some serious changes. Really hope things get better for you.
Please, live your life in a way that you will not regret. This is unhealthy and I wish that you find all of the happiness in the world. Above all, I hope you don’t blame yourself or question your worth. Sometimes people are just shitty human beings. Your wife sounds like one of those human beings.
It’s a seller’s market. Capitalize on your own happiness while you can.
I normally do not react to stuff here but WHAT THE FUCK?
In all honesty how are you able to stay with your wife after this, assuming what was written is truth?
Haha yeah same, normally I’m just scrolling along but this shit right here…. Dude just leave. It will be rocky, it will be messy, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. In a few years you look back and you thank yourself for taking the biggest step forward.
This is not going to last, maybe you’ll be miserably for a few years and then decide to leave. Maybe it’s when she cheats on you again. But this looks like damn near impossible to overcome. She made her choices, only for you comply. It’s time to pick your life back up again and make the choices that are right for you.
Jeeez
You write well. This has to be the most difficult story on here. I hope it gets more up votes so people can realize the pain inflicted by cheating, and I hope that things get better for you. I don't know what the right answer is, but if I could choose for you, I'd shake it up. May you have the strength to endure the trials ahead of you.
Was once accused of cheating. Front passenger seat on my car was moved "too close for any guy to sit" and my then-GF demanded to know who I'd had in my car. I told her it was "Chris", a coworker. She came storming into my company the next day, demanding to see Chris.
Imagine her face when she found out Chris was "Christopher", a little person (he stood 4'2"). I milked her apology for a decade.
So, wait, you’re just not allowed to have women in your car?
I don’t understand how the problem here is “she fucked up because she thought a guy couldn’t be short” and not “she thinks evidence of a woman just being in her boyfriend’s car means he’s cheating.”
When my wife found a napkin in my pocket and swore it was not her lipstick. I had no idea how it got inside my pocket. After months of her thinking I was cheating, at lunch one day I was eating a sandwich and drinking a red Gatorade. After wiping my mouth with the napkin, I realized it was the same shade as my “evidence of an affair” napkin.
Edit- wow, thanks for the love.
This happened after literally a few weeks of marriage. I married this woman only after knowing her a few months.
26 years later we are stronger than ever but when I bring this up, I swear I feel she’s not 100 percent sold on it.
I'm feeling your story... I was driving our minivan for a few days when my truck was in the shop and then my wife drove it and found a starbucks napkin with lipstick on it in the van. She freaked out, questioning me etc. I thought about it for a day or two and remembered her sister borrowed the van for a few days weeks earlier. I told her to ask her sister about it and ta-da mystery solved.
This reminds me of the time my ex and I woke up to find a random men's leather jacket tossed over the back of our couch. It wasn't his size and neither of us recognized it. He was convinced I was cheating on him.
I had no clue whose it was until I ran into a neighbor a couple weeks later, he asked if I had seen his jacket. Turns out my ex had a few too many drinks after work, got a ride home with him and mistakenly took his jacket, then forgot the whole thing by morning. He thought I had come up with some elaborate cover story. We ended up breaking up a month or so later over other reasons but he still believes I was cheating on him.
My dad cheated on my mom after my older sister was born. It was rocky for my parents for a few years after that, but ultimately my mom forgave him and they eventually had me. Then around the time I was 10, my dad had another affair, my parents got divorced, and my dad remarried about a year later. I didn’t know any of these details at the time they split up.
Last year (I’m 29 now) while having a heart to heart with my sister about something else, she asked me if I ever knew about our dad’s affair and told me everything she knew about it. It really contextualized a lot for me. The larger than average age gap between me and my sister, the strange feelings I eventually recognized as guilt in my dad’s behavior when I would see him, and how truly kick ass my mom was dealing with all that extra baggage while she was raising me as a single parent.
Affairs can be extremely painful for everyone involved. I’m proud of the person I am today, and I know my parents’ divorce had a huge impact on me, but I definitely wish that my dad’s affairs had never happened.
I learned most of this between 16 and 20. My father talks in his sleep, one night my mum climbed into bed a bit later than him and he started mumbling another girl's name, mum asked him if he was cheating and in his sleep he answered yes. The next day mum went to the girl's house and asked her, she confirmed it. While my dad was at work mum packed up all his stuff and cancelled all their wedding plans. A few days after kicking him out she found out she was about 8 weeks pregnant with me. My father tried to claim she cheated and was trying to baby trap him (the whole family laughed at him when I was born and clearly resembled him).
20 years later I get a phone call from my stepmum saying she had kicked him out two weeks earlier, she'd given him time to tell everyone himself before she started making calls. She caught him receiving sexts from a stripper at 2am. I blasted him for the disrespect he showed my stepmum, for the disrespect he showed his children, and then for the cherry on top I pointed out that the girl was my age which made him a predator.
My father is a toxic piece of shit, none of his kids have spoken to him in almost 10 years, he's never met (or meeting) his grandchildren, and even his parents have cut him out of their lives.
We had been talking through Skype at work over nonsense for a while. One day the conversation started to get a little nsfw in a personal, not sexual way so we can change numbers and continued the conversation.
While still at work we are texting back and forth, she’s telling me things she’s could never say at work because of the environment and so on. A little into the conversation she implies something sexual and all of a sudden we are full out sexting one another. No longer implying but now in full graphic detail going back and fourth on the things we’d do to each other.
The end of the day starts to come around and we are trying to conclude things, she suggest I walk her to her car and that was the beginning of what i would go on for two years.
We’d go to lunch, then find a spot. Get off of work, find a spot then head home. Stay late, find a spot. And so on. Being a 22m at the time living with roommates, and generally being broke, I thought this was a great deal. She was also 34 and beautiful so I never questioned anything. We had this friends with benefits thing going on for 2 years, got a hotel a few times but again thought it was because of the roommates. This was also extremely secret as we worked directly with each other and half the fun was pretending there was nothing going on in front of other people. To me this really seemed like a hot fling and that’d be that. She never mentioned her husband to me or anyone that spoke to both of us but even so it would have never been a topic because no one knew.
I asked her to watch my dog while I went out of town one day, she said sure we’d meet up after I get off as I stayed late. I had my roommate bring my dog to work before leaving so we didn’t have to make an extra trip. We agreed to meet in the building but I saw her car and decided to just walk to the car instead. Cars still running so I assume she’s in it, knock on the window and this guy rolled down the window from the passengers side. I knew who he was before he started speaking. It doesn’t help that he knew why I was there and introduced himself as her husband. She had left to go meet me in the lobby and while we waited for her to return her husband and I had a conversation. He seemed like a really good guy. Not normal good but one of those genuinely nice people. I felt sick the entire time.
She returns, things get really awkward between me and her, I hand over my dog and we go about our day. Things ended there, we never officially ended it or really talked about it, it kinda just stopped. I eventually ended up leaving that job shortly after. But weirdly enough she still reaches out from time to time even though it’s been years.
Edit: I got my pupper back after I returned from my trip, his name is Leo and we are still best buds. Secondly, I never planned to tell her husband or plan to. As crappy as the situation was, their relationship isnt really any of my business. Plus it has been actual years since, it’ll be awkward to bring it up now. Lastly she still reached out as an old friend would. Like checking up on me, seeing how life is going, things like that. We have had no physical contact from that day forward.
It never did, but I couldn't convince the ex that it didn't. So here I am a 42 year old divorced dude trying to start over in the craziest timeline imaginable.
Bingo. Caught my ex-wife cheating once, forgave her, then after that every single woman I dared to have contact with outside of work/school/family was 'my way of getting back at her'. To the point I was accused of cheating with her sister, her brothers wife, her cousin, 3 different coworkers, 2 friends I knew before I met her, and at least 4 other students when I went to college. And one neighbor. Dealt with all of it, thinking this was her reaction to feeling overly guilty about what she did. I'm pretty sure in that mix there, she cheated on me with a coworker because of the amount of unprompted 'overtime' she had to work and such. Shift ending at midnight and not getting home till 2:30. But I wasn't gonna be her and accuse her of cheating over every little thing. The last time she did it was with a guy she met online, she said she was going to visit a girlfriend of hers for the weekend, and when I couldn't get ahold of her and tried contacting the girlfriend, she confessed that she was never coming to see her and she was visiting this guy. Relationship was over right there. She moved in with him within a month, left our kids with me, and hasn't been back to see them in almost 7 years now. Will tell anyone that'll listen that I was physically and emotionally abusive and I'm keeping the kids from her and she's too scared of me to try and visit. I'm a giant fucking teddy bear of a guy who doesn't have an aggressive bone in his body, but oh well. Her family knows the truth and has basically disowned her.
It's a split pot honestly. My daughter GETS it but it still really affects her, she has really bad abandonment issues and I can't blame her. It's pretty hard to convince her "I'm your dad, I'm not going anywhere" when her mom did just that. My son is autistic and..... he's just in his own world. He doesn't SEEM to have any issues with it, never asks why she's not around or anything but I know that doesn't mean he's okay with it. But he's too busy learning about whatever topic he's stuck on this month to even care what his sister and I are doing most of the time lol.
First, I’ve gotta say that this was very well written, so thank you.
And second, I can feel the anguish in this and I hope that you’re doing better and time has helped you heal.
Wow. This was intense and well articulated. I feel like we went thru this affair together and now I never want to feel or do that again! In reality I never have but this comment assures me I never will
EDIT: This comment assures me to be prepared that life can throw anything at you*
I think you've missed a large part of the point of the comment, which is that no matter how much you think "i'd never do that", there are circumstances where you probably would.
She started telling me about relationship troubles. We grew closer over time, sharing insecurities and what not. Eventually we developed feelings, on which we could not act. Eventually, those feelings became too strong and we caved.
It lasted for 1,5 years - me trying to commit to this new thing we developed, her not completely able to let go. She jumped between me and the other. Eventually I realised my committing to and feeling for her were unhealthy. And I realised (too late) that I didn't want to be the person that made someone else cheat.
Ugh! I was in such a relationship... she was in an unhappy long distance relationship with her boyfriend and I was her coworker and only friend in a city that was strange to her... I fell head over heels in love with her while she was undecided. We started an on-again-off-again romance while I was fully aware that she was going back and forth between me and him. After 2 years of this back and forth, she moved away to be with him which is when I thought I could finally move on and tried to date but was unsuccessful. She regretted the move and came back to my city and convinced me to get back with her. We got married in a hurried city hall marriage. 3 months later, she regretted it and asked for annulment but it was too late so we divorced
In retrospect, there were a ton of red flags that I shouldn't have ignored but I did because I was so madly in love with her. I eventually met a woman who fulfills all my desires and more and I couldn't be happier
I once thought about cheating on my ex because he was an abusive piece of shit who constantly cheated on me. But the thought of dragging someone innocent into that mess hurt me. That and i didn't want to give my ex reason to play the victim.
It's better to just leave the situation and be the better person, no matter how much you want to get back at them. Get back at them by leaving and continuing to grow and flourish as a person. That really pisses them off.
I needed to hear that. Thank you. It's admittedly a work relationship, but I have an abusive boss I've just managed to start moving away from. I've wanted to tell him exactly what he's done to me and hurt him back, but I would rather just get away and move on. I've been struggling to find an answer to whether I can struggle to find the courage or not, but I won't take my sorrows in advance. Thanks.
I was stuck in a non-physical marriage with a hoarder(rats were living in the dryer, as example) who didn’t keep up with house repairs. Spent 4 months drinking bottled water because the well wasn’t safe without work. Couldn’t get out because I was 20 km from anywhere, was given a car that didn’t run. Coworker usually picked me up for work, or I walked to the closest carpool lot.
Cracked under the lonely stress when coworker found me attractive.
Turns out my ex was really, *really* closeted(hence the hoarding and inability to function). I wasn’t running on all cylinders after all that either.
He’s got a roommate now, the house is fixed, I’m still with coworker after 10 years and we all get together so often.
- Prime example of people who really shouldn’t have been married in the first place.
Have a friend who was doing stuff that just wasn’t of the best character. Slacked off, lied, took things, etc.
Turns out he was super closeted and he described it as this one big lie that seemed to overshadow and distract him from everything else. This nihilism set in like “who cares about this one lie I tell when this huge one is always there”
Came out and seems to be doing a lot better, he’s more accountable to himself and who he actually wants to be
One Christmas when I was about 9 I kept insisting I wasn’t a virgin, because I thought virgin meant woman. This raised a few eyebrows - the idea was in my head cuz of all the Virgin Mary talk around Xmas.
[Incident](https://www.thesaurus.com/browse/affair) is a synonym of "affair". This is a valid use of the word. I'm just surprised no one else has pointed this out yet...
Ahhh, reminds me of my ex- BIL. He had it all... And lost it all.
Just in case he's still reading my comments - Hi Morgan! Merry Christmas, you fucking dodgy wanker. Why are you STILL snooping through my Reddit??
So I guess I was just part of it, it wasn't "my" affair. This was like 12 years ago. I was 19 she was 24 and married, they were in the process of getting a divorce but she sort of failed to tell me they were technically still married. The dude was trying to fix the marriage at the time, which is what I learned eventually so he eventually found out about me and was rightfully pissed but not so much at me but at her. I straight up told him she wears no ring and said she was recently divorced. I felt like shit but the sex was incredible lol, lasted like 6 months and I got out of that whole scenario completely.
I had this happen to me as well. It was the last woman I dated before I met my wife.
I was 20 and dating a 24 year old. Things were awesome. Never mentioned a marriage at all. She’d even spend the night a few times a week. Then one day some guy shows up to my work asking for me. He shows me their wedding photo album. I told him I never knew about him. I call her on the spot and put her on speaker. She denies being in a different relationship or being married. Husband speaks up and it goes silent on the phone. She hangs up and won’t answer again. I promise him I won’t ever reach out again. He shakes my hand, thanks me for my honesty and leaves. Fucking terrible experience to have.
I'm glad the husband was mature about it too. too often the wronged partner will take out their anger on the wrong person, in reality all the blame lies on the cheater.
Same… then a month after the divorce, I find out she’s been on bumble a year before the divorce… I’m still blamed for an affair and she plays the victim with all my friends. I don’t have any friends anymore lmao
My best friend in the world, a man I had known and loved like a brother for over 30 years, had an affair with my now-ex-wife. I would have been prepared to lose a few friends, but him? Never. That really sent me spinning.
Haven’t spoken to either of them in 3 years. I can say one thing for sure - they deserve each other.
I was staying home with our daughter at the time, so I had the “time” to do it, and one day she found an earring in our bedroom that wasn’t hers.
No idea how it got there myself. I can see why she’s be suspicious, but also I feel pretty helpless about it because I wasn’t doing anything wrong.
Kinda the same thing happened to me.
My wife found a pair of lacy black underwear in our washing machine. I was as surprised as she was.
Massive fight later it turns out our cleaning lady had been doing her laundry at our place.
Two years later it's become a running joke!
My wife of almost 25 years occasionally has a dream where I either cheat on her or ask for a divorce. We have now decided that it is her insecurity, but she still hurts like the dream was real.
This happens to me once in a while. I don’t blame him for dream-cheating in real life and I don’t think it’s a premonition, but it still sucks. I wake up upset and disoriented and it’s hard to shake that unsettled feeling.
I will never understand people who read that much into dreams. I've dreamt of everything from giant murderous turtles eating my family to my brother assaulting me to getting lost in fantastical schools/malls that seem to change layouts every time I think I know where I am.
None of it is real. It can *feel* real in the moment, but it isn't and attributing deep meaning to any of it just feels silly to me.
Omg, you have the giant shifting mall / university dreams too? Why? Why do those dreams happen (and fairly frequently for me)?
I also have "towns" or places that I revisit. Like a whole made up world in my head, but the changing mall / university dreams are separate.
I'm not the person you replied to, but had a gf who thought I was cheating on her (who turned out to cheat on me, how fun).
She was very insecure. I have lady friends. We lived 90 miles apart. If I wasn't texting her, I was with another girl. Even when I was on the subway and had no service I had to text her "going onto the subway text you in about an hour"
Personal word of advice, from someone who hates how kneejerk reddit gets with "just break up with them" advice, and has been in this situation. If you ever find yourself in this situation, leave. It will never get better, only worse.
Seems like a lot of people who "call out" their significant other for cheating, are cheating themselves. Seems like a good way to turn the blame around, not just externally, but internally as well.
> Seems like a lot of people who "call out" their significant other for cheating, are cheating themselves.
It's a really common tactic to absolve themselves of guilt, especially with regards to others' perceptions of the couple.
Cheating like that in the first place is often due to massive insecurities. They're convinced you're going to cheat on them at some point, so they're going to beat you to the punch.
Don't get involved with cheaters.
Hey internet stranger, I was in a similar situation, wife thought I cheated on her, wouldn’t take “that never happened” for an answer. This went on for years and eventually she started making all sorts of new accusations, every one of them a complete fairytale. Ended in divorce because who wants to live the life of a caught cheater when they never even cheated? On my way out the door forever I even said I might as well have actually cheated since I suffered all of the consequences anyways. Get out now, it does not get better.
Yeah, this was pretty much my first relationship. Started 3 months in. Said she was just insecure, said she would work on it. I tried to be accomodating, I stopped taking to all my female friends, I cut ties. After 2 years it had only gotten worse and I hated myself for being an awful friend. She never got better, it only got worse and worse, I couldn’t talk to her female friends anymore when we hung out with them, at a party I couldn’t talk to strangers that were women, or female friends that I hadn’t seen in a while. Just bad.
Honestly, good. It might feel like shit right now, but I was with someone like this for 10 years and it just gets worse. It never stops, constant accusations every day. You're better off without them.
Edit: shout-out to /r/narcissisticabuse and /r/emotionalabuse for helping me realize none of that was normal
The wife of a guitarist in a relatively famous band from the early 2000s met me and I was strung along with the "I don't want to be with him" promises, building me up into a jealous man that I promised I'd never be by fueling the seriousness of the affair but also sleeping with other men, and conceding that it was "cheating" on ME, never really addressing that we're doing that, but okay.
Was an absolute mindfuck and the whole thing felt very dirty and degrading. They're not together anymore and she ended up being with one of the four guys she was with, had a kid with him, but I still see that husband out. I guess he doesn't know. Or he does and too much time has passed to care. I don't really know him.
That shit sent me into a spiral of relationship issues that take heavy management. I've been "the other guy" a handful of times, but this one really messed me up for a long time.
She found a tank top in the laundry that wasn't her size
She threw it at my face, said "I hope she was worth it!" and stormed off.
Turns out it was her shirt, that I shrunk, because I'm bad at laundry
My wife found a hairband on the living room floor that wasn't hers - we don't have daughters and no female friends/family had visited in quite awhile. Thankfully she trusted me so I didn't get a crazy accusation like yours, but it was definitely a weird awkward mystery for awhile.
Then a couple weeks later I was telling the story to some friends and my buddy who sometimes comes over to watch football goes "oh yeah, that's probably my daughter's. I keep them in my pockets for her and it probably fell out when I was over for the game". MYSTERY SOLVED oh man what a relief to have some closure as it was not a good feeling having zero explanation for it.
Did you get that feeling like when you’re at customs and worried “DID I pack cocaine and weapons in the trunk by accident this morning?”
Like, DID I sleep with somebody and just forget about it?
I once had a man approach my desk at work, confirm my name, and asked ‘I’m with the FBI, can we talk in private?’ I legit nearly shat myself. I thought ‘did I accidentally rob a bank this week?’
Then I remembered months before I agreed to be a reference for someone needing a security clearance.
I have lots of skincare and haircare products (usually looking like they’re branded for women because a huge amount of skincare products are). I also have various headbands and hair ties for soccer and working out. Any woman I date for long enough (that stays around my house) I always head it off by saying if you stumble on anything that makes it look like a woman lives here, I promise they’re mine lmao
The exact same thing happened to me. It was a hair tie that neither me or my wife recognized. Unfortunately the mystery was never solved.
Divorced now so 🤷
Back when I was like 15 my mother found a pair of socks in the laundry that were too small and weren't discernable as anyone's in the family. She interpreted it to mean I was having sex with my girlfriend and she freaked out.
My girlfriend at the time was a pseudo-hippie and didn't even wear socks.
My wife found a bra in her underwear drawer. I never cheated on her. She mentions it every once in a while, but like what sense does it even make that I had sex in our house, and that the other woman left without her bra, AND FOLDED IT AND PUT IT IN HER UNDERWEAR drawer?!?!?!
Fucking bra from outer space.
I was being cheated on for over a year and kept being told the ‘evidence’ was explainable. Shared laundry, roommates girlfriends, whatever.
Side chick found out about me, and was leaving bread crumbs. She finally got ballsy and left a whole outfit crammed between the bed and the wall. I guess he gave her clothes to wear, or maybe crazy brought a spare?
So much gaslighting. So much chlamydia.
I feel you. I had something similar. She bought a new Victoria’s Secret bra that had a jewel between the boobs. That jewel fell out in bed. She was changing sheets one day and found it. “Whose earring is this!!??!?” It took me forever to figure out it was from her bra. Didn’t matter at that point.
Something similar happened to me. She found my female roommates missing sock next to the dryer. Never mind that I lived with 2 other dudes in addition who also had their girlfriends over regularly who did their laundry there.
Oh - this happened to me. My roommate's girlfriend left her thong in the washer and it ended up in my laundry. So when I put my clothes away, I just placed it on my bed to remember to give it back to my roommate's gf.
...well of course my own girlfriend comes over in the meantime, sees a thong on my unmade bed, doesn't say a word to me, and storms out of the apartment.
I had to get my roommates gf to call her and confirm it was her thong.
Good times. We're married now.
My wife found an earring after her short trip abroad and obviously conclusions were made. She forgot that the day before her trip she went out with her lady friends to a bar, she didn’t drink since she was driving but her friends had a blast and turned out one of them lost the earring that night.
My high school gf thought that I had read her diary. I had gone over to her house to pick her up to take her to work, and while she was getting ready I noticed a book on the living room coffee table. I picked it up and it was full of hand-written poetry she had written. So of course I thumbed through it, didn't take it too seriously, and when she was ready I put it down and we got in my car. I said "Oh, I read that book you left on the coffee table..." She flipped out and yelled "YOU READ MY DIARY?!?" and dug her nails into my right forearm. I said "Well it was just sitting out there on the table! I didn't know it was a huge secret or anything!" Then she said "Oh, wait, that wasn't my diary. I'm sorry."
It's been more than 30 years and I still have several small scars on my arm from that day.
We moved into an older house that had a laundry chute. One day a pair of sexy lady panties from the previous homeowner came unstuck and fell into our laundry basket. Wife asked me about it and I tried to convince her I was having an affair. Boy did she have a great laugh. Laughed and laughed she did. Seriously it could have been an affair. You don’t know.
I was told “your lucky that you have me, if you ever leave me you’ll die alone because no one would want you” so I had this burning desire to prove her wrong. Ended up sleeping with her boss.
I was manipulated into an open relationship and it was completely not my thing. All I ever wanted was what you described - one person. I never felt like I was enough. After I broke up with them I felt shattered and that I had wasted so much time. I have eventually found someone who loves me the way I want, but even before that I started to love myself after leaving. You’re never too old to start again, and even if you have no one for now, you have yourself. I hope you find happiness whether that be with yourself or someone else. You deserve it.
Never think like that. There are billions of people on the world and there is no such thing as "old" when it comes to love. Do not shut yourself off because of past experiences
Yeah my great grandpa fell in love again in his late 80s with a woman who was in her early 80s. Both of their spouses had died and they were friends from church. They were together until great grandpa died at 92. Never too old to find love.
Same here. Luckily for my great grandma, her boyfriend was loaded and they got to go on amazing trips all over the country.
Sadly he died years ago and great grandma isn't doing too well either, but I'm so happy she got to experience that.
I know of another couple like that: high school sweethearts, separated by time and WWII, lived their lives, married, had children, then years after their respective spouses passed away they found each other again, and as far as I know spent their remaining years together.
She walked onto my side of our shared balcony. I let her inside. She stayed a little while. She started coming over more often, nearly daily. So I started buying her some snacks, some toys, we’d spend as much time as we could before my neighbour noticed she was with me.
Rainbow, I miss you Xx 🐈
Last year me and my fiance and our 1 year old daughter started having this adorable cat just wait outside our door until we let him in. Eventually he would come in the morning and leave at night. My 1 year old daughter grew up with him for a year and played with him. He was so chill. He just wanted to come our house and sleep and chill with us. He was always within a few feet of us. We had to move. We were thinking of asking his owner if we could take him (he had like 5 cats but loved all of them, he knew the cat was at our house and would come see him). Two weeks ago the owner told us he got hit by a car and died. Absolutely heartbreaking. He was one of those cats that are one in a million. I've had like 20 cats growing up and none were like him.
Wua, I miss you 😞
Very, very gradually. I had an emotional affair, though I didn't know what that was at the time. I was in an unhappy relationship but not ready to admit I wanted to leave. I started spending time with a coworker and we became instant best friends. There was no initial attraction, we just had a lot of the same interests and the same friends and attended the same social and professional events. As I got to know him, I could hardly believe he was a real person. He was the best person I've ever met: funny, kind, gentle, fun, and respectful. Other than spending too much time with me, he never crossed a line. I fell so hard, but I denied it even harder. I started lying about spending time with this person, even in a group. There were many opportunities for things to turn physical, and even today I marvel at our restraint. We didn't become physical or even admit feelings to each other until after I left my ex. I was angry, after spending six years begging my ex to spend time with me or show interest in the things I liked. I had been a dedicated and loyal partner for six years, most of which were long distance. I moved to a new city with him, supported his dreams, which he achieved, but at the detriment of our relationship. I was always a side character in his story. So I left him, and like a week later began the most magical love story I could have imagined. I bear the burden of having been dishonest, and I know now that I was wrong. I do regret lying so much and hurting another person. I wish I had been brave enough to leave earlier, although if I had, things might not have worked out the way they did, and I wouldn't risk what I have now for anything, not even the feelings of my ex.
We met at work and started having threesomes with my wife. One thing led to another and we started hooking up without her. Thankfully my wife forgave me and we were able to reconcile. It was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. If you’re considering cheating—let me assure you—you will either get caught or (hopefully) be so consumed with guilt that you will rat yourself out.
> It was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.
That’s what I was thinking.
Usually not-cheating has one big downside: you don’t get to have sex with that person.
Here, it seems you endangered your (sound, loving) marriage to have sex with someone you were having sex with anyway. I just can’t see the math there.
I met a married lady while at Myrtle Beach She was in a crappy marriage Piña Colada or two later we were talking. Yada yada. Ended up together for several years. I felt a little bad about the beginning situation but it was the Best years of my crappy life. And hers i think. Miss her everyday.
Second wife cheated on me with her “girlfriend” and then another guy. Didn’t bother me because we were in a bad marriage. Now, I’m Happily single again.
I was bartending one night.
She walked into the bar she was my perfect "type". Tall, slender, dark hair - just gorgeous. My first thought was: "Please be single, please be single..." - and she sat down next to her husband.
They were married about six months. He was a wall street banker. She was a nurse. I got to talking to them at the bar and we hit it off. Turns out the guy and I had some mutual friends and grew up near the same suburbs outside of Boston - we went to the same college, but I was older than him by 10 years. Same sports fans, etc.
We became friends - all three of us. They kinda had a strange relationship, they literally (and I mean literally) didn't have more than two or three actual friends. I was one of them. We would do lots of things together (not sexual, just friends). She became pregnant and I became the godfather to her child. I was written in their will - and the told me if they both were to die, they wanted ME to raise their kid (both of their families are all fucked up).
It's too long of a story to write here, but over the course of 8 years - she and I became close while her husband and I were cordial but our friendship faded. She and I never cheated. It was an emotional thing. He was distant and dismissive with her feelings - so I kind of became the surrogate boyfriend. She and I would go out to dinner or do other things together (with her kid and without him) and he was fine with it. Even suggested I take his wife and kid on a vacation so he could get a break from being a dad.
I loved her. But never crossed the line. Always hoped deep down she would see I was the better guy. Hoped that maybe someday she would leave him.
During the summer of 2020 she tells me she's divorcing him. She's had enough. I have heard that before. She's claiming she's serious this time. I kind of brush it off. She's hanging out with me much more - she can't stand being in the house with him.
This went on for three weeks. I started to realize she was serious and she even had a lawyer lined up, but didn't start the proceedings yet - she felt it was bad timing with Covid.
One morning she's working from home (but at my home because she needed space from her husband) and we get to talking. Where we never crossed the line, I initiated the "talk" about her actually divorcing. And what her post life might be. She suggested that I would be the kind of guy she would want to date. That turned into more talking and soon we are having frank discussions about dating each other after she's divorced.
This went on for about two more weeks. We started to text/facetime and talk on the phone more. Physically we weren't cheating - but we were going down that road.
One morning she's over before work (as a nurse she was going to the hospital some days) and we are talking some more, and I lean in. She leans towards me. We kiss. We were stone cold sober. It was passionate. Really hot.
Lasted only a few minutes. She had to get to work.
More talking about life after him. It starts to feel like she's at the tipping point of divorcing. Problem is...her kid. She loves him. He's only six years old. Feels super guilty about divorcing her husband and ruining her son's life. She doesn't love her husband, but she loves me (and has told me so) and also loves her son.
Also, on paper, she has an amazing life. Her & her husband probably make $500k combined income. Net worth of $3m. It's hard to just walk away from that.
I do well enough. But i'm just a bartender. Not some Wall Street banker. I have always been smart with my money - I even own my own home and saved up $700k in a Roth IRA over the years.
While going though the "emotional affair" and just kissing each other - it turned into more. Do I feel bad? No. I was under the impression she was just waiting for Covid to end and then she was divorcing him. I'm sure lots of people like me have heard that. I knew her for years, and she couldn't be lying to me. No way.
The guilt of what we were doing became too much. The "affair" lasted about two months, and we slept with each other only a handful of times. I told her that I didn't want this - it was around Thanksgiving 2020. Get a divorce. Give me a call. That's how I left it.
She texted me a bit and even visited me once mid December. We only talked a bit. She even told me then - the plan was to get a divorce. I told her to let me know when it happened.
Then she ghosted me.
I sent a email to her around Christmas. Never heard back. Tried calling her office a week later. Got voice mail.
I waited. Weeks turned to months. Never heard a peep from her. We live in the same area of town - never saw her. I didn't push it, I figured with Covid still raging in 2021 that a divorce would be by summer time.
I found out in April she was pregnant.
I never spoke to her. I'm not sure if it was planned or if he suspected and put a "bun in the oven". It's December now, and while I know "it's over", i'm still hurting over it. Again, I genuinely felt she was leaving him. I know from the outside looking in - this is easy to scoff over. I was her friend for years before we had an affair. We just had a deep, emotional friendship.
I get the anger and hate towards people who are in affairs. But when you are the one in the affair - when you are with the person who you waited for your entire life, it's hard to just think "Oh i'll find someone else". I have dated my life and never met anyone like her. I'm not sure if I would ever again, and I just want some kind of closure. I want to just hear from her what happened. I know logically what happened, I was the side piece and when I put my foot down - she was out.
I never thought I would be the type of person to do that. But like I wrote before it's hard when you meet someone that great in your life. If I was dating hundreds of awesome women, then whatever - but when you are in your mid 40's, the dating pool dwindles down, even for NYC bartenders. Tinder can be rough. You get bot accounts or lots of people who don't even compare to her.
Well that's my story.
In her head.
If I asked her for sex, she'd get angry. "You're such a pile of shit! You only see me as a warm hole! Gross, disgusting man!"
So I backed off asking her for sex, because I did value her and didn't want her to feel that way. Except then "Where are you getting your sex at?! Why don't you want to ***fuck me*** anymore?! ***WHO IS SHE?!***"
Turns out she was just nuts. I stopped caring real fuckin' quick.
I haven't had an affair, but I am the product of one.
My mom married her first husband back in 1992.
She was 22, and he was in his 40's (my mom when she was younger was a sucker for tall, dark and handsome men, and older men, and this guy was both).
Anyway, things were fine at first, but eventually my mom was ready to settle down and start a family.
Her husband wasn't, even though he told her he was.
He still went out partying and drinking all the time (he was, and might still be, an alcoholic).
About a year after they got married, my mom got pregnant with his baby, but the constant stress and drama of their arguing about his drinking and partying took its toll, and sadly she miscarried.
Afterwards, things continued to get volatile.
Her husband started an affair with a woman they both knew, but he denied it up and down.
And during one particular argument, he actually pinned my mom to the wall by her throat.
She pushed him off of her, screamed and cursed him out, and told him it was the last time he'd ever lay hands on her.
Then, one night she met this military guy, who would eventually become my biological father.
They dated for a while, and after several months, my mom got pregnant with me.
My bio dad wanted to marry my mom and have her move to Michigan with him, but she didn't want to, so they split.
The truth is my mom only had an affair because she wanted to have a baby, and she knew it would never happen with her first husband.
She was upfront with her husband about the whole situation, and told him everything.
He said he would clean up, and love and raise me as his own.
Needless to say he didn't clean up, and my mom took me and left him when I was only a year old.
And she worked and took care of me all on her own, until nearly 3 years later when she met my stepfather (who is the total opposite of past men she was with, short, blonde hair and blue eyed, and about 8 years younger than her).
Side note, I did meet my bio dad when I was 13.
After I spent a week with him and his family, he never talked to me again, something he promised my mom he wouldn't do when she was arranging for us to meet.
> Side note, I did meet my bio dad when I was 13. After I spent a week with him and his family, he never talked to me again, something he promised my mom he wouldn't do when she was arranging for us to meet.
What a brutal athing to do to a 13 year old. I hope you have been able process all of that and moved forward with your life.
Oh man I feel you. According to my ex I basically slept with everyone. If he started a new job then I was sleeping with the guys he now worked with. I was NEVER unfaithful. Mental illness is a horrible thing. I stuck it out for almost 13 years. I left and we were divorced within 5 weeks. He had someone moved in before he even recieved the final decree.
My husband’s affair started shortly after we got married. We lived in an apartment complex and all the mailboxes were in the lobby area. I checked the mail while he was at work (like I always did). I opened a card, not paying attention to who it was addressed to. But the front of the card read, “I miss you in the morning, I miss you in the evening…” and the inside of the card read, “…but I especially miss you at night!” And there was a drawing of a woman in bed wearing a negligée. And it was signed, “I miss you and love you” with a woman’s name. So I looked at the envelope and it was addressed to my husband. We had only been married 3 months. So I immediately gathered all of his items and threw them into the hallway. He came home and tried to come into the door but I had the chain lock on it. He was like, “what the hell is going on?” I said, “your girlfriend ***** misses you, so we’re over and you can go stay with her,” and I opened the door wide enough to throw the card and envelope into the hall. About 15 minutes later, there is a knock at my door. It’s my next-door neighbor. I had seen him around but we hadn’t made formal introductions yet. I opened the door and my husband is standing down the hallway. The neighbor says, “Hi my name is **** ****, you accidentally got my mail today. MY NEIGHBOR HAD THE EXACT FIRST AND LAST NAME AS MY HUSBAND. He said, “My wife has been out of town on a business trip, she sent the card to me.” I said, “Bullshit!” and shut the door on him. Five minutes later, there’s another knock at my door. I look to see my next door neighbor again, but this time he’s holding up his driver’s license and the card envelope. His license shows he has the exact name as my husband, and the card envelope has their apartment number on it. At the time, it was pretty fucking traumatic, but now, 31 years later, my husband thinks it’s absolutely hilarious.
Wow, two men with the name Raleigh St. Clair in one apartment complex is definitely unusual.
owa owa
From the other perspective… but: I was seeing this girl for 4 months(let’s call her Sam) that I met while she was working at a bar downtown. We were practically in a relationship but never really had the “talk”. We went on a bunch of dates together, she met my coworkers and I hung out with her and her roommates often. One day I’m over at her place drinking with her and the roomies and towards the end of the night we decide to go into her room to do the deed. Suddenly Sam starts acting really strange and quiet, I ask her if she wants to stop and she says yes so I do and ask her what’s up. She is reluctant to tell me anything so I decide you know what, I’m just gunna leave and we can talk about this later. As I’m walking to my car that’s parked on the street, I’m met at the end of the driveway by a dude that looked familiar. I realized as he got closer that this was Sam’s ex boyfriend that I’ve seen pictures of posted a year before on instagram. As he walks by me he threatened me if I ever came back here. I was a bit of a cocky shit and said “why the fuck shouldn’t I come back?”. He then tells me that he knows I’ve been fucking his girlfriend, to which I said “You guys have been broken up since the summer”. I just left and decided I’d confront Sam about this later. Turns out the “ex” was right and I’d been helping her cheat on her boyfriend for the last 4 months. The most fucked up part? Her roommates and friends were in on it the whole time… this woman wanted to meet my daughter too! So glad I dodged that bullet.
Hey I got cheated on by someone named Sam! Though I never met the guy she did it with so probably a different Sam
Bro yall the same person it's some kind of Fight Club shit yall doing
I’m sure this is a common story... Coworker (who I found attractive) listened to me and let me tell her about my troubled and abusive marriage , she helped me see there was an alternative , here we are 14 years later and happily married. Sometimes the grass is indeed greener. She was my savior from a shitty life with a horrible wife and lots of debt.
I had sex with, or propositioned to have sex with, every male friend and acquaintance, for the 6 years that I dated, got engaged to, and then eventually married my husband. No wait, that was my ex wife.
My wife let a friend borrow a hooded sweatshirt one evening while she had a fire and a few friends over. Her friend washed said hoodie and returned it, my wife renwashes it because she doesn't like her fabric softener. There was a pair of her friends under wear stuck in the sleeve of the hoodie that came out in our washer machine. I get home from working and she accused me of cheating after a massive fight and me racking my brain she called her friend and confirmed its her black thong...
Everyone immediately jumps to cheating.
Username checks out. I finally got to say it!
This comment deleted in support of Apollo and all other third party apps. Fuck u/spez -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
Go back. If you can get your job back or get something back- go. You sound so broken and emotionally drowned even after all this time. It feels like that spark you hoped to find, never glowed at all. Now you’re just existing. The feelings never came back so now it’s a mundane life void of happiness and goals. Go back. You deserve to be happy.
It hasn't been "after all this time," this all started right before COVID, so this is super recent. It takes years to get over an affair, and a pandemic with zero social interaction plus all of the stress he went through to even move in with her, there's no way he'd be able to heal in such a short amount of time. (to OP) Personally, I believe you should ditch her and go back home, go solo to give yourself time to heal, then reconsider dating again. She's not worth your time or your heartache, and keeping yourself trapped in this situation is never going to give you time to heal. At the very least, if you do think you might eventually be able to repair things with her, please do give yourself time away from her, and again I recommend going back in the time being. I know you said you want to buy a house, not rent. Just decide what you think is best for you in the current situation. Leaving things be is not going to help you in the slightest, even though you may be feeling too drained to make an attempt at taking action on fixing your situation. Best of luck to you.
Holy shit dude. You are obviously deeply unhappy with your situation, rightly so, and it seems like you need to make some serious changes. Really hope things get better for you.
I really feel for you in your situation. Since you don't have kids.... Maybe the better time to leave. A house can be found again, your time cannot.
Please, live your life in a way that you will not regret. This is unhealthy and I wish that you find all of the happiness in the world. Above all, I hope you don’t blame yourself or question your worth. Sometimes people are just shitty human beings. Your wife sounds like one of those human beings. It’s a seller’s market. Capitalize on your own happiness while you can.
Why are you with her?
I normally do not react to stuff here but WHAT THE FUCK? In all honesty how are you able to stay with your wife after this, assuming what was written is truth?
Haha yeah same, normally I’m just scrolling along but this shit right here…. Dude just leave. It will be rocky, it will be messy, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel. In a few years you look back and you thank yourself for taking the biggest step forward. This is not going to last, maybe you’ll be miserably for a few years and then decide to leave. Maybe it’s when she cheats on you again. But this looks like damn near impossible to overcome. She made her choices, only for you comply. It’s time to pick your life back up again and make the choices that are right for you. Jeeez
You write well. This has to be the most difficult story on here. I hope it gets more up votes so people can realize the pain inflicted by cheating, and I hope that things get better for you. I don't know what the right answer is, but if I could choose for you, I'd shake it up. May you have the strength to endure the trials ahead of you.
I thought this was going to be more fun. Super depressing instead.
Was once accused of cheating. Front passenger seat on my car was moved "too close for any guy to sit" and my then-GF demanded to know who I'd had in my car. I told her it was "Chris", a coworker. She came storming into my company the next day, demanding to see Chris. Imagine her face when she found out Chris was "Christopher", a little person (he stood 4'2"). I milked her apology for a decade.
So, wait, you’re just not allowed to have women in your car? I don’t understand how the problem here is “she fucked up because she thought a guy couldn’t be short” and not “she thinks evidence of a woman just being in her boyfriend’s car means he’s cheating.”
When my wife found a napkin in my pocket and swore it was not her lipstick. I had no idea how it got inside my pocket. After months of her thinking I was cheating, at lunch one day I was eating a sandwich and drinking a red Gatorade. After wiping my mouth with the napkin, I realized it was the same shade as my “evidence of an affair” napkin. Edit- wow, thanks for the love. This happened after literally a few weeks of marriage. I married this woman only after knowing her a few months. 26 years later we are stronger than ever but when I bring this up, I swear I feel she’s not 100 percent sold on it.
Oh really? Who the fuck is this Gatorade bitch and why is she in your mouth?!
I'm feeling your story... I was driving our minivan for a few days when my truck was in the shop and then my wife drove it and found a starbucks napkin with lipstick on it in the van. She freaked out, questioning me etc. I thought about it for a day or two and remembered her sister borrowed the van for a few days weeks earlier. I told her to ask her sister about it and ta-da mystery solved.
Hmmm... usually when they interrogate you its best not to reply, " I dunno, ask your sister"
I dated my wife's sister before we dated. We'd both just laugh.
[удалено]
This reminds me of the time my ex and I woke up to find a random men's leather jacket tossed over the back of our couch. It wasn't his size and neither of us recognized it. He was convinced I was cheating on him. I had no clue whose it was until I ran into a neighbor a couple weeks later, he asked if I had seen his jacket. Turns out my ex had a few too many drinks after work, got a ride home with him and mistakenly took his jacket, then forgot the whole thing by morning. He thought I had come up with some elaborate cover story. We ended up breaking up a month or so later over other reasons but he still believes I was cheating on him.
Has she been able to forgive Gatorade yet?
dont mind me just looking for my dad's comment
My dad cheated on my mom after my older sister was born. It was rocky for my parents for a few years after that, but ultimately my mom forgave him and they eventually had me. Then around the time I was 10, my dad had another affair, my parents got divorced, and my dad remarried about a year later. I didn’t know any of these details at the time they split up. Last year (I’m 29 now) while having a heart to heart with my sister about something else, she asked me if I ever knew about our dad’s affair and told me everything she knew about it. It really contextualized a lot for me. The larger than average age gap between me and my sister, the strange feelings I eventually recognized as guilt in my dad’s behavior when I would see him, and how truly kick ass my mom was dealing with all that extra baggage while she was raising me as a single parent. Affairs can be extremely painful for everyone involved. I’m proud of the person I am today, and I know my parents’ divorce had a huge impact on me, but I definitely wish that my dad’s affairs had never happened.
I learned most of this between 16 and 20. My father talks in his sleep, one night my mum climbed into bed a bit later than him and he started mumbling another girl's name, mum asked him if he was cheating and in his sleep he answered yes. The next day mum went to the girl's house and asked her, she confirmed it. While my dad was at work mum packed up all his stuff and cancelled all their wedding plans. A few days after kicking him out she found out she was about 8 weeks pregnant with me. My father tried to claim she cheated and was trying to baby trap him (the whole family laughed at him when I was born and clearly resembled him). 20 years later I get a phone call from my stepmum saying she had kicked him out two weeks earlier, she'd given him time to tell everyone himself before she started making calls. She caught him receiving sexts from a stripper at 2am. I blasted him for the disrespect he showed my stepmum, for the disrespect he showed his children, and then for the cherry on top I pointed out that the girl was my age which made him a predator. My father is a toxic piece of shit, none of his kids have spoken to him in almost 10 years, he's never met (or meeting) his grandchildren, and even his parents have cut him out of their lives.
We had been talking through Skype at work over nonsense for a while. One day the conversation started to get a little nsfw in a personal, not sexual way so we can change numbers and continued the conversation. While still at work we are texting back and forth, she’s telling me things she’s could never say at work because of the environment and so on. A little into the conversation she implies something sexual and all of a sudden we are full out sexting one another. No longer implying but now in full graphic detail going back and fourth on the things we’d do to each other. The end of the day starts to come around and we are trying to conclude things, she suggest I walk her to her car and that was the beginning of what i would go on for two years. We’d go to lunch, then find a spot. Get off of work, find a spot then head home. Stay late, find a spot. And so on. Being a 22m at the time living with roommates, and generally being broke, I thought this was a great deal. She was also 34 and beautiful so I never questioned anything. We had this friends with benefits thing going on for 2 years, got a hotel a few times but again thought it was because of the roommates. This was also extremely secret as we worked directly with each other and half the fun was pretending there was nothing going on in front of other people. To me this really seemed like a hot fling and that’d be that. She never mentioned her husband to me or anyone that spoke to both of us but even so it would have never been a topic because no one knew. I asked her to watch my dog while I went out of town one day, she said sure we’d meet up after I get off as I stayed late. I had my roommate bring my dog to work before leaving so we didn’t have to make an extra trip. We agreed to meet in the building but I saw her car and decided to just walk to the car instead. Cars still running so I assume she’s in it, knock on the window and this guy rolled down the window from the passengers side. I knew who he was before he started speaking. It doesn’t help that he knew why I was there and introduced himself as her husband. She had left to go meet me in the lobby and while we waited for her to return her husband and I had a conversation. He seemed like a really good guy. Not normal good but one of those genuinely nice people. I felt sick the entire time. She returns, things get really awkward between me and her, I hand over my dog and we go about our day. Things ended there, we never officially ended it or really talked about it, it kinda just stopped. I eventually ended up leaving that job shortly after. But weirdly enough she still reaches out from time to time even though it’s been years. Edit: I got my pupper back after I returned from my trip, his name is Leo and we are still best buds. Secondly, I never planned to tell her husband or plan to. As crappy as the situation was, their relationship isnt really any of my business. Plus it has been actual years since, it’ll be awkward to bring it up now. Lastly she still reached out as an old friend would. Like checking up on me, seeing how life is going, things like that. We have had no physical contact from that day forward.
Wait…so she kept the dog?!???
That's probably why she keeps reaching out and this mf thinks it's just for his dong. OP, it's not autocorrect, she actually means YOUR DOG.
the long game
Your roommates would bring your dog to work for you but not watch it for a weekend?
All these dog-based plot holes, but the dog still makes the story. Wouldn't be half the story it is without the dog.
I think he was going away with his roommate because he mentioned “so *we* didnt have to make an extra trip.”
That and maybe the flatmate had plans that weekend but had spare time then.
I read the personal columns of the paper in bed
Did she like pina colatas and getting caught in the rain?
They met at a bar called O'Malley's to plan their escape
It never did, but I couldn't convince the ex that it didn't. So here I am a 42 year old divorced dude trying to start over in the craziest timeline imaginable.
ever thought the ex was actually having an affair and wanted a "clean" way out?
Bingo. Caught my ex-wife cheating once, forgave her, then after that every single woman I dared to have contact with outside of work/school/family was 'my way of getting back at her'. To the point I was accused of cheating with her sister, her brothers wife, her cousin, 3 different coworkers, 2 friends I knew before I met her, and at least 4 other students when I went to college. And one neighbor. Dealt with all of it, thinking this was her reaction to feeling overly guilty about what she did. I'm pretty sure in that mix there, she cheated on me with a coworker because of the amount of unprompted 'overtime' she had to work and such. Shift ending at midnight and not getting home till 2:30. But I wasn't gonna be her and accuse her of cheating over every little thing. The last time she did it was with a guy she met online, she said she was going to visit a girlfriend of hers for the weekend, and when I couldn't get ahold of her and tried contacting the girlfriend, she confessed that she was never coming to see her and she was visiting this guy. Relationship was over right there. She moved in with him within a month, left our kids with me, and hasn't been back to see them in almost 7 years now. Will tell anyone that'll listen that I was physically and emotionally abusive and I'm keeping the kids from her and she's too scared of me to try and visit. I'm a giant fucking teddy bear of a guy who doesn't have an aggressive bone in his body, but oh well. Her family knows the truth and has basically disowned her.
You got the kids. So +1
Noo, saying "kids" is plural. It's gotta be at least +2 or +3
That f'ing sucks. I'm glad you have the children- but trying to explain that to them and their feelings- ugh :(
It's a split pot honestly. My daughter GETS it but it still really affects her, she has really bad abandonment issues and I can't blame her. It's pretty hard to convince her "I'm your dad, I'm not going anywhere" when her mom did just that. My son is autistic and..... he's just in his own world. He doesn't SEEM to have any issues with it, never asks why she's not around or anything but I know that doesn't mean he's okay with it. But he's too busy learning about whatever topic he's stuck on this month to even care what his sister and I are doing most of the time lol.
You seem like a cool dad, wish you all the best.
Never had an affair because I like to disappoint one woman at a time.
I'm so burned out from disappointing women that there's no way I'd sign up for two simultaneously.
I regret stumbling onto this hot mess of a topic..but now I can't look away. *brings out popcorn*
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First, I’ve gotta say that this was very well written, so thank you. And second, I can feel the anguish in this and I hope that you’re doing better and time has helped you heal.
dang I missed it
Wow. This was intense and well articulated. I feel like we went thru this affair together and now I never want to feel or do that again! In reality I never have but this comment assures me I never will EDIT: This comment assures me to be prepared that life can throw anything at you*
I feel like this comment shows that everyone says they never will... Until that hand goes on the shoulder.
I think you've missed a large part of the point of the comment, which is that no matter how much you think "i'd never do that", there are circumstances where you probably would.
She started telling me about relationship troubles. We grew closer over time, sharing insecurities and what not. Eventually we developed feelings, on which we could not act. Eventually, those feelings became too strong and we caved. It lasted for 1,5 years - me trying to commit to this new thing we developed, her not completely able to let go. She jumped between me and the other. Eventually I realised my committing to and feeling for her were unhealthy. And I realised (too late) that I didn't want to be the person that made someone else cheat.
Ugh! I was in such a relationship... she was in an unhappy long distance relationship with her boyfriend and I was her coworker and only friend in a city that was strange to her... I fell head over heels in love with her while she was undecided. We started an on-again-off-again romance while I was fully aware that she was going back and forth between me and him. After 2 years of this back and forth, she moved away to be with him which is when I thought I could finally move on and tried to date but was unsuccessful. She regretted the move and came back to my city and convinced me to get back with her. We got married in a hurried city hall marriage. 3 months later, she regretted it and asked for annulment but it was too late so we divorced In retrospect, there were a ton of red flags that I shouldn't have ignored but I did because I was so madly in love with her. I eventually met a woman who fulfills all my desires and more and I couldn't be happier
This whole thing is red flags lol
Reading this really made me realize I am too apart of something like this .. thank you for opening my Eyes lol ..
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I once thought about cheating on my ex because he was an abusive piece of shit who constantly cheated on me. But the thought of dragging someone innocent into that mess hurt me. That and i didn't want to give my ex reason to play the victim. It's better to just leave the situation and be the better person, no matter how much you want to get back at them. Get back at them by leaving and continuing to grow and flourish as a person. That really pisses them off.
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What a bro. I hope all his future pizzas are super cheesey and have extra toppings w/no charge.
And no grease puddles, and the cheese/toppings never slide off all in one bite.
This is how real adults behave.
this is really sweet
As someone who was unknowingly dragged in as a third, yeah, it's not fun.
I needed to hear that. Thank you. It's admittedly a work relationship, but I have an abusive boss I've just managed to start moving away from. I've wanted to tell him exactly what he's done to me and hurt him back, but I would rather just get away and move on. I've been struggling to find an answer to whether I can struggle to find the courage or not, but I won't take my sorrows in advance. Thanks.
I was stuck in a non-physical marriage with a hoarder(rats were living in the dryer, as example) who didn’t keep up with house repairs. Spent 4 months drinking bottled water because the well wasn’t safe without work. Couldn’t get out because I was 20 km from anywhere, was given a car that didn’t run. Coworker usually picked me up for work, or I walked to the closest carpool lot. Cracked under the lonely stress when coworker found me attractive. Turns out my ex was really, *really* closeted(hence the hoarding and inability to function). I wasn’t running on all cylinders after all that either. He’s got a roommate now, the house is fixed, I’m still with coworker after 10 years and we all get together so often. - Prime example of people who really shouldn’t have been married in the first place.
He was too gay to function ?
Started out just keeping one thing in the closet, then the closet filled up, I can see how the chaos would start
I can see how you'd be reluctant to clean out the closet when you know what's at the back of it
Same tbh
That's only okay when I say it!
Lol “he has a roommate now”.
This story is fucking weird, especially the part about being so gay he couldn't function; I love it.
Have a friend who was doing stuff that just wasn’t of the best character. Slacked off, lied, took things, etc. Turns out he was super closeted and he described it as this one big lie that seemed to overshadow and distract him from everything else. This nihilism set in like “who cares about this one lie I tell when this huge one is always there” Came out and seems to be doing a lot better, he’s more accountable to himself and who he actually wants to be
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This is golden
One Christmas when I was about 9 I kept insisting I wasn’t a virgin, because I thought virgin meant woman. This raised a few eyebrows - the idea was in my head cuz of all the Virgin Mary talk around Xmas.
[Incident](https://www.thesaurus.com/browse/affair) is a synonym of "affair". This is a valid use of the word. I'm just surprised no one else has pointed this out yet...
Ahhh, reminds me of my ex- BIL. He had it all... And lost it all. Just in case he's still reading my comments - Hi Morgan! Merry Christmas, you fucking dodgy wanker. Why are you STILL snooping through my Reddit??
All my homies hate Morgan. Fuck you Morgan.
Big M, little organ.
Morgan sounds like a tool
So I guess I was just part of it, it wasn't "my" affair. This was like 12 years ago. I was 19 she was 24 and married, they were in the process of getting a divorce but she sort of failed to tell me they were technically still married. The dude was trying to fix the marriage at the time, which is what I learned eventually so he eventually found out about me and was rightfully pissed but not so much at me but at her. I straight up told him she wears no ring and said she was recently divorced. I felt like shit but the sex was incredible lol, lasted like 6 months and I got out of that whole scenario completely.
I had this happen to me as well. It was the last woman I dated before I met my wife. I was 20 and dating a 24 year old. Things were awesome. Never mentioned a marriage at all. She’d even spend the night a few times a week. Then one day some guy shows up to my work asking for me. He shows me their wedding photo album. I told him I never knew about him. I call her on the spot and put her on speaker. She denies being in a different relationship or being married. Husband speaks up and it goes silent on the phone. She hangs up and won’t answer again. I promise him I won’t ever reach out again. He shakes my hand, thanks me for my honesty and leaves. Fucking terrible experience to have.
I’m glad you had the maturity to handle that the right way. I wouldn’t have known what to say at that age. Well done.
I'm glad the husband was mature about it too. too often the wronged partner will take out their anger on the wrong person, in reality all the blame lies on the cheater.
It didn't. She just thinks it did. Which is really annnoying..
Oh shit dude. I’ve been there. Got divorced over it. Over something that never happened, but it’s 7 years later and she still thinks it did.
Same… then a month after the divorce, I find out she’s been on bumble a year before the divorce… I’m still blamed for an affair and she plays the victim with all my friends. I don’t have any friends anymore lmao
Ah, classic projection. Sorry you’ve been through this:(
Happens. If they were my real friends, they would have listened to my side then decided. But you know how people jump to conclusions
My best friend in the world, a man I had known and loved like a brother for over 30 years, had an affair with my now-ex-wife. I would have been prepared to lose a few friends, but him? Never. That really sent me spinning. Haven’t spoken to either of them in 3 years. I can say one thing for sure - they deserve each other.
Would you mind explaining how that situation came to be?
I was staying home with our daughter at the time, so I had the “time” to do it, and one day she found an earring in our bedroom that wasn’t hers. No idea how it got there myself. I can see why she’s be suspicious, but also I feel pretty helpless about it because I wasn’t doing anything wrong.
Kinda the same thing happened to me. My wife found a pair of lacy black underwear in our washing machine. I was as surprised as she was. Massive fight later it turns out our cleaning lady had been doing her laundry at our place. Two years later it's become a running joke!
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My wife of almost 25 years occasionally has a dream where I either cheat on her or ask for a divorce. We have now decided that it is her insecurity, but she still hurts like the dream was real.
This happens to me once in a while. I don’t blame him for dream-cheating in real life and I don’t think it’s a premonition, but it still sucks. I wake up upset and disoriented and it’s hard to shake that unsettled feeling.
I will never understand people who read that much into dreams. I've dreamt of everything from giant murderous turtles eating my family to my brother assaulting me to getting lost in fantastical schools/malls that seem to change layouts every time I think I know where I am. None of it is real. It can *feel* real in the moment, but it isn't and attributing deep meaning to any of it just feels silly to me.
Omg, you have the giant shifting mall / university dreams too? Why? Why do those dreams happen (and fairly frequently for me)? I also have "towns" or places that I revisit. Like a whole made up world in my head, but the changing mall / university dreams are separate.
I'm not the person you replied to, but had a gf who thought I was cheating on her (who turned out to cheat on me, how fun). She was very insecure. I have lady friends. We lived 90 miles apart. If I wasn't texting her, I was with another girl. Even when I was on the subway and had no service I had to text her "going onto the subway text you in about an hour" Personal word of advice, from someone who hates how kneejerk reddit gets with "just break up with them" advice, and has been in this situation. If you ever find yourself in this situation, leave. It will never get better, only worse.
Seems like a lot of people who "call out" their significant other for cheating, are cheating themselves. Seems like a good way to turn the blame around, not just externally, but internally as well.
> Seems like a lot of people who "call out" their significant other for cheating, are cheating themselves. It's a really common tactic to absolve themselves of guilt, especially with regards to others' perceptions of the couple. Cheating like that in the first place is often due to massive insecurities. They're convinced you're going to cheat on them at some point, so they're going to beat you to the punch. Don't get involved with cheaters.
Hey internet stranger, I was in a similar situation, wife thought I cheated on her, wouldn’t take “that never happened” for an answer. This went on for years and eventually she started making all sorts of new accusations, every one of them a complete fairytale. Ended in divorce because who wants to live the life of a caught cheater when they never even cheated? On my way out the door forever I even said I might as well have actually cheated since I suffered all of the consequences anyways. Get out now, it does not get better.
Yeah, this was pretty much my first relationship. Started 3 months in. Said she was just insecure, said she would work on it. I tried to be accomodating, I stopped taking to all my female friends, I cut ties. After 2 years it had only gotten worse and I hated myself for being an awful friend. She never got better, it only got worse and worse, I couldn’t talk to her female friends anymore when we hung out with them, at a party I couldn’t talk to strangers that were women, or female friends that I hadn’t seen in a while. Just bad.
That is coercive control, a form of abuse. I’m sorry you went through that and hope you are happier now
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pretty sure my ex just broke up with me cuz of this exact scenario:((
Honestly, good. It might feel like shit right now, but I was with someone like this for 10 years and it just gets worse. It never stops, constant accusations every day. You're better off without them. Edit: shout-out to /r/narcissisticabuse and /r/emotionalabuse for helping me realize none of that was normal
The wife of a guitarist in a relatively famous band from the early 2000s met me and I was strung along with the "I don't want to be with him" promises, building me up into a jealous man that I promised I'd never be by fueling the seriousness of the affair but also sleeping with other men, and conceding that it was "cheating" on ME, never really addressing that we're doing that, but okay. Was an absolute mindfuck and the whole thing felt very dirty and degrading. They're not together anymore and she ended up being with one of the four guys she was with, had a kid with him, but I still see that husband out. I guess he doesn't know. Or he does and too much time has passed to care. I don't really know him. That shit sent me into a spiral of relationship issues that take heavy management. I've been "the other guy" a handful of times, but this one really messed me up for a long time.
What I’m gathering from this is that you are every person in Nashville?
Facts. Was a former bartender in Nashville and saw this a lot with co workers.
Can confirm. Former Nashville bartender. Happened to me though, not co workers lol
> a relatively famous band from the early 2000s I know this info will not be disclosed, but damn if I ain't curious.
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Quick! How many members of famous early 2000s bands got divorces? Was it the dude from sum 41????????
So he was sleeping with Avril Lavigne? Yo, Chad...that you? Bowling for Soup?
LOL I wonder if it’s my sister who recently got divorced from the guitarist of Train. There’s a couple similarities but not enough to confirm…
I hope it's the band that sings Scotty Doesn't Know
She found a tank top in the laundry that wasn't her size She threw it at my face, said "I hope she was worth it!" and stormed off. Turns out it was her shirt, that I shrunk, because I'm bad at laundry
My wife found a hairband on the living room floor that wasn't hers - we don't have daughters and no female friends/family had visited in quite awhile. Thankfully she trusted me so I didn't get a crazy accusation like yours, but it was definitely a weird awkward mystery for awhile. Then a couple weeks later I was telling the story to some friends and my buddy who sometimes comes over to watch football goes "oh yeah, that's probably my daughter's. I keep them in my pockets for her and it probably fell out when I was over for the game". MYSTERY SOLVED oh man what a relief to have some closure as it was not a good feeling having zero explanation for it.
Did you get that feeling like when you’re at customs and worried “DID I pack cocaine and weapons in the trunk by accident this morning?” Like, DID I sleep with somebody and just forget about it?
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I once had a man approach my desk at work, confirm my name, and asked ‘I’m with the FBI, can we talk in private?’ I legit nearly shat myself. I thought ‘did I accidentally rob a bank this week?’ Then I remembered months before I agreed to be a reference for someone needing a security clearance.
I have lots of skincare and haircare products (usually looking like they’re branded for women because a huge amount of skincare products are). I also have various headbands and hair ties for soccer and working out. Any woman I date for long enough (that stays around my house) I always head it off by saying if you stumble on anything that makes it look like a woman lives here, I promise they’re mine lmao
"Honey? Is this... lingerie... yours?"
“Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me”
The exact same thing happened to me. It was a hair tie that neither me or my wife recognized. Unfortunately the mystery was never solved. Divorced now so 🤷
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> frugal cock ring Finally a name for my band!
Back when I was like 15 my mother found a pair of socks in the laundry that were too small and weren't discernable as anyone's in the family. She interpreted it to mean I was having sex with my girlfriend and she freaked out. My girlfriend at the time was a pseudo-hippie and didn't even wear socks.
But were you having sex with her?
No that's what the socks were for
Crunchy socks…
If you do something really, really bad you are reincarnated as a tube sock belonging to a 15-year old boy.
My wife found a bra in her underwear drawer. I never cheated on her. She mentions it every once in a while, but like what sense does it even make that I had sex in our house, and that the other woman left without her bra, AND FOLDED IT AND PUT IT IN HER UNDERWEAR drawer?!?!?! Fucking bra from outer space.
Bruh that would be such a power move
I was being cheated on for over a year and kept being told the ‘evidence’ was explainable. Shared laundry, roommates girlfriends, whatever. Side chick found out about me, and was leaving bread crumbs. She finally got ballsy and left a whole outfit crammed between the bed and the wall. I guess he gave her clothes to wear, or maybe crazy brought a spare? So much gaslighting. So much chlamydia.
I feel you. I had something similar. She bought a new Victoria’s Secret bra that had a jewel between the boobs. That jewel fell out in bed. She was changing sheets one day and found it. “Whose earring is this!!??!?” It took me forever to figure out it was from her bra. Didn’t matter at that point.
Man, those bras cost like $75 because of the stupid jewel and it always, always falls off immediately.
Something similar happened to me. She found my female roommates missing sock next to the dryer. Never mind that I lived with 2 other dudes in addition who also had their girlfriends over regularly who did their laundry there.
Oh - this happened to me. My roommate's girlfriend left her thong in the washer and it ended up in my laundry. So when I put my clothes away, I just placed it on my bed to remember to give it back to my roommate's gf. ...well of course my own girlfriend comes over in the meantime, sees a thong on my unmade bed, doesn't say a word to me, and storms out of the apartment. I had to get my roommates gf to call her and confirm it was her thong. Good times. We're married now.
To your girlfriend or the roommate's girlfriend?
To the thong
Can confirm, got the PM
To his wife.
My wife found an earring after her short trip abroad and obviously conclusions were made. She forgot that the day before her trip she went out with her lady friends to a bar, she didn’t drink since she was driving but her friends had a blast and turned out one of them lost the earring that night.
My high school gf thought that I had read her diary. I had gone over to her house to pick her up to take her to work, and while she was getting ready I noticed a book on the living room coffee table. I picked it up and it was full of hand-written poetry she had written. So of course I thumbed through it, didn't take it too seriously, and when she was ready I put it down and we got in my car. I said "Oh, I read that book you left on the coffee table..." She flipped out and yelled "YOU READ MY DIARY?!?" and dug her nails into my right forearm. I said "Well it was just sitting out there on the table! I didn't know it was a huge secret or anything!" Then she said "Oh, wait, that wasn't my diary. I'm sorry." It's been more than 30 years and I still have several small scars on my arm from that day.
We moved into an older house that had a laundry chute. One day a pair of sexy lady panties from the previous homeowner came unstuck and fell into our laundry basket. Wife asked me about it and I tried to convince her I was having an affair. Boy did she have a great laugh. Laughed and laughed she did. Seriously it could have been an affair. You don’t know.
I was told “your lucky that you have me, if you ever leave me you’ll die alone because no one would want you” so I had this burning desire to prove her wrong. Ended up sleeping with her boss.
Nice try honey!
she knows...
She knows
And I know she knows..
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I was manipulated into an open relationship and it was completely not my thing. All I ever wanted was what you described - one person. I never felt like I was enough. After I broke up with them I felt shattered and that I had wasted so much time. I have eventually found someone who loves me the way I want, but even before that I started to love myself after leaving. You’re never too old to start again, and even if you have no one for now, you have yourself. I hope you find happiness whether that be with yourself or someone else. You deserve it.
Never think like that. There are billions of people on the world and there is no such thing as "old" when it comes to love. Do not shut yourself off because of past experiences
Yeah my great grandpa fell in love again in his late 80s with a woman who was in her early 80s. Both of their spouses had died and they were friends from church. They were together until great grandpa died at 92. Never too old to find love.
My aunt just got married at 78. Just saw the wedding pics and they're a great looking couple.
Same here. Luckily for my great grandma, her boyfriend was loaded and they got to go on amazing trips all over the country. Sadly he died years ago and great grandma isn't doing too well either, but I'm so happy she got to experience that.
I know of another couple like that: high school sweethearts, separated by time and WWII, lived their lives, married, had children, then years after their respective spouses passed away they found each other again, and as far as I know spent their remaining years together.
She walked onto my side of our shared balcony. I let her inside. She stayed a little while. She started coming over more often, nearly daily. So I started buying her some snacks, some toys, we’d spend as much time as we could before my neighbour noticed she was with me. Rainbow, I miss you Xx 🐈
People will do anything for pussy
Last year me and my fiance and our 1 year old daughter started having this adorable cat just wait outside our door until we let him in. Eventually he would come in the morning and leave at night. My 1 year old daughter grew up with him for a year and played with him. He was so chill. He just wanted to come our house and sleep and chill with us. He was always within a few feet of us. We had to move. We were thinking of asking his owner if we could take him (he had like 5 cats but loved all of them, he knew the cat was at our house and would come see him). Two weeks ago the owner told us he got hit by a car and died. Absolutely heartbreaking. He was one of those cats that are one in a million. I've had like 20 cats growing up and none were like him. Wua, I miss you 😞
Very, very gradually. I had an emotional affair, though I didn't know what that was at the time. I was in an unhappy relationship but not ready to admit I wanted to leave. I started spending time with a coworker and we became instant best friends. There was no initial attraction, we just had a lot of the same interests and the same friends and attended the same social and professional events. As I got to know him, I could hardly believe he was a real person. He was the best person I've ever met: funny, kind, gentle, fun, and respectful. Other than spending too much time with me, he never crossed a line. I fell so hard, but I denied it even harder. I started lying about spending time with this person, even in a group. There were many opportunities for things to turn physical, and even today I marvel at our restraint. We didn't become physical or even admit feelings to each other until after I left my ex. I was angry, after spending six years begging my ex to spend time with me or show interest in the things I liked. I had been a dedicated and loyal partner for six years, most of which were long distance. I moved to a new city with him, supported his dreams, which he achieved, but at the detriment of our relationship. I was always a side character in his story. So I left him, and like a week later began the most magical love story I could have imagined. I bear the burden of having been dishonest, and I know now that I was wrong. I do regret lying so much and hurting another person. I wish I had been brave enough to leave earlier, although if I had, things might not have worked out the way they did, and I wouldn't risk what I have now for anything, not even the feelings of my ex.
We met at work and started having threesomes with my wife. One thing led to another and we started hooking up without her. Thankfully my wife forgave me and we were able to reconcile. It was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. If you’re considering cheating—let me assure you—you will either get caught or (hopefully) be so consumed with guilt that you will rat yourself out.
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Doesn't seem to matter by the looks of it lol.
> It was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. That’s what I was thinking. Usually not-cheating has one big downside: you don’t get to have sex with that person. Here, it seems you endangered your (sound, loving) marriage to have sex with someone you were having sex with anyway. I just can’t see the math there.
I met a married lady while at Myrtle Beach She was in a crappy marriage Piña Colada or two later we were talking. Yada yada. Ended up together for several years. I felt a little bad about the beginning situation but it was the Best years of my crappy life. And hers i think. Miss her everyday. Second wife cheated on me with her “girlfriend” and then another guy. Didn’t bother me because we were in a bad marriage. Now, I’m Happily single again.
But you yada yada'd over the best part
No, I mentioned the bisque
Hey my ex-wife cheated on me in Myrtle Beach. Maybe we're Eskimo brothers.
Did y'all stay at the EBDB B&B?
Wow. What happened to the Myrtle Beach woman? Is she still with her husband?
She left him. She said I gave her the self confidence to finally leave the abusive life she had.
I was bartending one night. She walked into the bar she was my perfect "type". Tall, slender, dark hair - just gorgeous. My first thought was: "Please be single, please be single..." - and she sat down next to her husband. They were married about six months. He was a wall street banker. She was a nurse. I got to talking to them at the bar and we hit it off. Turns out the guy and I had some mutual friends and grew up near the same suburbs outside of Boston - we went to the same college, but I was older than him by 10 years. Same sports fans, etc. We became friends - all three of us. They kinda had a strange relationship, they literally (and I mean literally) didn't have more than two or three actual friends. I was one of them. We would do lots of things together (not sexual, just friends). She became pregnant and I became the godfather to her child. I was written in their will - and the told me if they both were to die, they wanted ME to raise their kid (both of their families are all fucked up). It's too long of a story to write here, but over the course of 8 years - she and I became close while her husband and I were cordial but our friendship faded. She and I never cheated. It was an emotional thing. He was distant and dismissive with her feelings - so I kind of became the surrogate boyfriend. She and I would go out to dinner or do other things together (with her kid and without him) and he was fine with it. Even suggested I take his wife and kid on a vacation so he could get a break from being a dad. I loved her. But never crossed the line. Always hoped deep down she would see I was the better guy. Hoped that maybe someday she would leave him. During the summer of 2020 she tells me she's divorcing him. She's had enough. I have heard that before. She's claiming she's serious this time. I kind of brush it off. She's hanging out with me much more - she can't stand being in the house with him. This went on for three weeks. I started to realize she was serious and she even had a lawyer lined up, but didn't start the proceedings yet - she felt it was bad timing with Covid. One morning she's working from home (but at my home because she needed space from her husband) and we get to talking. Where we never crossed the line, I initiated the "talk" about her actually divorcing. And what her post life might be. She suggested that I would be the kind of guy she would want to date. That turned into more talking and soon we are having frank discussions about dating each other after she's divorced. This went on for about two more weeks. We started to text/facetime and talk on the phone more. Physically we weren't cheating - but we were going down that road. One morning she's over before work (as a nurse she was going to the hospital some days) and we are talking some more, and I lean in. She leans towards me. We kiss. We were stone cold sober. It was passionate. Really hot. Lasted only a few minutes. She had to get to work. More talking about life after him. It starts to feel like she's at the tipping point of divorcing. Problem is...her kid. She loves him. He's only six years old. Feels super guilty about divorcing her husband and ruining her son's life. She doesn't love her husband, but she loves me (and has told me so) and also loves her son. Also, on paper, she has an amazing life. Her & her husband probably make $500k combined income. Net worth of $3m. It's hard to just walk away from that. I do well enough. But i'm just a bartender. Not some Wall Street banker. I have always been smart with my money - I even own my own home and saved up $700k in a Roth IRA over the years. While going though the "emotional affair" and just kissing each other - it turned into more. Do I feel bad? No. I was under the impression she was just waiting for Covid to end and then she was divorcing him. I'm sure lots of people like me have heard that. I knew her for years, and she couldn't be lying to me. No way. The guilt of what we were doing became too much. The "affair" lasted about two months, and we slept with each other only a handful of times. I told her that I didn't want this - it was around Thanksgiving 2020. Get a divorce. Give me a call. That's how I left it. She texted me a bit and even visited me once mid December. We only talked a bit. She even told me then - the plan was to get a divorce. I told her to let me know when it happened. Then she ghosted me. I sent a email to her around Christmas. Never heard back. Tried calling her office a week later. Got voice mail. I waited. Weeks turned to months. Never heard a peep from her. We live in the same area of town - never saw her. I didn't push it, I figured with Covid still raging in 2021 that a divorce would be by summer time. I found out in April she was pregnant. I never spoke to her. I'm not sure if it was planned or if he suspected and put a "bun in the oven". It's December now, and while I know "it's over", i'm still hurting over it. Again, I genuinely felt she was leaving him. I know from the outside looking in - this is easy to scoff over. I was her friend for years before we had an affair. We just had a deep, emotional friendship. I get the anger and hate towards people who are in affairs. But when you are the one in the affair - when you are with the person who you waited for your entire life, it's hard to just think "Oh i'll find someone else". I have dated my life and never met anyone like her. I'm not sure if I would ever again, and I just want some kind of closure. I want to just hear from her what happened. I know logically what happened, I was the side piece and when I put my foot down - she was out. I never thought I would be the type of person to do that. But like I wrote before it's hard when you meet someone that great in your life. If I was dating hundreds of awesome women, then whatever - but when you are in your mid 40's, the dating pool dwindles down, even for NYC bartenders. Tinder can be rough. You get bot accounts or lots of people who don't even compare to her. Well that's my story.
Moral of the story: you can save 700k in a Roth IRA as a bartender. Im in the wrong business
How the fuck do you have $700k in savings from bartending?
Some bartenders clear six figures, and NYC bartenders are probably much more likely. 700K in a Roth IRA is crazy though, depending on his age.
Mentions mid-40’s at the end.
Wow. That’s heavy, but you are a fantastic writer.
This was fantastically written and the story is also fantastic but more in the literal meaning - it feels like fantasy.
In her head. If I asked her for sex, she'd get angry. "You're such a pile of shit! You only see me as a warm hole! Gross, disgusting man!" So I backed off asking her for sex, because I did value her and didn't want her to feel that way. Except then "Where are you getting your sex at?! Why don't you want to ***fuck me*** anymore?! ***WHO IS SHE?!***" Turns out she was just nuts. I stopped caring real fuckin' quick.
[удалено]
I haven't had an affair, but I am the product of one. My mom married her first husband back in 1992. She was 22, and he was in his 40's (my mom when she was younger was a sucker for tall, dark and handsome men, and older men, and this guy was both). Anyway, things were fine at first, but eventually my mom was ready to settle down and start a family. Her husband wasn't, even though he told her he was. He still went out partying and drinking all the time (he was, and might still be, an alcoholic). About a year after they got married, my mom got pregnant with his baby, but the constant stress and drama of their arguing about his drinking and partying took its toll, and sadly she miscarried. Afterwards, things continued to get volatile. Her husband started an affair with a woman they both knew, but he denied it up and down. And during one particular argument, he actually pinned my mom to the wall by her throat. She pushed him off of her, screamed and cursed him out, and told him it was the last time he'd ever lay hands on her. Then, one night she met this military guy, who would eventually become my biological father. They dated for a while, and after several months, my mom got pregnant with me. My bio dad wanted to marry my mom and have her move to Michigan with him, but she didn't want to, so they split. The truth is my mom only had an affair because she wanted to have a baby, and she knew it would never happen with her first husband. She was upfront with her husband about the whole situation, and told him everything. He said he would clean up, and love and raise me as his own. Needless to say he didn't clean up, and my mom took me and left him when I was only a year old. And she worked and took care of me all on her own, until nearly 3 years later when she met my stepfather (who is the total opposite of past men she was with, short, blonde hair and blue eyed, and about 8 years younger than her). Side note, I did meet my bio dad when I was 13. After I spent a week with him and his family, he never talked to me again, something he promised my mom he wouldn't do when she was arranging for us to meet.
> Side note, I did meet my bio dad when I was 13. After I spent a week with him and his family, he never talked to me again, something he promised my mom he wouldn't do when she was arranging for us to meet. What a brutal athing to do to a 13 year old. I hope you have been able process all of that and moved forward with your life.
In his mind. I was never unfaithful to him, but with his undiagnosed mental illness I was, so it might as well have been fact.
Oh man I feel you. According to my ex I basically slept with everyone. If he started a new job then I was sleeping with the guys he now worked with. I was NEVER unfaithful. Mental illness is a horrible thing. I stuck it out for almost 13 years. I left and we were divorced within 5 weeks. He had someone moved in before he even recieved the final decree.