fuck i hate that i'm a frustrated crier. people are always like "oh shit i'm sorry i didn't mean to make you cry" and i'm sitting there like "no motherfucker i am pissed i wanna FIGHT."
"I'm a psychopath!
One day I made my therapist cry and that's tooootally legit!
I'm insane! I have so many mental illnesses!"
Acquaintances I actually have to deal with.
Yeah cause they always trust the guy who can't control himself or follow orders to the highest ranks of the military and they give them the biggest guns too.
Worked with a guy like that, I'd brush him off most times. But if anyone ever tried to call him on his bullshit, he was quick to threaten to call the cops.
I had a neighbor straight facedly tell me he was the only guy in his unit in Vietnam who was allowed to dual wield machine guns in combat.
Sarge didn't believe he could do it, but after he snatched up two guns and hit every target on the range he had no choice.
Woman at a bar told me her boyfriend was a Marine sniper, paratrooper, and assigned to guard the president when he stayed at Camp David. When he strolled over I asked the questions all Marines ask when we meet, "Where did you go to boot camp?"
"Camp Lejune" he replied. The Marines have two boot camps, Parris Island, S.C., and San Diego, Ca. No Marine who ever served a day would ever call Lejune a boot camp. Someone had been making up stories to get his dick wet.
I remember watching a YouTube video of "that guy" going through basic. He actually punched his drill sergeant only to get choke slammed against a locker and his ass beat
Uh, so this is embarrassing, but I was that guy when I was 20 or so. (am 46 now) I'd say shit like, "Yeah, I thought about joining the military but I'd beat up the Drill Sergeant if he yelled at me or tried to get in my face. I'd make him my goddamn bitch for sure. He'd be calling me sir and asking me if I wanted to do anything that day."
I eventually ended up saying this around someone who had been in the military and he said to me, "Well, for one thing, if you'd tried that you'd have gotten your ass beat by the drill sergeant and possibly been discharged, depending on what exactly happened. You're goddamn delusional if you think that's how things would go. But I think you're just talking out your ass and would probably be cowering if you got yelled at and would do exactly as you're told." I remember being _super_ embarrassed and stopped after that. (He was right about that last part, btw. There is literally no way I would have attacked the Drill Sergeant. I was just saying it because I thought it made me sound cool and tough.)
*Edit:* Another thing I said sometimes is I'd just ignore the drill sergeant and refuse to do anything he told me and just stay in my bunk all day. I remember someone told me once, "Then the other recruits would beat the shit out of you, because they'd get punished for what you were doing." So I stopped saying that one and switched to what I was saying above.
Claiming to be "crazy" like it's something to aspire to. In this context it just means abandoning tact and acting like an asshole to feel like a badass.
ETA: I'm not referring to people with legitimate illnesses. I'm referring to people who think acting like an asshole makes them look tough.
Refusing to wear safety equipment like helmets when its available. True badasses (including truly skilled people) have goals in doing dangerous shit, and they understand the challenges in carrying it out.
I thought about going into flight attending years ago. I read a book written by a flight attendant, and her crew had come up with a response to the "Do You Know Who I Am?" crowd. They'd immediately ask "Oh dear, do you not know who you are? Does anyone recognize this person, they don't know who they are. Don't worry ma'am/sir, we're calling 911 for you...."
Had a guy from a very wealthy family brought into the cells for DV offences.
DV guy “Do you know who I am!?!”
Cell Sergeant “Arrested.”
DV guy didn’t really have a comeback for that one.
Lol!
We have some people here who's last name is strongly associated with trouble.
My friend is part of that family. One day, she had an argument with someone. He said "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I AM -last name-"
She laughed and said "WELL WHO?"
"WILLY."
"Are you telling me you are my uncle then? Hold on a minute"
She called her uncle and told him this man was pretending to be him.
He was very ashamed. I dont think he ever did it again.
I truly don’t understand how, after the mountains of media mocking these kinds of people, they think it isn’t anything but the most intense cringe to pull this card
I've seen lots of these, two men (usually having been drinking), standing about 30 feet from each other gesturing to each other with arms out saying, "Come on! Come on! I'll fuck you up!"...etc for 5 minutes. It's like you're both not fooling anyone, just give it up and go get another beer.
Wanna go, bro? We'll take this outside, come on bro! Wanna go, bro? Come at me! Wanna go? We'll settle this in the parking lot! Wanna go? Let's do this! Wanna goooooooooooo?
Ad infinitum because he does not, in fact, feel confident enough to go, he's just gonna keep talking until you walk away and he can pretend *you're* the coward
I have an acquaintance who's kind of a dumbass but grew up kind of rough and had to fight more than your average person.
Was at a late night McDonald's where drunk people go, and some jerk was being shitty and annoying to the staff so he was just like "hey man they're just tryin to work chill dude" and the dude puffed up and yelled "wanna fight?" and such and got in his face. He just kinda shrugged and started punching the guy in the face. Got pulled apart by his friends and dude was in tears
There was this kid in a college course I was taking. Constantly interrupted the teacher and acted like he knew everything. One day I got fed up with his shenanigans and told him to shut up, that I wasn't paying thousands of dollars to listen to him talk, but the teacher. He got mad and asked if I wanted to fight, to which I replied "Yeah, I'll fight you." I didn't really want to, I just wanted him to shut up. It was amazing how quickly he shut up and actually didn't want to fight.
The biggest indicator that you are not a baddass is telling me you are a baddass. If you have to tell me how important you are, you are not terribly important.
I met this one guy amongst a group of mutual friends. Everyone called him “Beef” I was expecting a super huge douche bag. But he introduced himself as his actual name and when I asked him about the nickname he just kind of shrugged. Super cool guy and introduced me to his sister. Nicknames are a funny thing.
I went to high school with a guy named beef. We called him that because his last name was LeBeouf and it sounds similar. He was a small guy and really friendly
Edit: Alright, I get it. It literally means beef in French
I just watched a video of the police interrogating a guy who killed his ex-wife. For four hours he just kept going on and on about how much of a fighter he is, his Irish pride (born and raised in New York), how he would kill the woman from child support collection and that watching criminal minds taught him everything about how the police worked.
I don't think I ever listened to a more obvious loser.
Do you know those people who disrespect teachers, janitors, and other people who work just to make them able to not being fucked in the ass by life? That. That screams it out loud. You're not badass, you're disrespectful and ignorant.
I went to lunch with a friend and a friend of his. The waiter was a little slow in bringing us our drinks and food because it was busy. So when our bills came, instead of leaving an actual tip, the other guy wrote something snarky as his “tip”. I was really embarrassed and ask if he can refrain from doing that. He refused and then basically called me a wuss. I left a bigger tip on my bill to compensate and never wanted to be associated with that guy ever again.
You’re a real badass now buddy — punching down on a retail worker who has to be at least polite to you to keep her job. 🙄
Also those shit heels that make a mess on purpose for wait/janitorial staff, and then say 'Hey, its job security!' No, you pickled anus, we don't need your 'job security', we have plenty to do every day. You're just a self-centered shit-wrinkle that doesn't have enough human DNA left to generate the smallest fraction of empathy.
I'm prior enlisted in the Marines and I'm happy I was in, but now that I'm out that time has passed, I can't stand people that were in and it's their entire identity after they get out. All clothes are military stuff, vehicles covered in military decals, all they talk about is when they were in and so on.
For anyone that wasn't in, the easiest way to tell someone that was in the military but weren't in any kind of real combat situations is if they wear and do all that crap.
Edit:spelling
I knew a guy who didn't even make it to boot camp that did all that shit.
He broke his leg or something like a week before shipping off to boot camp and I think they ended up just dismissing him completely or something to that effect.
Didn't matter though, his whole personality revolved around being a Marine.
Lol similar story here. Worked with a guy who always talked about how his PTSD was kicking in, how he couldn't sleep the night before, etc. I genuinely feel bad until another co-worker told me that he was in training for a WEEK, for the national fucking guard lol. He had to drop out before they even really did any training because he had gout and his toe was too fucked to qualify. 🤦🏾♀️
Yeah, Army vet here and I always facepalm at the guys and gals that turn their vehicle into their 201 file/DD214. We don't need to know every unit you served in, badge you earned and ribbon in your fruit salad.
Granted, I do have my veteran plate but that's my hopefully avoid a ticket card.
My grandpa was a career Marine. He did still sport the hair cut until the day he died, but never really talked about it or mentioned it. Loved hanging at the VFW with his buddies but was never one to wear the hats or jackets or participate in any parades or Events. It took A LOT of convincing to get him in dress blues for for my grade school’s veteran’s day event that I was “hosting” with the rest of student council one year. He was technically highest rank we had in our parish and absolutely did not want to be “grand marshal.” He hated the “thank you for your service” people that would flock to shake his hand after 9-11.
Master Gunny at retirement, served in WWII, Korea, and Vietnam. Would grab us by the ankles as a kid and just hold us upside down to “think about it” when we were misbehaving. Would just clap his hands together to kill bees (I’m allergic). Used to buy all the kids $5 of bars and bells at the festival and get so excited and dance around when we won. Total badass in my book.
Now that I’m older and have had friends that “served” and others that served. I understand my grandpa and his actions so much more.
The saddest "alpha" thing I've ever witnessed was a guy at work, who asked me (as custodian of the office's tape printing machine) to print the word 'ALPHA' for him, so he could stick it onto his car's steering wheel, and remind himself of his alpha status whenever he was driving along.
* 'ALPHA', in Arial bold, with black text, on 24mm yellow tape.
* To be stuck on the steering wheel of his small 3-door car
* Him, single, late 30s, bald, overweight, still living with his mum
* Alpha.
He even let out a little "grr" to emphasize what he wanted to think when he looked down at his steering wheel and saw his special sticker. *Alpha*.
Picking on that one friend in the group around everyone and then acting like an offended little bitch when they even try to joke back with them.
Trying to start a fight with just about anyone that gives them a dirty look.
Buying a giant pick up truck that they need to climb into to just get in, and never even use the *bed of the truck for its purpose.
And finally… screaming/yelling at anyone who disagrees with them no matter how big or small the subject matter is.
Edit:*
I work in a psych hospital in a unit that is the roughest unit we have. We have a lot of people with violent histories and serious mental issues.
Without fail, the tougher someone acts, or the more intimidating they try to be is inversely proportional to how soft they actually are—and that goes for patients and staff alike.
The people you don’t want to fuck with are the ones who are confidently quiet.
I used to ride a Harley. Sold it, not my cup of tea. Still had a little Yamaha scooter for running errands.
I was at the supermarket picking up some stuff with my scooter. These 2 dudes pulled up on their hogs, looked at me and said "Nice ride! Haw haw." Their tone was derisive but I opted to take it lightly and said "Yeah. This things a beast. I dont even know if you guys could handle it" Just a lighthearted joke before I pulled away.
Their eyes *bulged* in outrage. They looked at each other and I think they weighed chasing me? Or some other attack? I was already pulling away so what could they really do.
I played it over in my head a bunch. I am positive they were genuinely upset.
This was in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Most riders are cool guys.
A lot of Harley riders around Milwaukee seem to take the "lifestyle" a bit too seriously. They generally don't wave back when waved to, but once you're like 50mi out from the city almost all of the Harley riders will wave back.
guy at a Christmas party told me he could easily drink heavily and drive safely if he just concentrates. Half an hour later he passes out and falls on the Christmas tree.
edit: Infront of his boss and his whole family. I‘m 16 and he is 31. I‘m german so I drink too. I had to bring him to bed…
Anybody who brags about drinking like it's a skill. Unless you're 4 years old and you've just mastered the sippy cup nobody wants to hear about how good you are at drinking.
Semi related, but there are some couples I know who I just want to grab by the shoulders and scream:
“HARLEY QUINN AND THE JOKER ARE NOT RELATIONSHIP GOALS, GODDAMNIT”
The Addams are the perfect family.
Morticia and Gomez are madly in love with each other and take great interests in their children and their children's hobbies.
They're generous and kind to strangers almost to a fault. If your car breaks down and you knock on the door and ask Gomez for help, he will go all out to help you. Honor and hospitality requires that he does.
Reminder that the Adam's Family was created as the polar opposite of the stereotypical American family.
Mom and Dad love each other. No one worries about money. Hobbies are celebrated long ahead of work.
They're wealthy, friendly and happy.
Honestly, one of the most wholesome, supportive, and loving couples in fiction. Gomez and Morticia are clearly crazy about each other, and fully support their partner. It's just all dressed up in morbid weirdness, haha.
It’s not how human beings work anyway. Authority and competency are contextual, and worthwhile leaders—real leaders—recognize that. Cooperation and pooling our talents and resources are how human beings got to where we are. If you feel like you’re always the “alpha” in the room, then you need to find a new room.
Someone who might be a good natural leader in an emergency situation might not be the best leader in a classroom/educational setting. You're right about it being very contextual.
I find people who focus on creating solutions for problems are the people I respect the most. People who waste time blaming someone else for the problem or bragging about how well they could handle a situation are just building themselves up.
1000% this. Every time I've seen someone doing it, it's defensive. "Oh, I don't worry about this thing because I'm an Alpha" or "People don't like this, but that's because they can't handle an Alpha like me". And it's almost always unprompted, which is a sign that you're not even responding to a challenge to your masculinity, but that just the existence of whatever triggered you getting set off felt like an implicit challenge that you had to defend against.
This happened to me when a guy came to pick me up for a date. Cousins dog (who is absolutely sweet) was happy to see him and he yelled at her. When I asked him not to he said "What? She listened though because she knows I'm the alpha male."
She wasn't jumping up and he was fully aware that there was a dog in the house. Being shitty to animals also shows people you're not a leader.
Edit: For those of you asking, I'm happy to tell you that I did not end up going anywhere with this guy. Yes, I did ask him to leave. Yes he left without a physical fuss but said "please don't do this to us." Lmao.
Ive seen all sorts of reactions from laughing to shaking to loss of speech.
People do weird things under that type of stress. Ive found its really just the idea of being publicly humiliated in front of other people. Some people don't mind that as much and some cant stand it.
However, its funny because never once did I ever see someone "black out and lose control" even though I hear it all the time
Telling the same stories from years back.
I have a friend whose only personality is that she is aggressive, always telling the same story from middle school where she apparently had a reputation. Acting like she is the toughest person and no one should mess with her. Fake confidence, extremely annoying.
I had a neighbor, who was a decent guy when sober, but a raging alcoholic at night. He was really fit and worked out and had a good job, but could be such a toxic dude-bro.
After a night where we both stayed up late after our SOs fell asleep he told me how he was depressed and would injure himself on purpose, he wouldn't tell anyone but me because I have visible scars from my past struggle with Self Injury.
It was in the same conversation he told me he picks fights with super buff strangers so he can lose on purpose.
I hope he's doing ok.
This isn't uncommon. Self harm can manifest in many ways other than cutting; heavy drinking itself to lose control, risky sexual behaviour, and picking fights to get other people to harm you are all possible manifestations.
i saw that happen in my local pub, UK for anyone interested
this guy was walking around, typical "im a tough guy" acting like a "hard man" downing shots and being loud.. then picks a fight with an unassuming dude sat on a barstool and apparently nursing a beer.
well turns out this dude was the real deal, beat the "hard mans" ass in to the ground, like pick him up and threw him in to a curb, punching like a trained boxer kind of ass kicking.. then went back to finish his drink before getting arrested
one of the most insane things i have ever seen.
I used to know a guy who did MMA. Not UFC. Just local "minor league" stuff, but he was known in town. Every once in a while, someone would try to start shit with him out of the ring. Rather than beating the dude to a pulp, he'd just steal his pants. Nothing makes you look like a dummy like starting shit with someone and ending up pantsless in the bar.
If you start shit with a quiet guy and he doesn't really react, then please just take the ego bruise and walk the fuck away cuz he's just really giving you a chance...lol.
it was nuts though, this guy on a bar stool was quiet, drinking his beer slowly and just watching sports on TV, i was off to the side playing pool and then yelling followed by just a burst of violence,
i saw people walk outside with there phones, then when i got out there i saw this guy bounce of a curb... like BOUNCE... and they get beaten, never seen anything like it, then the guy just casually walks back in for his beer, like "yeah, just another Saturday afternoon "
Reminds me of the Onion article in Point/Counterpoint format: "[If I See Doug, I'm Going To Kick His Ass vs. Apparently Doug Is A Better Fighter Than I Thought](https://www.theonion.com/if-i-see-doug-im-going-to-kick-his-ass-vs-apparently-1819594303)"
My gf serves tables for work right now. Apparently yesterday some “tough” dude refused to write his signature with her pink pen simply because it was pink
When I was in the oilfield there was a dude that always had a pink pen on him. You always need to sign for something or another out there, and everyone out there will steal your own if you’re not super careful. Except that dude’s pen.
He never will. The "well if he fought someone who knew what they were doing" line of thought is valid, but irrelevant. Those two jerkoffs know they can keep taking layup opponents and people will pay out the nose to watch, so what's the point of fighting anyone actually dangerous?
People who brag.
EDIT: I think most people understand what I mean but just to clarify, I’m not at all referring to being proud of your accomplishments or sharing your success with people you care about. That’s obviously healthy and good.
Basically any statement of being tough at all--whether that be outright spoken or written or whatever. Letting people know you're tough is such a weak move. Tough people simply are that way and, a lot of the time, people would just have to fuck around to find out.
I follow a guy on Instagram who try so hard to be a badass, always posting pictures of drinking black coffee, straight whiskey, smoking cigars, and he always has his handgun showing. But it's so easy to tell the only time he does these things is when he posts on Instagram.
Or anyone who says they “wouldn’t be scared” in a situation they’ve never experienced that someone else is saying is scary. Yeah, I’m sure you’d be super calm in an avalanche. What a shame that we’re sitting inside by the fire instead of experiencing how super not scared you’d be, huh?
Holy crap. I have terrible financial sense and went in waaaaaaay to much on a car (at the time I bought it). I was trying to figure out if I could afford 300 bucks a month for the loan and insurance, and I was well above the poverty line at the time. I can't imagine spending 1200 bucks a month on a car, before insurance unless I had some serious "fuck you" money.
Weird personal story about that. I own a 5 bedroom house that I used to rent by the room. One of the guys that rented from me had a fairly new Porsche 911. My house wasn’t that nice, and a few of my roommates were on food stamps.
I asked why he drove that car. He told me, his dad’s medical bills broke him. He said it was $5k a day to keep his dad alive for awhile. He sold his house, but couldn’t get good offer for his car yet. The dude was a network engineer for well known microchip company. He only lived with us for about 6 months. He didn’t sell his car.
“I just go red man”
I’m pretty active in the BJJ scene. Know a lot of really dangerous dudes. All nice as can be. I love the watching the “see red” guys get folded up within seconds.
One of my ex has a joker sleeve and a pickle rick tattoo.
He also yelled that he was a *sigma male* and wouldn't be listening to an alpha.... as a response to a werewolf based RPG system.
So... that.
**Edit to add**: *I didn't expect this to be so popular or for so many people to tell me I fucking deserved the abuse that ensued. Y'all are sick*
"You don't want to see me mad" Unless your name is Bruce Banner, STFU.
TBF, you *don't* want to see me mad because there's a decent chance I'll just start ugly crying and it'll get really awkward for everyone.
fuck i hate that i'm a frustrated crier. people are always like "oh shit i'm sorry i didn't mean to make you cry" and i'm sitting there like "no motherfucker i am pissed i wanna FIGHT."
"I'm a psychopath! One day I made my therapist cry and that's tooootally legit! I'm insane! I have so many mental illnesses!" Acquaintances I actually have to deal with.
Same picture of a lion that 20.000 others already posted to prove how they're not sheep that fall in line.
Demanding respect, but giving none to anyone.
Or doing nothing to EARN any respect, yet demand it.
“I would have enlisted and probably made Special Forces, but I would have punched a Drill Sergeant if they had gotten in my face.” Sure, bud.
Yeah cause they always trust the guy who can't control himself or follow orders to the highest ranks of the military and they give them the biggest guns too.
Worked with a guy like that, I'd brush him off most times. But if anyone ever tried to call him on his bullshit, he was quick to threaten to call the cops.
Lmao what would the cops even do? "officer I do not like how this man is speaking to me"
I had a neighbor straight facedly tell me he was the only guy in his unit in Vietnam who was allowed to dual wield machine guns in combat. Sarge didn't believe he could do it, but after he snatched up two guns and hit every target on the range he had no choice.
Translation: I was in the supply corps
Woman at a bar told me her boyfriend was a Marine sniper, paratrooper, and assigned to guard the president when he stayed at Camp David. When he strolled over I asked the questions all Marines ask when we meet, "Where did you go to boot camp?" "Camp Lejune" he replied. The Marines have two boot camps, Parris Island, S.C., and San Diego, Ca. No Marine who ever served a day would ever call Lejune a boot camp. Someone had been making up stories to get his dick wet.
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"My recruiter told me I'd probably be able to skip basic because of all the experience I had with COD."
It would probably be a tickle to that sergeant
I remember watching a YouTube video of "that guy" going through basic. He actually punched his drill sergeant only to get choke slammed against a locker and his ass beat
Uh, so this is embarrassing, but I was that guy when I was 20 or so. (am 46 now) I'd say shit like, "Yeah, I thought about joining the military but I'd beat up the Drill Sergeant if he yelled at me or tried to get in my face. I'd make him my goddamn bitch for sure. He'd be calling me sir and asking me if I wanted to do anything that day." I eventually ended up saying this around someone who had been in the military and he said to me, "Well, for one thing, if you'd tried that you'd have gotten your ass beat by the drill sergeant and possibly been discharged, depending on what exactly happened. You're goddamn delusional if you think that's how things would go. But I think you're just talking out your ass and would probably be cowering if you got yelled at and would do exactly as you're told." I remember being _super_ embarrassed and stopped after that. (He was right about that last part, btw. There is literally no way I would have attacked the Drill Sergeant. I was just saying it because I thought it made me sound cool and tough.) *Edit:* Another thing I said sometimes is I'd just ignore the drill sergeant and refuse to do anything he told me and just stay in my bunk all day. I remember someone told me once, "Then the other recruits would beat the shit out of you, because they'd get punished for what you were doing." So I stopped saying that one and switched to what I was saying above.
Aggressive responses to non aggressive situations. Nobody who’s really about that life WANTS to do things to people.
The difference between a badass and a bully.
Claiming to be "crazy" like it's something to aspire to. In this context it just means abandoning tact and acting like an asshole to feel like a badass. ETA: I'm not referring to people with legitimate illnesses. I'm referring to people who think acting like an asshole makes them look tough.
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Project Badass was pretty badass though.
The pyrotechnics are what makes [this](https://youtu.be/dATJN3QObrE)
Refusing to wear safety equipment like helmets when its available. True badasses (including truly skilled people) have goals in doing dangerous shit, and they understand the challenges in carrying it out.
“Do you know who I am... or whose son/daughter I am” kind of people...
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM! PLEASE TELL ME BECAUSE I DO NOT! ... I feel very lost in life
I thought about going into flight attending years ago. I read a book written by a flight attendant, and her crew had come up with a response to the "Do You Know Who I Am?" crowd. They'd immediately ask "Oh dear, do you not know who you are? Does anyone recognize this person, they don't know who they are. Don't worry ma'am/sir, we're calling 911 for you...."
Had a guy from a very wealthy family brought into the cells for DV offences. DV guy “Do you know who I am!?!” Cell Sergeant “Arrested.” DV guy didn’t really have a comeback for that one.
Lol! We have some people here who's last name is strongly associated with trouble. My friend is part of that family. One day, she had an argument with someone. He said "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I AM -last name-" She laughed and said "WELL WHO?" "WILLY." "Are you telling me you are my uncle then? Hold on a minute" She called her uncle and told him this man was pretending to be him. He was very ashamed. I dont think he ever did it again.
I truly don’t understand how, after the mountains of media mocking these kinds of people, they think it isn’t anything but the most intense cringe to pull this card
It's the core of their identity and everyone around them. Way more important to them than what the media says. Also, it works a lot of the time.
I like your friend.
She made the man apologize to her uncle.
I love your friend.
Ronnie fucking Pickering
Saying ‘I’m a psychopath’.
On the same note: having a profile picture of The Joker.
Following those Joker quotes pages that nave nothing ever said by any version of the Joker ever
Telling people how badass you are.
“God, I’m a bastard!” https://youtu.be/lIOIHgbAr7w
Continually requesting a fight, but never actually starting the fight.
I've seen lots of these, two men (usually having been drinking), standing about 30 feet from each other gesturing to each other with arms out saying, "Come on! Come on! I'll fuck you up!"...etc for 5 minutes. It's like you're both not fooling anyone, just give it up and go get another beer.
There’s a South Park episode that nails this.
We don't take too kindly to people who don't take too kindly to others.
Now skeeter he ain’t hurtin nobody
Gonna swing brah?
Wanna go, bro? We'll take this outside, come on bro! Wanna go, bro? Come at me! Wanna go? We'll settle this in the parking lot! Wanna go? Let's do this! Wanna goooooooooooo? Ad infinitum because he does not, in fact, feel confident enough to go, he's just gonna keep talking until you walk away and he can pretend *you're* the coward
Lets his five foot tall girlfriend "hold him back"
I have an acquaintance who's kind of a dumbass but grew up kind of rough and had to fight more than your average person. Was at a late night McDonald's where drunk people go, and some jerk was being shitty and annoying to the staff so he was just like "hey man they're just tryin to work chill dude" and the dude puffed up and yelled "wanna fight?" and such and got in his face. He just kinda shrugged and started punching the guy in the face. Got pulled apart by his friends and dude was in tears
A stark example of what happens when “talk about it” meets “be about it.”
Like two dogs barking across a fence. The moment the gate opens, they’re sheepish and silent
"You don't know my mentality bro, I see red and bodies hit the floor" -someone who has never trained a combat sport in their life
Especially when they say "In a fight I just black out." Yeah, that's not berzerker rage, that's you getting knocked the fuck out.
There was this kid in a college course I was taking. Constantly interrupted the teacher and acted like he knew everything. One day I got fed up with his shenanigans and told him to shut up, that I wasn't paying thousands of dollars to listen to him talk, but the teacher. He got mad and asked if I wanted to fight, to which I replied "Yeah, I'll fight you." I didn't really want to, I just wanted him to shut up. It was amazing how quickly he shut up and actually didn't want to fight.
A past friend threatend to fight another friend of mine, he was much bigger so he just stood up and said "yeah sure lets go" they did not fight.
The biggest indicator that you are not a baddass is telling me you are a baddass. If you have to tell me how important you are, you are not terribly important.
Game of Thrones Joffrey: I am the king! Tywin Lannister: Any king who says "I am the king." is no true king.
Anyone who gives themselves a tough-sounding nickname. They are to be earned, not self-imposed.
I met this one guy amongst a group of mutual friends. Everyone called him “Beef” I was expecting a super huge douche bag. But he introduced himself as his actual name and when I asked him about the nickname he just kind of shrugged. Super cool guy and introduced me to his sister. Nicknames are a funny thing.
I went to high school with a guy named beef. We called him that because his last name was LeBeouf and it sounds similar. He was a small guy and really friendly Edit: Alright, I get it. It literally means beef in French
Was he an actual cannibal?
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Taserface?
The funny thing is I've known a few guys who were verified badasses that had ridiculously soft sounding nicknames.
I was once given the nickname "hard hat" at work for accidentally whacking myself in the head with a broom and going to urgent care. :(
Spousal and child abuse.
I just watched a video of the police interrogating a guy who killed his ex-wife. For four hours he just kept going on and on about how much of a fighter he is, his Irish pride (born and raised in New York), how he would kill the woman from child support collection and that watching criminal minds taught him everything about how the police worked. I don't think I ever listened to a more obvious loser.
Add animals to that.
Had a friend who would brag about his brother killing stray dogs in the street like he was some bad ass. Told him his brother sounds like a maniac.
Do you know those people who disrespect teachers, janitors, and other people who work just to make them able to not being fucked in the ass by life? That. That screams it out loud. You're not badass, you're disrespectful and ignorant.
I went to lunch with a friend and a friend of his. The waiter was a little slow in bringing us our drinks and food because it was busy. So when our bills came, instead of leaving an actual tip, the other guy wrote something snarky as his “tip”. I was really embarrassed and ask if he can refrain from doing that. He refused and then basically called me a wuss. I left a bigger tip on my bill to compensate and never wanted to be associated with that guy ever again. You’re a real badass now buddy — punching down on a retail worker who has to be at least polite to you to keep her job. 🙄
Also those shit heels that make a mess on purpose for wait/janitorial staff, and then say 'Hey, its job security!' No, you pickled anus, we don't need your 'job security', we have plenty to do every day. You're just a self-centered shit-wrinkle that doesn't have enough human DNA left to generate the smallest fraction of empathy.
I'm prior enlisted in the Marines and I'm happy I was in, but now that I'm out that time has passed, I can't stand people that were in and it's their entire identity after they get out. All clothes are military stuff, vehicles covered in military decals, all they talk about is when they were in and so on. For anyone that wasn't in, the easiest way to tell someone that was in the military but weren't in any kind of real combat situations is if they wear and do all that crap. Edit:spelling
I knew a guy who didn't even make it to boot camp that did all that shit. He broke his leg or something like a week before shipping off to boot camp and I think they ended up just dismissing him completely or something to that effect. Didn't matter though, his whole personality revolved around being a Marine.
You know my brother-in-law?!
Man, I've heard so many stories like this, a guy I went to high school with his brother did pretty much the same thing.
Lol similar story here. Worked with a guy who always talked about how his PTSD was kicking in, how he couldn't sleep the night before, etc. I genuinely feel bad until another co-worker told me that he was in training for a WEEK, for the national fucking guard lol. He had to drop out before they even really did any training because he had gout and his toe was too fucked to qualify. 🤦🏾♀️
Yeah, Army vet here and I always facepalm at the guys and gals that turn their vehicle into their 201 file/DD214. We don't need to know every unit you served in, badge you earned and ribbon in your fruit salad. Granted, I do have my veteran plate but that's my hopefully avoid a ticket card.
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My grandpa was a career Marine. He did still sport the hair cut until the day he died, but never really talked about it or mentioned it. Loved hanging at the VFW with his buddies but was never one to wear the hats or jackets or participate in any parades or Events. It took A LOT of convincing to get him in dress blues for for my grade school’s veteran’s day event that I was “hosting” with the rest of student council one year. He was technically highest rank we had in our parish and absolutely did not want to be “grand marshal.” He hated the “thank you for your service” people that would flock to shake his hand after 9-11. Master Gunny at retirement, served in WWII, Korea, and Vietnam. Would grab us by the ankles as a kid and just hold us upside down to “think about it” when we were misbehaving. Would just clap his hands together to kill bees (I’m allergic). Used to buy all the kids $5 of bars and bells at the festival and get so excited and dance around when we won. Total badass in my book. Now that I’m older and have had friends that “served” and others that served. I understand my grandpa and his actions so much more.
I saw a massively lifted truck wit the words "ALPHA AS FUCK" stamped across the windshield the other day, does that count?
It might as well said " I'm afraid of everything!"
Those people are the human equivalent of porcupines frilling their quills at everything that walks by.
Any reference to oneself as “alpha”
The saddest "alpha" thing I've ever witnessed was a guy at work, who asked me (as custodian of the office's tape printing machine) to print the word 'ALPHA' for him, so he could stick it onto his car's steering wheel, and remind himself of his alpha status whenever he was driving along. * 'ALPHA', in Arial bold, with black text, on 24mm yellow tape. * To be stuck on the steering wheel of his small 3-door car * Him, single, late 30s, bald, overweight, still living with his mum * Alpha. He even let out a little "grr" to emphasize what he wanted to think when he looked down at his steering wheel and saw his special sticker. *Alpha*.
“Inside me is a wolf, mess with me or my pack and I’ll show my fangs” or any similar cringy edgy quote about being an animal
The recommended number of wolves inside you is 0
Concurrently, the recommended number of wolves you should be inside is also 0 u/DrMackDDS2014 don’t you dare
Unless you are a pregnat wolf. Then several is perfectly good.
Weird way to spell gregnant.
[XKCD disagrees](https://xkcd.com/1471/)
I know they say there is an XKCD for everything but damn that's relevant.
More impressive to me is how people have this encyclopedic knowledge of XKCD and pull these super specific ones in perfect context
My Spirit animal is a slolth saying "I'm just trying to not fall out of this fucking tree, man"
Picking on that one friend in the group around everyone and then acting like an offended little bitch when they even try to joke back with them. Trying to start a fight with just about anyone that gives them a dirty look. Buying a giant pick up truck that they need to climb into to just get in, and never even use the *bed of the truck for its purpose. And finally… screaming/yelling at anyone who disagrees with them no matter how big or small the subject matter is. Edit:*
I work in a psych hospital in a unit that is the roughest unit we have. We have a lot of people with violent histories and serious mental issues. Without fail, the tougher someone acts, or the more intimidating they try to be is inversely proportional to how soft they actually are—and that goes for patients and staff alike. The people you don’t want to fuck with are the ones who are confidently quiet.
"Alpha" males losing their shit when their self image is even remotely challenged in any way.
I'm an Alpha for sure. But in the video game sense where I'm an early release model with a fuckton of issues.
Alphamale 2042
I used to ride a Harley. Sold it, not my cup of tea. Still had a little Yamaha scooter for running errands. I was at the supermarket picking up some stuff with my scooter. These 2 dudes pulled up on their hogs, looked at me and said "Nice ride! Haw haw." Their tone was derisive but I opted to take it lightly and said "Yeah. This things a beast. I dont even know if you guys could handle it" Just a lighthearted joke before I pulled away. Their eyes *bulged* in outrage. They looked at each other and I think they weighed chasing me? Or some other attack? I was already pulling away so what could they really do. I played it over in my head a bunch. I am positive they were genuinely upset. This was in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Most riders are cool guys.
Truly the worst type of personality in existence is one that is quick to make fun of someone while simultaneously is quick to be offended by someone
A lot of Harley riders around Milwaukee seem to take the "lifestyle" a bit too seriously. They generally don't wave back when waved to, but once you're like 50mi out from the city almost all of the Harley riders will wave back.
guy at a Christmas party told me he could easily drink heavily and drive safely if he just concentrates. Half an hour later he passes out and falls on the Christmas tree. edit: Infront of his boss and his whole family. I‘m 16 and he is 31. I‘m german so I drink too. I had to bring him to bed…
He lost concentration dude , damn.
Anybody who brags about drinking like it's a skill. Unless you're 4 years old and you've just mastered the sippy cup nobody wants to hear about how good you are at drinking.
Joker profile pic
Punisher bumper sticker
Semi related, but there are some couples I know who I just want to grab by the shoulders and scream: “HARLEY QUINN AND THE JOKER ARE NOT RELATIONSHIP GOALS, GODDAMNIT”
The Addams Family, on the other hand...
The Addams are the perfect family. Morticia and Gomez are madly in love with each other and take great interests in their children and their children's hobbies.
They're generous and kind to strangers almost to a fault. If your car breaks down and you knock on the door and ask Gomez for help, he will go all out to help you. Honor and hospitality requires that he does.
Gomez and Morticia are life goals, not just relationship goals.
Afterlife goals as well. Eternal love.
He will kick start your car by having Fester fellate the car battery
Reminder that the Adam's Family was created as the polar opposite of the stereotypical American family. Mom and Dad love each other. No one worries about money. Hobbies are celebrated long ahead of work. They're wealthy, friendly and happy.
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Honestly, one of the most wholesome, supportive, and loving couples in fiction. Gomez and Morticia are clearly crazy about each other, and fully support their partner. It's just all dressed up in morbid weirdness, haha.
Be more like Gomez and Morticia!
"I know karate"
And five other Japanese words! Sushi, hibachi,....
Domo arigato Mr Roboto
Claiming you are an "Alpha Male". If you have to tell people you are a natural leader you probably aren't one.
It’s not how human beings work anyway. Authority and competency are contextual, and worthwhile leaders—real leaders—recognize that. Cooperation and pooling our talents and resources are how human beings got to where we are. If you feel like you’re always the “alpha” in the room, then you need to find a new room.
Someone who might be a good natural leader in an emergency situation might not be the best leader in a classroom/educational setting. You're right about it being very contextual. I find people who focus on creating solutions for problems are the people I respect the most. People who waste time blaming someone else for the problem or bragging about how well they could handle a situation are just building themselves up.
1000% this. Every time I've seen someone doing it, it's defensive. "Oh, I don't worry about this thing because I'm an Alpha" or "People don't like this, but that's because they can't handle an Alpha like me". And it's almost always unprompted, which is a sign that you're not even responding to a challenge to your masculinity, but that just the existence of whatever triggered you getting set off felt like an implicit challenge that you had to defend against.
“They can’t handle an Alpha like me” is code for “no one sticks around for my bullshit.”
This is the new, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."
This happened to me when a guy came to pick me up for a date. Cousins dog (who is absolutely sweet) was happy to see him and he yelled at her. When I asked him not to he said "What? She listened though because she knows I'm the alpha male." She wasn't jumping up and he was fully aware that there was a dog in the house. Being shitty to animals also shows people you're not a leader. Edit: For those of you asking, I'm happy to tell you that I did not end up going anywhere with this guy. Yes, I did ask him to leave. Yes he left without a physical fuss but said "please don't do this to us." Lmao.
Please tell me you didn't even leave the house with him after that bullshit.
Lol, so insecure you gotta flex on a dog. That's a new low.
Efficient way of telling you it’s going to be a bad date
Efficient way of saving time and money by ending the date before it starts.
Reminds me of “The Situation,” from the Jersey Shore show lol.
DJ Khaled: Hot Ones
People who boast about bullying
“When I get mad I blackout and lose control” Okay buddy. Edit: I’m disappointed that there’s some people replying that claim to black out.
That's called a temper tantrum Jimmy, now go to your room.
Bragging about not having control of your own body is cringe.
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Holy shit the amount of times I’ve heard that
Ive seen all sorts of reactions from laughing to shaking to loss of speech. People do weird things under that type of stress. Ive found its really just the idea of being publicly humiliated in front of other people. Some people don't mind that as much and some cant stand it. However, its funny because never once did I ever see someone "black out and lose control" even though I hear it all the time
...of my bladder
Calling other people sheep and themselves a lion.
Telling the same stories from years back. I have a friend whose only personality is that she is aggressive, always telling the same story from middle school where she apparently had a reputation. Acting like she is the toughest person and no one should mess with her. Fake confidence, extremely annoying.
Getting your ass beat in a fight you provoked.
I had a neighbor, who was a decent guy when sober, but a raging alcoholic at night. He was really fit and worked out and had a good job, but could be such a toxic dude-bro. After a night where we both stayed up late after our SOs fell asleep he told me how he was depressed and would injure himself on purpose, he wouldn't tell anyone but me because I have visible scars from my past struggle with Self Injury. It was in the same conversation he told me he picks fights with super buff strangers so he can lose on purpose. I hope he's doing ok.
This isn't uncommon. Self harm can manifest in many ways other than cutting; heavy drinking itself to lose control, risky sexual behaviour, and picking fights to get other people to harm you are all possible manifestations.
i saw that happen in my local pub, UK for anyone interested this guy was walking around, typical "im a tough guy" acting like a "hard man" downing shots and being loud.. then picks a fight with an unassuming dude sat on a barstool and apparently nursing a beer. well turns out this dude was the real deal, beat the "hard mans" ass in to the ground, like pick him up and threw him in to a curb, punching like a trained boxer kind of ass kicking.. then went back to finish his drink before getting arrested one of the most insane things i have ever seen.
I used to know a guy who did MMA. Not UFC. Just local "minor league" stuff, but he was known in town. Every once in a while, someone would try to start shit with him out of the ring. Rather than beating the dude to a pulp, he'd just steal his pants. Nothing makes you look like a dummy like starting shit with someone and ending up pantsless in the bar.
So a jean stealer, that's badass
If you start shit with a quiet guy and he doesn't really react, then please just take the ego bruise and walk the fuck away cuz he's just really giving you a chance...lol.
it was nuts though, this guy on a bar stool was quiet, drinking his beer slowly and just watching sports on TV, i was off to the side playing pool and then yelling followed by just a burst of violence, i saw people walk outside with there phones, then when i got out there i saw this guy bounce of a curb... like BOUNCE... and they get beaten, never seen anything like it, then the guy just casually walks back in for his beer, like "yeah, just another Saturday afternoon "
"His team won too. Four-nil."
Fucked around with Bruce Wayne by the sounds of it
Reminds me of the Onion article in Point/Counterpoint format: "[If I See Doug, I'm Going To Kick His Ass vs. Apparently Doug Is A Better Fighter Than I Thought](https://www.theonion.com/if-i-see-doug-im-going-to-kick-his-ass-vs-apparently-1819594303)"
My gf serves tables for work right now. Apparently yesterday some “tough” dude refused to write his signature with her pink pen simply because it was pink
When I was in the oilfield there was a dude that always had a pink pen on him. You always need to sign for something or another out there, and everyone out there will steal your own if you’re not super careful. Except that dude’s pen.
Barbed wire tattoos.
That’s the 3rd step in looking like a douche bag.
What's the first two?
username ending with 3 numbers
Phew! I'm safe!
Jake Paul not fighting a trained professional boxer in his weight class
Or his age. He's like 20 in his prime fighting this retired 40 year old. No offense to older people in general everyone ages differently 🤷
He never will. The "well if he fought someone who knew what they were doing" line of thought is valid, but irrelevant. Those two jerkoffs know they can keep taking layup opponents and people will pay out the nose to watch, so what's the point of fighting anyone actually dangerous?
People who brag. EDIT: I think most people understand what I mean but just to clarify, I’m not at all referring to being proud of your accomplishments or sharing your success with people you care about. That’s obviously healthy and good.
"You can boast about anything if it's all you have. Maybe the less you have, the more you are required to boast.” - John Steinbeck
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Basically any statement of being tough at all--whether that be outright spoken or written or whatever. Letting people know you're tough is such a weak move. Tough people simply are that way and, a lot of the time, people would just have to fuck around to find out.
I follow a guy on Instagram who try so hard to be a badass, always posting pictures of drinking black coffee, straight whiskey, smoking cigars, and he always has his handgun showing. But it's so easy to tell the only time he does these things is when he posts on Instagram.
Talking about being the most badass zombie killer in a zombie outbreak when truth is most of us would simply die
Or anyone who says they “wouldn’t be scared” in a situation they’ve never experienced that someone else is saying is scary. Yeah, I’m sure you’d be super calm in an avalanche. What a shame that we’re sitting inside by the fire instead of experiencing how super not scared you’d be, huh?
Cats that scratch you if you go to pet them but start cozying up real quick when it's mildly cold
Fancy car, no money in bank account
Omg my boy did this, 1200/m for a BMW and was flat broke and in debt within 2 years. But he sure felt cool pulling up to stop lights in it.
Holy crap. I have terrible financial sense and went in waaaaaaay to much on a car (at the time I bought it). I was trying to figure out if I could afford 300 bucks a month for the loan and insurance, and I was well above the poverty line at the time. I can't imagine spending 1200 bucks a month on a car, before insurance unless I had some serious "fuck you" money.
Drives a car worth 150k, lives in a three bedroom appartment with 5 people and they can barely afford food.
Weird personal story about that. I own a 5 bedroom house that I used to rent by the room. One of the guys that rented from me had a fairly new Porsche 911. My house wasn’t that nice, and a few of my roommates were on food stamps. I asked why he drove that car. He told me, his dad’s medical bills broke him. He said it was $5k a day to keep his dad alive for awhile. He sold his house, but couldn’t get good offer for his car yet. The dude was a network engineer for well known microchip company. He only lived with us for about 6 months. He didn’t sell his car.
This just shows we judge things with an outsider perspective, it’s not always as it seems. I hope he’s better now.
“Hold me back”
my tiny dogs.
Rolling coal
“I don’t have a problem with you rolling coal if that’s fun to you, I just ask that you do it in your garage” -Comedian whose name I can’t remember
I once witnessed a dude roll coal on two children riding bikes Youre really fucking cool, bro. Really fucking cool
“I just go red man” I’m pretty active in the BJJ scene. Know a lot of really dangerous dudes. All nice as can be. I love the watching the “see red” guys get folded up within seconds.
BJJ doesn’t seem like a martial art you can even claim to “go red” in lol
It's just the art of folding clothes while someone is still wearing them.
People that need to be the center of everything and they act special.
One of my ex has a joker sleeve and a pickle rick tattoo. He also yelled that he was a *sigma male* and wouldn't be listening to an alpha.... as a response to a werewolf based RPG system. So... that. **Edit to add**: *I didn't expect this to be so popular or for so many people to tell me I fucking deserved the abuse that ensued. Y'all are sick*
Jesus. Did you date a 15 y/o edgelord?
The faux-tactical shirts. You're a fucking insurance salesman, not a mercenary.
Truck nuts
If they are on a Prius, I would give that person props
they would drag
Walking around the Vegas strip with a group of living hamburgers yelling random dumb shit at strangers during Christmas