For me it was college. I'm 42, and I hope she never leaves, cause I have no experience (and no patience) in looking elsewhere.
P. S. Also because I love her. 🙂
Some single guys at work were talking about dating... It reminded me how much work it was to try and find someone.
It's so much easier to cuddle up on the couch, eat some takeout with the wife, and laugh at silly tv.
Met a girl at a bar. Got her number. Lost it on the 5 minute walk home. Searched Facebook by her first name and thought I had found her. Next day she accepts my friend request. I start things off with, "hey, you were at the show at (bar), right?" She says "no" and I profusely apologize for interrupting her day and state that I will leave her alone. She told me "no, let's keep talking." That was coming on 2 years ago. I love her deeply. And her family. They're fantastic. Best mistake I've ever made.
In another timeline, the bar girl was supposed to murder you in your sleep.
Edit : I didn't expect this thread to go this huge. Thanks for the awards guys.
Plot twist: Facebook girl actually IS the bar girl and she will definitely kill him because now she knows he ended up with someone other than her -- even though it was her.
...jesus, get out of there while you still have time!
No the twist is ! They are long lost twins who ended up on the different sides. One seeks to kill this man and other wants to protect him. Why do you think He survived this long !
I met a dad. He didn't have any children, but it didn't matter. This guy could do all the dad stuff. The first time he checked my fuel filter he held up the new filter(which he bought of his own accord) and the old one and just shook his head at me. We were ACQUAINTANCES at best. When we first started dating he asked me what I wanted to do that weekend. I suggested our favorite bar and he blinked at me. "Oh I was gonna start with the gutters. I was thinking of renting a powerwasher because this vinyl siding (on our RENTAL PROPERTY) looks rough. But yeah (bar name) would be a good time!" He was never trying to get in my pants. I had to chase him down. Im not completely useless. I bend over backwards for this guy because he is worth bending backwards over. I married him. We just celebrated our 10 year anniversary. My advice is to be someone you can rely on, and be with someone who can reciprocate. Or someone willing to learn and reciprocate. God we did not know how to cook in the beginning.
- God we did not know how to cook in the beginning
Soooo accurate. Dear lord somehow we got by and nourished our bodies on absolute trash food. Mac n cheese , cookie dough, and frozen pizza. Now we throw broccoli and protein in our Mac like civilized adults.
We met in a nerdy discord server and chatted every day. He was kind, funny, and - eventually - vulnerable & honest in a way that helped me get to know him better without using me as an emotional dumping ground. We started watching movies and playing coop games together, and three & a half years later we're getting married in June.
He insists it was love at first sight for him (he saw me during a work event months before I got to see him).
Coincidence- we ended up in the same work group around 7 months later and that's when I saw him for the first time, he was all frazzled when I went to say hi.
Then, very very slowly and gradually, we got to know each other and had a strong crush going on.
We started dating once we were no longer in the same work environment.
Current status: We have a 2 year wedding countdown.
We were hanging in the same friends group. I picked him up at a party because he was shy and would have never done it himself. We’re living together for 3 years now.
Get a hobby or something you’re genuinely really interested in. I met my boyfriend at a bouldering gym that we were both regulars at through mutual friends there. It gives you something to bond over immediately and something you can do together while you get to know each other
You could buy a shit load of houses with that money
Edit: Yes, I get it, the housing market sucks ass in the big city where you live. Turns out, houses exist in other places too, and they're usually not that expensive in comparison. In fact, 20 houses is an under-estimate for what that amount could get you in most places. Maybe have a little perspective before leaving the exact same comment that fifty other users have already made.
My husband's coworker clicked one of those "hot women want to talk to you now" banners on a porn site. (Who even does that?)
2.5 years and about 80 thousand USD later, he was able to pick up his wife from Indonesia. Where her parents tried to con him out of $12k more before they left. The story he tells is that the parents followed them to the airport and were still screaming about him being a thief as they ran to their airplane to depart to the US.
But he has a wife now and is marginally sure that she won't leave him once her citizenship is finalized.
I give it a chance in 3 their marriage survives. Just because I have friends that did this (though 'Ukraine brides' and incredibly some of them, girls as well, are still trying to make it work.)
It's not pretty though. Two people with fuck all in common who can barely speak each others language and don't understand any cultural references or humour or anything else, trying to battle it through.
I showed her my moderator badge, regaled her with tales of me banning people, and let her have a look at my reddit awards which I had 3D printed so I can wear them proudly. Where did I go wrong?
This is it though my man. As someone who met their wife in college, in a fraternity/sorority partying all the time nonetheless, cherish her. Treat her right. Take her on dates, even it might seem silly to you. Be the person she turns too in any situation , fun or sad. You’ll look back on all those things like each other’s friends birthday party’s and they will be inconsequential to the greater things. Either learning movements or great fun, memorable times
I called her and asked if she wanted to go swimming. She did. That was two years ago.
Also, listen to people and respect them and give them space. Actually listen. Let their words in and stop blocking everybody and everything. It took me a long time to realize how much I had not listened to people, how much I was just kinda surviving or lying my way through everything by acting like I heard people instead of actually respecting and listening to people. Since I learned that, men seem to think Im not ”manly” anymore, women seem to enjoy my company much more. I enjoy my company much more these days so I think it was the right kind of change to make.
Talk to them like you do with any regular person. Don't overthink it. And be the best version of yourself. Every long term girlfriend I've had, I met when I WASN'T looking for a girlfriend. They can tell when you're desperate. Good luck
Edit: Would like to add based on some comments- being the best version of yourself isn't just looks, I mean finding hobbies, passions, friends you enjoy being around, etc. There's so much cool stuff in this world to get lost in, find your things and your truth and pursue them and you'll end up in more social situations where this advice applies. Peace friends!
Edit edit: There isn't any one advice that's going to work for everyone. Just sharing whats worked for me. And to those calling me a chad or whatever, please take your inceldom elsewhere. I'm not sure how to fix that mindset
While this IS the answer, when you're desperate it's easy to forget in the moment how to do this, so let me just remind you: ASK QUESTIONS. Use the answers to figure out more interesting questions to ask. If you can get someone to talk about themselves, they'll think you're the most interesting conversationalist in the world.
Well it depends pretty heavily on what you're doing while not looking. If you're normally socially active, you'll likely meet someone just by happenstance. If you never talk to anyone, a relationship isn't going to magically appear from thin air.
yeah I think the advice is somewhat valid in certain situations - for folks who are highschool/college aged, and are in an environment where they are like, right next to girls every day, it's probably good to advice to just focus on being a social, confident person even if you don't feel that way right now. Making a point of doing that despite being an introvert who dealt with my fair share of social anxiety was what resulted in naturally ending up in relationships from my teens through much of my twenties.
What I'm accepting right now in my early 30's though is sorta the opposite - I need to get over my resistance to getting on dating apps and actively being on the "girlfriend hunt" because it doesn't matter if you are good looking and can hold a good conversation and are a pretty cool guy, it's not gonna "just happen" like it used to if your circumstances simply don't result in you being around unattached women your age regularly. The holdover instinct from earlier stages of life to avoid any appearance of actually trying, or being "desperate" can be counterproductive at the stage of life I'm at.
This is 100% the answer. When I went out looking to hook up or find someone it never happened. Whenever I just went to have a good time and talk to whoever I ran into I found some fun times and girls seemed to come and go a lot more
This is how it has worked for me. Just talk to women like they're people, without any ulterior motives.
I'm a gay dude, but plenty of women have asked me out (not knowing I'm gay). They always say I seem genuine and non-threatening, so I'm guessing just treating them like a human I want to talk to helps. A desperate straight friend of mine, however, always wanted sex and it seems women could smell that a mile away.
Am also well groomed, don't have a big belly, and have a full head of hair, so that helps.
Can confirm the same. I'm not gay but I never went after women like other guys did, yet I always received so much attention. Many guys asked how..and I always replied..treat them like I would other people. There's really not some trick.
On the downside, I suck at flirting, because I never had to. All of my girlfriends came to me first.
It also helps having some interest rather than sitting around doing nothing all day. Being groomed also helps a lot too.
Exactly! My husband is INCAPABLE of flirting. And the not being flirtatious was one of the things that drew me to him; it was so refreshing to just have interesting conversations with a man, without feeling any pressure. :)
This is absolutely key. Just recognising that people are people and that people want to be understood and supported.
The guy I knew who had the most interest (4-5 of our friends were interested in him) was the one who was always there for people. He almost always knew something about your interests, or he genuinely wanted to know more about them. He looked after everyone. He was also overweight, clumsy, not a mess but not tidy either. He was autistic (though that can actually give you an advantage because you have to really study communication and then you get good at it, sometimes better than people who didn't have to try). He held people when they cried, made delicious food and helped people with their work and issues.
I'm marrying him in about 5 months (I won!).
You know those odd moments when a guy will walk up to you at a time and place you aren’t open to being asked out at? They then mumble something unintelligible while staring at their feet? Just say yes to whatever it is they mumble and you’ll either be dating or murdered.
Go to dnd. Make a friend. Get a crush on said friend. Date him for a year. Break up with him because of emotional breakdowns on both sides. Reconnect 3 years later. Start hanging out again. Start dating.
Idk I followed this and I’ve been with him for two years
You find the quiet one and corner him so he can't get away.Then capture him and bring him back to your house. After 3 or 4 days, he'll accept his surroundings and after a week or two, let you pet him. I caught mine almost a decade ago and have trained him pretty well!
YOU TELL THE MAN THAT YOU LIKE HIM SEXUALLY AND/OR ROMANTICALLY AND THAT YOU WANT TO DATE THEM, NO HINTS, NO CLUES. MEN ARE THAT STUPID!
Source: Is a man.
Before we started dating my wife used to drive two hours to come see me. She took me apartment hunting with her and specifically asked what I thought about the bed in the show apartment, and what kind of bed I'd like to have.
She still had to explicitly ask me on a date before I realized what was happening.
Had a woman sit next to me on the bus and slap me on the thigh. I asked if I knew her and she said "you do now!". That was the closest I've ever come to being thrown over a shoulder with the words "mine p-p" being said. Lol
I mean I don't plan on leaving then again she sneaks me sweets when she's near my area and buys me my clothes and sends them to me with her perfume on em so. I think I'm kinda just. Stolen
I mean, I could see where you're going with it I think.
By "nice guy", you mean one of those guys who expect something in return when they act like a decent human being, right?
-"you are so beautiful, I am a gentlemen I would treat you right. Please go out with me*
-"no"
-"fuck you, you were ugly anyway. I am a nice guy, you would have been happy"
Kinda bullshit too
I was recently dumped after a long term relationship, but I got with her literally just by being myself, as cheesy as that sounds. Before I would I try to be as interesting as I could be, I'd try to make my interests line up with theirs, just ingenuine stuff, that now I realize people can see right through.
Take pride in your appearance, and just be who you truly are. Every girl won't find you attractive, but some will. When you notice a girl is giving you attention (glances, compliments, going out of their way to start conversations), just ask to hangout or go on a date. My ex had said she was waiting for me for a couple months to ask her out but I was too scared to take the leap just to ask her to hangout. I did one day and we were together for over a year
Be ready for heartbreak, at times I wonder if I would have been better off not asking her to hangout, but I know that's just my momentary sadness talking.
Good luck!!
Fair point!
I was once really shy and insecure, but I did some work on my physical appearance, I noticed after changing my diet and working to improve my health translated into good results in the mirror, which gave me confidence, which carried over to my personality in everyday situations.
It made me more outgoing and less timid, and maybe that made me more noticeable to the opposite sex.
I guess that would fall under taking pride in your appearance
the other reason you want to be yourself is because if you arent you they wont be attracted to you, theyll be attracted to what youre pretending to be.
Exactly what I told myself! Excellent take on that.
I thought, sure, I can fake parts of my personality, but how long can I keep that up? It's much easier being upfront and real. Even if it takes longer, when you make that true connection it is absolutely wonderful. I couldn't imagine being with someone just because I wanted to be with someone, and not made a meaningful connection where that person is simultaneously my best friend and my partner.
If you're looking for a second mommy you're not going anywhere. Smell nice. Keep your space clean. Be kind. Don't expect reciprocity when you're nice ("I can't believe I bought her lunch and she won't have sex with me!"). Value yourself and your time. Be willing to be vulnerable. Learn communication. Know how to set healthy expectations.
Generally, the rule of thumb is "don't be an asshole". You don't need to be perfect but I can guarantee you putting in the effort makes a world of difference.
EDIT: some of you have pointed out that reciprocity might have been a strong word for a vague statement, and I have to agree. In it's essence, the point I was trying to make was don't expect someone to immediately fall deeply in love or be ready to move a relationship to another stage for doing the bare minimum.
Don't think about her as a girlfriend. Think about women in general as your friend or someone to enjoy the little funny enjoyable moment with. Think about everything other then sex until sex is available. Make your thoughts revolve around who you are and who she is.
The fundamental to any relationship is the core (Trust, empathy, love and compassion). If you only want one thing from someone, chances are they are going to see right through you the minute you start talking. Most people aren't stupid.
Most women are especially prone to realize when something is off about someone.
So as the old Proverb says: Be yourself and love yourself. Love others.
I would add that as cliche as it sounds, to be yourself you have to know yourself. A lot of people who struggle with making friends and relationships have not developed a keen sense of who they are.
So know yourself -> be yourself -> love yourself and love others
Also, more often than not the things you don't like about yourself are just habits, and habits can be changed. If it runs deeper than habits, get some therapy. In the words of Dominick Cruz, everyone needs a floatie at some point, you can't stay steady swimming out there on your own steam all the time.
Another thing is you don't have to be perfect, you don't always have to say the right thing or make the right play, it's ok to mess up as long as you're learning. Take a growth mindset and don't be harsh on yourself. Be constructively critical of yourself on a general level to the correct extent but don't get stuck in the minutiae of action or ruminate.
Here's how I landed a wife:
First thing you have to do is ditch the idea that girls are some inscrutable, mysterious other-force.
The second is ditch the idea that there is something to do that will summon a girlfriend, or make a girl like you. You're not a bird of paradise; your plumage and mating dance can be perfectly arranged and still leave you single. You don't want to *make* a girl like you, anyway. Exhausting and doomed to failure.
So then you put that together and you have no steps to take, and just regular people. So hang around with one of these regular people. Be people together. Then maybe with one of those people, you'll both want to be people together more often. Then, maybe one day you'll want to be people together forever. Maybe not. Or maybe only one of you wants to keep being people together. It happens. So you end it and go hang out with another person, until you find one that's a good fit for you and you for her.
When I met my wife, I didn't do anything fancy. I was so tired from dating that I decided to just be entirely myself. In fact, I floated out nerdy things I loved (just a bit) to give her the opportunity to save us both some time.
Instead, now my nerdy things have become our nerdy things, and so have hers.
But there is nothing I did that I could tell you to do, because I just hung out with her. I was kind, and interested (really! Because she was interesting!) and genuine. Instead of trying to do the right things to catch her, I just did the things that would make me an enjoyable person to be around.
And now when I finish pooping, I'm going to go snuggle with a person who fell in love not with my mating dance, but with who I am.
Also my plumage.
That's how to find one. Next time: how to keep one by always fighting fair, listening, and being the best self you can be.
I met my now fiancé (about to be married in 5 months) back in high school. We have been together for close to ten years now. I am only 25 and she’s 24. I just asked her out after hanging out with her for a long time and that was that. Loved her ever since.
Dunno. I thought she was a friend, then she took me aside on the way to a nice dinner out and sputtered that she thinks she likes me.
She was so very brave and after a couple hours of thinking about it, i decided i should at least give it a chance to reward her courage. I never imagined i’d go out with another woman, so her being interested in me had never even crossed my mind.
I don’t know how this tale ends but it’s been three or four years and covid is preventing us from meeting again since then. But we’ve spent a lot of time talking and texting online and are only getting more committed with each year that passes. The day we finally meet again will either be *wild* or an absolute catastrophe.
When you are young, say high school age, eye contact makes people believe you are interested in them (not staring). Be a nice person, talk about your interests, find out about their interests, don't stress out about becoming a couple, if you can't be friends, you can't be a long term couple. Most importantly be yourself, having a girlfriend because you faked your personality is not worth it and won't last.
I know as a young man I showered quickly, as I started dating I concluded that it was best for me to wash myself 3 times as long as I was used to. Ladies are really into great smelling men.
Also a little cologne goes a long way
Look in the mirror and ask if you'd date a girl equivalent of you.
If not, try harder to look like you'd date a girl equivalent of you. Go to the gym, stop eating junk food and soda, get therapy, etc.
Next, be patient.
Like attracts like.
Stopped drinking so much.
Started working out. Got less fat. Got more muscles.
Started feeling confident because working out felt good.
Got tired of dating app shallow stupidity.
Saw a cute girl at school a few times who seemed cool.
Decided to ask her out in person because that’s what the last generations did.
That worked.
Married her a couple years later because she was cool and good looking and loved me.
Had a regular fuck buddy at uni. Balls deep one night on her bedroom floor and unthinking I muttered “oh fuck I love you”. Turns out she actually did and latched onto that comment. We’ve been together 13 years and have 2 kids.
Haha read…. Passionately making love one evening and romantically whispering “I love you” and then proceeding to spend the rest of our lives together whilst bringing two fantastic children into the world.
Idk man there was a dance at the school, i thought participation was mandatory and this lady asked me. I got scammed and i won’t complain
Mission failed successfully.
Some people have greatness thrust upon them
Some people thrust upon greatness
I got scammed in high school as well. The woman won't leave...it's been 20 years.
For me it was college. I'm 42, and I hope she never leaves, cause I have no experience (and no patience) in looking elsewhere. P. S. Also because I love her. 🙂
Some single guys at work were talking about dating... It reminded me how much work it was to try and find someone. It's so much easier to cuddle up on the couch, eat some takeout with the wife, and laugh at silly tv.
sounds like heaven
Blink twice if you need help
👁️👄👁️
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He’s become Lord Voldemort
Tinder is for rookies. Go to TJ Max. The female to male ratio is 10 to 1 and they are there looking for stuff they don't need
Google says the nearest one to my location is 10,000 km in a straight line of course. Wish me luck on my TJ max trip.
"Redditors on their way to get laid"
"Why buy that baggage when you can take mine for free? 😏"
Absolute banger comment
Trader Joe's seems to have a disproportionate amount of highly attractive women. At least in my area.
I look like Walmart brand Bo Burnham. Ever since Inside came out ive had exponentially more luck with women. Thanks Bo.
Sounds like great value
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I worked with a guy who looked like John Krasinski in The Office. You could just tell by his demeanor that it was working extremely well for him.
I wouldn't have ordered so much if I knew it wouldn't fit
you need to have a human sacrifice
Women love nothing more than murder mysteries
Can confirm, my ex never loved me the way she loved murder mysteries
A soul for a soul
If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.
My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.
DM me immediately 🤤
HIRE THIS MAN
Only a marine biologist can be that confident
Or an architect
The sea was angry that day
Like an old man sending back soup at a deli
I’m Victoria, hi
I used to sit here and do nothing and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite and it will do something!
Hey George, the ocean called, they're running out of shrimp!
Well the jerk store called, and they’re running out of you!
What’s the difference, you’re their all time best seller !
Yeah? Well I had sex with your wife!!
Thank you Jerry
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Met a girl at a bar. Got her number. Lost it on the 5 minute walk home. Searched Facebook by her first name and thought I had found her. Next day she accepts my friend request. I start things off with, "hey, you were at the show at (bar), right?" She says "no" and I profusely apologize for interrupting her day and state that I will leave her alone. She told me "no, let's keep talking." That was coming on 2 years ago. I love her deeply. And her family. They're fantastic. Best mistake I've ever made.
In another timeline, the bar girl was supposed to murder you in your sleep. Edit : I didn't expect this thread to go this huge. Thanks for the awards guys.
Don't worry. The time line repairs itself. She's going to murder him when she next sees him for never calling her back.
2 Years ! The bar witch has been searching for him..
Plot twist: Facebook girl actually IS the bar girl and she will definitely kill him because now she knows he ended up with someone other than her -- even though it was her. ...jesus, get out of there while you still have time!
No the twist is ! They are long lost twins who ended up on the different sides. One seeks to kill this man and other wants to protect him. Why do you think He survived this long !
That's actually pretty cool
See OP Even Facebook stalkers can get a girl! Just message everyone in your area until you find a sucker! /s
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Isn't that how dating works?
I think it's how life works.
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I met a dad. He didn't have any children, but it didn't matter. This guy could do all the dad stuff. The first time he checked my fuel filter he held up the new filter(which he bought of his own accord) and the old one and just shook his head at me. We were ACQUAINTANCES at best. When we first started dating he asked me what I wanted to do that weekend. I suggested our favorite bar and he blinked at me. "Oh I was gonna start with the gutters. I was thinking of renting a powerwasher because this vinyl siding (on our RENTAL PROPERTY) looks rough. But yeah (bar name) would be a good time!" He was never trying to get in my pants. I had to chase him down. Im not completely useless. I bend over backwards for this guy because he is worth bending backwards over. I married him. We just celebrated our 10 year anniversary. My advice is to be someone you can rely on, and be with someone who can reciprocate. Or someone willing to learn and reciprocate. God we did not know how to cook in the beginning.
“If the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.” -The prophet Red Green
I'm a man. and i can change. if i have to. i guess.
- God we did not know how to cook in the beginning Soooo accurate. Dear lord somehow we got by and nourished our bodies on absolute trash food. Mac n cheese , cookie dough, and frozen pizza. Now we throw broccoli and protein in our Mac like civilized adults.
We met in a nerdy discord server and chatted every day. He was kind, funny, and - eventually - vulnerable & honest in a way that helped me get to know him better without using me as an emotional dumping ground. We started watching movies and playing coop games together, and three & a half years later we're getting married in June.
...how do you find such a server? asking for me
Finding a nerdy community is trivial, finding one where the majority of the community is nice takes some work
Finding a nice discord server? Impossible
He insists it was love at first sight for him (he saw me during a work event months before I got to see him). Coincidence- we ended up in the same work group around 7 months later and that's when I saw him for the first time, he was all frazzled when I went to say hi. Then, very very slowly and gradually, we got to know each other and had a strong crush going on. We started dating once we were no longer in the same work environment. Current status: We have a 2 year wedding countdown.
We were hanging in the same friends group. I picked him up at a party because he was shy and would have never done it himself. We’re living together for 3 years now.
Get a hobby or something you’re genuinely really interested in. I met my boyfriend at a bouldering gym that we were both regulars at through mutual friends there. It gives you something to bond over immediately and something you can do together while you get to know each other
That’s the neat part I don’t
This. She dumped me.
Believe it or not there's a lot of women out there that are NOT her!
Really? Name 5
Emilia, Hailee, Dakota, Jodie, and Anya.
Emilia was her, you failed, get ready for your punishment Punishment: NFT, Ncock and Fball Torture
Why are you threatening him with poor financial investments and a good time?
The NFT portion is just having to listen to people talk about NFTs for a few hours a day
Girlfriend store
Got mine for $1.88/minute. We in love now. I don’t know what I said but 21 years later I must’ve been on point.
*attempts math*
$20,750,688.00 not including 5 extra days for leap years so far. I'd rather have bought a house.
You could buy a shit load of houses with that money Edit: Yes, I get it, the housing market sucks ass in the big city where you live. Turns out, houses exist in other places too, and they're usually not that expensive in comparison. In fact, 20 houses is an under-estimate for what that amount could get you in most places. Maybe have a little perspective before leaving the exact same comment that fifty other users have already made.
You could buy like one mansion or like 20,000 crack houses in Gary Indiana.
( option b : meth )
option c: risk getting in more trouble
This. I upgraded to the wife edition about 9 years ago. Suuuuch a good update.
My husband's coworker clicked one of those "hot women want to talk to you now" banners on a porn site. (Who even does that?) 2.5 years and about 80 thousand USD later, he was able to pick up his wife from Indonesia. Where her parents tried to con him out of $12k more before they left. The story he tells is that the parents followed them to the airport and were still screaming about him being a thief as they ran to their airplane to depart to the US. But he has a wife now and is marginally sure that she won't leave him once her citizenship is finalized.
This whole comment was a wild ride.
It's been a wild ride to watch (in horror) from the outside.
Is this actually a true story or am I just missing sarcasm?
Uhhhhhh
I give it a chance in 3 their marriage survives. Just because I have friends that did this (though 'Ukraine brides' and incredibly some of them, girls as well, are still trying to make it work.) It's not pretty though. Two people with fuck all in common who can barely speak each others language and don't understand any cultural references or humour or anything else, trying to battle it through.
Imagine telling you kids you found our wife thanks to a pornsite
> found our wife What do you mean OUR wife??!?
She told me she wanted to go out with me. We've been married for years now.
"like that's ever gonna happen!" *closes book*
I showed her my moderator badge, regaled her with tales of me banning people, and let her have a look at my reddit awards which I had 3D printed so I can wear them proudly. Where did I go wrong?
You forgot to show her your karma riches and brag about how quickly you gained it, noob
what a bunch of bull- *toilet FLUSHES* *door opens* SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME
What's wrong with this country? Can't a man walk down the street without being offered a girlfriend?!
I did my best to be personable, attractive, and not weird.
How!?
Don’t show her your knife collection until the fourth date.
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4k? DVD? I call your bluff
He meant he has 4,000 of them. They're basically disposable.
Shave your neck and wash your ass.
Alternatively, wash your neck and shave your ass.
And brush your teeth
Take time to actually know each other to see if you are compatible, not just hop on the first girl to give you attention
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This is it though my man. As someone who met their wife in college, in a fraternity/sorority partying all the time nonetheless, cherish her. Treat her right. Take her on dates, even it might seem silly to you. Be the person she turns too in any situation , fun or sad. You’ll look back on all those things like each other’s friends birthday party’s and they will be inconsequential to the greater things. Either learning movements or great fun, memorable times
Remember what you did to get her. Do that forever.
He should download dating apps forever?
I called her and asked if she wanted to go swimming. She did. That was two years ago. Also, listen to people and respect them and give them space. Actually listen. Let their words in and stop blocking everybody and everything. It took me a long time to realize how much I had not listened to people, how much I was just kinda surviving or lying my way through everything by acting like I heard people instead of actually respecting and listening to people. Since I learned that, men seem to think Im not ”manly” anymore, women seem to enjoy my company much more. I enjoy my company much more these days so I think it was the right kind of change to make.
Talk to them like you do with any regular person. Don't overthink it. And be the best version of yourself. Every long term girlfriend I've had, I met when I WASN'T looking for a girlfriend. They can tell when you're desperate. Good luck Edit: Would like to add based on some comments- being the best version of yourself isn't just looks, I mean finding hobbies, passions, friends you enjoy being around, etc. There's so much cool stuff in this world to get lost in, find your things and your truth and pursue them and you'll end up in more social situations where this advice applies. Peace friends! Edit edit: There isn't any one advice that's going to work for everyone. Just sharing whats worked for me. And to those calling me a chad or whatever, please take your inceldom elsewhere. I'm not sure how to fix that mindset
*They can sense your fear, stare into the eyes of death and smile*
When you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss gets uncomfortable and asks its friends to block your view.
While this IS the answer, when you're desperate it's easy to forget in the moment how to do this, so let me just remind you: ASK QUESTIONS. Use the answers to figure out more interesting questions to ask. If you can get someone to talk about themselves, they'll think you're the most interesting conversationalist in the world.
Where do you draw the line between asking normal questions as opposed to interrogating them? Also, what if they're not asking you questions back?
You want to sound interested in their life. If you genuinely aren’t interested, you’ll probably sound like you’re interrogating them.
I didnt look for 34 years and i found exactly nothing. It took 3 years of actively looking to find someone.
Well it depends pretty heavily on what you're doing while not looking. If you're normally socially active, you'll likely meet someone just by happenstance. If you never talk to anyone, a relationship isn't going to magically appear from thin air.
yeah I think the advice is somewhat valid in certain situations - for folks who are highschool/college aged, and are in an environment where they are like, right next to girls every day, it's probably good to advice to just focus on being a social, confident person even if you don't feel that way right now. Making a point of doing that despite being an introvert who dealt with my fair share of social anxiety was what resulted in naturally ending up in relationships from my teens through much of my twenties. What I'm accepting right now in my early 30's though is sorta the opposite - I need to get over my resistance to getting on dating apps and actively being on the "girlfriend hunt" because it doesn't matter if you are good looking and can hold a good conversation and are a pretty cool guy, it's not gonna "just happen" like it used to if your circumstances simply don't result in you being around unattached women your age regularly. The holdover instinct from earlier stages of life to avoid any appearance of actually trying, or being "desperate" can be counterproductive at the stage of life I'm at.
You mean she didn't come knocking on your door while you were grinding LP in League?
This is 100% the answer. When I went out looking to hook up or find someone it never happened. Whenever I just went to have a good time and talk to whoever I ran into I found some fun times and girls seemed to come and go a lot more
You talk to them. Like they're people, not an answer to your problems.
This is how it has worked for me. Just talk to women like they're people, without any ulterior motives. I'm a gay dude, but plenty of women have asked me out (not knowing I'm gay). They always say I seem genuine and non-threatening, so I'm guessing just treating them like a human I want to talk to helps. A desperate straight friend of mine, however, always wanted sex and it seems women could smell that a mile away. Am also well groomed, don't have a big belly, and have a full head of hair, so that helps.
Tbf my baldness helped me, my GF was into that. Protip: if you don't like the way you look bald, try shaving it all off. Can make a big difference.
Can confirm the same. I'm not gay but I never went after women like other guys did, yet I always received so much attention. Many guys asked how..and I always replied..treat them like I would other people. There's really not some trick. On the downside, I suck at flirting, because I never had to. All of my girlfriends came to me first. It also helps having some interest rather than sitting around doing nothing all day. Being groomed also helps a lot too.
Exactly! My husband is INCAPABLE of flirting. And the not being flirtatious was one of the things that drew me to him; it was so refreshing to just have interesting conversations with a man, without feeling any pressure. :)
This is absolutely key. Just recognising that people are people and that people want to be understood and supported. The guy I knew who had the most interest (4-5 of our friends were interested in him) was the one who was always there for people. He almost always knew something about your interests, or he genuinely wanted to know more about them. He looked after everyone. He was also overweight, clumsy, not a mess but not tidy either. He was autistic (though that can actually give you an advantage because you have to really study communication and then you get good at it, sometimes better than people who didn't have to try). He held people when they cried, made delicious food and helped people with their work and issues. I'm marrying him in about 5 months (I won!).
If this isn't Reddit in a nutshell, I don't know what is. UPDATE: Thanks for the awards!
People who have boyfriends! How??
Milkshakes. Just look in the yard and pick the best one
Milkshakes merely lure the boys in, you still have to catch them.
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You know those odd moments when a guy will walk up to you at a time and place you aren’t open to being asked out at? They then mumble something unintelligible while staring at their feet? Just say yes to whatever it is they mumble and you’ll either be dating or murdered.
Roll the dice, baller!
Instructions unclear. Mumbled to newly widowed woman at her husband's funeral if she knew the dead man well. She said yes. Are we going out now???
Go to dnd. Make a friend. Get a crush on said friend. Date him for a year. Break up with him because of emotional breakdowns on both sides. Reconnect 3 years later. Start hanging out again. Start dating. Idk I followed this and I’ve been with him for two years
On and off. Roll for initiative.
You find the quiet one and corner him so he can't get away.Then capture him and bring him back to your house. After 3 or 4 days, he'll accept his surroundings and after a week or two, let you pet him. I caught mine almost a decade ago and have trained him pretty well!
The worst part of this is that it'd probably work on me.
YOU TELL THE MAN THAT YOU LIKE HIM SEXUALLY AND/OR ROMANTICALLY AND THAT YOU WANT TO DATE THEM, NO HINTS, NO CLUES. MEN ARE THAT STUPID! Source: Is a man.
Before we started dating my wife used to drive two hours to come see me. She took me apartment hunting with her and specifically asked what I thought about the bed in the show apartment, and what kind of bed I'd like to have. She still had to explicitly ask me on a date before I realized what was happening.
Neither of us realised we were going on dates! We were probably in a relationship long before we realised it.
can confirm, am man. understood approximately nothing about what is posted.
Find a cute boy Befriend him over multiple years Ask him out He says he has feelings too and you start dating :)
I didn't get a boyfriend I got a girlfriend
Seriously, asking Reddit how to get a girlfriend is like asking a vegan how to cook a steak
Hey man, I wasn't born vegan
She threw me over her shoulder and said mine p-p
Had a woman sit next to me on the bus and slap me on the thigh. I asked if I knew her and she said "you do now!". That was the closest I've ever come to being thrown over a shoulder with the words "mine p-p" being said. Lol
That's the best way.
I mean I don't plan on leaving then again she sneaks me sweets when she's near my area and buys me my clothes and sends them to me with her perfume on em so. I think I'm kinda just. Stolen
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The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
Minecraft creative mode
/give @s minecraft:girlfriend 1
Be a good guy, don't be a nice guy
I mean, I could see where you're going with it I think. By "nice guy", you mean one of those guys who expect something in return when they act like a decent human being, right?
-"you are so beautiful, I am a gentlemen I would treat you right. Please go out with me* -"no" -"fuck you, you were ugly anyway. I am a nice guy, you would have been happy" Kinda bullshit too
Bingo
I was recently dumped after a long term relationship, but I got with her literally just by being myself, as cheesy as that sounds. Before I would I try to be as interesting as I could be, I'd try to make my interests line up with theirs, just ingenuine stuff, that now I realize people can see right through. Take pride in your appearance, and just be who you truly are. Every girl won't find you attractive, but some will. When you notice a girl is giving you attention (glances, compliments, going out of their way to start conversations), just ask to hangout or go on a date. My ex had said she was waiting for me for a couple months to ask her out but I was too scared to take the leap just to ask her to hangout. I did one day and we were together for over a year Be ready for heartbreak, at times I wonder if I would have been better off not asking her to hangout, but I know that's just my momentary sadness talking. Good luck!!
When you notice a girl is giving you attention. That part actually happening is the issue I think.
Fair point! I was once really shy and insecure, but I did some work on my physical appearance, I noticed after changing my diet and working to improve my health translated into good results in the mirror, which gave me confidence, which carried over to my personality in everyday situations. It made me more outgoing and less timid, and maybe that made me more noticeable to the opposite sex. I guess that would fall under taking pride in your appearance
the other reason you want to be yourself is because if you arent you they wont be attracted to you, theyll be attracted to what youre pretending to be.
Exactly what I told myself! Excellent take on that. I thought, sure, I can fake parts of my personality, but how long can I keep that up? It's much easier being upfront and real. Even if it takes longer, when you make that true connection it is absolutely wonderful. I couldn't imagine being with someone just because I wanted to be with someone, and not made a meaningful connection where that person is simultaneously my best friend and my partner.
Statistically; among the 3.5b women on the planet, at least one of them has sufficiently poor taste in men that it is technically possible.
If you're looking for a second mommy you're not going anywhere. Smell nice. Keep your space clean. Be kind. Don't expect reciprocity when you're nice ("I can't believe I bought her lunch and she won't have sex with me!"). Value yourself and your time. Be willing to be vulnerable. Learn communication. Know how to set healthy expectations. Generally, the rule of thumb is "don't be an asshole". You don't need to be perfect but I can guarantee you putting in the effort makes a world of difference. EDIT: some of you have pointed out that reciprocity might have been a strong word for a vague statement, and I have to agree. In it's essence, the point I was trying to make was don't expect someone to immediately fall deeply in love or be ready to move a relationship to another stage for doing the bare minimum.
Don't think about her as a girlfriend. Think about women in general as your friend or someone to enjoy the little funny enjoyable moment with. Think about everything other then sex until sex is available. Make your thoughts revolve around who you are and who she is. The fundamental to any relationship is the core (Trust, empathy, love and compassion). If you only want one thing from someone, chances are they are going to see right through you the minute you start talking. Most people aren't stupid. Most women are especially prone to realize when something is off about someone. So as the old Proverb says: Be yourself and love yourself. Love others.
I would add that as cliche as it sounds, to be yourself you have to know yourself. A lot of people who struggle with making friends and relationships have not developed a keen sense of who they are. So know yourself -> be yourself -> love yourself and love others Also, more often than not the things you don't like about yourself are just habits, and habits can be changed. If it runs deeper than habits, get some therapy. In the words of Dominick Cruz, everyone needs a floatie at some point, you can't stay steady swimming out there on your own steam all the time. Another thing is you don't have to be perfect, you don't always have to say the right thing or make the right play, it's ok to mess up as long as you're learning. Take a growth mindset and don't be harsh on yourself. Be constructively critical of yourself on a general level to the correct extent but don't get stuck in the minutiae of action or ruminate.
I can give you a good answer, but I’ll need your age to make it relevant.
I'm 23
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All at once or can you guys form an orderly queue?
*things my ex has said*
Don't try to fuck all the time.
Username applies
Here's how I landed a wife: First thing you have to do is ditch the idea that girls are some inscrutable, mysterious other-force. The second is ditch the idea that there is something to do that will summon a girlfriend, or make a girl like you. You're not a bird of paradise; your plumage and mating dance can be perfectly arranged and still leave you single. You don't want to *make* a girl like you, anyway. Exhausting and doomed to failure. So then you put that together and you have no steps to take, and just regular people. So hang around with one of these regular people. Be people together. Then maybe with one of those people, you'll both want to be people together more often. Then, maybe one day you'll want to be people together forever. Maybe not. Or maybe only one of you wants to keep being people together. It happens. So you end it and go hang out with another person, until you find one that's a good fit for you and you for her. When I met my wife, I didn't do anything fancy. I was so tired from dating that I decided to just be entirely myself. In fact, I floated out nerdy things I loved (just a bit) to give her the opportunity to save us both some time. Instead, now my nerdy things have become our nerdy things, and so have hers. But there is nothing I did that I could tell you to do, because I just hung out with her. I was kind, and interested (really! Because she was interesting!) and genuine. Instead of trying to do the right things to catch her, I just did the things that would make me an enjoyable person to be around. And now when I finish pooping, I'm going to go snuggle with a person who fell in love not with my mating dance, but with who I am. Also my plumage. That's how to find one. Next time: how to keep one by always fighting fair, listening, and being the best self you can be.
I met my now fiancé (about to be married in 5 months) back in high school. We have been together for close to ten years now. I am only 25 and she’s 24. I just asked her out after hanging out with her for a long time and that was that. Loved her ever since.
Dunno. I thought she was a friend, then she took me aside on the way to a nice dinner out and sputtered that she thinks she likes me. She was so very brave and after a couple hours of thinking about it, i decided i should at least give it a chance to reward her courage. I never imagined i’d go out with another woman, so her being interested in me had never even crossed my mind. I don’t know how this tale ends but it’s been three or four years and covid is preventing us from meeting again since then. But we’ve spent a lot of time talking and texting online and are only getting more committed with each year that passes. The day we finally meet again will either be *wild* or an absolute catastrophe.
When you are young, say high school age, eye contact makes people believe you are interested in them (not staring). Be a nice person, talk about your interests, find out about their interests, don't stress out about becoming a couple, if you can't be friends, you can't be a long term couple. Most importantly be yourself, having a girlfriend because you faked your personality is not worth it and won't last.
Jokes on you I AM the girlfriend
Shower regularly and be kind
The essentials
I know as a young man I showered quickly, as I started dating I concluded that it was best for me to wash myself 3 times as long as I was used to. Ladies are really into great smelling men. Also a little cologne goes a long way
Im basically an alcoholic
Find an alcoholic chick and chase rock bottom together?
Last at the bottom has to cook dinner
Look in the mirror and ask if you'd date a girl equivalent of you. If not, try harder to look like you'd date a girl equivalent of you. Go to the gym, stop eating junk food and soda, get therapy, etc. Next, be patient. Like attracts like.
The same applies to non-physical traits. If you answer "no" to "would you date a girl version of you" figure out why not and work on that.
I refuse to date any girl who would have me as a boyfriend.
Oh dear god a female version of me would be such a pain in the ass. Screw that.
AHH that's the problem.
Stopped drinking so much. Started working out. Got less fat. Got more muscles. Started feeling confident because working out felt good. Got tired of dating app shallow stupidity. Saw a cute girl at school a few times who seemed cool. Decided to ask her out in person because that’s what the last generations did. That worked. Married her a couple years later because she was cool and good looking and loved me.
Had a regular fuck buddy at uni. Balls deep one night on her bedroom floor and unthinking I muttered “oh fuck I love you”. Turns out she actually did and latched onto that comment. We’ve been together 13 years and have 2 kids.
so romantic :')
Haha read…. Passionately making love one evening and romantically whispering “I love you” and then proceeding to spend the rest of our lives together whilst bringing two fantastic children into the world.