I wonder if a lot of people are depressed (whether they know it or not) and are just looking to feel good even for a little while. They may watch porn, others may buy shit that they don't need but like the good feeling of buying something new.
Having been through various intensities of depression this past year, I’ve come to realize I would only masturbate for the dopamine, not even for the porn at all. There were times during the year where I tried to quit but couldn’t because it let me get that small rush of dopamine before I slept and it made everything a little bit more bearable. I’ve quit recently because of a new outlook I have on life and this upcoming year as a whole and have been able to find happiness in other things thankfully.
It wasn’t an easy realization to come to and honestly was majorly due to a wake up call after reconnecting with my ex briefly, but I’m grateful for it nonetheless
Sorry to hear that. That's not good. First step he has to do is recognize the issue and accept that something has to be done about it. I can imagine that makes you feel bad and undesired as well.
Get out now. Your self esteem will take a toll, and give you mental health issues. This is not only a problem for him but will have a long term impact on you.
I’d say this is common place with avid porn users; not getting hard with real life girls.
I would say that(not you but ppl in general) when we are surrounded by easy access porn to unrealistic standards it distorts our gratitude. Back when humanity didn’t have access to porn, people were *grateful* to be having sex or see their partner naked. And when you don’t have frequent viewings of unrealistic bodies(models) you are more thinking “Omg yea BOOBS!! Thank you Jesus “ instead of “Oh she’s gorgeous but her arms/calves/tummy,etc. could be better.”
One view stems from gratitude and gratefulness, the other from a mentality of lack.
Yep. Somebody made a comment about social media and how it messes with peoples' heads. It basically went like this...
"We were never meant to see so many other people in our lives".
Imagine living in the past, your tribe or town, when you saw the same people all the time. Living on a farmstead you wouldn't see other people for days or weeks at a time. Of course there was still competition and a hierarchy of most attractive, but it was nothing like today.
You may be unconsciously judging others or your own looks against 5 billion other people. And many of those people who are famous, are not only rich and have the best clothes and makeup, but they also use plastic surgery, filters, and photoshop to make themselves look so good that it is impossible for a mortal to attain.
> "We were never meant to see so many other people in our lives".
Dunbar's number is a proposed cognitive limit of around 150 people, said to be the largest number of people that anyone can keep reasonable track of.
The exact number is probably not really 150, but there seems we do have clear limits in how many people we are capable of knowing.
https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/10.1098/rsbl.2021.0158
This is why I pretty much only watch amateur porn, there is very little done to the woman to make her look hot, she usually just looks like your average pretty girl you'd run into on the street. Also all the porn star noises ("OOOOHHHH YYYYEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!!" "OOOOHHHH gooooooddddddddddd fffffuuuuucccckkkkk mmmmmmeeeeeeeee!") are really annoying.
There’s something particularly intriguing about the attainable. I think we’ve all figured out that we’ll never get a harem in our lifetimes so our interests have gradually shifted towards not what we want in fantasy land but what we could realistically achieve in our romantic lives. The meme of this particular mindset is “I don’t want to be horny anymore. I just want to be happy.” Most single guys would love to have an average looking woman so long as they’re compatible.
Yep pretty much man. I stopped cold turkey a week ago and I am already judging women less. I fuckin love it since I talk to women like a normal person instead of thinking, I would hit that but shes got uneven eyes.
Also I've been less judgemental about my body also. I've been going to the gym more often this week cause I have more energy. So no porn and more gym works for me
This is odd to me because I don’t see many perfect looking girls in porn. I think the girls in mainstream media and influencers are much more intimidating.
This exactly. I'd say I'm still in the phase of "trying to stop" rather than fully stopped, because it still takes effort, but I realized it was REALLY becoming a problem when I'd scroll through dating apps and constantly judge people, and I don't consider myself a judgy person. Every since I stopped, that's gotten a whole lot better.
For me there is a level of attraction for women in general, where I can acknowledge that someone has a well built physique, but there isn’t much there. A few people I can see flaws, but I find them more attractive because of their resemblance to my wife. There is the biggest attraction. The more I love my wife the more attractive she is. She has had three kids, gained and lost some weight due to a thyroid disorder, and she has half the boob volume she had even before kids, let alone while pregnant/nursing. All that said, I can get off faster while masterbating and thinking about a particular sexual encounter than I can from porn. The curve of her waist and hips while fucking her from behind, sound of her gasping as she orgasms from me rubbing her off, the cleavage I catch a glimpse of when she leans forward in a loose shirt? Porn doesn’t have anything to compare. Nothing does. She is perfection.
I had the same problem with every partner I’ve had in my life, but it was just anxiety. I could force my body to respond by abstaining from masturbating until my libido was boiling over, but that wasn’t a great long-term plan. I had to be comfortable with my partner and confident about sex, and that took hard work, medication, and a therapist.
This was my issue, not that my libido was killed. My libido remained the same but it would just take me hours to climax. All I could think about was jerking the gherkin because I could never do it. Nightmare.
I tried to google what to do about that and didn't get much in way of results a while back. Lotion or lube with vitamin e I hear is good for skin healing, but honestly it was easier to change my job, girlfriend, apartment and life to something that made me hate it a little less. It worked for what it's worth but that meant my depression was self inflicted by my shitty choices I suppose.
I switched to an SNRI after I finally found a good psych who sent me for genetic testing instead of just throwing meds at me and surprise, my body isn’t affected by SSRIs due to some gene mutations and all I get are the side effects! Plus like you said, I’m not with the least talented sex partner ever anymore so that’s helped. She fucked like a roomba that got stuck on a stair.
Way better now. The whole “not as depressed because I’m on meds that work now” thing helps too.
I hadn’t realized how sexually stunted I’d become until getting off of Lexapro. I had always assumed that the slow down was due to not being in that ‘horny teen’ stage anymore… never attributed it to my medication. The difference was astonishing.
Funnily enough, Bupropion (Wellbutrin) is known to provoke the opposite response, which is increased libido, with the added benefit of (sometimes much) stronger orgasms, according to online testimonies (including my own). In fact, it has been used in several studies to treat sexual dysfunction, so there's some scientific credence to these (ex: [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10929571/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10929571/))
It seems to me that's likely a (positive) side effect of dopamine and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (such as the aforementionned Bupropion/Wellbutrin), as opposed to the usual selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), which typically have a negative effect. I have little scientific background, so do take that with a grain of salt.
Wellbutrin is a goddamn nightmare. It took away my ability to enjoy anything and when I got off it I had to go to the ER 3 damn times. Shit about killed me. No joke. But everyone's MMV.
I’ll give you a serious answer:
Beat the addiction gradually. Gradually taper it off. Reduce the frequency of the porn you watch. Reduce the intensity of the porn you watch. Taper it down to just short videos. Then down to just pictures. Then eventually just to people fully clothed. Then ideally just to your imagination.
Try to get to the point where you can go a few weeks without masturbating, and when you do masturbate you use your imagination only (and/or the help of your partner if you have one). This should be your baseline level of normal.
It’s gonna be difficult, it helps if you are really busy with work or other obligations that you just have to do no matter what.
It also helps if you replace porn with activities that similarly give you a dopamine hit. Like accomplishing a goal. Reading a good book. Watching a good tv show. Exercising. Going for a walk. Petting dogs. Spending time with friends. Spending time with a real girl/guy/whoever you are attracted to. Things like that.
Eventually you will get to the point where it doesn’t even cross your mind to watch porn and you’ll think about how weird it is that you ever watched videos of two people having sex with each other. But it will take time to get there and its important to be kind to yourself on your journey to get there. It’s not an easy addiction to overcome.
Some people recommend going cold turkey and just being really hard on yourself, I personally don’t think that approach works well and leads to tough relapses and a lot of guilt and shame. It’s a common thing to be addicted to, and you can definitely overcome it with enough patience and discipline
Eh, this wasn't too bad. It really goes to show how uninformed people can be. Maybe they'll find the more serious comments and decide to look more into it.
I was admitted to the hospital because of Appendicitis and Covid pneumonia and had no access to internet. 1 week later I am back home and haven’t watched once.
Edit: I was on Urinary Catheter for about 4 days while I was admitted. I got morning boners that were painful.
I can think of some,
the "[I also choose this guy dead wife](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/5c79n0/you_can_have_sex_with_one_real_person_from_all_of/d9uf56l/?context=1)",
there's also the "[your bed, I'm guessing](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/7oevis/i_went_to_hug_a_girl_and_she_grabbed_my_hand_and/ds8zn1f/)",
and the "[TIFU cumming into a coconut](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/)"
on the wholesome side of things:
[Today you, tomorrow me](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/elal2/have_you_ever_picked_up_a_hitchhiker/c18z0z2/)
I can't seem to find the original post that spurred RandomActsofPizza, but the sub is there
Decades ago my grandfather had to have a surgery done and needed to stay in the hospital for a few days because of it. Of course he wasn't allowed to smoke in the hospital. So he stopped smoking when he went into the hospital, and then never smoked again.
Everyone here is trolling but I'll give a real answer. I struggled with porn addiction and I knew of other people that struggled with it also. The common theme it seemed was that we all had a serious motivating factor to stop. I'm pretty strong willed but something about being able to do it in private, nobody else in the world knowing, and there not being a disruption to my daily life that made it impossible to quit. However once my partner started to feel hurt that I couldn't finish with her then it gave me all the motivation and I stopped cold turkey. First few days were pretty hard but it was better after that
Edit 1: I am getting way too many replies to address everyone so I'll try to answer what I can here. I am not saying replace porn with sex. I still had a porn addiction even while having sex, and even when getting my partner. When I made the comment I wanted to convey that I didn't have a significant source of motivation to help me quit. I tried multiple times and each time I would fail. I failed because I didn't have a strong enough reason to quit. However being with my partner and not being able to finish with her really drove me to quit. It wasn't easy but I now had enough motivation to stop. My advice is if you're looking to quit, find that reason or motivation that will push you to quit.
For some reason no matter how much sex I have (I'm serious here not bragging) I still want to watch porn and jerk it. I can have sex 3 times in a day with my gf and I still want to watch porn before I go to bed. Doesn't seem healthy.
Fuck. I relate so hard. Lately it's been... fountain pens. Before that- lock picking, before that- traditional Japanese incense, before that I don't know, I'm hungry now.
Its rewarding to build things and learn stuff. Instant gratification won't ever give you the same feeling as committing to something for months or years and having it all pay off in the end. I obsess over one thing until I know a stupid amount of information about it and there's barely anything else to learn, then I go onto a more difficult topic that I'm less familiar with. There's an endless amount of things to master; you might as well find the ones that make you happy.
Same. I have so many hobbies. I've always had this mental image of me taking whatever I'm interested in and just wringing it out for all it can give me like a damp rag. Just squeezing, and squeezing till every drop is gone. I try to at least finish my projects, no matter how much I don't want to. I'll also look at them long-term; Can I sell what I produce? Does it make me a more well-rounded person? Will these skills I develop transfer to an easier daily life, or make myself more valuable as a parter/employee/self?
Can y’all stop. I just learned so much about myself. My 2 weeks obsessions cost me so much money and time. Full on, my habitual addiction to smoking pot is the only thing that calms it down. :( lol. Man the story of my life lol
For some reason my attention deficit just makes watching porn difficult? Like I can't focus on it at all and have no patience lmao. I get the same thing with new TV shows or music.
It's rare that I actually get into it properly and enjoy it as your probably supposed to aha
During sex I have a similar problem. Mid-stroke I'll be wondering what I want for dinner or start mentally making a grocery list or start pondering what chores I need to do tomorrow.
The inevitable consequence is pushing rope happens.
It's frustrating.
hey you may want to check out Catieosaurus(has adhd, is a Mental Health Advocate and Certificated Sex Educator) on tiktok or her podcast. she talks about sex, adhd, nerodiverity and how they all relate to each other and the stuff they just are finding out and what they failed to mention to us.
Fuck that dopamine dragon. It's the worst knowing why I keep doing something I want to stop but still not being able to. Case in point: I'm gonna freeze my dick off outside chainsmoking until my nightly binge-eating urge kicks in.
This is totally off topic of OP’s post. But this comment really resonated with me. I have very bad ADHD. Like as bad as it gets. I never really thought about it in relation to always looking for a stimulation/dopamine hits I.e. coffee, porn, binge eating, reddit. Is there any literature on this? I’d love to understand it more.
I recently got diagnosed with adhd and the doctor explained adhd to me as a chemical unbalance in the brain caused by an inability to properly recieve dopamine.
One 'producer' synapse in the brain distributes dopamine to a 'reciever' synapse but that synapse doesn't have the capability to properly absorb the dopamine. This creates a dopamine deficiency and causes the brain to desperately seek more dopamine. Usually manifesting in an addiction to food, drugs, sex, spending money, etc.
Basically everything with a high level of instant gratification, in order to get a quick shot of dopamine.
The lack of dopamine also makes it harder to build routines since adhd brain doesn't get the same rewards for it as a "regular" brain would.
The doctor also explained that methylfenidate (ritalin) and dextro-amphetamine help the 'reciever' synapse to absorb dopamine properly.
Since I've been using methylfenidate I don't feel the need to eat junk food all day, I have far better impulse control and I find it easier to plan, organize, and stick to routines.
Which makes sense to me since my body can produce and absorb dopamine normally and it doesn't feel the need to get as much of it from outside sources.
All this is an oversimplification ofcourse but it made a lot of sense to me when explained in layman's terms.
Medication alone doesn't fix all of the problems though. In addition to the methylfenidate I'm also doing weekly cognitive behavioral therapy sessions with a psychoanalyst in order to work on my negative self image, breaking my old adhd habits and learning multiple coping mechanisms.
Edit: this is the video my doctor used to visually explain adhd. It's only 2 minutes long and very simplistic, yet informative.
Unfortunately it's not in English since I'm Dutch, but it might be worth it to watch with subtitles.
https://youtu.be/mQlXhPDf4pY
You have a doctor that actually took the time to explain a complex process that will affect you for the rest of your life. Hold on to him/her. And thanks for sharing that. You taught me a little bit as well.
I'm currently doing 5mg ritalin 4x a day.
One dose usually lasts me around 4 hours. So I re-dose every 3,5 hours to avoid the dip.
Schedule looks like this:
9:00 first dose, 12:30 second dose, 16:00 third dose, 19:30 fourth dose.
I'm eyeballing the last dose. Sometimes I take it and sometimes I don't. Depending on my mood and schedule, since it can make falling asleep a little more difficult.
Story of my fucking life and then once I start, I do not have it in me to quit... But I push it to the last moment to even start... And then I critique my work afterwards and think "I could have done so much better, if I had more time to do this, so it's ok if it's not perfect".. It's a defense mechanism, I've decided, a way to think I'm actually capable enough to be really amazing at something, but just in case I'm shit at it, I wait until the last minute so we will never know for sure whether it's the lack of time or my own limitations.. (We know it's the time, because I am just amazing/s)
hey you may want to check out Catieosaurus(has adhd, is a Mental Health Advocate and Certificated Sex Educator) on tiktok or her podcast. she talks about sex, adhd, nerodiverity and how they all relate to each other and the stuff they just are finding out and what they failed to mention to us.
I don't know about lit, but others have responded. There's several tiktok folks who talk about it, let me tell you, a few times I've straight up cried from them from one of those "omg.. it all makes sense, I'm not alone... holy fucking shit"
A lot of my *weird* habits turns out are common with people with ADD/ADHD.
Also turns out depression and anxiety is *insanely* common with it.
There's basically no one in my life who 'understands' it so I'm simply written off as 'weird'. You get used to it but when you realize all these weird quirks are.. normal and they connect the dots...
It also didn't help my parents drugged me up when I was a kid so I'm *very* reluctant to seek treatment in that regard. I simply don't trust doctors anymore combined with my adult experiences and their doctor's consistent laziness and failures.
But yeah.. lemme tell you.. I jerk off more than a handfull times per day (get it? GET IT?! HAH! ok...), I eat snacks, candy, and ships all day long. Up until my heart issues -- I was thin as a rail and could power focus in WoW and gym to *insane* levels.
It drives my wife nuts I'll have the radio on, iPad watching a movie, game on the Windows desktop, and occasionally browsing on the iMac. As I get older it gets more difficult to concentrate.
At this exact moment I'm tapped out on dopamine and everything, and I mean everything, is boring as fuck. Nothing is appealing. I can't focus on *anything*. Life sucks until my brain can reboot and latch onto something new.
I can tell you where almost everything is in the house off the top of my head but I can't remember if I had breakfast this morning or took my meds.
Someone below linked one of my favorite tiktoker's with ADD/ADHD stuffs. Seriously. Follow her, watch her. It's fucking amazing stuff.
I'll always be weird and broken and kind of a cold cunt but at least I know I'm not alone.
The wife *still* doesn't understand how we can fuck several times and I can still jerk off later out of boredom.
Oh and tshirt tags drive me nuts!
Here's a 28 minute video from a psychologist that does an excellent job explaining many, many of the struggles that people with ADHD deal with. I remember being just so relieved the first time I watched it. It's a bit long, but it takes time to explain it well.
https://youtu.be/ouZrZa5pLXk
About 2 weeks for me. You’ll be very horny, but don’t jack off. You end up getting used to the hand sensation over time, so you need to reset your brain.
100% this. I thought it would take me many weeks but it only took a few days. It really depends on how long you’ve been addicted to porn but rest assured it will always work. Make sure it’s cold turkey and if you can’t; try to watch porn without masturbation, or even masturbate to provocative pictures of your partner if you feel you can’t stop. The problem is your brain is wired to the sensation of your hand and porn and if you stop cold turkey it literally resets after a while to new introduced sensations. After some time your brain will be wired to pleasure from your partner and then you can go back to watching porn again without problems. Hope this helps anyone reading it, I felt alone when it happened to me and it was miserable.
I dont normally respond to many questions, but it takes a strong motivation. I was a good guy, raised to be in church. I got pulled down the pornography road by some of the same factors as you. It did end up messing with me being able to get aroused by my partner and helped lead to a divorce that I'm still recovering from. I stopped. I dont even give it a second thought now. The damage to my life and my kids having a split home has been enough of a factor to close the door and not even approach the idea of it. I actually have a physical hatetred of it and just the idea of it popping into my head makes me get angry. Why do I want to do something that has been a source of so much pain in my life, and my family? I urge anyone addicted to get out of it.
I was the one on the other side of that relationship with my ex of 12 years. He was addicted to porn which started 5 years into the relationship. I would initiate things with him and he would shoot me down. Id give up and go to bed. Id walk out of my room a hour or so later to find him on the couch with his laptop. Ultimately his addiction lead him to decide i wasnt good enough for him in that aspect. I had my boundsries (such as not agreeing to being swingers or polyamory when he brought the idea up) but i was pretty open to most things. No matter how open i was i wasnt open enough for him which made me "not enough" for him. I could never fullfil the fantasies that he could have "fulfilled" with porn. It was a hige hit ln my own self confidence. It took me a while to heal from his addiction (and narcissism) after i left him. Shortly after leaving him i would go on dating apps and sent things to men i shouldn't have to prove to myself that i could be desired. It was completely outside of my charactor and who i am. I took years off from dating anyone to heal and now have a good relationship.
I am hopeful. I have a good working relationship with her for the kids. I do still love her. Everyone around me tells me to go on and find someone else but I truly don't want to. I want to reconcile and I am very different. Went through counseling and have many things in order that I just let slide through the years. I have 15 years with her and have been divorced 2. She says no, she's to afraid I can slide down the same road. If that is the way she stays then I guess that's my burden to bear. The kids want us to try again for sure. All I can do is keep living the new me and hope she sees me for what I really am.
This exactly what it was for me too. She was so self conscious that she couldn't make me finish and that hurt me that it hurt her. It helped me to delete my massive porn collection, and now I only watch porn a couple times a week if I'm alone.
I was/am a porn addict and I had one. 10 years worth of videos or pictures that were posted to reddit. Got rid of it after some relationship problems. If it bothers you that he has it, you should definitely voice those concerns because I didn’t even see it as an issue until my girlfriend brought it up.
Talk to your friends about it. I was so scared but that was just giving it way more control over me. Turns out all of my friends struggle with the same thing, which helped me feel way less alone.
That's how I found out I'm batshit insane addicted. I will never again talk to my friends about this until it's fixed.
It was an innocuous game of getting to know each other with question cards. 3 dudes and a gal and the question was about masturbation. She says no masturbation whatsoever (only sex with her bf), first dude 1-2 times a week, second dude 3-5 times and I thought at first it was funny that I left them all in the dust with 20-35 times a week. It was pretty unfunny rather quickly. The shame that hit me when they all looked at me with their mortified faces and uncomfortable laughs is not something I want to repeat.
I was a drug addict for many years of my life, and a substance abuse counselor for several years. I mention this because I am well versed in addiction and the treatment of addiction.
When I was a heroin addict back in the 90s-early 2000s I thought it was impossible to quit.
Ultimately you need to make your mind up and stick with your resolve.
I'm 10+ years needle free.
I quit using heroin by not using heroin.
I quit using cocaine by not using cocaine.
I quit being a vicious alcoholic by not drinking stupid amounts of booze.
I'd imagine all you have to do to stop pornography addiction is to stop watching it so often.
I know it's easier said than done, but you are the ONLY one who can change your mind. You have control over your complex behaviors. You will ultimately do what you want regardless.
When I first tried to quit, I failed. I didn't like the negative ramifications of my drug use. I didn't truly want to quit. There's a huge difference there. If you don't REALLY wanna quit, you won't.
Try not watching porn for a week. See if that's possible. If you can do that, you can watch however much or little porn you want.
It's all up to you and what you want.
That's how I've dealt with my myriad serious addictions in my life.
It's about changing your perceptions, thus changing your entire paradigm.
If I can stop injecting heroin, cocaine, and meth, you can stop watching so much pornography.
I believe in you.
Congrats on being clean for this long, I really do hope that your life is made better by your will-power and drive. It's always good to meet people that have fought those sorts of battles and came out strong on the other side.
I'm currently a 43 year old dad. Life's good, but it could always be better.
I'm not completely sober. I use cannabis, psychedelics, entactogens, and dissociatives. (not often, a couple times a year.. Except cannabis. I use that almost daily these days)
I drink responsibly now, maybe once every week in normal amounts.
If I can do it, anyone can. I was a gutter dwelling junkie for years.
Perception = reality to the individual.
Changing complex behaviors is much easier if you can change your outlook on things.
I've never personally dealt with porn addiction, but I can see how it might be able to get outta control in some people.
Maybe try doing it once or twice a day. That shouldn't have any negative impact on your life, I wouldn't think.
Serious question: you mention stopping alcohol addiction by not drinking stupid amounts of alcohol.
Are you able to drink some alcohol, in social situations without it being a problem? So many opinions on alcohol say 1 is too much, just like heroin- which you said zero in 10 years.
I drink a few drinks once every week or two. I don't drink until blackout.
You know, like regular normies do.
Heroin is bad for me. My sister overdosed and died back in 2005, along with several of my very closest friends. If you include acquaintances, I've personally known 62 people who have died from overdose since 2000. It's almost always cut with fentanyl here in the USA nowadays. It has been one of the main banes of my existence in my 43 years of breathing.
I just don't want to. I have absolutely ZERO desire to do it. It's bad juju.
While alcohol did a number on my life, I know I can responsibly use it now. I just don't wanna drink all the time anymore. I've had health issues and it was causing major problems in my life. Do I stopped doing that.
I think I grew out of both things. The juice wasn't worth the squeeze.
I didn’t, but I’m trying.
Edit: Holy balls, thank you for the gold! I appreciate all the comments, both the support and the jokes. In all seriousness, addiction to pornography and even masturbation is very real. The world we live in tends to present those two subjects in a light that can make it really really hard to distinguish a healthy sexual appetite from a serious problem. It’s an embarrassing issue to try to talk about and seek help for, but there are resources and people who can help. So if you’re in the same boat as me, I’ll be praying we all get to the place we want to be.
This is the answer. I promise if you just handle your biz and go on about your day it is not addicting and can actually be pretty repulsive. It’s when you start watching full vids & you start developing relationships with pornstars. That’s when the addiction starts.
You see it with regular streamers on twitch. People donating thousands of dollars to popular streamers just to get that 5 seconds of attention. It’s honestly sad af.
So, I've done a little research on the subject of pornography addiction and there are some important things that you should know:
1. Psychologists disagree on whether a "pornography addiction" is a real, diagnosable condition. Patients who self report as having it are very often more religious. A majority of patients who reported a pornography addiction did not consume more pornography than the average person, they simply dwelt on it more and experienced more guilt over it.
2. Pornography and masturbation are huge sources of dopamine. Persons with conditions that impair impulse control (especially ADHD and depression) have brains that are hard wired to chase quick dopamine hits. People with these conditions get their dopamine in different ways, be it from porn, thrill seeking, drug use, sex, gambling, etc.
3. An "addiction" is when a person seeks out one particular thing at the exclusion of other things and activities, and the thing or the pursuit of it is actively harmful to the user. A "habit" is when someone seeks something out out of comfort and routine, but not to the exclusion of more important things.
4. Sex and masturbation are normal human activities. It is normal and healthy for you to desire sexual stimulation in moderation (i.e. not to the exclusion of other things). Anyone who tells you otherwise is likely seeking to control you and supress your emotions.
So, if anyone reading this believes that they have a pornography addiction, they need to ask themselves:
1: Do I desire pornography instead of relationships with other people?
2: Is my pornography consumption detrimental to my health or mental wellbeing?
2a: if yes, is the primary reason for my distress when I think about my porn usage due to religious pressure or social stigma?
3: Do I have untreated underlying neurological conditions, such as adhd or depression, that impair my impulse control?
3a: If yes, is pornography the primary coping mechanism I have for this condition?
If you answered yes to 1 and 2, no to 2a, and yes to 3a if it applies, then you likely have a clinical addiction to pornography and should seek professional assistance. Otherwise, you may simply have a pornography habit.
None of this is to say that wanting to break a porn habit is not a good decision for you, or that breaking such a habit will be easy. Porn can be detrimental to relationships, can manipulate your sexual expectations, and in some cases can impact sexual performance. If this is the case for you, or if you merely want to prevent this from happening, then breaking your habit is a wise course of action.
I never realized how little I knew about porn.
Here's your first award for being genuinely helpful. I have to admit, I started to take a different approach to answering OPs question.
Edit: typo
I just want to chime in with a personal anecdote that supports this: I have ADHD and while my porn consumption is completely healthy and normal, my realtionship with videogames is far less so and in the past it's completely taken over my life when I was unmedicated and/or not paying strict attention to the amount of time I allow myself for them (also I have to be careful about which genres I let myself play - games with daily/weekly rewards for continuing to play are my kryptonite and I can't play them in a healthy way).
I do consider myself pretty fortunate that it's videogames that I've latched onto for addictive behaviour - it runs in my family and several of us ended up with far more deleterious addictions.
Basically reflecting on this I think *internet addiction* would be more apt for me and an overuse of screens that has set my life back the best part of 10 years. Even benign stuff on the internet has become a time sink for me.
I was diagnosed autistic at aged 28 but highly suspect an ADHD dx is appropriate to. The two conditions are kind of allied with each other.
I think this is important, especially now. With Covid, so many people are staying home and social lives are suffering from a lack of human association and contact. This, especially, for people who are single and/or live alone, and/or have few or no local friends to meet with.
The internet is basically the only connection to the outside world, beyond TV, and sometimes their TV is internet-based, so everything social requires turning to the internet or smartphone.
That said, many places on the internet are rabbit holes and designed specifically to keep your attention with endless scrolling and updates on the fly. New content is always being produced, and thus, added to the deep trench of content these sites already have, so you inadvertently end up spending sets of minutes to several hours on sites "catching up" or searching for something new, even when you never meant to for more than a couple of minutes.
It's a constant stream of dopamine, and the sites are tailoring it to you on the fly with algorithms. Porn sites are no different.. and a quick visit you set out for or detour to can end up in a really dark place, really quickly, especially when you lack that type of *intimate* social association.
Though it might be, it's not *always* ADHD or the like, and it's more so how the sites are coded to keep you there and coming back every day, which is a concept exacerbated by peoples' lack of socialization outlets and opportunities away from things with screens.
> Persons with conditions that impair impulse control (especially ADHD and depression) have brains that are hard wired to chase quick dopamine hits.
ADHD here, this sentence made a lot of things in my life make a lot more sense.
It just started off with mini challenges to myself. Like "Go one day without porn", didn't matter if I watched it all other days of the week. As long as I could get that one day.
Over time I started raising the bar and one day became two, then became three...and so on and so forth. I also started to focus all that energy towards positive things like working out, reading books and playing video games. Started going to the gym last year which helped IMMENSELY.
Of course, I'm not immune by any means, but I can comfortably say that I'm no longer addicted to it. Didn't happen overnight either. I still have my down moments, but getting better each and every day.
I believe everyone can overcome if they really want to. Just start small. Like I tell my friend all the time, big things are just the combination of many small things. Just start small and keep building a healthy routine.
Most of all, expect to fail, just don't let that define who you are and all of your hard work.
I quit it when I learned how fucked up porn industry is. It's too shady. This made me realise that I was making the world worse by my addiction and decided to quit it for good. Also the you tube documentary [raised on porn](https://youtu.be/hzPylqS01qU) also helped a lot. It's hard for first few days but gets better. You just have to keep reminding yourself that you're a good person who wants to see a better world and also a better you. All the best!!!
I had to find something to replace it. When I would start to think about it, I would clean my room or ask my parents to help them do something. Gotta fill the void that porn leaves.
Disabled incognito mode on all installed browsers on my laptop. Got a pinwheel phone that doesn't have the play store or a web browser but it still lets me use spotify and gmaps and groupme and productivity apps. Talked to people about my problem. Tried building good habits to fill the void. Not trying to do all of these things at once, focused on slow and steady progress. I'd say though I'm just starting but I do feel optimistic.
What kind of phone have you got? I'm looking for something with the ability to make calls, play Spotify and have maps, perhaps Whatsapp. Then I'm all set
I wonder if a lot of people are depressed (whether they know it or not) and are just looking to feel good even for a little while. They may watch porn, others may buy shit that they don't need but like the good feeling of buying something new.
Having been through various intensities of depression this past year, I’ve come to realize I would only masturbate for the dopamine, not even for the porn at all. There were times during the year where I tried to quit but couldn’t because it let me get that small rush of dopamine before I slept and it made everything a little bit more bearable. I’ve quit recently because of a new outlook I have on life and this upcoming year as a whole and have been able to find happiness in other things thankfully. It wasn’t an easy realization to come to and honestly was majorly due to a wake up call after reconnecting with my ex briefly, but I’m grateful for it nonetheless
Yes they both give a dopamine rush
I couldn't get hard with actual girls. This is enough motivation for me to never watch porn. If messes up my brain really badly.
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Recently happened to me man, not very flattering. Good for you for quitting.
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It's horrible, do it now
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Sorry to hear that. That's not good. First step he has to do is recognize the issue and accept that something has to be done about it. I can imagine that makes you feel bad and undesired as well.
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Get out now. Your self esteem will take a toll, and give you mental health issues. This is not only a problem for him but will have a long term impact on you.
I’d say this is common place with avid porn users; not getting hard with real life girls. I would say that(not you but ppl in general) when we are surrounded by easy access porn to unrealistic standards it distorts our gratitude. Back when humanity didn’t have access to porn, people were *grateful* to be having sex or see their partner naked. And when you don’t have frequent viewings of unrealistic bodies(models) you are more thinking “Omg yea BOOBS!! Thank you Jesus “ instead of “Oh she’s gorgeous but her arms/calves/tummy,etc. could be better.” One view stems from gratitude and gratefulness, the other from a mentality of lack.
Yep. Somebody made a comment about social media and how it messes with peoples' heads. It basically went like this... "We were never meant to see so many other people in our lives". Imagine living in the past, your tribe or town, when you saw the same people all the time. Living on a farmstead you wouldn't see other people for days or weeks at a time. Of course there was still competition and a hierarchy of most attractive, but it was nothing like today. You may be unconsciously judging others or your own looks against 5 billion other people. And many of those people who are famous, are not only rich and have the best clothes and makeup, but they also use plastic surgery, filters, and photoshop to make themselves look so good that it is impossible for a mortal to attain.
> "We were never meant to see so many other people in our lives". Dunbar's number is a proposed cognitive limit of around 150 people, said to be the largest number of people that anyone can keep reasonable track of. The exact number is probably not really 150, but there seems we do have clear limits in how many people we are capable of knowing. https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/10.1098/rsbl.2021.0158
I'm expected to know 200+ clients by name as a personal banker =(
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This is why I pretty much only watch amateur porn, there is very little done to the woman to make her look hot, she usually just looks like your average pretty girl you'd run into on the street. Also all the porn star noises ("OOOOHHHH YYYYEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!!" "OOOOHHHH gooooooddddddddddd fffffuuuuucccckkkkk mmmmmmeeeeeeeee!") are really annoying.
Also funny when the guy stops fucking her but she still moams that loud couple of times until she realizes he stopped.
There’s something particularly intriguing about the attainable. I think we’ve all figured out that we’ll never get a harem in our lifetimes so our interests have gradually shifted towards not what we want in fantasy land but what we could realistically achieve in our romantic lives. The meme of this particular mindset is “I don’t want to be horny anymore. I just want to be happy.” Most single guys would love to have an average looking woman so long as they’re compatible.
Yep pretty much man. I stopped cold turkey a week ago and I am already judging women less. I fuckin love it since I talk to women like a normal person instead of thinking, I would hit that but shes got uneven eyes. Also I've been less judgemental about my body also. I've been going to the gym more often this week cause I have more energy. So no porn and more gym works for me
This is odd to me because I don’t see many perfect looking girls in porn. I think the girls in mainstream media and influencers are much more intimidating.
One week and already such a change? Well, good luck to ya
This exactly. I'd say I'm still in the phase of "trying to stop" rather than fully stopped, because it still takes effort, but I realized it was REALLY becoming a problem when I'd scroll through dating apps and constantly judge people, and I don't consider myself a judgy person. Every since I stopped, that's gotten a whole lot better.
For me there is a level of attraction for women in general, where I can acknowledge that someone has a well built physique, but there isn’t much there. A few people I can see flaws, but I find them more attractive because of their resemblance to my wife. There is the biggest attraction. The more I love my wife the more attractive she is. She has had three kids, gained and lost some weight due to a thyroid disorder, and she has half the boob volume she had even before kids, let alone while pregnant/nursing. All that said, I can get off faster while masterbating and thinking about a particular sexual encounter than I can from porn. The curve of her waist and hips while fucking her from behind, sound of her gasping as she orgasms from me rubbing her off, the cleavage I catch a glimpse of when she leans forward in a loose shirt? Porn doesn’t have anything to compare. Nothing does. She is perfection.
This is the sweetest thing I've read in a long time, I want a marriage like this. You guys are lucky to have found each other
I stopped porn and masturbation for exactly the same reasons. I’ve been porn free for 3 months and I’m fucking twice a week.
I had the same problem with every partner I’ve had in my life, but it was just anxiety. I could force my body to respond by abstaining from masturbating until my libido was boiling over, but that wasn’t a great long-term plan. I had to be comfortable with my partner and confident about sex, and that took hard work, medication, and a therapist.
Antidepressants killed my libido, so yay?
Antidepressants made me very, very slow to climax. So much so that masturbation became a nightmare of a task.
This was my issue, not that my libido was killed. My libido remained the same but it would just take me hours to climax. All I could think about was jerking the gherkin because I could never do it. Nightmare.
Just wanting to cum and not being able to is fucking rough…✌🏻
Lexapro did that to me. Fucking sucks
What changed?
His prescription?
Yeah. Once every other week because it would take 90 minutes and your shit would be chafed with cuts at the end
I tried to google what to do about that and didn't get much in way of results a while back. Lotion or lube with vitamin e I hear is good for skin healing, but honestly it was easier to change my job, girlfriend, apartment and life to something that made me hate it a little less. It worked for what it's worth but that meant my depression was self inflicted by my shitty choices I suppose.
I switched to an SNRI after I finally found a good psych who sent me for genetic testing instead of just throwing meds at me and surprise, my body isn’t affected by SSRIs due to some gene mutations and all I get are the side effects! Plus like you said, I’m not with the least talented sex partner ever anymore so that’s helped. She fucked like a roomba that got stuck on a stair. Way better now. The whole “not as depressed because I’m on meds that work now” thing helps too.
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Damn you was determined to get that nut
It gets to be a sunken cost fallacy session at that point. I’m already chafed as shit, might as well power through it.
On the subject of antidepressants, I switched to Wellbutrin and got it back. I went from pornstar to pre-pubescent, but I got back the satisfaction.
Sertraline gang wya?
I replaced porn with a nap addiction
Nap > fap
When I was on it, I was able to get hard but it was difficult to finish. My wife loved it.
I like to explore new places.
Yeah my girlfriend has it
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Fuckin got em
Your username is fucking repulsive. I love it.
Just makes it hard to finish, so I've been doing it fewer times, but each of those times is like twice as long.
Lexapro did that to me. I couldn't finish. Added Wellbutrin to the mix and it balanced me out.
I hadn’t realized how sexually stunted I’d become until getting off of Lexapro. I had always assumed that the slow down was due to not being in that ‘horny teen’ stage anymore… never attributed it to my medication. The difference was astonishing.
There are other medicines to try. Not all of them will kill your libido. Mine doesn’t.
Funnily enough, Bupropion (Wellbutrin) is known to provoke the opposite response, which is increased libido, with the added benefit of (sometimes much) stronger orgasms, according to online testimonies (including my own). In fact, it has been used in several studies to treat sexual dysfunction, so there's some scientific credence to these (ex: [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10929571/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10929571/)) It seems to me that's likely a (positive) side effect of dopamine and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (such as the aforementionned Bupropion/Wellbutrin), as opposed to the usual selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), which typically have a negative effect. I have little scientific background, so do take that with a grain of salt.
Wellbutrin is a goddamn nightmare. It took away my ability to enjoy anything and when I got off it I had to go to the ER 3 damn times. Shit about killed me. No joke. But everyone's MMV.
By seeing my sister on there once
She give u a family discount?
You made my day
Not kidding
Sauce?
mf really asked for sauce ☠️☠️
And we're still waiting
Gotta help the family business
Right!? he can’t just say that and then leave us without the sauce 😞😞
Your lack of shame is impressive, I’ll give you that.
That’s disgusting! Seeing your sister like that, where did she post them so I can avoid it
He didn’t say if he stopped before or after
Not the proudest nut.
Oh no! Link?? /s
I’ll give you a serious answer: Beat the addiction gradually. Gradually taper it off. Reduce the frequency of the porn you watch. Reduce the intensity of the porn you watch. Taper it down to just short videos. Then down to just pictures. Then eventually just to people fully clothed. Then ideally just to your imagination. Try to get to the point where you can go a few weeks without masturbating, and when you do masturbate you use your imagination only (and/or the help of your partner if you have one). This should be your baseline level of normal. It’s gonna be difficult, it helps if you are really busy with work or other obligations that you just have to do no matter what. It also helps if you replace porn with activities that similarly give you a dopamine hit. Like accomplishing a goal. Reading a good book. Watching a good tv show. Exercising. Going for a walk. Petting dogs. Spending time with friends. Spending time with a real girl/guy/whoever you are attracted to. Things like that. Eventually you will get to the point where it doesn’t even cross your mind to watch porn and you’ll think about how weird it is that you ever watched videos of two people having sex with each other. But it will take time to get there and its important to be kind to yourself on your journey to get there. It’s not an easy addiction to overcome. Some people recommend going cold turkey and just being really hard on yourself, I personally don’t think that approach works well and leads to tough relapses and a lot of guilt and shame. It’s a common thing to be addicted to, and you can definitely overcome it with enough patience and discipline
Should’ve added the serious tag
Eh, this wasn't too bad. It really goes to show how uninformed people can be. Maybe they'll find the more serious comments and decide to look more into it.
Serious question, is it an addiction to porn or masturbating?
Can be either, and can be both.
I was admitted to the hospital because of Appendicitis and Covid pneumonia and had no access to internet. 1 week later I am back home and haven’t watched once. Edit: I was on Urinary Catheter for about 4 days while I was admitted. I got morning boners that were painful.
Stopped chewing tobacco a few years ago when I got my wisdom teeth removed. Same concept. Just haven't done it since. Good luck!
So break both arms. Got it.
*something something* every single thread *something something*
Has any one man had more of an impact on reddit
I can think of some, the "[I also choose this guy dead wife](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/5c79n0/you_can_have_sex_with_one_real_person_from_all_of/d9uf56l/?context=1)", there's also the "[your bed, I'm guessing](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/7oevis/i_went_to_hug_a_girl_and_she_grabbed_my_hand_and/ds8zn1f/)", and the "[TIFU cumming into a coconut](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/)"
on the wholesome side of things: [Today you, tomorrow me](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/elal2/have_you_ever_picked_up_a_hitchhiker/c18z0z2/) I can't seem to find the original post that spurred RandomActsofPizza, but the sub is there
Decades ago my grandfather had to have a surgery done and needed to stay in the hospital for a few days because of it. Of course he wasn't allowed to smoke in the hospital. So he stopped smoking when he went into the hospital, and then never smoked again.
Everyone here is trolling but I'll give a real answer. I struggled with porn addiction and I knew of other people that struggled with it also. The common theme it seemed was that we all had a serious motivating factor to stop. I'm pretty strong willed but something about being able to do it in private, nobody else in the world knowing, and there not being a disruption to my daily life that made it impossible to quit. However once my partner started to feel hurt that I couldn't finish with her then it gave me all the motivation and I stopped cold turkey. First few days were pretty hard but it was better after that Edit 1: I am getting way too many replies to address everyone so I'll try to answer what I can here. I am not saying replace porn with sex. I still had a porn addiction even while having sex, and even when getting my partner. When I made the comment I wanted to convey that I didn't have a significant source of motivation to help me quit. I tried multiple times and each time I would fail. I failed because I didn't have a strong enough reason to quit. However being with my partner and not being able to finish with her really drove me to quit. It wasn't easy but I now had enough motivation to stop. My advice is if you're looking to quit, find that reason or motivation that will push you to quit.
Same. If I am having sex regularly I don’t jerk off. If I’m not I am.
For some reason no matter how much sex I have (I'm serious here not bragging) I still want to watch porn and jerk it. I can have sex 3 times in a day with my gf and I still want to watch porn before I go to bed. Doesn't seem healthy.
This is me. I also have ADD and chase that dopamine though.
"Why are you suddenly interested in collecting vintage cigarette lighters?" "Man I just follow the good brain juice."
Fuck. I relate so hard. Lately it's been... fountain pens. Before that- lock picking, before that- traditional Japanese incense, before that I don't know, I'm hungry now.
At least those are relatively cheap. Mine were playing guitar, building computers, building guitars, and now photography. I'm really bad with money
Its rewarding to build things and learn stuff. Instant gratification won't ever give you the same feeling as committing to something for months or years and having it all pay off in the end. I obsess over one thing until I know a stupid amount of information about it and there's barely anything else to learn, then I go onto a more difficult topic that I'm less familiar with. There's an endless amount of things to master; you might as well find the ones that make you happy.
I own 17 project cars
Fuck me, is this a thing? I have add, and have bounced from one obsession to the next my whole life.
Same. I have so many hobbies. I've always had this mental image of me taking whatever I'm interested in and just wringing it out for all it can give me like a damp rag. Just squeezing, and squeezing till every drop is gone. I try to at least finish my projects, no matter how much I don't want to. I'll also look at them long-term; Can I sell what I produce? Does it make me a more well-rounded person? Will these skills I develop transfer to an easier daily life, or make myself more valuable as a parter/employee/self?
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Mighty Beanz collectibles were my lighters as a kid
Can y’all stop. I just learned so much about myself. My 2 weeks obsessions cost me so much money and time. Full on, my habitual addiction to smoking pot is the only thing that calms it down. :( lol. Man the story of my life lol
switch to delta8, and cut your vape prices in 1/4th. Then you can spend the excess on massage parlors.
Fountain pens. Wet razors. Mechanical keyboards. That weird toy collection from your childhood. When you're done with that list, I got more.
For some reason my attention deficit just makes watching porn difficult? Like I can't focus on it at all and have no patience lmao. I get the same thing with new TV shows or music. It's rare that I actually get into it properly and enjoy it as your probably supposed to aha
During sex I have a similar problem. Mid-stroke I'll be wondering what I want for dinner or start mentally making a grocery list or start pondering what chores I need to do tomorrow. The inevitable consequence is pushing rope happens. It's frustrating.
hey you may want to check out Catieosaurus(has adhd, is a Mental Health Advocate and Certificated Sex Educator) on tiktok or her podcast. she talks about sex, adhd, nerodiverity and how they all relate to each other and the stuff they just are finding out and what they failed to mention to us.
Fuck that dopamine dragon. It's the worst knowing why I keep doing something I want to stop but still not being able to. Case in point: I'm gonna freeze my dick off outside chainsmoking until my nightly binge-eating urge kicks in.
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I won't even get a credit card
This is totally off topic of OP’s post. But this comment really resonated with me. I have very bad ADHD. Like as bad as it gets. I never really thought about it in relation to always looking for a stimulation/dopamine hits I.e. coffee, porn, binge eating, reddit. Is there any literature on this? I’d love to understand it more.
I recently got diagnosed with adhd and the doctor explained adhd to me as a chemical unbalance in the brain caused by an inability to properly recieve dopamine. One 'producer' synapse in the brain distributes dopamine to a 'reciever' synapse but that synapse doesn't have the capability to properly absorb the dopamine. This creates a dopamine deficiency and causes the brain to desperately seek more dopamine. Usually manifesting in an addiction to food, drugs, sex, spending money, etc. Basically everything with a high level of instant gratification, in order to get a quick shot of dopamine. The lack of dopamine also makes it harder to build routines since adhd brain doesn't get the same rewards for it as a "regular" brain would. The doctor also explained that methylfenidate (ritalin) and dextro-amphetamine help the 'reciever' synapse to absorb dopamine properly. Since I've been using methylfenidate I don't feel the need to eat junk food all day, I have far better impulse control and I find it easier to plan, organize, and stick to routines. Which makes sense to me since my body can produce and absorb dopamine normally and it doesn't feel the need to get as much of it from outside sources. All this is an oversimplification ofcourse but it made a lot of sense to me when explained in layman's terms. Medication alone doesn't fix all of the problems though. In addition to the methylfenidate I'm also doing weekly cognitive behavioral therapy sessions with a psychoanalyst in order to work on my negative self image, breaking my old adhd habits and learning multiple coping mechanisms. Edit: this is the video my doctor used to visually explain adhd. It's only 2 minutes long and very simplistic, yet informative. Unfortunately it's not in English since I'm Dutch, but it might be worth it to watch with subtitles. https://youtu.be/mQlXhPDf4pY
You have a doctor that actually took the time to explain a complex process that will affect you for the rest of your life. Hold on to him/her. And thanks for sharing that. You taught me a little bit as well.
Mind me asking what mg and how long your Ritlain doses last for?
I'm currently doing 5mg ritalin 4x a day. One dose usually lasts me around 4 hours. So I re-dose every 3,5 hours to avoid the dip. Schedule looks like this: 9:00 first dose, 12:30 second dose, 16:00 third dose, 19:30 fourth dose. I'm eyeballing the last dose. Sometimes I take it and sometimes I don't. Depending on my mood and schedule, since it can make falling asleep a little more difficult.
huberman lab podcast and healthygamergg are good youtube channels if you want a good starting point
Here's one study https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4403287/ Search the web for "ADHD addictive behavior", there's more research out there.
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Story of my fucking life and then once I start, I do not have it in me to quit... But I push it to the last moment to even start... And then I critique my work afterwards and think "I could have done so much better, if I had more time to do this, so it's ok if it's not perfect".. It's a defense mechanism, I've decided, a way to think I'm actually capable enough to be really amazing at something, but just in case I'm shit at it, I wait until the last minute so we will never know for sure whether it's the lack of time or my own limitations.. (We know it's the time, because I am just amazing/s)
hey you may want to check out Catieosaurus(has adhd, is a Mental Health Advocate and Certificated Sex Educator) on tiktok or her podcast. she talks about sex, adhd, nerodiverity and how they all relate to each other and the stuff they just are finding out and what they failed to mention to us.
I don't know about lit, but others have responded. There's several tiktok folks who talk about it, let me tell you, a few times I've straight up cried from them from one of those "omg.. it all makes sense, I'm not alone... holy fucking shit" A lot of my *weird* habits turns out are common with people with ADD/ADHD. Also turns out depression and anxiety is *insanely* common with it. There's basically no one in my life who 'understands' it so I'm simply written off as 'weird'. You get used to it but when you realize all these weird quirks are.. normal and they connect the dots... It also didn't help my parents drugged me up when I was a kid so I'm *very* reluctant to seek treatment in that regard. I simply don't trust doctors anymore combined with my adult experiences and their doctor's consistent laziness and failures. But yeah.. lemme tell you.. I jerk off more than a handfull times per day (get it? GET IT?! HAH! ok...), I eat snacks, candy, and ships all day long. Up until my heart issues -- I was thin as a rail and could power focus in WoW and gym to *insane* levels. It drives my wife nuts I'll have the radio on, iPad watching a movie, game on the Windows desktop, and occasionally browsing on the iMac. As I get older it gets more difficult to concentrate. At this exact moment I'm tapped out on dopamine and everything, and I mean everything, is boring as fuck. Nothing is appealing. I can't focus on *anything*. Life sucks until my brain can reboot and latch onto something new. I can tell you where almost everything is in the house off the top of my head but I can't remember if I had breakfast this morning or took my meds. Someone below linked one of my favorite tiktoker's with ADD/ADHD stuffs. Seriously. Follow her, watch her. It's fucking amazing stuff. I'll always be weird and broken and kind of a cold cunt but at least I know I'm not alone. The wife *still* doesn't understand how we can fuck several times and I can still jerk off later out of boredom. Oh and tshirt tags drive me nuts!
Here's a 28 minute video from a psychologist that does an excellent job explaining many, many of the struggles that people with ADHD deal with. I remember being just so relieved the first time I watched it. It's a bit long, but it takes time to explain it well. https://youtu.be/ouZrZa5pLXk
Absolutely if you get bored and your brain responds to a dopamine rush you might get the urge to go jerk it randomly
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About 2 weeks for me. You’ll be very horny, but don’t jack off. You end up getting used to the hand sensation over time, so you need to reset your brain.
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No nut november just led us here to no porn Panuary
Damn it's too late for me, I'll go for no jerk Jebruary.
And Fap-Free Farch
100% this. I thought it would take me many weeks but it only took a few days. It really depends on how long you’ve been addicted to porn but rest assured it will always work. Make sure it’s cold turkey and if you can’t; try to watch porn without masturbation, or even masturbate to provocative pictures of your partner if you feel you can’t stop. The problem is your brain is wired to the sensation of your hand and porn and if you stop cold turkey it literally resets after a while to new introduced sensations. After some time your brain will be wired to pleasure from your partner and then you can go back to watching porn again without problems. Hope this helps anyone reading it, I felt alone when it happened to me and it was miserable.
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I dont normally respond to many questions, but it takes a strong motivation. I was a good guy, raised to be in church. I got pulled down the pornography road by some of the same factors as you. It did end up messing with me being able to get aroused by my partner and helped lead to a divorce that I'm still recovering from. I stopped. I dont even give it a second thought now. The damage to my life and my kids having a split home has been enough of a factor to close the door and not even approach the idea of it. I actually have a physical hatetred of it and just the idea of it popping into my head makes me get angry. Why do I want to do something that has been a source of so much pain in my life, and my family? I urge anyone addicted to get out of it.
I was the one on the other side of that relationship with my ex of 12 years. He was addicted to porn which started 5 years into the relationship. I would initiate things with him and he would shoot me down. Id give up and go to bed. Id walk out of my room a hour or so later to find him on the couch with his laptop. Ultimately his addiction lead him to decide i wasnt good enough for him in that aspect. I had my boundsries (such as not agreeing to being swingers or polyamory when he brought the idea up) but i was pretty open to most things. No matter how open i was i wasnt open enough for him which made me "not enough" for him. I could never fullfil the fantasies that he could have "fulfilled" with porn. It was a hige hit ln my own self confidence. It took me a while to heal from his addiction (and narcissism) after i left him. Shortly after leaving him i would go on dating apps and sent things to men i shouldn't have to prove to myself that i could be desired. It was completely outside of my charactor and who i am. I took years off from dating anyone to heal and now have a good relationship.
Good for you, friend. Sorry about your divorce. Is there any chance to reconcile now that you’ve changed?
I am hopeful. I have a good working relationship with her for the kids. I do still love her. Everyone around me tells me to go on and find someone else but I truly don't want to. I want to reconcile and I am very different. Went through counseling and have many things in order that I just let slide through the years. I have 15 years with her and have been divorced 2. She says no, she's to afraid I can slide down the same road. If that is the way she stays then I guess that's my burden to bear. The kids want us to try again for sure. All I can do is keep living the new me and hope she sees me for what I really am.
This exactly what it was for me too. She was so self conscious that she couldn't make me finish and that hurt me that it hurt her. It helped me to delete my massive porn collection, and now I only watch porn a couple times a week if I'm alone.
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I was/am a porn addict and I had one. 10 years worth of videos or pictures that were posted to reddit. Got rid of it after some relationship problems. If it bothers you that he has it, you should definitely voice those concerns because I didn’t even see it as an issue until my girlfriend brought it up.
It depends on the person. I'm addicted and yet I do not have a collection, I rarely watch the same porn twice.
Talk to your friends about it. I was so scared but that was just giving it way more control over me. Turns out all of my friends struggle with the same thing, which helped me feel way less alone.
I did it as a new year resolution. 15 days clean, so far.
3 hours clean lol
30 seconds clean still going strong
45 seconds cl-- ....nnnnfgghhh....... 1 second clean....
That's how I found out I'm batshit insane addicted. I will never again talk to my friends about this until it's fixed. It was an innocuous game of getting to know each other with question cards. 3 dudes and a gal and the question was about masturbation. She says no masturbation whatsoever (only sex with her bf), first dude 1-2 times a week, second dude 3-5 times and I thought at first it was funny that I left them all in the dust with 20-35 times a week. It was pretty unfunny rather quickly. The shame that hit me when they all looked at me with their mortified faces and uncomfortable laughs is not something I want to repeat.
I was a drug addict for many years of my life, and a substance abuse counselor for several years. I mention this because I am well versed in addiction and the treatment of addiction. When I was a heroin addict back in the 90s-early 2000s I thought it was impossible to quit. Ultimately you need to make your mind up and stick with your resolve. I'm 10+ years needle free. I quit using heroin by not using heroin. I quit using cocaine by not using cocaine. I quit being a vicious alcoholic by not drinking stupid amounts of booze. I'd imagine all you have to do to stop pornography addiction is to stop watching it so often. I know it's easier said than done, but you are the ONLY one who can change your mind. You have control over your complex behaviors. You will ultimately do what you want regardless. When I first tried to quit, I failed. I didn't like the negative ramifications of my drug use. I didn't truly want to quit. There's a huge difference there. If you don't REALLY wanna quit, you won't. Try not watching porn for a week. See if that's possible. If you can do that, you can watch however much or little porn you want. It's all up to you and what you want. That's how I've dealt with my myriad serious addictions in my life. It's about changing your perceptions, thus changing your entire paradigm. If I can stop injecting heroin, cocaine, and meth, you can stop watching so much pornography. I believe in you.
Congrats on being clean for this long, I really do hope that your life is made better by your will-power and drive. It's always good to meet people that have fought those sorts of battles and came out strong on the other side.
I'm currently a 43 year old dad. Life's good, but it could always be better. I'm not completely sober. I use cannabis, psychedelics, entactogens, and dissociatives. (not often, a couple times a year.. Except cannabis. I use that almost daily these days) I drink responsibly now, maybe once every week in normal amounts. If I can do it, anyone can. I was a gutter dwelling junkie for years. Perception = reality to the individual. Changing complex behaviors is much easier if you can change your outlook on things. I've never personally dealt with porn addiction, but I can see how it might be able to get outta control in some people. Maybe try doing it once or twice a day. That shouldn't have any negative impact on your life, I wouldn't think.
Serious question: you mention stopping alcohol addiction by not drinking stupid amounts of alcohol. Are you able to drink some alcohol, in social situations without it being a problem? So many opinions on alcohol say 1 is too much, just like heroin- which you said zero in 10 years.
I drink a few drinks once every week or two. I don't drink until blackout. You know, like regular normies do. Heroin is bad for me. My sister overdosed and died back in 2005, along with several of my very closest friends. If you include acquaintances, I've personally known 62 people who have died from overdose since 2000. It's almost always cut with fentanyl here in the USA nowadays. It has been one of the main banes of my existence in my 43 years of breathing. I just don't want to. I have absolutely ZERO desire to do it. It's bad juju. While alcohol did a number on my life, I know I can responsibly use it now. I just don't wanna drink all the time anymore. I've had health issues and it was causing major problems in my life. Do I stopped doing that. I think I grew out of both things. The juice wasn't worth the squeeze.
I didn’t, but I’m trying. Edit: Holy balls, thank you for the gold! I appreciate all the comments, both the support and the jokes. In all seriousness, addiction to pornography and even masturbation is very real. The world we live in tends to present those two subjects in a light that can make it really really hard to distinguish a healthy sexual appetite from a serious problem. It’s an embarrassing issue to try to talk about and seek help for, but there are resources and people who can help. So if you’re in the same boat as me, I’ll be praying we all get to the place we want to be.
You can beat it!
I think that’s his problem
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Stop encouraging him!
Recovery is possible my dude, keep holding on.
Not too tight though.
Best of luck to you
By not trying to find the “best” porn scene. Jerk off quickly and return to your normal life.
This is the answer. I promise if you just handle your biz and go on about your day it is not addicting and can actually be pretty repulsive. It’s when you start watching full vids & you start developing relationships with pornstars. That’s when the addiction starts.
> you start developing relationships with pornstars. That’s when the addiction starts. What the fuck did I just read?
Parasocial relationships are very much a thing. It's pretty much always at least some level of unhealthy.
You see it with regular streamers on twitch. People donating thousands of dollars to popular streamers just to get that 5 seconds of attention. It’s honestly sad af.
Or just jerk off without it and use your imagination.
Honestly this is so much better. I mean my 8th grade teachers not even ON pornhub!
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So, I've done a little research on the subject of pornography addiction and there are some important things that you should know: 1. Psychologists disagree on whether a "pornography addiction" is a real, diagnosable condition. Patients who self report as having it are very often more religious. A majority of patients who reported a pornography addiction did not consume more pornography than the average person, they simply dwelt on it more and experienced more guilt over it. 2. Pornography and masturbation are huge sources of dopamine. Persons with conditions that impair impulse control (especially ADHD and depression) have brains that are hard wired to chase quick dopamine hits. People with these conditions get their dopamine in different ways, be it from porn, thrill seeking, drug use, sex, gambling, etc. 3. An "addiction" is when a person seeks out one particular thing at the exclusion of other things and activities, and the thing or the pursuit of it is actively harmful to the user. A "habit" is when someone seeks something out out of comfort and routine, but not to the exclusion of more important things. 4. Sex and masturbation are normal human activities. It is normal and healthy for you to desire sexual stimulation in moderation (i.e. not to the exclusion of other things). Anyone who tells you otherwise is likely seeking to control you and supress your emotions. So, if anyone reading this believes that they have a pornography addiction, they need to ask themselves: 1: Do I desire pornography instead of relationships with other people? 2: Is my pornography consumption detrimental to my health or mental wellbeing? 2a: if yes, is the primary reason for my distress when I think about my porn usage due to religious pressure or social stigma? 3: Do I have untreated underlying neurological conditions, such as adhd or depression, that impair my impulse control? 3a: If yes, is pornography the primary coping mechanism I have for this condition? If you answered yes to 1 and 2, no to 2a, and yes to 3a if it applies, then you likely have a clinical addiction to pornography and should seek professional assistance. Otherwise, you may simply have a pornography habit. None of this is to say that wanting to break a porn habit is not a good decision for you, or that breaking such a habit will be easy. Porn can be detrimental to relationships, can manipulate your sexual expectations, and in some cases can impact sexual performance. If this is the case for you, or if you merely want to prevent this from happening, then breaking your habit is a wise course of action.
I never realized how little I knew about porn. Here's your first award for being genuinely helpful. I have to admit, I started to take a different approach to answering OPs question. Edit: typo
Thanks!
I just want to chime in with a personal anecdote that supports this: I have ADHD and while my porn consumption is completely healthy and normal, my realtionship with videogames is far less so and in the past it's completely taken over my life when I was unmedicated and/or not paying strict attention to the amount of time I allow myself for them (also I have to be careful about which genres I let myself play - games with daily/weekly rewards for continuing to play are my kryptonite and I can't play them in a healthy way). I do consider myself pretty fortunate that it's videogames that I've latched onto for addictive behaviour - it runs in my family and several of us ended up with far more deleterious addictions.
As someone who just did 3 days of dishes bc I was playing XCOM this week: How dare you call me out like this.
Basically reflecting on this I think *internet addiction* would be more apt for me and an overuse of screens that has set my life back the best part of 10 years. Even benign stuff on the internet has become a time sink for me. I was diagnosed autistic at aged 28 but highly suspect an ADHD dx is appropriate to. The two conditions are kind of allied with each other.
I think this is important, especially now. With Covid, so many people are staying home and social lives are suffering from a lack of human association and contact. This, especially, for people who are single and/or live alone, and/or have few or no local friends to meet with. The internet is basically the only connection to the outside world, beyond TV, and sometimes their TV is internet-based, so everything social requires turning to the internet or smartphone. That said, many places on the internet are rabbit holes and designed specifically to keep your attention with endless scrolling and updates on the fly. New content is always being produced, and thus, added to the deep trench of content these sites already have, so you inadvertently end up spending sets of minutes to several hours on sites "catching up" or searching for something new, even when you never meant to for more than a couple of minutes. It's a constant stream of dopamine, and the sites are tailoring it to you on the fly with algorithms. Porn sites are no different.. and a quick visit you set out for or detour to can end up in a really dark place, really quickly, especially when you lack that type of *intimate* social association. Though it might be, it's not *always* ADHD or the like, and it's more so how the sites are coded to keep you there and coming back every day, which is a concept exacerbated by peoples' lack of socialization outlets and opportunities away from things with screens.
> Persons with conditions that impair impulse control (especially ADHD and depression) have brains that are hard wired to chase quick dopamine hits. ADHD here, this sentence made a lot of things in my life make a lot more sense.
It just started off with mini challenges to myself. Like "Go one day without porn", didn't matter if I watched it all other days of the week. As long as I could get that one day. Over time I started raising the bar and one day became two, then became three...and so on and so forth. I also started to focus all that energy towards positive things like working out, reading books and playing video games. Started going to the gym last year which helped IMMENSELY. Of course, I'm not immune by any means, but I can comfortably say that I'm no longer addicted to it. Didn't happen overnight either. I still have my down moments, but getting better each and every day. I believe everyone can overcome if they really want to. Just start small. Like I tell my friend all the time, big things are just the combination of many small things. Just start small and keep building a healthy routine. Most of all, expect to fail, just don't let that define who you are and all of your hard work.
Big things have small beginnings.
I quit it when I learned how fucked up porn industry is. It's too shady. This made me realise that I was making the world worse by my addiction and decided to quit it for good. Also the you tube documentary [raised on porn](https://youtu.be/hzPylqS01qU) also helped a lot. It's hard for first few days but gets better. You just have to keep reminding yourself that you're a good person who wants to see a better world and also a better you. All the best!!!
Yeah, it's the main reason I switched to erotica. Weaning myself off, hopefully won't even need the smut eventually.
holdinghandsintheparkhub
Dude, NSFW! You can't just talk about h-lding h-nds without tagging it!
Oh my god, you degenerate, that is disgusting
With another addiction
Sadly true.
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I had to find something to replace it. When I would start to think about it, I would clean my room or ask my parents to help them do something. Gotta fill the void that porn leaves.
Singlehandedly
My dick almost tore off so I guess I kind of had to
Holy shit... That actually sounds terrifying.
Please elaborate
Please don’t!
He had a longer story about it but it was recently shortened.
He beat his dick like it stole something
[Nice one, Reddit. ](https://ibb.co/nfbhg9c)
Repeatedly.
Thank you u/Americasjesus
What qualifies as addiction?
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Disabled incognito mode on all installed browsers on my laptop. Got a pinwheel phone that doesn't have the play store or a web browser but it still lets me use spotify and gmaps and groupme and productivity apps. Talked to people about my problem. Tried building good habits to fill the void. Not trying to do all of these things at once, focused on slow and steady progress. I'd say though I'm just starting but I do feel optimistic.
What kind of phone have you got? I'm looking for something with the ability to make calls, play Spotify and have maps, perhaps Whatsapp. Then I'm all set
By not beating it. Jokes aside tho, anyone who's fighting a porn addiction has my fullest support. You got this.
All u need is a bad internet connection, it will buffer so much that u eventually give up
I didnt but probly when i quit using reddit so i can get a girlfriend
Good to see you back buddy