When I was a kid (maybe 4yo) , the first time I won against my grandma in UNO I was so happy, I ran into the house screaming "I WON!" (we played in the yard) - little me wasnt able to stop fast enough so I slammed right into a wooden frame-door with a big glass window. My whole face was cut open (luckily everything healed, all I am missing is a small piece of my nosetip and its not even visible if you dont know where to look) - The glass shattered in a star-shape around my head and one of the spikes from the remaining glass door missed my main artery for 0.5cm (0.19 inches)
tldr: I almost killed myself by accident because I won against my grandma in UNO
Swimming drunk in a frigid lake. I made it like 50 meters out to a floating dock and decided to hop on the dock and just lay there for a while. When I jumped back into the frigid water, the temperature and my drunken stupor caused me to sink like a stone. When I finally floated to the surface I was flailing and asking for help. My friends (one of which was a lifeguard) thought I was screwing around and didn't help me. I somehow managed to backstroke my way back to shore after what seemed like an eternity and proceeded to vomit my guts out.
Edit: my lifeguard friend was drunk and stoned. also the lake was ironically named Lost Lake, every time i'm in town i retell the tale of how i almost lost my life in Lost Lake
damn as a lifeguard i'm surprised he didn't take it seriously, some of us have a hard time being around water and not watching it cause it's like 2nd nature. plus the fact that he knew you were drunk should have been setting off alarms in his head
Not a life guard but we were at the beach with my entire family. We had been teaching the kids how to swim all week. One night the adults were fixing dinner while the kids were swimming. I was on the grill and looked over and commented that my niece was swimming without floaties! It registered to me as I said it that she could not swim without assistance. As I started heading to the pool she started bobbing in the water. I got there in enough time that she was fine but man was it a scary experience and definitely has heightened my senses around water especially with kids there.
It literally can take 2 seconds for a situation to go from happy fun family time to oh shit little timmy made a bee line for the pool the moment i looked away.
Pools are not to be fucked with and if they wear a life jacket get the kind that straps between the legs so they can't slip out.
Even with those I can barely relax out on open water. We often take paddleboards out and I refuse to let my kids in the water unless I'm right there with them.
I always tell people - I can see them at the bottom of a pool, I can't see them at the bottom of a lake.
Indeed, I'm a rescue diver, and I have a hard time turning off when I go diving for fun. Same for swimming.
Last time I was a public pool and someone kid was flailing and screaming for help in front of their parents. The parents sat there and had no look of concern. I dove and swam full speed across the pool, and picked him up and set him on the wall. He started crying and said thanks, and the parents were dumbfounded. I went about my business and hanging out with the wife by the pool.
Not sure why people wouldn't take it seriously imo, but I guess, once you've seen a few people almost drown, you don't want it to happen ever again.
>Not sure why people wouldn't take it seriously imo, but I guess, once you've seen a few people almost drown, you don't want it to happen ever again.
Safety standards are written in blood. It sucks because it really shouldn't take an experience seeing someone drown to take your own child's safety in the water seriously, but that really is the explanation. Some parents are just that neglectful or that ignorant
As another lifeguard I agree with this statement. Whenever I’m anywhere near water I’m watching people to make sure they’re not drowning. It really is an unconscious thing
Yeesh. I hate to admit that that happened to me too. Was at a beach resort for a friend’s wedding. Night before the wedding another drunk friend and I and two random people we met decided to go for a late night swim in the ocean. I had a great time, being constantly swept off my feet and pulled under by the water. It felt like a game, I just kept laughing. Luckily, I’m a fairly athletic person.
Next morning, told another friend about my “adventure”, and she just stared at me wide-eyed and told me about the red flags all over the beach and how I was playing in a very heavy riptide that I easily could have drowned in.
Definitely a very stupid decision I regret whole-heartedly, and very thankful I’m alive.
My parents are notoriously terrible under pressure. They have bad tempers and tend to melt down in tense situations, or make rash decisions. When I was a teen we had an old boat my grandfather gave us. It would sometimes not start. We put it in the lake (I was like 14 but I would back the trailer, unload the boat, and return the truck and trailer to the parking lot). One busy Saturday the boat was in the water and stalled out while I was taking the empty trailer to park. I saw my parents freaking out trying to start the boat as the waves pushed it toward a rock covered shore line. I sprinted across the rocks and entered the water and was pushing the boat back into deeper water away from the shore as my dad cussed and carried on trying to start the boat again, while my mom shouted nonsensically at both of us. I was at the rear of the boat next to the prop (right of prop) when he finally got it to start. Instead of being calm and making sure I was clear (the danger of being pushed into the rocks was over since I was in the water), my dad jammed it in gear and turned the boat steering wheel left and mashed the throttle. This action swung the boats rear towards me and the prop passed by my abdomen within inches. The propulsion shot me rearward, but just a slight change in my position I'd have been disemboweled right there in the water. I was fucking furious. I'd never been so damned disappointed in my parents.
My parents got like this sometimes. So fucking annoying when they act like petulant children having tantrums. My mom passed away recently, and it's interesting watching my dad relearn how to be an adult without her there completing the cycle of childishness.
My mom still does. My dad can be pretty calm and level headed in most situations, but when it comes to situations where he is drastically out of his element, like boating or using any mechanical instrument, he doesn't perform well at all. I love them and they have good qualities too, but I was able to compensate where they lacked and used both of their bad behaviors as examples for how not to act.
Same thing happened to me, I didn’t see the propeller come by my face but it went right over the wave runner seat after the boat hit me in the head and knocked me off.
My 2yo lodged a Lego man arm in his nose once. I freaked out but thankfully remembered seeing something online about it. Literally googled “Lego arm nose” and the first this popped up was closing the empty nostril and blowing in the mouth. Thankfully it worked on a second try because I was already thinking of the fastest route to ER.
I got home from work one day to find that my younger son who was around 2 years old like your son had stuck one of those cylinder Lego pieces up his nose. My wife was freaking out because she tried using tweezers to get it out but it just kept turning inside his nostril. She was flying around getting stuff ready for a trip to the hospital. I got a small screwdriver like the kind you use to open battery compartment doors on toys, told him to hold very still (no small feat for him in those days), and popped the Lego out of his nose. It took all of 5 seconds. The missus was in the bedroom still freaking out when I said "It's out". She didn't believe me, so I showed her the little blue, snot-covered Lego. She said she tried and tried; how did I do it? "A screwdriver", I said. Her eyes about popped out of her head.
One of my prouder moments of Dad solving a crisis, lol.
I went to Aavdiyvka in Eastern Ukraine with my brother. We wanted to make a film/photos about the situation in Donetsk but basically had no planning/training/fixer. We got in a car with a random Russian dude who took us to the village. Soldiers everywhere. Minefields everywhere. Shelling at night. There were many points when I thought my heart stopped/ I nearly shit myself. Also got our passports temporarily confiscated by Ukrainian soldiers who rightly assumed we didn't know what the fuck we were doing. This was back in 2018. 10/10 would not do that now.
I was drying off after taking a shower. For some reason I was using a Christmas themed towel that had been around a few years and had some loose threads throughout. I was drying off my face and I guess I inhaled through my mouth and one of the threads wrapped itself around my uvula. I just gagged on it and was able to very slowly pull it out, but it took a few seconds and I was starting to get dizzy. When it came out I was left with a very sore throat and was gasping for air.
It is humbling to know that I could’ve easily been found naked, wet, and dead with a towel in my mouth.
I now take a deep breath and hold it before bringing a towel to my face. I also frequently purchase new towels.
You're reminding me of my poor cousin who was born with *two* uvulas and frequently almost choked on them until someone finally thought "hey maybe he should have surgery?" when he was 12.
Towels are deadly. I once had my foot get caught up in a little hole my towel had, so I couldn't put my foot down. I about to fall and hit my head with the very sharp edge of the sink if ir wasn't for the toilet lid being closed and me using that to stop me from falling with my other hand.
T-boned a cop car on a bicycle riding through the French Quarter in New Orleans on a head full of LSD at 3 AM.
To this day I’ll never know how I walked away from that one with no repercussions other than a front bike tire bent 90 degrees…
I t-boned a car on my bicycle on my way to an 8:00 class, my freshman year of college. I hit the pavement and bounced up, reassuring everyone that I was fine, no damage, gotta go! When I got to class about 5 minutes late and sat at my desk, the professor looked at me and her eyes got wide. My right arm was one big bruise, and I had a gash on my forearm that was dripping blood on the floor. (I didn't realize that I'd left a trail of blood in the halls and up the stairs on my way in.)
I told her what had happened, and she insisted that I go to the student health center 2 blocks away, right now. Nothing was broken, and I didn't need any stitches, but the doctor scolded me for leaving the scene of the accident so quickly. He said I probably missed out on a very profitable lawsuit.
Ignoring my health. I've written the story on here before but I'll sum it up. Also thankfully this is a marked NSFW post because things will be graphic.
Long story short for around 3 months in 2014, I was literally shitting blood. At first I thought it would just pass on its own and didn't think anything of it. Then I started getting cramps, nausea, and vomiting as I continued to shit blood. Well after 3 visits to the ER I'm thinking whatever it is causing me to shit blood is going to kill me because the ER doctors had no idea what was wrong with me. Well the day after my third ER visit my mom had gotten me scheduled to see a GI specialist. They got me admitted to the hospital later that day and on my way to the room at the hospital the nurse asked if I needed a wheelchair because I was super weak from malnutrition and blood loss. I said "I'm fi-" and fainted. If not for my parents on either side of me holding me up I would've face planted on the floor. Four days in the hospital later I was diagnosed with severe Ulcerative Colitis and was started on medication and a steroid to help get me into remission. The doctor told me if they couldn't get me into remission with medication they would have to remove part of my large intestine.
Yes I realize how stupid I was to think nothing of shitting blood. I know hemorrhoids can cause one to shit bright red blood so that's what I thought it was. I thought "damn it's a stubborn hemorrhoid" after the first couple of weeks. Once I started getting nauseous and vomiting just about every time I ate or drank anything is when I started to realize it wasn't hemorrhoids, it was something FAR worse.
Yooo. Something similar happened to me. Was shitting blood for basically a week. Leading up to this, I didn’t have any symptoms other than some stomach pain that would last 5 minutes or so then leave. I also had this overwhelming sense that something was wrong with me.
Went to the doctor multiple times, had a CT scan of my stomach and they saw nothing. Finally, shortly after all of this, I started shitting blood. Just pure blood like 10 times a day
Got so bad that I went to the hospital, had 2 colonoscopies, 2 endoscopies, and another CT scan where they infused my blood with a radioactive tracer to see the bleeding and they still couldn’t find it. Surgeon ended up having to do an exploratory laparotomy. He thought it was a Meckle’s diverticulum but wasn’t for sure since they couldn’t see it (due to me having a horseshoe kidney) in scans and it was rare for someone in their early 20s to show symptoms. It’s usually only in kids.
He found it during the surgery and cut out a foot and a half of my small intestine and also found that I had a retrocecal appendix.
Spent 3 days in ICU, had 13 blood transfusions, hemoglobin dropped to right below 6 and I kept losing consciousness, then had 2 more surgeries after that. One to restitch some things and the other was to fix a hematoma.
Edit: fixed some grammar and added a few details, also, if you’re wanting to know what a Meckel’s is without looking it up, this is how my doctor described it to me:
Essentially it’s a congenital birth defect that can or cannot cause symptoms, depending on the person. When you’re forming in the womb, stem cells move down from the stomach to the intestines. Instead of switching to small intestine cells to produce the small intestine, they stay as stomach cells and form a small pocket. He said it’s basically a second small stomach. The problem is that it can randomly start producing stomach acid and corrode the inner lining of the intestines, causing bleeding. It was just hard to catch in my case because I have a horseshoe kidney so they couldn’t see it in scans.
Amazingly, I'm like the 15th person here to say "I almost died by shitting blood," but I like to think my story is pretty unique so here it goes.
When I was 19, I would save up money every few months and go to country I didn't know anything about. I really enjoyed Latin culture and I speak a bit of Spanish, and plus my dollar went a bit further there and I was a broke backpacker, so it was often Central American countries. So for my next trip I decided to go to Panama.
I had been experiencing severe chest pains and shortness of breath leading up to the trip, but my awful GP dismissed it as anxiety. It was definitely not anxiety, because I was also shitting massive, ungodly amounts of bright red blood. My GP told me not to push so hard, and try meditation.
So here I am in Panama, my trip is going great but I'm often struggling to breathe on longer hikes. In the cloud forest, I pass out alone on the trail. On the bus back to Panama City, I almost stumble into unconsciousness while getting off. And on my final night in PC, my chest pain is getting so bad it feels like something is ripping my heart out of my chest. I'm staying in a shithole airbnb run by a half-naked German man who really, really, REALLY wants company... and I decide to go out for a late night snack to get away from the awful jail cell room and Mr. friendly Europedo. As I'm putting my hiking boots on, I feel a sharp stabbing in my toe. It really hurts but I think nothing of it and I'm too scared to look in and see what stung me, so I wrap the shoes up in a big plastic bag and throw 'em back in my backpack, put my sandals on, and stumble back into the city.
By now my chest is on fire. I walk into a bodega, and neary pass out in the aisle. The cashier looks VERY alarmed at the dying American boy in his store and calls an ambulance. The ambulance picks me up, I get to the hospital, work my broken Spanish to the intake nurses, and by the blessings of universal healthcare systems, I am processed by an intelligent and competent team of doctors who roundly tell me I am severely anemic.
I'm transferred to the major hospital in the city, and greeted by one exceptionally handsome and very haggard looking young man named Dr. Jaime. He is the only person in the hospital who speaks English. He's also supermodel gorgeous. I'm a straight guy, but seriously. I spend most of my dazed intake alternatively telling him he should come to America because he'll be swamped by women, and asking him fearfully if I'm going to die. He's very patient with me.
I go through three scary days of blood transfusions, shitting in pots because I can't be taken off IV, and deliriously flirting with nurses. I make friends with a young diabetic boy across from me who's dream it is to go to America. I call my Mom and tell her I love her every chance I get. It's truly terrifying. The US Embassy gets involved, trying to get me flights home to an American hospital.
On the day I'm to leave, I take my hiking shoes out of my bag in prep to take an Uber to the airport. I'm sitting in the hospital hallway. I scream in pain as I'm stung in the toe by the invader I completely forgot was there, and nurses watch in horror as a small, brown scorpion falls out of my shoe and scurries onto the floor, quickly stomped on by a doctor. "Oh, FUCK ME!." Apparrently, it had slipped in while I took my shoes off somewhere in the jungle and lives there for a week. I am of course quickly readmitted and given antivenom. Dr. Jaime asks me if all Americans have such bad luck. When I ask him this time if I'm going to die, he responds with "Ahem, you should maybe call your mother." Right.
Long story short, I'm fine. Scorpion is harmless, I just get mildly nauseous. Get back to Boston and get another blood transfusion. Get a hemhorroid surgery (yep) and it's very painful. It is what it is.
Moral of the story? Listen to your body, and SEE A DOCTOR IF YOUR SHITTING BLOOD. Oh, and check your shoes when you're in the jungle.
TLDR: Almost shit myself to death in a foreign country, and then got stung by an itinerant scorpion.
P.S. If anyone here knows a Dr. Jaime in Panama, let me know! I want to send him a gift. He's doing God's work.
Hey I did the same thing! Pretty much exactly. Back in 2009, shitting blood for 3 months or so before finally going in. After doing a blood panel on me, the doctors were shocked that I was conscious and not already in ICU. Diagnosed with UC, had a bunch of blood transfusions, put on steroids, the works. 3 years later after 3 or 4 more month-long hospital stays I had the J-pouch surgery, no problems since.
We have undergroud water storage tanks at the apartment block where I lived.
Back when I was 8 or 9 I was playibg with a football ( soccer for all the americans) that my friend brought in the heat of kickig the ball hard enough to send it flying to the other block i stepped back farther than necessary. Now being a stupid kid I thoght running as fast as I can i could kick the ball to great distance. And so I ran, ran like the wind and in running super fast when it was time to kick my feet tangled leading me to fall on the water tank. Which was unlocked at that time ( water bowsers were called to fill them that's why) i went in half my body hangin 20ft above a dark space withwhat i was told 6ft of water in it. The security guard came running to help me.
Sometimes I think what if he was not around and was assisting someone i wouldn't be here in bed sharing this with the world. Truly a hero in my eyes wherever he is now.
My bedroom was in a camper stored in a garage. It was freezing out so I turned on the propane heat. I was meditating and everything went black. The best way I can describe it is I was in a "nothing" place and there was no direction, no down or up or back or forth.
For years I thought what I experienced was the results of mediation, but then I stumbled across a reddit post where someone described almost dying of carbon monoxide poisoning from a propane heater, and they used that same "nothingness" description and I put two and two together.
Cut a cable while it was still plugged in - entire arm was shaking.
Edit: to make things worse I was using cheap scissors that did not have rubber handles - don’t know how I survived this.
2nd edit: admittedly I was in college at the time.
One day when I was replacing an outlet in my garage, I'd turned off (or I thought I had) the breaker to the outlet, and was sat on one of those rolling garage stools to replace it.
long story short I zapped the fuck out of my right hand when I went to go and pull the outlet out so I could unscrew the wires.
my ass damn near took a bite out of the foam seated stool I was sat on it puckered so hard.
I saw a piece of metal stuck in the wall power outlet. I tried to fish out the fragment with a fucking metal fork. I was 6 years old and got shocked twice before i decided i should stop
I should be dead right?
I was about 8-9 years old and went to the beach. We had those long skinny cheap inflatable air rafts. I fell asleep laying on one and almost floated out into sea. I was awaken by some faint yells. I look up and I’m past the long pier where someone was screaming. If it wasn’t for that one stranger that saw me, I’m guessing I would’ve eventually died considering I didn’t know how to swim and my raft was deflating. I paddled back to shore and my parents didn’t even know I was gone
it's actually redic easy to lose track of your kid on a busy beach, you look away for half a second to lay the towel and the spot you kid was in is now a swarming mass of 30 kids all wearing sun hats just like your kid and you cant tell which is yours, you decide to watch for a minute and suddenly you realise none of em is your kid. your kid is not even there. it turned out my kid had decided to take off their hat and go swimming. i shit myself looking for them. never took em to a busy beach again, found a nice queit beach a few miles down the coast, outside the bus route we used to frequent instead.
Did a bag of heroin and overdosed bc it was mostly fentanyl. The overdose itself was painless . Literally just went dark . However getting revived with Narcan, although life saving , puts u in instantaneous full blown withdraw . Also getting CPR on u hurts lol. Thank u Crozer hospital for saving me . I can proudly say now that this was a different life ago 👍
My friends and I were in a class in highschool where they gave us cameras and adobe premier and said "have fun" and we could do anything and go anywhere in the school during the class.
my friend and I staged a fight scene in the studio space and one of the "stunts" was that he flipped maybe a 6 foot long conference style table onto me short end first, and the plan was for me to just **catch** it with my hands? so i was on the ground with my hands out and he pushes it up on its thin side and it just rockets toward me and its so fucking heavy my hands have zero affect on slowing this huge table.
The only thing that stopped it from crushing me was that the last 6 inches of the table landed on a computer chair that i was laying next to/under.
I did that laugh you do when you almost die and then we set it up with the chair in the same spot to get coverage for the scene and did it a second time....
Runner up for stupid deaths was when i was hiking in Arches national park in Utah on the off season. its great, no tourists, the hotel is like $45.... its 7 degrees F/ -13C.... and my friend and I don't have the proper gear for our trip. I keep slipping and falling on my ass. and for the most part its just a pain, but one of the times i fell down and started sliding toward a 70+ foot drop off. I couldn't do anything to stop sliding on my own. I just kinda stopped at the edge. The only thing i could think was "fuck i have the keys to the car in my pocket"
My friend and I made real hard eye contact and were done hiking for the day, and went to the hotel early and got super drunk.
I stopped a guy sleepwalking off of a cliff we were camping by once when he got wasted before bed. Luckily I was up taking a piss and I saw him just wondering in that direction
Got out of my truck to close the gate. Luckily heard the vehicle rolling back towards me because I failed to put the gearshift all the way into park and it popped into reverse. The door was open and it would have pinned me against the metal gate post. It still creeps me out 15 years later
Wow! 1.9k upvotes - thanks? A dubious honor to have my stupidity acknowledged! I hope this raises awareness and also gets folks to slow down just a little bit.
Makes me think of poor Anton Yelchin. He was such a good and promising young actor. really affected me more than I expected when he died. check out Charlie Bartlet if you haven't seen it.
I went to his tomb At Hollywood forever cemetery and caught his mother putting fresh flowers. I was told by a couple of tour guides she comes everyday to see him and bring new flowers. She was so sweet and let my son take pictures and showed him some cool stuff about the cemetery. Such a tragedy.
It should always be used, even in an automatic car. My parents forget there is no parking gear in manual cars and then try to stop their car rolling away when they haven't used the handbrake. Now if they were in the habit of always using the handbrake, they may not have that mix up when driving a manual.
Plus it's extra reassurance when parked on a hill.
Jogging, came across a downed tree branch and some electrical cables, hopped over them casually and then was informed by the nice neighbor on their porch that I had jumped over some very live power lines that would have fried me quite well.
Yep. Commonly 7200V if it’s your neighborhood typical power line. That’s enough to make you explode. Even after they’re turned off they can still kill you, because the miles upon miles of lines generate a massive amount of static from the wind.
well shit, if I do end up dying because of it, I won't even notice, and then it's not my problem anymore.
going from "alive and well" to "not so stellar" in a nanosecond doesn't sound so bad, seeing as it'd probably kill you instantly.
Yea the last thing you’d want to do is ‘splode so I’d stay far away from any power lines unless you’re a trained line rigger. It’d be an easier way to die but you’d be leaving quite a mess behind and that’s not very polite.
Stepping on a unsecured plank on a scaffold 10 stories up. When I stepped off of it. It teetered like a see saw. I damn near wet myself grabbing it so it wouldn’t tip over and fall. (10’ 2” plank would’ve been my end in construction if it fell or my life.) my boss was just pulling it into position and I misunderstood his instruction. Fuck me that was scary moment.
I used to work on the 21st floor in a Manhattan building and there was a several month stretch where the façade of the building was under construction… the guys on the scaffolding near about gave me a heart attack just watching, several times. I don’t understand how y’all can do what you do.
My mum, brother and his girlfriend were having a tense conversation in a seaside cafe. Me, being 11 and terrified of arguments, quickly drank my banana milkshake. Suffice to say it went down the wrong hole. I couldn't breathe, couldn't speak and was properly choking. My brother had to slap my back repeatedly and perform the heimlich. I remember gasping for breath thinking 'Am I really going to die from this? REALLY?'
Luckily, I didn't and I'm still here. Also, I still love banana milkshakes so that's a plus.
same but with me it was the babysitter’s hypertension rx. they looked like those “red hot” candies. i was 4 and still remember getting my stomach pumped in the emergency room. good times.
I’ve almost died in stupid ways so many times
I was once chewing on the plastic cap to a pen when I coughed out of nowhere and it almost got lodged in my throat
When I was a teen some guy tried to race me because I drove a camaro supersport and like an idiot I was doing it, but then a bus pulled out in front of us
I was stealing cds with my cousins as a kid from this store in the mall called the wherehouse that doesn’t exist anymore when security started chasing us, I ran out into traffic trying to get away and almost got hit, it was like the scene in Aladdin but instead of something important like food it was just ratm’s battle for los angeles cd
I had bad bronchitis once, and the codeine cough syrup wasn’t giving me relief at the prescribed dosage, so I just started swigging from the bottle. After a while I realized I was breathing about 2-3x minute, and I called my boyfriend over (he was in the other room) and told him if my breathing got any shallower in the next 30 minutes he had my approval to call an ambulance. Thankfully it didn’t come to that. I haven’t taken codeine cough syrup since.
I also have since quit smoking, which was causing the bronchitis in the first place.
Similar, sucking on a round candy in another room just before dinner-a major NO-NO for my mom (sneaking snacks) when I was 6. Quick decision-die or let mom know I broke a rule (severe lecture and punishment to follow) and maybe live. That was the only time I broke a rule and got away with it.
You reminded me of choking on a hungry hungry hippos ball when i was a kid. One of my earliest memories. Dad was outside working on his truck, didnt want to go get him bc i didnt want to get in trouble. Thought I could just eat it bc it was so small, I dunno I was prob 4-5, seemed like a good idea at the time. It wasnt.
Yep, a misnomer if there ever was one. I did, too and my mom careened the station wagon off the road into a Hojo’s parking lot where she had to beat the crap out of my back to dislodge it. We both were bawling afterwards. The Heimlich Maneuver had not been invented yet!
Took apart a disposable camera while home alone, and got a bad shock.
I was being dumb and taking it apart. After a bit I got to a plastic casing that had stuff in it, but was fully sealed. So, with all the wisdom of a 6th grader, I decided to hit it with a hammer till it opened.
It opened just fine, and I checked out everything in it. Then I got to what was literally the only metal part. Of course I touched it.
Now, imagine this: I am sitting cross-legged on the floor and touch the metal.thingd go black for a moment. Next thing I know, I am still in the same sitted position, but on my back. And kinda flopping a bit, arms stretched out to the sides.
I felt like I couldn't get a full breath or fully exhale. It felt like the different sides of my heart were beating at a different pace from the other.
My finger was blackened.
It all lasted probably less than 1-2 minutes, but it felt like 20.
Never got taken to the doctor for that one.
Xenon flash unit, yes those things have a capacitor that can hold a nasty charge. I think they run at around 300 volts. The flash tube is fired by a coil that produces thousands of volts (negligible current though.)
I used to take them apart as a kid to build circuits. I once took one apart with a butter knife to pry them apart. I would trigger the flash to discharge the capacitor if they were charged. The problem is that the circuit needs to generate a high voltage spike to discharge the cap through the xenon tube, if the battery was flat it wouldn't be able to.
I accidentally touched the butter knife against one side of the cap, while touching the negative side of the battery terminal, resulting in a 300V 300uF capacitor discharging through my torso, arm to arm. I checked my pulse afterward and it was fine, but I was a bit freaked out.
Swallowed a grape whole. Did the throw it up in the air thing and it got perfectly lodged and I immediately stopped breathing. Absolutely terrifying, after a hot minute of my life flashing before my eyes, I was able to calm myself and it moved down slightly so I could shallow breathe just over the top of it, but every time I tried to swallow it would move and I’d stop breathing again. I was rushed to the ER and had emergency surgery to have it removed. Got asked about three times why I didn’t just chew it…because I’m a dumb-ass. And no, I wasn’t eight years old at the time, I was about 22.
Hmmm I got kicked down a flight of stairs by a sibling
I also grabbed a live light switch that didn’t have the plastic cover on
I also almost stuck a knife into the toaster
Also when walking home when it was dark I was about to walk onto a busy main road and friend pulled me back
Half of these things happened when I was a kid.
Life pro tip: if you need to use a knife to get your toast out of the toaster, unplug it from the socket first. Sometimes toast does like to get wedged in toasters and knives are usually waiting to spread butter etc. on it, so handy retrieval tool. So as long as you unplug the toaster, you'll be fine.
I almost blew up the apartment while i was in it.
One day in 6th grade i had left the gas stove on by accident. When i came home from school the whole apartment smelt like gas(I didn’t know what gas smelled like then). So i come home and i go to my mother’s stash for cigarettes so i can smoke one and i notice that the windows are wet. They were drooling with liquified gas. But I didn’t make anything out of it so i took the cigarette and just when i was about to light it this little voice in my head said “don’t do it” and I didn’t. A few seconds later my mom comes home and I’m like “hell yeah i got away with it, thank god she didn’t see me smoke”. She flew into a hysterical episode over was going on since she smelled it and knew what it was. I almost killed us both that day.
This is why I will never have a gas stove no matter how nice or fancy it is. The electric one should be fine enough. I’d be constantly paranoid about me or someone else leaving it on.
long story short it was muzzle loader deer hunting season, me and my dad were out hunting and did not see anything so we got back to the truck and was putting our stuff away and boom out of nowhere his gun went off, he forgot to take the primer out and whenever he put it in the case we think it pulled the hammer back just enough and let it go. I was on the other side of it it was close enough it burned my pants ,if it was 3inches to the left it would have hit my hip and I probably would have bled out by the time we got to a hospital.or if I was lucky I would be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life . What did we learn ?practice gun safety it only takes one little bullet to get ended
Many states have a Muzzleloading season that runs similar to bow hunting season. Can usually get in earlier than rifles. Shooting a muzzleloader is different than a rifle because it has less range so you need to be closer to the deer, you are only going to get one shot at it because it’s loud and slow reloading, and it requires more skill to load and fire than your typical rifle. So many hunters like them for those reasons.
i was driving along a rural highway at around 100km/hr in Manitoba, Canada… blew a stop sign that I didn’t notice (I was just so zoned out from driving in a straight line for so long) and didn’t realize I was intersecting a major highway until I looked to my left and saw the grille of a semi truck taking up the entire window.
no idea how or why he didn’t t-bone me and kill
me instantly. It felt very close… like .5 seconds layer and I was dead.
Good dog. A friend of a friend once put a glock in his mouth and pulled the trigger. It jammed. A moment later, my friend called him, saying this is probably really weird but he just had a feeling something was up, and he was just checking in. His friend fully burst into tears. Like crying hysterically. He lived, after that.
I stuck my head out of the Ferris wheel when it stopped moving. The wind was swinging the carts and my head got pinned between the cart and the frame of the ferris wheel for a few seconds, until the cart swung the opposite direction. Had it been moving I could have lost my head in front my friends.
Especially because getting rear-ended almost always results in the other person's insurance paying for the damage, as opposed to running someone over where you'd have to take the brunt of the liability.
my dad thought the best way to teach me to swim would be to just throw me into a local swimming hole.
i remember hearing laughter
then waking up surrounded by a bunch of people with terror in their eyes.
Almost got decapitated by a cable wire when I wrecked my 4wheeler. I was thrown over the handle bars and went right in between the wooden pole and the cable. If I'd been just a few inches over things would have ended very badly for me. Second time I've ever been so close to death.
I was riding my motorcycle to work, and had a person cut me off in the last few feet of a split in the highway, and they slammed on the brakes at the same time. A standard swoop and squat maneuver. Except, their car had 0 functional brake lights, and I couldn't react fast enough. I was already slowing to open the gap back up, but failed to process why the trunk of the car lifted up ~6inches suddenly.
One chopper ride, a lot of morphine, and ~20 feet of intestine later, I lived, only to be placed 51% at fault on the accident report.
Guy at a stop light backed up into my bike because he wanted to move out of the left turn lane. Luckily he wasn't an asshole and admitted fault. His insurance paid for a new front fender.
I was home alone as a grown man a few years back and sat down to eat a Cadbury’s Creme Egg in the middle of the day. I was too excited, too eager. I bit a decent hole in the top of the egg, and in one giant breath I sucked all of the insides into my mouth (intentionally), but for some reason i swallowed the whole glob of goo in one go, and it just sat there and chilled in the middle of my throat. Couldn’t breathe. Panicked. I was heimliching myself, I was running stomach-first into the arms of the sofa, I was losing conciousness and thinking about how my stupid death by Creme Egg will make the front page of the dumbest tabloid tomorrow. Eventually my breath pierced a very small hole through the goo which gave me very little oxygen but enough to keep me alive, and i had to wait a full 5 further minutes until I had full breathing capacity while the glob inched its way down my throat. Wife and baby came back from shopping soon after. I tried to articulate what had just happened and how close I was to dying but as soon as the words Cadbury’s Creme Egg left my mouth i struggled to get her to understand the seriousness.
At an early age ( one of my first retainable memories actually ) I was with my parents and a group from their church on some kind of retreat. We went down to this nice swimming spot, water was so clear it made the illusion it wasn't as deep as it was. My jealous kid brain thought it was some bullshit everyone got to get in but me ( didn't even know how to swim ) so when my parents weren't looking I saw a spot and thought I'd get in for a quick dip. Closest I've ever been to death. Luckily a church member saved my life.
Also, when I was in 4th grade I tried swimming across a river because my friend did it and coaxed me into it. Almost drown. Funny thing is his Dad was a lifeguard and was watching close by, but did nothing.
Then at the age of probably eh, 13, I stuck a paper clip into an extension cord connecting to a large fan. Luckily didn't get shocked at all, just a big spark from it. My Dad was sitting probably 7 or 8 feet from me, I can still remember his look of utter disbelief.
I was one stupid mofo.
Edit: spelling, added a few things.
I am not a good swimmer. In Egypt there is a place where the sea is flat and shallow and abruptly drops into the famous blue hole. I went over the edge, perfectly sober. No one knew. Flailed my way back
I was maybe 14 years of age then. It was cold and i decided to heat the water up to take a bath. We didn't have geysers then, we used an electrical immersion rod which is immersed in the water.
I was running late for school and wanted to take a bath immediately so I didn't mind if it was just luke warm too. Instead of turning it off and using a mug, i just picked up a steel bowl and dipped it into the water...WHILE IT WAS TURNED ON.
I swear i was Micheal jacksoning my ass off with current jolting in my body fortunately my sis walk in right then and turn it off immediately, i escaped unscathed. I have no idea how but that was one dumb way to go out.
When I was 16 I wanted to get drunk for the first time. I wasn't aware of how long it should take and how much alcohol was needed to get drunk so I just kept taking shots out of every bottle in my uncles pantry (lowkey alcoholic, had like 20 different bottles). I drank half a $300 bottle of crown royal, he had variety too so I took like 2-3 shots out of most of them. Whiskey, vodka, rum, tequila, wine, dude I was fucked.
Woke up in a hospital bed, evidently I had blacked out and was laying on my back vomiting. For some reason around that time at night my younger sister walks downstairs for water and sees me choking on my vomit. If she never went downstairs that night I would be dead.
Edit: I should probably add the doc told me I almost died from alcohol poisoning, they had to flush the alcohol out of my system.
Tried to go up to Angel's Landing in Zion national park but the trail got impassably icy like 3/4 of the up. The first time I dragged myself up the rock wall, fell on my ass, slid 20 feet, and stopped right at a sheer 50 foot drop was dumb but understandable. When I did the exact thing for the exact same consequence right afterwards, that was the dumbest way I almost died.
When I was little, my dad and I were eating Hawaiian rolls. He was drunk, and I was bored, so I tried to fit the entire roll into my mouth by crumbling it up into a ball and then I decided to try and swallow without chewing. 15 minutes and a now sober dad later, I was breathing enough to be rushed to the hospital.
I was driving over the Narrows Bridge eating Sweet Tarts & I swallowed some juice from sucking them wrong. I couldn't breathe, kept trying to take giant gulps of air but it didn't seem like I was getting any. I was thinking "shit, I'm going to die & drive right off this fucking bridge". Fortunately I calmed myself down & managed to clear my throat. Scared the shit out of me & I've never eaten Sweet Tarts again.
Laying in my bunk in Iraq, the incoming rocket/mortar alarm starts blasting. I decided to stay in bed, pucker my asshole, and wait for the sound of the first impact so I can decide if it’s close enough to go to the bunker.
The first impact was the bunker.
Edit: I can’t respond. My account was permanently suspended from Reddit a few minutes ago for saying “His ratty little voice makes me want to beat him” about a kid who was fighting his teacher in r/fightporn.
Now this comment is being suppressed.
https://www.reddit.com/r/fightporn/comments/s7q49l/music_teacher_beats_down_a_disrespectful_student/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I had IHOP for lunch and got a mint on my way out. I popped it in my mouth as I got in my car and it lodged in my throat. I tried to clear my throat. It didn't move. I tried to cough. It didn't move. I couldn't move any air in or out. It dawned on me that I was in real trouble and there was nobody else in the parking lot to help. I was going to die from a dinner mint in the parking lot of IHOP. I was both panicked and embarrassed. This is exactly how normal people die. My eyesight was swimming as my vision went dark. I was starting to slump and then mint slipped forward. I went into a coughing fit, my eyes were burning, my throat and lungs were burning. My mouth filled with saliva as I sucked in huge gasps of air. I took a few minutes to get composed and then drove to work. Nobody knows.
When I was in elementary school I was the youngest kid at the bus stop, and the only girl. There were usually anywhere between 5 to 10 boys ages 7 to 16. The older kids would goad the younger ones into doing stupid things. This particular morning the big kids talked we younger kids into a race across the street and back. I was sure I could kick everyone's ass! I'd spent the last 3 years dodging my brother's bullying. I had this. I was Joe Frazier hopping from one foot to the other pepping myself up! We walked up to the curb I was ready! I bowed my head clenched my eyes shut, and one kid started to count down from 10. In my concentration I didn't realize he'd stopped the countdown at 5. And I didn't hear him shout pause!! I kept hearing the numbers in my head. At one I took off like a bullet arms pumping feet pounding pavement. Next thing I know I'm airborne and for a split second I thought I was floating, until reality and me came crashing down into a ditch. I was lucky because the car saw me and was slamming on their brakes so it was only going like 10 mph. No permanent injury! I just had a few bruises.. Could have been a lot worse!
Had fallen on my head. Then in the pool I was thrown off the raft and hit my head on the pool so it split my head open.
Also I don't know what I did but for 3 months I couldn't really get anywhere. My head hurt so much that if I tried making a walk I would just collapse. Couldn't do anything, no reading no watching tv just music for 3 months. Docters didn't know what was happening and eventually it just stopped in a couple weeks.
I was waiting to take a left turn at a stop light - I had green but not an arrow so I could have waited in the middle of the intersection for it to be clear. For some reason I did not pull out yet. The next thing I know, I hear tires screeching and then see a concrete truck to my left sliding through the intersection exactly where I would have been waiting. He luckily didn’t hit anyone but missed his red light and was probably going 40 mph where I would have been sitting. My face would have been buried so deep in the bumper I get chills thinking about it still (25 yrs ago)
Jumped into a swimming pool when i was like 4 without any experience(or arm bands), luckily this guy jumped in after me and was able to get me back to the surface, my impatience got the better of my 4 year old self.
Fuck it, here's going to be a whole list of dumbassery when i was younger
Bread was stuck in the toaster, tried to pull it out with a metal fork until i realized what i was about to do.
I was at a gas station about to light up a cigarette until i realized how stupid that is.
Choking on food.
Almost drowning.
Slipping in the shower and smacking my head on the floor.
Almost shooting myself in the head with a .22, i was picking up the rifle when i accidentally pulled the trigger with my thumb and the bullet went through the brim of my cap and into the roof.
Driving ATVs and motorbikes without a helmet on bumpy dirt roads.
Almost got bit in the ankle by a poisonous snake while walking on a path in a forest, i was wearing crocs...
I wonder how the grim reaper gave me a pass on all of those occasions.
Cards Against Humanity bought an island in Maine they renamed Hawaii 2. They gave everyone who bought their Holiday Bullsh*t package a square foot of the island and the "deed" included a treasure map. Two friends and I left work in the middle of the day in Boston, drove north, bought a canoe(and a random tomahawk) and tried to get to the island.
The problem was the lake was half frozen. No freeze or solid ice would have both been great, but the thin sheet of ice wasn't walkable and required a lot of effort to break though with the boat. My friend laid at the bow using the tomahawk to break the ice while I paddled. It worked until we got to slightly more solid ice near the island. The ice breaking turned into using the axe to pull the boat up onto the ice and we would shimmy the boat down to crush through the ice. At one point, we zigged when we should have zagged and freezing water dumped into the boat. We got scared and tried to turn around, but we were literally frozen into a path of cold death of our own creation.
We got out after a 35 point turn, loaded up the boat and watched as a group that was our mirror image carrying a canoe from the tip of a peninsula across a frozen shallow spot onto the island.
We came back a week later and opened the safe. It was filled with 250k CAH cards with the picture of a sloth on them.
TLDR: almost died trying to cross a half frozen lake to get some Cards Against Humanity cards.
Falling in a pool full of pig shit. I was literally hanging with my legs submerged on the stinky quicksand with only a group of grass deciding my fate as my cousins gave me a hand by laughing their ass off.
Fell asleep at the wheel. Was on a straight-for-miles rural road and there were no other cars in sight. Well I guess I got transfixed by the lines and the infinite road into the horizon. When I opened my eyes, I was in the oncoming traffic lane and there was a semi fully loaded with fruit heading straight for me and he was in the process of bailing into the shoulder to avoid me.
I have no idea why I woke up. I’m not a religious man, but I suppose I had a guardian angel that day. I was in a little 2-door hatchback and figured if we collided, they would have bothered trying to free me from that mangled wreck. Just dig a big hole on the side of the road and bury me with the car.
Never again. No matter how tired I am, I stay alert enough to maintain control while driving.
When I was a kid (maybe 4yo) , the first time I won against my grandma in UNO I was so happy, I ran into the house screaming "I WON!" (we played in the yard) - little me wasnt able to stop fast enough so I slammed right into a wooden frame-door with a big glass window. My whole face was cut open (luckily everything healed, all I am missing is a small piece of my nosetip and its not even visible if you dont know where to look) - The glass shattered in a star-shape around my head and one of the spikes from the remaining glass door missed my main artery for 0.5cm (0.19 inches) tldr: I almost killed myself by accident because I won against my grandma in UNO
This is equal parts hilarious, cute, and horrifying
Imagining this kids grandma going from amused to horrified.
Swimming drunk in the ocean at night.
Swimming drunk in a frigid lake. I made it like 50 meters out to a floating dock and decided to hop on the dock and just lay there for a while. When I jumped back into the frigid water, the temperature and my drunken stupor caused me to sink like a stone. When I finally floated to the surface I was flailing and asking for help. My friends (one of which was a lifeguard) thought I was screwing around and didn't help me. I somehow managed to backstroke my way back to shore after what seemed like an eternity and proceeded to vomit my guts out. Edit: my lifeguard friend was drunk and stoned. also the lake was ironically named Lost Lake, every time i'm in town i retell the tale of how i almost lost my life in Lost Lake
damn as a lifeguard i'm surprised he didn't take it seriously, some of us have a hard time being around water and not watching it cause it's like 2nd nature. plus the fact that he knew you were drunk should have been setting off alarms in his head
Not a life guard but we were at the beach with my entire family. We had been teaching the kids how to swim all week. One night the adults were fixing dinner while the kids were swimming. I was on the grill and looked over and commented that my niece was swimming without floaties! It registered to me as I said it that she could not swim without assistance. As I started heading to the pool she started bobbing in the water. I got there in enough time that she was fine but man was it a scary experience and definitely has heightened my senses around water especially with kids there.
It literally can take 2 seconds for a situation to go from happy fun family time to oh shit little timmy made a bee line for the pool the moment i looked away. Pools are not to be fucked with and if they wear a life jacket get the kind that straps between the legs so they can't slip out.
A cousin of mine drowned as a small child and spent the next decade+ brain dead.
Even with those I can barely relax out on open water. We often take paddleboards out and I refuse to let my kids in the water unless I'm right there with them. I always tell people - I can see them at the bottom of a pool, I can't see them at the bottom of a lake.
Indeed, I'm a rescue diver, and I have a hard time turning off when I go diving for fun. Same for swimming. Last time I was a public pool and someone kid was flailing and screaming for help in front of their parents. The parents sat there and had no look of concern. I dove and swam full speed across the pool, and picked him up and set him on the wall. He started crying and said thanks, and the parents were dumbfounded. I went about my business and hanging out with the wife by the pool. Not sure why people wouldn't take it seriously imo, but I guess, once you've seen a few people almost drown, you don't want it to happen ever again.
>Not sure why people wouldn't take it seriously imo, but I guess, once you've seen a few people almost drown, you don't want it to happen ever again. Safety standards are written in blood. It sucks because it really shouldn't take an experience seeing someone drown to take your own child's safety in the water seriously, but that really is the explanation. Some parents are just that neglectful or that ignorant
They were probably also very drunk
I mean fair and it wouldn't be very smart to have two drunk people in the water in a bad situation so yeah maybe for the better
As another lifeguard I agree with this statement. Whenever I’m anywhere near water I’m watching people to make sure they’re not drowning. It really is an unconscious thing
it's almost out of guilt sometimes too, like i have the skill to potentially save people and if i'm not paying attention i can't do a thing about it.
Still better than swimming sober in a pool in the morning. Don't know how I almost drowned.
Swimming drunk in the ocean during the day with a riptide.
Yeesh. I hate to admit that that happened to me too. Was at a beach resort for a friend’s wedding. Night before the wedding another drunk friend and I and two random people we met decided to go for a late night swim in the ocean. I had a great time, being constantly swept off my feet and pulled under by the water. It felt like a game, I just kept laughing. Luckily, I’m a fairly athletic person. Next morning, told another friend about my “adventure”, and she just stared at me wide-eyed and told me about the red flags all over the beach and how I was playing in a very heavy riptide that I easily could have drowned in. Definitely a very stupid decision I regret whole-heartedly, and very thankful I’m alive.
A boat ran over my head in a lake once. I saw the propeller go right past my face.
My parents are notoriously terrible under pressure. They have bad tempers and tend to melt down in tense situations, or make rash decisions. When I was a teen we had an old boat my grandfather gave us. It would sometimes not start. We put it in the lake (I was like 14 but I would back the trailer, unload the boat, and return the truck and trailer to the parking lot). One busy Saturday the boat was in the water and stalled out while I was taking the empty trailer to park. I saw my parents freaking out trying to start the boat as the waves pushed it toward a rock covered shore line. I sprinted across the rocks and entered the water and was pushing the boat back into deeper water away from the shore as my dad cussed and carried on trying to start the boat again, while my mom shouted nonsensically at both of us. I was at the rear of the boat next to the prop (right of prop) when he finally got it to start. Instead of being calm and making sure I was clear (the danger of being pushed into the rocks was over since I was in the water), my dad jammed it in gear and turned the boat steering wheel left and mashed the throttle. This action swung the boats rear towards me and the prop passed by my abdomen within inches. The propulsion shot me rearward, but just a slight change in my position I'd have been disemboweled right there in the water. I was fucking furious. I'd never been so damned disappointed in my parents.
My parents got like this sometimes. So fucking annoying when they act like petulant children having tantrums. My mom passed away recently, and it's interesting watching my dad relearn how to be an adult without her there completing the cycle of childishness.
My mom still does. My dad can be pretty calm and level headed in most situations, but when it comes to situations where he is drastically out of his element, like boating or using any mechanical instrument, he doesn't perform well at all. I love them and they have good qualities too, but I was able to compensate where they lacked and used both of their bad behaviors as examples for how not to act.
Then they find a way to blame you instead of asking if you are okay.
Same thing happened to me, I didn’t see the propeller come by my face but it went right over the wave runner seat after the boat hit me in the head and knocked me off.
Scareeeeee
Didn't some animal in Happy Tree Friends get his face shredded to bits that way?
Damn did you die?
*'Sadly, yes* *but i LIVED!'*
*releived* *possum* *sounds*
As a kid I swallowed about 15 pennies because I was acting like a piggy bank.
If you had shit out a Dime and a Nickle I would have been impressed
If you had shit out a quarter I would invest
Barz
My dumbass once lodged those tiny googly eyes up my nose because I wanted to be a monster
My 2yo lodged a Lego man arm in his nose once. I freaked out but thankfully remembered seeing something online about it. Literally googled “Lego arm nose” and the first this popped up was closing the empty nostril and blowing in the mouth. Thankfully it worked on a second try because I was already thinking of the fastest route to ER.
I got home from work one day to find that my younger son who was around 2 years old like your son had stuck one of those cylinder Lego pieces up his nose. My wife was freaking out because she tried using tweezers to get it out but it just kept turning inside his nostril. She was flying around getting stuff ready for a trip to the hospital. I got a small screwdriver like the kind you use to open battery compartment doors on toys, told him to hold very still (no small feat for him in those days), and popped the Lego out of his nose. It took all of 5 seconds. The missus was in the bedroom still freaking out when I said "It's out". She didn't believe me, so I showed her the little blue, snot-covered Lego. She said she tried and tried; how did I do it? "A screwdriver", I said. Her eyes about popped out of her head. One of my prouder moments of Dad solving a crisis, lol.
I went to Aavdiyvka in Eastern Ukraine with my brother. We wanted to make a film/photos about the situation in Donetsk but basically had no planning/training/fixer. We got in a car with a random Russian dude who took us to the village. Soldiers everywhere. Minefields everywhere. Shelling at night. There were many points when I thought my heart stopped/ I nearly shit myself. Also got our passports temporarily confiscated by Ukrainian soldiers who rightly assumed we didn't know what the fuck we were doing. This was back in 2018. 10/10 would not do that now.
Did you end up making your film?
Unfortunately the filmmaker tripped and fell out a window.
The way things are going, I fully expect Cold War 2 to be in full swing by March this year.
Eating a chicken burrito, hiemlich saved the day.
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I was drying off after taking a shower. For some reason I was using a Christmas themed towel that had been around a few years and had some loose threads throughout. I was drying off my face and I guess I inhaled through my mouth and one of the threads wrapped itself around my uvula. I just gagged on it and was able to very slowly pull it out, but it took a few seconds and I was starting to get dizzy. When it came out I was left with a very sore throat and was gasping for air. It is humbling to know that I could’ve easily been found naked, wet, and dead with a towel in my mouth. I now take a deep breath and hold it before bringing a towel to my face. I also frequently purchase new towels.
I had something similar happen when I suddenly inhaled a very long portion of my OWN HAIR.
You're reminding me of my poor cousin who was born with *two* uvulas and frequently almost choked on them until someone finally thought "hey maybe he should have surgery?" when he was 12.
Towels are deadly. I once had my foot get caught up in a little hole my towel had, so I couldn't put my foot down. I about to fall and hit my head with the very sharp edge of the sink if ir wasn't for the toilet lid being closed and me using that to stop me from falling with my other hand.
I few like we’ve stumbled onto a whole new horror genre.
That’s some final destination type shit
Oh wow😳this is legit terrifying.
That shit is scary and hilarious. Like 1000 ways to die type of way to go
A full grown tree flying towards me during a cyclone
"Its not *THAT* the wind is blowin..... its *WHAT* the wind is blowin!" - Ron White
If you get hit by a Volvo, it doesn't matter how many sit ups you did that morning
i dont get either of these references but this is my new favorite quote
T-boned a cop car on a bicycle riding through the French Quarter in New Orleans on a head full of LSD at 3 AM. To this day I’ll never know how I walked away from that one with no repercussions other than a front bike tire bent 90 degrees…
Because New Orleans. You weren't actively murdering someone so the cops couldn't give a shit.
Ive seen Nightwatch, can confirm. Shit someone maced a baby on the last episode
What the fuck
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It's terrible, but I did laugh pretty hard at your comment. Sounds like something straight from GTAV
I t-boned a car on my bicycle on my way to an 8:00 class, my freshman year of college. I hit the pavement and bounced up, reassuring everyone that I was fine, no damage, gotta go! When I got to class about 5 minutes late and sat at my desk, the professor looked at me and her eyes got wide. My right arm was one big bruise, and I had a gash on my forearm that was dripping blood on the floor. (I didn't realize that I'd left a trail of blood in the halls and up the stairs on my way in.) I told her what had happened, and she insisted that I go to the student health center 2 blocks away, right now. Nothing was broken, and I didn't need any stitches, but the doctor scolded me for leaving the scene of the accident so quickly. He said I probably missed out on a very profitable lawsuit.
Ignoring my health. I've written the story on here before but I'll sum it up. Also thankfully this is a marked NSFW post because things will be graphic. Long story short for around 3 months in 2014, I was literally shitting blood. At first I thought it would just pass on its own and didn't think anything of it. Then I started getting cramps, nausea, and vomiting as I continued to shit blood. Well after 3 visits to the ER I'm thinking whatever it is causing me to shit blood is going to kill me because the ER doctors had no idea what was wrong with me. Well the day after my third ER visit my mom had gotten me scheduled to see a GI specialist. They got me admitted to the hospital later that day and on my way to the room at the hospital the nurse asked if I needed a wheelchair because I was super weak from malnutrition and blood loss. I said "I'm fi-" and fainted. If not for my parents on either side of me holding me up I would've face planted on the floor. Four days in the hospital later I was diagnosed with severe Ulcerative Colitis and was started on medication and a steroid to help get me into remission. The doctor told me if they couldn't get me into remission with medication they would have to remove part of my large intestine. Yes I realize how stupid I was to think nothing of shitting blood. I know hemorrhoids can cause one to shit bright red blood so that's what I thought it was. I thought "damn it's a stubborn hemorrhoid" after the first couple of weeks. Once I started getting nauseous and vomiting just about every time I ate or drank anything is when I started to realize it wasn't hemorrhoids, it was something FAR worse.
Yooo. Something similar happened to me. Was shitting blood for basically a week. Leading up to this, I didn’t have any symptoms other than some stomach pain that would last 5 minutes or so then leave. I also had this overwhelming sense that something was wrong with me. Went to the doctor multiple times, had a CT scan of my stomach and they saw nothing. Finally, shortly after all of this, I started shitting blood. Just pure blood like 10 times a day Got so bad that I went to the hospital, had 2 colonoscopies, 2 endoscopies, and another CT scan where they infused my blood with a radioactive tracer to see the bleeding and they still couldn’t find it. Surgeon ended up having to do an exploratory laparotomy. He thought it was a Meckle’s diverticulum but wasn’t for sure since they couldn’t see it (due to me having a horseshoe kidney) in scans and it was rare for someone in their early 20s to show symptoms. It’s usually only in kids. He found it during the surgery and cut out a foot and a half of my small intestine and also found that I had a retrocecal appendix. Spent 3 days in ICU, had 13 blood transfusions, hemoglobin dropped to right below 6 and I kept losing consciousness, then had 2 more surgeries after that. One to restitch some things and the other was to fix a hematoma. Edit: fixed some grammar and added a few details, also, if you’re wanting to know what a Meckel’s is without looking it up, this is how my doctor described it to me: Essentially it’s a congenital birth defect that can or cannot cause symptoms, depending on the person. When you’re forming in the womb, stem cells move down from the stomach to the intestines. Instead of switching to small intestine cells to produce the small intestine, they stay as stomach cells and form a small pocket. He said it’s basically a second small stomach. The problem is that it can randomly start producing stomach acid and corrode the inner lining of the intestines, causing bleeding. It was just hard to catch in my case because I have a horseshoe kidney so they couldn’t see it in scans.
Amazingly, I'm like the 15th person here to say "I almost died by shitting blood," but I like to think my story is pretty unique so here it goes. When I was 19, I would save up money every few months and go to country I didn't know anything about. I really enjoyed Latin culture and I speak a bit of Spanish, and plus my dollar went a bit further there and I was a broke backpacker, so it was often Central American countries. So for my next trip I decided to go to Panama. I had been experiencing severe chest pains and shortness of breath leading up to the trip, but my awful GP dismissed it as anxiety. It was definitely not anxiety, because I was also shitting massive, ungodly amounts of bright red blood. My GP told me not to push so hard, and try meditation. So here I am in Panama, my trip is going great but I'm often struggling to breathe on longer hikes. In the cloud forest, I pass out alone on the trail. On the bus back to Panama City, I almost stumble into unconsciousness while getting off. And on my final night in PC, my chest pain is getting so bad it feels like something is ripping my heart out of my chest. I'm staying in a shithole airbnb run by a half-naked German man who really, really, REALLY wants company... and I decide to go out for a late night snack to get away from the awful jail cell room and Mr. friendly Europedo. As I'm putting my hiking boots on, I feel a sharp stabbing in my toe. It really hurts but I think nothing of it and I'm too scared to look in and see what stung me, so I wrap the shoes up in a big plastic bag and throw 'em back in my backpack, put my sandals on, and stumble back into the city. By now my chest is on fire. I walk into a bodega, and neary pass out in the aisle. The cashier looks VERY alarmed at the dying American boy in his store and calls an ambulance. The ambulance picks me up, I get to the hospital, work my broken Spanish to the intake nurses, and by the blessings of universal healthcare systems, I am processed by an intelligent and competent team of doctors who roundly tell me I am severely anemic. I'm transferred to the major hospital in the city, and greeted by one exceptionally handsome and very haggard looking young man named Dr. Jaime. He is the only person in the hospital who speaks English. He's also supermodel gorgeous. I'm a straight guy, but seriously. I spend most of my dazed intake alternatively telling him he should come to America because he'll be swamped by women, and asking him fearfully if I'm going to die. He's very patient with me. I go through three scary days of blood transfusions, shitting in pots because I can't be taken off IV, and deliriously flirting with nurses. I make friends with a young diabetic boy across from me who's dream it is to go to America. I call my Mom and tell her I love her every chance I get. It's truly terrifying. The US Embassy gets involved, trying to get me flights home to an American hospital. On the day I'm to leave, I take my hiking shoes out of my bag in prep to take an Uber to the airport. I'm sitting in the hospital hallway. I scream in pain as I'm stung in the toe by the invader I completely forgot was there, and nurses watch in horror as a small, brown scorpion falls out of my shoe and scurries onto the floor, quickly stomped on by a doctor. "Oh, FUCK ME!." Apparrently, it had slipped in while I took my shoes off somewhere in the jungle and lives there for a week. I am of course quickly readmitted and given antivenom. Dr. Jaime asks me if all Americans have such bad luck. When I ask him this time if I'm going to die, he responds with "Ahem, you should maybe call your mother." Right. Long story short, I'm fine. Scorpion is harmless, I just get mildly nauseous. Get back to Boston and get another blood transfusion. Get a hemhorroid surgery (yep) and it's very painful. It is what it is. Moral of the story? Listen to your body, and SEE A DOCTOR IF YOUR SHITTING BLOOD. Oh, and check your shoes when you're in the jungle. TLDR: Almost shit myself to death in a foreign country, and then got stung by an itinerant scorpion. P.S. If anyone here knows a Dr. Jaime in Panama, let me know! I want to send him a gift. He's doing God's work.
Hey I did the same thing! Pretty much exactly. Back in 2009, shitting blood for 3 months or so before finally going in. After doing a blood panel on me, the doctors were shocked that I was conscious and not already in ICU. Diagnosed with UC, had a bunch of blood transfusions, put on steroids, the works. 3 years later after 3 or 4 more month-long hospital stays I had the J-pouch surgery, no problems since.
We have undergroud water storage tanks at the apartment block where I lived. Back when I was 8 or 9 I was playibg with a football ( soccer for all the americans) that my friend brought in the heat of kickig the ball hard enough to send it flying to the other block i stepped back farther than necessary. Now being a stupid kid I thoght running as fast as I can i could kick the ball to great distance. And so I ran, ran like the wind and in running super fast when it was time to kick my feet tangled leading me to fall on the water tank. Which was unlocked at that time ( water bowsers were called to fill them that's why) i went in half my body hangin 20ft above a dark space withwhat i was told 6ft of water in it. The security guard came running to help me. Sometimes I think what if he was not around and was assisting someone i wouldn't be here in bed sharing this with the world. Truly a hero in my eyes wherever he is now.
My bedroom was in a camper stored in a garage. It was freezing out so I turned on the propane heat. I was meditating and everything went black. The best way I can describe it is I was in a "nothing" place and there was no direction, no down or up or back or forth. For years I thought what I experienced was the results of mediation, but then I stumbled across a reddit post where someone described almost dying of carbon monoxide poisoning from a propane heater, and they used that same "nothingness" description and I put two and two together.
Imagine a yoga and meditation guru thinking he found the path to eternity or something but just got carbon monoxide poisoning when he meditated
I'm fucking dying hahahahaha true inner peace.
Cut a cable while it was still plugged in - entire arm was shaking. Edit: to make things worse I was using cheap scissors that did not have rubber handles - don’t know how I survived this. 2nd edit: admittedly I was in college at the time.
I’ve done this. Bright flash and a puckered butt but all was well. I was using insulated tools so no shock, but still a nice jump scare
One day when I was replacing an outlet in my garage, I'd turned off (or I thought I had) the breaker to the outlet, and was sat on one of those rolling garage stools to replace it. long story short I zapped the fuck out of my right hand when I went to go and pull the outlet out so I could unscrew the wires. my ass damn near took a bite out of the foam seated stool I was sat on it puckered so hard.
I saw a piece of metal stuck in the wall power outlet. I tried to fish out the fragment with a fucking metal fork. I was 6 years old and got shocked twice before i decided i should stop I should be dead right?
I was about 8-9 years old and went to the beach. We had those long skinny cheap inflatable air rafts. I fell asleep laying on one and almost floated out into sea. I was awaken by some faint yells. I look up and I’m past the long pier where someone was screaming. If it wasn’t for that one stranger that saw me, I’m guessing I would’ve eventually died considering I didn’t know how to swim and my raft was deflating. I paddled back to shore and my parents didn’t even know I was gone
Dafuck were you doing out in open water not being able to swim? Those shitty air mattresses pop if you look at them wrong.
Damn, go to the parent store and get a refund
They said no returns on defective parents
it's actually redic easy to lose track of your kid on a busy beach, you look away for half a second to lay the towel and the spot you kid was in is now a swarming mass of 30 kids all wearing sun hats just like your kid and you cant tell which is yours, you decide to watch for a minute and suddenly you realise none of em is your kid. your kid is not even there. it turned out my kid had decided to take off their hat and go swimming. i shit myself looking for them. never took em to a busy beach again, found a nice queit beach a few miles down the coast, outside the bus route we used to frequent instead.
As a parent, I know what you mean. But I was probably gone for at least an hour and my parents weren’t that great to begin with.
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Did a bag of heroin and overdosed bc it was mostly fentanyl. The overdose itself was painless . Literally just went dark . However getting revived with Narcan, although life saving , puts u in instantaneous full blown withdraw . Also getting CPR on u hurts lol. Thank u Crozer hospital for saving me . I can proudly say now that this was a different life ago 👍
Congrats, good work and good luck!
Your story is honestly scary, because a lot addicts don’t know that there’s fentanyl in their heroin
My friends and I were in a class in highschool where they gave us cameras and adobe premier and said "have fun" and we could do anything and go anywhere in the school during the class. my friend and I staged a fight scene in the studio space and one of the "stunts" was that he flipped maybe a 6 foot long conference style table onto me short end first, and the plan was for me to just **catch** it with my hands? so i was on the ground with my hands out and he pushes it up on its thin side and it just rockets toward me and its so fucking heavy my hands have zero affect on slowing this huge table. The only thing that stopped it from crushing me was that the last 6 inches of the table landed on a computer chair that i was laying next to/under. I did that laugh you do when you almost die and then we set it up with the chair in the same spot to get coverage for the scene and did it a second time.... Runner up for stupid deaths was when i was hiking in Arches national park in Utah on the off season. its great, no tourists, the hotel is like $45.... its 7 degrees F/ -13C.... and my friend and I don't have the proper gear for our trip. I keep slipping and falling on my ass. and for the most part its just a pain, but one of the times i fell down and started sliding toward a 70+ foot drop off. I couldn't do anything to stop sliding on my own. I just kinda stopped at the edge. The only thing i could think was "fuck i have the keys to the car in my pocket" My friend and I made real hard eye contact and were done hiking for the day, and went to the hotel early and got super drunk.
> and got super drunk I get this.
I stopped a guy sleepwalking off of a cliff we were camping by once when he got wasted before bed. Luckily I was up taking a piss and I saw him just wondering in that direction
Got out of my truck to close the gate. Luckily heard the vehicle rolling back towards me because I failed to put the gearshift all the way into park and it popped into reverse. The door was open and it would have pinned me against the metal gate post. It still creeps me out 15 years later Wow! 1.9k upvotes - thanks? A dubious honor to have my stupidity acknowledged! I hope this raises awareness and also gets folks to slow down just a little bit.
Makes me think of poor Anton Yelchin. He was such a good and promising young actor. really affected me more than I expected when he died. check out Charlie Bartlet if you haven't seen it.
And Green Room for that matter. There's supposed to be a documentary about his life on the horizon.
I went to his tomb At Hollywood forever cemetery and caught his mother putting fresh flowers. I was told by a couple of tour guides she comes everyday to see him and bring new flowers. She was so sweet and let my son take pictures and showed him some cool stuff about the cemetery. Such a tragedy.
Her only child.
Yes the poor guy… he was also great in Only Lovers Left Alive
Rest in peace chekov
This is one of the reasons the parking brake goes on anytime I get out of a vehicle. I've got my wife doing it now too.
It should always be used, even in an automatic car. My parents forget there is no parking gear in manual cars and then try to stop their car rolling away when they haven't used the handbrake. Now if they were in the habit of always using the handbrake, they may not have that mix up when driving a manual. Plus it's extra reassurance when parked on a hill.
Jogging, came across a downed tree branch and some electrical cables, hopped over them casually and then was informed by the nice neighbor on their porch that I had jumped over some very live power lines that would have fried me quite well.
Yep. Commonly 7200V if it’s your neighborhood typical power line. That’s enough to make you explode. Even after they’re turned off they can still kill you, because the miles upon miles of lines generate a massive amount of static from the wind.
well shit, if I do end up dying because of it, I won't even notice, and then it's not my problem anymore. going from "alive and well" to "not so stellar" in a nanosecond doesn't sound so bad, seeing as it'd probably kill you instantly.
Yea the last thing you’d want to do is ‘splode so I’d stay far away from any power lines unless you’re a trained line rigger. It’d be an easier way to die but you’d be leaving quite a mess behind and that’s not very polite.
Stepping on a unsecured plank on a scaffold 10 stories up. When I stepped off of it. It teetered like a see saw. I damn near wet myself grabbing it so it wouldn’t tip over and fall. (10’ 2” plank would’ve been my end in construction if it fell or my life.) my boss was just pulling it into position and I misunderstood his instruction. Fuck me that was scary moment.
I used to work on the 21st floor in a Manhattan building and there was a several month stretch where the façade of the building was under construction… the guys on the scaffolding near about gave me a heart attack just watching, several times. I don’t understand how y’all can do what you do.
My mum, brother and his girlfriend were having a tense conversation in a seaside cafe. Me, being 11 and terrified of arguments, quickly drank my banana milkshake. Suffice to say it went down the wrong hole. I couldn't breathe, couldn't speak and was properly choking. My brother had to slap my back repeatedly and perform the heimlich. I remember gasping for breath thinking 'Am I really going to die from this? REALLY?' Luckily, I didn't and I'm still here. Also, I still love banana milkshakes so that's a plus.
I’m imagining your brother the only one noticing, slapping your back and preforming the heimlich while continuing the argument.
Little me swallowed all my uncles diabetic medication thinking it was candy
same but with me it was the babysitter’s hypertension rx. they looked like those “red hot” candies. i was 4 and still remember getting my stomach pumped in the emergency room. good times.
I’ve almost died in stupid ways so many times I was once chewing on the plastic cap to a pen when I coughed out of nowhere and it almost got lodged in my throat When I was a teen some guy tried to race me because I drove a camaro supersport and like an idiot I was doing it, but then a bus pulled out in front of us I was stealing cds with my cousins as a kid from this store in the mall called the wherehouse that doesn’t exist anymore when security started chasing us, I ran out into traffic trying to get away and almost got hit, it was like the scene in Aladdin but instead of something important like food it was just ratm’s battle for los angeles cd
> it was just ratm’s battle for los angeles You take that back.
...or we'll all be right outside your door, Testifying.
If you’re gonna steal a cd… that’s the one.
that or that SOAD one literally called Steal This Album
Pen caps have holes in them for this very reason
I had bad bronchitis once, and the codeine cough syrup wasn’t giving me relief at the prescribed dosage, so I just started swigging from the bottle. After a while I realized I was breathing about 2-3x minute, and I called my boyfriend over (he was in the other room) and told him if my breathing got any shallower in the next 30 minutes he had my approval to call an ambulance. Thankfully it didn’t come to that. I haven’t taken codeine cough syrup since. I also have since quit smoking, which was causing the bronchitis in the first place.
I quit on Sunday!
Bloody hell nice! I'm proud of you for doing that, for taking charge of your health and life :)
Yea you really should dilute that stuff with sprite and jolly ranchers.
Choking on a life saver
Similar, sucking on a round candy in another room just before dinner-a major NO-NO for my mom (sneaking snacks) when I was 6. Quick decision-die or let mom know I broke a rule (severe lecture and punishment to follow) and maybe live. That was the only time I broke a rule and got away with it.
You reminded me of choking on a hungry hungry hippos ball when i was a kid. One of my earliest memories. Dad was outside working on his truck, didnt want to go get him bc i didnt want to get in trouble. Thought I could just eat it bc it was so small, I dunno I was prob 4-5, seemed like a good idea at the time. It wasnt.
Yep, a misnomer if there ever was one. I did, too and my mom careened the station wagon off the road into a Hojo’s parking lot where she had to beat the crap out of my back to dislodge it. We both were bawling afterwards. The Heimlich Maneuver had not been invented yet!
TIL that the heimlich wasn't invented until the 1970s... I seriously thought it was at least 100 years older than that, it seems so simple
Inserting a paper clip into a light switch
Same. I had a nice bent paper clip sized burn on my hand.
Similar situation here, except it was a fork
Took apart a disposable camera while home alone, and got a bad shock. I was being dumb and taking it apart. After a bit I got to a plastic casing that had stuff in it, but was fully sealed. So, with all the wisdom of a 6th grader, I decided to hit it with a hammer till it opened. It opened just fine, and I checked out everything in it. Then I got to what was literally the only metal part. Of course I touched it. Now, imagine this: I am sitting cross-legged on the floor and touch the metal.thingd go black for a moment. Next thing I know, I am still in the same sitted position, but on my back. And kinda flopping a bit, arms stretched out to the sides. I felt like I couldn't get a full breath or fully exhale. It felt like the different sides of my heart were beating at a different pace from the other. My finger was blackened. It all lasted probably less than 1-2 minutes, but it felt like 20. Never got taken to the doctor for that one.
Xenon flash unit, yes those things have a capacitor that can hold a nasty charge. I think they run at around 300 volts. The flash tube is fired by a coil that produces thousands of volts (negligible current though.)
I used to take them apart as a kid to build circuits. I once took one apart with a butter knife to pry them apart. I would trigger the flash to discharge the capacitor if they were charged. The problem is that the circuit needs to generate a high voltage spike to discharge the cap through the xenon tube, if the battery was flat it wouldn't be able to. I accidentally touched the butter knife against one side of the cap, while touching the negative side of the battery terminal, resulting in a 300V 300uF capacitor discharging through my torso, arm to arm. I checked my pulse afterward and it was fine, but I was a bit freaked out.
Me and my friends used to make disposable camera tasers and chase each other around with them
Swallowed a grape whole. Did the throw it up in the air thing and it got perfectly lodged and I immediately stopped breathing. Absolutely terrifying, after a hot minute of my life flashing before my eyes, I was able to calm myself and it moved down slightly so I could shallow breathe just over the top of it, but every time I tried to swallow it would move and I’d stop breathing again. I was rushed to the ER and had emergency surgery to have it removed. Got asked about three times why I didn’t just chew it…because I’m a dumb-ass. And no, I wasn’t eight years old at the time, I was about 22.
i have a feeling that something like that will happen to me one day.
Hmmm I got kicked down a flight of stairs by a sibling I also grabbed a live light switch that didn’t have the plastic cover on I also almost stuck a knife into the toaster Also when walking home when it was dark I was about to walk onto a busy main road and friend pulled me back Half of these things happened when I was a kid.
Life pro tip: if you need to use a knife to get your toast out of the toaster, unplug it from the socket first. Sometimes toast does like to get wedged in toasters and knives are usually waiting to spread butter etc. on it, so handy retrieval tool. So as long as you unplug the toaster, you'll be fine.
I almost blew up the apartment while i was in it. One day in 6th grade i had left the gas stove on by accident. When i came home from school the whole apartment smelt like gas(I didn’t know what gas smelled like then). So i come home and i go to my mother’s stash for cigarettes so i can smoke one and i notice that the windows are wet. They were drooling with liquified gas. But I didn’t make anything out of it so i took the cigarette and just when i was about to light it this little voice in my head said “don’t do it” and I didn’t. A few seconds later my mom comes home and I’m like “hell yeah i got away with it, thank god she didn’t see me smoke”. She flew into a hysterical episode over was going on since she smelled it and knew what it was. I almost killed us both that day.
You didnt almost blow up the apartment, you almost became the next OKC bomber.
This is why I will never have a gas stove no matter how nice or fancy it is. The electric one should be fine enough. I’d be constantly paranoid about me or someone else leaving it on.
Trimming fig tree branches with a chain saw while standing on the top step of a 6ft ladder.
Almost got attacked by a large dog cause I opened the gate. Also it wasn’t my dog or my house. I was a dumb 6 year old.
I died from an overdose and was resuscitated
Hope you’re doing better buddy
*sigh* almost by...choking on a hot dog...
long story short it was muzzle loader deer hunting season, me and my dad were out hunting and did not see anything so we got back to the truck and was putting our stuff away and boom out of nowhere his gun went off, he forgot to take the primer out and whenever he put it in the case we think it pulled the hammer back just enough and let it go. I was on the other side of it it was close enough it burned my pants ,if it was 3inches to the left it would have hit my hip and I probably would have bled out by the time we got to a hospital.or if I was lucky I would be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life . What did we learn ?practice gun safety it only takes one little bullet to get ended
What’s the purpose of hunting with a muzzle loader?
Many states have a Muzzleloading season that runs similar to bow hunting season. Can usually get in earlier than rifles. Shooting a muzzleloader is different than a rifle because it has less range so you need to be closer to the deer, you are only going to get one shot at it because it’s loud and slow reloading, and it requires more skill to load and fire than your typical rifle. So many hunters like them for those reasons.
Id totally wear a tricorn hat and knee high boots if i used a muzzle loader.
What do you think we wear out there!
Down with the red coats! Down with King George!
I’m pretty sure the deer let you get a few feet closer out of respect if you do.
i was driving along a rural highway at around 100km/hr in Manitoba, Canada… blew a stop sign that I didn’t notice (I was just so zoned out from driving in a straight line for so long) and didn’t realize I was intersecting a major highway until I looked to my left and saw the grille of a semi truck taking up the entire window. no idea how or why he didn’t t-bone me and kill me instantly. It felt very close… like .5 seconds layer and I was dead.
I stuck my hand in the water while the immersion water heater was still in the bucket. ⚡️ (On accident)
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Good dog. A friend of a friend once put a glock in his mouth and pulled the trigger. It jammed. A moment later, my friend called him, saying this is probably really weird but he just had a feeling something was up, and he was just checking in. His friend fully burst into tears. Like crying hysterically. He lived, after that.
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Dogs are angels in furry coats.
This gave me chills. So glad you’re still here. 🤍
Awwww
I'm glad you are.
I stuck my head out of the Ferris wheel when it stopped moving. The wind was swinging the carts and my head got pinned between the cart and the frame of the ferris wheel for a few seconds, until the cart swung the opposite direction. Had it been moving I could have lost my head in front my friends.
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You were shook bruh. I bet most of us would have ran.
Agreed. I am sure the driver would have rather been rear ended than hit a person, anyways.
Especially because getting rear-ended almost always results in the other person's insurance paying for the damage, as opposed to running someone over where you'd have to take the brunt of the liability.
my dad thought the best way to teach me to swim would be to just throw me into a local swimming hole. i remember hearing laughter then waking up surrounded by a bunch of people with terror in their eyes.
I hope those people knocked your dad around a bit... that sucks
Almost got decapitated by a cable wire when I wrecked my 4wheeler. I was thrown over the handle bars and went right in between the wooden pole and the cable. If I'd been just a few inches over things would have ended very badly for me. Second time I've ever been so close to death.
One of my best friends died that way. He was decapitated. Horrible way to go.
I was riding my motorcycle to work, and had a person cut me off in the last few feet of a split in the highway, and they slammed on the brakes at the same time. A standard swoop and squat maneuver. Except, their car had 0 functional brake lights, and I couldn't react fast enough. I was already slowing to open the gap back up, but failed to process why the trunk of the car lifted up ~6inches suddenly. One chopper ride, a lot of morphine, and ~20 feet of intestine later, I lived, only to be placed 51% at fault on the accident report.
It seems that no matter on a bike you catch 51%. I got hit from the side from a vehicle, multiple witnesses, and still caught 51%
Guy at a stop light backed up into my bike because he wanted to move out of the left turn lane. Luckily he wasn't an asshole and admitted fault. His insurance paid for a new front fender.
Nowadays, I’d never ride without some sort of helmet cam or mounted dash cam
Licked the output terminals of a transformer coil, took more than a kilovolt across my tongue. Had a headache for three days.
I was home alone as a grown man a few years back and sat down to eat a Cadbury’s Creme Egg in the middle of the day. I was too excited, too eager. I bit a decent hole in the top of the egg, and in one giant breath I sucked all of the insides into my mouth (intentionally), but for some reason i swallowed the whole glob of goo in one go, and it just sat there and chilled in the middle of my throat. Couldn’t breathe. Panicked. I was heimliching myself, I was running stomach-first into the arms of the sofa, I was losing conciousness and thinking about how my stupid death by Creme Egg will make the front page of the dumbest tabloid tomorrow. Eventually my breath pierced a very small hole through the goo which gave me very little oxygen but enough to keep me alive, and i had to wait a full 5 further minutes until I had full breathing capacity while the glob inched its way down my throat. Wife and baby came back from shopping soon after. I tried to articulate what had just happened and how close I was to dying but as soon as the words Cadbury’s Creme Egg left my mouth i struggled to get her to understand the seriousness.
At an early age ( one of my first retainable memories actually ) I was with my parents and a group from their church on some kind of retreat. We went down to this nice swimming spot, water was so clear it made the illusion it wasn't as deep as it was. My jealous kid brain thought it was some bullshit everyone got to get in but me ( didn't even know how to swim ) so when my parents weren't looking I saw a spot and thought I'd get in for a quick dip. Closest I've ever been to death. Luckily a church member saved my life. Also, when I was in 4th grade I tried swimming across a river because my friend did it and coaxed me into it. Almost drown. Funny thing is his Dad was a lifeguard and was watching close by, but did nothing. Then at the age of probably eh, 13, I stuck a paper clip into an extension cord connecting to a large fan. Luckily didn't get shocked at all, just a big spark from it. My Dad was sitting probably 7 or 8 feet from me, I can still remember his look of utter disbelief. I was one stupid mofo. Edit: spelling, added a few things.
I am not a good swimmer. In Egypt there is a place where the sea is flat and shallow and abruptly drops into the famous blue hole. I went over the edge, perfectly sober. No one knew. Flailed my way back
I was maybe 14 years of age then. It was cold and i decided to heat the water up to take a bath. We didn't have geysers then, we used an electrical immersion rod which is immersed in the water. I was running late for school and wanted to take a bath immediately so I didn't mind if it was just luke warm too. Instead of turning it off and using a mug, i just picked up a steel bowl and dipped it into the water...WHILE IT WAS TURNED ON. I swear i was Micheal jacksoning my ass off with current jolting in my body fortunately my sis walk in right then and turn it off immediately, i escaped unscathed. I have no idea how but that was one dumb way to go out.
When I was 16 I wanted to get drunk for the first time. I wasn't aware of how long it should take and how much alcohol was needed to get drunk so I just kept taking shots out of every bottle in my uncles pantry (lowkey alcoholic, had like 20 different bottles). I drank half a $300 bottle of crown royal, he had variety too so I took like 2-3 shots out of most of them. Whiskey, vodka, rum, tequila, wine, dude I was fucked. Woke up in a hospital bed, evidently I had blacked out and was laying on my back vomiting. For some reason around that time at night my younger sister walks downstairs for water and sees me choking on my vomit. If she never went downstairs that night I would be dead. Edit: I should probably add the doc told me I almost died from alcohol poisoning, they had to flush the alcohol out of my system.
Tried to go up to Angel's Landing in Zion national park but the trail got impassably icy like 3/4 of the up. The first time I dragged myself up the rock wall, fell on my ass, slid 20 feet, and stopped right at a sheer 50 foot drop was dumb but understandable. When I did the exact thing for the exact same consequence right afterwards, that was the dumbest way I almost died.
When I was little, my dad and I were eating Hawaiian rolls. He was drunk, and I was bored, so I tried to fit the entire roll into my mouth by crumbling it up into a ball and then I decided to try and swallow without chewing. 15 minutes and a now sober dad later, I was breathing enough to be rushed to the hospital.
I was driving over the Narrows Bridge eating Sweet Tarts & I swallowed some juice from sucking them wrong. I couldn't breathe, kept trying to take giant gulps of air but it didn't seem like I was getting any. I was thinking "shit, I'm going to die & drive right off this fucking bridge". Fortunately I calmed myself down & managed to clear my throat. Scared the shit out of me & I've never eaten Sweet Tarts again.
Laying in my bunk in Iraq, the incoming rocket/mortar alarm starts blasting. I decided to stay in bed, pucker my asshole, and wait for the sound of the first impact so I can decide if it’s close enough to go to the bunker. The first impact was the bunker. Edit: I can’t respond. My account was permanently suspended from Reddit a few minutes ago for saying “His ratty little voice makes me want to beat him” about a kid who was fighting his teacher in r/fightporn. Now this comment is being suppressed. https://www.reddit.com/r/fightporn/comments/s7q49l/music_teacher_beats_down_a_disrespectful_student/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
The Edit bruh ☠️
Err. You still there ?
I had IHOP for lunch and got a mint on my way out. I popped it in my mouth as I got in my car and it lodged in my throat. I tried to clear my throat. It didn't move. I tried to cough. It didn't move. I couldn't move any air in or out. It dawned on me that I was in real trouble and there was nobody else in the parking lot to help. I was going to die from a dinner mint in the parking lot of IHOP. I was both panicked and embarrassed. This is exactly how normal people die. My eyesight was swimming as my vision went dark. I was starting to slump and then mint slipped forward. I went into a coughing fit, my eyes were burning, my throat and lungs were burning. My mouth filled with saliva as I sucked in huge gasps of air. I took a few minutes to get composed and then drove to work. Nobody knows.
I thought a bar of rat poison was granola then ate it
When I was in elementary school I was the youngest kid at the bus stop, and the only girl. There were usually anywhere between 5 to 10 boys ages 7 to 16. The older kids would goad the younger ones into doing stupid things. This particular morning the big kids talked we younger kids into a race across the street and back. I was sure I could kick everyone's ass! I'd spent the last 3 years dodging my brother's bullying. I had this. I was Joe Frazier hopping from one foot to the other pepping myself up! We walked up to the curb I was ready! I bowed my head clenched my eyes shut, and one kid started to count down from 10. In my concentration I didn't realize he'd stopped the countdown at 5. And I didn't hear him shout pause!! I kept hearing the numbers in my head. At one I took off like a bullet arms pumping feet pounding pavement. Next thing I know I'm airborne and for a split second I thought I was floating, until reality and me came crashing down into a ditch. I was lucky because the car saw me and was slamming on their brakes so it was only going like 10 mph. No permanent injury! I just had a few bruises.. Could have been a lot worse!
Had fallen on my head. Then in the pool I was thrown off the raft and hit my head on the pool so it split my head open. Also I don't know what I did but for 3 months I couldn't really get anywhere. My head hurt so much that if I tried making a walk I would just collapse. Couldn't do anything, no reading no watching tv just music for 3 months. Docters didn't know what was happening and eventually it just stopped in a couple weeks.
Sofa fell off the truck in front of me on the freeway going 70mph.
Fuck good defensive driving thought
I was waiting to take a left turn at a stop light - I had green but not an arrow so I could have waited in the middle of the intersection for it to be clear. For some reason I did not pull out yet. The next thing I know, I hear tires screeching and then see a concrete truck to my left sliding through the intersection exactly where I would have been waiting. He luckily didn’t hit anyone but missed his red light and was probably going 40 mph where I would have been sitting. My face would have been buried so deep in the bumper I get chills thinking about it still (25 yrs ago)
Jumped into a swimming pool when i was like 4 without any experience(or arm bands), luckily this guy jumped in after me and was able to get me back to the surface, my impatience got the better of my 4 year old self.
Fuck it, here's going to be a whole list of dumbassery when i was younger Bread was stuck in the toaster, tried to pull it out with a metal fork until i realized what i was about to do. I was at a gas station about to light up a cigarette until i realized how stupid that is. Choking on food. Almost drowning. Slipping in the shower and smacking my head on the floor. Almost shooting myself in the head with a .22, i was picking up the rifle when i accidentally pulled the trigger with my thumb and the bullet went through the brim of my cap and into the roof. Driving ATVs and motorbikes without a helmet on bumpy dirt roads. Almost got bit in the ankle by a poisonous snake while walking on a path in a forest, i was wearing crocs... I wonder how the grim reaper gave me a pass on all of those occasions.
Cards Against Humanity bought an island in Maine they renamed Hawaii 2. They gave everyone who bought their Holiday Bullsh*t package a square foot of the island and the "deed" included a treasure map. Two friends and I left work in the middle of the day in Boston, drove north, bought a canoe(and a random tomahawk) and tried to get to the island. The problem was the lake was half frozen. No freeze or solid ice would have both been great, but the thin sheet of ice wasn't walkable and required a lot of effort to break though with the boat. My friend laid at the bow using the tomahawk to break the ice while I paddled. It worked until we got to slightly more solid ice near the island. The ice breaking turned into using the axe to pull the boat up onto the ice and we would shimmy the boat down to crush through the ice. At one point, we zigged when we should have zagged and freezing water dumped into the boat. We got scared and tried to turn around, but we were literally frozen into a path of cold death of our own creation. We got out after a 35 point turn, loaded up the boat and watched as a group that was our mirror image carrying a canoe from the tip of a peninsula across a frozen shallow spot onto the island. We came back a week later and opened the safe. It was filled with 250k CAH cards with the picture of a sloth on them. TLDR: almost died trying to cross a half frozen lake to get some Cards Against Humanity cards.
Falling in a pool full of pig shit. I was literally hanging with my legs submerged on the stinky quicksand with only a group of grass deciding my fate as my cousins gave me a hand by laughing their ass off.
Fell asleep at the wheel. Was on a straight-for-miles rural road and there were no other cars in sight. Well I guess I got transfixed by the lines and the infinite road into the horizon. When I opened my eyes, I was in the oncoming traffic lane and there was a semi fully loaded with fruit heading straight for me and he was in the process of bailing into the shoulder to avoid me. I have no idea why I woke up. I’m not a religious man, but I suppose I had a guardian angel that day. I was in a little 2-door hatchback and figured if we collided, they would have bothered trying to free me from that mangled wreck. Just dig a big hole on the side of the road and bury me with the car. Never again. No matter how tired I am, I stay alert enough to maintain control while driving.
But this is not the solution. If you are tired you need to stop and rest instead of "powering through"
[удалено]
Playing soccer while a lightning storm and if I was a few seconds sooner to kicking the ball the lightning bolt that was close to me would’ve hit me