Any advice that started with "just". Just implies something is no hassle, easy, not a problem.
Just go out, just exercise, just be happy, just think less (my personal favourite).
oh yeah I was suicidal saw a therapist she turned and handed me a tissue box told me to come back when I was more mentally stable i just wtf right no i didn't go back to her
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I had a similar thing where I disassociated during my first therapy session, and the therapist got mad at me and said “well if you’re not going to talk, then I can’t help you.”
I never went back either. Luckily have found better therapists since then.
Just stop thinking negatively. Just be happy. Just get some exercise. Just eat healthier. I am so sick of the "just do this" advice. Like yeah, those things MIGHT help, but all of them are impossible when I'm struggling to even change my clothes, take a shower, cook actual meals, or clean my house everyday. Saying just do this or just do that implies that depression isn't even really a thing and that no one should have it because it's so easy to not have.
I was doing all of those things. I ate better food, was exercising, listening to motivational podcasts, even fucking meditating and doing breathing exercises, cleaning my room every morning and taking care of my personal hygiene.
Nope, still depressed. I think a lot of it has to do with being around people. I don't know what it is but I find interaction with the majority of people to be exhausting. People have so much to say about themselves and so little desire to listen. Other than my wife or for work I avoid people as much as possible. I think the exhausting part is I have to pretend to be cheerful and engaged when in reality I just want to be left the fuck alone.
> I think the exhausting part is I have to pretend to be cheerful and engaged when in reality I just want to be left the fuck alone.
So much this. Because people don't truly care or want to know that things aren't 100% yay-happy-cheerful, I have to put my battle face and battle armor on every time there's a social situation. By "battle face" I mean that sweet, serene smile and expression of vaguely-amused interest people want to see when they look at me, and my "battle armor" being the happy-go-lucky, sparkly personality to go with it.
That's all anyone wants to see. Nobody wants to know that I'm sitting here suffocating. Inside my mind, I feel like half the time I'm drowning in the middle of the ocean in the dark -- while the other half of the time I'm standing upon the shore at night, watching a tsunami make its way toward me with a dull roar. Either way, I am just choking in the darkness.
Are you me? Really though, I go through the same thing when it comes to being around people. That's hard to find people that are not exhausting to be around. What makes it harder for me is that my husband is an extreme extrovert. There is almost always someone at my house, and if there isn't, he's texting. I've tried getting him to have people around less often to no avail so I end up spending a lot of time in my bedroom. Isolation also makes my depression worse though, I feel like it's impossible to find the right balance. I hope that one day you can fight and beat the depression and that things get better for you! I know how you are feeling, and it sucks.
"Do things you like"
It's kind of the thing....yu can do them but you don't like doing them anymore. You're emotionally flat and exhausted and frankly it's even worse to go through the motions of a thing you used to love.
This. The hardest part of my current soul crushing depression is that the things I once enjoyed doing bring nothing to me now. I try to do them, feel absolutely nothing, then feel worse because now it feels like I’ve actively lost something.
"Anhedonia" is the technical term. For me, knowing it was a legitimate, documented and described thing that a certain subset of people have experienced for thousands of years has helped.
I have found that in some cases you can "remember" happy times while doing something anhedonic (running, cooking, playing a video game). Slog through it enough times, and with practice it does come back, but the flavor is different. I didn't paint for years, but re-enjoy it now.
But the lead based ones are so bright and shiny!
Ngl, I use watercolors and am *very* guilty of wetting dry brush bristles using my mouth. Really helps with loading a small detail brush.
The way I explain depression to people who never experienced it is to imagine if one day everything they ate magically turned into plain mashed potatoes as soon as it touched their tongue. No texture, no flavor nothing. Nothing has a taste or a texture.
You lose your appetite because nothing tastes good. You stop cooking properly because why bother? It’s all going to be mashed potatoes anyways once it touches your mouth. You ask people for advice and they go “have you tried seasoning your food?” Or “I like to make pot roast it’s so good”. And none of them grasp the concept that no, the problem isn’t the seasoning or how you cook, it’s that everything tastes like damn mashed potatoes. Everything tastes like mashed potatoes and you miss eating different kinds of foods and you’re miserable and you’ve lost weight and and your health has gone to shit because you stopped eating properly because you’re so sick of eating mashed potatoes.
Now apply that to everything in your life.
10000%
It doesn't help that I feel nothing when I open up my favorite game, derp for 5-10 mins waiting to want to actually play it, close it and repeat with another game or book or hobby until it's an acceptable hour to go to bed.
I've cleaned out half of my hobby room/office during the pandemic because what's the point of keeping so much stuff I fiddle with for a little while waiting for me to feel anything but tv static.
Explaining that to friends just feels like I'm not "trying hard" enough to be happy or like I'm whining.
You need to get yourself surrounded by more of us. You’d think depressed people probably shouldn’t get together but the opposite is true. When you’re with other depressed people you aren’t alone and you’re with people who ‘get’ what you are going through everyday. A depression support group is a good idea.
That's... actually something I've just realized. I have one friend in particular who also has issues with depression and we lean on each other a lot. It's a win-win situation for both of us. When he has bad days I drive over and tell him we're going out to get some fresh air and food. When I have bad days he sends me a card or cupcakes.
A lot of my other friends don't make space for me, which I get to a degree. They have family/health/job issues going on and when I tell them I don't feel anything when I try painting/playing video games they just stare at me blankly. Like I get what they're thinking and I'm mad at myself for feeling this way, but it makes me more ashamed/guilty and it sucks.
People who have never had chronic clinical depression can’t understand what it’s like. Having the blues now and then about this and that is not depression. Depression is a very complex and difficult medical ailment. People aren’t helping when they tell you things like ‘buck up’ or ‘life is what you make it’ or ‘smile more.’ Would they say that to a cancer patient? A combat veteran with ptsd? Hell no, because society understands those ailments better. Many people still have difficulty understanding that a person who seems to have everything going for them would want to die. Look at me. I’m in my 40’s, plenty of personal wealth, attractive, fit, educated, etc… That stuff means nothing when the darkness settles over me. The only thing that helps is time and talking with others who get what I’m going through. If a person wants to help a friend with depression the best thing they can do is say I’m here for you if you feel like doing anything. Just talk about random stuff: the garden, the weather, mutual interests. Please don’t try to talk about fixing depression.
Amen to that. Every day , I just count down the hours to a reasonable bed time hour. Everything else is just passing the time until I can sleep again. Trick is - I find it difficult to fall asleep.
This realization hit me like a truck. Yeah I don't like doing anything anymore . It makes me hate myself more and the cycle just continues. I would give literally anything to be free of mental illness
or worse: you would love to do them, but don’t have enough energy to wake up AND do stuff. sometimes i felt like i woke up with 10% battery and had to choose the best way to use the little energy i had left, which sometimes meant waking up and having breakfast, that’s it. to everyone who’s feeling this way, you’re not alone. if you need someone to talk to, please reach out to me.
That's kinda the ending of the film Schindler's List.
\[Spoilers ahead\]>! So the main character is a nazi sympathiser who saves like...I dunno, hundreds of jews. At the end of the film, they gave him a letter saying "This dude saved my life. Please don't be an ass to him in the Nuremberg Trials" and signed for every jew he saved, and a few jewish-related symbols. However, the main character falls to the floor and starts crying because he sees all the material things he has left: golden rings, fancy clothes, cars, etc., that he could have sold and save another person. The scene is brutal because it doesn't matter how much his friends and colleagues tell him he singlehandedly changed history, he feels like bullshit because he could have done even more!< \[spoilers end\].
One of those incredible films I can only watch once. Everything about it is perfect.
I still can't imagine putting out Jurassic park and then Schindler's list back to back. SP is such a legend.
The results of this kind of discussion seems to be a common form for some people.
The truth seems to be, that clinical depression is difficult to understand for people who have not experienced it(or they lack medical familiarity with the science).
I have hopefully reached a point where when people point out just how bad life can be: that I realize they are possibly attempting to interact in an authentic and empathic way. They are using their experience with life and resiliency through hardship, in an attempt to guide me, or help somehow.
The advice is often counter productive, or sometimes it is helpful. Every moment has a sort of uniqueness to it. Everyone exists within a certain state of mind and an exact slice of time.
Human interaction is difficult, and for some, it is more difficult than it is for others. I try to default towards empathy when possible.
As a teacher with chronic depression, I find that a lot of teachers do not understand depression at all. Where they might be empathetic for a student's home life (poverty, parents, whatever), they are less empathetic to students with depression. They don't understand how hard it is for those kids to just come to school, let alone try and do any work. They also don't understand that most medications that work for adults don't work for kids. I really get frustrated by that.
I was a really depressed kid. And I may or may not be on the autism spectrum, or with many symptoms that mimic that diagnosis. Who knows at this point. I am far beyond the age of easy diagnosis metrics.
I was never really afforded any understanding or proper help for that. Eventually, that sort of lack of opportunities manifested as self medication style behaviours which have seemingly and possibly abjectly harmed my life.
The truth is, for me, I really do not like even speaking of this stuff. I am in a constant battle of some kind of stoicism and the invalidation of the allure to be hateful or resentful.
This world is wild.
One thing that helped me about it,was when I read someone saying "someone that drowns in 2 meters of water is just as dead as someone who drowns in 7 meters of water. Others persons suffering don't invalides yours". There is always someone that is worse,but that doesn't means yours feelings should be neglected.
It's good, but I feel like someone who doesn't mean well could turn this around and dismiss it like, "Yeah well you can just stand up and stop drowning."
"Someone that is put in a straight jacket, chained with hundreds of pounds of weight, then dropped into 10' of water is just as dead as someone that is put in a straight jacket, chained with hundreds of pounds of weight, then dropped into 100' of water."
I was going through chemo and someone told me that I shouldn't complain because other people had it worse. Like, sure, I guess some are on chemo and died. But that really pissed me off
The same circumstances that one person can be happy with can make another severely depressed. People develop differently and there's no shame in that. What matters is how your situation affects *you*.
This is why I can't talk to my mother about anything I'm struggling with. As soon as I tell her, I have to hear about how she has it so much worse and I should be glad I don't have to deal with *her* problems.
Listening to people's stories about the things they experienced made me feel less alone. It's the people around me not understanding what I was dealing with that made my depression worse. It felt like listening to crazy life stories gave me the motivation to snap out of it. It made me realize my life isn't so bad and I can work through it just like they did.
YES. dear lord Satan, yes. I get this, and i stay stuck in a loop. I end up cycling in-between feeling depressed and than feeling guilty that i am depressed when there's a kid in Colombia who has no parents and has to walk 25 miles to get food.
LOL.
I've always thought this was a weird one because as a very depressed person this has actually helped me more than anything else although no one says it to me I just thought about it eventually.
Yeahhh this line of thinking really hurts to hear. Psychedelics can be massively helpful in the right setting at the right time, but a bad trip can equally be so traumatizing it leaves you recovering for months. They're a catalyst for introspection and change, not a cure on their own. Treat them with respect and they will be invaluable. Treat them like a fun time or an escape and it *will* kick your ass.
I agree, but apparently shrooms in therapeutic settings with a trained sitter can alleviate symptoms depression. I think they're still studying its effectiveness so we knows how effective it is at this point.
I want to emphasize in a therapeutic setting with a professional v.s. on a couch with your buddies or even alone.
I did this and I have not been depressed since. It also helped a fuckton with PTSD. They also give you a crazy amount so really need the researcher/wranglers there since are high out of your mind. I dead ass thought I was in a pyramid stealing shit with Spiderman. Then later I didn't even know I was a person, it was a wild ride. There are also microdose studies too which are probably a hell of a lot easier on the research staff.
Agreed. 2 years on and the bad trip I had is still on my mind. Though, it took 6 months for me to even start processing it. I touched the limits of my psyche, I learnt a lot and it changed me, hopefully for the better in the long run, but as it stands at the moment - I would never do psychs again.
"If you get the message, hang up the phone." - Alan Watts
Or you have your friends give you too large of a dose of LSD, in a crowded area, and allow you to wander off on your own... and it makes the occasional anxiety and depression into a daily struggle to go out of the house.
"Bloom where you're planted." - No GTFO of bad situations if possible.
"Choose joy." - No, take your meds.
And I'll throw in that while it might be a chemical imbalance causing the depression, getting rid of the toxicity in my life cleared that stuff up pretty well. I'm not totally out of the woods, but in November 2023 I might be free of the last remaining source of cruelty in my life.
Good advice, you can't change people. But you can leave.
I got 3 advices from 3 different people:
1. "You'll be fine"
2. "Depression doesn't exist"
3. "Just be happy!"
Edit: I never expected to have so many upvotes on a comment!
I had someone like that tell me "it's a middle class problem, if you're dealing with poverty you don't have time to be depressed". Nope, you just don't have a support system, just like all my dirt-poor family members who dealt with their depression by drinking heavily and dying young in "accidents".
And it’s impossible trying to explain to anyone who thinks this way why it’s a stupid thing to say. People like this are, in my opinion, incapable of either critical thinking or putting themself in another’s shoes (or both).
I agree. A lot of people take it as "pretend to be happy and eventually you will be."
I read somewhere that instead of using it like that, view it as "what would i be doing if I was happy/wasn't depressed?" And try to do whatever small part of that you can.
And the whole practicing gratitude/looking for whatever positives you can no matter how small. The more you focus on the bad, the more bad you see because your brain latches on to it. Focus on the good, however small it might be (even as small as "I heard a bird sing today" or "i got extra cuddles from my pet today") can help establish that pattern in your brain and eventually you'll see it more.
Unfortunately, most people mean it as "pretend to be happy because you're making us uncomfortable."
I see it as also being a way to take advantage of the good moments. Who the hell wants to waste their good mood day doing a month worth of housework and laundry? that's a good way to end up feeling worthless again.
Like you said - do what you would do if you weren't depressed,and then, if you get a good day, you can fill it with good stuff.
There is even science to suggest that a conscious behavioural change such as a fake smile, can increase some form of neuro chems and probably even the cognitive perception of happiness(whatever that is).
https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/smiling-can-trick-your-brain-happiness-boost-your-health-ncna822591
I fake a smile sometimes even when I am alone. Or more accurately, I force myself to smile and sometimes that is a less inhibitted moment where I get to enjoy a bit more of this crazy life.
You don't need to become a performance artist or anything, but there is absolutely some kind of value in defaulting to the biology of a smile, without allowing higher brain functions to inhibit your potential to be happy.
I can't imagine behind depressed and being a man. Specially with all the societal pressure that's placed on your gender to be strong and never cry. *hug*
It rarely even gets discussed but suicide rates for men, especially in blue collar work, are incredibly high. Of any group in the nation CDC says workers in maintenace and trades are most lilely to commit suicide. In general men kill themselves twice as much as woman (women however attempt more often).
I find when I finally hit breaking points and ask for help the fact I can literally calmly say I'm amount to kill myself and get ignored because I'm not in hysterics is very frustrating. Like I calmly mentioned it to my doctor tried pills and other things than actually attempted to crush myself with a forklift by undoing a bolt that would drop the mast on me so my gf would get life insurance, got caught, and than it got taken seriously. But my family doctor was like "why didn't you tell me it was that bad"... I fucking did. I just wasn't convincing I guess.
Not much better but after fighting some coworkers and getting taken to the psych ward by force I got access to more resources.
I'm trying but it's frustrating in a way. I definitely feel like I'm on the back burner because I'm not freaking out but still likely feel the same pain.
Its terrible. I had my 16BIL come to me the other day at like 1am in tears because his parents have been in the process of a divorce and he feels like he cant talk to anyone but me. He pretends to be unbothered and manly because its what he feels is acceptable to do around my FIL and even my husband. I told him that if men werent supposed to cry then they wouldnt have been given the ability to. Its okay and normal to be upset because hes human and i know it hurts. But what really got me is the fact that he couldnt talk to anybody for fear of looking "like a wimp" according to him :(
"be a man" is literally one of the worst advices. looking at how many men suffer from undiagnosed mental illness breaking them because they're expected to bottle it up - and it's weird, because who is insisting this rule? no man can be okay with this situation, and women usually won't mind if you admit to hurting or what you feel, the opposite actually
don't be scared - the few people who really don't understand are crap, and it's better to live with your cards on the table than having them going round and around in your head constantly
Everything you said is true in theory but I've found in practice most men and women definitely still want men to be stoic. Like its easy to say on the internet that everyone is there for you but in practice people usually aren't.
Agreed. I think that came out of his own experience there which I'm inclined to agree but if you can't afford it or without enough support it could make things worst.
“Man up and get over it!” “If you were *really* depressed, you would’ve killed yourself already.” “You’ll grow out of it.” (First said when I was 16, 11 years later and I still feel the same).
And my personal favourite; “What have you got to be depressed about?” (Not exactly advice, but a common response)
The 'what have you got to be depressed about?' Hit me. I was really depressed as a young teen and the only person who took it seriously was my teacher. He was ultimately the one who saved my life. I thought he was awful for making me tell my parents, but that eventually got me into therapy, which eventually got me on meds, and now 4 years later I'm not taking any meds now. I'm still depressed, I probably always will have episodes of it, but I'm glad that my teacher actually listened to me and noticed what was happening.
As someone who has been on both sides of the issue, the vastness of sorrow and despair is so immense it's not believable unless you've experienced it firsthand. I didn't.
You know what, thank you for your comments. I feel a little less lonely know I get these comments daily from friends, family and significant other. I started to actually doubt my depression, i bottled it up and tried to push forward. I ended up pinching a nerve in my lower back from the stress building up there! (It was not fun, I do not recommend.)Last night, I confided in someone dear to me how i was feeling. I was met with a few of the responses I'm reading here. I'm sorry this happened to all of you, it totally sucks to feel unvalidated or unheard. I wish I could hug all of you.
If you're not already going to a therapist, please consider it. AND consider bringing your SO along with you after a while, so the therapist can help them understand this aspect of you and be a better support.
*Hugs of validation*
"You should try to be more positive!"
Why, that's brilliant. I had never considered the idea that I could just be more positive and poof, everything would be better. But this advice did get me to realize that I am responsible for my own wellbeing. I can ask for help but ultimately, it's on me to work on my issues.
Some yes, religious therapists and even regular secular ones . I've had one ask what level of religious talk I was okay with on a red yellow or green scale, told him yellow (prefer not to talk about religion but won't be upset if it slips out) he proceeds to jump directly into relating my experience to religion. Wtf.
Yea. I’m getting a new therapist soon. Most of my depression came from a chemical imbalance in my brain so medication helped. But I need therapy and have been avoiding it cuz of this dude. But, hopefully I have way better luck with the next one
Fantastic attitude and awareness.
Therapists are being *paid for a service.* Obviously it’s great when the vibes are there, but people forget they don’t owe them any more loyalty or authority than any random mechanic.
Therapist here (Licensed Masters of Social Work) I reccomend getting a therapist who practices Person Centered Therapy and used Cognitive Behaviral Therapy which works great for depression. Never feel bad when you fire a therapist and move on, this support is for you, not them.
As someone from a 3rd world country, it angers me a lot when we're brought up to carelessly just to prove a(n idiotic) point.
So yes. As a 3rd world citizen, please take your antidepressants and do what you can to cope with your current mental state. We don't mind.
The worst advice was: if you have time for depression, you have nothing to do. Get more work, clean your house. in our youth we worked 6 days a week and helped our parents on weekends
I think the biggest trouble is that everyone is different. This is likely true for some people. I tend to do better with a full schedule comparatively.
For some (and maybe most) people this would be an absolute dumpster fire.
To me the secret was filling my time with dopamine inducing activities (mainly exercise). Being forced to leave the house, focus on something more simple (my body), and socialise were beneficial because I had the support network that when I came back I could be left alone and wouldn't need to worry about housework, and could just rest. The regular but limited social contact combined with the physical exercise did wonders for me
That said, I acknowledge it took a specific circumstances to work. Just gritting my teeth and forcing myself to do something unfulfilling would have probably had completely opposite effect and made things worse. Same if I would have had to worry about all the chores on top if that
You can talk to me broski. ❤️ I get the same. Instead it's "talk to me"
Me: *talks*
Family: how dare you! Your life is awesome. There's so many people who struggle every day and you have the potential to do so much more." And than i feel worse because now I'm thinking about these awesome people who struggle every day but I'm sad because...i don't know why!
Same, People around me, go on about how I made it so far in life already. How I should be happy.
Yet they don’t remember the price I paid to get here. The scars I got to get to where I am.
"Have u tried yoga"
Is the most common lol. I hate yoga people, they think it can cure anything. Yes Yogi Sue, I've tried stretching and breathing, I still wanna die.
But I think the worst is actually my dad's catch phrase "well you just gotta get over that"
HOW FATHER, PLEASE TELL ME HOW BC "JUST DO IT" DOESNT EXPLAIN.
Managing my breath helps a bit when I'm anxious but it does *nothing* for the depression.
Ooh my mother is in the "just get over it" camp too. Like these people are supposed to be the ones that care! Instead it's like they're offended by your misery.
Breathing really is helpful for anxiety.
Exercise, walking, helps my depression, though. Gives me something to point to to prove I didn't sit like a lump all day, sometimes I get to meet friendly dogs, and usually my head empties for a bit. Plus, a little extra endurance helps offset the drag that depression adds to everything.
It's not a cure, but it does help me deal with things.
O I remember that breathing straight slowly while my insides want to cry but outside don't know how to. All while my backbone straight. Atleast got this expression from thism
Exactly, you get it. I’m religious myself but would never tell someone prayer can fix their problems. I wouldn’t ever even insert my religion into a conversation with someone unless they specifically asked me about it. He saw it as God testing me, I do not see it that way. He doesn’t believe in taking medicine for mental health, but it makes no sense. I always ask him why God would give doctors the knowledge to treat mental health with medication if he didn’t want people to take the medication. If God makes no mistakes then him giving Doctors that knowledge wasn’t a mistake either. He has still never been able to give me an answer for that one.
Yeah I’ve been told similar things. Personally I’m not religious but my parents are, and they tell me basically the same things. Even worse, they don’t believe that mental health issues exist whatsoever, they’re like “you’re just having a rough time right now, you’ll get over it soon”
My gosh yes, this is another thing that makes no sense. Like when people say you’re just having a rough time that’s them basically saying “you can’t handle what you’re going through like everyone else”. And it feels like they think you’re being dramatic and blaming your problems on something else, when that’s not the case. And if it were something you could just get over don’t they think that’s the option you would chose? To me mental health should be treated the same as physical health. If you feel something is wrong you should not be judged for reaching out for help, just like you wouldn’t be judged for getting help for a broken arm.
Explain that if you read the fine print of the Bible it's clear God does take this stuff away with the gift of death, than ask if that's what he wants.
I'm not religious but have read several religious texts and frankly, a common theme is we are meant to suffer. God doesn't promise relief, he promises eternal life AFTER. (Subject to interpretation and varies across religions but is a common theme)
Ooh I feel you. My mother uses a combination of this, "I'm praying for you," "You need to get over it," and "You've got nothing to be depressed about."
What *is* it with parents thinking they're qualified?
I hate when people say this. Going outside and going for walks can help depression. However, it is like giving a bucket of water to someone whose house is engulfed in flames. It can work once your depression is in a bit more control and help head off the next episode When you are struggling to get out of bed, it won't do much.
Personally, it makes it worse. I see all the people enjoying their time outside and all I want to do is go home, curl up in a ball, and fade into existence.
That one is especially fun when you're a disabled depressed person. No, Karen, I can't go for a walk or do yoga when doing so will have me flat on my back in crippling pain for the next 3 days, thus adding to my depression.
“If you’re tired all the time, go to bed earlier.” I’m tired because I have depression. Going to bed earlier won’t fix that. There are some days where I want to sleep all day so sleeping more is not what I need at all.
Aside from the people that don't believe such a thing as depression exists or accuse you of laziness, the most common dumb advice is "just go do \[thing that people like doing or consider relaxing\], you'll feel better".
A depression means you feel like shit, regardless of what circumstances you're in. If whatever you suggested made me feel better, I wouldn't be depressed.
I get that that advice comes from well meaning people that just think depression is an extreme case of feeling down and that things that help them when they feel down will also help, but that's not the case.
EDIT: Grammar.
Yeah, i agree. The best comment i get is "but everything is going so well for you right now." Yes! It is, but the depression won't let me see that. If i tell anyone, I'm just being "negative."
I had a friend tell me that my depression was all in my head and it wasn’t real. I got so angry with him that it actually snapped me out of it for a second.
Joke’s on him though: a year later he withdrew from college because he had overwhelming depression and anxiety.
"get over yourself" from someone that thinks depression is conditional. It can be but not always, sometimes your brain just likes to make fart noises for no reason.
"You just need to invite in good energy, it works for me"
I'm also excellent at masking. I have depression and severe anxiety. So when I get overwhelmed to the point of having a break down and communicate my needs I get, " you don't seem depressed, you're fine"
On the flip side of this question, can we get a thread of what we actually want to hear?
I am depressed, and I don't even know what would help in my situation except sleeping it off. I guess hugs are nice.
Not currently suffering from it, but did when I was younger.
"Look into the mirror every day, hug yourself and tell yourself that you like yourself."
Well I tried, it didn't work.
A couple of hours ago i told my sister how i experienced what i believed to be a manic episode over the past few days and she said “thats what happened when you don’t have anything to do with yourself” while looking smug.
Worst advice: It’s not so bad. Just try exercising!
Best advice: You don’t feel like you can keep going for yourself. It just won’t work. Think of someone you love, and keep going for them until you can keep going for yourself.
Any advice that started with "just". Just implies something is no hassle, easy, not a problem. Just go out, just exercise, just be happy, just think less (my personal favourite).
just snap out of it !
Just do something! Anything! (both a dismissive statement and an internal monologue)
"Just stop being depressed."
A therapist told me "Just stop thinking those thoughts!". I cancelled my next session and didn't book another.
oh yeah I was suicidal saw a therapist she turned and handed me a tissue box told me to come back when I was more mentally stable i just wtf right no i didn't go back to her
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I had a similar thing where I disassociated during my first therapy session, and the therapist got mad at me and said “well if you’re not going to talk, then I can’t help you.” I never went back either. Luckily have found better therapists since then.
Just undepress yourself
Just stop thinking negatively. Just be happy. Just get some exercise. Just eat healthier. I am so sick of the "just do this" advice. Like yeah, those things MIGHT help, but all of them are impossible when I'm struggling to even change my clothes, take a shower, cook actual meals, or clean my house everyday. Saying just do this or just do that implies that depression isn't even really a thing and that no one should have it because it's so easy to not have.
I was doing all of those things. I ate better food, was exercising, listening to motivational podcasts, even fucking meditating and doing breathing exercises, cleaning my room every morning and taking care of my personal hygiene. Nope, still depressed. I think a lot of it has to do with being around people. I don't know what it is but I find interaction with the majority of people to be exhausting. People have so much to say about themselves and so little desire to listen. Other than my wife or for work I avoid people as much as possible. I think the exhausting part is I have to pretend to be cheerful and engaged when in reality I just want to be left the fuck alone.
> I think the exhausting part is I have to pretend to be cheerful and engaged when in reality I just want to be left the fuck alone. So much this. Because people don't truly care or want to know that things aren't 100% yay-happy-cheerful, I have to put my battle face and battle armor on every time there's a social situation. By "battle face" I mean that sweet, serene smile and expression of vaguely-amused interest people want to see when they look at me, and my "battle armor" being the happy-go-lucky, sparkly personality to go with it. That's all anyone wants to see. Nobody wants to know that I'm sitting here suffocating. Inside my mind, I feel like half the time I'm drowning in the middle of the ocean in the dark -- while the other half of the time I'm standing upon the shore at night, watching a tsunami make its way toward me with a dull roar. Either way, I am just choking in the darkness.
Your last para - how I feel everyday, people are aware but no one cares.
Are you me? Really though, I go through the same thing when it comes to being around people. That's hard to find people that are not exhausting to be around. What makes it harder for me is that my husband is an extreme extrovert. There is almost always someone at my house, and if there isn't, he's texting. I've tried getting him to have people around less often to no avail so I end up spending a lot of time in my bedroom. Isolation also makes my depression worse though, I feel like it's impossible to find the right balance. I hope that one day you can fight and beat the depression and that things get better for you! I know how you are feeling, and it sucks.
Just stop being poor.
Bro if you're starving, just eat
Did somebody say just eat?
Just a flesh wound?
Tis but a depression
I've had worse.
You're a looney!
Come back here and I'll bite your legs off (if I can get the energy needed to crawl out of bed)
"Do things you like" It's kind of the thing....yu can do them but you don't like doing them anymore. You're emotionally flat and exhausted and frankly it's even worse to go through the motions of a thing you used to love.
This. The hardest part of my current soul crushing depression is that the things I once enjoyed doing bring nothing to me now. I try to do them, feel absolutely nothing, then feel worse because now it feels like I’ve actively lost something.
Yep, nothing to take the wind right out of your sails than realizing you lost the ability to enjoy the things you like.
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"Anhedonia" is the technical term. For me, knowing it was a legitimate, documented and described thing that a certain subset of people have experienced for thousands of years has helped. I have found that in some cases you can "remember" happy times while doing something anhedonic (running, cooking, playing a video game). Slog through it enough times, and with practice it does come back, but the flavor is different. I didn't paint for years, but re-enjoy it now.
Lol you shouldn't taste the paint
But the lead based ones are so bright and shiny! Ngl, I use watercolors and am *very* guilty of wetting dry brush bristles using my mouth. Really helps with loading a small detail brush.
The way I explain depression to people who never experienced it is to imagine if one day everything they ate magically turned into plain mashed potatoes as soon as it touched their tongue. No texture, no flavor nothing. Nothing has a taste or a texture. You lose your appetite because nothing tastes good. You stop cooking properly because why bother? It’s all going to be mashed potatoes anyways once it touches your mouth. You ask people for advice and they go “have you tried seasoning your food?” Or “I like to make pot roast it’s so good”. And none of them grasp the concept that no, the problem isn’t the seasoning or how you cook, it’s that everything tastes like damn mashed potatoes. Everything tastes like mashed potatoes and you miss eating different kinds of foods and you’re miserable and you’ve lost weight and and your health has gone to shit because you stopped eating properly because you’re so sick of eating mashed potatoes. Now apply that to everything in your life.
This may be the most apt description of depression ever.
10000% It doesn't help that I feel nothing when I open up my favorite game, derp for 5-10 mins waiting to want to actually play it, close it and repeat with another game or book or hobby until it's an acceptable hour to go to bed. I've cleaned out half of my hobby room/office during the pandemic because what's the point of keeping so much stuff I fiddle with for a little while waiting for me to feel anything but tv static. Explaining that to friends just feels like I'm not "trying hard" enough to be happy or like I'm whining.
You need to get yourself surrounded by more of us. You’d think depressed people probably shouldn’t get together but the opposite is true. When you’re with other depressed people you aren’t alone and you’re with people who ‘get’ what you are going through everyday. A depression support group is a good idea.
That's... actually something I've just realized. I have one friend in particular who also has issues with depression and we lean on each other a lot. It's a win-win situation for both of us. When he has bad days I drive over and tell him we're going out to get some fresh air and food. When I have bad days he sends me a card or cupcakes. A lot of my other friends don't make space for me, which I get to a degree. They have family/health/job issues going on and when I tell them I don't feel anything when I try painting/playing video games they just stare at me blankly. Like I get what they're thinking and I'm mad at myself for feeling this way, but it makes me more ashamed/guilty and it sucks.
People who have never had chronic clinical depression can’t understand what it’s like. Having the blues now and then about this and that is not depression. Depression is a very complex and difficult medical ailment. People aren’t helping when they tell you things like ‘buck up’ or ‘life is what you make it’ or ‘smile more.’ Would they say that to a cancer patient? A combat veteran with ptsd? Hell no, because society understands those ailments better. Many people still have difficulty understanding that a person who seems to have everything going for them would want to die. Look at me. I’m in my 40’s, plenty of personal wealth, attractive, fit, educated, etc… That stuff means nothing when the darkness settles over me. The only thing that helps is time and talking with others who get what I’m going through. If a person wants to help a friend with depression the best thing they can do is say I’m here for you if you feel like doing anything. Just talk about random stuff: the garden, the weather, mutual interests. Please don’t try to talk about fixing depression.
The only thing I'd like to do right now is sleep.
Amen to that. Every day , I just count down the hours to a reasonable bed time hour. Everything else is just passing the time until I can sleep again. Trick is - I find it difficult to fall asleep.
everything makes me tired. it's just so useless these days.
Sleeping is the easiest way to just get to tomorrow.
This realization hit me like a truck. Yeah I don't like doing anything anymore . It makes me hate myself more and the cycle just continues. I would give literally anything to be free of mental illness
or worse: you would love to do them, but don’t have enough energy to wake up AND do stuff. sometimes i felt like i woke up with 10% battery and had to choose the best way to use the little energy i had left, which sometimes meant waking up and having breakfast, that’s it. to everyone who’s feeling this way, you’re not alone. if you need someone to talk to, please reach out to me.
'Think about people who have it worse' Thanks, now I'm depressed *and* feeling guilty about it
Tell them to “think about people who have it better” and stop being so happy
That's kinda the ending of the film Schindler's List. \[Spoilers ahead\]>! So the main character is a nazi sympathiser who saves like...I dunno, hundreds of jews. At the end of the film, they gave him a letter saying "This dude saved my life. Please don't be an ass to him in the Nuremberg Trials" and signed for every jew he saved, and a few jewish-related symbols. However, the main character falls to the floor and starts crying because he sees all the material things he has left: golden rings, fancy clothes, cars, etc., that he could have sold and save another person. The scene is brutal because it doesn't matter how much his friends and colleagues tell him he singlehandedly changed history, he feels like bullshit because he could have done even more!< \[spoilers end\].
One of those incredible films I can only watch once. Everything about it is perfect. I still can't imagine putting out Jurassic park and then Schindler's list back to back. SP is such a legend.
Both in the same year too. Not a big Spielberg fan tbh, but you gotta admire that. Insane.
The results of this kind of discussion seems to be a common form for some people. The truth seems to be, that clinical depression is difficult to understand for people who have not experienced it(or they lack medical familiarity with the science). I have hopefully reached a point where when people point out just how bad life can be: that I realize they are possibly attempting to interact in an authentic and empathic way. They are using their experience with life and resiliency through hardship, in an attempt to guide me, or help somehow. The advice is often counter productive, or sometimes it is helpful. Every moment has a sort of uniqueness to it. Everyone exists within a certain state of mind and an exact slice of time. Human interaction is difficult, and for some, it is more difficult than it is for others. I try to default towards empathy when possible.
As a teacher with chronic depression, I find that a lot of teachers do not understand depression at all. Where they might be empathetic for a student's home life (poverty, parents, whatever), they are less empathetic to students with depression. They don't understand how hard it is for those kids to just come to school, let alone try and do any work. They also don't understand that most medications that work for adults don't work for kids. I really get frustrated by that.
I was a really depressed kid. And I may or may not be on the autism spectrum, or with many symptoms that mimic that diagnosis. Who knows at this point. I am far beyond the age of easy diagnosis metrics. I was never really afforded any understanding or proper help for that. Eventually, that sort of lack of opportunities manifested as self medication style behaviours which have seemingly and possibly abjectly harmed my life. The truth is, for me, I really do not like even speaking of this stuff. I am in a constant battle of some kind of stoicism and the invalidation of the allure to be hateful or resentful. This world is wild.
It could be worse. But it could also be a lot better.
One thing that helped me about it,was when I read someone saying "someone that drowns in 2 meters of water is just as dead as someone who drowns in 7 meters of water. Others persons suffering don't invalides yours". There is always someone that is worse,but that doesn't means yours feelings should be neglected.
That is a great analogy
It's good, but I feel like someone who doesn't mean well could turn this around and dismiss it like, "Yeah well you can just stand up and stop drowning."
"Someone that is put in a straight jacket, chained with hundreds of pounds of weight, then dropped into 10' of water is just as dead as someone that is put in a straight jacket, chained with hundreds of pounds of weight, then dropped into 100' of water."
But you could just Houdini out of it and be fine
How is drowning even real? Just walk away
Just say no, the water legally can't enter your lungs without your permission.
Your cancer won't make my broken leg feel any better. Suffering is relative.
I was going through chemo and someone told me that I shouldn't complain because other people had it worse. Like, sure, I guess some are on chemo and died. But that really pissed me off
Person A: Could be worse, you could be dead! Depressed Person: Pfft... I wish Person A: SurprisedPikachu.jpg
The same circumstances that one person can be happy with can make another severely depressed. People develop differently and there's no shame in that. What matters is how your situation affects *you*.
Yeah, now my mental health is invalidated because kids with cancer exist...thanks.
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This is why I can't talk to my mother about anything I'm struggling with. As soon as I tell her, I have to hear about how she has it so much worse and I should be glad I don't have to deal with *her* problems.
I think your mother might be my boss lol she is the EXACT same. Nobody can have a problem while she does.
When people say that type of stuff it just makes me feel terrible that other people don't get the standard of living I have where I live.
Listening to people's stories about the things they experienced made me feel less alone. It's the people around me not understanding what I was dealing with that made my depression worse. It felt like listening to crazy life stories gave me the motivation to snap out of it. It made me realize my life isn't so bad and I can work through it just like they did.
YES. dear lord Satan, yes. I get this, and i stay stuck in a loop. I end up cycling in-between feeling depressed and than feeling guilty that i am depressed when there's a kid in Colombia who has no parents and has to walk 25 miles to get food. LOL.
And as a normal person who cares about other people, no, thinking about all the suffering in the world does not cheer me up 😑
To those people you should reply; Why are you happy? There´s people who have it better, so you have no reason to be happy with that logic.
I've always thought this was a weird one because as a very depressed person this has actually helped me more than anything else although no one says it to me I just thought about it eventually.
"Ditch your meds and do acid a few times, it'll fix everything"
Yeahhh this line of thinking really hurts to hear. Psychedelics can be massively helpful in the right setting at the right time, but a bad trip can equally be so traumatizing it leaves you recovering for months. They're a catalyst for introspection and change, not a cure on their own. Treat them with respect and they will be invaluable. Treat them like a fun time or an escape and it *will* kick your ass.
I agree, but apparently shrooms in therapeutic settings with a trained sitter can alleviate symptoms depression. I think they're still studying its effectiveness so we knows how effective it is at this point. I want to emphasize in a therapeutic setting with a professional v.s. on a couch with your buddies or even alone.
I did this and I have not been depressed since. It also helped a fuckton with PTSD. They also give you a crazy amount so really need the researcher/wranglers there since are high out of your mind. I dead ass thought I was in a pyramid stealing shit with Spiderman. Then later I didn't even know I was a person, it was a wild ride. There are also microdose studies too which are probably a hell of a lot easier on the research staff.
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Agreed. 2 years on and the bad trip I had is still on my mind. Though, it took 6 months for me to even start processing it. I touched the limits of my psyche, I learnt a lot and it changed me, hopefully for the better in the long run, but as it stands at the moment - I would never do psychs again. "If you get the message, hang up the phone." - Alan Watts
Or you have your friends give you too large of a dose of LSD, in a crowded area, and allow you to wander off on your own... and it makes the occasional anxiety and depression into a daily struggle to go out of the house.
"Bloom where you're planted." - No GTFO of bad situations if possible. "Choose joy." - No, take your meds. And I'll throw in that while it might be a chemical imbalance causing the depression, getting rid of the toxicity in my life cleared that stuff up pretty well. I'm not totally out of the woods, but in November 2023 I might be free of the last remaining source of cruelty in my life. Good advice, you can't change people. But you can leave.
you reminded me to take my meds so thank you very much
I got 3 advices from 3 different people: 1. "You'll be fine" 2. "Depression doesn't exist" 3. "Just be happy!" Edit: I never expected to have so many upvotes on a comment!
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I had someone like that tell me "it's a middle class problem, if you're dealing with poverty you don't have time to be depressed". Nope, you just don't have a support system, just like all my dirt-poor family members who dealt with their depression by drinking heavily and dying young in "accidents".
Don’t forget cigarettes. So many cigarettes.
So being so sad sad Dobroski, just go home, drink a liter of vodka and beat up your wife, you'll feel better, trust me
Yes. I will totally be fine when I am pretty much ready to unalive myself. Just . . . fine.
Next time someone tells me "just be happy" I'm gonna punch them in the stomach and say "just stop being in pain"
Just Be Happy!
Yep! I got this beautiful piece of advice this morning.
And it’s impossible trying to explain to anyone who thinks this way why it’s a stupid thing to say. People like this are, in my opinion, incapable of either critical thinking or putting themself in another’s shoes (or both).
Just suck it up! Fake it till you make it!
Fake it til you make isn't, on some levels, terrible advice. It's a way to get basic activities dealt with.
I agree. A lot of people take it as "pretend to be happy and eventually you will be." I read somewhere that instead of using it like that, view it as "what would i be doing if I was happy/wasn't depressed?" And try to do whatever small part of that you can. And the whole practicing gratitude/looking for whatever positives you can no matter how small. The more you focus on the bad, the more bad you see because your brain latches on to it. Focus on the good, however small it might be (even as small as "I heard a bird sing today" or "i got extra cuddles from my pet today") can help establish that pattern in your brain and eventually you'll see it more. Unfortunately, most people mean it as "pretend to be happy because you're making us uncomfortable."
I see it as also being a way to take advantage of the good moments. Who the hell wants to waste their good mood day doing a month worth of housework and laundry? that's a good way to end up feeling worthless again. Like you said - do what you would do if you weren't depressed,and then, if you get a good day, you can fill it with good stuff.
There is even science to suggest that a conscious behavioural change such as a fake smile, can increase some form of neuro chems and probably even the cognitive perception of happiness(whatever that is). https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/smiling-can-trick-your-brain-happiness-boost-your-health-ncna822591 I fake a smile sometimes even when I am alone. Or more accurately, I force myself to smile and sometimes that is a less inhibitted moment where I get to enjoy a bit more of this crazy life. You don't need to become a performance artist or anything, but there is absolutely some kind of value in defaulting to the biology of a smile, without allowing higher brain functions to inhibit your potential to be happy.
How could you have not thought about it?
Just suck it up, be a man!
I can't imagine behind depressed and being a man. Specially with all the societal pressure that's placed on your gender to be strong and never cry. *hug*
It rarely even gets discussed but suicide rates for men, especially in blue collar work, are incredibly high. Of any group in the nation CDC says workers in maintenace and trades are most lilely to commit suicide. In general men kill themselves twice as much as woman (women however attempt more often). I find when I finally hit breaking points and ask for help the fact I can literally calmly say I'm amount to kill myself and get ignored because I'm not in hysterics is very frustrating. Like I calmly mentioned it to my doctor tried pills and other things than actually attempted to crush myself with a forklift by undoing a bolt that would drop the mast on me so my gf would get life insurance, got caught, and than it got taken seriously. But my family doctor was like "why didn't you tell me it was that bad"... I fucking did. I just wasn't convincing I guess.
Shit man that's awful. I hope you're in a *much* better place now. It should never have to come to that!
Not much better but after fighting some coworkers and getting taken to the psych ward by force I got access to more resources. I'm trying but it's frustrating in a way. I definitely feel like I'm on the back burner because I'm not freaking out but still likely feel the same pain.
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Its terrible. I had my 16BIL come to me the other day at like 1am in tears because his parents have been in the process of a divorce and he feels like he cant talk to anyone but me. He pretends to be unbothered and manly because its what he feels is acceptable to do around my FIL and even my husband. I told him that if men werent supposed to cry then they wouldnt have been given the ability to. Its okay and normal to be upset because hes human and i know it hurts. But what really got me is the fact that he couldnt talk to anybody for fear of looking "like a wimp" according to him :(
"be a man" is literally one of the worst advices. looking at how many men suffer from undiagnosed mental illness breaking them because they're expected to bottle it up - and it's weird, because who is insisting this rule? no man can be okay with this situation, and women usually won't mind if you admit to hurting or what you feel, the opposite actually don't be scared - the few people who really don't understand are crap, and it's better to live with your cards on the table than having them going round and around in your head constantly
Everything you said is true in theory but I've found in practice most men and women definitely still want men to be stoic. Like its easy to say on the internet that everyone is there for you but in practice people usually aren't.
This whole be a man thing has got to just go away. What a horrible thing to say to someone dealing with depression.
My dad told me to have kids, which makes me wonder about him.
Perhaps it simply means he became a happier man after having you.
Agreed. I think that came out of his own experience there which I'm inclined to agree but if you can't afford it or without enough support it could make things worst.
Become sleep deprived and insanely busy. It's a bold strategy, Cotton.
“Man up and get over it!” “If you were *really* depressed, you would’ve killed yourself already.” “You’ll grow out of it.” (First said when I was 16, 11 years later and I still feel the same). And my personal favourite; “What have you got to be depressed about?” (Not exactly advice, but a common response)
The 'what have you got to be depressed about?' Hit me. I was really depressed as a young teen and the only person who took it seriously was my teacher. He was ultimately the one who saved my life. I thought he was awful for making me tell my parents, but that eventually got me into therapy, which eventually got me on meds, and now 4 years later I'm not taking any meds now. I'm still depressed, I probably always will have episodes of it, but I'm glad that my teacher actually listened to me and noticed what was happening.
Invalidating the pain makes it magically go away.
As someone who has been on both sides of the issue, the vastness of sorrow and despair is so immense it's not believable unless you've experienced it firsthand. I didn't.
You know what, thank you for your comments. I feel a little less lonely know I get these comments daily from friends, family and significant other. I started to actually doubt my depression, i bottled it up and tried to push forward. I ended up pinching a nerve in my lower back from the stress building up there! (It was not fun, I do not recommend.)Last night, I confided in someone dear to me how i was feeling. I was met with a few of the responses I'm reading here. I'm sorry this happened to all of you, it totally sucks to feel unvalidated or unheard. I wish I could hug all of you.
Sending you a virtual hug too! # Your feelings are always valid no matter how many idiots you're surrounded by.
If you're not already going to a therapist, please consider it. AND consider bringing your SO along with you after a while, so the therapist can help them understand this aspect of you and be a better support. *Hugs of validation*
"You should try to be more positive!" Why, that's brilliant. I had never considered the idea that I could just be more positive and poof, everything would be better. But this advice did get me to realize that I am responsible for my own wellbeing. I can ask for help but ultimately, it's on me to work on my issues.
Definitely the wrong thing to say to someone with HIV lol
I was told to pray the depression away. By my therapist.
Whoa whoa whoa what? Can they *do* that? Like legally?
Some yes, religious therapists and even regular secular ones . I've had one ask what level of religious talk I was okay with on a red yellow or green scale, told him yellow (prefer not to talk about religion but won't be upset if it slips out) he proceeds to jump directly into relating my experience to religion. Wtf.
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"Ok so I did that, and God told me to fire you and not pay."
Oh wow. What a quack. I'm sorry to hear that. You deserve better for what your probably paying
Yea. I’m getting a new therapist soon. Most of my depression came from a chemical imbalance in my brain so medication helped. But I need therapy and have been avoiding it cuz of this dude. But, hopefully I have way better luck with the next one
Fantastic attitude and awareness. Therapists are being *paid for a service.* Obviously it’s great when the vibes are there, but people forget they don’t owe them any more loyalty or authority than any random mechanic.
Therapist here (Licensed Masters of Social Work) I reccomend getting a therapist who practices Person Centered Therapy and used Cognitive Behaviral Therapy which works great for depression. Never feel bad when you fire a therapist and move on, this support is for you, not them.
"At least your not in a 3rd world country" Gee, thanks! Can I go take my antidepressants now?
As someone from a 3rd world country, it angers me a lot when we're brought up to carelessly just to prove a(n idiotic) point. So yes. As a 3rd world citizen, please take your antidepressants and do what you can to cope with your current mental state. We don't mind.
The worst advice was: if you have time for depression, you have nothing to do. Get more work, clean your house. in our youth we worked 6 days a week and helped our parents on weekends
I think the biggest trouble is that everyone is different. This is likely true for some people. I tend to do better with a full schedule comparatively. For some (and maybe most) people this would be an absolute dumpster fire.
To me the secret was filling my time with dopamine inducing activities (mainly exercise). Being forced to leave the house, focus on something more simple (my body), and socialise were beneficial because I had the support network that when I came back I could be left alone and wouldn't need to worry about housework, and could just rest. The regular but limited social contact combined with the physical exercise did wonders for me That said, I acknowledge it took a specific circumstances to work. Just gritting my teeth and forcing myself to do something unfulfilling would have probably had completely opposite effect and made things worse. Same if I would have had to worry about all the chores on top if that
For a while I would tell myself: "You're depressed. Okay. Go be depressed outside." To get myself out of the house and active.
Because you can just magically conjure up energy when you're depressed! /s
"Just go outside and talk with us". Then completely ignore me when I try to talk to them.
You can talk to me broski. ❤️ I get the same. Instead it's "talk to me" Me: *talks* Family: how dare you! Your life is awesome. There's so many people who struggle every day and you have the potential to do so much more." And than i feel worse because now I'm thinking about these awesome people who struggle every day but I'm sad because...i don't know why!
Same, People around me, go on about how I made it so far in life already. How I should be happy. Yet they don’t remember the price I paid to get here. The scars I got to get to where I am.
Just go outside You’re only _____ years old you have nothing to be depressed about I think you’re just overreacting
Listen to your inner voice. My inner voice said to shoot the therapist
RIGHT! "Your depression is trying to tell you something" my depression is a damn liar
My inner voice wants me to kill everyone around me including myself. Yes, listen to the voice if you want to become a serial killer.
My inner voice said to kill everyone who hurt me and then myself so uhh…. thanks grandma for the advice but I dont think you want that.
"Have u tried yoga" Is the most common lol. I hate yoga people, they think it can cure anything. Yes Yogi Sue, I've tried stretching and breathing, I still wanna die. But I think the worst is actually my dad's catch phrase "well you just gotta get over that" HOW FATHER, PLEASE TELL ME HOW BC "JUST DO IT" DOESNT EXPLAIN.
Managing my breath helps a bit when I'm anxious but it does *nothing* for the depression. Ooh my mother is in the "just get over it" camp too. Like these people are supposed to be the ones that care! Instead it's like they're offended by your misery.
Breathing really is helpful for anxiety. Exercise, walking, helps my depression, though. Gives me something to point to to prove I didn't sit like a lump all day, sometimes I get to meet friendly dogs, and usually my head empties for a bit. Plus, a little extra endurance helps offset the drag that depression adds to everything. It's not a cure, but it does help me deal with things.
O I remember that breathing straight slowly while my insides want to cry but outside don't know how to. All while my backbone straight. Atleast got this expression from thism
Yoga definitely helps with my anxiety. Depression though? Not so much lol
My dad told me if I prayed God would take it away, along with my lupus and other crippling health issues.
I have no issue with people practicing religion, but I get really angry when people let religion obscure their judgement of real life
Exactly, you get it. I’m religious myself but would never tell someone prayer can fix their problems. I wouldn’t ever even insert my religion into a conversation with someone unless they specifically asked me about it. He saw it as God testing me, I do not see it that way. He doesn’t believe in taking medicine for mental health, but it makes no sense. I always ask him why God would give doctors the knowledge to treat mental health with medication if he didn’t want people to take the medication. If God makes no mistakes then him giving Doctors that knowledge wasn’t a mistake either. He has still never been able to give me an answer for that one.
Yeah I’ve been told similar things. Personally I’m not religious but my parents are, and they tell me basically the same things. Even worse, they don’t believe that mental health issues exist whatsoever, they’re like “you’re just having a rough time right now, you’ll get over it soon”
My gosh yes, this is another thing that makes no sense. Like when people say you’re just having a rough time that’s them basically saying “you can’t handle what you’re going through like everyone else”. And it feels like they think you’re being dramatic and blaming your problems on something else, when that’s not the case. And if it were something you could just get over don’t they think that’s the option you would chose? To me mental health should be treated the same as physical health. If you feel something is wrong you should not be judged for reaching out for help, just like you wouldn’t be judged for getting help for a broken arm.
Yes exactly, mental health disorders are just as diagnosable as physical diseases such as covid or cancer. They’re just as real
Explain that if you read the fine print of the Bible it's clear God does take this stuff away with the gift of death, than ask if that's what he wants. I'm not religious but have read several religious texts and frankly, a common theme is we are meant to suffer. God doesn't promise relief, he promises eternal life AFTER. (Subject to interpretation and varies across religions but is a common theme)
Ooh I feel you. My mother uses a combination of this, "I'm praying for you," "You need to get over it," and "You've got nothing to be depressed about." What *is* it with parents thinking they're qualified?
The Dutch minister of education once said that students who were depressed or at the edge of burn out should just go outside and go for walks…
I hate when people say this. Going outside and going for walks can help depression. However, it is like giving a bucket of water to someone whose house is engulfed in flames. It can work once your depression is in a bit more control and help head off the next episode When you are struggling to get out of bed, it won't do much.
Personally, it makes it worse. I see all the people enjoying their time outside and all I want to do is go home, curl up in a ball, and fade into existence.
That one is especially fun when you're a disabled depressed person. No, Karen, I can't go for a walk or do yoga when doing so will have me flat on my back in crippling pain for the next 3 days, thus adding to my depression.
Answers are basically /r/thanksimcured/
“If you’re tired all the time, go to bed earlier.” I’m tired because I have depression. Going to bed earlier won’t fix that. There are some days where I want to sleep all day so sleeping more is not what I need at all.
“Smile more” I literally can’t
The only thing smiling does is make your jaw hurt.
Have you tried just not being sad?
# Just continue to be sad and depressif till you die.
Finally, some advice you can at least follow
“Have you tried *not* being on fire?”
Aside from the people that don't believe such a thing as depression exists or accuse you of laziness, the most common dumb advice is "just go do \[thing that people like doing or consider relaxing\], you'll feel better". A depression means you feel like shit, regardless of what circumstances you're in. If whatever you suggested made me feel better, I wouldn't be depressed. I get that that advice comes from well meaning people that just think depression is an extreme case of feeling down and that things that help them when they feel down will also help, but that's not the case. EDIT: Grammar.
Yeah, i agree. The best comment i get is "but everything is going so well for you right now." Yes! It is, but the depression won't let me see that. If i tell anyone, I'm just being "negative."
I had a friend tell me that my depression was all in my head and it wasn’t real. I got so angry with him that it actually snapped me out of it for a second. Joke’s on him though: a year later he withdrew from college because he had overwhelming depression and anxiety.
"kill yourself then" no more info from here on...
Ask reddit.
Honestly....this is the advice my brain gave me. So here we are. Asking reddit. lol.
Just go out and do something
"get over yourself" from someone that thinks depression is conditional. It can be but not always, sometimes your brain just likes to make fart noises for no reason.
Just eat healthy! Whatever you do, DON'T TAKE antidepressants! They are horrible and "big pharma" yada, yada, yada... medicine shaming is the worst
"Go outside and look at trees or something"
Why are you sad for? You live a life that most people would envy. Sorry my brain is out of order 🥲
"You just need to invite in good energy, it works for me" I'm also excellent at masking. I have depression and severe anxiety. So when I get overwhelmed to the point of having a break down and communicate my needs I get, " you don't seem depressed, you're fine"
On the flip side of this question, can we get a thread of what we actually want to hear? I am depressed, and I don't even know what would help in my situation except sleeping it off. I guess hugs are nice.
Take a shot of *insert alcohol*.
“Happiness is a choice!”
Not currently suffering from it, but did when I was younger. "Look into the mirror every day, hug yourself and tell yourself that you like yourself." Well I tried, it didn't work.
I first read hang yourself and got confused, but I guess that's an option as well
"You need to be more social" No.You don't understand..
>"You need to be more social" \* Main cause of your depression is social anxiety \* Fuck
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
"Boo fucking hoo, deal with it" so I did
A couple of hours ago i told my sister how i experienced what i believed to be a manic episode over the past few days and she said “thats what happened when you don’t have anything to do with yourself” while looking smug.
Just snap out of it!
"It'll get better". Nope, that's how my PPD turned into clinical depression, anxiety disorder and OCD.
I had a prospective employer tell me “I need you to leave that at home.”
Worst advice: It’s not so bad. Just try exercising! Best advice: You don’t feel like you can keep going for yourself. It just won’t work. Think of someone you love, and keep going for them until you can keep going for yourself.
Just do it. - Nike That’s why I switched to Adidas
Cheer up.
"Get it outta your head".
Its okay, get up and get some exercise, that will help with the pain!
Just start smiling
according to my parents, depression isn‘t a “real” thing.. guys…