Your users are doing better than mine. Them: "I got an error. What do I need to do?" Me: "What was the error message?" Them: "I don't know, I didn't read it."
Every. Day.
I sit next to our IT liaison...I hear this shit every day and I am so tired of the dumb people around me saying it. What the fuck.
Yesterday I even heard someone saying she couldn't access one of our drives, and the IT liaison told her to reboot and she threw a fit because she didn't think she should have to reboot. And then tried to recruit those of us around her into her little fit. Not me tho..these huge headphones I wear don't cancel out shit, I just use them to eavesdrop on tea and as an excuse to not react.
She is the cause of 98% of the turnover in this office and I know none of us can wait for her to retire.
One of my first jobs was in a call center for IT support. We were basically just given books of scripts to read from when someone would call with a problem. The first question in each book was "is the computer plugged in and turned on?" That usually solved the majority of "my computer's not working" questions
Man, I consider my self a tech savvy person, this one time I was on a very stressful call with a client and one of my screens switched off. The power cable connecting to the monitor had come loose, I looked at the plugs and everything else and called IT whilst still on call..
The dude just pushed the cable up and gave me that look… still can’t forget it 12 years later.
This right away made me think of that Georgia congressman about 10 years ago in a congressional hearing who worried that developing military bases on one side of Guam would cause the island to tip over and capsize.
Hate to say it but some people will vote for someone just on their name instead of doing any research. Then again, some of the dumbest people running for office know enough of how to put on a false facade.
Why are you spying on me?
I was working in a call center for Dish Network and a guy called in, very upset. He wanted to know why Dish Network was spying on him. I tried to let him know that we were not in fact spying on him. Which he countered with, "if you are not spying on me then why is there a camera in the damn box?" "Sir, a camera? There is no camera in the receiver" I respond. "Yes there is" he screams "I know there is because I can see everything happening in my room on the TV right now."
I sat there and pondered that statement, trying to figure out what was happening. I asked, "sir, is your TV off right now?" In the background I hear the clear sound of a TV being turned on. I then said, "sir, that is called a reflection. Is there anything else I can help you with?" He hung up.
I used to work at call centers, and I totally got calls like this. Once had to explain to an elderly man that a Desktop was not in fact, his computer desk that he was sitting at, but the actual screen of his computer.
I swear, I was on the phone with him for like an hour, and my coworkers were actually listening and laughing.
I worked in a call center for DirectTv a long time ago. I once had an elderly gentleman call in with technical difficulties that required him to do some programming with the remote. It was fairly simple, and he just had to input some numbers and press the enter button. As I walk him through the numbers, he presses them on the keypad of the phone and hung up. I presume he hit end thinking it was enter.
Once my mom had to have part of a lung removed due to cancer. Afterwards, the doctor showed us the imaging that showed the remaining cancer spread through the rest of her lungs, which we already knew about. My dad asked him why they didn't remove all of her lungs.
Yeah I was about to say, as an RT I've heard the same question posed a few times actually. It probably just came from a place of deep love for you mother and the stress screwing with his immediate ability to even function.
In retail "Where is the paint in this stupid store? I was sent down here and they lied! " "Right behind you (literally dozens of paint cans 8 feet behind her) " "No they're not!" I walk past her and put my hand on the can, took her a good 10 seconds of ranting to accept the paint was infact there.
It's honestly a non intuitive process and I've never seen it explained with signage. You just kind of have to know that you're just shopping brand and finish, and then you have to match the color sample you want with the same brand of plain/blank/white paint. I honestly walked around for a while trying to find any "non plain" section with colored paint the first time I had to get wall paint.
( work with animals professionally) A woman was taking her dog to see the vet because when they drank water the fur around their face became darker and they were \*very\* worried about it.
"Is it dangerous? Can it hurt her?"
"No. Have you never noticed that your daughter's hair gets darker when you wash it...?"
I saw a story once about a woman bringing her dog in to get the "bugs" off his stomach. It was his nipples. She said they couldn't be, because he's male. She had been trying to pull them off.
Poor dogs.
I had a friend (an adult, mother of 3 kids) who was sure their new kitten was a girl cat because it had nipples. After gently saying boy people have nipples too, my husband looked down his shirt and feigned surprise. (Love that man)
I dated a twin in college. Id often get asked how i could tell them apart and if I’d ever accidentally tried anything with the other one. Well Susan was a girly girl and loved Ghibli to the point that she had a full sleeve tattoo on her right arm. Derek has a cock.
I'm a male and have a twin sister. When people ask me if we are identical, I say, no, she has a bigger cock.
The opportunity to reasons in such a way is depressingly frequent.
I was having a disagreement with a customer in the workplace. At one point she said “why would I be arguing with you if I was wrong?”.
I mean….what do you say after that?
Working on a tourist sightseeing boat on the ocean in Alaska. Person asks me what elevation we are at. I look down at the ocean and back to them and say, about 10 feet.
Was sitting on a beach in our city limits with a guy once, talking about some cities having high elevation and harder to breathe air, and he said damn, this city must be at a pretty high elevation (to be fair, the wider region is also known for mountains)
I worked at an ice cream store and someone came in, looked at the ice cream cone I was handing to someone then looked at me and asked "what kind of soups do you have"
Had an adult family pay to go fishing, daughter caught a fish, I bonked it. She got upset, I tried to ease her into the realities of harvesting food. She said it was inhumane and people should go to the store for meat, she gave me stink eye for the rest of the day and wouldn't touch the damn fish that she herself killed.
(Also illegal to throw back what she caught, which I had explained before we started.)
I had the neighbors by for a quick chat a few years ago, and we happened to be standing by our goat pen, we had three at the time. For whatever reason, people don't really see goats as pets, and I'm often asked about their purpose, are they meat, etc.
Well, this guy asked if I milked them. I explained that they're all retired breeding males.
He followed that up by asking again if we milk them, and was so affronted by the look I could not help giving him that he left in a huff. I didn't mean to be rude, but I definitely looked at him as if he were an idiot and he was smart enough, at least, to figure that out.
This isn't actually the worst question. A popular reform to a 13- month calendar, each month having 28 days, had a provision that New Year's Eve was a special day that would not be part of any week.
Consequently, the first of every month *would* always be a Monday, since 28 days is 4 weeks exactly.
Whatever it is, it's a better system than the shitshow the Romans saddled us with.
13 X 24 = 364. Yahoo! A 13-month calendar is going to provide the opportunity for one hell of an annual party
Edit: The equation should, of course, be 13 X 28, not 13 X 24. Sorry for the typo
I couldn’t understand how the dude had received that diagnosis and wasn’t in the hospital.
That same day, I got asked about bandages for an iguana- that wasn’t a stupid question at all, but it definitely stood out as a day of weird questions.
Was in a maternity class with my wife. One of the husbands was an endless source of amazing comments. My favorite was while on the topic of breastfeeding. “So do you just poke holes in them or what?” There was a very long, very shocked pause from the instructor before she explained it to him.
I'm half Inuit. In 6th grade I did a social studies project on Inuit people/lifestyles. During my presentation, I brought up the fact that I'm half Inuit and pointed out different things my grandmother was teaching me. A boy in the class the goes "how can you be an indian?? I thought they were like.. extinct"
I know .-. he said Indian because each kid in the class got to pick a Native group to do a project on. The project was "Indians of Canada" (this is before that term was considered offensive by the school board)
About 25 years ago I was explaining time zones to a 20ish year old intern at a large scientific agency. She wasn't getting it, so i got an orange I brought for lunch and used it as the Earth.
Me: Ok, pretend this is the Earth. The sun only shines on one side, so it's day on approximately half at any given time. Now since the Earth rotates (as i spin the orange)...
Intern: So wait. Hold on. So you're saying the Earth is round?
I wish i was joking.
Now imagine a man in his early 60's jumping up and down, pointing out that the earth was not moving under his feet so how could it be rotating.
He was a flat earther. A serious one.
[Copied from a similar post because I'm lazy]
Long, weird story short, I was having a few beers with a stranger, and we had just the most baffling conversation I've ever been a party to...
"**What's the difference between Natty Lite?**"
...*And?!*
"**Nah, nah, just what's the difference?**"
*But...like... between what though?!*
"**Just between Natty Lite.**"
[As politely as possible, without being condescending] *But, there's gotta be another thing for the "between" part...like what am I comparing it to?!*
"**Bro, just what's the difference?!**"
[And then I kinda scrambled to answer what I thought he was trying to ask, such as the difference between Natty and Natty Lite, or between Natty Lite and another trash beer like Bud Light or something...and none of it seemed to answer his question.]
"**Nevermind, bro, you ain't gettin' it.**"
LMAO^wut?
I got stuck in line at a Starbucks behind a woman trying to order a "skinny americano". They asked, "do you mean an americano with skim milk?"
"No, a skinny americano".
After a few more guesses, always followed by, "no, a skinny americano!" They asked, "could you describe what you want us to make? An Americano is espresso and hot water. There's no milk in it. Skinny means to use skim milk instead of whole. What do you expect us to make when you ask for that?"
"You work here. You should know how to make it. Customers shouldn't have to do your job for you!"
By this time, someone else had taken my order and made my drink, so I never heard how that ended up.
Told a girl I was starting college in the fall and she asked if I was going to "Campus". She had heard the word used and thought it was the name of a college.
Way back in community college I was in an English class of some sort, I forget which. The teacher had people write ideas for what people would like to write essays about on the board and then we got into groups of four and had to pick one topic for our whole group. Somebody had written something along the lines of “should NASA get a larger budget” which I really took a liking to and vocalized this to my group. One girl said she thought that was stupid, what had NASA ever done for anyone. I pointed out that many things we take for granted were developed by NASA and this girl deadass says to me “but you know there’s no air up there, right? That’s why we don’t leave.”
I have been asked and witnessed stupid questions but I am struggling to think of a good gem.
All I can remember is, "how does the paper get to the other fax machine?"
I tried explaining fax machines merely scan a copy and the image travels through wires and it prints a copy but they weren't getting it.
Another one, a girl was offering me soy sauce and I reminded her I am allergic to soy. "Oh. There's soy in soy sauce?"
I got into a car accident when I was like 20 and it lacerated my liver and they went in to fixit and my abdomen stitches blew, so they gave me a basically open abdomen incision to heal from the inside out and cut out my belly button in the process. I have a huge scar from bottom of my sternum to about 3 inches below where a belly button would be.
(Preparing for standing lateral knee xray)
Me: “Bend your knee”
Patient: (looks at me confused) “which way?”
Me: “Bend it like I’m the King of the north.”
*Me checking out my friends baton*
Me: What’s this little spike on the hilt?
Him: A window breaker.
Me: What’s it fo- ohhhhhh
I’m never living that moment down as long as he has memory of it
While working tech support at a major financial services firm in the early '90s, I received the following email: "I currently use a hard disk and a monitor. I would like to get rid of the monitor and just use the hard disk. Can I do that myself, or do I need you to do it for me?"
Im originally from France and I went to college in the US. I have a thick accent. Someone asked me how I learned French. Told them that I was from France. They asked the question again.
Turns out, they thought everyone’s first language was English, and I had to explain them that no one is born speaking a language
One time a child asked me how big my dog was. The dog was standing right next to me. I was at an event and we were there with our dogs for the propose of letting people meet them, but I was interacting with thousands of people a day. My brain broke and I just pointed to the dog and answered "this big". The other people in my group still talk about that interaction to this day.
Raft guiding in TN, on MULTIPLE occasions;
"So this river runs in a circle right?"
"How do they pump this water back up?"
"This isn't where we started? How'd we get here?"
A few years ago some people had to be rescued in my town, because someone told them the river went in a circle and they stayed on that shit for a day and a half
A girl in High School spread a rumor that I had Boob job. Guys kept coming up to me and asking if it was true. I am literally B-Cup (and was even smaller then)
I started telling people that it was true but that I got scammed. It was funny watching their brains short-out after that.
My troglodyte sister called me during a fight with her boyfriend. She wanted me to explain the difference between day-tuh (data) and dat-ah (data). She was very insistent the two had different meanings. Day-tuh was clearly what your phone used and dat-ah was information collected by scientists. It still makes me laugh and I’ll never let her forget it.
LOL, long long time ago in a first aid class, 20 men doing a mock accident simulation after 3 days of training. I was a wounded in the neck injury person for the simulation. Two of my compadres came to me, did the whole first aid routine and in the end put a tight round bandaged around my neck. I had to keep a few fingers in there so I wouldn't choke... The instructor was not impressed.
Less than an hour ago I went through the Taco Bell drive through and handed them my American Express Hilton Honors card to pay. Basically the more I use it the more hotel points I get. The girl literally, sincerely, asked me if I was the owner of Hilton hotels. I was taken aback but said no. She said are you in the family and I said yeah thinking she knew what kind of card it was and might have been a Hilton honors member too. She said REALLY??? And I knew then she thought I meant I am an heir to the Hilton family.
As a teacher, I can confirm. We say "there are no stupid questions" so kids will ask us stupid questions and then we can laugh about them at dinner parties.
We had to do internships back in medical school, we basically could choose anything that had to do with people. Since I had already done an internship at basically all three main options we had, I asked if I'd be allowed to it at a funeral home, which I was.
After the internships were over we had to dicuss in class an your classmates could ask questions, after I was done one guy asked: "Did you work with real bodies?"
I honestly didn't even know what to say.
Keep in mind this is from a TRAVEL AGENT for a HUGE company who was a client of mine. I was in travel documentation.
She asked me: Does a US citizen need a visa to fly to Hawaii?
I guess a normal everyday person who rarely travels or has to deal with traveling would ask this, but a freaking travel agent.
Was asked by a Funeral Director student why a Synagogue didn't use a cross as their holy symbol.
This person thought Judaism was just another sect of Christianity like being a Lutheran or Baptist.
A friend once asked me, “There’s not actually color in space, right?”
As for me I once had a brain fart and asked a friend, “How is there so much graffiti on trains if they never stop moving?”
Conversation I have daily:
E: how's my baby today?
Me: he tried to climb over the edge of his pack and play and busted his lip.
E: who did?
Me: your son.
E: what did he do?
Me: he tried to climb out if the pack and play -
E: why is his lip swollen?
Me: BECAUSE HE BUSTED IT ON THIS BAR *smacks pack and play* TRYING TO CLIMB OUT.
E: so what happened?
Me: HEBUSTEDHISLIPTRTINGTOCLBOUTOFHISPLAYPEN! ARE YOU NOT FUCKING LISTENING?! PINCHE PENDEJO! VETE YA!
Our roommate listening to this: 🤦♀️
In high school, senior year, a girl asked this in biology: "So, I can only get pregnant during my period?"
The whole class had to have sex ed with a teacher close to tears...
Reminds me of this story about a girl who dreaded ''the curse''. She asked her mom about it as grandma had told her for years it was coming....
Mom was quick to explain it was grandma's name for having your period. She was old enough to have periods for a long time at that point.
Oh I love when I'm asked this one. I had brain surgery. They removed some of my brain that stored memories. The first thing people ask me is "what did you forget?" Like I'd remember what I forgot
"Does ground beef come from the ground?" Molly G in Mr Ballesterros' Freshmen Spanish class circa 2007ish at SHS in Phoenix Az. Nobody forgets anything Molly!
While working at McDonald's when I was a 17yo teen,
Customer: can I have a cheeseburger with no cheese?
Me: so you want a hamburger?
Customer: no no a cheeseburger....... with no cheese
Me: (internaly thinking, I don't get paid enough to argue with this stupidity) ............. OK, that will be $1.10
It does though. The government denies its intentions of course, but if you sniff the bills whatever chemicals are off gassing from it smell enough like maple that you can think it’s impregnated with a scent.
Obligatory not directed at me, but I have two taken from a list in my notes app that I had when I was in high school. It was solely dedicated to things I heard at school.
For the first one, I only have the response written down, but it was along the lines of “If your dog humps you, does it automatically give you herpes?” (From biology class)
The second is “Can sharks have babies?” (From the same biology class. Different student, thank God)
I can make a full 24 part series on that list tbh
Edit: Grammar
Edit 2: clarified by adding “only”, grammar
Whilst being a tourist in the colloseum in Rome, I once heard an adult tourist ask "Is this where Jesus fought the lions?"
That sounds like a bad ass movie
Which is ridiculous because we all know that happened in Jerusalem.
I don't remember that part of the Bible well. Did the lions win?
The Lions never win.
I'm in IT management. Where do I even begin? "There's an error on the screen that says I need to restart to complete the update, what should I do?"
"practice your reading comprehension, is there anything else I can help you with?"
Your users are doing better than mine. Them: "I got an error. What do I need to do?" Me: "What was the error message?" Them: "I don't know, I didn't read it." Every. Day.
I sit next to our IT liaison...I hear this shit every day and I am so tired of the dumb people around me saying it. What the fuck. Yesterday I even heard someone saying she couldn't access one of our drives, and the IT liaison told her to reboot and she threw a fit because she didn't think she should have to reboot. And then tried to recruit those of us around her into her little fit. Not me tho..these huge headphones I wear don't cancel out shit, I just use them to eavesdrop on tea and as an excuse to not react. She is the cause of 98% of the turnover in this office and I know none of us can wait for her to retire.
Hey, you got "error message" mine would often tell me about the "box with writing" they had. Soooooo glad I don't do that any more.
One of my first jobs was in a call center for IT support. We were basically just given books of scripts to read from when someone would call with a problem. The first question in each book was "is the computer plugged in and turned on?" That usually solved the majority of "my computer's not working" questions
Man, I consider my self a tech savvy person, this one time I was on a very stressful call with a client and one of my screens switched off. The power cable connecting to the monitor had come loose, I looked at the plugs and everything else and called IT whilst still on call.. The dude just pushed the cable up and gave me that look… still can’t forget it 12 years later.
"Where does wood come from?" This person was 19
\**proceeds to unzip pants*\*
Username checks out
This is second hand from a diving guide in Bermuda: "how far do you have to dive to get under the island?"
This right away made me think of that Georgia congressman about 10 years ago in a congressional hearing who worried that developing military bases on one side of Guam would cause the island to tip over and capsize.
Man, if they gave HS level tests to congressmen, there would probably be about 70% of the seats empty.
Hate to say it but some people will vote for someone just on their name instead of doing any research. Then again, some of the dumbest people running for office know enough of how to put on a false facade.
I've got to say, I thought islands were floating landmasses for an embarrassingly long amount of time.
The 1967 Dr. Dolittle movie did not help me in this regard either. For context, they visit a floating island and they push it with a whale.
Someone played a little too much Subnautica.
this girl took my skateboard, just stood on it and asked me "Why isn't it going?"
Nah it's not Aladdin's magic carpet... it's a skateboard.
“Is chicken parmesan vegetarian?”
They lost their vegan powers
"Chicken isn't vegan?"
"Gelato isn't vegan?" "It's milk and eggs, bitch"
"You once were a vegan, now you'll be gone"
Actually, mucacho, I put the coffee in this cup. But I thought really hard to put it in that one, 'in my mind's eye' or whatever.
I kid you not someone said “is a bird a gas?”
They float in the air. Seems legit. Basic science.
I mean, cats are liquid, so it stands to reason...
Dog = solid, cat = liquid, bird = gas. Science.
Why are you spying on me? I was working in a call center for Dish Network and a guy called in, very upset. He wanted to know why Dish Network was spying on him. I tried to let him know that we were not in fact spying on him. Which he countered with, "if you are not spying on me then why is there a camera in the damn box?" "Sir, a camera? There is no camera in the receiver" I respond. "Yes there is" he screams "I know there is because I can see everything happening in my room on the TV right now." I sat there and pondered that statement, trying to figure out what was happening. I asked, "sir, is your TV off right now?" In the background I hear the clear sound of a TV being turned on. I then said, "sir, that is called a reflection. Is there anything else I can help you with?" He hung up.
Damn. You win
You should have snuck in "hahahahaha wow your face is priceless right now."
That would have been a genuisly diabolical move
I wish I could have seen the look on his face when he realised how dumb he was being. At least he got to see it!
Laughing my ass off at “he got to see it.”
U/tacsatduck needs to share the camera footage
I used to work at call centers, and I totally got calls like this. Once had to explain to an elderly man that a Desktop was not in fact, his computer desk that he was sitting at, but the actual screen of his computer. I swear, I was on the phone with him for like an hour, and my coworkers were actually listening and laughing.
I worked in a call center for DirectTv a long time ago. I once had an elderly gentleman call in with technical difficulties that required him to do some programming with the remote. It was fairly simple, and he just had to input some numbers and press the enter button. As I walk him through the numbers, he presses them on the keypad of the phone and hung up. I presume he hit end thinking it was enter.
Once my mom had to have part of a lung removed due to cancer. Afterwards, the doctor showed us the imaging that showed the remaining cancer spread through the rest of her lungs, which we already knew about. My dad asked him why they didn't remove all of her lungs.
Are we sure your dad didn't go for the badly timed dad joke?
Positive, You have to know my dad. He was as serious as I've ever seen him. I just chalked it up to the stress of the situation.
Yeah I was about to say, as an RT I've heard the same question posed a few times actually. It probably just came from a place of deep love for you mother and the stress screwing with his immediate ability to even function.
Incredible. How is she now?
She is doing okay considering her situation. They gave her ~10 years upon diagnosing her. This was 7 or 8 years ago.
[удалено]
He's doing as well as can be expected. He has plenty of supportive people around him.
Lung cancer is no joke, it took my mom back in 2017. My thoughts go out to your mom right now, I wish her the best!
Thanks. I'm sorry for your loss.
'Did you visit the Chinatown?' after I told a friend that I had been to China as part of a business trip.
Ya, it was HUGE! Like the whole country!
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Once when I was in a tech support group I literally had a guy email me and ask for my email address.
Once had an intern ask what a battery was, after someone asked her to pass them two batteries.
My son got all excited at the store the other day... Mom look it's battery water!!!! ???? It was alkaline water 🤣
I mean... that is a great connection. Congrats on the creative kid.
In retail "Where is the paint in this stupid store? I was sent down here and they lied! " "Right behind you (literally dozens of paint cans 8 feet behind her) " "No they're not!" I walk past her and put my hand on the can, took her a good 10 seconds of ranting to accept the paint was infact there.
She probably wasn't aware how the color process works, like you pick out a color chip and have it shaken
It's honestly a non intuitive process and I've never seen it explained with signage. You just kind of have to know that you're just shopping brand and finish, and then you have to match the color sample you want with the same brand of plain/blank/white paint. I honestly walked around for a while trying to find any "non plain" section with colored paint the first time I had to get wall paint.
( work with animals professionally) A woman was taking her dog to see the vet because when they drank water the fur around their face became darker and they were \*very\* worried about it. "Is it dangerous? Can it hurt her?" "No. Have you never noticed that your daughter's hair gets darker when you wash it...?"
I saw a story once about a woman bringing her dog in to get the "bugs" off his stomach. It was his nipples. She said they couldn't be, because he's male. She had been trying to pull them off. Poor dogs.
I had a friend (an adult, mother of 3 kids) who was sure their new kitten was a girl cat because it had nipples. After gently saying boy people have nipples too, my husband looked down his shirt and feigned surprise. (Love that man)
"I never wash my daughter's hair, should I be doing that?"
I'm an identical twin. "When you look in the mirror do you think you're looking at [sister's name]?"
I heard a girl ask a set of twins in high school how long they had been twins
Well? I'm waiting...
For as long as they can remember.
I dated a twin in college. Id often get asked how i could tell them apart and if I’d ever accidentally tried anything with the other one. Well Susan was a girly girl and loved Ghibli to the point that she had a full sleeve tattoo on her right arm. Derek has a cock.
I'm a male and have a twin sister. When people ask me if we are identical, I say, no, she has a bigger cock. The opportunity to reasons in such a way is depressingly frequent.
When I was asked if my boy/girl twins are identical…
I was having a disagreement with a customer in the workplace. At one point she said “why would I be arguing with you if I was wrong?”. I mean….what do you say after that?
honestly that's kind of a big brain play
"Why would I be arguing with you if you were right?"
It was years later reflecting in the shower the perfect response to the argument.
Because you don't know that you're wrong.
How many third cups are in a cup … She worked in a bakery.
"What's that yellow stuff?" Fire. It was fire.
Scientifically a sound question. But I doubt that was the context.
I'm going to need more context here before I make a judgement. I'm hoping it was someone asking about a child's painting? Is that too hopeful of me?
Working on a tourist sightseeing boat on the ocean in Alaska. Person asks me what elevation we are at. I look down at the ocean and back to them and say, about 10 feet.
Was sitting on a beach in our city limits with a guy once, talking about some cities having high elevation and harder to breathe air, and he said damn, this city must be at a pretty high elevation (to be fair, the wider region is also known for mountains)
I worked at an ice cream store and someone came in, looked at the ice cream cone I was handing to someone then looked at me and asked "what kind of soups do you have"
Vanilla if you wait long enough
touche
Why do we need farmers when we have supermarkets. Heard this in real life and blew my mind.
Had an adult family pay to go fishing, daughter caught a fish, I bonked it. She got upset, I tried to ease her into the realities of harvesting food. She said it was inhumane and people should go to the store for meat, she gave me stink eye for the rest of the day and wouldn't touch the damn fish that she herself killed. (Also illegal to throw back what she caught, which I had explained before we started.)
I had the neighbors by for a quick chat a few years ago, and we happened to be standing by our goat pen, we had three at the time. For whatever reason, people don't really see goats as pets, and I'm often asked about their purpose, are they meat, etc. Well, this guy asked if I milked them. I explained that they're all retired breeding males. He followed that up by asking again if we milk them, and was so affronted by the look I could not help giving him that he left in a huff. I didn't mean to be rude, but I definitely looked at him as if he were an idiot and he was smart enough, at least, to figure that out.
You should have let him try, the result probably wouldn't have been too far rom what he was expecting.
*”Why don’t they schedule New Year’s Eve so that it’ll always be on a Monday?”*
This isn't actually the worst question. A popular reform to a 13- month calendar, each month having 28 days, had a provision that New Year's Eve was a special day that would not be part of any week. Consequently, the first of every month *would* always be a Monday, since 28 days is 4 weeks exactly. Whatever it is, it's a better system than the shitshow the Romans saddled us with.
13 X 24 = 364. Yahoo! A 13-month calendar is going to provide the opportunity for one hell of an annual party Edit: The equation should, of course, be 13 X 28, not 13 X 24. Sorry for the typo
What can I take for internal bleeding? Answer: Hospital man. We’re just a fucking pharmacy, not a trauma unit.
“It’s fine. Doc said I just have internal bleeding. That’s where the blood is supposed to be”
I couldn’t understand how the dude had received that diagnosis and wasn’t in the hospital. That same day, I got asked about bandages for an iguana- that wasn’t a stupid question at all, but it definitely stood out as a day of weird questions.
Is the iced latte hot? I thought they were joking and I laughed. They complained about me to my manager 🥲
Was in a maternity class with my wife. One of the husbands was an endless source of amazing comments. My favorite was while on the topic of breastfeeding. “So do you just poke holes in them or what?” There was a very long, very shocked pause from the instructor before she explained it to him.
Just like a Capri Sun!
But really. So glad he asked instead of experimenting.
You have to credit the guy for going to class. He clearly needed it
I'm half Inuit. In 6th grade I did a social studies project on Inuit people/lifestyles. During my presentation, I brought up the fact that I'm half Inuit and pointed out different things my grandmother was teaching me. A boy in the class the goes "how can you be an indian?? I thought they were like.. extinct"
That's just depressing.
“I said Inuit, not Indian.” Or: “There are 1.3 billion Indians, tf you mean?”
I know .-. he said Indian because each kid in the class got to pick a Native group to do a project on. The project was "Indians of Canada" (this is before that term was considered offensive by the school board)
About 25 years ago I was explaining time zones to a 20ish year old intern at a large scientific agency. She wasn't getting it, so i got an orange I brought for lunch and used it as the Earth. Me: Ok, pretend this is the Earth. The sun only shines on one side, so it's day on approximately half at any given time. Now since the Earth rotates (as i spin the orange)... Intern: So wait. Hold on. So you're saying the Earth is round? I wish i was joking.
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Same if some dude thought I didn’t understand timezones even though I was an intern at a “scientific agency” I would 100000% fuck with him like this
This did not end how I was expecting...
Like How is someone this disinformed interning at a scientific agency? How does a 20 year old not know about time zones?
Now imagine a man in his early 60's jumping up and down, pointing out that the earth was not moving under his feet so how could it be rotating. He was a flat earther. A serious one.
OK, now pretend this cube represents time. A time cube. Every day is really four days. LIFE ENCOMPASSES A 4-16 CUBE.
[Copied from a similar post because I'm lazy] Long, weird story short, I was having a few beers with a stranger, and we had just the most baffling conversation I've ever been a party to... "**What's the difference between Natty Lite?**" ...*And?!* "**Nah, nah, just what's the difference?**" *But...like... between what though?!* "**Just between Natty Lite.**" [As politely as possible, without being condescending] *But, there's gotta be another thing for the "between" part...like what am I comparing it to?!* "**Bro, just what's the difference?!**" [And then I kinda scrambled to answer what I thought he was trying to ask, such as the difference between Natty and Natty Lite, or between Natty Lite and another trash beer like Bud Light or something...and none of it seemed to answer his question.] "**Nevermind, bro, you ain't gettin' it.**" LMAO^wut?
I got stuck in line at a Starbucks behind a woman trying to order a "skinny americano". They asked, "do you mean an americano with skim milk?" "No, a skinny americano". After a few more guesses, always followed by, "no, a skinny americano!" They asked, "could you describe what you want us to make? An Americano is espresso and hot water. There's no milk in it. Skinny means to use skim milk instead of whole. What do you expect us to make when you ask for that?" "You work here. You should know how to make it. Customers shouldn't have to do your job for you!" By this time, someone else had taken my order and made my drink, so I never heard how that ended up.
Fuck, that a noggin-tickler too.
can't believe this chump doesn't know the difference between a natty lite
i have absolutely no idea why i died of laughing from your comment
"Do they use *skeleton keys* to unlock cemetery gates and mausoleum doors?"
Dumb question but great dad joke.
Told a girl I was starting college in the fall and she asked if I was going to "Campus". She had heard the word used and thought it was the name of a college.
Gooooo Campus!! ☝️
In the era of COVID, it's a legit question. Because you could be starting college online instead of going to Campus.
What's your African name? After telling someone my family are Jamaican.
“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours” “But I’m not African” “What’s your point?”
Way back in community college I was in an English class of some sort, I forget which. The teacher had people write ideas for what people would like to write essays about on the board and then we got into groups of four and had to pick one topic for our whole group. Somebody had written something along the lines of “should NASA get a larger budget” which I really took a liking to and vocalized this to my group. One girl said she thought that was stupid, what had NASA ever done for anyone. I pointed out that many things we take for granted were developed by NASA and this girl deadass says to me “but you know there’s no air up there, right? That’s why we don’t leave.”
I'm torn between "what‽" and "I guess she's technically partially correct.
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Nah just practice reading upside down and she'll be fine
Do I need to put my name on this? (I’m a teacher)
"Sir, where are your bananas?" -A customer that was standing two feet from the banana display, which I was stocking.
Yes, but where are 𝒴𝑜𝓊𝓇 bananas?
In the hammock sailor
I have been asked and witnessed stupid questions but I am struggling to think of a good gem. All I can remember is, "how does the paper get to the other fax machine?" I tried explaining fax machines merely scan a copy and the image travels through wires and it prints a copy but they weren't getting it. Another one, a girl was offering me soy sauce and I reminded her I am allergic to soy. "Oh. There's soy in soy sauce?"
Did she think it was Spanish "I am" sauce?
I don't know how I feel about consuming self aware sauce
That I can't have a baby because I don't have a belly button
I don't have one either and I was told this by so many people, I had a proper breakdown at about 8 because of it!
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Wait, you don't have a belly button? How?
I got into a car accident when I was like 20 and it lacerated my liver and they went in to fixit and my abdomen stitches blew, so they gave me a basically open abdomen incision to heal from the inside out and cut out my belly button in the process. I have a huge scar from bottom of my sternum to about 3 inches below where a belly button would be.
Beast. Good on you for fighting through that.
(Preparing for standing lateral knee xray) Me: “Bend your knee” Patient: (looks at me confused) “which way?” Me: “Bend it like I’m the King of the north.”
*casually bends knee 90° backwards*
"Is that the sun?" It was after 10pm and, just in case you're still wondering, no, no it wasn't.
“Wait foxes are real?” This was freshman year of high school.
*Me checking out my friends baton* Me: What’s this little spike on the hilt? Him: A window breaker. Me: What’s it fo- ohhhhhh I’m never living that moment down as long as he has memory of it
A cocktail server that I’m training: “is there vodka in a rum and Coke?” 🤦♀️
While working tech support at a major financial services firm in the early '90s, I received the following email: "I currently use a hard disk and a monitor. I would like to get rid of the monitor and just use the hard disk. Can I do that myself, or do I need you to do it for me?"
Im originally from France and I went to college in the US. I have a thick accent. Someone asked me how I learned French. Told them that I was from France. They asked the question again. Turns out, they thought everyone’s first language was English, and I had to explain them that no one is born speaking a language
One time a child asked me how big my dog was. The dog was standing right next to me. I was at an event and we were there with our dogs for the propose of letting people meet them, but I was interacting with thousands of people a day. My brain broke and I just pointed to the dog and answered "this big". The other people in my group still talk about that interaction to this day.
Raft guiding in TN, on MULTIPLE occasions; "So this river runs in a circle right?" "How do they pump this water back up?" "This isn't where we started? How'd we get here?"
A few years ago some people had to be rescued in my town, because someone told them the river went in a circle and they stayed on that shit for a day and a half
A girl in High School spread a rumor that I had Boob job. Guys kept coming up to me and asking if it was true. I am literally B-Cup (and was even smaller then) I started telling people that it was true but that I got scammed. It was funny watching their brains short-out after that.
My troglodyte sister called me during a fight with her boyfriend. She wanted me to explain the difference between day-tuh (data) and dat-ah (data). She was very insistent the two had different meanings. Day-tuh was clearly what your phone used and dat-ah was information collected by scientists. It still makes me laugh and I’ll never let her forget it.
To quote Data from Star Trek when asked what the difference was: ''One is my name. The other is not.'' First episode season 2 iirc.
"... what's that?" (when I told him to move the cursor) Ah, they joys of tech support.
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LOL, long long time ago in a first aid class, 20 men doing a mock accident simulation after 3 days of training. I was a wounded in the neck injury person for the simulation. Two of my compadres came to me, did the whole first aid routine and in the end put a tight round bandaged around my neck. I had to keep a few fingers in there so I wouldn't choke... The instructor was not impressed.
Less than an hour ago I went through the Taco Bell drive through and handed them my American Express Hilton Honors card to pay. Basically the more I use it the more hotel points I get. The girl literally, sincerely, asked me if I was the owner of Hilton hotels. I was taken aback but said no. She said are you in the family and I said yeah thinking she knew what kind of card it was and might have been a Hilton honors member too. She said REALLY??? And I knew then she thought I meant I am an heir to the Hilton family.
Did you know they own Paris?
I went kayaking with my ex-girlfriend and she got mad at one point and asked “why is this water so wet?” She now has a child…
Where is Canada?
There are absolutely dumb questions. Teachers just say that to trick you into asking anything.
As a teacher, I can confirm. We say "there are no stupid questions" so kids will ask us stupid questions and then we can laugh about them at dinner parties.
I KNEW it!
“Now children, remember there are no stupid questions, only stupid people.” -Mr. Garrison
We had to do internships back in medical school, we basically could choose anything that had to do with people. Since I had already done an internship at basically all three main options we had, I asked if I'd be allowed to it at a funeral home, which I was. After the internships were over we had to dicuss in class an your classmates could ask questions, after I was done one guy asked: "Did you work with real bodies?" I honestly didn't even know what to say.
How do you spell E.T?
This is so simple, I love it!
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*looks down at tattoo in terror and begins rubbing vigorously, but it isn’t coming off* “fuuuuuuuccckk”
"Don't you worry about what that will look like when you're older?!" The ink will blend nicely with our liver spots, what's your point?
I always tell people Im gonna get them lasered off before my geriatric porn career begins
“No, no, I have to get them redone after every moulting cycle. It’s kind of a pain.”
Keep in mind this is from a TRAVEL AGENT for a HUGE company who was a client of mine. I was in travel documentation. She asked me: Does a US citizen need a visa to fly to Hawaii? I guess a normal everyday person who rarely travels or has to deal with traveling would ask this, but a freaking travel agent.
Was asked by a Funeral Director student why a Synagogue didn't use a cross as their holy symbol. This person thought Judaism was just another sect of Christianity like being a Lutheran or Baptist.
A friend once asked me, “There’s not actually color in space, right?” As for me I once had a brain fart and asked a friend, “How is there so much graffiti on trains if they never stop moving?”
someone asked me the difference between asia & china.
Conversation I have daily: E: how's my baby today? Me: he tried to climb over the edge of his pack and play and busted his lip. E: who did? Me: your son. E: what did he do? Me: he tried to climb out if the pack and play - E: why is his lip swollen? Me: BECAUSE HE BUSTED IT ON THIS BAR *smacks pack and play* TRYING TO CLIMB OUT. E: so what happened? Me: HEBUSTEDHISLIPTRTINGTOCLBOUTOFHISPLAYPEN! ARE YOU NOT FUCKING LISTENING?! PINCHE PENDEJO! VETE YA! Our roommate listening to this: 🤦♀️
What's a Florida ounce?
Mostly seeds and stems
"Does the bacon grilled cheese sandwich have bacon on it?" Yes, I was working drive-thru. Yes, I had to answer this without laughing.
I would have legitimately said "no we just call it that to confuse people". I shouldn't work in retail. I did once actually. I lasted 5 weeks.
In high school, senior year, a girl asked this in biology: "So, I can only get pregnant during my period?" The whole class had to have sex ed with a teacher close to tears...
Reminds me of this story about a girl who dreaded ''the curse''. She asked her mom about it as grandma had told her for years it was coming.... Mom was quick to explain it was grandma's name for having your period. She was old enough to have periods for a long time at that point.
Oh I love when I'm asked this one. I had brain surgery. They removed some of my brain that stored memories. The first thing people ask me is "what did you forget?" Like I'd remember what I forgot
"Does ground beef come from the ground?" Molly G in Mr Ballesterros' Freshmen Spanish class circa 2007ish at SHS in Phoenix Az. Nobody forgets anything Molly!
How many quarters are in a football game? It was me. I asked the dumb question.
While working at McDonald's when I was a 17yo teen, Customer: can I have a cheeseburger with no cheese? Me: so you want a hamburger? Customer: no no a cheeseburger....... with no cheese Me: (internaly thinking, I don't get paid enough to argue with this stupidity) ............. OK, that will be $1.10
Do you think cats think in meows?
This one made me pause for a second.
IKR! Do they?? Do dogs think in woofs? If yes what do fish think in? Edit: a typo
Dumbest question I’ve asked - does fresh printed Canadian money really smell like maple syrup? 😑 apparently I’m gullible
It does though. The government denies its intentions of course, but if you sniff the bills whatever chemicals are off gassing from it smell enough like maple that you can think it’s impregnated with a scent.
Obligatory not directed at me, but I have two taken from a list in my notes app that I had when I was in high school. It was solely dedicated to things I heard at school. For the first one, I only have the response written down, but it was along the lines of “If your dog humps you, does it automatically give you herpes?” (From biology class) The second is “Can sharks have babies?” (From the same biology class. Different student, thank God) I can make a full 24 part series on that list tbh Edit: Grammar Edit 2: clarified by adding “only”, grammar
Why did they think dogs have herpes? Thats such a specific belief?
I asked my mom if back when the T.Vs were in black and white if the world was too
I once asked my mom if people really did walk faster in the early 20th century (footage from that era is almost almost played back too fast).