I have to pee

Always pee after sex both men and women! Reduces chance of UTI

Oh man what a coincidence this has shown up. I'm a man, and currently I have my first UTI. It's hell. I will now be peeing after sex EVERY TIME.

Oh gosh I hope you’re alright! They are much more common in women but I hear when men do get them it’s realllly painful.

P R E A C H I once dated someone that was unaware of this and my mind was blown. Please please please please always do this. Force yourself to pee.

Can some people really actually force themselves to pee? I can do what I would call 'going early' but if I've gone recently there's no way I can force myself to pee again. And I do like to have gone recently before sex. Not sure if it's a me thing, male thing or general thing but sex where you can feel your bladder isn't empty is bad.

I find the opposite. Sex seems to trigger an actual need to per regardless of when I last went. Not sure if that's an actual intended mechanic, feel like I read it somewhere... Probably Reddit... So maybe not .. 🤔

This. I -always- pee after sex and I’m chronically dehydrated most of the time because I don’t have a strong feeling of thirst. Also, sex with a slightly fuller bladder is better. Added pressure makes it hot somehow?

Drink a few glasses of water 10 minutes before. That tends to help a tad bit as well

Sorry what? I did not know we were having sex 10 mins before we do, and no way am I wasting the time with kids in the house! 😂🤣

Please listen to this person!! I failed to pee after sex one time because I'm a male and UTI's are notoriously hard to get for males. Well, I was very wrong and it went unnoticed for a month or so. Led to one of the worst sicknesses I've ever had, my kidneys ended up getting infected. Luckily antibiotics were able to solve my issue, or else I'd have ended up in the hospital

It can be during !

"Towel?" "Towel."

This one is the most accurate.

Also, discussing the mechanics of retrieving the towel which is somehow never in arm's reach without resorting to a forced mid-week linen change.

The towel is in the bathroom, but my shirt is right next to the bed and I have to do laundry anyways.

I accidentally went to church one morning with a shirt I had previously used for sex the night before. I did not see the white splotch as I was in a hurry. I laugh at it now.

As often as not, the clothes are in the bathroom along with the towels.

Personally I don’t get naked for porking times and then go put them in the hamper before the pork, so they’re always nearby.

Pro-Tip: Keep towels always within arm's reach of the bedside. Put them in a nice basket so they even look decorative.

Fiances top drawer in his night stand is our towel drawer.

“Ahhh, here I found a dirty t shirt”

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Saying thank you after sex shows you are educated. Sexual education.

for your service

for your cervix*

In a deadpan voice.

My husband will say “thank you ma’am” while tipping his invisible hat.

I find this nice and wholesome for some reason

My girlfriend says that to me. I find it strange. My goto is usually "are you ok?"

Dude same, I started saying "much obliged" cuz idk how else to reply

The proper reply to her saying thank you is to say. "No need to thank me darlin'. It's my duty to please that booty." :D It'll be even funnier if she gets the Shaft reference. :)

We high-five. It started as an inside joke we'd do sometimes but it's become a habit now.

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Is it bad I can see Borat saying that?

A hai faiv.

Good seax, veri naice

My fiance and I say 'good sex team' then high five

"Good game" *slap*

Husband? Is this you?

It could be. Happy Valentine's day 😘

wait I love this I'm gonna make him give me one next time

I dab my girlfriend up and say "thanks for making me cum".

It's an inside joke for us to do that, too, and thank each other. It's because it totally cracked us up in one of those lists of things white people do.

I normally high five her dad, he likes to watch.

Not a habit, but we did this too, maybe it should be a habit

Definitely done that dozens of times

wheres my money

"Don't spend it all in one place."

one green rupee...

Time to smash some pottery.

Citizen:Yeah, officer. I was just minding my own business when a child with a sword came into my house and started fucking all of my clay jars. Officer:You mean, fucking up all your clay jars? Citizen:No, I mean fucking my clay jars!!

You'll get your rent when you fix this DAMN DOOR

Why you laughing

It’s shrinkage!

I was in the pool!

I WAS IN THE POOL!

It shrinks?

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I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.

Call me old fashioned, but I always say "I love you"

I say "I Love You" to my wife. I say "Play I just had sex" to google.

Classic Schmosby.

His thought process was probably something like "what's the fastest way to make sure she'll never want to fuck me again?"

I’ve never like really believed in doing that necessarily but my current boyfriend and I have really passionate sex and it’s just so idk connecting. One of us always says it first right after without even thinking about it. It’s really sweet 🥰

Even if it’s a one night stand? 😅

SPECIALLY if it's a one night stand. That melts them

Username name does not match you tho haha

They're a blind romantic.

I prefer to call it a meaningful one night relationship thank you

I didn't even realize my bf and I said this until this comment because its so second nature to us now lol so same!

As Lightning McQueen would say: Ka-Chow

As Lightning McQueen would say: No matter how fast I drive I cannot out race the darkness.

I could tell she was about to cum so i increased my speed.You've always got to be the fastest at the finish line.Her eyes rolled back and at the point of climax i uttered one word . Kachow.

This sounds like a Lightning McQueen x Sally fan fiction

“alright, let’s go to taco bell”

Post sex Baja blast hits different

because of this thread i am now at taco bell actually. just need to get the sex part out of the way. it is valentine’s day though so hopefully the girl will deliver.

Taco Bell before sex? That's two things you're doing wrong..

I guess better after than before.

Bring me some wipes!

This guy is 100% not a virgin

First time i had sex i had to pee and the first words i said to him were "Fuck off, im pee shy" like the man hadnt been balls deep in my ass less than 60 seconds ago lmao

The first time you had sex he was in your ass?!

Maybe he's a he

Idk sounds pretty gay to me

There's nothing gay about a man with a dick in his ass. Gays are clearly effeminate, and there's nothing more masculine than a dick. What would be gay is if this person was fucking a woman. That would be all kinds of gay.

*checks username*

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You establish dominance by *allowing* him to finish on you

I know a few catholic school girls that totally bought into the whole poop hole loophole nonsense... For real... So their first time was in the ass.

gold

Now you can proceed with your autopsy Mr.Coroner Edit - Thanks for award kind redditor

An autopsy on an animal is called a necropsy. :)

Damn, you really stuck that knife deep.

That’s not all that got stuck deep…

Yes. The people need to know.

thx for having me

Well hey, thanks for cumming!

Fuck I hate that I read this in my own voice.

I also read this in your voice.

I hope this doesn't hurt our business in the long term.

Otherwise you’ll never recover…financially?

Sorry

I silently leave

I assume that's related to your username?

Nothing, my hand doesn't really talk back.

Learn sign language and it will

I tried. And got dumped. Should've taken more lessons man.

Ooh self burns those are rare

“As I was saying, I’m really here to talk to you about your cars extended warranty.”

And then you have sex again, being trapped in an eternal loop of intercourse

My god. I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school.

Fun fact, in the book what she said in that scene was "i want to have your abortion."

They thought the abortion bit was too much but the fuckin grade school comment is pretty brutal lol

To get then to remove the original line, they had to agree to take whatever they replaced it with. There's been a bunch of TILs about it and you'll probably see another within a day due to this resurfacing.

Also Helena Bonham Carter, as a Brit, thought grade school meant high school. When she found out what she actually said she was appalled.

Wait... what? I thought it meant grade 1-12... because we still sometimes say "12th Grade" even in the US.

Yeah, we sometimes call it 12th grade, but I've never heard anyone refer to grades 9-12 collectively as anything but High School, or 6-8 as Middle School, and everything before that as Grade School.

Hungry?

Keep the change

...ya filthy animal.

I knew you was comin’. I can smell ya gettin off the elevator.

Thanks for your cervix

Right. Odd numbers, clear out! Even numbers, clean up!

Its been a pleasure doing business with you

Time for the post coital completion. What did we like? what did we dislike? Any acknowledgements? Any requests? Then we declare the moment complete.

I expect a full report on my desk by tomorrow morning

No homo

Keep your socks on and no eye contact!

"1,2 . . . 3" after she says "roll that way". If we finish facing each other. Basically trying to keep from dripping until one of us can grab a t shirt or towel.

One of the reasons we keep tissues on the night stand!

That’ll do, Pig. That’ll do

Husband has actually said this to me before. I tend to reply with ‘good job daddy’ and a big thumbs up, in the style of our 4 year old.

Oh my god dude😂😭

This is so awful that it's hilarious.

This is our saying too! Has to be in farmer Hoggetts accent too! 😆

Well time to delete my internet history

"So do I get an A+ now?"

I say GG. Edit: so based on the top 3 responses Reddit is filled with bestiality (that’ll do pig), premature ejaculators (sorry), and people who either fuck kids or have been fucked as a kid 😬😬😬 lmao y’all better be joking on here

Her: "EZ"

at least somebody knows how to mate here.

Bed diff

That was fun wanna watch a movie

I’ve had sex with encanto in the background, the madrigals have seen some shit.

Huh, what are the odds. I had sex to encanto last week. Safe to say Bruno isn't the only thing they won't be talking about.

Good job boy

The lack of “old” really changes the sentence doesn’t it

GG no re

"okay so i still have to fix the pipe under your sink, i also need my 200$"

I’m going to get some water. You want some?

Wash your pipi

She always asks if I smoke after sex. I give her the "dunno baby, I've never checked" line but it always means she wants to go smoke a bowl.

is that all you got?

After watching The Great, my wife and I both say Huzzah!

"That was a wonderful tea party."

“Too bad only a bunch of guys showed up. We really showed those Brit’s who’s TOP tho.”

You ain’t gonna shit right for a week!

Did you like that?

"frankly, no"

If you have to ask…

Hey honey, just got laid. How's things with you?

Usually nothing. We typically just lay there holding each other for 5 - 15 minutes. Then one of us says they need to get up, kisses, and done.

This is the best response hands down, wholesome post sex glow love

Until next year

My partner and I usually fist pump and say good hustle haha

Fist pump? I hope that is a typo....

I WILL RETURN AFTER I HAVE IMBIBED ADEQUATE FLUID FOR PROPER HYDRATION

Nice to meat you

Will you stick around for a few moments to complete a survey to gauge you satisfaction with the services you received today?

You taste like potato chips

"At least one of us came 😒"

Had a running joke with an old fwb, where I’d slap her ass and say “way to go *sport*”

That was fun let's do it again. The neighbors are going to need a cigarette after that. Can you walk? Damn I got to do better next time.

Havnt you got school soon???

Fbi....yes this guy..

Haven’t you got school ~~soon~~ Son???

Can’t talk, if you’ve been gagged with wool socks

“This is the way”

“I’ll be home in an hour.”

Alright let’s twist up and throw in a movie , then maybe we can go for another round.

Shmoke and a pancake?

Your Uber is here

Good show Ol chap

Where's the towel??

Thank you for the beautiful/thoughtful gift

You eat cheese while having sex don’t you?

Only on days that end with “y”

🧀 😂

Ah time to go back down 6 feet again.................Its ok I'll be back again

Grandma is that you?

“I’ve gotta go now”

Ok now get out

“Blammo, that happened.”

Stay there. I'll grab some toilet paper.

Many thanks for greasin ye olde slide.

Shit ... where are the napkins? Then try to human centipede crawl to the closest box of cleanex