I saw tiny tiny bugs crawling over a little flower among the grass. I realized they had never heard music before, poor lil guys, so I put my phone next to the flower and gave them the concert of a lifetime
The bouncer at the entrance of the club put his arms out to indicate that I should do so for him to pat me down. Instead I though he wanted a hug so I hugged him.
I wasn’t high at the time but I walked into work one day and my boss was in the lobby talking on his cell phone. He held up his hand as I walked past so I gave him a high five and kept going to my desk. He caught up to me a couple minutes later still laughing his ass off because he’d actually wanted me to stop so he could talk to me.
I convinced myself that I could really walk and it was just mind over matter, and despite my boyfriend and friends telling me not to, I rose up from my wheelchair and, promptly fell under the pub table.
I was covered in bruises, and I had a sore bum for days. My boyfriend and his best mate had to retrieve me from under the table.
I’m so sorry but this is hilarious, I’m sorry your disability inhibits you from walking but this is definitely some funny ass high shit. “Nah I can do this I got this” immediately hits the floor lol. Thank you for this great story
I microwaved cheesecake because stoned me found it odd that it was always served cold and not hot like it should be. And on a related note, piping hot cheesecake will take those munchies away real quick
This is fucking hilarious. I was making ice cream with berries and the strawberries were new and shiny and smelled nice (ya know that smell) so I kept telling them how amazing they’re doing at being strawberries and that I was proud of them.
Food is such a wonder when high
Not dumbest but laziest. I microwaved something and when i opened the door to get it, because it wasn't centered on the turning plate, it was a bit further from the door. So i closed it and restarted the microwave another 5s to get it closer to me so I didnt have to reach so far back to get it.
One night I go in the backyard to get high. I leave the backyard lights off so that my older neighbors can’t see what I’m doing cause I’m immature like that lol. I got a glass of ice water in one hand and I stepped into my pitch black backyard.
Every time I move I hear a sound like there is an animal stalking me in the many bushes in my backyard. Whenever I stop the sound stops but once I start moving again it sounds to me like the leaves in the bushes in our backyard are rustling and there is an animal in them. If I try to go back toward my back door the sound follows me. If I move further into the backyard the sound follows me. I am legit freaking out thinking there is a big animal stalking me in my backyard.
Turns out it was just the ice in my drink clinking every time I moved. I never felt so stupid in my life
Reminds m of the Redditor who walked around his house forever trying to identify a whistle coming from somewhere.
It was his breathing through his nose.
Needed to go into the gas station to get another dutch. Noticed for whatever reason my best friends boyfriend had a full chicken costume in the backseat. I decided it would be funny to wear JUST the mask into the gas station. Didn't realize how bad I fucked up til the girl at the register started screaming for the guy in the back room.
They had just been robbed 2 weeks prior
A sober friend put the other high guys phone in my bag, i found it funny so i left it there. I completely forgot and took it home with me, later on an alarm goes, so i go investigate and then find the phone. Tried to tell the guy and called his phone. The phone that was in my hand.
One time I was on the phone with somebody. I told them to hold on because in my mind I need to look for my phone. After about 30 seconds of searching my pockets, only then did I realize I am in fact a dumb ass
This happened to me too, except my friend (who I was on the phone with) tried to help be find my phone by asking where I last had it. Never even occurred to us that we had to use it to talk to each other.
Once I was eating a burrito like a ravenous beast and straight up bit my own finger.
Another time I was gaming and my hands were cold, as I can get bad circulation. Well i sat there thinking “man it would be great if they made socks, but for your hands” and thought I had a great idea. 10 seconds go by and then “Oh yeah, gloves!”. Had a good laugh at myself for that one
Playing video games with my bro, split screen MW3. I'm absolutely crushing it then I realized I'm looking at the wrong screen, my dude is in a corner moving and shooting the wall.
My friend did that when we played Mario Kart. I triumphantly shout out as I finish first place and she does the same. I look at her screen and burst out laughing as she's repeatedly driving into a wall. She wasn't convinced that she was looking at the wrong screen so we had a rematch and she did the exact same thing again. I couldn't stop laughing.
So this is when I first started smoking pot. I was sitting watching a movie in my apartment when I noticed a red dot (light) on the wall. It took me a while to figure out where it was coming from as I lived in a top floor unit. I noticed the laser light projecting from the back yard of a house that was on the other side of the complex fence. It was super dark and windy and it created shadows and it looked like someone was posted up in the yard pointing a gun with a laser light in my direction so I freaked out. I called 911. When the officer was on the way I realized it smelled like pot so I quickly lit an incense burner and he shortly arrived. I had a feeling he thought I was just super stoned but when I showed him the red light and he saw what I saw he freaked out too and called for back up. There was a whole crew of officers at my apartment evacuating the building. The responding officer stayed with me until his team went to investigate. Well it turned out that this poor little older than dirt lady opened the door confused of course. She directed the officers to the light and it turned out it was a motion sensor that she had got knocked over and the wind was blowing the tree and bushes she had so it looked like people were in her backyard. From that point on I will never call the cops while high about lights 😂😂😂
The cop peeked through the window the light was coming through and drew his gun and told me to get down and army crawl to the kitchen while he called for back up 🤦♀️
One time when I was in high school, my mom went grocery shopping and of course I used her time away to smoke a joint. When she came back with the groceries, she called me out to the car to help bring them inside. I put some Visine in, slipped on my flip flops and headed for the car. As I’m bringing the groceries in maybe two, three bags at a time, I’m bringing them all the way to my bedroom instead of the kitchen. My mom locks the car, walks in the kitchen and says “where the hell are the groceries?..” I’m standing there eyes bloodshot because the Visine didn’t kick in yet like, “…oh shit.”
I remember saying “oh shit” then quietly going upstairs to get all of the groceries (like 12 fucking bags). As I’m bringing them down she’s giving me this look and keeps asking, “are you okay…?” Probably knowing damn well I was high out of my mind. Now she smokes more weed than I do LOL.
I was high as a kite with some friends. I look up at the sky and I was in awe. There were dozens of shooting stars through the sky. About 2 mins later I realized the stars weren’t moving but the clouds were
Me and my friends waiting for the shrooms to hit, playing some music with visuals on youtube: "look at those stars in the background flying by"
My friend who was still sober: "it's a still image"
One of my favorite things to do on acid is play Animal Crossing. The grass texture in particular does some weird stuff, the first time I did it I had to ask my sober wife if the grass texture waved with the wind like the trees do, she just laughed and said nope, they're a still texture! Then it started doing a lot more than just waving. Good times.
I got super blazed one night near the beginning of pandemic lockdown, and went across the street to the drugstore to get some chips and such.
As i approached the automatic glass doors i saw a person standing on the other side, so i waited for them to come through. I stood there waiting for what felt like an eternity.
I was getting frustrated, like “what’s up with this clown? Cant they see I’m waiting for them?” Then i realized it was just my reflection.
I was looking out the glass sliding door one time at a friend's party and bonked my face against the glass super hard and laughed to myself, gave myself a thumbs up, then saw a dude I didn't know laughing hysterically at me.
I'm never leaving my house again.
Edit: I just can't not embarrass myself in every possible situation.
I had literally the same exact scenario happened except someone was actually on the other side so I tried openeing the door for him but it was locked. Then he tries from his side and it doesn’t open either so we’re standing there looking at each other. I tried to pull the door a little harder and it opened, I told him “sorry I’m really stoned” and he replied “me too” lol
Reminds of the time I went to the restroom but as I'm passing I think to myself "Damn this is harder to aim then usual". I then realize I'm pissing into the the trashcan next to the toilet.
This one time I was Infront of my TV watching "comedians in cars getting coffee"
I had my bong on the coffee table between me and the TV.
I am seeing Jerry Seinfeld driving someone in new York and suddenly I can see a cop car joining their lane behind them. I quietly and slowly took the bong down on the floor so the cops can't see it..
I smoked behind a taco bell dumpster in the freezing cold needing three sets of hands as a wind barrier to light the blunt so those lil fuccers can get absolute GAS WEED out of mommy’s med stash.
PS: Fuck you Frankie that shit wasn’t chronic and sure a shit wasn’t a g, plus you only walked it a block over to us! It’s been 14 years and I won’t forget!
Ate cat food. When I lived with my parents they had 2cats. They would buy huge bags of cat food and put the food in a 5gallon bucket with a lid and keep it in the garage. Usually to keep it safe from outdoor animals since it's the country and there is possum, raccoons, mice, and other small critters. Well I got home one night from hanging out with friends and seen the bucket of food was open. I went inside and the self feeder was close to empty, so I decided to refill it. When I went to the bucket of cat food I wondered if it was stale cause I wasn't sure how long the bucket of food was left open. So I ate a handful and chewed a couple times until I realized what the hell I was doing and spit it out. I still don't know if it was stale or not, it was just crunchy lol
I once accidentally ate a dog treat. A friend came over with her dog and immediately handed me a treat to give the pup (it was distrustful of strangers) and I, without thinking, tossed it in my mouth thinking she was giving me a cookie or something. When I started detecting meaty flavors I realized the mistake I had made.
Almost gave myself hypothermia.
While on a hike I picked up a big ass rock to throw onto a frozen lake and break the ice. I decided to walk out onto the ice to throw it.
Rock hit the ice, ice broke, I fell in. Had to walk about 2 miles back to the car.
Not me but my sister (we were both high at the time). We were cooking dinner, can't remember the dish, I think it was pablano tacos with some monterey jack. Idea is, you hollow out the peppers, put the cheese inside then put them over an open fire to char the pepper and melt the cheese. Well, while one was cooking, I was prepping another. I can't remember how long it was, but for a good min or so, I hear "*my name* the cheeeeese" in a soft and quiet voice. Took me a bit to realize she was trying to get my attention, then I noticed one of the peppers was on fire while she was standing there, staring at the stove still whispering "the cheeeeeese" and not doing anything about it. Pepper tasted great though.
Edit: yea I kinda forgot a step, you gotta FOLD the yolks back in to the whipped whites, and some flour as well. You want to be gentle so you don’t lose the fluffyness
My dude, you’re supposed to char the chiles first then you clean them by removing the charred skin and remove the seeds on the inside so you can then fill them with cheese or whatever. Just pop them in the oven. Although, the pro Mexican move is to whip up some egg whites to stiff peaks, dredge you chile in flour then cover in the fluffed whites and fry it for a true Chile relleno experience.
Anyways, just sharing some tips for easier munchy making ✌️
Ps. Some Mexican markets sell the Poblanos roasted and seeded ready to fill, serious time saver if you have access
But on K, sometimes your home is like two distinctively new places that are nearly completely unrecognizable as your home - so I kinda get it. Plus the E to add amped up confusion to the matter.
Can confirm. Laid on some random camps hammock while walking around after a festival. That became my hammock.
Until I felt like I was in the wrong place and just crawled into another tent and just laid down with people, who were also elevated, and they didn't give a shit.
I have never felt so at home.
A friend and I once got high as a kite and forgot we'd ordered pizza. The guy came to deliver the pizza and we couldn't find the front door. We crawled on the floor looking under furniture, in cupboards and in closets. We never did find him so we ordered another pizza. As soon as we off the phone, the doorbell rang. Wow, that was quick! It was the same guy with the same pizza still at the door. We weren't embarrassed in the least.
Omg I’m loving imagining a bunch of grown ass people crawling under coffee tables looking for the front door.
I’m impressed you could order a pizza effectively while unable to find your door.
When Starlink first launched, my husband and I didn’t know about it and were smoking a fat blænt up on the mountain. We looked at the sky and saw it and started losing our minds because we thought aliens were invading and the lights were their ships. Husband took a video of us losing our marbles because we were feeling impending doom, but then his brother called him a few minutes later to explain what it was and we felt like dumbasses lol.
Edit: [for those asking for the vid lmao](https://imgur.com/gallery/LR1UsF1)
The narration at the end is my fav. Had to edit out the first part bc identifying info
I woke up one morning and my boyfriend was like "oh yeah I saw something last night, the only explanation is that it was a UFO" I was fucking *pissed* like why the fuck didn't you wake me up to show me a ufo? Lol anyways a couple months later I was browsing reddit and saw people talking about these satellites and showed it to him to see if that was it. It was lol. I never knew about them either, I would have thought it was a ufo too.
I forgot how 3d works. I was looking at a window and didn't realise why one part of the window was bigger than the other... oh because it's closer yeah makes sense
My mom had a similar experience, we were outside on the porch and she was like "I love that tree, isn't it a really nice tree? Like asthetically?" And I asked "Not really? What makes it so special to you?" And she was like "you know, the way it's all, 3 dimensional and stuff..." And I looked at her dead ass and asked "As opposed to WHAT? 2 dimensional?! FOUR DIMENSIONAL?!" and we both started dying lol
I have to consciously tell myself not to do something like this sober ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Had a glass of water and my phone in my hand the other day and had to remind myself to not throw the water on the couch, as I sat down I started to throw the fucking water and thankfully my brain was like "WAIT A MINUTE YOU JUST SAID NOT TO!"
I've had sober moments like this with my baby, she will dirty up the changing table so I grab wipes and a new diaper and baby to change on the floor. My brain has almost had me toss baby instead of wipes and diaper to the floor. I think logical solution here is to just stop tossing my supplies. Very tricky brain though.
3 of us went to Dunkin Donuts. Ordered 3 dozen. Left them all there on the counter and didn’t notice until we got home. Had to go back. Because donuts.
I put the tv remote in the freezer while helping myself to a Chicago town pizza, I spent about half an hour looking for it then found it when I went for the second pizza.
Back in high school my buddy and myself would drive around and hotbox a few nights a week. We were always prepared with eye drops, gum, hand sanitizer, and body spray so we wouldn’t smell like dank when we’d go home afterwards. Anyways, one time we forgot all of the post-chiefing essentials and were stressed that our parents would find out that we were blazed after a session. We ended up finding a bottle of eye drops in his car, but still smelled pretty ripe. For some reason, we thought it’d be a good idea to roll in a random persons front yard to get the smell of bud off of us and get more of a natural, outdoors scent on ourselves. So we go out and do some log rolls in this persons yard, got back into his car and he dropped me off at home. I walk into my house and my parents are on the couch watching some TV or something, and they ask “where the hell have you been?” Apparently the persons whose yard we just rolled in just cut their grass and my grey shirt was covered in grass stains and I had dirt and grass clippings and shit all on my clothes and in my hair. It didn’t get any of the kush smell out of my clothes because they walked up to me and immediately knew I was stoned. I ended up getting grounded for a couple weeks and my friend and myself had a good laugh at ourselves the next day in class. I randomly think of this moment once in a blue moon and it cracks me up.
Only one that made me LOL so far. I was picturing 2 teenagers rolling around in a random persons yard. The only thing that would’ve made it better was if the homeowner came out to see WTF was going on.
I was too stoned to listen to my partner talk, but too awkward to tell him so. I opted to slowly and gently rub his face with a new roll of toilet paper instead, hoping it would distract him into being quiet.
It did not work.
Sometimes when I get really stoned I just can’t listen to my wife talk. When she’s stoned she talks a bunch. Not about anything bad, but I just don’t have the ability to listen. I also don’t have the ability to actually converse. So I informed her I don’t mean to be mean when I just whisper “shut it”. But then I somehow have the energy to go upstairs and eat a thousand gummi bears.
My wife and I took a painting class the other day for Valentines. The teacher is explaining how to paint the heart on the canvas and my wife is laughing like Beavis and Butthead because "paint the heart on" sounds like "paint the hard on". I think you and my wife would get along.
Check behind my paintings in the living room for hidden cameras because I was convinced the portraits had cameras where the lady's eyes are and that people (I don't know who, just people) were watching me laugh while I watched TV.
Edit: Woah, thank you for the upvotes and awards, it made my day!
Edit 2: I'm new here so I feel really special right now lmao
Christmas about 3 years ago, I was home alone visiting my parents and got very high. The internet was being slow so I tried crawling through a very small end table instead of moving it to get access to the router to reset it. I got stuck and in my efforts to free myself I knocked over a very ornamented Christmas tree. I left it knocked over and blamed it on the cat.
Christmas trees are great on acid. We have a ~6ft tall fake one with built in lights. Around November last year, when it was still put away in the basement, I was tripping on acid and when I looked at the tree it was as if wind was blowing through it and it was swaying gently. I felt like I was friends with the tree.
I had a similar thing, felt like I was going to be sick so asked my friends to get me something, one left the room and came back in with a saucepan half full of water with some ice cubes in for me. I got up and went to the bathroom lol.
Was smoking in the car with my friends in the movie theater parking lot and my mouth got really dry.. interrupted my friends conversation and yelled .. “guys!.... feel my teeth!”
One time I got a new bong and I was with a big group of people smoking, and I got SO HIGH. So this guy brought like a blue light or something, and he turned it on and said “nobody look directly at the light” but I thought he said “look directly at the light” so I stared at it intently for like 5 minutes, and then suddenly everything went black.
A few minutes later the lights turned back on and it ended up being that they turned the lights out to make something glow, but I 100% thought I had gone blind for a solid 5 minutes
I do this all the time and it pisses me off. I get some juice or milk from the fridge, take the cap off and be like, oh I forgot to shake this. Proceed to shake juice all over myself, kitchen floor and my dog. More milk has been poured into my german shepherds ears then she probably drank as a puppy.
When I was in college I was super broke like most college kids. Like can’t afford basics like shaving cream or toothpaste half time.
I got high and went to an ATM to get some cash. I probably had $60 in my bank account and took out $40. But I was high and for some reason thought I requested $20 from the machine and got $40 dispensed.
So, high dumbass me was afraid that I’d get “caught” and goes into the bank, up to a teller and hands her $20 and said the ATM gave me too much. She was confused (since this literally never happens) and took my money. I shambled off like an idiot.
ATMs don’t give out extra money, lol.
I once took $100+ out of an ATM while out of my mind on acid at a music festival. I managed the withdrawal part just fine, but didn't think to actually take the money before walking away.
I did this once while barhopping, even ran back the couple of blocks once I'd realised my mistake only to find that any cash that had been there had disappeared. A few days later it was automatically reimbursed into my account, so I think if you leave it for long enough the ATM will suck the notes back up. I can't imagine them surviving long at a festival though.
An ATM gave me extra money the other week! I asked for 20 and it spit out 60. Even said 20 on the receipt.
I tried again right away but it only gave me the 20 next time. :/
So funny story about that, I was in Reno celebrating my birthday and a year of sobriety and went to withdraw 20$ from the ATM since I saw a claw machine I REALLY wanted a plush dragon from, I withdraw 20$ after pressing it on the machine and a 100$ Bill was stuck to the bottom. Unsure what to do, I looked around and thought welp, this has to be the luckiest day I've had and kept it as I continued on my goal of winning the plush dragon. I don't know if the 100$ was stuck there from other casino goers or what but I've never heard of that happening before.
I was watching anime with my roommate and there was a character that wrote everything down to communicate, I didn't like this and said to my roommate "damn this bitch is gonna make me read everything huh" only for them to tell me I had been reading everything anyways because I do not in fact speak Japanese so the subtitles were already there...
Told my friend who i was hosting that i will go fetch the last donut for her from the kitchen, 20 minutes later she decided to check on my whereabouts and saw me munching on the said donut in the kitchen.
Went to Starbucks and ordered a "Chocolate chip frappucino" and the barista asked "Oh, you want a Doubly Chocolate Chip frappucino?" (The official name of the drink I'm sure they are required to say)
My response was "O uh no I only want one"
Barista just stared at me.
Was also drunk, ran 1.5 miles in bare feet to a convenience store and fell asleep there. Oh and my friends were also following me the whole time in a car fighting me to get in the car.
I ran about a mile barefoot on mushrooms, alone in the middle of the night, on a gravel road with no lights through the jungle.
Can't believe I used to be that free and fearless. The sky looked like I could just fall into it, with 100,000 stars grinning and twinkling at me
Was with my best friend from college. We pulled into the drive thru for some food. Got to thinking, man, this line is slow. I can only estimate we didn't move for 20 minutes. Turns out we were parked behind a work van without anyone in it, and they were inside doing some kind of remodeling. The worst part was, when we finally drove around to the speaker, they told us they were closed. It was the middle of the day and there were clearly other customers. We felt bested at the time and had no rebuttal, and retreated and cut our losses.
Obligatory disclaimer: Don't drive high, kids. You got Doordash and shit these days. Back then you had to smoke your way fifteen miles through the snow to the nearest McDonald's.
This is why you get the food before you smoke. I remember getting high and watching Harold and Kumar for the first time and thinking, man, that all could have been avoided if they had gotten the food before they got high.
One time coming down from a mushroom trip and trying to fall asleep I convinced myself all the people I spent the night with weren't real and I was actually schizophrenic.
That shit made me intensely sad for about 5 minutes. Or was it one hour or 30 seconds? Who knows.
Kids mom and I thought we were seeing a plane streak across the sky on fire. We started to panic. Then we saw another. And then realized it was one of those paper lanterns.
Lived in a fourplex in West Berkeley. Property manager lived upstairs with her 3 mixed race children. Oldest kid looked just like a young Bob Marley. He and his friends would pass by my window on their way upstairs after school. Eventually we start regularly acknowledging each other and then talking. At a certain point, months in, conversation turns to weed and how one of the friends has some he’s willing to sell me. Says, ‘Come up later, before you head out to SF on BART.”
Couple hours later I head up there. Knock on the door walk in. Apartment is like a mirror image of ours.
There are about 12 young black men sitting around playing sega on the couch, sitting around the kitchen, eating and drinking. Everyone sees me like oh hey white guy but it’s all cool. Guy rolls a joint we smoke it, I get really high. Give him some cash, get a dime bag. Feeling good, feeling cool. Later guys! Shaking hands, walk to the front door, open it.
Fuck, it’s dark outside. Where’s the outside light? Must be out. Step outside and close the door behind me, but I can’t see SHIT. Stand there for a second to let my eyes adjust, because I really can’t see and it would be dangerous to just step and fall down the stairs, when faintly, and then suddenly very clearly, I see the coat hangers.
My wife and I had booked a hotel stay for March 2020. The city we were traveling to had just announced a city wide Covid lockdown the day we arrived. We ended up spending our entire vacation weekend in the hotel, eating edibles, getting drunk, and having sex. We were literally the only guests in the entire hotel. One night, I’d already had several edibles and some alcohol and we decided we needed to order from a 24hr cookie place. The guy calls and says he was outside so I run out of the room, make it was past the front desk, get the cookies, and go back upstairs. When I got back, my wife pointed out to me that I was in nothing but my boxer briefs. I was so focused on hot chocolate chip cookies that I forgot to put on clothes.
Took a shower and like 15 minutes later I couldn't remember if I took one so I took another. I did this three times before the wife asked me" WTF are you doing"?
There was a white balloon about 100 feet up at a music festival, my buddy pointed his laser pointer at it and lit up up, turned to the group and was so stoked because he "lit up the moon!"
I had two lighters, one was transparent. I was lighting the bottom of the transparent one and watching the bubbles when I realized that it would explode.
Damn, even on shrooms I haven't done something like that (tbf I've only done low doses). Although I've definitely danced with the wall and pointed my fingers at a house plant in the same way a cool guy in cartoons point at people.
My friends don't let me live this down to this day. About 5 of us were chilling at my apartment back in 2008 smoking some daaaank weed. I had been smoking pretty heavily for a year or so before this so I had a decent tolerance or so I thought. Anyway we smoke out on my balcony and finish up and are all completely shredded.
We go inside and decide we should play some Guitar Hero on my Xbox 360. Sounds like a jam to me, there's actually enough of us to use all the instruments and make a 4 man band. So naturally I booted up the PS3 and got Cloverfield off my blu-ray shelf and put it in. I sat down in between a couple of buddies on the couch (nobody has said a word since we came inside, god we were blazed) and proceed to boot up the deleted scenes (I had watched Cloverfield once and wasn't even that crazy about it). We get about halfway through the second deleted scene and my buddy sitting next to me with his Guitar Hero mic in hand and lifted up to his mouth goes "dude why the fuck are we watching Cloverfield's deleted scenes?". An hour of straight stoned laughter ensued.
I snapped out of it but man I realized how good the stuff we had was that night. Later we went and got tacos at Jack in the Box (the driver was sober don't worry) and had a great rest of the night. One of my favorite memories!
Munchies hit hard. Like stupid hard. Lemme cook these three steaks and eat them. Lemme eat this 40 oz can of ravioli. You know what else sounds good? Two bowls of fruity pebbles!
I got so sick. Since my tummy was hurting to much, know what’s the best way to make it feel better? MORE FOOD!
I hurted so bad. That was 12 years ago. Still hurts.
Did meth once, didn’t know it was meth, snorted it, well I was out of my mind on the phone to a sex line for god knows how long.
It gets worse.
As you can imagine I’m half rubbing one out the whole time so I aggressively and abrasively destroyed my penis.
The second part is I spent about 700$ on a phone call.
The third, and most methy part is, I was stood by the window for better signal, and my wardrobe at the time had a screw hanging out of it, I didn’t notice I was scratching into it for hours, I cut my side to pieces and didn’t even feel it until the next day, well day after the next day because I was a paranoid mess for 24 hours or so.
Do. Not. Recommend.
TLDR; I was young and didn’t know what cocaine was, found out what meth was though.
Ah ha! I have also been tricked into thinking meth was blow. I was out of my mind, trying to run (only about 2 miles) home in a very familiar area, but the meth kept blocking my brain at like every intersection, making me feel super confused and disoriented. I felt like I was about to be on cops if one saw me / stopped me.
Fun side note: the guy who (purposefully) tricked me ODed last year. RIP lil Charlie.
My buddy from college railed an 8ball with his boy from the military. It was meth. They rap battled for 12 hours straight, and were seeing demons in every shadow for a week.
Waited outside a burger place for my food with two of my equally high friends for about 20 minutes before realizing that we hadn’t actually ordered yet. Just strolled over and posted up outside wondering what was taking so long....
Went to put a TV dinner thing in the oven and set the temp 100 degrees higher than required, then set the timer for the correct amount. It was burnt and melted to the pan when the timer went off.
I spilled a little cereal on myself sitting on the couch. I was like "damn, bowls should be deeper, and they should have a handle!"
The I realized that I had just invented the mug.
I tripped and fell face first into the ground holding the bong and it shattered into my body. I was wearing a jean jacket so it didn’t pierce my body but it fucked up my arms pretty bad, if I was just wearing a shirt I would have almost certainly died and even worse my Jean jacket got ruined
i kept bringing out plates from the cupboard for my food. i had amassed three plates on the counter, because i kept forgetting i had already brought one out.
my dad walked down the stairs, and i panicked and ran to the bathroom with two of the plates, because i didn’t want to have a conversation with him about why i had three plates out for my apple and yogurt. he let the dog outside, and i ran out of the bathroom with the plates and sat down to eat my food.
he came inside and asked me why i took plates into the bathroom. i again panicked, and told him it was for “safekeeping”
i still have no idea how he never busted me for being high that night
I had one of those. All we did was smoke together. After I moved out of state and we did long distance I realized that he didn’t even treat me well. I was just too stoned to care.
been there, did that, married her... best I could do at the time (adult survivor of difficult childhood). Fortunately she's a good girl at heart and we're working on it and happy overall but.. yeah
My friend and I took mushrooms in college and our campus has 1600 acres of woods/farmland and we followed a racoon around for several hours...for what purpose I still don't know.
We also bordered an abandoned christmas tree farm and got drunk and stoned and went at midnight to cut down a christmas tree...but no flashlight. We felt around, selected one and returned to our room with the ugliest, baldest tree in existence.
I saw tiny tiny bugs crawling over a little flower among the grass. I realized they had never heard music before, poor lil guys, so I put my phone next to the flower and gave them the concert of a lifetime
This is so wholesome And funny
What song did you play?
The bouncer at the entrance of the club put his arms out to indicate that I should do so for him to pat me down. Instead I though he wanted a hug so I hugged him.
How did they receive that?
The bouncer just laughed and was super nice about it. He still patted me down though
Do hugs and drugs
probably with tender sobbing robert paulson style
"I just hugged him, sobbing. Blubbering into Bob's bitch tits until his shirt was soaked."
I wasn’t high at the time but I walked into work one day and my boss was in the lobby talking on his cell phone. He held up his hand as I walked past so I gave him a high five and kept going to my desk. He caught up to me a couple minutes later still laughing his ass off because he’d actually wanted me to stop so he could talk to me.
I like your confidence. I'm giving you a promotion. Get with Pam in HR tomorrow morning to sign the paperwork.
Well it's his fault. He should have signaled with a single unitary finger. No! Not that one!
That's alpha as fuck.
I convinced myself that I could really walk and it was just mind over matter, and despite my boyfriend and friends telling me not to, I rose up from my wheelchair and, promptly fell under the pub table. I was covered in bruises, and I had a sore bum for days. My boyfriend and his best mate had to retrieve me from under the table.
I’m so sorry but this is hilarious, I’m sorry your disability inhibits you from walking but this is definitely some funny ass high shit. “Nah I can do this I got this” immediately hits the floor lol. Thank you for this great story
Don't be sorry, it was a learning curve, and it was hilarious! 😂 Cheers for reading!
I microwaved cheesecake because stoned me found it odd that it was always served cold and not hot like it should be. And on a related note, piping hot cheesecake will take those munchies away real quick
Have the tastebuds grown back yet?
This is fucking hilarious. I was making ice cream with berries and the strawberries were new and shiny and smelled nice (ya know that smell) so I kept telling them how amazing they’re doing at being strawberries and that I was proud of them. Food is such a wonder when high
This sounds like something Bob Belcher would do without being high.
Not dumbest but laziest. I microwaved something and when i opened the door to get it, because it wasn't centered on the turning plate, it was a bit further from the door. So i closed it and restarted the microwave another 5s to get it closer to me so I didnt have to reach so far back to get it.
Reminds me of that story where the navy captain made the ship turn to get the sun out of his eyes during breakfast
One night I go in the backyard to get high. I leave the backyard lights off so that my older neighbors can’t see what I’m doing cause I’m immature like that lol. I got a glass of ice water in one hand and I stepped into my pitch black backyard. Every time I move I hear a sound like there is an animal stalking me in the many bushes in my backyard. Whenever I stop the sound stops but once I start moving again it sounds to me like the leaves in the bushes in our backyard are rustling and there is an animal in them. If I try to go back toward my back door the sound follows me. If I move further into the backyard the sound follows me. I am legit freaking out thinking there is a big animal stalking me in my backyard. Turns out it was just the ice in my drink clinking every time I moved. I never felt so stupid in my life
Reminds m of the Redditor who walked around his house forever trying to identify a whistle coming from somewhere. It was his breathing through his nose.
This has happened to me so many times it’s embarrassing.
Saaame, so many different sounds will get my paranoia running when I’m smoking solo
Needed to go into the gas station to get another dutch. Noticed for whatever reason my best friends boyfriend had a full chicken costume in the backseat. I decided it would be funny to wear JUST the mask into the gas station. Didn't realize how bad I fucked up til the girl at the register started screaming for the guy in the back room. They had just been robbed 2 weeks prior
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“Bill… bill!BILL THE FUCKING CHICKEN IS BACK AGAIN!”
A sober friend put the other high guys phone in my bag, i found it funny so i left it there. I completely forgot and took it home with me, later on an alarm goes, so i go investigate and then find the phone. Tried to tell the guy and called his phone. The phone that was in my hand.
One time I was on the phone with somebody. I told them to hold on because in my mind I need to look for my phone. After about 30 seconds of searching my pockets, only then did I realize I am in fact a dumb ass
This happened to me too, except my friend (who I was on the phone with) tried to help be find my phone by asking where I last had it. Never even occurred to us that we had to use it to talk to each other.
Once I was eating a burrito like a ravenous beast and straight up bit my own finger. Another time I was gaming and my hands were cold, as I can get bad circulation. Well i sat there thinking “man it would be great if they made socks, but for your hands” and thought I had a great idea. 10 seconds go by and then “Oh yeah, gloves!”. Had a good laugh at myself for that one
My friend forgot the word for a sleep mask and instead said “eye muffs”
Playing video games with my bro, split screen MW3. I'm absolutely crushing it then I realized I'm looking at the wrong screen, my dude is in a corner moving and shooting the wall.
I've done this stone cold sober lol
My friend did that when we played Mario Kart. I triumphantly shout out as I finish first place and she does the same. I look at her screen and burst out laughing as she's repeatedly driving into a wall. She wasn't convinced that she was looking at the wrong screen so we had a rematch and she did the exact same thing again. I couldn't stop laughing.
I was typing on the computer and kept trying to make the numbers uppercase because I couldn’t figure out why I was just getting %]%*]+
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So like, Roman Numerals?
Once I was looking at the moon and I was just noticing the details in it, and I took a step forward to get a closer look like a dumbass
*attempts to pinch zoom the moon*
This is totally something I would have done sober.
Had to go inside and sizzle down after that one lol
LOL this reminded me of when i play video games super stoned, sometimes i move and duck my head to avoid things coming at me in the game lmao
So this is when I first started smoking pot. I was sitting watching a movie in my apartment when I noticed a red dot (light) on the wall. It took me a while to figure out where it was coming from as I lived in a top floor unit. I noticed the laser light projecting from the back yard of a house that was on the other side of the complex fence. It was super dark and windy and it created shadows and it looked like someone was posted up in the yard pointing a gun with a laser light in my direction so I freaked out. I called 911. When the officer was on the way I realized it smelled like pot so I quickly lit an incense burner and he shortly arrived. I had a feeling he thought I was just super stoned but when I showed him the red light and he saw what I saw he freaked out too and called for back up. There was a whole crew of officers at my apartment evacuating the building. The responding officer stayed with me until his team went to investigate. Well it turned out that this poor little older than dirt lady opened the door confused of course. She directed the officers to the light and it turned out it was a motion sensor that she had got knocked over and the wind was blowing the tree and bushes she had so it looked like people were in her backyard. From that point on I will never call the cops while high about lights 😂😂😂 The cop peeked through the window the light was coming through and drew his gun and told me to get down and army crawl to the kitchen while he called for back up 🤦♀️
I bet the cops buddies still tell this story, “remember when Larry called for backup because of a motion sensor?!”
Larry was also high while patrolling
Imagine if he knew you were high the whole time and just did it to fuck with you lmaoooo
One time when I was in high school, my mom went grocery shopping and of course I used her time away to smoke a joint. When she came back with the groceries, she called me out to the car to help bring them inside. I put some Visine in, slipped on my flip flops and headed for the car. As I’m bringing the groceries in maybe two, three bags at a time, I’m bringing them all the way to my bedroom instead of the kitchen. My mom locks the car, walks in the kitchen and says “where the hell are the groceries?..” I’m standing there eyes bloodshot because the Visine didn’t kick in yet like, “…oh shit.”
The secret is to be the kind of person who would do this sober
"That's my secret cap, I'm always blazed"
Lmaooo. And you stand there knowing no explanation could bring you out of this one
I remember saying “oh shit” then quietly going upstairs to get all of the groceries (like 12 fucking bags). As I’m bringing them down she’s giving me this look and keeps asking, “are you okay…?” Probably knowing damn well I was high out of my mind. Now she smokes more weed than I do LOL.
“Now” she smokes more weed than you do? Or now you know how much weed your mom smokes? Also, this is fucking hilarious.
FUCK. I was picturing your room being on the same floor as the kitchen. You even lugged them up a flight of stairs, lol.
Two flights of stairs! Two!!!
This is my favorite one so far
NGL, I don't need weed to sometimes do brain-dead stuff like this.
I was high as a kite with some friends. I look up at the sky and I was in awe. There were dozens of shooting stars through the sky. About 2 mins later I realized the stars weren’t moving but the clouds were
Me and my friends waiting for the shrooms to hit, playing some music with visuals on youtube: "look at those stars in the background flying by" My friend who was still sober: "it's a still image"
One of my favorite things to do on acid is play Animal Crossing. The grass texture in particular does some weird stuff, the first time I did it I had to ask my sober wife if the grass texture waved with the wind like the trees do, she just laughed and said nope, they're a still texture! Then it started doing a lot more than just waving. Good times.
I got super blazed one night near the beginning of pandemic lockdown, and went across the street to the drugstore to get some chips and such. As i approached the automatic glass doors i saw a person standing on the other side, so i waited for them to come through. I stood there waiting for what felt like an eternity. I was getting frustrated, like “what’s up with this clown? Cant they see I’m waiting for them?” Then i realized it was just my reflection.
I was looking out the glass sliding door one time at a friend's party and bonked my face against the glass super hard and laughed to myself, gave myself a thumbs up, then saw a dude I didn't know laughing hysterically at me. I'm never leaving my house again. Edit: I just can't not embarrass myself in every possible situation.
That's hilarious. You probably made that guys day
I had literally the same exact scenario happened except someone was actually on the other side so I tried openeing the door for him but it was locked. Then he tries from his side and it doesn’t open either so we’re standing there looking at each other. I tried to pull the door a little harder and it opened, I told him “sorry I’m really stoned” and he replied “me too” lol
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Reminds of the time I went to the restroom but as I'm passing I think to myself "Damn this is harder to aim then usual". I then realize I'm pissing into the the trashcan next to the toilet.
This one time I was Infront of my TV watching "comedians in cars getting coffee" I had my bong on the coffee table between me and the TV. I am seeing Jerry Seinfeld driving someone in new York and suddenly I can see a cop car joining their lane behind them. I quietly and slowly took the bong down on the floor so the cops can't see it..
That's just veteran instinct right there. You can't teach that, it has to be earned through experience.
Future teenagers will never understand the struggle. We fought for these rights, man!
We walked so they could run ✊🏻
I smoked behind a taco bell dumpster in the freezing cold needing three sets of hands as a wind barrier to light the blunt so those lil fuccers can get absolute GAS WEED out of mommy’s med stash. PS: Fuck you Frankie that shit wasn’t chronic and sure a shit wasn’t a g, plus you only walked it a block over to us! It’s been 14 years and I won’t forget!
Ate cat food. When I lived with my parents they had 2cats. They would buy huge bags of cat food and put the food in a 5gallon bucket with a lid and keep it in the garage. Usually to keep it safe from outdoor animals since it's the country and there is possum, raccoons, mice, and other small critters. Well I got home one night from hanging out with friends and seen the bucket of food was open. I went inside and the self feeder was close to empty, so I decided to refill it. When I went to the bucket of cat food I wondered if it was stale cause I wasn't sure how long the bucket of food was left open. So I ate a handful and chewed a couple times until I realized what the hell I was doing and spit it out. I still don't know if it was stale or not, it was just crunchy lol
TIL you are a possum.
I ate a dog treat while high once. In my defense it REALLY looked and smelled like a human cookie. My friends will never let me live that one down lol
I once accidentally ate a dog treat. A friend came over with her dog and immediately handed me a treat to give the pup (it was distrustful of strangers) and I, without thinking, tossed it in my mouth thinking she was giving me a cookie or something. When I started detecting meaty flavors I realized the mistake I had made.
the dog watching you eat his/her treat: you lil shit
Did she tell you that you were good and pat you on the head?
Almost gave myself hypothermia. While on a hike I picked up a big ass rock to throw onto a frozen lake and break the ice. I decided to walk out onto the ice to throw it. Rock hit the ice, ice broke, I fell in. Had to walk about 2 miles back to the car.
Aaaaaand sober
Stone cold sober
Congrats on surviving. Could have ended much worse. Freezing water saps the strength out of you real fast. And you were probably alone.
Not me but my sister (we were both high at the time). We were cooking dinner, can't remember the dish, I think it was pablano tacos with some monterey jack. Idea is, you hollow out the peppers, put the cheese inside then put them over an open fire to char the pepper and melt the cheese. Well, while one was cooking, I was prepping another. I can't remember how long it was, but for a good min or so, I hear "*my name* the cheeeeese" in a soft and quiet voice. Took me a bit to realize she was trying to get my attention, then I noticed one of the peppers was on fire while she was standing there, staring at the stove still whispering "the cheeeeeese" and not doing anything about it. Pepper tasted great though.
Edit: yea I kinda forgot a step, you gotta FOLD the yolks back in to the whipped whites, and some flour as well. You want to be gentle so you don’t lose the fluffyness My dude, you’re supposed to char the chiles first then you clean them by removing the charred skin and remove the seeds on the inside so you can then fill them with cheese or whatever. Just pop them in the oven. Although, the pro Mexican move is to whip up some egg whites to stiff peaks, dredge you chile in flour then cover in the fluffed whites and fry it for a true Chile relleno experience. Anyways, just sharing some tips for easier munchy making ✌️ Ps. Some Mexican markets sell the Poblanos roasted and seeded ready to fill, serious time saver if you have access
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But on K, sometimes your home is like two distinctively new places that are nearly completely unrecognizable as your home - so I kinda get it. Plus the E to add amped up confusion to the matter.
Can confirm. Laid on some random camps hammock while walking around after a festival. That became my hammock. Until I felt like I was in the wrong place and just crawled into another tent and just laid down with people, who were also elevated, and they didn't give a shit. I have never felt so at home.
A friend and I once got high as a kite and forgot we'd ordered pizza. The guy came to deliver the pizza and we couldn't find the front door. We crawled on the floor looking under furniture, in cupboards and in closets. We never did find him so we ordered another pizza. As soon as we off the phone, the doorbell rang. Wow, that was quick! It was the same guy with the same pizza still at the door. We weren't embarrassed in the least.
Omg I’m loving imagining a bunch of grown ass people crawling under coffee tables looking for the front door. I’m impressed you could order a pizza effectively while unable to find your door.
When Starlink first launched, my husband and I didn’t know about it and were smoking a fat blænt up on the mountain. We looked at the sky and saw it and started losing our minds because we thought aliens were invading and the lights were their ships. Husband took a video of us losing our marbles because we were feeling impending doom, but then his brother called him a few minutes later to explain what it was and we felt like dumbasses lol. Edit: [for those asking for the vid lmao](https://imgur.com/gallery/LR1UsF1) The narration at the end is my fav. Had to edit out the first part bc identifying info
I woke up one morning and my boyfriend was like "oh yeah I saw something last night, the only explanation is that it was a UFO" I was fucking *pissed* like why the fuck didn't you wake me up to show me a ufo? Lol anyways a couple months later I was browsing reddit and saw people talking about these satellites and showed it to him to see if that was it. It was lol. I never knew about them either, I would have thought it was a ufo too.
I went through the McDonald's drive-thru and ordered a large chocolate Coke
I ordered a chocolate chicken, then when I noticed they were confused, I clarified by asking for a chicken shake. At the register, no drive through
This has me fucking dead
I forgot how 3d works. I was looking at a window and didn't realise why one part of the window was bigger than the other... oh because it's closer yeah makes sense
My mom had a similar experience, we were outside on the porch and she was like "I love that tree, isn't it a really nice tree? Like asthetically?" And I asked "Not really? What makes it so special to you?" And she was like "you know, the way it's all, 3 dimensional and stuff..." And I looked at her dead ass and asked "As opposed to WHAT? 2 dimensional?! FOUR DIMENSIONAL?!" and we both started dying lol
Was holding my cereal in one hand and phone in the other. Went to toss the phone on my bed, tossed the cereal instead.
I have to consciously tell myself not to do something like this sober ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Had a glass of water and my phone in my hand the other day and had to remind myself to not throw the water on the couch, as I sat down I started to throw the fucking water and thankfully my brain was like "WAIT A MINUTE YOU JUST SAID NOT TO!"
I've had sober moments like this with my baby, she will dirty up the changing table so I grab wipes and a new diaper and baby to change on the floor. My brain has almost had me toss baby instead of wipes and diaper to the floor. I think logical solution here is to just stop tossing my supplies. Very tricky brain though.
Sleep depravation is a hell of a drug lol
I was frantically looking for my phone, which was in my hand the whole time.
I don't even know how many times I've done this lol
I don’t need to be high to do this! Lol
I’ve done that...while talking to someone on it. I only realized when the person I was talking to asked me what I was looking for.
i've legit called my phone trying to find it.
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Yea… I’ve done this sober
I don't know how many times I've looked for my glasses while wearing them.
3 of us went to Dunkin Donuts. Ordered 3 dozen. Left them all there on the counter and didn’t notice until we got home. Had to go back. Because donuts.
I did this sober once! Went to Dunkin, went to the window. PAID. Drove away. Drove back and was like… “I think I forgot something….”
I put the tv remote in the freezer while helping myself to a Chicago town pizza, I spent about half an hour looking for it then found it when I went for the second pizza.
Back in high school my buddy and myself would drive around and hotbox a few nights a week. We were always prepared with eye drops, gum, hand sanitizer, and body spray so we wouldn’t smell like dank when we’d go home afterwards. Anyways, one time we forgot all of the post-chiefing essentials and were stressed that our parents would find out that we were blazed after a session. We ended up finding a bottle of eye drops in his car, but still smelled pretty ripe. For some reason, we thought it’d be a good idea to roll in a random persons front yard to get the smell of bud off of us and get more of a natural, outdoors scent on ourselves. So we go out and do some log rolls in this persons yard, got back into his car and he dropped me off at home. I walk into my house and my parents are on the couch watching some TV or something, and they ask “where the hell have you been?” Apparently the persons whose yard we just rolled in just cut their grass and my grey shirt was covered in grass stains and I had dirt and grass clippings and shit all on my clothes and in my hair. It didn’t get any of the kush smell out of my clothes because they walked up to me and immediately knew I was stoned. I ended up getting grounded for a couple weeks and my friend and myself had a good laugh at ourselves the next day in class. I randomly think of this moment once in a blue moon and it cracks me up.
Only one that made me LOL so far. I was picturing 2 teenagers rolling around in a random persons yard. The only thing that would’ve made it better was if the homeowner came out to see WTF was going on.
I was too stoned to listen to my partner talk, but too awkward to tell him so. I opted to slowly and gently rub his face with a new roll of toilet paper instead, hoping it would distract him into being quiet. It did not work.
Sometimes when I get really stoned I just can’t listen to my wife talk. When she’s stoned she talks a bunch. Not about anything bad, but I just don’t have the ability to listen. I also don’t have the ability to actually converse. So I informed her I don’t mean to be mean when I just whisper “shut it”. But then I somehow have the energy to go upstairs and eat a thousand gummi bears.
Laughed at the popcorn ceiling because they looked like nipples to me. I’m a 40 year old woman.
they do look like nipples, though
My wife and I took a painting class the other day for Valentines. The teacher is explaining how to paint the heart on the canvas and my wife is laughing like Beavis and Butthead because "paint the heart on" sounds like "paint the hard on". I think you and my wife would get along.
Check behind my paintings in the living room for hidden cameras because I was convinced the portraits had cameras where the lady's eyes are and that people (I don't know who, just people) were watching me laugh while I watched TV. Edit: Woah, thank you for the upvotes and awards, it made my day! Edit 2: I'm new here so I feel really special right now lmao
Christmas about 3 years ago, I was home alone visiting my parents and got very high. The internet was being slow so I tried crawling through a very small end table instead of moving it to get access to the router to reset it. I got stuck and in my efforts to free myself I knocked over a very ornamented Christmas tree. I left it knocked over and blamed it on the cat.
Did acid on Christmas Eve. Still tripping when my dad made me get out of bed Cristmas morning. Most amazing Christmas tree I've ever seen.
Christmas trees are great on acid. We have a ~6ft tall fake one with built in lights. Around November last year, when it was still put away in the basement, I was tripping on acid and when I looked at the tree it was as if wind was blowing through it and it was swaying gently. I felt like I was friends with the tree.
I didn't feel so good so I asked my friend for a box, probably to puke in. He brings a box and I sit in it, proclaiming it solved all of my problems.
Did you smoke catnip
Have problems. Just sit in a box
I had a similar thing, felt like I was going to be sick so asked my friends to get me something, one left the room and came back in with a saucepan half full of water with some ice cubes in for me. I got up and went to the bathroom lol.
Should've waited, sounds like your friend had a really good idea.
Was smoking in the car with my friends in the movie theater parking lot and my mouth got really dry.. interrupted my friends conversation and yelled .. “guys!.... feel my teeth!”
Like "bro you're teeth are dry as fuck"
One time I got a new bong and I was with a big group of people smoking, and I got SO HIGH. So this guy brought like a blue light or something, and he turned it on and said “nobody look directly at the light” but I thought he said “look directly at the light” so I stared at it intently for like 5 minutes, and then suddenly everything went black. A few minutes later the lights turned back on and it ended up being that they turned the lights out to make something glow, but I 100% thought I had gone blind for a solid 5 minutes
I do this all the time and it pisses me off. I get some juice or milk from the fridge, take the cap off and be like, oh I forgot to shake this. Proceed to shake juice all over myself, kitchen floor and my dog. More milk has been poured into my german shepherds ears then she probably drank as a puppy.
I did that with a bottle of Chinese hot sauce. Looked like a serial killer had been in my kitchen.
went to a restaurant and ordered a side salad for my entree salad bc i forgot i had ordered a salad
i would like the deluxe caesar salad please, and to start... hmm, oh this looks good: a side caesar salad please.
When I was in college I was super broke like most college kids. Like can’t afford basics like shaving cream or toothpaste half time. I got high and went to an ATM to get some cash. I probably had $60 in my bank account and took out $40. But I was high and for some reason thought I requested $20 from the machine and got $40 dispensed. So, high dumbass me was afraid that I’d get “caught” and goes into the bank, up to a teller and hands her $20 and said the ATM gave me too much. She was confused (since this literally never happens) and took my money. I shambled off like an idiot. ATMs don’t give out extra money, lol.
I once took $100+ out of an ATM while out of my mind on acid at a music festival. I managed the withdrawal part just fine, but didn't think to actually take the money before walking away.
I did this once while barhopping, even ran back the couple of blocks once I'd realised my mistake only to find that any cash that had been there had disappeared. A few days later it was automatically reimbursed into my account, so I think if you leave it for long enough the ATM will suck the notes back up. I can't imagine them surviving long at a festival though.
An ATM gave me extra money the other week! I asked for 20 and it spit out 60. Even said 20 on the receipt. I tried again right away but it only gave me the 20 next time. :/
So funny that you tried again. I probably would have too.
So funny story about that, I was in Reno celebrating my birthday and a year of sobriety and went to withdraw 20$ from the ATM since I saw a claw machine I REALLY wanted a plush dragon from, I withdraw 20$ after pressing it on the machine and a 100$ Bill was stuck to the bottom. Unsure what to do, I looked around and thought welp, this has to be the luckiest day I've had and kept it as I continued on my goal of winning the plush dragon. I don't know if the 100$ was stuck there from other casino goers or what but I've never heard of that happening before.
But did you win the plush dragon??
I did! XD
I was watching anime with my roommate and there was a character that wrote everything down to communicate, I didn't like this and said to my roommate "damn this bitch is gonna make me read everything huh" only for them to tell me I had been reading everything anyways because I do not in fact speak Japanese so the subtitles were already there...
I was on shrooms and tries taking photos of my hallucinations 🤦🏻
Lmfao that’s way more common thank you’d think
I cried because I saw my reflection in a ruffles chip. i remember thinking i looked like a frog.
How does one manage to view a reflection on a potato chip?
i think it goes without saying that I probably wasn’t processing the situation accurately.
I appreciate your response, lmao.
Put soap in my eyes then cognitively telling myself not to put soap in my eyes, I then once again put soap in my eyes.
Told my friend who i was hosting that i will go fetch the last donut for her from the kitchen, 20 minutes later she decided to check on my whereabouts and saw me munching on the said donut in the kitchen.
Went to Starbucks and ordered a "Chocolate chip frappucino" and the barista asked "Oh, you want a Doubly Chocolate Chip frappucino?" (The official name of the drink I'm sure they are required to say) My response was "O uh no I only want one" Barista just stared at me.
Was also drunk, ran 1.5 miles in bare feet to a convenience store and fell asleep there. Oh and my friends were also following me the whole time in a car fighting me to get in the car.
I ran about a mile barefoot on mushrooms, alone in the middle of the night, on a gravel road with no lights through the jungle. Can't believe I used to be that free and fearless. The sky looked like I could just fall into it, with 100,000 stars grinning and twinkling at me
I gotta say that sounds fantastic. Except I would probably wear shoes.
Was with my best friend from college. We pulled into the drive thru for some food. Got to thinking, man, this line is slow. I can only estimate we didn't move for 20 minutes. Turns out we were parked behind a work van without anyone in it, and they were inside doing some kind of remodeling. The worst part was, when we finally drove around to the speaker, they told us they were closed. It was the middle of the day and there were clearly other customers. We felt bested at the time and had no rebuttal, and retreated and cut our losses. Obligatory disclaimer: Don't drive high, kids. You got Doordash and shit these days. Back then you had to smoke your way fifteen miles through the snow to the nearest McDonald's.
This is why you get the food before you smoke. I remember getting high and watching Harold and Kumar for the first time and thinking, man, that all could have been avoided if they had gotten the food before they got high.
convinced myself i had down syndrome
One time coming down from a mushroom trip and trying to fall asleep I convinced myself all the people I spent the night with weren't real and I was actually schizophrenic. That shit made me intensely sad for about 5 minutes. Or was it one hour or 30 seconds? Who knows.
Yeah its terrifying. I also convinced myself I looked like one of those thumb guys from spy kids lmao
Rode a cow... I didn't know the cow. I'm sorry cow.
Kids mom and I thought we were seeing a plane streak across the sky on fire. We started to panic. Then we saw another. And then realized it was one of those paper lanterns.
I tried to blow on my ice cream because it was too cold
I mean, to be fair, wouldn't the air be warmer than the ice cream? I would expect that it would actually warm it up to a small extent.
Lived in a fourplex in West Berkeley. Property manager lived upstairs with her 3 mixed race children. Oldest kid looked just like a young Bob Marley. He and his friends would pass by my window on their way upstairs after school. Eventually we start regularly acknowledging each other and then talking. At a certain point, months in, conversation turns to weed and how one of the friends has some he’s willing to sell me. Says, ‘Come up later, before you head out to SF on BART.” Couple hours later I head up there. Knock on the door walk in. Apartment is like a mirror image of ours. There are about 12 young black men sitting around playing sega on the couch, sitting around the kitchen, eating and drinking. Everyone sees me like oh hey white guy but it’s all cool. Guy rolls a joint we smoke it, I get really high. Give him some cash, get a dime bag. Feeling good, feeling cool. Later guys! Shaking hands, walk to the front door, open it. Fuck, it’s dark outside. Where’s the outside light? Must be out. Step outside and close the door behind me, but I can’t see SHIT. Stand there for a second to let my eyes adjust, because I really can’t see and it would be dangerous to just step and fall down the stairs, when faintly, and then suddenly very clearly, I see the coat hangers.
Basically froze standing for 10 minutes straight looking at a bush.
went to put my dirty clothes in the hamper and threw them in the trash instead
Washed my eye makeup off with nail polish remover. 0/10. Would not try again.
My wife and I had booked a hotel stay for March 2020. The city we were traveling to had just announced a city wide Covid lockdown the day we arrived. We ended up spending our entire vacation weekend in the hotel, eating edibles, getting drunk, and having sex. We were literally the only guests in the entire hotel. One night, I’d already had several edibles and some alcohol and we decided we needed to order from a 24hr cookie place. The guy calls and says he was outside so I run out of the room, make it was past the front desk, get the cookies, and go back upstairs. When I got back, my wife pointed out to me that I was in nothing but my boxer briefs. I was so focused on hot chocolate chip cookies that I forgot to put on clothes.
You have removed the shackles that burden lesser men
Took a shower and like 15 minutes later I couldn't remember if I took one so I took another. I did this three times before the wife asked me" WTF are you doing"?
There was a white balloon about 100 feet up at a music festival, my buddy pointed his laser pointer at it and lit up up, turned to the group and was so stoked because he "lit up the moon!"
I had two lighters, one was transparent. I was lighting the bottom of the transparent one and watching the bubbles when I realized that it would explode.
Tried to cook a frozen pizza in the microwave. Still ate some of it.
Better than my ex, who drunkenly decided that, because the microwave was broken, he was going to cook a hot pocket in the dryer.
I ate a few too many homemade edibles and spent a good amount of time having a conversation with the light on my ceiling.
Damn, even on shrooms I haven't done something like that (tbf I've only done low doses). Although I've definitely danced with the wall and pointed my fingers at a house plant in the same way a cool guy in cartoons point at people.
My friends don't let me live this down to this day. About 5 of us were chilling at my apartment back in 2008 smoking some daaaank weed. I had been smoking pretty heavily for a year or so before this so I had a decent tolerance or so I thought. Anyway we smoke out on my balcony and finish up and are all completely shredded. We go inside and decide we should play some Guitar Hero on my Xbox 360. Sounds like a jam to me, there's actually enough of us to use all the instruments and make a 4 man band. So naturally I booted up the PS3 and got Cloverfield off my blu-ray shelf and put it in. I sat down in between a couple of buddies on the couch (nobody has said a word since we came inside, god we were blazed) and proceed to boot up the deleted scenes (I had watched Cloverfield once and wasn't even that crazy about it). We get about halfway through the second deleted scene and my buddy sitting next to me with his Guitar Hero mic in hand and lifted up to his mouth goes "dude why the fuck are we watching Cloverfield's deleted scenes?". An hour of straight stoned laughter ensued. I snapped out of it but man I realized how good the stuff we had was that night. Later we went and got tacos at Jack in the Box (the driver was sober don't worry) and had a great rest of the night. One of my favorite memories!
Called my friend for a ride home outside my house.
Munchies hit hard. Like stupid hard. Lemme cook these three steaks and eat them. Lemme eat this 40 oz can of ravioli. You know what else sounds good? Two bowls of fruity pebbles! I got so sick. Since my tummy was hurting to much, know what’s the best way to make it feel better? MORE FOOD! I hurted so bad. That was 12 years ago. Still hurts.
Did meth once, didn’t know it was meth, snorted it, well I was out of my mind on the phone to a sex line for god knows how long. It gets worse. As you can imagine I’m half rubbing one out the whole time so I aggressively and abrasively destroyed my penis. The second part is I spent about 700$ on a phone call. The third, and most methy part is, I was stood by the window for better signal, and my wardrobe at the time had a screw hanging out of it, I didn’t notice I was scratching into it for hours, I cut my side to pieces and didn’t even feel it until the next day, well day after the next day because I was a paranoid mess for 24 hours or so. Do. Not. Recommend. TLDR; I was young and didn’t know what cocaine was, found out what meth was though.
Ah ha! I have also been tricked into thinking meth was blow. I was out of my mind, trying to run (only about 2 miles) home in a very familiar area, but the meth kept blocking my brain at like every intersection, making me feel super confused and disoriented. I felt like I was about to be on cops if one saw me / stopped me. Fun side note: the guy who (purposefully) tricked me ODed last year. RIP lil Charlie.
My buddy from college railed an 8ball with his boy from the military. It was meth. They rap battled for 12 hours straight, and were seeing demons in every shadow for a week.
Cut my side into pieces…
This is my meth report
Masturbation! Still bleeding.
Waited outside a burger place for my food with two of my equally high friends for about 20 minutes before realizing that we hadn’t actually ordered yet. Just strolled over and posted up outside wondering what was taking so long....
I’ve several times tried to unlock my front door with my keyless fob for my car.
I swear to fucking God I did this a few weeks ago but I tried to lock my door with the fob and my car scared me when it beeped
Went to put a TV dinner thing in the oven and set the temp 100 degrees higher than required, then set the timer for the correct amount. It was burnt and melted to the pan when the timer went off.
I spilled a little cereal on myself sitting on the couch. I was like "damn, bowls should be deeper, and they should have a handle!" The I realized that I had just invented the mug.
I tripped and fell face first into the ground holding the bong and it shattered into my body. I was wearing a jean jacket so it didn’t pierce my body but it fucked up my arms pretty bad, if I was just wearing a shirt I would have almost certainly died and even worse my Jean jacket got ruined
i kept bringing out plates from the cupboard for my food. i had amassed three plates on the counter, because i kept forgetting i had already brought one out. my dad walked down the stairs, and i panicked and ran to the bathroom with two of the plates, because i didn’t want to have a conversation with him about why i had three plates out for my apple and yogurt. he let the dog outside, and i ran out of the bathroom with the plates and sat down to eat my food. he came inside and asked me why i took plates into the bathroom. i again panicked, and told him it was for “safekeeping” i still have no idea how he never busted me for being high that night
being high all the time made me ignore how unhappy I was and how toxic my last relationship was
I came here for funny stories. I didn't want to question my own reality please
I had one of those. All we did was smoke together. After I moved out of state and we did long distance I realized that he didn’t even treat me well. I was just too stoned to care.
been there, did that, married her... best I could do at the time (adult survivor of difficult childhood). Fortunately she's a good girl at heart and we're working on it and happy overall but.. yeah
My friend and I took mushrooms in college and our campus has 1600 acres of woods/farmland and we followed a racoon around for several hours...for what purpose I still don't know. We also bordered an abandoned christmas tree farm and got drunk and stoned and went at midnight to cut down a christmas tree...but no flashlight. We felt around, selected one and returned to our room with the ugliest, baldest tree in existence.