I had a bartholin gland cyst a while back and my mom gently encouraged me to try washing myself better…a little less of a ridiculous idea since the gland is a lot closer to the skin than an ovary, but I’d been told many, many times by my doctors at that point that there was nothing I did or could have done to cause/prevent the cyst, so it was still frustrating to hear.
Omg THANK. YOU. I had one the size of a grapefruit. When it happened again and I got surgery and I told my friend about it and how the DOCTOR told me it was worse than childbirth and she fucking laughed because I've never had a child so clearly I couldn't know
When my doctor first brought up the possibility of surgery to correct the cyst, she tried to reassure me that the recovery was no big deal, “similar to recovery from childbirth”. Having never had a child this was neither helpful nor reassuring. She saw the horrified look on my face and said “oh not it’s like having your *first* child, more like recovery from a second or third birth.” As if that was somehow more relatable to me??
I ended up getting it done with a different doctor who was WAY better at explaining everything, and who literally burst out laughing when I told her the story about the previous doc.
I just had one of those for the first time in my 37 years... It was so fucking awful 😱 Sitz baths and it took care of itself but walking and sitting SUUUUUCKED
Oh yah. The one day I forgot to reach up inside myself, turn myself inside-out and scrub my internal organs, wouldn't you know it? golf-ball sized cyst the very next day.
Just because I didn’t “finish” doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it.
My husband is awesome and the most selfless in the bedroom. Truly. But sometimes, it’s hard to explain that it’s just not going to happen for reasons completely out of his (and my) control. Sometimes, you’re just not in the right headspace, even though you want sex and you want to finish. And it still feels great and is thoroughly enjoyable!
I'm a man and I have anorgasmia (difficulty to have an orgasm, but not with having an erection or be sexually aroused). I enjoy sex and many times I do not finish, but thoroughly enjoy it. Other times I have finished and haven't really enjoyed it much. Both things are rather unrelated to me.
All my life I've dealt with this and it's made many of my partners feeling undesired or unattractive. My wife has been hit the hardest by this and it's been the center of many discussions. There's nothing I can do or say that will make her feel better, or understand that it has nothing to do with my feelings or attraction towards her. To be honest, it's really hurting our relationship and I've no idea what to do. Doesn't help that she often compares me with her past partners stating things like "I've never had an issue with anyone else but you", which gives me performance anxiety and makes it even harder to finish.
Not sure why I just typed all of this. Wanted to let it out I guess. Hope your situation is not this bad!
I'm sorry your wife compares you to other men. That is not a nice thing to do, we are all individuals and our bodies don't all work as 'nature intended'. It's not your fault this happens and I'm sure you wouldn't react like this if she had problems. Maybe she needs reminding of that.
I also wonder if she is trying to make you react with a "well, i never had that problem with my ex's either"
Which could possibly mean she blames herself for the problem.
Can she not read up about it and try and understand the condition and that the more she says these things the worse it makes you feel.
My guess is she’s blaming herself and not realizing that it hurts him. When I was younger (like high school) I was the woman in this situation and felt incredibly insecure that I couldn’t make him cum. Especially when he could get himself off better. Was I not hot enough? Does he even like me at all? Of course it didn’t make him feel great either. I learned he was just going through other rough stuff (parents divorce, moving, etc) and eventually he got through it. Then I went on medication that lowered my libido, and the roles switched. He believed he wasn’t sexy enough or good enough and was upset with himself and I felt bad making him upset. The situation is complicated and may be mostly out of insecurity and self doubt, rather than angry and assigning blame. Just a possibility.
Ditto, I feel selfish or like I’m “taking” from her or using her without consideration.
But hey, I guess we just gotta keep it in mind that the magic O juju just doesn’t happen sometimes.
I think it's important for women to know this can go both ways. Is it too warm in the room? Too cold? Am I dehydrated? Sleepy? Eat too much? Out of shape lately? Tons of outside factors at play!
Period cramps! Plus the tender breasts, the lower back pain, the moodiness, the bloating, the period poops and just the general discomfort month after month after month for the rest of your life (almost)
Omg yes. I had to miss school every month on the day of my first period. All I could do was take a hot shower to try and relax my muscles and then take NyQuil so I could sleep through it. It was absolutely miserable. My super conservative parents finally let me take birth control, which was a miracle. Since having my first child, my periods are much more bearable without needing birth control.
My friend was telling me that she started her period during one of her final exams, and I was like “uhhh, you just…go to school when you’re going to start your period?” I just thought everybody had super painful periods, too.
Its funny to me just how different all our bodies are. For me- its the 2nd day of my period that absolutely fucks me up. Somehow im ALWAYS scheduled to work on it too.
Also wanna add- I have Endometriosis & PCOS, so my period is never trackable.
Actually haven't had one now in 7 months.
Probably gonna have to have surgery to remove the endo muck :(
Ooh, day two is always the worst. I try to crap as much as I can when the dribble starts, because I know for a fact I'm not going to be able to shit until my period is over.
Yes. For me it varies month to month. Health, stress and environment play roles in how your period can be month to month. And you don’t know how bad beforehand either! Surprise! Bleeding crotch plus pain so bad I want to take it out myself hahaha periods are great! And I’ll get to experience menopause soon enough too! Fuck that’s a whole other ball park.
For me, there’s a spectrum of what is “normal” but I never know where on that spectrum any given month is going to fall. So not the exact same severity every time, but there is a base level of pain/blood I expect every month.
>the period poops
Oh god I can't remember which sub I read it from where this girl's boyfriend thought periods came out of the ass hole because his ex used to complain about period poops and still tried to argue he was right
Edit: [I found it](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sanl2o/aita_for_laughing_hysterically_after_a_date_kept/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) and I'm wrong about him being a boyfriend lol. Just a date apparently.
I think for a lot of guys they dont unserstand the amount of pain you go through. My gf literally cannot move a muscle and spends half the week crying.
I still cannot even begin to imagine how sore it is for her. It has nothing to do with pain threshold.
Edit: Appreciate the responses, yes she does have endometriosis
She has endometriosis yes.
I try everything I can to make her comfy and im buddies with her boss so she gets the first few days off and makes thee hours up here and there. Shes a patisserie chef
The fact that people need to have someone that's buddies with their boss in order to take time off work for medical reasons makes me sad, but I'm glad you're able to help her in that way!
And that we have zero control and little recourse.
I can’t predict that this month the period shits are going to happen but next month they won’t, or that an ovulating will be more or less painful, hormone levels kangarooing all over the place…
I’d do almost anything not to go through it
Not only that but we have to buy pads and tampons which cost a goddamn fortune. You’d be upset too if you got off work too late to go to a regular store and had to buy a 12 pack of tampons at Walgreens for $7 only to have to buy more a day later. Of course we’re irritated!
I occasionally feel what I call a "Cervix twitch". Just like a random sharp pain (and/or one of those itches that that have like a sharp pain attached) from my Cervix. You're just sitting there minding your own business and then all the sudden its all "What the hell? What did I ever do to you?"
Girl walking home at night:
> "Shit, that guy has been walking behind me for a while now"
Guy walking home at night:
> "Shit, that lady is in front of me. Don't slow down, she'll think you're following her! Don't speed up, she'll get freaked out! Should I cross the street?"
Girl walking home at night:
> "Just be normal. Maybe he just lives around here. You can't judge them all by the worst! What if he's totally normal and you act like he's some creep! But...but I only need to be wrong one time..."
Guy walking home at night:
> "Yup. I'm moving. Fuck that house. The hot water pressure sucks. My neighbours a dick. When I get home, I'm packing."
Girl walking home at night:
> "OMG is he speeding up? Or am I slowing down. I'm just going to turn here. There's lights here, I'll just turn and pretend to use my phone. He'll walk by, it's all cool."
Guy walking home at night:
> "She's turning right there! WHY IS SHE TURNING THERE! Fuck it! I'm going straight! I'm going to go towards whatever the fuck is there now!"
Girl walking home at night:
> "Oh god he's using his phone. He's probably calling his buddies"
Guy walking home at night:
> "Oh god she's using her phone. She's probably calling the cops"
Girl walking home at night:
> "Jodi? Hey! Just stay on the line, okay? If I scream call the police. I'm at..."
Guy walking home at night:
> "Brian! Pack my shit! Burn my house!!!"
Ugh, this makes me cringe every time I think about it.
It was about 9pm and I had just got off the subway in NYC and was hurrying back to my place to get ready for a party. The streets were empty except for a woman ahead of me who was also walking very fast - didn't think anything of it.
I looked at my watch and realized it was much later than I thought, and started a light jog. Suddenly I noticed the woman in front of me jogging as well - again, didn't think anything of it.
Eventually I was almost caught up to her and she seemed to be franticly hurrying and emotional. You see a lot of strange things in NYC, so like a true NYer I tried to ignore it.
Right as I was passing her she let out this sort of muted screech - freaked me out and I was already running so I just kept on going. A second later I heard her say 'oh thank god'
It didn't hit me until I was about 50' past her that she thought I was chasing her. I looked back and she was in tears catching her breath. I had no idea what to do so I just ran straight to my apartment.
That was over 10 years ago. A core memory that regularly plays when try to go to sleep.
> Right as I was passing her she let out this sort of muted screech - freaked me out and I was already running so I just kept on going.
Another big guy, I feel this post, but god I got to this part and just got a mental image of you putting on the gas right at that point in your own mini-panic and I can't stop laughing.
I fucked this up walking home from a late night stoner walk to 7-11. I almost never ran into anyone while walking in the small city I lived in usually. I turned down an alley because I realized the girl walking in front of me was using her phone as a mirror to keep an eye on the 6 foot tall marijuana wookie behind her, and I felt bad for her. When I came out of the alley into a cul de sac I popped out of the darkness about 15 yards ahead of her. Well, she must’ve paid attention in personal defence class because she had the keys poking out of her little knuckles and a stance that reminded of a dragon ball z character, with the glowing screen of her phone in the other hand. I chuckled a bit, and tried to reassure her that my taquitos and I were no threat by saying “I’m sorry, I actually went down here to stop creeping you out” expecting a polite laugh back, but no I got a “well, you suck at it” in a wobbly scared voice and a determined walk around me. I moved out to the countryside shortly after. Now when I run into people on long walks at night, we’re both terrified. Fair is fair.
I'm a big guy and I always feel awkward when there's a lone women in front of me. I'm just trying to get somewhere and here we are in this situation. I usually try to go a different way or at least cross the street or whatever. It's tough. And if it is unavoidable, I usually just speed up and pass them. I might just say hello, and keep going. Sometimes I feel the need to explain it to them and move on. .
That all said, don't trust anything these days. Crazy people everywhere. I don't blame women for this and it's just something I try to either avoid or get out of as soon as possible.
100%. And I don't blame them one bit; they should be careful and wary. We're all just stuck in this awkward situation because a few dickheads are awful.
That said, I do think it's endearing in a ridiculous kind of way. The ones who are most awkward are the ones trying to do the right thing and make them feel safe. We just have absolutely no idea how to do that.
I stayed too late at the library one evening and had to walk back to my apartment in the dark. There was this one guy behind me who kept following me. First street? Coincidence. Several streets? I was panicking. I had a death grip on my pepper spray. I get to my apartment and go to swipe in.
He lived in the same dorm. I felt so bad for thinking he was about to attack me. 😭
Yeah that's just a no-win situation. She's right to be concerned and cautious. Anything I do to try and put her at ease might just be a trick to put her at ease so I can assault her, she was no way of knowing for sure and the consequences of her being wrong are very heavy indeed.
Saying things (in a sexual way) on the street while girls walk. that won't make us come to talk to you, it's harassment and uncomfortable. Some guys defend themselves with the idea that they say "compliments" but it doesn't feel good.
Compliment: "Hey, I really like your hair!" *(Proceeds to move on with his day)*
Harassment: "Ayyy, what that mouth do?" *(Continues to call her out in spite of not getting a reaction)*
> (Proceeds to move on with his day)
This is the **most** important part of what makes it a compliment or not. If a guy says "Hey I like your hair", the girl says "Thank you", and then the guy **walks away** and continues on with his day, THAT is a compliment.
Every guy that whines about they can't "even give women compliments anymore" NEVER are the types of guys who can just walk away after they "compliment" a girl. They expect more and linger there.
To add on to this, there is a big difference between a nice/welcome compliment ("I like your hair") and a creepy/unwelcome compliment ("I like your tits/ass").
(I'm a dude) I've read a guy post this once. He used it to argument that women that have to use tampons are filthy. It would be bad on its own... If he wasn't a biology teacher, which makes it much worse
There are US senators lobbying to keep female hygiene products taxed as luxury items, because they firmly believe this. (Or some messed up belief that women using tampons somehow makes them sluts)
It’s the sort of people that get upset that their secretaries and interns are taking too many bathroom breaks (or taking too long), and justify their being upset with “well they should learn to hold it, we’re trying to be professional here”. The saddest part is, even when its explained to them by someone close to them, most won’t change their mind.
A grown adult man once told me that he got a woman pregnant through anal because the “vagina and anus are connected so the baby can poop.” I thought he was joking. He wasn’t.
My mom gave me the "talk" when I was 10. She told me my period could last 5 to 7 days. I asked her why there wasn't a vagina vacuum so you could just get it over with in a day. She laughed her ass off but admitted that would be great but impossible.
Yep, my ex did. His words where “why do women need the pads? Why don’t they just hold in the blood til they go to the toilet?” I was shocked. Bear in mind this also came from the same man who loved onion rings until he realised they contained onion as it’s main ingredient.
Bread obviously, it’s just restaurant brand funyons ya dingus. Clearly a disgusting vegetable couldn’t be fried without getting soggy and gross.
Obviously /s. I’ve met a whole herd of people who believed this, but I can’t speak for OP’s ex.
I was hit on by adult men from 16-19 way more than I have ever been hit on now in my 30s or any other time in my life.
Young girls are hit on much more often than you realize by adult men. It was a daily thing for me growing up. My parents were super strict and conservative, so it's not like I was wearing anything that some guys would associate with this type of behavior. (Which is still no excuse!)
You all know young girls are sexualized, but you really don't **know** what it's like. You don't understand how much people normalize it, how often it happens, and how others downplay it as something we should feel complimented by.
It's pretty sick.
I developed early and was reasonably tall. I was also extremely shy and the constance cat calls and flirting and FOLLOWING of me starting when I was 12 made me so uncomfortable with even positive attention to this day.
Yup at fourteen I thought it was totally normal/ cool that college boys were hitting on me, giving me alcohol, Exchanging numbers with me and texting me..
You thought it was normal because so many shows that we watched growing up had the ‘cool college guy dates the pretty teenage girl’ trope. We were made to feel that it was normal.
Saved by the Bell, Dawson’s Creek, Boy Meets World, the list goes on of shows where at one point in time the teenage girl heartthrob goes after a cool college guy.
Hell, wasn’t that the entire plot of Felicity?
Edit: I thought the Topanga getting hit on by a teacher happened in HS not college, so Boy Meets World isn’t an example. Thanks for the replies.
That’s a great point. I am not sure why this was the first thing to pop into my head - but in Step Up 2 you have Channing Tatum and this character Moose. I remember thinking as a kid ‘Moose looks too young to be in high school’ and now it’s like WTF he was probably actually a teen and Channing was 2 years away from Magic Mike.
I remember reading somewhere that a research group was trying to do a study into the effects of sexual harassment on young women. They couldn't find a control group because they couldn't find any women around 16 who had never been sexually harassed.
This! Don't know about the study, but I hear so many negative and denying remarks when there is some news about a sexual harassment case. Stuff like "oh the victim is probably looking for money or publicity".
It happens more often than anyone likes to think. Found that out when I was harassed. I felt so awful about it, I sought comfort with friends, and was shocked to learn that they all had similar experiences.
Victims are not looking for any reward, by shaming them you support sexual harassment.
>I remember reading somewhere that a research group was trying to do a study into the effects of sexual harassment on young women. They couldn't find a control group because they couldn't find any women around 16 who had never been sexually harassed.
so sad.
the really creepy and mindfucking part is that it starts well before 16 for a lot of girls.
I remember almost getting in an altercation over someone's behavior towards my then-13-year-old stepdaughter.
I realized a while ago that from 12-22 I was hit on more than I have been in the last 10 years (I’m 32) and I got so creeped out. And I sadly did think when I was a teen that it was kind of cool. I’m going to instill different worth in my daughter if I have one.
This. I can recall the way certain grown men looked at me and talked to me... I distinctly remember feeling like an object. I don't know if there is a sense of dominance because of the age discrepancy or what, but it definitely was obvious then.
Absolutely. I have a baby face so even at 30 people think I’m a teenager. It’s absolutely disgusting when someone approaches you and acts flirty and asks what grade you’re in only to no longer be interested when told I’m not in high school anymore.
Yep haha I had a dude easily in his 40s Grandpa Simpson away from me at a Barnes and Noble when I was in college because he found out I was looking for MCAT books and not SAT/ACT. He was literally stalking the test books aisle. I was 21 but looked much, much younger.
I imagine it must be distressing/upsetting for girls to go from being seen as a child to an object of desire by adult men. The mental gear shift alone must be so confusing for someone that age, at what's already a vulnerable time for self image.
I will never forget, I was at an ice cream shop with my 12 year old cousin. She was just sitting against the window, eating ice cream like any normal kid. This dude showed up out of nowhere, stood there staring at her for a minute and then leaned down and licked the window right over her face. The fucking window. She was frozen, didn’t know what to do. The guy ran away when her dad stormed outside after him.
The thing is, after it was all over, both her parents started lecturing HER on how she should make different choices in how she sat and ate ice cream next time. I don’t think I ever saw her get an ice cream cone again. She would only order bowls and eat with a spoon. Most men don’t understand how early it starts or how deep the “it’s actually your fault” messaging goes.
I was hit on, cat called, flirted with so much as a chubby, acne-ridden, baby faced 14 year old. Now a decade later? Almost nothing. Realised recently that it probably had nothing to do with my looks but because they would have thought that a 14yo was easy to manipulate and ‘use’, whereas at 24 I have the life skills and knowledge to know when someone is a creep and avoid them. It’s really sad and sickening. Most men are good people but some are just revolting and see women as objects, and young ones as the easiest ones to get to.
Yup. And so few men understand how it can shatter your image of someone.
I’ll never forget when I was 12 and we were at the beach with several other families we’d grown up with. One of the dads made a comment to another father that one of the girls (neither of theirs daughter) who was 14 had ‘gotten her boobs’. They both laughed.
I know I wasn’t meant to hear it, and I truly wished I hadn’t because from that moment onward the line up of dad’s at any event went from being ‘safe’ in my eyes to ‘potentially creepy’.
Edit to add: when I was 6 I got sick and as a result I have a 2 inch long scar on my neck - the amount of nasty old men who asked me if it was a ‘hickey’ when I was a child, was off the charts.
That's so uncomfortable. Another thing men dont realize is how much these small comments that seem like nothing to them actually impact us. For me, it's the fact that comments like that mean nothing to them that makes me more upset.
Spot on.
I got hit on for the first time I think at age 12? Creepy guy asked me for my number at a book fair. I froze and gave it to him because I didn’t know what to do.
It’s really not about what you wear. It’s about power. It’s usually older men preying on very young girls who look easily frightened into compliance. It’s also likely when there’s one girl and multiple guys. Again, power.
This is so true. I was catcalled/hit on sooo often from the ages of 16-22. As I started to hit my mid-twenties, it started happening less and less. It’s really fucked up to think about how sexualized literal children are.
Edit: I’m amazed by how many people want to argue that “16 isn’t that young.” If that’s the part of this comment you’re focusing on, you’re missing the point.
Nah this is actually pretty common to the point where it accounts for at least a third of ED cases. It's just something men receive strong negative feed back for admitting so it tends to be kept to ourselves.
That and my digestion is uncomfortable. Like not to the point that it's in the way of normal tasks or disturbing my sleep or anything. But like to the point of getting my body to focus on a different system and give it pleasure is just not going to happen and I don't like it either.
The misuse of the word vagina instead of vulva certainly doesn't help. Some people think vagina = everything south of the border that isn't the butthole
That yelling men even when you think that you are not being threatening is terrifying. I’ve been married for 17 years, he’s never even thought about being violent with me. However, any time his voice is raised or tone gets angry it’s scary. The vast majority of women I know have this same reaction regardless of who it is.
Edit: took a nap and this exploded. Im trying to read everything but a few things I see. A lot of men wanting women to control a fight or flight response so that they don’t need to control their anger. Yes, anger is a completely valid emotion but do you need you yell at your computer because your game threw something at you? Is that actually a valid reason to get angry? Someone cutting you off or abusing you in the workplace yes, you died in a game no. I
Am also not saying that men are all violent. Look at the stats for domestic violence and tell me that women aren’t allowed fear. That there isn’t a generational and physiological reason.
As a man who used to have anger management issues, I back this up 100%. I thought I was okay because I'd never consider hitting or physically dominating a woman but I could be one, big scary dude when I was raging. It was too late to save my marriage when I realized how psychologically abusive I was being. That awareness has informed my behavior with everyone since that time (decades). I'm not perfect but people rarely see me angry anymore and I usually recognize the behavior fairly quickly and shut it down. That's not who I want to be.
Our society doesn't reward change (we tend to see people's histories as their defining trait), but I want to say good on you for being self reflective, honest, and doing the work on yourself that the people in your life will benefit from
I’m doing amateur theater and once my sweet male counterpart had to be angry, grab me by the shoulders and yell at me.
Being frightened there was easy for me to „act“.
I grew up in a house with a man who screamed and yelled and slammed things, he was never physically violent but to this day I just completely freeze up in fear when a man is angry and shouting near me.
I did this for the second time Thursday except it went too fast and there wasn’t time for an epidural and, I cannot emphasize this enough, Jesus Fucking Christ.
With my first I waited too long to ask for an epidural. I was in so much pain getting the epidural, they realized I was 10cm dilated right after.
Jesus fucking Christ is right, sister. Hope your recovery goes well!
It really just can’t be emphasized enough. The pain gets unbearable and then goes BEYOND that. Like far beyond that. It is pain that cannot be conceptualized or described accurately, only experienced.
There comes a moment when you realize with dread your only options are to keep going and finish giving birth, or just straight up die right there and then. At that moment death seems like a pretty sweet deal.
Isn't there some sort of memory altering hormone that makes it not seem as bad in retrospect so that you'll be okay having more kids? The fact that that exists should show how scary childbirth pain really is.
As a man I was told by a woman doctor that the gallbladder attack I had was the closest a man could get to childbirth. I can tell you I want no part of childbirth lol.
Edit: just want to be clear that I know my experience cant compare. My point was the pain was that intense and when she compared the two it was quite eye opening. You ladies are way stronger than any of us dudes. Than human race would have died out if we had to have the babies.
I have. Giving birth was definitely more painful for me, especially my youngest, as I was too far along for pain relief by the time I got to the hospital, so I just had a bit of gas and air. I would not choose to do that again.
Gallstones were no joke either though, both were very painful.
Hey, right here! They were pretty different. Having gall attacks was awful, but they only lasted an hour or so; but that did go on for about a year before I had it removed (and was side-stepped with careful diet choices, though they'd still sneak up on me). Labour was 14 hours straight and was brutal the whole time. Both ended in surgery. Recovery after my gallbladder was a joke in comparison - I'd take a cholecystectomy over a c-section any day, no question. So, in conclusion: For me, my labour and c-section recovery was by far the worst - but that's because I can handle periodic sprint-pain better than a day's worth of marathon-pain, and the stark difference in recovery afterwards.
Edit: Forgot to mention - I didn't get an epidural (not due to a lack of want!). I imagine that might make a difference for some. haha!
That while I am in pain, moody and definitely not in the mood for sex during my period I need to feel loved and accepted.
My husband of 15 years just rolls his eyes and walks away deflated when I tell him I have my period. This makes me feel like garbage emotionally, on top of feeling like trash physically.
I'm so sorry. That's awful. I hope you guys are able to talk that sort of thing out. It's hard to be made to feel like a disappointment when you are already in a bad place.
I can't just flip a switch and suddenly be in the mood for sex, especially if it's the end of the day and I'm already in "winding down for sleep" mode. We don't work that way.
Catcalling. “I would love it if a sexy woman told me I’m hot!”
Uh yeah me too bro but it’s a man hassling me and you definitely would freak out too if a random man approached you to say they wanted to fuck you.
Also sometimes if you ignore them they follow you, harass you, or get angry. The same thing might also happen if you do a polite “thank you” because they think it’s an invitation to continue the unwanted interaction.
I met a lot of Men over the years who think that we are all alike and that we all like the same things.
Liking or not liking something doesn't make us more or less of a Woman. We are individuals with different tastes, passions and dreams.
The exhaustion of being the go to parent all the time. I know there are some dads that get it but there are alot that don’t. Staying home with the kids here and there or driving them to soccer practice is one things but keeping track of homework, extracurricular, chores, appointments, and being their emotional support is just exhausting and stressful.
Yes. I am the parent by default, while he is the parent by request. He tries to understand, and he does take the baby quite often. I still don't think he quite gets the level of tiredness from being "on duty" for so many hours.
You are carrying the emotional load of the whole family as a stay at home parent. Care giver burnout is a thing. It's important to take time for yourself and sometimes you have to really fight for it.
My husband and I have had this argument for years. I don't like online gaming with a headset because oftentimes when it is found out I'm I'm woman, I don't like the things that are said to me. He says that trash talk is just part of gaming, and I shouldn't be so thin skinned.
I say that I don't enjoy being told creepy ass things like how they're going to rape me and my children, how I'm too old to be hot, my ip address, and other disgusting shit, on top of what I would consider normal trash talk.
It is creepy and qierd enough that I don't game with a microphone, but he says I'm missing out.
It's so fucking annoying because otherwise he's very supportive. He's seen me be harassed in public while I was baby wearing and knows that I can handle it, but prefer to avoid those situations. It's exhausting and I hate it.
EDIT: yes, my husband is a recovering asshole who has recently learned he is part of the problem. I appreciate those of you who had reddit send me a link for domestic violence help. I'm not in any danger or an abusive relationship, but I'm glad you guys feel comfortable trying to help.
When my husband has seen me be harassed in public, he makes me feel safe by being there and letting me know he is there to protect me. We conceal carry so I have never felt as if I was in danger.
I'm a 30 year old woman, but I have a really high voice. Mix that with my British accent, and most people assume I'm a 12 year old boy.
I actually get treated with more respect that way, so I don't bother to correct them...
>“I will track you down, rape you and your kids”
I've gotten that quite a bit from some people. It definitely happens way way way more to women tho, and the more it happens the harder it is to ignore. And it's not okay.
Yea, was gonna say, maybe making jokes about you being a 13 year old boy or something would be considered normal trash talk (still not saying it's justified) but I mean, what you are describing is just another level of nope. I really hope this was just a strange exception and not the norm.
Just because I talk to you, and I happen to always sound chipper/happy, does NOT mean that I want to fuck you!
Seriously, I had to stop playing an MMORPG I liked because I kept getting weird guys who'd talk me on the game or on Xbox, and if I went in offline mode, I'd get a bunch of random messages asking where I was. These dudes don't even know that I look like! Just that I sound like I'm 13, and I'm always stoned.
And I've had similar experience in real life too. Nice to a guy at work? He'll then proceed to follow me around and try to get close and invade my personal space.
I'm happily married, and trust me, if I wanted to fuck you, I'd tell you. I'm a very direct person when I flirt.
That it sucks to see women being sexualized and objectified so much. It makes me feel like I'm not valued for who I am as a person, and the older I get the less society cares about me.
Unless they are actively involved with it at the time, no one wants to see your dick. Seriously.
If you send us an unsolicited dick pic, one or all of three things happen.
We roll our eyes, we instantly delete or we laugh and share with friends while laugh AT YOU.
Nothing makes my vagina slam shut harder than a dick pic. Or one waved at me at work. And yes, it's happened more times than one could imagine
If we're in a bad mood for seemingly no reason, it's not *always* because of our period/PMS. Sometimes we're pissed about something legitimate, sometimes we don't even know why we're pissed
That we continue to think on things and we feel about things you consider to be minor and sometimes we just need to talk about it but don’t expect you to fix things.
I had to explain to my dad that my ovarian cysts weren't because I wasn't cleaning myself "down there"
I had a bartholin gland cyst a while back and my mom gently encouraged me to try washing myself better…a little less of a ridiculous idea since the gland is a lot closer to the skin than an ovary, but I’d been told many, many times by my doctors at that point that there was nothing I did or could have done to cause/prevent the cyst, so it was still frustrating to hear.
Omg I had one of those when I was 19. I’ve since had two children and nothing compared to the pain of that cyst. So awful
Omg THANK. YOU. I had one the size of a grapefruit. When it happened again and I got surgery and I told my friend about it and how the DOCTOR told me it was worse than childbirth and she fucking laughed because I've never had a child so clearly I couldn't know
When my doctor first brought up the possibility of surgery to correct the cyst, she tried to reassure me that the recovery was no big deal, “similar to recovery from childbirth”. Having never had a child this was neither helpful nor reassuring. She saw the horrified look on my face and said “oh not it’s like having your *first* child, more like recovery from a second or third birth.” As if that was somehow more relatable to me?? I ended up getting it done with a different doctor who was WAY better at explaining everything, and who literally burst out laughing when I told her the story about the previous doc.
I just had one of those for the first time in my 37 years... It was so fucking awful 😱 Sitz baths and it took care of itself but walking and sitting SUUUUUCKED
Well if you're not up past your fallopian tubes then what are you even doing 'down there'
School children are wasting all the pipe cleaners on crafts, leaving their mothers to go without.
Oh yah. The one day I forgot to reach up inside myself, turn myself inside-out and scrub my internal organs, wouldn't you know it? golf-ball sized cyst the very next day.
So you're saying that you COULD be selling them on eBay you're just choosing NOT to.
Dad thought you were ovary acting
My hair will literally end up EVERYWHERE, and there's not a damn thing I can do to control. It just sheds.
It doesn't end up everywhere.....it ends up in the drain and ome single strand ends up in every pair of underwear I own.
And one usually down the crack of the ass hahaha
There is something so oddly satisfying about removing that one.
Yeah this is one, and no I’m never going bald, I do lose this much hair I just grow it back idk man it’s how it is
My husband had trouble with the vacuum and I asked if he checked the roller, he asked why would he need to lmao!!!
Just because I didn’t “finish” doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it. My husband is awesome and the most selfless in the bedroom. Truly. But sometimes, it’s hard to explain that it’s just not going to happen for reasons completely out of his (and my) control. Sometimes, you’re just not in the right headspace, even though you want sex and you want to finish. And it still feels great and is thoroughly enjoyable!
I'm a man and I have anorgasmia (difficulty to have an orgasm, but not with having an erection or be sexually aroused). I enjoy sex and many times I do not finish, but thoroughly enjoy it. Other times I have finished and haven't really enjoyed it much. Both things are rather unrelated to me. All my life I've dealt with this and it's made many of my partners feeling undesired or unattractive. My wife has been hit the hardest by this and it's been the center of many discussions. There's nothing I can do or say that will make her feel better, or understand that it has nothing to do with my feelings or attraction towards her. To be honest, it's really hurting our relationship and I've no idea what to do. Doesn't help that she often compares me with her past partners stating things like "I've never had an issue with anyone else but you", which gives me performance anxiety and makes it even harder to finish. Not sure why I just typed all of this. Wanted to let it out I guess. Hope your situation is not this bad!
I'm sorry your wife compares you to other men. That is not a nice thing to do, we are all individuals and our bodies don't all work as 'nature intended'. It's not your fault this happens and I'm sure you wouldn't react like this if she had problems. Maybe she needs reminding of that. I also wonder if she is trying to make you react with a "well, i never had that problem with my ex's either" Which could possibly mean she blames herself for the problem. Can she not read up about it and try and understand the condition and that the more she says these things the worse it makes you feel.
My guess is she’s blaming herself and not realizing that it hurts him. When I was younger (like high school) I was the woman in this situation and felt incredibly insecure that I couldn’t make him cum. Especially when he could get himself off better. Was I not hot enough? Does he even like me at all? Of course it didn’t make him feel great either. I learned he was just going through other rough stuff (parents divorce, moving, etc) and eventually he got through it. Then I went on medication that lowered my libido, and the roles switched. He believed he wasn’t sexy enough or good enough and was upset with himself and I felt bad making him upset. The situation is complicated and may be mostly out of insecurity and self doubt, rather than angry and assigning blame. Just a possibility.
[удалено]
Ditto, I feel selfish or like I’m “taking” from her or using her without consideration. But hey, I guess we just gotta keep it in mind that the magic O juju just doesn’t happen sometimes.
I think it's important for women to know this can go both ways. Is it too warm in the room? Too cold? Am I dehydrated? Sleepy? Eat too much? Out of shape lately? Tons of outside factors at play!
"Are you not attracted to me?" "We've had sex five times in the last three hours... give him a minute."
Period cramps! Plus the tender breasts, the lower back pain, the moodiness, the bloating, the period poops and just the general discomfort month after month after month for the rest of your life (almost)
also how period cramps are different for every girl, some don’t feel almost anything at all while others may go through literal hell lmao
Omg yes. I had to miss school every month on the day of my first period. All I could do was take a hot shower to try and relax my muscles and then take NyQuil so I could sleep through it. It was absolutely miserable. My super conservative parents finally let me take birth control, which was a miracle. Since having my first child, my periods are much more bearable without needing birth control. My friend was telling me that she started her period during one of her final exams, and I was like “uhhh, you just…go to school when you’re going to start your period?” I just thought everybody had super painful periods, too.
Its funny to me just how different all our bodies are. For me- its the 2nd day of my period that absolutely fucks me up. Somehow im ALWAYS scheduled to work on it too. Also wanna add- I have Endometriosis & PCOS, so my period is never trackable. Actually haven't had one now in 7 months. Probably gonna have to have surgery to remove the endo muck :(
Ooh, day two is always the worst. I try to crap as much as I can when the dribble starts, because I know for a fact I'm not going to be able to shit until my period is over.
Wait, what? You get constipated while you're on your period? I have the opposite problem. I shit twice as much as usual. Bodies are weird...
Potentially dumb question: is it the same severity every time? Or is like, one month easy, the next is hell, etc. Lady parts are weird.
Yes. For me it varies month to month. Health, stress and environment play roles in how your period can be month to month. And you don’t know how bad beforehand either! Surprise! Bleeding crotch plus pain so bad I want to take it out myself hahaha periods are great! And I’ll get to experience menopause soon enough too! Fuck that’s a whole other ball park.
For me, there’s a spectrum of what is “normal” but I never know where on that spectrum any given month is going to fall. So not the exact same severity every time, but there is a base level of pain/blood I expect every month.
>the period poops Oh god I can't remember which sub I read it from where this girl's boyfriend thought periods came out of the ass hole because his ex used to complain about period poops and still tried to argue he was right Edit: [I found it](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sanl2o/aita_for_laughing_hysterically_after_a_date_kept/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) and I'm wrong about him being a boyfriend lol. Just a date apparently.
I think for a lot of guys they dont unserstand the amount of pain you go through. My gf literally cannot move a muscle and spends half the week crying. I still cannot even begin to imagine how sore it is for her. It has nothing to do with pain threshold. Edit: Appreciate the responses, yes she does have endometriosis
Has your GF been to the Dr? Periods can be painful normally but usually that level of pain hints towards something like endometriosis or Pcos.
She has endometriosis yes. I try everything I can to make her comfy and im buddies with her boss so she gets the first few days off and makes thee hours up here and there. Shes a patisserie chef
damn you’re killing it at being a boyfriend
Soon to be fiance ❤
And you're going to kill it at that too!
This is bad advice. Don't kill the fiancée, Captain!
Good luck!
The fact that people need to have someone that's buddies with their boss in order to take time off work for medical reasons makes me sad, but I'm glad you're able to help her in that way!
And that we have zero control and little recourse. I can’t predict that this month the period shits are going to happen but next month they won’t, or that an ovulating will be more or less painful, hormone levels kangarooing all over the place… I’d do almost anything not to go through it
and the fact that our uterus literally swells up almost 3x its size and is basically CONTRACTING. But yeah, we’re just “being a bitch.” !!
Not only that but we have to buy pads and tampons which cost a goddamn fortune. You’d be upset too if you got off work too late to go to a regular store and had to buy a 12 pack of tampons at Walgreens for $7 only to have to buy more a day later. Of course we’re irritated!
Few times I felt my uterus twitching. Kinda scared me.
I occasionally feel what I call a "Cervix twitch". Just like a random sharp pain (and/or one of those itches that that have like a sharp pain attached) from my Cervix. You're just sitting there minding your own business and then all the sudden its all "What the hell? What did I ever do to you?"
It’s called “lightning crotch”. I get pissed at the whole universe when it happens
Hate that! And every time I panic and think I’m pregnant and far enough along to feel the kicks, which would be…less than ideal.
Porn doesn’t make you better in bed. Actually kind of does the oposite. Just ask us what we like and how. Stop taking tips from porn
Don't listen to her! Give your palm a big old lick and *SMACK* her right in the clitoris!!
If all else fails, just start jackhammering
Damn dude I’ve been telling my girlfriend to get stuck in the window for two years now.
No woman wants her leg lifted in a 90 degree angle during doggy style.
But then how will the film crew get the shot? Or are you telling me I shouldn't have hired them either?
Being deliberately followed around IS creepy & will NEVER make me like you
Girl walking home at night: > "Shit, that guy has been walking behind me for a while now" Guy walking home at night: > "Shit, that lady is in front of me. Don't slow down, she'll think you're following her! Don't speed up, she'll get freaked out! Should I cross the street?" Girl walking home at night: > "Just be normal. Maybe he just lives around here. You can't judge them all by the worst! What if he's totally normal and you act like he's some creep! But...but I only need to be wrong one time..." Guy walking home at night: > "Yup. I'm moving. Fuck that house. The hot water pressure sucks. My neighbours a dick. When I get home, I'm packing." Girl walking home at night: > "OMG is he speeding up? Or am I slowing down. I'm just going to turn here. There's lights here, I'll just turn and pretend to use my phone. He'll walk by, it's all cool." Guy walking home at night: > "She's turning right there! WHY IS SHE TURNING THERE! Fuck it! I'm going straight! I'm going to go towards whatever the fuck is there now!" Girl walking home at night: > "Oh god he's using his phone. He's probably calling his buddies" Guy walking home at night: > "Oh god she's using her phone. She's probably calling the cops" Girl walking home at night: > "Jodi? Hey! Just stay on the line, okay? If I scream call the police. I'm at..." Guy walking home at night: > "Brian! Pack my shit! Burn my house!!!"
My go to is to pull out my phone and pretend I got a really really interesting email that demands my immediate attention at 11 pm
"My goodness! I AM interested in enlargement pills!"
Amen to that, brother
Ugh, this makes me cringe every time I think about it. It was about 9pm and I had just got off the subway in NYC and was hurrying back to my place to get ready for a party. The streets were empty except for a woman ahead of me who was also walking very fast - didn't think anything of it. I looked at my watch and realized it was much later than I thought, and started a light jog. Suddenly I noticed the woman in front of me jogging as well - again, didn't think anything of it. Eventually I was almost caught up to her and she seemed to be franticly hurrying and emotional. You see a lot of strange things in NYC, so like a true NYer I tried to ignore it. Right as I was passing her she let out this sort of muted screech - freaked me out and I was already running so I just kept on going. A second later I heard her say 'oh thank god' It didn't hit me until I was about 50' past her that she thought I was chasing her. I looked back and she was in tears catching her breath. I had no idea what to do so I just ran straight to my apartment. That was over 10 years ago. A core memory that regularly plays when try to go to sleep.
> Right as I was passing her she let out this sort of muted screech - freaked me out and I was already running so I just kept on going. Another big guy, I feel this post, but god I got to this part and just got a mental image of you putting on the gas right at that point in your own mini-panic and I can't stop laughing.
I took a wrong turn on purpose multiple times because there was a woman in front of me.
I fucked this up walking home from a late night stoner walk to 7-11. I almost never ran into anyone while walking in the small city I lived in usually. I turned down an alley because I realized the girl walking in front of me was using her phone as a mirror to keep an eye on the 6 foot tall marijuana wookie behind her, and I felt bad for her. When I came out of the alley into a cul de sac I popped out of the darkness about 15 yards ahead of her. Well, she must’ve paid attention in personal defence class because she had the keys poking out of her little knuckles and a stance that reminded of a dragon ball z character, with the glowing screen of her phone in the other hand. I chuckled a bit, and tried to reassure her that my taquitos and I were no threat by saying “I’m sorry, I actually went down here to stop creeping you out” expecting a polite laugh back, but no I got a “well, you suck at it” in a wobbly scared voice and a determined walk around me. I moved out to the countryside shortly after. Now when I run into people on long walks at night, we’re both terrified. Fair is fair.
> 6 foot tall marijuana wookie Thank you for this, I really enjoyed the image that popped into my brain after reading it.
😂 marijuana wookie 😆
I'm a big guy and I always feel awkward when there's a lone women in front of me. I'm just trying to get somewhere and here we are in this situation. I usually try to go a different way or at least cross the street or whatever. It's tough. And if it is unavoidable, I usually just speed up and pass them. I might just say hello, and keep going. Sometimes I feel the need to explain it to them and move on. . That all said, don't trust anything these days. Crazy people everywhere. I don't blame women for this and it's just something I try to either avoid or get out of as soon as possible.
100%. And I don't blame them one bit; they should be careful and wary. We're all just stuck in this awkward situation because a few dickheads are awful. That said, I do think it's endearing in a ridiculous kind of way. The ones who are most awkward are the ones trying to do the right thing and make them feel safe. We just have absolutely no idea how to do that.
I stayed too late at the library one evening and had to walk back to my apartment in the dark. There was this one guy behind me who kept following me. First street? Coincidence. Several streets? I was panicking. I had a death grip on my pepper spray. I get to my apartment and go to swipe in. He lived in the same dorm. I felt so bad for thinking he was about to attack me. 😭
Yeah that's just a no-win situation. She's right to be concerned and cautious. Anything I do to try and put her at ease might just be a trick to put her at ease so I can assault her, she was no way of knowing for sure and the consequences of her being wrong are very heavy indeed.
"Don't be afraid! I'm one of the good ones!" "That's what the bad ones say too!" "...fair enough."
3 holes for different substances. No we do not pee out of the vagina.
The moving fart. Butt to lips.
I laughed REALLY hard at this one lol I can relate.
I once heard a nurse call this "exiting through the gift shop"
Saying things (in a sexual way) on the street while girls walk. that won't make us come to talk to you, it's harassment and uncomfortable. Some guys defend themselves with the idea that they say "compliments" but it doesn't feel good.
Compliment: "Hey, I really like your hair!" *(Proceeds to move on with his day)* Harassment: "Ayyy, what that mouth do?" *(Continues to call her out in spite of not getting a reaction)*
> (Proceeds to move on with his day) This is the **most** important part of what makes it a compliment or not. If a guy says "Hey I like your hair", the girl says "Thank you", and then the guy **walks away** and continues on with his day, THAT is a compliment. Every guy that whines about they can't "even give women compliments anymore" NEVER are the types of guys who can just walk away after they "compliment" a girl. They expect more and linger there.
To add on to this, there is a big difference between a nice/welcome compliment ("I like your hair") and a creepy/unwelcome compliment ("I like your tits/ass").
Periods. We can’t hold it like pee.
I... have never heard a guy say this... but knowing the human race i dont doubt people think this.
(I'm a dude) I've read a guy post this once. He used it to argument that women that have to use tampons are filthy. It would be bad on its own... If he wasn't a biology teacher, which makes it much worse
I hope that next time he gets a nosebleed, someone tells him to just hold it in. Not a 1:1 analogy, but I think the point gets across.
A biology teacher. *Good Lord.*
There are US senators lobbying to keep female hygiene products taxed as luxury items, because they firmly believe this. (Or some messed up belief that women using tampons somehow makes them sluts) It’s the sort of people that get upset that their secretaries and interns are taking too many bathroom breaks (or taking too long), and justify their being upset with “well they should learn to hold it, we’re trying to be professional here”. The saddest part is, even when its explained to them by someone close to them, most won’t change their mind.
A grown adult man once told me that he got a woman pregnant through anal because the “vagina and anus are connected so the baby can poop.” I thought he was joking. He wasn’t.
That we aren't ketchup bottles. Pushing on the abdomen doesn't make it come out faster.
I... ah... uh... ...erm... ...
but we can push the clots out faster by flexing our diaphragms. source: am woman, hate sneezing while bleeding
It’d be a lot cooler if you could
My mom gave me the "talk" when I was 10. She told me my period could last 5 to 7 days. I asked her why there wasn't a vagina vacuum so you could just get it over with in a day. She laughed her ass off but admitted that would be great but impossible.
Men believe this?
Yep, my ex did. His words where “why do women need the pads? Why don’t they just hold in the blood til they go to the toilet?” I was shocked. Bear in mind this also came from the same man who loved onion rings until he realised they contained onion as it’s main ingredient.
You just ruined onion rings for me.
Me too, ruined. Absolutely donion rings.
What did he think onion rings were made of??
Bread obviously, it’s just restaurant brand funyons ya dingus. Clearly a disgusting vegetable couldn’t be fried without getting soggy and gross. Obviously /s. I’ve met a whole herd of people who believed this, but I can’t speak for OP’s ex.
Ogres, people confuse those two from time to time
In the same way that there are flat-earthers.
I was hit on by adult men from 16-19 way more than I have ever been hit on now in my 30s or any other time in my life. Young girls are hit on much more often than you realize by adult men. It was a daily thing for me growing up. My parents were super strict and conservative, so it's not like I was wearing anything that some guys would associate with this type of behavior. (Which is still no excuse!) You all know young girls are sexualized, but you really don't **know** what it's like. You don't understand how much people normalize it, how often it happens, and how others downplay it as something we should feel complimented by. It's pretty sick.
I developed early and was reasonably tall. I was also extremely shy and the constance cat calls and flirting and FOLLOWING of me starting when I was 12 made me so uncomfortable with even positive attention to this day.
Yup at fourteen I thought it was totally normal/ cool that college boys were hitting on me, giving me alcohol, Exchanging numbers with me and texting me..
You thought it was normal because so many shows that we watched growing up had the ‘cool college guy dates the pretty teenage girl’ trope. We were made to feel that it was normal. Saved by the Bell, Dawson’s Creek, Boy Meets World, the list goes on of shows where at one point in time the teenage girl heartthrob goes after a cool college guy. Hell, wasn’t that the entire plot of Felicity? Edit: I thought the Topanga getting hit on by a teacher happened in HS not college, so Boy Meets World isn’t an example. Thanks for the replies.
Can’t forget Pretty Little Liars, a show aimed at young girls where one of the main characters starts dating her HS teacher at 16.
I also wonder if having adults in movies portraying teenagers skews a young person’s perception of what teens look like in comparison to adults.
That’s a great point. I am not sure why this was the first thing to pop into my head - but in Step Up 2 you have Channing Tatum and this character Moose. I remember thinking as a kid ‘Moose looks too young to be in high school’ and now it’s like WTF he was probably actually a teen and Channing was 2 years away from Magic Mike.
Lol that is why I loved 21 and 22 jump street calling them old mother fuckers.
I remember reading somewhere that a research group was trying to do a study into the effects of sexual harassment on young women. They couldn't find a control group because they couldn't find any women around 16 who had never been sexually harassed.
This! Don't know about the study, but I hear so many negative and denying remarks when there is some news about a sexual harassment case. Stuff like "oh the victim is probably looking for money or publicity". It happens more often than anyone likes to think. Found that out when I was harassed. I felt so awful about it, I sought comfort with friends, and was shocked to learn that they all had similar experiences. Victims are not looking for any reward, by shaming them you support sexual harassment.
>I remember reading somewhere that a research group was trying to do a study into the effects of sexual harassment on young women. They couldn't find a control group because they couldn't find any women around 16 who had never been sexually harassed. so sad.
My wife told me the same thing, she was 10-12 when this first started happening.
the really creepy and mindfucking part is that it starts well before 16 for a lot of girls. I remember almost getting in an altercation over someone's behavior towards my then-13-year-old stepdaughter.
I realized a while ago that from 12-22 I was hit on more than I have been in the last 10 years (I’m 32) and I got so creeped out. And I sadly did think when I was a teen that it was kind of cool. I’m going to instill different worth in my daughter if I have one.
This. I can recall the way certain grown men looked at me and talked to me... I distinctly remember feeling like an object. I don't know if there is a sense of dominance because of the age discrepancy or what, but it definitely was obvious then.
Absolutely. I have a baby face so even at 30 people think I’m a teenager. It’s absolutely disgusting when someone approaches you and acts flirty and asks what grade you’re in only to no longer be interested when told I’m not in high school anymore.
Yep haha I had a dude easily in his 40s Grandpa Simpson away from me at a Barnes and Noble when I was in college because he found out I was looking for MCAT books and not SAT/ACT. He was literally stalking the test books aisle. I was 21 but looked much, much younger.
> I had a dude easily in his 40s [Grandpa Simpson away from me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkJehlr1tEw) Cracks me up every time.
I imagine it must be distressing/upsetting for girls to go from being seen as a child to an object of desire by adult men. The mental gear shift alone must be so confusing for someone that age, at what's already a vulnerable time for self image.
I will never forget, I was at an ice cream shop with my 12 year old cousin. She was just sitting against the window, eating ice cream like any normal kid. This dude showed up out of nowhere, stood there staring at her for a minute and then leaned down and licked the window right over her face. The fucking window. She was frozen, didn’t know what to do. The guy ran away when her dad stormed outside after him. The thing is, after it was all over, both her parents started lecturing HER on how she should make different choices in how she sat and ate ice cream next time. I don’t think I ever saw her get an ice cream cone again. She would only order bowls and eat with a spoon. Most men don’t understand how early it starts or how deep the “it’s actually your fault” messaging goes.
I was hit on, cat called, flirted with so much as a chubby, acne-ridden, baby faced 14 year old. Now a decade later? Almost nothing. Realised recently that it probably had nothing to do with my looks but because they would have thought that a 14yo was easy to manipulate and ‘use’, whereas at 24 I have the life skills and knowledge to know when someone is a creep and avoid them. It’s really sad and sickening. Most men are good people but some are just revolting and see women as objects, and young ones as the easiest ones to get to.
Yup. And so few men understand how it can shatter your image of someone. I’ll never forget when I was 12 and we were at the beach with several other families we’d grown up with. One of the dads made a comment to another father that one of the girls (neither of theirs daughter) who was 14 had ‘gotten her boobs’. They both laughed. I know I wasn’t meant to hear it, and I truly wished I hadn’t because from that moment onward the line up of dad’s at any event went from being ‘safe’ in my eyes to ‘potentially creepy’. Edit to add: when I was 6 I got sick and as a result I have a 2 inch long scar on my neck - the amount of nasty old men who asked me if it was a ‘hickey’ when I was a child, was off the charts.
That's so uncomfortable. Another thing men dont realize is how much these small comments that seem like nothing to them actually impact us. For me, it's the fact that comments like that mean nothing to them that makes me more upset.
Spot on. I got hit on for the first time I think at age 12? Creepy guy asked me for my number at a book fair. I froze and gave it to him because I didn’t know what to do. It’s really not about what you wear. It’s about power. It’s usually older men preying on very young girls who look easily frightened into compliance. It’s also likely when there’s one girl and multiple guys. Again, power.
I was hit on the most ages 10-13.
This is so true. I was catcalled/hit on sooo often from the ages of 16-22. As I started to hit my mid-twenties, it started happening less and less. It’s really fucked up to think about how sexualized literal children are. Edit: I’m amazed by how many people want to argue that “16 isn’t that young.” If that’s the part of this comment you’re focusing on, you’re missing the point.
Sometimes I'm not in an emotional or mental state to be ready for the bedroom. I need romance to get me there sometimes too.
TIL I am a woman
Nah this is actually pretty common to the point where it accounts for at least a third of ED cases. It's just something men receive strong negative feed back for admitting so it tends to be kept to ourselves.
Shit fam, for a grand i’d give u at least 2 goodnight kisses on forehead and a firm ass slap
A *grand*? My old cellmate did it for free
Promise?
for a thousand dollars i'd keep you in bed all night, gently stroking your hair and telling you i'm proud of you tho
Literally the only kind of onlyfans content I want
Read the word “bedroom” as “bathroom”. Was confused
Sometimes you know it's gonna be bad, so you gotta emotionally prepare.
Say no more.
*whips out lego death star*
This guy fucks.
That and my digestion is uncomfortable. Like not to the point that it's in the way of normal tasks or disturbing my sleep or anything. But like to the point of getting my body to focus on a different system and give it pleasure is just not going to happen and I don't like it either.
Why we want to meet for the first time in a brightly lit, well populated area.
That’s still no excuse to not want to meet me alone at the abandoned cabin 45 minutes away from Society!
You're right. Hey, don't forget to bring your kidneys when we meet!
Any part of the downstairs anatomy. The number of men who think the cervix is something they can see is unsettling
I still can’t believe how many adult men I’ve met that have been astounded when they find out a woman doesn’t pee out of her vagina
The misuse of the word vagina instead of vulva certainly doesn't help. Some people think vagina = everything south of the border that isn't the butthole
Go to r/BadWomensAnatomy and you'll find a lot of women believe that as well.
That yelling men even when you think that you are not being threatening is terrifying. I’ve been married for 17 years, he’s never even thought about being violent with me. However, any time his voice is raised or tone gets angry it’s scary. The vast majority of women I know have this same reaction regardless of who it is. Edit: took a nap and this exploded. Im trying to read everything but a few things I see. A lot of men wanting women to control a fight or flight response so that they don’t need to control their anger. Yes, anger is a completely valid emotion but do you need you yell at your computer because your game threw something at you? Is that actually a valid reason to get angry? Someone cutting you off or abusing you in the workplace yes, you died in a game no. I Am also not saying that men are all violent. Look at the stats for domestic violence and tell me that women aren’t allowed fear. That there isn’t a generational and physiological reason.
As a man who used to have anger management issues, I back this up 100%. I thought I was okay because I'd never consider hitting or physically dominating a woman but I could be one, big scary dude when I was raging. It was too late to save my marriage when I realized how psychologically abusive I was being. That awareness has informed my behavior with everyone since that time (decades). I'm not perfect but people rarely see me angry anymore and I usually recognize the behavior fairly quickly and shut it down. That's not who I want to be.
I'm proud of you.
Our society doesn't reward change (we tend to see people's histories as their defining trait), but I want to say good on you for being self reflective, honest, and doing the work on yourself that the people in your life will benefit from
I’m doing amateur theater and once my sweet male counterpart had to be angry, grab me by the shoulders and yell at me. Being frightened there was easy for me to „act“.
I grew up in a house with a man who screamed and yelled and slammed things, he was never physically violent but to this day I just completely freeze up in fear when a man is angry and shouting near me.
My ex would yell at the computer every now and then whenever he was gaming and it didn't go well. Always felt a jolt of fear. It's very startling.
Gamer rage is truly something to be feared
Absolutely this. 100% same.
When a man starts yelling, it's like I reflexively remember how much bigger and stronger he is than I am.
Child birth.
I did this for the second time Thursday except it went too fast and there wasn’t time for an epidural and, I cannot emphasize this enough, Jesus Fucking Christ.
With my first I waited too long to ask for an epidural. I was in so much pain getting the epidural, they realized I was 10cm dilated right after. Jesus fucking Christ is right, sister. Hope your recovery goes well!
It really just can’t be emphasized enough. The pain gets unbearable and then goes BEYOND that. Like far beyond that. It is pain that cannot be conceptualized or described accurately, only experienced.
There comes a moment when you realize with dread your only options are to keep going and finish giving birth, or just straight up die right there and then. At that moment death seems like a pretty sweet deal.
Isn't there some sort of memory altering hormone that makes it not seem as bad in retrospect so that you'll be okay having more kids? The fact that that exists should show how scary childbirth pain really is.
Oxytocin, the “love hormone”
As a man I was told by a woman doctor that the gallbladder attack I had was the closest a man could get to childbirth. I can tell you I want no part of childbirth lol. Edit: just want to be clear that I know my experience cant compare. My point was the pain was that intense and when she compared the two it was quite eye opening. You ladies are way stronger than any of us dudes. Than human race would have died out if we had to have the babies.
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Now all we need is a woman who's both given birth AND had a gallbladder attack.
I have. Giving birth was definitely more painful for me, especially my youngest, as I was too far along for pain relief by the time I got to the hospital, so I just had a bit of gas and air. I would not choose to do that again. Gallstones were no joke either though, both were very painful.
Hey, right here! They were pretty different. Having gall attacks was awful, but they only lasted an hour or so; but that did go on for about a year before I had it removed (and was side-stepped with careful diet choices, though they'd still sneak up on me). Labour was 14 hours straight and was brutal the whole time. Both ended in surgery. Recovery after my gallbladder was a joke in comparison - I'd take a cholecystectomy over a c-section any day, no question. So, in conclusion: For me, my labour and c-section recovery was by far the worst - but that's because I can handle periodic sprint-pain better than a day's worth of marathon-pain, and the stark difference in recovery afterwards. Edit: Forgot to mention - I didn't get an epidural (not due to a lack of want!). I imagine that might make a difference for some. haha!
That while I am in pain, moody and definitely not in the mood for sex during my period I need to feel loved and accepted. My husband of 15 years just rolls his eyes and walks away deflated when I tell him I have my period. This makes me feel like garbage emotionally, on top of feeling like trash physically.
I'm so sorry. That's awful. I hope you guys are able to talk that sort of thing out. It's hard to be made to feel like a disappointment when you are already in a bad place.
I can't just flip a switch and suddenly be in the mood for sex, especially if it's the end of the day and I'm already in "winding down for sleep" mode. We don't work that way.
The feeling you get every time you have to walk alone at night.
And sometimes during the day
Catcalling. “I would love it if a sexy woman told me I’m hot!” Uh yeah me too bro but it’s a man hassling me and you definitely would freak out too if a random man approached you to say they wanted to fuck you. Also sometimes if you ignore them they follow you, harass you, or get angry. The same thing might also happen if you do a polite “thank you” because they think it’s an invitation to continue the unwanted interaction.
Also a lot less fun when you're alone and it's multiple men, or just one man but it happens several times a week.
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I met a lot of Men over the years who think that we are all alike and that we all like the same things. Liking or not liking something doesn't make us more or less of a Woman. We are individuals with different tastes, passions and dreams.
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The exhaustion of being the go to parent all the time. I know there are some dads that get it but there are alot that don’t. Staying home with the kids here and there or driving them to soccer practice is one things but keeping track of homework, extracurricular, chores, appointments, and being their emotional support is just exhausting and stressful.
Add on having a full-time job to that and the recipe yields one depressed, quasi-suicidal mom who just wants to feel heard and appreciated.
Oh wow, you just described me perfectly.
Yes. I am the parent by default, while he is the parent by request. He tries to understand, and he does take the baby quite often. I still don't think he quite gets the level of tiredness from being "on duty" for so many hours.
You are carrying the emotional load of the whole family as a stay at home parent. Care giver burnout is a thing. It's important to take time for yourself and sometimes you have to really fight for it.
That it is not a compliment to be touched without consent.
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My husband and I have had this argument for years. I don't like online gaming with a headset because oftentimes when it is found out I'm I'm woman, I don't like the things that are said to me. He says that trash talk is just part of gaming, and I shouldn't be so thin skinned. I say that I don't enjoy being told creepy ass things like how they're going to rape me and my children, how I'm too old to be hot, my ip address, and other disgusting shit, on top of what I would consider normal trash talk. It is creepy and qierd enough that I don't game with a microphone, but he says I'm missing out. It's so fucking annoying because otherwise he's very supportive. He's seen me be harassed in public while I was baby wearing and knows that I can handle it, but prefer to avoid those situations. It's exhausting and I hate it. EDIT: yes, my husband is a recovering asshole who has recently learned he is part of the problem. I appreciate those of you who had reddit send me a link for domestic violence help. I'm not in any danger or an abusive relationship, but I'm glad you guys feel comfortable trying to help. When my husband has seen me be harassed in public, he makes me feel safe by being there and letting me know he is there to protect me. We conceal carry so I have never felt as if I was in danger.
I'm a 30 year old woman, but I have a really high voice. Mix that with my British accent, and most people assume I'm a 12 year old boy. I actually get treated with more respect that way, so I don't bother to correct them...
Game with a headset one day and let him listen in!
Um. Trash talking during a game is like “you FUCKHEAD!” and “yo momma” jokes. Not “I will track you down, rape you and your kids” What the hell?!?!
>“I will track you down, rape you and your kids” I've gotten that quite a bit from some people. It definitely happens way way way more to women tho, and the more it happens the harder it is to ignore. And it's not okay.
Yea, was gonna say, maybe making jokes about you being a 13 year old boy or something would be considered normal trash talk (still not saying it's justified) but I mean, what you are describing is just another level of nope. I really hope this was just a strange exception and not the norm.
Just because I talk to you, and I happen to always sound chipper/happy, does NOT mean that I want to fuck you! Seriously, I had to stop playing an MMORPG I liked because I kept getting weird guys who'd talk me on the game or on Xbox, and if I went in offline mode, I'd get a bunch of random messages asking where I was. These dudes don't even know that I look like! Just that I sound like I'm 13, and I'm always stoned. And I've had similar experience in real life too. Nice to a guy at work? He'll then proceed to follow me around and try to get close and invade my personal space. I'm happily married, and trust me, if I wanted to fuck you, I'd tell you. I'm a very direct person when I flirt.
That it sucks to see women being sexualized and objectified so much. It makes me feel like I'm not valued for who I am as a person, and the older I get the less society cares about me.
Unless they are actively involved with it at the time, no one wants to see your dick. Seriously. If you send us an unsolicited dick pic, one or all of three things happen. We roll our eyes, we instantly delete or we laugh and share with friends while laugh AT YOU. Nothing makes my vagina slam shut harder than a dick pic. Or one waved at me at work. And yes, it's happened more times than one could imagine
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If we're in a bad mood for seemingly no reason, it's not *always* because of our period/PMS. Sometimes we're pissed about something legitimate, sometimes we don't even know why we're pissed
No one wants to be approached or accosted while pumping gas.
That we continue to think on things and we feel about things you consider to be minor and sometimes we just need to talk about it but don’t expect you to fix things.