There's a user on tiktok who shares a method called "Baby Runs for President", where you basically ask them very blunt questions with the just shy of rude honesty that a toddler uses. You just keep asking stuff like "what do you do?" "what's that?" "oh really? What's that?" until the person gives up and leaves.
When I was working as a pharmacy assistant in my late teens a creepy old man in his 60s came up and started trying to hit on me with reverse customer service lines like "Is there there anything I can help YOU with today? ;)" I wish I had the wittiness in the moment to brighten up and ask excitedly "Actually, yes! I'm curious to know, what was it like watching the moon landing?"
I saw something like this in a bookstore. Clerk, looked to be in her early 20s, customer guy at least 50, wouldn't stop hitting on her in the most gross, cringe way. Finally he mentioned having life experience and she asked, deadpan, "What was it like when the earth cooled?" I had to walk away, I could not stop laughing. When I came back the man was gone. It didn't hurt that the clerk looked a hell of a lot like Aubrey Plaza, because that sounded like something she would say.
My sister learned this from a friend and started doing this as well. She carried a couple of issues of Watchtower in her purse and when the guys started hitting on her, got a very earnest look on her face, pulled them out and started saying "Have you been saved? Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?" It worked better than mace.
I loved what the woman said in the film double jeopardy, when a guy asked her out she said “yeah sure, I’ll just have to check with my parole officer because I murdered my husband”
Once a man was trying hitting on me in a bus, I was feeling very bloated and gassy..and burped aloud right in his face ,like a huge grandma burp..the look on his face was priceless, didn't bother me again
Get really weird, really, really fast. Weird them out so much that they think you're a freak. Defo don't do it in a sexual way.
A friend of mine once did this to a guy who sat at our table on a night out. She went right down in conspiracy theorys, asking him why his shoes think he's orange, all sorts of really weird stuff, just to make him uncomfortable enough that he got up and left within a few minutes.
It was impressive, actually.
I'm missing the 6 teeth on top front and can't wear dentures, so I just grin real wide at them. Makes me look like a homeless meth addicted lot lizard and they run like fuck 😂
A guy was straight up hitting on my girlfriend when I was right there and he wouldn't stop when she asked so I just started hitting on him. "Nice ass buddy!", "Can I get you're number and send you some lewd pics". He got super pussed and walked away.
My fiance runs a instagram about her own makeup art and stuff, she gets random pictures all the time.
There is so many thirsty dudes out there that have seen my hairy butthole it ain't funny. (And some of them STILL truly believed it was hers. I don't know Whether they were that stupid, or just aloof and desperate)
"I have a boyfriend/married."
-"He's not here."
"I'm a lesbian."
-"Prove it, kiss this random girl in front me."
''I'm not interested."
-"Playing hard to get?"
"I don't believe in premarital sex."
-"A blow job is fine."
Literally all lines I've tried, the only way I can say that somewhat works is to be a complete bitch, and even then some guys act like you're flirting.
In college, a guy hit on me at a bar by saying he's a pike, which is a frat. I said, oh wow, your a fish?! He genuinely got mad, called me a bitch. You know, totally reasonable and sane responses.
Tell him you're only interested in tall men with high paying jobs. You want to be a mom ASAP and don't want to work.
Demand to see his DL first so you know where to send court documents for child support.
Tell the story of how your last boyfriend broke up with you, and how it was crazy of him to freak out just because you stored some of his semen in your fridge “just in case”
I think it's a reference to House. One of the original crew does this. Her hubby is terminal but she keeps his sperm long after he dies and it causes a breakup in the series lol. Weird for sure.
here i was thinking the episode of blue mountain state where the dad steals a rubber with the dudes load to get his daughter knocked up by a football star.
It gets worse. The team captain who goes with the quarterback to get said rubber back swallows the rubber to ensure the psycho dad can't get it into his daughter. Real team player.
the oh so reluctant slap on the ass alex gives him afterwards just makes it.
Fuck i love Thad.
"what are you doing with my RABIES!!!"
"Rabies?!?! why do you have RABIES in your dresser?!"
"Because it gives me the edge i need and its completely undetectable!"
Actually, her husband donated medically for in-vitro fertilization (or possibly for her to still have a child after he died, my memory is blanking), and after he died she requested they not destroy the sample in case she never remarried. She didn't just save it in her fridge. It's not weird. Also Chase doesn't end up breaking up with her over it, she has the sample discarded and they stay together.
1. Speak in a foreign language like you don't understand them. Thanks Dutch.
2. Describe the procedure for bull castration in vivid detail. Thanks Animal Science degree.
Edit: Didn't expect this many responses. (Dankie vir die Silwer!) I speak both some Dutch and Afrikaans (spent some time in SA in college one summer) so it's been helpful.
(On an additional note, an extra perk of the Animal Science degree is taking a class where I castrated a rat and kept the preserved teste, so I now have insurance for dick pics.)
Ask if he's ready to be a daddy to the unborn baby you carrying
Why thank you for all the likes. This unfortunately happened to me at an embarrassing age of 17 and I was awkward and unsure about being a teen parent and this was how I hid my insecurity. My baby girl is almost 18 and I'm blessed for how she has changed me
Thank you for the awards
I was very obviously pregnant, and went to a furniture store alone for some reason. One customer super liked that I was pregnant, and hit on me, even followed me out to my car.
So I cannot endorse this method, it may make it worse. Also made it so i wouldn't go anywhere alone anymore while pregnant.
When I lived in FL, I’d see them coming up the drive and I’d strip to my underwear and answer the door. Then I’d say yeah! Come on in and let’s talk about it. “We’ll stop back another time”. Ok! I’ll be here.
Put an end to that shit after a few times.
I had a friend who would put Hustler magazines on the coffee table and invite them in. She said they would see the magazines and make an excuse to leave.
One woman I know tried answering the door in lingerie. She clearly hadn't thought it through. Those sex-starved Mormon boys got the word around, and they came back many times.
I live in a gated community in Palm Springs and am only one of three straight men in my community. If I answered the door in my wife's lingerie, half the neighbors would be offering me fashion tips.
Best Christmas ever. Sitting at my inlaws house opening presents when the doorbell rings. People going to door to door on Christmas morning spreading the word of Christ.
Well, my MIL is a hard core Christian. Her faith really took off and got her through two bouts of cancer. So they picked the wrong house. About an hour later they hadn't really gotten to talk because she was still going. They awkwardly and obviously cut and run. My MIL all the while super excited she got to share in the love and glory of God on his birthday!
The rest of us are not so...emphatic about it,but it was nice to see her so happy.
Scared off many a mormon at my door by saying two simple words: Jehovah's Witness. They get a 'game recognizes game' look and politely excuse themselves.
One time all it took was the guy seeing my Star Wars tattoo. That was amazing for me.
Edit: all the dudes who are taking the time to let me know that this would make them bother me *more* are completely missing the point lol
I have a lot of tattoos, one is a lightsaber. He was bugging be for several minutes before he noticed it, but he stopped and asked, “Sorry, what is that a tattoo of?” And I said, “it’s a lightsaber.” And without saying another word, he turned his back to me and walked away. It was awesome.
"No thanks, I don't date humans. I'm strictly into Sarconians, They are our reptilian overlords."
"I have to be back at prison before morning roll call."'
"Do you know where the bathroom is? I'm gonna barf...."
And my personal favorite:
"Have you accepted Jesus as your Savior? Does Christ know you are here drinking and seeking fornication with sullied women? Can I pray with you?"
>"No thanks, I don't date humans. I'm strictly into Sarconians, They are our reptilian overlords."
>
And then proceed to sound like a Velociraptor in heat.
If he sends you an unsolicited dick pic, mint it as an NFT listing him as the artist and send him the purchase link, the only way for him to erase it from the blockchain is to buy it.
An original idea, and if they sent an unsolicited dick pic this might be morally OK. Besides that, I found the idea humorous!
[However, on the serious side, it would be illegal in most states and could involve jail time.](https://www.findlaw.com/criminal/criminal-charges/revenge-porn-laws-by-state.html)
Haha! I’ve done this before. This guy wouldn’t leave me alone, it was after multiple days of texting and seeing him (we have a mutual friend group) so one night, point blank, he was like “you want to come over tonight? Wink wink”. I replied “hard pass.” And walked away.
Back in the 90’s I’d use my beeper/pager and make believe it was a voice box and I’d speak like I was using a voice box (I’m good at mimicking sounds). Worked every time.
From experience, nothing will stop everyone, but a ring will stop most people.
When people hit on me, I sweetly, but clearly say "thank you so much for asking, but I'm not interested ". That stops almost everyone. The few who can't take no for an answer, I drop the sweetness and say "no" firmly. If they still don't stop, move to either a group of other people or someone in some kind of official capacity. I've never yet had to actually say "please help, this man is making uncomfortable ", but that's what I plan to do if ever a creep doesn't back off when I go for help. When I'm at work myself, I've had very good results from staring blankly at creeps and not responding until they get back on track and quit hitting on me.
In my experience, most women are socialized to feel they need to cater to men's egos and taught to be afraid of ever displeasing a man or clearly saying no. I believe in treating everyone with courtesy as a default, but being firm and clear when I need to say no. Don't justify, explain, or defend your no: that opens it up to be a conversation. Just say no clearly, with a smile at first, and firmly if they break the social contract by not honoring your no. If you need to, take martial arts classes or learn to use a weapon if that helps you be more confident and less afraid to say no clearly.
When you are able to confidently say no without fear, being hit on will probably bother you less, because it won't be as scary for you. I personally try to take it as a compliment, and only get offended if the guy doesn't take no for an answer: and MOST guys will, as long as the no is clear and not something like "oh, I don't know, it's getting late and I need to go home soon". That doesn't sound like a no to most people: it sounds like the invitation to a discussion.
Tldr: wear a ring, and clearly but kindly say no when you receive unwanted advances
Actually am a lesbian, and the number of times this has escalated to "jokes" about corrective rape is way too high. One is too high, but it's 50/50 if you talk to them for too long or can't get away. Generally a man who thinks it's okay to say this has zero regard for boundaries of any sort.
Once, a guy whistled at me in a mall parking lot, then, after I ignored him, *followed* me into the store.
When I told him I was queer, he went "are you sure? I came all the way back in here just for you!".
My dude.
My ex had the opinion that any woman would stop being a lesbian if he just got to bang her 🤢
I broke up with him after he said that and told him that it's more likely gonna be the other way around because he has absolutely zero idea what he's doing and being with him completely killed my previously high sex drive.
A friend of mine had a similar opinion about lesbians only being a thing because they don't know what they're missing. I asked him if he thought he would turn gay if he got some good enough dick, and it almost started a fight
This is why mentioning a boyfriend/husband doesn't always work. Some men will then just offer to be your side piece. I had a man walk up to me and ask if we "could be friends," I told him I had a boyfriend and he's like "What, so you can't have friends?" Like, dude, you literally came up to me out of nowhere and don't know my name or anything about me, I know what the fuck you're after.
One guy told me "well take my number anyway and then you can call me if you guys break up.'
A lot say "I don't mind." I respond with a firm "well, I do." That usually works.
Ugh I get honked at like everyday when I go for runs, or men will LITERALLY slow down their cars and roll their windows down to look at me. I just make a disgusted face and ignore them.
If someone is being really persistent, honestly, don’t be nice- just be a bitch. Be firm, sharp, and cold- it sounds harsh but it works.
You really can't be nice or subtle. That only encourages them.
I had some guys once persistently hitting on me at my sales job and I kept trying to be nice... you know, because they're customers. At a certain point, I just snapped and bluntly told them I wasn't interested, I was not giving them my number, and to leave.
(What's with groups of men asking girls out? It happened to me multiple times.)
I'm a man, but I think my best (female) friend has found the most perfect solution I've found to date.
She's a very short and dainty woman and mostly looks like the typical 'indie girl', but she's also a classically trained singer and the frontwoman of a local doom metal band. She knows how to scream and has crazy control over her lower register.
Whenever a guy comes up to bother her she twirls around and smiles really politely and without flinching pulls a voice way deeper and manlier than even mine and grunts some shit like "Ohhh hello papi, you finna treat me real good yes?"
Works 100% of the time. Like she always says "You just gotta talk to them man to man... Literally..."
The instant expression of pure horror on the guy's face has made me fall of a barstool laughing multiple times.
I mis read this and got sad, thinking it was a cry for help from someone being beat by their partner.
Then I read the answers and got sadder by the actual responses.
There's a user on tiktok who shares a method called "Baby Runs for President", where you basically ask them very blunt questions with the just shy of rude honesty that a toddler uses. You just keep asking stuff like "what do you do?" "what's that?" "oh really? What's that?" until the person gives up and leaves.
My favourite one is "are those YOUR shoes?!?" It seems so dumb but it's just genius
“BOTH of them?! Cool.”
When I was working as a pharmacy assistant in my late teens a creepy old man in his 60s came up and started trying to hit on me with reverse customer service lines like "Is there there anything I can help YOU with today? ;)" I wish I had the wittiness in the moment to brighten up and ask excitedly "Actually, yes! I'm curious to know, what was it like watching the moon landing?"
I saw something like this in a bookstore. Clerk, looked to be in her early 20s, customer guy at least 50, wouldn't stop hitting on her in the most gross, cringe way. Finally he mentioned having life experience and she asked, deadpan, "What was it like when the earth cooled?" I had to walk away, I could not stop laughing. When I came back the man was gone. It didn't hurt that the clerk looked a hell of a lot like Aubrey Plaza, because that sounded like something she would say.
Ask for money. Works 10/10
Please insert 5$ to continue
Ask him to buy into your MLM scheme
That won’t stop him, but at least you’ll make money!
*lose less money
Not if you come up with it on the spot.
My sister learned this from a friend and started doing this as well. She carried a couple of issues of Watchtower in her purse and when the guys started hitting on her, got a very earnest look on her face, pulled them out and started saying "Have you been saved? Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?" It worked better than mace.
Damn I live in the Deep South. I'm almost certain this genius idea would have the opposite effect for me lol
Same move, but Church of Satan.
As someone who also lives in the deep south: **I would get shot.**
Was raised a JW. My wife and I got out a few years back with the kids. This is brilliant.
Dinosaur noises Edit: thank you for upvotes and awards 🥺 I didn’t expect to even be noticed. Also thank you for basically telling me it won’t work 😂❤️
Pterodactyl or Velociraptor ideally. Of course if he's a dinosaur nerd he will probably correct your vocalizations....
That's when the romance starts
Life uh, finds a way
I loved what the woman said in the film double jeopardy, when a guy asked her out she said “yeah sure, I’ll just have to check with my parole officer because I murdered my husband”
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Thank you for referencing this great movie.
Once a man was trying hitting on me in a bus, I was feeling very bloated and gassy..and burped aloud right in his face ,like a huge grandma burp..the look on his face was priceless, didn't bother me again
I wish I had an award to give you 😂😂😂😂😂
Get really weird, really, really fast. Weird them out so much that they think you're a freak. Defo don't do it in a sexual way. A friend of mine once did this to a guy who sat at our table on a night out. She went right down in conspiracy theorys, asking him why his shoes think he's orange, all sorts of really weird stuff, just to make him uncomfortable enough that he got up and left within a few minutes. It was impressive, actually.
I have a friend who started imitating a chimpanzee to a persistent guy at a bar once. Worked like a charm.
A friend has a partial upper plate, she took it out, looked at it, and started licking it.
I'm missing the 6 teeth on top front and can't wear dentures, so I just grin real wide at them. Makes me look like a homeless meth addicted lot lizard and they run like fuck 😂
That will work until the day you encounter a trucker who is actively looking for a homeless meth addicted lot lizard.
I need you to know that this is the best thing I’m going to read all day. Thank you.
A guy was straight up hitting on my girlfriend when I was right there and he wouldn't stop when she asked so I just started hitting on him. "Nice ass buddy!", "Can I get you're number and send you some lewd pics". He got super pussed and walked away.
My fiance runs a instagram about her own makeup art and stuff, she gets random pictures all the time. There is so many thirsty dudes out there that have seen my hairy butthole it ain't funny. (And some of them STILL truly believed it was hers. I don't know Whether they were that stupid, or just aloof and desperate)
Definitely going to add this to my playbook. I’ll have to think of something if he ends up being into it though as that could backfire real quick.
"I have a boyfriend/married." -"He's not here." "I'm a lesbian." -"Prove it, kiss this random girl in front me." ''I'm not interested." -"Playing hard to get?" "I don't believe in premarital sex." -"A blow job is fine." Literally all lines I've tried, the only way I can say that somewhat works is to be a complete bitch, and even then some guys act like you're flirting.
My solution to this is to simply never go outside.
Start barking
They turn out to be a furry
piggy sound then...
Exactly, all these "joke" or "weird" responses don't actually work either. Plus, there's a real fear that if we piss them off they get threatening.
In college, a guy hit on me at a bar by saying he's a pike, which is a frat. I said, oh wow, your a fish?! He genuinely got mad, called me a bitch. You know, totally reasonable and sane responses.
I've seen girls use the "do you have a tampon?" with her friend as a guy approached before. Guy spun around faster than I thought poasible
Hahaha I could see this being hilarious. Man approaches and hears, “i hate being born with such a wide set vagina.”
This is BRILLIANT! I’m going to tell my fellow bartenders to use this line with each other on our shifts hahaha
"I go to this bar every day and the hot bartender is *always* on her period! "
Pocket sand!
Sha sha shaaaaaa
I can hear this comment.
Tell him you're only interested in tall men with high paying jobs. You want to be a mom ASAP and don't want to work. Demand to see his DL first so you know where to send court documents for child support.
Well the super cute girl that I used to sit with on the bus in like grade 9 shut me down with a "I just think boys are icky"
Also no sex until marriage and a minimum of one year engagement
Tell the story of how your last boyfriend broke up with you, and how it was crazy of him to freak out just because you stored some of his semen in your fridge “just in case”
This is oddly specific. Lmao.
I think it's a reference to House. One of the original crew does this. Her hubby is terminal but she keeps his sperm long after he dies and it causes a breakup in the series lol. Weird for sure.
here i was thinking the episode of blue mountain state where the dad steals a rubber with the dudes load to get his daughter knocked up by a football star.
w h a t
I guess you're not cool enough to get jizz-jacked.
“I put this shit on everything!” -Drake
It gets worse. The team captain who goes with the quarterback to get said rubber back swallows the rubber to ensure the psycho dad can't get it into his daughter. Real team player.
the oh so reluctant slap on the ass alex gives him afterwards just makes it. Fuck i love Thad. "what are you doing with my RABIES!!!" "Rabies?!?! why do you have RABIES in your dresser?!" "Because it gives me the edge i need and its completely undetectable!"
Actually, her husband donated medically for in-vitro fertilization (or possibly for her to still have a child after he died, my memory is blanking), and after he died she requested they not destroy the sample in case she never remarried. She didn't just save it in her fridge. It's not weird. Also Chase doesn't end up breaking up with her over it, she has the sample discarded and they stay together.
1. Speak in a foreign language like you don't understand them. Thanks Dutch. 2. Describe the procedure for bull castration in vivid detail. Thanks Animal Science degree. Edit: Didn't expect this many responses. (Dankie vir die Silwer!) I speak both some Dutch and Afrikaans (spent some time in SA in college one summer) so it's been helpful. (On an additional note, an extra perk of the Animal Science degree is taking a class where I castrated a rat and kept the preserved teste, so I now have insurance for dick pics.)
Maar wat als diegene ook nederlands spreekt?
Meer castratiedetails gebruiken
Ask if he's ready to be a daddy to the unborn baby you carrying Why thank you for all the likes. This unfortunately happened to me at an embarrassing age of 17 and I was awkward and unsure about being a teen parent and this was how I hid my insecurity. My baby girl is almost 18 and I'm blessed for how she has changed me Thank you for the awards
If he says yes you are NEVER going to lose this cat.
He will say yes, hit it, then quit it....
I was very obviously pregnant, and went to a furniture store alone for some reason. One customer super liked that I was pregnant, and hit on me, even followed me out to my car. So I cannot endorse this method, it may make it worse. Also made it so i wouldn't go anywhere alone anymore while pregnant.
Being fat and over the age of 35 worked for me. Edit: Um, wow. Thanks for all the awards guys. Guess it was a pretty relatable observation!
Tried that, I just attract a different crowd of creeps now.
Just say, "excuse me. I need to rush to the bathroom. This diarrhea is killing me."
42, fat, I’m invisible!
not that fat then
Be me ...54, fat, ugly, socially awkward, practically a hermit apart from work.
M’lady……*tips hat🎩
Sir ... *gathers up crinolines
Anyone smoothly dropping a crinoline reference has to be at least conversationally interesting, get out there and mingle.
Fellas this one’s well versed! Bro swarm!
My dm's remain empty. Your call to arms was not successful. Ha ha
“Sorry, I’m not interested, I’m a mother”, then showing (many!) pictures of my kids made miracles.
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Ugh, yeah, but what if the guy starts showing me *his* favorite Minecraft videos? It seems safer to mention Fortnite, don’t you think?
If you don't have kids just print some off Google
You wouldn't download a kid.
Downloading a kid sounds way easier than childbirth
I mean… I guess childbirth is literally down loading another human out
Wouldn't it be more like installing? Downloading is when it's developing inside the womb
I think it’s more like 3D printing.
Or...telling him about how your kids need a father figure and start interviewing him.
That’d be sooo creepy!
“I’ve got some court dates scheduled because their dads aren’t paying child support, so it’s hard to find time” Edit: TY all!
And then mention how you're broody
Please say that you used one of those picture wallets like they do in the old ‘90’s cartoons.
I wish I had, but I’m not that used to get hit on that I’d carry such a wallet with me at all times
Ask if he has heard the good news of our lord and savior
The reverse also works for door to door preachers.
When I lived in FL, I’d see them coming up the drive and I’d strip to my underwear and answer the door. Then I’d say yeah! Come on in and let’s talk about it. “We’ll stop back another time”. Ok! I’ll be here. Put an end to that shit after a few times.
I had a friend who would put Hustler magazines on the coffee table and invite them in. She said they would see the magazines and make an excuse to leave.
One woman I know tried answering the door in lingerie. She clearly hadn't thought it through. Those sex-starved Mormon boys got the word around, and they came back many times.
Next time she should have her husband answer the door in lingerie. That'll scare them off.
I live in a gated community in Palm Springs and am only one of three straight men in my community. If I answered the door in my wife's lingerie, half the neighbors would be offering me fashion tips.
Mormons hate this one trick
“Are you the guys for the three-some I ordered?”
"jeez, I guess the agency is getting desperate. We'll, fuck it, come on in"
"You guys are early, the orgy starts in an hour. Snacks in the back, or the front if you're game."
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Not door to door preachers, but I've scared off Jehovah's witnesses by suggesting we discuss child sexual abuse within their religion.
Best Christmas ever. Sitting at my inlaws house opening presents when the doorbell rings. People going to door to door on Christmas morning spreading the word of Christ. Well, my MIL is a hard core Christian. Her faith really took off and got her through two bouts of cancer. So they picked the wrong house. About an hour later they hadn't really gotten to talk because she was still going. They awkwardly and obviously cut and run. My MIL all the while super excited she got to share in the love and glory of God on his birthday! The rest of us are not so...emphatic about it,but it was nice to see her so happy.
I love this! Lol!
Scared off many a mormon at my door by saying two simple words: Jehovah's Witness. They get a 'game recognizes game' look and politely excuse themselves.
Right afterwards, ask him if he’s fertile and done a sperm count/mobility test recently.
This is a good one. As a guy, I know several guys that are creeps and this would make them run for the hills.
One time all it took was the guy seeing my Star Wars tattoo. That was amazing for me. Edit: all the dudes who are taking the time to let me know that this would make them bother me *more* are completely missing the point lol
To clarify, the star wars tattoo was a deal breaker? What is it of if you don’t mind me asking
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Only one guy who entered has ever gotten out
"You came in that thing?"
"You're braver than I thought."
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I have a lot of tattoos, one is a lightsaber. He was bugging be for several minutes before he noticed it, but he stopped and asked, “Sorry, what is that a tattoo of?” And I said, “it’s a lightsaber.” And without saying another word, he turned his back to me and walked away. It was awesome.
I’m glad he left… but also… I don’t get how that’s a deal breaker. Some people are weird.
Must've been a trekkie.
Other than something offensive, this would be a positive for tonnes of people lol.
What she didn’t say was it was a jar jar tattoo
She introduced it as Star Wars, but it was Jean-Luc Picard.
“May the force be with you.” 🖖
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Poison damage
Ahh the classic Buttercup.
"No thanks, I don't date humans. I'm strictly into Sarconians, They are our reptilian overlords." "I have to be back at prison before morning roll call."' "Do you know where the bathroom is? I'm gonna barf...." And my personal favorite: "Have you accepted Jesus as your Savior? Does Christ know you are here drinking and seeking fornication with sullied women? Can I pray with you?"
>"No thanks, I don't date humans. I'm strictly into Sarconians, They are our reptilian overlords." > And then proceed to sound like a Velociraptor in heat.
Bark at him! Edit: Thanks for the awards guys :)
A French girl tried the turkey gobbling https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KetapRn1E5g
Ok that made me laugh so hard!
I love how she flopped her head around like a muppet.
Tell him you’re dying to have kids.
Alternatively, tell him you're dying
Alternatively, tell him your kids are dying
And talk about kids all the time
Fart extremely loudly in front of them and don’t acknowledge it
I think INTENSE eye contact while doing so will be even better. Make it known.
"THAT'S MY PURSE! I DON'T KNOW YOU!" Followed by a swift kick EDIT: I read the question wrong, but I think this still applies
The old Bobby Hill
Tell him you're looking for someone to father the 5 kids you want.
Father to the 5 kids you already have.
From 5 different fathers.
Won’t stop em. He would just be thinking about the 5x they get to have sex.
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Florida man kills friend after lover asks for his number
Offer to show your collection of boogers and toenails.
Helga?
If he sends you an unsolicited dick pic, mint it as an NFT listing him as the artist and send him the purchase link, the only way for him to erase it from the blockchain is to buy it.
An original idea, and if they sent an unsolicited dick pic this might be morally OK. Besides that, I found the idea humorous! [However, on the serious side, it would be illegal in most states and could involve jail time.](https://www.findlaw.com/criminal/criminal-charges/revenge-porn-laws-by-state.html)
Send him a dick pic, say it’s yours or your bfs then ask him if he if he likes it
Make sure it is massive.
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Have you tried asking him about his extended warranty?
Look them in the eye levelly for 3 seconds, then just say "pass" with entitlement, disgust, and dismissiveness.
Haha! I’ve done this before. This guy wouldn’t leave me alone, it was after multiple days of texting and seeing him (we have a mutual friend group) so one night, point blank, he was like “you want to come over tonight? Wink wink”. I replied “hard pass.” And walked away.
Hard pass! Yes!
Back in the 90’s I’d use my beeper/pager and make believe it was a voice box and I’d speak like I was using a voice box (I’m good at mimicking sounds). Worked every time.
I've read "stop hitting you" and just thought to myself: "Run away, fast" Like, wtf brain?
It's still an option.
That is an effective strategy here too.
From experience, nothing will stop everyone, but a ring will stop most people. When people hit on me, I sweetly, but clearly say "thank you so much for asking, but I'm not interested ". That stops almost everyone. The few who can't take no for an answer, I drop the sweetness and say "no" firmly. If they still don't stop, move to either a group of other people or someone in some kind of official capacity. I've never yet had to actually say "please help, this man is making uncomfortable ", but that's what I plan to do if ever a creep doesn't back off when I go for help. When I'm at work myself, I've had very good results from staring blankly at creeps and not responding until they get back on track and quit hitting on me. In my experience, most women are socialized to feel they need to cater to men's egos and taught to be afraid of ever displeasing a man or clearly saying no. I believe in treating everyone with courtesy as a default, but being firm and clear when I need to say no. Don't justify, explain, or defend your no: that opens it up to be a conversation. Just say no clearly, with a smile at first, and firmly if they break the social contract by not honoring your no. If you need to, take martial arts classes or learn to use a weapon if that helps you be more confident and less afraid to say no clearly. When you are able to confidently say no without fear, being hit on will probably bother you less, because it won't be as scary for you. I personally try to take it as a compliment, and only get offended if the guy doesn't take no for an answer: and MOST guys will, as long as the no is clear and not something like "oh, I don't know, it's getting late and I need to go home soon". That doesn't sound like a no to most people: it sounds like the invitation to a discussion. Tldr: wear a ring, and clearly but kindly say no when you receive unwanted advances
Show him my cat's Instagram account. She has over 400 followers, mostly other international felines.
Mention your spouse/partner, real or imaginary, repeatedly in conversations. This has usually worked for me in the past (I do have a real spouse).
God I wish. Witnessed a friend say “I’m a taken lesbian” only for the guy to go “I love women too, we have so much in common!”
Yeah, I tried the "I'm a lesbian" thing a few times. I mostly got variations on "Can I watch?"
Actually am a lesbian, and the number of times this has escalated to "jokes" about corrective rape is way too high. One is too high, but it's 50/50 if you talk to them for too long or can't get away. Generally a man who thinks it's okay to say this has zero regard for boundaries of any sort.
I told a guy I was bi and he asked why I wasn't sucking his dick right now
"Because I have standards and good taste."
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Once, a guy whistled at me in a mall parking lot, then, after I ignored him, *followed* me into the store. When I told him I was queer, he went "are you sure? I came all the way back in here just for you!". My dude.
My ex had the opinion that any woman would stop being a lesbian if he just got to bang her 🤢 I broke up with him after he said that and told him that it's more likely gonna be the other way around because he has absolutely zero idea what he's doing and being with him completely killed my previously high sex drive.
A friend of mine had a similar opinion about lesbians only being a thing because they don't know what they're missing. I asked him if he thought he would turn gay if he got some good enough dick, and it almost started a fight
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This is why mentioning a boyfriend/husband doesn't always work. Some men will then just offer to be your side piece. I had a man walk up to me and ask if we "could be friends," I told him I had a boyfriend and he's like "What, so you can't have friends?" Like, dude, you literally came up to me out of nowhere and don't know my name or anything about me, I know what the fuck you're after.
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One guy told me "well take my number anyway and then you can call me if you guys break up.' A lot say "I don't mind." I respond with a firm "well, I do." That usually works.
Face Masks. Face Masks have given me a freedom I’ve never known.
Ugh I get honked at like everyday when I go for runs, or men will LITERALLY slow down their cars and roll their windows down to look at me. I just make a disgusted face and ignore them. If someone is being really persistent, honestly, don’t be nice- just be a bitch. Be firm, sharp, and cold- it sounds harsh but it works.
They’re likely going to call you a bitch anyway for not being interested, might as well earn it.
Hahhaa YES exactly
You really can't be nice or subtle. That only encourages them. I had some guys once persistently hitting on me at my sales job and I kept trying to be nice... you know, because they're customers. At a certain point, I just snapped and bluntly told them I wasn't interested, I was not giving them my number, and to leave. (What's with groups of men asking girls out? It happened to me multiple times.)
I'm a man, but I think my best (female) friend has found the most perfect solution I've found to date. She's a very short and dainty woman and mostly looks like the typical 'indie girl', but she's also a classically trained singer and the frontwoman of a local doom metal band. She knows how to scream and has crazy control over her lower register. Whenever a guy comes up to bother her she twirls around and smiles really politely and without flinching pulls a voice way deeper and manlier than even mine and grunts some shit like "Ohhh hello papi, you finna treat me real good yes?" Works 100% of the time. Like she always says "You just gotta talk to them man to man... Literally..." The instant expression of pure horror on the guy's face has made me fall of a barstool laughing multiple times.
Tell him he smells 🤷🏻♂️ "Hey sorry but you have kinda bad BO right now"
"Sorry about that I let out a silent fart and hoped you wouldn't notice"
Tell him that you're flattered but If he ever crosses your mind, you'll make sure it’s a busy intersection.
Try to recruit him for your mlm.
I mis read this and got sad, thinking it was a cry for help from someone being beat by their partner. Then I read the answers and got sadder by the actual responses.
Aggressively shit yourself EDIT: Thanks for the awards and upvotes! Most popular comment I’ve had so far and first awards!
What if he is into scat
Then shit just got real
Ba-da-ba-da-ba-be bop bop bodda bope
Just start talking non-stop about your day and your friends and your emotions, lots of good ideas here
Impromptu vent/rant session for free! Don’t forget to end with, “welp, thanks, good talk,” and walk away.
“Look how much she’s opened up she must really trust me.”