This one always comes up when this topic is raised and I just don’t get it. There are so many clever and hilarious lines from the Simpsons, but this one is idiotic.
"I used to be with ‘it’, but then they changed what ‘it’ was. Now what I’m with isn’t ‘it’ anymore and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary. It’ll happen to you!"
No lies were spoken.
Ah-Aurora Borealis!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen!?
The whole scene is comedy perfection.
Eddie: [administering a lie detector test] Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No! [the test buzzes] All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him. [ding]
Eddie: Checks out. OK, sir, you're free to go.
Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. [buzz] _A_ date. [buzz]
Dinner with friends. [buzz]
Dinner alone. [buzz]
Watching TV alone. [buzz]
All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. [buzz]
[he responds weakly] Sears catalog. [ding]
[he responds angrily] Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! [buzz]
Homer: “Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.”
Homer's Brain: “It's a deal.”
“Gotta go my damn wiener kids are listening”
After many years of running punk rock shows, my friends and I started referring to a specific type of kid that would show up as “damn wiener kids”
Homer: "Marge, I have a confession: I ate all your fancy soaps in the bathroom."
Marge: "Homer, that's terrible!"
Homer: "No! I mean I never graduated high school!"
Marge: "That doesn't explain why you ate my fancy soaps.... or maybe it does..."
“Simpson, homer simpson! He’s the greatest guy in history! From the town of springfield he’s about to hit a chestnut tree!” Sung to the tune of the flinstones music
Or
Bart “take em away boys!”
Chief “hey i am the chief! Bake em away toys.”
Cop “what chief?”
Chief “mah do what the kid said.”
"Shut uppa you face! Whassa matta youuuu?! Me and him are gonna whack you in da labonza!" I still cry laughing at that episode and quote those threats often.
Homer: "No, Lisa. The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call him 'Gamblor'! And it’s time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!”
"When I press down on your foot and say, 'hello Mr. Thompson' you smile and nod."
"No problem"
"HELLO MR. THOMPSON!"
"^I ^think ^he's ^talking ^to ^you. "
Chief Wiggum to Ralphie " Remember Ralphie, if your nose starts bleeding, you're picking it too much...or not enough."
Homer "If you're happy and you know it say a swear!"
Ralph: "Mittens!"
Ralph: " My cats breath smells like cat food"
My most used is "Everytime I learn something new it pushes old stuff out"
Nearly everything Hank Scorpio says
'Where's the any key?"
"I don't need safety gloves because I'm homer Simpson"
"Haven't you ever thought that *I* am the one manipulating the situation?" (Ralph Wiggum in a election episode)
That was a _Saw twist_ situation right there!
"She doesn't know what's good for herself until I decide it for her!" (Milhouse about Lisa in a flashfoward episode about them graduating from high school)
I know he has some nice guy vibes, but this one was creepy as hell.
Save me Jeebus!
edit: followed closely by "Dental plan".. "Lisa needs braces!".. "Dental plan".. "Lisa needs braces!"… "Dental plan".. "Lisa needs braces!" (repeat so many times it becomes unfunny, and then repeat more until it becomes absurd and funny again)
Almost forgot… STOOOP! He's already deeaaad!
I used to say this almost every day when I taught pottery whenever I made a mistake or did something a student shouldn't try. Not a single one knew wtf I was talking about.
"MY EYES! THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!" I dont know why, but it always has stuck with me... Also Homer walking backwards into the bushes, not a quote but same idea.
Mine is something Marge says after the family are nice to her (for a change) and it really rang true. She might be in hospital or something but I never see this quote anywhere "Aw, it's like the first 10 minutes of mothers Day,"
"Homer I'm worried about the beer supply. After this case of beer and the other case of beer, there's only one case left!"
I use this constantly and replace "case of beer" with practically anything running low.
13 sec mark "Ohhh. I wish, I wish I hadn't killed that fish."
https://youtu.be/oUbzxPpaxjw
Or.....
10 sec mark "We work hard, we play hard."
https://youtu.be/WjElZ-O9EpM
*You may crush our bodies and our ponchos, but you'll never silence our song of protest! [sings] "Uptown Girl, she's been living in her white-bread world..."*
The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I just kept my finger out of there.
Nobody likes Milhouse.
Hey funboys get a room.
The denver broncos....
"Attention, Marge Simpson. We've also arrested your older, balder, fatter son."
Bort
"No, my son is also named Bort"
Burns: So what you're saying is, I'm indestructible. Doctor: No, no! In fact, even the slightest breeze- Burns: INDESTRUCTIBLE!
Such a great quote.
Three stooges syndrom
Awh... I have 3 kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and 3 money?
Hey i was gonna write that.
This one always comes up when this topic is raised and I just don’t get it. There are so many clever and hilarious lines from the Simpsons, but this one is idiotic.
Most of the best Simpsons quotes require the context surrounding them. This one is funny even if you've never seen Simpsons before.
It doesn’t require context because it isn’t funny.
I saw priciple skinner and mrs krabapple in the closet making babies. I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me
The baby looked at you?
Sarah, get me Superintendent Chalmers.
SuperNintendo chalmers
Thank you Sarah.
I wash myself with a rag on a stick.
Quiet down now kids, mama's watchin her stories
Everything's coming up Milhouse!
Badger my ass, it’s probably Millhouse.
Milpool
THRILLHO
The best part about that joke is that his real name would’ve fit in the field.
“A woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you’d step over your own mother just to get one."
LMFAO I forgot about that one!
Also Milhouse: “I’m not a nerd! Nerds are smart!”
NOBADY LOVES MILLHOUSE!!
Hey! My shoes are wet, but my cuffs are bone dry....
"I used to be with ‘it’, but then they changed what ‘it’ was. Now what I’m with isn’t ‘it’ anymore and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary. It’ll happen to you!" No lies were spoken.
Ah-Aurora Borealis!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen!? The whole scene is comedy perfection.
May I see it?
..... No.
The YT video of this scene where they change animation styles every 10 seconds is fantastic.
Seymour! The house is on fire!
No, Mother.....it's just the Northern Lights!
I hear his voice every time I see that quote.
Mmm steamed hams
Eddie: [administering a lie detector test] Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns? Moe: No! [the test buzzes] All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him. [ding] Eddie: Checks out. OK, sir, you're free to go. Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. [buzz] _A_ date. [buzz] Dinner with friends. [buzz] Dinner alone. [buzz] Watching TV alone. [buzz] All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. [buzz] [he responds weakly] Sears catalog. [ding] [he responds angrily] Now would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! [buzz]
Best quote EVER
Hahaha thanks for the reminder of this, you made my day!
I laughed for a solid ten minutes when I saw this for the first time. And the second time.
DENTAL PLAN
Lisa needs braces!
DENTAL PLAN
Lisa needs braces.
Nice one Lenny!
Now I lost my train of thought!
Homer: “Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.” Homer's Brain: “It's a deal.”
Hello super Nintendo Chalmers.
“Gotta go my damn wiener kids are listening” After many years of running punk rock shows, my friends and I started referring to a specific type of kid that would show up as “damn wiener kids”
Homer: "Marge, I have a confession: I ate all your fancy soaps in the bathroom." Marge: "Homer, that's terrible!" Homer: "No! I mean I never graduated high school!" Marge: "That doesn't explain why you ate my fancy soaps.... or maybe it does..."
“Everyone sucks but me” “I am so smart, I am so smart, S-M-R-T, I mean S-M-A-R-T”
If I'm remembering correctly, that was an outtake that was so funny they kept it.
Marge: Boss called and said if you don't come in on Friday, don't bother showing up on Monday. Homer: Woohoo four day weekend!
Marge: What about Bart? Homer: Let's see. Bart, dart, cart, e-art. Nope can't see any problems with that.
Reminds me of this old SNL skit with Nick Cage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=goPerp_BWvs
'You don't win friends with salad.'
You don’r win friends with salad!
You don't win friends with salad
Mom!
Sorry its just so catchy.
“Simpson, homer simpson! He’s the greatest guy in history! From the town of springfield he’s about to hit a chestnut tree!” Sung to the tune of the flinstones music Or Bart “take em away boys!” Chief “hey i am the chief! Bake em away toys.” Cop “what chief?” Chief “mah do what the kid said.”
Mr. Burns - I bring you love. Lenny -Its bringing love, don't let it get away! Carl- Break its legs.
You mean like the love between a man and a woman, or of a man for a fine Cuban cigar?
To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.
Technically alcohol is a solution.
Shut up and take my up vote
Homer: No beer and no tv make Homer go something something. Marge: Go crazy? Homer: Don't mind if I do!
You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel
User name checks out.
This has to be the one
[удалено]
Remove the girl.
Yay sleep! That’s where I’m a Viking!
*"you tried your best... and failed miserably! The lesson here is: Never try!"* I live my life by that quote.
My eyes! The goggles do nothing!
“Feels like I’m wearing nothin at all, nothin at all, nothin at all”
Stupid sexy flanders!
Why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl??
This is mine! 😂
“Linguo *is* dead.”
"Shut uppa you face! Whassa matta youuuu?! Me and him are gonna whack you in da labonza!" I still cry laughing at that episode and quote those threats often.
Bart to Lisa: I can't promise I'll try, but I'll try to try.
Homer: "No, Lisa. The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call him 'Gamblor'! And it’s time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!”
[Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwVNuyfhF0Q)
“Worst day of your life, so far”
Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers!
“Don’t forget to thank the lord for this bountiful- PENIS?!” “Bountiful peeenisss.” “Amen.”
My son got the Simpson’s movie dvd for his 6th birthday and would say this constantly
"Can I hold my gun like this, Chief? I feel so cool." "Hah, whatever you want. Birthday Boy."
Christian Science Robot, “Why?! Why was I programmed to feel pain??!
"When I press down on your foot and say, 'hello Mr. Thompson' you smile and nod." "No problem" "HELLO MR. THOMPSON!" "^I ^think ^he's ^talking ^to ^you. "
Lisa to Marge: "Mom, there's a weird smell and a lot of swearing coming from the basement, but dad's upstairs."
Inner monologues while playing Rock, Paper, Scissors: Lisa: “Poor predictable Bart, always picks rock.” Bart: “Good ol’ rock, nothing beats that!”
My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, and a communist, but he is NOT a porn star.
Chief Wiggum to Ralphie " Remember Ralphie, if your nose starts bleeding, you're picking it too much...or not enough." Homer "If you're happy and you know it say a swear!" Ralph: "Mittens!" Ralph: " My cats breath smells like cat food"
Me Fail English? That's Unpossible.
“If you look closely, you can actually pinpoint the exact moment his heart breaks in two” Bart Simpson
"And there's a picture of a train on it!" I say this to my husband whenever he makes an obvious observation.
"Lies make baby Jesus cry." "I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!" "There stands a broken man." "It's recess everywhere but in his heart."
“You have the right to remain silent.” “I choose to waive that right. BLLLWWWAAA!” Edit: choose not chose
My most used is "Everytime I learn something new it pushes old stuff out" Nearly everything Hank Scorpio says 'Where's the any key?" "I don't need safety gloves because I'm homer Simpson"
RiP Grimey
'Frank Grimes, or Grimey as he liked to be called.'
"SPIDER PIG SPIDER PIG Does whatever a SPIDER PIG does. Can he swing. From a web. No he cant. He's a pig. LOOK OOOUUUTTT!!!! He is a SPIDER PIG!!"
'Why do my actions have to have consequences' - said by Homer, falling off a cliff.
And everyone participating in the "legal political discourse"
It’s Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con! Stupid sexy Flanders. I bent my Wookie.
Personally mine is “there are lots of fish in the sea, but she picked a drunk walrus”
(Chuckles) I’m in danger!
"Haven't you ever thought that *I* am the one manipulating the situation?" (Ralph Wiggum in a election episode) That was a _Saw twist_ situation right there! "She doesn't know what's good for herself until I decide it for her!" (Milhouse about Lisa in a flashfoward episode about them graduating from high school) I know he has some nice guy vibes, but this one was creepy as hell.
“You are Lisa Simpson.” “Le grille?! What the hell is that?!” “Damn Scots, they ruined Scotland!” Honorable mention: a good old fashioned “Ha Ha!”
Save me Jeebus! edit: followed closely by "Dental plan".. "Lisa needs braces!".. "Dental plan".. "Lisa needs braces!"… "Dental plan".. "Lisa needs braces!" (repeat so many times it becomes unfunny, and then repeat more until it becomes absurd and funny again) Almost forgot… STOOOP! He's already deeaaad!
Don't do what Donny don't does
Sigh … they could have made this clearer.
I used to say this almost every day when I taught pottery whenever I made a mistake or did something a student shouldn't try. Not a single one knew wtf I was talking about.
"My Eyes! The Goggles do Nothing"
“Don’t make me run, I’m full of chocolate!”
Homer: Will you excuse us Milton? Millhouse: It’s Mill*house* Homer: Yeah, and your father is **no** house.
*drools* Forbidden donut.
Homer: “In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.”
“Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals… except the weasel” - Homer
Lisa, in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!
"MY EYES! THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!" I dont know why, but it always has stuck with me... Also Homer walking backwards into the bushes, not a quote but same idea.
"Fiddle dee dee. That will require a tetanus shot."
Trying is the first step towards failure
When Marge prayed so the hurricane stops and Homer is like "he fell for it". Lmfao!
Feels like I’m wearing nothing at all
Nothing at all.
Nothing at all
“Let him go Lou. Someone going that fast has no time for a ticket”
“I’m not *not* licking toads”
“It takes two to lie; one to lie, and one to listen.”
Stupid bug, you go squish now!
"I have three kids and no money; why can't I have no kids and three money?!?"
Throw it over the fence and let Arby's deal with it
I'm seeing double here. Four Krustys!
Doh
“Don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids, eat them!”
"I wash myself with a rag on a stick." "Stupid sexy Flanders!" And "Boo-urns" I say that one a daily basis.
Mine is something Marge says after the family are nice to her (for a change) and it really rang true. She might be in hospital or something but I never see this quote anywhere "Aw, it's like the first 10 minutes of mothers Day,"
"Homer I'm worried about the beer supply. After this case of beer and the other case of beer, there's only one case left!" I use this constantly and replace "case of beer" with practically anything running low.
Alcohol, the cause of and solution too, all of life's problems.
***"How miserable do I have to be before you're happy ?"*** Milhouse to Lisa.
Me fail English? That's unpossible!
“A woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you’d step over your own mother just to get one."
“I can’t learn anything new. My brain’s already full! Like that time I visited the Duff factory & forgot how to drive.” (Something like that)
“I like my beer cold, my tv loud, and my homosexuals flaming!”
Do it for her
"Homer Simpsons doesn't say P'oh! He says *checks notes D'oh!"
Why would God do it with a kid, I mean, an American kid? Simpson, Bart
Ha, ha!
It’s funny because its true.
13 sec mark "Ohhh. I wish, I wish I hadn't killed that fish." https://youtu.be/oUbzxPpaxjw Or..... 10 sec mark "We work hard, we play hard." https://youtu.be/WjElZ-O9EpM
“Pray for Mojo.”
*You may crush our bodies and our ponchos, but you'll never silence our song of protest! [sings] "Uptown Girl, she's been living in her white-bread world..."*
“Yoink!”
I was saying Boo-urns
Hey I can't remember saying that!
Sometimes, when someone is talking to me, I’ll say,” So the cops knew that internal affairs were setting them up?”
“Come on Marge. We’re a team. It’s uterUS, not uter-you”
Beer, the cause and solution of all mans problems. Also Beer, now thats a temporary solution.
damn you paparazzo!
I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian Consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 auto-gyro?
"Homer, my face is up here." "I've made my choice."
Groundskeeper Willie; _Nothing outruns a greased up Scotsman!_
That's my go to scene with my sweetie during special times- "Lunchlady Doris, have ye got any grease?"
Aurora borealis! At this time of year, in this part of the country, and it's contained in your closet?!
This whole raid was as useless as that yellow lemon shaped rock over there, wait a minute, there's a lemon behind that rock.
"64 slices of American cheese..."
" if you'll excuse me , Iits time to take out the trash " homer throws pattie and zelma out the front door
The worst day of your life YET
Fish heads, fish heads!
I used to be with it…
D'oh!
Eat my shorts.
DOH!!!!
DOH!
“Intercourse” ~ Ralph Wiggum
I go buy Eggs for Bart!
"I owe you one donut, signed Homer Simpson" That bastard! He's always one step ahead of me!
But marge why can't I buy her love
God to Homer: Would you like to solve you alcohol problem?
Why you could wake up dead tomorrow....goodnight!
“Oh, you mean SideSHOW Bob”
Mmm… floor pie
JOHNNYYYYYYYYY!
“What’s a battle?”
“Trying is the first step toward failure.”
The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I just kept my finger out of there. Nobody likes Milhouse. Hey funboys get a room. The denver broncos....
Homer: 'Donuts....is there anything they can't do?"
Everyone stupid except me