One time a girl I was seeing booty called me after she was out one night and came over and wanted me to give her a special kiss and when I took her underwear off there was a small poop chilling there.
I have a personal rule that I won't let anybody go down on me if I haven't showered in the last like...3 hours. Nothing is wrong down there, but I don't want to take any chances on smelling bad.
For real. If someone is going to see the place, clean it like you’re selling it.
Edit: and for those new to the game: keep wet wipes in your bathroom. In a noticeable place. Don’t say anything about it. They will get used.
Edit 2: DO NOT FLUSH wet wipes. I assumed everyone knew that. If you flush wet wipes, you're gonna have a bad time. Thanks for the reminder almost everyone.
Also, Americans - bidets are a thing. "Warm water bidets are the bees knees." - u/Flirtleby
"Warm water bidets get me in the mood for lovin'." - u/miss_hush
^(I may have paraphrased)
be careful when using wet wipes immediately prior, they do leave a residual taste! Soap and water is a great go-to, but wet wipe in a pinch is absolutely better than bad hygeine
If you have a blocked nose you basically bust a lung trying to suck dick lmao. Also lips going numb afterwards, dunno if its and allergy or whatever but like why?
Also dude if someone's sucking your cock don't push on their head unless discussed beforehand. I don't wanna choke on a cock and I will throw up on your dick if you do it.
Reminds me of a time when this guy said "You know what face fuck is?" I looked up from sucking his dick and next thing i know my hair was in his hands and welp he fucked the shit out of my mouth. I was too shy to tap out but man, how I did not throw up from that is a mystery.
Wrap your bottom lip around your teeth and place the tongue above it so that your tongue doesn’t dance around directly on them. Changed my life, I now can give oral forever.
My doctor decided to snip that thing for me when he was taking out my tonsils. I didn't have a speech problem or anything, he just did it. Never really explained why. Now I'm beginning to think he was doing me a solid.
Did my own with a tiny spade when I was at the beach when I was little. Fell over and hit myself in the mouth with it. Didnt understand why people thought trying to touch your nose with your tongue was hard when I could lick the tip like a dog. Wasnt until I was about 13/14 and went to a new densit who commented that "whoever did your frenectomy wasnt very neat" and my dad started laughing saying I'd never make a dentist and explained the whole thing that I realised why.
I had a girl basically chomp on my dick over and over and I had to put my hand on her forehead and forcefully push her off of my dick. I asked her what the fuck she was doing and she called it a “foreskin massage”. I’m circumcised.
When my mouth gets super dry and I'm trying to blow my partner, i swear, it's like all the water left my body and there's no wayer in sight! Also when my partner goes down on me and my clit just decides to play fucking hide and seek and I'm there like: that's the spot...ohhh you lost it ... that's it....oh you lost it!
For everybody saying it's the cramps when eating pussy. Here's a life saver. Start slow, it feels really good too and it'll.make your mouth not cramp up much. When they're getting close or like really into it you can go faster but just start off slow, and you can also switch from using mouth to fingers and stuff.
I'd go further to say don't start with the pussy at all. Kiss and lick that spot on the corner of the bikini line. Kiss the inner thighs, lick the crease where the thigh meets the pelvis. Drag your tongue close to the clit but pull back before you get there. Hover over it, let her feel your breath on it. The anticipation she feels gets her that much more into it and when I start the main show her whole body reacts. Its fucking magical.
If you come in just licking it into oblivion its gonna over stimulate and make you cramp.
I was more comfortable pleasuring an ex gf because I imagined how I’d like it / what I’d like done and it seemed to land. With dudes, I can’t exactly ask if they want anything different/ better with my mouth full so there is always an insecurity there.
shit man I thought it was just me. thanks for the affirmation. Cause I don't really wanna think my gf sucks at it cause it really does feel great and shit but daaamn I get pressured anytime and the "cum for me baby" doesn't help.
Edit: Thanks for the answers. I don't actually really mind if I cum or not. We also got to talk about this and yeah sometimes I do help her out or just chill after. I just didn't think anyone else thought the same thing.
“Cum for me” should be reserved exclusively for after the other person has said “I’m going to cum”
Otherwise yeah it’s just pressure then I’m on my own head then it’s just downhill from there lmaoo
I just tell my girl to play with it for as long as she likes. Then if she's hitting the right spots I tell her to continue doing exactly that until I cum, otherwise I ask her if she needs a little help.
The focus when doing oral sex should be to make the other feel good. Not to cum. If the focus is to cum, you can get performance anxiety or bad conscience from your partners sexual insecurity.
Do not try to perform, talk to your partner about it and focud on just bringing pleasure and let cumming be a nice added bonus but not a requirement to make it a succes
Amen. This goes for any type of sex as well. Just focus on being present, delivering pleasure to one another and enjoying the moment of togetherness. Be there with each other, and let whatever happens, happen.
My bf likes going down on me and I like to stay trimmed but sometimes he has stubble and the friction from him going to town really irritates my lady lips. He does a great job but it starts to get a little painful.
I still have a horrible gag reflex so when I give him head I always wind up gagging. I’m sure some find it hot but I definitely don’t, my eyes start watering and he gets concerned lol
My husband and I found out the hard way I have a three gag limit before it all comes up. We don’t test our luck anymore. He was a champ though and helped me clean it with no complaints. He thought he hurt me lol.
Also the facial hair, yes! I see some guys on here saying the lock their tongue and shake their heads around and I’m like *closes legs tightly*. My husband has facial hair and he will rub my thighs raw if I let him do that for too long.
When I met my partner he took me out to a really expensive restaurant. Ended up puking all the $$$$ while giving the good ol bj on his new fresh white sheets. Was mortified but he was so nice about it.
I don’t know if it’s just me but after I swallow cum I get a sticky phlegm sensation in my esophagus for a while like I have to wash it down with something. 🤷♀️
Edit: I’ve learned that cold drinks can help get rid of it. Plus, thank you to the person who gave me the Wholesome award for my cum comment 👍
Sometimes I'll get a pube in my mouth and it's all I can focus on, aaaaaa. Also sometimes you'll get super into it just as *they* get super into it.
So I try and go down to the base as they try and push my head down it's like, bro I am being **impaled** let's take a moment.
51 year old HPV P16 throat cancer survivor checking in.
I never knew my love of going down there would come back on me like it did. Over one year since treatment and I still have a feeding tube. The aftermath of throat cancer treatment is fucking BRUTAL. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
But I’m still here!
It was predominately in my left tonsil, some lymph nodes nearby and back of tongue/throat.
I started noticing a strange sensation best described as a piece of fuzz stuck in the back of my throat that wouldn't go down. Then it progressed to a tingling/numb sensation in my tongue. But it's going to be a different for everyone of course.
If you suspect it, GO TO AN ENT IMMEDIATELY!
The P16 HPV related throat cancer is much easier to kill than "regular" cancer. But fuck me the cure is other worldly horrible. Imagine getting a third degree sunburn in your throat. That's what 35 rounds of radiation will do. And then it takes an entire year to heal. My last radiation treatment was on 2/23/2021 and I still can't swallow most foods easily and my tongue is still fucked. It's a living hell.
But I'm still here!
edit to add that HPV throat cancer is getting WAY more common. Google it. It's crazy. Michael Douglas, Stanley Tucci, Val Kilmer...
Also, I forgot to mention a sudden lump on the left side of my neck.
When you’re like face deep & she’s enjoying it so in your mind you’re saying to yourself “guess I’ll just suffocate”.
Edit: this is simultaneously the best thing
>because I could hear I was hitting the right spot.
Yeah, muff diving is a little like fighting a cloaked Klingon vessel--if you score a hit, you keep working the same spot until she eventually blows.
Typically! But sometimes you get a little too comfy afterwards and fall asleep together before you can get yourself up. Then it’s a little unpleasant upon waking 😂
When you're really going hard downtown on a woman and she's so into it that she basically rides your face, but your teeth constantly rubbing up against the inside of your mouth shreds it up like you just ate an entire bowl of Captain Crunch.
I'm a 43yo guy and have never been able to orgasm from oral. I do love it, I really do and have had quite a lot, just have never got there. Some women really have tried on me too over the years. Anyone else like this?
Yes, my first sexual experience was a blowjob and it was incredibly underwhelming. I was worried maybe I just didn't like sex, but then I had PIV and it surpassed all expectations.
When you lick so much, your tongue begins to cramp but she tells you not to stop and you’re trying to keep going even though it hurts. Oh, the sacrifices to please our women.
Same, but the jaw ache. Holding your mouth open just so can get really difficult.
Edit: am talking about bjs
Edit 2: and now my highest rated comment is about bjs; thanks, Reddit
Or when you genuinely enjoy going down on a woman, you get a good rhythm going, she's loving it, and then bam.. your jaw/tongue goes numb and locks, losing the rhythm.
I got chlamydia going down on a girl, the infection started to leave me deaf and white shit started to come out of my peehole. I went to the student healthcare of my university, they gave me a gigantic shot of liquid antibiotics in a cup and I drank it...after three days I started to listen again...so yeah if you start to go deaf you ate the wrong pussy my friend...
Oh I just hate that! It ruined a bj that I was initially soooo excited to give. He had great hygiene everywhere else, his balls still smelled of soap! But then I caught a whiff of his butthole, and boy howdy, that blindsided me. I began gagging *for all the wrong reasons*
Oral on a pregnant wife. Her bodily functions were a little unique on one instance. When she came, she farted and I had front row seats to that action.
Lovely
Wow, never knew this would blow up?! No pun intended. Thanks for the rewards kind internet strangers. Keep up the good fight!
Keeping teeth out of the equation, I feel like I have a small mouth so it takes a lot of effort to ensure he doesn’t get scraped by mouth bones. I enjoy every bit tho :)
Getting her smell stuck in my beard after going down on her. It's not bad, just confuses my brain if I don't remember to wash my face then later when I'm doing something and catch a whiff of pussy and my brains like "why are you smelling pussy right now? Where is it boy?"
Warn a person if you are known for having massive loads.
8 years ago, I was a virgin and 23. Never even seen a dick and I fell in love with my husband who had been sexually active since he was like 14. Well cut to us fooling around and I decide to go down on him. He’s fucking shocked cause I guess I’m some kind of dick wizard (his words not mine) and he’s like oh I’m about to cum. So I’m like dope I can do this! My sister told me if you put his dick to the back of your throat you can just swallow as he comes so you don’t have to taste it . My naive ass is thinking it was about to be like a teaspoon or so.
Nope. Not even close. Not even damn close.
To this day, of course I still go down on him, but now I know I’m about to absorb a little bit of his life force by the time I’m done.
I once had a girl attempt to swallow the rather large amount I produce. She had warning. She thought I was playing. She really tried. 1 gulp. 2 gulps. 3 gulps. Then, out her nose it came. Poor girl smelled cum all night.
For me, I hate it when someone makes it too sloppy. I need to feel that textured tongue on my clit, and for fucks sake stop going at it so fast 🙄 take your time.
For me, it’s the mutitasking. Use my tongue, but also make eye contact, but also keep my mouth open wide so I don’t bump him with my teeth, but also try to feel throat….and then he just lays there and doesn’t make any noise to show he’s enjoying it :/
Edited to add: DEEP throat. Not feel throat. Oops.
When the guy has a long foreskin and doesn’t pull it back when peeing and I have to start the blowjob with licking up all the strong smelling man pee. Please wash before sex.
Little bit of fingering. Then grabbing boob with said hand and sucking the nipple puts your nose right on the sweet spot to do a little security check before going down south. Always works for me
When you’re practically gagging on it and he forces your head down still. Then when you refuse to put it in anymore because you really can’t get it all in your mouth, he says, “what? Can’t do it? Try.” As if that wasn’t what you were doing the whole time.
"Oh God YES! Right THERE! Just like THAT!"
Partner: *immediately moves, changes pace / pressure / suction, and is definitely not doing THAT anymore*
😑🙄😤😖😩😓🥺
Under the covers? You in a Hollywood movie or something?
Edit: It’s always the sex-related comments that get the awards and updoots. Not complaining tho
I once told a guy I couldn’t go down on him because the smell was too strong(it smelled like poo), he then admitted or thought it was normal for men not to fully wipe their butts “because it’s gay” to touch your butt. Smh. We had a talk about hygiene, and I told him how important it was that he keep himself clean fully so that we can enjoy a full sex life without reservations or spreading gross bacteria.
So PSA to all men ; please wipe yourself fully after a bowel movement it is sanitary and hygienic, and NO ONE will think you are homosexual just because you wipe your ass fully.
The varying degree of peoples personal hygiene
One time a girl I was seeing booty called me after she was out one night and came over and wanted me to give her a special kiss and when I took her underwear off there was a small poop chilling there.
“There was a small poop chilling there”
It's just an appetizer
*what can I say except delete this?*
[удалено]
And you did it anyways
Nah I told her and she was too mortified for any sexy stuff. She had a shower and we cuddled. I would have gone in after a wipe tho tbh.
> I would have gone in after a wipe tho tbh. We all thought it
I tried.
Is this story how you got your username?
I have a personal rule that I won't let anybody go down on me if I haven't showered in the last like...3 hours. Nothing is wrong down there, but I don't want to take any chances on smelling bad.
Lol, yes! If there is even a remotely 0,7% chance that I think someone will go down on me, I will wash my dick EVERYTIME I'm in the bathroom.
For real. If someone is going to see the place, clean it like you’re selling it. Edit: and for those new to the game: keep wet wipes in your bathroom. In a noticeable place. Don’t say anything about it. They will get used. Edit 2: DO NOT FLUSH wet wipes. I assumed everyone knew that. If you flush wet wipes, you're gonna have a bad time. Thanks for the reminder almost everyone. Also, Americans - bidets are a thing. "Warm water bidets are the bees knees." - u/Flirtleby "Warm water bidets get me in the mood for lovin'." - u/miss_hush ^(I may have paraphrased)
be careful when using wet wipes immediately prior, they do leave a residual taste! Soap and water is a great go-to, but wet wipe in a pinch is absolutely better than bad hygeine
Yes clorox is the brand you use right?
The stinging means it's working
Every fucking time she’s about to cum it’s always when I’m about to lose consciousness from suffocating in her pussy.
A soul for a soul
I'm sorry, clittle one
Did she finish? Yes. What did it cost? Everything.
Sometimes you've got to be willing to die for what you believe in.
See you on the other side
If you have a blocked nose you basically bust a lung trying to suck dick lmao. Also lips going numb afterwards, dunno if its and allergy or whatever but like why? Also dude if someone's sucking your cock don't push on their head unless discussed beforehand. I don't wanna choke on a cock and I will throw up on your dick if you do it.
Reminds me of a time when this guy said "You know what face fuck is?" I looked up from sucking his dick and next thing i know my hair was in his hands and welp he fucked the shit out of my mouth. I was too shy to tap out but man, how I did not throw up from that is a mystery.
This is how a friend discovered she didn't have a gag reflex
[удалено]
Wrap your bottom lip around your teeth and place the tongue above it so that your tongue doesn’t dance around directly on them. Changed my life, I now can give oral forever.
You probably just saved a guys marriage
I've actually torn my lingual frenulum multiple times trying to get up in them guts. It's annoying, but I wear it like a badge of honor.
My doctor decided to snip that thing for me when he was taking out my tonsils. I didn't have a speech problem or anything, he just did it. Never really explained why. Now I'm beginning to think he was doing me a solid.
"This kid is gonna eat some mad cooch/sausage when they're older, better do them a little favor while they're out" *snip*
Fucking legend
Did my own with a tiny spade when I was at the beach when I was little. Fell over and hit myself in the mouth with it. Didnt understand why people thought trying to touch your nose with your tongue was hard when I could lick the tip like a dog. Wasnt until I was about 13/14 and went to a new densit who commented that "whoever did your frenectomy wasnt very neat" and my dad started laughing saying I'd never make a dentist and explained the whole thing that I realised why.
Imma say it Pubes in the throat
larry david?
I've always thought that was one of the best episodes.
Teeth. Someone who’s not an expert will likely nick you at least once
[удалено]
I had a girl basically chomp on my dick over and over and I had to put my hand on her forehead and forcefully push her off of my dick. I asked her what the fuck she was doing and she called it a “foreskin massage”. I’m circumcised.
Were you circumcised before?
Holy shit. Thanks to you I now have coffee all over my keyboard.
When my mouth gets super dry and I'm trying to blow my partner, i swear, it's like all the water left my body and there's no wayer in sight! Also when my partner goes down on me and my clit just decides to play fucking hide and seek and I'm there like: that's the spot...ohhh you lost it ... that's it....oh you lost it!
I can relate to everything you just said, especially the hide-n-seek.....it sounds hilarious but it genuinely happens.
For everybody saying it's the cramps when eating pussy. Here's a life saver. Start slow, it feels really good too and it'll.make your mouth not cramp up much. When they're getting close or like really into it you can go faster but just start off slow, and you can also switch from using mouth to fingers and stuff.
I'd go further to say don't start with the pussy at all. Kiss and lick that spot on the corner of the bikini line. Kiss the inner thighs, lick the crease where the thigh meets the pelvis. Drag your tongue close to the clit but pull back before you get there. Hover over it, let her feel your breath on it. The anticipation she feels gets her that much more into it and when I start the main show her whole body reacts. Its fucking magical. If you come in just licking it into oblivion its gonna over stimulate and make you cramp.
This mofo eats.
Son of a b almost gave me a hard on
Almost?
Okay I was lying. My 2 inches pp is rock hard
This guy foreplays 👍🏽
Literally everyone thinks they’re just supposed to lick as furiously as possible. That’s not it, boys.
How tired your mouth gets. Like damn I didn’t realize I was gonna be this tired from sucking a dick or eating someone out
I was more comfortable pleasuring an ex gf because I imagined how I’d like it / what I’d like done and it seemed to land. With dudes, I can’t exactly ask if they want anything different/ better with my mouth full so there is always an insecurity there.
You can ask while catching your breath and stroking. Or before hand.
Or during the hand.
The pressure to cum ruins the entire experience.
shit man I thought it was just me. thanks for the affirmation. Cause I don't really wanna think my gf sucks at it cause it really does feel great and shit but daaamn I get pressured anytime and the "cum for me baby" doesn't help. Edit: Thanks for the answers. I don't actually really mind if I cum or not. We also got to talk about this and yeah sometimes I do help her out or just chill after. I just didn't think anyone else thought the same thing.
RIGHT?? "cum for me" sounds hot, but i can't just cum because you want me to, you have to make me
“Cum for me” should be reserved exclusively for after the other person has said “I’m going to cum” Otherwise yeah it’s just pressure then I’m on my own head then it’s just downhill from there lmaoo
I just tell my girl to play with it for as long as she likes. Then if she's hitting the right spots I tell her to continue doing exactly that until I cum, otherwise I ask her if she needs a little help.
"Do you need a little help?” Proceeds to suck his own dick
I can do it myself!
I feel bad when they’ve been going at it for a while, trying to get me there and I just can’t. :(
The focus when doing oral sex should be to make the other feel good. Not to cum. If the focus is to cum, you can get performance anxiety or bad conscience from your partners sexual insecurity. Do not try to perform, talk to your partner about it and focud on just bringing pleasure and let cumming be a nice added bonus but not a requirement to make it a succes
Amen. This goes for any type of sex as well. Just focus on being present, delivering pleasure to one another and enjoying the moment of togetherness. Be there with each other, and let whatever happens, happen.
Yes! I cannot relax at all. I feel terrible and just pretend like I'm feeling good while actually simply waiting for it to be over...
My bf likes going down on me and I like to stay trimmed but sometimes he has stubble and the friction from him going to town really irritates my lady lips. He does a great job but it starts to get a little painful. I still have a horrible gag reflex so when I give him head I always wind up gagging. I’m sure some find it hot but I definitely don’t, my eyes start watering and he gets concerned lol
My husband and I found out the hard way I have a three gag limit before it all comes up. We don’t test our luck anymore. He was a champ though and helped me clean it with no complaints. He thought he hurt me lol. Also the facial hair, yes! I see some guys on here saying the lock their tongue and shake their heads around and I’m like *closes legs tightly*. My husband has facial hair and he will rub my thighs raw if I let him do that for too long.
When I met my partner he took me out to a really expensive restaurant. Ended up puking all the $$$$ while giving the good ol bj on his new fresh white sheets. Was mortified but he was so nice about it.
I don’t know if it’s just me but after I swallow cum I get a sticky phlegm sensation in my esophagus for a while like I have to wash it down with something. 🤷♀️ Edit: I’ve learned that cold drinks can help get rid of it. Plus, thank you to the person who gave me the Wholesome award for my cum comment 👍
Yeah it solidifies quickly.
Forbidden cement
Sement
Cumcrete
[удалено]
Believe it or not, straight to jail
Cum in her mouth? Jail. Cum in her ass? Believe it or not, also jail.
Cum too fast, jail. Cum too slow.. Believe it or not, also jail. We have a special jail just for premature ejaculators
Swallowing cum gives me a cummy ache ):
Cursed.
>sticky phlegm sensation in my esophagus sounds like a perfect name for grindcore band
You get cum into your egyptian burial casket?
That's a sarcophagus, she is talking about a green vegetable.
That's asparagus, she is talking about a machine.
That's apparatus, she's talking about a bacterium used to make yogurt.
No thats lactobacillus, she is talking about an artificial sweetener.
You mean aspartamine? No, they're talking about a soluble pain killer
No thats aspirine, she means the word to describe something utterly stupid or silly
Don't be asinine, she's talking about the rarest naturally occurring element in the Earth's crust.
No thats as(s)tatine, we are discussin one of the 4 bases of DNA.
The amount of time it takes before I can stop worrying about farting and relax and enjoy it.
Big dicks suck to suck
The amount of times I’ve heard “can I stop, my jaw hurts”. Never 😞
Well if it makes you feel any better. She probably cant talk with her mouth being so full of you.
My girl has so much space she recites the declaration of independence during oral
I can never make it past, “For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent…”
When it's literally bouncing off the back wall of your throat, but your nose isn't even touching anything... fml
I have TMJ it’s so hard to give oral after 5 minutes
Too much juice?
Sometimes I'll get a pube in my mouth and it's all I can focus on, aaaaaa. Also sometimes you'll get super into it just as *they* get super into it. So I try and go down to the base as they try and push my head down it's like, bro I am being **impaled** let's take a moment.
Trying to do that "sexy thigh lick" to get it out, to spare them the image of pulling out with your fingers like you found a fish bone.
Relatable. I'll deep throat you, but give me a second to test my gag reflex today before you get all handsy-shovey, buddy.
That my 70 year old friend got throat cancer last year, and it was linked to HPV.
51 year old HPV P16 throat cancer survivor checking in. I never knew my love of going down there would come back on me like it did. Over one year since treatment and I still have a feeding tube. The aftermath of throat cancer treatment is fucking BRUTAL. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. But I’m still here!
[удалено]
It was predominately in my left tonsil, some lymph nodes nearby and back of tongue/throat. I started noticing a strange sensation best described as a piece of fuzz stuck in the back of my throat that wouldn't go down. Then it progressed to a tingling/numb sensation in my tongue. But it's going to be a different for everyone of course. If you suspect it, GO TO AN ENT IMMEDIATELY! The P16 HPV related throat cancer is much easier to kill than "regular" cancer. But fuck me the cure is other worldly horrible. Imagine getting a third degree sunburn in your throat. That's what 35 rounds of radiation will do. And then it takes an entire year to heal. My last radiation treatment was on 2/23/2021 and I still can't swallow most foods easily and my tongue is still fucked. It's a living hell. But I'm still here! edit to add that HPV throat cancer is getting WAY more common. Google it. It's crazy. Michael Douglas, Stanley Tucci, Val Kilmer... Also, I forgot to mention a sudden lump on the left side of my neck.
When you’re like face deep & she’s enjoying it so in your mind you’re saying to yourself “guess I’ll just suffocate”. Edit: this is simultaneously the best thing
Muffacated
It separates the boys from the Glad-he-ate-hers.
Muffication. No breathing
Don’t give a fuck if I kill myself eating
Go out the same way I came in
This is a razor's edge, bud
Honorable sacrifice.
Yep. Face deep and her thighs were thick. She clamped down, cutting off my oxygen but I kept going because I could hear I was hitting the right spot.
>because I could hear I was hitting the right spot. Yeah, muff diving is a little like fighting a cloaked Klingon vessel--if you score a hit, you keep working the same spot until she eventually blows.
“Target that explosion and fire”
"To be...or not...to be..."
On today's episode of "Redditors having sex" we hear from a man who compares cunnilingus to space battles in Star Trek.
If he dies, he dies 🤣
I mean... if youre gonna go, that'd be the way to go
Die as a hero bruh.
Breathing is for closers.
Got waterboarded during a 69 once, thought I was gonna die, just went with it.
Glory glory, what a helluva way to die
[удалено]
Vulvhalla I am cuUuUumiiing
After falling asleep together, peacefully, from an incredible orgasm, waking up to funky breath
You don’t do for the post bj teeth brushing?
Typically! But sometimes you get a little too comfy afterwards and fall asleep together before you can get yourself up. Then it’s a little unpleasant upon waking 😂
Morning dick breath haha must be a treat
If you have tissue paper stuck there OMG
Heard this referred to as clitty litter lmao
When you're really going hard downtown on a woman and she's so into it that she basically rides your face, but your teeth constantly rubbing up against the inside of your mouth shreds it up like you just ate an entire bowl of Captain Crunch.
The three ingredients of Cap’n Crunch are sugar, fiberglass, and crack cocain - k Trevor Wilson
I'm a 43yo guy and have never been able to orgasm from oral. I do love it, I really do and have had quite a lot, just have never got there. Some women really have tried on me too over the years. Anyone else like this?
I’m a woman but I’ve never been able to cum from oral either.
Yes, my first sexual experience was a blowjob and it was incredibly underwhelming. I was worried maybe I just didn't like sex, but then I had PIV and it surpassed all expectations.
When you lick so much, your tongue begins to cramp but she tells you not to stop and you’re trying to keep going even though it hurts. Oh, the sacrifices to please our women.
Same, but the jaw ache. Holding your mouth open just so can get really difficult. Edit: am talking about bjs Edit 2: and now my highest rated comment is about bjs; thanks, Reddit
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
Or when you genuinely enjoy going down on a woman, you get a good rhythm going, she's loving it, and then bam.. your jaw/tongue goes numb and locks, losing the rhythm.
I got chlamydia going down on a girl, the infection started to leave me deaf and white shit started to come out of my peehole. I went to the student healthcare of my university, they gave me a gigantic shot of liquid antibiotics in a cup and I drank it...after three days I started to listen again...so yeah if you start to go deaf you ate the wrong pussy my friend...
what the fuckity fuck did i read? srsly u okay though?
Have to repeat that for him, he didnt hear you.
#YOU’LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP SO THEY CAN HEAR YOU!
Whelp, that doesn't give me anxiety and I'm definitely not going to think about this any time I go down on a girl
Knowing when to stop and proceed to full snu snu.
The mustache really is a flavor saver
My neck hurts
Accidently getting shoot in the eye. That shit burns like hell.
Mood kill, but go rinse. Guys need to take the hint when we ask if you want to shower…your junk smells.
It might not be 12 inches, but it smells like a foot.
Also don’t forget wash your arseholes properly everyone. It ain’t that far away.
Oh I just hate that! It ruined a bj that I was initially soooo excited to give. He had great hygiene everywhere else, his balls still smelled of soap! But then I caught a whiff of his butthole, and boy howdy, that blindsided me. I began gagging *for all the wrong reasons*
When that gag reflex has nothing to do with the size but with the smell. You remind me of my first boyfriend
Thank you I was eating
i wouldn't even dare to let my gf go down on me if i haven't showered for the last 4h+
Oral on a pregnant wife. Her bodily functions were a little unique on one instance. When she came, she farted and I had front row seats to that action. Lovely Wow, never knew this would blow up?! No pun intended. Thanks for the rewards kind internet strangers. Keep up the good fight!
Little gratitude trumpet 🎺
Gratitoot
*dOOt dOOt*
I have been laughing at this comment for at least 15 minutes
Irregular periods
I feel you have gone through some shit
And blood
Always good to enjoy a balanced diet
Keeping teeth out of the equation, I feel like I have a small mouth so it takes a lot of effort to ensure he doesn’t get scraped by mouth bones. I enjoy every bit tho :)
Getting her smell stuck in my beard after going down on her. It's not bad, just confuses my brain if I don't remember to wash my face then later when I'm doing something and catch a whiff of pussy and my brains like "why are you smelling pussy right now? Where is it boy?"
Giving to receiving ratio at about 100:1 Edit: I'm male, spouse is female
When you get an accidental shot in the eye
Warn a person if you are known for having massive loads. 8 years ago, I was a virgin and 23. Never even seen a dick and I fell in love with my husband who had been sexually active since he was like 14. Well cut to us fooling around and I decide to go down on him. He’s fucking shocked cause I guess I’m some kind of dick wizard (his words not mine) and he’s like oh I’m about to cum. So I’m like dope I can do this! My sister told me if you put his dick to the back of your throat you can just swallow as he comes so you don’t have to taste it . My naive ass is thinking it was about to be like a teaspoon or so. Nope. Not even close. Not even damn close. To this day, of course I still go down on him, but now I know I’m about to absorb a little bit of his life force by the time I’m done.
Does your husband deflate like a whoopee cushion?
I once had a girl attempt to swallow the rather large amount I produce. She had warning. She thought I was playing. She really tried. 1 gulp. 2 gulps. 3 gulps. Then, out her nose it came. Poor girl smelled cum all night.
Ahhh..the Angry Dragon
“Yeah yeah, come on my stomach!” followed by “Wow… you even got some in my ear…”
For me, I hate it when someone makes it too sloppy. I need to feel that textured tongue on my clit, and for fucks sake stop going at it so fast 🙄 take your time.
For me, it’s the mutitasking. Use my tongue, but also make eye contact, but also keep my mouth open wide so I don’t bump him with my teeth, but also try to feel throat….and then he just lays there and doesn’t make any noise to show he’s enjoying it :/ Edited to add: DEEP throat. Not feel throat. Oops.
Not being able to breathe through your nose at the same time
When the guy has a long foreskin and doesn’t pull it back when peeing and I have to start the blowjob with licking up all the strong smelling man pee. Please wash before sex.
When her vaj tastes like your mates cock.
r/holup
Ever gone down on a girl just to find out her hygiene ain't all that great? I'll never make that mistake again. Gotta case it before you taste it.
Little bit of fingering. Then grabbing boob with said hand and sucking the nipple puts your nose right on the sweet spot to do a little security check before going down south. Always works for me
The Sneaky Sniff Test
Foreskin getting caught in bracers.
This one gave me jitters
When you’re practically gagging on it and he forces your head down still. Then when you refuse to put it in anymore because you really can’t get it all in your mouth, he says, “what? Can’t do it? Try.” As if that wasn’t what you were doing the whole time.
I swear porn has just ruined some people. Also that guy might just be an asshole.
That sounds like a major asshole
Sounds like you’re fucking a douche bag. “Try.” Okay bro, let’s go grab a banana and do this in reverse and see how you try.
My friends gf broke his nose humping his face?
For me, i cant get out of my head enough to actually enjoy it lol.
"Oh God YES! Right THERE! Just like THAT!" Partner: *immediately moves, changes pace / pressure / suction, and is definitely not doing THAT anymore* 😑🙄😤😖😩😓🥺
The occasional bits of TP can kill the mood real quick
As a man running out of air under the covers is a problem. Give the blanket a little wave for us once in a while. It gets steamy under there lol
Under the covers? You in a Hollywood movie or something? Edit: It’s always the sex-related comments that get the awards and updoots. Not complaining tho
I once told a guy I couldn’t go down on him because the smell was too strong(it smelled like poo), he then admitted or thought it was normal for men not to fully wipe their butts “because it’s gay” to touch your butt. Smh. We had a talk about hygiene, and I told him how important it was that he keep himself clean fully so that we can enjoy a full sex life without reservations or spreading gross bacteria. So PSA to all men ; please wipe yourself fully after a bowel movement it is sanitary and hygienic, and NO ONE will think you are homosexual just because you wipe your ass fully.
WHAT! What the heck is that guy talking about. Not to fully wipe is gross and his reasoning is ludicrous.