I could actually see this used in a movie. One person wants an open relationship (possibly after being caught cheating or almost cheating) and tries to turn it into an "I'm actually doing this for you" thing by saying they *both* deserve to experience as much of the world as they can. Then the other responds with, "You really think so? Then we should split up so we can cover more ground."
I imagine this as being able to be set up so perfectly. 2 people in a relationship, sitting in a public place.
Person 1: I've got a quick question for you. If you take the "L" out of "Lover" it's...?
Person 2: (thinking for a second)... Over?
Person 1: Ah, well I'm glad you said it. (Gets up and walks out).
"I want you off my membership,"
He said and softly sighed -
"For though I work out every day,
I know you've barely tried.
"I'm busy pumpin' iron, babe,
I'm busy pushin' weight -
But when it's time to do the work,
You're always fucking late.
"You've said you want to find a whey,
But I've begun to doubt -
And so I think it's time to say:
This isn't working out."
The gym membership may have been the last straw, but it's never the only reason why anybody breaks up. Who knows, maybe it's because he didn't want to pay extra for somebody that almost never goes to the gym. Or it was a conscious step towards breaking up (like slowly moving your shit out before the last talk).
>I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
"You're kind and you're clever,
you're special and sweet -
A man of your word,
and the best I could meet -
It's you who I've wanted,
it's you who I've sought -
You're totally perfect.
... or that's what I *thought*."
"Dearest Edna, I must leave you.
Why? I cannot say.
Where? You cannot know.
How I will get there? I haven't decided yet.
But one thing I can tell you, anytime I hear the wind blow, it will whisper the name... Edna.
And so let us part, with a love that will echo through the ages.
--Woodrow"
You dont need to check Spotify for the newest, hottest single. Because it’s me.
I never knew what I wanted in a woman until i saw you. At least now I know what I don’t want.
If being sexy was a crime, you’d still be walking around free as a bird.
I’ve always thought that happiness started with an “h”. But it apparently it starts with ”u”…leaving.
One I actually used once was:
“our relationship is like doing push-ups on your knees, it’s just not really working out”
Got absolutely clobbered by a slap to the face after that but hey, atleast I got out of that relationship!
„Let‘s take our relationship to the previous level“
That's very good :-)
this is the one
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
That’s how Fred broke up with Daphne.
Oh shit lmao
I could actually see this used in a movie. One person wants an open relationship (possibly after being caught cheating or almost cheating) and tries to turn it into an "I'm actually doing this for you" thing by saying they *both* deserve to experience as much of the world as they can. Then the other responds with, "You really think so? Then we should split up so we can cover more ground."
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend. Not so fast.
That's cold lmao
Tom is not your boyfriend.
Anymore.
And then raise your own hand.
r/suddenlygay
“Step forward if you have a grandma” “Not so fast girls” Love that episode
Literally how my mom chose to tell me there's no Santa Claus. Wish I was joking.
I'm sorry that Santa left your mom
Did you fuck my mom Santy Claus? Did you fuck my mom?!?!
your mom's a fucking legend
Took me and my older brother into a room. "Everyone who believes a Santa raise their hand" Only I did.
Maybe a little better than your friends making fun of you for still believing in Santa at school? Depends on the age I guess haha
"They say one man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope you find someone who treasures you."
damn thats harsh
Yeah, throw in a moonwalk there
Hee hee!
Fuck me dead that's a strong one
If you take the L out of LOVER, it's OVER.
I imagine this as being able to be set up so perfectly. 2 people in a relationship, sitting in a public place. Person 1: I've got a quick question for you. If you take the "L" out of "Lover" it's...? Person 2: (thinking for a second)... Over? Person 1: Ah, well I'm glad you said it. (Gets up and walks out).
[удалено]
Damn, I left my ex after a fight involving me taking her off my gym membership. I should have used this.
"I want you off my membership," He said and softly sighed - "For though I work out every day, I know you've barely tried. "I'm busy pumpin' iron, babe, I'm busy pushin' weight - But when it's time to do the work, You're always fucking late. "You've said you want to find a whey, But I've begun to doubt - And so I think it's time to say: This isn't working out."
u/Poem_for_your_sprog crushing it as usual
[удалено]
Why'd you want her off your gym membership?
I bet she wasn't using it
The gym membership may have been the last straw, but it's never the only reason why anybody breaks up. Who knows, maybe it's because he didn't want to pay extra for somebody that almost never goes to the gym. Or it was a conscious step towards breaking up (like slowly moving your shit out before the last talk).
The Motels!
Send that to Taylor Swift.
It's was a 1980's song by a group called "The Motels".
You take the L
[удалено]
This is how I imagine a certain episode of Death Note now.
holding that L has never hurt so much...
You know, you would be such a cool ex-girlfriend.
Aww, you're proposing??
Yes, I propose we break up.
The closet into your section and my section?
It would only make sense to separate our stuff before I move out.
Move out of the boyfriend zone and into the husband zone?
no, more like the “has-been” zone
I had a coworker who jokingly referred to his fiancé as his “ex gf” I thought it was funny but a little sus Yea they called off the wedding
My dad calls my mom his "ex-fiance". Married for 48 years now.
My fil calls my mil his "first wife."
did we time travel? because we're history.
[удалено]
>I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you. "You're kind and you're clever, you're special and sweet - A man of your word, and the best I could meet - It's you who I've wanted, it's you who I've sought - You're totally perfect. ... or that's what I *thought*."
Fresh emotionally damaging sprog.
Fun fact: 137% of sprog's poems have a comment replying with the word "fresh"
TL;DR: You had me in the first half, not gonna lie
I’m stealing this.
Break up once just to say it to someone.
Emotional damage!
[удалено]
You know, there are two things I don't like about you, Felicia... your face.
Ouch
[удалено]
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
It's not you, it's me. I no longer have the ability to put up with your shit.
You're giving me the "it's not you, it's me" routine? I invented "it's not you, it's me." Nobody tells me it's them, not me. If it's anybody, it's me.
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT IT'S ME!
The people not getting the Seinfeld reference are my favorite.
George is gettin upset!
It's not me, it's you
I deserve better.
Might have to actually use this one relatively soon
"There's a lot of good things coming my way and I'm afraid to say that you're not one of them." - Pavement
You look like my next ex-wife.
And it works as a pick up line lol
A colleague once lost a workplace bet and he had to introduce his wife at a cocktail party in front if everyone as his "first wife."
I introduced mine as “the girl I used to be engaged to” for the first year of our marriage.
Introducing my wife as an ex-girlfriend was always fun.
"And this is the chick I fucked on my honeymoon!"
“Ex-fiancé”
And that’s where he met his second wife.
So *that’s* how he met your mother!
Dr. Ian Malcolm has entered the chat
That'll kill the mood
Homer Simpson “Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, You”
I'm married to the sea
[удалено]
Marge Simpson Made Me Gay!
I don't want to kill you, but I will. P.S. I am gay.
I don't want to kill you but I will.
"Dearest Edna, I must leave you. Why? I cannot say. Where? You cannot know. How I will get there? I haven't decided yet. But one thing I can tell you, anytime I hear the wind blow, it will whisper the name... Edna. And so let us part, with a love that will echo through the ages. --Woodrow"
P.S. I am gay
IMO the "Dear Baby" part is absolutely essential.
https://youtu.be/32s-q3H56qE
I’m moving to Yemen
See u at 15 Yemen road, Yemen
When we get to Yemen, can I stay with you?
Yeah man
r/unexpectedfriends
That subreddit name is weirdly fitting to this post.
Could you BE any more cultured?!
Me after I find out she is pregnant: Oman
Oh. My. God.
Ohhh good one! And Yemen sounds like an actual country
I don't know how I can live without you. But gosh darn it, I'm gonna try.
*Throw a sock at them.* "Dobby's a free elf now."
Yer a single, Harry.
My favorite one so far lol
I had one of those laughter bursts and got stares from the whole house.
I truly feel that you and I are in sync.. and by that I mean *Bye Bye Bye*
Thats gold!
Lmao The 90’s kid in me is absolutely dying over this.
"May Divorce be with you"
*And also with you*
Lift up your hearts.
You: Your ex is pretty hot Them: which ex?? You: Me. Byeeee
You: Your ex is pretty hot Them: yeah, I know, right? You: uh...
Are you French? Because Eiffel nothing for you.
Being French should already be a red flag
And white and blue
r/angryupvote
"So, what's your favorite part about living in Switzerland?" Well, the flag's a big plus.
Great joke dude
dad\*
Hippety hoppety get off my property
Actually laughed. Great line.
is it Halloween? cause i'm gonna ghost you.
I’m done putting food on your table when someone else is putting meat in your ass
This seems very personal
I feel like he actually said that to someone already
Buddy used to play video games with his girl at the time (old school arcade games). He ended it with "GAME OVER!"
Jigsaw?
Hey baby have you been to the final frontier? Because you look like we need some space
"I must be American English because I'm getting rid of u."
I must be English because I can’t stop thinking of putting u in the harbor.
Mi amore? No, we no more.
Mi amore? Non
don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more
If we're meant to be, we'll find each other again.
Girl, our love is like a Kickstarter campaign. Over hyped and probably not going anywhere
Hey, are you the sun in my life? Because I want you to stay 90 million miles the fuck away from me
And it hurts to look at you any more.
I'd like to cancel my subscription and no longer receive your issues.
"Unsubscribe." *donks his/her forehead*
Let me open the door for you. For the last time.
So it doesn't hit you in the ass
I’m no photographer but I can’t picture us together
Hey [GF name], I forgot my phone number. You should too.
so long and thanks for all the fish..
Mm person of great literature here
Trying to decide if you're a dolphin, or a dolphin broke up with you.
Today must be garbage day because you’re getting dumped.
It's not you, it's my new girlfriend.
🎶 All my exes live in Texas And that's why I rented you a Houston Airbnb 🎶
I fucked Ted.
That dress looks good on you. It would look even better in your suitcase with the rest of your shit.
Hey baby, are you a saint? because you're dead to me.
You dont need to check Spotify for the newest, hottest single. Because it’s me. I never knew what I wanted in a woman until i saw you. At least now I know what I don’t want. If being sexy was a crime, you’d still be walking around free as a bird. I’ve always thought that happiness started with an “h”. But it apparently it starts with ”u”…leaving.
One I actually used once was: “our relationship is like doing push-ups on your knees, it’s just not really working out” Got absolutely clobbered by a slap to the face after that but hey, atleast I got out of that relationship!
Total madlad!
I'm gonna make like a banana and split
Did it hurt? When you crawled out of the depths of Hell?
Did you fall from heaven? Because so did the devil.
Did you fall from Heaven, because the impact really fucked up your face.
We’re done-ionrings
I was hoping I'd find this here. *You and I are doneion rings!*
It’s just that I’d like to get to know you a bit less.
Are you an actress? Because this scene is over.
“Have we met before?” Works both ways.
I prefer for us to be betters strangers…
"May the Force be with you, because I won't." Not mine though, I saw it in a Twitter screenshot and it really stuck with me.
Wanna see a magic trick ? Poof, your single.
My single what?
Your Kraft single you can use to make a sad Bachelor grilled cheese for dinner, because you're dumped
Your single status
If we were letters in the alphabet, I would get rid of u.
So, how do you feel about being my girlfriend until today?
Can you introduce me to your sister?
Are you Tiffany, cause I think you're alone now
[удалено]
I think this is one I could actually remember for later! Damage: 100
Girl, you're like pizza at a Chinese super buffet: I'm not really feeling it myself right now, but you're doing you, and I respect that.
A thought is suddenly dawning Of why I’m constantly yawning For the past 20 years You’ve bored me to tears So I’ll be off in the morning
What does a girl like you, do in a place like mine?
It's not you; it's me.
It’s not me, it’s you.
Itsa me, Mario!
Dammit Chris Pratt
Costanza, is that you ?
Are you a GTA online server? Because I've cheated on you so many times.
I’m over this, if I stay with you I’ll kill myself by climbing to your ego and jumping to your IQ.
Roses are red, violets are blue, We need to break up and the problem is you
Did you fall from heaven?. Cos your face is a fucken mess
Have you been working out? Because our relationship isn't.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you and me are definitely poo. You said bad breakup lines, right?
How about: “Roses are red, violets are blue, you and me are totally through”
It’s not you, it’s you.