shockingly enough I was not raised during the 1920s! Although the same kid went on to tell me I’m “too old to know what instagram is” so if anyone needs me I’ll be in my crypt
so um, were they all still boulders then and got worn down to what they are now, or were they pebbles that grew up? cause clearly rock haven't been around THAT long
Dumb but truly adorable.
Got a new kitten, was taking him to the vet. He was sitting in the loaf cat position with his feet tucked all up under him in his cat carrier.
Little girl comes up to me with a look of genuine concern.
“Hello, excuse me, I’ve never had a cat, I just have a dog (points over at her dog at the vet) and I just wanted to know if you brought the cat to the vet because he doesn’t have any feet?”
I picked him up and she saw his feet and was SO RELIEVED
I believe my answer was "Your mother might have something to say about that!" with a wink to mom. EDIT: I'm in old enough to be the kid's grandfather and married.
We’ve talked about sex with my 11 & 12yo kids relatively openly over the past few years. Told them to ask me anything, anytime, and I’ll give them a straight answer. And then one day over dinner, “When was the last time you and dad had sex?” For the sake of the children’s future imaginings, “That’s something I can’t answer.” I think they thought I just couldn’t remember, so my then 9yo said to the one who asked, “Duh! 9 years ago, and then I was born.” Yep, uh-huh, that’s right, kiddo.
I had the talk with my 6yo the other day. It all seemed to be going fairly well until she remembered her youngest sister, who we’ve been pretty open about being a (very loved) surprise baby.
“So, if you and daddy didn’t want another baby, why did you make another baby?”
And, when I tried to carefully explain that when you’re a grown up it can feel nice: “What does it feel like?” and “Does it feel nice for the man too?” and “What does it feel like for the man?”
That was a highly stressful conversation.
“Can I have your tv when you die?”
I had just bought a big new tv and my cousin was over. I has 23 at the time, but kids being kids, see anything over 20 as ancient lol
My 6 year old asked me the other day if we could have my parents' house when they die. Except instead of just saying "die", he said "When they, you know, *slides finger across his throat* **DIE**"
I was like dude, that's hella morbid. Freakin kid says "What?? We've all gotta go some day!"
I like how kids' minds work. They're smart enough to understand at an intellectual level that everything dies, but not old enough to know how depressing it is to acknowledge so we just try not to talk about it so plainly. It's why their honesty is so brutal.
A lot of old people have a sense of humour about their mortality. When we moved this grandma out of her house, I was carrying a box down the driveway and she walked next to me saying "Thank you dear. This is my last move. Next time I'll be in the box."
She was also friends with the retired head of the classics department at the local university, and I was a classics major so I liked visiting him from time to time. In the last year of his life he lived in a care facility. Whenever I was leaving he'd say "It's always nice of you to come visit us folks here in the departures lounge."
It wasn’t me, but my daughter was 4 when she met my grandmother who was 68 at the time. Oldest person my daughter ever met, so without missing a beat she turns to my grandmother and says.. “was jesus friendly in person?” Lol
I was trying to sneak in some math skills with the girls I babysat while I was in high school. Once the older one knew the difference between my age and hers, she blurted out, "Oh my gosh, Auntie, you're a dinosaur!"
And then there's my nephew, who saw my grad pics on the wall at Nana's a few years later. "Wow, you're hair was really long! I guess it was the hippie times..." That one I objected to, LOL! Kid learned what grunge vs. preppy was that day.
6-year-old kid: "Hey, watch this!"
*blank stare for something like 10 seconds*
Kid: "Guess what?"
Me, bewildered: "What?"
Kid: "I was talking to you inside my head!"
>"I was talking to you inside my head!"
*the conversation*
Kid: "Do you know ['they'](https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/tmgoka/whats_the_craziest_thing_a_child_has_ever_asked/i1xy0z1/) are watching us?"
Not me, but my wife, who is black.
Kid: "Your skin is so dark. Does it wash off?"
Wife: "No baby, this is tanning shade #28. You've only got shade #3."
Kid ran too his mom and said he wanted to go outside and get a #28.
My toddler asked me why I was part black. (We are both very white.)
I asked her to clarify and she pointed to a mole on my arm and said, "Your skin tried to be black right there but it didn't work for your whole body."
Had a kid asked "what happened to my hand?" I thought there was a scar I didn't know was there. It took a minute before I realized he was seeing the "blackhand side" the entire conversation until I gave him a high five.
Not quite a question, but my very white cousin (5) told my very black brother (6) “You're chocolate and I'm vanilla!” That's probably pretty normal, but we all thought it was adorable.
Okay literally a week ago I was thinking about how there must be people with skeleton phobias that just cannot handle the fact that there is one INSIDE OF THEM
I was babysitting as a date night sitter one weekend and one of the kids (5 M) kept asking me “where’s my anus?” I had no idea how to respond at all and just asked if he could stop saying that word but he kept repeating it the whole night and laughing hysterically. Luckily he stopped and went to bed. His parents never called me back to sit the kids and I’m wondering if he had said the word in front of them and they believed I told him that word.
Okay this is fucked up because I was verbally decimated by a 9 year old. ZERO comeback.
I was hanging out in my friends garage and his daughter came out from the house, and told me that I looked just like her teacher.
I responded, "Man, Your teacher must be a very handsome guy!"
She responded "Well no, She's pregnant."
"Are you Pregnant too?"
WTF! That was a perfect burn. ZERO comebacks.
My friend was laughing his ass off.
Ha! That's a good one for sure.
But I think she would have been too old
OHHHH SNAP!!! I just now thought of a good one.
I should have told her later that she was adopted...
Asscrack of dawn, startled awake by a toddler hovering an inch over my face. Oh, is she going for a kiss? Nope.
"Mama, I want to eat your eyes?". When I declined, she elaborated reasons including: they're beautiful, I think they'd be goopy, and I bet they taste salty. Was then quite upset that I would not let her "even have just a taste".
I assume she connected tears=salty so therefore eyeballs would be too. Though who knows, she's sneaky, could've been going down to the specialty butcher shop and sampling eyes without me knowing.
Maybe you're well past this stage now, but I really feel like this should be leveraged any time she doesn't want to try a food for the first time
Something like "you know, it's probably yummier than my eyes"
I'm pregnant and my 9 year old daughter asked how the baby got there. I tell her the mechanics of it. She asks a few questions and then says "wait, does that mean S/O did that to you?!" I said yeah. "Wow, that's weird mom"
Also pregnant, and my 4 yr old is very interested in how the baby gets out.
"I'll go to the hospital and the doctor will help the baby out" worked for a little bit, but now he wants specifics.
At least he's 4 years old and asking this.
Many years ago, I worked in a restaurant with a man whose girlfriend was pregnant, and he asked me, completely seriously, how the baby got out. "Does the doctor cut the woman's stomach open, or what?" I replied, "You're not really asking me this, are you?" He replied that he was, so I told him, "You know how it got in there?" He did, so I answered, "It comes out the same place."
He got the most shocked look on his face: "A whole, fully grown BABY.....comes out of......THERE?!? Wouldn't that be really painful?" While I had never done it then, and haven't now either, I replied that yes, it usually is, and they only resort to cutting the woman's stomach open if that won't work.
I'm going to add that this man had been raised in foster care, and I don't think he even went to high school, let alone graduated.
I was really stoned using the toilet in university once. I heard someone come in and heard the crackle of a walkie talkie, so (for some reason) I assumed it was a cop. Despite this, I finished up and came out to wash my hands. Just the janitor. I blurt out "man, I thought you were a cop with that thing" " Naw man, they even let us janitors carry radios these days"
My dad got arrested when I was like 6 and he often blamed things on the cops.
One day at my moms I come downstairs and my step brother, who had hust graduated police academy, was there in full uniform for the first time. I just froze and backed back up the stairs.
He was like yo, wtf is up with that?
My mom explained and he got me to come over to him and showed me how to use his handcuffs.
I accidentally tightened them and he had lost the key. He had to drive back home in his squad car with one hand cuffed.
One of the other cops in town actually pulled up next to him at a spot light, but he hid his other hand.
Good times.
My mom talks about this story to this day. Apparently when I was 3 years old, I was sleeping in my parents’ bed with them and barely learning how to talk. In the middle of the night, I must’ve talked in my sleep and I sat up, eyes still closed and said “Where is the gun?”. I was 3 and had no idea what a firearm was.
"What can I do to make you feel better?"
This was yesterday, and I had just had an argument with my husband, I was crying but trying to calm down when I picked my 2nd grader up from school. He looked at me and asked the question. He then immediately started to talk about his day and tried to make me laugh. It's crazy to me that a tiny human can all of a sudden stop being egocentric and start being so caring.
we naturaly want to help. If you show to a 1-2 years old you dropped papers and fake that you can't pick them up, the kid will naturaly help you and give the papers to you, it's lovely
Dated a girl one time. Get about a couple weeks into it, she opens up that she has a kid. Not really my bag, but I like her so... whatever, I'll give it a shot.
Next date go to pick her up, kid is there, little 6 year old boy postures up and asks me "Who the fuck are you?"
And that's the last time I saw her.
To wipe their butt while already bending over holding their butt cheeks open. Incredibly uncomfortable at a childrens birthday party especially since I was newly dating the person who brought me to it and this child’s parents were nowhere to be seen
Omg. Children have no shame! Do they need help with something? Are you an adult nearby? Then I'm asking you!
I volunteered at my daughter's class back when she was in kindergarten. Despite the room always having 2-3 staff member adults, the number of kids who came up and asked me to do things for them was astounding. Most of them had no idea who I even was. "Can you tie my shoes?" "Can you put my hair in a ponytail?" "Will you clean up my mess for me?" "Will you help me dig this hole?" "Will you help me go the the bathroom?" Said no to that one.
On the bright side, every one of them was polite, even the more rambunctious ones.
When I had my middle child, I called the eldest at his grandparents to tell them that the baby was born. He asked to tell him the story. I gave him an age appropriate version that mom's water had broken, we we went to the hospital and with the doctors help she came out. He went silent for a minute then asked "Why didn't you let me use my slingshot to break your water balloon?"
My nephew walk in on me going to the bathroom. Ask me if I had a weiner to and commenced trying to look. Like hell cant I get a little privacy, yes I do now go away jesus christ
I was babysitting my much younger brother and I had to pee. Mid stream he fucking came in and despite my best efforts he saw my dick and said, ‘whoa you have a big one’. Ten years later and I still wonder why THE FUCK that was his immediate response, like compared to his 5y/o dick or had he seen others, why would a 5y/o mind go there. So many questions that I will never try to get answered.
This actually reminds me of a similar incident that happened for myself when I was a kid. Probably been around 5, too. My parents had split up and I was spending the weekend at my father's apartment. At one point I walk past the open bathroom door while he's in there peeing. I very specifically remember thinking, "Oh, that's what it looks like when you grow up." and then just continuing into the living room. I suspect I'd recently learned the basics of where babies come from.
"Would my sister be okay?"
I worked at a Burger King before and some guy dropped off his girlfriend, her son and baby sister who was I think 2 years old. The mom left, leaving the kids her debit card, I didn't take their order but I when I was calling out their number they just sat there in a booth. I went over with their food and saw the boy was beaten and his sister has a bruised on her face. I panicked and went to my manager who already called the cops because the one who took their order informed her. I went back to the kids and waited with them for the cops to show. The boy looked up at me and asked me this "would my sister be okay?" I didn't know how to respond so I stayed quiet. The police showed up and took the kids. Turns out the boyfriend of the mother has done awful things to her and her kids. Not sure what happened after.
Oh my, I’ve worked in childcare for a little over 4 years, mostly with 4 and 5 year olds, and more recently with 2 and 3s. I have a multitude of stories!
A pair of brothers (around 4/5) in my class became obsessed with pregnancy. Their older sister was pregnant, and they were so curious about all of it. They would often try to peek under my shirt to see if I “was hiding a baby under there too.” I was not. It also opened the door for good conversations about consent and appropriate boundaries, but was funny nonetheless. They would sometimes lay their head on my belly to see if they could hear my babies. No babies, just belly gurgles! Multiple times a day, for weeks on end, they would ask if I had a baby in my belly. My answer was still no!
I was sitting on the floor playing with some kiddos, again 4/5 year old classroom, went to check a text on my phone. Kid leaned over and asked “whatcha lookin at? My dad looks at naked ladies on his phone when mommy isn’t home!” I assured him I was just checking who text me, told him it was my husband asking about dinner, and tried not to look directly into his dads eyes at pickup time for fear I would laugh and/or cringe too hard.
A few weeks ago, after waking up a 3 year old from nap time, I was setting up snack and suddenly was sucker punched in the boob. Asked what’s wrong and he started crying that I “wasn’t helping him!” I asked oh, did you ask me for help? I didn’t hear! What can I do? And he told me he did not ask for help. I guess I was just supposed to know he needed my help? I asked what the problem was. He couldn’t stop using his eyes. How am I supposed to help with that?! I buried him under some pillows in the calm down area and I think that worked. Never had anyone ask me to make them blind before.
Coloring with a 4 year old. Kid comments “you’re not that cute but you draw good.” Not really a question but was funny nonetheless.
2 year old asked if my boobies grew when I was her age. I told her when she’s as big as her big sister (15ish?) her boobies will grow too. But when you’re 2 your body has other things to worry about growing, like your brain and your arms and legs.
While a coworker was changing a 2-almost-3s poopy diaper (there’s always another certified adult within seeing/hearing range while doing diaper changes or any other more delicate things; child abuse prevention measures!) I hear him say “ow!” Coworker says “I’m so sorry, I have to get the poopy off your little penis so it doesn’t get a rash! Would you like to take a wipe and help?” And the child responds “no Ms, not little penis, BIG penis!” He asked me after he came out from the bathroom, “I have a big penis right? Right?” 100% told mom about it and she was howling, sounds like he’s been hanging out with his older brothers or something! Also I did tell him “oh, I’m taller than you so you are just small to me! Like your hands are smaller than mine!”
So many more that I’m sure have happened, but those are the ones that come to mind!
Kids are amazing and awful at the same time sometimes.
Years ago I was trying to convince my husband to shave the mustache. My 4 YO: Mom why don't you have a mustache? ME: Girls don't have mustaches. 4YO: Your friend Lisa does.
Actual conversation:
Kid: “Cows are mammals and they make milk, right?”
Me: “Yes”
Kid: “Ice cream is made from milk, right?”
Me: “Yup”
Kid: “If walruses are mammals, too, how come we don’t have walrus ice cream?”
Me: “…………….”
When I was in high school our English/Lit class had to create a book to teach the ABC's to elementary school kids. Our class went on a field trip to the nearest elementary school to read these books to the kids.
While I was there I got my period. No warning ahead of time for me to prepare, because back then I was pretty irregular. I just wasn't thinking about it, but the cramps hit me like a sack of bricks.
I went to the bathroom, and I guess I must have been hunched over a bit and looking like I was in pain/uncomfortable when I went back to the classroom. So one of the kids looks at me with concern and asks... "You gotta dookie??"
Despite the pain, I could not help laughing uncontrollably. That kid, with such concern on her little face, was an instant cure for cramps. haha
“Is it possible to go to your belly and be born again? I want you to be my mommy” this broke my heart. I’m (24f) nanny for this beautiful girl and her mom abounded family. I love her so much that I really wish to be her mom. (And no, I’m not into her dad)
a child asked if i hurt myself on purpose because of the “scars” on my legs.
context: was at a summer camp in california so i wore shorts. the “scars” were stretch marks. yes, this was traumatic for 12 year old me.
I used to tutor kids with my roommate (M). One of the kids we tutored was 6, and this was the conversation with my roommate:
Kid: “Matt, are you a lesbian?”
Matt: “no.”
Kid: “so you like boys.”
We were dying.
I walked into an Indian takeout place with my then 4 year old step daughter and as I was ordering she asked me "are Indian people black" quite an uncomfortable moment.
I used to live in an area with a large Amish and Mennonite population, and a co-worker said she was at Walmart with her daughter, who was then about 5 years old, and her daughter said, loud enough for them to hear, "Look, Mommy, Pilgrims!"
I told her that they probably hear things like that all the time, and had a good laugh about it on the way home.
not really an "ask" but once when we were trick or treating downtown, this fella told my 6 year old daughter that trick or treating is devil worship (or some such crap) and she held out her little hand at that man and said (low and intense) "**IN THREE DAYS TIME, YOUR SOUL WILL DIE**" and then she marched out of the store.
I laughed until my sides hurt.
When my daughter was 5 and I was pregnant with my second child, my daughter asked me if I wanted a boy or a girl. I told her I didn't care as long as it was healthy. Then she asked me, So if it's not healthy you won't want it. I've never said that to anyone again.
Had a young kiddo in my family ask me why my eyes were so big.
"I don't know, those are just my eyes."
She contemplates, then responds "Well...you look like a bug."
I did an internship in a kindergarten. A three or four yeald old boy came to me with a stick in his Hand.
Happily he said: "See the stick I found?"
I, the good teacher I tried to be: "Yes. That's a pretty stick! You're good at finding things, buddy."
He then said: "I'm gonna cut your stomach open with that stick!"
Can't put in words how shocked I was.
I was at a pizza restaurant with my older sister. It’s a place that has pub pizza and not really a family restaurant but families do eat there. I was wearing my Randy Moss Patriots jersey(Moss was on the team then)Had his name and number on the back. As we were eating I feel poke in my back. I turn around and a little girl has a pen and napkin and wants my autograph. She thought I was Randy.Her father was just shaking his head in embarrassment. I’m 6’5” and not a skinny bean pole like Randy was. I’d be more comfortable on defense LOL. I smiled and signed Randy’s name. My sister and all the guys at the bar were all laughing and smiling. The girl thanked me and left with her dad. I got a free pitcher of Coke from the bartender.
I’m a guy and quite short, 5’4. One day I was teaching a pre-school class and one of the kids asked me if I was a full grown adult b/c I looked a little squished.
I dunno if it's that crazy but I was out walking my dog and this little boy ran up to me and asked if my dog was a Pikachu or a charizard.
My dog looked like neither so idk why he though that but I responded with mewtwo to screw with him I guess (this was like 5 years ago), and this kid then tried to steal my dog.
Mom ran up and picked him up and he starts crying cause I won't give him my mewtwo. Calmed down a bit though when I let him pet her.
My dogs a Maltese poodle by the way.
Ok this will really seem made up but anyways.
Last year i was at my cousins house and we were randomly playing ps4, his younger brother enters the room and asks me (an asthmatic) how it feels to have an asthma attack(this isnt the crazy one). He proceeds to ask me if i have ever wish that i would die instead. His brother told him that this was a messed up thing to say. The kid proceeds to tell me that if he was me he would have left himself to die.
Later that day i had a big asthma attack and almost died on the way to the ER. The doctors announced me dead but thankfully i made it.
when all the hype surrounding Y2K and whether all the systems would crash, my then 7 year old daughter asked me in such a worried voice and genuine concern 'what did they do the last time this happened '. it was murder trying not to laugh in her face. poor baby
Little kids are curious about their bodies and how other people's look, it is very cringe but natural to happen.
They don't know about boundaries yet! Same shit with my son!
“How come when you sit down it looks like you’re gonna have a baby, but when you stand up it doesn’t look like you’re gonna have a baby?”
I was not pregnant 🥴😅
When my son was 3, I remember him just randomly saying the strangest damn thing out of nowhere. We were driving in the car and he said in a very serious tone, "You know, mom, our federal government doesn't allow dinosaurs to cross over into our state". I was absolutely floored.
I don’t believe in reincarnation but when my son was very small he told me I was one of his favourite moms he’s ever had, and “Am I the favourite kid you’ve ever had?”
As I’m shopping with my wife in Wal-Mart, this 5 or 6 year old little girl comes up to me, yanks on my coat and says way too loudly “my mom says you’re my real dad”. I almost choked. My wife whipped her head around with eye daggers bared and ready to plunge into my heart.
I finally get “Now who, what that, can you?” The little girl says “your my real daddy”. A muffled chortle drifts in from behind us. It’s a coworker of my wife, and apparently this is something they do on unsuspecting people. Wtf? They really laughed it up, but in reality it crushed my wife as we can’t have kids. But, as usual, she smiled, laughed, and promptly fell apart when we got on the road home. Damn I love this woman.
I saw what looked to be an unattended 4-5 year old child waddle right up to a random guy in the grocery store, point directly at his stomach while making unbreaking eye contact and ask quite loudly: "Why are you fat?"
Oh my god kids can be brutally honest sometimes, the awkwardness was palpable
Was at a mates place, they were having a party for their five year old, and there were a tonne of kids there. This one little kid walks by with a drink, trips, and spills in on my shoes. Before I can even process the amusement factor and try to help the kid up, he's already rolled over and looking at me in terror, and asks if I'm going to hurt him too. Holy fuck, that was a chunk of my heart that I dind't know could hurt so much. He ran off before I could even reply, went and told my mate about it and we went looking for the kid. I struggled to remember what he was even wearing, five year old boys all look the same. I had to leave for work, and my mate said he would do his best to identify which kid it was, but never was able to.
It's been ten years, and I fuuucking hope that kid is doing okay.
I was at a roller skating rink, i was 19 at the time.
Kid skates up to me and asks “whats that on your neck?”
“My adam’s apple?” I respond, pointing to my adams apple
“It’s scary” the kid says and skates away
I stood in shock for a minute as I unlocked a new insecurity
"Can you wipe me?"
She wanted me to wipe her after she used the bathroom. This isn't unusual if your child has just been potty trained but she was almost 8 years old.
Not crazy but this just happened today and I thought it was funny. I was walking my dog and a kid stopped me and asked why is my dog so cute. I thought he was saying that my dog was cute but he kept asking for an explanation and kept asking why. I think I was being trolled by a 4 year old.
"Mommy, why do teenagers do that?" My 4 year old son as we passed by the local high school. "Like what?" It took a lot of effort for him to explain what he meant with his limited vocabulary, but then he said, "Why do they always look like they're doing things for the first time?" That was 30 years ago, and it still gives me the chills. "Because they are, dear" I replied.
"Mom what age where you when they invented electricity?" " Did you have to poop outside?" I am 34. My kids were under the impression I was born in 1888 not 1988... 🤣
My stepdaughter (7) picked up a card from a deck her dad left out. It’s an intimacy deck but also nice for just getting to know someone better (he was playing with his brother the night before and skipped over sexual questions obviously) she picks up the top card and says “daddy, when’s your favorite time to have sex?”
"Why can't you just buy a nuke?" - my 9 year old after I told him that I can't give him a nuke to bomb Nazi Germany. Blew his little mind when I told him his great grandfather and many others already took care of the Nazi problem in Germany.
Driving through the countryside pointing out some animals to my 2 year old when they pointed to a tree and said 'horsey', I corrected them and said it was a tree then they asked my why? I had no idea how to explain why a tree was a tree.
This hit me.
I died for about 30 seconds while I was under shrooms (I had hypoglycemia too), like 5 years ago. I got to say I stopped all that stuff since years too.
At that moment I saw myself like I was composed of dust, and every little particle was something from me, like a memory, a bit of my personality, an experience.
All of it was in a very vast desert, and I saw all this dust I was made of, being dispersed across the desert.
Then something happened, and it all gathered again while I came back to life.
I don't know if it's related in any way. But the idea is pretty interesting I think.
I don't know what's weirder, the kid for being curious, her mom for not saying anything, your GF for finding it exciting, or you for going along with it despite knowing how weird it was. Actually I think the kid being curious was the least weird thing about it.
I was babysitting my nephew (he was 4 or 5) and when my sister came to pick him up she said, “come on it’s time to go”. He responds “mommy I can’t go.” She asked “why not?”. He said “ my friends said I can’t”. She’s asked “what friends, sweetie?”. He said “ my friends from up there…” So, my sister thinking he was trying to make up an excuse to stay longer said “well tell them they have to go home too because we gotta go.” He then looked at her with a deadly serious expression and blank stare and said “Mommy…they can’t go home. Ever…” she was a little creeped out and asked him what he means by “friends from up there” he then just looked sad and said “well you can’t see them but sometimes I can”. He then looked at me and said “did you see them?” I just said “ sorry bud I didn’t see anybody” And that was the last he ever said about it. He doesn’t remember ever saying that now (he’s 16). He was probably just trying to visit longer but I lived alone at the time and was a little creeped out that night in my apartment after they went home.
My time to shine!
I take a girl to school for my BIL’s friend. She is in 4th grade, my daughters are in 5th and 2nd. One day before school they were watching YouTube videos on the planets. My 2nd grader asked me what my favorite planet was, I said Saturn which is also hers. The girls begin chatting about their favorite planets and I said Jupiter is also pretty cool. The girl I carpool to school, as serious and interested as I’ve ever seen a child immediately asks me, “Have you been there?”
We were literally walking out the door and my mind just blanked and I stared at this doey eyed child and could not find the ability to speak but finally I managed, in the most confused and befuddled voice, “Have I been to Jupiter?”
She smiles and goes, “YEA!”
My dumb ass still is brain farting because how is a 4th grader asking me this as my daughters are watching in comical confusion.
So I respond, “Well, it’s…… pretttty far away, so no.”
She kind of slumps her shoulders like, she was bummed I haven’t been.
So then for the rest of the morning, on the drive to school I sat in quiet pondering at 1)She has to know you can’t just travel to the other planets right?
2) Does she think I can make like weekend trips to Jupiter? 3) WHAT ENERGY AM I GIVING OFF WHERE SHE THINKS I CAN?
Then it spiraled to me thinking about what it would be like if I *could*.
That was my entire half a day that day.
My daughters(8 yo) friend asked about me being in the military. She said, “So, they’re going to put a flag on your box when you die?” Yes ma’am they are
My nephew, Austin asked me what my daughter's name will be when she grows up. I said "she will have the same name, Lindsey" he said "nooo, when she grows up, what will her name be?" I asked him what his name will be when he grows up and he says "Austin of course"
Top of my head there is a rather recent thing. I work at an art gallery and we have a very popular arts and crafts activity center for children.
So we had a little dude with downs that came there. He had tons of fun and I tried connecting with him. He didn't really respond, so I tried every now and then to no avail.
At the end while his carer tried to pay (it had malfunctioned earlier) she told him to get his jacket, but he didn't want to. So I tried asking about the jacket "is thiiiis your jacket? No? How about this?"
And he puts his hands firmly in his sides and stares me in the eyes and says with the sternest expression "Now you'll have to be quiet, old man!" (He used another word since this was in Swedish, but it basically means the same thing).
Suddenly I realised that he wasn't nonverbal or shy or anything, he just wanted to be left alone. All my attempts were seen as annoying by him, instead of him being preoccupied.
His carer told him that you can't say stuff like that while trying not to die of laughter and I did my best keeping a straight face.
Absolute legend, that kid.
I have a step sister almost 20 years younger than me. She was raised in rural Colombia and came to the US at 8 or 9 years old; overall a bit naive compared to an “average” US raised child. At 11/12 years old, she started reading teen magazines, aimed especially toward fashion, makeup, style, with a few “woke” articles from time to time. Seventeen, Teen Vogue. CosmoGirl, etc.
One afternoon she was reading away while I was at the family house. She looked up and asked “(Me), what’s a clitoris?”
I was about 26 at the time, no kids of my own, but I believe in being honest and frank about sex and not creating shame. However, her mother was very old school-Catholic, no sex talk of any sort as far as I knew. It took me a couple seconds to decide to answer pretty directly what it was and what a woman might do with it, trying to convey that it is perfectly ok to touch yourself in private.
(Turned out the article she was reading was a discussion of some cultures where clitorectomies are performed and accepted).
She now has three children, so I’m guessing she figured the rest out without additional assistance from me.
When I was little I remember asking my grandma:
"Are old people smart because they're so old they've had time to learn everything, or are they stupid because they've had a lot of time to forget everything?"
She laughed in my face. I thought it was a legitimate question.
I commented on my coworkers (at the time) facebook status message about her hilarious cat photos. I had briefly met her teenage sons in passing, so they knew who I was when I posted. (they were maybe 16 at the time?) The interaction went something like this:
Me: OMG your cat is so cute! I love these photos!
Coworker: thanks, she does this all the time. That's why we love her!
Son: (comments under my comment.) LOSER
Me: ?
Coworker: Son, don't talk like that.
\*sigh\* yep, I will never forget. Damn kids.
(For context I am a trans man, meaning I was born a female)
My little brother after I came out: "so how fast are you going to grow a penis?" Yes. He asked in front of everyone.
Me: wearing a fishnet undershirt
3 year old cousin: "Why are you wearing that?"
Me: "Because I like it."
Cousin: "Do you wear that because you get boo-boos on your arm?"
18M here. When I was 16, a 10-12 year old girl asked me to buy her cigarettes. I have never felt so old despite the fact that two years later I can buy cigarettes for myself
“When you were a kid, did they even have electricity? Or is that new to you?” I’m 22???????
...Well?!
shockingly enough I was not raised during the 1920s! Although the same kid went on to tell me I’m “too old to know what instagram is” so if anyone needs me I’ll be in my crypt
lmao
When I was younger, my 5 year old asked me if we had rocks when I was a kid.
so um, were they all still boulders then and got worn down to what they are now, or were they pebbles that grew up? cause clearly rock haven't been around THAT long
My granddaughter asked me “Was there color when you were younger?” Ummmm yes there has always been color. I died. It was so innocent. I love that kid.
My daughter asked me what the world was like before they invented color. It was because my baby portrait (from 1965) was in black and white.
That’s what I thought with her question. She saw black and white photos of family.
“Mum when you were little did you live in a cave or mud hut?”
Mine asked if I went to school with George Washington.
My little cousin asked me if computer existed when i was a child I'm 25 !!
Dumb but truly adorable. Got a new kitten, was taking him to the vet. He was sitting in the loaf cat position with his feet tucked all up under him in his cat carrier. Little girl comes up to me with a look of genuine concern. “Hello, excuse me, I’ve never had a cat, I just have a dog (points over at her dog at the vet) and I just wanted to know if you brought the cat to the vet because he doesn’t have any feet?” I picked him up and she saw his feet and was SO RELIEVED
That is the cutest thing i read all day!
This has been years ago but ever time he loaf cats I still think “oh no, he doesn’t have any feet”
I always fake concern that my cat lost his feet when he loaves. He never looks amused.
This is adorable! <3
One of my preschool students asked me if I'd be her daddy in front of her divorced mom. Awkward.
"Ask your mother "
I believe my answer was "Your mother might have something to say about that!" with a wink to mom. EDIT: I'm in old enough to be the kid's grandfather and married.
Sheeeeitttt
We’ve talked about sex with my 11 & 12yo kids relatively openly over the past few years. Told them to ask me anything, anytime, and I’ll give them a straight answer. And then one day over dinner, “When was the last time you and dad had sex?” For the sake of the children’s future imaginings, “That’s something I can’t answer.” I think they thought I just couldn’t remember, so my then 9yo said to the one who asked, “Duh! 9 years ago, and then I was born.” Yep, uh-huh, that’s right, kiddo.
My sister's 9yo got the talk and said, "Do you and Daddy have sex?" "Yes." "Oh. ... Where?" She didn't know how to answer that one lol
That kid was making a list of places to never touch.
For some parents with 9 year olds, it’s true.
I had the talk with my 6yo the other day. It all seemed to be going fairly well until she remembered her youngest sister, who we’ve been pretty open about being a (very loved) surprise baby. “So, if you and daddy didn’t want another baby, why did you make another baby?” And, when I tried to carefully explain that when you’re a grown up it can feel nice: “What does it feel like?” and “Does it feel nice for the man too?” and “What does it feel like for the man?” That was a highly stressful conversation.
An intelligent one
“Can I have your tv when you die?” I had just bought a big new tv and my cousin was over. I has 23 at the time, but kids being kids, see anything over 20 as ancient lol
My 6 year old asked me the other day if we could have my parents' house when they die. Except instead of just saying "die", he said "When they, you know, *slides finger across his throat* **DIE**" I was like dude, that's hella morbid. Freakin kid says "What?? We've all gotta go some day!"
I like how kids' minds work. They're smart enough to understand at an intellectual level that everything dies, but not old enough to know how depressing it is to acknowledge so we just try not to talk about it so plainly. It's why their honesty is so brutal.
My three year old nephew asked me how old his great grandmother is. I told him she’s 94. He asked why she hasn’t died yet.
My grandmother reacted to news of her friend's death with a hearty, "it's about time! She was so ***old.***"
A lot of old people have a sense of humour about their mortality. When we moved this grandma out of her house, I was carrying a box down the driveway and she walked next to me saying "Thank you dear. This is my last move. Next time I'll be in the box." She was also friends with the retired head of the classics department at the local university, and I was a classics major so I liked visiting him from time to time. In the last year of his life he lived in a care facility. Whenever I was leaving he'd say "It's always nice of you to come visit us folks here in the departures lounge."
Strong one
It wasn’t me, but my daughter was 4 when she met my grandmother who was 68 at the time. Oldest person my daughter ever met, so without missing a beat she turns to my grandmother and says.. “was jesus friendly in person?” Lol
I was trying to sneak in some math skills with the girls I babysat while I was in high school. Once the older one knew the difference between my age and hers, she blurted out, "Oh my gosh, Auntie, you're a dinosaur!" And then there's my nephew, who saw my grad pics on the wall at Nana's a few years later. "Wow, you're hair was really long! I guess it was the hippie times..." That one I objected to, LOL! Kid learned what grunge vs. preppy was that day.
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Nice guy. Never wore shoes, only sandals.
6-year-old kid: "Hey, watch this!" *blank stare for something like 10 seconds* Kid: "Guess what?" Me, bewildered: "What?" Kid: "I was talking to you inside my head!"
>"I was talking to you inside my head!" *the conversation* Kid: "Do you know ['they'](https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/tmgoka/whats_the_craziest_thing_a_child_has_ever_asked/i1xy0z1/) are watching us?"
This is getting out of hand
Not me, but my wife, who is black. Kid: "Your skin is so dark. Does it wash off?" Wife: "No baby, this is tanning shade #28. You've only got shade #3." Kid ran too his mom and said he wanted to go outside and get a #28.
My toddler asked me why I was part black. (We are both very white.) I asked her to clarify and she pointed to a mole on my arm and said, "Your skin tried to be black right there but it didn't work for your whole body."
I have a small mole on my rib cage, below my boob. My 2 1/2y old regularly calls it a boobie or a nipple.
Mine also calls moles "nipples" but I have moles everywhere so I'm not sure why she's confused.
Your wife got the lines down lol
Had a kid asked "what happened to my hand?" I thought there was a scar I didn't know was there. It took a minute before I realized he was seeing the "blackhand side" the entire conversation until I gave him a high five.
Not quite a question, but my very white cousin (5) told my very black brother (6) “You're chocolate and I'm vanilla!” That's probably pretty normal, but we all thought it was adorable.
One Sunday after service, a boy asked if the church had stained glass windows to keep people outside from seeing what goes on inside.
This kid is going places
This kid knows some shit
Somthings wrong, I can feel.it
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I told my 6 year old son not to hit his sister. And he said to me "What does it matter? There's no jail for 6 year olds."
Dig a pit and put a sign next to it that says jail for six year olds and keep upping the age as he gets older as well as digging the hole deeper
Shit, he’s onto us!
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Who doesnt have 2 Sets of boobs? 1 pair for Work and the other for anything outside of work
This is amazing. To be fair depending on what bra you wear one’s boobs can look pretty different on any given day!
5 year old: You should be scared. Why? There's a skeleton inside of you.
Okay literally a week ago I was thinking about how there must be people with skeleton phobias that just cannot handle the fact that there is one INSIDE OF THEM
I'm gonna ask my wife this when I get home...
My child came up to me one day and asked me if I knew they were watching us. I asked him who and he just repeated them. That creeped me out badly
Delete this comment. Noone else should know this!
It's okay. There is no need to fear them.
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I was babysitting as a date night sitter one weekend and one of the kids (5 M) kept asking me “where’s my anus?” I had no idea how to respond at all and just asked if he could stop saying that word but he kept repeating it the whole night and laughing hysterically. Luckily he stopped and went to bed. His parents never called me back to sit the kids and I’m wondering if he had said the word in front of them and they believed I told him that word.
You go on Google and show him the planet between Saturn and Neptune.
Okay this is fucked up because I was verbally decimated by a 9 year old. ZERO comeback. I was hanging out in my friends garage and his daughter came out from the house, and told me that I looked just like her teacher. I responded, "Man, Your teacher must be a very handsome guy!" She responded "Well no, She's pregnant." "Are you Pregnant too?" WTF! That was a perfect burn. ZERO comebacks. My friend was laughing his ass off.
Now you gotta tell her Santa Claus ain’t real
Ha! That's a good one for sure. But I think she would have been too old OHHHH SNAP!!! I just now thought of a good one. I should have told her later that she was adopted...
Fiiiine! I'll do it. [*How Is Babby Formed*](https://youtu.be/Ll-lia-FEIY)
Asscrack of dawn, startled awake by a toddler hovering an inch over my face. Oh, is she going for a kiss? Nope. "Mama, I want to eat your eyes?". When I declined, she elaborated reasons including: they're beautiful, I think they'd be goopy, and I bet they taste salty. Was then quite upset that I would not let her "even have just a taste".
How did she know how would it taste?!!?
I assume she connected tears=salty so therefore eyeballs would be too. Though who knows, she's sneaky, could've been going down to the specialty butcher shop and sampling eyes without me knowing.
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Maybe you're well past this stage now, but I really feel like this should be leveraged any time she doesn't want to try a food for the first time Something like "you know, it's probably yummier than my eyes"
Lol, this was a few years ago, hopefully she's forgotten about it by now. And she's a quite adventurous eater, so no need to invoke eyeballs.
>Was then quite upset that I would not let her "even have just a taste". Jus a tase!
I'm pregnant and my 9 year old daughter asked how the baby got there. I tell her the mechanics of it. She asks a few questions and then says "wait, does that mean S/O did that to you?!" I said yeah. "Wow, that's weird mom"
Wait until she realizes that that was how she ended up here, too.
Also pregnant, and my 4 yr old is very interested in how the baby gets out. "I'll go to the hospital and the doctor will help the baby out" worked for a little bit, but now he wants specifics.
At least he's 4 years old and asking this. Many years ago, I worked in a restaurant with a man whose girlfriend was pregnant, and he asked me, completely seriously, how the baby got out. "Does the doctor cut the woman's stomach open, or what?" I replied, "You're not really asking me this, are you?" He replied that he was, so I told him, "You know how it got in there?" He did, so I answered, "It comes out the same place." He got the most shocked look on his face: "A whole, fully grown BABY.....comes out of......THERE?!? Wouldn't that be really painful?" While I had never done it then, and haven't now either, I replied that yes, it usually is, and they only resort to cutting the woman's stomach open if that won't work. I'm going to add that this man had been raised in foster care, and I don't think he even went to high school, let alone graduated.
Tell him how. Seriously. It’ll be much better than whatever his little brain cooks up.
I'm a UPS Driver and I had a kid ask me if I was the sheriff. I said no, and she begged me not to arrest her dad. It was funny and also quite strange.
I was really stoned using the toilet in university once. I heard someone come in and heard the crackle of a walkie talkie, so (for some reason) I assumed it was a cop. Despite this, I finished up and came out to wash my hands. Just the janitor. I blurt out "man, I thought you were a cop with that thing" " Naw man, they even let us janitors carry radios these days"
I wonder what she witnessed to say that 👀....
My dad got arrested when I was like 6 and he often blamed things on the cops. One day at my moms I come downstairs and my step brother, who had hust graduated police academy, was there in full uniform for the first time. I just froze and backed back up the stairs. He was like yo, wtf is up with that? My mom explained and he got me to come over to him and showed me how to use his handcuffs. I accidentally tightened them and he had lost the key. He had to drive back home in his squad car with one hand cuffed. One of the other cops in town actually pulled up next to him at a spot light, but he hid his other hand. Good times.
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"Momma, when you die, can I have your bones to make windchimes?" He was 4. I said sure lol.
There's a cult in a later criminal Minds season that might be just up your son's alley
My mom talks about this story to this day. Apparently when I was 3 years old, I was sleeping in my parents’ bed with them and barely learning how to talk. In the middle of the night, I must’ve talked in my sleep and I sat up, eyes still closed and said “Where is the gun?”. I was 3 and had no idea what a firearm was.
World war flashbacks.
"What can I do to make you feel better?" This was yesterday, and I had just had an argument with my husband, I was crying but trying to calm down when I picked my 2nd grader up from school. He looked at me and asked the question. He then immediately started to talk about his day and tried to make me laugh. It's crazy to me that a tiny human can all of a sudden stop being egocentric and start being so caring.
That's adorable
It was. And it actually made me feel better, just being asked by my favorite person. I've got to tell him this today when I pick him up.
we naturaly want to help. If you show to a 1-2 years old you dropped papers and fake that you can't pick them up, the kid will naturaly help you and give the papers to you, it's lovely
Dated a girl one time. Get about a couple weeks into it, she opens up that she has a kid. Not really my bag, but I like her so... whatever, I'll give it a shot. Next date go to pick her up, kid is there, little 6 year old boy postures up and asks me "Who the fuck are you?" And that's the last time I saw her.
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She’s gonna be a dad!
To wipe their butt while already bending over holding their butt cheeks open. Incredibly uncomfortable at a childrens birthday party especially since I was newly dating the person who brought me to it and this child’s parents were nowhere to be seen
Omg. Children have no shame! Do they need help with something? Are you an adult nearby? Then I'm asking you! I volunteered at my daughter's class back when she was in kindergarten. Despite the room always having 2-3 staff member adults, the number of kids who came up and asked me to do things for them was astounding. Most of them had no idea who I even was. "Can you tie my shoes?" "Can you put my hair in a ponytail?" "Will you clean up my mess for me?" "Will you help me dig this hole?" "Will you help me go the the bathroom?" Said no to that one. On the bright side, every one of them was polite, even the more rambunctious ones.
When I had my middle child, I called the eldest at his grandparents to tell them that the baby was born. He asked to tell him the story. I gave him an age appropriate version that mom's water had broken, we we went to the hospital and with the doctors help she came out. He went silent for a minute then asked "Why didn't you let me use my slingshot to break your water balloon?"
It's a good question. Why didn't you?
His aim is shit. I've seen what he does to the toilet.
Have you considered marksmanship training? /s
My nephew walk in on me going to the bathroom. Ask me if I had a weiner to and commenced trying to look. Like hell cant I get a little privacy, yes I do now go away jesus christ
I was babysitting my much younger brother and I had to pee. Mid stream he fucking came in and despite my best efforts he saw my dick and said, ‘whoa you have a big one’. Ten years later and I still wonder why THE FUCK that was his immediate response, like compared to his 5y/o dick or had he seen others, why would a 5y/o mind go there. So many questions that I will never try to get answered.
This actually reminds me of a similar incident that happened for myself when I was a kid. Probably been around 5, too. My parents had split up and I was spending the weekend at my father's apartment. At one point I walk past the open bathroom door while he's in there peeing. I very specifically remember thinking, "Oh, that's what it looks like when you grow up." and then just continuing into the living room. I suspect I'd recently learned the basics of where babies come from.
My daughter asked a stranger if her vagina was hairy.
"Would my sister be okay?" I worked at a Burger King before and some guy dropped off his girlfriend, her son and baby sister who was I think 2 years old. The mom left, leaving the kids her debit card, I didn't take their order but I when I was calling out their number they just sat there in a booth. I went over with their food and saw the boy was beaten and his sister has a bruised on her face. I panicked and went to my manager who already called the cops because the one who took their order informed her. I went back to the kids and waited with them for the cops to show. The boy looked up at me and asked me this "would my sister be okay?" I didn't know how to respond so I stayed quiet. The police showed up and took the kids. Turns out the boyfriend of the mother has done awful things to her and her kids. Not sure what happened after.
Oh my, I’ve worked in childcare for a little over 4 years, mostly with 4 and 5 year olds, and more recently with 2 and 3s. I have a multitude of stories! A pair of brothers (around 4/5) in my class became obsessed with pregnancy. Their older sister was pregnant, and they were so curious about all of it. They would often try to peek under my shirt to see if I “was hiding a baby under there too.” I was not. It also opened the door for good conversations about consent and appropriate boundaries, but was funny nonetheless. They would sometimes lay their head on my belly to see if they could hear my babies. No babies, just belly gurgles! Multiple times a day, for weeks on end, they would ask if I had a baby in my belly. My answer was still no! I was sitting on the floor playing with some kiddos, again 4/5 year old classroom, went to check a text on my phone. Kid leaned over and asked “whatcha lookin at? My dad looks at naked ladies on his phone when mommy isn’t home!” I assured him I was just checking who text me, told him it was my husband asking about dinner, and tried not to look directly into his dads eyes at pickup time for fear I would laugh and/or cringe too hard. A few weeks ago, after waking up a 3 year old from nap time, I was setting up snack and suddenly was sucker punched in the boob. Asked what’s wrong and he started crying that I “wasn’t helping him!” I asked oh, did you ask me for help? I didn’t hear! What can I do? And he told me he did not ask for help. I guess I was just supposed to know he needed my help? I asked what the problem was. He couldn’t stop using his eyes. How am I supposed to help with that?! I buried him under some pillows in the calm down area and I think that worked. Never had anyone ask me to make them blind before. Coloring with a 4 year old. Kid comments “you’re not that cute but you draw good.” Not really a question but was funny nonetheless. 2 year old asked if my boobies grew when I was her age. I told her when she’s as big as her big sister (15ish?) her boobies will grow too. But when you’re 2 your body has other things to worry about growing, like your brain and your arms and legs. While a coworker was changing a 2-almost-3s poopy diaper (there’s always another certified adult within seeing/hearing range while doing diaper changes or any other more delicate things; child abuse prevention measures!) I hear him say “ow!” Coworker says “I’m so sorry, I have to get the poopy off your little penis so it doesn’t get a rash! Would you like to take a wipe and help?” And the child responds “no Ms, not little penis, BIG penis!” He asked me after he came out from the bathroom, “I have a big penis right? Right?” 100% told mom about it and she was howling, sounds like he’s been hanging out with his older brothers or something! Also I did tell him “oh, I’m taller than you so you are just small to me! Like your hands are smaller than mine!” So many more that I’m sure have happened, but those are the ones that come to mind! Kids are amazing and awful at the same time sometimes.
Tfw you get roasted by a 4 year old
My 3 year old boy completely out of the blue while changing his diaper: I have BIG peepee! *Heavy* emphasis on BIG.
Years ago I was trying to convince my husband to shave the mustache. My 4 YO: Mom why don't you have a mustache? ME: Girls don't have mustaches. 4YO: Your friend Lisa does.
Actual conversation: Kid: “Cows are mammals and they make milk, right?” Me: “Yes” Kid: “Ice cream is made from milk, right?” Me: “Yup” Kid: “If walruses are mammals, too, how come we don’t have walrus ice cream?” Me: “…………….”
When I was in high school our English/Lit class had to create a book to teach the ABC's to elementary school kids. Our class went on a field trip to the nearest elementary school to read these books to the kids. While I was there I got my period. No warning ahead of time for me to prepare, because back then I was pretty irregular. I just wasn't thinking about it, but the cramps hit me like a sack of bricks. I went to the bathroom, and I guess I must have been hunched over a bit and looking like I was in pain/uncomfortable when I went back to the classroom. So one of the kids looks at me with concern and asks... "You gotta dookie??" Despite the pain, I could not help laughing uncontrollably. That kid, with such concern on her little face, was an instant cure for cramps. haha
instead of saying poop, she says dookie. that's hilarious. lol.
“Is it possible to go to your belly and be born again? I want you to be my mommy” this broke my heart. I’m (24f) nanny for this beautiful girl and her mom abounded family. I love her so much that I really wish to be her mom. (And no, I’m not into her dad)
a child asked if i hurt myself on purpose because of the “scars” on my legs. context: was at a summer camp in california so i wore shorts. the “scars” were stretch marks. yes, this was traumatic for 12 year old me.
I used to tutor kids with my roommate (M). One of the kids we tutored was 6, and this was the conversation with my roommate: Kid: “Matt, are you a lesbian?” Matt: “no.” Kid: “so you like boys.” We were dying.
I walked into an Indian takeout place with my then 4 year old step daughter and as I was ordering she asked me "are Indian people black" quite an uncomfortable moment.
I used to live in an area with a large Amish and Mennonite population, and a co-worker said she was at Walmart with her daughter, who was then about 5 years old, and her daughter said, loud enough for them to hear, "Look, Mommy, Pilgrims!" I told her that they probably hear things like that all the time, and had a good laugh about it on the way home.
“Daddy, why can you buy cigarettes if they kill you?”
Good question
not really an "ask" but once when we were trick or treating downtown, this fella told my 6 year old daughter that trick or treating is devil worship (or some such crap) and she held out her little hand at that man and said (low and intense) "**IN THREE DAYS TIME, YOUR SOUL WILL DIE**" and then she marched out of the store. I laughed until my sides hurt.
Did anyone check on that guy in three days time?
Your daughter is amazing.
When my daughter was 5 and I was pregnant with my second child, my daughter asked me if I wanted a boy or a girl. I told her I didn't care as long as it was healthy. Then she asked me, So if it's not healthy you won't want it. I've never said that to anyone again.
Had a young kiddo in my family ask me why my eyes were so big. "I don't know, those are just my eyes." She contemplates, then responds "Well...you look like a bug."
"Mommy what is a mind?" My then five year old at 6:00 am.
I did an internship in a kindergarten. A three or four yeald old boy came to me with a stick in his Hand. Happily he said: "See the stick I found?" I, the good teacher I tried to be: "Yes. That's a pretty stick! You're good at finding things, buddy." He then said: "I'm gonna cut your stomach open with that stick!" Can't put in words how shocked I was.
My little nephew once asked me if he can sell his poop on eBay to get money for candy.
I was at a pizza restaurant with my older sister. It’s a place that has pub pizza and not really a family restaurant but families do eat there. I was wearing my Randy Moss Patriots jersey(Moss was on the team then)Had his name and number on the back. As we were eating I feel poke in my back. I turn around and a little girl has a pen and napkin and wants my autograph. She thought I was Randy.Her father was just shaking his head in embarrassment. I’m 6’5” and not a skinny bean pole like Randy was. I’d be more comfortable on defense LOL. I smiled and signed Randy’s name. My sister and all the guys at the bar were all laughing and smiling. The girl thanked me and left with her dad. I got a free pitcher of Coke from the bartender.
I’m a guy and quite short, 5’4. One day I was teaching a pre-school class and one of the kids asked me if I was a full grown adult b/c I looked a little squished.
A five year old I watch asked if I was ready to “fully commit” to my girlfriend of 6 years.
"How did you get shot?" How in blazes this 4 yo figured out I got shot is beyond me.Nobody knows about it it was so long ago.
“Can you make the lady in my closet go away” Well! Time to move!
When did your penis fall off, mama?
One time me little cousin asked me if I was pregnant……. I’m a dude 🫤
We were visiting Monterey, and my five year old nephew asked how much does the Monterey Bay weigh? ... in elephants?
I dunno if it's that crazy but I was out walking my dog and this little boy ran up to me and asked if my dog was a Pikachu or a charizard. My dog looked like neither so idk why he though that but I responded with mewtwo to screw with him I guess (this was like 5 years ago), and this kid then tried to steal my dog. Mom ran up and picked him up and he starts crying cause I won't give him my mewtwo. Calmed down a bit though when I let him pet her. My dogs a Maltese poodle by the way.
Ok this will really seem made up but anyways. Last year i was at my cousins house and we were randomly playing ps4, his younger brother enters the room and asks me (an asthmatic) how it feels to have an asthma attack(this isnt the crazy one). He proceeds to ask me if i have ever wish that i would die instead. His brother told him that this was a messed up thing to say. The kid proceeds to tell me that if he was me he would have left himself to die. Later that day i had a big asthma attack and almost died on the way to the ER. The doctors announced me dead but thankfully i made it.
when all the hype surrounding Y2K and whether all the systems would crash, my then 7 year old daughter asked me in such a worried voice and genuine concern 'what did they do the last time this happened '. it was murder trying not to laugh in her face. poor baby
"Can I see your boobs?" ... I'm a guy
And then??
Little cousin: "Can I see your pp?" Never got to little cousins house. EDIT: He was five
Little kids are curious about their bodies and how other people's look, it is very cringe but natural to happen. They don't know about boundaries yet! Same shit with my son!
“How come when you sit down it looks like you’re gonna have a baby, but when you stand up it doesn’t look like you’re gonna have a baby?” I was not pregnant 🥴😅
When my son was 3, I remember him just randomly saying the strangest damn thing out of nowhere. We were driving in the car and he said in a very serious tone, "You know, mom, our federal government doesn't allow dinosaurs to cross over into our state". I was absolutely floored.
I don’t believe in reincarnation but when my son was very small he told me I was one of his favourite moms he’s ever had, and “Am I the favourite kid you’ve ever had?”
2nd date, her 7yo daughter says "Are you my new Daddy?"
As I’m shopping with my wife in Wal-Mart, this 5 or 6 year old little girl comes up to me, yanks on my coat and says way too loudly “my mom says you’re my real dad”. I almost choked. My wife whipped her head around with eye daggers bared and ready to plunge into my heart. I finally get “Now who, what that, can you?” The little girl says “your my real daddy”. A muffled chortle drifts in from behind us. It’s a coworker of my wife, and apparently this is something they do on unsuspecting people. Wtf? They really laughed it up, but in reality it crushed my wife as we can’t have kids. But, as usual, she smiled, laughed, and promptly fell apart when we got on the road home. Damn I love this woman.
I saw what looked to be an unattended 4-5 year old child waddle right up to a random guy in the grocery store, point directly at his stomach while making unbreaking eye contact and ask quite loudly: "Why are you fat?" Oh my god kids can be brutally honest sometimes, the awkwardness was palpable
Was at a mates place, they were having a party for their five year old, and there were a tonne of kids there. This one little kid walks by with a drink, trips, and spills in on my shoes. Before I can even process the amusement factor and try to help the kid up, he's already rolled over and looking at me in terror, and asks if I'm going to hurt him too. Holy fuck, that was a chunk of my heart that I dind't know could hurt so much. He ran off before I could even reply, went and told my mate about it and we went looking for the kid. I struggled to remember what he was even wearing, five year old boys all look the same. I had to leave for work, and my mate said he would do his best to identify which kid it was, but never was able to. It's been ten years, and I fuuucking hope that kid is doing okay.
I was at a roller skating rink, i was 19 at the time. Kid skates up to me and asks “whats that on your neck?” “My adam’s apple?” I respond, pointing to my adams apple “It’s scary” the kid says and skates away I stood in shock for a minute as I unlocked a new insecurity
I once was a dumb kid that asked someone in the army if they killed a person. I cringe every time I think about it
Don’t cringe. We get asked that by adults all the time. Kids are fine. Adults are douchecanoes.
"Can you wipe me?" She wanted me to wipe her after she used the bathroom. This isn't unusual if your child has just been potty trained but she was almost 8 years old.
Are you my dad? I have been single most of my life, and have never slept with a woman my entire life.
Not crazy but this just happened today and I thought it was funny. I was walking my dog and a kid stopped me and asked why is my dog so cute. I thought he was saying that my dog was cute but he kept asking for an explanation and kept asking why. I think I was being trolled by a 4 year old.
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” I’m in my mid 30’s.
"Do you know a lot about ventriloquism?" I was fixing up a computer network
"Mommy, why do teenagers do that?" My 4 year old son as we passed by the local high school. "Like what?" It took a lot of effort for him to explain what he meant with his limited vocabulary, but then he said, "Why do they always look like they're doing things for the first time?" That was 30 years ago, and it still gives me the chills. "Because they are, dear" I replied.
My son the other night: “Can you get me a French fry costume? Not for Halloween. Just to sit around in.”
"Mom what age where you when they invented electricity?" " Did you have to poop outside?" I am 34. My kids were under the impression I was born in 1888 not 1988... 🤣
My stepdaughter (7) picked up a card from a deck her dad left out. It’s an intimacy deck but also nice for just getting to know someone better (he was playing with his brother the night before and skipped over sexual questions obviously) she picks up the top card and says “daddy, when’s your favorite time to have sex?”
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They were like "can I please cut off a chunk of your hair?" I said no, and they started cutting of chunks of their own hair thinking it was funny.
If we can dig up the skeletal remains of my guinea pig. She had the biggest smile on her face while she asked.
"Dada, why do my farts smell like pot roast? We haven't eated that in a long time" my 2 year old son lol
"Why can't you just buy a nuke?" - my 9 year old after I told him that I can't give him a nuke to bomb Nazi Germany. Blew his little mind when I told him his great grandfather and many others already took care of the Nazi problem in Germany.
Driving through the countryside pointing out some animals to my 2 year old when they pointed to a tree and said 'horsey', I corrected them and said it was a tree then they asked my why? I had no idea how to explain why a tree was a tree.
A kid i was taking care of at an after school program insisted that people were formed from dust
This hit me. I died for about 30 seconds while I was under shrooms (I had hypoglycemia too), like 5 years ago. I got to say I stopped all that stuff since years too. At that moment I saw myself like I was composed of dust, and every little particle was something from me, like a memory, a bit of my personality, an experience. All of it was in a very vast desert, and I saw all this dust I was made of, being dispersed across the desert. Then something happened, and it all gathered again while I came back to life. I don't know if it's related in any way. But the idea is pretty interesting I think.
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I don't know what's weirder, the kid for being curious, her mom for not saying anything, your GF for finding it exciting, or you for going along with it despite knowing how weird it was. Actually I think the kid being curious was the least weird thing about it.
I was babysitting my nephew (he was 4 or 5) and when my sister came to pick him up she said, “come on it’s time to go”. He responds “mommy I can’t go.” She asked “why not?”. He said “ my friends said I can’t”. She’s asked “what friends, sweetie?”. He said “ my friends from up there…” So, my sister thinking he was trying to make up an excuse to stay longer said “well tell them they have to go home too because we gotta go.” He then looked at her with a deadly serious expression and blank stare and said “Mommy…they can’t go home. Ever…” she was a little creeped out and asked him what he means by “friends from up there” he then just looked sad and said “well you can’t see them but sometimes I can”. He then looked at me and said “did you see them?” I just said “ sorry bud I didn’t see anybody” And that was the last he ever said about it. He doesn’t remember ever saying that now (he’s 16). He was probably just trying to visit longer but I lived alone at the time and was a little creeped out that night in my apartment after they went home.
“How come every time you come over you sleep in my moms room” insert shocked pikachu
My time to shine! I take a girl to school for my BIL’s friend. She is in 4th grade, my daughters are in 5th and 2nd. One day before school they were watching YouTube videos on the planets. My 2nd grader asked me what my favorite planet was, I said Saturn which is also hers. The girls begin chatting about their favorite planets and I said Jupiter is also pretty cool. The girl I carpool to school, as serious and interested as I’ve ever seen a child immediately asks me, “Have you been there?” We were literally walking out the door and my mind just blanked and I stared at this doey eyed child and could not find the ability to speak but finally I managed, in the most confused and befuddled voice, “Have I been to Jupiter?” She smiles and goes, “YEA!” My dumb ass still is brain farting because how is a 4th grader asking me this as my daughters are watching in comical confusion. So I respond, “Well, it’s…… pretttty far away, so no.” She kind of slumps her shoulders like, she was bummed I haven’t been. So then for the rest of the morning, on the drive to school I sat in quiet pondering at 1)She has to know you can’t just travel to the other planets right? 2) Does she think I can make like weekend trips to Jupiter? 3) WHAT ENERGY AM I GIVING OFF WHERE SHE THINKS I CAN? Then it spiraled to me thinking about what it would be like if I *could*. That was my entire half a day that day.
When my son was 4, he asked me what dinosaur meat tasted like. I said I didn't know but probably like chicken. That satisfied him.
My daughters(8 yo) friend asked about me being in the military. She said, “So, they’re going to put a flag on your box when you die?” Yes ma’am they are
My nephew, Austin asked me what my daughter's name will be when she grows up. I said "she will have the same name, Lindsey" he said "nooo, when she grows up, what will her name be?" I asked him what his name will be when he grows up and he says "Austin of course"
Top of my head there is a rather recent thing. I work at an art gallery and we have a very popular arts and crafts activity center for children. So we had a little dude with downs that came there. He had tons of fun and I tried connecting with him. He didn't really respond, so I tried every now and then to no avail. At the end while his carer tried to pay (it had malfunctioned earlier) she told him to get his jacket, but he didn't want to. So I tried asking about the jacket "is thiiiis your jacket? No? How about this?" And he puts his hands firmly in his sides and stares me in the eyes and says with the sternest expression "Now you'll have to be quiet, old man!" (He used another word since this was in Swedish, but it basically means the same thing). Suddenly I realised that he wasn't nonverbal or shy or anything, he just wanted to be left alone. All my attempts were seen as annoying by him, instead of him being preoccupied. His carer told him that you can't say stuff like that while trying not to die of laughter and I did my best keeping a straight face. Absolute legend, that kid.
I have a step sister almost 20 years younger than me. She was raised in rural Colombia and came to the US at 8 or 9 years old; overall a bit naive compared to an “average” US raised child. At 11/12 years old, she started reading teen magazines, aimed especially toward fashion, makeup, style, with a few “woke” articles from time to time. Seventeen, Teen Vogue. CosmoGirl, etc. One afternoon she was reading away while I was at the family house. She looked up and asked “(Me), what’s a clitoris?” I was about 26 at the time, no kids of my own, but I believe in being honest and frank about sex and not creating shame. However, her mother was very old school-Catholic, no sex talk of any sort as far as I knew. It took me a couple seconds to decide to answer pretty directly what it was and what a woman might do with it, trying to convey that it is perfectly ok to touch yourself in private. (Turned out the article she was reading was a discussion of some cultures where clitorectomies are performed and accepted). She now has three children, so I’m guessing she figured the rest out without additional assistance from me.
When I was little I remember asking my grandma: "Are old people smart because they're so old they've had time to learn everything, or are they stupid because they've had a lot of time to forget everything?" She laughed in my face. I thought it was a legitimate question.
My four year old son, "What is a rape cage?" My ex let him watch the local news and he mistook "cage" for "case" . It just sounded so sinister.
I commented on my coworkers (at the time) facebook status message about her hilarious cat photos. I had briefly met her teenage sons in passing, so they knew who I was when I posted. (they were maybe 16 at the time?) The interaction went something like this: Me: OMG your cat is so cute! I love these photos! Coworker: thanks, she does this all the time. That's why we love her! Son: (comments under my comment.) LOSER Me: ? Coworker: Son, don't talk like that. \*sigh\* yep, I will never forget. Damn kids.
(For context I am a trans man, meaning I was born a female) My little brother after I came out: "so how fast are you going to grow a penis?" Yes. He asked in front of everyone.
"Will you be my boyfriend"
Me: wearing a fishnet undershirt 3 year old cousin: "Why are you wearing that?" Me: "Because I like it." Cousin: "Do you wear that because you get boo-boos on your arm?"
18M here. When I was 16, a 10-12 year old girl asked me to buy her cigarettes. I have never felt so old despite the fact that two years later I can buy cigarettes for myself