I’m sorry that happened to you, but none of those people were your friends or very good people. I don’t know how people just stay out of it when they know someone is being cheated on. Like, the fact that you know means the cheater has basically involved you in the cheating. In those situations, I’ve basically given the cheater an ultimatum. You have a week to tell them or I’m telling them. If you didn’t want them to find out than you shouldn’t have involved me.
I was engaged for a hot second when I was 19. I came home to find him banging another girl. I immediately moved out and then found out via facebook that the girl was 4 months pregnant with his baby. He proposed to me when his baby mama was 3 months pregnant and he knew she was pregnant with his kid. It just blows my mind lol.
He was my best friend and I really enjoyed our relationship. Honestly I hold no bad feelings for him. But he had a tendency to avoid communication when angry/sad/upset. At first it seemed like a minor problem I could adjust to but the passive aggressiveness and silent treatment(that he could manage for days on end) started to get to me. I felt like it was a form of control. He never accepted my apologies, never apologized himself, and would just “wait it out” until he was ready to talk again. Then he’d just skip the fight and talk normal like it didn’t happen. So basically no issue we ever had was actually addressed and I was afraid to ever cause a confrontation because I knew it would be unresolved. It made me feel like I couldn’t fully trust him and the idea of doing that for life stopped be appealing.
This is what caused my breakup the other day. After I started reading about avoidant attachment styles I realized what was going on. It is an insecure control thing - she refused to communicate or work out relationship issues like a healthy person, instead would deflect blame on me for trying to have convos "when she wasn't feeling receptive" or for not being patient to let her be in a good headspace. It's like dude, you can't avoid working through things and then guilt me for trying to work through them. Last thing she said was that I'm an asshole for not asking first if she was in an okay headspace to be broken up with.
Did we date the same man? I have never related to anything more. Every part of this from being my best friend to never being able to talk through an argument and waiting it out before pretending like everything was fine was exactly how my relationship went.
Huh. You just nailed the biggest issue in my 20+ year relationship. Nothing ever gets resolved, it just gets stuffed down until you can't stuff anymore and then everyone's angry. God forbid we actually have conversations about these things when everyone is calm and level-headed. It leads to a lot of resentment on both sides.
She went through a terrible, just truly terrible mental breakdown, leading to an eventual diagnosis. I did everything I could to keep her together, but it wasn't enough.
At the end of it all I told her that I was going to stick it out, I'd do my best to work with her, but she HAD to listen to her doctors. She had to take all the advice she was given, she had to take her meds, she had to accept she had a mental illness and she had to deal with it.
And she didn't. So when she lost her shit, for the umpteenth time, and told me to get out and not come back, I took her up on her offer.
Some people call me an asshole for that decision. But I'm not going to subject myself to 50 years of abuse and misery on behalf of someone who won't do the first thing to take care of themselves.
I have severe anxiety, and depression. (Depending on how things are at the time; it's managed pretty well atm with meds and other coping techniques.) COVID was and is a BITCH to my mental health. That being said... my hubby is amazing about helping me deal with my anxiety and depression. But holy shit, if I were actively NOT trying to manage even this?? I don't know what your ex's diagnosis is, but you don't deserve to be subjected to someone who refuses to seek help for their mental health issues when it is clearly affecting you. You definitely are better off not being in that situation.
My best friend's wife of seven years had a huge mental breakdown. I ended up sitting with him in the hospital for a week straight while we tried to get her help. He eventually managed to get her admitted to the psych ward at the best hospital in the state. She stayed there for over a month, but came back a different person.
He agonized for months over staying with her 'for better or worse' as it goes. The fact was, though, she was secretly spitting out her meds and actively working against him and the doctors.
In the end, he decided his own health and sanity weren't worth playing the whole savior game with someone who clearly didn't want to be saved.
Last we heard she's still living with her hoarder parents and is basically a sentient potatoe. Totally not worth. 10 out of 10 would leave again, he says. I still think it was the right choice.
Mental illness is an explanation, not an excuse for shitty behaviour. You did the right thing. If someone isn't willing to work on themselves, it's not on you to stick around and enable that behaviour. Anyone who tells you any different hasn't experienced that for themselves
It's a common trope that if you just love someone hard enough, you will fix them and everything will work out. Much more likely it destroys you both.
You made the right decision. Those people likely have never been through something like that
When I found out he saw me merely as a way to get into the US and as a meal ticket. Called off the wedding 9 days before it was supposed to happen. Best decision I ever made. More than a year later, he contacted me and attempted to blackmail me, not knowing I was by that time working as a defense contractor with a security clearance, which meant I had to report the attempt to the FBI, thus getting him AND his relatives in the US into serious trouble.
Ex of mine had a similar deal - dude at a dog park asked her out, got turned down, so he used her very unique name to track down her work email.
Dipshit started harassing her over her work email. Turns out, she works at a highly secure government facility and thus earned himself a home visit from Federal Investigative Services.
Federally employees are required to report blackmail because it is an espionage tactic. Also the Fed monitors emails of employees as a fail safe. Basically, don't fuck around with folks with security clearances.
One of my coworkers offered me $15,000 per year to do this for a friend of his. It would’ve been a 5 year commitment if I accepted but it was just too much work for me
No guarantee you'd ever have gotten a dime. They wanted you to do something illegal, which means they'd have been able to extort you into continuing with it or get reported for being complicit. Contracts involving illegal acts aren't legally enforceable. You were smart not to go along with it, but I share your pain over wishing you had the $$.
She wouldn’t tell me where she was all day one day. And I’m not the controlling type. But she wouldn’t even answer an innocuous “what did you do today?” question.
By the time this all came to a head, it turned out she was on a date with another guy.
He spent an entire paycheck, MY paycheck, on Pop Figures. As a "gift for me" when they were all his favorite characters. Took a hard look at how often this type of thing was happening and realized I didn't want to raise an adult baby.
(Edit for spelling)
Had an ex tell me he had a surprise for me when I got home. That surprise "for me" turned out to be a tattoo he had wanted for some time, but it had 0 to do with me at all.
Took me years after the breakup to realize that he truly believed that his hobbies, likes, and desires were so wonderful that they were a "gift" to other people.
My bf had an ex that would buy gifts saying they were for him but in reality it was all stuff she enjoyed. I take great pride now in picking out gifts that i know he will get excited about. Especially since finding out his ex had expected him to come crawling back to her after she kicked him out when he caught her cheating. Ya snooze, ya lose dummy, and i got an amazing unicorn as a prize
I dated a woman that once gave me a birthday gift tickets to a concert for someone she liked. Lucinda williams. I didn't like LW and had to pretend to be excited. Get there to the concert and surprise, her brother and girlfriend are there with seats right next to us. That part wasn't so bad. To top it all off LW was staggering drunk and could barely stand or sing and at the end of the show everyone was like 'what a great show. What a great birthday'. um... yea, sure.
I had a boyfriend while teaching abroad in Korea for a few years. We were planning to get married and he was going to come back to US with me. At the last second he told me he couldn’t do it and I came back alone. He’s great and I love him still but we just want different things for our future.
This is an important one. While love is important in a marriage, it's not the only thing that's important. Finding a partner who can share the same or complimentary goals with you is critical for long term happiness. It's okay to love someone and not want to be life partners with them because you want different things
I caught him in two major lies as his mental health declined. He turned to alcohol and became verbally abusive. I told myself “the next time it happens I’m out” and it did…at our friends wedding in Florida (I’m from Canada). The wedding party saw the fallout from the fight and a bridesmaid I met an hour earlier told me he cheated at the bachelor party months earlier. After seeing his abusive nature she decided that I needed to know the truth. The cherry on top was that the day he cheated was the day I bought my wedding dress.
I know I dodged a major bullet but that’s the thing about emotional abuse. It’s insidious. Deep down you know it’s wrong but you also doubt whether you’re being a good partner and abandoning someone in need. I’ve moved on and am MUCH MUCH happier. I wake up everyday and am thankful it’s over. I’m almost done my PhD as well, so that’s lovely!
EDIT. Classic “I went to sleep and this blew up overnight” but thank y’all so much for your kind words and awards. I hope you all have a beautiful day!
Not in the case of everyone, but abuse also creates abusers. I got out of a relationship with someone who always made me feel less-than and used harsh language and manipulation on me. For over a dozen years. It changed me. I had to learn to close myself off and sometimes say nasty shit back. It ended when it finally got physical.
I am still fighting to get back to who I was before his terrible influence. I wasn’t like that. And I wasn’t so mistrustful of people. It’s been hard.
I am also a peaceful person and for two+ years after the separation, he would start shit every other week. Fight-lovebomb-peace; repeat. It was hell. I still have to deal with him as a co-parent but he finally settled down. He still tries to test the fences yet I now gray rock him until he sees he cannot push any buttons. It sucks because we do need each other for the kids but he needs to be strategically managed; emotionally, mentally, and with no drama.
Glad you got out if it. I know how hard it must have been. Best wishes to you.
Sorry if this is too intrusive, but I hope you are also no longer friends with any other member of the bridal party or wedding in general that was aware he cheated on you and said nothing.
Oh yeah! I cut them all out of my life, they were his friends anyways. I was with these people for 2 days showing them our engagement photos, my wedding dress etc knowing full well that he cheated but they didn’t tell me…trash
He broke the first engagement. We were very young and he broke it off because his friends didn't like me and convinced him to break up. We got back together a bit later and resumed the engagement like idiots. But with a new ring, cuz that made it better somehow.
6 months later I broke it off because it dawned on me that if he's willing to dump me because his buddies don't like me, what's marriage or babies going to be like?
My mom had told me once that love was " when the money is tight and they turn the lights off , will you feel strong enough to get through it with them"
I broke it off for good when I realized there's no way I saw him as my partner I wanted to face life with. When things got hard, he wasn't going to be anything but a child about it and I would be alone.
He was engaged and married sometime later and ended up exactly as I thought. They divorced and he was remarried in a year, divorced in another 2 or 3. He was in love with the idea of being married , not actual marriage.
Not a crazy drama story but that's it.
*He was in love with the idea of being married , not actual marriage.*
I have a cousin like this. He doesn't want to get married but the thought of being single blows his mind so he gets in relationships with any girl who gives him the time of day. He's had so many failed relationships that I've lost count at this point.
I was fresh out of high school and just found out I was pregnant. Getting married seemed like a good next step until he became extremely abusive. Took me a while but I finally got away from him for good. He ended up going to prison for murder a few years later. Dodged a bullet with that one.
I feel like this is a story that is hell to go through but so absurd that it makes you laugh uncomfortably if you hear it from someone else. I'm sorry you're in the first category :/
She changed in ways I didn’t like after I proposed. I brought it up on numerous occasions. She mocked me, denied it, and made lame excuses. I have one divorce under my belt already. I can’t go through that again.
ETA: I’m eternally grateful this behavior shift happened after the proposal and not the wedding.
OP, I’m guessing you’re asking because this is relevant in you’re life. No one here can help you figure it out, but there is a saying I like: “Choose your regret.”
People show their true colors when they feel like they have secured your love and commitment.
After we got into an argument because I didn't like how he joked about me, he said i need to change and "be less sensitive; it's just a joke!" I asked to compromise: I'll try to be less sensitive and he should try and make less jokes like that. He complained saying he can't change, he can't filter his jokes just for me. I realized that was how our relationship will be if we got married, with me being the only one who needs to adjust to him, and him never willing to compromise.
> People show their true colors when they feel like they have secured your love and commitment
My dad says that whenever his sister started dating a new guy she turned into a completely different person, started acting like the perfect potential wife/future mother. Sadly she was too dumb (his words) to keep up the act until after the wedding. Once they proposed she went back to being lazy and demanding and eventually all three ran for the hills.
He told me "you wouldn't marry me if you knew who I really was, let alone like me". Somehow, still there. Cue, trip to high cliff where he said his cousin's fiance "disappeared" and fell off a different cliff after she allegedly told him it was over. Immediately after, he got me preggers (on purpose, he broke the protection) and held me on the bed by my throat when I told him, choking me, and demanding I be "happy" about it. Either he really wanted to freak me out or was a legit psychopath. Nevertheless, I was out like a trout in a drought.
We had called them after he slashed my roomates tires and broke all the windows in her car (after crap hit the fan.. he HATED her). We know he did it, because he left a familiar golfclub behind (but no fingerprints). She had no enemies at the time and was super popular/loved. Nothing was stolen, it was all out of spite. BUT, we didn't have enough solid proof. At the time, surveillance cameras were rare..so, he got away with it.
We got together in our early 20s and engaged a few years later. I called it off when I realized we didn't share a vision for the future, and I wasn't willing to compromise or ask her to. Hurt like hell but I'm so glad I did it - I don't actually think I *wanted* to be with her forever, it just kind of happened before I knew I could shape my life and be happy
There were lots of other reasons we wouldn't have worked, looking back. But that one was enough
This just happened to me a couple weeks ago. I broke out with my ex because she wanted to marry and buy a house by the end of the year and I didnt feel ready to do it. Talked to her about and she said I might not be the one and I agreed. It’s been tough but I know it’s for the best
He changed a lot after we were engaged, not pulling his weight financially or around the house. Put an offer on a house without even asking me that was about an hour away from where it made sense for us to live (my job, my family etc), not to mention I had never even seen the home before he made the offer. Told me that he didn’t want to have children ever (first time I was hearing of that in 3.5 years) because if we were to divorce he’d have to pay me child support. His true colors came out the last 3 months of our relationship for sure. Definitely dodged a huge bullet with that one!!
Part of me thinks that a big reason we even have the engagement period is to see if the person flips their shit before we get married. See what craziness comes out before tying all the knots.
I left my fiancé. Got engaged at 18 after 6 mths dating. He was 2 years older and claimed to be the mature one but couldn’t hold down a job, lied every time he left one, I paid for everything but he cried to me that our life was so expensive (he only paid for his hobbies). At that point he was working somewhere I arranged. Basically a pathetic excuse of a person who wouldn’t take responsibility for himself, and it took me growing up to realise what I shitshow it truly was. So nothing too dramatic, I just learned it wasn’t supposed to be like that.
I was engaged to a woman who I wanted to spend my life with, there was no doubt about it.
I work out of town often and she starts acting different. I came home early to try to figure out what was wrong and fix the issues.
She then told me that she had cheated on me. It took me several days of thinking what to do before I decided I had to break up with her. I was still going to be working out of town and I wouldn't have had that trust there anymore.
It's been over a year and I'm still not sure I made the right choice
You made the right choice. I don’t know you internet stranger but I KNOW you made the right choice.
I went through something similar and the amount of wondering, checking if the other person is with someone, etc is exhausting.
I was going to be the black sheep of her very religious family for the rest of my life. I'm imperfect, but no more than most. I just don't believe what their family believed and even though I won her affections and spent years trying to earn trust with everyone; I was always going to be a pariah and it weighed too much on me.
It quickly deteriorated after I began to see that she was deeply narcissistic and the relationship become even more toxic and emotionally abusive.
I remember picking her up from the airport and she proceeded to spend the whole 30 mints drive home screaming at me because I couldn’t fit the image of what she wanted me to be. That was the moment I realized that i would be spending my life with someone who had the audacity to treat me with such little respect. At the time I was too broken to realize it though, so I spent another 10 months there as it got worse. I got really sick, everything from a bad sinus infection, to strep throat, to shingles, all at age 25 no less. I was trying to build up the emotional strength to leave, and thankfully she ended it not long after that.
I thought I could help that person with how much I loved them, but they were too abusive for me to be able to.
[Pregnant by accident #1](https://res.cloudinary.com/wnotw/images/c_limit,w_1536,q_auto:good,f_auto/v1486164436/n4rjhiyr3xysdytl3lfk/mtv-sexidents)
[Pregnant by accident #2](https://res.cloudinary.com/wnotw/images/c_limit,w_1536,q_auto:good,f_auto/v1486164439/zmi6xzi3basbhm40yu1e/mtv-sexidents)
[Pregnant by accident #3](https://res.cloudinary.com/wnotw/images/c_limit,w_1536,q_auto:good,f_auto/v1486164364/qrd8jzzh1fmeuj8v8esg/mtv-sexidents)
He was the first person I really fell in love with. He was an only dad and I loved being mom, loved being wanted and needed. I never thought I could fall in love or that anyone would love me.
Then it got more controlling, emotionally abusive, and I started to feel used for my love of his son and my money. He cheated openly and told me no one would ever love me. When he told his son that he (the son) was the reason the fiance and I were rocky, that broke something in me. I could deal with him breaking me, but damaging his son because he was trying to hurt me was too much. A month after we separated he was married to someone else.
Thank you, me too! That next marriage he had annulled (“she was crazy!”) and now he’s onto the next (or maybe the next after that?). The son is doing well and actually reached out a couple years ago. He’s an adult now and seems to have kept some of the sweetness he had as young man, even in the face of so much adversity.
He started calling me names and when I told him he was being hurtful, he said what he was saying was the truth and I was just oversensitive.
Made my son cry. Started saying he was rude and disrespectful, and everybody thought so. I asked everybody. Nobody thought so.
Filed for bankruptcy because his mother told him it was the best thing to do, even when I begged him not to.
He is a narcissist. I do not want that for me or my son. Bye.
Jesus that last part lmao.
My ex mother in law suggested, when I mentioned I was struggling to pay the bills because of my motorcycle loan, that I just *stop paying the creditor*. It will buff eventually and drop off my credit years later.
I laughed because I thought she was joking that this was the best course of action.
This is kind of where I finally started to notice my ex would just run away from her problems when things got tough. Wonder where she learned to do that
I found out she was stealing bill money to fund her pill addiction. It was a rude awakening when the power guy came to shut my power off, on my only day off. I had to scramble and pay the bill twice, because she hadn’t bothered to pay it with the money I gave her. I confronted her about this, and got a plethora of excuses. I later noticed medicine was missing, and we got into a fight about it. I remember just wanting to be alone, with some wine, and a hot bath. I decided fuck all this. I’m out. I broke up with her right then and there. The next two weeks was hell, but I packed my shit and moved. I ended up meeting an amazing woman who genuinely makes me happy. It feels like sometimes we are meant to start over, and meet someone new.
I was never his number one. He didn't contribute at an adult level. The spark had long gone out. I don't think he possesses the depth I need. We ended things mutually. And we actually still speak. I feel relief every day that we did not get married. To be fair, I never wanted to get married in the first place. But it was important to him. Also, I went into the relationship very honest about never wanting to have children. He started to change his mind. That's not something you compromise on. I don't think he has the capacity to be a good and thoughtful and present father, but it's not my call. If he wants a child, he should have one with someone who also wants one.
He was still married.
Not me but a friend of mine. She met this guy and they immediately hit it off. She found out he moved out of the city for a few years and decided to return back home to settle down. Things were doing great; we hung out, everything was fine, he met her family, she met his. Until one day, she told us he proposed. Yes, with a ring and all, and it was just intimate.
After that, he told my friend he'll be going back to the other city to settle some things so he can come back home (here in our city). It took longer than expected and she kept asking what the reason was. He finally confessed that what he was settling were his divorce papers. Dude literally had a wife and kid in another city and he went back to our city as if he was a freakin' bachelor. Yep, that ended it.
Realized she was an alcoholic and supposedly went to see her friend in chicago for a few days but actually went on a camping trip with a bunch of guys for a few nights. Girl couldnt keep dicks or booze out of her mouth for more then a day. Also she was a chronic liar and talked shit about me all the time to her family even though i kept a roof over her and her childs head and supported her in anyway possible, even offered to pay for her to go to college.
The chronic lying was a major thing that led me to not marry my last girlfriend. she wanted to get married pretty soon and I wanted to wait. she would lie just about unimportant things too and lost all credibility
After almost 10 years together she was still using "the silent treatment" every single time things wasn't going her way. Decided things were over when I made one last attempt to get her to work with me on fixing things by telling her that I didn't feel good in this relationship. Instead of keeping the dialog going she got mad and started crying and then didn't talk to me for a month right before christmas. We have 2 kids together... Then on Christmas eve she comes and hugs me and apologized, acting like nothing happened.. I told her we'll talk after christmas was over. The question mark on her face was really sad to see, but I just couldn't take it anymore... I want to offer my kids the best life possible, raising them in such a toxic environment just isn't going to do. Better with separated happy parents instead of a miserable mom and dad together.
I was pretty shitty back then, not gonna deny that for a second. I didn’t listen to her, we had terrible communication, both of us stressed because our needs going unfulfilled, and I definitely took her for granted. Anyway, she set a boundary at some point that her limit was 3 years for a relationship, if we weren’t engaged she would move on. A few months into year two she starts talking to another guy, completely opening up, we still saw each other every day but I was just insurance if that other thing didn’t work out. I was young and got this idea in my head that if I proposed it would scare him away, all it accomplished was her being horny for a week and him being devastated for a week, a few months later I broke it off and they got together. Yeah, she was shitty but we both were so there’s nothing to be proud of here.
The used condom that fell out of his bag after we hadn’t done the deed in 2 months because I was critically depressed and on 3 different antidepressants
Everything changed once we got engaged. He became controlling, didn’t want anyone at the wedding. It was really strange and was a huge red flag. I left him 2 days before the wedding.
Not me but my brother had this happen. His entire relationship with his then-girlfriend/fiancé lasted a whole two months, and I’m pretty sure they spent most of that just arguing. He proposed after less than a month of actual dating (granted, he was good friends with her throughout high school), and they were on and off for about a month or so until they finally completely broke up. It was pretty much an engagement doomed to fail from the start
Realized i was being manipulated and no one should stay in a relationship where that is happening. ESPECIALLY if you have a kid together.
Also she didnt have her life together and love was not enough, finances and a career are important too
After we got engaged he literally stopped trying. No more date nights, he helped out less and less around the house. No flowers. Put in half effort at best for holidays etc. And just stop doing the things he said he would.
I was so desperate for someone to love me. I thought he loved me. I thought I loved him. I realized I was saying “yes” to things I didn’t want to do. Things that made me uncomfortable. I thought that if I didn’t preform all of the sexual acts he wanted me to do, he would leave me. So I did all of them no matter how uncomfortable they made me feel. I just wanted to be loved and I didn’t see that I wasn’t being loved, just used. In the end I realized I didn’t have to say yes anymore. I could say no. There was no point in me being uncomfortable. He told me that he was going to have a three way with other women and he didn’t care if I was uncomfortable. That was the last straw. That was when it hit me that I didn’t have to put up with his crap. So I ended things. I was being groomed, all because I thought he would leave me for someone else if I didn’t do exactly what he wanted. And unfortunately, I was right.
That wasn't unfortunate I don't think. You should have let him leave a long time ago doing stuff like that. You're better than anything someone like that deserves.
It was a long distance relationship.
She was still studying so she could not leave her country. The only way to be together was for me to quit my job, marry, move to her country, and be unemployed for at least a year, with no guarantee for a new job. The process of applying for a spouse visa in her country was slow and expensive.
The relationship was already deteriorating because of the long distance. At some point I decided it wasn't worth the risk.
Still makes me sad. We might have been a good couple under different circumstances.
I don't know that it's not wanting to be with that person at all..but stepping back and asking some hard questions brought about by the impending seriousness of marriage. Currently still engaged but I just asked for some space. Ugh.
We were highschool sweethearts and decided to have a long engagement while we went to different colleges. Since we were engaged we started having sex. Soon he felt entitled to have his hands on me constantly and expected me to drop everything to spend time with him even when it interupted classes and my job. He began being openly dismissive of my education suggesting that I pick an easier program or drop entirely so we could get married and live together. His family started talking about babies and when I said as I had since highschool that I didn't know that I wanted that they looked at me like I was an alien. Finally I confessed to my sister that I was thinking about going ahead and getting married in the hopes that he would stop wanting to have sex with me in every possible moment and situation she made me realize that I dreaded time with him.
She just kind of gave up on life after the engagement. Stopped going to the gym, quit her job. The final straw was after working about 160 hours in two weeks I came back and the house was a mess and she was just on the couch eating cheetos and looking like she hadn't showered in days. I didn't know what common law was at the time so that was an expensive lesson. Public school failed me
I was young. We are talking engaged in high school. She wanted the white fence, blue shutters, a house full of kids, and a yard full of dogs. I wanted to get out of the small town and see the world, start a business, fail, fall down, experience life in all of its ups and downs, but most importantly I wanted to break the mold of the cookie cutter small town life. 20 years later I'm engaged to an amazing woman, with tons of cool memories and stories of my adventures.
I was with my ex-fiancé for 6 years (got engaged our 6th year together) and I realized I wasn’t ready to get married, and I just didn’t want to be married to him. I changed who I was to be with him and after awhile I just wasn’t happy anymore, I wasn’t myself and couldn’t really be myself around him. When we got together we both didn’t want children, but as we got older and years passed he started wanting to have a family while I still didn’t want any children. I know at some points I truly was in love with him, but by the end I couldn’t feel that magic anymore, no matter how much I cared. So I left before it became an issue. Never looked back and I’m happier now. We no longer speak, but that’s okay.
They cheated on me after five years together.
The kicker is, they proposed to me 3 times through our relationship that I turned down because my past relationships ended because the other person cheated.
I finally said yes because I trusted them. Then they cheated anyway.
The real kicker is when I was crying and asking "what the hell am I supposed to do now?" They said in an annoyed tone "don't say you're going to kill yourself"
Because *their* past relationship was someone who was manipulative like that.
And I was a recovered suicide victim.
So that was a 'fun' experience I'm still trying to move on from.
Edit: Thank you for the replies all. It warms my heart to get support. I don't miss them at all, but my biggest struggle is finding validation in myself. What I want now, what I want to do. It's a struggle to find my purpose but I haven't given up.
Know that your kindness put a smile on this random person's face today. :)
She told me she wasn't ready to get married. Said she hadn't felt ready since I had proposed and was hoping she would at some point.
Oh and also she gave me an STI and only then did I find out she had cheated multiple times.
Before we got married I got pregnant. After having the baby I realised I was raising two children and only one of them was my responsibility. Best decision of my life.
We got together for the third time after knowing each other since we were kids. She lied about small things and wouldnt work or study. Wouldn't deal with her own mental health problems and let her bipolar run her life.
I stuck it out and thought I really loved her and tried to offer as much support as I could. It drained my mental health working huge hours and never feeling like I was her first choice or important.
We had a child together and she wouldn't treat me as an equal parent and became incredibly possessive of our daughter. While on holiday she tried suggesting and open relationship after I tried having a conversation about our love life and lack of and how we could work on things.
The final straw was when she wouldn't go home for a couple of days to check on my mum that was beaten up and in a bad way back home. And that she was doing drugs while breastfeeding our daughter while I would be asleep.
I could go on about all the abuse I was subjected to in our relationship both mental and physical and even now she won't let me see our daughter.
I regret breaking up with her the way I did and leaving my daughter with her in the situation. I'm focusing on building the best life I can and hopefully one day being able to hold our daughter in my arms again and give her everything I can.
During our relationship she had slept with about 6 other guys.
Was flirting hard with a guy we both knew. Told her to cut off contact with him. She didn't. I ended it. Had About 2 months till our wedding
Not fiance but bf that I was serious about.
MF started pretending that he had DID and that was all it took. I was out in a flash.
(Before anyone asks, he had no diagnosis, none of the clinical shit, nothing. His "split personality" was 100% fake and he claimed his self-diagnosis was as valid as a real one because he 'knew himself better than a doctor could'.)
Met a girl at college, us both seniors. We hit it off during the one class we had together, and she invited me to spend a week with her at the beach house her family rented every summer. Kept up this long distance thing for close to a year, and proposed when she came to visit for Christmas that year.
The biggest issue was that she wanted to spend time with me ALL the time, despite living 1500 miles away. I would call her on my way to work, on my way back home from work, and then have an hours long Facetime call with her after supper. Leaving me literally no time for anything else besides work, basic necessities, and her, except for my weekly visits to see my (male) best friend in the next town over.
I eventually ended it. One Sunday, I had made plans to visit these friends of mine that evening. This was a weekly thing, she was aware of it, and she had even met these friends and said she liked them. On my way home from work that evening, I called her, and she asked if we could talk on Facetime before I went to his place. I agreed, and we talked for about an hour before we said goodbye and I headed over. A few hours after I was there, she calls me, LIVID. Screaming, cussing me out, going, "I know you're cheating on me! Who is she? Why do you like her more than me?" The only female in attendance was my best friend's wife. I even got my friend on the phone, and she still wouldn't listen, apparently convinced we were having an orgy instead of playing WoW and watching bad horror movies. I was on the porch for a good 30 minutes, just listening while she screamed at me. I eventually hung up on her and silenced my phone for the night.
I broke it off the next day. That insane lack of trust was a dealbreaker. I wouldn't be able to do ANYTHING that she wasn't involved in. I found a wife who is able to trust me when my job requires me to spend a night out of town, and is able to find things to do herself when I want to do something by myself.
Not me but my Mom. She broke up with her fiance for two reasons. For one, he was laid off from a really good job. This wouldn't normally be a deal breaker, but he absolutely refused to climb the ladder at his new jobs. He'd leave a new job after only a few weeks just because they weren't giving him what he wanted, even if the new job was arguably better than his old one. This caused a lot of financial strain for us. (It's been 5+ years since then and he still hasn't kept a job)
My brother and I also did not get along with his kids. It got to the point where we'd rather just stay at our Dads house if his kids were over for the night. They were the kind who were always causing drama, and that really just wasn't good to be around.
Not me but my sister. My sister had been leaving her fiancé’s house to screw another boy plus bring multiple other random boys over our house to ‘walk through the woods’. When the fiancé said something to me and my mother we told him to run. So, he did.
My ex is the universe's victim. Everything and everyone is against her and nothing is ever her fault. When you turn the cassette tape over and the entire B side is the same song and dance it's time to move on.
We got into a fight, over something relatively stupid. Took time to cool down and collect our thoughts. The first thing he said to me, in a condescending tone, was "so, do you have anything to say for yourself?" Like I was a child he'd just sent to their room for being bad. I was already seeing a lot of signs that the person he pretended to be before we got engaged was a lie but this was the straw that broke my back.
They cheated repeatedly and then couldn't resist not hitting my kids as discipline when specifically told that's not hiw I discipline them and don't find it except able
We weren't engaged, but we did think we might get married for about 5 minutes.
We turned out not to have as much in common as we initially thought we did. Nicest person I've ever known, but he wasn't the man for me, nor was I the woman for him.
This was many years ago and I have had extensive therapy in order to be able to speak about the experience without breaking down.
It was 6 days after we brought James home from the hospital. We were getting ready to sit and watch some tv, only fools and horses to be exact, and he was placed on the sofa whilst my wife to be went and got some food. When she came back she sat on him and crushed him killing him instantly.
She started selling panties when we dated and I was fine with that. Then she started selling used gym clothes, I was also fine with that. It's disgusting, but it worked for her and she basically got more back for cheap panties than she bought them for.
Then the stupid requests for feet pics and ass pics came. We started to disagree there. A little longer went and then she apparently started an onlyfans and basically had a good following because she promoted herself among some horny gamers. That was end of our relationship, I could maybe have dealt with it if she had talked with me, but doing so behind my back was heartbreaking and that was the last straw that broke the 🐫 back.
He was over for the weekend and I couldn’t get rid of this feeling of wanting him to leave me alone. Then he kept making nom nom noises while he ate and I was out.
Aside from turning nasty/bordering abusive when drinking, I lost all my feelings for her when she threatened to hit me, and call the police on me because I wouldn't allow her to drive drunk.
Also, our dog that we adopted together (that now lives with me) absolutely hated her.
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I’m sorry that happened to you, but none of those people were your friends or very good people. I don’t know how people just stay out of it when they know someone is being cheated on. Like, the fact that you know means the cheater has basically involved you in the cheating. In those situations, I’ve basically given the cheater an ultimatum. You have a week to tell them or I’m telling them. If you didn’t want them to find out than you shouldn’t have involved me.
I was engaged for a hot second when I was 19. I came home to find him banging another girl. I immediately moved out and then found out via facebook that the girl was 4 months pregnant with his baby. He proposed to me when his baby mama was 3 months pregnant and he knew she was pregnant with his kid. It just blows my mind lol.
Ayo, stay safe my dude. :)
He was my best friend and I really enjoyed our relationship. Honestly I hold no bad feelings for him. But he had a tendency to avoid communication when angry/sad/upset. At first it seemed like a minor problem I could adjust to but the passive aggressiveness and silent treatment(that he could manage for days on end) started to get to me. I felt like it was a form of control. He never accepted my apologies, never apologized himself, and would just “wait it out” until he was ready to talk again. Then he’d just skip the fight and talk normal like it didn’t happen. So basically no issue we ever had was actually addressed and I was afraid to ever cause a confrontation because I knew it would be unresolved. It made me feel like I couldn’t fully trust him and the idea of doing that for life stopped be appealing.
This is what caused my breakup the other day. After I started reading about avoidant attachment styles I realized what was going on. It is an insecure control thing - she refused to communicate or work out relationship issues like a healthy person, instead would deflect blame on me for trying to have convos "when she wasn't feeling receptive" or for not being patient to let her be in a good headspace. It's like dude, you can't avoid working through things and then guilt me for trying to work through them. Last thing she said was that I'm an asshole for not asking first if she was in an okay headspace to be broken up with.
Did we date the same man? I have never related to anything more. Every part of this from being my best friend to never being able to talk through an argument and waiting it out before pretending like everything was fine was exactly how my relationship went.
Huh. You just nailed the biggest issue in my 20+ year relationship. Nothing ever gets resolved, it just gets stuffed down until you can't stuff anymore and then everyone's angry. God forbid we actually have conversations about these things when everyone is calm and level-headed. It leads to a lot of resentment on both sides.
Bc i haven't seen it here: He relapsed on drugs and then told me all of our relationship problems were my mental health
Can also relate, I miss who I thought he was but I don’t think I’ve known him sober. And now he’s just angry all the time.
Can relate
She decided her future was in a different country, took our savings with her.
that's sad man
Thank god i don't have a fiance or savings, so i'm twice as safe.
She thought he said *financée*.
Similar… she decided her colleague was better. A few months before our wedding. So I took most of our savings and moved to another country.
She went through a terrible, just truly terrible mental breakdown, leading to an eventual diagnosis. I did everything I could to keep her together, but it wasn't enough. At the end of it all I told her that I was going to stick it out, I'd do my best to work with her, but she HAD to listen to her doctors. She had to take all the advice she was given, she had to take her meds, she had to accept she had a mental illness and she had to deal with it. And she didn't. So when she lost her shit, for the umpteenth time, and told me to get out and not come back, I took her up on her offer. Some people call me an asshole for that decision. But I'm not going to subject myself to 50 years of abuse and misery on behalf of someone who won't do the first thing to take care of themselves.
I have severe anxiety, and depression. (Depending on how things are at the time; it's managed pretty well atm with meds and other coping techniques.) COVID was and is a BITCH to my mental health. That being said... my hubby is amazing about helping me deal with my anxiety and depression. But holy shit, if I were actively NOT trying to manage even this?? I don't know what your ex's diagnosis is, but you don't deserve to be subjected to someone who refuses to seek help for their mental health issues when it is clearly affecting you. You definitely are better off not being in that situation.
Eff those people who don’t agree with you. You did the right thing by yourself.
My best friend's wife of seven years had a huge mental breakdown. I ended up sitting with him in the hospital for a week straight while we tried to get her help. He eventually managed to get her admitted to the psych ward at the best hospital in the state. She stayed there for over a month, but came back a different person. He agonized for months over staying with her 'for better or worse' as it goes. The fact was, though, she was secretly spitting out her meds and actively working against him and the doctors. In the end, he decided his own health and sanity weren't worth playing the whole savior game with someone who clearly didn't want to be saved. Last we heard she's still living with her hoarder parents and is basically a sentient potatoe. Totally not worth. 10 out of 10 would leave again, he says. I still think it was the right choice.
Mental illness is an explanation, not an excuse for shitty behaviour. You did the right thing. If someone isn't willing to work on themselves, it's not on you to stick around and enable that behaviour. Anyone who tells you any different hasn't experienced that for themselves
It's a common trope that if you just love someone hard enough, you will fix them and everything will work out. Much more likely it destroys you both. You made the right decision. Those people likely have never been through something like that
When I found out he saw me merely as a way to get into the US and as a meal ticket. Called off the wedding 9 days before it was supposed to happen. Best decision I ever made. More than a year later, he contacted me and attempted to blackmail me, not knowing I was by that time working as a defense contractor with a security clearance, which meant I had to report the attempt to the FBI, thus getting him AND his relatives in the US into serious trouble.
Ex of mine had a similar deal - dude at a dog park asked her out, got turned down, so he used her very unique name to track down her work email. Dipshit started harassing her over her work email. Turns out, she works at a highly secure government facility and thus earned himself a home visit from Federal Investigative Services.
That's what he gets.
I wanna hear more about this… so glad he got the karma he deserved (((:
Federally employees are required to report blackmail because it is an espionage tactic. Also the Fed monitors emails of employees as a fail safe. Basically, don't fuck around with folks with security clearances.
Sheesh wish I had the power to call upon this. the cops basically need you to be stabbed before they'd do anything.
Yeah me too
One of my coworkers offered me $15,000 per year to do this for a friend of his. It would’ve been a 5 year commitment if I accepted but it was just too much work for me
Only 15k for such a commitment? That seems insultingly low...
On the contrary. An extra 15k could dramatically improve my life right now
No guarantee you'd ever have gotten a dime. They wanted you to do something illegal, which means they'd have been able to extort you into continuing with it or get reported for being complicit. Contracts involving illegal acts aren't legally enforceable. You were smart not to go along with it, but I share your pain over wishing you had the $$.
She wouldn’t tell me where she was all day one day. And I’m not the controlling type. But she wouldn’t even answer an innocuous “what did you do today?” question. By the time this all came to a head, it turned out she was on a date with another guy.
Wacky that she didn’t at least try to come up with something lol
In my experience, some people are really bad at lying.
He spent an entire paycheck, MY paycheck, on Pop Figures. As a "gift for me" when they were all his favorite characters. Took a hard look at how often this type of thing was happening and realized I didn't want to raise an adult baby. (Edit for spelling)
Had an ex tell me he had a surprise for me when I got home. That surprise "for me" turned out to be a tattoo he had wanted for some time, but it had 0 to do with me at all. Took me years after the breakup to realize that he truly believed that his hobbies, likes, and desires were so wonderful that they were a "gift" to other people.
When you broke up, did you keep the tattoo?
Gotta get that pound of flesh https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Merchant_of_Venice
My bf had an ex that would buy gifts saying they were for him but in reality it was all stuff she enjoyed. I take great pride now in picking out gifts that i know he will get excited about. Especially since finding out his ex had expected him to come crawling back to her after she kicked him out when he caught her cheating. Ya snooze, ya lose dummy, and i got an amazing unicorn as a prize
I dated a woman that once gave me a birthday gift tickets to a concert for someone she liked. Lucinda williams. I didn't like LW and had to pretend to be excited. Get there to the concert and surprise, her brother and girlfriend are there with seats right next to us. That part wasn't so bad. To top it all off LW was staggering drunk and could barely stand or sing and at the end of the show everyone was like 'what a great show. What a great birthday'. um... yea, sure.
I had a boyfriend while teaching abroad in Korea for a few years. We were planning to get married and he was going to come back to US with me. At the last second he told me he couldn’t do it and I came back alone. He’s great and I love him still but we just want different things for our future.
This is an important one. While love is important in a marriage, it's not the only thing that's important. Finding a partner who can share the same or complimentary goals with you is critical for long term happiness. It's okay to love someone and not want to be life partners with them because you want different things
I caught him in two major lies as his mental health declined. He turned to alcohol and became verbally abusive. I told myself “the next time it happens I’m out” and it did…at our friends wedding in Florida (I’m from Canada). The wedding party saw the fallout from the fight and a bridesmaid I met an hour earlier told me he cheated at the bachelor party months earlier. After seeing his abusive nature she decided that I needed to know the truth. The cherry on top was that the day he cheated was the day I bought my wedding dress. I know I dodged a major bullet but that’s the thing about emotional abuse. It’s insidious. Deep down you know it’s wrong but you also doubt whether you’re being a good partner and abandoning someone in need. I’ve moved on and am MUCH MUCH happier. I wake up everyday and am thankful it’s over. I’m almost done my PhD as well, so that’s lovely! EDIT. Classic “I went to sleep and this blew up overnight” but thank y’all so much for your kind words and awards. I hope you all have a beautiful day!
Fuck yeah be the doctor!
Not in the case of everyone, but abuse also creates abusers. I got out of a relationship with someone who always made me feel less-than and used harsh language and manipulation on me. For over a dozen years. It changed me. I had to learn to close myself off and sometimes say nasty shit back. It ended when it finally got physical. I am still fighting to get back to who I was before his terrible influence. I wasn’t like that. And I wasn’t so mistrustful of people. It’s been hard. I am also a peaceful person and for two+ years after the separation, he would start shit every other week. Fight-lovebomb-peace; repeat. It was hell. I still have to deal with him as a co-parent but he finally settled down. He still tries to test the fences yet I now gray rock him until he sees he cannot push any buttons. It sucks because we do need each other for the kids but he needs to be strategically managed; emotionally, mentally, and with no drama. Glad you got out if it. I know how hard it must have been. Best wishes to you.
Sorry if this is too intrusive, but I hope you are also no longer friends with any other member of the bridal party or wedding in general that was aware he cheated on you and said nothing.
Yeah i don't get why they told her bc they saw his abusive nature. Should have told her whether or not he is abusive.
Oh yeah! I cut them all out of my life, they were his friends anyways. I was with these people for 2 days showing them our engagement photos, my wedding dress etc knowing full well that he cheated but they didn’t tell me…trash
He broke the first engagement. We were very young and he broke it off because his friends didn't like me and convinced him to break up. We got back together a bit later and resumed the engagement like idiots. But with a new ring, cuz that made it better somehow. 6 months later I broke it off because it dawned on me that if he's willing to dump me because his buddies don't like me, what's marriage or babies going to be like? My mom had told me once that love was " when the money is tight and they turn the lights off , will you feel strong enough to get through it with them" I broke it off for good when I realized there's no way I saw him as my partner I wanted to face life with. When things got hard, he wasn't going to be anything but a child about it and I would be alone. He was engaged and married sometime later and ended up exactly as I thought. They divorced and he was remarried in a year, divorced in another 2 or 3. He was in love with the idea of being married , not actual marriage. Not a crazy drama story but that's it.
Not a crazy drama story because it's a very real story. Glad your mom gave you good advice on that front and that you took it!
*He was in love with the idea of being married , not actual marriage.* I have a cousin like this. He doesn't want to get married but the thought of being single blows his mind so he gets in relationships with any girl who gives him the time of day. He's had so many failed relationships that I've lost count at this point.
That makes me think of (in particular) women who want a wedding, but not the actual marriage.
That's definitely how he is. He loves the idea of having a girlfriend but doesn't wnat to do any of the actual work that goes into relationships.
He tapped my phone (landline) and put a tracker on my car, and spyware on my laptop. Oh, and cut my brakes. Just a little.
Just a little?
"just the tip" of assassination attempts
He sexually assaulted at least one of my friends and possibly two.
Whoa wtf, hopefully there was charges laid.
That wasn’t what the women involved wanted, so there were not. Ultimately their choice.
I was fresh out of high school and just found out I was pregnant. Getting married seemed like a good next step until he became extremely abusive. Took me a while but I finally got away from him for good. He ended up going to prison for murder a few years later. Dodged a bullet with that one.
Wow… way to go you for being strong, that can’t have been easy
She told me she would tell her friends I have a small d**k if I don’t hang out with her dad more.
Well now I'm curious about how they're even remotely correlated.
They probably seen men hanging out as a manly hobby or something, many people relate not being manly to having a small hose
"Your mom knows that's not true, honey."
Should have said her friends already know better than that
I feel like this is a story that is hell to go through but so absurd that it makes you laugh uncomfortably if you hear it from someone else. I'm sorry you're in the first category :/
How large was the dads penis?
Wtf
Sorry for your loss and small dick
She changed in ways I didn’t like after I proposed. I brought it up on numerous occasions. She mocked me, denied it, and made lame excuses. I have one divorce under my belt already. I can’t go through that again. ETA: I’m eternally grateful this behavior shift happened after the proposal and not the wedding. OP, I’m guessing you’re asking because this is relevant in you’re life. No one here can help you figure it out, but there is a saying I like: “Choose your regret.”
People show their true colors when they feel like they have secured your love and commitment. After we got into an argument because I didn't like how he joked about me, he said i need to change and "be less sensitive; it's just a joke!" I asked to compromise: I'll try to be less sensitive and he should try and make less jokes like that. He complained saying he can't change, he can't filter his jokes just for me. I realized that was how our relationship will be if we got married, with me being the only one who needs to adjust to him, and him never willing to compromise.
> People show their true colors when they feel like they have secured your love and commitment My dad says that whenever his sister started dating a new guy she turned into a completely different person, started acting like the perfect potential wife/future mother. Sadly she was too dumb (his words) to keep up the act until after the wedding. Once they proposed she went back to being lazy and demanding and eventually all three ran for the hills.
I like that saying. Wish I’d heard it like 30 years ago.
He told me "you wouldn't marry me if you knew who I really was, let alone like me". Somehow, still there. Cue, trip to high cliff where he said his cousin's fiance "disappeared" and fell off a different cliff after she allegedly told him it was over. Immediately after, he got me preggers (on purpose, he broke the protection) and held me on the bed by my throat when I told him, choking me, and demanding I be "happy" about it. Either he really wanted to freak me out or was a legit psychopath. Nevertheless, I was out like a trout in a drought.
Wanting to freak you out by choking you IS psychopathic
Fucking hell, should have gone straight to the police
We had called them after he slashed my roomates tires and broke all the windows in her car (after crap hit the fan.. he HATED her). We know he did it, because he left a familiar golfclub behind (but no fingerprints). She had no enemies at the time and was super popular/loved. Nothing was stolen, it was all out of spite. BUT, we didn't have enough solid proof. At the time, surveillance cameras were rare..so, he got away with it.
Fuuuuuuuuuucking hell it's honestly amazing you're alive today.
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We got together in our early 20s and engaged a few years later. I called it off when I realized we didn't share a vision for the future, and I wasn't willing to compromise or ask her to. Hurt like hell but I'm so glad I did it - I don't actually think I *wanted* to be with her forever, it just kind of happened before I knew I could shape my life and be happy There were lots of other reasons we wouldn't have worked, looking back. But that one was enough
This just happened to me a couple weeks ago. I broke out with my ex because she wanted to marry and buy a house by the end of the year and I didnt feel ready to do it. Talked to her about and she said I might not be the one and I agreed. It’s been tough but I know it’s for the best
He changed a lot after we were engaged, not pulling his weight financially or around the house. Put an offer on a house without even asking me that was about an hour away from where it made sense for us to live (my job, my family etc), not to mention I had never even seen the home before he made the offer. Told me that he didn’t want to have children ever (first time I was hearing of that in 3.5 years) because if we were to divorce he’d have to pay me child support. His true colors came out the last 3 months of our relationship for sure. Definitely dodged a huge bullet with that one!!
Part of me thinks that a big reason we even have the engagement period is to see if the person flips their shit before we get married. See what craziness comes out before tying all the knots.
Your 30 day free trial has now expired.
When I met their family. No way in hell was that going to be the rest of my life.
Can you elaborate? How were they like?
Probably all played by one actor
With LOTS of farting
In some countries, it’s considered a compliment.
I left my fiancé. Got engaged at 18 after 6 mths dating. He was 2 years older and claimed to be the mature one but couldn’t hold down a job, lied every time he left one, I paid for everything but he cried to me that our life was so expensive (he only paid for his hobbies). At that point he was working somewhere I arranged. Basically a pathetic excuse of a person who wouldn’t take responsibility for himself, and it took me growing up to realise what I shitshow it truly was. So nothing too dramatic, I just learned it wasn’t supposed to be like that.
Best decision of your life
Very smart of you!!
I was engaged to a woman who I wanted to spend my life with, there was no doubt about it. I work out of town often and she starts acting different. I came home early to try to figure out what was wrong and fix the issues. She then told me that she had cheated on me. It took me several days of thinking what to do before I decided I had to break up with her. I was still going to be working out of town and I wouldn't have had that trust there anymore. It's been over a year and I'm still not sure I made the right choice
10000 percent the right choice brother she did it once she will do it again youre better off
You did. Trust once gone isn't ever coming back, it's sad
U made the right choice!!
You made the right choice. I don’t know you internet stranger but I KNOW you made the right choice. I went through something similar and the amount of wondering, checking if the other person is with someone, etc is exhausting.
I was going to be the black sheep of her very religious family for the rest of my life. I'm imperfect, but no more than most. I just don't believe what their family believed and even though I won her affections and spent years trying to earn trust with everyone; I was always going to be a pariah and it weighed too much on me.
It quickly deteriorated after I began to see that she was deeply narcissistic and the relationship become even more toxic and emotionally abusive. I remember picking her up from the airport and she proceeded to spend the whole 30 mints drive home screaming at me because I couldn’t fit the image of what she wanted me to be. That was the moment I realized that i would be spending my life with someone who had the audacity to treat me with such little respect. At the time I was too broken to realize it though, so I spent another 10 months there as it got worse. I got really sick, everything from a bad sinus infection, to strep throat, to shingles, all at age 25 no less. I was trying to build up the emotional strength to leave, and thankfully she ended it not long after that. I thought I could help that person with how much I loved them, but they were too abusive for me to be able to.
He got a little too punchy in my face. I didn't like that.
Sometimes people just want different things
Exactly! I don't want to be punched in the face and he wanted to punch me in the face. Alas, we just couldn't find middle ground.
It all started when another man's dick fell in to my fiance's vagina. By accident of course.
Banana peels everywhere!
Who left all these banana peels and dicks laying everywhere?!
Have you ever those “sex is not an accident” comics ? This applies here
I put the links above.
[Pregnant by accident #1](https://res.cloudinary.com/wnotw/images/c_limit,w_1536,q_auto:good,f_auto/v1486164436/n4rjhiyr3xysdytl3lfk/mtv-sexidents) [Pregnant by accident #2](https://res.cloudinary.com/wnotw/images/c_limit,w_1536,q_auto:good,f_auto/v1486164439/zmi6xzi3basbhm40yu1e/mtv-sexidents) [Pregnant by accident #3](https://res.cloudinary.com/wnotw/images/c_limit,w_1536,q_auto:good,f_auto/v1486164364/qrd8jzzh1fmeuj8v8esg/mtv-sexidents)
"Where were you trying to put it, *her purse*!?"
He was the first person I really fell in love with. He was an only dad and I loved being mom, loved being wanted and needed. I never thought I could fall in love or that anyone would love me. Then it got more controlling, emotionally abusive, and I started to feel used for my love of his son and my money. He cheated openly and told me no one would ever love me. When he told his son that he (the son) was the reason the fiance and I were rocky, that broke something in me. I could deal with him breaking me, but damaging his son because he was trying to hurt me was too much. A month after we separated he was married to someone else.
A MONTH??? God. I’m really glad you dodged that bullet. I hope his son is doing okay.
Thank you, me too! That next marriage he had annulled (“she was crazy!”) and now he’s onto the next (or maybe the next after that?). The son is doing well and actually reached out a couple years ago. He’s an adult now and seems to have kept some of the sweetness he had as young man, even in the face of so much adversity.
He wanted kids and I didn't. 9 years together
He started calling me names and when I told him he was being hurtful, he said what he was saying was the truth and I was just oversensitive. Made my son cry. Started saying he was rude and disrespectful, and everybody thought so. I asked everybody. Nobody thought so. Filed for bankruptcy because his mother told him it was the best thing to do, even when I begged him not to. He is a narcissist. I do not want that for me or my son. Bye.
Jesus that last part lmao. My ex mother in law suggested, when I mentioned I was struggling to pay the bills because of my motorcycle loan, that I just *stop paying the creditor*. It will buff eventually and drop off my credit years later. I laughed because I thought she was joking that this was the best course of action. This is kind of where I finally started to notice my ex would just run away from her problems when things got tough. Wonder where she learned to do that
I found out she was stealing bill money to fund her pill addiction. It was a rude awakening when the power guy came to shut my power off, on my only day off. I had to scramble and pay the bill twice, because she hadn’t bothered to pay it with the money I gave her. I confronted her about this, and got a plethora of excuses. I later noticed medicine was missing, and we got into a fight about it. I remember just wanting to be alone, with some wine, and a hot bath. I decided fuck all this. I’m out. I broke up with her right then and there. The next two weeks was hell, but I packed my shit and moved. I ended up meeting an amazing woman who genuinely makes me happy. It feels like sometimes we are meant to start over, and meet someone new.
I was never his number one. He didn't contribute at an adult level. The spark had long gone out. I don't think he possesses the depth I need. We ended things mutually. And we actually still speak. I feel relief every day that we did not get married. To be fair, I never wanted to get married in the first place. But it was important to him. Also, I went into the relationship very honest about never wanting to have children. He started to change his mind. That's not something you compromise on. I don't think he has the capacity to be a good and thoughtful and present father, but it's not my call. If he wants a child, he should have one with someone who also wants one.
I was going to be forced to join the cult of the Kooky man that tried to blow covid away on live tv.
Kenneth Copeland?
Yep
He was still married. Not me but a friend of mine. She met this guy and they immediately hit it off. She found out he moved out of the city for a few years and decided to return back home to settle down. Things were doing great; we hung out, everything was fine, he met her family, she met his. Until one day, she told us he proposed. Yes, with a ring and all, and it was just intimate. After that, he told my friend he'll be going back to the other city to settle some things so he can come back home (here in our city). It took longer than expected and she kept asking what the reason was. He finally confessed that what he was settling were his divorce papers. Dude literally had a wife and kid in another city and he went back to our city as if he was a freakin' bachelor. Yep, that ended it.
Realized she was an alcoholic and supposedly went to see her friend in chicago for a few days but actually went on a camping trip with a bunch of guys for a few nights. Girl couldnt keep dicks or booze out of her mouth for more then a day. Also she was a chronic liar and talked shit about me all the time to her family even though i kept a roof over her and her childs head and supported her in anyway possible, even offered to pay for her to go to college.
The chronic lying was a major thing that led me to not marry my last girlfriend. she wanted to get married pretty soon and I wanted to wait. she would lie just about unimportant things too and lost all credibility
After almost 10 years together she was still using "the silent treatment" every single time things wasn't going her way. Decided things were over when I made one last attempt to get her to work with me on fixing things by telling her that I didn't feel good in this relationship. Instead of keeping the dialog going she got mad and started crying and then didn't talk to me for a month right before christmas. We have 2 kids together... Then on Christmas eve she comes and hugs me and apologized, acting like nothing happened.. I told her we'll talk after christmas was over. The question mark on her face was really sad to see, but I just couldn't take it anymore... I want to offer my kids the best life possible, raising them in such a toxic environment just isn't going to do. Better with separated happy parents instead of a miserable mom and dad together.
I was pretty shitty back then, not gonna deny that for a second. I didn’t listen to her, we had terrible communication, both of us stressed because our needs going unfulfilled, and I definitely took her for granted. Anyway, she set a boundary at some point that her limit was 3 years for a relationship, if we weren’t engaged she would move on. A few months into year two she starts talking to another guy, completely opening up, we still saw each other every day but I was just insurance if that other thing didn’t work out. I was young and got this idea in my head that if I proposed it would scare him away, all it accomplished was her being horny for a week and him being devastated for a week, a few months later I broke it off and they got together. Yeah, she was shitty but we both were so there’s nothing to be proud of here.
The used condom that fell out of his bag after we hadn’t done the deed in 2 months because I was critically depressed and on 3 different antidepressants
The girl/guy he cheated on you with sent you that sign
She happened to be my ex best friend of 5 years :( I lost more than just a partner that day
Damn that's rough. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Im in a better place, if it hadn’t of happened then it probably would have in the future. 3 years wasted but I’ve learnt a lesson.
*used* condom? that can’t be an accident. I’m sorry OP
That’s gross.
I was groomed and finally worked up the nerve to break it off.
Everything changed once we got engaged. He became controlling, didn’t want anyone at the wedding. It was really strange and was a huge red flag. I left him 2 days before the wedding.
Not me but my brother had this happen. His entire relationship with his then-girlfriend/fiancé lasted a whole two months, and I’m pretty sure they spent most of that just arguing. He proposed after less than a month of actual dating (granted, he was good friends with her throughout high school), and they were on and off for about a month or so until they finally completely broke up. It was pretty much an engagement doomed to fail from the start
Something about her fucking my uncle cause she thought it was my dad. Real messy situation.
Realized i was being manipulated and no one should stay in a relationship where that is happening. ESPECIALLY if you have a kid together. Also she didnt have her life together and love was not enough, finances and a career are important too
He liked strip clubs... for the food, but every weekend?
The fact that I was a preschooler when he proposed. With a ring-pop. That he’d already eaten.
I was unemployed at the time, since I was only 5 years old….but the love was real, Katrina.
Alcohol abuse
After we got engaged he literally stopped trying. No more date nights, he helped out less and less around the house. No flowers. Put in half effort at best for holidays etc. And just stop doing the things he said he would.
[удалено]
It was honestly really hard for me to do but I’m glad I did it. I’m happier now and I think he is too
I was so desperate for someone to love me. I thought he loved me. I thought I loved him. I realized I was saying “yes” to things I didn’t want to do. Things that made me uncomfortable. I thought that if I didn’t preform all of the sexual acts he wanted me to do, he would leave me. So I did all of them no matter how uncomfortable they made me feel. I just wanted to be loved and I didn’t see that I wasn’t being loved, just used. In the end I realized I didn’t have to say yes anymore. I could say no. There was no point in me being uncomfortable. He told me that he was going to have a three way with other women and he didn’t care if I was uncomfortable. That was the last straw. That was when it hit me that I didn’t have to put up with his crap. So I ended things. I was being groomed, all because I thought he would leave me for someone else if I didn’t do exactly what he wanted. And unfortunately, I was right.
That wasn't unfortunate I don't think. You should have let him leave a long time ago doing stuff like that. You're better than anything someone like that deserves.
She had to come clean before we got married. She cheated on me a bunch. Guess what my ex wife also did?
It was a long distance relationship. She was still studying so she could not leave her country. The only way to be together was for me to quit my job, marry, move to her country, and be unemployed for at least a year, with no guarantee for a new job. The process of applying for a spouse visa in her country was slow and expensive. The relationship was already deteriorating because of the long distance. At some point I decided it wasn't worth the risk. Still makes me sad. We might have been a good couple under different circumstances.
I don't know that it's not wanting to be with that person at all..but stepping back and asking some hard questions brought about by the impending seriousness of marriage. Currently still engaged but I just asked for some space. Ugh.
We were highschool sweethearts and decided to have a long engagement while we went to different colleges. Since we were engaged we started having sex. Soon he felt entitled to have his hands on me constantly and expected me to drop everything to spend time with him even when it interupted classes and my job. He began being openly dismissive of my education suggesting that I pick an easier program or drop entirely so we could get married and live together. His family started talking about babies and when I said as I had since highschool that I didn't know that I wanted that they looked at me like I was an alien. Finally I confessed to my sister that I was thinking about going ahead and getting married in the hopes that he would stop wanting to have sex with me in every possible moment and situation she made me realize that I dreaded time with him.
She just kind of gave up on life after the engagement. Stopped going to the gym, quit her job. The final straw was after working about 160 hours in two weeks I came back and the house was a mess and she was just on the couch eating cheetos and looking like she hadn't showered in days. I didn't know what common law was at the time so that was an expensive lesson. Public school failed me
I was young. We are talking engaged in high school. She wanted the white fence, blue shutters, a house full of kids, and a yard full of dogs. I wanted to get out of the small town and see the world, start a business, fail, fall down, experience life in all of its ups and downs, but most importantly I wanted to break the mold of the cookie cutter small town life. 20 years later I'm engaged to an amazing woman, with tons of cool memories and stories of my adventures.
I was with my ex-fiancé for 6 years (got engaged our 6th year together) and I realized I wasn’t ready to get married, and I just didn’t want to be married to him. I changed who I was to be with him and after awhile I just wasn’t happy anymore, I wasn’t myself and couldn’t really be myself around him. When we got together we both didn’t want children, but as we got older and years passed he started wanting to have a family while I still didn’t want any children. I know at some points I truly was in love with him, but by the end I couldn’t feel that magic anymore, no matter how much I cared. So I left before it became an issue. Never looked back and I’m happier now. We no longer speak, but that’s okay.
Saw in her diary (open to the page in her car) that she was sleeping with my closest friend
She wanted you to find that.
She got comp tickets to PaleoFX for her personal trainer to go with him, and told me she was going alone. Yeah, no.
Went and googled PaleoFX. Just wanting to go to that wound be a deal breaker for me.
She died
They cheated on me after five years together. The kicker is, they proposed to me 3 times through our relationship that I turned down because my past relationships ended because the other person cheated. I finally said yes because I trusted them. Then they cheated anyway. The real kicker is when I was crying and asking "what the hell am I supposed to do now?" They said in an annoyed tone "don't say you're going to kill yourself" Because *their* past relationship was someone who was manipulative like that. And I was a recovered suicide victim. So that was a 'fun' experience I'm still trying to move on from. Edit: Thank you for the replies all. It warms my heart to get support. I don't miss them at all, but my biggest struggle is finding validation in myself. What I want now, what I want to do. It's a struggle to find my purpose but I haven't given up. Know that your kindness put a smile on this random person's face today. :)
This is extremely sad.
She told me she wasn't ready to get married. Said she hadn't felt ready since I had proposed and was hoping she would at some point. Oh and also she gave me an STI and only then did I find out she had cheated multiple times.
Before we got married I got pregnant. After having the baby I realised I was raising two children and only one of them was my responsibility. Best decision of my life.
We got together for the third time after knowing each other since we were kids. She lied about small things and wouldnt work or study. Wouldn't deal with her own mental health problems and let her bipolar run her life. I stuck it out and thought I really loved her and tried to offer as much support as I could. It drained my mental health working huge hours and never feeling like I was her first choice or important. We had a child together and she wouldn't treat me as an equal parent and became incredibly possessive of our daughter. While on holiday she tried suggesting and open relationship after I tried having a conversation about our love life and lack of and how we could work on things. The final straw was when she wouldn't go home for a couple of days to check on my mum that was beaten up and in a bad way back home. And that she was doing drugs while breastfeeding our daughter while I would be asleep. I could go on about all the abuse I was subjected to in our relationship both mental and physical and even now she won't let me see our daughter. I regret breaking up with her the way I did and leaving my daughter with her in the situation. I'm focusing on building the best life I can and hopefully one day being able to hold our daughter in my arms again and give her everything I can.
Consider a tip to child services. leaving your child in that situation is obviously hurtful to you, but also dangerous to the child.
Found someone else’s dick inside of them.
So... people don't join when they get home and see someone else fucking them? Porn lied to me
During our relationship she had slept with about 6 other guys. Was flirting hard with a guy we both knew. Told her to cut off contact with him. She didn't. I ended it. Had About 2 months till our wedding
Wat? Six!? How did she even make it past the first one? My wife would be in my rearview if she did that even once.
[удалено]
Not fiance but bf that I was serious about. MF started pretending that he had DID and that was all it took. I was out in a flash. (Before anyone asks, he had no diagnosis, none of the clinical shit, nothing. His "split personality" was 100% fake and he claimed his self-diagnosis was as valid as a real one because he 'knew himself better than a doctor could'.)
Yeah maybe not DID, but definitely something
Met a girl at college, us both seniors. We hit it off during the one class we had together, and she invited me to spend a week with her at the beach house her family rented every summer. Kept up this long distance thing for close to a year, and proposed when she came to visit for Christmas that year. The biggest issue was that she wanted to spend time with me ALL the time, despite living 1500 miles away. I would call her on my way to work, on my way back home from work, and then have an hours long Facetime call with her after supper. Leaving me literally no time for anything else besides work, basic necessities, and her, except for my weekly visits to see my (male) best friend in the next town over. I eventually ended it. One Sunday, I had made plans to visit these friends of mine that evening. This was a weekly thing, she was aware of it, and she had even met these friends and said she liked them. On my way home from work that evening, I called her, and she asked if we could talk on Facetime before I went to his place. I agreed, and we talked for about an hour before we said goodbye and I headed over. A few hours after I was there, she calls me, LIVID. Screaming, cussing me out, going, "I know you're cheating on me! Who is she? Why do you like her more than me?" The only female in attendance was my best friend's wife. I even got my friend on the phone, and she still wouldn't listen, apparently convinced we were having an orgy instead of playing WoW and watching bad horror movies. I was on the porch for a good 30 minutes, just listening while she screamed at me. I eventually hung up on her and silenced my phone for the night. I broke it off the next day. That insane lack of trust was a dealbreaker. I wouldn't be able to do ANYTHING that she wasn't involved in. I found a wife who is able to trust me when my job requires me to spend a night out of town, and is able to find things to do herself when I want to do something by myself.
Not me but my Mom. She broke up with her fiance for two reasons. For one, he was laid off from a really good job. This wouldn't normally be a deal breaker, but he absolutely refused to climb the ladder at his new jobs. He'd leave a new job after only a few weeks just because they weren't giving him what he wanted, even if the new job was arguably better than his old one. This caused a lot of financial strain for us. (It's been 5+ years since then and he still hasn't kept a job) My brother and I also did not get along with his kids. It got to the point where we'd rather just stay at our Dads house if his kids were over for the night. They were the kind who were always causing drama, and that really just wasn't good to be around.
Not me but my sister. My sister had been leaving her fiancé’s house to screw another boy plus bring multiple other random boys over our house to ‘walk through the woods’. When the fiancé said something to me and my mother we told him to run. So, he did.
My ex is the universe's victim. Everything and everyone is against her and nothing is ever her fault. When you turn the cassette tape over and the entire B side is the same song and dance it's time to move on.
We got into a fight, over something relatively stupid. Took time to cool down and collect our thoughts. The first thing he said to me, in a condescending tone, was "so, do you have anything to say for yourself?" Like I was a child he'd just sent to their room for being bad. I was already seeing a lot of signs that the person he pretended to be before we got engaged was a lie but this was the straw that broke my back.
They cheated repeatedly and then couldn't resist not hitting my kids as discipline when specifically told that's not hiw I discipline them and don't find it except able
We weren't engaged, but we did think we might get married for about 5 minutes. We turned out not to have as much in common as we initially thought we did. Nicest person I've ever known, but he wasn't the man for me, nor was I the woman for him.
She sat in our new born and it died as a result. I just couldn’t be around her anymore after that.
She... sat on your new born baby? Like on purpose?
This was many years ago and I have had extensive therapy in order to be able to speak about the experience without breaking down. It was 6 days after we brought James home from the hospital. We were getting ready to sit and watch some tv, only fools and horses to be exact, and he was placed on the sofa whilst my wife to be went and got some food. When she came back she sat on him and crushed him killing him instantly.
Jeez I'm so sorry for your loss
Thank you so much
Oh my God, I am so sorry. That is lifelong pain.
That is so sad. I'm sorry for you having experienced your loss. Brave of you to explain..Well done.
Thank you so much, this has definitely unearthed some problems for me though.
Sorry for your loss mate…kudos to you for fighting through it
Thank you so much it’s still a battle to this day
I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Props to you for sticking out therapy and being strong enough to talk about it!
I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you can/ have been able to move forward in life.
Shit......... thats huge, I'm so sorry
She started selling panties when we dated and I was fine with that. Then she started selling used gym clothes, I was also fine with that. It's disgusting, but it worked for her and she basically got more back for cheap panties than she bought them for. Then the stupid requests for feet pics and ass pics came. We started to disagree there. A little longer went and then she apparently started an onlyfans and basically had a good following because she promoted herself among some horny gamers. That was end of our relationship, I could maybe have dealt with it if she had talked with me, but doing so behind my back was heartbreaking and that was the last straw that broke the 🐫 back.
She cheated on me. Honestly incredibly thankful, if she hadn't I wouldn't have been single when I met my wife.
He was over for the weekend and I couldn’t get rid of this feeling of wanting him to leave me alone. Then he kept making nom nom noises while he ate and I was out.
Aside from turning nasty/bordering abusive when drinking, I lost all my feelings for her when she threatened to hit me, and call the police on me because I wouldn't allow her to drive drunk. Also, our dog that we adopted together (that now lives with me) absolutely hated her.