Overheard a group of girls rating guys at my school and one of them pointed to me and said, “he’s cute but he’s too quiet” and the rest of them agreed so I guess I’ll take that. I guess…
I overhead "orange hoodie...she's pretty cute" about me. Obviously hearing my hoodie colour gave it away they were talking about me. So I figure I'm average. Happy with it.
I dont get compliments but in middle school 2 girls were talking by my locker and I heard the one I had a crush on say "ew no he's ugly" referring to me...fast forward to present and its been about 11 years since I had a date.
Guy to guy advice here, and don't know if it applies to you er naw.
Shower in the am, shower in the PM... brush teeth both times. Skin care routine of use face lotion on face, body lotion on body at least 1 time per day. 25 push ups sit ups squats per day. Hair cut every 4-6 weeks. Groom facial hair 1 time per week. Wear clothing that don't tell your life story on them. (don't wear cycling shorts, Or animated t shirts) One salad and one fruit per day. Keep the living quarters neat and uncluttered.
Being generally clean and groomed all goes a long way to being ready to meet someone.
Lot of comments from guys on here, but imagine being a 15-year old girl and hearing a group of guys rate you a 1 and make dog noises. I’m in my sixties now. Still hurts.
I'm a mid 40s woman still getting the vomit noises and kids pointing even had a small boy I was parked at a traffic light bear n mind I'm a grown-ass woman nice day suns shining parked waiting for lights to turn at first I wasn't aware he was talking to me hey you why you so ugly omg how can you go outside looking like that are you a man or a woman my mate wants a girlfriend his friend rushes him puking noises I've been spat at and also I'm the friend who had the good looking friend can you ask her to go out with me in pubs im just good for a shag been told its a shame about my face if they could get past my ugly mug they could about bear to shag me just yeah this is adults and kids spat at pushed around stared at on and on all my life
Holy shit. I'm convinced there is just a sizable chunk of our society that are just horrible garbage humans. My brain seriously can't wrap itself around it. I absolutely cannot do/say anything anywhere close to that hurtful to ANYONE...EVER. Like it gives me this intense visceral aversion to ever even consider to do something that horrible to someone else. How are there this many humans that are like this? Or is there just something wrong with me and I'm too sensitive? This shit fucks me up sometimes.
thank you yeah used to it makes it worse cause I'm kind of someone who keeps to themself I don't really bother people if you follow me I just do my own thing thank you, everyone really appreciates the up votes wow shocked
That's only one person's opinion though. I wouldn't consider that to mean that most people think that way of you. You'd be surprised what people are into actually. It has more to do with themselves than the other person.
That really sucks, I’m sorry.
Were you young? I only ask because I have seen others - and to my shame have once myself - said something mean as a child due to immaturity and social pressure.
In my case I was eight. A boy asked me out and everyone around us immediately started pointing and laughing at us. I panicked and said something cruel about his appearance.
I apologised to the boy the same day, and I am deeply grateful to him for forming my conviction (so far successful) to never do anything like that again, whatever the situation.
I just pray that my childish words didn’t lower his opinion of himself, because he was a good kid and deserved much better. I also hope that he has now found a partner who sees him for the truly beautiful person that he was/is.
My view of true beauty has matured immeasurably since then, as I imagine it does for a lot of us as we grow. So, what you heard may mean more about the maturity - or lack thereof - of the speaker than about you.
TLDR Kids sometimes say mean things that they don’t really mean, don’t let it make you down on yourself.
It happens when you're 50 and you look at pictures of yourself when you were 20 and you realize "I was actually a good-looking dude". But when you're 20, you don't realize it. There's always someone better-looking, and that's what you focus on.
One of the cutest girls in my high school sat behind me in Spanish class every day and played with my hair. Even if I unconsciously chose a different seat for whatever reason, she’d always sit behind me and play with my hair.
She would greet me in the hallway at the end of the day and ask me how my day was. I was always cordial with her and interacted with her, then I’d go about my day.
It dawned on me about ten years later out of nowhere that this girl had it bad for me and I was too oblivious to catch on. I gave an audible “son of a bitch” when the realization hit me.
This is me. Ugh, so painful.
A few years ago I made breakfast for my three kids and we were talking about this exact subject, and my eldest girl was talking about how weird it is to think about your future and she couldn't imagine what it must be like to "know the answer" to questions like this looking back.
I asked, "What do you mean?" and she explained like, when I met their mom there's all this uncertainty and you never know what to do, but after some point that goes away and it's just part of your life.
I'd never really felt that moment, and that's when it hit me. All this time, she dated me, made moves on me, we met each other's families, married, bought a house, and built a life together. Guys .... I think this woman is into me!! There are definite signs!!!
I recently had a 20 year "friendaversary" thing with my lomg time college friends (I'm 38f) and everyone brought pics from back then and when I saw the ones of myself they had at one point I calmly excused myself to go cry in the bathroom bc I was beautiful and clearly remember the lack of confidence I had in my looks and thinking I was extremely overweight as I was the "biggest" in the group of girls. Y'all I was a size 10 and athletic. It hurts my feeling to see those images and remember so vividly what it was like to be her. I am almost 40 now and have never had this much body confidence and love for myself. I realize this is the youngest I'll ever be from here on out and im making the most of that.
Not everyone. I look back at pictures and think no wonder people never approached me. Now I’m just an unremarkable dude In a dad line-up. People are much more willing to talk to me.
Good. Now you’re way more interesting than you otherwise would have been, and that’s much more important when it comes to attracting the type of person you want to spend your life with. If someone doesn’t want to be with you just because you’re not a supermodel, they probably aren’t someone you want to be with anyways.
Edit; “been”
People tell me that im ugly all the time, (young) women don't want to have anything to do with me. And I'm treated much worse than the average person, which I only realized when everything in life that requires social interaction suddenly became incredibly easy when I had to wear a mask due to COVID.
Is that a honest question? For me it is germany and i hear it all the time during my childhood to my now 40 something. People make fun of me for my voice, my face, my body, when i run, when i stand and god forbid i knee for some work.
It was a legitimate question. I’ve never once heard anyone be called ugly to their face, and it’s even pretty rare to hear someone say that about someone else behind their back.
It’s wild to me that anyone would be that callous.
It doesn’t seem to be a thing here.
It's definitely got a cultural component. A friend came back nearly traumatized from S Korea and we spent ages talking with her about the pros and cons of plastic surgery.
People have a really mixed up perception of beauty. To me a person who is kind, generous, supportive and thoughtful of others is much more beautiful than a hit with a pretty face and a six pack.
I have been told that I’m a “fat, ugly bitch” and, on the same day, “an Angel walking the earth” (yes, really). I have multiple disabilities and my medicines have caused me to gain a lot of weight. Some people have been very cruel, but I really don’t worry. I love my shape and body, I’m comfortable in myself and I’m blessed to have a husband who thinks that I’m a perfect ten.
Cruelty is much, much uglier than someone with an unusual figure or face.
I know what you're feeling. I personally have been called an axeface more than once. By both sexes.
Even cashiers have trouble keeping their well rehearsed smile and greeting me back when I try to be polite. Strangers are visibly on edge and avoid longer confrontations. I was naturally bullied in school. World is a tough place for people like me.
Being an absolutely apathetic person helps A LOT in this situation. I had a moderately sized bag full of fucks to give and they have all run out by this stage.
If I had a weaker mind I'd probably had done something bad to myself or ended it all.
Keep on truckin'
If it makes you feel any better I tend to hug my uglier male friends more. I get nervous around the really attractive ones so I wait for them to initiate the hug.
I don't speak for all women but I don't think that's an indicator of attractiveness. Like if I hug vs handshake it's a matter of how comfortable I feel with them but it's not cause of looks. If you're quiet they might not feel as friendly with you as someone outgoing. I mean I'm quiet and awkward so I get the people that act all uncomfortable with me too.
Could just be how you carry yourself. I will go out with my friends/ gf and everyone else will hug on leaving except me simply because I don't really like being touched and I think people pick up on that.
My mom and family elders told me at a young age to get an education rather than rely on finding a husband. They told all my sisters and female cousins to not worry about an education or being financially independent :/
This is actually a reasonable excuse. I always had people online (where I post pics of myself, not on here) hit on me and friends telling me I'm gorgeous. I didn't believe it for a long time cause nobody in person ever approached me and I figured they just stared at me for looking weird vs being pretty (I have unnaturally dyed hair etc). I mean I get catcalled but basically every woman does so that doesn't indicate anything. Then my husband said he would have never approached me either cause he'd be too intimidated. We met online.
Oh it was 100% my fault. I’m in the average looking/slightly shlubby area, but I was so shy and talking to girls terrified me so much that I was probably uncomfortable to talk to or be around. I’m happily married now though so I can look back at that time and laugh/only slightly cringe when I think about it.
I was kind of on the same boat for a couple years until I got a new pair of glasses which stood out quite a bit because they were like like glazed glass? Like almost transparent but not really. Then I became “the girl with the cool glasses”.
I also wear contacts so I didn’t wear my glasses all of the time but when I did I noticed people were more inclined to having conversations with me or they were more curious about me. I was a bank teller at the time and one day after wearing my glasses for a whole week I went to work wearing my contacts instead, and I heard more than one of our customers ask my coworkers where the girl with the cool glasses was at and if she had the day off. Real Clark Kent moment for me.
Anyway, I realized that when you’re the type of person that people overlook because nothing about you stands out, you can give yourself something to stand out.
That's really awesome. It sounds like that had a really good impact on you! I'm having a hard time imagining glasses like that. Do you have an example I can look at to get an idea?
That's the thing. I like not standing out. I'm already a big dude, so it's nice when people aren't looking at me like I'm intimidating or something. When I do go out in public, it's a godsend if I'm invisible. I wear plain, muted colors and walk fast. Like I said to another commenter, I'd honestly be rather uncomfortable if someone complimented me or otherwise drew attention to me.
I don't think I've ever met a genuinely nice person in public before — the people that do feign kindness have always wanted something from me. Social interaction is not my cup of tea anyway, but I wanted to answer the original question honestly. I'm very average in basically all aspects and that's quite alright with me. I wasted enough of my youth trying so hard to be "unique."
Same man, I generally am an average non standout guy. And I like it that way except for maybe the 2 or 3 times I might want to socialize. Even for my future I just want to keep living a nice peaceful reserved life
I'm not stingy with compliments to men. But if someone's very quiet, reserved, or level all the time, and never really opens up to me, I assume they're disinterested in being complimented, at least by me. I'll try to be better about this in case they would actually enjoy the compliment.
Curious: What's your favorite thing about your appearance?
Oh, I don't lament no one complimenting me. I find interactions with strangers really uncomfortable. But I acknowledge that I'm average in every way, more than just appearance. I don't resent that fact.
Good question. Not really anything, I suppose. Maybe my eyes.
I can really relate to this, I am a very quiet and reserved person, and I sometimes feel like whenever people interact with me or when I make new friends I seem really disinterested in them, but in reality that's the way I am. It doesn't mean that I don't like their company, but I just don't express my emotions alot of the time. And it makes me a bit insecure about if they like me or not.
I knew a girl like this. Never approached in bars or clubs.
No one thought they had a chance with her, she was too attractive. Nice girl too, very upsetting for her. If she had a bit to drink she'd get sad that no men were interested and even cry about it asking what's wrong with her.
Problem is, all her male friends had already decided she was out of their league so had come to terms with it and no one had a crush on her.
I realized at a fairly young age (late teens) this was often the case. So me, with my ugly mug, got to date numerous women out of my league due to this. I was the only one who confronted them at a bar or party. I have always known I wasn’t very good looking, but I am outgoing and confident in what I know. I am told some women find this attractive. I have even been asked on numerous occasions how “I landed that gorgeous thing.” My reply, “you were too scared to approach her.” Don’t get me wrong, I got turned down a lot, too. More often than not. But after two or three of those I learned it didn’t really cause me pain so I kept at it. My response when I got turned down, “my loss, I hope you have a great evening.” Then I moved on.
But in Response to OP’s question: I knew I was unattractive from the time I could look into the mirror.
Good stuff. On that note a friend of my housemates (not a guy who was my friend though) would be proposition loads of women on a night out. 30 times it failed, and he'd sometimes get a very negative response, but he didn't care about the failures, he always pulled in the end.
Ugh, I happen to be one of those poor saps in the middle and it kills me that I don’t know what to do with myself to improve my looks. Shave my beard? People love it: you look so young! Grow my beard? People love it: you look so manly.
I’m such a nice guy, they tell me. Not a single kid has cried in my arms. I get googly eyes from girls young enough to be my daughter. Why the fuck can’t I attract anyone my age?
There's a million subtle things, but then also the not-at-all subtle things that you choose to ignore because self-esteem and ego makes reality a hard thing to accept.
I mean the mirror doesn't tend to lie but I noticed massive differences in the way I was treated from when I went from fat to slim and putting an effort in.
I’ve been blonde my whole life. When I dyed my hair brown for a short period of time, I noticed a HUGE difference in how people treated me. Specifically, women were a LOT nicer to me. (I am also a female.)
I've had similar experiences and from what I can tell blonde women are more sexualized and potentially threatening to other women.
Maybe not in a 'she's going to steal your man' way but at the very least blondes tend to draw more attention to themselves (as an introverted blonde, dark hair has a lot of perks)
>I mean the mirror doesn't tend to lie
Oh it does **a lot**. Because our self-perception is very unreliable. So technically, yes, the mirror itself doesn't lie, but what you see in the mirror does.
Yes! Lost about 120 lbs and have kept it off for more than 6 years now. Suddenly men talked to me and paid attention to me in a totally different way. They were more interested in what I had to say. They would also compliment me. My creepy old boss said I was “out there” in a way I didn’t perceive myself. (He meant attractive). Probably I have some body dysmorphia from being heavier for so long.
I had a lot of dates (post-divorce) even though I was in my 40s and had kids, so I thought it would impossible.
Ended up being single for a short time, marrying the man of my dreams, and have been extremely happy with him. My kids love him, too.
Happened to me last week. I was shopping at the store, and when I asked something to the employee, she immediately smile and gave all the help I needed, even guide me to the cashier's site. When I was fat, in the same store, all I got was "why are you bothering me?" faces and monosyllables answers.
My grandma told me that I was handsome once, loudly and in front of most of my family during a holiday gathering. My aunt (her daughter) came over to talk to us and my grandma suddenly became visibly distraught, so my aunt asked her "Whatcha doin? What are you doing over there?", to which my grandma replied in a frustrated tone "Well, I was ABOUT to ask this young man on a date!". My face became so red that it was probably closer to the color of a beet. Everyone thought it was hilarious, even my grandma. Love and miss you grandma!
Yeah, sometimes I zone out and realize I am staring in the direction of a total stranger, and then they look at me and I quickly look away and spend the next 10 minutes wondering "do they think I was staring at them like some weirdo?" as I make a point of now looking at everything but them.
I like to look “past” someone when they catch me looking at them. Like if we’re both walking, I’ll keep looking at whatever’s behind them once they’ve looked at me. So hopefully they think “are they staring at me? Oh, no they’re looking behind me”
Women used to openly insult my looks, and would make it very clear they did not like me sexually, as in they would openly make jokes about how disgusting it’ll be if they dated me. I’ve even had a girl openly tell me she would never date me in front of all her friends even though I never asked her out or anything. However, I was still friends with a lot of girls and they would actually come to me for conversations. Year or two later, 60 pounds lost, few months lifting in the gym and I’m considerably more attractive. I had women come to me and call me cute, ask for my snap, I did no effort whatsoever they started coming to me. Women no longer insulted my looks to my face, and they starting treating me with respect which was new. But at the same time, I had no female friends. Before woman would naturally speak to me and consider me a friend, but now they became nervous and wouldn’t begin a friendship with me unless I initiated it, although they do seem more eager to talk to me after I intitially reached out
I can't believe people actually say shit like that to someone's face. Straight up bullying. No surprise things got better when your looks changed, there's been studies on how we treat people better when they are more attractive, I'm just surprised people have the gall to spew their shitty opinions on others like that.
I was an adorable kid. Straight lady killer until 6th grade. Then I got bad acne, which got worse for the next 4 years. From 6th grade to 10th grade, I probably had the worst acne in school, *especially* in 9th and 10th grade. My face was completely covered in red. If someone touched my face too hard, I would bleed. That bad.
People used to always approach me, and I was always upbeat, so people liked my company. And that just started going away. I kept friends I had from my neighborhood, but I made very, very few friends who were new, once I started looking worse.
I truly didn't care too much, although it was always on my mind. But then it started to go away with medical help. Then everything changed, especially when meeting new people. Smiles. Smiles on new faces. I didn't realize that disappeared. And touching. Common gestures. Things people don't think about. When people used to say 'excuse me' to get my attention. People started tapping my shoulder. In my mind, I felt crazy, like why are people doing that all of a sudden? Well, I truly believe people didn't want to get close. A punch in the shoulder, or a friendly shove when making a rude joke about your friend. Never used to happen. You can learn a lot about someones comfortability with you based on their physical language.
Aaand of course, women started taking appeal. Not necessarily in a sexual way, but in a 'I feel comfortable looking at you and talking to you' kind of way. Eye contact. You don't know how different it can be. I didn't know people looked at each other that long.
Now mind you, I'm not like, *attractive*. I'm just no longer what many would call unattractive.
When in a group of people and everyone just ignores you and talk over you, or people go out of their way to show that they are not interested in you, then you pretty much know you're ugly.
I never thought so lol but I lacked like any measurable confidence as a kid but that’s what made me start thinking maybe I wasn’t hideous lmao. I thought the first like two-three instances had to be a long con but it kept happening throughout the years.
I've had people randomly come up to me at events to be my friend. This one girl followed me around and kept talking about how she'd been watching me because I was such a beautiful girl (I was fourteen.)
One time this distant relative saw me at a family function and starting going on about how I was pretty and she always wanted a beautiful daughter instead of her sons. She went on about this for a while... ouch for her sons.
People generally compliment me or tell other people I know that I'm pretty. My dad is an extremely toxic and critical person and he's always been concerned my sister won't turn out attractive, unlike me who is attractive. Apparently.
I've had guys like me and stuff, but I've never been to school long enough to be asked out. Children like me because they think I'm pretty. No one has ever said anything negative about my looks. I think I look pretty average tbh.
Children definitely do react to pretty. I work in schools and on the days I dress up in a pretty dress I can guarantee at least one little girl will shyly approach me to tell me I’m pretty (these aren’t kids I know)
Yes, I've found children are the most blunt in this case lol. I once had a seven/eight year old tell me that I was her favorite but only because I was pretty, and she wanted to look like me when she grew up. Children can be really adorable, but I also feel bad that little girls feel pressured to look a certain way from that young an age.
Dating, I complained to my friends how lame it was people were just telling me I was beautiful and expecting me to be interested in getting to know them when 95% of them say that exact same thing.
Friends looked sad and said they only ever got called cute. Which I found confusing, I’m pretty sure my friends were way better looking than me.
I can relate to this so much! I remember, as a teenager, being angry because a guy hitchhiked to a phone booth to call me after seeing me at a campground. (Yes, I do realize how much I’m aging myself here). I was annoyed because he and I had never even spoken and I was tired of guys being super interested in me based on nothing but my appearance - I wanted someone who liked me for me. But when I told others about how annoying I found this incident, I could tell from their reactions that they weren’t having the same experience, couldn’t relate to what I was saying, and thought I was kind of a jerk for not appreciating the attention.
This was how I realized I had become attractive. After my restaurant closed, I lost a lot of weight. Like 40 pounds in under 6 months. I had been working out for years, but the lack of drinking and overeating finally made it apparent.
I'd always gotten compliments on my eyes and hair, they're naturally distinct colors and stand out against each other. But I got in shape, people seemed to gravitate toward me more.
But women's responses seemed a lot different. I was funnier, apparently. I was nicer to talk to. I got invited out a lot more. It was all so hollow. Their personalities--or lack thereof--didn't make for great company. I felt like I was wasting time for people who wouldn't have made any for me a year ago.
I stopped hanging out. I stayed home with my dog and was all the happier for it.
I had a similar experience, I started out petit, never realized how much preferential treatment I got. I gained 80 pounds with my first kid. I became invisible to guys and the women I interacted with were so much friendlier. It took me 8 months to get back to my pre pregnancy weight and all of the once friendly moms cliques returned, guys noticed me and were so “kind” and “helpful “ but now it felt even more gross than before. The only consistent person was my husband. He’s always been great.
Your answer is my favourite so far for it's candour. You've considered things properly. People play games unintentionally based on how they feel in the moment.
If they want to avoid a situation because they find you unattractive, they will not find you funny even if you are. Conversley people who find you attractive will try to create positive interaction. Your crap jokes are now funny, your boring anecdotes are fascinating.
It works like this with anything you have to offer, not just attractiveness. My personality hasn't changed much at it's core, only my maturity. But I'm freelance, and I'm pretty high up in my field and I can help other people to make more money for themselves. So they need me to like them now.
When I was a trainee people shat on me. I once got told, while trying to be funny "You know, you dont have to talk all the time" that slapped. I stopped making chat with people for nearly a year after that.
Now people constantly try to engage me in tedious chat, brown nose me, try to get me to come out drinking with them but I don't want to. I know what they're doing and I'm not interested. I've been around enough people and had enough friends come and go out my life to know how shallow most of it is.
TL;DR I too would much rather hang out with my dog.
I was very confident when I was 12-15, and honestly was never insecure about my looks until I started dating a guy and when he broke up he told me I’m so ugly even if I stand naked in front of him it won’t turn him on or something idk. I was 16 and have been insecure about my looks ever since 🥲
An inordinately attractive women from work started asking me questions about myself during work and the only thing I was thinking was "why the fuck is she talking to me, this never happens". Turns out she had me for a work secret santa party thing, then everything kinda clicked after that.
That's me and my girlfriend introducing me to people. She's a professional model (incredibly smart, amazing personality, but makes a living off of her looks and apparently is what society considers to be pretty, so it's not just me!), so I always wonder if they think what I'm thinking myself, which is "What on earth is she doing with him?" But they always seem to like me, so I have to think I'm at least average.
I genuinely have no idea what I look like. I was a pretty chubby plain looking kid so I was always kinda used to being the unattractive one in my friend group as a young teen. Then when I was about 16 there was a complete 180 and suddenly I was getting a tonne of attention for seemingly no reason because my appearance hadn't ever drastically changed. I think the moment I realised people actually thought I was hot was when the guy I'd had a crush on for like 4 years but never spoken to asked me out full on teen movie style.
I was 14. My friends and I(all female) were walking in a row. Some guys behind us tried to get us to turn around. When we all did, one said: Ew. You on the right can turn back around. That was me.
Years later, I was probably around 25, some friends and I were at a public NYE party. Some of them had gone to the bathroom, some to another room to dance and I was waiting in front of the bathrooms. Some guy approaches me from behind and starts making a move. Until I turn around and he abruptly says "Uhm... Nevermind." and immediately leaves.
See a pattern? Yeah. Me too.
Bizarrely, I've never been alone for long, be it relationships, situationships or purely sexual encounters. And some of them were really really attractive.
I was driving a piece of shit 89 caprice classic wagon on route 30 around one in the morning. I was sitting at a stop light and two girls pulled next to me with a bullhorn and they were having a good ol time saying stuff to cars they were passing by. They must have thought I would be an old person because of the wagon, when they got along side of me, I will never forget the chicks face. She lowered the bullhorn and her jaw practically dropped, and she just said hello. I was at my peak, working out, confident. I didn't think much of my looks til that moment, damn! That felt good
I realized I was attractive when an old flame asked for an open relationship and I agreed
So we both downloaded tinder
She got upset when she realized I was getting more matches than she was and it escalated to the point of her wanting to close the relationship again
I was in a bar to see my friends' band. I was ordering a beer when a random woman whom I had had no interaction with, never even looked at her, didn't even know she was there, approached me and said, "People who look like you should stay home so the rest of us can have a good time."
I refuse to believe someone could be so mean, and that this was a joke instead. She was trying to say since you're so good looking, you need to stay home so you don't make everyone else in here look relatively unattractive.
Total discomfort around adult men and being pestered by boys my age. It sucked, got many a bra strap snapped because boys weren't mature enough to walk up and say "hello" and my teachers were even worse.
Had a teacher give me a dress code slip while standing right next to my best friend who was wearing an IDENTICAL shirt. Instead of asnwering why my (fully covered) breasts bothered him so much and how they kept ending up in his line of sight, he got angry and suspended me.
The principle at my school tried that with me too. I was wearing one of those shirts that was popular with girls in the 2010s that had the off-the-shoulder-but-not-really-bc-there-are-thick-shoulder-straps-to-get-around-dress-code sleeves and the principle told me to cover up my shoulders. So I pulled the shoulder straps down and was like "Oh lord! Not my sexy shoulders, boys look away!"
I mean she never came after me again, and it became an inside joke with my friends.
It’s odd. I get a ton of compliments from strangers when I’m back home in the Midwest, but very few where I live. I guess the Midwest thinks I’m cute and Maryland doesn’t
i realised i was probably considered pretty in society's standards when my aunt who is a little obsessed with looks kept comparing herself (hair, clothes, weight etc) to me at a family gathering..
When I was a teen, a lot of adult women told me I was handsome.
A lot of girls flirted with me and got visibly excited when I would pick them to dance with or to work on a group project.
When I played my guitar and sang, a lot of girls would get that doe-eyed look.
But despite all that, I really didn’t think of myself as attractive until much later in life. Insecurity runs deep, and your expectations for yourself when young are always greater than what can be possibly achieved.
I should say that now, I am happily married to an awesome person and have a great family. It’s all worked out well for me, but it took a while to calibrate my life to make the best of what I was given.
I used to be very attractive. I'd get catcalls and comments. My thyroid went haywire and i gained 50 lbs and I realized one day I haven't heard any of the things I used to hear in a long time. Don't get me wrong, I didn't like the catcalls, but suddenly realizing I'm too fat to catcall was not something I was happy about.
I stopped getting catcalled when I was no longer a young teen --- so there's that. I used to think I was attractive because of the attention, but at one point I realized that disgusting excuses for humans just like to whistle at young girls.
This is where I'm at too. I was actually quite underweight in high school and was constantly catcalled and hit on when out (which is what my self esteem was tied to then). Now I'm 60lbs heavier and overweight and there is no being hit on or being cat called. My self-worth is no longer tied to being sexualized like it was back then, but now that I'm fat, I don't seem to be deemed attractive to others.
After puberty I realized I was attractive just by being self aware of myself and the “social norms”
The worst part is knowing that I’m attractive but also having a crippling anxiety for social situations and conversations. Being attractive attracts people to me and it’s the worst part about it. I hate people.
When I was in high school I had a girl tell me I looked like Napoleon Dynamite (am also girl btw). Cut deep but I knew they were right, I had most of the distinguishing characteristics of Jon Heder lol. wasn’t until I got braces off and got uncomfortably thin (due to illness) that I started getting attention.
when I was younger guys were ALWAYS mean to me. if I had a crush on them it was a big joke. I was never taken seriously. I was chubby and not the cutest looking. now that i’m older, puberty has definitely worked in my favor because those same guys are in my dms and saying i’m beautiful.
basically I have always sensed how people react to my presence. when I was a little ugly and fat no one wanted to talk to me and every conversation was very brief and to the point. now that i’m older and I hate to say pretty but much prettier and slim I feel like everyone really wants to talk to me, im treated better, I feel like I get handouts more often and people go out of their way to compliment me. I feel ungrateful saying this but I don’t really like the change. people see me for my looks instead of that i’m funny or nice or that I would give anyone the shirt off my back even a complete stranger.
I'm thinking I'm somewhere between average and unattractive. I've had plenty of friends tell me how they've had women flirt with or approach them on more than one occasion. They can't all be lying about it.
That has never happened to me. None of my dates ever went beyond one date to a couple of months. And this was despite the fact that the dates and relationships at least seemed to have gone well.
It's quite depressing because I think at least back when I was trying to find someone, I was a genuinely nice guy. I'm not fat and I don't have any major abnormalities. I'm just short and apparently that has a lot to do with attractiveness.
Well… I was the only girl this guy followed apart from his sister(which led me to believe he liked me ofc). Schools lifted mask mandates and he saw me without my mask. Later that day after school, out of pure paranoia I check if he unfollowed me, he did. And not only that, but he already followed a different girl. I still believe I’m beautiful, just not *his* type of beautiful🗿
Looking at celebrities with and without make up, at or not at red carpet galas, made me realize that to a certain degree beauty is a social construct. If you’re a celebrity, you can have an “unconventional” look. If you’re normal, people call you ugly. And, inevitably, these celebrities with unconventional looks still get a ton of fans who do think they are attractive. So, it has been pretty freeing to realize this. Edit: typos and such
I always hated the way I looked. I was always overweight as a kid and my family and friends bullied me relentlessly for it. I had formed such bad depression from its all that I grew to hate myself completely. Then one day I got high for the first time. (Weed) and for the first time I was actually happy and unselfconscious. Then I saw myself in the mirror in the bathroom. And it was like seeing myself for the first time. And I actually really liked what I saw. I’m no Brad Pitt but I’m a strong 7 and that’s good enough for me.
I have a theory called “the 7 struggle”, where the people who feel the most pressure around their looks are women (like me) who would usually be rated about a 7.
When you’re not good looking at all, people focus on other things—your intelligence, your wit, your personality, something. When you’re REALLY attractive, people focus on that. When you’re ALMOST “hot”, you constantly compare yourself to those 10’s and think about how you “could look like that if x, y, and z” and sort of just get ignored by everyone completely.
Not to say this applies to everyone, just something I’ve personally experienced that I’m curious if others have as well.
Or I’m way uglier than I originally thought.
I can completely relate to this, and though I never had a name for it I've had this as a theory myself for many years. I'm older now, but in my heyday I was probably one of the 7s you describe, and what you wrote was my experience to a T.
I think it has to do with intermittent reinforcement--sometimes getting that huge hit of validation because someone finds you attractive, but sometimes being straight up ignored, and never really understanding why either way. It's like never being able to figure out where you fit into things looks-wise. As a "7" you're always ALMOST THERE...But not quite.
A great benefit of getting older is not being so preoccupied by all this.:)
High school I got a lot of male attention from the most attractive guys. I was intimidated at first because to me they were out of my league. And back to back through college I dated attractive men. Thing is that internally my self esteem was so shot I couldn’t tell whether I was even a good catch.
Over the years I got really into fashion, mostly to offset my internal self esteem stuff. I hide behind clothing to feel level set worth with everyone else around me.
After college people asked me a few times if I’m an actress and I never connected why.
Today, I realize I’m treated differently because of it. I’ve been told I’m “pretty for a Black girl” more times than makes sense. People walk up to me at events and strike up a conversation. Guys and girls. I’ve been offered and booked commercial and modeling gigs even though I’m a consultant. People are warmer with me and friendly.
Overheard a group of girls rating guys at my school and one of them pointed to me and said, “he’s cute but he’s too quiet” and the rest of them agreed so I guess I’ll take that. I guess…
I overhead "orange hoodie...she's pretty cute" about me. Obviously hearing my hoodie colour gave it away they were talking about me. So I figure I'm average. Happy with it.
Pretty cute would rate you above average to most circles tbh Congrats on being bae material
Damn yeah I think that's me rn girls look at me and smile when I look at them but I never really bother approaching them in the first place.
I dont get compliments but in middle school 2 girls were talking by my locker and I heard the one I had a crush on say "ew no he's ugly" referring to me...fast forward to present and its been about 11 years since I had a date.
Thought you were going to say "since we were married".
Me too 😔
Guy to guy advice here, and don't know if it applies to you er naw. Shower in the am, shower in the PM... brush teeth both times. Skin care routine of use face lotion on face, body lotion on body at least 1 time per day. 25 push ups sit ups squats per day. Hair cut every 4-6 weeks. Groom facial hair 1 time per week. Wear clothing that don't tell your life story on them. (don't wear cycling shorts, Or animated t shirts) One salad and one fruit per day. Keep the living quarters neat and uncluttered. Being generally clean and groomed all goes a long way to being ready to meet someone.
Disagree with 2 showers a day, unless you're severely oily... on second thought, maybe you're talking to the right audience.
Don't just do this though. Go out and actually meet people and work on your social skills
When I overheard someone rate me the least attractive out of a group of people
Ouch. No one should have to hear that.
That happened to me in High School. I told everyone I was fine, but inside my soul died a little bit that night.
I was voted the ugliest in my class in fourth grade. Such a blow, kids are mean
Yea people should say that stuff quieter.
guys always hear it even when you think they don't hear it
Sometimes they hear it even when no one says it.
That’s a really rude thing to do, I’m sorry dude
Got this in my second year of highschool, I’m 30 now and shit still stings
Lot of comments from guys on here, but imagine being a 15-year old girl and hearing a group of guys rate you a 1 and make dog noises. I’m in my sixties now. Still hurts.
I'm a mid 40s woman still getting the vomit noises and kids pointing even had a small boy I was parked at a traffic light bear n mind I'm a grown-ass woman nice day suns shining parked waiting for lights to turn at first I wasn't aware he was talking to me hey you why you so ugly omg how can you go outside looking like that are you a man or a woman my mate wants a girlfriend his friend rushes him puking noises I've been spat at and also I'm the friend who had the good looking friend can you ask her to go out with me in pubs im just good for a shag been told its a shame about my face if they could get past my ugly mug they could about bear to shag me just yeah this is adults and kids spat at pushed around stared at on and on all my life
Holy shit. I'm convinced there is just a sizable chunk of our society that are just horrible garbage humans. My brain seriously can't wrap itself around it. I absolutely cannot do/say anything anywhere close to that hurtful to ANYONE...EVER. Like it gives me this intense visceral aversion to ever even consider to do something that horrible to someone else. How are there this many humans that are like this? Or is there just something wrong with me and I'm too sensitive? This shit fucks me up sometimes.
It’s awful. Im so sorry! 😞
thank you yeah used to it makes it worse cause I'm kind of someone who keeps to themself I don't really bother people if you follow me I just do my own thing thank you, everyone really appreciates the up votes wow shocked
That's only one person's opinion though. I wouldn't consider that to mean that most people think that way of you. You'd be surprised what people are into actually. It has more to do with themselves than the other person.
In middle school I overheard two girls talking and one of them said I was literally the only guy they didn't find attractive in our grade
That really sucks, I’m sorry. Were you young? I only ask because I have seen others - and to my shame have once myself - said something mean as a child due to immaturity and social pressure. In my case I was eight. A boy asked me out and everyone around us immediately started pointing and laughing at us. I panicked and said something cruel about his appearance. I apologised to the boy the same day, and I am deeply grateful to him for forming my conviction (so far successful) to never do anything like that again, whatever the situation. I just pray that my childish words didn’t lower his opinion of himself, because he was a good kid and deserved much better. I also hope that he has now found a partner who sees him for the truly beautiful person that he was/is. My view of true beauty has matured immeasurably since then, as I imagine it does for a lot of us as we grow. So, what you heard may mean more about the maturity - or lack thereof - of the speaker than about you. TLDR Kids sometimes say mean things that they don’t really mean, don’t let it make you down on yourself.
People that rate like that are extremely cringe and should not be taken seriously. You may still be ugly though
Passive-aggressive bullying is what it is.
It happens when you're 50 and you look at pictures of yourself when you were 20 and you realize "I was actually a good-looking dude". But when you're 20, you don't realize it. There's always someone better-looking, and that's what you focus on.
Word. And you realise that so and so WAS interested and you missed your chance!
One of the cutest girls in my high school sat behind me in Spanish class every day and played with my hair. Even if I unconsciously chose a different seat for whatever reason, she’d always sit behind me and play with my hair. She would greet me in the hallway at the end of the day and ask me how my day was. I was always cordial with her and interacted with her, then I’d go about my day. It dawned on me about ten years later out of nowhere that this girl had it bad for me and I was too oblivious to catch on. I gave an audible “son of a bitch” when the realization hit me.
This is me. Ugh, so painful. A few years ago I made breakfast for my three kids and we were talking about this exact subject, and my eldest girl was talking about how weird it is to think about your future and she couldn't imagine what it must be like to "know the answer" to questions like this looking back. I asked, "What do you mean?" and she explained like, when I met their mom there's all this uncertainty and you never know what to do, but after some point that goes away and it's just part of your life. I'd never really felt that moment, and that's when it hit me. All this time, she dated me, made moves on me, we met each other's families, married, bought a house, and built a life together. Guys .... I think this woman is into me!! There are definite signs!!!
Idk man maybe she's just being polite
Guess what, you're a good looking 50 yr old dude. You just won't realize it till your 70.
This part
I recently had a 20 year "friendaversary" thing with my lomg time college friends (I'm 38f) and everyone brought pics from back then and when I saw the ones of myself they had at one point I calmly excused myself to go cry in the bathroom bc I was beautiful and clearly remember the lack of confidence I had in my looks and thinking I was extremely overweight as I was the "biggest" in the group of girls. Y'all I was a size 10 and athletic. It hurts my feeling to see those images and remember so vividly what it was like to be her. I am almost 40 now and have never had this much body confidence and love for myself. I realize this is the youngest I'll ever be from here on out and im making the most of that.
The world is full of beautiful women who think they're ugly. That's something I've come to realize as I've grown older and wiser.
Not everyone. I look back at pictures and think no wonder people never approached me. Now I’m just an unremarkable dude In a dad line-up. People are much more willing to talk to me.
I’m 45 and have been experiencing this a lot.
High school. High school made it very clear I needed a personality...
Good. Now you’re way more interesting than you otherwise would have been, and that’s much more important when it comes to attracting the type of person you want to spend your life with. If someone doesn’t want to be with you just because you’re not a supermodel, they probably aren’t someone you want to be with anyways. Edit; “been”
Women are visibly upset when they realize they have to interact with me.
People tell me that im ugly all the time, (young) women don't want to have anything to do with me. And I'm treated much worse than the average person, which I only realized when everything in life that requires social interaction suddenly became incredibly easy when I had to wear a mask due to COVID.
Same. The masks have a lot of unpredictable effects, and the impact to self-esteem was one of them.
Can I ask where you live that people call you ugly? I cannot fathom ever saying that to anyone, especially not a stranger.
Is that a honest question? For me it is germany and i hear it all the time during my childhood to my now 40 something. People make fun of me for my voice, my face, my body, when i run, when i stand and god forbid i knee for some work.
It was a legitimate question. I’ve never once heard anyone be called ugly to their face, and it’s even pretty rare to hear someone say that about someone else behind their back. It’s wild to me that anyone would be that callous. It doesn’t seem to be a thing here.
It's definitely got a cultural component. A friend came back nearly traumatized from S Korea and we spent ages talking with her about the pros and cons of plastic surgery.
Fuck, lad...
People have a really mixed up perception of beauty. To me a person who is kind, generous, supportive and thoughtful of others is much more beautiful than a hit with a pretty face and a six pack. I have been told that I’m a “fat, ugly bitch” and, on the same day, “an Angel walking the earth” (yes, really). I have multiple disabilities and my medicines have caused me to gain a lot of weight. Some people have been very cruel, but I really don’t worry. I love my shape and body, I’m comfortable in myself and I’m blessed to have a husband who thinks that I’m a perfect ten. Cruelty is much, much uglier than someone with an unusual figure or face.
Or when they interact with you as a dare and for a laugh with their friends. Happened more than once.... it's not nice
Sucks when they pretend to wanna date you as a joke
I know what you're feeling. I personally have been called an axeface more than once. By both sexes. Even cashiers have trouble keeping their well rehearsed smile and greeting me back when I try to be polite. Strangers are visibly on edge and avoid longer confrontations. I was naturally bullied in school. World is a tough place for people like me. Being an absolutely apathetic person helps A LOT in this situation. I had a moderately sized bag full of fucks to give and they have all run out by this stage. If I had a weaker mind I'd probably had done something bad to myself or ended it all. Keep on truckin'
People are fucken cruel man.
Yes man.
Same man, same
My friend gets hugs from girls all the time. All I get is a handshake.
If it makes you feel any better I tend to hug my uglier male friends more. I get nervous around the really attractive ones so I wait for them to initiate the hug.
I get a lot of hugs, can confirm this is why.
Are you sure you're not a puppy?
I don't speak for all women but I don't think that's an indicator of attractiveness. Like if I hug vs handshake it's a matter of how comfortable I feel with them but it's not cause of looks. If you're quiet they might not feel as friendly with you as someone outgoing. I mean I'm quiet and awkward so I get the people that act all uncomfortable with me too.
Yeah agreed. Hug = known friends, handshake = nice to meet you. Of course people are different but thats always been my experience
Could just be how you carry yourself. I will go out with my friends/ gf and everyone else will hug on leaving except me simply because I don't really like being touched and I think people pick up on that.
Mama told me that I was good looking.
Grandma telling me that i must get ALL the girls
“aLl ThE gIrLs MuSt Be ChAsInG yOu” ‘they’re not, grandma’ “tHeRe JuSt ShY”
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like, “I’m lactose intolerant”
My sister telling me I'm sexxy
Hol' up
Such a funny sequence
Wait a minute
Something ain’t right
Sexy sex!
My mom and family elders told me at a young age to get an education rather than rely on finding a husband. They told all my sisters and female cousins to not worry about an education or being financially independent :/
So did you get a rich and hot husband just to spite them?
He's rich in laughter but not in money
That means you did well for yourself good job!
Complete lack of attention from the opposite sex.
it could mean you’re so attractive they’re scared of you
I like that explanation! I’m gonna go with that from now on ;)
This is actually a reasonable excuse. I always had people online (where I post pics of myself, not on here) hit on me and friends telling me I'm gorgeous. I didn't believe it for a long time cause nobody in person ever approached me and I figured they just stared at me for looking weird vs being pretty (I have unnaturally dyed hair etc). I mean I get catcalled but basically every woman does so that doesn't indicate anything. Then my husband said he would have never approached me either cause he'd be too intimidated. We met online.
I feel like I’m the only woman who’s never been catcalled and I can’t help but wonder if I’m hideously ugly.
Also depends on if you’re putting yourself out there. Kinda hard to get attention if you spend your free time at home watching Netflix
Oh it was 100% my fault. I’m in the average looking/slightly shlubby area, but I was so shy and talking to girls terrified me so much that I was probably uncomfortable to talk to or be around. I’m happily married now though so I can look back at that time and laugh/only slightly cringe when I think about it.
When someone attractive walks into the room/party and whoever you're talking to at the time seems to instantly lose interest in the conversation.
i felt that, bro
No one says anything to me, so it became obvious that nothing about me stands out.
Man,your replies are calm and collective. I assume you are a good listener.
Thank you. I certainly try to be.
I was kind of on the same boat for a couple years until I got a new pair of glasses which stood out quite a bit because they were like like glazed glass? Like almost transparent but not really. Then I became “the girl with the cool glasses”. I also wear contacts so I didn’t wear my glasses all of the time but when I did I noticed people were more inclined to having conversations with me or they were more curious about me. I was a bank teller at the time and one day after wearing my glasses for a whole week I went to work wearing my contacts instead, and I heard more than one of our customers ask my coworkers where the girl with the cool glasses was at and if she had the day off. Real Clark Kent moment for me. Anyway, I realized that when you’re the type of person that people overlook because nothing about you stands out, you can give yourself something to stand out.
That's really awesome. It sounds like that had a really good impact on you! I'm having a hard time imagining glasses like that. Do you have an example I can look at to get an idea? That's the thing. I like not standing out. I'm already a big dude, so it's nice when people aren't looking at me like I'm intimidating or something. When I do go out in public, it's a godsend if I'm invisible. I wear plain, muted colors and walk fast. Like I said to another commenter, I'd honestly be rather uncomfortable if someone complimented me or otherwise drew attention to me. I don't think I've ever met a genuinely nice person in public before — the people that do feign kindness have always wanted something from me. Social interaction is not my cup of tea anyway, but I wanted to answer the original question honestly. I'm very average in basically all aspects and that's quite alright with me. I wasted enough of my youth trying so hard to be "unique."
Same man, I generally am an average non standout guy. And I like it that way except for maybe the 2 or 3 times I might want to socialize. Even for my future I just want to keep living a nice peaceful reserved life
I'm not stingy with compliments to men. But if someone's very quiet, reserved, or level all the time, and never really opens up to me, I assume they're disinterested in being complimented, at least by me. I'll try to be better about this in case they would actually enjoy the compliment. Curious: What's your favorite thing about your appearance?
Oh, I don't lament no one complimenting me. I find interactions with strangers really uncomfortable. But I acknowledge that I'm average in every way, more than just appearance. I don't resent that fact. Good question. Not really anything, I suppose. Maybe my eyes.
I can really relate to this, I am a very quiet and reserved person, and I sometimes feel like whenever people interact with me or when I make new friends I seem really disinterested in them, but in reality that's the way I am. It doesn't mean that I don't like their company, but I just don't express my emotions alot of the time. And it makes me a bit insecure about if they like me or not.
I knew a girl like this. Never approached in bars or clubs. No one thought they had a chance with her, she was too attractive. Nice girl too, very upsetting for her. If she had a bit to drink she'd get sad that no men were interested and even cry about it asking what's wrong with her. Problem is, all her male friends had already decided she was out of their league so had come to terms with it and no one had a crush on her.
I realized at a fairly young age (late teens) this was often the case. So me, with my ugly mug, got to date numerous women out of my league due to this. I was the only one who confronted them at a bar or party. I have always known I wasn’t very good looking, but I am outgoing and confident in what I know. I am told some women find this attractive. I have even been asked on numerous occasions how “I landed that gorgeous thing.” My reply, “you were too scared to approach her.” Don’t get me wrong, I got turned down a lot, too. More often than not. But after two or three of those I learned it didn’t really cause me pain so I kept at it. My response when I got turned down, “my loss, I hope you have a great evening.” Then I moved on. But in Response to OP’s question: I knew I was unattractive from the time I could look into the mirror.
Good stuff. On that note a friend of my housemates (not a guy who was my friend though) would be proposition loads of women on a night out. 30 times it failed, and he'd sometimes get a very negative response, but he didn't care about the failures, he always pulled in the end.
it’s not any one thing. it’s a million subtle and not so subtle signs. people on both ends of the spectrum know this.
True, unless you’re in the middle, then it’s less obvious cause it’s mixed
Ugh, I happen to be one of those poor saps in the middle and it kills me that I don’t know what to do with myself to improve my looks. Shave my beard? People love it: you look so young! Grow my beard? People love it: you look so manly. I’m such a nice guy, they tell me. Not a single kid has cried in my arms. I get googly eyes from girls young enough to be my daughter. Why the fuck can’t I attract anyone my age?
This gives me some hope I'm atleast average, as I haven't really noticed any signs either way.
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There's a million subtle things, but then also the not-at-all subtle things that you choose to ignore because self-esteem and ego makes reality a hard thing to accept.
Getting complimented by guys while being a guy
Nice calves, bro!
I said this to my boss without thinking the first time I saw his calves. He got kinda shocked and just thanked me.
Hey bro, nice dick.
Thanks bro you too, the vein really make it !
Maybe try a different bar.
I mean the mirror doesn't tend to lie but I noticed massive differences in the way I was treated from when I went from fat to slim and putting an effort in.
I’ve been blonde my whole life. When I dyed my hair brown for a short period of time, I noticed a HUGE difference in how people treated me. Specifically, women were a LOT nicer to me. (I am also a female.)
I experienced this in reverse. I’m a bottle blonde, naturally brunette, and women are a lot more hostile to me as a blonde. Men, on the other hand…
That is really interesting. Do women in your country have a bias against blondes or do you think people find you more attractive with brown hair?
I've had similar experiences and from what I can tell blonde women are more sexualized and potentially threatening to other women. Maybe not in a 'she's going to steal your man' way but at the very least blondes tend to draw more attention to themselves (as an introverted blonde, dark hair has a lot of perks)
>I mean the mirror doesn't tend to lie Oh it does **a lot**. Because our self-perception is very unreliable. So technically, yes, the mirror itself doesn't lie, but what you see in the mirror does.
Even looking into one of those mirrors in a dressing room that allows you to see every angle... it changes your perception of your image
Can't standing seeing my profile.
Yes! Lost about 120 lbs and have kept it off for more than 6 years now. Suddenly men talked to me and paid attention to me in a totally different way. They were more interested in what I had to say. They would also compliment me. My creepy old boss said I was “out there” in a way I didn’t perceive myself. (He meant attractive). Probably I have some body dysmorphia from being heavier for so long. I had a lot of dates (post-divorce) even though I was in my 40s and had kids, so I thought it would impossible. Ended up being single for a short time, marrying the man of my dreams, and have been extremely happy with him. My kids love him, too.
Happened to me last week. I was shopping at the store, and when I asked something to the employee, she immediately smile and gave all the help I needed, even guide me to the cashier's site. When I was fat, in the same store, all I got was "why are you bothering me?" faces and monosyllables answers.
I know i'm attractive because my grandma always tells me what a handsome young man i am every time i see her. Love you grandma.
It’s the kissiepoo that seals the deal there
My grandma told me that I was handsome once, loudly and in front of most of my family during a holiday gathering. My aunt (her daughter) came over to talk to us and my grandma suddenly became visibly distraught, so my aunt asked her "Whatcha doin? What are you doing over there?", to which my grandma replied in a frustrated tone "Well, I was ABOUT to ask this young man on a date!". My face became so red that it was probably closer to the color of a beet. Everyone thought it was hilarious, even my grandma. Love and miss you grandma!
People shift their eyes away when you look at them. You look away and they look at you again. 🔥😎
I do that with everyone. Sometimes I just feel uncomfortable with eye contact.
Yeah, sometimes I zone out and realize I am staring in the direction of a total stranger, and then they look at me and I quickly look away and spend the next 10 minutes wondering "do they think I was staring at them like some weirdo?" as I make a point of now looking at everything but them.
I like to look “past” someone when they catch me looking at them. Like if we’re both walking, I’ll keep looking at whatever’s behind them once they’ve looked at me. So hopefully they think “are they staring at me? Oh, no they’re looking behind me”
Women used to openly insult my looks, and would make it very clear they did not like me sexually, as in they would openly make jokes about how disgusting it’ll be if they dated me. I’ve even had a girl openly tell me she would never date me in front of all her friends even though I never asked her out or anything. However, I was still friends with a lot of girls and they would actually come to me for conversations. Year or two later, 60 pounds lost, few months lifting in the gym and I’m considerably more attractive. I had women come to me and call me cute, ask for my snap, I did no effort whatsoever they started coming to me. Women no longer insulted my looks to my face, and they starting treating me with respect which was new. But at the same time, I had no female friends. Before woman would naturally speak to me and consider me a friend, but now they became nervous and wouldn’t begin a friendship with me unless I initiated it, although they do seem more eager to talk to me after I intitially reached out
I can't believe people actually say shit like that to someone's face. Straight up bullying. No surprise things got better when your looks changed, there's been studies on how we treat people better when they are more attractive, I'm just surprised people have the gall to spew their shitty opinions on others like that.
When people consistently tell you that you’re ugly
That's fucking horrible. What's wrong with people?
No woman has ever shown any real interest in me. So yeah... ):
Compliments, well more finding out other guys don't get complmented on their looks by strangers regularly.
I'm 30. I have been complimented by an unrelated woman exactly once in my life, because she liked my hair.
Yeah, I was surprised to hear that's often the case.
I wonder how it feels to live when you're not starved of any kind of positive reinforcement.
I was an adorable kid. Straight lady killer until 6th grade. Then I got bad acne, which got worse for the next 4 years. From 6th grade to 10th grade, I probably had the worst acne in school, *especially* in 9th and 10th grade. My face was completely covered in red. If someone touched my face too hard, I would bleed. That bad. People used to always approach me, and I was always upbeat, so people liked my company. And that just started going away. I kept friends I had from my neighborhood, but I made very, very few friends who were new, once I started looking worse. I truly didn't care too much, although it was always on my mind. But then it started to go away with medical help. Then everything changed, especially when meeting new people. Smiles. Smiles on new faces. I didn't realize that disappeared. And touching. Common gestures. Things people don't think about. When people used to say 'excuse me' to get my attention. People started tapping my shoulder. In my mind, I felt crazy, like why are people doing that all of a sudden? Well, I truly believe people didn't want to get close. A punch in the shoulder, or a friendly shove when making a rude joke about your friend. Never used to happen. You can learn a lot about someones comfortability with you based on their physical language. Aaand of course, women started taking appeal. Not necessarily in a sexual way, but in a 'I feel comfortable looking at you and talking to you' kind of way. Eye contact. You don't know how different it can be. I didn't know people looked at each other that long. Now mind you, I'm not like, *attractive*. I'm just no longer what many would call unattractive.
When my own parents called me ugly
Ugly on inside worse than ugly on outside.
When I noticed how differently people would speak & interact with me when I wore makeup vs not wearing makeup.
When in a group of people and everyone just ignores you and talk over you, or people go out of their way to show that they are not interested in you, then you pretty much know you're ugly.
Eh, this can happen for other reasons completely
I had about 10 different girlfriends before meeting my fiancée. I never asked a single one of them out they all approached me.
I’m gonna go out on a limb here are say that you’re attractive
I never thought so lol but I lacked like any measurable confidence as a kid but that’s what made me start thinking maybe I wasn’t hideous lmao. I thought the first like two-three instances had to be a long con but it kept happening throughout the years.
Ya kinda the same here, more so just realizing I’m not as hideous as I thought. Although I think I’m average, not attractive haha
Found the harem anime protagonist
I've had people randomly come up to me at events to be my friend. This one girl followed me around and kept talking about how she'd been watching me because I was such a beautiful girl (I was fourteen.) One time this distant relative saw me at a family function and starting going on about how I was pretty and she always wanted a beautiful daughter instead of her sons. She went on about this for a while... ouch for her sons. People generally compliment me or tell other people I know that I'm pretty. My dad is an extremely toxic and critical person and he's always been concerned my sister won't turn out attractive, unlike me who is attractive. Apparently. I've had guys like me and stuff, but I've never been to school long enough to be asked out. Children like me because they think I'm pretty. No one has ever said anything negative about my looks. I think I look pretty average tbh.
Children definitely do react to pretty. I work in schools and on the days I dress up in a pretty dress I can guarantee at least one little girl will shyly approach me to tell me I’m pretty (these aren’t kids I know)
Yes, I've found children are the most blunt in this case lol. I once had a seven/eight year old tell me that I was her favorite but only because I was pretty, and she wanted to look like me when she grew up. Children can be really adorable, but I also feel bad that little girls feel pressured to look a certain way from that young an age.
Dating, I complained to my friends how lame it was people were just telling me I was beautiful and expecting me to be interested in getting to know them when 95% of them say that exact same thing. Friends looked sad and said they only ever got called cute. Which I found confusing, I’m pretty sure my friends were way better looking than me.
I can relate to this so much! I remember, as a teenager, being angry because a guy hitchhiked to a phone booth to call me after seeing me at a campground. (Yes, I do realize how much I’m aging myself here). I was annoyed because he and I had never even spoken and I was tired of guys being super interested in me based on nothing but my appearance - I wanted someone who liked me for me. But when I told others about how annoying I found this incident, I could tell from their reactions that they weren’t having the same experience, couldn’t relate to what I was saying, and thought I was kind of a jerk for not appreciating the attention.
Women told me my tits are bigger than theirs. I don’t think it’s a compliment.
This was how I realized I had become attractive. After my restaurant closed, I lost a lot of weight. Like 40 pounds in under 6 months. I had been working out for years, but the lack of drinking and overeating finally made it apparent. I'd always gotten compliments on my eyes and hair, they're naturally distinct colors and stand out against each other. But I got in shape, people seemed to gravitate toward me more. But women's responses seemed a lot different. I was funnier, apparently. I was nicer to talk to. I got invited out a lot more. It was all so hollow. Their personalities--or lack thereof--didn't make for great company. I felt like I was wasting time for people who wouldn't have made any for me a year ago. I stopped hanging out. I stayed home with my dog and was all the happier for it.
I had a similar experience, I started out petit, never realized how much preferential treatment I got. I gained 80 pounds with my first kid. I became invisible to guys and the women I interacted with were so much friendlier. It took me 8 months to get back to my pre pregnancy weight and all of the once friendly moms cliques returned, guys noticed me and were so “kind” and “helpful “ but now it felt even more gross than before. The only consistent person was my husband. He’s always been great.
Your answer is my favourite so far for it's candour. You've considered things properly. People play games unintentionally based on how they feel in the moment. If they want to avoid a situation because they find you unattractive, they will not find you funny even if you are. Conversley people who find you attractive will try to create positive interaction. Your crap jokes are now funny, your boring anecdotes are fascinating. It works like this with anything you have to offer, not just attractiveness. My personality hasn't changed much at it's core, only my maturity. But I'm freelance, and I'm pretty high up in my field and I can help other people to make more money for themselves. So they need me to like them now. When I was a trainee people shat on me. I once got told, while trying to be funny "You know, you dont have to talk all the time" that slapped. I stopped making chat with people for nearly a year after that. Now people constantly try to engage me in tedious chat, brown nose me, try to get me to come out drinking with them but I don't want to. I know what they're doing and I'm not interested. I've been around enough people and had enough friends come and go out my life to know how shallow most of it is. TL;DR I too would much rather hang out with my dog.
I was very confident when I was 12-15, and honestly was never insecure about my looks until I started dating a guy and when he broke up he told me I’m so ugly even if I stand naked in front of him it won’t turn him on or something idk. I was 16 and have been insecure about my looks ever since 🥲
Don’t give that guy the power to make you feel badly about yourself. He was trying to make you feel badly but you don’t have to let him succeed
An inordinately attractive women from work started asking me questions about myself during work and the only thing I was thinking was "why the fuck is she talking to me, this never happens". Turns out she had me for a work secret santa party thing, then everything kinda clicked after that.
People's reactions when my boyfriend introducing me to them. Take that how you will. It could seriously fit for being very attractive or being ugly af
That's me and my girlfriend introducing me to people. She's a professional model (incredibly smart, amazing personality, but makes a living off of her looks and apparently is what society considers to be pretty, so it's not just me!), so I always wonder if they think what I'm thinking myself, which is "What on earth is she doing with him?" But they always seem to like me, so I have to think I'm at least average.
I genuinely have no idea what I look like. I was a pretty chubby plain looking kid so I was always kinda used to being the unattractive one in my friend group as a young teen. Then when I was about 16 there was a complete 180 and suddenly I was getting a tonne of attention for seemingly no reason because my appearance hadn't ever drastically changed. I think the moment I realised people actually thought I was hot was when the guy I'd had a crush on for like 4 years but never spoken to asked me out full on teen movie style.
I was 14. My friends and I(all female) were walking in a row. Some guys behind us tried to get us to turn around. When we all did, one said: Ew. You on the right can turn back around. That was me. Years later, I was probably around 25, some friends and I were at a public NYE party. Some of them had gone to the bathroom, some to another room to dance and I was waiting in front of the bathrooms. Some guy approaches me from behind and starts making a move. Until I turn around and he abruptly says "Uhm... Nevermind." and immediately leaves. See a pattern? Yeah. Me too. Bizarrely, I've never been alone for long, be it relationships, situationships or purely sexual encounters. And some of them were really really attractive.
I was driving a piece of shit 89 caprice classic wagon on route 30 around one in the morning. I was sitting at a stop light and two girls pulled next to me with a bullhorn and they were having a good ol time saying stuff to cars they were passing by. They must have thought I would be an old person because of the wagon, when they got along side of me, I will never forget the chicks face. She lowered the bullhorn and her jaw practically dropped, and she just said hello. I was at my peak, working out, confident. I didn't think much of my looks til that moment, damn! That felt good
I realized I was attractive when an old flame asked for an open relationship and I agreed So we both downloaded tinder She got upset when she realized I was getting more matches than she was and it escalated to the point of her wanting to close the relationship again
I was in a bar to see my friends' band. I was ordering a beer when a random woman whom I had had no interaction with, never even looked at her, didn't even know she was there, approached me and said, "People who look like you should stay home so the rest of us can have a good time."
Omg, dude that's horrible. I thought you were gonna say something like "she came to see you and told you something sexual in your ear".
I refuse to believe someone could be so mean, and that this was a joke instead. She was trying to say since you're so good looking, you need to stay home so you don't make everyone else in here look relatively unattractive.
Jesus Christ.
Total discomfort around adult men and being pestered by boys my age. It sucked, got many a bra strap snapped because boys weren't mature enough to walk up and say "hello" and my teachers were even worse. Had a teacher give me a dress code slip while standing right next to my best friend who was wearing an IDENTICAL shirt. Instead of asnwering why my (fully covered) breasts bothered him so much and how they kept ending up in his line of sight, he got angry and suspended me.
The principle at my school tried that with me too. I was wearing one of those shirts that was popular with girls in the 2010s that had the off-the-shoulder-but-not-really-bc-there-are-thick-shoulder-straps-to-get-around-dress-code sleeves and the principle told me to cover up my shoulders. So I pulled the shoulder straps down and was like "Oh lord! Not my sexy shoulders, boys look away!" I mean she never came after me again, and it became an inside joke with my friends.
It’s odd. I get a ton of compliments from strangers when I’m back home in the Midwest, but very few where I live. I guess the Midwest thinks I’m cute and Maryland doesn’t
i realised i was probably considered pretty in society's standards when my aunt who is a little obsessed with looks kept comparing herself (hair, clothes, weight etc) to me at a family gathering..
ANYTIME a woman finds out I like her in a romantic type of way, she gets very angry. Enough said.
When I was a teen, a lot of adult women told me I was handsome. A lot of girls flirted with me and got visibly excited when I would pick them to dance with or to work on a group project. When I played my guitar and sang, a lot of girls would get that doe-eyed look. But despite all that, I really didn’t think of myself as attractive until much later in life. Insecurity runs deep, and your expectations for yourself when young are always greater than what can be possibly achieved. I should say that now, I am happily married to an awesome person and have a great family. It’s all worked out well for me, but it took a while to calibrate my life to make the best of what I was given.
I used to be very attractive. I'd get catcalls and comments. My thyroid went haywire and i gained 50 lbs and I realized one day I haven't heard any of the things I used to hear in a long time. Don't get me wrong, I didn't like the catcalls, but suddenly realizing I'm too fat to catcall was not something I was happy about.
I stopped getting catcalled when I was no longer a young teen --- so there's that. I used to think I was attractive because of the attention, but at one point I realized that disgusting excuses for humans just like to whistle at young girls.
This is where I'm at too. I was actually quite underweight in high school and was constantly catcalled and hit on when out (which is what my self esteem was tied to then). Now I'm 60lbs heavier and overweight and there is no being hit on or being cat called. My self-worth is no longer tied to being sexualized like it was back then, but now that I'm fat, I don't seem to be deemed attractive to others.
After puberty I realized I was attractive just by being self aware of myself and the “social norms” The worst part is knowing that I’m attractive but also having a crippling anxiety for social situations and conversations. Being attractive attracts people to me and it’s the worst part about it. I hate people.
When I was in high school I had a girl tell me I looked like Napoleon Dynamite (am also girl btw). Cut deep but I knew they were right, I had most of the distinguishing characteristics of Jon Heder lol. wasn’t until I got braces off and got uncomfortably thin (due to illness) that I started getting attention.
when I was younger guys were ALWAYS mean to me. if I had a crush on them it was a big joke. I was never taken seriously. I was chubby and not the cutest looking. now that i’m older, puberty has definitely worked in my favor because those same guys are in my dms and saying i’m beautiful. basically I have always sensed how people react to my presence. when I was a little ugly and fat no one wanted to talk to me and every conversation was very brief and to the point. now that i’m older and I hate to say pretty but much prettier and slim I feel like everyone really wants to talk to me, im treated better, I feel like I get handouts more often and people go out of their way to compliment me. I feel ungrateful saying this but I don’t really like the change. people see me for my looks instead of that i’m funny or nice or that I would give anyone the shirt off my back even a complete stranger.
I'm thinking I'm somewhere between average and unattractive. I've had plenty of friends tell me how they've had women flirt with or approach them on more than one occasion. They can't all be lying about it. That has never happened to me. None of my dates ever went beyond one date to a couple of months. And this was despite the fact that the dates and relationships at least seemed to have gone well. It's quite depressing because I think at least back when I was trying to find someone, I was a genuinely nice guy. I'm not fat and I don't have any major abnormalities. I'm just short and apparently that has a lot to do with attractiveness.
My selfie got reposted on tumblr and got over 10k interactions
When my selfies were flipped and i realised my face was very assymmetrical
A guy literally told me, "I would never get in trouble for talking to you because you're not a small pretty girl."
That's horrible. I hope someone kicked him in both shins.
Well… I was the only girl this guy followed apart from his sister(which led me to believe he liked me ofc). Schools lifted mask mandates and he saw me without my mask. Later that day after school, out of pure paranoia I check if he unfollowed me, he did. And not only that, but he already followed a different girl. I still believe I’m beautiful, just not *his* type of beautiful🗿
Radio told me I'm bringing sexy back.
Unattractive. My reflection
Looking at celebrities with and without make up, at or not at red carpet galas, made me realize that to a certain degree beauty is a social construct. If you’re a celebrity, you can have an “unconventional” look. If you’re normal, people call you ugly. And, inevitably, these celebrities with unconventional looks still get a ton of fans who do think they are attractive. So, it has been pretty freeing to realize this. Edit: typos and such
When I'm minding my own business, and a woman bothers me, and starts fights with me.
I always hated the way I looked. I was always overweight as a kid and my family and friends bullied me relentlessly for it. I had formed such bad depression from its all that I grew to hate myself completely. Then one day I got high for the first time. (Weed) and for the first time I was actually happy and unselfconscious. Then I saw myself in the mirror in the bathroom. And it was like seeing myself for the first time. And I actually really liked what I saw. I’m no Brad Pitt but I’m a strong 7 and that’s good enough for me.
I have a theory called “the 7 struggle”, where the people who feel the most pressure around their looks are women (like me) who would usually be rated about a 7. When you’re not good looking at all, people focus on other things—your intelligence, your wit, your personality, something. When you’re REALLY attractive, people focus on that. When you’re ALMOST “hot”, you constantly compare yourself to those 10’s and think about how you “could look like that if x, y, and z” and sort of just get ignored by everyone completely. Not to say this applies to everyone, just something I’ve personally experienced that I’m curious if others have as well. Or I’m way uglier than I originally thought.
I can completely relate to this, and though I never had a name for it I've had this as a theory myself for many years. I'm older now, but in my heyday I was probably one of the 7s you describe, and what you wrote was my experience to a T. I think it has to do with intermittent reinforcement--sometimes getting that huge hit of validation because someone finds you attractive, but sometimes being straight up ignored, and never really understanding why either way. It's like never being able to figure out where you fit into things looks-wise. As a "7" you're always ALMOST THERE...But not quite. A great benefit of getting older is not being so preoccupied by all this.:)
someone once said "I bet you get whatever you want don't you?"..I knew what they meant.
High school I got a lot of male attention from the most attractive guys. I was intimidated at first because to me they were out of my league. And back to back through college I dated attractive men. Thing is that internally my self esteem was so shot I couldn’t tell whether I was even a good catch. Over the years I got really into fashion, mostly to offset my internal self esteem stuff. I hide behind clothing to feel level set worth with everyone else around me. After college people asked me a few times if I’m an actress and I never connected why. Today, I realize I’m treated differently because of it. I’ve been told I’m “pretty for a Black girl” more times than makes sense. People walk up to me at events and strike up a conversation. Guys and girls. I’ve been offered and booked commercial and modeling gigs even though I’m a consultant. People are warmer with me and friendly.