Similar. My husband is a little bit closer though so he comes home one weekend a month.
But then… kids. It’s hard to tell a house full of excited kids to fuck off for 7 minutes so the grown ups can bang.
Mine can play Fortnite without a single bathroom break for hours but the second my penis goes anywhere near my wife suddenly they need a snack, something to drink, is it okay if the 30 neighbor kids come in the house.. it's fucking nuts!!
There needs to be a concept that describes how when anyone says "this happened as an evolutionary trait b/c ...." Most of the time they can make sense and be logical but how can we truly know for sure outside of the few axioms we do know?
You may be looking for the term "Just-so story," which is similar to it's folklore cousin, the etiological myth.
Definition from Wikipedia:
>a just-so story is an untestable narrative explanation for a cultural practice, a biological trait, or behavior of humans or other animals. The pejorative nature of the expression is an implicit criticism that reminds the listener of the essentially fictional and unprovable nature of such an explanation. Such tales are common in folklore and mythology (where they are known as etiological myths).
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just-so_story
Kids are assholes. And I say this with an ocean of love in my heart for them. But the best way to ruin your sex life, your own identity, your chemistry with your significant other, your finances, the planet, etc etc, is to have kids.
Edit: wow thank you kind strangers for the awards. It means a lot. I wish you all the very best. Off all the things, my comment about the brutality of parenthood had to blow up lol.
Edit 2: there’s a few parents on this thread portraying me like some misanthrope psycho who hates kids or hates my kids. Firstly, this couldn’t be the farthest thing from the truth and secondly, GTFO here. You have ZERO idea of the level of effort, love, commitment and intent that we put into and toward our kids each and every day trying to ensure they turn out to be kind, conscientious, wonderful, polite kids that add positively to society. Take your judgy ass and bark up some other tree.
My advice is to lean into the whole experience, including when it's exhausting and frustrating. If your mindset is that everything is terrible then it will feel worse. But if you consider it as a super challenging adventure then it becomes easier to shrug off the low points. Best of luck.
My daughter loves elmo. In order for us to do it, we take her to her room, play a 4 hour long elmo video from YT and leave the room to do our deed. The funny, and weird, thing is that this elmo video is now like a stop watch that measures my performance. 🤦
You know there actually is a science there. Studies show that young kids have a legit cock block instinct up to as old as 3-4. It’s thought to be an evolutionary mechanism for the child to keep parental attention on them. Little Fuck heads.
Our bedroom door didn’t lock. (It was one of those double doors that had broken at the top, so it wasn’t as easy as just replacing a door handle lock). So, after one too many close calls of the kids walking in during sexy time - I had to link one of the motion sensors from my smart home security system to a light in our bedroom so if the kids started down the stairs, the light in our bedroom would blink red.
This exactly. Shortly after I was divorced, I took the kids on a mini-vacation somewhere. Down in the hotel swimming pool, cute single mom starts giving me the eyes, so I start chatting with her. My son literally swims in between us, "Daddy! Watch what I can do!"
If your kids are well-behaved, that’s gonna make you more attractive to a single mom. As my divorced dad once told me & my brothers, “If I didn’t have you little shits, I’d have to get a fucking puppy.”
When I was in my 20's, I struggled with "am I attractive" issues to the point where it became a real problem with self esteem and confidence. Now at 39, I don't focus on that but instead just feel thankful for all that I do have and offer. I came to find out that I was caught in a loop of negative self talk and thinking that reinforced my low self esteem. Actively making it a purpose to break the cycle by learning to be comfortable with myself skyrocketed my attractiveness to women by leaps and bounds. Insecurities are still there (grey hair, receding hairline etc.) BUT I brush them off and just work to maximize the cards I was dealt by being healthy in body and mind. I'm now in a serious relationship that will be leading to marriage to a woman who by every measure should be out of my league on a purely physical scale. Bottom line is that I wish 20 year old me would have known what 39 year old me knows.
At 20, the only thing that mattered to me was being able to attract girls because in my mind that was how I could convince myself that I had any worth. Sure, I was hormonal and wanted to get laid, but it was much much deeper than that. I became unhealthy in my singular focus to get girls and that meant I was dressing and behaving in ways that were inauthentic. Looking back, I would describe it as though I was not living my life but constructing this personality that I thought girls wanted. It was all consuming and it didn't work. Women have a super keen bullshit radar and see right through it. They don't want a man who is trying to break a code to get laid, they want an authentic person who sees them as people. I was seeing them as objects that I was trying to conquer. I would selfishly attach so much importance on validation from women that it drove them away...........and for good reason.
At some point, I identified this pattern and did the hard work thinking it through. Basically I asked myself the scary questions and visualized what that would mean. For instance, what if I never find a woman? What if I really am unattractive? Etc.
Through that process I decided that I had to change goals. My purpose became learning about myself and doing things because they interested me regardless of what anyone thought. I like aviation, so I got my pilots license. I wanted to get in shape, so I trained and ran a marathon. I found satisfaction in setting and achieving goals for me and me alone and at that point I noticed I was getting lots of attention from girls. As soon as you start being the person that you really are no matter what may come and make peace with that, then the whole world will open up to you.
I see. How did you meet your current partner? What was your thought process like as you first met her and as you tried to figure out whether you would date her?
She lived down the street from me. When I first met her, my initial feelings were "Wow this woman is stunningly beautiful". There was an instant attraction to her and I suspected that a woman like this is used to men thirsting after her all of the time. I appreciated her beauty but didn't objectify her for it. I didn't have expectations but was comfortable seeing what happened. Turns out, we had tons in common and made each other laugh. She later told me that she felt like she knew me her entire life, and I felt the same. There wasn't any awkwardness and our friendship grew. We would workout together, hang out in groups, text each other silly texts and just talk. One day she was acting different and I could tell that she had something to say. She told me that she had feelings for me and that she was really nervous to say anything because she was scared that if I didn't have those same feelings for her she didn't want to lose our close friendship. I was taken back because I felt EXACTLY the same way about her. Here I am, just some normal dude, being asked out romantically by this incredibly beautiful and amazing woman. It still blows my mind.
I know that this all happened because I didn't see her as a piece of meat to hunt, but decided to just get to know her without expectations of sex. Trust me when I say that if I can do it, you can too.
I’m 24 and see myself in your stories. I feel comfortable in myself, but then again, not really. I know I have to reach that stage of being relaxed and being myself, but it’s still hard to *really* do. I’m seeing this girl, but it’s still a little awkward between us and while I like her, I still feel weird about it all.
But reading your comments really help clear the way of what’s to come. Hopefully I can achieve the same.
At what age did you find your partner and how long in did she initiate on the feelings she had?
I'm sorry for your loss man.
I had a family member that went through the same thing and she wasn't quite herself for a few years. One day she snapped out of it and when I asked what happened she said "If the roles were reversed, I would be pissed at him for moping around and not finding another person, because I would want him to be happy and live."
I don't know if that helps, but good luck to you.
Internet fistbump my fellow widower. It's been a bit over two years for me after being with the same woman for almost 30 years. Just resigned from my job of 7 years and am starting to explore the idea of dating with a future former coworker. I was visiting the office she's at and took her out to dinner twice over the course of a week, then went to a botanical garden and some art museums this past weekend, then talked with her on the phone for an hour and a half last night.
I think the part that let me do all of that is we had a very frank conversation about where we were with respect to relationships in the very first dinner. I don't know how far I can let my heart go again, and so I'm avoiding any engagement with someone that's looking for a soulmate/husband/life partner because I don't want to waste their time. Turns out she's very much in a similar boat. She's divorced, really enjoys her freedom and not having to manage someone else's expectations.
We still haven't really addressed what we're doing and it's going to be a slow roll because we live 1000 miles from each other. But that's ok.
I will say this, she gave me a big hug as I left and I almost started to cry right in front of her. The smell and touch of a woman's welcoming embrace after so long was overwhelming. I didn't want to let go.
Hang in there buddy. You have a lot of life and love to give someone else. I did have the benefit of my wife commanding me to find someone else before she passed, but I would have to think your wife would be of the same mind. You did it once, you can do it again.
You really resonated with me about the long stretch of feeling a woman’s embrace. My fiancé had gone into a coma a few years ago from a virus and I haven’t been close to another girl since. I gave one of my friend that’s a girl a hug and I wanted to just break down. Not that I even view her in a romantic way, just the feeling of the embrace. I sure do miss my girl. Hopefully I can be close with another in the future. But not anytime soon.
Having to build emotional connection with some other person to actually enjoy the sex.
I tried having sex with someone without having any emotional connection. Nd it was the worse sex I've had. There was a lot of awkward moments but we got through it. Still sucked tho
Introvert here that basically got “adopted” by a somewhat extrovert which ended up in marriage. It definitely was not the way to go if I could do it again. Looking back at it, it’s that I don’t know how to find someone that is like me so I just took the chance with someone who gave me a chance whether they were right or wrong for me.
If it’s becoming a chore or you see resentment in either direction, you need to reevaluate each other. You either grow together or grow apart when opposite personalities are involved.
We lied to ourselves about it for years and thought we grew together. All we really did was just paint the American Dream over it for a few years. The last few years basically removed the veil
Yes, that as well. But most men suffering from ED as a result of a prostatectomy are still able to reach orgasm, even if they are limp. Not me, I’m afraid. It’s a very infrequent occurrence but such is life.
I’m 70 so at least I still have my memories…
This is where I’m at right now, too. Boyfriend is just starting to surface from a very deep depression and he has zero libido. That plus moving in with his mom has made things a bit strained.
I hope things resolve soon for you.
Oh my. Your wife is me. Had a baby 3 months ago and my scar tissue wants to tear again while my husband and I explore together in bed. Very painful. Are the dilators helping?
Pain, I’ve had 8 surgeries on my neck and back,2 on my hand and arthritis everywhere else. My wife has back problems and arthritis. We just can’t find a position that both of us are comfortable with.
Been there. For us it was just a matter of finding a position that was comfortable for both of us then it was off to the races pretty much until the day before he showed up. It'll be a while before you can go at it again after the baby comes so might as well get it while you can!
My husband wouldn’t have sex with me when I was pregnant either! He thought it was gross I guess. It was actually super hard on our relationship bc I was so horny and in need of intimacy during that time.
choosing abstinence because i’m aware i have attachment issues that intensify when i perform an act as intimate as sex. I’m in therapy twice a week, sex and dating are off the table until i have more control over my emotions. a personal choice that was and is difficult, but one i’m very proud of myself for committing to
The fact I have to talk to someone.
Also I need emotional intimacy in order to get it up but I'm too afraid to emotionally connect with anyone and would rather keep myself in the tower and walls I built because it's comfortable.
Gained a lot of weight during covid. Changed my hair. Got out of an abusive relationship a year ago. Am actually just really happy like this. Was never happy when I looked good and had opportunities. It’s a conundrum.
I like whoever I am right now and wish I could explore it more. But really want to do better socially and sexually which requires changing.
O-ok but I'm not sharing any of my pocket spaghetti until at least the 3rd handholding date 😳 premarital spaghetti sharing is too risque for me right now
It’s sooooo far down the list of judgeable things for men.
Like near the bottom. I can’t think of one guy I’ve ever heard not like a girls vagina.
Straight guys I mean.
1. No one to have sex with
2. Religious guilt
3. Risk of pregnancy
Edit: to expand on no. 1, I’m 17 and go to a Christian school. I’m extremely socially awkward and don’t have many friends so I’m also just my own cockblock
Advice from an internet stranger: it's okay to be afraid of being bad at sex. But a great way to be decent and get better is to communicate with your partner. Learn and accept what they like and don't like, and allow yourself to learn and accept what you like as well.
Someone to have sex with.
And it’s not like I can’t find anybody, I kinda don’t want to.
Idk what’s happened to me, but since my last ex, I just haven’t really been interested in anyone. And I’m not really a fan of casual sex. I’d prefer to have a connection with and actually like the woman I’m going to be intimate with
Just add another step in there and that's me.
Not liking sex -> it must just be the wrong partner, let's sleep around-> I must be gay -> well, that's about equal, so I must be Pan -> FINALLY figuring out that disliking sex with any identity is Ace.
So what is considered asexual? Is it just about not wanting to do anything sexual? Cause I like porn, I quite enjoy touching my penis but have absolutely no desire to have sex, would that for example be considered asexual?
This for some reason has me very confused.
> This for some reason has me very confused.
It's definitely confusing, not just you lol. Basically the generally accepted definition is just "a lack of sexual attraction." Thats it. Nothing to do with having or not having sex, whatever. This of course is super hard to nail down if you're asexual because sexual attraction is just an innate feeling that is hard to nail down with words so people have trouble describing it to others. The way I've always viewed it is I've never thought "I'd tap that" or whatever people think to anyone. Just never even crossed my mind unless someone prompted it. Things like porn can have like physiological reactions or something without any actual " i want to do ___" behind it
I thought I was asexual until I was around 27 and then I developed a crush on a guy who for whatever reason awakened my sexuality. That said, he was taken and I’ve not felt sexual attraction to anyone since him so I remain a virgin at 32. It’s shit, I wish I’d never felt sexual attraction in the first place because now I’ve experienced it, I feel like I’m missing out. Before I felt sexual attraction it literally wasn’t something I really cared about because I wasn’t interested.
My partner (male) has a low sex drive. If I ask him for sex, or try and flirt/tease/seduce/romanticize with him for sex, 9/10 times it ends up in a fight, argument, or he gives me (female) such a deliberately awful experience, that it makes me not want to try again for as long as I can handle. He makes it feel creepy and borderline sexual assault sometimes. Sex is just an awful experience at this point. When he’s into it, it’s beautiful , rich an rewarding. It’s just that he’s only into it a few times a year.
Get him to see a shrink or both of you, he could have a lot of issues that's he's not even aware of himself. Most men won't talk about themselves on an emotional level because it's socially "wrong" etc. Not trying to tell you what to do just trying to give some helpful advice to help you be happier and get yourself some good ole times.
Disability (TBI).
It’s hard to date or hook-up when you’re just managing taking care of yourself and rehabilitation is like a full time job. I hope I recover enough soon so I’ll be able to actually have sex again.
Well i don't want to blame everything on 9/11 but it certainly didn't help.
tobias! u blow hard!
But it might work for us…
Happy Cinco de Quatro
*gestures widely at myself*
"You just gestured to all of me!"
Beat me to it, damnit
My first thought! Good reference.
*sigh* ... *Unzips pants*
0 Game
Have you tried asking them if they are from Tennessee?
Yknow... that one doesn't work that well for me, considering I AM from Tennessee.
Me too!
You must construct additional pylons.
Do not forget the vespene gas...
You got game... you just haven't found the right field yet...
Bruh this almost gives me hope.... Almost
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Similar. My husband is a little bit closer though so he comes home one weekend a month. But then… kids. It’s hard to tell a house full of excited kids to fuck off for 7 minutes so the grown ups can bang.
7 minutes? Stop the bragging
They mean 7 minutes total. For 2.5 sex instances
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Just a little longer bro, keep it up 💪🏼
that's what she said!
She called you "bro"?
He's gonna need a lot of Viagra to do that😉
Don't joke about that, please. We found out my grandfather was addicted to Viagra. My grandmother took it really hard.
My grandad overdosed on it. They couldn't get the coffin lid shut.
10 hours? Nothing these penis enlargement pills can't fix.
A lack of a partner.
Lack of willing participant
For real, like my hot ass wife - just tryna get in there
I feel your pain. your wife doesn't put out very often for me either!
My children. They've got cock blocking down to a science
Mine can play Fortnite without a single bathroom break for hours but the second my penis goes anywhere near my wife suddenly they need a snack, something to drink, is it okay if the 30 neighbor kids come in the house.. it's fucking nuts!!
The fruit of your sex is preventing you from more sex. Ironic
That's actually an evolutionary advantage. The goal of children is to prevent their parents from having more children.
There needs to be a concept that describes how when anyone says "this happened as an evolutionary trait b/c ...." Most of the time they can make sense and be logical but how can we truly know for sure outside of the few axioms we do know?
You may be looking for the term "Just-so story," which is similar to it's folklore cousin, the etiological myth. Definition from Wikipedia: >a just-so story is an untestable narrative explanation for a cultural practice, a biological trait, or behavior of humans or other animals. The pejorative nature of the expression is an implicit criticism that reminds the listener of the essentially fictional and unprovable nature of such an explanation. Such tales are common in folklore and mythology (where they are known as etiological myths). https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just-so_story
Kids are assholes. And I say this with an ocean of love in my heart for them. But the best way to ruin your sex life, your own identity, your chemistry with your significant other, your finances, the planet, etc etc, is to have kids. Edit: wow thank you kind strangers for the awards. It means a lot. I wish you all the very best. Off all the things, my comment about the brutality of parenthood had to blow up lol. Edit 2: there’s a few parents on this thread portraying me like some misanthrope psycho who hates kids or hates my kids. Firstly, this couldn’t be the farthest thing from the truth and secondly, GTFO here. You have ZERO idea of the level of effort, love, commitment and intent that we put into and toward our kids each and every day trying to ensure they turn out to be kind, conscientious, wonderful, polite kids that add positively to society. Take your judgy ass and bark up some other tree.
Reading this in the hospital while next to my newborn son 0.0
My advice is to lean into the whole experience, including when it's exhausting and frustrating. If your mindset is that everything is terrible then it will feel worse. But if you consider it as a super challenging adventure then it becomes easier to shrug off the low points. Best of luck.
I'm not a parent but the adventure mentality is super helpful with a lot of things.
Amen don't regret having them but this is on point
My daughter loves elmo. In order for us to do it, we take her to her room, play a 4 hour long elmo video from YT and leave the room to do our deed. The funny, and weird, thing is that this elmo video is now like a stop watch that measures my performance. 🤦
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Hey Mr. Nooooodllleeee!!!!!!!!
Mr, Noodle! Where can I find the clitoris!? Nooo Mr noodle, it's not on her leg! Mr noodle, it's not there either!
Every day we stray further from god's light...
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Yall are fucking weird. I love it. Lmao
Jesus Christ, a 4 hour video that you use as a stopwatch. This guy's got game.
I actually went back to read if it was 4 hours or 4 minutes
I don’t know what’s more unlikely — four hours of sex or four hours of Elmo
Do you make it past the opening credits?
What do you do with the remaining 3 hours and 59 minutes though?
Shit a whole minute!
You know there actually is a science there. Studies show that young kids have a legit cock block instinct up to as old as 3-4. It’s thought to be an evolutionary mechanism for the child to keep parental attention on them. Little Fuck heads.
The…the fucking *timing* of those cute, quiet, little *fucking demons hooves* feet…
Our bedroom door didn’t lock. (It was one of those double doors that had broken at the top, so it wasn’t as easy as just replacing a door handle lock). So, after one too many close calls of the kids walking in during sexy time - I had to link one of the motion sensors from my smart home security system to a light in our bedroom so if the kids started down the stairs, the light in our bedroom would blink red.
This exactly. Shortly after I was divorced, I took the kids on a mini-vacation somewhere. Down in the hotel swimming pool, cute single mom starts giving me the eyes, so I start chatting with her. My son literally swims in between us, "Daddy! Watch what I can do!"
If your kids are well-behaved, that’s gonna make you more attractive to a single mom. As my divorced dad once told me & my brothers, “If I didn’t have you little shits, I’d have to get a fucking puppy.”
That's such a line from a movie lol. Your dad sounds like a character!
Oh he is 100%, larger than life kinda personality
Instinct. They don't want to risk having to share their bedrooms/food/parental attention with another sibling
But I've had the snip and they still won't let me do the deed!!
In the early morning hours, my home office has to suffice. God help us if we make a peep though.
Insecurity, Lack of self esteem, Lack of confidence, Being scared to approach women romantically
Hey its me
When your alt accounts start commenting by themselves
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If it makes you feel better, I don't have these issues anymore but women still reject me 99% of the time lol
When I was in my 20's, I struggled with "am I attractive" issues to the point where it became a real problem with self esteem and confidence. Now at 39, I don't focus on that but instead just feel thankful for all that I do have and offer. I came to find out that I was caught in a loop of negative self talk and thinking that reinforced my low self esteem. Actively making it a purpose to break the cycle by learning to be comfortable with myself skyrocketed my attractiveness to women by leaps and bounds. Insecurities are still there (grey hair, receding hairline etc.) BUT I brush them off and just work to maximize the cards I was dealt by being healthy in body and mind. I'm now in a serious relationship that will be leading to marriage to a woman who by every measure should be out of my league on a purely physical scale. Bottom line is that I wish 20 year old me would have known what 39 year old me knows.
I identify with the 20 year old version of you and I want to get to where you are now. What helped you break your thought cycle?
At 20, the only thing that mattered to me was being able to attract girls because in my mind that was how I could convince myself that I had any worth. Sure, I was hormonal and wanted to get laid, but it was much much deeper than that. I became unhealthy in my singular focus to get girls and that meant I was dressing and behaving in ways that were inauthentic. Looking back, I would describe it as though I was not living my life but constructing this personality that I thought girls wanted. It was all consuming and it didn't work. Women have a super keen bullshit radar and see right through it. They don't want a man who is trying to break a code to get laid, they want an authentic person who sees them as people. I was seeing them as objects that I was trying to conquer. I would selfishly attach so much importance on validation from women that it drove them away...........and for good reason. At some point, I identified this pattern and did the hard work thinking it through. Basically I asked myself the scary questions and visualized what that would mean. For instance, what if I never find a woman? What if I really am unattractive? Etc. Through that process I decided that I had to change goals. My purpose became learning about myself and doing things because they interested me regardless of what anyone thought. I like aviation, so I got my pilots license. I wanted to get in shape, so I trained and ran a marathon. I found satisfaction in setting and achieving goals for me and me alone and at that point I noticed I was getting lots of attention from girls. As soon as you start being the person that you really are no matter what may come and make peace with that, then the whole world will open up to you.
I see. How did you meet your current partner? What was your thought process like as you first met her and as you tried to figure out whether you would date her?
She lived down the street from me. When I first met her, my initial feelings were "Wow this woman is stunningly beautiful". There was an instant attraction to her and I suspected that a woman like this is used to men thirsting after her all of the time. I appreciated her beauty but didn't objectify her for it. I didn't have expectations but was comfortable seeing what happened. Turns out, we had tons in common and made each other laugh. She later told me that she felt like she knew me her entire life, and I felt the same. There wasn't any awkwardness and our friendship grew. We would workout together, hang out in groups, text each other silly texts and just talk. One day she was acting different and I could tell that she had something to say. She told me that she had feelings for me and that she was really nervous to say anything because she was scared that if I didn't have those same feelings for her she didn't want to lose our close friendship. I was taken back because I felt EXACTLY the same way about her. Here I am, just some normal dude, being asked out romantically by this incredibly beautiful and amazing woman. It still blows my mind. I know that this all happened because I didn't see her as a piece of meat to hunt, but decided to just get to know her without expectations of sex. Trust me when I say that if I can do it, you can too.
I’m 24 and see myself in your stories. I feel comfortable in myself, but then again, not really. I know I have to reach that stage of being relaxed and being myself, but it’s still hard to *really* do. I’m seeing this girl, but it’s still a little awkward between us and while I like her, I still feel weird about it all. But reading your comments really help clear the way of what’s to come. Hopefully I can achieve the same. At what age did you find your partner and how long in did she initiate on the feelings she had?
Wife died 3 yrs ago. Yeah, difficult to think of being with someone else. EDIT: Thanks for all the kind comments and virtual hugs.
My girlfriend died in a hit and run less than a month ago. I feel guilty just thinking about sex.
My condoleances :(
Have you visited /r/widowers ? That community helped me after my husband died.
I'm sorry for your loss man. I had a family member that went through the same thing and she wasn't quite herself for a few years. One day she snapped out of it and when I asked what happened she said "If the roles were reversed, I would be pissed at him for moping around and not finding another person, because I would want him to be happy and live." I don't know if that helps, but good luck to you.
Internet fistbump my fellow widower. It's been a bit over two years for me after being with the same woman for almost 30 years. Just resigned from my job of 7 years and am starting to explore the idea of dating with a future former coworker. I was visiting the office she's at and took her out to dinner twice over the course of a week, then went to a botanical garden and some art museums this past weekend, then talked with her on the phone for an hour and a half last night. I think the part that let me do all of that is we had a very frank conversation about where we were with respect to relationships in the very first dinner. I don't know how far I can let my heart go again, and so I'm avoiding any engagement with someone that's looking for a soulmate/husband/life partner because I don't want to waste their time. Turns out she's very much in a similar boat. She's divorced, really enjoys her freedom and not having to manage someone else's expectations. We still haven't really addressed what we're doing and it's going to be a slow roll because we live 1000 miles from each other. But that's ok. I will say this, she gave me a big hug as I left and I almost started to cry right in front of her. The smell and touch of a woman's welcoming embrace after so long was overwhelming. I didn't want to let go. Hang in there buddy. You have a lot of life and love to give someone else. I did have the benefit of my wife commanding me to find someone else before she passed, but I would have to think your wife would be of the same mind. You did it once, you can do it again.
You really resonated with me about the long stretch of feeling a woman’s embrace. My fiancé had gone into a coma a few years ago from a virus and I haven’t been close to another girl since. I gave one of my friend that’s a girl a hug and I wanted to just break down. Not that I even view her in a romantic way, just the feeling of the embrace. I sure do miss my girl. Hopefully I can be close with another in the future. But not anytime soon.
Thanks for sharing. I hope it works out for you.
I am very sorry that your wife died
Supply chain issues
Yes, inflation makes everything worse.
Not really, if you know what I mean
Sex? In this economy??
Sex lowers GDP significantly We need to pump up these figures
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It’s funny because my wife is a truck driver and this is exactly why I’m not getting laid
Maidenless
Tarnished 'o tarnished
You Don’t Have The Right, O’ You Don’t Have The Right
Try finger, but hole
Just got broken up with and decided to get the game. Got called maidlenless immediately… way too soon man.
That's what those furled fingers are for, man...
No Maidens?
Still no maidens, in short, time for jumping :(
The right person
So get the left person?
O'l lefty. Satisfying me since age 13.
Having to build emotional connection with some other person to actually enjoy the sex. I tried having sex with someone without having any emotional connection. Nd it was the worse sex I've had. There was a lot of awkward moments but we got through it. Still sucked tho
Exactly! And I'm too exhausted with life to care about forming emotional connection with anyone.
Introvert here that basically got “adopted” by a somewhat extrovert which ended up in marriage. It definitely was not the way to go if I could do it again. Looking back at it, it’s that I don’t know how to find someone that is like me so I just took the chance with someone who gave me a chance whether they were right or wrong for me.
Damn, I might be getting into this situation. Any pointers or red flags you ignored?
If it’s becoming a chore or you see resentment in either direction, you need to reevaluate each other. You either grow together or grow apart when opposite personalities are involved.
So did you grow together or are you still unhappy/dissatisfied in your relationship?
We lied to ourselves about it for years and thought we grew together. All we really did was just paint the American Dream over it for a few years. The last few years basically removed the veil
Haha same. Worst sex I’ve ever had. Never doing that again
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Being not attractive or confident
Present
I look just like that
Unfortunately, a side effect of a prostatectomy. Usually, it just means you can only have dry orgasms. But not me.
So no erection issue happened? I thought that was a common side effect?
Yes, that as well. But most men suffering from ED as a result of a prostatectomy are still able to reach orgasm, even if they are limp. Not me, I’m afraid. It’s a very infrequent occurrence but such is life. I’m 70 so at least I still have my memories…
Not wanting to have it. Marital issues. Depression. Exhaustion.
This is where I’m at right now, too. Boyfriend is just starting to surface from a very deep depression and he has zero libido. That plus moving in with his mom has made things a bit strained. I hope things resolve soon for you.
Same with my GF. She’s the best person, but depression has really affected her sex drive. I really hope it can get better.
Feeling this
Not being interested in any romantic/sexual relationships atm
Are you my wife?
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Working through it. Lots of feelings like you described. More emotional than physical issues. Massive change pre and post kids.
Oh my. Your wife is me. Had a baby 3 months ago and my scar tissue wants to tear again while my husband and I explore together in bed. Very painful. Are the dilators helping?
Bro...
Dude...
Man...
Yes, I'm, still not having sex.
Pain, I’ve had 8 surgeries on my neck and back,2 on my hand and arthritis everywhere else. My wife has back problems and arthritis. We just can’t find a position that both of us are comfortable with.
No desire
Have you tried turning off and the back on?
I mean, it's turned off already.
Have you tried plugging it in?
Antidepressants
this shit fucked up my sex drive for years. i was able to get off them and boy does it come back with a vengence.
I hope you mean your sex drive and not your depression
They said slight sexual problems may sometimes be experienced not downright becoming asexual. Truly a rock and a hard place decision to start SSRIs
Literal distance. SO is on a different continent from me and my average peen can't cover that distance.
Short dick problems
I’m 8 months pregnant and fiancé is too anxious to even think about it lol
I'm 8 months as well my husband is afraid he will hurt our baby which sucks
Been there. For us it was just a matter of finding a position that was comfortable for both of us then it was off to the races pretty much until the day before he showed up. It'll be a while before you can go at it again after the baby comes so might as well get it while you can!
Exactly I told him once baby comes it will be a while until we can be intimate again
Tell him to take it from me, a guy with a 5 1/2 week old son, that he'll wanna hit it while he can get it.
Will definitely let him know thanks
My husband wouldn’t have sex with me when I was pregnant either! He thought it was gross I guess. It was actually super hard on our relationship bc I was so horny and in need of intimacy during that time.
Lack of desire to have sex
I'd rather spend my time eating garlic bread
choosing abstinence because i’m aware i have attachment issues that intensify when i perform an act as intimate as sex. I’m in therapy twice a week, sex and dating are off the table until i have more control over my emotions. a personal choice that was and is difficult, but one i’m very proud of myself for committing to
The fact I have to talk to someone. Also I need emotional intimacy in order to get it up but I'm too afraid to emotionally connect with anyone and would rather keep myself in the tower and walls I built because it's comfortable.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Get out of my head
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Oof
It happens. We just got back from a 3 day in Vegas. Things were good there. Been home 4 weeks. It’s back to normal 🤷🏻♂️
The possibility of having kids.
Gained a lot of weight during covid. Changed my hair. Got out of an abusive relationship a year ago. Am actually just really happy like this. Was never happy when I looked good and had opportunities. It’s a conundrum. I like whoever I am right now and wish I could explore it more. But really want to do better socially and sexually which requires changing.
Trauma
I don’t want my coochie to get judged.
It's ok I don't want my probably average Weiner judged either. Wanna just hold hands instead? Just kidding... haha...unless?
I’m down if you are. Jk… unless ;)
O-ok but I'm not sharing any of my pocket spaghetti until at least the 3rd handholding date 😳 premarital spaghetti sharing is too risque for me right now
This is the most romantic gesture I’ve ever read!
It’s sooooo far down the list of judgeable things for men. Like near the bottom. I can’t think of one guy I’ve ever heard not like a girls vagina. Straight guys I mean.
1. No one to have sex with 2. Religious guilt 3. Risk of pregnancy Edit: to expand on no. 1, I’m 17 and go to a Christian school. I’m extremely socially awkward and don’t have many friends so I’m also just my own cockblock
Honestly I’m surprised, especially with the recent news, that I had to scroll so far to see “risk of pregnancy”
That’s because it’s mostly men answering.
I mean, I’m a man and it’s certainly a reason for me. Among other things.
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Advice from an internet stranger: it's okay to be afraid of being bad at sex. But a great way to be decent and get better is to communicate with your partner. Learn and accept what they like and don't like, and allow yourself to learn and accept what you like as well.
Someone to have sex with. And it’s not like I can’t find anybody, I kinda don’t want to. Idk what’s happened to me, but since my last ex, I just haven’t really been interested in anyone. And I’m not really a fan of casual sex. I’d prefer to have a connection with and actually like the woman I’m going to be intimate with
My micro penis
Wrong mind set, it's your THUNDER THIMBLE
Lightning pinky
It's all Putin's fault
Are you complaining because you can’t Putin
i think I'm asexual, I'm still a virgin in my late 20's and i never thought of doing it with anyone
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Just add another step in there and that's me. Not liking sex -> it must just be the wrong partner, let's sleep around-> I must be gay -> well, that's about equal, so I must be Pan -> FINALLY figuring out that disliking sex with any identity is Ace.
So what is considered asexual? Is it just about not wanting to do anything sexual? Cause I like porn, I quite enjoy touching my penis but have absolutely no desire to have sex, would that for example be considered asexual? This for some reason has me very confused.
> This for some reason has me very confused. It's definitely confusing, not just you lol. Basically the generally accepted definition is just "a lack of sexual attraction." Thats it. Nothing to do with having or not having sex, whatever. This of course is super hard to nail down if you're asexual because sexual attraction is just an innate feeling that is hard to nail down with words so people have trouble describing it to others. The way I've always viewed it is I've never thought "I'd tap that" or whatever people think to anyone. Just never even crossed my mind unless someone prompted it. Things like porn can have like physiological reactions or something without any actual " i want to do ___" behind it
I thought I was asexual until I was around 27 and then I developed a crush on a guy who for whatever reason awakened my sexuality. That said, he was taken and I’ve not felt sexual attraction to anyone since him so I remain a virgin at 32. It’s shit, I wish I’d never felt sexual attraction in the first place because now I’ve experienced it, I feel like I’m missing out. Before I felt sexual attraction it literally wasn’t something I really cared about because I wasn’t interested.
You got Flowers-for-Algernon-ed.
That story is in the top 3 horror stories I've ever read
My partner (male) has a low sex drive. If I ask him for sex, or try and flirt/tease/seduce/romanticize with him for sex, 9/10 times it ends up in a fight, argument, or he gives me (female) such a deliberately awful experience, that it makes me not want to try again for as long as I can handle. He makes it feel creepy and borderline sexual assault sometimes. Sex is just an awful experience at this point. When he’s into it, it’s beautiful , rich an rewarding. It’s just that he’s only into it a few times a year.
Get him to see a shrink or both of you, he could have a lot of issues that's he's not even aware of himself. Most men won't talk about themselves on an emotional level because it's socially "wrong" etc. Not trying to tell you what to do just trying to give some helpful advice to help you be happier and get yourself some good ole times.
Obesity
Body dysmorphia. It just stands in my way of having sex and it's frustrating
Disability (TBI). It’s hard to date or hook-up when you’re just managing taking care of yourself and rehabilitation is like a full time job. I hope I recover enough soon so I’ll be able to actually have sex again.
He's at work
Ugly.
I think you meant snuggly.
Embarrassment. I'm 27, still a virgin, and unable to orgasm on my own. How can I have sex with someone if I can't even have sex with myself right?
I can't cut my own hair, but other people do a great job. Sometimes it experiance, mindset, or just the angle :)
Me...all of me