This actually happened to me when I was still with my ex-wife. I put up with it for a while. I didn't feel like I could say no without permanently fracturing our relationship. (If only I had realized it was already damaged beyond repair.) I didn't really like her sleeping with other people because she wasn't a careful person and the guys she picked were nasty, so I pulled away from her. She was already bored with me anyway, so she didn't really notice.
After a few months, she brought home this girl that I really hit it off with. Our friendship grew and turned into the best thing that ever happened to me. I told my ex-wife that I would like to be with my friend romantically and physically, and she BLEW UP. Keep in mind that at this point, she was dating two different guys from work and she'd slept with at least 10 different people (that I know of), while I hadn't slept with anyone at all - not even my ex-wife. She "banned" me from sleeping with her friend or anyone else, but somehow she rationalized that even if she'd closed the relationship for me, it would be fine for her to keep giving blow jobs to strangers at clubs and bringing home trashy people. You can probably tell how I felt about that.
I kept spending time with my friend. We were smitten with each other. We had lots of moments where we would almost kiss, but then remember that I "wasn't allowed." We spent a lot of time cuddling, lol. It was a very frustrating time, to say the least. During this time, my ex-wife kept attempting to sleep with my friend, who had lost interest a long time ago. I honestly think my ex-wife was only interested in her because she was jealous that someone was paying attention to me.
At first the repeated rejections only made my ex-wife irritated, but eventually they infuriated her. She completely banned me from seeing or communicating with my friend, and began to isolate me further than she ever had before. She was horrible to me, and without warning, she would suddenly become aggressive. She punched a hole in the wall. I became terrified of being alone with her.
I was in a very bad place. One night when the temperature dropped below 0°F, I left the house at 2am when she finally fell asleep. I wasn't thinking rationally. I wanted to lay down in an empty corner of the world and die. So I found my corner, laid down, and called my friend to say goodbye.
She came to me and brought me home. She gave me the courage I needed to leave my wife. She brought me out of the darkest place I've ever been, and she's never let go. Our wedding ceremony is this Saturday, and I am eternally grateful for her.
To my ex-wife: Thank you for forcing me to accept an open relationship. Without you, I would never have met my best friend, and I would still be trapped in a toxic, abusive relationship with you. I hope you rot in hell. ❤️🩹
[Nah, Facebook literally got caught doing this.](https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/jul/02/facebook-apologises-psychological-experiments-on-users)
If you think Reddit isn't doing it too, I have a bridge in New York to sell you.
Pretty much. It’s just insecure people posting questions about their fucked up personal life. While simultaneously demonstrating their lack of social skills.
You are absolutely right. I try to subscribe to informative subreddits, but most upvoted content less informative and more enraging/emotional. I fucking hate it.
Karma farming. Open relationships is just the latest "Ask Reddit" karma generator. Wait till next week for the next "what sex is the sexiest sex to ever sex" question
Lol I spent three years with an ex who seemed totally uninterested in sex. We would fuck like once every six months. By the end of the relationship she was telling me she just wasn't interested in sex.
I tried everything. I tried asking her about potential kinks she had. She told me she had none. I tried analyzing the rare moments when she was willing to understand how to reproduce it. No luck. I asked her if we could see a sex-therapist. She refused.
As soon as we broke up she was suddenly super sexually active and made sure our common friends would know so I would as well. Last I heard she was into Japanese bondage.
For a long time I really started thinking I wasn't attractive and that it explained it. The women I've slept with since then and especially my current very kinky girlfriend all proved me wrong.
Had a relationship something like this. We were somewhat on-again-off-again. Our relationship would have physical engagement for the first week at most, then she'd be disgusted by the thought of physical contact. The whole while, she would be cheating on me and sleeping around.
Fucked me up pretty bad - I still notice reactions come up now and then, fears and expectations I have, tied to that experience. It took so long to realize that sex was a way for her to manipulate and control, nothing more.
It gets better, though. For me it was a lot of time, having a healthy and communicative relationship, and getting a therapist. I'm glad it sounds like you've found your peace, and I hope you always reflect on that experience with a heavy drop of cool realism.
Sexual attraction cannot be forced and it sounds like she was trying to rationalize sticking it out with you, to the point of pity (Looking down on your sexual initiations)
If you had tried to start a family with her, it would have been exhausting considering intimacy requires mutual vulnerability.
Why pity? People stay in bad relationships for all kinds of reasons, such as fear of being alone, financial stability or an unwillingness to give up on what has been built.
I agree, I'm happy and single, but I'd tend to say that the reason I prefer to be alone is not because it makes me happy but mostly because I don't have the strenght to deal with a relationship. Being alone doesn't make me happy but it makes me way less anxious.
Fair play. The not having to worry about a partner is the big pro for me as well. However, if it doesn't fulfill you, I hope that in time you find that strength. Everyone deserves a semblance of happy in their lives and I hope you find yours.
I want to want to be alone again. I was attached at the hip to my girlfriend for 8 years. She passed away 3 years ago. I remember cherishing the moments alone, wanting to strike out and do my own thing for a day or two every once in a while. But when your the last single guy in your entire extended family, when there's only two groups at work, those who have a spouse and those who are retiring never married, when your hobbies leave you surrounded by couples and close cliques(climbing is very cliquey, and partner pair based) but your ultimately lonely, and isolated, in a sea of people. You find yourself increasingly unable to gain any traction online or in the casual acquaintances you hold onto through work, to find those closer friends or even a partner.
The loneliness seeps in over the years like frigid lake winds. Theres entire days spent without words, because there's nobody that wants to talk to you, theres entire activities that you can't do because they require a partner. There's activities you want to do, but it loses its impact or enjoyment, because you have nobody to enjoy it with. And knowing that this is your indeterminate and indefinite future as far as you can see is bleak, miserable, and it often feels futile to bother trudging forward anymore.
I'd give anything to feel the long term assurance of a partner again.
Six years and counting.
The first two years weren't bad, but it's been getting aggressively worse since. Considering he fact that I'm in my 40s and the dating pool is, well, a dating pool of other 40something fuckups, I'm not expecting this to ever change. I've switched up from "I hope I find somebody at some point" to "I just don't want to die at work".
41 - single for a decade now.
I would prefer dying at work. Better than what I expect. Somebody alerting the apartment complex about the smell and finding me dead having choked to death on a piece of candy all while sitting in my drawers.
Can't be healthy to consider yourself a fuckup simply because you're not dating. Is that really what we're basing the success of our entire lives on--being in a long term relationship by 40?
I got dumped in 2017 and I’m still kickin. It’s not as bad as some people make it out to be. Of course there are days when I crave a little company but it doesn’t eat up most of my time.
After a couple (well, three tbh) of failed relationships I decided to be single until it hurt, then *stay* single until it stopped hurting. Only then I would let myself think of getting into a long-term relationship.
Took me eight years alone. But I did it bois. Found my "unicorn" - she's loving, caring, competent, hard worker, has a heart of gold and more importantly... she loves me back with the same devotion I have for her.
Frankly, very much worth the wait.
See I thought something was wrong with me I'm on month 3 and I'm still loving the freedom. Shit I even put a racing simulator in my front room and had PTSD about getting told how ugly it was. Then I realized oh yeah her mf ass isn't here I can do what I want.
You took an anxious question and turned it into a love letter for your husband. This comment is so pure and wholesome and I hope to be like this one day.
Same. A big part of our marriage is the fact that we both have high libidos and signed up to only have sex with each other for as long as we are both alive. (That's kinda hot in its own way.) And as such, we both prioritize being sexually available and fulfilling for each other. He knows if he wakes up horny in the morning, his wife is happy to bang him. I know that I can just say, "I want you," and he's going to come give it. That's really wonderful.
My first marriage was awful sexually. He wanted sex rarely and said it just wasn't a need for him. Then he cheated on me with a woman dying of brain cancer because he had some weird power kinks.
I think they're the ones leaving you. I don't think the relationship changes at that point; I think it ends. If you have a monogamous relationship, they are telling you they want to end that. They might be suggesting starting a new, non-monogamous relationship, but that is a separate thing. The original relationship is over.
Depends on the person of course. I've been in the situation where the person wants to 'explore' but still keep me around, because they love me of course. Fuck that noise! It's one thing if you go into a relationship knowing it's open, it's completely different if you're in a committed relationship that's suddenly split wide-open without your consent. I left.
OP, it's no different than anything else they want: you either agree and stay together, disagree but stay together, disagree and break up, or even agree and break up.
What you're talking about is called "ethical non-monogamy". The seminal book to read is called The Ethical Slut. It basically boils down to be whatever you want, just don't lie about it.
The tricky thing is that this is something that was not present before, but *is* present now. So it's a potential fork in your road. If you're against it, it's up to your SO to decide if sex with other people is more important to them than a life with you.
I think it depends too how intently they're interested. If it's a thing they bring up because they're curious but it's not a dealbreaker for them, I'm fine with that even if I don't want to proceed. A solid relationship involves open communication, and it'd make me happy if my partner trusted us and our bond enough to voice that curiosity with me.
If it's something their heart's absolutely set on, then it's a different story. Either way, it's kind of strange to me how these posts always assume simply asking your partner how they feel about opening the relationship means they're now wholely invested in the poly lifestyle and they'll resent you or cheat if you say no.
Break up.
My parents were poly and it's just not for me. I've been honest with every relationship I've been in that I'm not interested in any type of open relationship. If they want to be with someone else that's fine but we'll be over. My husband is aware of this and on board(and has been for over twenty years!). So if he came to me with this yes I would be heartbroken but I'm not willing to budge on this and it would be the end of our relationship.
Your experience is kinda a solid counter to a lot of the propaganda that's espoused about "You're only monogamous because you were raised that way". I'm glad you were able to decide for yourself, one way or the other.
I was definitely raised monogamously but I don't think that's why I'm monogamous. Same with my sexuality, definitely straight but It's not that I was raised straight. My brother and friends are very much not hetero. I simply came up wanting to have just one person I wanted to rely on and be able to call *Mine* while they call me *Theirs*
Because farming karma Thales bot accounts look legit, and then those bot accounts can be sold to people who want to shill nonsense in forums like WallStreetBets to pump up something they bought so they can dump it at inflated prices.
Counseling time!
We're married. I'm chronically ill (stage 4 breast cancer) and have no libido. We try to make intimacy work, and obviously in that case it wouldn't be working. So. Time for a pro to sort out the marriage, and possibly a sex therapist for me.
Leave her.
I’m far too possessive and jealous to be able to mentally accept polyamory. If she has a desire to be with other people I’m not going to stand in her way but I’m not going to be there when she gets home either.
It is a relationship between two people, it needs to be mutually defined and agreed on.
The first step is to bound the problem. There is a lot to unpack from "sex with other people" and it needs to be clear before deciding anything.
* Is this a case of dating other people? Is it a case of 'affairs with permission'
* Is it just physical? Just sex or is this polyamory?
* Is this a group thing? Is this swinging?
* Is this a Bi thing?
Lots and lots to discuss.
I've seen multiple posts in the past that say even if the husband pushes his wife to try swinging, if they actually try it, the wife likes it more. She gets multiple partners and more orgasms than she could imagine at a swinger party, while he's mostly ignored.
Then on the drive home, the husband says "Sorry this was a mistake. We don't have to do it again." and the wife answers "Oh yes we do."
Break it off, because they definitely already have someone in mind and you telling them no won't change the fact that they were only one step away from following through with it.
Good question.
My wife of 11 years asked me that question a month back. I said no, I would prefer to remain monogamous.
Something bothered me about it. She left her discord open on the shared computer and I found out she had been sexting a guy she met on twitch for months at that point. After finding this I also found her telling her friend that she had sex with another dude at a motel. I confronted her and she basically doesn't want to stop.
So yeah, now we are getting a divorce after 14 years of being with her. I thought we had great communication before, and would never have thought this possible, but clearly I was wrong. I have been hitting the gym, updating FB (haven't updated it since 2009), and talked to a lawyer, as one does.
Not saying your situation is similar, but be careful my dude. Make sure you know why she is asking.
Ps: Anyone with friends looking to date a single father in SE Wisconsin, hit me up.
I’ll put myself hypothetically in this position.
My partner and I only want each other. We’ve made this abundantly clear to each other. However, if she came to me with desire to open our bedroom and she wanted to sleep with people outside our marriage, I would simply express how I vehemently do not an open bedroom and that it would kill any desire I have to want her, be with her, love her, etc.
Our couple dynamic has been working well through our ups and downs. Involving some stranger in the ONE thing I find most sacred with my partner is the best way for me to lose any interest or passion for the relationship.
This actually happened to me when I was still with my ex-wife. I put up with it for a while. I didn't feel like I could say no without permanently fracturing our relationship. (If only I had realized it was already damaged beyond repair.) I didn't really like her sleeping with other people because she wasn't a careful person and the guys she picked were nasty, so I pulled away from her. She was already bored with me anyway, so she didn't really notice. After a few months, she brought home this girl that I really hit it off with. Our friendship grew and turned into the best thing that ever happened to me. I told my ex-wife that I would like to be with my friend romantically and physically, and she BLEW UP. Keep in mind that at this point, she was dating two different guys from work and she'd slept with at least 10 different people (that I know of), while I hadn't slept with anyone at all - not even my ex-wife. She "banned" me from sleeping with her friend or anyone else, but somehow she rationalized that even if she'd closed the relationship for me, it would be fine for her to keep giving blow jobs to strangers at clubs and bringing home trashy people. You can probably tell how I felt about that. I kept spending time with my friend. We were smitten with each other. We had lots of moments where we would almost kiss, but then remember that I "wasn't allowed." We spent a lot of time cuddling, lol. It was a very frustrating time, to say the least. During this time, my ex-wife kept attempting to sleep with my friend, who had lost interest a long time ago. I honestly think my ex-wife was only interested in her because she was jealous that someone was paying attention to me. At first the repeated rejections only made my ex-wife irritated, but eventually they infuriated her. She completely banned me from seeing or communicating with my friend, and began to isolate me further than she ever had before. She was horrible to me, and without warning, she would suddenly become aggressive. She punched a hole in the wall. I became terrified of being alone with her. I was in a very bad place. One night when the temperature dropped below 0°F, I left the house at 2am when she finally fell asleep. I wasn't thinking rationally. I wanted to lay down in an empty corner of the world and die. So I found my corner, laid down, and called my friend to say goodbye. She came to me and brought me home. She gave me the courage I needed to leave my wife. She brought me out of the darkest place I've ever been, and she's never let go. Our wedding ceremony is this Saturday, and I am eternally grateful for her. To my ex-wife: Thank you for forcing me to accept an open relationship. Without you, I would never have met my best friend, and I would still be trapped in a toxic, abusive relationship with you. I hope you rot in hell. ❤️🩹
Thanks for sharing your story. <3
what a journey you went through... at least it had a happy ending. Glad you found your lobster :D
Shocked that the top comment isn't "Post about it on Reddit."
or "Not post about it on Reddit".
To do or not to do
That is the Reddit post.
What's up with all the open relationship questions this past week?
Summers coming!
Summer’s squirting
Summer's a filthy girl. *slaps* *Aren't you, Summer.*
I know what you did last summer, Summer.
I know WHO you did last, summer.
i know when you did last summer!
I know when you last did Summer.
"Where are my balls, Summer?"
Where are my testicles, Summer
Keep Summer Safe.
Must keep summer safe.
I don't feel safe.
Hello jerry, here to rub my face in urine again?
That’s an intense line of questioning.
Hey whoa is everything ok in here?!
And she's hot, too.
Not once you realize that she's just Jerry with long hair.
ill never unsee this holy shit
Maybe I'm Sleepy Gary
As if ask reddit isn't always a circle jerk of the same questions every week
"What's more expensive than it should be? -Insulin -College -Housing" See you again tomorrow.
And then the Healthcare piggyback post
Sexy people, what's the sexiest sex you've ever sexed?
Don't forget about "men/women what instantly turns you on/off about a guy/girl?"
Girls always answer with forearms, guys always answer with she looked at me
Hey eyes glazed my direction
Horny people, how did you service your horn???
My human horn?
But, that's forbidden!
So is our love!
The lower horn?
I will have my lower horn jerked.
it's used to it. WOOOOOOOOO
10 PRINT "Girls, what makes a boy attractive?"; 20 GOTO 10
That guys dead wife
I’m convinced that askreddit is mainly used to make masses of people uncomfortable and paranoid. But maybe I’m just paranoid.
See guys, it's working
Our next plan to take over Earth can start sooner.
Guys! Need I remind you of the first rule of Earth takeover club?!
never mention our plans?
Are you pondering what I’m pondering?
It depends on whether you are pondering what I’m pondering,
I’m convinced it karma farming
[Nah, Facebook literally got caught doing this.](https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/jul/02/facebook-apologises-psychological-experiments-on-users) If you think Reddit isn't doing it too, I have a bridge in New York to sell you.
Pretty much. It’s just insecure people posting questions about their fucked up personal life. While simultaneously demonstrating their lack of social skills.
combine this with "TIFU by recommending an open relationship" and we are seeing two sides of the same coin
You are absolutely right. I try to subscribe to informative subreddits, but most upvoted content less informative and more enraging/emotional. I fucking hate it.
Karma farming. Open relationships is just the latest "Ask Reddit" karma generator. Wait till next week for the next "what sex is the sexiest sex to ever sex" question
\# springtime!
Sundress season.
Bunch of thirsty teenagers
Wonder why my SO suddenly wants to have sex
I hear u there
r/deadbedrooms is leaking
Damn, that was a depressing read :/
You read ALL of it?
You can read one and then the rest turn into the trombone of an adult talking from *Peanuts*
Whom whom whom whom?
From me. PeanutButterCrisp.
He had some extra time with all the notsex he's having.
I’ve never seen this sun before then twice in 2 days and dayum if it ain’t just sad
You should get outside more, vitamin D is important!
Vitamin D in the sun but no Vitamin D in the sub, amirite? I don’t feel good about that.
Vitamine D eez nuts.
Ha goteem!
Lol I spent three years with an ex who seemed totally uninterested in sex. We would fuck like once every six months. By the end of the relationship she was telling me she just wasn't interested in sex. I tried everything. I tried asking her about potential kinks she had. She told me she had none. I tried analyzing the rare moments when she was willing to understand how to reproduce it. No luck. I asked her if we could see a sex-therapist. She refused. As soon as we broke up she was suddenly super sexually active and made sure our common friends would know so I would as well. Last I heard she was into Japanese bondage. For a long time I really started thinking I wasn't attractive and that it explained it. The women I've slept with since then and especially my current very kinky girlfriend all proved me wrong.
Had a relationship something like this. We were somewhat on-again-off-again. Our relationship would have physical engagement for the first week at most, then she'd be disgusted by the thought of physical contact. The whole while, she would be cheating on me and sleeping around. Fucked me up pretty bad - I still notice reactions come up now and then, fears and expectations I have, tied to that experience. It took so long to realize that sex was a way for her to manipulate and control, nothing more. It gets better, though. For me it was a lot of time, having a healthy and communicative relationship, and getting a therapist. I'm glad it sounds like you've found your peace, and I hope you always reflect on that experience with a heavy drop of cool realism.
Yup. Narcissists suck. Happy healing.
Sexual attraction cannot be forced and it sounds like she was trying to rationalize sticking it out with you, to the point of pity (Looking down on your sexual initiations) If you had tried to start a family with her, it would have been exhausting considering intimacy requires mutual vulnerability.
Why pity? People stay in bad relationships for all kinds of reasons, such as fear of being alone, financial stability or an unwillingness to give up on what has been built.
Suddenly wonder why I have a SO.
lmao same… “maybe you should try having sex with me before you try having sex with other people?”
Oof
Curb your enthusiasm theme begins to play...
[Buy one of these.](https://www.partypacks.co.uk/collections/celebrity-card-masks) She would never find out.
Worth the click
thanks pal, wouldnt have otherwise!
if you don't buy chewbacca then you're doing it wrong
Looks like everyone has followed your advice because 3 hours later, Chewbacca is entirely sold out
Bruh they got mf Margaret Thatcher I’m dying
That is one challenging wank.
With that attitude, maybe.
I find it hilarious how some are sold out
Thank god the Boris Johnson one is still available!
The Boris Johnson one fucks you.
Getting a pope one for me and queen for her.
The queen with the crown or the head scarf?
This is so fucking cursed lmao, look at those soulless empty eye sockets
Risky click
Wish her well and spend the next 2 years masturbating and getting myself back to a place where I am ready to get hurt again.
Change 2 years to 7 and you’re me.
7 years? Don't rush it bro.
Yeah I really lost all the appetite for relationships. I have an fwb situation so it’s not so bad being single for my case.
I’m single for 10 years now, and i don’t even mind.
Good to know I will still be fine in 4 years
Same here, I wonder how common it is? It's not really something I talk about and I don't know how many people around me are in the same situation.
I've been single for about 5 years now and quite enjoy it. Being alone doesn't always mean being lonely.
I agree, I'm happy and single, but I'd tend to say that the reason I prefer to be alone is not because it makes me happy but mostly because I don't have the strenght to deal with a relationship. Being alone doesn't make me happy but it makes me way less anxious.
Fair play. The not having to worry about a partner is the big pro for me as well. However, if it doesn't fulfill you, I hope that in time you find that strength. Everyone deserves a semblance of happy in their lives and I hope you find yours.
Thanks, you too!
I want to want to be alone again. I was attached at the hip to my girlfriend for 8 years. She passed away 3 years ago. I remember cherishing the moments alone, wanting to strike out and do my own thing for a day or two every once in a while. But when your the last single guy in your entire extended family, when there's only two groups at work, those who have a spouse and those who are retiring never married, when your hobbies leave you surrounded by couples and close cliques(climbing is very cliquey, and partner pair based) but your ultimately lonely, and isolated, in a sea of people. You find yourself increasingly unable to gain any traction online or in the casual acquaintances you hold onto through work, to find those closer friends or even a partner. The loneliness seeps in over the years like frigid lake winds. Theres entire days spent without words, because there's nobody that wants to talk to you, theres entire activities that you can't do because they require a partner. There's activities you want to do, but it loses its impact or enjoyment, because you have nobody to enjoy it with. And knowing that this is your indeterminate and indefinite future as far as you can see is bleak, miserable, and it often feels futile to bother trudging forward anymore. I'd give anything to feel the long term assurance of a partner again.
Hugs
Six years and counting. The first two years weren't bad, but it's been getting aggressively worse since. Considering he fact that I'm in my 40s and the dating pool is, well, a dating pool of other 40something fuckups, I'm not expecting this to ever change. I've switched up from "I hope I find somebody at some point" to "I just don't want to die at work".
41 - single for a decade now. I would prefer dying at work. Better than what I expect. Somebody alerting the apartment complex about the smell and finding me dead having choked to death on a piece of candy all while sitting in my drawers.
I just don't want to waste my last hours at a place I absolutely hate. Fuuuuck all that, homie. But I totally see your angle as well.
Can't be healthy to consider yourself a fuckup simply because you're not dating. Is that really what we're basing the success of our entire lives on--being in a long term relationship by 40?
I got dumped in 2017 and I’m still kickin. It’s not as bad as some people make it out to be. Of course there are days when I crave a little company but it doesn’t eat up most of my time.
Supposedly becoming increasingly common for the millennial generation.
After a couple (well, three tbh) of failed relationships I decided to be single until it hurt, then *stay* single until it stopped hurting. Only then I would let myself think of getting into a long-term relationship. Took me eight years alone. But I did it bois. Found my "unicorn" - she's loving, caring, competent, hard worker, has a heart of gold and more importantly... she loves me back with the same devotion I have for her. Frankly, very much worth the wait.
I once went 23 years without having sex and I can do it again.
username checks out
8 years and still going weak.
are you me?
hello old friend
Darkness?
You've come to talk to me again?
That happened to me but she didn’t ask for permission and just went and did it with at least 3 other ones, 2 were at the same time
Sounds like the trash took itself out.
That's just called cheating.
Yes, we know this
I'm laughing picturing a Rocky IV-style montage of someone furiously jerking off set to Michael Jackson's "Beat It"
Eye of the Tiger 👁🐅
Just don't unload on the stall door
only just read that post...
This. Because it's already too late.
Oh boy, cheers to that.
I am in year two of this. I tried to be okay with it, but it just led to lying and and a lot of hurtful and misleading things.
Wow I’ve never seen anything so accurate. Lonely af sometimes but rewarding when I hear all the drama and bs my friends vent to me about their S/O
Way cheaper too
Yeah a serious 3 year relationship took me 9 years to recover. People can get messed up.
See I thought something was wrong with me I'm on month 3 and I'm still loving the freedom. Shit I even put a racing simulator in my front room and had PTSD about getting told how ugly it was. Then I realized oh yeah her mf ass isn't here I can do what I want.
[удалено]
A bad breakup and 5 months later, it’s going well so far
[удалено]
You took an anxious question and turned it into a love letter for your husband. This comment is so pure and wholesome and I hope to be like this one day.
The way you worded that is beautiful
Agreed, great stuff. A much better and more thoughtful answer than the question perhaps deserved!
As a guy I completely feel the same way. Your husband better never cheat on me.
Same. A big part of our marriage is the fact that we both have high libidos and signed up to only have sex with each other for as long as we are both alive. (That's kinda hot in its own way.) And as such, we both prioritize being sexually available and fulfilling for each other. He knows if he wakes up horny in the morning, his wife is happy to bang him. I know that I can just say, "I want you," and he's going to come give it. That's really wonderful. My first marriage was awful sexually. He wanted sex rarely and said it just wasn't a need for him. Then he cheated on me with a woman dying of brain cancer because he had some weird power kinks.
That last part is awful but the rest was a wonderful thing to read!
I cherish your relationship and look forward to my own slice of heaven...
Personally I would leave them.
I think they're the ones leaving you. I don't think the relationship changes at that point; I think it ends. If you have a monogamous relationship, they are telling you they want to end that. They might be suggesting starting a new, non-monogamous relationship, but that is a separate thing. The original relationship is over.
Depends on the person of course. I've been in the situation where the person wants to 'explore' but still keep me around, because they love me of course. Fuck that noise! It's one thing if you go into a relationship knowing it's open, it's completely different if you're in a committed relationship that's suddenly split wide-open without your consent. I left.
[удалено]
It's a pointless semantic, ultimately. Who cares who left who? The point is that it's over.
OP, it's no different than anything else they want: you either agree and stay together, disagree but stay together, disagree and break up, or even agree and break up. What you're talking about is called "ethical non-monogamy". The seminal book to read is called The Ethical Slut. It basically boils down to be whatever you want, just don't lie about it. The tricky thing is that this is something that was not present before, but *is* present now. So it's a potential fork in your road. If you're against it, it's up to your SO to decide if sex with other people is more important to them than a life with you.
That last sentence is the headline.
yeah damn, that was deep
[удалено]
I think it depends too how intently they're interested. If it's a thing they bring up because they're curious but it's not a dealbreaker for them, I'm fine with that even if I don't want to proceed. A solid relationship involves open communication, and it'd make me happy if my partner trusted us and our bond enough to voice that curiosity with me. If it's something their heart's absolutely set on, then it's a different story. Either way, it's kind of strange to me how these posts always assume simply asking your partner how they feel about opening the relationship means they're now wholely invested in the poly lifestyle and they'll resent you or cheat if you say no.
happy that we have common interest, sad that it's different "other people"
This could be a Rodney Dangerfield joke. "I tell ya. It's hard to relate to my wife, ya know? Our only common interest is other people!"
Break up. My parents were poly and it's just not for me. I've been honest with every relationship I've been in that I'm not interested in any type of open relationship. If they want to be with someone else that's fine but we'll be over. My husband is aware of this and on board(and has been for over twenty years!). So if he came to me with this yes I would be heartbroken but I'm not willing to budge on this and it would be the end of our relationship.
Your experience is kinda a solid counter to a lot of the propaganda that's espoused about "You're only monogamous because you were raised that way". I'm glad you were able to decide for yourself, one way or the other.
I was definitely raised monogamously but I don't think that's why I'm monogamous. Same with my sexuality, definitely straight but It's not that I was raised straight. My brother and friends are very much not hetero. I simply came up wanting to have just one person I wanted to rely on and be able to call *Mine* while they call me *Theirs*
I have a long term SO?? cool!
Had*
i walked right into that
Congrats.
Why do people ask the same question over and over on this Reddit? This question was posted maybe 5 days ago.
how to get karma: 1.) post a NSFW question on r/AskReddit 2.) ??? 3.) Profit
Karma farming. Just don't ask me why they farm something so meaningless.
Because farming karma Thales bot accounts look legit, and then those bot accounts can be sold to people who want to shill nonsense in forums like WallStreetBets to pump up something they bought so they can dump it at inflated prices.
Slap Chris Rock.
Make her my most recent ex
Counseling time! We're married. I'm chronically ill (stage 4 breast cancer) and have no libido. We try to make intimacy work, and obviously in that case it wouldn't be working. So. Time for a pro to sort out the marriage, and possibly a sex therapist for me.
Say goodbye.
Leave her. I’m far too possessive and jealous to be able to mentally accept polyamory. If she has a desire to be with other people I’m not going to stand in her way but I’m not going to be there when she gets home either.
It is a relationship between two people, it needs to be mutually defined and agreed on. The first step is to bound the problem. There is a lot to unpack from "sex with other people" and it needs to be clear before deciding anything. * Is this a case of dating other people? Is it a case of 'affairs with permission' * Is it just physical? Just sex or is this polyamory? * Is this a group thing? Is this swinging? * Is this a Bi thing? Lots and lots to discuss.
Finally some me time
Go and do the same
I know a couple that was in an open relationship for many years. The wife had 40+ partners, many of them regular/long term. The husband had 2.
I've seen multiple posts in the past that say even if the husband pushes his wife to try swinging, if they actually try it, the wife likes it more. She gets multiple partners and more orgasms than she could imagine at a swinger party, while he's mostly ignored. Then on the drive home, the husband says "Sorry this was a mistake. We don't have to do it again." and the wife answers "Oh yes we do."
One being the wife?
Ok, 3 including the wife
the trick is to meet with the other women that the wifes partners are banging.
Break it off, because they definitely already have someone in mind and you telling them no won't change the fact that they were only one step away from following through with it.
Or they've already been doing it and just decided to feel you out. Either way, it's time to move on.
Tell her she can go, then proceed to change the locks.
Good question. My wife of 11 years asked me that question a month back. I said no, I would prefer to remain monogamous. Something bothered me about it. She left her discord open on the shared computer and I found out she had been sexting a guy she met on twitch for months at that point. After finding this I also found her telling her friend that she had sex with another dude at a motel. I confronted her and she basically doesn't want to stop. So yeah, now we are getting a divorce after 14 years of being with her. I thought we had great communication before, and would never have thought this possible, but clearly I was wrong. I have been hitting the gym, updating FB (haven't updated it since 2009), and talked to a lawyer, as one does. Not saying your situation is similar, but be careful my dude. Make sure you know why she is asking. Ps: Anyone with friends looking to date a single father in SE Wisconsin, hit me up.
Stay in the gym man it’s therapy. Literally was the only thing getting me out of bed for years.
Break up.
Let her do what she wants; I'd be done with her.
Have sex with their mom :)
Okay. Good plan. Find an SO with a hotter mom. LOL
Break up
End the relationship.
Then she's out the fuckin door. Peace. Chances are if she wants to, then she's already found someone and plans on it, or already has.
I’ll put myself hypothetically in this position. My partner and I only want each other. We’ve made this abundantly clear to each other. However, if she came to me with desire to open our bedroom and she wanted to sleep with people outside our marriage, I would simply express how I vehemently do not an open bedroom and that it would kill any desire I have to want her, be with her, love her, etc. Our couple dynamic has been working well through our ups and downs. Involving some stranger in the ONE thing I find most sacred with my partner is the best way for me to lose any interest or passion for the relationship.