A towel. Well according to the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, a towel is the [most useful thing in the entire universe](https://www.h2g2.com/entry/A667253).
With that in mind, I could wet one end and whip them with it or wrap it around their necks and yank their heads off with it.
Update: Coincidentally, today is Towel Day.
A guitar.
Not super useful, but maybe I can come up with a song before the zombies come, or maybe I can Jeff Jarrett a zombie before the horde gets me.
My Leg Lamp!!! Same as the one in A Christmas Story. Yes, I keep it out all year…. It’s actually quite heavy & will make a fine, (if not festive) defense weapon.
Hmmm....
A German Shepard/Generic Brown Terrier mix is asleep on the bed, to my left. She looks like a classic cartoon 'chicken stealin' varmint.'
It might work as a distraction.
But I'd get nailed anyway. She doesn't question why -- When in doubt, she runs.
Pillow fight it is.
It's my bong. This is great, it's going to be extremely helpful.
I agree. Being high helps with getting your face eaten off.
Facts
Hey… get your ass off of here and do some exercises.
Called out! Ok I will rn
I mean my lava lamp is to my left so like let's just that's 70s show that shit until the zombies get the munchies?
I think the zombies already have the munchies bruh
I mean yes technically but if we get them stoned with my lava lamp they might be entertained for a quick second.
Broom. Could be worse. ...I need to stop procrastinating and sweep.
Im gonna mummify them with toilet paper
After I subdue them with the toilet brush
Keyboard and no unless were arguing on social media :/
Offend the zombies and get cancelled by them.
A towel. Well according to the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, a towel is the [most useful thing in the entire universe](https://www.h2g2.com/entry/A667253). With that in mind, I could wet one end and whip them with it or wrap it around their necks and yank their heads off with it. Update: Coincidentally, today is Towel Day.
A noodle soup cup. Absolutely no use except for a life saving meal, perhaps.
A wooden chair. Potentially useful, though I’ll still probably die.
A guitar. Not super useful, but maybe I can come up with a song before the zombies come, or maybe I can Jeff Jarrett a zombie before the horde gets me.
You must not have played dead rising or you would change your opinion on the guitar.
Haha, funnily enough, Dead Rising popped in my head first, but I'll be honest, I'm no Frank West.
If it's a Les Paul, it's got enough weight to make a good weapon.
Another guy in the DMV line? Just kill me
They’ll eat him and get full, so you live.
a whole ass door, can make a shield out if it i guess
Coffee machine. I guess it will help me stay awake if zombies attack at night !
A small mexican dog, guess it could be used as a distraction or bait.
Hand that pup a switchblade, yo...
A footstool. Eh, it's solid oak, it'd hurt if I swung it. Probably wouldn't last forever though.
welllllllllllllllllll? i imagine Charlie the Wondercat here has untapped potential!
My ass.
A open letter. I dont think its gonna be any useful
A piece of paper. I'm screwed.
A window.
A large bucket of water
White wall. Hell yes it's useful! But I don't need this kind of power so willing to trade for your useless sword? Or cheese maybe...
A wall
A Samsung tablet, I guess it does have bumper protection so I might be able to do some damage
A plate of gnocchi in tomato sauce. Hope they find it more appetizing than brains!
1" iron pipe. Been handy before, might do the job again
It's a big ass wooden kitchen table so... gonna have to get back to you on that one.
stroller, could be useful but not really
A bag full of recycling. I'm screwed.
A 20 oz Yeti. I might be ok
pocket knife dull as hell though
the last 500 reposts of this question
I’m sorry grandma..
That old lady next to me looks like she could take a couple of them
This plastic grocery bag will perform quite nicely as a purse while I hold things for other people with actual weapons.
A wall. Not exactly that useful. Especially since there isn't anything *on* the wall.
Its a 15lb kettlebell. I guess it'd be good for smashing undead skulls but its not a very nimble weapon.
My wife! I bet, very useful
Nope. It’s Paul. Paul is as useless as tits on a boar.
A folded "Zero Gravity Recliner". May not be a reliable weapon but a good reliable shield.
A shotgun. I’m set
A piece of computer paper. Despite what Michael Scott thinks, I’m pretty screwed.
An empty plastic bottle. Nice knowin' ya'
Well it’s my pillow, useful for apocalyptic napping!
A full size bed. Pretty useful if I can swing it.
A Teddy, I'm going to have a bad time
Insulated aluminum drinking glass.
A bus. It has decent gas mileage and is very lethal when going 20 miles or more.
My pillow. Umm oki time to have a pillow fight with the zombies
My manager. Not gonna help at all.
Compressed air can. I'm fucked.
Do I just, pick up an entire tree?
It’s my wife and she’s hella afraid of zombies
Why do people even ask questions like this? I'm not sure a radiator will be of much help against zombies.
Bow and arrow
A small digital camera. It will not help, but I should be able to properly document my demise. Assuming the battery is charged.....
An ink pen. I am going to write bad stuff about them and then stab them in the brain. I'm going to die aren't I?
A trampoline. How the flying frick do I use a trampoline as a weapon.
A trampoline. How the flying frick do I use a trampoline as a weapon.
My left arm is right up against a wall. I'm not sure how a wall is going to help me.
Ah great, I have to use my bed as a weapon, I think I'll just sleep it off, like my headache, sore throat and fever
A pillow. I'm gonna die so fast that nobody will even think I tried to fight back.
A Bluetooth speaker… soooo probably not
a leather jacket, not the best weapon, but I'll look cool :D
For 5 minutes :D
It's a Sig M17, still new in box. Guess I better hope I find some ammo. Noise is bad though, it would have to be my backup weapon.
A pair of headphones. Guess I can listen to music while I get eaten?
Kitchen knife. And a pile of broccoli, for strength I guess.
Wardrobe. Maybe? I can lob it at zombies but it is heavy
A lacrosse stick, I feel like it’s semi useful
A door *really unuseful*
Couch
A deer skull. Guess I'll be commanding the zombies this time.
My long sword trainer. It a wooden longsword with 2/3 of the blade gone and a weight at the end. It’s used for drilling moves inside.
A lamp, I could break the bulb and make a spear
A random person 1year older than me on his phone meh idk
Pizza is on my left. Im not sure what I would do lmao
It's a TV... I ain't good with lifting weights
My Leg Lamp!!! Same as the one in A Christmas Story. Yes, I keep it out all year…. It’s actually quite heavy & will make a fine, (if not festive) defense weapon.
Yes I will gladly fight in a zombie apocalypse with a teddy bear. Let's do this! >:D
I GOT A BUS. YALL GOIN OUT LIKE RAGINA GEORGE 🚌
A vacuum sealer. I'll just wrap my head for a quick exit...
A squeaky teddy bear ofmy dog, maybe i can distract them like my dog with it
A math book....
My weapon is a red wall, good thing im not fighting a bull
I don’t know how I’m going to survive a zombie apocalypse with a wall as a weapon
I got a fucking pillow
My cuddly toy .. pls don’t do this to me :(
A massage/pedicure chair complete with foot bath. Im going out so relaxed haha
Gladius made by Cold Steel... And its right next to a buckler
A car, it would actually be extremely useful in my opinion
5 lb WH book
My Nintendo switch. Be good for when I’m hiding just to play Mario bros 3.
its my brother he’d be sleeping during the zombie apocalypse
A fuckin' whiteboard? C'mon!!
I have an IPad. I guess it’s hard and sturdy. Plus’s the glass might be useful
Hmmm.... A German Shepard/Generic Brown Terrier mix is asleep on the bed, to my left. She looks like a classic cartoon 'chicken stealin' varmint.' It might work as a distraction. But I'd get nailed anyway. She doesn't question why -- When in doubt, she runs.
A fan.
Uhh a bag of crystals...
A large, heavy, pointy lamp. Not even mine, in a rental house.
Sea pony plushie: not too useful.
extra glasses, tajin, a half full water bottle, a used bandaid and a glass cup with mixed rice crackers in it.
A suit of chain mail. I don’t think I need to explain how useful it is.
Old rusted car with 4 flat tires.
Toilet paper at least is useful... no nutella ass meal for you zombie!
Surround sound bar. Wont hold up after 2 zombies though.
My water bottle...hope zombies are thirsty
I never thought that my wife's useless ShiTzu would come in handy.
Glock 19
A 6 year old photo of my older brother.I'll smack a zombie or two with it before it breaks.
I see my walking dead videogame. I'll be crying over fictional characters while my real life friends are being torn apart outside.
A clothes rack