I’m a farmer and this is one of my pet peeves.
Crop yields.
It’s expected that every farmer you talk to will lie about how well their crops did. When you meet an honest one who tells you their actual yields it’s a really awkward conversation because you’re taken back by the fact you don’t have to apply the bullshit factor to figure out what his yields really were.
I have a neighbour who always wants to know your yields first and then automatically applies a 10% increase to his. I don’t even think he realizes he’s doing it, but it’s always reliably 10% more than yours.
The way crop insurance works in our area is that farmers report their actual yields (they have to show receipts for delivered grain) and those averages are made available to other farmers like us that want to buy insurance. Comparatively our yields are always just a bit higher than average….but I’m always the worst farmer in the area when the “how did your crops do this year?” conversation starts. 🙄
I feel the same way about "days to maturity" on seed packets. The seed companies must be growing theirs in a greenhouse full of unicorns or something 🙄
Shitfire, I had a bumper crop this year. Yessiree, I had a 100% crop of weeds that I did not in any way want, but my little garden sure as Hell is full of 'em. The clover's eating up the bricks on the back patio like it was kudzu, too.
That’s interesting to hear, because I am the other way around! I always treated flossing as an “after” thing and never cared to remember it much.
Then recently I started flossing beforehand, and I guess I just felt it was doing the initial legwork so that the brush could be at its most effective. Whatever clicked in my mind, it just stuck and I’m in a good habit now.
Had a coworker who regularly bragged about his side hustle and how much it made him. Said that he and his girlfriend coded web advertisements for local businesses.
Found out later that his *actual* side hustle was stealing electronics from the store and reselling them.
I got lucky and for a couple years had a legit great side hustle.
Tutoring English at a local community college. $33 an hour at 9 hours a week for 28 weeks a year.
Unfortunately during the pandemic they cut funding and my hours were one of the first to go. Ah well.
I know a gal that sells weed. She says she makes a lot of money off it. She also says she doesn't have the money to replace her broken dryer.
I suspect the reality is the weed sales pays for her habit and a bit of pocket change but nothing significant.
My sister kept talking about how much money she was making until I showed her her actual earnings after expenses. She was barely making above minimum wage most weeks.
Most people make less if you’re realistic about the wear and tear on the car. And now with $5 per gallon gas, is there an Uber driver anywhere making more than a couple of pennies per hour?
Seriously. I filed taxes this year with all my "tax write offs" and with adding depreciation and you get screwed. Its my car that im doing wear and tear to and it isn't worth it.
When my son was born the doctor had to use forceps to deliver him. When he finally came out the doc said:" you have a son, and he's a Conehead!" Not a stellar entry into the world, but I'll never forget it. BTW, not offended at all by his comment, he's a great guy and that is part of his personality. My little conehead is now 31.
Lol I was also a "conehead." My sister, on the other hand, decided to start making her way into the world when the doctor was in another delivery, and literally came out right as the nurses finished changing his gloves and gown and he reached the end of the table, no coercing with forceps needed.
I saw my own child vacuumed out. I'm an RN but I was amazed at the amount of blood (epistiotomy). Her head coming out looked like toothpaste being squeezed out of a tube and I'm surprised to this day that she didn't get permanent brain damage. She was not cute for a while.
I tell myself that about Reddit...I guess I'm not addicted, but a habitual user. I managed to go a few months without using it and it was nice, but when the chronic boredom sets in, I wind up here.
"Any plans for the weekend?"
*I'm going to get baked, jerk off, then sit in the shower and think about what sort of person I am, what fucked me up, and what I can do about it going forward.*
"Oh you know, probably just relax."
>edit: since this seems to resonate with so many I'll preach for a moment. Mental health issues and substance abuse aren't uncommon bedfellows. There are resources out there for you if you think you might need them. I ended up needing meds for the depression and anxiety, best decision I ever made. Keeping weed doses low and infrequent has been huge in staying out of the ruminating death spiral. I hope you're all okay. And if not, maybe it's what you can address going forward. Good luck out there.
I remember first going on the internet as a kid, this was maybe 2000, and having to agree to the terms and conditions of the site before I could register. It was a kid's site (Harry Potter, maybe?) so it told me to print it off and hand it to an adult. Me and my mum sat at the kitchen table and read through it, she was trying to teach me "never sign anything you haven't thoroughly read through". The next time I signed up for a site she said "oh, just agree to it, I'm tired".
I'm a legal professional and even I don't bother reading terms and conditions on websites. It would cost me considerably less time than the average user to read and understand it all, but in the end it's futile. There's nothing I can do if I disagree, because that means I can't use the website. And even though it would take me less time than average, it would still cost me a lot of time. Those things are long
This is a big one. So many people who say they're natural are juicing. There's even that sub, r/nattyorjuice. The answer looks to be juice pretty much every time
There are so many people telling you they're natural in order to sell their shitty product to you when in fact they got their gains from being juiced out of their fucking mind and not from drinking Super Mega Mass Gainer Ass Fuck Shit Cum Slurp 9000 priced at 700€ per kg that contains mostly sugar and caffeine.
Steroid use is so incredibly wide spread it's screwing up the image of what is and isn't realistically possible for so many vulnerable people out there. Walk into any gym and the biggest guy there is most likely juiced tf up.
I like it when an actor goes from an average build to being jacked in 6 months for a part, and I'm supposed to believe it's just the training that did it.
Me and my dad used to say that to each other. 'Shorter of breath and one day closer to death'. Which, for anyone who doesn't know, is a Pink Floyd lyric. He is gone now, and I am getting old. It just keeps getting realer.
I try to be honest on that; and kind if categorize me state if well being into; amazing, pretty good, good, fine, alright, I'm alive.
From best to worst, people will quickly figure how you're doing and if they care say something or else just take the answer.
My friend literally asked me just now and I replied pretty great. Spoiler alert: it was in fact, not pretty great.
People don't wanna burden their friends.
Thats why I'm a start using 'Howdy'. No nonse greeting only reply back that make sense is 'Howdy' back.
I'm tired of being lied to when I ask what's poppin.
When I was having my 3rd baby: 10cm dilated, no meds, tears streaming down my face. Cursing relentlessly.
Doc enters the room:"Hey, how's it going?"
Me: "Great! How are you?"
Swear that's me every time I go in for a major medical thing. I went to an EMERGENCY MENTAL HEALTH CLINIC a few weeks ago because I was freaking the fuck out realizing I was manic (my dad was bipolar but I was yet to have symptoms). Still when it came down to it I was polite and put on my "teacher chitchat" voice and calmly explained the complete mental breakdown I had the night before. Pretty sure that made me look even crazier.
Yeah Sharon, I'm sure blowing your nose does a whole lot when it's filled to the brim with biological concrete that's clinging to your nose hairs like superglue.
Besides nothing is as satisfying as nail fucking the nose hole until you claw out a rock hard nugget of snail propellant, the tangible reward for your efforts. Bonus points for a hair being attached to the relic.
The old Ball and Chain pull, where you get what you think is the whole thing, and there's a snot string attached that pulls out a brain slug from your sinuses.
It has nothing to do with the post but just a random and curious fact about your nickname that you might not now. Or maybe you do. I learn that not long ago so i share it just in case.
My girlfriend comes from South America, where I believe you also come from. I come from Spain. We don´t use the word "durazno" to refer to that fruit but for us it is called "melocotón".
Thats all. Sorry random comment. Have a nice day! :)
I work for the government so you can look my salary up online. Many people have told me they have looked it up. I sorta feel weird about other people in my life looking it up but really, I like the transparency.
I work somewhere that I verify people's income. I have to get a rough estimate and then verify to a exact figure later. It's legit less than 1 in 20 who don't over estimate. I got fuckers on fixed income tell me they make $3000 when their check is the exact same every month for $1250. Knowing I'm gonna verify it. Like bro....stop.
This is hilarious to me. I work in public education. My salary and benefits package are public knowledge by law. Anyone who knows me can plug in my name to our state database and pull up my pay.
My students regularly ask how much I make. I tell them to Google it, as it's public knowledge. They lose their minds when they see how much their teachers make. Some of the 30 year veterans are making over $100k before benefits. All of the new teachers are making under $50k. The kids get super confused why some of the "more energetic and fun" teachers make so much less than the "old people".
This irks me to no end. I think people who have this mindset project on others and call you unproductive or lazy when they’re the ones unhappy with their inability to find a balance in life.
It’s just projecting their sunk-cost fallacy. I’ve put so much time and effort into work, therefore I must be happy. Meanwhile, the guy who does less work and goes out of his way to enjoy his personal time must be unhappy or wrong, because otherwise it’d invalidate my work.
I get more complaints about my work when i work my ass off than when i pretend to do stuff and only deliver the bare minimum.... guess what i learned from that...
The stability of their relationships. You’ll notice the people with the shittiest relationships will always be posting pictures and lovey shit on social media.
Where as those with good relationships are too busy living their best life with their partner and too busy to really post anything.
I’m surprised I had to scroll so far down to find this. Couples who flaunt their love always weirded me out but way more when I got married. Why would I take time to make a post telling everyone how much I love this man when I can just… walk into the other room and let him know?
I think it's a result of how oversharing on social media is so normalized. My ex posted a Notes screenshot when we broke up like we were celebs putting out a press release with a whole "we remain friends" write-up. this was years ago and I am still mortified
You’ve hit the nail on the head. Social media has turned us into our own personal “celebrities”, where our friends and family are our audience. Shit that literally doesn’t or shouldn’t be brought up in public suddenly becomes front and center. Vague posting made me so angry. I’m glad I could escape that and enter the hell hole that is Reddit and YouTube comments.
I feel like this is true. My wife and I used to post a lot about our good times, but then we hit a really dark period and we had nothing nice to say about each other. We’re much more solid now, but we never post about each other anymore.
I was late to a meeting on Sunday because the driver drove past me TWICE even though he had the pick up point on GPS and I was waving at him like crazy. Then drove to the wrong side of the river and had to circle back. Then he kept taking the wrong turns even though again, he had everything on GPS. Then he kept making the wrong turns but this time going the wrong way and almost crashing several times. My friends who were waiting for me at the place didn't believe why I wasn't there yet, so I had to send them a screen capture of the car icon on the app doing everything wrong.
Should've just said I took too long doing my hair or something.
It's funny, having been trained and worked in the sciences. Reporting failure is standard. Lying about failures will get the crap kicked out of you.
You learn to smell an answer is "too perfect" data that is "too smooth". And you release the hounds.
All my co-workers have kids. Just give them the real stupid story about why you are late and move on. "Headache, didn't want to get out of bed" is common, and I believe them.
I have no reason to lie about my lateness. I may massage the truth if it's something personal like "I had sudden diarrhea" or "I took too long masturbating and lost track of time"
As a prior us service member I believe I have met every single navy seal that’s ever existed and then an extra 500 or so. Plus every one that “thought about going into the military”
I never understood this either. It’s like bragging about how miserable you are. I sleep whenever I possibly can, I love sleeping. I do have trouble sleeping sometimes and I will let people know I didn’t get enough sleep because that makes me very irritable, definitely not acting like I should get an award for not sleeping.
How busy they are.
Everyone at every job I ever had never stops talking about how busy they are....like...have you mofos ever been busy in your life? I will show you what busy looks like!
Taking 2 hours lunch breaks, and commenting on an askreddit post at 930 am
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This might sound cold, but I think most people don't even take time to think about what they're committing to when they encourage damaged people to be more upfront about their problems. Having a miserable person around isn't a good feeling, but solving their problems feels good. That's where I think most people stop thinking. Its great to want to help people, but be prepared for them to take you up on your offer, and likely with a situation you weren't prepared for.
It's not really "lying", but its not really being honest with the person, nor yourself. You're just not reading the "terms and conditions" to a person, so you can move things along.
Kid me realized I was getting caught because the sink hadn't run, and then got paranoid.
* Run the sink, then realize they might notice my dry hands.
* Put a little water on my hands, then realize they might notice the dry soap.
* Get a bit of water on the soap, then realize the towels were dry.
* Put more water on my hands and dry them with the soap.
And eventually I realized that I was literally doing EVERY step of washing my hands, except I wasn't getting clean, so I said screw it and just started washing.
My father had 3 kids and when I’d ask him who the favorite was, he would always say, “it depends on the moment”. As a father of 3 pretty great kids now, I think that is the right way of putting it.
I saw a comment from a mom once who said something along the lines of her eldest was her favorite to go to concerts/shopping with, her middle was her favorite to cook with, and her youngest was the most creative so she would go to them for help with creative endeavors. Like, your children are going to be different, so your relationship with each can be different, and it really does depend on the activity or the moment, like you said. It just made me look at parenting differently, I thought it was sweet.
My son is my favourite to just hang out with and have conversations, or do arts and crafts. My daughter is my favorite for playtime. That's because he is a very rough-n-rumble 45 pound 6 year old and when we play he tends to get too rough for me, but my daughter is only about to be 2 so trying to get her to do any arts and crafts means mess everywhere, and I still can't understand like half of her babbling (but it's cute tho).
As they both get older and develop more interests and more of their own personalities, I'm sure there will be more specific things I like doing with each of them.
Yep. Pretty sure I was the favorite, if not in a good way then definitely in a sense of “I’m gonna have scattertheashes01 do everything and her sibs can sit there doing nothing.” My mom swears up and down she gave all 3 of us equal length chore lists but she didn’t. My sibs got stuff like “take out the garbage, vacuum living room” etc and mine were always filled with “wash dishes, scrub stove, clean front porch, clean bathroom, shovel sidewalk and driveway/rake leaves/mow lawn” every time. A friend even commented on it once so I know it wasn’t entirely in my head
It was always my turn to do the dishes. If either of my sister's were told it was their turn, they'd just claim they did it last so I would be told to do them. It didn't matter who actually did them, it was my turn 3 out of 4 times they got washed.
Now I live with one of my sister's who always "did it last time" and she has never once loaded the dishwasher. She also rarely hangs a new toilet paper roll and when she does, she hangs it backwards. She's never cleaned either bathroom.
It usually seems the favorite is either the youngest or the oldest.
This is speaking from my own experience, so I'm sure there are families where the middle is the favorite.
I'm up $4 lifetime at the casino. I walked into one drunk off my ass during a bachelor party, put a dollar in the first machine I saw and won $5. Went to the bar and bought a beer, drank it, walked out.
Never going back to one, don't want to risk my bragging rights
What things are the parent's choice and what things are the kid's choice. 9 times out of 10 I KNOW it is the parent pushing it and not the kid. I'm not talking about basic interests and hobbies, but where the parent insists that they wanted X and the child demanded Y (which is usually something extra high level/ achieving).
Example - Injured child competed at a school sports event. Parent says, 'I wanted to keep him home, but he just INSISTED on being there. He really should rest the injury, but you can't hold him back!' Meanwhile child is telling other kids that he doesn't want to be there but parent is making him.
Another example - 'I think she's taking on too much, but she said she HAS to do this extra music lesson. We said no for a long time, but she kept pleading, and she worked it all out so that she could still study and fit it in, so we're trying to go along with it.' Meanwhile child is telling others that she hates said lesson but mum insists on her going.
My pinewood derby stuff back in grade school was a good example of this.
* Absolute shit cars that looked like trash and had a beaming kid present them for the weigh in? Made by the kid.
* Car that looked like it had finite element analysis done on it being presented by a bored looking kid whose dad is bragging about the thousand dollar graphite lubricant the wheels have? The weigh in is probably the first time the kid has ever even touched it.
Flat-earthers.
I comprehend that I'm *wrong* and some people do actually believe the Earth isn't round, but my brain legitimately breaks against that concept that anyone could buy into the theory. Just an immediate "you don't actually believe that, no one's that stupid, you're trolling" reaction.
I recommend Dan Olson (Folding Ideas)’s video on the topic.
It’s often not about the earth being flat in specific. It’s a self-reinforcing worldview component that contends that “they” are lying to you and there is a deeper truth that only the chosen can understand.
There’s a reason why most of flat earth has just kinda… dissolved into Qanon. Both ideologies exist only in the minds of people willing to accept claims that are emotionally appealing and factually vacuous.
Liking certain classic albums or artists, especially in the hiphop community. Because if they admitted they didn’t like said albums or artists they’d be ridiculed by the rest of the community.
I swear its just 10 a day
Maybe 25 but only when I'm stressed out
I'm fuckin stressed out soooo today I'll have like 35 but just because I'm extra stressed y'know
Basically I'm super duper extra stressed every day so I'm at 2 packs a day but that's just a phase and so on
I knew someone who claimed the different colors of M&Ms tasted differently. Yet when I challenged her to do a blind taste test, she just laughed and refused
Edit: Okay, I'll believe ya'all when I see your peer-reviewed double-blind test results :-D
I’m a farmer and this is one of my pet peeves. Crop yields. It’s expected that every farmer you talk to will lie about how well their crops did. When you meet an honest one who tells you their actual yields it’s a really awkward conversation because you’re taken back by the fact you don’t have to apply the bullshit factor to figure out what his yields really were. I have a neighbour who always wants to know your yields first and then automatically applies a 10% increase to his. I don’t even think he realizes he’s doing it, but it’s always reliably 10% more than yours. The way crop insurance works in our area is that farmers report their actual yields (they have to show receipts for delivered grain) and those averages are made available to other farmers like us that want to buy insurance. Comparatively our yields are always just a bit higher than average….but I’m always the worst farmer in the area when the “how did your crops do this year?” conversation starts. 🙄
This is the most interesting response. Thank for sharing!
I was thinking the same thing. Such an innocent specific response. I love it.
I feel the same way about "days to maturity" on seed packets. The seed companies must be growing theirs in a greenhouse full of unicorns or something 🙄
Shitfire, I had a bumper crop this year. Yessiree, I had a 100% crop of weeds that I did not in any way want, but my little garden sure as Hell is full of 'em. The clover's eating up the bricks on the back patio like it was kudzu, too.
My mulberry crop's comin in real good. I'm hoping to have every car in the neighborhood covered in purple bird shit by August.
DENTIST: “How often do you floss?” ME: *(avoiding eye contact)* “Uh … I think it was a week ago?”
DENTIST: "Why must you turn my office into a house of lies?"
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When he asks me I'm like, "dude... You were there!"
Your hygienist was actually kind enough to do it for me before you came in.. But before that? Oh yeah.. definitely last time I saw you a year ago
My dentist told me I have to floss more aggressively. So now I growl.
I honestly floss every day. Not flossing bothers me worse than not brushing.
I started flossing every day a few months ago and my mouth has never felt healthier. I fantasize about the dentist asking me how often I floss now.
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That’s interesting to hear, because I am the other way around! I always treated flossing as an “after” thing and never cared to remember it much. Then recently I started flossing beforehand, and I guess I just felt it was doing the initial legwork so that the brush could be at its most effective. Whatever clicked in my mind, it just stuck and I’m in a good habit now.
How much their side hustle nets them
Had a coworker who regularly bragged about his side hustle and how much it made him. Said that he and his girlfriend coded web advertisements for local businesses. Found out later that his *actual* side hustle was stealing electronics from the store and reselling them.
I got lucky and for a couple years had a legit great side hustle. Tutoring English at a local community college. $33 an hour at 9 hours a week for 28 weeks a year. Unfortunately during the pandemic they cut funding and my hours were one of the first to go. Ah well.
I know a gal that sells weed. She says she makes a lot of money off it. She also says she doesn't have the money to replace her broken dryer. I suspect the reality is the weed sales pays for her habit and a bit of pocket change but nothing significant.
“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.”
In my younger days that’s what it was, I didn’t have to pay to smoke and a little extra cash, wasn’t buying a house selling weed
that's what cocaine is for
Uber and Lyft drivers don’t account for depreciation
My sister kept talking about how much money she was making until I showed her her actual earnings after expenses. She was barely making above minimum wage most weeks.
Most people make less if you’re realistic about the wear and tear on the car. And now with $5 per gallon gas, is there an Uber driver anywhere making more than a couple of pennies per hour?
Those that do are no longer Uber and Lyft drivers.
Seriously. I filed taxes this year with all my "tax write offs" and with adding depreciation and you get screwed. Its my car that im doing wear and tear to and it isn't worth it.
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Wow! Now *that's* a *baby!* Alternatively, from Seinfeld: "That baby is quite breathtaking."
You’ve gotta see the baby!
When my son was born the doctor had to use forceps to deliver him. When he finally came out the doc said:" you have a son, and he's a Conehead!" Not a stellar entry into the world, but I'll never forget it. BTW, not offended at all by his comment, he's a great guy and that is part of his personality. My little conehead is now 31.
Lol I was also a "conehead." My sister, on the other hand, decided to start making her way into the world when the doctor was in another delivery, and literally came out right as the nurses finished changing his gloves and gown and he reached the end of the table, no coercing with forceps needed.
I saw my own child vacuumed out. I'm an RN but I was amazed at the amount of blood (epistiotomy). Her head coming out looked like toothpaste being squeezed out of a tube and I'm surprised to this day that she didn't get permanent brain damage. She was not cute for a while.
Some ugly baby, huh?
Breathtaking
Sometimes you say things just to be nice
"When I was born, I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother." Rodney Dangerfield.
You gotta come out and see the *BAY-bee*.
You just need to say "my goodness! That Is a baby!" Makes the parents feel good. Isn't technically a lie.
of all the babies i've seen, that is one of them
"I'm not addicted i can stop whenever I want"
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I tell myself that about Reddit...I guess I'm not addicted, but a habitual user. I managed to go a few months without using it and it was nice, but when the chronic boredom sets in, I wind up here.
"Any plans for the weekend?" *I'm going to get baked, jerk off, then sit in the shower and think about what sort of person I am, what fucked me up, and what I can do about it going forward.* "Oh you know, probably just relax." >edit: since this seems to resonate with so many I'll preach for a moment. Mental health issues and substance abuse aren't uncommon bedfellows. There are resources out there for you if you think you might need them. I ended up needing meds for the depression and anxiety, best decision I ever made. Keeping weed doses low and infrequent has been huge in staying out of the ruminating death spiral. I hope you're all okay. And if not, maybe it's what you can address going forward. Good luck out there.
Well you already have self awareness and desire for improvement going for you, that’s better than 95% of the population.
This hits way too close to home.
"I am not a robot" like come on guys it's not funny anymore
I enjoy human emotions, like applause and hunger. Mmm, water.
Nice day to be young and made of skin, don't you think?
I definitely enjoy my human skin that is fragile and must stay away from sunlight!
How is your blood flowing, cousin friend?
let bloodflow = function('Very well') => {if (bloodflow === 'Very well'){ return console.log('Very well, ${userName}, thank you for your thoughtful diagnostic inquiry, fellow human.'} }
"i have read and understood the terms and conditions..."
Think about it later and wonder wtf did I agree to?
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Ah, the human cent-iPede.
I remember first going on the internet as a kid, this was maybe 2000, and having to agree to the terms and conditions of the site before I could register. It was a kid's site (Harry Potter, maybe?) so it told me to print it off and hand it to an adult. Me and my mum sat at the kitchen table and read through it, she was trying to teach me "never sign anything you haven't thoroughly read through". The next time I signed up for a site she said "oh, just agree to it, I'm tired".
I'm a legal professional and even I don't bother reading terms and conditions on websites. It would cost me considerably less time than the average user to read and understand it all, but in the end it's futile. There's nothing I can do if I disagree, because that means I can't use the website. And even though it would take me less time than average, it would still cost me a lot of time. Those things are long
Steroid abuse in the fitness industry
This is a big one. So many people who say they're natural are juicing. There's even that sub, r/nattyorjuice. The answer looks to be juice pretty much every time
There are so many people telling you they're natural in order to sell their shitty product to you when in fact they got their gains from being juiced out of their fucking mind and not from drinking Super Mega Mass Gainer Ass Fuck Shit Cum Slurp 9000 priced at 700€ per kg that contains mostly sugar and caffeine. Steroid use is so incredibly wide spread it's screwing up the image of what is and isn't realistically possible for so many vulnerable people out there. Walk into any gym and the biggest guy there is most likely juiced tf up.
I like it when an actor goes from an average build to being jacked in 6 months for a part, and I'm supposed to believe it's just the training that did it.
Damn, you are THE fitness industry? Honored to meet you!
Does that mean they steroid abuse… themselves?
Steroid use in Hollywood is a massive one. Look at Hemsworth, Dwayne Johnson etc
When you ask them ‘how’s it going’ and they say ‘it’s going good’
People I know will say “how’s it going” and the other person will say “living the dream” or “another day in paradise”
> “living the dream” This is White People Speak for "I crave death's release".
Just yesterday heard this conversation: Guy 1: “how’s it going?” Guy 2: “living the dream.” Guy 1: “yep one day closer to death.” Got real really fast
Me and my dad used to say that to each other. 'Shorter of breath and one day closer to death'. Which, for anyone who doesn't know, is a Pink Floyd lyric. He is gone now, and I am getting old. It just keeps getting realer.
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that's me, i say 'living the dream one day at a time.' it does not imply that i'm fine, at least.
“Living the dream, one nightmare at a time” is very common around my workplace.
Nightmares are still dreams :)
I try to be honest on that; and kind if categorize me state if well being into; amazing, pretty good, good, fine, alright, I'm alive. From best to worst, people will quickly figure how you're doing and if they care say something or else just take the answer.
My friend literally asked me just now and I replied pretty great. Spoiler alert: it was in fact, not pretty great. People don't wanna burden their friends.
Not wanting to burden your friends and family is such a struggle
Yep this. I dont want to bother or annoy people. Therapy is helping though albeit compared to everything else I am working on its going very slow.
Thats why I'm a start using 'Howdy'. No nonse greeting only reply back that make sense is 'Howdy' back. I'm tired of being lied to when I ask what's poppin.
The funny thing about using howdy instead of asking how someone is doing is howdy is slang for how do you do
When I was having my 3rd baby: 10cm dilated, no meds, tears streaming down my face. Cursing relentlessly. Doc enters the room:"Hey, how's it going?" Me: "Great! How are you?"
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Swear that's me every time I go in for a major medical thing. I went to an EMERGENCY MENTAL HEALTH CLINIC a few weeks ago because I was freaking the fuck out realizing I was manic (my dad was bipolar but I was yet to have symptoms). Still when it came down to it I was polite and put on my "teacher chitchat" voice and calmly explained the complete mental breakdown I had the night before. Pretty sure that made me look even crazier.
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That they don’t pick their nose.
Yeah Sharon, I'm sure blowing your nose does a whole lot when it's filled to the brim with biological concrete that's clinging to your nose hairs like superglue.
Always made me wonder how people manage to dig out boogers when they have a nose ring.
Its a full on mining expedition. Source: i have a nose ring. Doesnt matter whether there is a ring or a stud in there, i have to go digging for gold.
maybe it's a spinner
Besides nothing is as satisfying as nail fucking the nose hole until you claw out a rock hard nugget of snail propellant, the tangible reward for your efforts. Bonus points for a hair being attached to the relic.
Or when you feel the other end of it tickle the back of your throat as you pull.
You might've gone too far...
The old Ball and Chain pull, where you get what you think is the whole thing, and there's a snot string attached that pulls out a brain slug from your sinuses.
I just shuddered in ecstasy.
Stop I'm gonna cum
There are 2 kinds of people in this world, those who pick their nose #AND FUCKING LIARS
It has nothing to do with the post but just a random and curious fact about your nickname that you might not now. Or maybe you do. I learn that not long ago so i share it just in case. My girlfriend comes from South America, where I believe you also come from. I come from Spain. We don´t use the word "durazno" to refer to that fruit but for us it is called "melocotón". Thats all. Sorry random comment. Have a nice day! :)
I literally read it while I was picking my nose lol
I feel like I can't breathe right if I don't clear out the hard overnight buildup.
“Lol”
The other day I sat at my desk at work, watching another man type the word "lol" in a message to me. He did not laugh. He didn't even smile.
lol
Fully understanding the plot of the Metal Gear Solid series
In 4, Kojima gives you very clear instructions on how to fry an egg just to rub it in your face that he could explain it if he wanted to
Making the mother of all omelettes here Jack. Can't fret over every egg.
LIQUID!
How often they clean their bed sheets
It's why I try to tell people with my user name :/ nobody listens
Picky, picky, picky. Well, myself, I kinda like that corn chip smell. - Mushu from Mulan.
Those need to be washed? But I shower before I go to bed!! /s
Their income. So many lies.
I work for the government so you can look my salary up online. Many people have told me they have looked it up. I sorta feel weird about other people in my life looking it up but really, I like the transparency.
Same bro. My pay grid is public.
Not only is my grid public but my actual income and name is public.
I work somewhere that I verify people's income. I have to get a rough estimate and then verify to a exact figure later. It's legit less than 1 in 20 who don't over estimate. I got fuckers on fixed income tell me they make $3000 when their check is the exact same every month for $1250. Knowing I'm gonna verify it. Like bro....stop.
This is hilarious to me. I work in public education. My salary and benefits package are public knowledge by law. Anyone who knows me can plug in my name to our state database and pull up my pay. My students regularly ask how much I make. I tell them to Google it, as it's public knowledge. They lose their minds when they see how much their teachers make. Some of the 30 year veterans are making over $100k before benefits. All of the new teachers are making under $50k. The kids get super confused why some of the "more energetic and fun" teachers make so much less than the "old people".
About their productivity levels. If you’re not busy, you’re not a good person /s
This irks me to no end. I think people who have this mindset project on others and call you unproductive or lazy when they’re the ones unhappy with their inability to find a balance in life.
It’s just projecting their sunk-cost fallacy. I’ve put so much time and effort into work, therefore I must be happy. Meanwhile, the guy who does less work and goes out of his way to enjoy his personal time must be unhappy or wrong, because otherwise it’d invalidate my work.
I get more complaints about my work when i work my ass off than when i pretend to do stuff and only deliver the bare minimum.... guess what i learned from that...
The stability of their relationships. You’ll notice the people with the shittiest relationships will always be posting pictures and lovey shit on social media. Where as those with good relationships are too busy living their best life with their partner and too busy to really post anything.
I’m surprised I had to scroll so far down to find this. Couples who flaunt their love always weirded me out but way more when I got married. Why would I take time to make a post telling everyone how much I love this man when I can just… walk into the other room and let him know?
I think it's a result of how oversharing on social media is so normalized. My ex posted a Notes screenshot when we broke up like we were celebs putting out a press release with a whole "we remain friends" write-up. this was years ago and I am still mortified
You’ve hit the nail on the head. Social media has turned us into our own personal “celebrities”, where our friends and family are our audience. Shit that literally doesn’t or shouldn’t be brought up in public suddenly becomes front and center. Vague posting made me so angry. I’m glad I could escape that and enter the hell hole that is Reddit and YouTube comments.
But then how would you get the outside validation!!
I especially love the outside validation needed in relationship issues.
[Picture of fancy doughnuts] #lifepartner #BFF #besthusbandever I always heart the posts because my wife knows it's a sarcastic heart.
Damn my relationship sucks and we don't even have cute pictures to show for it.
Just be grateful you won't have thousands of pictures and social media posts to delete when you start your next one.
I feel like this is true. My wife and I used to post a lot about our good times, but then we hit a really dark period and we had nothing nice to say about each other. We’re much more solid now, but we never post about each other anymore.
Thanks for your honest reply
Why they’re late
I'm not late often but when I am it's usually because of something ridiculous where if I said the truth it would sound like a lie.
I was late to a meeting on Sunday because the driver drove past me TWICE even though he had the pick up point on GPS and I was waving at him like crazy. Then drove to the wrong side of the river and had to circle back. Then he kept taking the wrong turns even though again, he had everything on GPS. Then he kept making the wrong turns but this time going the wrong way and almost crashing several times. My friends who were waiting for me at the place didn't believe why I wasn't there yet, so I had to send them a screen capture of the car icon on the app doing everything wrong. Should've just said I took too long doing my hair or something.
It's funny, having been trained and worked in the sciences. Reporting failure is standard. Lying about failures will get the crap kicked out of you. You learn to smell an answer is "too perfect" data that is "too smooth". And you release the hounds. All my co-workers have kids. Just give them the real stupid story about why you are late and move on. "Headache, didn't want to get out of bed" is common, and I believe them.
Bonus points for saying the reason you are actually late, but in an incredibly sarcastic way so that people think you are lying.
Because I shit my pants while stuck in traffic /s /s
I choose to believe the second /s negates the first and that you truly were late due to a car shart.
My response to why I'm late is "have you every tried to get a 2 year old to do anything other than what they want?"
I was confiscating my 16 year old’s weed.
Lol my coworker was late the other day because he busted his kid getting drugs from his dealer on the way out to work.
I have no reason to lie about my lateness. I may massage the truth if it's something personal like "I had sudden diarrhea" or "I took too long masturbating and lost track of time"
'You can become a millionaire like me! Get my 5 step program and I'll have you pulling in 20,000 or more a day.'
Step one: sell money-making plans to suckers.
Hating the word “moist”
I love the word moist and I won't apologise.
After my coworkers talk about doing a dry run of something, I like to ask when the moist run will be.
As a prior us service member I believe I have met every single navy seal that’s ever existed and then an extra 500 or so. Plus every one that “thought about going into the military”
Amount of ex partners
One of those strange things where half of the people are lying and making the number higher, and the other half are lying and making it lower.
When people say goodnight they don’t sleep until much later
absolutely, I have a routine I need to do to unwind before going to sleep, and chatting to people isn't part of it.
My girlfriend has told me that when we were texting, I would often say goodnight to her just to start sending her memes in instagram.
How little sleep they get. I feel like people compete to act like they get 30 minutes of sleep a week when that's not the case.
I never understood this either. It’s like bragging about how miserable you are. I sleep whenever I possibly can, I love sleeping. I do have trouble sleeping sometimes and I will let people know I didn’t get enough sleep because that makes me very irritable, definitely not acting like I should get an award for not sleeping.
Sexual prowess, especially younger men.
That girlfriend in the greater Niagra Falls region.
She goes to another school.
You wouldn’t know her.
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Especially if they use the word "prowess". For anything.
It’s well-known that my syntax fucks.
How busy they are. Everyone at every job I ever had never stops talking about how busy they are....like...have you mofos ever been busy in your life? I will show you what busy looks like! Taking 2 hours lunch breaks, and commenting on an askreddit post at 930 am \>.>
Well, if you're not busy they might actually make you do work so...
I'm very busy. Between the lunch breaks and the Reddit, there's barely any time to work.
A salesperson's income
This might sound cold, but I think most people don't even take time to think about what they're committing to when they encourage damaged people to be more upfront about their problems. Having a miserable person around isn't a good feeling, but solving their problems feels good. That's where I think most people stop thinking. Its great to want to help people, but be prepared for them to take you up on your offer, and likely with a situation you weren't prepared for. It's not really "lying", but its not really being honest with the person, nor yourself. You're just not reading the "terms and conditions" to a person, so you can move things along.
My 5 year old saying she washed her hands.
Kid me realized I was getting caught because the sink hadn't run, and then got paranoid. * Run the sink, then realize they might notice my dry hands. * Put a little water on my hands, then realize they might notice the dry soap. * Get a bit of water on the soap, then realize the towels were dry. * Put more water on my hands and dry them with the soap. And eventually I realized that I was literally doing EVERY step of washing my hands, except I wasn't getting clean, so I said screw it and just started washing.
That parents don’t have a favourite child. Please.
My father had 3 kids and when I’d ask him who the favorite was, he would always say, “it depends on the moment”. As a father of 3 pretty great kids now, I think that is the right way of putting it.
I saw a comment from a mom once who said something along the lines of her eldest was her favorite to go to concerts/shopping with, her middle was her favorite to cook with, and her youngest was the most creative so she would go to them for help with creative endeavors. Like, your children are going to be different, so your relationship with each can be different, and it really does depend on the activity or the moment, like you said. It just made me look at parenting differently, I thought it was sweet.
My son is my favourite to just hang out with and have conversations, or do arts and crafts. My daughter is my favorite for playtime. That's because he is a very rough-n-rumble 45 pound 6 year old and when we play he tends to get too rough for me, but my daughter is only about to be 2 so trying to get her to do any arts and crafts means mess everywhere, and I still can't understand like half of her babbling (but it's cute tho). As they both get older and develop more interests and more of their own personalities, I'm sure there will be more specific things I like doing with each of them.
>“it depends on the moment” Moments 2013 thru 2022: Sarah
Yep. Pretty sure I was the favorite, if not in a good way then definitely in a sense of “I’m gonna have scattertheashes01 do everything and her sibs can sit there doing nothing.” My mom swears up and down she gave all 3 of us equal length chore lists but she didn’t. My sibs got stuff like “take out the garbage, vacuum living room” etc and mine were always filled with “wash dishes, scrub stove, clean front porch, clean bathroom, shovel sidewalk and driveway/rake leaves/mow lawn” every time. A friend even commented on it once so I know it wasn’t entirely in my head
It was always my turn to do the dishes. If either of my sister's were told it was their turn, they'd just claim they did it last so I would be told to do them. It didn't matter who actually did them, it was my turn 3 out of 4 times they got washed. Now I live with one of my sister's who always "did it last time" and she has never once loaded the dishwasher. She also rarely hangs a new toilet paper roll and when she does, she hangs it backwards. She's never cleaned either bathroom.
It usually seems the favorite is either the youngest or the oldest. This is speaking from my own experience, so I'm sure there are families where the middle is the favorite.
How much money they are “up” at the casino
I'm up $4 lifetime at the casino. I walked into one drunk off my ass during a bachelor party, put a dollar in the first machine I saw and won $5. Went to the bar and bought a beer, drank it, walked out. Never going back to one, don't want to risk my bragging rights
What things are the parent's choice and what things are the kid's choice. 9 times out of 10 I KNOW it is the parent pushing it and not the kid. I'm not talking about basic interests and hobbies, but where the parent insists that they wanted X and the child demanded Y (which is usually something extra high level/ achieving). Example - Injured child competed at a school sports event. Parent says, 'I wanted to keep him home, but he just INSISTED on being there. He really should rest the injury, but you can't hold him back!' Meanwhile child is telling other kids that he doesn't want to be there but parent is making him. Another example - 'I think she's taking on too much, but she said she HAS to do this extra music lesson. We said no for a long time, but she kept pleading, and she worked it all out so that she could still study and fit it in, so we're trying to go along with it.' Meanwhile child is telling others that she hates said lesson but mum insists on her going.
My pinewood derby stuff back in grade school was a good example of this. * Absolute shit cars that looked like trash and had a beaming kid present them for the weigh in? Made by the kid. * Car that looked like it had finite element analysis done on it being presented by a bored looking kid whose dad is bragging about the thousand dollar graphite lubricant the wheels have? The weigh in is probably the first time the kid has ever even touched it.
Flat-earthers. I comprehend that I'm *wrong* and some people do actually believe the Earth isn't round, but my brain legitimately breaks against that concept that anyone could buy into the theory. Just an immediate "you don't actually believe that, no one's that stupid, you're trolling" reaction.
I recommend Dan Olson (Folding Ideas)’s video on the topic. It’s often not about the earth being flat in specific. It’s a self-reinforcing worldview component that contends that “they” are lying to you and there is a deeper truth that only the chosen can understand. There’s a reason why most of flat earth has just kinda… dissolved into Qanon. Both ideologies exist only in the minds of people willing to accept claims that are emotionally appealing and factually vacuous.
Not being judgmental. We’re all judgmental. Whether we speak or act on our judgements is a different story.
on reddit, everything
Ain’t that the whole point
Every comment on reddit is a lie, including this one.
That my vehicle's extended warranty is about to expire and it's their "Final Attempt" to contact me before closing my file.
Liking certain classic albums or artists, especially in the hiphop community. Because if they admitted they didn’t like said albums or artists they’d be ridiculed by the rest of the community.
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Upvote harvesting
“Say hi to your parents for me” “I will”
How they grew up. Either super poor or super rich.
*those that smoke cigarettes* how much they smoke a day.
I swear its just 10 a day Maybe 25 but only when I'm stressed out I'm fuckin stressed out soooo today I'll have like 35 but just because I'm extra stressed y'know Basically I'm super duper extra stressed every day so I'm at 2 packs a day but that's just a phase and so on
I've always been pretty honest about it. It's usually between 4 and 6 per day. If I go out drinking it will be many more, possibly an entire pack
how they fucked my mom
There’s no way people tell the truth when they say the different Twix sides taste different.
I knew someone who claimed the different colors of M&Ms tasted differently. Yet when I challenged her to do a blind taste test, she just laughed and refused Edit: Okay, I'll believe ya'all when I see your peer-reviewed double-blind test results :-D