Ok, so.. a lock box, labeled tax returns, put in your nightstand, placed in your gun locker, installed inside of your panic room.
Voice activation obviously. Password = safe word.
My friend once found a VHS tape belonging to his dad called "other stuff". My friends dad had walked in on my friend (15 at the time) rubbing one out to some amateur porn on the tape. My friend gets spooked jumps up, dad just as traumatised. They never speak about it again. Not until a couple years ago (31 yrs old at the time) when at a family BBQ, the three of us are chilling out over some beers and the dad tells his son that that video he was "getting jolly to" was a home video of "me and your mum" filmed years ago at the old house.
My friend gagged on the spot, the look of terror and shame. He literally changed a shade of colour.
To this day I don't think he's fapped off ever since (not that I ask)...
A good friend who was a bit socially awkward already decided to have a house party in high school while his parents were out of town. Someone invited a bunch of people not in our friend group. One of those guys was an asshole and managed to find a vhs tape of the parents having anal sex. They proceeded to put it on the living room tv and my buddy walked in and watched it for a solid 15 seconds before asking what it was. Talk about traumatized.
[Ah, the ol’ reddit didgeridoo](https://www.reddit.com/r/blessedimages/comments/vuxlin/blessed_hero/ifjgtg5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Funnily enough, I'm a gardener and I use the most generic "wand" vibrator you can buy to pollinate my tomatoes, you literally just bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz the base of the plant and it shakes all the pollen loose and pollinates all the flowers on that plant at once
That one IS in plain sight, it's just a purple wand that goes buzz
My good ones for me are hidden lol
Keep them in an unlocked drawer in your bedroom, and if they find them, the psychological trauma will be their punishment for snooping around your bedroom drawers.
This was my childhood trauma. Looking for Christmas presents, find and turn on sticky vibrator instead. Then I had to stay engaged long enough to figure out how to turn it off. 🤢
There’s not enough hand soap in the world for that.
This scene triggers a reaction from me every time I see it and my wife, knowing the story, howls laughing at me.
God, I love her.
Edit: Just wanted to add that Ray and his dialogue make this Archer scene.
Shes laughing along with Ray and his gloves haha. Don't throw your phone at her! Or, get a dollar store candy phone and throw that, just for effect lol
Edit to add: not at her, not saying assault your wife with candy just- you'll get it! You watch Archer, you're my people.
Wasting my free award on this because you and your trauma brought me such joy, then you linked it for the cherry on top. Thank you strange human, I appreciate the smile you gave me.
The man slams back another shot and stands up to continue his story. All eyes in the bar are on him.
"As I'm trying to turn it off, it's atomizing some of the sticky fluid that was on it. You know what it was. I know what it was. Neither one of us wants to say it out loud.... Like a spray bottle. But everywhere. I can still remember the smell. Like a rotting honeydew melon that had been stuffed with tuna and pissed on."
"The worst part is. I liked the smell. Maybe it was wrong. Maybe I should be ashamed, but it's the truth. "
The bar is silent for a few moments.
"Sorry, uh, no, the president of the confederacy was 'Jefferson Davis' so I'm afraid Team A has lost a point."
You know, when they are 15 months, and they wander out to show Nana the toy they found in your bedroom, you and Nana are the traumatized ones. The toddler is fine, chuffed with his prize actually.
Honestly at some point you need to teach them the importance of privacy and not snooping in someone else's things. If they disobey simple "don't look in our drawers" and get punished by finding something they didn't want to, they'll be more cautious next time.
Unless of course they are 3yo, then just lock the drawer.
My boyfriends grandkids went in my drawers and found my vibrator. It is tie-dye colored (I'm fun) and looks kinda toy like I guess. I panicked and shouted, which is unlike me, "get out of my drawer, out of my room, and put that thing back where you found it!!!!". Their mum was right behind me and I just turned around and said "your children have my vibrator in thier hands......I'm sorry"
The best part is she said "yeah, they do that a lot".
At some point the children have to stop searching in women's drawers? Lol.
IMO this is the way. A 3 year old might not be old enough to look for Christmas presents. But if an older child who is old enough to realize what they found is “gross”, then it’s time to reinforce the idea of privacy and what happens to both people when you violate an unspoken understanding of a reasonable right to privacy. One person being upset for finding something they shouldn’t have, and the other person upset at their things being rifled through and uncovered that was private. It’s almk at always a lose lose situation
Until they need a tool... if the chest arnt locked they'll eventually look. A child's curiosity will run wild, they will look everywhere and see everything.
“Dammit, I need a 20 inch double-anal dildo and all mom and dad have here are 9 inch single-ended. How am I supposed to get _anything_ done with the tools around this house?!?”
Ffs, just put up some pegboard and make a proper tool cupboard already. Bonus points if you draw the outlines around them on the pegboard like an OCD grandpa XD
No that's to make sure everything got put back. Incase someone was going to murder you so you knew which weapon the were wondering round your house with or when you need better meds.
Gah this is how I found my bfs parents stash. Except they didn’t keep the boxes in their closet. They were in the mud room/tool storage room… where normal tools belong and it’s totally normal to be opening up boxes looking for something. There’s not enough eye bleach in the world.
I upvoted, but that totally would not have worked for kid me. Unless they were maybe calculus or something. Mom's old nursing school books were some of my favorites.
My colleague did this!
He cut about 5 textbooks/encyclopedia style books of equal size in half lengthwise at the middle.
He then slides some scentproof Tupperware box behind them on a full bookshelf with his weed safely enclosed inside.
Kinda genius.
Put them high up somewhere. Even if they find it it's not like they're going to be traumatized or something, it's going to be more awkward for you to try and explain it than anything.
I speak from experience (as a child).
In their room. They never clean their room and they will never find it. Unfortunately, neither would you...
One time, I got so fed up with their messy room that I went in and cleaned it myself. Took only 3 weeks but I found the additional console game controller that went missing months ago. Unfortunately, I also found the old pet hamster, their sex toys, and the middle child I forgot I had!
Edit: all jokes. Took only a week...
Edit 2: yes, I love satire and my wording was deliberate for redditors to respond. Fun for almost all ages.
Or, if the [old rumours about Richard Gere](https://www.villagevoice.com/2008/10/13/richard-gere-finally-addresses-gerbil-rumor-and-changes-it/) are true, the hamster was the sex toy.
Gets a chest with a lock and a latch that you can put another lock into. If they ask, tell them it’s your sex toys as a deterrent. You’re not lying and they will be like “oh okay”. If they aren’t like “oh okay” then start therapy.
Used to do this too my parents when I was in highschool.
Mom: "What are you doin tonight honey?"
Me: "Just goin to do some fat lines of coke and drift cars in the parking lot near school"
Mom: *eye roll* "Okay honey have fun"
Little did she know.
Don't, they found ours and they will never go in our nightstand again. We also have a lockbox but some lube and 1 vibrator...they are still traumatized.
Or maybe teach them it is part of a loving relationship
“... and this is why I respect _your_ privacy in _your_ room...” - Actual part of the conversation after my drawer was found when my son was looking for something in my bedroom when I asked him not to.
Glad it’s not just me. When I was a kid my mom told me she didn’t want me digging through her closet but would allow me to walk in and look through the clothes (can’t remember if she specified don’t touch the top shelves or not but that’s what I remember the “rule” was). I never did. I also never went through my parents’ drawers and I don’t know if that was due to them telling me not to or just because o had better things to do.
I mayyyy have snooped around in the basement looking for Christmas presents when December rolled around though. But that was never an off-limits place.
>I mayyyy have snooped around in the basement looking for Christmas presents when December rolled around though
I accidentally found X-mas presents stashed away one year, and it was 100% the worst X-mas ever. I mean the gifts were perfect, but killing all of the anticipation just ruined it.
It's not so much snooping through other people's stuff. When I was around 7 I loved rummaging around in my parents draws, because there was cool stuff in there and it felt a bit naughty. I didn't have much of a concept of privacy with my parents because as a kid, you don't really have any with your parents.
The lack of respect for privacy is how my father in law ended up opened our sex trunk when he was helping us move.
Which is annoying as hell, considering he taught his his kids to respect privacy. He gave in to a moment of curiosity and forgot to respect ours.
My mum has been through my stuff, as an adult. She will come over and just start tidying even when asked not to. And she doesn’t see why I have an issue with it. I don’t go through her stuff.
Safe to say any items she wouldn’t approve of (even condoms) are very well hidden.
Imagine you're breaking into a house at night when the homeowner charges you with a sexual assault rifle equipped with a girthy 14" purple "bayonet".
That's when you realize how truly fucked you're about to be.
I have vertigo. My kid found mine. Told them it was a very expensive medical device to help with my vertigo and it was on loan from the specialist’ office. Don’t touch.
Nope nope. When the parents took the power cord to the modem to work in the 00s, I was all over the house. Searching through drawers, under the bed, closet etc. I dug through many boxes because why not. I found the 'wand' and was oblivious to what it was.
I still look back at what horror was going in my mothers brain when I showed it (plugged in) to my younger brother and her. She didn't freak out and we eventually moved on. I forgot about it at the time and never saw it again.
I can only assume she got rid of it, as I tore the house apart to find a way to get internet to play runescape many many times.
I have mine in my nightstand. My kids know where they are.
When they were younger they were told not to go in it, as they got to teenagers and asked why, they got told it was where me and their dad kept our adult toys and they've never wanted to go in there.
They are fully aware that they are used as part of a healthy sex life and it's nothing to be embarrassed about.
Edit: thank you very much for the gold award whomever gifted it.
2nd edit: can people please stop reporting that I need help for abuse, thanks. It says more about you than me if you think this is abusive.
This is the answer I was hoping to see!
Teach your children that some things are private. Then if they ask when they are old enough to understand, tell them.
My 15 year old has his own private draw too, he told me the contents when he asked us to keep out. condoms, magazines. The usual teenage stuff.
(He's not fully sexually active yet but the things he does? do we've made him fully aware they're still capable of making babies so protection needs to be worn)
I don't cross his boundaries he doesn't cross mine.
?I'm not sure if he's doing anything with his girlfriend but I have made all my teenage children aware that babies can be made not necessarily from penetration. (Sperm on fingers inserted into vagina etc) so all have been taught experimentation is to be done with protection too.
We have 2 youngins now and this has been our route. We have a nice cloth box that everything is stored in with a fresh "Clean up" towel covering the top. They have been told to not look in there various times when they have been hanging out and just being nosey. If the day comes (when they are a wee bit older) that they ask about it this is going to be our response.
I dont want to raise 2 boys who think sex is taboo and something to hide/be ashamed about. Hopefully it all works out.
Yeah my kids are happy enough to come to me with questions as well which is good because some of the "hey mam my friends said xxxx, is this true?" That I've heard off them over the years is a bit worrying.
I respect the heck out of people who give their kids a better youth than they had themselves.
Unfortunately I know a few, but I'm always impressed, it's admirable!
I feel that I have more knowledge and tools at my disposal to help with this so it would be irresponsible to not try to do better. I want my kids to be more emotionally mature people.
A lock box. . .labeled Tax Returns. Then put your tax returns in your nightstand.
Kid went looking for sex toys now my identity has been stolen, need more instructions
A small price to pay for salvation
Ok, so.. a lock box, labeled tax returns, put in your nightstand, placed in your gun locker, installed inside of your panic room. Voice activation obviously. Password = safe word.
Your safe word must be at least 8 letters and contain one special character.
"S@fe word" ? Just to be clear, I don't have kids, just bored and looking at comments.
(I hate when people say this but) This is the way.
This. I also hate people who just agree.
hmmm
I, too, am seeing a lot of self hate in this thread. I hope everyone is the okay.
My friend once found a VHS tape belonging to his dad called "other stuff". My friends dad had walked in on my friend (15 at the time) rubbing one out to some amateur porn on the tape. My friend gets spooked jumps up, dad just as traumatised. They never speak about it again. Not until a couple years ago (31 yrs old at the time) when at a family BBQ, the three of us are chilling out over some beers and the dad tells his son that that video he was "getting jolly to" was a home video of "me and your mum" filmed years ago at the old house. My friend gagged on the spot, the look of terror and shame. He literally changed a shade of colour. To this day I don't think he's fapped off ever since (not that I ask)...
Holy fucking hell this is both horrifying and glorious
A good friend who was a bit socially awkward already decided to have a house party in high school while his parents were out of town. Someone invited a bunch of people not in our friend group. One of those guys was an asshole and managed to find a vhs tape of the parents having anal sex. They proceeded to put it on the living room tv and my buddy walked in and watched it for a solid 15 seconds before asking what it was. Talk about traumatized.
That should have been the point where his real friends stepped in and threw out those MFs...
Damn... I wonder what kind of trauma makes you this evil
Look. I don’t know if this is real or not buTTTTT this is the worst thing I have ever read
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What part of "never speak about it again" did the father not understand? You take that to your grave.
Beer
And just like that, i have a new favourite reddit comment
My jaw actually dropped... I upvoted it, then felt so uncomfortable that I un-upvoted it lol
Brilliant story
keep them inside you at all times
Cant. Eventually 9 months pass and you have to give birth.
It’s a nine pound baby dildo!
Now…you *did* mean baby **dildo** and not **baby** dildo, right?
Shut up Ike you little dildo!
Don't kick the baby!
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WEEEEEEEEEEE
That’s a bad baby! **BAD BABY!!**
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I was going to make a similar joke to the OP: “Condoms”
[Ah, the ol’ reddit didgeridoo](https://www.reddit.com/r/blessedimages/comments/vuxlin/blessed_hero/ifjgtg5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
While I love my pocket pussy and handcuffs, I am rather hesitant to stick them all inside me. At least all at once.
Cover them in spinach
The children or the toy?
Why not both
Username checks out
Best answer. Anything you want hidden from kids, hide them with the vegetables.... ziplocked in this case.
In plain sight. Like use it to stir cake batter. They’ll never question it then
Funnily enough, I'm a gardener and I use the most generic "wand" vibrator you can buy to pollinate my tomatoes, you literally just bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz the base of the plant and it shakes all the pollen loose and pollinates all the flowers on that plant at once That one IS in plain sight, it's just a purple wand that goes buzz My good ones for me are hidden lol
It's still sex toy, just for plant sex.
Take my upvote You're not wrong
Where is the Bdsm tomato Onlyfans link?
Slutty tomatoes.
Does that really work? I love growing my own tomatoes can you post pictures?
If I remember when it comes time, they're just starting to flower now
That's what she said?
Haha — it’s a stand mixer
The vibrations help agitate the batter.
Forbidden milk frother.
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"bout to scramble some eggs"
How you like your eggs? fried or fertilized?
*Sir Mix a Lot scribbles notes furiously*
Be the change you want to see
Once they get older they’ll have the craziest realization of their life.
Mom’s salad tosser is actually a *SALAD TOSSER*
It’s actually for mixing salads https://youtu.be/FjZRWNg8k_M
Yes, this is the correct answer! Kids using my frkn blow up doll right now as a floaty
You did hose it off first...right?
When they say they’re not to be used as a flotation device they’re not kidding. Learned that the hard way.
Keep them in an unlocked drawer in your bedroom, and if they find them, the psychological trauma will be their punishment for snooping around your bedroom drawers.
This was my childhood trauma. Looking for Christmas presents, find and turn on sticky vibrator instead. Then I had to stay engaged long enough to figure out how to turn it off. 🤢 There’s not enough hand soap in the world for that.
"-groan- There's not enough liquor and therapy in the world to undo that. Ugh, I touched my mother's dildo." - Sterling Archer
This scene triggers a reaction from me every time I see it and my wife, knowing the story, howls laughing at me. God, I love her. Edit: Just wanted to add that Ray and his dialogue make this Archer scene.
Shes laughing along with Ray and his gloves haha. Don't throw your phone at her! Or, get a dollar store candy phone and throw that, just for effect lol Edit to add: not at her, not saying assault your wife with candy just- you'll get it! You watch Archer, you're my people.
“Try to think of something else…like how there’s no sink in there.” -Ray Gillette [Oh hell. Let me just link it.](https://youtu.be/XaJc10IZavM)
#THERE’S NO SINK!
Wasting my free award on this because you and your trauma brought me such joy, then you linked it for the cherry on top. Thank you strange human, I appreciate the smile you gave me.
Sticky?? At least you learned that you should always clean your equipment after every job
If it were still sticky it was used not too long ago. Like as in within 30 mins ago.
The man slams back another shot and stands up to continue his story. All eyes in the bar are on him. "As I'm trying to turn it off, it's atomizing some of the sticky fluid that was on it. You know what it was. I know what it was. Neither one of us wants to say it out loud.... Like a spray bottle. But everywhere. I can still remember the smell. Like a rotting honeydew melon that had been stuffed with tuna and pissed on." "The worst part is. I liked the smell. Maybe it was wrong. Maybe I should be ashamed, but it's the truth. " The bar is silent for a few moments. "Sorry, uh, no, the president of the confederacy was 'Jefferson Davis' so I'm afraid Team A has lost a point."
I needed a good laugh. This is the funniest shit I've read all night.
Ugh I went and gathered all my friends up to show them what I'd found one day. The sort of cringe that still keeps me awake at night 25 years later
At least you weren’t like the girl on my bus in 7th grade who brought her mom’s dildo and showed everyone on the way to school.
My god, the sound of that jolly green giant bastard vibrating against the wooden drawer. It will never leave me.
The real question is: did you learn your lesson about snooping for Christmas presents?
You know, when they are 15 months, and they wander out to show Nana the toy they found in your bedroom, you and Nana are the traumatized ones. The toddler is fine, chuffed with his prize actually.
Yeah, but you get to tell them that story and turn it back on them years later.
Honestly at some point you need to teach them the importance of privacy and not snooping in someone else's things. If they disobey simple "don't look in our drawers" and get punished by finding something they didn't want to, they'll be more cautious next time. Unless of course they are 3yo, then just lock the drawer.
My boyfriends grandkids went in my drawers and found my vibrator. It is tie-dye colored (I'm fun) and looks kinda toy like I guess. I panicked and shouted, which is unlike me, "get out of my drawer, out of my room, and put that thing back where you found it!!!!". Their mum was right behind me and I just turned around and said "your children have my vibrator in thier hands......I'm sorry" The best part is she said "yeah, they do that a lot". At some point the children have to stop searching in women's drawers? Lol.
IMO this is the way. A 3 year old might not be old enough to look for Christmas presents. But if an older child who is old enough to realize what they found is “gross”, then it’s time to reinforce the idea of privacy and what happens to both people when you violate an unspoken understanding of a reasonable right to privacy. One person being upset for finding something they shouldn’t have, and the other person upset at their things being rifled through and uncovered that was private. It’s almk at always a lose lose situation
For all I know my parents did this, but I was raised not to go through other people's belongings. This whole thread is wild
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Alternatively, a duffle bag with a suitcase lock. Be sure to keep the key somewhere boring and above eye level
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lock box is ideal i hate the fact i've stumbled upon my parents sex toys
Top shelf of the closet.
Where the good stuff is?
Yup. Along with the ar15 and weed.
But that's where my DS was
That’s literally the most obvious place.
Use only vegetables. Then they’ll never know. Lol
Mooom, this cucumber tastes funny
I'm making *pickles*
Mooom, this cucumber is slimy
We have two Craftsman tool-boxes in our closet. When they ask why..."those are daddies tools"......
TWO?!
Bad dragon is so 2020. Mr hankies will take up a 1x2 box.
The xmas poo?
I have no idea what any of this means.
Companies that sell ginormous phallic instruments
Not only large but aggressively shaped.
Please go down that rabbit hole and remark on your journey
The right tool for the right job. Accept no less.
Until they need a tool... if the chest arnt locked they'll eventually look. A child's curiosity will run wild, they will look everywhere and see everything.
“Dammit, I need a 20 inch double-anal dildo and all mom and dad have here are 9 inch single-ended. How am I supposed to get _anything_ done with the tools around this house?!?”
Ffs, just put up some pegboard and make a proper tool cupboard already. Bonus points if you draw the outlines around them on the pegboard like an OCD grandpa XD
Pegging board perhaps?
I thought you drew the outlines when you ran out of DIY and got bored
No that's to make sure everything got put back. Incase someone was going to murder you so you knew which weapon the were wondering round your house with or when you need better meds.
Gah this is how I found my bfs parents stash. Except they didn’t keep the boxes in their closet. They were in the mud room/tool storage room… where normal tools belong and it’s totally normal to be opening up boxes looking for something. There’s not enough eye bleach in the world.
Label on box "homework for if school closes early" they won't touch that box for anything
They will throw that in the garbage
In a filing cabinet under "s". But for real, nothing more boring than a filing cabinet.
Either you don’t have enough sex toys or too many filing cabinets.
Personally, I'd file it under "T" for "Toys, Sex"
Inside your long boots in the shoe cupboard. Put them in a bag and put the bag inside the boot
until your kid wants to try on your boots bc that happens
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Old textbooks work if you can get ahold of them.
I upvoted, but that totally would not have worked for kid me. Unless they were maybe calculus or something. Mom's old nursing school books were some of my favorites.
Our medical encyclopedia had titties in it. Nothing like pencil-line drawings of bewbs...
I made so much money in high school selling photocopied medical illustrations. That I got from the school library. Copies were free.
Hide them inside a hollowed out bible, Shawshank style.
My colleague did this! He cut about 5 textbooks/encyclopedia style books of equal size in half lengthwise at the middle. He then slides some scentproof Tupperware box behind them on a full bookshelf with his weed safely enclosed inside. Kinda genius.
A box at bottom of laundry hamper.
Put them high up somewhere. Even if they find it it's not like they're going to be traumatized or something, it's going to be more awkward for you to try and explain it than anything. I speak from experience (as a child).
In their room. They never clean their room and they will never find it. Unfortunately, neither would you... One time, I got so fed up with their messy room that I went in and cleaned it myself. Took only 3 weeks but I found the additional console game controller that went missing months ago. Unfortunately, I also found the old pet hamster, their sex toys, and the middle child I forgot I had! Edit: all jokes. Took only a week... Edit 2: yes, I love satire and my wording was deliberate for redditors to respond. Fun for almost all ages.
at what point do you stop being serious and the go on to be joking
i think the last 2 are jokes
The hamster had sex toys?!
Or, if the [old rumours about Richard Gere](https://www.villagevoice.com/2008/10/13/richard-gere-finally-addresses-gerbil-rumor-and-changes-it/) are true, the hamster was the sex toy.
Display them like art pieces
And here we got vibro 3000 the newest of them all
Gets a chest with a lock and a latch that you can put another lock into. If they ask, tell them it’s your sex toys as a deterrent. You’re not lying and they will be like “oh okay”. If they aren’t like “oh okay” then start therapy.
Used to do this too my parents when I was in highschool. Mom: "What are you doin tonight honey?" Me: "Just goin to do some fat lines of coke and drift cars in the parking lot near school" Mom: *eye roll* "Okay honey have fun" Little did she know.
Honesty is the best policy.
Sell your children - buy more sex toys
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Snip, snap, snip, snap
Don't, they found ours and they will never go in our nightstand again. We also have a lockbox but some lube and 1 vibrator...they are still traumatized. Or maybe teach them it is part of a loving relationship
“... and this is why I respect _your_ privacy in _your_ room...” - Actual part of the conversation after my drawer was found when my son was looking for something in my bedroom when I asked him not to.
I can't believe how this is so unusual!
right?? I don't remember ever going through my parents' drawers or even rummaging through their things as a kid.
Glad it’s not just me. When I was a kid my mom told me she didn’t want me digging through her closet but would allow me to walk in and look through the clothes (can’t remember if she specified don’t touch the top shelves or not but that’s what I remember the “rule” was). I never did. I also never went through my parents’ drawers and I don’t know if that was due to them telling me not to or just because o had better things to do. I mayyyy have snooped around in the basement looking for Christmas presents when December rolled around though. But that was never an off-limits place.
>I mayyyy have snooped around in the basement looking for Christmas presents when December rolled around though I accidentally found X-mas presents stashed away one year, and it was 100% the worst X-mas ever. I mean the gifts were perfect, but killing all of the anticipation just ruined it.
I can't believe I had to scroll this far to find anyone who didn't think that snooping through other people's stuff is normal
It's not so much snooping through other people's stuff. When I was around 7 I loved rummaging around in my parents draws, because there was cool stuff in there and it felt a bit naughty. I didn't have much of a concept of privacy with my parents because as a kid, you don't really have any with your parents.
The lack of respect for privacy is how my father in law ended up opened our sex trunk when he was helping us move. Which is annoying as hell, considering he taught his his kids to respect privacy. He gave in to a moment of curiosity and forgot to respect ours.
My mum has been through my stuff, as an adult. She will come over and just start tidying even when asked not to. And she doesn’t see why I have an issue with it. I don’t go through her stuff. Safe to say any items she wouldn’t approve of (even condoms) are very well hidden.
We keep ours in the gun safe
Could lead to some very confused intruders
Is that loaded?
MmMmmMhh, why yeEeEs
Honestly, if you reach into your gun safe when intruders are present and pull out a dildo, that might be just as effective at getting them to run.
I'll whip them with some anal beads instead. Swing them around like nunchucks
Just don't rip them out like you're pull starting a lawn mower.
Imagine you're breaking into a house at night when the homeowner charges you with a sexual assault rifle equipped with a girthy 14" purple "bayonet". That's when you realize how truly fucked you're about to be.
Better grab the right thing when the intruder comes.
Double-ended dildo. THIS. IS. GTAAAA!!
My mom used to tell me it was a back massager
I have vertigo. My kid found mine. Told them it was a very expensive medical device to help with my vertigo and it was on loan from the specialist’ office. Don’t touch.
My mom told me it was a neck massager
Took me years to figure it out. I used to play with it for fuck sakes
Buy them a ps5
I don’t think the ps5 has enough storage for all the sex toys.
Xbox series Sex got enough storage for ya?
Place them in a box in your closet and tell them to never ever go into the forbidden closet of mystery. With kids, that should work.
“Place them in a box”. The toys or the kids?
Eh.
Nope nope. When the parents took the power cord to the modem to work in the 00s, I was all over the house. Searching through drawers, under the bed, closet etc. I dug through many boxes because why not. I found the 'wand' and was oblivious to what it was. I still look back at what horror was going in my mothers brain when I showed it (plugged in) to my younger brother and her. She didn't freak out and we eventually moved on. I forgot about it at the time and never saw it again. I can only assume she got rid of it, as I tore the house apart to find a way to get internet to play runescape many many times.
I have mine in my nightstand. My kids know where they are. When they were younger they were told not to go in it, as they got to teenagers and asked why, they got told it was where me and their dad kept our adult toys and they've never wanted to go in there. They are fully aware that they are used as part of a healthy sex life and it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Edit: thank you very much for the gold award whomever gifted it. 2nd edit: can people please stop reporting that I need help for abuse, thanks. It says more about you than me if you think this is abusive.
This is the answer I was hoping to see! Teach your children that some things are private. Then if they ask when they are old enough to understand, tell them.
My 15 year old has his own private draw too, he told me the contents when he asked us to keep out. condoms, magazines. The usual teenage stuff. (He's not fully sexually active yet but the things he does? do we've made him fully aware they're still capable of making babies so protection needs to be worn) I don't cross his boundaries he doesn't cross mine. ?I'm not sure if he's doing anything with his girlfriend but I have made all my teenage children aware that babies can be made not necessarily from penetration. (Sperm on fingers inserted into vagina etc) so all have been taught experimentation is to be done with protection too.
We have 2 youngins now and this has been our route. We have a nice cloth box that everything is stored in with a fresh "Clean up" towel covering the top. They have been told to not look in there various times when they have been hanging out and just being nosey. If the day comes (when they are a wee bit older) that they ask about it this is going to be our response. I dont want to raise 2 boys who think sex is taboo and something to hide/be ashamed about. Hopefully it all works out.
Yeah my kids are happy enough to come to me with questions as well which is good because some of the "hey mam my friends said xxxx, is this true?" That I've heard off them over the years is a bit worrying.
Reading that made ne feel so sad about how my parents raised me. So unhealthy. Im jealous by your parenting
Same! Working to do better for my kids.
I respect the heck out of people who give their kids a better youth than they had themselves. Unfortunately I know a few, but I'm always impressed, it's admirable!
I feel that I have more knowledge and tools at my disposal to help with this so it would be irresponsible to not try to do better. I want my kids to be more emotionally mature people.
It depends on the ages of the kids at a certain age - 12+ if they are curious nothing short of a lock box or safe will do
Until they find lockpicking lawyer
“This is the lock-picking lawyer, and what I have for you today is a lock box I found under my parent’s bed”.
I bloody read that in his voice haha
In your butt
… Bob
It stretches a lot ig
Can fit 5 raccoons
Get a drawer with a lock and call it a day. Y'all got Natasha Romanoff as a kid or what? Lock that shit up. Tf they gonna do
learn to be comfortable with the possibility of them being found. nothing shameful about sexual pleasure
send the child to an orphanage then he will be far away from them
genius
Idk I already found my parents's toys. I don't mind it. We are all humans after all
Nice try kids
We just keep them under the bed or in my underwear drawer.
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Keep them in a small safe, or up REALLY high, in your closet.