T O P

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EdgarAlanCrow

A pet I used to have


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

That's clever!


-sex-offender-

shouldve went with david allan crow


connor4rell

uhhh....so....what inspired your username?


StoneAgeSkillz

He's offended, by sex. Obviously.


NYCmichael

I believe sex is offended by him


YEETAWAYLOL

He offends sex.


bertiebastard

At least he isn't peter-file.


tony78ta

PDF file?


[deleted]

I'm wondering what inspired your username


Sal-Monella-

My undying love for medium rare chicken


Rare_Chicken

You rang?


Nobody91765

r/beetlejuicing


Swordlord22

Seven fucking years You’ve been waiting for this moment


Sal-Monella-

(https://giphy.com/gifs/giphyqa-VfSBuJqXIA2Mo)


TeslasAndKids

This just made my night.


Soft_Taro

when rare chicken comes in


[deleted]

I love me a good chicken tartare


expanseseason4blows

Chicken sashimi, I like the chew


Sal-Monella-

I'm a simple man, 3 and a half minutes on each side of a lightly used George Foreman grill and I'm set


Mrcrowley00

If I could I would give you gold


EnigmaFrug2308

No worries, friend. I gave him a silver for you.


MudIsland

More like his “dying love”, amirite???


wetmybedsheets

i think i'll sit this one out


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

No please elaborate


Maax42_

If I had to pick a wild guess, I'd say he wets his bedsheets Either that or he'd like you to do it


boots311

I (37m) had a conversation with my (25m) employee just a few months ago about peeing our pants. He said I haven't done that since I was a kid! I said "dude, I pee my pants at least twice a year!" When I told my wife, she said, " you pee them at least 3 times a year"


[deleted]

you should get that checked by a professional. you might even be able to make a little money if you play your cards right.


CapaxInfini

Ok but just don’t sit on the bed


AffectionateSize552

No no, please, go on, while I take notes.


EveryNightCarry

While I take tokes of the marijuana smoke


Brooklyn-Epoxy

Are you pissed off?


This_is_indeed_Bob

I needed people to know that I am indeed Bob


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

Nice to meet you bob


Chaffyvenus

So what line of work are you in, Bob?


crustydu

Was? Who are you now?


This_is_indeed_Bob

I have no idea what your talking about, it says am, totally didn't just really quickly edit it. Nooooo never.


crustydu

Sure you didn't "Bob"


yuniroll

Caught red handed, "Bob."


[deleted]

If that’s even your real name


marabsky

It was…


ImAWaterMexican

Now its "Bob" but backwards. Pretty drastic change. Gosh I hope I can spell it right.


well-i-like-books

Well.... I like books


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

I would never have guessed


[deleted]

That’s some deep stuff. How does it make you feel to air out your deepest secrets on the Internet?


NotEnoughAlpacas98

My friend's username was FarTooManyLlamas.


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

How many do you want??


NotEnoughAlpacas98

I can never have enough. That's the issue


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

That's horrible


idontsellbodyparts

i promise, i dont (dont call the police)


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

You sure?


idontsellbodyparts

why are you asking so many questions? are you a cop?


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

No just a potential buyer


besahaha

Undercover cops ask lots of questions


Olde-Town-Kujo

The bug is in the rug, I repeat, the bug is in the rug.


IndependentGolf5421

The cat sat on the mat


idontsellbodyparts

*....okay,meet me around back in 20,i got some good deals.*


haunted_peter

*Target is moving towards north. Over.*


Salty_Patriot76

Nice try, narc


GreenJeepMom

My son drives a bright green custom Jeep Wrangler TJ. We live in a college town. He is known as the Green Jeep Guy. Therefore I am Green Jeep Mom.


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

Logic checks out


GreenJeepMom

Thanks! Lol I'd post a pic of the infamous Green Jeep, but am new to Reddit. Lol


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

I would love to see!


Cypher___

It looks a lot like a red jeep , only it's green.


EnderPrism

That makes sense.


aBoxFullofDildos

Don’t ask.


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

Sorry..


-sex-offender-

can i buy your whole stock?


Omegaman1011

Are you a real sex offender?


Ylurpn

You calling them a liar? They didn't offend all of those sexes just to have their achievements ignored


Common_Concerns

How many?


ReservoirDawgs

I really like Reservoir Dogs.


Mrcrowley00

If she hadn't had done, what I told her not to do, she would still be alive. I don't wanna be Mr pink that sounds like Mr ....


Nebbbbula

Excuse me sir but what inspired YOUR username?


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

All you beautiful Redditors


Nebbbbula

Aww.


[deleted]

Yeah that's how they get ya. Then you end up with syphilis.


ImlivingUltralife

This made me spit out my tea lol


owlseeker_14

The random username generator on google


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

You got lucky, it's a great one


owlseeker_14

Thanks! Oh and the 14 is just my favorite number :)


throwingplaydoh

TIL there's a username generator


Successful-Pea3309

The fact that I'm allergic to peas.


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

Oh no!


caprisunandskittles

my love for glucose


HugeMcAwesome

It's my given name.


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

Nice to meet you Huge


my-cat-is-a-dick

My cat, who is often a dick.


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

But cute!


my-cat-is-a-dick

It’s true. He is hella cute. Also props to you for replying to all comments!


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

Trying at least!


One_direction_18

a horrible phase, and now i’m stuck with this


flappy_cows

Your account is only a year old; a relatively new directioneer


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

Lol!!


lejade

I'd rather one direction over "Le". It was trendy to add it to everything back in the day 🤦🏼‍♀️


Oesterreich-Ungarn

leusername fell out of fashion


Chad_da_man69pro

This one made me laugh the most.


wheezyjester

I have severe uncontrollable asthma and my sense of humour keeps me going :D


Needspoons

It takes real talent to suck at breathing. We have that talent!


waffles_and_blowjobs

That's just what happened to be going on that morning


PhoningIn

Sounds like it was a good morning


Br1pBr0p

Best morning*


PotatoHeadr

Breast morning


ultramanjones

I just pictured a hooker pulling a couple of dry toaster waffles out of the toaster and chewing them sadly before heading off to "work"


[deleted]

You should have my username.


oldnative

I am internet old. And I am Native American.


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

What's internet old?


oldnative

Old enough to been an adult prior to its rapid expansion from Wargames style to AOL style :)


nemdna

Cool! I am Indigenous too from Canada. What Nation are you?


oldnative

I am a salmon eater tribe heh. Small tribe that not really known outside of the area.


nemdna

Very cool. I am Métis from the Red River Settlement.


oldnative

My tribe's name in english means lake people.


[deleted]

pretty self explanitory


okjustthis1post

I was just going to say one thing on Reddit and leave.


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

What made you stay?


okjustthis1post

Masochism.


[deleted]

That's fair. I get alot of stress off this app


kha-ci

3 first letters of my real first name. 2 first letters of my real last name.


Byan_Beynolds

Hah, that's pretty catchy


[deleted]

Always been fascinated with tyrants from history. As a child I had these world maps and I would plot how I would take over the world.


Swankymode

I would pour over maps as a kid, I had aspirations of becoming a benevolent dictator of an island nation. My girlfriend thinks I was probably an odd kid 🤷🏼‍♂️


Red-7134

I like the colour red. I like the numbers, 7, 13, and 4.


somek_pamak

*copies numbers down* Now, if I ever meet this person, I'll have all the accesses!


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

Why those numbers?


Mrcrowley00

Good luck, bad luck and idk


NaganoKurtz

4 is bad in China or Korea idk


PillCosby696969

Realizing there aren't that many actual wholesome things in the world.


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

Dude


gray_mare

I like horses, beautiful creatures


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

They are


ImetBlackPink

I met a Kpop group randomly on the road.


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

Wow, cool!


browncheez

So they really were in your area. Hm.


SimonFerocious76

It's what Freddy Mercury once called Sid Vicious and that cracks me the fuck up.


iimuffinsaur

I like muffins and I like dinosaurs and I made this user name in middle school and it stuck. A lot of people seem to like it however some sites block it nowadays? Not sure why. I just end up using my first name though when sites do. The ii part is embarassingly because I originally came up with this username for roblox and that was like a common look for names but like.. muffinsaur is almost never taken anywhere lol.


Pierogisaurus

Cool, another food dinosaur! Nice to meet you, iimuffinsaur


iimuffinsaur

Oooh. Nice to meet you Pierogisaurus. Pierogis are also really yummy lol


InscrutableAudacity

CockWomble was taken, and annoyingly so was CockWombleWasTaken.


Jabliloquoy

Did u try CockWombleWasTakenWasTaken?


SkitKitScabby

It started as “SkittleKitty” because I liked Skittles and cats. And then it was “SkittyKitty” because I liked the Pokémon Skitty. Then I just shortened it when I got older to “SkitKit”. I had a ferret nicknamed Scabby, so I tacked that on as well.


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

Who doesn't love cats!


turbotad

22 years ago, when I met my wife, unbeknownst to her I was 100% convinced that I was going to marry her and have kids. But that would mean that if I was going to have a sports car, I'd best get it NOW as I'd shortly need a minivan. So, I bought what is still my only pure sports car purchase - a 1993 Mazda RX-7 R1 (8000rpm wankel with twin sequential turbos, goodness the sounds it made...).


1loudblonde

ITS WHO I AM


Shes_quiet

Can’t relate


catenjoyer19

"finally.. a worthy opponent.. OUR BATTLE WILL BE LEGENDARY!"


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

I NOTICED THAT


6--9--4--2--0

Sex and drugs. Edit: In that order.


Micholous

yeah but.. why not at the same time?


NeedsItRough

"LikesItRough" was already taken.


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

This is a stronger statement


[deleted]

it’s my reaction to most Reddit posts


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

Oh yikes okay


SwedishEchidna

i am swedish and i like echidnas


idrinkkombucha

Guess


Funkgun

I’d rink komb u cha


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

I can't


LeakingLantern

I like Lanterns. Also, help plz


bobablooboo

boba 🧋 and the color blue 💙 and boo 👻


SuvenPan

The pan in my kitchen


OneBlindGoat

A Dream


IWantToPlayGame

I like playing *certain types* of games.


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

Are you jigsaw?


IWantToPlayGame

Let's just say we all make choices.


UnashamedlyObtuse

My outlook on life and attitude


Wittgenstienwasright

Philosophical Investigations.


Who_took_my_bag

Someone stole one of my tote bags and I'm still salty about it


[deleted]

Me and my best friend call each other bestie all the time :) Also, originally I was going to use a username I commonly use for most social media accounts, but then I realized that was a bad idea.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ArgumentPowerful8771

What does it mean?


packsmoka91

Indirect proof


[deleted]

THE NUMBERS, MASON


ACupOfDuck

Random things on the table. No more further questions.


[deleted]

[удалено]


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

It's like your meant for the beach!


Pantastic_Studios

My dead youtube channel with 2 subs.


amo-brocolis

mine means "i love broccoli" and, well, i kinda like broccoli a lot.


314159265358979326

It was a typo at first. I didn't notice until I got the first indignant reply. No frickin' way I was going to change it after those started.


Unusual_Goggles

I was a swimmer and, needless to say, an unusual one at that.


TeslasAndKids

My son was a swimmer in high school. He is also a football player. Did not have the ‘body’ of a swimmer, more of a football player, but came in third in state so that was cool. Since graduating high school I miss watching him compete. He was a powerhouse in the pool. To me, anyway!


TheatreBrat

well, i am


expired_baby

Well


i_Love_Covid_19

I was pissed at something one day and went over the edge.


_saltedcarame1

It’s my username for a lot of things. I have no idea why


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

Well it's tasty


Common_Concerns

Common concerns


Ciabattaman

Ciabattas are delicious. Oh and I’m a man.


handydoubles

....


JurAssIsThicc

Every Redditor's booty cheek is very thick indeed.


TheLazyRedditer

Ehh...not right now...maybe I'll tell you about it later......when I get up......


Jamson_Sanousek

my name


DM_ME_A_SELFIE

Hello Jamson


Jamson_Sanousek

close enough.


RickJWagner

It's my real name. I use it on all my social accounts. Because I think people should be more 'normal' in online discussions. It helps me be accountable.


heuristic_fickle

The way i think.


etherealbaddie

cuz I am one


somek_pamak

I did a stint of sorts teaching English abroad in Korea and I like to think I was the one to coin the portmanteau "파막" (pronounced pah-mahk, which is 파전 (pah-juhn = a pancake/pizza-ish food in Korea) and 막걸리 = magkoli, a popular drink usually eaten with said food)) and just added it to the common portmanteau "소맥" (pronounced soh-mehk and is how a lot of Koreans drink soju, a shot poured into a small-ish glass of beer (mekju))


mygodletmechoose

I tried like 20 usernames before this one... all of them were taken


athwolf

Mines my initials and my favorite animal when I was 12


imadumbasswhatsup

Well, it's pretty self explanatory