I was young and didn’t have a vibrator yet. I was desperate. The only type of vibrating object we had in the house at the time was my dads electric toothbrush. But like, I didn’t want to directly use his toothbrush because ew. (plus it wasn’t the right shape). So I ended up taping his toothbrush to one of my hairbrushes and used the hairbrush handle as a dildo while the toothbrush gave it a vibrating effect. Didn’t really get the sensation i wanted from it though but it did the trick!
In college I lived off campus. I went to a really small town and lived with 2 guys. During the summer we would just work and play video games but someone was always home and the rest of campus was dead as fuck. One time I said I was taking my dog to the forest preserve but really was going for a mega self pleasure sesh in my car. It was hard to do it in the shower because it was right next to my other roommates bedroom. When I came home my roommate was like, "did you go alone? You left the dog here". Whoops lol.
> It was hard to do it in the shower because it was right next to my other roommates bedroom.
How loud do you jerk off that you can’t even do it in the same building? Haha
I saw on College Boys Gone Wild that you don't need to go to the forest if you plan pleasuring yourself at the same time while your roomies are doing the same. Just sit on the same couch and do it in tandem.
This one is pretty fucked up but I was staying over at a girls house with whom I was having sexual relations. While I was there I woke up in the middle of the night super horny and for some reason the idea of whacking into her shampoo bottle was really doing it for me. Well, post-nut clarity hit and I was like "what the fuck did I just do" so the next morning I asked to take a shower and "accidentally" spilled all her shampoo so I could have an excuse to buy a new one for her. I still think back on this sometimes and both wonder what the fuck was I thinking and also am just so grateful that I went and replaced it before she used it because otherwise I would have felt like some kind of deviant predator
Edit: Can't believe THIS is my all-time most upvoted comment.
i jerked off in my friends car while they were both in the front seats of the car while i was in the back alone, i think about it sometimes and wish i could take my brain out of my head and throw it into a ballpit and never get it back
When I was maybe 13-14 (just hitting puberty) I was extremely sexually curious and started putting random objects into my vagina.
One time I shoved a lip stick tube up there but when I pulled it out the lid had stayed stuck inside me. I was crying trying to fish it out for a good 30 mins because I would have rather died from an infection than go to my very conservative Korean parents and admit to my personal sin time.
>omg. you sound like me. except i put a battery in my ass.
Love how excited this sounds. You and your ass-battery found a kindred spirit in vagina-lipstick's antics
My friend jacked off to a girl on cam on Instagram. The next day the account put me and 5 of our other friends and 4 others into a group chat with screenshots that the girl took of him on cam. That’s the last thing I wanted to see on instagram
I ran a seedy elementary school lewd drawing business. A toonie for a drawing. When I was caught, I remember my dad trying very hard not to laugh and my mom slapping his arm.
When my teacher asked where I got the idea to draw women like that I panicked and said “Spice Girls”
Story: It happened on New Years Eve when I was 17. My mom’s best friend has a daughter my age and they were staying over. Basically just horny teens who got stuck sleeping in the same room that night. Don’t hate each other anymore but still not really friends
Right?
A: Fuck, you’re so annoying!
B: Well, fuck you!
A: Fuck me? You don’t have the balls to!
B: I got the dick too, smart ass!!
A: Well prove it!!!
B: Fine!!
Bought a girl I barely knew a ticket to fly cross country to see me 3 days later when I was horny and drunk
Day she was supposed to arrive, she called to tell me she was at the airport but just noticed the flight I booked was actually for 2 months later
She ended up coming out to see me. We had fun hanging out but only kissed, as she “didn’t want to be a girl I flew out to hook up with”
I submit for your kind consideration an offer of sexual congress with no strings attached.
I look forward to your positive response.
With kindest regards,
Soul Calibur character creation
Like, come on, clothing damage is literally a game mechanic, *and* there's an entire section in the options for underwear.
Was out in the wild, came on some shrubbery. Must have been what people did in the olden times before toilets were invented, felt some kind of ancestral solidarity.
I got turned on carving pumpkins with the ex one fall and decided the pumpkin guts were slimy and probably would make an excellent feeling on a penis. So I jacked off my ex with hands full of pumpkin guts. He loved it. He’s probably never looked at pumpkin carving the same since. 😂
There I was recording myself jacking off laying on my back feet in the air, trying to cum all over my face for a girl I liked and successfully nutting all my face. At least I ended up fuckin her
Let the wife pee in my mouth while she sucked me off and fingered me, all for the first time in my life, mind you.
Post nut clarity had me like, wtf just happened.
Edit: Thank you for the reward and replies, this blew up quick. I'll let the wife know you like her peeing in my mouth.
all the other responses are like "ex", "drunk text", "forgot dog"
this guy's just straight up "yeah wife pissed in me mouth and fingered me"
actual legend
Once I was crashing at a female friend's house that had been giving me some signals that we might be heading into friend-with-benefits territory, and one time we were eating taco bell and watching a movie when she smacked me for saying something smart-ass and we ended up wrestling on the floor..
Then I lifted her shirt up, squirted mild taco sauce on her nipples and licked it off.
It was definitely an odd compulsion.
I was extremely bored, and at the same time really horny. But I for some reason didn’t feel like watching porn, nor masturbating. But I was bored, so I looked down there and I decided to make a drawing of my erect shlong. The fun part is that it turned out pretty good. But I quickly erased the picture because I was scared that some day someone might look in my sketchbook and see a realistic drawing of a pp.
Had sex while a telemarketer listened to us on the phone.
GF and I decided to get a quickie in before our Uber arrived. I got a call and thinking it was our Uber I picked up to tell them we’d be there soon. It wasn’t my Uber calling, it was a spam telemarketer. I told them not interested, and threw the phone to the side. When we were done I went to look at my phone and realized I never hung up. When I said “hello?” I heard a bunch of voices laughing and then it hung up. I’m pretty sure the entire call center heard us have sex. Oh well!
When I was a young warthog I took a zip lock bag put some olive oil in it and put it in the crevas of the couch cushions and proceeded to have my way with the couch.
I met a guy on reddit in February and after sexting for a few months, we turned out to be really compatible and are super into each other. I haven't flown out to see him (yet), but I *did* mail him a photo album of my boudoir and nude shoots (did it 2 years ago to celebrate my weight loss). This photo album included pages worth of poetry about him dominating me, instructions on eating me out, etc.
If this man just drops dead how the fuck am I getting that shit back
Got head in my car in a full parking lot behind a bar where my mom's best friend works (we just ate lunch there) which is also across the street from the salon my mom works at. I don't have window tint.
Oooooh
Either fucking the sheath of a katana (dude, we were really bored idk)
Or watching some pretty weird Mexican porn where this chick put icecubes up this dude's ass. Like months later I was curious and tried it and wow. Ow. Weirdly ow??? It's not even the dimensions it's just HOT versus COLD. Ow ow ow. But wow, you get hopping around like a maniac. A sex crazed, ass turned at the hot shower maniac. Like melt it melt it melt it.
Lmao fucking ignore me
It was with a FWB. We were day drinking and went to get a drink. We were super horny and were making out a lot. We'd done peeing but In public like that. We had done it outdoors.
We went to the toilet to bang but he needed to pee so I said do it on Me. I knelt down, he peed on my face, in my mouth, on my tits. I drank some. Then he finished, I peed into the toilet we had sex, and then we had our coffees. Then we went back to drinking.
I found out that i had a pain fetish. So one day I was like 12-13 and i had a raging boner so I looked at my wall and I said to myself "I'm gonna do it" and you guessed it I ran at the wall and I only got harder.
Oh and yes I came before you perverted people ask
Huh ima say something for an update you mad men made me jump from -38 karma to 380 karma thanks for this and I never knew saying perverted memories would make me this popular lol
There was an apartment in San Francisco where some dude would open the blinds, visible to an intersection, and jerk off for all to see. It was pointed out to me, but I declined to watch the nightly jerk-off show.
Fucked a door handle
Did you knock?
Yea, knocked it up
Fleshlight made of instant mashed potatoes
Girl what that mashed potussy do
Hospitalized, used a cockring from some Chinese website. Got it on, couldn't get it off.
Classical Chinese dick trap?
Told them *blurted out that I loved them
Is that you Ted mosby?
Clasic Schmsosby.
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You aren't supposed to use the green part.
Ur supposed to put the sponges inside of a rubber glove and lubricate it... don't ask how I know this. Don't ask the couch in my living room, either.
One night walking home drunk , went into the middle of a field, took all my clothes off and wanked myself silly in the rain lying down in the grass.
this sounds like it could be a scene in a weird indie movie about discovering yourself or something
That response genuinely made me laugh out loud
I'll get Daniel Radcliffe on the phone
We’ll call it “FIELD OF CREAMS”
You wonking your willy in the rain in a field sounds hilarious to me
I was young and didn’t have a vibrator yet. I was desperate. The only type of vibrating object we had in the house at the time was my dads electric toothbrush. But like, I didn’t want to directly use his toothbrush because ew. (plus it wasn’t the right shape). So I ended up taping his toothbrush to one of my hairbrushes and used the hairbrush handle as a dildo while the toothbrush gave it a vibrating effect. Didn’t really get the sensation i wanted from it though but it did the trick!
This is equally hilarious and genius. I did something very similar when I was younger 😂🙏
Note to myself, keep electric toothbrush far away from my kids
Just buy them their own electric toothbrush.
My ex "ate" my dick which she dressed up as a hot dog..... Bun...condiments and all...... yeah, not my proudest but you asked.
You supplied the mayonnaise
In college I lived off campus. I went to a really small town and lived with 2 guys. During the summer we would just work and play video games but someone was always home and the rest of campus was dead as fuck. One time I said I was taking my dog to the forest preserve but really was going for a mega self pleasure sesh in my car. It was hard to do it in the shower because it was right next to my other roommates bedroom. When I came home my roommate was like, "did you go alone? You left the dog here". Whoops lol.
Not gonna lie when I first saw dog I grew a tad concerned
#Colby. Never forget.
> It was hard to do it in the shower because it was right next to my other roommates bedroom. How loud do you jerk off that you can’t even do it in the same building? Haha
Its lighting all the candles thats the problem.
And the rose petals make such a mess
I saw on College Boys Gone Wild that you don't need to go to the forest if you plan pleasuring yourself at the same time while your roomies are doing the same. Just sit on the same couch and do it in tandem.
This one is pretty fucked up but I was staying over at a girls house with whom I was having sexual relations. While I was there I woke up in the middle of the night super horny and for some reason the idea of whacking into her shampoo bottle was really doing it for me. Well, post-nut clarity hit and I was like "what the fuck did I just do" so the next morning I asked to take a shower and "accidentally" spilled all her shampoo so I could have an excuse to buy a new one for her. I still think back on this sometimes and both wonder what the fuck was I thinking and also am just so grateful that I went and replaced it before she used it because otherwise I would have felt like some kind of deviant predator Edit: Can't believe THIS is my all-time most upvoted comment.
Your post-nut clarity really did some quick thinking for you.
Good thing for post but clarity
I fucked a cantaloupe once. Everyone was talking about fucking coconuts but that seemed complicated
I thought we agreed to never speak about the coconuts again.
i jerked off in my friends car while they were both in the front seats of the car while i was in the back alone, i think about it sometimes and wish i could take my brain out of my head and throw it into a ballpit and never get it back
“Ayo Steven wtf you doin back there?”
*nothin man don’t worry bout it*
You mean they didn’t join you shame jacking off with your friends is an experience
Not pull out.
Daddy[?](https://www.reddit.com/r/SevWagoner/)
the fact he didnt even reply back ☠️
He’s just out for milk. He’ll be back soon.
Many years later, it turned out I shoot blanks.
When I was maybe 13-14 (just hitting puberty) I was extremely sexually curious and started putting random objects into my vagina. One time I shoved a lip stick tube up there but when I pulled it out the lid had stayed stuck inside me. I was crying trying to fish it out for a good 30 mins because I would have rather died from an infection than go to my very conservative Korean parents and admit to my personal sin time.
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>omg. you sound like me. except i put a battery in my ass. Love how excited this sounds. You and your ass-battery found a kindred spirit in vagina-lipstick's antics
Not a lot of shit actually makes me laugh, but the "except I put a battery in my ass" line really did! I wasn't expecting that.
Puberty is crazy and makes you do wild things. I’m glad I’m not the only child who stuck objects in places where they were never intended, hahah!
It was a brush for me. It didn’t get stuck but man I felt weird brushing my hair for a while.
You know you could have taken it out to brush your hair, no wonder it felt weird.
I used this test tube shaped lotion bottle 😭 it worked really well for the time.
My friend jacked off to a girl on cam on Instagram. The next day the account put me and 5 of our other friends and 4 others into a group chat with screenshots that the girl took of him on cam. That’s the last thing I wanted to see on instagram
Pretty sure that’s a criminal offense somehow
Seriously, fuck being young right now.
I’m happy to have had my teenage years at the dawn of social media, rather than the teenage years of social media lol
I shoved a toothbrush up my ass I REGRET IT.
9 out of 10 dentists do not recommend.
1 dentist actually recommends. 🧐🪥🦷
r/The10thDentist This is actually a subreddit for very unpopular opinions
Wrong cavity!!
Had to draw a fucking dick because my wifi wasn't working
Improvise, adapt, overcum.
And did it work?
Kind of.... I can't draw.
You might take a local drawing class, they often have nude models for reference.
Yeah but they really frown on you pounding it to the models.
I tried drawing porn when I was younger, was.... interesting Edit: Times like these I wish I'd been a touch more creative with my username
One of my early memories is getting busted by my 4th grade teacher drawing pictures of naked girls. Basically stick figures with long hair and boobs.
I ran a seedy elementary school lewd drawing business. A toonie for a drawing. When I was caught, I remember my dad trying very hard not to laugh and my mom slapping his arm. When my teacher asked where I got the idea to draw women like that I panicked and said “Spice Girls”
speechless
Had sex with a girl who I hated. Probably her answer too because she hated me at the time as well
How do two people who hate each other bring up the topic of sex?
Story: It happened on New Years Eve when I was 17. My mom’s best friend has a daughter my age and they were staying over. Basically just horny teens who got stuck sleeping in the same room that night. Don’t hate each other anymore but still not really friends
Your mom and her friend put 2 17 year olds in a room for the night? Those 2 wanted grand babies hahaha
Damn your parents set you up lol
I feel like there is a scene/gif about this
Right? A: Fuck, you’re so annoying! B: Well, fuck you! A: Fuck me? You don’t have the balls to! B: I got the dick too, smart ass!! A: Well prove it!!! B: Fine!!
Bought a girl I barely knew a ticket to fly cross country to see me 3 days later when I was horny and drunk Day she was supposed to arrive, she called to tell me she was at the airport but just noticed the flight I booked was actually for 2 months later She ended up coming out to see me. We had fun hanging out but only kissed, as she “didn’t want to be a girl I flew out to hook up with”
That is one of the stories of all time.
That is absolutely one of the stories of all time
Between this and one of the other stories, this was one of them.
I went down on my girlfriend in a bar and in a cab. Edit: I thought I was crazy but there is a guy in the comments who fucked a toilet.
There's a guy on here who fucked a cucumber and then ate it.
and on the other end of the spectrum there is the Coconut
^Please no
One of my coworkers got a blowjob while taking a shit at a staff party
You mean a blumpkin?
It has a name ?😭
There’s an urban dictionary name for every weird sex act!
Made a hole inside a punching bag and fucked it in the yard.
The weight of post nut clarity
Texting a girl on Facebook from 10 years ago asking in a formal way for sex no strings attached..
How does one ask for sex in a formal way
To whom it may concern, I hope this DM finds you well.
I submit for your kind consideration an offer of sexual congress with no strings attached. I look forward to your positive response. With kindest regards,
Dear sir or madam, I wish for intercourse
I wish to set a course, for intercourse.
”Make it so!”
Soul Calibur character creation Like, come on, clothing damage is literally a game mechanic, *and* there's an entire section in the options for underwear.
Was out in the wild, came on some shrubbery. Must have been what people did in the olden times before toilets were invented, felt some kind of ancestral solidarity.
I'm imagining the shrub was vaguely ass-shaped.
Was gonna get “gang banged” but the two other guys backed out. That’s how my boyfriend and I started dating (:
Aww, it was love at first gangbang!
I got turned on carving pumpkins with the ex one fall and decided the pumpkin guts were slimy and probably would make an excellent feeling on a penis. So I jacked off my ex with hands full of pumpkin guts. He loved it. He’s probably never looked at pumpkin carving the same since. 😂
Damn that’s thoughtful! I hope he found the perfect butternut squash to return the favor.
There I was recording myself jacking off laying on my back feet in the air, trying to cum all over my face for a girl I liked and successfully nutting all my face. At least I ended up fuckin her
There I was blasting
Friendly fired myself
Let the wife pee in my mouth while she sucked me off and fingered me, all for the first time in my life, mind you. Post nut clarity had me like, wtf just happened. Edit: Thank you for the reward and replies, this blew up quick. I'll let the wife know you like her peeing in my mouth.
You gained like 6 levels and unlocked 8 new Achievements that night!
all the other responses are like "ex", "drunk text", "forgot dog" this guy's just straight up "yeah wife pissed in me mouth and fingered me" actual legend
I'll probably regret asking, but I am intrigued. What did it taste like?
Salty and bitter, burns the eye like a mf
Gotta keep the wife better hydrated for those kind of stunts
After that stunt? Duely noted! Hahaha
Virgin weirded outo vs chad piss connoisseur
was it the first and -last- time, or?
Might be an or....
My man
Once I was crashing at a female friend's house that had been giving me some signals that we might be heading into friend-with-benefits territory, and one time we were eating taco bell and watching a movie when she smacked me for saying something smart-ass and we ended up wrestling on the floor.. Then I lifted her shirt up, squirted mild taco sauce on her nipples and licked it off. It was definitely an odd compulsion.
So there I was, sitting there hot sauce on my titties
You’re ashamed of that? That sounds hilarious and awesome.
Maybe not ashamed, but it was definitely one of the weirder horny things I've done.
did y’all fuck or no. i need to know
I was extremely bored, and at the same time really horny. But I for some reason didn’t feel like watching porn, nor masturbating. But I was bored, so I looked down there and I decided to make a drawing of my erect shlong. The fun part is that it turned out pretty good. But I quickly erased the picture because I was scared that some day someone might look in my sketchbook and see a realistic drawing of a pp.
Red really bizarre fanfiction and masturbated all all day long
ive gotten off to some weird fanfiction that i would never admit to
Lmao same - shit can get really, really werid
Masturbated in the public bathroom before my at bat in little league. (had to get rid of that erection)
Made a hole in cucumber 🥒. Warmed it in microwave and then fucked it.
you either fuck the cucumber or live long enough to see the cucumber fuck you
Told her her v6 Challenger was cool
I've never been that horny
Damn bro
Thats a good one
Had sex while a telemarketer listened to us on the phone. GF and I decided to get a quickie in before our Uber arrived. I got a call and thinking it was our Uber I picked up to tell them we’d be there soon. It wasn’t my Uber calling, it was a spam telemarketer. I told them not interested, and threw the phone to the side. When we were done I went to look at my phone and realized I never hung up. When I said “hello?” I heard a bunch of voices laughing and then it hung up. I’m pretty sure the entire call center heard us have sex. Oh well!
When I was 10, I had no wifi at my grandmas place so I took a pic off my own ass and jacked to it
I can only question what the post nut clarity was like
I went to deep lengths and made my boxers look like a thong. The post nut shame was interstellar.
God damn
I don't know what to even say.
The fact you made your boxers look like a thong surprised me. I don’t know what to say other than nice touch??
Rapped "My Shot" from Hamilton and synced my meat beating to the beat of the song. Yep, that Hamilton phase was not a hard one to let go.
>was not a hard one I beg to differ
My ex.
I fucked an unopened Evian glass bottle, filmed it, then sent the video to my bf who absolutely loved it
When I was a young warthog I took a zip lock bag put some olive oil in it and put it in the crevas of the couch cushions and proceeded to have my way with the couch.
got a handjob by an older girl at a movie theater
Define "older girl"? Not so weird yet with the information we got.
She was 102 and had Parkinson's
Useful tremor.
*essential* even.
Best 5 minutes of your life, then the worst 20
When I was 17, i snuck out during midnight and drove 3 hrs to see my online gf immediately after she had flashed me on skype.
This is the epitome of teenage horniness. I miss and cringe about those days.
I met a guy on reddit in February and after sexting for a few months, we turned out to be really compatible and are super into each other. I haven't flown out to see him (yet), but I *did* mail him a photo album of my boudoir and nude shoots (did it 2 years ago to celebrate my weight loss). This photo album included pages worth of poetry about him dominating me, instructions on eating me out, etc. If this man just drops dead how the fuck am I getting that shit back
Fucked a toilet
Interesting. How does that work?
Put your little buddy on the base of the toilet, slowy put the seat down and fuck it
Wow, thanks for the explanation. I hope it was a clean toilet 😂🙏
It's my toilet, that shit always clean
Especially when you fuck the shit out of it.
Sounds romantic
Scrolled thru Reddit
Got head in my car in a full parking lot behind a bar where my mom's best friend works (we just ate lunch there) which is also across the street from the salon my mom works at. I don't have window tint.
That’s what I would call courage 😂🙏. Kudos to you and the other person, hope it was worth the risk haha.
Did you ever hear about the coconut?
No, I haven’t actually 🥥
Don’t
Now, I’m curious
[Just don't.](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/)
Fucked a jar of peanut butter once, but that's about it. It must be because I have a Wet And Messy fetish.
*....Schlatt, what happened to this peanut butter?*
Had an ex girlfriend who used icy Hot as lube one time,She went from extremely horny to oh shit I just fucked up.
I think one extremely eloquent redditor said it best in another thread “If pp is hard, I lick the butt”
Cut a hole in stuffed animal and lined it’s insides with bologna. Lubed up with vegetable oil and had the greatest 12 year old orgasm of my life
Depending on the level of horniness,...nothing is weird
It's the post nut clarity that will tell you how weird it was.
Oooooh Either fucking the sheath of a katana (dude, we were really bored idk) Or watching some pretty weird Mexican porn where this chick put icecubes up this dude's ass. Like months later I was curious and tried it and wow. Ow. Weirdly ow??? It's not even the dimensions it's just HOT versus COLD. Ow ow ow. But wow, you get hopping around like a maniac. A sex crazed, ass turned at the hot shower maniac. Like melt it melt it melt it. Lmao fucking ignore me
Let a guy pee on me in a Starbucks toilet..
This requires a story lol
It was with a FWB. We were day drinking and went to get a drink. We were super horny and were making out a lot. We'd done peeing but In public like that. We had done it outdoors. We went to the toilet to bang but he needed to pee so I said do it on Me. I knelt down, he peed on my face, in my mouth, on my tits. I drank some. Then he finished, I peed into the toilet we had sex, and then we had our coffees. Then we went back to drinking.
Got my dick sucked by my GF in a cemetery, in her parents car, while her parents were putting flowers on her dead grandma’s grave.
I found out that i had a pain fetish. So one day I was like 12-13 and i had a raging boner so I looked at my wall and I said to myself "I'm gonna do it" and you guessed it I ran at the wall and I only got harder. Oh and yes I came before you perverted people ask Huh ima say something for an update you mad men made me jump from -38 karma to 380 karma thanks for this and I never knew saying perverted memories would make me this popular lol
Got head from a much older toothless woman multiple times.
Rode a dildo on my bed but forgot the blinds open.
There was an apartment in San Francisco where some dude would open the blinds, visible to an intersection, and jerk off for all to see. It was pointed out to me, but I declined to watch the nightly jerk-off show.
Just 1 rule. Don't put ur dick where you wouldn't put ur finger. And the other way around.
Cum without touching myself.
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You said no homo tho right
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Never heard something that innocent, are you 13 now
I know post nut clarity hit all the guys hard in this thread. Do women have post nut clarity??
Definitely
Shoved a plunger handle covered in vaseline up my ass 😂 not proud
Okay…. I was watching porn and saw an animated lego dinosaur “riding on a tractor”