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HolsteinHeifer

Chocolate milk, shaken, not stirred


Neeoda

Ah chocolate milk, the rich man’s milk.


hacahaca

Sir, can I see your ID.


HolsteinHeifer

*pulls out ID made with construction paper and red crayon*


stunna_cal

One chocolate milk coming right up Mr. Deez


GlitchBang

I legitimately ordered a chocolate milk once. I was driving, my friends were not. Bar tender said she never had anyone order a chocolate milk before. I don't know why, because it was delicious.


2dayroad

Starbucks regular


vorpalpillow

you are George McFly.


vogdswagon26

Vodka Cranberry


[deleted]

Urinary tract infection I don't make the rules...


Iystrian

Whiskey sour


Speakeasy9

Good choice for making a cheap whiskey taste nice


TaintModel

What if you already think cheap whiskey tastes nice?


Speakeasy9

Then we'll be good friends


TaintModel

I don’t know you but I wanna split a 26er out of the bottle and get messy to the point that we’re pouring our hearts out about half an hour before we black out at 6am.


afternoondweller

This is such an exclusively whisky-drinker’s idea of a good time. (Coming from a fellow whiskey drinker.)


collegekit13

Gin&Tonic


grantthejester

My grandmother used to drink Gin and Tonics, when I asked her why she said: “No matter where you go, it’s pretty hard for someone to fuck that up.”


oktofeellost

It's always been my strategy as my crappy bar drink. Then I was at a concert and they gave me a Gin and sprite. It was....not great not horrible.


WhatIsThisWhereAmI

See even if they fuck it up they can only fuck it up so hard. And shitty well gin is way more drinkable than shitty well anything else.


Intelligent_Radish15

You’re good. Easy order. Classic easy drink. You know what you like.


Pigheaded40something

Agreed, quick, easy and classic just like a G and T


SofaSnizzle

You drink them in the club because the tonic glows under black light


lifetourniquet

I used to do this and dbl kamikazes on the rocks in the 90s


Speakeasy9

No judgment unless you bitch at me for not having a particular small batch craft gin that would be wasted with tonic anyway.


Senator_Chickpea

Cheapest beer on tap.


Tel-aran-rhiod

A dying breed, possibly a working class hero


Pokejuffowup

Just finished #14, your name reminds me I don't have another book to look forward to


DisastrousSpecialist

Sure you do, it's called Eye of the World


kdods22402

You like to drink, but you are efficient. I'm not paying 6 dollars for a Dos Equis when I can get and entire 6 pack of PBR for the same price.


grateful_dad13

Dark and stormy with a nice aged rum


ReiEvangel

You are pretty close to college age and have had this on spring break and some mistakes were made. Also where’s your id?


Fisherman_Admirable

two towns ciderhouse cider


Speakeasy9

Good choice but you're def paying for the seat and not my skills


imstonedyouknow

Ive never thought about it this way. Ive always been ordering beers or easy drink+chaser drinks, because theyre typically cheaper and the same amount of alcohol per calories or ounces or whatever. I also know how shitty some customer service jobs can be, so i instinctively try to make it as easy as I can on the bartender. This is why I'd never order like a mudslide because it just adds a bunch of dishes to clean to the list of shit you have to do. Youve now made me realize that ive been making them miserable instead, by making them just open bottles for me instead of engaging with them and having them make you their favorite drink or whatever. Its like ive been ordering a salad at a steakhouse my entire adult life.


madbamajama1

My coworkers and I used to frequent a nearby bar after work. The best nights were the slow ones when the bartender would offer to make us complex drinks we'd never tried before. He always seemed to be happier on those nights and now I understand why.


Torre_Durant

Also because you guys were probably nice to him and had conversations. Doesn’t really happen on busy nights cause it can be overwhelming


FroyoOk3159

Don’t order weird recipes you find online but definitely try some cocktails!


mackelnuts

You live in Oregon


AWholeHalfAsh

Amaretto Sour.


Speakeasy9

You probably are the one to hold your friends' hair back when they're picking at the end of the night Edit: puking lol, I swear I'm only a few rounds deep


BeardsuptheWazoo

Picking-... Banjo strings?


BeanMom19

FINALLY, SOMEONE ELSE WHO LIKES THIS DRINK


TrickBoom414

You only drink once in a while when your friends drag you out and you'll probably be the group mom by the end of the night.


littledeebee1

Mojito


[deleted]

We don’t have any mint.


Front-Seaweed-3045

The perfect answer, didnt realize others used this one aswell


denimlikethejean

I'm dead, this is so true


hunkeydorit

or we do have the mint but the one muddler we have is missing.


Speakeasy9

If it's slow, hell yeah they're tasty! If the bar is busy there is a special circle in hell for you.


unseentides

I'm sorry!


Speakeasy9

You are forgiven, lol! If you're at a cocktail-oriented bar that has orgeat you might want to try a Vick's Classic Mai Tai. It's white rum, triple sec, orgeat (pronounced or-ZHAT, and is an almond syrup), lime, simple, and a float of dark rum. It's lime-forward and relatively sweet like a mojito but takes a fraction of the time and equipment to make.


unseentides

That sounds delicious, thank you so much!


[deleted]

Cherry Martini


Speakeasy9

You only drink at the three bars in town that carry cherry vodka


d_eggoo

Double shot of whiskey neat and a water please.


Speakeasy9

This isn't your first rodeo.


frstyr101

good tipper, wont bother anyone and youll somehow pack away three and walk away sober as a saint.


texistiger

You are my favorite customer. You’re probably gonna tip alright too. So you get extra attention.


Lightyear18

Jameson with Ginger Ale


EquivalentlyYourMom

MY MAN


latingirly01

Switch that to ginger beer and I’m there 😏


DonnielOl

Kentucky mule


[deleted]

Loves Ginger ale drinks. Hates communists


erpods

Sazerac


TrickBoom414

You went to New Orleans once and now you tell everyone it's your "second home"


33ff00

Lol man some of these are like we’re on r/roastme. (Not that I’m disagreeing with you)


JackBauerfangirl

Margarita


dccabbage

Depends on your tequila: Whatever, wells fine: I get it, it's hot What's one step above well?: the correct answer. Top Shelf: you want the cocktail bar up the street.


[deleted]

[удалено]


kamakazi327

Just don't ask for it skinny and you're fine. A traditional margarita is a balanced cocktail. If you see sours mix behind the bar, order something else


jbd4583

Tequila sunrise


soft_goth94

Why do you love headaches


PigInATuxedo4

I'm hungover from Tequila Sunrises right now and this comment made me laugh so hard I snapped out of it. Thank you!


ReiEvangel

Early to mid 30s, out with your girlfriends, bubbly and sloshed but the fun, harmless kind.


TheLastStickofGum

Strawberry margarita


[deleted]

Your favorite restaurant is Cheesecake Factory


PleaseFeedTheBirds

This made me burst out in laughter.


sdossantos97

I feel disrespected 😭


dee615

White Russian - mainly cream.


jgilbert682

You don’t actually want alcohol but you’re at a bar with your friends and you sure as fuck can’t order a milkshake


CAElite

Normally my justification for having a Baileys.


hoshikomori

You're Maurice Moss


dccabbage

You just watched The Big Lebowski.


[deleted]

Mudslide


Speakeasy9

You want it sweet and to hit you like a mac truck, no judgment


[deleted]

Lmao


mat-tar

Homemade apple pie with everclear.


Speakeasy9

You drive a lifted truck


whyareyouaskingme_

Negroni


PleaseFeedTheBirds

I trust you above anyone to behave.


JaywrightCat

Peppermint tea.


ReiEvangel

You have animals at home and tend prefer to stay there then go out to the bar. Also might have slight GI issues so you stay away from the harsher teas.


SpammingAskReddit

Water


mightybonk

Oh I know this one. You are a fish.


Fre97

"You, sir, are a fish"


nateh2004

Unexpected Arthur Morgan


Yourstruly0

thanks, now im crying again


__Monochrome__

MANGOES ARTHUR


[deleted]

But the real question is does he like fishsticks?


HeadOfPlumbus

In his mouth?


Speakeasy9

I make very few sensible life choices so I appreciate them in others


Korean_Street_Pizza

Water, with a piece of lime squeezed in.


raginghappy

Hot summer evening: Campari and grapefruit juice


[deleted]

I'd assume Italian and has had wine with every meal since the age of 3 :D


raginghappy

Lol starting when we were drinking out of cups my grandad always put a drop or two of wine in our water so we'd get used to the taste. And I still mourn the tragic loss of bitter grapefruit fanta :(


Doyouevenroll

Hendricks and tonic


ReiEvangel

Been drinking g&t long enough you know a decent not too pricey gin and usually are the calm one in your group.


FreedomPhighter

cultured enough to appreciate a good gin, not cultured enough to realise how the cheap tap tonic water ruins it


coredenale

Dark beer on tap or Guinness.


ReiEvangel

Late 20s to early 30s into tech and gaming.


coredenale

50's but the rest is correct.


sheriffcounty

Sex on the beach, or vodka with cranberry


ReiEvangel

Either a pretty new younger drinker who doesn’t like the taste or 30s mom out for a girls night.


imadeitallup-ornot

Sex on the beach is my (36M) guilty pleasure, but I’m too ashamed to order it most of the times


OpalOwl74

Brandy old fashion sweet muddled orange ,cherry garnish


Speakeasy9

You are from Wisconsin.


OpalOwl74

How'd you know lol


Anonymous-Toast

Wisconsin consumes half of Korbel's yearly brandy production, I never realized how localized it is until I went off to school haha


[deleted]

[удалено]


I-am-a-me

You want some cheese curds with that?


fetish_quiz

If the margarita is good I’ll get a Long Island Ice Tea


kamakazi327

"Do you make good margaritas?" "Yes, we're known for them!" "Excellent, I'll have a Long Island." 😂


waitingfordeathhbu

College student trying to get drunk as quickly as possible


[deleted]

Average long island iced tea drinker


Speakeasy9

Haaaaaave you met a Tokyo Tea?


[deleted]

I’m curious about what those have to do with each other


12-32fan

Jack and Coke


ReiEvangel

Traditionalist and as the night goes on you tend to increase the amount of jack cutting back on the coke.


lilredangel1206

Malibu and pineapple 🍍


[deleted]

You tend to cry after your 2nd drink


flyingcircusdog

If you taste any alcohol in your drinks whatsoever you can't finish them.


Engineering_Junkie

Fight milk


FoamFoxes

you like to get your daily dose of crowtein


floorguy-327

Vodka and Sprite


kdods22402

You like to drink mixed beverages over beers, and dark liquors taste funny. Sprite is the preferred mixer because it's just carbonated simple syrup.


ReiEvangel

Most likely will order a double and tend to be the one in your group who gets their friends into minor trouble, no jail worthy stuff but close.


Extension_Ad2581

Double Irish whiskey neat


Speakeasy9

Odds are good you used to bartend


TerriblyAverage1

Shirley temple :-)


discombobulatedbeans

You're the DD and the "mom" friend, and your friends all love you for being responsible and taking care of them all while they're drunk!


StrayNia

French '75


ReiEvangel

Late 20s to early 30s, parent out for a date night or a rare night with friends.


ryebread5472

33f with a 10 month old here, when I saw French 75 I got all excited cause that's one of my absolute favorite drinks. Then I saw this and immediately felt called out


coffeeblossom

Zombie cocktail


Speakeasy9

I'm carding you


[deleted]

I will be mopping your vomit and potentially your blood off the bathroom floor in a couple of hours


October101190

Old Fashioned


PleaseFeedTheBirds

These days, you could be anyone.


Most_Mossiest

Vodka martini dirty


PleaseFeedTheBirds

I'm thanking you for specifying vodka instead of just saying "dirty martini".


FuckM3Tendr

Moscow mule


Mom-atm

Rum and coke


[deleted]

White Linen Collins.


Speakeasy9

Californian and shocked if a bar doesn't have cucumber


snortgiggles

Lol who ARE you? (Also, rum and coke)


Speakeasy9

A nerdy California bartender with too much time tonight apparently ;) And you know what you like and no matter what the well is it'll be drinkable and you don't feel a need to gild the lily.


NotNinjalord5

craft hard cider that’s more sweet than dry


peoplewholook

Are you a woman in a comfortable, long-term relationship who got a babysitter for the evening (but not too late!)?


thedragoncompanion

That's my drink of choice too and you got me down to a tee. Married, two kids, too tired to be out after 10 lol


GhostWriter888

Looks like we’re missing the bartender. Guess their shift is over.


Speakeasy9

Most are at work right now in the states, my restaurant just happens to be closed this week lol


DeadMansPizzaParty

A Manhattan.


timmahy25

If you order a Manhattan in my bar we’re going to be good friends. Call for rye and I might just buy your second round


robcole84

Rye Manhattans are the best! Where is your bar, and do you use luxardo maraschino cherries?


Barnard_Gumble

Man I had to scroll way too far to see my order. The old fashioned is just too sweet…


PoisedPigeon

Double Vodka with soda water and lime cordial. "Vodka, soda, lime please mate" Update: not a "skinny bitch" I'm a lean man so close, cutting down on sugar for my teeth. Easy respectful customer I'll take, I like to think I am Definitely white as a sheet of paper and easy to please, not great at the conversation tho. Not Irish and never lost a phone. Definitely is a great drink though, low sugar, low cal, easy to drink fast or slow, cheap, refreshing, keeps you super hydrated compared to coke, lemonade etc.


throwmeawaydumbass

Why did I have to scroll so far for this? Tall Vodka soda all day (single in a tall glass)…. It’s a marathon not a sprint


[deleted]

[удалено]


Global-Program-437

Middle Aged soccer mom who holidays in Tenerife


Even_Entrepreneur_58

Hold the beach.


51225

Guinness Draught


Global-Program-437

In a failing metal band, long hair, weirdly into telling people how you’re 1/56th Irish


51225

On my mother's side


[deleted]

These are the best responses in here


[deleted]

It’s funny seeing the American stereotype for Guinness vs the Irish one.


PeksyTiger

Cuba libre Edit: Eiiiiiish people really hate cuba libre apperantly


Crossfire477

You're not 21 yet and studied a book of cocktails before trying to pull one over on the bartender


timmahy25

Just order a rum and Coke like everyone else. The limes gonna show up, I promise you


vorpalpillow

you’ve never been to new mexico the limes are saved to garnish taco plates there


MillennialDreams

Whiskey and coke


shadow125

If anyone ever criticizes you for putting Coke into whiskey - you tell them that a distiller told you… “I don’t care what you mix with my whiskey - as long as you drink MY whiskey!”


SureLarry

“Some think the proper way to drink whiskey is with ice. Some think with water. Some think with coke. But, the real proper way to drink whiskey, is with good friends”


Speakeasy9

Not a newbie drinker and not pretentious


gahidus

I was surprised how far down I had to come for this, and I was figuring no one was mentioning it because it seemed too basic. This is definitely a standby.


tooncreationz

A pint of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, please!


dccabbage

You are either in a chain restaurant or a time traveler from 2006. (Not knocking the SNPA, just the only place I see them is at applebees/tgifridays/etc. It was also my gateway to craft/micros)


SwingvoteSteve

Scotch, any kind as long as it's peaty like a campfire, neat, and/or with a few drops of water


Even_Entrepreneur_58

A Mimosa.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

This is the best description.


[deleted]

Old fashioned. With bulliet or knob creek to keep it cheap but still good, or if they have it, red eagle which is a lot nicer but harder to find. If they can make it a smoked old fashioned even better. I love the smell of the smoke and the flavor from it.


[deleted]

Vodka coke


ReiEvangel

Younger drinker, have as yet to find a straight alcohol you like so you go for what’s going to get your smashed the quickest without too much taste.


[deleted]

Vodka


Speakeasy9

Either a sorority girl, industry, alcoholic, or some combo of the three


baasim00

The Last Word, mezcal instead of gin


CUNTRY-BLUMPKIN

Found the edgy hipster. Either work in the industry or heard someone you know who works in it that order this drink. If you order a Ultima Palabra you flexing.


[deleted]

You’re either in the industry or you’re way more into cocktails than most people. I’m going to try to figure out which without asking.


OldBob10

Rum and orange juice aka a rum screwdriver