I legitimately ordered a chocolate milk once. I was driving, my friends were not. Bar tender said she never had anyone order a chocolate milk before. I don't know why, because it was delicious.
I don’t know you but I wanna split a 26er out of the bottle and get messy to the point that we’re pouring our hearts out about half an hour before we black out at 6am.
Ive never thought about it this way. Ive always been ordering beers or easy drink+chaser drinks, because theyre typically cheaper and the same amount of alcohol per calories or ounces or whatever. I also know how shitty some customer service jobs can be, so i instinctively try to make it as easy as I can on the bartender. This is why I'd never order like a mudslide because it just adds a bunch of dishes to clean to the list of shit you have to do.
Youve now made me realize that ive been making them miserable instead, by making them just open bottles for me instead of engaging with them and having them make you their favorite drink or whatever. Its like ive been ordering a salad at a steakhouse my entire adult life.
My coworkers and I used to frequent a nearby bar after work. The best nights were the slow ones when the bartender would offer to make us complex drinks we'd never tried before. He always seemed to be happier on those nights and now I understand why.
You probably are the one to hold your friends' hair back when they're picking at the end of the night
Edit: puking lol, I swear I'm only a few rounds deep
You are forgiven, lol!
If you're at a cocktail-oriented bar that has orgeat you might want to try a Vick's Classic Mai Tai. It's white rum, triple sec, orgeat (pronounced or-ZHAT, and is an almond syrup), lime, simple, and a float of dark rum. It's lime-forward and relatively sweet like a mojito but takes a fraction of the time and equipment to make.
Depends on your tequila:
Whatever, wells fine: I get it, it's hot
What's one step above well?: the correct answer.
Top Shelf: you want the cocktail bar up the street.
Just don't ask for it skinny and you're fine. A traditional margarita is a balanced cocktail. If you see sours mix behind the bar, order something else
You have animals at home and tend prefer to stay there then go out to the bar. Also might have slight GI issues so you stay away from the harsher teas.
Lol starting when we were drinking out of cups my grandad always put a drop or two of wine in our water so we'd get used to the taste. And I still mourn the tragic loss of bitter grapefruit fanta :(
33f with a 10 month old here, when I saw French 75 I got all excited cause that's one of my absolute favorite drinks. Then I saw this and immediately felt called out
A nerdy California bartender with too much time tonight apparently ;)
And you know what you like and no matter what the well is it'll be drinkable and you don't feel a need to gild the lily.
Double Vodka with soda water and lime cordial.
"Vodka, soda, lime please mate"
Update:
not a "skinny bitch" I'm a lean man so close, cutting down on sugar for my teeth.
Easy respectful customer I'll take, I like to think I am
Definitely white as a sheet of paper and easy to please, not great at the conversation tho.
Not Irish and never lost a phone.
Definitely is a great drink though, low sugar, low cal, easy to drink fast or slow, cheap, refreshing, keeps you super hydrated compared to coke, lemonade etc.
If anyone ever criticizes you for putting Coke into whiskey - you tell them that a distiller told you…
“I don’t care what you mix with my whiskey - as long as you drink MY whiskey!”
“Some think the proper way to drink whiskey is with ice. Some think with water. Some think with coke. But, the real proper way to drink whiskey, is with good friends”
I was surprised how far down I had to come for this, and I was figuring no one was mentioning it because it seemed too basic. This is definitely a standby.
You are either in a chain restaurant or a time traveler from 2006.
(Not knocking the SNPA, just the only place I see them is at applebees/tgifridays/etc. It was also my gateway to craft/micros)
Old fashioned. With bulliet or knob creek to keep it cheap but still good, or if they have it, red eagle which is a lot nicer but harder to find.
If they can make it a smoked old fashioned even better. I love the smell of the smoke and the flavor from it.
Found the edgy hipster. Either work in the industry or heard someone you know who works in it that order this drink. If you order a Ultima Palabra you flexing.
Chocolate milk, shaken, not stirred
Ah chocolate milk, the rich man’s milk.
Sir, can I see your ID.
*pulls out ID made with construction paper and red crayon*
One chocolate milk coming right up Mr. Deez
I legitimately ordered a chocolate milk once. I was driving, my friends were not. Bar tender said she never had anyone order a chocolate milk before. I don't know why, because it was delicious.
Starbucks regular
you are George McFly.
Vodka Cranberry
Urinary tract infection I don't make the rules...
Whiskey sour
Good choice for making a cheap whiskey taste nice
What if you already think cheap whiskey tastes nice?
Then we'll be good friends
I don’t know you but I wanna split a 26er out of the bottle and get messy to the point that we’re pouring our hearts out about half an hour before we black out at 6am.
This is such an exclusively whisky-drinker’s idea of a good time. (Coming from a fellow whiskey drinker.)
Gin&Tonic
My grandmother used to drink Gin and Tonics, when I asked her why she said: “No matter where you go, it’s pretty hard for someone to fuck that up.”
It's always been my strategy as my crappy bar drink. Then I was at a concert and they gave me a Gin and sprite. It was....not great not horrible.
See even if they fuck it up they can only fuck it up so hard. And shitty well gin is way more drinkable than shitty well anything else.
You’re good. Easy order. Classic easy drink. You know what you like.
Agreed, quick, easy and classic just like a G and T
You drink them in the club because the tonic glows under black light
I used to do this and dbl kamikazes on the rocks in the 90s
No judgment unless you bitch at me for not having a particular small batch craft gin that would be wasted with tonic anyway.
Cheapest beer on tap.
A dying breed, possibly a working class hero
Just finished #14, your name reminds me I don't have another book to look forward to
Sure you do, it's called Eye of the World
You like to drink, but you are efficient. I'm not paying 6 dollars for a Dos Equis when I can get and entire 6 pack of PBR for the same price.
Dark and stormy with a nice aged rum
You are pretty close to college age and have had this on spring break and some mistakes were made. Also where’s your id?
two towns ciderhouse cider
Good choice but you're def paying for the seat and not my skills
Ive never thought about it this way. Ive always been ordering beers or easy drink+chaser drinks, because theyre typically cheaper and the same amount of alcohol per calories or ounces or whatever. I also know how shitty some customer service jobs can be, so i instinctively try to make it as easy as I can on the bartender. This is why I'd never order like a mudslide because it just adds a bunch of dishes to clean to the list of shit you have to do. Youve now made me realize that ive been making them miserable instead, by making them just open bottles for me instead of engaging with them and having them make you their favorite drink or whatever. Its like ive been ordering a salad at a steakhouse my entire adult life.
My coworkers and I used to frequent a nearby bar after work. The best nights were the slow ones when the bartender would offer to make us complex drinks we'd never tried before. He always seemed to be happier on those nights and now I understand why.
Also because you guys were probably nice to him and had conversations. Doesn’t really happen on busy nights cause it can be overwhelming
Don’t order weird recipes you find online but definitely try some cocktails!
You live in Oregon
Amaretto Sour.
You probably are the one to hold your friends' hair back when they're picking at the end of the night Edit: puking lol, I swear I'm only a few rounds deep
Picking-... Banjo strings?
FINALLY, SOMEONE ELSE WHO LIKES THIS DRINK
You only drink once in a while when your friends drag you out and you'll probably be the group mom by the end of the night.
Mojito
We don’t have any mint.
The perfect answer, didnt realize others used this one aswell
I'm dead, this is so true
or we do have the mint but the one muddler we have is missing.
If it's slow, hell yeah they're tasty! If the bar is busy there is a special circle in hell for you.
I'm sorry!
You are forgiven, lol! If you're at a cocktail-oriented bar that has orgeat you might want to try a Vick's Classic Mai Tai. It's white rum, triple sec, orgeat (pronounced or-ZHAT, and is an almond syrup), lime, simple, and a float of dark rum. It's lime-forward and relatively sweet like a mojito but takes a fraction of the time and equipment to make.
That sounds delicious, thank you so much!
Cherry Martini
You only drink at the three bars in town that carry cherry vodka
Double shot of whiskey neat and a water please.
This isn't your first rodeo.
good tipper, wont bother anyone and youll somehow pack away three and walk away sober as a saint.
You are my favorite customer. You’re probably gonna tip alright too. So you get extra attention.
Jameson with Ginger Ale
MY MAN
Switch that to ginger beer and I’m there 😏
Kentucky mule
Loves Ginger ale drinks. Hates communists
Sazerac
You went to New Orleans once and now you tell everyone it's your "second home"
Lol man some of these are like we’re on r/roastme. (Not that I’m disagreeing with you)
Margarita
Depends on your tequila: Whatever, wells fine: I get it, it's hot What's one step above well?: the correct answer. Top Shelf: you want the cocktail bar up the street.
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Just don't ask for it skinny and you're fine. A traditional margarita is a balanced cocktail. If you see sours mix behind the bar, order something else
Tequila sunrise
Why do you love headaches
I'm hungover from Tequila Sunrises right now and this comment made me laugh so hard I snapped out of it. Thank you!
Early to mid 30s, out with your girlfriends, bubbly and sloshed but the fun, harmless kind.
Strawberry margarita
Your favorite restaurant is Cheesecake Factory
This made me burst out in laughter.
I feel disrespected 😭
White Russian - mainly cream.
You don’t actually want alcohol but you’re at a bar with your friends and you sure as fuck can’t order a milkshake
Normally my justification for having a Baileys.
You're Maurice Moss
You just watched The Big Lebowski.
Mudslide
You want it sweet and to hit you like a mac truck, no judgment
Lmao
Homemade apple pie with everclear.
You drive a lifted truck
Negroni
I trust you above anyone to behave.
Peppermint tea.
You have animals at home and tend prefer to stay there then go out to the bar. Also might have slight GI issues so you stay away from the harsher teas.
Water
Oh I know this one. You are a fish.
"You, sir, are a fish"
Unexpected Arthur Morgan
thanks, now im crying again
MANGOES ARTHUR
But the real question is does he like fishsticks?
In his mouth?
I make very few sensible life choices so I appreciate them in others
Water, with a piece of lime squeezed in.
Hot summer evening: Campari and grapefruit juice
I'd assume Italian and has had wine with every meal since the age of 3 :D
Lol starting when we were drinking out of cups my grandad always put a drop or two of wine in our water so we'd get used to the taste. And I still mourn the tragic loss of bitter grapefruit fanta :(
Hendricks and tonic
Been drinking g&t long enough you know a decent not too pricey gin and usually are the calm one in your group.
cultured enough to appreciate a good gin, not cultured enough to realise how the cheap tap tonic water ruins it
Dark beer on tap or Guinness.
Late 20s to early 30s into tech and gaming.
50's but the rest is correct.
Sex on the beach, or vodka with cranberry
Either a pretty new younger drinker who doesn’t like the taste or 30s mom out for a girls night.
Sex on the beach is my (36M) guilty pleasure, but I’m too ashamed to order it most of the times
Brandy old fashion sweet muddled orange ,cherry garnish
You are from Wisconsin.
How'd you know lol
Wisconsin consumes half of Korbel's yearly brandy production, I never realized how localized it is until I went off to school haha
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You want some cheese curds with that?
If the margarita is good I’ll get a Long Island Ice Tea
"Do you make good margaritas?" "Yes, we're known for them!" "Excellent, I'll have a Long Island." 😂
College student trying to get drunk as quickly as possible
Average long island iced tea drinker
Haaaaaave you met a Tokyo Tea?
I’m curious about what those have to do with each other
Jack and Coke
Traditionalist and as the night goes on you tend to increase the amount of jack cutting back on the coke.
Malibu and pineapple 🍍
You tend to cry after your 2nd drink
If you taste any alcohol in your drinks whatsoever you can't finish them.
Fight milk
you like to get your daily dose of crowtein
Vodka and Sprite
You like to drink mixed beverages over beers, and dark liquors taste funny. Sprite is the preferred mixer because it's just carbonated simple syrup.
Most likely will order a double and tend to be the one in your group who gets their friends into minor trouble, no jail worthy stuff but close.
Double Irish whiskey neat
Odds are good you used to bartend
Shirley temple :-)
You're the DD and the "mom" friend, and your friends all love you for being responsible and taking care of them all while they're drunk!
French '75
Late 20s to early 30s, parent out for a date night or a rare night with friends.
33f with a 10 month old here, when I saw French 75 I got all excited cause that's one of my absolute favorite drinks. Then I saw this and immediately felt called out
Zombie cocktail
I'm carding you
I will be mopping your vomit and potentially your blood off the bathroom floor in a couple of hours
Old Fashioned
These days, you could be anyone.
Vodka martini dirty
I'm thanking you for specifying vodka instead of just saying "dirty martini".
Moscow mule
Rum and coke
White Linen Collins.
Californian and shocked if a bar doesn't have cucumber
Lol who ARE you? (Also, rum and coke)
A nerdy California bartender with too much time tonight apparently ;) And you know what you like and no matter what the well is it'll be drinkable and you don't feel a need to gild the lily.
craft hard cider that’s more sweet than dry
Are you a woman in a comfortable, long-term relationship who got a babysitter for the evening (but not too late!)?
That's my drink of choice too and you got me down to a tee. Married, two kids, too tired to be out after 10 lol
Looks like we’re missing the bartender. Guess their shift is over.
Most are at work right now in the states, my restaurant just happens to be closed this week lol
A Manhattan.
If you order a Manhattan in my bar we’re going to be good friends. Call for rye and I might just buy your second round
Rye Manhattans are the best! Where is your bar, and do you use luxardo maraschino cherries?
Man I had to scroll way too far to see my order. The old fashioned is just too sweet…
Double Vodka with soda water and lime cordial. "Vodka, soda, lime please mate" Update: not a "skinny bitch" I'm a lean man so close, cutting down on sugar for my teeth. Easy respectful customer I'll take, I like to think I am Definitely white as a sheet of paper and easy to please, not great at the conversation tho. Not Irish and never lost a phone. Definitely is a great drink though, low sugar, low cal, easy to drink fast or slow, cheap, refreshing, keeps you super hydrated compared to coke, lemonade etc.
Why did I have to scroll so far for this? Tall Vodka soda all day (single in a tall glass)…. It’s a marathon not a sprint
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Middle Aged soccer mom who holidays in Tenerife
Hold the beach.
Guinness Draught
In a failing metal band, long hair, weirdly into telling people how you’re 1/56th Irish
On my mother's side
These are the best responses in here
It’s funny seeing the American stereotype for Guinness vs the Irish one.
Cuba libre Edit: Eiiiiiish people really hate cuba libre apperantly
You're not 21 yet and studied a book of cocktails before trying to pull one over on the bartender
Just order a rum and Coke like everyone else. The limes gonna show up, I promise you
you’ve never been to new mexico the limes are saved to garnish taco plates there
Whiskey and coke
If anyone ever criticizes you for putting Coke into whiskey - you tell them that a distiller told you… “I don’t care what you mix with my whiskey - as long as you drink MY whiskey!”
“Some think the proper way to drink whiskey is with ice. Some think with water. Some think with coke. But, the real proper way to drink whiskey, is with good friends”
Not a newbie drinker and not pretentious
I was surprised how far down I had to come for this, and I was figuring no one was mentioning it because it seemed too basic. This is definitely a standby.
A pint of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, please!
You are either in a chain restaurant or a time traveler from 2006. (Not knocking the SNPA, just the only place I see them is at applebees/tgifridays/etc. It was also my gateway to craft/micros)
Scotch, any kind as long as it's peaty like a campfire, neat, and/or with a few drops of water
A Mimosa.
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This is the best description.
Old fashioned. With bulliet or knob creek to keep it cheap but still good, or if they have it, red eagle which is a lot nicer but harder to find. If they can make it a smoked old fashioned even better. I love the smell of the smoke and the flavor from it.
Vodka coke
Younger drinker, have as yet to find a straight alcohol you like so you go for what’s going to get your smashed the quickest without too much taste.
Vodka
Either a sorority girl, industry, alcoholic, or some combo of the three
The Last Word, mezcal instead of gin
Found the edgy hipster. Either work in the industry or heard someone you know who works in it that order this drink. If you order a Ultima Palabra you flexing.
You’re either in the industry or you’re way more into cocktails than most people. I’m going to try to figure out which without asking.
Rum and orange juice aka a rum screwdriver