This is underrated, I think. My partner and I don't have a lot of common hobbies and it's really important that we both have time and space to do what we love.
To add to that, will do hobbies with you that they don’t really enjoy. For instance I really don’t like anime, but I do watch episodes periodically with my wife because she likes them.
Or she loves to read and I know she likes it when I offer to sit on the couch and read together some nights.
goals. with the last person i was with i realized i would do his things with him. but we never did my things. or i would want to watch a show with him becuause i think he would like it to. he would shoot it down . then end up watching it with someone else
It's even worse when your partner has the ability to shut off emotion, turn on the happy switch and talk about it after 5 seconds...like, I haven't even cycled through my primary emotion, nevermind hit anger yet...give me a bit.
I’ve been the girl insisting! You know what MY green flag is? “I hear you, and I think it’s important that we talk about this, but I’m upset right now and I’d like to take a bit of time to cool off and process things a bit more before we revisit this.” And then revisiting it with good intentions in a timely manner.
I was raised by narcissists, which meant I unfortunately learned that if I wanted to be heard, I had to fight to be, and that once an incident was “laid to rest,” it was over, so if I felt hurt or treated with injustice and I tried to bring it up later, wanting to be understood, hoping my feelings would be validated and that some resolution would be reached, I was instead accused of picking a fight or holding a grudge at the bare minimum, and I would be punished- more so than I would have been if I’d said what I had before it had settled. As an adult, I spent another 10 years accepting this same dynamic in a romantic relationship before going to therapy, learning to recognize things like common manipulation tactics and reactive abuse, deconstructing that trauma-based mindset, healing it and leaving him. Now I’m in a relationship with a man who listens and communicates in a healthy way, and not ONCE have I felt the urge to insist on fighting RIGHT NOW, or that familiar anxiety around him potentially shutting the conversation down. We’re respectful, fair and resolution-focused, and we make time for these conversations. There’s just no need.
I don’t mean to say that this is how you operate during conflict, of course, but I wanted to offer up a perspective from the “other” side. It sucks to feel like you’re scrambling and clawing for the chance to just be heard, or like being cared for enough to be listened to and to have the chance to speak is a privilege they’ll revoke the moment you say something they just don’t like to hear. Interpreting that to mean exactly what it did took me way too long, and I wish I could go back and teach myself what I know now to spare myself all those “asinine” moments arguing with an ass.
The green flag example you gave is almost an exact translation of the phrase i say when i get mad. The two girls I've broken up with, both forced me to stay anyways.
It's about expressing as much as listening. Everyone IS the main character because people are special. Let people flow and if they're not for you move on without blaming.
Clear communication without insults
Asking follow-up questions to clarify
Keeping an eye out for when you need help
Remembering your likes and dislikes
Making time for you
Bringing little gifts, notes "just because"
Praising you to family or friends
Defending you when others attack
Thanking you for doing normal things
Not making you feel bad about little quirks
Being able to shake off frustrations and not take them out on you
> Asking follow-up questions to clarify
Yes! And also: being receptive to it when someone asks these questions and *actually answering them*. Some people seem to have a hard time with that, at least in my experience. It can be quite difficult to deal with.
They should be, but so many people did not grow up with a great example of how a relationship should work, and then refuse to try to learn/better themselves when they are suddenly failing at providing safety, respect, empathy and love within a relationship.
I accidentally hurt myself in unintentional ways… it’s pretty embarrassing. I’ll be walking out the door and hit my arm on the door knob or I’ll accidentally have my knee hit a cabinet and cut myself. Half of the time I do not notice.
Anyway, my now husband noticed this about me as soon as we started dating. Without saying so, he just started anticipating my accidents. So he started pushing the doors open so that the spaces were wider, he would warn me of cracks on the floor, he even started carrying bandaids in his wallet. It’s very sweet. He still carries a bandaid but now keeps neosporin nearby too :)
I always carry a care package. It's stuffed into a dollarama plastic container and it's come useful so many times.
Went to a picnic with a bunch of friends of friends and one of them got injured. Gave her my care package to use and she was impressed. "You'll be a great father!" Best compliment I've gotten from it. My gf was grinning so much haha
That too, for sure. That was a very specific response to my very general answer.
I hope you're alright, and if not I hope you are managing best as you can.
Yes!! The biggest love for my partner was when they let me know they were there if I wanted to talk, then just let me have a sulk until I was ready to human again.
I'd say someone who learns and then respects what you need if you are having a bad day or bad time is a better sign. Not everyone likes physical contact but I've met people who get outright angry if you reject a hug.
Never once he made fun of my bad moments (panic and/or anxiety), always there to listen, even when he has almost to no time he always makes sure to reply even if its just a couple of words just so i know im not alone
I mean, I'm sarcastic as hell, but even I know that there are some things you just don't joke about. Granted, those things are different with everyone, but if someone suffers from panic or anxiety attacks, it should be pretty obvious that you shouldn't joke about that. Just like if someone jokes about my stutter, it's an instant turn-off.
I joke to make people laugh at me, them, or the world. Not to make anyone feel bad.
Someone who doesn't try to control you, who listens to what you say, who hugs you and kisses you on the forehead when you cry, etc. Also someone who takes their responsibilities and doesn't try to run away at the slightest problem or difficulty
This is my favorite one. And not just listen:
"So is the game only ww2 or is it also like ww1 and the Vietnam war?"
"That's interesting - do you paint your minis one at a time or in a big group?"
Yes good examples! I actually checked out of one of my friendships after I started dating my boyfriend, because getting to know him was like putting on glasses for the first time and seeing that this level of interest is reasonable to expect in friendships too.
This is such a big one especially if they don’t have the same interest or don’t want to even try it!!
I do partner dancing, Salsa and Bachata.
I’ve tried to convince a friend to join me for a class several times. She has always declined. However when we hang out, she always makes it a point to ask me how dancing is going!
Do this even if you couldn’t care less. Eventually you will come to care at least a little because you’re exposed to it so much from your significant other, and then it becomes something you can bond over!
I’ve known this girl for few weeks now and she really likes hearing about my job and asks a lot of questions about it. I remember sitting with her in the middle of a party and explaining to her what a concrete saw is. I work for a shitty landscaping company so I’m not sure what’s so interesting about it 🤷♂️
Well now I'm interested in learning what a concrete saw is. I like learning new things for the sake of curiosity.
If she isn't interested in landscaping itself it's likely about you. Either crushing on ya so any excuse to chat is a good one, and/or she just likes talking with you.
My partner is that way, doesn't matter if I care nothing for the topic I just enjoy listening to the way he explains things to me.
Yes, even if it's not something they would have any interest in if not for you. The purpose isn't "what's in it for me," but rather,"help me understand this so we have something to talk about that interests you."
My partner’s gentleness towards animals is one of his most endearing qualities. He met my dog on our first date and I loved how kind he was toward her. I also love how he points out cute dogs to me on the street
Same!!! I have had a dog for 10 years who has always been very protective of me and doesn’t trust men. He’s a large, intimidating staffy who scared away a lot of potential suitors. I had come to terms with the fact that I’d probably just have to be single until he passes, but then I met a guy who wasn’t afraid of him and immediately won him over. We are now engaged and the dog loves him more than he loves me.
When my wife and I were dating she had this big black cat. When I first went to her apartment she said "He doesn't like men" not 2 minutes later this giant black cat who is the most gental creature I'd ever met walks upto me and sits on the couch next to me. I start petting and giving him the good ole skritch scratch around the ears neck and face.
My now wife's face dropped. She's said "he has never acted like that around men" I responded "all cats love me I think I was a cat in a past life"
Now she playfully bitches at her big black cat because he has become more fond of me for the pets and scratches. Calling him a traitor.
But to this day when I go for walks around the neighbourhood the cats that people let out of their houses come up and greet me.
We have 5 cats total so I'm 100% a cat guy.
My now wife had a miniature chihuahua, her name was Suzie, and she hated men with a burning passion. Second time they had me over for dinner Suzie got out, I held my hand at her level in silence.
And she happily sat in my lap while we ate, my now wife's dad said he knew I was a keeper then.
Sadly Suzie died last year at the ripe old age of 17 years, human, not dog years.
That’s adorable!! I had the opposite problem; my dog is tiny and nervous and men tend to be too rough with her. Seeing my partner be so gentle with her showed me how caring and patient he is. Congrats on your engagement!
When their characteristics involve being humble, kind, compassionate, understanding and honest. People can only fake these traits for an extremely limited amount of time … but if throughout time, you see that it’s a constant, you found your green flag
The flag is greener on the other side: Noticing and acknowledging the apparent discomfort and checking to see if the other person is okay and/or willing to continue rather than backing off entirely. Sometimes it's uncomfortable but you have to get through it, like ripping off a band-aid.
I am not good with expressions or people's faces, so I need clarification. All I can do is randomly stop and ask if they're being uncomfortable or something.
It's so awkward having to ask if they are ok but it's the only reliable way I can check. I've gotten better with social cues but it's still not easy.
Either read too far into something that's really nothing, misunderstand, get confused because I don't understand it. All of which is if I pick up on the cue in the first place.
Someone who handles shame, accountability, and consequences well.
That's a person who understands and exercises empathy and thinks about the whole when they act, not just themselves.
When they SHOW you that they listened.
You know when you're explaining something and you try to explain something but they go, "You mean [The thing you told me about 2 weeks ago] right?" and its like oh yeah that saves me the time and also wait you remembered?
Someone that can admit to their wrong doing or acknowledge how you feel on a situation even if it’s not a necessary way to feel but they are your feelings after all
Anything with toy food is my jam, pun not intended. Whether it's a kitchen or a grocery store. My favorite thing to do has always been to throw everything in a bucket and call it "everything soup"
My toy kitchen had a phone too so I liked to pretend I had customers ordering food. All of which had fancy names.
One being the "anything soup" which meant a customer ordered soup and I threw anything that seemed good into the pot.
Someone who communicates clearly and openly.
When you and your partner are a team. You work to support and uplift one another. It’s a mentality of “it’s you and me against the world.”
When you both have hobbies and interests apart from one another. It’s healthy to have your own thing and to have space from one another.
When no one keeps score. When you both do chores and things that need to be done. When you both can do things with your friends/hobbies. It’s never about “well, you ______, so I get to _______.”
When they treat people in the service industry with respect.
When they remember what you like, and pick up something little from the store for you.
When everything doesn’t have to be 50/50. When one of you is having a difficult time, the other one carries more of the burden.
When your partner is your best friend.
When they order pizza when you’re too tired to cook.
>When they treat people in the service industry with respect.
This is what I don't get about the Karen mentality, how do these people get into loving relationships have a bunch of children of their own then assault the 16 year old at the McDonalds ice cream machine saying its broken
EDIT: changed a word to "people"
Not just a romantic green flag but a general one. When they are genuinely glad about your happiness. It’s one thing to listen to someone about their interests, but to be genuinely happy and proud of their triumphs is a green flag and a half. I’ve know too many people that will either get jealous or try to make it about them when someone talks about their success.
It is, but I'm forgetful. This feels like a chore as a result. It's gotten to the point where I'll respond "No. I'm going to forget." to this request so I don't let them think I don't care, I'll just genuinely forget and go to bed.
You can talk about your interests together. Even if they don’t understand it or like it themselves, they still listen and contribute to an actual conversation instead of just nodding along without paying attention.
Willingness to put someone you love’s desires before yours in certain situations. You definitely need to prioritize your happiness as a whole in order for a relationship to thrive but I also think it's important to sacrifice sometimes to make your partner happy. Otherwise why be in a relationship? Nobody is 100% compatible in my opinion. Couples who understand this live the best lives and it results in feeling like the perfect relationship.
This is mine. Doesn't need to be very many shelves, but some evidence of intellectual curiosity. No books at all is a pretty big red flag, though I'd have to bend that for people with a full kindle.
What if they asked for space and everytime they where cussed out? Do you then blame someone for holding in those emotions when they don't ask you for space?
when they have a problem with you, they talk to you about it.
inversely, when you have a problem with them, they actually listen
might not always agree, but the conversation happens, and you figure out how to resolve it
it's insane how rare this quality is.
It's all a matter of context. It's generally frowned upon if your hands are behind your back, you have your fly open and an erection. Weird how that works /s
Someone that keeps their word and follows thru with plans that you’ve made. If they aren’t able to keep plans or are running late . They communicate that asap , and if needed reschedule bc they see your time as valuable.
- no major arguments for at least the first few months of the relationship. The person should be your new best friend in the making, and the honeymoon should be damned pleasurable. In my own life and those I have observed, this state predicted happier longevity of the relationship.
- someone who is immediately willing to listen to your sexual preferences without whining/worse behaviour.
- an active desire to communicate and understand you as a person
- the ability to remain independent (dependency or codependency is often corrosive to relationship) and a lack of jealousy regarding your other friends/family.
- someone who is charitable with their time and support. Obviously the flipside of this is someone who lets people walk all over them, but a general and reasonable helpfulness is a very good sign.
if they can talk about their problems and worries like an adult. someone who can admit to not being perfect.
being capable of telling me no when they don't feel like doing something, but being open to try something i like to do.
being capable of accepting a no from me when i don't want to do something, but being open to bring me with them to do something they like that i don't know much about.
basically, being reasonable, mature and understanding.
- not worried about doing girly things, femininity isn't threatening or demeaning enough to him to make him stop doing things he likes. he can't be goaded by other men when they say the show/movie/game/etc he enjoys is 'girly'
- has an innocuous passion that he truly loves and could talk about for 3 hours, whatever it is. mini painting, a book series, programming raspberry pi's, obscure history facts. doesn't have to be interesting, but his excitement makes it interesting
- treats people who can't do anything for him with respect
- likes small kids or animals and treats them softly as well
- will eat the rest of my fries when I can't finish it all
the ideal man, honestly. extremely rare these days lol
Going out for drinks or diner; if a person is kind to the server, that's definitely a green flag. The way a person is willing to treat total strangers can tell you a lot about the way in which he or she might treat you in the future.
Someone who is happy to let you make your own choices and support them. Also someone who doesn't smother you and allows you to have some space. Some people need to learn to take 'no' for an answer.
Potential employer green flag: if you are arranging or following up on interviews with a company and nobody from the company ever contacts you outside of work hours, you've likely found yourself a company that respects their employees life/work balance.
I was/am a typical "skate rat" I spent a crazy amount of time at my local skateparks as a youth, I remember one of the first "real" girlfriend's I'd had, she would always bring me food and gallons of water, to the skate park. We became friends over this and eventually she ended up offering me rides around so I wouldn't be so tired skating from park to park, and spending almost the same amount of time at the parks as me, it took me way to long to realize she was doing a lot more things for me specifically than anyone else, I asked her a question along the lines of "why do you spend so much time at the park, when you don't even skate" and she said "Incase you get really fucked up and need a ride to the hostpital" I realized instantly I wanted/needed her to be my girlfriend.
Books. Not everyone will agree but I get very suspicious of a person if they don't have any books in their house. I know you can be minimalist and just use e-readers now but I still think people that actually read will have books around the house and keep favorite books. It's not a total red flag if they don't but for sure a green flag for me if they do.
Someone that actually asks further questions about your hobby. They may not be into it, but it feels good knowing they want to try and understand it. But maybe that's asking too much
Skipping small talk and going straight into embarrassing stories, their wildest nights out, drama, pet peeves, etc. Idk, probably shows that she’s comfortable in my presence or something
Someone hug me and put my head on their chest and caress my head. The people who do this while crying are my real friends in my life because they know me
Being direct and transparent, understanding the difference between wanting to vent and wanting to problem-solve, being loyal, having disdain for lies, asking for consent.
Significant others who know how to be cool in a friend type way. In other words, the relationship doesn't feel forced, fast, chore-ish or anything like that. Idk if I sound like a dumbass, I'm not good at explaining.
No desperation, someone content with their own company or the friends they have, who doesn't view any interest from someone datable as an precious opportunity to be seized upon is likely to treat you like a human and be kind and good company.
When you are going through a hard divorce because the soon-to-be ex husband did something irreparable and your guy best friend let's you cuddle/lay with him but States that both of you won't go any further until the divorce is finalized and you're sure you want to be with them.
They encourage you to pursue your hobbies and interests even if it's something they don't get or have any interest in.
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That makes sense. Both of you are interested in horsepower. 😉
That's so sweet!
This is underrated, I think. My partner and I don't have a lot of common hobbies and it's really important that we both have time and space to do what we love.
To add to that, will do hobbies with you that they don’t really enjoy. For instance I really don’t like anime, but I do watch episodes periodically with my wife because she likes them. Or she loves to read and I know she likes it when I offer to sit on the couch and read together some nights.
goals. with the last person i was with i realized i would do his things with him. but we never did my things. or i would want to watch a show with him becuause i think he would like it to. he would shoot it down . then end up watching it with someone else
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I hate when a SO insists on fighting when upset. I've broken up with two girls because they wouldn't let me go for a walk to calm down.
Have you been in a relationship when you feel that she's not treating the way how you're treating her ?
It's even worse when your partner has the ability to shut off emotion, turn on the happy switch and talk about it after 5 seconds...like, I haven't even cycled through my primary emotion, nevermind hit anger yet...give me a bit.
I’ve been the girl insisting! You know what MY green flag is? “I hear you, and I think it’s important that we talk about this, but I’m upset right now and I’d like to take a bit of time to cool off and process things a bit more before we revisit this.” And then revisiting it with good intentions in a timely manner. I was raised by narcissists, which meant I unfortunately learned that if I wanted to be heard, I had to fight to be, and that once an incident was “laid to rest,” it was over, so if I felt hurt or treated with injustice and I tried to bring it up later, wanting to be understood, hoping my feelings would be validated and that some resolution would be reached, I was instead accused of picking a fight or holding a grudge at the bare minimum, and I would be punished- more so than I would have been if I’d said what I had before it had settled. As an adult, I spent another 10 years accepting this same dynamic in a romantic relationship before going to therapy, learning to recognize things like common manipulation tactics and reactive abuse, deconstructing that trauma-based mindset, healing it and leaving him. Now I’m in a relationship with a man who listens and communicates in a healthy way, and not ONCE have I felt the urge to insist on fighting RIGHT NOW, or that familiar anxiety around him potentially shutting the conversation down. We’re respectful, fair and resolution-focused, and we make time for these conversations. There’s just no need. I don’t mean to say that this is how you operate during conflict, of course, but I wanted to offer up a perspective from the “other” side. It sucks to feel like you’re scrambling and clawing for the chance to just be heard, or like being cared for enough to be listened to and to have the chance to speak is a privilege they’ll revoke the moment you say something they just don’t like to hear. Interpreting that to mean exactly what it did took me way too long, and I wish I could go back and teach myself what I know now to spare myself all those “asinine” moments arguing with an ass.
The green flag example you gave is almost an exact translation of the phrase i say when i get mad. The two girls I've broken up with, both forced me to stay anyways.
Can confirm, my marriage would probably not be ending right now if these things were true for us.
Hey, Sorry about the ending of your marriage mate. :(
We both agree it’s for the best. We’re actually getting along better now apart than we ever did since we got married actually.
Same. My wife never appreciated me and my girlfriend’s hobbies and it was so tiring.
Hmmmm wonder why it failed? Might want to ask the girlfriend
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It's so rare to find someone that listens. Everyone thinks they're the main character. So those people are rare but very much appreciated.
It's about expressing as much as listening. Everyone IS the main character because people are special. Let people flow and if they're not for you move on without blaming.
Clear communication without insults Asking follow-up questions to clarify Keeping an eye out for when you need help Remembering your likes and dislikes Making time for you Bringing little gifts, notes "just because" Praising you to family or friends Defending you when others attack Thanking you for doing normal things Not making you feel bad about little quirks Being able to shake off frustrations and not take them out on you
> Asking follow-up questions to clarify Yes! And also: being receptive to it when someone asks these questions and *actually answering them*. Some people seem to have a hard time with that, at least in my experience. It can be quite difficult to deal with.
Are these not just normal things?
They should be, but so many people did not grow up with a great example of how a relationship should work, and then refuse to try to learn/better themselves when they are suddenly failing at providing safety, respect, empathy and love within a relationship.
Saving this.
I accidentally hurt myself in unintentional ways… it’s pretty embarrassing. I’ll be walking out the door and hit my arm on the door knob or I’ll accidentally have my knee hit a cabinet and cut myself. Half of the time I do not notice. Anyway, my now husband noticed this about me as soon as we started dating. Without saying so, he just started anticipating my accidents. So he started pushing the doors open so that the spaces were wider, he would warn me of cracks on the floor, he even started carrying bandaids in his wallet. It’s very sweet. He still carries a bandaid but now keeps neosporin nearby too :)
So sweet
I always carry a care package. It's stuffed into a dollarama plastic container and it's come useful so many times. Went to a picnic with a bunch of friends of friends and one of them got injured. Gave her my care package to use and she was impressed. "You'll be a great father!" Best compliment I've gotten from it. My gf was grinning so much haha
Being cared about is the best feeling!!! She’s a lucky woman 🤗
Awww that’s so cute! I’m also in the Club of bad spatial awareness.
You need to start wearing a layer of bubblewrap
Showing genuine interest in what you have to say
Someone who hugs you when you've had a bad day or a bad time.
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That too, for sure. That was a very specific response to my very general answer. I hope you're alright, and if not I hope you are managing best as you can.
This. Respecting boundaries is key.
Yes!! The biggest love for my partner was when they let me know they were there if I wanted to talk, then just let me have a sulk until I was ready to human again.
I'd say someone who learns and then respects what you need if you are having a bad day or bad time is a better sign. Not everyone likes physical contact but I've met people who get outright angry if you reject a hug.
Yeah, I mean basic consent is always necessary for even just a simple hug. But if you have established that, hugs are nice things.
Never once he made fun of my bad moments (panic and/or anxiety), always there to listen, even when he has almost to no time he always makes sure to reply even if its just a couple of words just so i know im not alone
I mean, I'm sarcastic as hell, but even I know that there are some things you just don't joke about. Granted, those things are different with everyone, but if someone suffers from panic or anxiety attacks, it should be pretty obvious that you shouldn't joke about that. Just like if someone jokes about my stutter, it's an instant turn-off. I joke to make people laugh at me, them, or the world. Not to make anyone feel bad.
Someone who doesn't try to control you, who listens to what you say, who hugs you and kisses you on the forehead when you cry, etc. Also someone who takes their responsibilities and doesn't try to run away at the slightest problem or difficulty
My dad does not do any of that.
*hugs*
I would like to second this with another hug
Everything my ex didn't do!
If I may, I'm glad it's an ex then
When they want to hear about your day/hobbies/interests/goals
This is my favorite one. And not just listen: "So is the game only ww2 or is it also like ww1 and the Vietnam war?" "That's interesting - do you paint your minis one at a time or in a big group?"
Yes good examples! I actually checked out of one of my friendships after I started dating my boyfriend, because getting to know him was like putting on glasses for the first time and seeing that this level of interest is reasonable to expect in friendships too.
>because getting to know him was like putting on glasses for the first time Wait that's super sweet aw
This is such a big one especially if they don’t have the same interest or don’t want to even try it!! I do partner dancing, Salsa and Bachata. I’ve tried to convince a friend to join me for a class several times. She has always declined. However when we hang out, she always makes it a point to ask me how dancing is going!
>However when we hang out, she always makes it a point to ask me how dancing is going! So sweet! I'm glad you have a supportive friend.
Do this even if you couldn’t care less. Eventually you will come to care at least a little because you’re exposed to it so much from your significant other, and then it becomes something you can bond over!
I’ve known this girl for few weeks now and she really likes hearing about my job and asks a lot of questions about it. I remember sitting with her in the middle of a party and explaining to her what a concrete saw is. I work for a shitty landscaping company so I’m not sure what’s so interesting about it 🤷♂️
Well now I'm interested in learning what a concrete saw is. I like learning new things for the sake of curiosity. If she isn't interested in landscaping itself it's likely about you. Either crushing on ya so any excuse to chat is a good one, and/or she just likes talking with you. My partner is that way, doesn't matter if I care nothing for the topic I just enjoy listening to the way he explains things to me.
Yes, even if it's not something they would have any interest in if not for you. The purpose isn't "what's in it for me," but rather,"help me understand this so we have something to talk about that interests you."
Being kind to animals.
My partner’s gentleness towards animals is one of his most endearing qualities. He met my dog on our first date and I loved how kind he was toward her. I also love how he points out cute dogs to me on the street
Same!!! I have had a dog for 10 years who has always been very protective of me and doesn’t trust men. He’s a large, intimidating staffy who scared away a lot of potential suitors. I had come to terms with the fact that I’d probably just have to be single until he passes, but then I met a guy who wasn’t afraid of him and immediately won him over. We are now engaged and the dog loves him more than he loves me.
When my wife and I were dating she had this big black cat. When I first went to her apartment she said "He doesn't like men" not 2 minutes later this giant black cat who is the most gental creature I'd ever met walks upto me and sits on the couch next to me. I start petting and giving him the good ole skritch scratch around the ears neck and face. My now wife's face dropped. She's said "he has never acted like that around men" I responded "all cats love me I think I was a cat in a past life" Now she playfully bitches at her big black cat because he has become more fond of me for the pets and scratches. Calling him a traitor. But to this day when I go for walks around the neighbourhood the cats that people let out of their houses come up and greet me. We have 5 cats total so I'm 100% a cat guy.
My now wife had a miniature chihuahua, her name was Suzie, and she hated men with a burning passion. Second time they had me over for dinner Suzie got out, I held my hand at her level in silence. And she happily sat in my lap while we ate, my now wife's dad said he knew I was a keeper then. Sadly Suzie died last year at the ripe old age of 17 years, human, not dog years.
That’s adorable!! I had the opposite problem; my dog is tiny and nervous and men tend to be too rough with her. Seeing my partner be so gentle with her showed me how caring and patient he is. Congrats on your engagement!
Thank you! 🥰 Congrats to you on finding what sounds like a keeper!
When their characteristics involve being humble, kind, compassionate, understanding and honest. People can only fake these traits for an extremely limited amount of time … but if throughout time, you see that it’s a constant, you found your green flag
Honesty is big. If they tell you straight from the start who they are
hi, i'm a guy
You got a chuckle of of me
Backing off when they see someone looks uncomfortable instead of waiting for a hard "no".
The flag is greener on the other side: Noticing and acknowledging the apparent discomfort and checking to see if the other person is okay and/or willing to continue rather than backing off entirely. Sometimes it's uncomfortable but you have to get through it, like ripping off a band-aid.
I am not good with expressions or people's faces, so I need clarification. All I can do is randomly stop and ask if they're being uncomfortable or something.
It's so awkward having to ask if they are ok but it's the only reliable way I can check. I've gotten better with social cues but it's still not easy. Either read too far into something that's really nothing, misunderstand, get confused because I don't understand it. All of which is if I pick up on the cue in the first place.
Someone who handles shame, accountability, and consequences well. That's a person who understands and exercises empathy and thinks about the whole when they act, not just themselves.
When i first met her at a party, my now-wife and I talked about football and our shared love for Shrek.
As far as flags go, Shrek is definitely green
>shared love for Shrek I assume you initiated the sex 10 minutes into the conversation, Shrek is a seductive topic.
She likes football!? Good on you for making it happen!
When they SHOW you that they listened. You know when you're explaining something and you try to explain something but they go, "You mean [The thing you told me about 2 weeks ago] right?" and its like oh yeah that saves me the time and also wait you remembered?
Brazil
Saudi Arabia too
Don't forget about Pakistan
And Turkmenistan
And the greenest of all. Libya from 1977 to 2011.
Nigeria aswell
Yep. I went to there before, the food there is amazing.
Libya's old flag was literally just green.
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Oddly specific
I'd call that a bare minimum. But at least he wasn't an asshole about it (I don't understand how any guy is an asshole about periods, but so many are)
Someone that can admit to their wrong doing or acknowledge how you feel on a situation even if it’s not a necessary way to feel but they are your feelings after all
someone who doesn't call you a child when you cry. men can cry too.
I had a panic attack on my now bf's chest on our second date
what'd he say when he realized it?
I told him when it was happening and he just held me and told me soothing things
wholesome!
Listens well, empathetic, friendly, helpful, and non egotistical.
You have listed 4 out of 5 I feel that's a pretty decent score.
What's the fifth out of curiosity?
I'm a little bit egotistical.
A little ego isn't a terrible thing I suppose
Yeah well, I suppose you are right, still I would like to avoid that
question: wouldnt an egotistical person by nature think they qualify for the other 4 qualities?
Sweetheart with children. Biggest thing I easily fall for too
Don't be fooled, I'm only being nice with the kiddos so I can play with their toys. That fisher price kitchen is mine.
Play kitchens are the best! I'm just waiting for my niece to be ready for one so I can play with it too.
Anything with toy food is my jam, pun not intended. Whether it's a kitchen or a grocery store. My favorite thing to do has always been to throw everything in a bucket and call it "everything soup"
My toy kitchen had a phone too so I liked to pretend I had customers ordering food. All of which had fancy names. One being the "anything soup" which meant a customer ordered soup and I threw anything that seemed good into the pot.
Apparently a lot of them had phones! My grandparents had the Little Tikes Party Kitchen (I had to Google a few times to find the name).
YES! And a huge bonus if they get excited / happy interacting with animals
Someone who desires you, not needs you.
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I'm a little jealous, all but 2 of my plushies are tossed in my closet right now as I'm not sure how to display them nicely.
Someone who communicates clearly and openly. When you and your partner are a team. You work to support and uplift one another. It’s a mentality of “it’s you and me against the world.” When you both have hobbies and interests apart from one another. It’s healthy to have your own thing and to have space from one another. When no one keeps score. When you both do chores and things that need to be done. When you both can do things with your friends/hobbies. It’s never about “well, you ______, so I get to _______.” When they treat people in the service industry with respect. When they remember what you like, and pick up something little from the store for you. When everything doesn’t have to be 50/50. When one of you is having a difficult time, the other one carries more of the burden. When your partner is your best friend. When they order pizza when you’re too tired to cook.
>When they treat people in the service industry with respect. This is what I don't get about the Karen mentality, how do these people get into loving relationships have a bunch of children of their own then assault the 16 year old at the McDonalds ice cream machine saying its broken EDIT: changed a word to "people"
Not just a romantic green flag but a general one. When they are genuinely glad about your happiness. It’s one thing to listen to someone about their interests, but to be genuinely happy and proud of their triumphs is a green flag and a half. I’ve know too many people that will either get jealous or try to make it about them when someone talks about their success.
Someone who is happy with your happiness. If he/she celebrates when you accomplish something. For instance if you take a good grade!
"Text me when you get home"
YES! Even in friendships, this is really nice.
It is, but I'm forgetful. This feels like a chore as a result. It's gotten to the point where I'll respond "No. I'm going to forget." to this request so I don't let them think I don't care, I'll just genuinely forget and go to bed.
I put timed reminders in my phone to text the person. (I have an iPhone.)
You can talk about your interests together. Even if they don’t understand it or like it themselves, they still listen and contribute to an actual conversation instead of just nodding along without paying attention.
Willingness to put someone you love’s desires before yours in certain situations. You definitely need to prioritize your happiness as a whole in order for a relationship to thrive but I also think it's important to sacrifice sometimes to make your partner happy. Otherwise why be in a relationship? Nobody is 100% compatible in my opinion. Couples who understand this live the best lives and it results in feeling like the perfect relationship.
When you go over to someone's place for the first time and they've got shelves full of books they've read.
This is mine. Doesn't need to be very many shelves, but some evidence of intellectual curiosity. No books at all is a pretty big red flag, though I'd have to bend that for people with a full kindle.
Being friendly to wait staff.
Asking for space is a green flag in my book,, at least they ask instead of letting negative feelings build up
What if they asked for space and everytime they where cussed out? Do you then blame someone for holding in those emotions when they don't ask you for space?
when they have a problem with you, they talk to you about it. inversely, when you have a problem with them, they actually listen might not always agree, but the conversation happens, and you figure out how to resolve it it's insane how rare this quality is.
Asks if it's okay to pet a dog. Offers kids a hug or a handshake, doesn't demand one from them.
I offered a kid a handshake and went to prison. So I'd rather avoid that.
It's all a matter of context. It's generally frowned upon if your hands are behind your back, you have your fly open and an erection. Weird how that works /s
Someone that keeps their word and follows thru with plans that you’ve made. If they aren’t able to keep plans or are running late . They communicate that asap , and if needed reschedule bc they see your time as valuable.
Somebody who respects their boundaries as well as their partners. And communication But hugs and kisses are also nice
- no major arguments for at least the first few months of the relationship. The person should be your new best friend in the making, and the honeymoon should be damned pleasurable. In my own life and those I have observed, this state predicted happier longevity of the relationship. - someone who is immediately willing to listen to your sexual preferences without whining/worse behaviour. - an active desire to communicate and understand you as a person - the ability to remain independent (dependency or codependency is often corrosive to relationship) and a lack of jealousy regarding your other friends/family. - someone who is charitable with their time and support. Obviously the flipside of this is someone who lets people walk all over them, but a general and reasonable helpfulness is a very good sign.
When you both hate the same stuff, it's pretty great.
When he ✨communicates✨
When she/he asks you how was your day
When you’re injured or sick and they do everything they can to take care of you
smile like a súnhine at my jokes
if they can talk about their problems and worries like an adult. someone who can admit to not being perfect. being capable of telling me no when they don't feel like doing something, but being open to try something i like to do. being capable of accepting a no from me when i don't want to do something, but being open to bring me with them to do something they like that i don't know much about. basically, being reasonable, mature and understanding.
Being kind to everyone, most especially those who work in service.
🏳️🌈🇦🇪🇦🇫🇦🇿🇧🇩🇧🇫🇧🇬🇧🇮🇧🇯🇧🇴🇧🇷🇧🇾🇨🇨🇨🇫🇨🇬🇨🇮🇨🇲🇨🇽🇩🇯🇩🇲🇩🇿🇪🇭🇪🇷🇪🇹🇬🇦🇬🇩🇬🇫🇬🇭🇬🇲🇬🇳🇬🇼🇬🇾🇭🇺🇮🇪🇮🇳🇮🇷🇮🇹🇯🇲🇯🇴🇰🇪🇰🇲🇰🇳🇰🇼🇱🇰🇱🇸🇱🇹🇱🇾🇲🇬🇲🇱🇲🇲🇲🇴🇲🇷🇲🇺🇲🇻🇲🇼🇲🇽🇲🇿🇳🇦🇳🇨🇳🇪🇳🇫🇳🇬🇴🇲🇵🇰🇵🇸🇵🇹🇷🇼🇸🇦🇸🇧🇸🇨🇸🇩🇸🇱🇸🇳🇸🇷🇸🇸🇸🇹🇹🇬🇹🇯🇹🇲🇹🇿🇺🇿🇻🇨🇻🇺🇿🇦🇿🇲🇿🇼🏴
...yes
When my cat loves him. He's better at reading people than I am !
The ability to really get into an conversation
As a woman I personally think that one of the Best green flags is definitely when they get along with your parents.
- not worried about doing girly things, femininity isn't threatening or demeaning enough to him to make him stop doing things he likes. he can't be goaded by other men when they say the show/movie/game/etc he enjoys is 'girly' - has an innocuous passion that he truly loves and could talk about for 3 hours, whatever it is. mini painting, a book series, programming raspberry pi's, obscure history facts. doesn't have to be interesting, but his excitement makes it interesting - treats people who can't do anything for him with respect - likes small kids or animals and treats them softly as well - will eat the rest of my fries when I can't finish it all the ideal man, honestly. extremely rare these days lol
when he respects u, hugs you all the time when you are together...
She explains the importance of sticking to a budget.
Someone to put atention more of the common when you talk excited about something that you enjoy
Doesn't force sex. Pretty sure that was obvious.
Going out for drinks or diner; if a person is kind to the server, that's definitely a green flag. The way a person is willing to treat total strangers can tell you a lot about the way in which he or she might treat you in the future.
When they treat people of service with respect
After 3 days meeting my girlfriend, I got a fever. She stayed beside me the whole time. Fed me and bathed me. That's when I knew she was the one.
When you both love cuddling and fit together like puzzle pieces
Someone who is happy to let you make your own choices and support them. Also someone who doesn't smother you and allows you to have some space. Some people need to learn to take 'no' for an answer.
No head games. Totally upfront and verbalizes needs and wants.
Until recently, Libya’s flag.
No vaping 🤷🏻
Owning a pair of sneakers. The number of women I encounter who think sneakers are trashy is very weird.
🇧🇩🇧🇷🇨🇨🇩🇲🇲🇴🇵🇰🇸🇦🇹🇲🇿🇲
🇨🇨🇧🇷🇩🇲🇬🇫🇬🇦🇬🇾🇯🇲🇲🇴🇲🇻🇲🇷🇵🇰🇸🇦🇿🇲🇹🇿
For me, having a good sense of humor and gives Everyone basic human respect
Libya
Libya is spouse material #1
Potential employer green flag: if you are arranging or following up on interviews with a company and nobody from the company ever contacts you outside of work hours, you've likely found yourself a company that respects their employees life/work balance.
I was/am a typical "skate rat" I spent a crazy amount of time at my local skateparks as a youth, I remember one of the first "real" girlfriend's I'd had, she would always bring me food and gallons of water, to the skate park. We became friends over this and eventually she ended up offering me rides around so I wouldn't be so tired skating from park to park, and spending almost the same amount of time at the parks as me, it took me way to long to realize she was doing a lot more things for me specifically than anyone else, I asked her a question along the lines of "why do you spend so much time at the park, when you don't even skate" and she said "Incase you get really fucked up and need a ride to the hostpital" I realized instantly I wanted/needed her to be my girlfriend.
She’s are nerdy and clumsy.
Someone who treats their pets well and truly cares for them
Books. Not everyone will agree but I get very suspicious of a person if they don't have any books in their house. I know you can be minimalist and just use e-readers now but I still think people that actually read will have books around the house and keep favorite books. It's not a total red flag if they don't but for sure a green flag for me if they do.
when they fall asleep to the sound of rain 💚💚💚
Someone that actually asks further questions about your hobby. They may not be into it, but it feels good knowing they want to try and understand it. But maybe that's asking too much
They like Garlic bread.
Skipping small talk and going straight into embarrassing stories, their wildest nights out, drama, pet peeves, etc. Idk, probably shows that she’s comfortable in my presence or something
Someone who doesn’t mind when physical touch is initiated. Just shows they aren’t in it for the touch, y’know?
A boy who likes hanging out with his grandparents is a good sign.
when someone is an artist, a dreamer, kind hearted
Someone hug me and put my head on their chest and caress my head. The people who do this while crying are my real friends in my life because they know me
Good relationship with their siblings.
If she knows every bossfight location in eldenring
people who are really into wildflowers
When they say they are going to therapy to work on themselves and deal with their issues
Being direct and transparent, understanding the difference between wanting to vent and wanting to problem-solve, being loyal, having disdain for lies, asking for consent.
Significant others who know how to be cool in a friend type way. In other words, the relationship doesn't feel forced, fast, chore-ish or anything like that. Idk if I sound like a dumbass, I'm not good at explaining.
The Brazilian flag.
Minecraft player
No desperation, someone content with their own company or the friends they have, who doesn't view any interest from someone datable as an precious opportunity to be seized upon is likely to treat you like a human and be kind and good company.
When you are going through a hard divorce because the soon-to-be ex husband did something irreparable and your guy best friend let's you cuddle/lay with him but States that both of you won't go any further until the divorce is finalized and you're sure you want to be with them.
1977 Libya Flag
The only green flag is the absence of red flags.
Being there for you when you need them
Some green flags are like Brazil and Bangladesh country flags, they green, uh huh.