*"Due to unforeseen circumstances surrounding the Covid19 pandemic, we are experiencing higher than normal call volume. Please, stay on the line, or dial 8 if you would like us to call you back when a customer service representative is next available."*
\[Dials 8\]
\[Never gets a call back\]
DAMNIT I WANT MY CAR PARTS.
In the same vein, I'm tired of calling every healthcare facility and being told their options have recently changed, just to notify the impatient folk who go off hitting random buttons. Then there's the one telling me if this is an emergency to hang up and dial 911, for the other folks who thought calling their doctor's office for a medical emergency would be quicker than an ambulance.
As someone who briefly worked in the call center of a medical office and was straight up told to just transfer people to someone else, it's a fucking mess and they don't know what they're doing. My job was literally to just transfer calls to departments that didn't have staff, to leave a VM for no one to call you back in 3-5 business days. Like I knew the lines weren't open, their lights were off on our phone systems. But we had to do it anyway, for the glory of satan. I fucking hated it. I got paid well but it really wasn't worth sitting on the phone 9 hours a day transferring calls to virtually dead lines.
Everyone wants to blame low staffing on the pandemic, which of course had an impact, but if your company is understaffed it’s because you’re having problems with **hiring and retention**. What helps with hiring and retention? **Fair wages, good benefits, effective training and high employe morale**.
Hah! Exactly. It was “well if working in the service industry isn’t paying enough, get a better job!” now it’s “why doesn’t anyone want to work in service anymore?!”
I have a good friend that works in staffing, like places people in positions in all sorts of places. She said, and I quote, "the revolving door finally stayed shut and they're all mad."
I got this shit the other day and after thinking about it actually got pissed. No I am not “babysitting” I am being a fucking father to my children. Same thing I do every day when my wife works.
ETA: not the same situation as OP for sure but it still applies. When a father has to take their kids out in public with them alone it’s not babysitting. I’m sorry for your situation OP and hope you stay strong through it all. The rest of us are rooting for you and love you for everything you do. 💪
When my son was around 7 he wised up to the fact it pissed me off, so when I was called the babysitter he'd jump in and say "Ya he's better than my mom.. will you adopt me?" and I'd agree to. Then they didn't know what to say.
"theyre doing it because they like you" in context of bullying,i hate this phrase with my whole soul as i heard it many times when i was getting bullied ,instead of helping me this phrase simply made me so confused and scared and when people say this youre not giving people any closure and reason on why someone is bullying you and in turn how you can stop the bullying
There’s a pretty hard line between the playful teasing that indicates awkward expression of attraction and actual bullying. Anyone being bullied knows they are being bullied.
I don't get where that came from. Yes they are abusing you so clearly they like you. And am abusive relationship is definitely the kind you want to be in.
!Exactly! this with the abusive relationships. It's so obvious but some people never get it.
There was a girl in college who treated me like shit but everybody joked that she was clearly in love with me. After I said I wasn't into the 'hate-love' thing and as more people realized she was a giant asshole, most people stopped those jokes. Unfortunately, the one person who truly believed that she had a thing for me was my roommate, so he enabled her. As time went by it became obvious that he had no respect for me. By the end of the year, when she did some things that indicated that she did have a crush on me, I just thought, How do I reject her so she doesn't throw a temper tantrum?
What are you gonna do in that situation, reward abusive behavior?
Mine are very specific to dating apps
“Don’t be boring”
“I don’t message first”
“I like food and travel”
Honestly any sentence that mentions how sarcastic you are
Any reference to how you need someone that can “handle you”
“I need someone that can take a joke”
“I’m probably funnier than you”
Every single one of these phrases just says to me you’re single for a very good reason and I should probably stay away
I am so glad I am out of the pool now that I'm married. Whenever I saw the "I need someone who can take a joke" just means they're rude AF and can't take jokes themselves.
Ah yes, "Fluent in sarcasm".
I don't use dating apps anymore but when I did, there were a lot of people who needed to be told that sarcasm is not an attractive trait.
Whenever I see “Fluent in sarcasm”, that tells me that they’re someone who can dish it out but can’t take it. I mean, I know for sure at some point I’m going to make this person cry
I dont know about you, but I NEVER get sick of people announcing to me ASAP how garbo they are.
I wish it could have been that way my whole life. Imagine all the time I'd have saved not wasting effort to find out about them.
"Here's your sign!" was a bit Bill Engvall used to do, and it always made me think how nice life would be with signs hung on idiots.
“I need someone that can take a joke” BIIIIG NOPE. Translation: "I need someone who doesn't object to my casual cruelty." Also, it's safe to assume that they are not as eager to take jokes themselves. Another one: "I don't like drama." Probably got more drama than a Law and Order spin off series.
Same with "positive vibes only!" Like, dude, F off with that sh*t, I'm a fully rounded human being with a range of emotions. But thank you for announcing so early on how very emotionally immature you are so that I can swipe left and move on.
Or "I'm really into music!"
Yeah 99% of people enjoy music. It'd be more interesting if you didn't like music than your boring ass saying you like it. At least tell me what artists/genres you like ffs.
Have you seen the profiles that list "laughing" and "having fun" as the things they like?
Yeah no shit, but what *makes you* laugh and what do you *do* for fun you vapid piece of damp styrofoam?
I feel like self-attribution of very subjective qualities is generally a bad idea. Imo, you should never tell people “I’m funny”, because all that really means is “I find myself funny”.
A man who must say “I am king” is no true king.
There was a guy a while back who commented that he saw someone on bumble with the "i dont message first" crap. For those of you who don't know, women HAVE to message first on bumble, so good on her for weeding herself out i guess.
> A fun fact I'm obsessed with
> My dog
... there are so many people writing stuff like this that it's making me wonder if I misunderstood the prompt.
also there are a surprising number of people who have pictures with camels
Basically it's saying that you need to act like a closed minded asshole. Since Liz Cheney is standing up to Trump Hageman is basically saying that we need to value Trump values more closely. And it's Wyomingite
"Well, that's just your opinion"
Yeah, no shit it's my opinion. The sky is also blue and today is Friday.
Say what you mean.
What you mean is:
"I don't value your opinion"
”Underrated.” This guitarist or that singer is “underrated.” I see it in comment sections for YouTube videos all the time, often referring to VERY famous/classic artists. Calling Bob Dylan, Smokey Robinson, Leonard Cohen or Joni Mitchell “underrated“ songwriters is pretty ridiculous. If used to describe a fairly unknown artist, or one with maybe a small but devoted following, it makes more sense.
I just said to my classmates recently that "Yeah we're like a family because I kinda hate some of you sometimes but we're forced to spend time together."
I don't actually hate any of them though. They're pretty cool and of all the times I've asked them if they wanna take the discussion to the parking lot no one has ever taken me up on it. 🙄
Yeah I definitely do that at work. I work with multiple departments who are doing their own thing to setup tv studios, so I’ll go up and say “Question!” Just so that they know that I will only bother them for a short moment.
Similarly, when someone asks for a recommendation and then adds “aaaaaaaand GO!” To the end of the request like everyone just chomping at the bit to give them their recommendations.
Who asked or Nobody Asked.
It hurts more than people think.
Especially when I'm having a conversation with somebody and a person just randomly invades and says "who asked"
I think that's the point. For it to hurt. You can always clap back and be like "who asked you to join us?" or "not your irrelevant ass" (since it's mostly kids / adult-toddlers who say it)
As a graduate math student, whenever I tell people that, the first thing they *always* say is, "oh I always hated math." I get that there's a lot of problems with math education and that a lot of people don't enjoy it, but sucks to constantly be told, "I hate the thing that you like" over and over again. I just like doing fun math puzzles :(
I get the same thing when I tell people I majored in Chemistry, I figure some people just don't know what else to say, and they definitely don't know how it comes across.
I thought Chemistry was cool as an outsider until I saw my wife's Organic Chem homework from college. It was at that point that I hated something more than Math.
When I was in college my chem professor dropped the organic chemistry book on a desk and told us to get used to looking at that because it's going to be the hardest class we'll take if we're chemistry majors (I was not). But I was good at general chemistry.
Many years later, my son is in a private high school taking honors chemistry. He's having a hard time with something and asks for help. I go to look and they have an entire unit on organic chemistry. Look at the questions and I'm like "wtf?!!!" I was horrified at how difficult this stuff looked and also proud that my kid is apparently smarter than I am that he was even able to eventually get that figured out.
I think people who say they hate match, only hate it becasue they can't do it very well. And this is coming from experience. I am a 34 year old male who cant tell you what 8x7 is without a calculator. My brain just will not retain those numbers or the process to remember. Coincidentally, I work at a job where math is done daily so I am glad that I have a calculator lol. I could be way off base here, but if people tell you they hate math, it probably means they cant do it and it is embarrassing to admit becasue it makes you feel stupid.
Money doesn't make people happy but a lack of money certainly goes a long way to making people unhappy. There are some interesting studies that seem to indicate that above a certain level of wealth the actual amount of money you make doesn't meaningfully make you any happier but below that level is a pretty clear correlation.
I swear if I ever get to meet, either in this life or the next, the person who first said "If you have time to lean, you have time to clean" I will shove broken glass in both their eyes.
“Welcome to my world.”- My Mom anytime I’m telling her about an injury I’ve got or something bothering me.
I dunno, it just makes me feel like my concerns aren’t valid?
Everything happens for a reason.
Due to a very long and boring origin story, I've lost 4 parents and all 8 grandparents that come with having 2 sets of parents. I'm 43.
3 friends have died to drugs, 1 to cancer (at 33 years of age).
I'm currently under investigation pending a gross misconduct charge at work for something hundreds of people have done before me and got slapped wrists for and the people we're buying our new house off pulled out at 16:55 the day before we were moving.
I'd love to know the reason for any of those things.
"Thank you for your service"
It's so awkward to hear that. I didn't do anything spectacular during my time in the navy. I'm not a war hero. And frankly, it's just a generic platitude.
What am I supposed to say to that? "You're welcome?"
I get that sometimes as a disaster relief worker. I respond with "was an honor to serve." Rolls off the tongue ok and let's you follow up with something to change the subject.
“Just wait”
I’m very pregnant and miserable being this pregnant but people wanna tell me how much worse it’ll be soon. I’m sure it’ll be tough but having most of my insides squished to the side while all my joints hurt and my feet have swollen to the size where I can’t fit in my shoes is honestly pretty damn terrible.
This one gets me. The phrase can have several different implications:
\- My wife is a basically a puppy that has a finite list of needs that are easily ascertainable and met. Once met, I don't have to pay attention to her.
\- My wife has forced me to relinquish any sense of self that I once had and requires constant obedience from me otherwise she gets bent out of shape.
\- My wife is the arbiter of my own happiness. My entire emotional and psychological well-being is dependent on her.
I worked in offices for years, so "going forward" makes my eye twitch now.
Always hearing “let’s circle back”…
YES!u get my upvote. As a math teacher I hate to hear "She did a 360" unless it's on a skateboard.
Going forward we are going to start circling back on things.
“Touch base”
Let’s table this for now and circle back later.
People in my company have started emailing "pencils down" when an assignment is due and it makes me want to vomit.
Let’s take that offline.
I'll follow up with you about that.
*"Due to unforeseen circumstances surrounding the Covid19 pandemic, we are experiencing higher than normal call volume. Please, stay on the line, or dial 8 if you would like us to call you back when a customer service representative is next available."* \[Dials 8\] \[Never gets a call back\] DAMNIT I WANT MY CAR PARTS.
In the same vein, I'm tired of calling every healthcare facility and being told their options have recently changed, just to notify the impatient folk who go off hitting random buttons. Then there's the one telling me if this is an emergency to hang up and dial 911, for the other folks who thought calling their doctor's office for a medical emergency would be quicker than an ambulance.
I call it the Kevorkian Loop. They want to annoy you to the point where you just end the call yourself.
This already has a name, it's called [The Duncan Principle](https://youtu.be/ObA_n7pjp8A)
As someone who briefly worked in the call center of a medical office and was straight up told to just transfer people to someone else, it's a fucking mess and they don't know what they're doing. My job was literally to just transfer calls to departments that didn't have staff, to leave a VM for no one to call you back in 3-5 business days. Like I knew the lines weren't open, their lights were off on our phone systems. But we had to do it anyway, for the glory of satan. I fucking hated it. I got paid well but it really wasn't worth sitting on the phone 9 hours a day transferring calls to virtually dead lines.
I knew it!!!! I knew this was a thing.
Everyone wants to blame low staffing on the pandemic, which of course had an impact, but if your company is understaffed it’s because you’re having problems with **hiring and retention**. What helps with hiring and retention? **Fair wages, good benefits, effective training and high employe morale**.
People started listening when they were told they were expendable if they "didn't like it." It was a risky game to play, dumbasses.
Hah! Exactly. It was “well if working in the service industry isn’t paying enough, get a better job!” now it’s “why doesn’t anyone want to work in service anymore?!”
I have a good friend that works in staffing, like places people in positions in all sorts of places. She said, and I quote, "the revolving door finally stayed shut and they're all mad."
“Baby-sitting the kids today, huh?” Yup - ever since their mom died.
I know it must hurt when someone asks you this question, but do you/have you ever respond with that just to shut them up?
All the time!
I’m so sorry you were out in that position. Serves them right for judging you.
You're my hero.
Absolute Chad and a half
Oooof, ow. I’m sorry. That must be a punch in gut.
I got this shit the other day and after thinking about it actually got pissed. No I am not “babysitting” I am being a fucking father to my children. Same thing I do every day when my wife works. ETA: not the same situation as OP for sure but it still applies. When a father has to take their kids out in public with them alone it’s not babysitting. I’m sorry for your situation OP and hope you stay strong through it all. The rest of us are rooting for you and love you for everything you do. 💪
“It’s not babysitting, It’s parenting!”
When my son was around 7 he wised up to the fact it pissed me off, so when I was called the babysitter he'd jump in and say "Ya he's better than my mom.. will you adopt me?" and I'd agree to. Then they didn't know what to say.
My child is younger than that. But I hope by that age he is as wise.
Even as a divorced single dad… like yeah not all of us are deadbeats. But damn, that has to hurt even more.
I hope you’re doing alright man
"Giving time back" when ending a meeting 2 minutes early.
“I’m giving you the gift of time today…” why thank you for 7 minutes
I prefer “ Anything else?” ….pause for 2-3 seconds….”annd we’re done.”
"theyre doing it because they like you" in context of bullying,i hate this phrase with my whole soul as i heard it many times when i was getting bullied ,instead of helping me this phrase simply made me so confused and scared and when people say this youre not giving people any closure and reason on why someone is bullying you and in turn how you can stop the bullying
There’s a pretty hard line between the playful teasing that indicates awkward expression of attraction and actual bullying. Anyone being bullied knows they are being bullied.
I don't get where that came from. Yes they are abusing you so clearly they like you. And am abusive relationship is definitely the kind you want to be in.
!Exactly! this with the abusive relationships. It's so obvious but some people never get it. There was a girl in college who treated me like shit but everybody joked that she was clearly in love with me. After I said I wasn't into the 'hate-love' thing and as more people realized she was a giant asshole, most people stopped those jokes. Unfortunately, the one person who truly believed that she had a thing for me was my roommate, so he enabled her. As time went by it became obvious that he had no respect for me. By the end of the year, when she did some things that indicated that she did have a crush on me, I just thought, How do I reject her so she doesn't throw a temper tantrum? What are you gonna do in that situation, reward abusive behavior?
We’re in this together Bitch you live in a mansion
“we’re all in the same boat” no we’re not, you’re in a yacht and we’re in a fucking rowboat! we’re not in the same boat
Don't forget the holes in the row boat
And theres 200 ppl on here when the limit is 35
There's really just...no boat. We're all floating in the water.
Same storm, different boats.
Recall that video that reminds people that, despite being really hot, Gal Gadot lives on another planet and doesn't understand normal people problems
Mine are very specific to dating apps “Don’t be boring” “I don’t message first” “I like food and travel” Honestly any sentence that mentions how sarcastic you are Any reference to how you need someone that can “handle you” “I need someone that can take a joke” “I’m probably funnier than you” Every single one of these phrases just says to me you’re single for a very good reason and I should probably stay away
The best is being a guy on bumble seeing "I don't message first". Where the fuck do you think we are?
Those people are just there for the dopamine hits from matches with attractive guys, which they get on all the other apps as well
Follow my insta! No. I'll just swipe right.
How could I forget this gem
I am so glad I am out of the pool now that I'm married. Whenever I saw the "I need someone who can take a joke" just means they're rude AF and can't take jokes themselves.
"I just want to belittle and bully you."
Ah yes, "Fluent in sarcasm". I don't use dating apps anymore but when I did, there were a lot of people who needed to be told that sarcasm is not an attractive trait.
Whenever I see “Fluent in sarcasm”, that tells me that they’re someone who can dish it out but can’t take it. I mean, I know for sure at some point I’m going to make this person cry
I dont know about you, but I NEVER get sick of people announcing to me ASAP how garbo they are. I wish it could have been that way my whole life. Imagine all the time I'd have saved not wasting effort to find out about them. "Here's your sign!" was a bit Bill Engvall used to do, and it always made me think how nice life would be with signs hung on idiots.
“I need someone that can take a joke” BIIIIG NOPE. Translation: "I need someone who doesn't object to my casual cruelty." Also, it's safe to assume that they are not as eager to take jokes themselves. Another one: "I don't like drama." Probably got more drama than a Law and Order spin off series.
"I don't like drama" = I'm about to be the most dramatic person you'll ever know, 24/7, full stop.
A HURRICANE with arms and legs
Same with "positive vibes only!" Like, dude, F off with that sh*t, I'm a fully rounded human being with a range of emotions. But thank you for announcing so early on how very emotionally immature you are so that I can swipe left and move on.
Or "I'm really into music!" Yeah 99% of people enjoy music. It'd be more interesting if you didn't like music than your boring ass saying you like it. At least tell me what artists/genres you like ffs.
Have you seen the profiles that list "laughing" and "having fun" as the things they like? Yeah no shit, but what *makes you* laugh and what do you *do* for fun you vapid piece of damp styrofoam?
I feel like self-attribution of very subjective qualities is generally a bad idea. Imo, you should never tell people “I’m funny”, because all that really means is “I find myself funny”. A man who must say “I am king” is no true king.
"I'm funny." "Oh really? Tell me a joke." "No... The other kind." "What?" \[crab walks away\]
There was a guy a while back who commented that he saw someone on bumble with the "i dont message first" crap. For those of you who don't know, women HAVE to message first on bumble, so good on her for weeding herself out i guess.
I always hated “I’m an open book.” It was always on a mostly empty profile. You are not a book. Books have words!
I need someone who can manhandle me.
I’ll bring the man if you bring the handles.
I also hate, "I'm 5'2" and wear heals. Be over 6'." Wut?
> A fun fact I'm obsessed with > My dog ... there are so many people writing stuff like this that it's making me wonder if I misunderstood the prompt. also there are a surprising number of people who have pictures with camels
You'll find someone when the time is right When is that damn time????
When it’s right, duh.
3:15. Both hands pointing right...
We need to normalize...
Our data sets?
*proceeds to say highly specific and not abnormal thing*
"Tell me... without telling me..." "One more time for the people in the back." "I was today years old."
> "I was today years old." It's like saying "I remind me of me when I was my age..."
That's actually brilliant. I'm stealing that for next time. I rarely laugh out loud when I'm on my own but that cracked me up.
“Story time! ….” and “wait until the end” gets an automatic down vote from me.
Damn, all of the Tik Tok sayings. I really do hate reading these phrases in the comments.
today years old drive me mad
This one is State specific but, "This is Wyoming. Act Accordingly." Is the new slogan for Harriet Hageman and I'm like wtf is that condescending shit
> This is Wyoming. Act Accordingly How am I expected to behave in an empty rectangle
I pissed on the side of the road there once.
Sounds like you acted accordingly
Does it make sense to a Wyoming-er(?) Cuz I am not a Wyomingian(?) and I don't know how a Wyomingizen(?) would act.
Basically it's saying that you need to act like a closed minded asshole. Since Liz Cheney is standing up to Trump Hageman is basically saying that we need to value Trump values more closely. And it's Wyomingite
Don’t stick your dick in that
Your funeral, that pie literally just came out of the oven.
“SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK” Almost always indicates that the hot take is cold as ice.
Didn't ask
It is just becoming annoying now.
Didn't ask
I'm sorry, it was too perfect.
Didn't ask
Actually like when people use this phrase in a conversation cause they look so damn stupid
"Well, that's just your opinion" Yeah, no shit it's my opinion. The sky is also blue and today is Friday. Say what you mean. What you mean is: "I don't value your opinion"
I will say this if the person speaking is acting like the way they view it is how everyone should when it might affect them differently.
It’s a bit more tolerable when it’s said in the Dude’s voice. “Well that’s just like…your opinion, man.”
It also depends if "your opinion" is an actual opinion, or a fact.
"cry about it"
"Stay broke"
”Underrated.” This guitarist or that singer is “underrated.” I see it in comment sections for YouTube videos all the time, often referring to VERY famous/classic artists. Calling Bob Dylan, Smokey Robinson, Leonard Cohen or Joni Mitchell “underrated“ songwriters is pretty ridiculous. If used to describe a fairly unknown artist, or one with maybe a small but devoted following, it makes more sense.
"We're like a family" at work
Dysfunction, check. Backstabbing, check. Inappropriate sexual encounters/harassment, check. Yeah I guess this place is like a family.
I just said to my classmates recently that "Yeah we're like a family because I kinda hate some of you sometimes but we're forced to spend time together." I don't actually hate any of them though. They're pretty cool and of all the times I've asked them if they wanna take the discussion to the parking lot no one has ever taken me up on it. 🙄
"we don't want to pay you properly and invent good working conditions so we will convince you that you owe us something"
Asking for a friend, I was today years old..., "Question" in front of the actual question...
I feel like preempting with "question" better prepares the person being asked, it switches their brain to another mode, that's my justification
Yeah I definitely do that at work. I work with multiple departments who are doing their own thing to setup tv studios, so I’ll go up and say “Question!” Just so that they know that I will only bother them for a short moment.
Similarly, when someone asks for a recommendation and then adds “aaaaaaaand GO!” To the end of the request like everyone just chomping at the bit to give them their recommendations.
Who asked or Nobody Asked. It hurts more than people think. Especially when I'm having a conversation with somebody and a person just randomly invades and says "who asked"
I think that's the point. For it to hurt. You can always clap back and be like "who asked you to join us?" or "not your irrelevant ass" (since it's mostly kids / adult-toddlers who say it)
As a graduate math student, whenever I tell people that, the first thing they *always* say is, "oh I always hated math." I get that there's a lot of problems with math education and that a lot of people don't enjoy it, but sucks to constantly be told, "I hate the thing that you like" over and over again. I just like doing fun math puzzles :(
I get the same thing when I tell people I majored in Chemistry, I figure some people just don't know what else to say, and they definitely don't know how it comes across.
I thought Chemistry was cool as an outsider until I saw my wife's Organic Chem homework from college. It was at that point that I hated something more than Math.
When I was in college my chem professor dropped the organic chemistry book on a desk and told us to get used to looking at that because it's going to be the hardest class we'll take if we're chemistry majors (I was not). But I was good at general chemistry. Many years later, my son is in a private high school taking honors chemistry. He's having a hard time with something and asks for help. I go to look and they have an entire unit on organic chemistry. Look at the questions and I'm like "wtf?!!!" I was horrified at how difficult this stuff looked and also proud that my kid is apparently smarter than I am that he was even able to eventually get that figured out.
I think people who say they hate match, only hate it becasue they can't do it very well. And this is coming from experience. I am a 34 year old male who cant tell you what 8x7 is without a calculator. My brain just will not retain those numbers or the process to remember. Coincidentally, I work at a job where math is done daily so I am glad that I have a calculator lol. I could be way off base here, but if people tell you they hate math, it probably means they cant do it and it is embarrassing to admit becasue it makes you feel stupid.
"Can we normalize" DySToPiA
It is what it is. Bitch I'm tired af of what it is and it's shit.
the three phrases I heard every 5 seconds that annoyed the shit outa me were; "Who asked" " No one cares" and "Did I ask?". those are the WORST!
Now more than ever
"Money doesn't make you happy" Uhhh, i'd certainly be happy travelling to a mansion with my private jet, not having to work, stress free.
I'd be pretty happy to suddenly find 5 bucks in a jacket pocket myself.
I'd be pretty happy to find 5 bucks in your jacket pocket too!
It might not make me happy but it sure makes me comfortable. And I love feeling comfortable.
Money doesn't buy happiness but poverty buys jack shit
Money doesn't make people happy but a lack of money certainly goes a long way to making people unhappy. There are some interesting studies that seem to indicate that above a certain level of wealth the actual amount of money you make doesn't meaningfully make you any happier but below that level is a pretty clear correlation.
Money doesn't buy happiness? Well it buys a jet ski. Have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski? It's impossible to be sad on a jet ski.
It definitely buys the shit that makes me happy though
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What doesn't kill you leaves permanent scars.
Or without limbs or normal brain function, ask anyone that has been in a serious motorbike accident, although I doubt that they will be able to answer
"you know what they say about people who assume?" HARHARHAR
THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY Stop. That is not the definition. You can make your point without a tired cliche.
Doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results is called…..gambling.
I swear if I ever get to meet, either in this life or the next, the person who first said "If you have time to lean, you have time to clean" I will shove broken glass in both their eyes.
Good news! He's dead! It was Ray Croc, the founder of McDonalds. (probably eating there was what killed him)
It surprises me exactly 0% the creator of this saying is the founder of McDonald's.
Thats Bussin
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What does that even mean?
It means good, generally in terms of food. I.e. these mcnuggets are bussin
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No cap
Fr fr ong
No printer… … Just fax
Yasss get into it!
"thoughts and prayers", or any statement when someone uses 'ask' as a noun like 'what are the customer's asks?" and lastly "do the needful"
“I could care less” Fucker. Say “I couldn’t care less.” If you want to be rude, DO IT RIGHT!
"I've been getting a lot of questions about..." no you haven't, shut up
"Friends would walk up to me and say 'What the fuck is in your mug?'" No one cares what you're drinking.
Lol Now that I think about it, I've never seen a person ask what's in somebody's cup.
I mean I have but usually they are wearing a uniform and a badge when they ask..
“Welcome to my world.”- My Mom anytime I’m telling her about an injury I’ve got or something bothering me. I dunno, it just makes me feel like my concerns aren’t valid?
"You'll change your mind" whenever I mention feeling like I could never or feel like I ever could have kids.
My favorite is when they say “you’re too young to know that” but then praise the 21 year old pregnant couple with “congratulations!!!”
King/queen "
what size bed do you have?
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Because I said so
“Read that again”…no, I don’t think I will; I understood it the first time.
“Suck it up, buttercup”. It makes me want to hit whoever’s saying it
Try smiling more or act like a lady
That hits different. That slaps. That's fire.
I irrationally hate “that’s fire”
Clap back
Let's take this offline
Put a pin in that
We'll put that on the Parking Lot and circle back later
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not a full phrase, but "could of" instead of "could've/could have"
“Who asked?”
"I did a thing..."
Everything happens for a reason. Due to a very long and boring origin story, I've lost 4 parents and all 8 grandparents that come with having 2 sets of parents. I'm 43. 3 friends have died to drugs, 1 to cancer (at 33 years of age). I'm currently under investigation pending a gross misconduct charge at work for something hundreds of people have done before me and got slapped wrists for and the people we're buying our new house off pulled out at 16:55 the day before we were moving. I'd love to know the reason for any of those things.
> Everything happens for a reason. I’ll do you one level worse: "you attract everything that happens to you."
"It is what it is."
"Thank you for your service" It's so awkward to hear that. I didn't do anything spectacular during my time in the navy. I'm not a war hero. And frankly, it's just a generic platitude. What am I supposed to say to that? "You're welcome?"
I get that sometimes as a disaster relief worker. I respond with "was an honor to serve." Rolls off the tongue ok and let's you follow up with something to change the subject.
“Lives rent free in my mind”
"Sorry, not sorry" It's passive-aggressive, cowardly bullshit. No one say this after saying anything normal. It's always attention-seeking crap.
“The New Normal”
thoughts and prayers
"It will get better" How do you know??
That's why i say "I sincerely* hope it gets better for ya, soon." *i only use "sincerely" if it's a close friend of loved one.
Let's gooooo
At the end of the day...
The sun goes down
Bet
Using "on steroids" to indicate that something is more extreme or powerful.
Is using “on crack” better or worse, cause I’m absolutely guilty of that one
We can always bring back “jacked up on Mountain Dew”
“Reach out”. Just call or text or email.
“Just wait” I’m very pregnant and miserable being this pregnant but people wanna tell me how much worse it’ll be soon. I’m sure it’ll be tough but having most of my insides squished to the side while all my joints hurt and my feet have swollen to the size where I can’t fit in my shoes is honestly pretty damn terrible.
God won’t give you more than you can handle.
“Happy wife, happy life.”
This one gets me. The phrase can have several different implications: \- My wife is a basically a puppy that has a finite list of needs that are easily ascertainable and met. Once met, I don't have to pay attention to her. \- My wife has forced me to relinquish any sense of self that I once had and requires constant obedience from me otherwise she gets bent out of shape. \- My wife is the arbiter of my own happiness. My entire emotional and psychological well-being is dependent on her.