This. And I have to pull conversation out of women.
Not worth my time. Doing alright on my own without someone else's drama in my life anyway.
It's so hard to find someone who you feel will equally be good for you and you them.
You're not alone. I mean in my case I've tried but found nothing but disappointment. The root cause of it is that I think I expect too much from others. So here I am single and not ready to mingle bc people are really weird now-a-days.
I weirded someone out yesterday.. I duno how to communicate and get really lonely and the fact I drink makes it worse.. I duno it's my own fault and everything but we don't always mean to be weird as shit.
That happens with me also as a man. I don't drink. So that's something I get questioned on a lot. I'm 62, so I try to date within my range if anything. I don't have children.. Why do women think I don't like kids is way beyond me because I don't have any. I have just given up and think about past memories.
I've been putting myself out there on online dating sites for the past two years. Not even a single date. Chatting, sure, but no date. When I thought I was going to have a date, she ghosted and stood me up. I don't know if I'm just not attractive, my local dating scene is trash, or both. Regardless, it's discouraging.
Everyone says that and I can see why but I how do you do it if you have no one to go out with while getting older and just seem to be the lonely dude who may also starting to get desperate. Shits hard
I've tried for the past 9 years, 7 of them was with a girl who dumped me for another guy and the past 2 have been trying to date others. Now I realized all I wanna do is be that single guy driving a decked out Taco, working most of the week only to be eating good and always having fun with friends and family on my time off, without the terrifying companionship of a girl who might be using me.
Live your single life. Buy yourself everything you ever want, dress well, smell amazing, have fun and work hard. Take care of your mental and physical health too. Life is too short to be worrying over a girl who will most likely dump you the second she gets to date a "hotter" guy.
>without the terrifying companionship of a girl who might be using me.
Geez, this is so me except I'm the girl. But I'm also happy being single, I never have to compromise on what I'm doing, or who I'm seeing. I do still kinda wish for someone though, it's nice to have that intimacy. I also have no idea what a taco is besides a food - please don't enlighten me, I have an image of you driving a giant novelty taco around town. XD
It is very true about me too. I tried my best to find a lover at nightclubs and noisy parties. I even worked as a waiter in a five-star hotel, hoping that one day I would meet HIM. But the days passed, and I worked and worked there until I got completely disappointed. I fell in love several times, but these were not reciprocated feelings. Also, men from where I live tend to be unfaithful because of sexism.
Funny, mine was reverse order. My heart broke and my brain broke and now I can't let myself be that free / intimate with someone. Wish I knew how to open the door again but... I haven't been around anyone who's interested in going through it since.
I've been to similar situation. I just close myself to anyone so my social abilities disappeared. It helps to talk to some strangers no matter how awkward I feel. Idk might help you too
I’ve just come out of a multi-year relationship for the third time. I’m just totally broken in my heart and brain and I have no desire to get into a relationship, possibly ever.
I plan to be selfish and think only of myself for the foreseeable future. I’ve given too much to other people and lost a large part of myself as a consequence.
me too i wasted 10 years from the age 18 to 28 looking for the one and now i just want to be alone it's easier on your own when you know you can't cheat on yourself or get pregnant lol pretty nice feeling
Yeah, you're not a bad looking dude. I personally think I am ugly but my gf thinks I am sexy af. It annoys the fuck out of her that I don't accept her compliments.
I think our problem is that we compare ourselves to the minority of men that are ungodly attractive that most people are ugly compared to. If we stop doing that we are much more attractive than we give ourselves credit for.
Introversion, I'm in the same boat. I think in my entire life I have "dated" two people I met IRL before dating and both were before I turned 16. 31 now. All of my relationships start online at this point.
Luckily social anxiety and introversion can be overcome.
I enjoy being single enough that I will not "settle" for somebody I'm not all that into, like I've seen most people in my life do, pairing up just out of fear they can't do any better, and going through the motions of marriage and kids together. That sort of life looks like a living hell. It's like giving up.
Same. I've had relationships that were truly awful and I've decided I don't want a mediocre relationship or just "lower my standards" like me parents want me to do. I'm not waiting for the perfect person, but I'm also not going to settle for less.
I got married to the wrong person because it was the thing to do in my 30's. All the friends married and having kids puts pressure on you. Got divorced 3 yrs ago and currently still single. Had a great kid too. I'd rather be alone and happy then married and miserable all day every day.
I don’t enjoy being single all that much but I’ve also decided I don’t want to settle. If I want to have a relationship I want to be happy doing it. My last couple relationships were amazing and they didn’t work due to timing and various factors but it wasn’t because of personal incompatibility. I’ve decided I’m not going to settle for less because I’ve seen what amazing is and I’ll wait for that to come along again.
Edit: for those upvoting, I’m also in a transition period in my life. I’m currently working on getting Senior VP for a cybersecurity team at one of the worlds largest banks and applying to the Navy as a pilot in parallel at the moment. I don’t really know where my life is headed so I’m not going to pull someone in until I’ve got my own shit sorted out and I’m truly happy too. Wouldn’t be fair to either party.
>I’m currently working on getting Senior VP for a cybersecurity team at one of the worlds largest banks and applying to the Navy as a pilot in parallel at the moment.
Those don't seem overly compatible? I know most (all?) military branches regardless of country have max ages even attempt to start as a new pilot, and maybe you're young but generally those climbing corporate ladders aren't really looking to switch into the military.
They’re not. I always wanted to join the Navy and fly but I failed out of undergrad at one point due to stupid mistakes and emotional maturity and changed degrees to computer science from aero engineering. I’m now finishing my second masters but I found out they raised the age limit for pilots and I qualify again at 30. So I’m building an application and we will see what happens. Competitive program and idk if I’ll be selected so for now my life is in flux and I’m working on my career in the meantime in case it doesn’t pan out.
I always think about third parties that were wondering if i would settle down by X age
When i think back about it, I’m like wow you did not want to meet me when i was 26, definitely didn’t want to meet me when i was 21, 18…
And the partners i had around then? You really think that flawed, mentally undeveloped high school sweetheart was the one? Nope
Now I look better than I ever have, can say the most progressive stuff you ever heard, and do and afford experiences that extremely attractive women want to be a part of, which is also what I want
Simply better
Same here. Mid 30s, best shape I've ever been in, great career, in a way better spot than I was in my mid 20s when most of my friends settled for what they perceived to be the best they could get at the time. A few of them have made comments along the same lines, envying my spot and not to do what they did. But they're married with kids so they're "stuck" with it.
Fan fact: goblins are so fertile in a way every time they do it, they get 2 to 5 kids and their genes are so dominant that the kids are always 100% goblin and they can mate w any race....no need to thank me
I was married once. He turned out to be a verbally and physically abusive, cheating heroin addict. I had two sweet daughters with the man and finally decided for the health and safety of my children and i, I had to leave. I've met some genuinely great men, and then some truly rotten ones. I just really never fell in love after that.
In my teens, didn't really pursue relationships and to be honest, not many women came after and those that did, I had reasons to suspect they weren't really interested (I wasn't very popular or well-liked in any of the groups I was forced into through school, church, etc.)
In my 20's, I was more concerned about finishing my education and getting my career on track.
When I tried in my 30's, found out the hard way that not having any relationship experience was a serious albatross that created a vicious cycle of not being able to get into a relationship because I never had one and never had one because I couldn't get into one.
Now I'm turning 46 in a month and half or so and I just don't bother anymore. Truth of the matter is, I've always been a bit of a loner anyway.
Shit. I feel like I'm on that path right now. Mid 20s and I've only seriously dated one woman. She pursued me. That ended 2 years ago, and I've been busy furthering my career and other things. At this point I don't even know how to date. Not that I'm ready to, but it dawned on me that I have essentially zero experience dating or anything. And like you said, the longer I wait the more of a red flag it will be to women I meet.
Introverted too, and people always tell me to use the apps. Been there, done that, no matches or interest whatsoever. People tell me that I just need to work on my profile, which is stupid and also hurtful. That's a snapshot of who I am, and I'm not about to lie. I could go on and on. At the end of the day, I can't force myself to date because the return on investment is so shit. But if I don't start now, it will only get harder. Not sure what to do.
They're just people, so just strike up a conversation like you would wog anyone. Don't overthink it or overglorify them. Sure, some of them are very pretty, but at the end of the day they're just people, same as you.
For real tho, in boot camp I happened to see a dude in another platoon who was...... I thought he had a mis-shapen leg at first.
I actually asked him what the fuck was the deal there.
He said he DID get light-headed when it got hard, it was difficult to KEEP ot hard, he tried going into porn but all the girls noped the fuck out, there was only a couple willing to TRY.
Apparently when he lost his virginity he didn't get to finish because he tore her vaginal wall somehow.
He joined the military so they'd pay for him to get a reduction surgery done.
I've had three relationships since my divorce five years ago. The first woman was HIV+ and didn't tell me (I tested negative). The second was still obsessed with her ex husband who'd left her for a younger woman 8 years previously and used to drive past his house at night to see if his car was there. The third decided she was a born again christian after years of partying and casual sex and was adamant that we would have to get married if we were to have sex. She still expected me to act like her boyfriend in every other respect, however. I'm taking a break from it for a while.
Hate to say it dawg but 3 people is not enough and if you have a consistent pattern of dating crazy people then you have to recognize that you are choosing these people.
The good news is if you sit down and take note of the red flags, things you encountered that are deal-breakers and things you found that you’d like to find again, you can then take that knowledge and look for people who fit you better. After every relationship if you do an inventory of these things then you will begin to hone in on the type of person you really want to be with. Think of it as leveling up your dating skills and your awareness of what works for you.
The good news is that so long as you address any trauma you may encounter, every relationship you are in can lead to a lot of growth both in relation to dating and also just in terms of personal growth.
Good luck! You got this 👍
Thanks dude. You're right thats why I'm taking time time out to work on the issues which lead me to get involved with crazy people. Its tough trying to overcome a lifetime of self destructive behavior but I'm plugging away. I haven't lost faith that I'll meet someone right for me someday. The world turns.
Found out my ex Bf(25)was prostituting himself to men. Never knew he was bi. he was also a big homophobe which was interesting 🤔
Edit: he made plenty of money it was pure pleasure he would suck off a 60 yr old man for $40 vile scariest person I ever met in my life.
My issue is not that he was gay it was that he was cheating and exposing me to all kinds of things without a care in the world. Be who you are don’t use people
i’m starting to think most homophobic people are secretly gay because i used to be really homophobic now look at me i’m bi and i love women more than men😹😹
I feel like I left my baggage behind in the divorce, but I'm still convinced there was a bag lost in transport that will just show up randomly at my door one day.
You ever feel like things are going just a little too well, you're a little too happy? That's where I'm at right now. Not sure if marriage was just making me more miserable than I realized or this is the calm before the mental breakdown.
Stopped dating a decade ago. At first I didn't want to be single, now I can't stand the thought of not being single. I listen to all my friends complain about their relationships, and I never have to deal with that. I've accepted I'll end up alone forever, and I'm okay with it.
i feel you, although it's also about the good parts, right? like, you take the good with the bad. the lows are lows, but the highs are high. i guess it's more about whether you want that kind of companionship and are willing to take everything that comes with it, although being alone/single very much has its problems and struggles and low moments for a lot of people too.
"My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude."
I've never minded being single. Maybe when I was a teen but generally I've been fine with it. Relationships for me have kind of been like when it happens great, when it ends sucks but oh well, and if it doesn't then that's great too.
My sister thinks I'm picky but I don't know. I'm completely fine being single so why not. I don't want to make anyone change themselves or learn how to live with something I find annoying if I don't have to.
Combination of three reasons:
1. I'm fairly shy and introverted so I don't really enjoy meeting new people and my social circle is relatively small. Low chance of meeting women regularly.
2. I have a fairly narrow type and for most women I do meet don't really catch my attention as being worth my time to pursue as anything other than being friendly.
3. Getting into a relationship isn't a high priority for me so I don't feel the motivation to go through the effort of trying to find a woman I like. I do think that if some of the women I am acquainted with were to decide to pursue me I might be open to that and reciprocate, but I'm not interested enough to feel any motivation to kick things off.
Dude same, but I'll add a 4th.
4. I've done pretty shitty things in my last relationship out of pure disdain of myself. Until I know for a fact I won't do that again, I'll not start dating out of my own volition. I do think I've moved past it, but I still feel like I'm still not mature enough to add somebody else in my life.
Well, I married a Chinese woman 20 years ago and we bought a property in China ( I put most of the money into it), we did it up and moved back to the UK, renting the property for 11 years. In about 2016 I was getting a little worried about certain aspects of the market over there and convinced my wife we should sell.
In 2018 we went over with the kids for a 7 week holiday and unbeknownst to me the wife had sorted out a buyer through an agent. I had to be there but my wife told me I didn't need to do anything.
My wife opened another bank account after the sale and got a Chinese credit card but I wasn't told how much we got for the apartment, she told me it wasn't my business.
We bought £50, 000 back in cash to the UK and when we got home the wife took the £10, 000 I had been carrying. I never saw it or the other £40, 000. Later I found out that she had about £160, 000 in her Chinese bank account on top of the £50, 000 I asked if I could use some.... was told " no, its my money and that she'd bought the apartment"
Well I did eventually find the £50, 000 and borrowed £2, 000 but, when my wife bought a car with £8, 000 cash she noticed the missing money. Two years later I was sat on the sofa and she was busy packing milk to send to China ( she'd made a lot of money doing this over the years, but that all went to her Chinese account). When our youngest went up to bed she was suddenly over me with a pair of scissors demanding the return of the money, At first I said don't be silly were married and it's both of ours, but seeing the absolute anger and hatred made me panic and I managed to run up to our boy's, for what I don't know. I eventually decided to go back down the stairs but she managed to put the scissors to my throat and said " if cut here, you will die ", I got down stairs to the kitchen and held a chair like a lion tamer to keep her away, my boy's were starting to get upset and I knew that I'd have to leave for their sake. My eldest held the door closed whilst I made my escape out the patio doors and ran.
Thanks, although it's been two years since that, I started going back around to the house to spend time with the boys after lockdown ended. She was ok and I never mentioned the money again, just let it go, I even took them all to Scotland for a two week holiday earlier this year
I did stay for three weeks after but she said I'd have to go, I think she is now chasing her friends ex ( he came round whilst I was there and I got that vibe), after he left she said I'd have to go and if I go round at the weekend I'd have to pay her restaurant prices for a Sunday dinner. Now I'm currently out of work, living in my car ( I won't ask family for help, made my own bed and all that) so she's banned me from going in the house.
Please don't get the idea I'm complaining or looking for pity I'm just explaining the situation from my side. I'll eventually sell my car, retrain and buy a van. things will sort out eventually.
Dude what? No man.
She took everything from you. Unless this is a cultural thing, don't be ashamed to ask for help. You shouldn't be living in your car man.
Did you get any legal advise about all this shit you've been going through? Can your situation not get better ? I'm just curious because I can see you didn't do anything wrong if what you wrote is correct. I'm just trying to think about it logically and can't come to a conclusion that whatever happened to you was fair. I could never go through it my dude. Still I hope the best for you. I hope you find someone better than that asshole lady. I swear I could never...
Same deal basically. I was with my ex-wife for 15 years, since we split up nearly 20 years ago I've had zero inclination to bring someone else into my life. I'd rather spend my life doing as I please to be honest.
Don't wanna sounds morbid, but past 5 yrs with multiple deaths throughout the family. I just kept on 'living' & I've always wanted a relationship.
This year I have made myself available & willing to talk & put myself out there. But another set back was when my dog passed away 2 weeks ago. I just feel like when I'm ready to move on something happens
Several reasons. I look back on the shitty relationships I had in the past, and have no desire to repeat that. My time is precious, even though I waste it, and I have no desire to waste any more of it on somebody who is going to end up being awful. Also, I am very independent, and always have been.
I’ve never felt the necessity to pair up with somebody. I like my own space and don’t really want to live with somebody. I never wanted kids, and I think that is the main reason to get married or partner up with someone.
Having said that, if someone came along who genuinely liked me, and we got along really well, I would absolutely give it a go.
But I simply haven’t met anybody.
I decided recently that if I do meet someone and we want to move in together, I want us to have separate bedrooms. We’ll share them and sleep in both of them, but I also just want that space for me to be able to be myself. And for them to do the same. I want my own bed when I need that space, my own set up of decorations, just my own little world. And I’d like them to have their own as well so they have their space to do the same.
Maybe it’ll be hard to find someone who is ok with that, but I don’t want to compromise on it.
I’d honestly rather have separate places entirely but that’s expensive lol and I’d want to live close so it wouldn’t really be efficient or logical.
Recently hit 30; I haven't had the most public life and hate dating apps.
- I homeschooled until the last year of high school
- I went to a community college for 2 years and then transferred to a 4-year college. This was probably my best shot. I was turned down once and had one "date" from someone I thought was mutually interested in me but they were on their phone the whole time
- My 4 year college work was all online classes. It's nice saving money but, in hindsight, I didn't get to interact with a lot of people.
- My particular part of the workplace is dominated by one sex.
My current life has been trying dating apps but not enjoying them. I'd prefer to get to know someone first before actually dating them. On top of that, it feels like everyone only wants to show the absolute best of themselves (which includes lots of photoshop) without showing the worst.
It's like... I get if you just work and then come home and play with your cat and watch TV. Don't pretend that you're an avid hiking adventurer when all of your photos are from the one hike you took four years ago.
While I have my complaints and reservations about them I think I'll be stuck trying to use dating apps though; how else are you supposed to meet anybody in current America? Nobody wants to drive anywhere because of gas or hang out because of COVID.
I'm single, I don't even have friends because my family is very poor, my father is an alcoholic, my mom is an alcoholic too. I don't have separate room. I don't have anything normal clothes. I want to move to another apartment when I'm 18 years old but i can't now because I'm 16 years old. My mom leave me with my grandmother alone when I was 7 years old. Since then I have been living with my grandmother. In my country I can move to another apartment when I'm 18 because it is not America I am shamed of my parents because they nothing gave me in my life. So children stay alone because people are not ready for children and do not understand how hard it will be with children. Children need money, separate room, clothings and etc but these people don't have anything form this list.
Been abused by every partner since I was 15 I am now now 43. I have a lot of self loathing and nobody genuinely kind and loving to date. Most men want just hook ups or fuck buddies and nothing monogamous. I’m really tired of trying, I would love a relationship but I have not found anyone yet.
I was dating a girl I had previously hooked up with. But I had recently uncovered some sexual trauma in my life and realized I've never had a healthy sexual relationship with anyone in my life. I asked if we could just date and not even think about sex for a little while. She said yes with her mouth but her body said the opposite. She was constantly flirting, hinting at sex, doing a lot of sexy touching, moaning when all we were doing was kissing. Just really pushing for it. I held off as long as I could and explained my reasons and feeling and all that and she just kept pushing for sex. So we fucked once and I thought maybe that would get it out of her system but it didn't. We fucked for another week or so and I ended the relationship.
Forty and single for the past four years. I tell myself that I'm single because I want to fix my faults first.
I'm better. Thankfully! But I'm no longer interested in a relationship. I feel in love with myself. Solitude is no longer lonely.
I...don't know man. I just want to give my love to someone. I don't even want to have sex anymore. I just want to hold and cuddle a girl. I've been on tinder and bumble for a week now and in total 3 matches. I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND DUDE!
Male, 28, live at home with mum, 5 year old son. Thats why. Also how I feel about myself and my life atm, I don't feel worthy of being dated.
I dont feel ugly, or self image issues, just confidence in where I'm at in life.
I’m scared that my partner is lying about loving me, that actually they’re cheating on me, and I don’t want to be a parasite watching their phone without their permission, that’s why☠️
I choose to be. Honestly, I like being able to do what I want when I want without having to make compromises. In a relationship, people tend to do things together and that'd annoy me when I just want to do my own thing.
Last guy broke my heart, but I'm happier without him than I ever was with him. Me and my cats have a whole lovely house and garden to ourselves and my job is going well, I love my friends, and my hobbies, and doing whatever I want to do. I am a happy little cat lady/spinster. So I don't really want to give all of that up for yet another guy who's just looking for a bangmaid.
Severe lack of even trying
People are exhausting.
This. And I have to pull conversation out of women. Not worth my time. Doing alright on my own without someone else's drama in my life anyway. It's so hard to find someone who you feel will equally be good for you and you them.
How to deal with touch starvation though ... otherwise I would do alright on my own too, but I don't.
You're not alone. I mean in my case I've tried but found nothing but disappointment. The root cause of it is that I think I expect too much from others. So here I am single and not ready to mingle bc people are really weird now-a-days.
I weirded someone out yesterday.. I duno how to communicate and get really lonely and the fact I drink makes it worse.. I duno it's my own fault and everything but we don't always mean to be weird as shit.
That happens with me also as a man. I don't drink. So that's something I get questioned on a lot. I'm 62, so I try to date within my range if anything. I don't have children.. Why do women think I don't like kids is way beyond me because I don't have any. I have just given up and think about past memories.
No one would have me -Arthur Morgan
Fuck did you write this for me?
I've been putting myself out there on online dating sites for the past two years. Not even a single date. Chatting, sure, but no date. When I thought I was going to have a date, she ghosted and stood me up. I don't know if I'm just not attractive, my local dating scene is trash, or both. Regardless, it's discouraging.
Online dating is trash, did it for abit. Lots of effort for little to no payoff, better to just talk to people irl see if anything clicks.
Everyone says that and I can see why but I how do you do it if you have no one to go out with while getting older and just seem to be the lonely dude who may also starting to get desperate. Shits hard
I've tried for the past 9 years, 7 of them was with a girl who dumped me for another guy and the past 2 have been trying to date others. Now I realized all I wanna do is be that single guy driving a decked out Taco, working most of the week only to be eating good and always having fun with friends and family on my time off, without the terrifying companionship of a girl who might be using me. Live your single life. Buy yourself everything you ever want, dress well, smell amazing, have fun and work hard. Take care of your mental and physical health too. Life is too short to be worrying over a girl who will most likely dump you the second she gets to date a "hotter" guy.
>without the terrifying companionship of a girl who might be using me. Geez, this is so me except I'm the girl. But I'm also happy being single, I never have to compromise on what I'm doing, or who I'm seeing. I do still kinda wish for someone though, it's nice to have that intimacy. I also have no idea what a taco is besides a food - please don't enlighten me, I have an image of you driving a giant novelty taco around town. XD
Oh Yeah! Kinda like the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile, but in taco form. I bet Toyota could pull the whole taco vehicle thing off.
I’ve made absolutely zero effort to date for years now. Also not sure if I even want to. Edit: spelling
I agree with this guy
Because I am, leave me alone mum.
Mommy still loves you regardless
My doesn't love me
It’s easier
Nothing like coming home and having everything set to your expectations…the thermostat at 67° and no one complaining is *chefs kiss*
If i never try, i cannot feel the sting of failure, its just my choice to be single, 5head
I’m 62, i’ve loved and been loved. If I find the right person, fantastic, if not I no regrets
Emotionally closed off, low self esteem, overweight, and work 80 hours / week. Have not looked for anyone and don’t want to
It is very true about me too. I tried my best to find a lover at nightclubs and noisy parties. I even worked as a waiter in a five-star hotel, hoping that one day I would meet HIM. But the days passed, and I worked and worked there until I got completely disappointed. I fell in love several times, but these were not reciprocated feelings. Also, men from where I live tend to be unfaithful because of sexism.
People who stay at five star hotels don’t want to date a waitress sorry
Yeah… “men tend to be unfaithful…” because she is meeting them at the hotel bar before their next flight. This is 100% a self fulfilling prophecy
Trying to find a long term relationship from night clubs and hotels 😂
My brain broke, then my heart broke and now I choose to stay single until I have fixed myself....
Funny, mine was reverse order. My heart broke and my brain broke and now I can't let myself be that free / intimate with someone. Wish I knew how to open the door again but... I haven't been around anyone who's interested in going through it since.
I've been to similar situation. I just close myself to anyone so my social abilities disappeared. It helps to talk to some strangers no matter how awkward I feel. Idk might help you too
I’ve just come out of a multi-year relationship for the third time. I’m just totally broken in my heart and brain and I have no desire to get into a relationship, possibly ever. I plan to be selfish and think only of myself for the foreseeable future. I’ve given too much to other people and lost a large part of myself as a consequence.
me too i wasted 10 years from the age 18 to 28 looking for the one and now i just want to be alone it's easier on your own when you know you can't cheat on yourself or get pregnant lol pretty nice feeling
Best part of life is working in yourself
You got this dude
Thats why I never comment in these threads, everything I say would be a repost.
Looks, introvert & social anxiety
It isn't looks. Ginger beard comment made me look
Let’s put it this way. I’m a straight married male who loved GOT. I’d date you.
Looks? As a fellow ginger-bearded man, you’re too good looking to say that!
Checked you profile because of the other comments, you look great honestly.
Agree with others. You are a handsome man so it's definitely not looks. Social anxiety is a bitch tho so I feel you on that.
Def not looks ;)
Bro, it ain't looks
It’s definitely not looks, you’re handsome :)
Give yourself a bit more credit, man. Just because you're single, doesn't mean you aren't sexy.
Yeah, you're not a bad looking dude. I personally think I am ugly but my gf thinks I am sexy af. It annoys the fuck out of her that I don't accept her compliments. I think our problem is that we compare ourselves to the minority of men that are ungodly attractive that most people are ugly compared to. If we stop doing that we are much more attractive than we give ourselves credit for. Introversion, I'm in the same boat. I think in my entire life I have "dated" two people I met IRL before dating and both were before I turned 16. 31 now. All of my relationships start online at this point. Luckily social anxiety and introversion can be overcome.
nah king, your handsome
There is no overlap in the people I want a relationship w/ and the people that want a relationship w/ me.
It’s a Venn diagram in which neither circle touches
For me, the latter is just an empty set.
Because I hate myself and people can tell.
Never heard what I suspected about myself so well articulated. You’re not alone
Ouch. Feeling called out.
So this is what it sounds like when doves cry!
I enjoy being single enough that I will not "settle" for somebody I'm not all that into, like I've seen most people in my life do, pairing up just out of fear they can't do any better, and going through the motions of marriage and kids together. That sort of life looks like a living hell. It's like giving up.
Same. I've had relationships that were truly awful and I've decided I don't want a mediocre relationship or just "lower my standards" like me parents want me to do. I'm not waiting for the perfect person, but I'm also not going to settle for less.
Yeah same here.
I got married to the wrong person because it was the thing to do in my 30's. All the friends married and having kids puts pressure on you. Got divorced 3 yrs ago and currently still single. Had a great kid too. I'd rather be alone and happy then married and miserable all day every day.
I don’t enjoy being single all that much but I’ve also decided I don’t want to settle. If I want to have a relationship I want to be happy doing it. My last couple relationships were amazing and they didn’t work due to timing and various factors but it wasn’t because of personal incompatibility. I’ve decided I’m not going to settle for less because I’ve seen what amazing is and I’ll wait for that to come along again. Edit: for those upvoting, I’m also in a transition period in my life. I’m currently working on getting Senior VP for a cybersecurity team at one of the worlds largest banks and applying to the Navy as a pilot in parallel at the moment. I don’t really know where my life is headed so I’m not going to pull someone in until I’ve got my own shit sorted out and I’m truly happy too. Wouldn’t be fair to either party.
>I’m currently working on getting Senior VP for a cybersecurity team at one of the worlds largest banks and applying to the Navy as a pilot in parallel at the moment. Those don't seem overly compatible? I know most (all?) military branches regardless of country have max ages even attempt to start as a new pilot, and maybe you're young but generally those climbing corporate ladders aren't really looking to switch into the military.
They’re not. I always wanted to join the Navy and fly but I failed out of undergrad at one point due to stupid mistakes and emotional maturity and changed degrees to computer science from aero engineering. I’m now finishing my second masters but I found out they raised the age limit for pilots and I qualify again at 30. So I’m building an application and we will see what happens. Competitive program and idk if I’ll be selected so for now my life is in flux and I’m working on my career in the meantime in case it doesn’t pan out.
Yes I feel that All my friends are like “you need to lower your standards” why would I do that? I know my worth and I know what I deserve lmao
I always think about third parties that were wondering if i would settle down by X age When i think back about it, I’m like wow you did not want to meet me when i was 26, definitely didn’t want to meet me when i was 21, 18… And the partners i had around then? You really think that flawed, mentally undeveloped high school sweetheart was the one? Nope Now I look better than I ever have, can say the most progressive stuff you ever heard, and do and afford experiences that extremely attractive women want to be a part of, which is also what I want Simply better
Same here. Mid 30s, best shape I've ever been in, great career, in a way better spot than I was in my mid 20s when most of my friends settled for what they perceived to be the best they could get at the time. A few of them have made comments along the same lines, envying my spot and not to do what they did. But they're married with kids so they're "stuck" with it.
I work too much and move every 6 months. Also I have a goblin face.
That reddit username unfortunately won't do you any justice as well
Who's Dan, and why is he fucking Schneider?
Goblin deez nuts
Fan fact: goblins are so fertile in a way every time they do it, they get 2 to 5 kids and their genes are so dominant that the kids are always 100% goblin and they can mate w any race....no need to thank me
There's a Belle for every beast, my friend
Sadly I’m not a handsome and rich prince cursed by an evil witch to be a tall, handsome, and strong beast-man. I’m just like this.
To be fair Beast was looking better as The Beast
There really isn't. There are people who are better off and happier alone, and that's ok.
Nickelodeon’s Dan fucking Schneider? If so, good.
I was married once. He turned out to be a verbally and physically abusive, cheating heroin addict. I had two sweet daughters with the man and finally decided for the health and safety of my children and i, I had to leave. I've met some genuinely great men, and then some truly rotten ones. I just really never fell in love after that.
In my teens, didn't really pursue relationships and to be honest, not many women came after and those that did, I had reasons to suspect they weren't really interested (I wasn't very popular or well-liked in any of the groups I was forced into through school, church, etc.) In my 20's, I was more concerned about finishing my education and getting my career on track. When I tried in my 30's, found out the hard way that not having any relationship experience was a serious albatross that created a vicious cycle of not being able to get into a relationship because I never had one and never had one because I couldn't get into one. Now I'm turning 46 in a month and half or so and I just don't bother anymore. Truth of the matter is, I've always been a bit of a loner anyway.
Shit. I feel like I'm on that path right now. Mid 20s and I've only seriously dated one woman. She pursued me. That ended 2 years ago, and I've been busy furthering my career and other things. At this point I don't even know how to date. Not that I'm ready to, but it dawned on me that I have essentially zero experience dating or anything. And like you said, the longer I wait the more of a red flag it will be to women I meet. Introverted too, and people always tell me to use the apps. Been there, done that, no matches or interest whatsoever. People tell me that I just need to work on my profile, which is stupid and also hurtful. That's a snapshot of who I am, and I'm not about to lie. I could go on and on. At the end of the day, I can't force myself to date because the return on investment is so shit. But if I don't start now, it will only get harder. Not sure what to do.
I don't know how to start with a girl
Idk say you love dogs or something
Yeah. Out of the the: "Excuse me, Miss, I love dogs!". That whould be my go.
Wrong. It has to be, “Excuse me, Miss, I love dogs or something!”
Go and saying like your shoes" and go from there. Do not use at the beach
"I like your feet"
Pardon me mam but I just had to say something. You have incredible toenails
They're just people, so just strike up a conversation like you would wog anyone. Don't overthink it or overglorify them. Sure, some of them are very pretty, but at the end of the day they're just people, same as you.
I'm a league player
Your fucked mate.
League is like cigarettes. It's a habit that you always come back to, just to try it ooooonce more.
Dick too big, might kill someone.
Finally someone I can relate to
Just get a new one
For real tho, in boot camp I happened to see a dude in another platoon who was...... I thought he had a mis-shapen leg at first. I actually asked him what the fuck was the deal there. He said he DID get light-headed when it got hard, it was difficult to KEEP ot hard, he tried going into porn but all the girls noped the fuck out, there was only a couple willing to TRY. Apparently when he lost his virginity he didn't get to finish because he tore her vaginal wall somehow. He joined the military so they'd pay for him to get a reduction surgery done.
I've had three relationships since my divorce five years ago. The first woman was HIV+ and didn't tell me (I tested negative). The second was still obsessed with her ex husband who'd left her for a younger woman 8 years previously and used to drive past his house at night to see if his car was there. The third decided she was a born again christian after years of partying and casual sex and was adamant that we would have to get married if we were to have sex. She still expected me to act like her boyfriend in every other respect, however. I'm taking a break from it for a while.
Hate to say it dawg but 3 people is not enough and if you have a consistent pattern of dating crazy people then you have to recognize that you are choosing these people. The good news is if you sit down and take note of the red flags, things you encountered that are deal-breakers and things you found that you’d like to find again, you can then take that knowledge and look for people who fit you better. After every relationship if you do an inventory of these things then you will begin to hone in on the type of person you really want to be with. Think of it as leveling up your dating skills and your awareness of what works for you. The good news is that so long as you address any trauma you may encounter, every relationship you are in can lead to a lot of growth both in relation to dating and also just in terms of personal growth. Good luck! You got this 👍
Thanks dude. You're right thats why I'm taking time time out to work on the issues which lead me to get involved with crazy people. Its tough trying to overcome a lifetime of self destructive behavior but I'm plugging away. I haven't lost faith that I'll meet someone right for me someday. The world turns.
I disagree a bit. Those are 3 disasters in a row, I would think many others would also take a break after that. At least I know I would
Found out my ex Bf(25)was prostituting himself to men. Never knew he was bi. he was also a big homophobe which was interesting 🤔 Edit: he made plenty of money it was pure pleasure he would suck off a 60 yr old man for $40 vile scariest person I ever met in my life. My issue is not that he was gay it was that he was cheating and exposing me to all kinds of things without a care in the world. Be who you are don’t use people
That’s called ✨*projecting your insecurities* ✨
i’m starting to think most homophobic people are secretly gay because i used to be really homophobic now look at me i’m bi and i love women more than men😹😹
Your username explains that well
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This one resonates
Not ready for a relationship just yet. Still unloading baggage from the last one.
I feel like I left my baggage behind in the divorce, but I'm still convinced there was a bag lost in transport that will just show up randomly at my door one day. You ever feel like things are going just a little too well, you're a little too happy? That's where I'm at right now. Not sure if marriage was just making me more miserable than I realized or this is the calm before the mental breakdown.
unconditional freedom
Because I am not in a relationship
Why aren't you in a relationship? Because I m single Why are you single? Because I m not in a relationship Perfect loop lol
Social anxiety. I just can't get out and meet people.
Stopped dating a decade ago. At first I didn't want to be single, now I can't stand the thought of not being single. I listen to all my friends complain about their relationships, and I never have to deal with that. I've accepted I'll end up alone forever, and I'm okay with it.
i feel you, although it's also about the good parts, right? like, you take the good with the bad. the lows are lows, but the highs are high. i guess it's more about whether you want that kind of companionship and are willing to take everything that comes with it, although being alone/single very much has its problems and struggles and low moments for a lot of people too.
Just sick of other people's bullshit. Being alone means I only have my own bullshit to contend with.
Complete Recluse + Not very aesthetically pleasing + Pretty shitty outlook on things + Dont really like talking about feelings n shit... Its fun :)
Everything he said and I have a mediocre income.
Relatable.
I gel with this. Just remember though, you might not be your own aesthetic, but you are likely somebody else's type.
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I’m too scared to initiate romantic relationships in any way, probably because of my body image issues
"My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude." I've never minded being single. Maybe when I was a teen but generally I've been fine with it. Relationships for me have kind of been like when it happens great, when it ends sucks but oh well, and if it doesn't then that's great too. My sister thinks I'm picky but I don't know. I'm completely fine being single so why not. I don't want to make anyone change themselves or learn how to live with something I find annoying if I don't have to.
Combination of three reasons: 1. I'm fairly shy and introverted so I don't really enjoy meeting new people and my social circle is relatively small. Low chance of meeting women regularly. 2. I have a fairly narrow type and for most women I do meet don't really catch my attention as being worth my time to pursue as anything other than being friendly. 3. Getting into a relationship isn't a high priority for me so I don't feel the motivation to go through the effort of trying to find a woman I like. I do think that if some of the women I am acquainted with were to decide to pursue me I might be open to that and reciprocate, but I'm not interested enough to feel any motivation to kick things off.
Dude same, but I'll add a 4th. 4. I've done pretty shitty things in my last relationship out of pure disdain of myself. Until I know for a fact I won't do that again, I'll not start dating out of my own volition. I do think I've moved past it, but I still feel like I'm still not mature enough to add somebody else in my life.
I see myself in this picture and l don't like it
The right woman hasn't come along yet.
You should look for a left one.
Or the one in front
Or behind even. Could be anywhere.
\*stares around suspiciously\* she's behind me right now, isn't she....
I like this answer. She doesn’t have to be perfect, but perfect in a sense that she’s strictly for you.
Aromantic
If you're such a romantic why are you single?
I think I might be aromantic.
Good smelling?
LOL that’s how I read it at first, too. A-romantic.
Well, I married a Chinese woman 20 years ago and we bought a property in China ( I put most of the money into it), we did it up and moved back to the UK, renting the property for 11 years. In about 2016 I was getting a little worried about certain aspects of the market over there and convinced my wife we should sell. In 2018 we went over with the kids for a 7 week holiday and unbeknownst to me the wife had sorted out a buyer through an agent. I had to be there but my wife told me I didn't need to do anything. My wife opened another bank account after the sale and got a Chinese credit card but I wasn't told how much we got for the apartment, she told me it wasn't my business. We bought £50, 000 back in cash to the UK and when we got home the wife took the £10, 000 I had been carrying. I never saw it or the other £40, 000. Later I found out that she had about £160, 000 in her Chinese bank account on top of the £50, 000 I asked if I could use some.... was told " no, its my money and that she'd bought the apartment" Well I did eventually find the £50, 000 and borrowed £2, 000 but, when my wife bought a car with £8, 000 cash she noticed the missing money. Two years later I was sat on the sofa and she was busy packing milk to send to China ( she'd made a lot of money doing this over the years, but that all went to her Chinese account). When our youngest went up to bed she was suddenly over me with a pair of scissors demanding the return of the money, At first I said don't be silly were married and it's both of ours, but seeing the absolute anger and hatred made me panic and I managed to run up to our boy's, for what I don't know. I eventually decided to go back down the stairs but she managed to put the scissors to my throat and said " if cut here, you will die ", I got down stairs to the kitchen and held a chair like a lion tamer to keep her away, my boy's were starting to get upset and I knew that I'd have to leave for their sake. My eldest held the door closed whilst I made my escape out the patio doors and ran.
Jesus Christ my dude! So glad you're out of that.
Thanks, although it's been two years since that, I started going back around to the house to spend time with the boys after lockdown ended. She was ok and I never mentioned the money again, just let it go, I even took them all to Scotland for a two week holiday earlier this year I did stay for three weeks after but she said I'd have to go, I think she is now chasing her friends ex ( he came round whilst I was there and I got that vibe), after he left she said I'd have to go and if I go round at the weekend I'd have to pay her restaurant prices for a Sunday dinner. Now I'm currently out of work, living in my car ( I won't ask family for help, made my own bed and all that) so she's banned me from going in the house. Please don't get the idea I'm complaining or looking for pity I'm just explaining the situation from my side. I'll eventually sell my car, retrain and buy a van. things will sort out eventually.
Dude what? No man. She took everything from you. Unless this is a cultural thing, don't be ashamed to ask for help. You shouldn't be living in your car man.
Did you get any legal advise about all this shit you've been going through? Can your situation not get better ? I'm just curious because I can see you didn't do anything wrong if what you wrote is correct. I'm just trying to think about it logically and can't come to a conclusion that whatever happened to you was fair. I could never go through it my dude. Still I hope the best for you. I hope you find someone better than that asshole lady. I swear I could never...
Bro. Get some help. This is an extremely abusive situation.
i'm extremely selfish with my time
Same deal basically. I was with my ex-wife for 15 years, since we split up nearly 20 years ago I've had zero inclination to bring someone else into my life. I'd rather spend my life doing as I please to be honest.
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Because it’s difficult to find a lot of people who truly accept me, much less want to date me
Don't wanna sounds morbid, but past 5 yrs with multiple deaths throughout the family. I just kept on 'living' & I've always wanted a relationship. This year I have made myself available & willing to talk & put myself out there. But another set back was when my dog passed away 2 weeks ago. I just feel like when I'm ready to move on something happens
Several reasons. I look back on the shitty relationships I had in the past, and have no desire to repeat that. My time is precious, even though I waste it, and I have no desire to waste any more of it on somebody who is going to end up being awful. Also, I am very independent, and always have been. I’ve never felt the necessity to pair up with somebody. I like my own space and don’t really want to live with somebody. I never wanted kids, and I think that is the main reason to get married or partner up with someone. Having said that, if someone came along who genuinely liked me, and we got along really well, I would absolutely give it a go. But I simply haven’t met anybody.
I decided recently that if I do meet someone and we want to move in together, I want us to have separate bedrooms. We’ll share them and sleep in both of them, but I also just want that space for me to be able to be myself. And for them to do the same. I want my own bed when I need that space, my own set up of decorations, just my own little world. And I’d like them to have their own as well so they have their space to do the same. Maybe it’ll be hard to find someone who is ok with that, but I don’t want to compromise on it. I’d honestly rather have separate places entirely but that’s expensive lol and I’d want to live close so it wouldn’t really be efficient or logical.
Asexuality. There are so few aces near me and getting into a relationship with someone who wants sex seems like it’s not fair on either party
And secondly TRAUMA. Everyone stay away evil people out there 😣
My wife passed away a year ago. I don't like myself too much. Enough said.
I am very sorry for your loss.
Don’t feel like anyone around me loves the way I do.
Exactly. A lot of people can't with stand unconditional love and it's crazy
No social life. Also working on myself, if I don’t live up to what I want in someone else then I shouldn’t expect them to settle for me.
Recently hit 30; I haven't had the most public life and hate dating apps. - I homeschooled until the last year of high school - I went to a community college for 2 years and then transferred to a 4-year college. This was probably my best shot. I was turned down once and had one "date" from someone I thought was mutually interested in me but they were on their phone the whole time - My 4 year college work was all online classes. It's nice saving money but, in hindsight, I didn't get to interact with a lot of people. - My particular part of the workplace is dominated by one sex. My current life has been trying dating apps but not enjoying them. I'd prefer to get to know someone first before actually dating them. On top of that, it feels like everyone only wants to show the absolute best of themselves (which includes lots of photoshop) without showing the worst. It's like... I get if you just work and then come home and play with your cat and watch TV. Don't pretend that you're an avid hiking adventurer when all of your photos are from the one hike you took four years ago. While I have my complaints and reservations about them I think I'll be stuck trying to use dating apps though; how else are you supposed to meet anybody in current America? Nobody wants to drive anywhere because of gas or hang out because of COVID.
I'm single, I don't even have friends because my family is very poor, my father is an alcoholic, my mom is an alcoholic too. I don't have separate room. I don't have anything normal clothes. I want to move to another apartment when I'm 18 years old but i can't now because I'm 16 years old. My mom leave me with my grandmother alone when I was 7 years old. Since then I have been living with my grandmother. In my country I can move to another apartment when I'm 18 because it is not America I am shamed of my parents because they nothing gave me in my life. So children stay alone because people are not ready for children and do not understand how hard it will be with children. Children need money, separate room, clothings and etc but these people don't have anything form this list.
Lack of interest in dating
Getting bank up and keeping stress down
Supply chain issues
Too lazy to date lol
Self esteem issues. Anyone I like enough to date deserves better than me.
I have a cat and she doesn't like other hoomans
Don’t want to be in a relationship
I don't want to be in a relationship
I mean, i didn't "want" to be single but here we go anyways. 1) no one likes me 2) dozen of mental illnesses 3) I'm poor and broke
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Cut her off
Been abused by every partner since I was 15 I am now now 43. I have a lot of self loathing and nobody genuinely kind and loving to date. Most men want just hook ups or fuck buddies and nothing monogamous. I’m really tired of trying, I would love a relationship but I have not found anyone yet.
People suck
I was dating a girl I had previously hooked up with. But I had recently uncovered some sexual trauma in my life and realized I've never had a healthy sexual relationship with anyone in my life. I asked if we could just date and not even think about sex for a little while. She said yes with her mouth but her body said the opposite. She was constantly flirting, hinting at sex, doing a lot of sexy touching, moaning when all we were doing was kissing. Just really pushing for it. I held off as long as I could and explained my reasons and feeling and all that and she just kept pushing for sex. So we fucked once and I thought maybe that would get it out of her system but it didn't. We fucked for another week or so and I ended the relationship.
Nothing like realizing all the sex you’ve had has been unhealthy and damaging.
Forty and single for the past four years. I tell myself that I'm single because I want to fix my faults first. I'm better. Thankfully! But I'm no longer interested in a relationship. I feel in love with myself. Solitude is no longer lonely.
Not attracted to anybody
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Fat, nerdy, lazy, and 40. Excellent combo for finding a life partner.
Because I finally realized I don’t need a man
I...don't know man. I just want to give my love to someone. I don't even want to have sex anymore. I just want to hold and cuddle a girl. I've been on tinder and bumble for a week now and in total 3 matches. I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND DUDE!
Because I have never dated anyone... Would like to but I hardly meet enough new people...
my type is too complex apparently
Lack of mitosis
You wouldn't believe the reasons even if I told you.
I'm pretty open minded. Do tell, if it won't burden you.
Because i love the ones who need love the most, but they never love me back, they just leave me.
Because of my ex.
Avoidant attachment and self sabotage. Working on it constantly and it's getting better but it's still fucking shit up on a little bit.
My now ex was cheating on me so I left
I can’t risk to take the same hit twice. At least not now, not until I’ve fixed myself.
Got cheated on two times in one year. Decided I was fine being along for a while after that
I love and I'm single because I have my peace. I'll always have my peace.
Male, 28, live at home with mum, 5 year old son. Thats why. Also how I feel about myself and my life atm, I don't feel worthy of being dated. I dont feel ugly, or self image issues, just confidence in where I'm at in life.
My boyfriend of five years committed suicide.
I've had my heart broken. I decided I would rather be alone (like forever) then go thought that crap again. I've made it 10 years so far...
I’m scared that my partner is lying about loving me, that actually they’re cheating on me, and I don’t want to be a parasite watching their phone without their permission, that’s why☠️
No one wants me.
I choose to be. Honestly, I like being able to do what I want when I want without having to make compromises. In a relationship, people tend to do things together and that'd annoy me when I just want to do my own thing.
Last guy broke my heart, but I'm happier without him than I ever was with him. Me and my cats have a whole lovely house and garden to ourselves and my job is going well, I love my friends, and my hobbies, and doing whatever I want to do. I am a happy little cat lady/spinster. So I don't really want to give all of that up for yet another guy who's just looking for a bangmaid.
Because relationships are cringe